#played victim and said he never led me on which is a total lie

[st4rbwrry]

got rejected by my friend i’ve been in love with since middle school. basically told me he never had feelings for me. love it here.

[thatasianstereotype]

Damn, You’re Looking Fine.

To my utter delight, my crack writing Fuck. I’m Gay. got a good reception. I was not expecting to write more for this AU/pairing. But why not? I got some ideas and a computer to write them down on.

So this fic is the took-a-while-to-put-together sequel. It’s focused on the downfall of one certain Liar-la, Damian wooing Adrien with all the flair and romantics as his Chaton deserves, and Adrien being a blushing hot gay mess. 

P.S. Damian’s formal way of talking is an utter pain to write but hilarious to read.

P.S.S. Creative liberties were taken. Again. I just feel this needs to be mentioned. 

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So Status Update:

Adrien and Damian are definitely dating (It is totally official. Told you ya boi got game).

Adrien still calls him Hot-And-Sexy from time to time much to his utter mortification (He can’t make himself stop. Please send help). And Dami gets amused by it every single time, that arrogant smug jerk.

Marinette still puts the fear of god in Damian and he is wary of her. She feels very proud about that. Adrien wants to facepalm.

Fuck Gabriel Agreste.  

And Lila Rossi is still a bitch.  

Adrien and Marinette were made aware about Damian’s alter ego —well mostly because he is utterly terrified of Marinette’s seemingly sweet (icy) smile she gave him when she politely asked how he obtained the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous and partly because of Adrien’s pouting kitten eyes. 

They truly were a pair to reckon with. 

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“I am not sure why the Justice League dismissed your concerns and pleas for assistance. So I am taking the initiative. My name is Damian Wayne, the son of Batman and the current Robin and leader of the Teen Titans.”

He’s a superhero too?! And it’s Robin!!! One of his favorites!! Can you hear him internally squealing in excitement?

Adrien bit his lip to keep from fanboying right then and there. But a slight pink hue spread across his face. 

“You’re not lying.” Mari has gotten pretty good at deciphering through people’s bullshit. Whether it’s because she is now a Guardian or because Lila’s bitchiness made her a human lie-detector remains unknown.

Damian took it in stride. “I am not.”

“Paris is still our city.”

“I am only offering my assistance.” He won’t barge in on their superhero duties to the city. He has more class than that.

Mari didn’t have to look at Adrien to know his decision.

She smiled, a bright genuine smile. “Then we’re allies.” Before her eyes gained a spark of mischief and her smile turned teasing. “Hot-And-Sexy.” 

“Marinette!” Adrien immediately covered his blushing bright red face with both hands, utterly mortified. 

His sister was evil. E. V. I. L. And why is Damian smirking and looking so smug? Fuck! He even makes that look completely hot. Curse his Adonis genes. And curse his teenage hormones. 

He regrets introducing the two of them together. What a pair they make. Truly a couple of fur-midable terrors here. 

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Back to the matter at hand, Marinette is able to ensure that Hawk Moth and Mayura will never be out again and another akuma won’t be made. She already made sure that the miraculous were better protected. 

Damian has enough evidence to put them behind bars for their crimes but Marinette wanted to go through it and make sure that Adrien won’t suffer the repercussions of having a villain for a dad so they held onto it until they figure out how best to protect their sunshine. 

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Ah Shit. 

“Duusu? Where are you?” 

Did Gabriel lose the miraculous again? 

But when he looked into the last place he left it, he groaned. Fuck. His brooch was a fake again.

He knew he shouldn’t have made a miraculous fashion line and had replicas of the miraculous jewelries made. It was his most popular items to date. He has gotten lot of praises for getting the details just right and capturing the essence of each miraculous holder. No surprise there. He deals with them on a daily basis. He should get the details fucking right. 

It’s a wonder he only came up with a line because there was talk that he was becoming obsolete with no new ideas coming forth and if there is one thing that Gabriel Agreste isn’t, it is being obsolete. 

The line was just a joke, a parody of the heroes and villains if you will, but apparently people like it. Ladybug and Chat Noir were the most popular obviously (he should’ve seen that coming to be honest). Hardly anyone buys Hawk Moth or Mayura and he is left with boxes of fake brooches. 

It is annoying.

Especially since he keeps fucking misplacing his miraculous. 

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Adrien felt like he could be a Disney princess and just skip his way to school and sing for the world to hear. 

Now that the Butterfly miraculous were safely with Marinette, he doesn’t have to worry about another akuma. He could just die happy right now. His dad doesn’t have a hold over him anymore. He doesn’t have to put up with Liar-la anymore. But if they put up a fuss? Well, worst case scenario is he becomes a Dupain-Cheng. 

And he doesn’t mind. He’s already an honorary one. 

And if that somehow doesn’t work out (which he highly doubts), Damian offered to make him a Wayne. 

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Françoise Dupont High School experienced a shock that morning. Specifically Ms. Bustier’s class. 

When they saw Adrien and Marinette walking in class with arms intertwined, laughing and smiling together. 

What the actual fuck?

Did they cross into an alternate universe? Marinette is a nasty bully and Adrien’s a pure sunshine child. Why would they be acting like they were the best of friends? 

Lila glowered darkly when she saw them walking towards the back and sitting at the same table. Didn’t Adrien care about what his father thinks? Doesn’t he want to still be able to go to school? 

She bit her lip and turned on the waterworks, her eyes close to bursting into tears. She made herself be the very picture of a pitiful woe-is-me victim as she cried out in a hurtful and betrayed tone. “Adrien, what are you doing with her? I thought we were close friends.” 

The sheep class instantly catered to Lila, pointing their fingers at the pair. 

Alya, her biggest supporter, led the charge as always. “Adrien! What do you have to say for yourself? How could you cheat on Lila like this? And with her?” 

Adrien narrowed his eyes at his former friend. Bitch, how dare she implies he was in an actual relationship and had feelings for that harlot. 

Wow. 

He has been spending way too much time around Damian. 

"Yeah, bro!” Kim said, raising his voice. “How could you do her dirty?” 

“Okay guys.” Adrien cut in. “I don’t know where you heard that but me and Lila are not dating. Like at all.” 

“Please.”Alya waved him off like he didn’t know what he was talking about (he was highly offended at the notion he didn’t know what his heart yearns for). “We all know you have feelings for Lila. You’re just in denial over them.”

Bitch, what?

Is no one catching onto his chaotic gay vibes here?  

And oh, how his fragile little heart was betrayed yet again when he saw Nino supporting his girlfriend. He still couldn’t believe the first friend he made all by himself was a part of their rabid pack. He deeply mourned the loss of such a great friend in the midst of that deceiving fox’s claws. 

“How many times do I need to say it?” At this point, Adrien was about to throw hands. “I don’t like Lila like that. I feel nothing but pure spite for her. Also, me and Marinette are not dating if anyone’s wondering. We’re just really good friends.”

“But Marinette’s a big bully.” Alix piped up, a hard edge in her voice. “She treats Lila horribly.”

“Marinette didn’t do anything to her. Rossi is lying.” 

“Oh Adrien.” It was Mylene of all people who spoke up. “Did Marinette get to you with her lies?” 

He was done. 

Completely and utterly done. 

He looked over at Marinette who shared his exasperation at the class’ antics. 

Adrien already said it before. But it bears repeating.

Lila Rossi is a bitch.

Luckily (or maybe unluckily), that was the moment Ms. Bustier chose to step in the room and class started. 

When the teacher’s back was turned, Adrien pulled out his phone and proceeded to spend the rest of the time alternating between taking notes and texting with Damian. 

They were currently at the stage of their relationship to be sending animal pics and memes back and forth, with a few puns added from time to time. 

He really does have the perfect boyfriend. 

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They cornered him after school. 

One: Rude. 

And two: Double rude. 

He was excited to meet Hot-And-Sexy (daMn iT! It’s Damian! Get it right brain) at the bakery and spending time with his two most favorite people in the world (Tom and Sabine don’t count because actual parents don’t have a ranking). 

His former friends were looking all concerned and everything because they somehow collectively came up with the idea that Marinette actually brainwashed him to believe Lila was evil. 

The fucking irony. 

They actually had the audacity to say that Marinette —sweet and honestly badass Marinette— was no good and just wanted to use Adrien to get ahead in the fashion industry (as if Mari actually needed him for that). He shouldn’t be around her. Lila was a much better person to keep as company. 

Adrien laughed in their faces and left. 

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Onto happier events, Adrien was having a blast hanging out with Mari and Dami. His boyfriend (he still can’t believe he managed to score such a hottie!) fit right in the everything-that-matters siblings’ dynamics. 

They were in Mari’s room. Adrien was cuddling with Damian on her bed. And Mari was at her desk working on fashion designs. 

“So what’s your family like?” He played with Dami’s hair. It was so soft. Like what the fuck. It is so unfair. 

Damian thought about it for a few seconds. “My family is a bit...crazy. We drive each other insane every other day but at the end of the day, I have no doubt they have my back as I have theirs.” 

“You guys sound close.” 

“We were not always. We had an extensive amount of issues to work through before we actually bonded as a true family.” 

It was quiet for a minute until Damian casually said. “I would appreciate it a great deal if you can make time to visit Gotham for the summer.” 

Adrien stopped playing with his hair to look at him with wide incredulous eyes. “Summer’s only two months away.” 

“I am aware.” 

“You really want me to meet them? Isn’t it too early?” 

“I met yours the day we started dating.” 

True but....

Adrien averted his eyes. “Do you think your family will like me? You guys fight criminals and my dad’s a villain.” 

Damian put his hands over Adrien’s and gave them a light squeeze, making his Chaton look back at him. 

“My mother is a villain and I was raised as an assassin. Yet despite of that, my father accepted me. And I am fairly confident he will do the same to you. Mon amour, you have a pure and selfless heart. You are a better person than I am. I have no doubt that my family will love you from the start. 

“Are you being fur real right meow?” Adrien tried to lighten the atmosphere but he could feel his eyes tearing up. 

"I wouldn’t lie to mew.” 

He let out a small laugh, wiping his eyes. How did he ever get so lucky to land such an amazing guy? “You always know the purr-fect thing to say.” 

“We get it you’re in love. It’s amazing. Now stop it with the puns.” Mari rolled her eyes, utterly exasperated at these idiots who just ignored her and pulled out even more cat puns. “You have got to be kitten me.” 

Before she noticed what she said and groaned in faux despair. “Oh you two are so dead.”

Adrien stuck out his tongue playfully. “You can’t catch me. I got a handsome knight in shining armor to protect me.” 

Damian interlaced their fingers. “Always, mon amour. I’ll protect you from everything like your wicked father.”

“Does that make me the dragon here?” Mari joined in. “Cool. I can breathe fire and torch people. Too bad I can’t do that to a certain liar.” 

“Liar-la is totally the witch here.” Adrien said before thinking for a few seconds. “Does this make me the princess?” 

“Well, knights always have to save the damsel in distress.” Mari said. 

He frowned before crossing his arms indignantly. “Dami, I love you more than Plagg loves his stinky cheese, but I’m no damsel in distress.” 

Damian rolled his eyes. “Tt. Of course not. You can destroy things with a single touch. It would be not be in my best interests to downplay your abilities.”

Adrien relaxed and beamed a sunny smile. “Good. Remember that.” 

“Mon amour, I look for an equal as a partner, not some weak spoiled harlot that can not defend their self.” Damian placed a flower crown (that was just sitting on Marinette’s nightstand, must be one of her projects) on Adrien’s head. “Having said that I do believe you are a prince that deserves all the love and care in the world.” 

And oh my. 

Adrien can feel his face burning scarlet and his heart almost bursting at how sweet this incredible, conceited Adonis was. 

He was falling in love with Damian over and over again each time they meet up. 

“You deserve love too, Dami.” 

And sweet, caring Hot-And-Sexy (Ah, fuck it. He will never grow out of that) placed a soft kiss on his cheek. 

Oh dear, he didn’t know his face can burned any redder. 

He could almost hear Mari cooing in the background. 

And in case anyone was wondering, Tom and Sabine adores their everything-that-actually-matters son’s boyfriend. Damian Wayne seems like a responsible young lad. And he makes Adrien really happy which is a major plus. Anything that makes their son happy is good in their books. 

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Lila was not at all pleased. 

Why was Adrien suddenly hanging out with Marinette? Yeah, he doesn’t buy into her lies but she was confident he will be lured into her charms. Why wouldn’t he be? She was young and way more beautiful than a baker’s daughter. He was supposed to be hers. 

She and Gabriel are going to have a talk about his rebellious son. 

Except when she arrived at the Agreste mansion, Gabriel was apparently too busy to see her. 

He was too occupied with searching through boxes of fake miraculous to find Duusu to bother with her. 

“I don’t have time for you.” 

“Excuse me?!” 

She was aghast. How dare he speak this way to his biggest supporter —well, besides Mayura and Nathalie. 

“You’re excused. Now leave the premises.”

Before the door shut in her face and she was left fuming, her face an unflattering angry red. 

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Being Damian’s boyfriend, Adrien has come to learn that Damian does nothing by halves. Including asking him out on a date. And the actual dates themselves. 

Today as the sun fell down and night came about, Damian and Adrien were taking a stroll in the park. It was relaxing and it was nice. They talked about everything and anything. 

Adrien did not think Damian planned anything more. 

But he really shouldn’t underestimate the son of Batman. 

Because when the last of the sun’s rays were gone, Damian led him to a gazebo strung up with beautiful lights giving the whole place an ethereal feel. And with the bright moon out tonight, it looked like fairies dancing in the garden. 

He didn’t notice Damian pressed play on his phone and classical music filled the air. 

He definitely noticed Damian bowing with a flourished and holding out his hand with a charming smile. “May I have this dance, Chaton?”

Adrien would have to be a huge fool to say no. 

“I’ll loved to.” He placed his hand in Damian’s and let the Adonis lead him in a simple waltz. 

This was his life. 

His life was one big sappy romance novel. And you know what, he doesn’t care if it is. Between dealing with his shitty father and Liar-la, this kitty deserves some happiness. 

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It was a scene from one of those Disney fairy tale movies Adrien used to watch as kid. The magic. The love. The romantics. He felt like Cinderella and wished this night will never end, that the clock will never strike midnight. He just wanted to stay in his Prince Charming’s arms forever. 

Under the starry night sky, the lovebirds danced to their heart’s content and when another song ended, Damian tilted his head down to place a tender kiss on Adrien’s lips. 

“I harbor a great deal of non-platonic affections for you, mon amour.”

“I love you too, Hot-And-Sexy.” 

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What the fuck?!

Seriously. 

What the actual fuck? 

Lila was simply walking home after her disastrous meeting with Gabriel (She was still not over how he simply dismissed her like she was nothing. How dare he). 

When she saw them. 

Adrien and some guy (she’s pretty sure that was a guy) dancing in the park. She can feel that disgusting jealousy just burning in her veins, a cold anger thrumming underneath. 

Things were not at all going her way. 

First, Adrien is back to being friends with that Mari-whore. Then, Gabriel ignores her. Her. And now, she is seeing her Adrien in the arms of someone else. 

Oh this will just not do. 

She took out her phone from her pocket and snapped a couple of pictures, making sure Adrien can clearly be seen. She didn’t care too much about the other guy. He’s probably just another pretty airhead Adrien knew through his father. He’s not important. 

A cruel smirk appeared on her face at the thought of the perfect revenge. Adrien was going to have a rough time at school tomorrow. After all, he should’ve known better than to make a move against her. 

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“Seriously?!”

“Wow.” 

“I’m sure there’s an explanation for this.”

“Yeah. Adrien is obviously gay. That’s the only explanation.” 

“....Maybe not? There could be another reason.”

Lila had watery eyes and a sad frown on her face but inside, she was fucking smiling like a Cheshire cat. She made sure to be at school early so she can show the class the picture of Adrien’s little date last night. Who —predictably— were shocked at their sunshine child being with a guy and made plans to confront him about his supposed sexuality. 

She glowed at the thought of her plan working. This will teach Adrien to know his place or become a social pariah like his little friend Marinette. 

“I thought Adrien had feelings for me.” Lila wiped the “tears” from her eyes. “How could he lead me on like this when he’s been gay all along?” 

Alya —predictably— comforted her. “I’m pretty sure he’s just confused. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling.”

“I’m sure that’s it.” 

The pair didn’t notice Juleka and Rose glaring at them. 

.

Damian was not at all pleased. 

He was rightfully angry. 

How dare that poor sense of fashion taste trollop tried to shame his mon amour for being gay. How dare she try to say he was simply confused and didn’t know any better. How dare she defame his reputation because he holds nothing but spite for her person. 

How dare she. 

As Adrien’s boyfriend and future husband, it is his duty to correct this travesty and defend his Chaton’s honor. 

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When the Damian Wayne, youngest son of Bruce Wayne, appeared at Françoise Dupont High School, you know that people are gonna stare and talk. 

When he headed towards the courtyard where Adrien and Marinette were sitting at, boy are things going to get juicy. 

Lila and her followers who were sitting a bit father from the outcast pair were utterly confused. They could possibly get Adrien knowing such a super hot celebrity but for him to be on good terms with Marinette too? How inconceivable. Absolutely flabbergasted. 

“Hey Lila didn’t you tell us you knew him and his family?” Max brought up. 

“Uhhh....” Lila knew she dug herself in a corner here. She never thought that the Damian Wayne would ever visit here. At this second rate school. 

“Well, let’s go, girl!” Alya exclaimed. “I’m sure Damian just hasn’t seen you. That’s why he didn’t walk towards you.”

Before proceeding to practically drag Lila to where Damian was talking with Adrien and Marinette. 

Lila, on the other hand, was cursing out Alya in a bunch of different languages in her mind while trying to come up with something to dig herself out of this mess. If they talk to Wayne, the class will realize she was lying all along. 

She was not going to lose control of her kingdom like this —well, not without putting up a fight. 

But when they and the rest of their classmates walked close to the trio, they were shocked when they saw Marinette playfully punching Damian in the arm. 

“Okay. How the hell are you so close with Damian Wayne?” Straight off the bat, Alya was on the offense as she glared at Marinette as if it was Mari who did something wrong. 

Damian answered before the bluenette could. His face was impassive and his glare cold. “I’m Ms. Dupain-Cheng’s top model for her fashion business.”

What? 

Even Lila was taken aback at the news. She knew that goody two shoes likes designing but she didn’t think anybody would actual buy her stuff. She didn’t think a Wayne would like her stuff. 

She could feel her fists clenched. How dare Marinette steal the spotlight again. 

“I’m also Adrien’s boyfriend.” Damian continued casually as if that wasn’t a huge bombshell. 

Everyone’s minds screeched to a halt. 

They knew about the possibility of Adrien being gay since Lila showed him on going on a date with an unidentified but clearly male person yesterday. But they didn’t think there was actually something there. 

Lila could feel her anger clouding her mind. Adrien was supposed to be hers. He was her ticket to fame and fortune. 

“And what about Lila? Aren’t you guys best friends?” Alya put her hands on her hips. How could Damian just ignore someone he is close friends with but give Marinette all the attention? Lila deserves better than that.  

Damian was unamused. “I don’t know her.”

“Yeah, you do.” Alya ignored Lila’s gestures to stop talking. Lila was too shy about her achievements and she was going to have her amazing best friend’s back. “She’s the one who helped your family out multiple times.”

“She did not. And I am appalled that you believe I would know a harlot like her in the first place.” Damian’s face twisted with disgust as he glanced at Liar-la like she was a mere insect. “Please. I have class and dignity.”

“Take that back!” She screeched. “You are so rude.” 

“Are you honestly going to lecture me on my rudeness when you plebians are being hypocrites?”

“What? I’m not a hyprocrite.” 

“Lila Rossi is a pathetic liar who begs for attention like street dogs beg for scraps. She never once saved Jagged’s cat nor does she help out with green charities. Lastly, she is not on close terms with myself nor with my family.”

“No! You’re lying!”

He raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Ok then. Look her up on the internet. If she is as grand as you lot seem to think, she should have articles dedicated to her. Show me proof of her actions that isn’t your subpar blog and I will give you an exclusive.” 

Alya’s eyes gleamed at what should be an easy challenge. But when she pulled out her phone and typed Lila’s name and what she did in the search engine, her smile disappeared. 

She spent the next few minutes scouring the net for anything, any mention of a Lila Rossi that wasn’t on the LadyBlog. 

She found nothing. 

Lila Rossi was a fucking liar all along. And Alya and the rest of the class believed her. 

“We tried to warn you.” Marinette said in a soft voice. But anyone who knew her knew she was trying to hold back her laughter. 

“Marinette,” Rose cried out as she realized the class has been total jerks to the one person who always had their backs. “We were horribly wrong. Can you ever forgive us?”

She shrugged. “I forgive you. But this doesn’t mean we’re friends again. Because we’re not. Seeing how easily you drop me for that liar without even looking for any kind of proof hurts and I’m not eager to be friends again. Maybe in the future but not right now.”

“That’s goes ditto for me.” Adrien added his two cents. 

