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deathsbestgirl · 1 year ago

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quagmire part two

@waiting-for-the-day here be nonsense

she agrees with him and she's funny.

scully is crazy. she thinks there's some non-human creature out their eating people and she just takes her little dog for a walk. she's fine, she's got her gun.

and queequeg is even worse!! these two and their no fear. this tiny little pup who should be afraid of the world goes running into the woods for a second time and this time gets EATEN. poor scully lol

but now we're getting to the best scenes, my favorites.

like when scully comes back, no queequeg in tow, mulder is still fixated as she's sitting in shock.

this man says "i'm sorry about queequeg" then rambles on about the pictures as if scully didn't just watch her dog eaten lmao and she's trying to listen to him, they still have a case & a pile of dead bodies they don't want growing but she comprehended nothing.

"i kind of faded out"

"can you drive a boat?"

(he really hated queequeg lmao)

AND HERE WE GO. the boat.

okay i love this scene soooo much. the part on the boat is so underrated.

that little line about expectation & hope, seek and ye shall find. i think mikaela already said it best:

(read the whole post: https://www.tumblr.com/waiting-for-the-day/722583454298079232/in-quagmire-after-the-boat-crashes-when-theyre)

earlier, scully played along with him talking about other sea monsters. here she's showing off some sailing skills *and* telling him a nice little anecdote about "here be monsters" — right up his ally as he's pouring over the map trying to tell her where to go.

(literally these little moments of sharing her childhood & nerdery, being his (best) friend, giving him those moments he didn't get to have as a kid, using it to bond with him, to show how she listens & cares and she's just like him really)

the jokes they make are so nerdy and it's a core part of their relationship. they both just store information in their brains in the hope they'll be able to whip it out to impress the other, or make them laugh.

~too bad we're not fishing~ ~we are fishing~

~here be monsters~ ~i have a map of nyc just like that~

and one of my favorite things about scully: when she doesn't know something, mulder must have the answers! ~what is that? what is that mulder?~ ~here be monsters, scully~ (and he does know this time, he just doesn't know what kind of monster they're actually going to find)

making jokes when their boat is about to sink with them on it. i love them. so unserious.

scully yelling mayday and mulder stopping her like honey we have to get out of here now please put on your life jacket — NO FEAR which is extra funny because she's about to give a speech about ~respect nature because it has no respect for you~

(oh the quips. "there goes our $500 deposit" and ~i say we swim~ ~swim? ...in which direction?!~)

cotr really has so much. it becomes a little breaking point for scully. at the beginning she was annoyed with mulder and she didn't understand why he was even interested in the case, and then when she sees the big blue sign she's exasperated. it also isn't a typical case he goes for. so yes, he's interested in big blue, not entirely out of the realm of possibility. but she can't figure out why, because what does this really have to do with his sister? what everything usually goes back to for him. she's been mulling this over since the episode started.

and now!! they're stuck on a rock in the middle of the lake and they have no idea if anyone heard their call & is coming. and he's still all ~that's big blue!~

scully: mulder, sometimes i just can't figure them out.

like she really really wants to understand him. she's always trying to understand him. big blue has her stumped.

and then they're interrupted by the DUCK and the humor is back

she's like ~how dare you joke about cannabalism it's real to me~

and ugh my favorite thing. mulder was too focused earlier to give space for scully losing queequeg. but he gets another opening here,. he has no idea what to do (and he really hated that dog). however there's one thing he can do and it's let her talk.

he asks why the name queequeg and she talks about moby dick and her dad and starbuck and it's so sweet & relatable (i have one cat named newspaper because my dad was always reading the paper — we had piles of them & i still have one he kept when obama became president — and another cat named saturn because he had a saturn & he loved that car & ya know, because space lol) and it's another way they open up to each other & bond & they're just best friends. this is a best friends conversation for sure. (and maybe dipping into how deep their relationship goes)

and then !!! scully has a revelation.

[scully finishes the line with him and they are both trying to impress each other here idc what anyone says. scully has that book memorized and mulder probably read it once, maybe twice and has been *waiting* to share this little tidbit with her for years!!!]

anyway. this whole conversation has been simmering. scully has been confused & frustrated, but she believes in mulder & she cares about him & she's going to follow him until they find the truth he's seeking. she's there for the journey, with all its circle & endless lines & aberrations. they've been making jokes & quips, giving each other small moments of levity to ease the tension surrounding them. all of it so they can get to the crux of it and that's what's happening on this rock.

she compares him to ahab "everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology" and "scully are you coming onto me?" (the way she ignores his ~flirting 90% of the time kills me, she's ~so funny) and "trying to do so will only leave you dead along with everyone else you bring with you" and god he's so serious & unserious, he can't have this conversation (which i think is something he really fears after scully's abduction, before it was just him, only he could be hurt or killed. that's not how it is now) without humor, so he talks about wanting a peg leg. "i'm not being flippant" and "and that's not flippant?"

(and nobody believes he wouldn't be hobbling around on a peg leg still doing exactly what he's doing now. the delusion that he could be content just living.)

and then farraday comes to save (ruin) the day "hope i'm not interrupting anything" how much did this man hear 🤣

they tell him about the boat sinking and when he asks, scully claims "it was my fault" instead of trying to explain to this non-believer that it was possibly big blue. god i love her.

and then the sheriff finds them, tells them about search. mulder tells him they need to search striker's cove but he doesn't listen til scully in her very judicious way says "Sheriff, Agent Mulder and I would appreciate it if you could spare two or three of your men to assist us here." and he agrees. scully's face:

and then farraday is attacked and he didn't see it (surprise surprise) and mulder is the first person to see what's attacking people and he's so sad it's an alligator which he kills (like he's soooo cute. he wants it to be big blue so bad but if it was he would have had to kill it and then he would have cried!!!)

and another underrated scene:

scully can see he's disappointed. he didn't find the big white whale he wanted, but he solved the case and saved more people from dying/attacks. she thinks he should be proud of the work he did.

scully finally gets it now. mulder wants something tangible too. he wants to keep hoping, he wants to believe. and he found hope in big blue's existence and he just wanted to experience something being real, with evidence & proof. (go read mikaela's post!! she says it perfectly)

and scully will always do everything to keep his hope & belief alive, to protect it. because it's precious. it's one of the most beautiful & special things about him. and it's this wonderful, quiet moment between two best friends who don't always get each other but they always try. they always listen. they stay by each other's side. for better or worse. the new ahab & starbuck.

(the way mulder has a natural skepticism he fights with thome & the desire to believe. i think he's afraid not to. the way scully has an innate ability to believe but it frightens her and so she fights it with skepticism)

#quagmire #the x files #mulder and scully #txf txt

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artichao · 4 months ago

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hey, i just want you to know - you and your art mean a lot to me. i look forward to your posts with genuine excitement, i smile when I see you've posted, regardless of how big or small it is. people remember your name with fond words and a smile. they appreciate you. i appreciate you so much, and i know it may not mean much coming from a stranger, but you matter to me. you have had an influence on me and my life in a positive way just by existing and doing what you're doing. you deserve so much more, so much better, okay? you are enough. you are enough in this world. you deserve to be here and you deserve to thrive. you seem like such a lovely person, i've both heard that and seen that from what i can. take your breaks and rests if you feel, because everyone needs them and that's alright! but don't give up, arti. never give up, there are people rooting for you with more love than you could imagine, there are people who will be with you through this. don't give up on anything. i promise you, you won't regret it.

thank you for existing. please continue to do so. you deserve every good thing to come; and they will, they will. i promise.

genuinely thank you for leaving me this message.

i was feeling so low last night. i thought i hit a true roadblock, that, "this is it". that it was all over. that i had burnt out the little fuel i had left and that i had nothing else.

but hearing my friends, my supporters, my fans, come to me to give me their anecdotes, their experiences, telling me what i mean to them, i started crying for a different reason.

i wasn't doing this alone, and the craft i've dedicated myself to wasn't going nowhere. it was making a difference, big or small, in so many lives. to think i can bring smiles and warmth with something i can make so easily with my hands, it keeps me anchored.

to think i have become the very person i looked up to when i was a kid gives me this deep fulfilment i can't explain. just like the people who inspired me, i want to keep going to inspire others. that's the beautiful cycle of art. and more importantly, i have to prove that you can't give up when it gets tough. if i give up on myself, i tell others it's okay to give up on themselves... and i can't have that.

here on tumblr i can be so much more open and honest to everyone. i am struggling, i have been for many years. but that's okay. we get back up. we talk about it. we spread awareness. we support each other. mental health is, and will always be, the higher priority over funny drawings.

i never wanted this to be such a ramble, haha. but there's so much i've tucked away in my chest. i hope that in being open and honest about how things have been, i can help others be more open about themselves.

don't bottle it in. talk to somebody.

and keep creating. <3

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blorbingqls · 2 years ago

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Thai BLs and challenging Filial Piety

I don’t know if people have noticed but it is becoming very common in BLs these days to see flawed portraits of adults and kids challenging their respect towards the said adult in order for them to acknowledge what they are doing is wrong and act towards it. Here is a list of where i saw such instances.

(you may reblog and add your own instances in other QLs as well)

1. Bad Buddy

The whole storyline is based on families hating each other and passing on this hate to their kids. But when the shit hits the fan, we get this scene:

and this:

They are angry at what their parent did and understand the hate they have but that does not stop them from being in a relationship with each other. And I admire that. Usually, because of rivalries, BLs notice many breakups. But, I’m glad they challenged that notion.

2. KinnPorsche The Series

The plot deals with flawed parents/adults: Gun, Arthee, Korn and (possibly later) Nampheung. It talks about abuse (physical, mental and emotional) in its very truthful way.

After dealing with so many fuckups with Arthee and seeing his Hia in danger, Porchay says this:

Porchay does not include Arthee in their future and tries to reassure Porsche on whatever that he has done, he has done his best. The scene is just *chef’s kiss*

We all know that Korn is a massive manipulator. In ep 7, he shares an anecdote of the knife getting rusted and wanting him to leave that pursuit against Porsche:

and then our beloved Kinn gives his lucky gun:

This to me shows that he challenged his father against that notion. Admirable.

We all know that Gun has been physically and mentally abusive to Vegas. For the first time ever, Vegas says this in response to his abuse:

In a small way, he did respond back. (However, that hurt him even more later but anyways lets not talk about that please.)

3. 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

THISSS!!!! This whole show is based on adults not being able to accept the past and the young generation asking correct answers for it. Damn. I ADORE THIS SHOW SO MUCH I WILL CRY!!!!

The whole show is just dealing with a lot of points we come across most BLs in the most HARD HITTING kind of way. My favourite scene is from ep 7. You will understand why.

and the message in the last episode. Linking @xnoel‘s post because it is necessary.

https://www.tumblr.com/xnoel/697028308899102720/the-message-at-the-end-of-the-180-degree-longitude?source=share

4. The Eclipse

This whole show challenges the school’s rules and regulations and devels into pressure built on students and teachers to maintain dictated and outdated rules of the school.

We have this:

and this:

https://www.tumblr.com/liyazaki/698300294605537280/chadok-being-an-actual-criminal-vs?source=share (Akk being asked to take care of the situation as he is the school prefect by Chadok and Aye responding that you’re putting so much pressure on Akk)

and this:

I just LOVED this so much.

This is where i saw this and I feel it is a lovely change because we are also holding our elders responsible. Media representation gives courage to do that stuff in real life as well.

Thanking @liyazaki @joontay @ncppanut and @xnoel for their GIFs and posts.

#kinnporsche the series #filial piety #thai bls #asianlgbtqdramas #the eclipse #180 degree longitude passes through us #bad buddy #I loved these shows so much #DAMN THIS TOOK ME 3 HOURS TO CURATE

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dont-touch-the-flower-child · 1 year ago

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hii this is for the character asks!

just anything about shinsuke pls :)

Always happy to!

Sexuality Headcanon: asexual (likely demisexual) and gay. That red light district anecdote during the joui war screams asexuality to me.

The gay headcanon is because none of his (very limited) interactions with female characters have given me any hint of romantic chemistry. I'm getting that he's not nearly as smooth with women as his joui buddies are.

Gender Headcanon: a guy but in a femme fatale way

A ship I have with said character: bantaka as I have talked about before, though I'm also open to several other ships including ZuraTaka and HijiTaka.

