#please don’t make Frank a plot device for Matt

[thehumdai]

Real talk time, Kastle fam: how likely do we think it is that we will get any progression in Frank/Karen’s relationship in DDBA S2 and/or The Punisher special? A friend of mine asked why I thought Kastle was such an interesting dynamic and it got me thinking (planning to make a huge post about why Kastle is so good sometime in the future).

Give me your theories, thoughts, feelings, 5 page-double spaced-MLA format-style essays. I want it all.

My nagging feeling is that they have acknowledged Frank and Karen’s connection but will now leave it at that and (for some reason) fully lean into Matt/Karen. While I think it’s not as likely, Kastle’s last scene could also be interpreted as a goodbye/bookend for their relationship. Karen was interested in what Matt heard in Frank’s heartbeat, but she told Matt in the next breath that her heart did the same thing when she saw Matt again. I know a lot of people want to pretend that moment didn’t happen, but it did. At best, she loves both of them.

Jon and Deborah’s chemistry is literally lightning in a bottle. Nobody foresaw how good these two characters would be together and how fucking great their dynamic is. I’m just afraid it’s going to be wasted in service of Matt and Karen’s relationship (as an aside, I’m a diehard Claire/Matt shipper and that boat has been dead in the water for a long time).

What do you guys think?

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 409

This episode did so many things right! And it did so many things in ways that made me ragey with how easily things could have been done right if they just admitted this part of the book is trash!

Dive under the cut if you want, but no one’s making you so don’t @ me if you don’t agree...

They Sansa Stark’ed Bree when she was being raped and now they’re Sansa Stark’ing her in the aftermath. This isn’t about fucking Lizzie, show. This never should have even happened but now we’re stuck accepting the shit choice you made.

Yes, Lizzie causes a fucking dumb af thing later. But right now it looks like they’re making the aftermath of Bree’s rape about someone else.

Seriously, this is not a good show.

But props where they’re due, Sophie has gotten significantly better at acting this season. And last week and this week she’s actually been good enough to not take me out of the scene when I’m watching. So yay for that?

Oh fuck off, Roger. You’re still the worst. But this show appears to not care that you’re the worst and wants us to ship you with Bree. Which makes me side-eye the fuck out of the writers. Because wtaf.

This show gives me whiplash. Like are we supposed to watch the current episode (whatever the current one is) through the lens of whatever the last episode was? Or are we supposed to throw out whatever happened in the last episode and just take the current one at face value? Because those two things are usually not compatible.

Guys I swear I liked some parts of this episode, but Outlander is such a shit show/shitshow at this point that it’s basically impossible to come away with an overall positive feeling. At least for me.

Oh, Lizzie’s been ill? Does Lizzie have malaria? Because clearly it’s important to shoehorn in book nonsense when it doesn’t make sense and isn’t shown in the show. FFS.

Someone hire a new showrunner. For the love of fuck.

Anyone else hoping Roger is never heard from again after he sails off with the Gloriana? No? Just me? Fuck this show for assuming we’ll ship a toxic couple just because it’s book canon. 

Book!Roger is mostly crap too, tbh.

Literalol at Bree being like oh, some rando lady cut into a dude in a theater? Yep, that’s my mom.

Did we really have to have Jamie peeing? Fucking really? Le sigh.

It’s Matt fucking I-Love-The-Books-Even-Though-They-Are-Mostly-Shit-Praise-Me-For-My-Copy-And-Paste-Skills Roberts. Of Course this is verbatim from the books. Ugh.

“I hadna though of you as grown, except I literally had photos of you looking exactly like you do now. So I know exactly what you look like.”

Jamie has seen Bree’s fucking picture as an adult. And with Claire, Murtagh, Lord John, Willie and even fucking Geillis having come back into his life unexpectedly, it makes no sense that he wouldn’t recognize her. 

I hate that this is straight from the book.

It’s well acted and shit, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

Everything after him not recognizing her is great though. Basically I’m here for the hug.

Balfe and Skelton own this episode.

Jamie being personally offended by the printer’s shoddy work on their obituary gives me life. 

Oh, apparently they have settlers on the Ridge now? Cool. Cool cool cool.

Young Ian being like “yeah, I’m used to your absurdity, Auntie Claire” is my everything.

I really want him and Bree to bond. But not have him do the creepy proposal thing. Please cut that, show.

Claire is like “are you fucking kidding me, Roger bounced after one fight?!”