Their former friends classmates wore gloomy expressions, utterly devastated at ruining their friendship with their Everyday Ladybug and Sunshine Child. 

And with that, Adrien and Marinette left the courtyard, with light hearts and heads held high. 

Damian shot the class a razor sharp grin. “Well, it’s been nice to meet you.” 

Everyone knew he meant anything but. 

“I always knew teenagers were prone to be foolish imbeciles. But seeing the collective stupidity of you people today made me realize that the bar can in fact be lowered.” 

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Adrien was fucking ecstatic. 

Elated. Overjoyed. Jubilant. Drunk on happiness. All the synonyms associated. 

Because Lila was finally exposed. The class realized what utter assholes they have been. His father will receive his due (soon according to Mari and Dami). 

He was happily humming a tune as he swung his and Damian’s intertwined hands back and forth. 

He was entirely grateful that Damian showed up to school today. Although he was a bit mean for Adrien’s taste. 

But oh man. Payback was so sweet. 

He smiled giddily. 

Mister Hot-And-Sexy definitely earned himself a kiss. 

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[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 5

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

It’s time to return to the first game for case 5, The Unspeakable Story!

Episode 5: The Unspeakable Story – Part 1

Prepare yourselves, this is a big one! So big, even, that I'm going to have to split it into two parts. Fortunately, we can skip over the entire Investigation segment, because virtually none of it is relevant to Van Zieks. In fact, we don't even learn Van Zieks is the prosecutor until we enter the courtroom and see him standing there. Somehow, no one thought to ask who Ryu would be facing. What we do learn during the Investigation is confirmation that McGilded was indeed a lying scumbag who murdered Thrice-fired Mason. He asked Gina to lie for him in a court of law, too. So indeed, Ryu backed the wrong horse in The Runaway Room and Van Zieks was right to suspect the defense of deceit. He was wrong in how he worded half his arguments, though.

An extra thing worth noting is that after the conversation in which the blood is found on Gina's coat and the truth of McGilded comes out, it's revealed that Gregson was hiding nearby in the shadows. He insists he didn't eavesdrop and only just walked in, but it's implied much later in the trial that he knew about the blood on the coat. This means that Gregson is, from this point on, holding the full knowledge that McGilded was McGuilty in the omnibus murder.

So into the courtroom we go, where it is shown we're facing Van Zieks. (And nobody is surprised, because who else would it have been? Auchi?) It is now two months after the Runaway Room and the two Clouded Kokoro cases, so immediately upon starting the trial, the judge basically asks Van Zieks whether he's gone insane- in his own words, that is. First he asks how many years it's been since Van Zieks retired, to which Van Zieks replies that it's been five. The judge notes that Van Zieks resurfaced rather suddenly two months ago, (then basically handled three cases in a single week,) and showed up again today.

HAH. I love how on the nose this judge is when it comes to dissing the prosecution. He goes on to state that Van Zieks used to deal exclusively in matters concerned with 'the highest echelons of society and government', yet today he's trying 'a simple case of burglary and murder'. We already learned this from Gregson in case 1-4, but it's nice to have it repeated again.

Van Zieks replies that there's two things he cannot abide: “Wealthy scoundrels who hide behind a mask of philanthropy-” (hi McGilded!) and... “Secondly- even more loathsome... Those wily scoundrels who masquerade as allies only to effect total betrayal in the final hour.”

So that settles it then. He's specifically taken on his three most recent cases because there were Japanese people involved. He's also outright admitting that which Ryu had already guessed: Van Zieks hates Japanese people and going by his wording (“betrayal”, etc.) he has some bad experiences. Ryu wonders whether that 'torrid look of hatred' in Van Zieks's eyes is directed at him or at all Japanese people. Frankly, I think that in a subconscious sense, it's neither. The way I see it, that torrid look of hatred is directed at a man who died ten years ago. But I'll get back to this when it's time to address the backstory. The judge finds that an “alarmingly scathing explanation”, but welcomes the Reaper of the Bailey back to court all the same.

I love the implication that Van Zieks can apparently just come and go as he pleases in terms of prosecuting. Retirement can just be upturned on a whim and he's allowed to choose any case he wants. Who even is keeping him informed on which cases are happening and who the defense is? Is there a Chief Prosecutor in play we don't know about or is Stronghart slipping notes into his letterbox? Or has Van Zieks been entering the prosecutor's office every day for the past two months, demanding to hear news of 'that Nipponese attorney'?

So anyway, Van Zieks lays out the opening statement, pours himself a glass of wine, accuses Ryu of jumping to conclusions and reveals that he has witnesses. Remember when he threw aside his cloak halfway into 1-3 and it was seen as a big deal? … Yeah. It's not much anymore, now. He gets rid of it before the first witnesses have even taken the stand. The guys called forth are literal criminals who happened to break into the scene of the crime and, according to Van Zieks, “will face trial in the very near future” for their “various trespasses”. Alright, so he's acknowledging he's called forth some sketchy witnesses, but considers the murder itself far more sinister than their burglary.

Ryu manages to prove the taller Skulkin brother fired a gun at the crime scene and in doing so, struck poor innocent (S)Holmes. (Ryu presents a picture of a blood-stained calendar with a bullet in it to prove this, yet ten minutes later, he'll present the exact same picture and the entire court will act as if they'd never seen it before. Awkwaaard.) Van Zieks pours himself another glass of wine, toasts to Ryu's incompetence and later has another micro-aggression:

Scumbag points! And also possibly hilarious foreshadowing if he's referring to either Asogi Sr. or Mikotoba here. Though it's hard to say how well acquainted Van Zieks was with (S)Holmes and his partner roughly 16 to 10 years ago. Anyway, Van Zieks flings another chalice and basically admits that he already knew these two criminals gunned down (S)Holmes, but made a deal with them not to get into that. Though technically, Ryu was the one who got into it by proving it in court, so Van Zieks didn't break any unscrupulous deals. And maybe he was even expecting Ryu to do so? Maybe that's why he was pushing Ryu to present evidence? Either way, Van Zieks now owes 'his Nipponese friend' a word of gratitude, since he helpfully confirmed the two brothers couldn't possibly have shot the victim. Only one bullet was fired from their pistol, after all, and if it hit (S)Holmes it couldn't possibly have killed Windibank.

Van Zieks proceeds to “take a moment to consider the aforementioned Great Detective, Mr. Sholmes” (KEEP THIS LINE IN MIND), and brings up the security cameras (S)Holmes planted at the pawnshop so that he can present a picture of the defendant waving a pistol at the victim. Why didn't he present this evidence immediately instead of asking two shady burglars to testify? Who even knows, man. He's being erratic, just as the judge said. The jurors have seen enough and vote guilty, so it's time for a Summation Examination! Van Zieks poured himself another glass of wine before Ryu even asserted his right to that, because he knew it was coming. He has to stand in silence and so he will drink.

(Juror No 1, aka Mr. Garrideb, proceeds to piss me off by oggling the maid juror. I thought the whole point of this character was that his wife misunderstood and jumped to conclusions; that she's been punishing him wrongfully since he does indeed love her and will stand by her side no matter what, but apparently not.) Some tomfoolery later, we require the prosecution's help to prove stereoscopes are just as cool as wireless telegraphy.

I honestly think it's hilarious that he's meant to stay silent but has broken that rule several times, so now we're taunting him by asking him a direct question during the Examination. So after it's been proven the two criminals moved some stuff around inside the pawnshop, four jurors vote not-guilty and the trial continues. The two witnesses get called back to the stand and---

… Okay. So he definitely is against perjury. He seems to hate it, even. He apparently keeps giving them the evil eye as they testify, intimidating Ringo into telling the truth. But I just can't shake the memory of him feeding a lie to Shamspeare in Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro. Also, the game very much caught me off guard during this testimony when I presented a piece of evidence which wasn't correct, but instead of leading to a penalty led me to a unique set of dialogue not found when presenting other wrong evidence. That is to say, I presented a picture of Gina holding the sole gun to disprove the testimony that both she and Windibank were wielding guns, which led to:

Isn't that what we often do in these games? Van Zieks clearly hasn't been paying attention. Anyway, the judge points out that so long as I couldn't prove that Gina was still holding the only gun some time later, when Windibank was shot, the evidence wasn't relevant. So I had to present the picture of Windibank's body (not holding a gun) instead. Ryu manages to point out through that picture that the Skulkin brothers were lying and-

OKAY OKAY. I GET IT. Van Zieks hates perjury with a burning passion and Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro messed up. The trial continues on to the point where Ryu manages to suggest that the Skulkin brothers shot Windibank and Gina then locked the door to save herself. At first Van Zieks is shocked at the notion, but after Ryu details his logic, he just puts his hands down on the desk and chuckles.

This is the first time we see something close to laughter from him, and it's not even really laughter. It's just a malicious, bitter little noise. In fact, we've never seen him smile. He's not even smiling now, as he cackles. That's a stark contrast from other prosecutors, who all smile/smirk as they gloat. Barok's facial expression barely changes at all. Are they building up to something? Anyway, the judge wonders why Van Zieks finds this amusing, as he found the argument quite persuasive himself. Van Zieks pours himself another glass of wine and says:

“But such blatantly malicious conjuring tricks amount to nothing more than inexcusable pettifoggery here. Because you see, it contains a fatal flaw!”

Scumbag points! He then proceeds to imply all the members of the jury are too dimwitted to count (as he flings his chalice). Bullets, that is. There were two bullets found at the crime scene and there were two guns recovered, each having fired one bullet. So if the Skulkin brothers had shot (S)Holmes, they couldn't possibly have shot Windibank as well.

Bye wine bottle, rip person sitting behind him. Van Zieks proceeds to slander Gina for being “far from a law-abiding citizen” and having “a past riddled with criminal misconduct”. To further illustrate his point, he presents a piece of evidence that the defendant attempted to steal the day beforehand, not with the subtlety of a pickpocket but by brute force and brazen impudence. Gregson loses it at this point, shouting out a loud “Hold it!” before losing his nerve and stammering his way through his protest. He mentions that there was a meeting with the prosecution service where it was agreed that piece of evidence wouldn't be used. Ryu is baffled and thinks this:

And now I'm baffled as well, because thinking back on it... Yes, Gregson has talked about Van Zieks before in Investigation segments and has been called in to testify, but as far as I can recall, he hasn't ever addressed Van Zieks directly. Fascinating stuff. Van Zieks says he's unaware of this meeting- probably because he found out Ryu's defending later on and snatched this case up at the last second. Perhaps even took it from the originally-assigned prosecutor with brute force and brazen impudence. Gregson insists that 'the government bigwigs' were very insistent about not using the disc as evidence, to which Van Zieks says:

Good gracious, Van Zieks is a loose cannon! … Or wait, maybe he's a reckless renegade? Or is he perhaps a prosecutor on the edge with nothing to lose? (Alright, put on a pot of coffee- we're gonna get to the bottom of this!) ...Either way, the prosecution thinks it's sufficiently made its case by establishing motive, opportunity and baseness of character.

OY! I thought you don't read third-rate detective stories! But Iris specifically wrote that line into existence, so he must have. Me thinks we've got a closet Adventures of (S)Herlock (S)Holmes fan on our hands, here. The jury buys into his slander, votes guilty, Iris accuses him of being mean and Ryu enters Summation Examination mode a second time.

Oh he knows what he's in for. He knows. Several minutes of talking about bullets later, the topic of (S)Holmes's waist pouch is brought up and Iris wonders whether perhaps the bullet hit one of the glass vials with flammable content. Van Zieks suddenly speaks up with an “If I may...”, catching the startled attention of Ryu in particular.

“I should inform the defence that I have the pouch in question in the antechamber outside the courtroom. As I understand it, when the police arrived on the scene and found Mr Sholmes injured, they removed the pouch in order to assess the wound. Since then, it has been in my safekeeping along with all other evidence relating to the case. I can personally vouch for the fact that it has not been touched since the incident occurred.”

This whole plotline cracks me up with how little sense it makes, considering the position of this pouch on (S)Holmes's outfit. But I'm not here to criticize plot-convenience of evidence, so let's move on and look at what's actually happening here. The defense is discussing possibilities with the jurors in hopes of changing their minds towards a not-guilty and instead of keeping silent, as he's supposed to during this moment, Van Zieks actively speaks up to admit he has a piece of evidence which may be of assistance. It's entirely possible that the pouch would have all three vials intact and thereby dismiss the theory that the bullet hit one of them, but... Regardless of whether he remembers seeing a broken vial with his own eyes, he's taking a risk by showing the pouch. He could've played by the Summation Examination rules, kept his mouth shut and then later when it comes out he had the pouch all along, just remind everyone he wasn't allowed to speak. That's what most prosecutors would've done. Naturally, it's revealed there was indeed a broken vial and some scorched leather, and even closer examination reveals a third bullet we can present to the jurors.

Scumbag point! So with all the confusion on the third bullet and the implication of there being a third gun, the judge does something pretty extraordinary. He doesn't wait for the jurors to change their leaning and instead actually suspends the Summation Examination until the matter is cleared up. This implies any judge has the power to overrule juror leanings, at the very least during Summation Examination, when they feel the case presented by the counsels is lacking important details. Anyway, closing argument on hold for now and the Skulkins return to the stand. Barok looks them straight in the eyes with his usual evil eye and asks them whether the third gun is one of theirs. When that's denied, he asks whether they had an accomplice, which is also denied. And it's kind of funny, because only a few minutes later when Ryu implies they had an accomplice, we get this line:

“Yet in all that time, there has been not a murmur of a third man. If this apparently wraithlike being exists...” pause for chalice crush... “The court must be shown hard evidence!”

But Van Zieks was the one who questioned the Skulkins about an accomplice earlier, so... Indeed, we don't have evidence, but the murmur was definitely already there. So now the prosecution wants two things: evidence there was a third person on the scene and their identity. The game prompts two options: Either present an answer to the prosecution's demands or, y'know, don't. Naturally I chose the latter option to see what happens and it goes about as well as you'd expect. Ryu stutters and trails off, Van Zieks notes the defense is unable to complete a sentence, let alone provide credible answers... Iris takes the place of Susato in telling Ryu off for faltering, so Ryu desperately tries to catch himself and push his argument. Van Zieks says: “So, my Nipponese friend, despite the swimming eyes you seem to think you have something to say...”

PENALTY FROM THE PROSECUTION, oh how I've missed you. Loading up the savegame and choosing the first option actually also leads to the exact same line of “so, my Nipponese friend, despite the swimming eyes you seem to think you have something to say...”, just with a slightly different posture and followed up with the words “this promises to be interesting.” Ryu presents the blood sample on the calendar once more and as I said before, the court acts as if they've never seen this picture before. Hilarious. Van Zieks asks why the blood is depicted as green and Ryu explains it's because of a new chemical (S)Holmes invented. The green blood is then linked to Eggert Benedict through the music disc. The court gets very excited, but much like the skin prints in case 2-2, this isn't admissible evidence. Van Zieks says “this has gone on long enough now. This flagrant ignorance of the mechanics of law.”

“The protagonist in a series of short stories for the vulgar classes. A god of detection or some such. And now you employ chemical substances devised by this fantastical persona in the highest court in the land? Do you expect us to take you seriously? The samples made by this plaything are not fit to be called evidence.”

These lines! I had a quick look at both Scarlet Study's and Taisa's scripts, and there Van Zieks outright accuses (S)Holmes of being a fictional character. He doesn't actually diss the stories themselves though, nor is there anything similar to that plaything line. He only says the chemical itself is 'rubbish'. What ultimately kills me is the “Yes, I’ve heard the name” as if this is the first time it’s being uttered in the courtroom. Let's be merciful here and take case 2-2 out of the equation. Yes, (S)Holmes is mentioned several times there, they establish the two have some sort of history and he even enters the courtroom at one point to address Van Zieks directly, but that case was developed after this one so accidental retcon is bound to happen. No, let's look solely at the cases in the first game. (S)Holmes has been mentioned several times throughout the course of this trial, even by Van Zieks himself. Even better, Van Zieks was the one to present photographs taken by one of (S)Holmes's playthings earlier on. OOPS.

Ryu enters despair mode because there really is no way to prove that the color green is unique to Eggert Benedict, nor would it be accepted as evidence to begin with. But that's okay, because much like the skin prints in 2-2, it was never about having it filed as official evidence. It was about influencing the jury and as Iris so smartly points out, the Summation Examination was suspended earlier. This means that technically, it's still going on. It doesn't matter what the prosecution or the judge thinks of (S)Holmes's invention, it only matters what the jurors think, as they now have the power to force the trial to continue. Naturally, the majority votes not-guilty. Van Zieks objects rather ferociously. “My lord, with all due respect, this is an outrage! The prosecution refuses to accept this decision!” (heehee, I really enjoy these lines. With all due respect, indeed.) The judge asks on what grounds the prosecution is objecting, and Van Zieks says:

“Then they are too ignorant to be trusted with the judgement of anyone's guilt!”

Gosh, he really doesn't enjoy how 'gullible' the jurors are, does he? Or rather, he gets frustrated when the jurors begin to think for themselves instead of taking the prosecution's word for it. The judge sets Van Zieks straight by basically reminding him that this is how the court works.

It is so satisfying to watch him squirm. Van Zieks wants us to play by the court's rules, so we're playing by the court's rules and now he's got no more comebacks. This is it folks, we're subpoena-ing Egg Benedict! He does indeed show up to court after a brief intermission and reveals his true name to be Ashley Graydon. Graydon expresses haughty dismay that the highest court of the land was swayed by some self-professed detective's homemade tincture. Van Zieks tells him it was the will of the jury, and their great British justice system demands that the jury's will is upheld. Graydon calls the jury members inept, as Van Zieks has done many times before, but agrees to testify. Ryu attempts to needle this guy several times by asserting he was definitely at the crime scene, but indeed, the blood sample doesn't count as evidence and Ryu doesn't really have anything else to back him up. Van Zieks oh-so-kindly reminds him that the obligation to prove the defense's assertion lies with, well, the defense. Eventually we do get there and Graydon starts making up some bullshit story about how he met McGilded in a gentlemen's club and bonded with him over unique music box music, so that's what that disc was. Van Zieks points out that Yard have indeed been gathering items believed to have been McGilded's property, presumably to aid their investigations. Gregson once again loses his composure here and tries to shut the conversation down.

Gregson and Van Zieks continue to banter back and forth about how Gregson is definitely not allowed to talk about these things and Van Zieks should also know better than to pry. Even Ryu thinks it's strange the two of them are bickering like that. Anyway, we're not allowed to discuss the McGilded stuff, so back to Graydon and his breaking and entering! Van Zieks asserts that if the police confiscated the disc beforehand and Graydon saw this happen, there was no reason for him to break into the pawnshop anymore.

Oooh, that's some tasty triumph over Van Zieks's ignorance! Ryu brings up the second item pawned by McGilded, a 'small box'. Van Zieks insists that no such thing was stolen from the pawnshop and he can prove it, since he has a picture of the shelves from before the break-in and one from after the break-in. You know, the pictures taken by that idiot detective's silly little plaything! Through the magic of stereoscopes (or the 3D Slider in the 3DS version), Ryu can see that a small box was moved.

It's absolutely hilarious that most of the court has to go cross-eyed to do the stereoscope thing and then there's Van Zieks, with a fancy stereoscope device that he just happened to have with him in a trial he couldn't possibly predict would require a stereoscope. He's so extra! Ryu asserts that if the box was moved, they have to raise the question of what was inside it and send the Yard to retrieve that thing at once. Van Zieks objects, saying that “some little box belonging to a man who died two months ago can't possibly be relevant to this trial.” The judge doesn't see it his way, though, and overrules his objection. Nice! So officers are dispatched to Baker Street to fetch the box and Van Zieks grumbles to himself about being hoodwinked by a farce.

The judge once again doesn't take kindly to Van Zieks's attitude problems and I love this. I can't wait for the prosecution to be penalized, because it feels like it's right around the corner here. Van Zieks elaborates that this whole thing is nothing but a smoke screen; a Nipponese specialty. Scumbag points for this one! I can't entirely connect this to Professor foreshadowing, I think it's just him being petty. Either way, he's going to jump through hoops now. Mere minutes ago he established that the Yard is still investigating McGilded's stuff and the 'aftermath' of his activities, but he's flipping it all over now. He begins to talk about how McGilded died two months ago, immediately after the trial in which he was found not-guilty.

“So I propose a toast. To my learned friend, and his most... insightful defense.”

So the logic being used here now is that McGilded was a fine, upstanding citizen and anything he pawned was truly innocent/ordinary, so why would someone want to steal it? The only way to prove that there's more to these items than might be apparent would be for Ryu to reveal that the acquittal was a mistake and the defense's argument was based on false information. They all suspected this two months ago, though. It was made abundantly clear that the only reason McGilded walked free was because nobody could say for certain whether the evidence was tampered with. Either way, Ryu's cornered now and wondering to himself whether Van Zieks knows the items in question are related to the omnibus murder. He probably does. He has access to the evidence, which means he has access to to the pawn tickets which hold some very specific dates on them.

