#pleading with yourself
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I want to write something smutty so badly, doesn't have to be long but my mental state won't let me and it's so frustrating ;;
Please just one naughty story, brain, I'm begging you ;;
#admin#writer's blog be like#pleading with yourself#i am worse than a mother saying no to their child#because i am#in fact#not a mother#and the same person#thanks brain.... i guess
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"medicate, meditate, swear your soul to jesus/
throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason/
dont wanna drive another mile wonderin if youre breathin/
so wont you stay, wont you stay, wont you stay with me?"
#the way it becomes a mantra hurts#its like looking in a mirror#and suddenly youre 14 again#15 again#19 again#pleading with yourself#and also the kid looking tearfully back at you in the mirror#noah kahan#call your mom#music analysis#Spotify
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Rise up, O flame
#fever spiked now we’re getting the real content#reject the saint plead for the saint#exalt her so you can crush her and call yourself god#nothing grows where she walks but everything fades when she goes#pathologic#pathologic 2#clara pathologic#digital art#clara saburova
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hey they look wildly similar here. me when the loss of everyone you have reverts you to the little lonely child you were !
#you'll plead with the devil himself at the slightest hint that you could give yourself to save them!#im throwing up actually im unwell#atsushi nakajima#bsd#bsd spoilers#bsd chapter 119#bsd aya
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Feeling absolutely distraught over the face Rhys makes when he realizes just what he's gonna have to do to himself to cut Jack off
And Jack's face when he realizes that oh. This is actually happening. This is really it
#cant mansplain manspread manipulate yourself out of this one#one thing i will always love abt jacks writing is how you sorta get manipulated by him through the screen#despite knowing everything you know about him#and this scene + angels death segment is such good examples of that bc they really make you feel Bad#so imagine how rhysie feels when he has to literally rip jack out of his body right in front of him#while jack is pleading with him to stop#it doesnt matter that he tried to strangle him just moments ago because truly? things could have ended differently and thats what hurts most#and rhys is forced to learn that he cant “fix” jack or placate him enough to just let him go#rhack#txt#babe wake up new rhack ramble just dropped#im going insane
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I don't know if you've gotten into drugs or if you're just going through a rough time because like the recent issues been a little fucked up bro why do they kinda look like that. Hope you're like , okay because it's almost incomprehensible . Almost to the point where it's not really funny? Anyways sorry if everything is okay and I'm just calling you a crack user for nothing.
#someone is going to call my response insensitive but i plead of thee to put yourself in my shoes for a second. how could you ask me this#“hey man this is so ugly its not funny anymore. are you on hard drugs?” HAAAAHAAAAAAA WHATTTT#c&c asks
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So I went and watched all the possible endings, and it confirmed something I had been thinking, which is that the redemption ending choice is, perhaps, the most immediately regretful one--but that they all come with some form of regret. In the redemption ending, Rook has to knowingly deny themselves the catharsis of retribution (should they desire it, which, at least for me it felt difficult not to) in order to offer Solas one last, painful chance to do the right thing. That willful denial of your own catharsis feels like an immediate regret. Giving Solas the opportunity to pursue atonement might very well be the best choice all around, but it is also incredibly painful to offer that to someone who has done so many terrible things (not a small amount to you personally). Why does he deserve another chance? Especially when so many dead (including a beloved mentor) lie in his wake? Which, I suppose, is the point: he doesn't. But you offer it anyway and it SUCKS ASS, because how could it not?
I don't know how this plays with other story choices (a sacrificed Davrin or a Harding who embraced her anger, for example), but within the context of my own choices, I can imagine an immediate satisfaction to either tricking or fighting him--especially the trick ending, where you can actively name drop Varric--but it feels like the sort of thing that would feel worse as more time passes. Once you've calmed down and are able to ask yourself if that's what the people you've lost really wanted. Varric, in Regret Superhell, didn't want vengeance. He just wanted his friend to walk a better path. And Harding always believed there was another chance for anyone, so long as you kept reaching a hand out for them--even when it sucked ass. So the redemption ending feels like a sort of indignance, an instant regret for not doing worse, for not getting comeuppance, for being forced to eschew satisfaction (related: I wonder if the Inquisitor feels those things as well coming out of this ending, considering how long they've lived under the shadow of Solas' actions). Conversely, the other two endings feel like an immediate satisfaction, because you got to trick the trickster with all the wits Varric taught you, or because you finally got to punch him in the face and it felt really good. But I feel like those endings would come with a creeping regret, something that sneaks up on you later, especially when remembering the fallen and what they would have wanted you to do. Ultimately, because of that, it feels like no ending is devoid of regret. Which I suppose, is rather thematic.