Claire knowing Roger is a twat makes me hope she’s the one who rips him a new one when they eventually get him back, tbh. Because yeah, Roger is a fucking asshat.

Own that you fucked up and stay to make it right, fuckwad. Don’t...be you, apparently.

Fuck them for making Bree go through an unnecessary rape and fuck them for making her feel extra awful because Claire has already replaced the ring she was raped over.

I know I have to accept that they’re following the book but ffs, the show we could have had would have been so much more interesting than the show we’re getting.

“Because the books” is literally my least favorite reason for the show doing anything. If it’s in the book and it’s included in the show, it should be because it’s a good story, not “because it’s in the book.”

These scenes with Jamie and Claire make me miss Jamie and Claire. They’ve been reduced to like a fraction of what they were this season, and as much as I love the cutesy shit, I miss the passionate Frasers I fell in love with.

That being said, I 100% would totes watch a webseries about the Frasers’ annual Fire Day Funtimes. But for real, the fire is in January? Frasers. Just throw out your tree the day after Christmas instead of keeping it too long so it gets all dried out and burns your house down.

“Look at our beautiful green screen, daughter!” “I love this green screen! It’s a green screen I could only imagine from my history books!”

Claire saying Jamie is used to random references about the future when Bree feels bad about her Daniel Boone tangent is my everything.

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?” Y’ALL I LOVE THIS LINE SO FUCKING MUCH. BREE HAS FAMILY WHO LOVE HER EVEN THOUGH THEY’VE NEVER MET HER AND THEY’RE NOT GOING TO USE HER AS A PAWN TO HURT ANYONE ELSE AND I REALLY HOPE AT SOME POINT WE GET MORE BREE AND MURTAGH.

MURTAGH BEING A PROUD PAPA BEAR ABOUT BREE IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD.

The scene at dinner is all I ever wanted. Fuck plot sometimes. This scene of a fucking family eating together and telling embarrassing yet endearing stories is fucking perfection. I mean, sure Dougal’s family is a convenient plot device, but whatever. I AM HERE FOR MURTZ TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT JAMIE, AND BREE AND YOUNG IAN LOL’ING ABOUT IT AND CLAIRE BEING LIKE O RLY YOU COUSIN KISSER YOU.

I need Bree to meet Fergus and Marsali. Fergus is the OG Fraser kid and knows what it’s like to have parents who aren’t biologically his but are 100% loving regardless. And has seen Jamie and Claire at their best and at their worst and is literally an amazing character witness who can tell Bree what’s up. And Marsali is not just another young mother who can relate on that level, but also has seen a bad marriage and can empathize with Bree’s childhood. Like Marsali saw Jamie in a shitty marriage where he tried his hardest and failed to make Laoghaire happy. And Bree saw Claire try to do the same with Fred. And Marsali was hesitant with Claire at first because she loves her mom even though her mom is a crazy bitch. And Bree is hesitant with Jamie even though she should def realize by now that Fred was straight up abusive trash.

I just need Bree and Fergus and Marsali to meet and bond, ok. 

I was 100% expecting someone to make a future reference as soon as Young Ian left and I thought it would be Murtz but yay that it’s Claire historically fangirling.

But ugh, fuck the writers for including Bree’s rape. Red flags for days that she isn’t fangirling over G-Dub.

Lizzie has malaria because “the book” but they don’t ever actually show her being sick. Because it’s not actually important to the story. Fuck them for always including extraneous shit like this when it doesn’t matter with the story they’re telling.

“Daddy knew. That you came back. I saw the obituary on his desk years ago. I didn’t realize what it was at the time, but...I remembered it recently when I found it again myself. He knew you came back to Jamie. But I still went to his grave and said he was my hero. Even though I rightfully kicked Roger to the curb for doing the same thing. Because it’s impossible for the writers of this show to admit that Fred is trash.”

ETA -- An anon pointed out that she said that at what was probs Frank’s funeral since the grave was fresh and didn’t know anything about time travel yet. But still. I stand by what I said after that episode aired, that line was dumb for other reasons too.

Seriously though, Bree ditches Roger for not telling her about Claire dying in the past, but Frank, who knew about it and chose to not tell Claire about it, is her fucking hero? Fuck all the way off, show. Like seriously, she’s telling fucking Claire that Fred knew like it’s not the same fucking reason why she sent Fred Jr packing. I cannot even.