The game gives Ryu an option whether or not to have Gina testify about what happened two months ago, but this option isn't real. If you choose 'leave it', Ryu still decides within two lines of dialogue that they have to uncover the truth. There's no penalty for stalling. So Ryu calls for Gina to testify and Van Zieks definitely knows what's up.

“In particular, the impact it will have on the accused's standing... And indeed your own.”

So this is a warning, clear and simple. Van Zieks knows shit will hit the fan. Or, as he later phrases it, it will bring the court down around Ryu's ears. But Ryu insists upon the testimony, the prosecution agrees and Gina is put on the stand. The judge tells Graydon he can step down, Graydon promptly sees this as an excuse to leave and bids them all a good day, but Van Zieks tells him to wait.

Oh, this... I like this. By now, Van Zieks has caught on to Ryu's little trick of watching the reactions from other witnesses during testimonies. He's purposely making Graydon stand there and listen to Gina's testimony just in case he reacts in such an overdramatic way, Ryu can pursue it. Iiinteresting! Now it seems as if he's on our side, but we're not quite there yet. Before Gina can begin her testimony, Van Zieks reminds her that if it turns out she willfully withheld information two months ago, she'll be prosecuted for perjury. That's just an intimidation technique to get her not to reveal what she withheld. … Which is weird, because you'd think Van Zieks would want her to spill those beans. Either way, with some encouragement from Ryu and Iris, Gina begins to talk about the lies she told. Aaand we're ending the essay here for now, because we're only about halfway into this disaster of a trial and the plot will only thicken from here on out. Stay tuned for part 2 of The Unspeakable Story!

[myhauntedsalem]

30 Doctors, Nurses and Paramedics Describe their Most Disturbing Medical Stories

1. The Guessing Game

“I work as an ICU nurse. A mid-20s female came in with some serious cardiac abnormalities and then went into respiratory distress. Never had any medical history at all. We had to put her on the ventilator, but she was on just enough sedation to keep her lucid. She could nod/shake her head yes and no appropriately to questions.

One night, the patient in the room next to hers died, but the body was still in the room about to be taken to the morgue. The female patient’s door was closed with curtains drawn, so she couldn’t have seen what was going on next door. When I went in to check on her, she had a look of sheer panic on her face, trembling. I asked her a series of questions to see if she was cold/hot/in pain/etc. and she denied all. I asked her if she saw something—she started to aggressively nod her head YES. She wasn’t on any drugs that would make her hallucinate. I went on to get details on what this thing looked like. After playing 20 questions I got this: a man, pale white, left arm missing, heavy, bald, standing still, behind me. This was the man who had just died next door.

I spent the rest of the night consoling her.” – whites42

2. Life After Death

“When I was on an ER rotation during med school we got a call about a 23-year-old woman who was shot in the head, and who was already completely gone, but was reportedly five months pregnant so they were doing CPR until they got her to the hospital to see if the baby was viable. They got her to the ER and did an ultrasound and turned out the baby was full-term so they did a C-section in like under a minute and got the baby out.

I don’t think it’s so incredibly uncommon but it was pretty surreal to see a baby delivered from a dead person with their brain exposed and she was pretty close to the same age I was at the time.” – bluegraypurple

3. The Last Goodbye

“When I was a student, I got called in on a stroke patient. She had coded and they were doing CPR. They worked for 45 minutes, but she died. They cleaned her up, and called on the family to say goodbye, but by that time the family left. She had been both brain dead and without a pulse for more than 45 minutes. Blood had filled her brain, and she was completely grey and started to smell. Suddenly, she sat up, and called for her family. The nurses rushed to get monitors and equipment back on her. They started working on her again, she stabilized, said goodbye to her family, and promptly died a second time.” – simplesimon6262

4. Miracle Man

“When I was in trauma surgery in upstate by, got a notification about a man who was shot 3 times in the head. He comes in, literally one eye hanging out of the socket, blood everywhere, and he’s slumped forward. Apparently, he was shot in the temple, exited out his right eye socket, in the nose exited from the roof of the mouth, and In the cheek one with exit from the side of the head.

At this point, I’m thinking they just brought him in so we can pronounce him in the ER because he looked dead. I go to examine him and tilt his head back, and he says ‘Yoooo be gentle!’ I jump back and scream like a little boy, as did everyone in the room. Literally, the bullets missed his brain in every single shot.” – Noimnotonacid

5. Bleeding

“One of the aides I work with said she was doing postmortem care on a patient who had been on many, many anticoagulants before death. She said when they turned her on her side she started bleeding out of every orifice—eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. She said her and the nurse went home and had nightmares for a week.” – sparklingbluelight

6. The Haunted Hospital

“My town has two really old hospitals. One no longer functions overnight, and the stories are unsettling. No one cleans the old ER alone because all the lights and call bells go off. On other floors, there’s a kid with his ball, a lady in a white dress, etc. A coworker was cleaning an entire floor utterly solo (the norm) and bounced between rooms because the cleaning solution stays wet for a few minutes. Upon returning to a freshly wiped bed, hand prints were clearly visible.” – Sapphire_Starr

7. Eyeless

“I used to do home care for an elderly lady with learning disabilities and no eyes (they were removed due to a congenital condition). She was lovely but prone to wandering around her flat at night in total silence, which led to several horrifying situations where I left my room at 2 am only to encounter her standing silently in the hallway, turning her eyeless face towards me.” – NovelistResearcher

8. Lonely

“One call that will always haunt me was on an unresponsive female at around three in the morning. We get there and do some pointless CPR along with the fire department… She had been dead for a while; no shock-able rhythm, and clear rigor mortis. The most disturbing part was that the original caller was her 11-year-old daughter, who had just spent three days with her mother’s corpse and called 9-1-1 because she was ‘lonely’. It also didn’t help that the victim was completely naked when we arrived.” – CupofJoe776

9. Clear Waters

“I have quite a few stories, most of them are hilarious and then there are those you never want to think about. What fucked me up the most was when I saw how eyes change at the moment of death. Imagine you are looking at clear water but that clear water changes to foggy in an instant. In my 8 years here I’ve only seen this once, and I’ve personally seen well over 250 dead or dying people.” – ImCuden

10. Night Lights

“I work nights in a long-term care facility as a nurse’s assistant. I have two men under my care and both of them are unable to use their call lights. They have severe dementia and debilitating Parkinson’s disease but still, their lights are looped around their bed rail. One night their light came on and I went to answer it already confused and creeped out. I turned it off and left the room. Before I could get two doors up the light came back on. I went in there and both lights were unplugged from the wall and thrown under their beds. I fished them out, plugged them back in and left.

I’ve seen shadows standing over the dying and felt a tap on my shoulder while doing chest compression’s so I knew that lady had passed.” – beeoakly

11. Holding Hands

“I’ve had a couple of weird calls. One was a major MVA-head on many, many years ago when we played M.E. as well. We had 2 DOA (husband and spouse) that were killed instantly in a head-on collision. They had a 12-year-old daughter that was in between them and they actually took the impact, saving her life.

While en route, we noticed the husband’s arm had come loose so I went back to re-strap it. As I was doing that, the wife’s arm suddenly fell out as well, and her hand fell into her husband’s. My boss was watching in the rearview mirror and helped clear the way as I ran back into the front. It spooked both of us. Apparently, the couple (mid 30’s), had just found out he was cancer free after his last treatment.” – Anonymous

12. Last Meal

“I had an old lady come in by ambulance, near death. She was a DNR (do-not-resuscitate), so we weren’t going to do much for her. She didn’t have any family that we could find. The hospital was full, so we had to keep her in the ER for the night.

Again, she was near death. When you’ve seen enough people die, there’s no mistaking it, and she was almost there. Barely responsive; pale, cool, breaths were really irregular, heart rate was up and down, too. We just turned the lights down and kept an eye on her monitor, basically waiting for her to die.

About an hour later, she’s standing at the door of her room. She’d gotten up and put on all her clothes. We were all like, ‘WTF?’ One of the nurses went to check on her, and she said she was hungry. Not knowing really what to make of things, we got her a chair, a bedside table, and went to the cafeteria and got her a tray of food.

She sat there, ate all her food, talked with the staff a little. After about an hour, she told her nurse that she was tired and wanted to lie back down. We helped her back into bed, and within 30 minutes she was dead.” – Anonymous

13. “Don’t Let me go Back there”

“When my mom worked as an E.R. nurse a guy came in from a car accident and was losing blood. In the midst of resuscitation, the man jolts awake and screams ‘Don’t let me go back there! Please, please, please don’t let me go back!’ A few seconds later they lost him.” – JeremyHowell

14. The Rusty Old Saw

“This woman was clearly struggling mentally. She went into her basement and started sawing at her wrists horizontally with a rusty hacksaw, bleeds a good amount, and then starts walking around the house. She wasn’t dying quick enough, so she sat down in a chair in the middle of the living room, and started going at her wrists again, this time with a pair of scissors.

I was the second person inside the house. It looked like a massacre. We searched the house top to bottom, fully expecting to find multiple dead bodies in there. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. Every single room had a trail of blood in it.

The woman was found on a chair in the living room. Rigor mortis had contorted her body into a really strange, unnatural pose, and her face was haunting. Literally the stuff of nightmares. Her wrists had huge chunks of skin/veins/muscle missing from them. Saying she slit her wrists is inaccurate. She ripped them to pieces.” – anoncop1

15. Visitors

“I work a stroke/telemetry floor on the bought shift. Most of our patients are elderly. Apparently, there are two things that patients see before they pass away. Some will say that two men are walking in their rooms and telling them to get ready to leave. The patient will call and tell us that these men are big and abrasive in their demeanor. They are either terrified or annoyed when they see the two men. The other thing they will see is a little boy who will go into their rooms and try to wake them up. The boy is usually loud and runs around their rooms. The patients will call and ask who’s letting children just run around late night. Several nights or even that same shift we’re coding or cleaning the patient for the funeral home to pick up.” – pokfynder

16. The Handsome Man in Black

“I used to work in a skilled nursing facility, usually assigned to the Alzheimer’s ward. One night I’m in the linen room stocking my cart, and I heard someone shuffle up behind me, then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and there was no one else in the room. The door was still shut too.

Another lady started to complain that a man was coming into her room at night (again, Alzheimer’s so I didn’t think much of it) so to reassure her, I told her I’d check on her throughout the night. She complained of this man for every night for two more weeks when I asked her to describe him to me.

‘He’s real handsome, and wears a black suit. Oh. He’s right behind you now, honey.’

That freaked me the f*ck out. Of course, there was no one behind me. She died the next night in her sleep.” – Anonymous

17. The Blender

“We got a call for a male in his early 30s with ‘heavy groin trauma’ (exact words of the dispatcher). We roll up lights and sirens and the guy is waiting for us on the front step with a towel over his crotch. We barely come to a stop and the guy is already running towards the rig holding this towel. I asked him what was wrong and he moved the towel and this guy’s dick was just barely hanging on. Apparently, he had ‘lady problems’ so he decided to fornicate with the food mixer he had in his kitchen and accidentally turned it on.” – YayShinny

18. The Charred Skin

“Motorcycle driver, accident, third-degree burns, arrived DOA. Had to transfer him from ambulance gurney to ER bed. As we were moving him with a transfer sheet, the liquefied/cooked subcutaneous fat caused the charred skin on his back to separate and his body slipped onto the floor (despite several of us trying to ‘catch’ him).” – Doc-in-a-box

19. Dead Man Moaning

“Worked security through college at a local hospital. The only ‘creepy’ thing I remember is when a dead man moaned. One of my duties was to help wheel patients who had expired down to the in-house morgue. Once we were wheeling an older man from the ER down and halfway down the hallway he let out this low moan. I started to panic, thinking that he was coming back to life but the RN explained to me (newbie) that sometimes the air in the lungs doesn’t come out until sometime later or is delayed for a bit.” – ill_do_it-later

20. Otherworldly Screams

“I have had fellow coworkers swear that strange things have occurred in the ER. Two people that I work with were charting at the nurse’s station when they both heard a scream followed by incoherent words come from one of our open bays. There were three patients in the room and they denied screaming or hearing anything. I have also had fellow coworkers talk about hearing strange voices especially after really bad codes and one person states she felt someone grabbing her shoulder after the doc pronounced a trauma code. These are all respectable people and I do not think they would lie.” – Anonymous

21. Blank Stare

“We got a call to go out to a scene for an elderly woman with chest pains. I arrive at the house, front door is open. We knock, hear the old woman calling out from the back ‘I’m in the back room’ in a very monotone and calm voice. My partner and I go to the back of the house looking for this woman, and that’s when we smelled it. Nothing prepares you for the smell of rotting corpse. I’ve smelled it a dozen times, and it never gets any less disturbing. We radio for police and ALS backup as we move through the house.

We opened the door to the master bedroom, and there is our patient. She is approximately 80, and she is staring at the master bathroom with these cold, dead eyes. She never once looked at us as we approached her and began talking to her. I got to the bedside and got in front of her gaze, and she just looked right through me. I turned around to see what she could possibly be looking at, and there was the source of my smell.

A man, about the same age as my patient, is on the floor with very little left of his head still attached to his body. A shotgun lay on the floor next to him, and most of his head was strewn about the walls and bathroom counter. We loaded the woman up in the ambulance, and our police backup pulled up.

I don’t think that woman blinked once the entire time she was in our care.” – TheFilthiest

22. “Bill’s Here”

“I’m an RN and while I was a student I was caring for a lady who had an end-stage renal failure, had a DNAR (do not attempt resuscitation) and was shutting down. We were having a little chat when she stopped, looked over my shoulder and said ‘Bill’s here love, I’ve got to go,’ and swiftly stopped breathing. Read her old notes and Bill was her deceased husband.” – Jesspandapants

23. The Body on the Floor

“The call was for an older woman, lying in bed. When we get there, the smell is horrendous of a dead body. There are millions of flies everywhere and a little old lady in lying in the bed, alive. About five feet away, there is a body covered up by a sheet. The lady was a dementia patient, and her husband (the deceased) was the primary caregiver. Based on the number of flies and state of decomposition, the police estimated the guy had been dead for about three weeks. The woman must have been getting some food out of the refrigerator, but it was totally empty by the time we arrived.

The creepiest part happened on the way to the hospital with the woman, she said, ‘I hope that nice man on the floor is OK’.” – Tools4toys

24. The Fallen Cross

“I responded to a call where a janitor was dusting quite a large stone cross in the middle of a church. He had been up on a ladder cleaning, when he slipped off, and proceeded to try to hold onto the cross to keep from falling. Unfortunately, the weight of the 200-pound man was too much to support. The cross fell towards him, landing on his left arm, with a part of the horizontal stone of the cross, pushing his muscles and tendons out of his wrist like a squeezed toothpaste tube. Then the cross fell completely on him splattering his brain across the floor. Quite disturbing, and definitely the most horrific and gore filled call I had ever witnessed.” – UpboatOarKnotUpboat

25. The Headless Nurse

“I used to work in St Barts Hospital in London, which in parts is over 1,000 years old. One of the buildings had 2 floors (with massively high ceilings), and so the floors were taken out and rearranged to make into 5 floors. The nurses working night shift would often tell us of the ghost of a night nurse who wandered silently doing her ’rounds’ at night—but due to the new floors, only her head would be visible drifting down the ward.” – jenthejedi

26. Monsters

“I was still a nursing student at the time, but this was from when I had my psychiatric clinical placement in my 3rd year.

I was assigned to a young male patient with schizophrenia. He had been a voluntary admission because he heard voices telling him to hurt people around him, and he admitted himself because he was afraid of actually going through with it.

Anyway, I went into the room alone, as usual, and did the usual introduction and asking how he was doing. He was at a desk drawing creepy, hideous monsters—each monster had its own page, and there had to be at least half a dozen of these pages scattered around him. I asked him what they were. He answered that those were the monsters he saw. They were the monsters that whispered to him and told him to hurt people and do awful things. Guarded, I asked him, ‘Are they telling you to hurt me?’

He answered, ‘Yes.’

I didn’t stay very long in that room.” – duckface08

27. The Man in Black

“People turn batshit crazy and creepy as hell when they get really sick. There’s even a term called ICU psychosis…and trust me, it’s real. Anyway, the creepiest that takes the cake for me is this (am an ICU nurse, btw): Had a patient who was admitted for overdose. Very long history of mental health problems. She was thrashing around in bed, very combative, kicking people’s asses for days, totally incoherent.

Well, the night I had her, she started making decent sense, but still not oriented at all. She was extremely paranoid and kept talking about the man in black in the corner. I’d hear her talking to him and screaming, all night long. So I’d go in there and try to calm her down, but you could see the fear in her eyes. she was talking other nonsense about how she was in space and shit, and with certain patients, you try to redirect their ‘reality,’ but what I did didn’t help. She said ‘that man in black! Don’t you see him!’ and pointed to the corner. I said ‘there’s nobody here.’ I stepped in the corner she was pointing to and waved my hands around. While I’m waving my hands around in the air, she had the most horrifically terrified look on her face that actually scared the shit out of me, like I had just assaulted the man in black. I said ‘see, there’s nobody here’ and she said in a matter-of-factly that’s what you think.’ I promptly got the fu*k out of there.” – HeatherTakasaki

28. Eyes Wide Open

“I work in palliative. Most deaths I’ve seen have been more or less peaceful, though the ones that are not, stick with you. One guy was silently screaming through his last few hours of life. Another guy (who up until this point had been unresponsive) reached up and grabbed me when we attempted to lower his bed to turn him.

One time while doing post-mortem care I walked into the room and thought ‘that’s weird, how come nobody has closed his eyes yet?’ He had that movie-perfect dead look, with pale blue staring eyes and slack jaw and greyish, waxy skin. I closed his eyes and started the care, and when I looked again those eyes, still staring at me, were slowly opening, one slightly slower than the other. He groaned when we turned him to wash his back and his hand managed to clamp onto the bed rail and we had to pry it off. When we finally got him onto his back again, there was a foul-smelling, oily black, viscous liquid on the pillowcase. I cleaned his mouth again thinking it must have come from there, but his mouth and nose were clean. The best I could figure the stuff had come from his eye. I couldn’t wait to get that bag zipped up.” – draakons_pryde

29. Crawling up the Hallway

“I used to work as an STNA in a nursing home. Worked third shift throughout university. During the night we turned half the lights off so it was darker for the evening and didn’t get a lot of light in the residents’ rooms. We had one resident who was younger (70s) and was mostly in for mental reasons. She had long, dark hair and was very thin.

I was sitting at the nurse’s station at the top of the hall and heard a call light go off. I stood up, looked down the dark hall, and on all fours—straight out of The Ring—this resident was crawling up the hall toward me. The other STNA had forgotten to put the bed rail up and the resident was VERY good at climbing out of bed.

Needless to say, I needed some new britches and my heart was racing a mile a minute.” – blameitonthewookie

30. Heaven

“Had a young woman in full liver failure. She was orange in color and she was still conscious. She asked me what I thought it would be like to die. I told her I didn’t know but I hoped it wouldn’t be painful. She then asked me if I thought I would go to heaven. I told her that I believed I would. She asked me if I thought she would go to heaven, and I told her I wasn’t able to answer that question.

She then told me ‘I am going to heaven and I know it,’ and I asked her how she knew that and she told me something that I will never ever forget. She told me ‘I know I am because that man over there told me so.’ I asked what man and she said the man sitting on the end of the bench. I asked her what he looked like and she said ‘he looks just like the Jesus on the windows of my church.’

Well, to tell you I was pretty well affected by that statement. She then went on to say ‘And he says that you are going to go to heaven too.’

We then prayed and I will never forget that interaction between the two of us. About a week later she passed away. I hope she made it to heaven.” – Anonymous

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

[nothlits-archive]

Zoe lunarsystem13 / lunar_system13 / lemonscenteddaves / zazberry is a dangerous person.

Other names they may go by are Raven, Cassandra, Luna, and various other system member names but they primarily identify themself as Zoe or the Lunar System and frequently use the number 13 and blue and purple heart emojis as an identifier. As far as I know they are only active on tiktok now, but do have Twitter and Instagram accounts under the above usernames.

This isn't to get attention or to be petty about anything. I just want to be fully open about my experience and I want to be able to explain my feelings concisely in one place. The biggest reason I'm writing this is because I am scared that Zoe will do to other people what they did to me, because they've shown themself to be unrepentant. I attempted to bring things up with them privately when we were still on speaking terms and it resulted in gaslighting about past situations and a complete refusal to listen to or speak to me ending in uninstalling discord to avoid me.

Content warnings for abuse, gaslighting, disordered eating, hospitalization, drugs, alcohol, sexual harassment, cheating, mentions of death. 

Zoe and I dated for about two years from 2018-2020. We broke up in January 2020 and were on speaking terms until early May. We initially broke up amicably because I felt emotionally neglected and wanted to give Zoe the space they needed to work on some personal problems they'd been struggling with for some time by that point. We agreed they needed more time to themself and didn't have the energy to expend on both self betterment and a partner. I wanted to stay friends with them and stop letting myself get hurt by an absent partner. 