#i did actually watch the redemption ending on youtube with someone who had a male inquisitor and i felt less rageful about it lmao#it was the Convocation Of 3.5 Women i think that had me most like 'are you KIDDING me' about it#but also the areas where it feels bad or unsatisfying (to intervene like that i mean) are like. well yeah it would feel awful wouldn't it#to have to plead and persuade and TRUST someone to make the better choice by choosing the high road yourself#as it turns out the high road kind of sucks! it will probably feel better in the long run but at first blush it ain't fun!#so it's an interesting trade-off of regrets to be made between these endings. and really makes it clear that offering atonement#can kind of feel awful in your bones. even if it's the right thing to do. and so you do it anyway#*through gritted teeth* no one is past saving rook. i have to believe it or none of this matters#obviously user mileage may vary--if you really hated that guy maybe you didn't feel bad at all about choosing a harsher ending!#but this is based on MY pov and i know. if i'd chosen one of those ones i would have felt BAD about it#like i was letting down harding and varric#so i chose the ending that lacked personal catharsis because it's the one that honored my friends#which is interesting tbh as an exploration of regret as a theme#datv spoilers#rosie plays games kinda okay#that dragon sure does age
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#‘you mustn’t put yourself in harms way’#this scene was just carla begging pleading praying that if the train comes lisa would move#bargaining with her that she has to move#please. not just for betsy but for you (for me)#carla connor#lisa swain#corrie#swarla#coronation street#corrie inc#luthqrs#luthqrscorrie#corrieposting
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Sumerus best 24/7 babysitting/daycare service on the go - Bestowed by Alice herself
look man if you're gonna be associated with the hexenzirkel even SLIGHTLY you're gonna babysit klee at some point.
#klee#genshin klee#klee genshin impact#wanderer#scaramouche#scaramouche genshin#wanderer genshin#art#artists on tumblr#look man#once you associate yourself with the hexenzirkel you're babysitting klee#you could interact with anyone associated with it once and suddenly shes at your doorstep#wanderer has a terrible soft spot for kids too doesnt help that she's so nice even amidst all her chaos#getting tricked into babysitting was not part of his plan#someone should write a fic ab this#i like to think he sometimes goes to daycares to volunteer/self exposure to actually being comfortable and nice with little creatures#and a kid gave him those smiley face earrings#because they thought hed look pretty w them#he works at a daycare in the far future trust#klee will be his first exposure to the horrors of babysitting instead of the joys though#she drew all over him by the way#hes covered head to toe#shes so happy#klee running around left and right up and down#“YOU CAN FLY? CAN YOU PICK ME UP MISTER PLEASE??” the little kid pleading eyes and lords who is he to say no#of course mini durin is with them#klee and him try to fly together but mini durin is too tiny for him to hold her or her to sit on him so of course#they get into dangerous shenanigans trying#dumbasses#siblings fr
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throwing yourself in front of your lover to save her from getting stabbed by a usb sword and your body dying and your consciousness getting trapped inside the sword and being used by your lover to fight through the city on a revenge quest against the people who did this to you. is butchfemme
#lady without a voice gent without a body… IS YURI#sorry everyone i can’t stop thinking about short video game from 2014#esha.txt#transistor#this doesn’t even make grammatical sense but it’s abt the vibes ok.#transistor spoilers >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#GETTING REVENGE ON THE PEOPLE WHO DID THIS TO YOU AND THEN SITTING DOWN NEXT TO HIS DEAD BODY AND STABBING YOURSELF AS HE PLEADS WITH YOU#NOT TO SO THAT YOU CAN JOIN HIM. IS YURI
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i hate dragons dogma for making me wish that the characters in it were treated with any sort of dignity bahahh MERCEDES.... YOU WERE ALWAYS MY EQUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Okay, so like, I love Undertale to bits, but it does often rub me the wrong way when people use it in comparison to games like OFF, which condemn the Player’s violent actions without actually offering the option for a Pacifist resolution, like “well, Undertale is Objectively Better because there’s an actual choice to be nonviolent so it can actually condemn the player in a meaningful way”.