A BROTP I have with said character: with the rest of joui 4. I think Hijikata and him also have the potential to be buddies.

It's a real shame we don't see Shinsuke hang out more with Kamui or the yorozuya kids. His relationships with Matako and Takechi could also be explored more (even though I don't like how Sorachi handled Shinsuke's relationship with Matako).

A NOTP I have with said character: I'm going to get tomatoes thrown at me for this but. Gintaka is a no-go here. Mostly bc everything abt that ship puts me in a bad headspace

I don't ship him with any female characters either for the same reasons I gave for the gay headcanon.

A random headcanon: Shinsuke dresses the way he does... because it's comfortable. It has nothing to do with seduction really. I'm inappropriately dressed, you say? Come now, you know how I don't like things around my neck. Can't a man have his chest out? It's just my body, no different from anyone else's. Quit staring my eyes are up here

(Everyone lives AU) Sometime after the Tendoshuu is successfully banished Shinsuke retires from joui activities and buys a house in Edo/Tokyo. He leaves rebuilding the country to Zura because, as he's said, he simply wanted to destroy, and now the destroying's done. The Kiheitai is disbanded in name with everyone free to go wherever they please, but Bansai, Matako and Takechi still live with Shinsuke.

After a few years of rest and soul-searching Shinsuke opens up a school and becomes a teacher. He is, despite everything, deeply adored by his students.

(And maybe he also gets a cat. I feel that he's a cat person.)

General Opinion over said character: Best charcater. I love him. Even though he gets done dirty post-shogun assassination arc, and Sorachi can't seem to stay consistent on certain parts of his character, and his screentime is woefully little, he's an absolute delight.

I do wish people would stop giving him traits he doesn't have though... and maybe notice the fun ones that he Does have?? I mean. He likes giving nicknames. He's terrible coming up with insults and retorts. He creates a tough baddie persona for himself that manages to fool nobody. He likes people more than he'd allow himself to admit. god he's such a loser (affectionate). let me kiss him

Thanks for the ask! I had fun doing this!!

#gintama #takasugi shinsuke #ask game #maybe someone would ask abt zura? plz?#asks

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gayferrari · 3 months ago

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other ask. Ok so I appreciate the warning, lol. I put the rest under a spoiler cut so nobody needs to see it if they don't want to. my tldr is that I disagree, but I get what you're annoyed / worried about, and hopefully, my take will give you some peace of mind, and that's why I posted it — some gossip + speculation about semi-public figures none of us know under the cut

full ask

same nicole p podcast anon as before but this time with such a rancid take i'm sending it separately in case you don't want to become ground 0 for like world war 81. tldr nicole please shut up because the more you talk the less i'm able to separate oscar the racer (go papaya) from oscar the person (rancid unexamined firstborn son flavor of toxic masculinity) most controversial nicole take: i think every time she opens her mouth about their family dynamic she just exposes that she's never thought critically about it and in this particular interview also exposes that HE has probably never thought critically about it. like i say this as an oscar fan! but he's literally the firstborn son and heir who his parents sank their life savings into which probably meant his sisters were prevented from pursuing their own interests during childhood. nicole's entire public personality just being obsessed with her son and simultaneously going "yeah he sprung on us at midnight that dts was coming to film the next day and i stayed up all night literally cleaning up this mistake of his while he slept in but then my daughters didn't want to play happy family breakfast in front of the cameras and one of them literally hid at school to prevent doing that" is nooooot making it seem like she understands how she contributed to/continues to enable the problem. "i hate how dangerous racing is to the point it gave me an eating disorder but i couldn't have stopped him as a kid" uh ok i would think at any point putting in less money and time would have stopped it. not touching with a 10 ft pole whether or not they SHOULD have but like. that WOULD have stopped it. you can't just sink a shit ton of time and money into something and then pretend like you weren't making a conscious choice especially when that was time and money that could have gone to uh your daughters. "oh i was so mad when i flew out to see oscar race and he slept the whole car ride and then called his school his home" yeah your youngest daughter is 8 years younger than him but im sure it did her no harm to watch you & dad regularly fly across the world to see a brother she barely knows while she was between the ages of 6 and 10. jfc im begging you to stop talking

ok so here's MY "trying to be somewhat unbiased about it" take which hopefully is something you may appreciate. Like I said in the other ask, I find Nicole's whole shtick to be obnoxious; but also, there's 0 reason to assume that the way she interacts with fans / the media is in any way reflective of her irl personality, parenting, or family dynamics.

In that specific interview (which I haven't listened to but read the tldr) she seems to lean hard into the #boymom of it all and I get why it can be grating. However. If your main concern here is "the way she talks about Oscar makes me dislike him a bit, as a fan" I'm here to reassure you: take a step back. We don't know these people. There's no reason to believe that those carefully selected anecdotes reflect reality. Every story she told went very hard trying to reinforce Oscar's meme-material public persona and I'd bet anything that it's not what his actual personality is like (with love to Oscar. nobody who actually dngaf as much as he pretends he dngaf spends that much time and effort curating his online persona. he wishes he was Kimi Raikkonen). So, like. If those stories spark joy in you as an Oscar fan then by all means incorporate them into your belief system; if they don't then who cares. They were probably workshopped in a zoom call with some Mclaren PR minion and Mark Webber.

re: the "his family sunk a lot of money into his junior career" — at the end of the day that's what the road to F1 is like and I am sure Oscar is very, very keenly aware of it no matter the vibes you got from Nicole's interview. Like, because of the whole Alpine fiasco, Oscar's camp have been very frank in discussing how much his junior career cost vs. how much of that was subsided through the Alpine junior programme. I'm also pretty sure that his family is wealthy — not Adam Norris loaded, lmao, but as far as we know this wasn't a Leclerc kind of situation where all of the children karted a bit and the family had to choose to prioritise Charles's career; not an Esteban type of situation where financing their son's career really impacted the family's entire lifestyle. There's no reason, as far as we know, to speculate that Oscar's sisters had their own interests they weren't put in a condition to pursue. Again, it's up to you if you want to go that route in an RPF kinda situation, but irl, based on a couple cringe quotes from his mother? Not something to get worked up about. (There's also the fact that his parents are divorced even if it's kept quiet and idk if Nicole was the parent financing said junior career. If this adds another layer idk)

There is a wider discussion to be had here about the parents of young promising athletes prioritising their kid's career above other financial choices / effectively prioritising one child over the other, and that's a very fascinating topic of discussion to me as someone who's very into Sports in general and sports sociology but like, we don't know it's what was going on here. Even if it was, I genuinely can't think off the top of my head of a pro athlete whose family made sacrifices for them who did not go out of their way to pay back those expenses and provide for their family once they'd made it. I'm quite sure his sisters aren't being shafted in Oscar's favour

Anyway. tldr. I agree that her whole vibe made me roll my eyes. I disagree that it's something to get worked up about / that is any way reflective of the true state of things / that she's doing it without her son (and likely her daughters' also) full approval. Hopefully this take helps you enjoy the papaya boy more!

THAT SAID. I would absolutely be into the toxic boymom firsborn son implications of it all if I was getting rpf-y about it! I'm always here for rancid vibes RPF. I just want to establish first that the sordid belongs firmly in RPF land because I just don't care about drawing conclusions based on a couple of soundbites.

#ask to tag #elle asks

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faranae · 2 years ago

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I'd respectfully argue this one as being finicky and highly situational depending on the context, especially with fiction. I'm not for "you can't read about x mature thing", but this is one of those areas where source and context matters WAY more than subject matter and I wish more parents (and teenagers, kids are gonna think it sucks regardless) would think that way. One of the few areas I'll helicopter to some degree because I'm young enough to remember being that kid.

If they're learning from and exploring the wrong sources with no outside input it's going to do damage. Not necessarily trauma, but it can push their views on those topics in uncomfortable directions if left unchecked. (Note: I say can. Not does.) It's a "taking the teacher at their word" moment, only the teacher is a young 20-something writing fanfiction on the internet and not properly tagging their shit.

(Pre-submit warning: Anecdote/tangent follows.)

Coming at this from the parent direction: I just screened a YA novel for Cat that, 300 pages in, veered suddenly into a 2-page almost-but-not-quite-went-all-the-way-because-it-was-interrupted SA between the protagonist and her father. (Admittedly I would have known about that scene had I read actual reviews rather than official blurbs, which omitted that particular warning for some reason.)

I finished reading it quite literally yesterday. It's not a loan; She bought this book. She'd started it before me. We are/were a "you will never be grounded from reading or have your books taken away for any reason" household. Making this decision to not give it back to her (yet) is weirdly one of the most conflicted parenting decisions I've made in her life so far, especially since the scene doesn't get explicit.

But.

I know at my kid's age, I would have read those pages out of curiosity even if they did "go there". They wouldn't have been upsetting, I was a tough-ass kid when it came to darker topics and reading. But I also know that at her age, I would not (and could not!) have had the experience I do now to see just how disrespectful and downright BAD the portrayal was in that YA novel. The kind of scene that is tossed in to spur emotional outrage or fear in the reader rather than contribute to the book in any meaningful way. Used as a tool for rage-bait.

I love her, and she is incredibly intelligent for her age, but she is also an information sponge. Many youth are, even if some adults want to pretend they're not paying attention. Being an information sponge with inexperienced exposure to not-so-great source material is... Not good. (Hell, look at how easily grown adults fall into that trap.)

That, as a parent trying to raise a good human, fucking terrifies me.

Adult me reads that scene, and admittedly? I feel like I'm Karen-ing on this. I'm angry about it. Offended, even. Again, not about the subject matter, but that my kid might have been exposed to it so casually, as nothing more than rage-bait that gets brushed aside the second it's not directly convenient to the plot. If I hadn't screened it, I worry that she might have assumed/taken some things in that book to heart that really should not be normalized.

Do I think kids need to be sheltered from concepts as a whole? Oh holy mother of fuck no, because that's how you get kids who feel lost in their own home, or don't speak up about abuse. But I do know that if (and when) my kid is exposed to this kind of thing in literature, fiction or no, that it should be from a source that handles the subject matter with at least some illusion of tact. That, I can help her with. I can at least try.

So I'm more saying "please don't read about that topic until I can look it over first or we can talk together" rather than banning it entirely.

Shit... Never ban information; Educate on where and how to use it properly.

Bleh. Tangent. Veering way off topic.

I swear I'm not arguing against the post. I think I was going somewhere with this, more as a defense of parents who *do* take issue with/take away stuff like that for the right reasons.

"Defense of a middleground," if that makes sense.

/endrant

"kids can't read about [insert mature topic here] itll traumatize them" i went through something as a child that would make the brain of a grown ass adult shatter into a million pieces. I would never see this aspect of my life represented in a book until. 2022. When I was 26 years old. Kids are already seeing and experiencing the things you are afraid of exposing them to. What you want to take from them is to learn about it, or to learn that others are going through the same things as them, at their own pace through the safety of fiction

#reblog #parenting #content warning #long post #fara speaks #thinkonthings #story time #If anyone wants to know the book #Stitching Snow #Yes I know it's old for her that's why I screened it #She reads like 5 years above grade level what am I supposed to do

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jonoodles · 2 years ago

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It's not hard to understand why there are more out trans people now if you aren't a dullard acting in bad faith. When the threat of violence and legal marginalization was even more of a threat, people lived whole lives in the closet or just commited suicide quietly, not adding to the statistic. Pretty easy conclusion.

I can also say anecdotally that being on estrogen has been far more helpful than the cocktail of SSRIs, Stimulants, and Antipsychotics I've been made to take since I was 11. And I know that being on puberty blockers instead would have spared me a lot of pain

I imagine you're going to pretend you're against all those medications for children too. Even though it's far more widespread and harmful, it's clearly a lower priority to you. And you're going to continue credulously qouting the same psych industry that doles out those meds numbers on diagnosable gender dysphoria.

Either way as shitty as you are I hope you find happinees some day. I mean performative Christian whose obssessed with us, come on, we've all seen where this goes before.

Until that day stop shitting up our tags, I'm trying to look at nice posts on my lunch break.

So this person is saying people who are in the closet also commit suicide, because they couldn't come out and be themselves. (I believe that's what they are saying). I agree that is probably true. And I am not saying trans people commit suicide because they are trans people. I am saying they commit suicide because they struggle and I think we need to help them not only by transitioning them but offering counseling and such. It is simply a fact, I am not attempting to weaponize it, against trans people but rather people who say cis people are just jealous.