A few weeks after breaking up, Zoe and I got into an altercation where it came out that Zoe had, for the entire duration of our relationship, felt that I would never have been able to meet their needs emotionally no matter what I did and elected to never share this with me or end the relationship. They told me they would eventually just make up for my shortcomings by "getting another partner". Zoe and I were both polyamorous, but this is NOT how I practice polyamory and I didn't think it was how they practiced it either. This totally broke me. 

After this, Zoe blocked me on Twitter and discord. Without apologizing to me for anything, they began messaging every friend of mine they had contact info for, "apologizing" for hurting me and trying to spread a narrative that I was telling people the wrong information about them to make them look bad. Some of the people they messaged were people I did not talk to about my personal life and who had no idea that we had even fallen out. Some of them were my closest friends, who thankfully knew Zoe was full of shit and blocked them. They messaged my boyfriend and told him that they thought I'd only started dating him to get back at them for not reading my fanfiction, a claim that absolutely gutted me as it was never something on my mind and I would NEVER commit to a relationship for the sake of petty revenge over a fanfiction. 

I had to message them from a second Twitter account to ask them about what to do with all of their belongings I still had and tell them not to worry about returning mine. I also messaged them that way to explain that what they'd done and said had devastated me and to reprimand them for messaging my friends weird shit about our personal business. They initially completely ignored me for multiple days until I texted their phone and asked them to let me know if they'd read my message so that I could move on and stop worrying about it all. 

When they finally responded, it was with hostility and they only stopped slinging accusations about me when I told them I didn't see them as a bad person (a statement soon to change). We tentatively made up after they did one of their infamous 180s on me and apologized profusely to me, claiming they understood what they did was wrong now. Debatable.

This is where I think it's important to go into the content of our relationship. At the time of it all happening, I felt our relationship was healthy and stable. But red flags are hard to see when you're in it. 

Zoe is a highly manipulative and narcissistic person. If you look up covert narcissism, they fit the bill 100%. They lie intentionally and consistently in order to make themself look innocent. They gaslight people to play the victim. They repeatedly put me into positions where my only option was to comfort them while ignoring my own feelings. If I stood up for myself or got upset at their behavior, I was told I was being cold or they would throw a tantrum about how traumatized they are and how they can't help it. I entered into a second relationship about a year into ours. Zoe was fully aware of and initially supportive of this, but after some time, any time I would bring up my other partner, Zoe would dissolve into accusations that I was going to leave them, accusations that I was ignoring them for my other partner, complaints that because of their disabilities they weren't as good (a repeated subject for them, which I always, always reassured them was not the case and it never was): all of this in order to obtain comfort from me over the existence of someone else in my life. 

At one point, my boyfriend was considering moving out of his unhealthy home to live with a family member over an hour away from me and Zoe went off the rails to both of us, telling us it wasn't fair for us to be near each other in person if they couldn't be there, how they'd been dating me longer so it was their right to be with me first, how my boyfriend should have to stay where he was even though it was a bad environment for him. This was not a plan. It was a vaguely mentioned idea. Nothing ever came of it. Zoe apologized for this, but their possessive behavior never stopped. This interaction made me feel like an object, not a person they supposedly loved. 

Another time, after visiting me, Zoe began harassing me over needing to be able to house them so they could move down to be with me permanently. They expected this to happen in a matter of months. Zoe is disabled and cannot work and at the time did not receive any government assistance. I work in retail and at the time was living with a friend's family. I did not have my own place. I could not afford to singlehandedly support myself, let alone two people. I told Zoe this, and they told me that if I didn't figure it out they were going to die. This devastated me. I cried for hours because of how bad they were making me feel over something out of my control. I could barely type out responses to them besides asking them to stop and apologizing, but Zoe kept telling me that I was acting like I didn't care and was choosing to give up on them.

After this passed, they did what they always did and flipped to affection flooding me: "I'm so sorry baby, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong at all, I love you so much and know you're trying so hard". 

This sort of on/off behavior was constant. I never knew what was real, or if I'd actually done something wrong, or if Zoe was going to go off on me over the slightest thing. I brought this up to them multiple times. A lot of the time it was met with "I can't help it." Other times, they would apologize and then continue the same behavior. 

I first started telling them I was feeling neglected in October 2019. Nothing changed. When we broke up in January 2020 they told me I never gave them the chance to change or fix anything. They then told me the problems I was having were inherent to their dissociative disorder so it wasn't their fault. They also told me that me breaking up with them made them feel like there was no reason to go on, presumably to make me feel guilty for ending a clearly toxic relationship where they clearly still weren't learning what they were doing was wrong. 

Zoe would frequently accuse me of things I hadn't done and then behave as if those accusations were true. Not limited to: agreeing to mod a discord server my boyfriend made just to keep them out of it on purpose (the link was shared publicly on Twitter where they followed both of us and the server was 3 hours old when they confronted me), abandoning them and not talking to them at all for a week when I was extremely busy every day (I spoke to them at length every single day that week and was not unreachable at any point), many many instances of only being with my boyfriend because I saw them as not good enough due to disability (never true, ever). This led to me never being able to understand my own behavior because Zoe always acted as if I was doing something wrong regardless of whether I was or not. I was guilt tripped a lot for things I didn't even do. I believe Zoe is delusional and genuinely believed these things to be true, but that doesn't change that it hurt and scarred me to be treated this way for so long.

Zoe lied to me about their whereabouts and health frequently. Zoe has DID and many physical health problems they haven't been properly diagnosed yet because of the complex nature of their symptoms. I will not deny Zoe is disabled mentally or physically. But they often used this as a way to get pity or to guilt trip me. Near the end of our relationship, they would disappear for sometimes 14+ hours at a time with no warning. Because of this, I stopped reaching out to them about my feelings or trying to talk to them about anything serious because I had developed a sort of learned helplessness. If I felt that my partner was unreachable, I would spare myself the pain of reaching out and being ignored. My mental health was very poor at this time and I was struggling with my pet being sick and nearly dying. Zoe would tell me they were just sleeping a lot. I knew they were sick and often slept long periods, so I didn't push it but I did keep to myself. They became angry at me for not reaching out to them and told me they couldn't be there for me if I didn't reach out to them and that I didn't want them around. It was a cycle, and I'll admit that I contributed to it, but I did it to protect myself. This is all important because one of Zoe's alters soon told me that Zoe had been lying to me about sleeping and was actually just trying to intentionally keep me from knowing what was really going on, which I won't share because it's not relevant. Finding out my partner was lying to me when they were already being very absent in my life was a hard thing to handle. 

Zoe would also go on to lie about intentionally not eating when they'd told it to me as being physically unable to keep food down because of their Celiac's and lying to me about the length of a serious decline in health that ultimately put them in the hospital. When my pet rabbit, who is like a human child to me, was on the verge of death, Zoe messaged me telling me they were scared they were about to die. When I told them bluntly that they needed to go to the hospital if they truly felt that way, they told me I hurt their feelings and that they didn't literally think they were dying and only said that to me so I'd tell them they weren't dying. While they knew I was in a crisis over potentially losing a pet I consider to be my main emotional support for nearly a decade. Their selfishness is truly limitless and if they think anyone or anything is infringing on their victimhood, they will do whatever they can to get pity and attention.

I cannot confirm that this is a lie, but I have my suspicions about it and it's a toxic situation regardless of whether lying comes into play or not. When Zoe visited me for the first time, they were determined to get and use my thc vape pen. In the past, Zoe told me that weed (and specifically thc) caused them to have seizures and so they did not use it anymore. Because I'd been fed this narrative of how scary the seizures were and how dangerous it was for them and how they couldn't have it anymore, I refused to give them my pen. When I realized how desperate they were, I even hid it. I had to go to work for a few hours one night while they stayed in my home (again, where I live with a friend's family). They became unstable and were essentially begging me to use the pen. I repeatedly said no, saying I wasn't going to be responsible for them having a seizure. They still kept pushing me. Eventually they moved on to threatening to drink alcohol in the house that did not belong to me. They threatened to walk to a liquor store (there isn't one within walking distance and they were all closed). They were unrelenting about the pen. Eventually I gave in because I loved them and they were hurting. They did not have a seizure. I know that now they smoke weed constantly. There's no real proof that they lied to me. It's possible they were misinformed or their health has changed. But they have a long record of lying to look like a victim, and it still stands that they guilt tripped me and cried to me and begged me to give them a substance they had told me would make them sick until I gave in to them. They have openly admitted to intentional automatic lying and see this as being to their benefit.

Despite claiming to be asexual now (they did not for the duration of our relationship), Zoe sexually harassed both my boyfriend and a close friend of mine who I won't name for their privacy. Zoe would send sexual messages to both and sent images and shared nsfw content with one of them without considering boundaries or discomfort of the recipient. They badly triggered my boyfriend and ruined their relationship with him by being predatory. I mention this because I don't want the label of asexual to make anyone think Zoe isn't fully capable of being sexually inappropriate with people. They have a short track record of it. After the incident with my boyfriend, Zoe told me that THEY felt like their heart was being broken and that my boyfriend had manipulated them by being triggered by Zoe's predation. They expected me to comfort them over this and I refused. The entire scenario was brought up to me vaguely with Zoe refusing to give details and trying to simultaneously act as if they were the worst person who'd ever existed and like they were the one being hurt and deserved pity and comfort for being inappropriate. Despite the polyamorous nature of our relationship, I do consider going behind my back to be sexual with my boyfriend to be cheating. Zoe has in the past been accused of cheating by their first ex. They maintain that they didn't, but knowing what I know now about their issues with boundaries, I'm not sure.

In May, I finally decided to try to confront Zoe about the ways they'd hurt me. I brought it up to them in the context of wanting to make them aware of the ways their behaviors could hurt others going forward. Zoe has always been at least outwardly very about doing better and believing people about trauma and trying to fix your mistakes (yes, I realize how stupid I was to believe this now). I thought they would be open to listening to me so they could try to avoid hurting someone else the way I felt hurt. The way this conversation ended up going gutted me worse than anything else has with them. Worse than being told I'd never be good enough. Because it was like the person I knew was just completely gone and I didn't know them at all anymore. 

I brought up the on and off flipping behavior, the emotional manipulation, I provided a screencap of the conversation where they backed me into a corner about needing to figure out how to house them as an example. They responded by telling me I misunderstood the conversation and should've just apologized to them more and been nicer so they wouldn't feel like I didn't care (again, I'd been sobbing uncontrollably and could barely type responses which were mostly "stop", "I'm sorry"). Zoe refused to listen to me about my own trauma. They shut me down. The conversation ended with them telling me I was making them too angry and they'd be back later. They ignored me for four days and, I found out later, uninstalled discord completely to avoid having to read my messages. Instead of having a real-time conversation where we could actually hash things out and I could feel heard if not understood, I resorted to typing up all of my feelings in one message, telling them this was the last I'd be speaking to them because I couldn't keep torturing myself thinking we could be friends, and sent it. 

They replied to me via Twitter days later with a non-apology about how I just don't understand what it's like to have DID and telling me that they don't spend any time thinking about me or what they did to me because they are just so sick that they can't manage it.

This broke me, completely.

Figuring all of this out has been an ongoing process. I truly believed our relationship to be healthy until I began examining things while trying to heal, and realizing the wound just kept going deeper and deeper and deeper. It's been months now since we've spoken and I still can't process everything. I am constantly remembering more fucked up things they said or did to me or my friends. I don't feel like I need to document all of it, especially since it spans such a long time, I only need to give examples of repeated problem behaviors they have given no indication of changing. 

They are gaining a sizeable following on tiktok and that's what scares me. They are so manipulative and cruel and blind to other people's emotions or boundaries. They are self-important and refuse to be told that they're wrong about anything. They will do whatever they can in order to look blameless and innocent. They now claim an identity of self-actualization and I've seen a video where they try to posit that my life is "going poorly" because I don't believe in their religion and listen to a specific podcast about debunking pseudoscience. This is funnier than it is upsetting until you realize it's the same "your life sucks because you don't have the same belief system as me" argument Christians use constantly. Zoe made this statement knowing the trauma I went through regarding religion in childhood. So thanks for that one. It's minor comparatively but it's incredibly tone-deaf and a great example of their eagerness to seem like others are beneath them for arbitrary reasons. 

Zoe does not, as far as I know, have friends, really. All of mine dropped them once they realized what a manipulative person they are. But just knowing they are on a public platform worries me. I am an adult who has been severely traumatized repeatedly and I still fell into their trap. I don't want to think about what they could do if teens or otherwise more impressionable people came to be around them. They are big into social justice and try to seem harmless and allied with minorities to seem even less dangerous, but they absolutely are toxic and unable to acknowledge their wrongdoings in any real way. The last they told me, they were isolating themself to work on things. I don't know if this is true and I have no way of knowing.

I want to end this with self-accountability. I was not and am not perfect. When my relationship with Zoe began, I had just gotten out of an extremely traumatizing situation. I had acute severe dissociative episodes as well as hallucinations and very unstable mood in general as I was adjusting back to being in a safe(r) environment than I had been for the past year. I acted out and lashed out a lot. All of this was apologized for in the best way that I knew how and I have done my best to change my behavior going forward. I consider myself to be in a much better space now mentally. I am always willing to work on problem behavior as long as I'm made aware it exists. There are things I did wrong in this relationship, and I've thought a lot about it, questioning myself and catching myself in old ways of thinking to correct myself now in all of my relationships. I didn't write this to pretend like I did nothing wrong. I am not innocent. But not being innocent doesn't mean these things didn't happen to me, or that they couldn't happen to someone else if I don't at least try to warn people. 

Please don't message Zoe and definitely don't try to argue with them. Just don't engage with them. They've been given a chance to address their behavior maturely and they turned it down in favor of continuing to play the victim in public. Anyone trying to instigate anything with them is just going to give them more fuel to act that way. 

I have already been treated like a liar for some of this information or had people believe Zoe over me on whatever accusations they'd like to make about me. That's been damaging but there's nothing I can really do about it. I'm open to answering any questions but I'm also going to ask that if you do message me about this, please be civil about it. I'm putting myself in a vulnerable place by writing all of this and I am already scared of the outcome. But I routinely convince myself that I'm making things up because of the nature of being gaslit so much. So I needed a written record of that even if Zoe doesn't like it. 

If you read this, thank you. I've been internalizing a lot of things. Getting my experiences out somewhere concise will hopefully help my healing process. 

[huntertales]

Part Two: Don’t Get Too Preachy. (I’m No Angel S09E03)

Episode Summary: When Ezekiel tells Sam and Dean about a group of angels that are hunting Cas, the reader and the boys race to find their friend before the angels do. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 3,473.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

The next morning you and the boys were at the local police precinct that reported the crime of your dead pharmacist that was your next big lead in trying to find Cas’ latest whereabouts. You greeted the detective who was working the case with a lie that you were here on the behalf of the FBI to lend out a helping hand. While he led you up to his office, he told you about the strange details in the case that left him scratching his head. And the reason why you were here in the first place.

You stepped out of the elevator when all of you got up to the level in the building where his office was located, following behind him through the busy floor with other officers going about their day. "Damnedest thing if I ever saw. Vic had a stab wound, but it's not what killed him." The detective continued on. “It’s like his insides were—”

“Vaporized?” Dean cut off the man, giving him a word that might help describe what he saw a little better. The detective turned his head to give the older Winchester a sort of surprised look at how eerily accurate he was. Deans shrugged. “It’s been going around.”

“So, this guy was a pharmacist from Ohio?” Sam asked the detective.

“Apparently. Total family man, religious. One day, just hops in the S.U.V, takes off, dies under a bridge here from God knows what.” The detective said. You stopped at his desk so he could grab two large evidence bags filled with the victim's belongings and handed them over to you. "This is his stuff. Help yourselves.”

You smiled and mumbled a thank you, watching as he went on his business somewhere else so you and the boys could privately take a look at whatever sort of junk the pharmacist was carrying around. You dumped one of the bag’s contents onto the desk and took one glance to realize most of it wouldn’t be helpful for you. It was nothing more than a bunch of loose change, car keys, his wallet, phone and a pocket sized bible. You grabbed the bible and flipped through the pages with doubt that you were going to find anything useful in here. Dean took his chances with the man’s phone. He scrolled through the text messages and apps on his phone,  trying to find anything that might raise a few red flags.

“Anything?” You asked, tossing the bible back down to the table in defeat.

“Nothing weird. Crappy music, a lot of podcasts, all the same.” Dean said. “Reverend Buddy Bolye’s ‘Goin’ for glory hour.’”  

“Cop said he was religious.” Sam noted.

You leaned over to stare at the phone's tiny screen when Dean pulled up the reverend’s most recent podcast to see if it might be the least bit helpful in trying to figure out what happened. At first glance it seemed like the rest of the stereotypical religious crap people of faith watched. Some overweight middle-aged reverend preached with his open bible with a little too much enthusiasm about what he was saying, all while behind a backdrop that people could only wish was what was waiting for them at the pearly gates.

“Join me in a heapin’ helpin’ of glory, friends. When you’re in the presence of the divine, you’ll know it. And if you let yourself, you’ll hear it.” Dean didn’t seem to be the least bit impressed as you rolled your eyes from the mumbo jumbo the reverend was trying to preach to all of his followers. He fast forwarded to near the end of the podcast, presuming the rest was filled with the same kind of stuff. “So, remember, when angels come a-knocking, let ‘em on in.”

You furrowed your brow slightly from the context of the preacher’s words that might be taken a different way for a faithful person. There was more of a deeper meaning to those words,  you knew that for sure. “Angels can’t possess a human without permission, right?” Sam asked. You nodded your head. It seemed angels were starting to get desperate for a warm body to possess if they were using some sort of  propaganda to fool humans into saying the magical word. “So, what, they’re using this guy to find vessels?”

“It’s a willing audience. They’re all religious types like our pharmacist here.” You said. “Buddy Boyle was telling them to let the angels take them over.”

“Like body snatchers.” Sam said.

“How big a reach does this Boyle guy have?” Dean asked, wondering what kind of scale of angels might have over people they were able to reach.

Sam pulled up a new browser and typed in the podcast’s name into a search engine, hitting enter and clicking on the second link that popped up. You stepped closer to the computer and examined the map of the world on the reverend's official home page, your eyes wandering over the many, many red dots on the map. You let out a frustrated sigh from what this meant. He was more than just a local celebrity. The word of the Lord traveled all over the entire world, reaching anyone who has access to the internet. Which was just about everyone these days.

You and the boys shared a quick glance at one another before deciding you saw everything you needed. Sam clicked out of the browser and headed to the exit with you and his brother. Since this lead had done nothing more than wasting your time, you needed to figure out a new one quick.

+ + +

"Look, for the billionth time, we're just looking for some information, okay? We're not cops. I mean, do we look like cops?" Dean tried once again to reassure the four people of many more others weren’t in any sort of trouble. You decided to try your luck and check out the spot where the pharmacist was killed, hopeful that someone might have seen something. However everyone clammed up when you started asking questions. You and the boys had long ditched your fed suits in favor for your regular street clothes. But it wasn’t everyday people like yourselves go poking around in their living space. One of the homeless people nodded his head, mumbling a yes to Dean’s question. “Well, we’re not cops.”

“We just need to find a friend who’s in trouble.” You explained to them the real reason why you were here so they would understand they weren’t going to get busted for trying to survive. “He might have been here the night that guy was killed. Were any of you here then?”

“Maybe.” Your eyes jumped over to a man who came over to join the conversation, probably wondering why a couple of people were asking questions. He seemed hesitant, unsure of your reasons for finding the man were sincere.

“Oh, okay. Uh, he’s got dark hair, blue eyes, a little out of it.” Dean gave a description of the person you were looking for, hopeful it might jog the man’s memory and help point you in the right direction. The man thought about it for a moment, only he was drawing blanks.

“He maybe called himself Clarence?” Sam added. It seemed the name made him remember the face his brother described. The man nodded and smiled slightly, making it seem they had some sort of contact while Cas was here. “You two talk?”

The man shrugged, “Not much.”

“And…?” Dean trailed off, silently hinting for more information he knew the man was withholding.

“I think he was on the run.” The man said.

“You see him with the vic?” Sam asked him. You cleared your throat ever so quietly, making the younger man correct himself from the lingo that sounded awful familiar to what a cop would say. It was the exact image you were trying to steer clear from. “Uh, victim?”

“No.” The man said. You noticed that he was starting to become hesitant about telling you more about what happened to Cas from the more you asked. You gave him a friendly smile in some sort of attempt to put his mind at ease that you weren’t going to hurt Cas. It was the exact opposite of what you were trying to do. “He went off to sleep in another part of the resort.”

The man tried to leave the conversation at that as he walked off. You and the boys followed right after him, not letting him leave so quickly. “Where?” Dean asked.

“He’s not there now.” He said, tossing the garbage bag he was holding into the pickup of some old rusty truck you would be surprised to if it was still able to run.

“Where’d he go?” You pressured him for a straight answer.

“I saw him running from under the bridge to the highway.” He said.

Dean waited a few seconds for the man to add on any sort of details as to the direction of where Cas might have gone. However all he got in return was silence, making him grow annoyed at the game of twenty questions all of you seemed to be playing for a simple response. “You gonna pay us for all this teeth pulling? Where was he headed?”