Especially with OFF, I think. Cause while many people consider it a predecessor to Undertale, their themes and the way they relate to their “What the Hell, Player” moments are very different, I think. And this attitude of judging them purely on whatever they’re effective at making the player ‘feel bad’ about their actions is really reductive for what both games are trying to do with these kinda moments.
Like, in general it’s super frustrating when video game moments discussing morality and player-player character relationships are evaluated purely in the sense of ‘are these games justified in Making Me Feel Like a Bad Person’. That’s usually a super-reductive way to look at video game morality. And I really don’t think it helps the discussion to frame “What the Hell Player” moments as an actual personal attack or attempt to evaluate your IRL morality.
And specifically with OFF, I feel like it’s actually very thematically important that the game only has one ‘Route’ and that it is the ‘bad’ one. Because OFF, in my reading at least, is a game very much about narrative framing. Like, that’s the whole thing with the Batter not actually transforming as his Special Ending Monster Duckie Form.
The Batter didn’t change, our point of view did. When we’re controlling the Batter, it is his POV that we’re seeing the world through - and in his POV he’s just an ordinary guy doing the right thing. But if we take the Judge’s side, we’re also taking on his POV. And the Judge, much like any other victim of the Batter, sees him as some sort of monster.
And that’s like a huge theme in the game. While there’s probably no POV that makes the world of OFF like an actually good place to live, it is important to note we are viewing it through the perspective of someone who has already vowed to destroy it. I know a lot of people look at the difference between the Guardians as they are in the Room’s Chapter 4 and the Guardians as the Batter face them as a matter of a personal change between then and now - I think the matter of different perspectives also plays a part.
In the Room we are viewing Dedan, Japhet and Enoch through the eyes of an innocent child that is desperate for companionship and sees them as friends - in the rest of the game we are viewing them through the eyes of a man who sees them as obstacles in his holy mission and upholders of a world that must be destroyed. Neither of them can give a truly unbiased perspective when it comes to the Guardians.
And despite the game making it explicit that the Batter is as a puppet controlled by the Player - although the Player is the one who give the Player Character power - it is the Batter who manipulates the Player into aiding him on his mission by framing it in a way that is more palatable. Despite all the power the player supposedly holds, the Batter holds the power over the narrative framing, and that’s enough to let him take control.
That’s why there’s really no choice in the game but keep helping the Batter along his ‘Holy’ mission - him being able to influence our framing also means being able to influence the options we can see. It is the Batter who wants us to see a world where his violence and destruction is the only possible solution. And the point of the Judge calling out the Player for continuing along the Batter’s set path (rather than stopping the game and turning it off) isn’t just to Make the Player Feel Bad for doing what they need to do to, like, see the whole of this well-crafted story....
It’s to make the Player self-reflect. When did they first had the inkling that the Batter isn’t on the up-and-up? If (‘if’ bring the keyword here) it was all real, when would the point where continuing to aid the Batter would be morally inexcusable? By the point the Batter is beating a defenseless child to death it’s pretty darn clear that We’re the Baddies, but did the Player process any of the hints beforehand? Just how much sway did the Batter’s framing of the world and the narrative hold over the player? And how this is different and similar to how the Player normally engage with other narratives, especially other RPGs?
There is a reason, after all, why the Judge big speech at the end is also about how felt deceived and tricked by the Batter’s words. His feelings are meant to be a reflection of a Player’s on some level.
And despite ‘calling-out’ the Player, he does make it clear he also sees himself as culpable of aiding the Batter in his henious actions. The Player and the Judge’s situations are somewhat paralleled here.
And it feels very notable that the Judge starts out explictly addressing to the Player much more than the ‘Puppet’:
And by the ending of the game, although he does call-out the Player to, he’s got a lot more to say to the Batter as well.
I think it’s because he also underestimated the power the Batter had as a ‘Puppet’ of the Player, up until he realized how he managed to manipulate both him and the Player (although he still sees both himself and the Player at fault for falling for it and helping the Batter).