Now please do not be offended by my response.

Was it hard to get put on estrogen? Were you diagnosed with gender dysphoria? What was it like to get put on estrogen? I disagree that puberty blockers are a good thing. I still don't think children can consent.

If you're 18 I have no qualms with your transition. I don't applaud you as a hero. But I'll let you live your life. I don't think being trans is really a big deal. Unless it is a child who has yet to go through puberty.

You bring up a good point with the other medication kids can be on

Those medications for children: SSRIs ( anti depressants I believe), stimulants, and anti psychotics. The reason I am somewhat okay with those for kids is because they do not change your body's function or structure on a physical scale to such a great extent as puberty blockers. (Ex: they do not change your bone density ect..) I wish kids didn't have to be on them (anti depressants and such), but sometimes their situations call for it. That should be a medical choice that involves a professional and their parents.

Another thing on that point is: no one is glorifying their mass amount of medication. (Well some are but not the extent of people glorifying being trans)

We can probably both agree being trans is a difficult journey. That is why it is not fit for a child.

I do not enjoy being called a performative Christian. I don't care how you judge me but rather how God would.

Isaiah 56:1 (NIV)

“This is what the Lord says: “Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed.”

Here are my beliefs layed out for you to attack as you please;

I disagree with transition as a Christian (that means I will not transition myself or encourage it). But I believe from a legal standpoint adults have the right to do as they please to their bodies. Children do not because they are underaged.

I believe your best point was about the use of other drugs on children. But you still failed to actually defend your case as a whole. You have mainly attacked my character. Which isn't really what invalidates an idea.

I would also like to know what it is like for you to be on estrogen. If you don't respond that's fine, if you would just tell me about it in an "ask" I won't respond publicly to it. I am genuinely just curious.

Thank you for your ask ♥️

~ 𝒥ℴ 🪐

#trans ideology #trans agenda #trans #gay agenda #gays against groomers #gay #nonbinary #non binary #ask #no seriously

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lioncunt · 5 years ago

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so i want to preface this by saying, again, that i am not trying to be negative. i don’t think anyone is trying to be negative when they bring this up; we all agree the scene was lovely.

but it really, really wasn’t enough, and now i have actual proof.

i babysit a ten year old girl. tonight, i told her the andi mack series finale had aired, and she wanted to watch it on my phone. she’s not a huge fan of the show, doesn’t keep up with it regularly, but she’s watched it enough that she knows everyone’s name and the basic plotlines of each season.

so we’re watching it, we get to the tyrus scene. after the scene finishes, she says, “they’re best friends.”

so i said, “well, i think they’re a little more than friends.”

and she just stared at me in confusion. i told her, “i mean, they’re boyfriends.”

she was shocked. “what? not they’re not.”

“yes,” i said, “they definitely are.”

and then she said, “no, they’re not gay.”

the episode continued, she didn’t want me to interrupt - but i just. this is why they needed to be more explicit with it. a ten year old little girl who knows what gay means, who comes from a progressive household, who maybe happened to have missed cyrus saying he’s gay or other tyrus episodes, could not pick up on the subtext of that tyrus scene. she didn’t see cyrus’s coming out, and the tyrus scene wasn’t enough to make her think, “oh, he’s definitely gay, and they definitely like each other romantically.” in her mind, it was still just friendship.

i almost said to her, “well, they’re confirmed to be boyfriends by the actors,” but honestly, who cares? that shouldn’t be how we confirm anything. she doesn’t know about the actors, she doesn’t follow them on twitter or instagram. she watched the scene, and the scene didn’t convince her.

i’d also like to point out the way this show establishes romantic relationships. every major relationship on the show has been established with a kiss - jandi, muffy, bexie, jamber, even cyrus and iris. the literal scene prior to the tyrus one is marty and buffy becoming canon THROUGH A KISS. in a kid’s mind, this is how the show makes it clear two characters like each other - they kiss. tj and cyrus didn’t kiss, so she assumed they were only friends. they didn’t even say they like each other.

we need to stop looking at this from an older perspective and start seeing it from the lens of a child. of course we can pick up on the actual meaning, but lots of kids are very literal, and they need things to be spelled out for them in order to get it. obviously all kids are different, and there are many who did pick up on it and understood, but not all kids are going to. and what, those kids don’t deserve to understand what’s going on? just because they need things to be really clear? it’s honestly unfair. this little girl represents kids who casually watched the show, who maybe hadn’t seen every episode or didn’t remember that time cyrus said he liked boys. kids who just tuned in to see how it ended and literally did not realize cyrus ended up with tj. that’s how unclear it was.

i appreciate the cast and crew for doing a terrific job with what they had, but we need to stop being okay with the bare minimum. and yes, this was the bare minimum - if you’re going to say, “hey, we’re making the first gay main character on the channel,” then commit to it. don’t half ass it. we shouldn’t be grateful that they got together at all - complacency is just going to make them keep giving us the same shit, and we’re not going to get anywhere.

#tyrus #andi mack #please do not come on this post with an anecdote about a kid you know understanding the moment.

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mochie85 · 3 years ago

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Picnics

One-Shot Masterlist Complete Masterlist

One-shots based on this May prompt list. Prompt 1: Picnics

A/N: I'll try to post one a day, but please don't hold me to it. 😂. If there's one prompt you'd like me to write specifically for another character, please ASK. I would love a challenge. Warnings: fluff Pairings: Loki x Reader Word Count: 953

It was a mild sunny day in New York. Spring had come and you were desperate to go outside to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. It had been a dreary winter. Especially, with the lockdowns and social distancing. You couldn’t wait to finally spend some time outside and just people watch.

You gathered a small blanket with a basket full of snacks, and the latest book you purchased and headed outside to picnic at Bryant Park. Once you found an open spot, you spread your blanket down along with your belongings.

You laid down on your blanket looking up at the blue sky. Small wisps of clouds floated by as the sun’s rays began to heat your skin. A small breeze kept you cool so as not to overheat you. It was perfect! You gave a big sigh and turned over on your stomach so you can begin to read your book.

Loki was walking along the path eager to get back to the tower. He had come from the library nearby and just borrowed “Interview With A Vampire,” and was eager to settle down and start reading it. The librarian recommended it after Loki had told him he wanted something more deviant than the Shakespeare he’s gotten to know and love.

A patch of bright yellow caught his eye to the right. Loki slowed down as his eyes feasted on the attractive sight before him. He let in a sharp intake of breath when he realized it was you. You were laying on your stomach with your feet crossed in the air. Your light-yellow sundress had brightened up the small patch of grass that surrounded you. Small tendrils of your hair were blowing in the slight breeze, and you were deeply engrossed in a book yourself.

Loki couldn’t help his feet from walking toward you. His curiosity getting the better of him. He wanted to know what you were reading? What you were doing? And if he could possibly join you.

A shadow covered your book, and you heard footsteps walk along the grass toward you. “Fancy, meeting you here,” the voice said. You recognized that voice immediately and you bit down on your lower lip. You looked up as Loki hovered over you. You gave him a side smirk as you sat up to a kneeling position.

“I could say the same to you,” you countered, covering your eyes with your hand to see him better in the sunlight. “Would you like to join me?” you asked. “I overpacked snacks in the basket. You’re more than welcome to them.” You offered.

“That sounds lovely. I would be glad to. Thank you.”

“Where are you coming from?”

“I just came from the library.” Loki showed you the book he borrowed, and your eyes grew with excitement.

“You’re kidding!” You held up the book you were reading and to his surprise, you were reading the same one. “What a coincidence.” Both of you were astounded at the kismet chance.

“Yes. The librarian had recommended it to me after I told him what I was looking for.”

“Let me guess…older fellow with thick square glasses and a white mustache to match his white hair?”

“Stan! Yes, he’s the one.” Loki chuckled. “He’s been very helpful ever since I started frequenting the library.” You laughed at his anecdote.

“I see Stan come out here for lunch every now and then. He’s very friendly. Always asks me about my time as an Avenger. He loves Anne Rice. He always recommends her books to me. So I figured it was about time to see what all his hype was about.” You smiled.

“Well, don’t let me keep you from reading. I didn’t want to bother you.” Loki said starting to stand and make his way up.

“You’re no bother at all. I would love your company. As I said, there are plenty of snacks in the basket. Unless you have somewhere else to be.”

“No. Not at all.” He said settling back down to sit next to you. You smiled at him, and you resumed the position you were in before Loki came to join you.

Loki sat there and opened his book. But he was unable to focus on the words in front of him when he was blessed with the sight before him. He examined the arch of your back. He memorized the flow of your hair. He listened to the loud beating of his heart as your feet swayed in the breeze.

Loki remembered the day you came to the tower. You were quiet and reserved. Only speaking when someone spoke to you. Little by little, you let your guard down with everybody and soon you were contributing, if not starting, the conversations with people. You had a dark sense of sarcasm that took him off guard. It was such a turnaround from the usual bubbly self you portray to everyone else. Not that you were ever insincere with them. It was that you didn’t let them see that deeper side of you. He felt somewhat smug that you were so comfortable letting him see that part of you that everyone else rarely gets to see.

You sat up suddenly, reaching for the basket next to him. He watched as you gracefully took a drink of your water bottle. You narrowed your eyes at him, realizing that he hasn’t been reading his book and that his eyes are now on you too.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, capping your water bottle.

“Nothing.” He answered. He gently raised his hand and with his thumb wiped the drop of water that rested on your bottom lip. “Everything is perfect.”

#writing ideas #fic prompt #loki fanfic #loki fluff #mcu #loki laufeyson #loki fandom #tom hiddleston fanfic #loki x you #loki oneshot #loki x reader #@deity-prompts

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 3 years ago

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The Best Worst Thing to Have Ever Happened pt. 3

(thank you for your patience)

Part 2 here

AU in which Jily are somehow still alive and Harry chooses to stay with Wolfstar.

September 1995

“What’s this?”

“Would you actually like me to answer that Mr. Black or was that rhetorical?”

“No, answer me. What the fuck is this? Why am I looking at this? Because….I’m going to need someone to explain this to me.” Sirius had read the paper at least three times at this point. It didn't feel real. It felt foraged.

Counterfeit.

The minister inhaled deeply, “The Potters wanted more…clarity on the custody decision. Upon their request, we did some more research and found…”

“A bullshit blood magic technicality?”

“Precisely. We thought you would…appreciate it coming in person rather than via post.”

“That’s…” Sirius laughed bitterly, scooting back in his desk chair roughly, the legs scraping along the wooden floor, “So what? When’s the department going to come in and take my kid? Hm?”

“It doesn’t work that way Mr. Black, it’ll be a…notice, and some paperwork...as with everything it’s a slow process.”

Take your time. Stop and dig around in an open would, just for the hell of it.

“30 days? Like I’m quitting a ruddy job?”

I regret to inform you of our decision to take Harry James Potter out of your hands, placing them with his rightful guardians.

This letter is to provide you with thirty days' notice that you are no longer a parent.

Within thirty days' time, please pack up his room; take the height marks off the door frame; burn his desk, and turn down the picture frames in your home. All the moments that captured his smiling face no longer belong to you.

The memories can be stored in the attic as well.

We’ll put all the Christmas dreams and birthday wishes into the bin--he’ll make new ones and better ones with the people who gave him his name; the people who deserved all the time you got instead.

Thank you for your time and dedication for the past fifteen years, we truly appreciate your efforts and every sleepless night.

But he is not yours. You should’ve known that.

You were a shitty consolation prize.

“You can contest. You know just as well as I do it’s--”

“Bullshit.”

“--and there wouldn’t be a hesitation on the court to side with you.”

“Then why is this allowed to happen in the first place?”

“Mr. Black.”

Sirius shook his head, standing up from his chair and handing the paper back to the minister wordlessly. He wasn’t done for the day, there were still agreements he needed to sign and research to be done; he was certain there was a meeting happening in an hour as well but Sirius couldn’t have been forced to care at that moment. Sirius had seen this coming the moment he saw James and Lily in the flesh and it was still strong enough to kill him.

James had been his family when he had none; when he was barely sixteen and realized how the world could string you up. When Sirius was twisting and fading and burning out from people who named him burden. He had run to James's home late at night with bruises on his face, and bones burning from a lingering Cruciatus curse. It was the middle of winter, his fingers were blue, eyelashes stuck together from frozen tears, and James didn’t hesitate to welcome him into warmth.