“He flagged a truck heading north. Detroit, probably.” The man said. You furrowed your brow at the location that sounded a hell of a lot like a guess, but he sounded sure enough of himself that he was right. Truck was marked 'Motor City Meats.'”

+ + +

A hunter’s diet wasn’t filled with nutritious meals and five servings of vegetables. You were lucky half the time if you managed to find a piece of fruit that wasn’t all the way rotten when you made a pit stop at the gas station for a quick meal. Since living in the bunker you were able to have more food in the kitchen that wasn’t going to lead you into an early death. There was only so much fast food and microwaveable meals someone could digest over the years. You missed the opportunity of having a home cooked meal that was now more accessible since you had a roof over your head. However you were never going to deny yourself a chance at indulging in your favorite junk food for the road to Michigan for the long drive ahead of you.

You snuck a hand inside the plastic bag Dean was carrying for your food as the three of you headed out of the convenience store and to the quiet streets. You smiled in amusement as Sam took it upon himself to lecture his brother about his unhealthy choice in pie as he read the list of ingredients that weren't good for a human body. Sam tried his hardest to treat his body well, choosing healthier options when he could. However Dean was a bottomless pit. You had no idea how he still managed to look the way that he did with the diet that he had kept up for all of these years.

“Look at these chemicals.” Sam said, shaking his head. “Do you even read the label?”

“No. I read ‘pie.’” Dean snatched his beloved dessert out of his brother’s hand and shoved it back into the bag for safekeeping to enjoy later tonight. You quietly chuckled at their banter that was never short of amusing in your eyes. “The rest is just ‘blah, blah, blah.’”

“Okay, listen, when we hit Detroit, I say we start with the homeless shelters.” You suggested the next plan of action as you took another bite of your food. You and the boys kept on walking, passing by someone who was using a pay phone on the street. “If that doesn’t lead to anything, then we should hit up the encampments, soup kitchens.”

“Yeah, and I can check for vagrancy arrests.” Sam added another possible way you could track your friend down.

“Yeah, and, you know…” Dean mimicked his head exploding. “odd deaths.”

You crossed the street and headed down a dark alley, casually going about your business as one might think. You weren’t stupid. You knew there was someone following you. The guy who was at the payphone was now several feet behind you, trying to make it seem he was going about his night. You got suspicious when he happened to be going the same direction you and the boys were. You crumbled up the food wrapped and tossed it into the dumpster and reached for the demon knife tucked in the waistband of your jeans. When the man turned down the exact same alley expecting the three of you to be there, he stopped when he noticed there seemed to be nobody around except for himself.

He stood there for a moment as he looked around the alleyway, trying to figure out how three people managed to vanish into thin air. One of the things a hunter learns quickly on was how to figure out if someone was following them. And confront the person who was stupid enough to go after someone like you. The man took a few more steps down the alley, wondering where you might be hiding. While he was thinking to himself was when the boys made their move. They slammed him up against a chained fence, pinning him down with an angel blade pressed against his throat. He realized that he was up three against one. Didn’t matter what he was, there was no way he was getting out of this alive if he didn’t answer a few questions of yours.

+ + +

Reapers were your least favorite kind of people to deal with. The few times you crossed paths with one trouble always followed. One of you was always fighting to save your life, and then there was that one time where you made a deal with Death himself to get Sam’s soul back from the cage. The poor reaper, Tessa, was stuck with you for twenty-four hours. She wasn’t a particular fan of you from the stunts you pulled that made her job harder. While you bumped into her by pure coincidence, the one who had been trailing you and the boys seeked you out for a particular reason.

You managed to get some information out of him after you went somewhere a little more private. The reaper, who was known as Maurice, flinched in pain when Dean slashes him once again with the angel blade when he wouldn’t properly cooperate with you. His chest was covered in several masks with his wrists cuffed to some exposed pipe, rendering him under your mercy. You learned so far that the angels were asking a favor from the reapers to find a certain someone.

“So, Maurice. You bounty hunters are like Delta Force reapers. Why would they sic you on Cas?”

“He warded himself.” Maurice said.

“Naomi hire you?” Dean questioned the reaper, wondering if the angel you had only met once before was behind all of this.

“You really are out of the loop.” Maurice chuckled at the lack of knowledge either one of you knew. You furrowed your brow slightly, wondering why that was that was so funny to him. “Naomi's dead. Resting in pieces.”

“So then who's running things now?” Sam asked. Maurice responded with the silent treatment. You rolled your eyes in annoyance from how complicated he was making things for himself.

“Answer!” Dean shouted at the reaper, his patience wearing dangerously thin.

“Her protégé, Bartholomew.” Maurice responded unwillingly a few seconds later. “He's an up-and-comer.”

“So he figured we'd lead you to Cas.” You said, connecting the dots on your own. It was a typical tactic trying to get their hands on their least favorite sibling. They must’ve known you would go looking for Cas after he dropped off the map. But they were stupid enough to believe you would eventually catch on. You found yourself circling back to a name Maurice mentioned a few seconds ago. “This Bartholomew, is he the one who’s organizing the angels?”

You raised your brow slightly when the reaper continued to give you the silent treatment, leaving your question unanswered. You gave him a moment before Dean slashed Maurice over the chest once again.

“That's all I know.” Maurice admitted to you. Dean stepped forward and placed the tip of the blade against the reaper’s throat. The sharpness of the blade caused him to flinch and tilt his chin upwards, forcing him to look the older Winchester in the eye, and for him to realize all of this would be child’s play compared to what you could do to get more information. But he wasn’t scared. “You can kill me. It won't matter. If I don't find Castiel, there are others that will. But do what you want.”

Dean decided he would do just that. You weren’t the least bit fazed by the mentions of angels and reapers on your tail, you had something hunting you almost all of the time. You were already expecting the extra competition. You and the boys had a mutual agreement Maurice wouldn’t be much help to you. So it seemed useless to keep him breathing. Dean shoved the angel blade into the reaper’s chest, killing him without a second thought. You might be chased by angels and reapers, and they might be able to track you, but it didn’t mean you were going to give up so easily.

+ + +

You and the boys spent almost all night driving around town, following every possible lead you could think of with the hopes that Cas might be hiding somewhere safe from harm. All it turned out to be was wasted effort on your part. He was nowhere to be found, making you start to fear for the worst that you might be too late. Dean pulled up into a parking lot and shut off the engine. The sun had risen over an hour ago and you were wasting time. Either Cas was heading somewhere new, or a reaper managed to get their hands on him.

You casually looked out the backseat window and to your outside surroundings, wondering if you might get lucky and find the man wandering around. When you found nothing you turned your gaze straight forward, where you met eye contact with Dean. You furrowed your brow slightly in confusion as to why he was staring at you. “What’s up?”

“We've been chasing our tails all night. No Cas. ‘What's up?’ I'm fried.” Dean said. He was tired of doing things the hard way. There was a potential lead neither one of you had tried yet. Time was running out, and there wasn’t much else Dean could think of to find his best friend.  “I think it's time for plan B.”

“I'm not following.” You mumbled, looking between the boys when you heard Sam let out a sudden sigh of frustration from what his brother was implying. It seemed he managed to catch on, but you were left in the dark.

“I'm letting you know.” Dean spoke his words deliberately slow and meaningful, as if he was trying to tell you something in secret.

“O-okay.” You said. You were officially lost as to what the hell was going on. “Um, letting me know what?”

“I'm letting you know.” Dean was more slower and delberite with his words, as if he was trying to get you to unlock some memory in your head that you were suppressing. Or he was trying to talk to someone who you didn’t know was there.

You kept staring at him like he had grown a second head, that was, until your eyes suddenly flowed a bright blue, your expression changed as you sat up straighter in your seat. Dean managed to get through to the person who he was trying to reach. Ezekiel was now officially behind the wheel. And he didn’t look too pleased about it. “What is it, Dean?”

“We need your help.” Dean said, admitting defeat after brushing off the angel’s offer a few days before.

“That is flattering. We've been through this.” Ezekiel said. “I cannot be making public appearances.”

“Oh, I understand that. I'm not asking you to walk the red carpet, Zeke, okay? I need your help finding Cas.” Deans stated the real reason why he was speaking to him in the first place.

“It cannot be done.” The angel said. “He is warded.”

“I know that, but maybe you can use your intergalactic, hyperspace, X-ray eyeballs to find someone else.” Dean said. The way he explained things to the angel got a lack of uncertainty of what he was talking about. “There might be a reaper for rent on his ass. Could you find them?”

“I could try.” Ezekiel said.

Ezekiel shut his eyes and put his concentration on tuning into angel radio to eavesdrop on the chatter among his siblings. The boys anxiously waited for a response that was their only chance at finding Cas. Ezekiel kept to his word, giving a location that wasn’t too far from here. If Dean was fast enough, all of you would be able to get there in record time. When you came back around, it was like no time had passed at all, but you were confused when Dean turned the engine back on and slammed his foot on the gas.

[Next Part]

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Message me if you would like to be added!

[phantomhydeoftheopera]

Hello @chengsang!  I am your person for the MDZS network gift exchange!  I did my best to include as many of your favorite pairings as possible, so I hope you like it!

Jiang Cheng stared down at his phone with a deadpan expression.  He sighed and gently banged his head back against his bedroom wall.  He peeked back at the screen.  Nope, the text from his brother was still there.

Jiang Cheng!  Don’t forget about our party tonight!  And remember the gift exchange!

His phone slipped from his hands and fell onto his purple duvet cover.  Sure, work was busy, apparently so busy that it had pushed all memory of his brother’s holiday party out of his mind.

His brother was annoying as hell, he wasn’t going to lie.  His husband was scarily straight faced, and they were all.  Over.  Each.  Other every time he saw them.

Still, free food was free food, and his sister’s restaurant was catering.  The only problem was that now he had to get a gift for whoever Wei Ying picked out of his ridiculous Santa hat.  It was totally rigged anyway, he always ended up with some random person Wei Ying had invited just to set him up with them.

It never worked but nevertheless his brother was determined.

Jiang Cheng got himself ready and left his apartment.  He figured he could treat himself to breakfast while he was out.

It was snowing lightly as he walked into town and he buried his chin further into his coat as the flakes settled onto his hair.  He appeared to be one of the many people doing some last minute shopping.  He thought that all of his shopping was done; he had gifts for his siblings and their families, his parents, and his nephew.  This was the only thing in the way of having a relaxing holiday.

He ducked into the least crowded store he could find and stomped his boots on the mat to get the excess snow off.

Jiang Cheng didn’t think he’d ever been inside this particular store because he would have remembered taking an immediate liking to the cozy atmosphere, the aroma of coffee permeating the air, and…

… oh boy.

Here’s the thing.  Jiang Cheng has had high standards since his first year of college.  The only time they had ever changed was when he expanded his tastes to include men.

But the boy behind the counter made Jiang Cheng want to throw those standards out the window.

The first word that popped into Jiang Cheng’s head was “cute.”  He was sitting on a high stool feeding a… was that a bird in his hand?  A little yellow canary was seated on his knuckles and the boy was feeding it seeds like some kind of Disney princess.  The bird tweeted and he laughed, a sound Jiang Cheng thought sounded just as sweet as the birdsong.

Jiang Cheng walked closer, trying not to disturb the boy.  He didn’t notice after a while, but the canary turned around and flew to the boy’s shoulder.

“What is it, little guy?  Do you see- shit!”  The boy cried, nearly falling off the stool in a hurry to tidy his already neat shoulder length hair, and greeted Jiang Cheng with a too-wide grin.  “Hi!  Welcome to Little Bird Gifts!  May I help you with anything?”

Now was the time to say something smooth.  Something that would instantly charm the boy and temporarily convince him that Jiang Cheng wasn’t a complete moron.

“... Are you selling that?”

Or maybe not.

The boy turned to the urns of coffee behind him with the tall stacks of paper cups that Jiang Cheng was pointing to.

“Oh, the coffee?  Yes, it’s thirty yuan.  Care for a cup?”

“Yes please, thank you.”

He poured a cup and handed it to Jiang Cheng.  Their fingers touched and he noticed that the boy’s hands were soft.  The boy leaned on the counter and rested his chin in his hands.

“Are you looking for anything in particular?”

Oh he sure was and he might’ve found it.

“Just something generic.  My brother is having a party that involves a gift exchange.  I just need something that anyone would like.”

“I have some ideas, follow me.”

He hopped off the stool and came around the other side of the counter and led Jiang Cheng further into the shop.  The boy was wearing a green turtleneck sweater and tight black jeans with low heeled black ankle boots.

Jiang Cheng tried really hard to focus on how the jeans hugged his ass perfectly and his height was great for cuddling.

“There’s some incense sets, scarves and gloves, nice glasses, cheese knives, and my personal favorite, fans hand painted by me.”

Jiang Cheng curiously unfolded one of the fans.  It was beautifully painted with an image of gentians and curling vines.

“You really made this?  It’s stunning.”

The boy grinned, a real one this time and not a customer service smile.

“Just a hobby of mine.  I’ll leave you to your browsing.”

Jiang Cheng wandered through the rows and displays of items.  He decided that he might have to come back to this shop for other occasions, or just to get something fun for himself.  Not to mention the cute employee…

Suddenly something landed on his head and started to tangle in his hair.  He swatted at it only to be met with a sharp bite on his finger.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I don’t know what got into him,” the boy cried as he ran over to untangle his bird from Jiang Cheng’s hair.  He had to bend down so the boy could reach the top of his head.  God, he even smelled good.  The bird flew out of Jiang Cheng’s hair and nested on the boy’s head instead.

“Do you always let him go free?”

“Well, yes, he’s sort of my mascot.  I promise he doesn’t fly into everyone’s hair all the time.  Maybe you’re special!”

Well if the bird likes him then Jiang Cheng was one step closer.

The boy reached out to smooth down his messed up hair, but ended up running his fingers through it.  “I’ll just… leave you to it then.”

God was he whipped.

After some careful deciding Jiang Cheng chose a pretty mug with some coffee and tea.  A safe choice, everyone was bound to like one or the other.

“Good choice,” the boy commented as he rang up the purchases.

“Thanks.  I’ve never been in here before, it’s nice.”

“I’m glad you like it,” the boy leaned forward and scribbled something on the receipt, “let’s hope I can convince you to come back some time.”

His number.  The boy had written his number on the receipt.

“Oh, I’m sure you can.”

———————-

Jiang Cheng arrived at his brother in law’s ridiculously large house that evening with his gift and a small host gift for his brother.  Every edge of their mansion was lined with lights and Jiang Cheng has to shield his eyes as he walked up the driveway.

“Jiang Cheng!”  His brother exclaimed as he opened the door, “so glad you could make it tonight!”  Wei Ying gave his brother a tight hug and led him into the house.  “You can put that under the tree, there’s wine and food over there, most of the people are here and- oh is that for me? You shouldn’t have!”

“You would have complained otherwise,” Jiang Cheng grumbled.

“Oh don’t be like that!  Have some cheer!”  Wei Ying plunked a headband down on Jiang Cheng’s head, which turned out to have a pair of antlers on them.

“You’re lucky I don’t want to make a scene at your party.”

“I know.  Now, go mingle.”

Wei Ying vanished from his side and left Jiang Cheng to fend for himself.  He wove through the crowd of people and tried to locate the alcohol.  If getting wasted was going to get him through this party then so be it.

“Nice antlers,”

… It couldn’t be.

What are the odds?

Jiang Cheng turned around and, as he suspected, it was the cute boy from the gift shop.

“Believe me, I’m wearing them against my will.”

“Well if that’s the case, let me help with that.”  The boy took off the headband and placed it on his own head.  “How do I look?” He asked with a twirl.

Cute.

“Good,” Jiang Cheng said.  “I’m Jiang Cheng, by the way, I didn’t say earlier.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Nie Huaisang.”

“I haven’t… seen you at one of my brothers parties before.”

“Ah, I was a last minute invite,” Nie Huaisang explained, “Lan Xichen is, was, a good friend of my brother, but after his death I would have been alone on Christmas so he asked if I could come.”

Jiang Cheng had met the eldest Lan brother a few times and that sounded something like he would do.

“I’m glad you’re here though, someone’s gotta cut me off at some point, and you get to try my sister’s cooking.”

“Well, if it’s as good as I’ve heard, I’m in for a real treat.”

They spent the rest of the evening together, just talking and enjoying the company of another lonely soul.  Jiang Cheng found himself opening up after a while, and not because of the alcohol.  He learned that Nie Huaisang owned the store and had two more birds in his apartment.  He had been close with his brother who had been a martial arts instructor and world champion before his sudden death.  Nie Huaisang had taken it pretty hard but was doing okay.

“It’s hard, but you have to remind yourself that they wouldn’t want to see you moping around, you know?  Can’t be sad for too long,” he said before taking a sip of spiked eggnog.  “But enough of that, let’s get some of that good food I’ve heard so much about.”

Jiang Cheng introduced Nie Huaisang to his sister and her girlfriend, and said hello to his nephew, his sister’s son from her previous marriage.  He was talking with one of his friends and was about to enter the kitchen when Wei Ying stopped him.

“Look up, you too, I’m not letting you in my kitchen unless you kiss.”

Wei Ying had hung a sprig of mistletoe on the doorway in hopes of catching unsuspecting victims.  Instead of complaining, Jin Ling blushed as his friend Lan Jingyi gave him an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek.

Jiang Cheng made a mental note to go through that doorway with Nie Huaisang.

After dinner came the anticipated, or dreaded, gift exchange.  Everyone gathered in the living room and one at a time Wei Ying would take slips of paper with names on them out of his Santa hat, and the person that was given the name had to give their gift to whoever’s name was on the paper.

He knew for a fact that Wei Ying color coded the slips of paper so he could try and play matchmaker.

“Your turn A-Cheng!” Wei Ying said, ignoring Jiang Cheng’s protests against the nickname, “You have… Nie Huaisang!”

“What a coincidence!” The adorable boy on his right laughed.

“Yeah, a coincidence,” Jiang Cheng grumbled.  Wei Ying grinned cheekily.

“Well, I guess I don’t have to open this.”  Nie Huaisang accepted the gift anyways, “but it’s the thought that counts.”

“But that’s not all!  Nie Huaisang has… Jiang Cheng!”

“Oh good!  I picked this with you in mind.”  Nie Huaisang placed a box in Jiang Cheng’s lap.

“How did you know you would get my name?”

“Oh, I have my ways…” Nie Huaisang said mysteriously.  “Open it.”

He carefully unwrapped the gift and pushed apart the tissue paper.  A black and purple plaid scarf was nestled in the layers.  “I saw that you weren’t wearing one when you came in, so I thought I’d give it to you.”

“This is…” Jiang Cheng picked it up and held it against his face.  It was soft, felt like cashmere, and even smelled like the shop.  Smelled like him.  “I love it, thank you so much.”  Feeling brave, he pulled Nie Huaisang into a hug, which he returned.

“I’m happy you like it.”

Someone next to them cleared their throat, and Jiang Cheng looked to see Wei Yong holding the mistletoe that was previously in the doorway.

“Come on, you have to do it!”

Nie Huaisang laughed.

“Well, if you don’t mind…”

He turned Jiang Cheng’s face towards his and kissed him right on the lips.  It took him a minute to register what was happening, but he pulled Nie Huaisang closer and kissed him back.

“I don’t mind at all,” Jiang Cheng whispered when the broke apart.

“Good, because I plan to do that again.”

[korejinnie]

The 7 Jungian Archetypes of BTS’ Consciousness

BTS has been hitting the idea of Archetypes and personalities since Fake Love era. And now, after MOTS: Persona, we can finally confirm that each member, along with the unique masks projected onto each member during the 2018 Japan MAMA Fake Love Intro, that each of the members represents a different archetype and character. 

There are a total of 12 Jungian Archetypes:

Ruler

Creator/Artist

Sage

Innocent

Explorer

Rebel

Hero

Wizard

Jester

Everyman

Lover

Caregiver

And these 12 archetypes are separated into 4 different categories:

And so from the 12 Jungian Character Archetypes, I found the 7 archetypes that best represents the 7 members of BTS and created the 7 Archetypes of BTS’ Consciousness. (*Note that I incorporated 2 other similar archetypes into 2 of the 7 archetypes because Yoongi and Taehyung are a bit more complicated).

So let’s begin with Hoseok.

- The Jester

This is the Jester/Clown:

"They are the masters who have no emotional connections or family but who cause a spark of interest in us and can have a deep impact on us if we meet one. Humour and wit equate power and with this archetype, looks can be deceiving."

This actually represents Hoseok quite well, as we know he has Munchausen's Syndrome. This is a psychiatric disorder where someone will make up events or illnesses to draw attention/sympathy to himself. All the pills Hoseok took and all the things he said about his illnesses, they’re not real. So in a sense, he lies and manipulates others to gain attention and sympathy from others.

He also has no family because as we know, his mom left him at the amusement park with a bar of snickers when he was really young. Hoseok copes with his illnesses by laughing it off. He is the sunshine, and he makes everyone happy, but that at the same time, drains him on the inside.