I think the main point here is to try and make the Player think more critically about the narratives they engage with. In many ways, the Batter is the concept of the RPG protagonist dilluted to its logical extreme. He was literally brought into existence just moments before the story started, and his only purpose in life is to defeat all the bosses, ‘finish’ all of the areas and then just turn the game OFF. That’s also why siding with the Batter is considered the ‘canon’ ending of the game, in this allegory it is the ending that correspond most to Regular Player Behavior.
It’s trying to make you think about how different POVs and narrative framing can be used to change the way we view a story. If the Batter can skew the lens we view the story enough so that it makes us side with him… how other forms of media, and in this case espacially other games can convince us that the protagonist’s actions are justified and heroic? Is there some ignored angle in this and that game, some ignored ‘Judge’ of sort, that would totally reframe the supposed morality of the story?
I think that’s the main thing, or at least one of the main things, one is supposed to get from OFF. Not just a blanket sense of guilt for all the made-up pixels you killed in this game or other games, but an invitation to try and examine the stories you play from more angles, and think more of the narrative tricks that can be used to justify morally dubious actions. For this to work, the game has to work in tandem with the Batter and his POV for the most part. And because of all of this, I believe OFF’s lack of a ‘moral choice’ system does not take away from its central points and actually helps them. The only choice comes when the Judge barges in and offers a counter-narrative to the Batter.
Undertale, in contrast, is a lot more about Player Actions and Player Agency. Like, Chara and a Murder-Route Player have essentially a reverse dynamic from the Batter and a Normal Ending Player. With the Player convincing the Player Character (?) into the viewpoint that the world exists just to be drained of Content before turning it Off and moving on to the next one.
Undertale is more about the Player having power, and not just in the Unkillable Time God sense, in the sense of the power to reframe and change the narrative. Both the Undertale Pacifist and Murder Route has an element of going ‘off script’ of what the game story ‘expects’. Like, the Normal Ending is the only one where the the Player just does what was expected of them and engage with the game world in the same way all the other characters do - that’s just why it only exist to try and convince you to go on one of the other routes.
The Pacifist Route is about the Player using their Aforementioned Unkillable Time God Powers to break away from the world’s general resignation to violence as the answer and proving to everyone a peaceful resolution is possible. The Murder Route is about the Player engaging with the world like… an ordinary RPG basically (as long as you’re heavy on the grinding) and in the process twist the entire narrative into something much darker. The narrative isn’t tricking you into it, if anything, the narrative is subtly nudging you to the Pacifist Ending.
If Undertale comes off as a more effective ‘condemnation’ of the Player than OFF, that’s probably because compared to OFF Undertale is more about what the Player does and the Player’s actions. I still don’t think it’s a very productive to paint it as, like, trying to Shame you. It just makes things far too unnecessarily personal in a really weird way, and it also kinda isolates discussion of the game’s mortality to only how justified it is within the game’s own context - without any acknowledgement of what the game’s trying to say in a larger context when it makes the characters so darn lovable and makes it so heartbreaking when they die.
Both in context of how we can try and take the game’s ideals into the real world....
And how it relates to other video games. And I mean, Undertale isn’t just about whatever violence in video game narratives is really necessary - that’s absolutely part of it but also, it’s about how Players engage with video game narratives. And whatever looking at them as just challenges to be one by getting the Big Number....
or challenges you need to 100% complete and drain every single secret from
can take away from what makes a good story actually work.
There’s a reason why the in-universe ‘morally correct’ to play Undertale is to experience the True Pacifist ending once and never open it again. (I dunno if I’ll say the Message of Undertale is ‘looking up all kinds of different minor options and content mining always ruins the magic of stories’ and if it is it’ll be a very funny case of a game’s fandom disproving its own thesis, but it’s certainly something the game wants you consider.)
Despite the obvious influence OFF had on Undertale and especially on it’s Murder Route, I actually think it might be more useful to compare it to Deltarune, at least once we see more of it and where it’s going. With both of these games exploring a very complicated power dynamic between player and player character and the player being robbed of moral choice and possibly forced to do bad things to advance the narrative - it might be actually a more interesting comparison.