James was his brother.

And it was all coming back…

What it felt like to have a brother betray you.

Sirius had been down that road before, cursing at family trees and crying over obituaries for an idiot brother who had a wishbone instead of a backbone. James…had a backbone. James had legs to stand on and was using them to challenge Sirius knowing that Sirius would lay down.

He never fought Regulus (even though should have and maybe things would've been different).

He wouldn’t fight James.

The notice given to Sirius was something they didn’t talk about around dinner tables that were uncharacteristically hushed as the fall set in and Harry was no longer present to fill the gaps with anecdotes, just happy to have everyone around.

Silence was easier than coming undone.

Quiet was easier than a fatal collapse.

It was just a sharp corner they all brushed up against while walking through hallways together. All of them content to hide the broken.

“So...about the notice,” James said awkwardly, in the morning when it was just the two of them, retracing old habits where their days always started with each other. Sirius had replaced the early morning conversations with journal entries, and at that moment, wished the physical James away. Because ink on parchment never talked back. Cursive writing and Dear Prongs didn't make empty promises and hide behind ministry excuses.

“What about it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Big of you, really.”

“Sirius…it’s not personal.”

“Did you ask them to look again? Did you ask them to dig?” Sirius asked harshly, his mug of tea sloshing as he gestured with the hand holding it. “Because I looked at where that law was found and…it’s not easy to find.”

“We asked them to take longer than a week looking.”

“Was I doing something? Did I make you feel like you couldn’t move in here if you wanted to? Did Remus and I give you the impression that you weren’t allowed to spend time with Harry whenever you wanted? Enough to make you double back on a decision we agreed to let Harry make?”

“We…just want more time with him and it’s hard when you’re around. We can’t…compete with you and Remus.

“This isn’t a fucking competition, Prongs. No ones keeping score here.” Sirius said, “And if it was? I would give up, and I am. You can win. He can like you more! He can think you’re cool and you can be the one to cheer him on at Quidditch games and mix the potions when he’s ill, you can do that! Have that! Go ahead! But you’re forcibly removing him--”

“That's a bit of an exaggeration.”

“Is it?”

It wasn’t. James looked down at his teacup.

“See…you get to be the one to tell him. You want to be the parent? You get to be the one who tells Harry that when he comes home from school, he’s not coming here.”

“Of course.”

“And I’ll be the one cleaning up the mess.”

October 1995

It was near curfew when the violent banging on Remus’s office door started, Sirius pulling himself off Remus’s lap quickly. Usually, on Sundays, there weren’t as many interruptions unless they had planned a tea with Harry or Remus had purposely scheduled brutal detention for a particularly cheeky sixth year or fourth year who hadn't been paying attention, which is why Sirius was there, snogging his husband properly in the first place. The banging continued, even as Remus walked to the door to open it, Harry’s fist stopping mid-air, his eyebrows nearly formed into one line. Hair disheveled, like he had just ran here.

“Harry what--”

“Did you know?!” Harry asked immediately, strolling into the room straight to Sirius and his heart sank. He didn't need clarification.

He knew.

“Did you know?!”

“Harry can--”

“ANSWER ME!”

“Yes, we knew.” Sirius said evenly.

“We didn’t know when they were planning on talking with you about it or that--” Remus tried.

“I DON’T CARE, YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!” Harry had moved quickly past Remus, and Sirius had barely stood up from the desk chair before Harry had thrown himself in his direction. All of his adolescent strength was used with the intention of knocking Sirius down or at least shoving him in an attempt to convey a hurt so deep the words couldn’t reach.

Like when Harry was a toddler, furious at the concept of bedtime and cleaning up his toys. When they had to start teaching Harry that hitting wasn’t appropriate, but on occasion, the urge reared its ugly head, Sirius usually taking the brunt of it.

“HOW COULD YOU?!” A fist attempted to strike Sirius in the stomach, then another, tattooed hands grabbing Harry’s easily, though Harry still struggled against the hold. “YOU SAID IT WAS MY CHOICE AND NOW IT’S NOT!”

“I know.”

“YOU SAID THAT NOTHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AND YOU LIED! BOTH OF YOU LIED!”

“It wasn’t supposed to--” Remus started but was interrupted by a raw cry of frustration, the sound of strangled tears.

“THIS ISN’T FAIR! And you’re not even going to fight for me?” Harry looked up at Sirius, glasses fogging up with tears, face tinted red, “This is what you do, isn’t it! This is your whole bloody job! You sit in court and you help people who have their lives ruined by STUPID MINISTRY LAWS AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING?!”

“Harry, it’s not--”

“Do you not want me?” Harry asked, voice breaking, “Did I do something? I’ll pick up my room, I swear, why…Sirius this is what you do! Why aren’t…why aren’t you…”

Sirius let go of Harry’s hands, certain he wasn’t at risk of being pummeled and bent down to his godsons level. Remus walked closer, able to put a hand on Harry’s shoulder in hopes that would steady breathing that had become so rapid from anger and betrayal--a feeling Sirius had been carrying around for the past month and recognized well--Sirius was concerned it was going to merge into a panic attack.

“Of course, we want you, Harry.” Remus spoke softly, amber eyes blinking to force back tears. Sirius was swallowing, fighting down the gravel in his throat that had turned to a boulder with a single sentence, Sirius wondering when he would start to choke.

Unable to breathe.

Unable to move.

He was getting closer. Lost for words even as his godson--his kid-- was shouting at him for explanation the same way Sirius had shouted at the ministry.

There was no good reason. Not a single one.

Remus had told Sirius to fight James and Lily, not understanding how Sirius was just going to lay down. Remus had spoken Harry’s exact words over floo, their kid slipping through their hands at every moment of inaction. But Sirius couldn’t bring himself to do it. Unable to shake the nagging feeling that he was living James’ life. That Sirius had put on running trainers that were a size too small, and worn them far too long. Stretched out with holes in the bottom, and Sirius had nothing but apologies to give.

I’m sorry these aren't being returned the way you gave them to me.

Harry shook his head, stepping away from Sirius and shrugging off Remus’s hand, “You never wanted me, did you? I was just….a thing that happened and you got stuck with, wasn’t I? That's what you say. That I was left with you."

“Harry, my love, can we please talk--”

“Shut up.” Harry’s face crumpled further, stumbling as he took another step backward to get away from the both of them, “Just…I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. I don’t…I don’t need you anyway. And now I’ll be out of your hair…just like you wanted.”

If you had a kid...and they get taken away, are you still a parent? Even when the other half of the equation is gone? Or did you spend the rest of your life with part of your soul wandering outside your body and a hole in your heart that was filled in with concrete. A heavy reminder that you had lost something and had no chance of getting it back.

Continue to part 4

#the best worst thing #wolfstar #jily #harry potter #au #this one hurts a little #nothing like a...ahem triumphant return right

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honeymoonjin · 4 years ago

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ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ot7 x reader || ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 5.9k || ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: smut - rated 18+

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ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: cursing, panic attack

A/N: apologies for my tgm crimes here but i gotta keep you on your toes since you have the old plan. also i'm not going to spoil anything but day 25 has one of my fav scenes in the show so far ;;-; so please enjoy this chapter and i will continue to work hard to finish the following one and get back into the posting routine!

DAY TWENTY-FOUR

You’re roused from sleep by the feathered sensation of fingertips on your jaw. Twitching slightly, you try and move away from it, burrowing deeper into the warm, gently rocking pillow your head is propped up on.

Before you can slip back under, however, the fingers give one last attack: a sudden flick to your cheek that echoes with a thwack. You flinch and furrow your brows, grumbling your displeasure since your words haven’t quite found you yet.

“Get up, sleepyhead, unless you’d rather I just piss in the bed.”

That’ll do it. You shoot up so quickly your vision swims, one side of your face feeling cold without the comfort of Yoongi’s chest. “Fuck you, go pee,” you slur, eyes still half-closed, the morning glare peeking through a gap in his curtains.

Yoongi happily but hurriedly trots off to the bathroom, giving you a moment of respite to collect yourself. It takes a few moments to recall the previous night, not just the way Yoongi’s voice had made you cum in your room, but also the way it later lulled you to sleep as he told you hushed stories of his childhood or anecdotes from his days as a sex education teacher.

You can even hear his voice now, just barely slipping under the crack of the door, humming and singing under his breath as he washes his hands.

When he finally exits, you’re propped up by pillows, duvet tucked over your knees and eyes crinkled fondly at his bedhead.

“Oh, no,” he starts with a frown, “you better get that look off of your face.”

Your smile drops. “What?”

Taming his hair with a few flat strokes, he shakes his head. “I need somebody sane in this house to talk to. You aren’t allowed to fall in love with me, it’s conflict of interest.”

Mouth dropping open, it takes you a few minutes to note the subtle curl to his lips. “You dick! I’m certainly not planning on it, don’t flatter yourself.”

“Hey,” he defends in a drawl, no attempt at modesty as he shucks his pyjamas before browsing his chest of drawers, “it’s been done before. You come for the massive dick and stay for the massive heart.” He pauses, shoulder muscles flexing as he reaches in to a drawer, pulling out a pair of dark wash jeans. “Stop looking at my ass, I’m trying to lecture you.”

On the contrary, you lower your gaze and narrow in on it. “You’re starting to develop a little bubble butt, Yoongi. It’s very cute.” Not leaving him time to protest, you barrel on. “Besides, your dick isn’t that big.”

“That’s only because you’re comparing mine to hyung’s. And Namjoon’s. And… And Jungkook’s, I guess. And-” Suddenly he cuts himself off, throwing himself back on the bed with his back hunched in despair. “Fuck, do I have a small dick?”

“Mm, not really,” you dismiss easily, deciding to finally get out of bed and pick out your own clothes - selecting them from Yoongi’s drawers, of course. He makes no protest, still staring blankly at the jeans in his hands. “You just have steep competition here. There’s nothing wrong with small dicks, either. They’re cute.”

Now visible from your angle, Yoongi’s face twists in a grimace. “But my dick isn’t small, right?”

You shrug, slipping on one of his FG shirts and a pair of sweatpants loose enough that you have to knot the drawstrings. “If it helps you sleep at night.”

He spares one somber glance down between his legs before he slips on a pair of underwear, finally stepping into the jeans. There’s a brief period of comfortable silence, before he lets out a small sigh. “Can I… Can I confess something to you?”

Although a quip would be easy enough to say, you sense the joking is over. “Of course, Yoongi,” you assure instead, sitting cross-legged on the unmade bed beside him. He doesn’t meet your eye, busying himself with slipping a shirt over his head. “What’s up?”

Once he’s fully dressed, he still keeps his eyes low. “When you- On Monday, when you voted out Jin-hyung. I was so glad.”

You pause for a moment. “Because you wanted him out of the competition?” you venture, but he shakes his head dully.

“Because I thought he might look at me again if he didn’t have you.”

Something sinks in your stomach, cold enough to make you shiver. The guilt in Yoongi’s voice doesn’t conceal the open vulnerability of his expression as he fiddles with his bitten fingernails. “What do you mean, Yoongi?”

“What him and I had earlier wasn’t healthy, I know that,” he defends to himself, “but… I still miss it. I miss him. But even when I spoke to him after the elimination, all he would talk about was you. And I can’t even be mad, because I get it. And I- If I’m honest,” he murmurs, feet scuffing restlessly on the carpet, “I don’t even know what I’m wanting to achieve by telling you this, but I couldn’t stand not having anybody know about it. I never wanted it to get this messy. I told myself I wouldn’t let my feelings get caught up. But I think a little heartbreak would be worth it, for him. Is that stupid?”

You feel so unanchored, like there’s nothing for you to grab onto to steady yourself. More so, you feel entirely incapable of helping your friend like you so desperately want to. “It’s not stupid,” you begin, reaching out to cup one of his hands snugly between the two of yours, head resting on his shoulder in solidarity, “and I’m so sorry. Does he- does he know you feel this way?”

“I don’t think so,” Yoongi admits in a low voice, leaning into your touch. “If he does, then he must not like me since he’s not acknowledging it. And if he doesn’t, then he must have never even considered me like that. I know I was a distraction at best.”