Bree better fucking get there eventually. Because holy shit the fact that she doesn’t get how awful Frank is at this point makes me want to hate her. 

It’s ok to think a parent is trash, Bree. You owe them fucking nothing. And if they try to make you feel like you do, that’s just more proof that they’re garbage.

And don’t @ me with shit about how he was always nice to her so she didn’t notice. You fucking notice when someone in your life is shit to someone else in your life even if they’re nice to you. You fucking notice.

And if somehow you don’t notice and someone else says they were epically shitty to them, guess what, you should believe that person. Because no one makes this shit up for lols. Standing by shitty people just because they weren’t shitty to you specifically makes you a shitty person.

Ugh. I hate this show and the people who make it sometimes.

Claire’s face when she realizes that not only did Frank emotionally abuse her and use Bree as a weapon against her for 20 years, but also *knew* that she would go back to the past and die and didn’t tell her is fucking heartbreaking.

“Frank was an astute man.” Interesting way to say “Frank was an abusive piece of shit.”

I get that she’s still trying to protect Bree from the truth about Freddy boy, but there comes a point where my girl deserves to speak her fucking truth and let her loved ones know the pain she went through.

“I can see why you had to come back to Jamie.” Really. Can you. Because if you still have Frank up on a pedestal as your hero, I really don’t think you actually get it yet. Don’t make me go back to hating you, Bree. Wake the fuck up, you’re smarter than this.

Seriously, each and every person on this show who has ever done press where they’ve claimed that Frank is a “good” man deserves to be slapped upside the head. He is awful. He is fucking absolutely, irredeemably awful. And anyone who claims he’s a good guy or that his relationship with Claire is #goals is a misogynist piece of shit.

For real, shitty choices by the writers room aside, Balfe and Skelton are so fucking good in this episode.

I’m calling bullshit that Bonnet would give Roger gemstones just because he asked. But I also don’t give a fuck about anything to do with this part of Roger’s story soooo... Moving on.

Montage!

Subtlety has never been this show’s strong suit but jfc, they’re so fucking heavy-handed with the “they’re something up with Bree” stuff this episode.

Jamie being so open about talking about Frank and letting Bree know he knows about him does so much to set him apart from the piece of shit who raised Bree. Jamie is flawed af, but he doesn’t force people to hide half of Bree’s life from her. He’s open about her truth and that’s more than Fred ever fucking did for her.

Y’all the scene with Bree, Young Ian, Murtz and Jamie at the still is fucking adorable. But only because she eventually finds out the truth about her nickname. Just tell her things in a joking manner, y’all. Bond! Be a fam!

Also the line about people calling Young Ian “Young Ian” is kinda the on the nose shit I don’t like but it’s not as egregious as the other times they’ve done it so I guess I’ll let this one slide.

Claire, same girl, we all want them to stop tiptoeing around, talking about Fred. Fred was the worst and Fred is dead. Acknowledge Fred and then fucking move on already.

Jamie looking at his sleeping kiddo makes me feel feelings.

Ok Jamie taking Bree hunting for bees is kind of my fave for so many reasons. When he takes Willie hunting, they hunt a stag. Jamie knows that Bree knows how to shoot because Frank taught her, but instead of taking her to hunt game they’d have to shoot, he takes her hunting bees. So it’s different than what she had with Frank. Because he’s actively trying to not replace the father she grew up with and clearly though undeservedly loves.

Jamie is flawed but 1000x the better man.

Don’t @ me that Fred taught her to shoot in case she went back to the past. He literally didn’t tell Claire she was going to die. He left Claire to tell Bree the truth once he died. He was a shitty, shitty, petty man.

They’re really getting their money’s worth out of that fucking eagle stock shot.

Seriously though, they should have moved the production to North Carolina.

The metaphor about the bees losing one home without any say-so to then become content where they end up is tough. Because yes, it’s what Claire did. And she thrived. But at this point for Bree, she’s not 100% open to making her new situation permanent. So she hears this and is like “ugh I guess I could make do” whereas Jamie is like “you’re so welcome here and you’ll come to love it like we love you.” And it lowkey makes me want to hug them both. Because omfg how could you not want to just hug the shit out of them in this situation. He so wants to be close to the only biological child he can acknowledge and she is so hesitant to open up to the father who gave up everything he cared about for her but who she doesn’t know from Adam. I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR THEM TO ACTUALLY BOND A LOT NEXT SEASON.