- The Innocent/Orphan

This is the Innocent/Orphan:

“The Orphan is the lost child, without a solid identity they have the opportunity to feel deep suffering yet see life for what it is without attachment. Its shadow is its likelihood of becoming the victim, consumed in its loss, much like the Magical child it will assume it will be ‘saved’ and that fate has more strength than its own actions.”

Though Taehyung isn’t actually an orphan, his mother died when he was young and his father was very abusive, which led him to become a lost child. Taehyung accidentally killed his father with an alcohol glass bottle when he saw that his father was abusing his sister and he wanted to protect his sister. Ever since then, he has become a victim of that incident. Taehyung has also been protected by his sister ever since his mother’s death. His sister acted as the mother figure, so for the most part, Taehyung had not much idea what his father was doing to his sister when he was young, nor did he know how to stop it.

This incident, along with his past of fatherly abusement, very soon became his shadow, as he sings about this in the WINGS short film “Stigma”. He gets caught by the police for vandalizing a garage door and every question the police asks him and every answer he replies with hits him like a punch in the face. He’s a lost puppy, and he has no idea what to do. In truth, he just wants to be happy. Taehyung, like a puppy, is innocent and all he wants is to be happy, however, the shadow of his abusive father and his murder incident makes him a victim. 

As we saw in the highlight reel, he actually has a kind heart and is good-natured. He wants to do things right. He attacked his father to protect his sister during “I NEED U”, and he caught the girl who was stealing the backpack in the convenience store and offered to pay for the things she stole for her instead of turning her in for what she did.

- The Explorer

This is the Explorer:

"The explorer leaves home to find themselves, battles monsters and then returns home to slay their own demons. As with all journeys, we travel far from home only to discover that what we were looking for was on our doorstep the whole time.” 

Namjoon, as we know Namjoon lives in poverty as a homeless person. The rest of the boys see Namjoon as a responsible adult that they admire, but Namjoon believes that he does not deserve to be perceived in such a way. Namjoon eventually moves away for a period of time, which is during the same time Taehyung got in trouble and tried calling Namjoon for help.

Namjoon’s fear is being lost in life, yet his greatest weakness is aimless wandering. Homeless people are usually seen as the “misfits” of society, and we see his weakness through this aspect of him as a person. Namjoon wants to experience a better, more authentic, and more fulfilling life. He has bigger dreams for his future... but he decides to forget about his dreams because they seem impossible to him. He has to work at a gas station to make ends meet... so how could he? In “I NEED U” we also see him get in trouble with Taehyung a lot, and this was how it was in HYYH. Taehyung looked up to Namjoon and they were very close together. They were happy together as the misfits of society.

- The Everyman

This is the Everyman:

As we know from The Notes and “SAVE ME” Webtoons comic, when Jimin was young, he witnessed the murder of one of his classmates by a group of gangsters at an arboretum. He then also suffers from a crippling illness that causes him to have seizures. It is unknown if this illness developed after the incident at the arboretum or previous to the incident, but either way, this crippling illness causes him to transfer schools a lot due to his long and regular hospital visits. After he met the rest of the boys, his mood and illness were stable again for a while, but this happiness didn’t last long and he eventually was sent to the hospital again and spiraled back into depression.

Jimin has a fear of being left out and not being loved for his true self. When he was a child his parents were never there for or with him, and he had no friends because of his illness and constant hospital visits. Especially since after the arboretum incident, he was pretty much scarred for life and because he was so terrified, ever since then he never told anyone about the incident nor and tried to forget what he saw.

All Jimin ever wanted was to belong, to feel normal, to be a part of a group. But the downside to that was he would lie in order to seem “normal”. He would lie so he could be liked, and so he could be accepted. This is evident throughout the highlight reels and Jimin’s WINGS short film “Lie”.

When Hoseok and the girl he liked was dancing together, Jimin secretly filmed them dancing. As soon as the girl realized that Jimin was filming them, she told Jimin to come and join their dance practice, but Jimin felt shy and embarrassed and instead refused the girl’s invitation. In “Lie”, Jimin knew about the aboretum incident, and he knew a lot more than he was telling the hospital, or whichever facility he was being put in. But when the camera pointed to him and the robot hand showed him a card, seemingly asking him if he knew something, he lied by smiling.

- The Caregiver

This is the Caregiver:

“The caregiver feels stronger than other people. They want to protect people from harm and try to prevent any danger or risk from threatening other people’s happiness.”

Jungkook, as the youngest boy out of the friend group, looks up to his hyungs a lot. As we know, Jungkook’s mother and stepfather ignore him when his stepbrothers beat him up, which leads him to have suicidal thoughts. But he soon found happiness after meeting the 6 other boys and he becomes very close with Yoongi. However, this happiness didn’t last long, because one day, after a teacher hit Jungkook for misbehaving, Yoongi stood up for Jungkook but unfortunately got expelled from school. Ever since then, Jungkook felt guilty for getting Yoongi expelled. 

Jungkook has a fear of letting his hyungs down and he hates to see his hyungs unhappy. He wants the best for his hyungs, but oftentimes he would end up sacrificing himself in order to make up for his hyungs’ happiness. Jungkook always wants to protect and care for his hyungs, and he is very compassionate and generous when it comes to the people he loves and cares about.

And we definitely see this in Fake Love and Euphoria. In Fake Love, everyone else traded an item that represented each of their fears for a positive attitude, except Jungkook. Jungkook recieved a key that would open the door to the Singularity room. Many Armys have theorized that this key would open a room that’s similar to Pandora’s Box, but in our case, Jungkook traded himself instead, for his Hyung’s happiness. We see later on, after he traded himself for the key, that he ran around the fake love house and had to experience every single one of his hyungs’ deepest fears in order to understand how they truly felt. At the beginning of “Euphoria” and in “I NEED U”, Yoongi tried to commit suicide by lighting his room on fire in hopes of dying in the fire. In “SAVE ME” Webtoons comics, we see that Yoongi almost always seems to end up either dying or getting injured in the fire that he caused within his apartment room. In Euphoria and SAVE ME, Jungkook was the one who runs into the room to help pull Yoongi out of the fire and save him. 

He tries to sacrifice himself and his happiness in exchange for his Hyungs’ happiness.

- The Rebel/Destroyer

“The rebel is a transgressor. They provoke people and don’t care at all about other people’s opinions. As a result, they like going against the grain and thinking for themselves. The negative side of the rebel archetype is that they can become self-destructive.”

Yoongi, as we know, used to love playing the piano because his mother taught him how to play. However, after his mother died in a fire, Yoongi was traumatized by that incident and ever since then, Yoongi blamed himself for his mother’s death and became suicidal and depressed. He would frequently smoke and drink as ways to help cope with his depression and PTSD.

And it’s because of this traumatic experience, that he started to become careless of those around him and how they felt. He would use self-destructing methods to harm himself because he feels guilty for his mother’s death. In the SAVE ME webtoons, during one of Jin’s time-traveling sequence, Yoongi tried to commit suicide. After Jin pulled Yoongi out of the burning apartment and called the ambulance to help rescue Yoongi from the fire, he blamed Jin because Jin was the reason why he was still alive and he asked them why Jin couldn’t just let him die in the fire.

- The Sage

“The Sage archetype seeks the truths that will set us free. Especially if the Sage overcomes the temptation of dogma, it can help us become wise, to see the world and ourselves objectively, and to course-correct based on objective analyses of the results of our actions and choices. The Sage is a seeker after truth and enlightenment and journeys far in search of the next golden nugget of knowledge. The danger for the sage and their deep fear is that their hard-won wisdom is built on the sand of falsehood.”

I’ve previously explained in my “BU Storyline Summary” why Jin is the only real character throughout the entire BU storyline and how the BU storyline is about his journey to finding his soul and learning to truly love himself, eventually reaching enlightenment.

Now, Jin has a fear of knowing the truth, but deep down inside, he has a strong desire to understand the truth (it’s kind of confusing but just think of it in this way: After taking a test, you have a strong desire to know what grade you got, yet simultaneously you also don’t want to know what grade you got because you fear you got a bad grade). This entire journey throughout the BU timeline consists of Jin, through his mental illnesses and obstacles, trying to break down the barriers and defeat his inner dragon (AKA his mental challenges). 

In a way, Jin represents all the boys, and all the boys represent Jin. The aspects of the Sage can be found in nearly all 6 other archetypes, and all 6 other archetypes can be related in some way or another to The Sage.

So, this theory took me a good 5 hours to make, and I have no idea why. This took way longer than it should have, but I hope it makes sense and also helps to clear up some questions you previously had regarding the BU timeline/storyline and theories uwu.

[rirururu]

Danganronpa V3 Thoughts + Chapter 5 Rant

Okay so I’m super late seeing as the game released two years ago but after the disaster that was the DR3 anime, it took a while for me to build up the motivation to play DRV3. I just finished it recently. And what do I think of it?

It was... not as bad as the anime. Actually, it’s not bad at all. Far from it.

But there were still so many nonsensical and dumb decisions made. Just like in DR3. I know for most people, it was chapter 6 and the ending that broke the game and made it horrible for them. But those didn’t particularly bug me. It was actually chapter 5.

(Warning: spoilers for the entire DRV3 game below cut)

(Warning: here’s to be to the return of my salty Hajime rants)

Before you ask, no. It’s not because Kaito and Kokichi died.

We can get that whole “who is best boi/gurl” stuff out of here right off the bat. That has nothing to do with it. If it fits the characters’ arcs and gives the game a proper conclusion or progression, then it’s perfectly fine to kill characters off no matter how much you like them.

That being said, I think it’s safe to conclude that most of the running theme of DRV3 is the idea of “lies versus truth” and “belief versus distrust” as opposed to “hope versus despair.” I have no complaints about that. Actually, it’s a much more impactful and relevant conflict to use in a game where finding the truth and being suspicious of friends is such a paramount part of class trials in the first place.

I can see where the writers were going with Kokichi and Kaito’s characters. Kokichi was meant to be the embodiment of lies and distrust, Kaito was the embodiment of belief, while Shuichi himself was the pursuer of truth. Seeing these three characters in particular be able to play off of each other was one of the highlights of V3, possibly one of the most well-written dynamics in the entire Danganronpa franchise. Why?

It’s because despite Shuich being the seeker of truth, we’ve seen him lie in trials before (a nifty and sometimes necessary new mechanic). Despite Kokichi being a perpetual liar, we’ve seen him tell the truth with how he some times encourages the others in previous cases. Despite Kaito yelling poetry about believing in his friends all the time, we’ve seen Kaito lose belief in Shuichi after what happened in chapter 4. We’ve seen how Kokichi’s distrust in Maki backfired in chapter 2′s trial and led to him being incorrect while Kaito’s belief in Gonta backfired in chapter 4′s trial and led to him being incorrect. The whole message here is that people are multi-layered and can never live with only one or the other. There is no wrong side; you need all four. It was honestly a really good narrative theme.

That is, until chapter 5. The dreaded chapter that officially broke the game for me.

The lesson I got out of chapter 5 after the two most narratively driven characters were killed off was simply “lying is bad.” Really, game? You’re taking such a complex and morally ambiguous conflict as finding the truth and lying to oversimplify it so much? I'm baffled to see the game use such a strong topic just to flub it up so spectacularly for no reason. It put a metaphorical coffin on what was four and a half chapters of buildup. If the whole overlap of  “truth versus lies” and “belief versus logic” weren’t going to go anywhere, then why introduce them in the first place?

Let me explain a bit more. Chapter 5 portrayed Shuichi’s pursuit of the truth and unwavering borderline psychotic focus on finding the truth due to what Kaede said (which also led to him helping Monokuma in chapter 5 like wtf) as the right thing to do all along. Screw Kokichi. Shuichi will help Monokuma as long as the black-and-white terrorist is trying to find the truth too. ‘Because truth good and lies bad.’ While we’re at it, screw Kaito and Maki and everyone else who ever challenged Shuichi and questioned whether sometimes lying is the better choice. Screw all the previous trials where Shuichi was shown acknowledging that lying was sometimes necessary. Shuichi’s always right, baby. And he gets absolutely zero repercussion for it. He’s canonically portrayed as having done the right thing even though his pursuit of the truth actually led to the killing game ending in chapter 6 instead of chapter 5 like the super-big-baddy-evil-villain-just-because-he-lies Kokichi was trying to do.

While we’re at, I guess the second morale of the story was that Kokichi could never learn to accept the importance of belief and truth until the very end. Kaito continued believing in people and could never learn to accept the importance of distrust and logic until the very end. “Whoever lies stays a liar.” “Whoever has belief in people don’t ever have to be suspicious.” Really, game? You’re taking the idea of humans being multi-layered and growing from that and turning them into one-dimensional personifications of the themes who can’t change?

Chapter 5′s outcome is a direct contradiction to where Kokichi, Kaito, and Shuichi as well as the entire game’s themes of truth, lies, belief, and distrust were foreshadowed as heading for over four chapters. I feel like 50% of the reason people think Kokichi is a well-written character is based off of Kodaka purposely making him ambiguous rather than actually giving him a proper character arc. I mean, yeah, why give him a proper character arc if the fans can do it for us? The only hint of a change I’d seen from him was in that he trusted his plan to Kaito, and even then that wasn’t real belief because he blackmailed Kaito into it. Then of course, he died a death that no one in the game seemed to care about because he’s the super-big-baddy-evil-villain-just-because-he-lies and Kodaka seemed so gungho about making him into another tragic Komaeda troupe.

Let’s not forget the other dumbass decisions made by the writers that contradict earlier events or conveniently plot convenient but actually totally impossible but let’s forget that because it’s convenient twists made in the murder itself. Sure, I totally believe that the Exisals had a voice changer that Kaito magically knew how to use. I totally believe that Kokichi would take off his shirt instead of just pulling his sleeve up while he was in the crusher just to give evidence for Shuichi to find. I totally believe that Kaito and Maki could drive an Exisal when it was clearly stated several times that only the Monokubs and Kokichi could do it to prevent anyone from hijacking one. I totally believe Kaito magically transformed into the Ultimate Imposter to impersonate Kokichi and Kokichi wasted his time writing an encyclopedia of a script that would’ve taken weeks to do when the entire DRV3 took place over a few days. I totally believe that Kokichi stupidly kept the remote control for the Exisals on him when he was crushed by the machine instead of giving it to Kaito just to make chapter 6 more unnecessarily difficult.

I totally believe that Maki was actually dumb enough to think that killing the supposed mastermind was the best way to end the killing game when Kaede already proved it wouldn’t. I totally believe that Kokichi would go on a suicide mission that was doomed to fail when nothing about his character before indicated that he wanted anything but to live. I totally believe that the class thought the best course of action at Kokichi actually trying to stop the killing game is to team up with Monokuma to stop Kokichi from stopping the killing game. I totally believe that Kokichi, already established as arguably the most intelligent character in the entire verse bar Junko or Izuru, would make an unsolvable case just to hand over the exact evidence that let Shuichi solve the case. I totally believe that something as trivial as a one-second pause in a video was enough for Shuichi to change the victim’s identity simply based off a combination of something almost resembling circumstantial evidence and his imagination and with no proof at all.

But I guess at the end of the day, plot holes are abundant in Danganronpa. That’s never been the game-changer for me. Normally, I can overlook logical and emotional plot holes if they serve a purpose. What shouldn’t be abundant is throwing away entire themes and character arcs built up for over four chapters just for the sake of making a case as dramatic and mind-fucking as possible.

What would’ve been a more consistent outcome and a better payoff? Let me go over each character.

I think it would’ve been better if Shuichi’s entire final argument segment in the fifth trial was actually an intentional lie on his part to trick Monokuma and the player. It would’ve been a nice extension to the new Lying during Non Stop Debate mechanic. Kaito should have been the victim and the pause in the video should have been a trap set up by Kokichi for Monokuma and one that Shuichi purposely used. Kokichi being the one in the Exisal makes more sense no matter how you dice it since the game wouldn’t have to try to explain all the bullshit with the script and imposter act that made no sense. This would cause a mis-trial because Monokuma was wrong, and subsequently lose the rights to hold anymore trials. The pursuer of truth, Shuichi, would learn to lie in order to save his friends.

I think it would’ve been better if Kokichi’s entire plan depended on (correctly) believing that Shuichi would catch on to the lies within the murder and analyze the meaning of the pause in the video. Kokichi has no control over what Shuichi does in the trial since he doesn’t want to give the impression of wanting Shuichi to analyze the pause for fear of being discovered by Monokuma. It would be true belief in someone, not the blackmail shit he pulled with Kaito in the canon trial. The real blackened should have been Maki, who ends up not being executed because Monokuma has no idea that she’s the blackened due to not knowing what killed Kaito first. The trial should’ve been deemed invalid after Kokichi was proven to be alive in the Exisal after the verdict is already declared and everyone voted for Kaito because not even Monokuma knows if it was Kaito, Kokichi, or Maki who killed Kaito. The whole setup he did wouldn’t have been a waste. The embodiment of lies and distrust, Kokichi, would learn to believe in someone in order to stop the killing game.

I think it would’ve been better if Kaito sacrificed himself since he knew that he was ill and was going to die anyway. While we’re at this topic, can I just point towards the stupidity behind Kaito jumping in front of Maki’s arrow to save Kokichi’s life just to turn around and agree to kill him like 5 minutes later? And for what? Because Maki’s life is somehow more valuable than Kokichi’s? Oh go off, Kaito. It makes him come off as a jackass who can’t act on what he’s been preaching about for over 4 chapters. To me, Kaito choosing to not trust in Kokichi’s plan out of desperation to save Maki's life is way more in character than Kaito choosing to kill Kokichi out of desperation to save Maki's life. Him not trusting Kokichi would be a direct result of what happened in trial 4 where his belief made him mess up. The subversion of what his character was capable of would've been less out-of-nowhere and more related to the narrative theme. Kaito forcing the antidote on Kokichi, convincing him not to commit suicide, then killing himself before the poison did to prevent as many deaths as possible all while using his life to end the killing game would’ve made much more sense. Because Kaito knew he was going to die from his disease anyway and would want to save both Maki and Kokichi. Having him be so selfish and only value Maki's life, once again, makes him come off as a jackass in my eyes. He’s right for not trusting Kokichi since in the end, it convinces Kokichi to continue living rather than committing suicide. This would’ve been a way better “fuck you” to Monokuma than relying on luck to use his disease to kill him before the execution did. The symbol of belief, Kaito, would decide not to trust someone in his last moment of living in exchange for sparing Maki’s life and helping Kokichi grow.

All three characters and their continual struggle with truth, lies, belief, and distrust would’ve actually gotten the closure that they deserve. They would’ve all grown past their troupes to learn that all four are necessary in order to become better people. And there’s no way you can convince me that this is a worse lesson than “lying is bad.” And I say it one more time: really, game?

This also fixes a lot of continuity problems I had with the other chapters as well. What Kokichi said in chapter 4 about Shuichi being useful to him would’ve actually made sense. What Kokichi did in chapter 4 with purposely encouraging everyone to blindly trust Shuichi despite Shuichi’s lies during the trial would’ve actually made sense. What Monokuma proceeded to do in chapter 6 by allowing Shuichi to lead a class trial would’ve actually made sense if Monokuma himself was no longer allowed to because Shuichi, Kaito, and Kokichi outsmarted him in chapter 5 rather than just being another Junko brain fart moment of “okay! I'll agree to your conditions because it's interesting!” Shuichi, Kaito, and Kokichi wouldn’t have come off as dumbasses in chapter 5. What Shuichi kept repeating over and over in chapter 6 about wanting to end the killing game wouldn’t have made me roll my eyes so hard when he’s the one who sabotaged Kaito and Kokichi from ending it sooner. Maki would’ve actually had a chance to show remorse for her major fuck-up in chapter 5 and reflect back on what it means to have the skills of an assassin instead of brushing it off because “it wasn’t actually her who directly killed Kaito” even though it was totally her fault that it happened.

The rest of the class (minus Kokichi) being reluctant to trust Shuichi in the sixth chapter due to his lying in the fifth chapter would’ve made that entire segment in chapter 6 with Shuichi gradually reforming bonds and gaining back their trust one-by-one actually make sense instead of being a mindless mini-game. Kokichi would’ve actually obtained his own unique character arc with a proper payoff in chapter 6 by carrying on Kaito’s wish to trust/believe in Shuichi. Shuichi himself growing out of what Kaede told him in order to become a better person who embodies truth, lying, belief, and distrust would’ve made for a well-rounded ending. The trial and whoever’s death happened in chapter 5 wouldn’t have felt like such a waste of time that purposely went out of its way to bend over backwards in being as inconsequential and illogical as possible.

Why didn’t that happen? Well, I can only guess that the writers were so focused on making Kokichi into another tragic Komaeda troupe and Kaito into another tragic Chiaki troupe that they completely forgot that Kaito and Kokichi are their own characters with different values and actual flaws. Kodaka wanted his standard suicidal tragic bad guy unsolvable murder that would mindfuck the audience. And guess what? He got it in exchange for ruining the three most narratively strong characters in the game. Heaven forbid Kokichi not commit some grand suicide scheme, because he’s not Komaeda and because he’s never shown a single indication that he wanted anything but to live, wouldn’t make him popular enough. Heaven forbid Kaito not become the tragic waifu who was “forced” into killing someone, because he’s not Chiaki and because he was never actually forced into killing Kokichi and has too high of a moral code to do it, wouldn’t make him popular enough. Heaven forbid Shuichi lying in a trial instead of finding the truth behind the chapter 5 murder, because he’s not Hinata and because unlike Hinata he had no good reason to, wouldn’t make him popular enough.