You knit your brows together, deep in thought to try and find the right words to say. “Or perhaps he knows and he’s respecting your boundaries by letting you initiate, especially since he was the one who took advantage of you last time. And perhaps he doesn’t know, and it’s only because he’s so caught up in his own feelings that he hasn’t considered that you may feel the same. You just don’t know these things, Yoongi. I didn’t know how you felt either until you told me.”

He nods slowly, jerkily. “Yeah,” he says weakly. “Jungkook said almost the exact same thing, actually.”

You pull back slowly, curiosity colouring your tone. “Jungkook?”

Yoongi manages a shy smile, cheeks colouring slightly. “He approached me. We- we talk a lot, way more than hyung and I ever did. I know Kookie has a crush on me, and we said we’d take things slow, but dammit, I can’t help but like the kid.”

You let a surprised laugh bubble up your throat. “That- I was not expecting that, but I’m so glad, Yoongi. Even if you don’t have Jin, I’m glad you’re letting yourself be happy with others.”

His smile falters. “Is it greedy that liking Jungkook doesn’t make me want Jin-hyung any less?”

You go still, thinking of your own blooming feelings for... Well, for most of the people in this house, if not - at least a little bit - all of them. “I don’t know,” you answer honestly. “I’d like to think not.”

Yoongi lifts his gaze to you, carefully studying your face. “Do you ever worry,” he begins, so softly that you have to strain to make the words out, “that our feelings have been set up. By the show, I mean.” His brows furrow deeper. “We’re living in a practical paradise - luxurious house with no real jobs, our food is paid for, we’re literally getting rewarded to have sex. It’s so artificial, you know? So who’s to say that our feelings are artificial, too? I- I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” he admits with a pensive stare.

You can’t lie. You nod. “I’d like to think not,” you repeat hollowly, “but… I mean, yeah, this feels like some alternate reality, and thinking of any of you in normal, mundane, real-life scenarios seems so strange. Like, can you picture Hoseok sitting down and doing his taxes?”

Yoongi snorts, shaking his head in bemusement as a line of tension eases from his shoulders. “I hope he hires an accountant. I certainly wouldn’t trust him with my money.”

You let out a deep sigh and fall backwards onto the duvet, air punched out of you on impact. “The thing is, Yoongi,” you declare in a matter-of-fact tone, “we have no way of knowing what life will be like once all this is wrapped up so why even bother worrying?”

He turns slightly, just enough to watch you warily over his shoulder. “Maybe because I could get my heart broken?”

You pout at him. “Tell me how that’s any different from developing a crush in real life?”

He opens his mouth, furrows his brows, and closes it again. “I- Ugh. Fuck you for being correct.”

Pleased with yourself, you hide your grin as you playfully knock his side with your foot, making him recoil with a groan. “Be as cautious or as impulsive as you want, but even if all this is fake, you could’ve just as easily developed those feelings outside of the show. Like come on, if you saw Jin in the grocery store don’t tell me you wouldn’t fall in love on sight!”

Yoongi shakes his head again, a wry smile playing at his lips. “I see your point… and now I’m picturing Jin getting groceries and looking hot doing it...wow.”

You cackle at the dazed look on Yoongi’s face, using his arm to pull yourself up off the bed, patting him on the shoulder. “Good talk, champ. I’m off to chow down on the leftover pork from last night. Care to join me?”

His eyes glitter, but the doctor declines. “Yoonji said she blackmailed one of the production team to bring her fried chicken from her favourite place. She’s hiding it in the bunk room, but you didn’t hear that from me. She’s selling some to me for a small fortune, the little devil.”

“Less than half a week here and she’s already set up a black market,” you muse, “I think I may be in love with her, Yoongi.”

“Don’t you dare.”

While the kitchen is empty when you first arrive, it only takes the sizzle of pork belly in a saucepan to draw your roommates down.

Jin is first, silently rummaging in the pantry and fridge for some side dishes to add to the mix. In return, you begin boiling some hot water, adding instant coffee mix to two mugs.

As the others join, the line of mugs and glasses on the kitchen island grows, until even the two Min twins are hovering in the kitchen, looking suspicously still hungry after their illicit breakfast.

There aren’t enough chairs at the table to seat you all, but luckily Taehyung and Jungkook are happy hunched over the bench in the kitchen, sharing a set of Airpods and snickering at a seemingly endless stream of TikToks.

At the table, Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi chow down on their meals, the latter with a considerably smaller portion made up mostly of meat. Yoonji and Jimin are on either side of you, with Jin on one end, chewing slow to savour each bite.

It’s the first time in a while that you’ve all shared breakfast at the same time, and you’re struck with a deep feeling of fondness at this little family-like group you’re living with. Jimin sneaks extra strips of meat or spoonfuls of rice into your bowl when he thinks you’re not looking; Hoseok listens enthusiastically to Namjoon’s explanation of a summer school course he’s taking, even as he has to ask for clarification just about every second sentence; Yoongi splits his time between checking up on the two maknaes with a soft look, and scowling at his sister’s teasing comments.

“Any plans for the day?” Yoonji asks suddenly, tugging you out of your musings. She’s dressed sleekly in a black velvet mock neck shirt and high waisted denim shorts, her face as stark a resemblance to her brother as ever, with two sharp lines of black on her lids being the only visible makeup. “Except, I suppose, the mandatory fucking.”

You huff with pink cheeks, never growing used to hearing it so openly. “The days kinda blur together a little when you have no real responsibilities,” you admit, “I should probably find a hobby or something.”

Yoonji’s eyes crinkle in faux empathy. “Oh, honey, you’re gonna be so out of it when you return to the real world. You all will,” she adds, before shrugging, “except maybe Namjoon. Seems like academia doesn’t stop for anyone.”

You can’t help but agree. “He has more brain cells in his pinky finger than I do in my own body,” you swear, “he could break an arm and still type a thesis one-handed.”

Halfway through a mouthful of food, you’re rewarded to the ungraceful yet endlessly endearing sound of her snorting, a hand cupped over her mouth. After swallowing, she turns towards you to respond. “I haven’t known him for long, but that seems to check out. He’s quite the character, huh?”

You don’t miss the meaningful lilt to her voice, nor the quirk of a sharp brow. “He’s a good guy,” you reply under your breath, gaze darting down the table to where the man himself is engaged in an intensely enthusiastic discussion (okay, closer to a TedTalk) with Hoseok, now using pieces of meat to create an abstract diagram in his otherwise empty bowl. The latter looks bewildered, but is nonetheless paying deep attention to every word.

It’s impossible not to feel soft inside as you look at the pair of them, all complementary contrast. Hoseok with his slender nose and harsh facial structure and Namjoon with a round, gentle face. One of them dressed in sleek black and the other in oversized earth tones, the typically reserved one animated and the bubbly one focused in. It had taken you barely a month of shared living to become completely fond of these men, not just Namjoon and Hoseok but all of them, and as much as it was nice to have someone new in the Villa for a while, Yoonji’s presence makes you more aware of the fact that you and the seven guys had developed a certain equilibrium that seemed slightly off-balance with the change.

It makes you worry about what other disturbances this delicate system could hold, and if returning to the real world would be a shift large enough to permanently upend it.

Wishing to dispel the pessimistic narrative beginning to form, you focus in on Yoonji again. “Anyways,” you start, “how are you finding the Villa so far?”

“Certainly an interesting look behind the veil, though it’s really not ideal having to-” Yoonji’s cut off by the chirp of an incoming message on her phone. “Sorry, one sec,” she mumbles absentmindedly, but you don’t miss the way her face falls when she reads the message, immediately glancing directly across the table to where her brother sits.

To your growing concern, Yoongi is also reading a message on his phone, and he quietly excuses himself from the table, leaving his bowl half-eaten. He jerks his head towards the front door, and Yoonji manages a quick apology before they’re leaving the room.

All startled out of their separate conversations, the remaining members of the household sit in confused silence, enough that even Taehyung and Jungkook turn around from their phones.

“What’s going on?” Jungkook asks in a worried voice. “Where’s Yoongi-hyung?”

Nobody replies, Jin just shaking his head with a grim frown and leaving the table himself, going after them.

“Guys,” Taehyung says more insistently, eyes not leaving the empty seats at the table.

“They both got a text,” you say with furrowed brows, “Yoongi and Yoonji. Must’ve been bad news, judging by their faces.”

“Jin-hyung’ll find out what’s going on,” Namjoon assures, though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself, “let’s just clean up for them and wait for an update. Yeah?”

The two youngest nod solemnly, still with a single Airpod each bobbing in their opposite ears.

For a while, the group of you remaining sit in silence, as if caught up in some spell that would only be broken once Jin returned with some answers. The absence of Yoongi at the table is so much more pronounced, and you can’t help but feel the sickening worry swirl inside you when you look at his bowl, chopsticks strewn carelessly beside it.

Everyone is just waiting for bad news. You’ve felt this looming dread before, and it either came with a swoop of relief or a blow of despair. Your teeth find your thumbnail as you wait helplessly to see which one it’ll be.

It feels like an eternity before the door finally opens, making everyone jump, but only a few minutes have really passed. Jin is panting slightly, like he ran back from wherever Yoongi disappeared to.

“He’s-” he starts quickly, before a tremor passes over his face and he grimaces, jogging over and falling heavily into his chair at the table, face in his hands. “Their dad is in hospital. Heart attack.”

“Oh my god,” Namjoon breathes, brows knit together in sympathy. “Is he okay? Was it serious?”

Jin shrugs, looking up enough to run his hand over his face and take a shaky breath. “He’s alright for now, but apparently they need to make sure it doesn’t repeat anytime soon. If he settles, he’ll be fine, but there’s a chance that he might suffer another attack. Yoongi and Yoonji are going to the hospital now to stay with him until they’re more certain he’s stable. Just in case.”

“When is he coming back? Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook’s eyes are wide, shiny. He can’t stop fiddling with his fingers, self-soothing.

“Not for a while, I don’t think,” Jin divulges with a pained expression. “He needs to be there for his family right now. That’s all I know, I’m sorry.”

The front door creaks, and all of you instinctively whip your heads towards it, as if Yoongi himself might be returning already, but you’re greeted with the weary face of Producer Sejin, joining you at the table, taking Yoongi’s old spot. Taehyung frowns deeply at the choice, turning his face away.

“What’s going on?” you ask quickly. “What happens to Yoongi? And us?”

“Yoongi is… He was in a rush to get going, understandably, so we didn’t speak in great depth. But he in short stated that he’d return when his father was in better health if the place was still open for him. I’ve got in contact with the higher-ups, and we’ve agreed to put the show on a temporary hold.”

“On hold?” Jungkook asks in a nervous voice. “What does that even mean?”

Sejin clears his throat stiffly and clicks his tongue. “Well. It means we’re putting a stop to the game for now, in short. If Yoongi is able to return by the end of the week, we’ll resume as usual. Otherwise, we’ll consider him to have permanently left the competition, and we’ll be forced to continue the game without him.”

You frown, fighting the urge to cry. This all feels so wrong, like he’s been taken from you with little hope of reunion, and discussing it like administration feels so clinical. “So we’re just sitting here, not knowing if he’s going to come back home, waiting around in limbo?” As soon as you finish, it feels like the word home lingers in the air longer than the rest of them. And perhaps this house doesn’t feel like home to you, but it certainly seems like six of the seven pieces of home are around you right now, and it’s not the same without him away. By the way the others are solemn and red-eyed, you probably aren’t the only one that’s begun feeling that way.

Sejin just shakes his head slowly, as subdued as you all are. “Listen, I know this isn’t ideal. The boss wanted to film it, make a big drama out of it, and then kick him off the show for views. I’m doing the best I can here to compromise and give him some dignity.”

Eyes widening, you stare at the round eyes of the cameras in the living room. “Are you- are you even allowed to say that?”

“I cut the camera feeds,” Sejin says in a defeated tone, “the show is officially off-air for technical difficulties. You can do what you want here while you wait - hell, you can leave if you want, just please be prepared to come back on the Sunday. We’ll have a discussion about whether Yoongi can return, and what we’ll do if he doesn’t. Understood?”

“Understood,” Namjoon offers up for the group, and the producer leaves with another sigh and an attempt at a comforting smile. You can’t help but feel bad for him, working such an emotionally draining job, especially when you’ve heard nothing but bad things about his employer.

Once the room falls into quiet again, Jin stands up, chair legs scraping against the floor. “Okay, I think we should decide as a group what we’re wanting to do. Stay or go?”