Ok but for real, if I have to hear one more speech about how Fred is a good guy I’m gonna vomit. Jamie is giving this speech because he doesn’t fully know what Claire went through. Because last season and this season the show has never let Claire actually talk to Jamie about what it was like for her with Frank. (Also the show refuses to admit that they portrayed him as an abusive piece of shit... Which is its own problem.) There’s a passage in Drums where Claire finally makes it clear to Jamie how it was for her and I’m hoping they fucking include it because dammit, Jamie needs to know and Claire needs to say it.

WHEN JAMIE HUGS BREE AND SAYS SHE CAN CALL HIM DA AND SHE CALLS HIM DA I HAVE SO MANY FEEEEEEELINGGGGGGSSSS.

ONE OF JAMIE’S KIDDOS CALLS HIM DAAAAAAAAAA.

“She called me Da.” Y’all it was the first time any of Jamie’s kids have called him that. Fergus calls him Milord. Faith died. He never got to meet Bree as a child. He couldn’t acknowledge Willie. Marsali and Joanie call him daddy like fucking creepy weirdos. Young Ian is like a son but calls him Uncle Jamie, because that’s who he is. BUT NO ONE HAS EVER CALLED HIM DA BEFORE AND I AM SO FULL OF FEELS.

Ok the forehead snuggles are great but again, as the season goes on I really miss the passionate Frasers. Not because I want the smut. I can get smut anywhere. It’s just that their relationship is becoming so one-note and I want it to go back to being dynamic like it used to be.

Omfg I cannot with how on the nose Bree looking at the mama bird and the baby birds is. Try harder, show.

All this bullshit with Fred trying to keep the rift between Claire and her daughter like an asshole and Claire can still guess exactly what’s wrong with Bree after years apart because CLAIRE MOTHERFUCKING BEAUCHAMP IS A GOOD GODDAMN MOTHER WHO LOVES HER CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING. I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THIS.

Claire’s face in this whole scene though. *throws awards at Balfe*

I can’t get over the what could have beens. This scene is so well acted, but I can’t stop thinking of how unnecessary the rape plotline is.

Literally half of my struggle with this show is trying to ignore all of the squandered potential and the other half of the struggle is trying to keep straight what I’m supposed to consider canon at any given moment. Is it current show canon? Past episode canon? What the writers think they’re showing even though they’re actually showing something else? Backfilled book canon? *drinks heavily*

What Bree goes through is fucking awful, but Claire feeling crushed that she wasn’t able to protect her baby is also heartbreaking. Not at the same level, by any means. But it’s still fucking a gut punch.

Oh hey, someone finally said the word rape. Fucking finally. I know that it was the characters trying to make things less awkward or painful as they talked about it before, but it also felt (to me) like the writers trying to skirt around the fact that they chose rape another character for no good reason. Glad they finally said it like it fucking is. Also, again, because I can’t say it enough, fuck them for not adapting this story line. 

Rogergate is so fucking dumb I cannot.

I can’t believe they’re committing to this shit.

Can someone please put Matt in timeout and give the show to someone else for a while.

Oh hey, Claire found her old ring! The ring that doesn’t even matter anymore. Because Matt and Maril had a boner for the book ring.

Have I mentioned I don’t like their choices recently?

Ok, fucking Lizzie says she saw this shit. And Jamie’s first instinct is to fucking go berserk and keep shit from Bree and Claire. You really are going to trust a fucking rando maid without talking to Claire and Bree?! Of course.

Ain’t toxic masculinity grand.

Fucking I hate that Claire nods that she’ll keep the Bonnet detail from Jamie. No. Fuck that noise. Don’t fucking spare his fucking feelings. You fucking communicate. That’s how you live as a strong couple. Fucking communicate.

GAH.

Fuck them for now making Ian be the one who sends him into slavery. 

Jamie isn’t off the hook by any stretch. Fuck that guy. Literally just going off on a dude because a fucking maid thinks she knows what’s up. I’m just saying I’m now thinking that the show’s gonna play it like it was Young Ian’s fault and he chooses to stay because he thinks it’s on him.

Can’t have our romantic lead send a guy into slavery, no one will like that. Better have the nephew we’ve had borderline fetishizing the Cherokee all season do it.

And in the process make the Cherokee/Mohawk the “bad guys.” Not the jump-to-conclusions-colonizers.

I hate Rogergate so fucking much.