#Off#undertale#undertale meta#undertale analysis#off game#you see on one hand I can't say I enjoy the story of Undertale LESS just because the fandom complied this big ol' lists of Every Single#Event Trigger in the whole entire game or something#but on the other hand there is something very impactful about going through the Pacifist Route#and KNOWING you won't be able to justify to yourself doing a True Reset#so you just try your best to do everything that you can and really experience the game to it's fullest before you have to say Goodbye to#all of these characters basically forever#and espacially after just helped Asriel agree to let US go and move on#the fact the game also pleads for us to go and move on does enchance the emotional power of the ending on some level I think
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#kinda starting to go through some turmoil cause I can't use a photshop action I use to edit most of my sims stuff#& I'm still dealing with my re/gshade problems#AND a whole bunch of other sim related stuff#...ngl I'm letting my 'too old' emotions get better of me#but I feel like nobody from the sims side gives a damn anyway#EXCEPT for a small amount#cause damn I ask plead beg for help/suggestions and nothing#on the sims4 only blog & crickets#but the reblogged posts somehow gets noticed#like I love reblogging but 🫤 do we not care about the person behind it lol#idk#the people that unfollowed this blog to follow the other one doesn't seem to care about my own stuff#yeah yeah you're supposed to post for yourself but damn no peer recognition or approval#I want to post sims regularly but I'm hitting obstacles & can't get help so what's the point#even if I do miss it & my sims#but that's just me I guess#some shit just cringeworthy it ain't even gotta be deep I guess#posting those lyrics to signify that I'm not be too serious about this or something
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and what if i tell you a guy was jealous because his homoerotic bestie befriended someone else and what if i tell you that bestie called him a child over it because he coped with his jealousy in an immature way (hes still learning)
and what if i tell you that the immature way he coped with it. was attempting violent axe murder
#malevolent spoilers#[john voice] no arthur i prommy i didnt want to kill him why would i want to kill him arthur im nice now (300 pleading face emojis)#also them deciding to leave oscar behind when its so obvious that arthur should probably have human relationships#like i get john being jealous!! but also oh arthur sweetie this is so unhealthy (i just dont want to miss oscar)#no arthur dont isolate yourself from the world for the voice in your head your so sexy ahahaha
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the lengths people will go to to absolve themselves of any responsibility in a conflict when they’re the ones causing the conflict in the first place is just fucking insane. ultimately when someone is fully dedicated to their own fragility and innocence and sees a person who cares about them standing up for themselves or even trying to clear up a misunderstanding as a threat to their Boundaries instead of “hey this is hurting our friendship let’s fix it” that becomes unresolvable bc putting someone in a position where you are actively waiting for them to slip up is an impossible to navigate situation for anyone who isn’t Literally Perfect while being actively mistreated.
Like this is bad with actual conflict period but it’s even more glaring when it’s based on said person literally fucking projecting their own anxiety onto someone who has no idea what’s gone wrong, poorly or outright not communicating said conflict outside of passive aggressiveness followed by attacking someone out of the blue, and then just. Putting 100% of the blame for it on them.
#it’s little wonder they went on to betray my trust in the biggest way they possibly could#when you are mistreating someone and since you Have To Be Innocent you already are thinking ‘they deserve it’#imagine comforting a transfem friend through their fear at being whisper networked#and then turning around two years later and willingly going to the person who’d hurt them#bc your friend is pleading with you to recognize you’re hurting them in a way that person had#THAT YOU’D LITERALLY THOUGHT YOURSELF CAPABLE OF AND PROMISED TO ADDRESS#the lack of self awareness#is fucking insane
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#hiiiiiiii just crying about how much i love my partner#realizing just how much he’s encouraged me to genuinely Be Myself#both explicitly and just by being himself#i like my hair a lot more than i used to. because his is similar and i realized i actually like how it looks#like if i hadn’t Done Anything to my hair i would usually just tie it back#now i’ll just brush it and it gets super poofy and i go yayy!! yippee!!!#because that’s what his looks like!! and i think it’s cute!!!#all the silly dances i catch him doing. oh and he Does Not Stop when someone sees. he just makes eye contact and smiles and keeps dancing#this is not even to mention the actual ‘just be yourself. they already love you!’ he gifted me with a few months ago#which i still repeat to myself not infrequently. i guess basically an affirmation#whatever this is long. i’m just really happy#they say when you know you know. well when you know they just keep giving you reminders#if any of this doesn’t make sense i plead intoxicated#personal
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