You open your mouth to give your two cents, but before you can, Jungkook suddenly chokes on a sob and covers his face with his hands, Jimin immediately scooting his chair closer to wrap an arm around his shaking shoulders.

“Hey, what is it?” Jimin asks quietly, but the room is so silent that you all catch it. “Talk to me, bun. What is it?”

Jungkook takes a few stuttering breaths to compose himself, sniffling. “I don’t want you all to leave too,” he confesses, Jimin’s thumb catching a tear dangling on the tip of his nose, “isn’t Yoongi-hyung enough?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” the elder promises, pressing a kiss into his hairline before looking up at the rest of you, eyes widening intentionally. “We’ll stick together through this until he comes back, yeah? It’s not all bad. The cameras are off, remember? We can have a break now, we don’t need to worry about the show. Isn’t that nice?”

After a moment’s considering, Jungkook nods slowly. “‘t is nice,” he admits begrudgingly. “But only if everyone stays.”

You can’t help but smile fondly, getting up yourself to come behind him, stroking his hair back. “We’ll stay, of course we’ll stay. Let’s spend some time together tonight, we can put on a movie and snuggle, how about that?”

He perks up at the thought of this, glancing around the table as the others nod in affirmation. “I’ll bring down the blankets,” he bargains, cracking a small smile, and the rest of the room relaxes, immediately bursting into sound as everyone arranges the necessary supplies for a good quality movie night, almost back to normal.

Jungkook, as the member of the Villa in most urgent need of a pick-me-up, is given movie choosing privileges, so the seven of you tuck in for a rewatch of his favourite Spiderman movies, perhaps the only thing that can keep him glued to the screen.

At first, the absence feels overwhelming to you. Try as you might through the opening sequence, you can’t shake it. Your mind counts heads without thinking, keeps looking at the space on the couch where Yoongi liked to put his feet up. Even though you know it’s his father who is unwell, not him, there’s the sick swelling in your stomach that makes you feel like his departure is final, and shortly after the title card plays out, you’re quietly excusing yourself and stumbling to the back door, in desperate need of fresh air.

It’s cold outside, a brisk wind cutting through you. You barely make it around the corner out of sight before your legs buckle, and you let yourself fall into a pathetic crouch, your weight propped up against the side of the house as you try to suck the chilled air into your lungs.

The panic creeps up on you in swells, the irrational fear that Yoongi would leave the show and you’d never see him again and everything would fall apart suddenly feeling like a whole tsunami crashing against you. Your fingers claw at the exterior wall as you fall back onto your behind, unable to even keep yourself in a crouch.

More so than the intrusive thoughts, it’s the image of Yoongi’s face falling, of him rushing out of the house in frantic distress that replays in your mind and leaves you suffocating. He looked so scared, your calm, reliable Yoongi. He was like a pillar, but that news was a fell swoop he couldn’t stay strong against. Your heart burns for him, cramping and aching in your chest.

For a moment, you picture yourself staying out here, gasping for breath until the sun goes down. You feel alone, more than ever since coming here, and even as the thought spooks you, there’s no energy in your body to do anything about it.

Just as your breaths start to sound more like death rattles and you curl your face towards the ground, a warmth envelopes your back, arms circling your middle and lifting you up.

“Hey, breathe, breathe with me, Y/n. I’m here.”

You recognise the voice. You recognise the built torso holding you steady, but your mind isn’t putting the pieces together, and so you simply squeeze your eyes shut and allow yourself to be maneuvered around there are hands on your face and a deep voice instructing you to look at me. I’m here; look at me.

You crack your eyes open, body heaving with the effort it takes to get any oxygen in your lungs, but you’re met with the soulful brown eyes of Kim Namjoon, narrowed in concern.

His hands are warm despite the frigid air outside, and you let yourself melt into him, eyes sinking to watch his lips mouth instructions, demonstrating exaggerated breathing for you to follow.

You feel distinctly like you might vomit, but you force yourself to match his breaths. The shuddering in and stilted out aren’t as fluid as his, but slowly your heart doesn’t thud in your ears and your body doesn’t shake as violently.

You feel damp, sweating all over, and your whole body aches, but your hearing begins to properly tune in again, coherence creeping back. “Na-Namjoon,” you gasp, wishing you had the energy to grab his arms or hug him or something other than lying limp against the wall of the house.

“Shh, hey, don’t strain yourself. Take it easy. I’m here.” He’s crouching in front of you, eyes locked onto you as he continues to hold you steady, jaw kept aloft by his hands. “Keep breathing, and it’ll go away. It’s a panic attack, I’ve had my fair share. You’ll come right.”

Trusting him despite the persisting burn in your chest, you let him coach your breathing for several more minutes, the heightened air influx making your head go light and floaty.

Once a counted breath turns into a yawn of exhaustion, you know the worst has passed. It leaves you boneless, not a single ounce of power left in your muscles, but you can breathe again, and it’s all thanks to the man across from you.

“I’ve never had one before,” you manage, voice cracking, “not like that.”

Namjoon’s lips press together in sympathy, and he turns to prop himself against the side of the house beside you, letting you continue breathing independently. “Is it Yoongi-hyung?”

You nod weakly, and the academic hums in confirmation. “I used to get panic attacks a lot in university. I used to hate them, thought they meant I was weak. Like I couldn’t handle the pressure as much as I thought I could. But, you know, these days I just figure I’m only panicking because it means so much to me. And I don’t think that makes me weak at all. It just means I care. Don’t feel ashamed about this, Y/n. All it means is that you care about hyung a lot.”

All the breath in your lungs leaves you in one rush as you prop your head in your hands, knees tucked towards your chest. “Yeah.” You wish you had something more appreciative to say, but your mind is waterlogged, weighed down and not functioning.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to mind the curt response. “I care about him a lot too. He’s like the glue for us, isn’t he? I’m worried to fall apart without him here keeping us in line. But we survived before we knew him and we’ll survive now. What’s better is supporting each other and waiting to see how we can support Yoongi-hyung, too.”

“You’re right,” you admit with a heavy breath, wiggling your toes to will energy back into them. “We’ll be okay.”

Namjoon bends sideways to bump your shoulder warmly. “That’s the spirit. Now; I’m happy to stay out here as long as you need, but Jungkook was the first one to notice you had been gone for a while, and I think he’s probably getting concerned by now. If you’re up to it, I can give you a hand to get inside and join the others again. What do you reckon?”

You lean your head back against the wall, taking a moment to consider. “What movie is he putting on next?”

“He mentioned wanting to check out Paw Patrol on Netflix.”

“Let me die out here,” you plead weakly.

Namjoon laughs, the sound like comfort itself, and stands up, offering you a hand. “Come on, kitten, up we get.”

In the end, the Netflix viewings manage to distract you for the rest of the night. When your limbs are tangled together and snacks are flowing, it’s easy to tune out of reality a bit and focus on the television screen in the comfort of shared company. Jungkook clears space on the couch for you the second you return, and clings to you for hours, his chin on your shoulder. You don’t complain, feeling soothed by the physical closeness. But the hours pass, and when the majority of you can no longer hold in your yawns, Seokjin gets up to turn the lights back on and clean up.

“Let’s get some rest,” he decides, and it’s that return to the real world that immediately dampens the atmosphere again, the group of you turning solemn. You pause to pull out your phone, sending Yoongi a quick message of support, and that you all missed him already, but no reply comes.

Without words being spoken, the seven of you remaining find yourselves flocking together as you make your way up to bed. Jin flanks the maknae as Namjoon and Hoseok lean heavily into each other, the four of them disappearing into Jin’s room. You naturally fall into step with the remaining two men, Taehyung linking his arm into yours and holding you close all the way to Jimin’s room.

Somehow, the house is too quiet. Even though Yoongi wasn’t a particularly noisy housemate, his absence cloaks the air.

You have no energy to shower. Washing your face is as much as you can manage, and Taehyung is even more despairing than you are, slumped on the toilet seat as Jimin cleans his face for him.

The uncertainty is what makes your heart flutter on edge, unable to wind down, and you know from the restrained looks of fear and distress in the guys’ eyes that they feel the same. The show would be undoubtably ruined if Yoongi couldn’t return. But more important than that, Yoongi would be ruined if he lost his father so suddenly.

Knowing Yoongi is hurting makes you ache, and you cling to your lovers like they’re your anchors in a churning sea, tucking your face firmly into Taehyung’s shoulder. It soothes you a little to be pinned between them, but the three of you still lie awake as the minutes blink by agonisingly slow.

At some point, you must fall into a fitful sleep, because when a sudden noise fills the room, it rouses you aggressively, and you almost kick Jimin’s shin in the process. Grunting, the half-asleep man rubs his face and twists around, fumbling on the nightstand for the offending noise.

It’s Taehyung’s phone, vibrating against the wooden table, and once Jimin blinks twice at the glaring screen he gasps and yanks the charger out, sitting up in bed. “It’s hyung,” he declares in a voice more vulnerable than you’d ever heard from him before. “Wake Tae.”

You force yourself to dispel those last few wisps of sleep from your brain, and gently shake Taehyung awake. According to the clock on the nightstand, it’s almost two in the morning, but your heart leaps as Yoongi’s face fills the phone screen, looking right at the three of you.

“I thought you would be together,” he states with a rueful smile, though you can see that it doesn’t quite reach his reddened eyes. “Sorry for calling so late.”

“Don’t apologise, hyung,” Taehyung whines, half of his weight on you as he leans in close, “we were so worried about you. How’s your dad?”

Yoongi’s brows furrow beneath mussed hair. “Not great,” he admits. “A little more stable, at least, but he’s pretty confused right now. Nurses worry that it might have affected his brain.”

Your heart sinks, both at the thought of a relatively young man suffering such awful health complications, but also at how Yoongi was trying to hide his exhaustion and distress. “Oh my god.”

“Mm, we should know soon what the damage is,” Yoongi explains further, rubbing his eyes with the hand not holding his phone aloft, “and if he’s alright I can head back h- head back to the Villa. He’s just been sleeping a lot today so… We don’t really know how he’ll be until he’s conscious for enough time. Yoonji’s with him at the moment, I just wanted to duck out and give you guys an update. Where are the others?”

“Jin-hyung’s room,” Jimin answers, even as he’s throwing back the covers. “They’ll want to hear from you themselves, just hold on a minute.”

You hear Yoongi’s voice echoing from the phone and strain to make out his words as Jimin heads to the door. “No, no, don’t wake them. I actually wanted to ask if you’d like to come visit? Of course none of you know my dad, and he doesn’t know you, but- Well, Yoonji and I could do with some company.”

You jump up, rushing to Jimin’s side. As he naturally accommodates your presence and pulls you flush against him, you lift your face up to the phone. “We’ll be there,” you assure Yoongi, “just please get some rest tonight. It’s been a rough day.”

Yoongi’s pained smile breaks your heart, and Jimin leads the phone back to the bed so that Taehyung can say a final goodbye before the three of you hang up and crawl, exhausted but somewhat relieved, back into bed.

#bts x reader #bts x reader smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #the gentlemen #tgm #yoongi x reader #jin x reader #hoseok x reader #namjoon x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader

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soranihimawari · 3 years ago

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We’d look cute together

Lately, with the help of some prompt posts, I’ve been writing a bit more in the drabble/drafts department. This story is focusing on the young adult lives of designer!yn & (blind date?) Bokuto. Please enjoy this non-edited short.

It was a typical Saturday night at your neighborhood dive bar. You were accompanying a girl friend of yours on a blind date. Apparently, she and her date clearly hit it off, you on the other hand, along with his friend were a bit mismatched. Probably because said friend was a professional volleyball player and the other was an editor in the publishing firm not too far from your apartment. You were really low maintenance versus the boisterous man who exudes confidence both on and off the court orders you a second glass of whiskey sours.

“So, what do you do yn?” You learned the editor’s name is Akaashi Keiji and his best friend, Bokuto Kotaro was eager to hear your answer. You have a coy smile on your face when you explain your job at an upcoming fashion house.

“My sketches and designs were chosen for fashion week,” you mentally brush dirt of your shoulder.

“Really?! That’s awesome!” The athlete seated across from you smiles. Your friend almost spits out her drink.

“Holy shit,” she says. “And when were you gonna tell me? That’s amazing. Congrats.”