Also how the fuck in the two months that Bree has been with them has she never once described what Roger looks like. Literally when anyone first starts dating someone, the first question anyone asks from like the beginning of time until now is “what’s he like and what does he look like.”

Ughhh.

*is wistful af about the angst and drama-filled less problematic show we could have gotten if the writers had the balls to admit that the back half of Drums is bad*

[murdocklovespage]

The Characterization of Karen Page

I’ve sat on this post for over a week in the hopes that my mind will cool off from the Punisher (which I really liked, btw), but here we are, and I’m still really curious about how everyone feels about the characterization of Karen Page in the last two series she’s been in. 

It’s clear that the writers from the Defenders and the Punisher had a common goal:

Let her continue to be a badass in her career.

Make it apparent that she’s not focused on propping other people up - she does what she thinks right whether people think it’s important or not.

Have her she speak her mind. No more bullshit, have her tell people how she actually feels.

Awesome.

But here’s the thing. She feels completely different from her Daredevil character to me- and not in a good way. I’m talking about the way she responds to Matt about his being Daredevil (whether she’s just worried about his real life or not, I don’t think that she would actively try to get him to stop being DD, I’m sorry.) And in the Punisher, I feel like she is basically trying to get herself killed. Maybe it’s because she’s depressed over Matt’s death, the fact that she’s alone (Foggy seems to be uninvolved in her life from what we can see in the Punisher), and everything that’s happened with Frank, but I really doubt it. 

Look, I want to be clear. I LOVE Karen Page. I love the ways in which she differs from her comic book character (which, thank God, because, wow. Her poor character was just butchered from the start.) I love that she doesn’t fly off the handle when Matt screws her and Foggy over in season 2 and after the whole Hand/Stick/Elektra business. She focuses on what she thinks is important and is done putting up with his bullshit. I love that she takes information and digs until she finds something relevant and important to whatever they’re trying to solve.

She made herself an asset in each season of Daredevil. I know I can’t expect much from the Defenders; she’s just there to be there just like all of the other “non-hero” characters from Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, and Iron Fist - with the exception of Colleen Wing and Misty Knight. And in the Punisher, she is the reason Frank finds David Lieberman, leading to such an amazing broship I can’t even talk about them without smiling.

But after that is where I get aggravated.

They bring Karen back in because Lewis Wilson set off a bomb and then wrote her a letter. Because “she has championed the common hero before.” Alright, that’s plausible. But why in the HELL would she make herself a target by writing an article that fuels his hate? She tells Ellison they should publish the letter with her reply, because, “I want to tell him and everyone else how this makes me feel.” You’re a journalist, Karen. It’s not about telling people how you feel. Do the writers of this series not get that? But I’ll suspend my disbelief here and understand that she wanted to write an editorial with her name on the byline since the letter was written directly to her. Fine. But she argues with Ellison about publishing the article, when he is trying to tell her that they go through the FBI first. She tries to get him to see that it could help the case when it is not even close to her call to make. Seriously? Lives are at stake here.

Lewis is clearly unhinged, so she needs to be the one who reacts intelligently. He had just blown up an office building, and he literally threatened the Bulletin, why would she come out calling him a coward? How would it go if the man bombed her place of work instead of going after Senator Ori. Can you really tell me she wouldn’t think that was far too negative a possible outcome?

To me, the reasoning seems to be about pride. She’s offended that Lewis was infatuated with her as a writer and a person. She didn’t like that he thought she was sympathetic toward murderers (because, just Frank, duh). She knew that by calling him out and then going on the radio (why?) she was going to infuriate him. It wasn’t any plot to draw him out for the police; it’s just a plot device to get Frank involved. Then she tells Frank NOT to kill him for her? Really? Because that’s the most predictable thing from this entire situation. Because the guy is going to come after you and you know Frank won’t let that happen, Karen.

The stupidity can’t stop there. Why in the hell would she show up to the same location of Lewis’ only other target? For the article? REALLY? Would Ellison ever let that happen? Would she be that obtuse? She knows shit hits the fan faster than she could imagine- she was shot at when she was in a damn courthouse for God’s sake. She knows that the police and/or hired security wouldn’t be enough to prevent someone from getting to her. 

Yes, she is a badass in the situation, and one of my favorite parts of that entire series is the Frank/Karen wire-cutting scene followed by him using her as a “hostage” to get out, but I can’t get over the fact that it really never should have happened.