I think what really proves that the writers just got tired of the “truth versus lies” and “belief versus distrust” theme and gave it a lackluster borderline infuriatingly awful conclusion is how the DRV3 game abruptly switches back to “hope versus despair” as its main conflict soon after in chapter 6.

And before you tell me that the end of chapter 6 did in fact tackle the concept of truth and lies by saying neither matter as long as it induces the right feelings, I don’t buy it for one second. It was incredibly tacked on in the last minute of game-play and relied so much on telling rather than showing us. As a player, I don’t believe Shuichi has come to appreciate both because he never did anything in the game to prove it. In fact, his actions in chapter 5 directly contradict that he believes there’s any good in lying. There’s no proof that the whole truth versus lies and belief versus distrust theme actually had any merit aside from lies = bad and hence Kokichi = worse than Monokuma. It’s messy. It’s all over the place. It felt like a waste of time.

And that was officially when chapter 5 broke the entire game for me.

[sieben9]

“tougher than the rest” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Help, I am having an emotion!

Several, actually.

Too many, really. There was a lot going on, and I shall yell about it under the cut.

OK, first of all, August, we have to talk.

also yay, August is here!

That is not how “The Ugly Duckling” goes. I went and checked. The poor little guy didn’t even know what a swan was (and, apparently, neither did anyone else) until the very end. I mean, the reader reaction can’t be wrong, as we know, but I think this tale can be much more easily interpreted as a story about the importance of finding a community you can be yourself in than a parable about “changing your fate by wishing hard enough”. But I see where you’re coming from, so I shouldn’t be too much of an ass about it, I guess.

And while I’m going off at people: take a goddamn nap, David. Poor Snow is missing all the action, and it’s not like you’d be the one who would tell her that Emma is gone. (Also, Regina is on the job. You should know she’s got this. Seriously, my guy. Sleep. It’s nice.)

someone give this man some valerian tea

Speaking of Regina…

…OK, maybe she hasn’t quite got this. Look, I do like the exploration of “what could have been” here, and the scene with the feather was really sweet. That said, bringing this guy along is so going to bite them in the ass later on. I’m not even wondering at this point, I just know. And I like this Robin! It’s not that I think he’s a terrible person, why can nobody see that? He’s just… trouble. Then again, at least he knows how to pick a lock. And am I the only one who’s wondering if Rumple actually wanted them to escape? Because that was awfully easy, I have to say. “Just let me leave you both in this cell that’s not locked with magic and then leave for an undetermined amount of time so you can sort out your emotional baggage and escape.” Yeah, something’s off there.

And speaking of wish!Rumple…

somehow I cannot help but notice that this is NOT a complete human skeleton. what, pray tell, happened to the rest of her?

Dark, show! Please pick up a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and ask yourself, very seriously, “was this necessary?” I’ll wait.

You know, I assumed the “off to raze some fake villages” thing was an off-colour joke, but considering that this version of Rumplestiltskin has now lost both Belle and his son twice, I wouldn’t be surprised if he just went through with that.

And, really, nobody bothered to check the extremely obvious and very high tower in Regina’s castle? What happened to the other prisoners? Are there just a dozen people dead, not for any cause or crime, but simply because they were stuck in Regina’s dungeon and nobody bothered to free or feed them? Really, show? (I’m not even blaming Snowing for this, it’s just too ridiculous an idea.) Could at least have had Rumple say something about how the tower could only be accessed by magic, or something. I’m willing to accept a handwave here, but you have to actually wave the hand!

::deep breath:: OK. That’s out, now. Bye, bye, wish realm, and thank you for all the glorious fanfic.

Oh, before we go, have another picture of happy, well-groomed woodcarver!Pinnochio and happy pornwriter!August.

I don’t know, I just have a soft spot for the guy.

Back in the real world…

I am going to personally murder the Black Fairy! : D

And I was going to say “unless Rumple gets there first”, but honestly, the guy already had to kill one of his parents twice, so I’d say he deserves the break. Belle can have this one. The Gold family really got hit with the full dose of OUaT’s Bad Parenthood Shit, didn’t it? Parents separated from their child, child kidnapped, child returns a fully-grown adult with a terrible childhood… As hilarious as Gideon’s “I don’t need your help!”-tantrum was, the poor guy is clearly hurting badly, and… I don’t even know. Just let them be happy? Please? (Which is more than a little difficult, because those 28 years aren’t just going to go away. They never saw their son grow up, and instead of a loving home with two parents who adored him, Gideon had… whatever that shit in the flashbacks was. …did I mention that I am going to murder the Black Fairy? Because I will.)

Oh, and just as an afterthought... wanna see two people go through four out of five stages of grief in under a second? (Different stages on each face) Because this is what happened when Rumple asks “did she hurt you?” and Gideon answers “depends what you mean” (which means “yes”, obviously):

Enjoy!

I’m… not going to comment on the whole “if Emma dies, there will be a new Saviour” thing, because I was not aware that being the Saviour worked the same way as being the Slayer, and until I get more information, I’m not going to speculate too much. Current hypothesis: he’s lying for some reason or other.

Really, the only good thing to come of this is that Belle and Rumple almost automatically started working together again, because whatever their faults and differences, their main concern is their child.

…and they seem pretty much completely alone in that. This scene was just baffling. I mean, I get it. David’s daughter is in danger, of course he’s going to put her wellbeing first. It’s a terrible choice to make, but I won’t blame him for choosing his daughter. That said, the complete lack of sympathy from both him and Hook was staggering. If they’d said “well, sucks to be you”, it couldn’t have been much colder. Like I said, not expecting either of them to lie to Belle, but some show of “oh no, that must be terrible, is there any way I can help?” would have been the decent thing to do. What the hell, Charming?

And while Belle was over at the loft getting absolutely no help and even less sympathy…

Someone please tell me why I have this weakness for characters with a massive streak of self-loathing? Or, rather, don’t. I don’t think I’d like the explanation very much.

This scene was so good, though. And heartbreaking. Mostly heartbreaking. Because not only is this the first time Rumple is alone with his son, he’s also pretty clearly testing just how far “gone” Gideon is. Please don’t imagine the thought process that must have gone into “now let me check if my only living child is completely evil”, because it is not a happy picture. And just… everything about this. Rumple’s desperation. The “make me pay”/”hit me” that starts off taunting and ends up nearly begging, because of course he’s blaming himself for this. That’s how people react to tragedies, and in this case, it’s a whole mess of “if we’d only” and… guh. Pain. There is a lot of it.

And speaking of pain…

“Please, he’s my son.”

For the record: yes, the sound of wailing in the distance was, in fact, me. I’d just heard this line of dialogue, and there’s… a lot going on there. Both on Rumple’s and on Emma’s part, I think.

I assume that when he says those words, it reminds Emma of that day in the woods, when, you know, the man she loved died in her arms and his father was helpless to do anything about it. And I think we can safely assume that Rumple remembers the exact same thing, because how could he not?

And as a “bonus”: Emma now has memories of her wishverse-self, who clearly had a loving and happy relationship with that Baelfire, however long it lasted. His portrait was displayed in a prominent place. She told her son about him. I can’t help but wonder how that played into her emotional landscape, here.

Whatever her thoughts on the matter, she did the Emma thing in the end and let him go, so… yeah. Big relief, there. Apart from “how about we don’t murder the kidnapping victim”, killing a child in front of their parents just seems… several shades darker than this show needs to go.

behold: the most awkward parting in this show’s history

This moment was actually darkly hilarious to me. Because you could see them both going “oh, right… we’re not actually back together. we should… yeah. bye. laters.”

And I’m not complaining, because that led to the scene at the well, which… I died. I just dropped dead from my chair, and I only came back to life so I could see the rest of this arc.

Look at my two idiots, not fucking up at a well, for once. …OK, it’s the second time, technically, but still. People on this show make a lot of bad decisions around this well.

@idesignedthefjords and I were joking that the only reasonable explanation here is that they were saving up all the good dialogue and character development in 6A for this scene here. They actually get to talk! About their fears, and insecurities, and how their good intentions paved the road to this hell. I can believe this dialogue, even when I don’t agree with all of it. Oh, and what Rumple said about being “so desperate that [you] reach for the cure, when in fact it’s more poison”? Yeah, he was totally talking about Gideon there. Sure he was. That’s what this whole bit of the conversation was about. (Pssst, he was talking about himself, mostly.)

They just were both so very, very tired, and it hurt to watch. Because this isn’t the end of their troubles by a long shot. Frankly, I’m still waiting for the Black Fairy to make a personal appearance, because I know what Murphy’s Law is, thank you very much.

and we just had that fixed, too...

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 1 Part 5

The next part is here ! Let’s see what will happen to our guys :)

Liam Monday September 25

Nonchalantly, the young lad headed towards the kitchen. He just woke up, and he felt unmotivated. Why are we forced to start lessons on the morning ? He would have prefer to work only the afternoon. The unicorns were still asleep, lucky magical creatures ! Anyway, he opened the fridge and took the jam (his mother gave him strawberry jam), then grabbed the bread and prepared his breakfast. From his position, he could hear Nick, playing videogames in the living room. Did he have been playing the whole night ? Now used to his roommate's habits, Liam was able to sleep despite the noise. And by the way, when he had gone back home from work, Nick had been still awake playing. Well, it's his life and he does whatever he wants. The young boy finished his breakfast, and headed towards the bathroom. When he passed by the living room, his friend declared :

"Get ready dude, our guests are coming soon."

At first, Liam just nodded. Then, he realised Nick said "guests". What's he talking about ?! We're waiting someone ? (Liam was a bit inattentive, he could miss some informations from time to time, but a meeting ?) (Well, after all he forgot his own mother last sunday...)

"I told you Rebecca and Colton were coming for the group project."

"Colton."

The chestnut boy feared to see Colton. After this... painful moment with Barbara and her boyfriend, he had noticed this one was in their promotion too. And moreover, in his tutorial group. And I freaked out. But of course, Nick and Rebecca chose him for the project. Feeling perfectly awake now, Liam looked at his roommate, thinking about a pretext to run away. Nick, slumped in the sofa, was focused on his game. Besides, the brown lad noticed with a bit of surprise a tiny roll of fat covering his friend's belly. What am I imagining ? He's just bloated because as always, he stuffed himself. After all, several empty bags of chips laid around. (Rebecca had already considered their living room to be a pigsty).

"I'm sorry Nick but... I have something to do this morning." Liam eventually ventured.

"What are you talking about ? You told me you were free to work this morning !"

I don't remember... He often didn't remember what he had said. (Which sometimes led him into troubles). But he needed a reason to avoid Colton as much as possible, or he would have to face Barbara. I might be overreacting a bit... But anyway, I'm launched into this now.

"I left something... at Pasta's Place." he lied poorly. "I need to go this morning before the lesson..."

Nick (who was still playing and fortunatly didn't see Liam face) (Liam was a bad liar, and he was blushing like hell when it came to lie) nodded slowly.

"Okay dude, just go. We'll start without you."

Once in the street alone, Liam felt idiot. He was doing all that only to avoid a conversation about his ex and his family. It's because bad things happened... To be honest, really bad things happened, but he wasn't forced to reveal everything. And the more I shun Colton, the more suspicious he will be about my behaviour. Sadly, Liam was digging himself in deeper. He had been looking to the restaurant for at least thirty minutes, wondering, when someone hailed him. It was Rebecca, and while she was coming closer, his brain started to freak out. Gosh, what is she doing here ? And what can I tell now ?

"I was looking for you." she panted, evidently left out of breath. "I ran everywhere to find you."

"Something bad happened ?" he asked.

She appeared worried, and Liam having quite a good imagination, he was thinking about the worst. Did Colton just eat Nick ? What about the unicorns ? If the forces of evils were already there...

"No, absolutely not. But you weren't coming back, and Nick told me the Pasta's Place was just at ten minutes, but you left like one hour ago. So we were getting preoccupied."

He blinked, surprised. He didn't realise how much time passed. And I didn't expected Nick to be worried... Rebecca stood up straight and stared at him, perplexed.

"Did you find it ?"

"Find what ?"

"The thing you have forgotten."

Again Liam blinked. He totally forgot he had faked forgot something. Am I having memories issues or what ? She already was considering him stupid, but now...

"Yes, I found it." he eventually whispered.

"Nice. By the way, Colton cancelled at the last minute because he had a transport issue, so we have decided to put the project back and the lesson is also cancelled... Liam, are you fine ?"

Realising he was smirking like a kid, the lad stopped. Colton isn't here. Finally a bit of luck. He smiled to Rebecca, and declared :

"We should go back now."

And he started to walk, pleased by the good turn of this morning. (After all, he just avoided Colton). (And they wouldn't work on this annoying project). (He even might go back to sleep, after all).

Later this day, at sunset, Liam was alone at home when someone knocked on the door. We're not waiting anyone... Curious, the lad opened, and ran into the last person he wanted to see.

"Hi son." greeted his father. "You're doing fine, as far as I can see."

Isaac Strucker smiled. Nonetheless, Liam didn't smile back. What is he doing here ?! Why ? When he had moved in town, the young lad had expected to never see him again. His father left the family twelve years ago, when the eldest was only six, and had just came back from time to time, without any justification. Still today, Liam remembered his mother crying, alone in her bedroom, when she discovered she was pregnant of her third child but without any man to help her. And this last summer, Isaac had come back again for... reasons. He had decided to retrieve the children. Since Liam's mother had financial problems, and  thanks to his good lawyer, Isaac won the trial, and Chloe and Luka had to move with him. By luck, Liam was becoming independant, so he avoided this situation, but he kept an huge rancor towards his father. And now he's here, in front of me like if nothing happened. The forces of evil.

"Your mother told the judge you were depressing and not eating well, but it seems to me like your are in good shape Liam." declared his father with a smirk. "I wonder what will she invent next in order to prevent me for helping my children."

"You didn't help us when we needed you." retorted the freshman.

"That's why I'm back now boy. And if you need money, I can give you whatever you..."

"I don't need your help." interrupted the lad. "I'm doing fine by myself. Why are you here ? What do you want from me ?"

Isaac lowered his eyes humbly. He almost seemed sorry, but Liam wasn't naive. He took everything from my mother. She lost her three children in the same time. That's not how you make amends. The young lad remembered those nights, when he helped his mother to take care of Luka, the youngest. He remembered the longs evenings with Chloe, alone at home while their mother worked at her second job. We always managed to live without him, and we were happy. He annihilated everything.

"I can't force you to forgive me Liam." eventually stated his father. "But even if you don't believe me, I was worried since your mother told to the court you were depressing. I just came to see if everything was fine."

He took a break, but the brown boy knew he wanted to add something. He just waited, holding his urge to punch his father. The unicorns had told him he wasn't a good idea..

"Furthermore, I think Chloe and Luka would be happy to see you during the holidays... If you agree to come at my place, of course."

"I thought they were allowed to see mom during the holidays ?" questionned Liam.

"Well, not anymore... My lawyer wanted to prove to the court she was a compulsive liar and too desesperate to be a good mother, and thanks to you, it will be easy."

"Thanks to me ?"

Isaac took off his phone, and smiled cheerfully.

"I filmed you, and, in this way the court'll see you're perfectly fine. This added with the others proofs I collected will be enough for the judge. I was pretty sure you were at my side, my son. Thanks you."

And without waiting a reaction (Liam was too astounded to react quickly), his father just left him while shouting :

"See you for the holidays !"

Rebecca Thursday September 28

"Well, I guess I just have to buy another trash can." mumbled Nick, barely disconcerted.

The young girl, as for her, was dismayed. What the fuck this trash can did to deserve this ? It was dismantled, completly destroyed. And according to Nick, it was only the last victim.

"I understand he got issues with his family, but butcher a trash... Was it necessary ?"

She started to get worried. She would manage to ignore Liam's listlessness, but since monday, he had those surgings of violence she feared.

"I guess the trash can is good for the trash can." laughed Nick. "Anyway, let's go, Theo is waiting you for the training."

"How can you be so quiet ?! Your roommate is a violent guy."

"Nope. Family is the explosive subject, but otherwise, he's totally nice. And anyway, currently, he's just a serial trash can killer. I don't know what they did to him."

"I'm not kidding dude ! You should be prudent."

Nick stared at her with entertainment.

"Are you worried for me ?"

She rolled her eyes. He's impossible. How the hell could we have become friend ?

"As you said, he's a serial trash can killer, so how long before he attacks you ?"

He stuck his tongue out, and headed towards the door with the dead trash can in his hands.

"Let's go Miss Savage !"

Once they were changed and ready to swim, Nick, still wearing his vest, sat on a bench, took his gameboy and lost his interest for her. Watching him, Rebecca chewed her lips. He wasn't doing any exercise, and he was eating junkfood all day long. Just, she had no problem with him doing this, but Bob would disapprove. He wanted her to be in an optimal environment, which meant with healthy and athletics people. Until now, she lied to him, affirming Nick was a good swimmer but... But soon, Bob will come here to see if I'm telling the truth, and he'll find out what's really going on. She had to do something. Nevertheless, she would think about it later, because Theo called her to train, and she joined him. For a moment, she did a series of lengths, focused on her performance, but then, she glimpsed Liam. The chesnut haired lad was absent-mindedly dipping his feet in the water, staring into space. He's so weird... According to Nick, he had some family's issues he didn't want to talk about. But something went wrong on monday, and since, he was destroying trash cans from time to time. Rebecca was curious. She considered him like a friend, and she wasn't the kind of people to let friends alone. And yeah, to be totally honest, she was worried for Nick. To live alone with a violent man was dangerous, especially when this one was taller and beefier than you. Consequently, she headed towards Liam, and sat next to him. (Obviously, he didn't notice her... This guy was seriously daydreaming). (Sometimes, she was jealous about this ability : he could simply be somewhere, and forget everything, simply by watching the sky... that was a kind of superpower).

"Liam, I think we should talk. Look, I saw the trash cans you destroyed, and I think you should calm down a bit, because this is scary. Yeah, Nick is scared."

It was a little lie (honestly, she was convinced Nick was afraid but didn't show it) but probably the best way to make Liam react. For that matter, he looked at her, and sighed lengthily.

"I'm sorry for Nick. I didn't know he loved his trash cans this much. Anyway, I'm fine now, so don't worry. I just needed to...unwind a bit, you see ?"

"If you have problems Liam, we're here to help you." she whispered.

Honestly, she didn't expect him to talk. She knew him now (at least as much as someone could know this moody dude) and he wasn't the kind of people speaking about himself easily. She was fine with this, because herself was a secret girl too.

"Everything's fine." he assured (as she expected). "Thanks you Rebbie, I'm gonna tell Nick I'm sorry about the trash cans. I seriously thought he hated those."

The black girl smiled and nodded, letting him go. Did he retain only that Nick loved the trash cans ? Because it wasn't my point at all...

Later this night, once the training ended, Rebecca was going to left with Liam and Nick when Laura came to her. The short blonde girl looked a bit worried. She had dark rings under her eyes, and hold her bags strongly, like if she feared to be attacked.

"Sorry to bother you Rebecca, but I may have a favor to ask you." she started quickly. "Theo can't bring me back home this night, and I wondered if you could come with me. I have... infamous neightborhood to go through."

The black girl nodded slowly. Why he couldn't escort her ? What a good boyfriend... The two girls left the pool, and once she informed Nick about her change of plans, Rebecca followed Laura. Soon, they ended up alone in the darkness, faintly lit by the only street lamp working. They walked in silence, and the big girl felt unsure as much as they keep moving. Strange noise resonated around them.

"Are you... making this walk every night ?" she asked in order to say something.

"Yes." agreed Laura. "But usually, Theo is with me, and because he's tall and strong, we avoid most of the problems."

"Only most of them ?"

A trash can fell into the floor. (Why it was necessarily a fucking trash can ? He could not be a street lamp ? Or not, because it would be really scary). Rebecca took Laura hands, ready to run, but suddenly, the whole street lit up. A bunch of girls shouted something incomprehensible and rushed her.

"Welcome to the sorority Rebbie !" yelled Laura. "Here is your private induction seminar ! Have fun !"

And before she could say anything (like the fact she wanted to sleep because she had classes tomorrow) she found herself lifted and she lost the control.

Pete Sunday October 1

This ass. This ass. The young lad could not resist but stare at this handsome ass. Theo sport a tight black swimming trunks for the tournament, and exhibited his hunky body for the great pleasure of his lover. Nevertheless, Pete could only watch by far. Obviously because Laura was there, too close, and also because he didn't succeed to please Theo again. Since his conversation with Bradley more than a week ago, the idea of gaining weight in order to attract the captain was growing in his mind. He didn't know if it was really healthy but he was like an addict asking for more drugs. I should talk to him about this but... I'm not sure how to broach the subject. Anyway, while the organizer called the 100 meter crawl swimmer, Pete headed towards the restaurant, and glimpsed Nick, Rebecca and a stranger who were looking to the pool while eating a meal. He joined them and smiled.