You trace the rim of the glass before the server comes back with another one of your drinks. The food order isn’t too far behind as you discuss more about the plans and the models you might potentially ask to wear your designs. Your friend is a make-up artist specifically hired for fashion weeks, so this worked out in your favor asking her.

On the way back home once the check was picked up by the boys, you watch your friend walk ahead with her date. Bokuto sticks his hands in his pants pockets when you walk in rhythm next to him. He fills the silence of the night with more about himself and family life. You find out he has two older sisters, his accolades in high school, and currently when you pass a sports store, you see his face plastered on the MSBY Black Jackals team poster on the windows. You bound your way up to the poster and stop right before a familiar man’s photo with his arms crossed; amber eyes wide with a prideful smile (his stats were printed next to his ‘rookie debut’ season year)

“Holy shit,” you said as you gaped. Your friend knew you followed certain sports when the seasons begin, so when you were set up on the double blind date, you weren’t expecting to be sent out with a rookie outside hitter. Your eyes glance between the poster on the store window then back at your date, who seemed a bit embarrassed by your realization. Nonetheless, the look on his amber eyes made you want to encourage him you like him for real. Playing volleyball professionally was just a bonus.

“You said you were a professional player, but I didn’t know you played for the Jackals. They’re one of my favorite teams…” You mumbled the last part, not to further embarrass him even if it was a praising anecdote.

You’re pointing at Bokuto and turning to face him. He sheepishly places a hand behind his neck apologizing profusely mentioning he understands if his fame was a major turn-off and he hopes you two can be friends instead if romance was not what you felt for him. He continues to ramble on and he was both suprisingly handsome and cute in your eyes. Maybe going on this blind date wasn’t such a bad call on your part, so to calm him, you step forward and raise both your hands to cup his cheeks. His blush crosses his face s he quiets down. You sort of chuckle together when you’re caught becoming lost in the seas of molten golden pools that colored his irises.

“Are you kidding me?!”You asked in shock.

You had to stifle a laugh a little bit noticing how his hair visibly deflated out of embarrassment, so you caresses his clean-shaven cheekbones before dropping your hands back to your side. “I’d be an idiot to turn down a second chance at a date with you…”

You fiddle with the ends of your jacket you brought with you to dinner. You’re patting around your pockets searching for something.

“Wait, you’re for real?” It’s an innocent question as Bokuto raises a shaky hand. The ‘first love jitters’ is what his sisters called it knowing how head over heels their brother becomes in the presence of pretty potential partners (or lovers).

The realization hits Bokuto like a truck. His blind date actually wants to go out with him again? It was enough to make a wobbly smile stretch across his face and he too, enjoys watching hold reflection in the silver highlights of your eyes; he figures one day he’ll love them even more when you watch a game live with his spare jersey drowning your curvaceous features (or just coming back from an away game wearing his number from high school, but he was getting ahead of himself).

“Mmhm,” you press on, feeling a bit confident (his must have rubbed off on you during dessert). “And I’m not saying this because we’re stopped in front of a sports store with your team poster on it.”

You cock your head to the back, reminding him where you’re standing and what you’re in front of.

“Oh?” Bokuto takes a step forward, hand in his pants pocket. He towers over you a bit, but there isn’t any malicious intent here. “Then why do you want to go out with me again angel?”

You cross your arms over your chest and you have this adorable pensive “thinking” face. You’re trying to not hyper fixate on the nickname and your thoughts snap you out the sex scene in your imagination with him when you formulate a proper answer.

“It must be because I think we’d look cute together and I’ll prove it to you.”

Yep, you were definitely more bold when you expectantly hold your hand out palm side up waiting for him to hand you his phone. It is unlocked when you open the camera app and you ask him to stand still while your back is pressed against his chest.

“Smile,” your voice is gentle enough and it makes non-existence butterfly wings flutter in his chest. You take the photo with a toothy grin and hand it back to him. “See?”

A few seconds later after reviewing the first photo, you hear your date mumble a ‘cute’ compliment. You winked at the camera before you pressed the shutter and he has (what would be later dubbed puppy-loved eyes) a softened stare at you. It was like you were captivating every inch of his heart in three seconds.

You let him take another one with you, this time though, you feel him place his chin on the exposed side of your neck, his breath tickles your earlobe prior to pressing the shutter. You feel his left arm snake around your waist to hold you there for a brief moment, and it trained all of your willpower to not turn into a puddle when you feel his lips trace an gentle line on your pulse point. However, you whine when the warmth he provides is lost, but he reminds you there’s another chance at continuing after dinner next time.

“Bokuto Kotaro, did you just insinuate you’re going to kiss me breathless?”

He scratches his cheek a little, like when he was caught doing or thinking something he shouldn’t. You shake your head, smiling, telling him he didn’t have to answer your question, “because I’d bet dessert you would.”

“You’re such a tease,” he mumbled to himself watching as you confidently walked ahead on thd pavement. A few seconds later, you hear him falling in line with you when he approaches your side.

When you arrive home that night, you reassure Bokuto that you would never date anyone for their money or their fame. You also explain to him a little bit about your family dynamic (raising your siblings when your parents were away on international business) and how you discovered fashion as your creative outlet when in middle school the sewing and drama club had a difficult time coming up with costume ideas for the spring festival.

“Well, this is me,” you say. Your navy door with the brass numbers and formal knocker is the last one you’d walk through that evening.

“Thank you for dinner, Bokuto Koutaro,” you begin, fishing out your keys.

“Thanks for coming on this date with your friend,” he grins when he speaks around you and it honestly is a good feeling. “Good night, yn.”

You bite your lower lip a bit when he turns on his heels to walk toward the elevators down the hall. Your voice calls out to him while he is still within ear shot:

“I’ll meet you at Onigiri Miya on third and vine Tuesday night at eight. Don’t be late Bo!”

The man in the button down and navy slacks turns to face you still looking like a dream in wide-leg pants and pin-striped blouse.

“It’s a date!”

++++

Bonus:

Two months later, during an interview post game, Bokuto spots you on the first floor animatedly talking to Hinata. Many of the media crew circulates you both as you let Hinata explain how he was able to find the right timing to break through during the last rally. A few reporters ask what your relationship was to the newest member of the Jackals and before Hinata or you could explain, Bokuto joins you both, kissing your temple.

“Thanks for coming to see me play babe,” he says.

“Congrats on the win Kou,” you said, a gleaming smile that reaches your eyes is the next photo to be captured right before your loving boyfriend picks you up to twirl you around. This causes you both to laugh when he puts your feet back on the ground. He makes a promise to meet you after he cleans up, pressing a few more innocent kisses on your forehead. You nod and while Hinata is busy speaking with other members of the media, you notice the rest of the Jackals wrapping up the last bit of interviews courtside.

The cameras flash even more and you pray for the PR-team to have patience for this man. Honestly, since you two have insisted on keeping your relationship as private as you can, you were dubbed by the Jackals fan base as Storm Shadow because only a few breadcrumbs were seen and hints Bokuto was taken was scattered throughout the team’s Instagram page when your design haus sponsored their formal attire photo shoot for December. The caption under Bokuto’s individual shot was priceless: “I love it when I model my honey’s suits.” There is another photo posted no less than five minutes later and your back is to the camera and Bokuto’s golden eyes filled with nothing but compassion peer over your shoulder as he hugs you closer; the photo also garners national attention calling you the luckiest person right now.

#🌻— flying around collecting pollen—queue #sora after hours #haikyuu x reader #sora scribbles #hq bokuto #bokuto x reader

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ladylillianrose · 3 years ago

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Misery Needs Company a Lenny/Midge Fanfiction

A/N: Alan gets to hear about an *interesting* arrest and Miami

Chapter Summary: Alan gets to hear about an *interesting* arrest and Miami

Season 1

Season 2

AO3

Post-Arrest With Abe

"Midge bail you out?" Alan slid into the diner booth across from Lenny and signaled the waitress for a cup of coffee.

Lenny blew out a stream of smoke, and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Not Midge…her parents…"

Alan stared at him for a beat before he burst into laughter.

Lenny glared at him, "It's not that funny."

"Are you kidding? It's fucking hysterical, that has got to be the most awkward meet the parents moment ever!"

"Yeah well to make things even more awkward, her father was arrested with me."

Alan stopped laughing and gaped at him, "Hold up. Start at the beginning."

"Alright, so I sent Midge the flowers," Lenny nodded at Alan, "Thanks for the reminder note by the way."

Alan raised his coffee cup in acknowledgment, "Midge deserves flowers for putting up with you."

Lenny nodded in agreement, "I invited her to come to the show at The Den if she was available. I guess her father saw the note and decided to come on her behalf."

"Oh ho, gotta give you the old parental approval."

"So I'm up there doing my thing and of course, Peluso is there, and not too fond of me showing off Miss December's photo," Lenny shook his head.

"He never is," Alan sighed, the New York cops were looking for any excuse to grab Lenny these days.

"As they're taking me out, this older professor-looking guy starts telling them they can't arrest me just for talking."

Lenny cocks an eyebrow at Alan's look of surprise, "Yeah, I wasn't expecting the defense either. So they grab him too, haul us both down to the station, and toss us into holding together. I'm just laying there listening to this guy ramble about famous people who got arrested or some shit. But then he says, "The flowers were very nice, by the way." And right away I realize that I'm sitting there with Midge's father."

"How could you have possibly known that?" Alan looked skeptical.

"Midge is the only person I've sent flowers to in a long long time."

Alan shook his head, "You really are gone for this girl. Flowers, meeting the parents, what's next, an elaborate proposal?"

"We haven't even had a date yet. Besides I doubt getting thrown in jail with her father is a great wooing tactic," he shook his head defeatedly.

"You met her in the back of a squad car, pretty sure she can't hold it against you," Alan grinned teasingly.

Lenny flipped him off.

"So then what did you say to her old man?"

"Nothing! I was too stunned to say anything!"

"So what, you just sat there?"

Lenny shrugged, "What was I supposed to say? "Mr. Weissman I know this is an inopportune time, but you should know I'm in love with your daughter.”

"I mean it couldn't have hurt," Alan cheekily replied.

"Anyways, so he gets bailed out, next thing I know they're calling my name. Figured it was you, but then I get down the stairs and there's her father standing next to who could only be her mother. Turns out they were the ones who bailed me out, God knows why. I've learned when it comes to Midge and her family it's best not to question," Lenny finished his tale and leaned back in the booth.

"What's Midge gonna say when she finds out?"

"Who the hell knows, maybe she'll put it in her set."

"Well, at least I'll have an amusing anecdote for your wedding. 'Remember when you first met her parents? Nothing says please marry my daughter like meeting your future in-laws in jail!"

Lenny shook his head, "How about I take her out on a date first before you start planning our wedding."

____________________________

Post-Miami

Alan looked up as Lenny sauntered into the bar, “Hey I didn’t know you were back in town! Finally had enough of Florida?”

“More like Florida had enough of me,” Lenny laughed. “Nah, there’s only so many things to do there before you get bored.”

“I heard Midge was opening for Shy Baldwin down there, did you get a chance to see her?” Alan asked innocently, he knew Lenny wouldn’t have missed an opportunity to see Midge.

Lenny’s face softened, “Yeah I did. I finally took her on a date.”

Alan grinned at him, “You finally did? Man, that’s great, where did you go?”

“She tagged along for a work thing, and then I took her out for dinner, drinks, and dancing.”

“And?” Alan prompted after Lenny wasn’t forthcoming with more details.

“And what?” Lenny grinned.

“Come on man, you’ve been pining after Midge forever now. Did you tell her how you feel?”

Lenny’s face fell slightly, “Not in so many words.”

“Did she turn you down?”

“Not exactly.”

“So you still have a chance?”

Lenny shrugged, “Maybe.”

Alan let out a groan of frustration, “I’m going to get you a drink, and then you’re going to tell me exactly what happened on your date. Okay?”

“Okay.”

__________________________________________

Alan pushed aside the empty bottle, “Okay so let me get this straight. You two had a fantastic night out, went back to your hotel, and then she decided to leave?”

Lenny’s head was in his arms on the table, “Yep.”

“Was it the room? Did you leave your shit all over the floor?”

“Naw man it wasn’t like that. It was something else.”

“Did it seem like she wasn’t interested?”

He sat up and shook his head, “She was very interested. But then she asked me what I thought of her act, and that was it. Like she was reminding herself not to get involved with me.”