To me, this is just about the writing. I want to love Karen, and for the most part, I do. But I don’t want her to be the person Frank shakes his head at and has to say, “why are you going after him like this?” I want what’s best for her. And that is for her to be viewed as an intelligent being rather than someone who makes stupid mistakes for NO REASON. 

Please, I’m begging you guys, prove me wrong. Turn me back around toward my happy feelings of the goddess that is KP. Because I don’t want to sit in front of my TV yelling “what the fuck are you doing, Karen? WHY?”

[revisitingstoneybrook]

#68 Jessi and the Bad Babysitter: Chapter 7

The plot device comes to fruition. For once, the kids came up with it instead of the BSC roping them into something.

Another babysitting entry and again, it's for the Barretts. Eh, I don't mind. The Barretts are one of my favorite families in the series. Even when they became paired up with the DeWitts, who were just annoying as hell. Anyway, this time Mary Anne's sitting for them and Buddy and Suzi are all ready to shoot a video for Dawn.

Mary Anne tells them not yet, they have to decide what they want to put in the video first. Suzi wants to put on a “video video,” like Snow White and the Seven Zorbs. After Buddy teases her for saying zorbs instead of dwarves, he proclaims the idea stupid and says they should do a Captain Planet play because. Oh, does this date the book like WHOA. My cousin loved Captain Planet when we were kids!

Ok, so Buddy explains Dawn would like Captain Planet more than a fairy tale, since she loves the environment so much. So which charge gets the lame ass role of the guy who doesn't get an element and instead calls for HEART when Captain Planet arrives? Suzi interjects with her Catchphrase du Jour, “Think again, buckaroo!” and Mary Anne is shocked. Please, it isn't like she said "I want my money, bitch!" or something. Sensing an argument a-brewin', Mary Anne suggests they compromise and combine both. Captain Planet “could be the....prince.” Nice save.

Buddy and Suzi like the idea and start brainstorming more stuff. And since they thought this whole thing up (don't tell Kristy! Oh wait, they already did), they're going to play Captain Planet and the witch/queen. As far as other parts go, Suzi giggles about the Arnold twins playing a two-headed monster but they end up sharing the part of Snow White. Buddy suggests Laurel Kuhn as Doc, since she's smart. Ok, that came out of left field. Since when have we ever heard anything about Laurel Kuhn being smart? Do we even know much about the Kuhns? If they wanted a smart kid, what about...well, Charlotte won’t. We saw what happened last time she performed in something. I'd suggest Karen but there's no dwarf with the name of Annoying.

And Marnie gets assigned the role of Dopey, since she obviously doesn't mind playing that part. Aw, Claudia wasn't available?

As is the case when the BSC is doing one of their ~projects~, Mary Anne invites Jessi and the Braddocks over so they can work on it. I'll skip over the explanation about who the Braddocks are, but I'll leave in my pondering about how the hell the BSC AND its charges were able to pick up on ASL quick enough to be able to communicate coherently with Matt.

Jessi and the Braddocks arrive to find Mary Anne and the Barretts making zorb hats. As they're working, Mary Anne explains that Disney's version of Snow White isn't the only version out there and that the story's been around for a long time. Suzi is horrified and thinks Disney stole the idea. Well, Walt Disney didn't, but he's responsible for stuff like this:

So far in the script, they decided that Snow White is an environmentalist like Dawn, who bitches at Alice in Wonderland for picking flowers instead of letting them live and gets on Shrek's case about cleaning up his disgusting swamp. No, she cares about the earth, wanting to keep the snow white and all that. Buddy, apparently a Frank Zappa fan, responds with “Don't eat the yellow snow!” and everyone laughs. I knew there was a reason I loved the Barretts so much:

So the evil queen decides to get rid of Snow White by pushing her in a polluted swamp, but she's rescued by Swamp Thing! Haley wants to play Swamp Thing for some reason, so she's assigned that part. So then the witch gives her a radioactive apple to poison her. And after that, the Zorbs go and find Captain Planet to heal Snow White and he does (by not kissing her, as Buddy points out), end scene. If they really wanted to make Dawn love it, they'd make Captain Planet a vegetarian and have Snow White set up a recycling center in the forest.

Jessi gets the idea of going to the party store to buy props. Damn, everyone is having great ideas besides Kristy! She's gonna be pissed! Mary Anne and Jessi fret briefly over whether Stacey will let them use BSC money for it, but they're sure she will. Hey, $28 a month really does go pretty damn far! And still enough to have pizza parties!