Alan frowned, “So what did you do? Did you call her a cab, kiss her goodnight, make plans for another date?”

“She called her own cab, no goodnight kiss, no plans for a second date.”

Alan looked puzzled, “But you still think there’s a chance.”

Lenny smiled softly, “She agreed to someday. That’s enough for me.”

#the marvelous mrs maisel #fanfiction #lenny x midge #midge x lenny #the slow runners #midge maisel #lenny bruce #Misery Needs Company

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heat-riser · 3 years ago

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Way too long, in depth analysis of a Pokemon character that doesn't even have that many lines in game:

General CW for talking about some emotional stuff and results of not the best childhood- feelings of inadequacy, bullying and not great parents mentioned, trauma , and why people dissociate themselves from their own emotions.

This ended up way too long. This is the result of Cyrus being a favorite character of mine since Diamond and Pearl’s release- I’ve had a lot of time to overthink everything about his character. This is also written by someone who has experience with prolonged, emotional dissonance and a long-held ideology that emotions only hurt and cause harm (both of which I’m healing out of). Might be worth checking out if you’re interested in going in depth with the character or if you’re confused about his motives and emotional state.

Note: I mention the possibility of a specific possible diagnosis or specific mental processes, thought patterns, etc. Generally I believe giving specific damaging events or diagnoses to characters is invalidating to real life people. There can be positives if it’s done well and informed. Anything I talk about here are things I know a decent amount about through my social science training, academic studies, specializing experienced therapists, and my own journey with unlearning long-term emotional dissociating. I always hated every ‘Mary Sue’ having a trauma history without people really understanding the effects but using it as a way to make the character more interesting. I think some good can come out of it when not used as a way to just ‘make the character more interesting’ but when showing the full, sometimes devastating effects. It can be informative when done right. I generally stray away from specific damaging events or diagnoses as I’m not trained and don’t wish to invalidate them for people. If doing so helps you in your process and journey- please don’t let me deter you. I would just advise that it be done carefully. This isn’t to say- if you’re not professionally taught, never give mental health headcanons to characters. Just don’t trust any random webpage on Google, or Tiktok, or your friends to give you decent mental health information.

The Diamond and Pearl remakes just came out and it’s probably prime time to post this long winded BS about Cyrus’s character. Take it with a grain of salt- a lot is speculation and a decent amount is projection as I dealt with as one of the roughest things I’ve had to learn in therapy is to be less analytical and learning to accept feelings and emotion and human connection as a positive and important part of healing.

Emotional numbness and being adverse to emotionality isn’t the result of sociopathy. I see a lot of people referring to Cyrus as a sociopath but definitely believe that the way he approaches emotion isn’t just not caring one way or the other for them or being born without them- it’s a disgust of them- which doesn’t come from nowhere. People don’t become so strongly opposed to something without something driving it. Not all that much is shared about his history or past so I can’t make any assumptions as to why he thinks the way he does but life experience taught him that emotion doesn’t bring anything good. Little 6th grade me wholeheartedly agreed with Cyrus’s plan- but, I think in a similar way, I hadn’t really felt much aside from depression, anxiety, and numbness to really understand that emotions did have potential to be good. I’ll try to stray away from my own life anecdotes as this isn’t really what this is about but it does serve as a real world example of why people’s mindsets and thought patterns turn in this way.

The most we know about Cyrus’s childhood is that he was largely isolated from other kids and his parents never felt he did well enough despite everything he tried. You can meet his grandfather in Platinum who laments about not taking him to raise and that he was just continuously damaged under the situation he grew up in. He either already had emotional damage that made him wary of other people from a young age or is potentially autistic and just prefered machinery to people (or a mix of the two). This is really the only exception I make to my general rule of not diagnosing characters with specifics but I think this one isn’t too far of a stretch and could explain some things about him. I don’t remember where but somewhere he states that machines are predictable and easy to understand and people aren’t. If you choose to headcanon this (and the other concepts I’ll talk about), it could serve as a reminder that autistic people are multi-faceted, aren’t emotionless, need to be treated well, are intelligent, and want connection even if they’re on a little different wavelength than what we consider neurotypical. And as we all know- loner or ‘strange’ kids don’t really get treated well. If he was mistreated by peers through life- it would help to explain why he believes that people and high emotional states are unsafe.

The voice we constantly hear from our parents becomes our inner voice in adulthood. Cyrus was constantly trying to be good enough for the adult authority in his life but was never good enough. The grunts in Team Galactic very often mention how brilliant his is. A scientist in their base mentions that he’s been with the company for 5 years. If Cyrus is 27, that means he managed to form Team Galactic at 22 or earlier which is frankly incredible (unless he inherited/bought out a company from someone else and turned it into Team Galactic later.) He wants to form a perfect world where people don’t fall into emotional folly. ‘Perfect’ is repeated a lot in the things he says. For someone that was taught the way he is is never good enough, he still feels inadequate. If he was consistently mistreated, watched world conflicts, and people’s emotional stupidity causing problems, and hasn’t really ever experienced anything positive enough to convince him emotion is good or useful, he would come to see emotion as a human failing and a significant factor in keeping people from perfection.

In the same way we don’t trust that that one friend who constantly insists how much they aren’t gay to actually be not gay, we shouldn’t trust Cyrus’s constant assertions that he doesn’t have emotion. He may have even convinced himself he doesn’t. People can numb themselves without realizing it if what they’re feeling under the surface isn’t really what they’re equipped to handle yet. I lived incredibly numb for years and had no idea of how much I wasn’t feeling and how much I was covering up. I believe Cyrus is the same. At a point, you fail to gauge what it is you are and aren’t feeling and the things that do crop up under the surface aren’t great. He could very well be in a state of complete emotional dissociation when we come to know him in the story. He’s still feeling stuff, he’s just so completely disconnected to it to really know what it is. There are many forms of dissociation so it isn’t a far stretch to say that someone can dissociate from their emotions or even feeling their body at all. (Side ‘fun fact’ many victims of physical trauma can’t feel their bodies much and have an extremely high pain tolerance). Cyrus either lies to the player repeatedly, knowing he fully feels emotions, or has actually partially disconnected from them due to how awful they’ve been to him. People who are dissociating are still feeling something subconsciously but are too disconnected consciously to actually ‘feel’ it properly but all the feelings are still there under it all. If this is the case, there’s likely some form or trauma or PTSD as dissociation is nearly always linked to trauma and I think the level to which he’s adverse to emotions could be indicative of that as well. There isn’t really many other worse feelings that would require emotional dissociation to that degree.

As much as I don’t really want to speculate much on the type of trauma a Pokemon character endured, I think there’s a couple possibilities that could be implied and there is some importance in pointing out that the possibilities are hugely impactful and important in people’s lives, even if they’re seen overlooked or minimized in comparison to other traumas. Many ‘smaller’ traumatic events build up and show the same effects as someone with a single sudden horrific traumatic event and neither should ever be discounted as being hugely impactful to someone. Ongoing bullying and torment from peers can very very easily be traumatizing. It’s possible his disconnection from others and being seen as strange as a child could hint at this. In the manga, his statement that if he had known someone kind in his youth, things may have gone differently for him, indicating that he never really experienced positive connection with others. Very little is known about his parents except for they had high expectations he could never reach and his Grandfather thought he would have done better had he been raised away from them. We could speculate that his parents potentially caused some sort of trauma as well. For the parents, it really could be anything from neglect or emotional abuse but we don’t know enough to say and it’s a Pokemon game so we’re never going to. That’s as far as I’ll go into speculation about possible trauma as it’s a very personal and impactful subject and I don’t want to do real life survivors a disservice by going into more specifics or speculating more on it- especially for anything that isn’t hinted at in canon.

People in his emotional state too see shoving down emotion and being stoic as a positive trait, which he clearly does. He’s generally skilled at shoving things down and boasts about his ability to do so repeatedly. The last interaction you have with him in Platinum, he admits to being angry and finds himself frustrated that he wasn’t able to shove it down properly. In moments like this, and I think this is very far from the only time he’s felt something against his will, he hasn’t reached his own expectations of himself and is still inadequate. Humans have emotions, and for someone who feels shoving them down is best, having them show up is a sign of not being good enough. This happening repeatedly through his life would leave him more and more desperate to get at his perfect world where he doesn’t feel inadequate.

He hasn’t experienced or seen anything significant shows of emotion being positive and frankly just doesn’t understand the concept. His own world view is projected and he doesn’t understand why others would want to retain an emotional world when in his eyes, all it’s done is caused pain. His world view is deluded enough to believe he’s doing everyone a favor and recusing everyone from themselves and a world in which emotion people cause pain to one another. He’s not evil in the way other Pokemon villains are- some others don’t care about harm done by the world and potential good brought through their plan. In Pokemon Masters, he states that he isn’t much for conversation but if you’re against the evil team in that game, he’s interested in what you have to say. He’s against what he views as evil for self gain and needless harm which seems strange considering the great amount of harm he caused while trying to complete his goal.

But- if he had completed his goal, and he was so set on it and didn’t really see failure as an option, the pain he caused wouldn’t matter to anyone. If he had succeeded, the pain would be wiped from people. In his mind, the pain was only very temporary vs them later being unharmed by strife and emotion in the future. The end justified the means and even further- the strife from the ‘means’ would be completely erased. When he failed and has to face himself and the things he’s done, I think the pain he inflicted it without erasing it would be an incredible difficult thing for him to grapple with.

With many emotionally damaged to the point he is, the way out of that thinking is being in an emotional situation that proves you wrong which happens in the manga. Both manga have him switch sides when shown the first experience he has with witnessing friendship. A lot of people might see it as too fast or sudden of a change but this is how people change their minds and it can happen with a sudden realization. He got a glimpse of the positives of human connection and emotion and realized what he had been missing and what people had been trying to tell him. And trying to explain something like that doesn’t work- they would have to feel or experience it for it to sink in. At one point, he realizes his plan has failed but he caused enough danger that could destroy the world with nothing to replace it and he’s devastated. His intent wasn’t to erase everything with nothing better to replace it. He joins the protagonist team in helping to keep the world the way it was vs. it being completely gone. I’m unsure how much the manga can be taken into canon but he goes as far as admitting that he let his logic and own incompleteness get the better of him and saying he may have turned out differently had he met someone kind to him young. After it’s all said and done, he’s pleased to be met with gratitude. In my opinion, he’s by far the most redeemable Pokemon villain.

There’s an unused scene in Diamond and Pearl where he’ll greet you and admire your poketch and advises that you try your best. With all the other evidence around Cyrus, I don’t think this is out of character for him to say. I think it was deleted to make him less confusing for kids. Kids don’t quite understand the nuance of someone insisting that they’re numb and hints of severe emotional distress. The people who made the games aren’t unintelligent and saying they would be able to make a character like the one I’m describing isn’t a far stretch. For anyone that’d dealt with some difficulty in accepting their own emotional pain or been dealt an unfair hand in life, his character wouldn’t be too difficult to come up with. Masters has some weird unused voice clips that further illustrate my point that he isn’t just evil and emotionless; including a very strange one of him telling you to rest if your body needs it.

I always find myself frustrated with people taking him at his word that he’s unemotional or even maybe sociopathic cause we’ve been shown a lot of evidence that this isn’t the case but it takes a bit to piece everything together. He’s been a favorite character of mine since Diamond and Pearl came out. I found something very relatable in him being so emotionally adverse. Through my own therapy and learning to be less numb and face some of the stuff I’ve experience and felt, I’ve learned a decent amount about why I’m drawn to a character that was in a similar emotional state and each form of media that gives more hints of who he is leads me to believe there’s some complexity to the character and maybe the things he tells you in game about himself shouldn’t be taken at face value. I’ve come to feel that people who believe he’s sociopathic or an emotional robot are lucky in that they’ve never had a relationship with emotions that caused their brain to decide they’re better not felt. My last bit of personal experience- the healing from this mindset is an immense, horrific, undertaking- but survivable and worth it. His would be incredibly difficult when also facing learning to trust and let people in for the first time and the weight of what he’s done towards his eventual failed goal and I’m all the way bummed that we don’t get anything further with his character in the remakes.

Sorry for how long this got, I’ve thought a ton about this character from the release of Diamond and Pearl until now and just wanted to throw a fairly comprehensive character evaluation out there. Thanks for sticking out to the end- hope you found it interesting in anyway.

#Pokemon #Cyrus #BDSP

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