"Hi dudes. Can I sit with you ?"

Nick nodded, and the freshman took it for a yes. He knew Rebecca wasn't exactly liking him, but whatever. I don't care about her after all. By the way, this stranger is cute. He was brown, with a beautiful and delicate face, and two glowing blue eyes. Noticing Pete was staring at him, he introduced himself as Colton, Nick and Rebecca's friend.

"Nice to meet you." responded gladly the blond guy.

For a moment, they watched the swimmers and commentated the performances. As Rebecca declined Theo's offer to make the tournament, and because Pete as Nick were too bad, they were all just watching and supporting their team. Now that I think about it, I never saw Nick swim... Outside, the organizer declared Theo winner of the 100 meter, and they all clapped with enthusiasm.

"I knew he was the best." laughed Nick. "We should eat something to celebrate his victory."

"Eat again ?! Seriously dude, you just finished your meal !" took offense Rebecca.

"And what are you gonna do to stop me, mom ?"

Nick stood up and went to the buffet, ignoring the fact his friend was holding an insult.

"He'll finish like a fat cow." she complained. "Don't tell me I didn't warn him."

"Maybe he'll, but that's his problem you know ?" replied softly Colton. "If he prefer eat than watching his figure... As long as he's happy znd healthy, there's no need to worry, right ?"

Rebecca nodded slowly, but Pete was completly focused on Nick, who went back with a huge tray of food. Did he seriously want to eat everything ? By the desesperate look of Rebecca, he wanted to. However, around them, nobody seemed to be displeased by the glutton, and Pete found himself quite fascinated by the way Nick stuffed this food down his throat. He glanced at Theo, who was outside with some friends, and then went back to Nick. Maybe... Maybe if I do the same and gain a bit of weight... I would get Theo back... Or even better, I would have Theo only for me...

After the tournament, Pete went to Mcdo for is work, and managed to eat the most greasy food he found, before he came back home. In order to gain weight rapidly, he already had quite a good idea. Since he was member of the culinar club, he was making the diner for Mike and himself, while his roommate was doing the cleaning and the shopping. And as a football player, this one used a caloric poder (highly compound of protein) in order to maintain his muscle mass. Of course, with a high amount of exercise, it worked quite nice. However, Mike told me that when he took this poder, he had to eat less and as healthy as possible, like salads. Otherwise, it's too fat. But Pete wanted greasy food. He wasn't a big eater, his stomach had a low capacity, but the poder wasn't nourishing, so he could easily swallow it with a big plate. By doing this for several days, he would gain a bit of weight, and Theo would be turned on. That was why Pete started to prepare a huge meal for him and Mike, and then put some poder in it. Mike is doing so much sport, and is so tall, he'll not see any difference. Then, he sat on the table, and called his roommate.

"It smell delicious !" was glad this latter. "You outdid yourself... Are we celebrating something special ?"

"I heard you won the first match of the season." lied Pete. "So here's the reward."

It was a little lie, nothing too bad after all. Mike looked at him, and mumbled :

"I was on the bench the whole time but thanks I guess. You're cool."

"Yeah, I know."

They both started to eat, and for the first time in his life, Pete felt the desire to devour as much as possible, because he knew it was the only way to please Theo.

To be continued

Hope you liked it :). Well, to those who wonder, the main plot is around Liam, but through other characters we can explore more of their college society. The first chapter is also a kind of introduction. There are 6 parts left !

There is still a lot to go through, especially for our poor Liam... What in his past is so unpleasant that he wants to forget it ? Rebecca is still looking for her place in this new place, will she manage to find it ? And will Pete succeed to reconquer Theo ?

If you want to know more about Liam, don’t forget to read my previous story ; The High School Game !

See you next week ! (I hope :x)

[matrixaffiliate]

Like the Storybooks

Co-written with @hufflepuffmarlenemckinnon​

FFN and AO3

Chapter 9

Marlene awoke grateful for only the mild pounding she felt in her head. She didn't usually drink much at banquets, her mother had taught her banquets were the time to keep a level head because all manner of things could be accomplished while wine ran through the members of Court. But her mother had never met Sir Sirius.

Why he'd taken pity on her, Marlene wasn't completely sure. Perhaps it had to do with her skill? The Lady McGonagall seemed pleased to have her as an apprentice of sorts. And Marlene was grateful to finally have slightly more understanding of the current state of, what she hoped, would never be her kingdom. Maybe that was all Sir Sirius needed, a high born, wise woman who advised the King had given her approval of Marlene, and so now Sir Sirius felt safe assisting her in warding off the array of jesters who pleaded her favor.

Lady McGonagall had laughed at Marlene's ploy, assured James there was no harm in it, and then proceeded to fill Marlene's days with real politicking. She'd become absorbed in the Lady's teachings and only worried about her buffoon courtiers when she walked to and from her rooms. Emmeline even took to the new routine, quizzing Marlene on the same things she'd listened to Lady McGonagall teach when the Ladies in waiting had been permitted to stay with them. It had been the day before Queen Lily's birthday that Lady McGonagall simply suggested that Marlene's mother would expect her to move forward, to live her life, and stop hiding behind her mourning clothes. Something about the way the Lady said it struck a chord in Marlene's wounded heart. It had been painful to put on the dress her mother loved above all her others, but the kind eyes and gentle voice of Lady McGonagall had echoed through her mind, and Marlene found strength.

When Sirius looked at her as he cut in during Lockhart's horrific display of dancing with her, Marlene was grateful she had.

His grey eyes seemed locked on her and Marlene had found herself breathless; it was certainly not from the dancing. She could barely hold his gaze for the first few measures. He'd said he wouldn't entirely blow her cover, but Marlene had not been prepared for what would happen when he joined in her game. She thought him the best looking man at Court before he turned on his charms, but after Sir Sirius made a public show with her, Marlene had to wonder how this man didn't have a flock of peahens trailing him as long as her flock of peacocks. Queen Lily indicated that he was indifferent to romance and he did come off that way in general. It was still somewhat baffling considering how charming and handsome he was. He must have been quite devoted to the rather dreary virtues of knighthood to have avoided such a following. Funny that he’d never bothered to say anything to her about it. Perhaps he thought there was no need since it was all for show.

He’d stripped her of her faculties and as Marlene lay in her bed attempting to let the effects of the bit of wine he'd somehow convinced her to drink wear off, she was immensely grateful he had thought her playing along with him.

Her mother would have seen right through her, her mother would have immediately known that Marlene had fallen victim to his charms. Her mother would be the only one to have known. No one here knew her well enough to tell. Which made it easy for Marlene to keep pulling her lie. All she'd need to do is turn off her weaknesses whenever she was brought into the council meetings as part of her lessons. Marlene could do that, her mother had trained her to keep total control of her emotions when in public. She could do this, and with time, his charms would fade and James and Lily would produce an heir and that would be that. They'd end the charade and all have a good laugh in twenty years.

And if, when she lay alone, she indulged herself in that look he gave her when she laughed then no one would be wiser.

When the aching finally subsided, Marlene rose and prepared for her lessons with Lady McGonagall. She chose a soft pink today; it was her father's favorite. It was almost like a balm for her heart, putting on these colored dresses. It seemed to help her heart feel a bit less alone as each dress pulled memories forward. Memories of her life when she was loved.

Sweeping her hair over her shoulder, Marlene swung open her door to find Emmeline waiting patiently in her sitting room.

“Your Grace,” Emmeline curtsied, “I would have thought you'd sleep later.”

Marlene smiled, “I do try not to overdo it at banquets, but the Sir Sirius offered to help me in my endeavors to brush off the apes who parade as men in this Court, and he pointed out that if I didn't accept a goblet or two from him it would appear strange.”

Emmeline brightened, “The Knight has chosen to help you?”

Marlene smiled triumphantly, “At least at the banquet. He made me endure a half hour of the buffoons before sweeping in and spending the night making my rumors appear true. The look on Lord Lockhart's face was truly worth his empty head’s weight in gold!”

“It’s remarkable your skill, M’Lady.” Emmeline beamed at her.

“Come!” Marlene took her arm. “The Lady McGonagall has arranged for breakfast to be had in her office.”

Marlene opened the door, feeling as though nothing could dampen the feeling she had - until Lord Crouch hadn’t managed to move away from the other side of the door fast enough.

Marlene was instantly furious.

“What is the meaning of this?” her tone became cold and she stared daggers up at him. “Men of honor do not lurk in the doors of Ladies!”

She gave him a moment to absorb her verbal blow before continuing. “If it is the gossiping of hens you seek then I suggest you get yourself to a nunnery! I will not stand for apes to listen at my quarters!”

Lord Crouch pulled himself to his full height, “You forget yourself, Your Grace.” His voice betrayed his unspoken threat.

“You forget who I am,” Marlene's voice equally menacing.

He broke the stare first, turning on his heels and walking down the corridor.

“Coward,” Marlene didn't bother to say it quietly.

“Would it not be wise to inform the Lady McGonagall of the Lord's actions? Given that you are now close to three members of the privy council?” Emmeline’s voice had a hint of well-controlled panic in it. Marlene would be lying if she didn't admit that a small part of her was panicking too.

“Your words are wise my friend, let us make haste.” And Marlene led her quickly toward Lady McGonagall's office.

[quasithinking]

Gravity’s Rainbow: Part XV

We're introduced to Katje in this section. Katje is Blicero's Gretel, Slothrop's temptation, Pointsman's octopus's conditioned stimulus, Pudding's feces factory, and Pirate's—I don't know—salvation, maybe? Why does she get around so much? Whoever she is, she's important enough to be rescued by the Allies—by Pirate, to be explicit—via a message sent from Europe to London in a rocket. Was she, as Blicero suspected, always an operative for the Allies? Or was that just Blicero's paranoia, which grew so strong that he eventually sent the message to rescue her from himself via rocket? I don't know because I'm not a tenured academic who can devote the kind of time needed to understand Gravity's Rainbow! Also, I've only read the book once so far. I'll probably have it all figured out after my current, second reading! By the way, Katje means kitten in Dutch. Just in case that's important. Which it totally is because cats are fucking the best. Right up there with raccoons and goats. You might now have a slightly better understanding of me, now that you know my favorite animals are the most chaotic of our domesticated friends or, at least, in the case of the raccoon, urban dwellers. Side note: when I was around ten years old (I'm 49 now! Yeesh!), I saw my first Red Panda at the zoo and instantly declared the Red Panda as my favorite animal. I always forget how much I like them until they pop up on the Internet. Ten year old me would be severely disappointed in 49 year old me. Red Pandas didn't even make my list of favorite animals after I remembered them and had a chance to edit the previous paragraph! They only made this side note!

Speaking of loving chaotic things, I love Bob Mortimer so much that I accidentally became him.

This section begins with Katje being secretly filmed in Pirate's apartment while Osbie Feels prepares psychedelic mushrooms for smoking. I have never smoked mushrooms before. Is that better than eating them? Or do you still wind up just as paranoid as Slothrop when he's, um, well, when he's just being Slothrop? I once went to a strip club with a couple friends of mine while I was on mushrooms. The DJ at the club knew one of my friends and kept making references to him during the night. This caused everybody in the club to look back at our table. Strangers constantly looking up at a person on mushrooms feels aggressive and terrifying. After this happened a number of times, I turned to my friend and said, "I have to go outside." He responded, "Why? Are you going to cut somebody's head off?!" Anyway, the film will later be used to condition an octopus into attacking Katje for part of the Tyrone Slothrop experiment. But we'll get to that outrageousness later! Katje walks into the kitchen where Osbie is cooking the mushrooms down to powder just as Osbie opens the oven door which sends her into a sort of fugue state where she relives her time playing Gretel with Blicero as witch and Gottfried as Hansel. Although it's an extremely adult version of Hansel and Gretel with bits like "'the Rome-Berlin Axis' he called it the night the Italian came and they were all on the round bed, Captain Blicero plugged into Gottfried's upended asshole and the Italian at the same time into his pretty mouth" and "Katje kneeling before Blicero in highest drag, black velvet and Cuban heels, his penis squashed invisible under a flesh-colored leather jockstrap, over which he wears a false cunt. . . ." There's plenty more to that last example but I don't want to put in too many spoilers and/or visuals that might upset the squeamish. If it's true that Stephen King based his entire novel It on "The Three Billy Goats Gruff," is it possible to read Gravity's Rainbow with the conceit that the entirety of it is based on "Hansel and Gretel"? The 000000 rocket is the oven Blicero shoves Hansel inside. Except there's no Gretel to save him in this version, her having run off to the Allies. Much of the characterization in the novel is based on the methods each character is using to control what they can in the face of the War's unending random violence and death. For Blicero, Gottfried, and Katje, their method is the fairy tale of "Hansel and Gretel." It is a predetermined act in which they control their roles and their environment. Or, at least, Blicero controls them. But Katje, at least, feels it is a rational decision. I don't know, exactly, how Gottfried feels about it. It's possible we eventually get a section from his perspective (I mean prior to his perspective from within the 000000 rocket) but I don't remember it. But I will remember it soon because it's in this section! Part of Blicero's suspicion of Katje, that she might be a British spy, is a result of the "Hansel and Gretel" game itself. Isn't it Gretel who pushes the witch in the Oven in the end? Is she fated, simply by the rules of the game Blicero has chosen, to bring about his end? The game itself, used to control a world one desperately knows they have no actual way of controlling, fuels a new kind of paranoia for Blicero. She is his slave, his obedient servant, his pawn to move as he wishes. And yet, she is also his demise, his bringer of death. Just as the rockets which often misfire and fall back upon the Germans firing them, Katje presents a danger to her master, Blicero. Here, Blicero's description of Katje's commitment to Nazism, to the game: "But not Katje: no mothlike plunge. He must conclude that secretly she fears the Change, choosing instead only trivially to revise what matters least, ornament and clothing, going no further than politic transvestism, not only in Gottfried's clothing, but even in traditional masochist uniform, the French-maid outfit so inappropriate to her tall, longlegged stride, her blondeness, her questing shoulders like wings—she plays at this only . . . plays at playing." Blicero (for now the story has dipped into his perspective. As so often happens in Gravity's Rainbow, a remembrance of a character by one character often turns into the narrating perspective of that character who might remember another character which will change the perspective to that third character's point of view) contemplates an earlier point in his life when he began the trajectory (parabolic, perhaps?) of the life he currently leads. It's similar to Pointsman contemplating the minotaur and the maze and Ariadne and how the lure of Pavlovian conditioning led him to The White Visitation and planning his experiments on Slothrop. This comes after his quoting a line from Rilke: "And not once does his step ring from the soundless Destiny...." He thinks about a friend from youth who was so athletic that his Destiny as a soldier to die on the Eastern Front was practically set, simply by muscle memory, by reflex. He thinks about these Germans, these youths, all used for their ability and their belief in the lie of Deutschland Uber Alles, manipulated by others, to be sent to their deaths. But more so, he thinks about those who will survive the war, those less committed than he, those limber enough, like Katje, to change. Blicero himself has grown tired and now just looks forward to the end of his story. "He only wants now to be out of the winter, inside the Oven's warmth, darkness, steel shelter, the door behind him in a narrowing rectangle of kitchen-light gonging shut, forever. The rest is foreplay." I feel like I'm just doing a lot of summarizing but it's my only method for getting a handle on the plot and the characters which will solidify these ideas in my head which in turn should allow me to recall previous passages when I get to sections that rely on the information within these passages to fully understand and grasp the meaning of the future scenes. Blicero admits to worrying about his children, Katje and Gottfried, when he's gone. This worry makes me think it was indeed Blicero who sent the message via rocket that brings Pirate to rescue Katje (it isn't. I don't know who it was though. Katje? Piet? Wim? The Drummer? The Indian?!). As for Gottfried, well, Blicero's freedom for him is, um, somewhat different. Blicero also remembers his time in the Südwest and how he met the Herero boy, Enzian, whom he took under his wing. "Took under his wing" is an awfully innocent way of saying "sexually molested and kidnapped him back to Germany." Enzian, we will find out later, has become the leader of the Schwarzkommando. From the first time I read the book, I remembered this scene where the young boy uses the name of his God as a stand-in for fucking which drives Blicero crazy with guilt and blasphemy and lust. But I didn't realize, once Enzian was introduced, that this was who that was. This is definitely something I need to keep in mind in that it colors the relationship between Blicero and Enzian. Sidekick and apprentice were the words I thought of to describe Enzian's relationship to Blicero previously; now I must also remember to add the words molestation, kidnap, and victim. And then after Blicero ponders Katje's withdrawal from the game (I think only mentally at the moment although that would set up Blicero's decision to free her completely via extraction by Pirate), the point of view shifts to Gottfried. Before I get to that, I want to clarify something I said in a previous section. I pointed at how dumb I thought my Children's Lit professor was being when she suggested we write long essays on single sentences of text. My point wasn't that critical analysis shouldn't somehow be longer than the text being analyzed; obviously that's going to happen an awful lot. Some lines and paragraphs need pages of explication! My issue was that she didn't want us straying away from that single sentence. She didn't want us bringing in other examples of the text and exploring greater themes inherent in the work while using the sentence as a basis for a longer discussion. She simply wanted us to focus exclusively on that sentence. So while I'm obviously all for dissecting the shit out of a text (although to really go in-depth on Gravity's Rainbow would take more time than I'm willing to spend so my sectional blurbs are far, far shorter than a truly explicatory dive should probably be), I'm simply not for the completely out-of-context vibe she was creating by pulling a single sentence out of the whole and concentrating exclusively on that piece. Because what does it matter if you can't refer back to the entirety of the piece of art it was pulled from? Or as Roger Mexico said: "'I don't want to get into a religious argument with you,' absence of sleep has Mexico more cranky today than usual, 'but I wonder if you people aren't a bit too—well, strong, on the virtues of analysis. I mean, once you've taken it all apart, fine, I'll be first to applaud your industry. But other than a lot of bits and pieces lying about, what have you said?'" The "you" is in italics in the previous quote because Mexico is referring back to Pointsman's previous argument that ends with "but what has one said?" Anyway, back to Gottfried, I guess! Gottfried is young enough that death is unreal to him. It is something that happens to others. The war for him is an adventure, and the game he plays with Blicero nothing more than routine, a routine that, though outrageously different, is nothing more than the routine his fellow soldiers live through. He understands that his freedom will come with the end of the War. Until then, he plays the game, he longs for Katje, and he fucks Blicero. But he is nothing more than an observer and he watches when Katje finally quits and Blicero, subsequently, throws a huge tantrum. Blicero's reaction suggests he didn't send the message to rescue Katje. Perhaps she sent it, or one of the Allies she's been secretly passing information to for the last year. According to rumors Gottfried has heard, Katje has fallen in love with a Stuka pilot in Scheveningen. This Stuka pilot exists and his name is Wim. And on her last meeting with him, she is rescued and taken back to London by Pirate after Wim and the others (Piet, the Drummer, the Indian. Who? I don't know! Maybe a reference to a movie about British spies in WWII?!) abandon her. They abandon her because they were seeking the location of Blicero and his rocket site, the one piece of information she couldn't bring herself to betray. But once she left Blicero for good, he knew she had betrayed him and he immediately had the rocket launch site moved. Now with the context of the rest of the novel, I can see where Katje came from. She was feeding information to the Allies just as Blicero suspected. But she just couldn't feed them enough. And even though her cover as a loyal Nazi party member came at the cost of sending three Jewish families to camps, she still feels she gave them more than enough information. Nobody seems to agree because she didn't give them Blicero. But Pirate takes pity on her and sends her over to The White Visitation. Here's a lengthy transcription of Pynchon's description of the commerce of the war: "She's worth nothing to them now. They were after Schußstelle 3. She gave them everything else, but kept finding reasons not to pinpoint the Captain's rocket site, and there is too much doubt by now as to how good the reasons were. True, the site was often moved about. But she could've been placed no closer to the decision-making: it was her own expressionless servant's face that leaned in over their schnapps and cigars, the charts coffee-ringed across the low tables, the cream papers stamped purple as bruised flesh. Wim and the others have invested time and lives—three Jewish families sent east—though wait now, she's more than balanced it, hasn't she, in the months out at Scheveningen? They were kids, neurotic, lonely, pilots and crews they all loved to talk, and she's fed back who knows how many reams' worth of Most Secret flimsies across the North Sea, hasn't she, squadron numbers, fueling stops, spin-recovery techniques and turning radii, power settings, radio channels, sectors, traffic patterns—hasn't she? What more do they want? She asks this seriously, as if there's a real conversion factor between information and lives. Well, strange to say, there is. Written down in the Manual, on file at the War Department. Don't forget the real business of the War is buying and selling. The murdering and the violence are self-policing, and can be entrusted to non-professionals. The mass nature of wartime death is useful in many ways. It serves as spectacle, as diversion from the real movements of the War. It provides raw material to be recorded into History, so that children may be taught History as sequences of violence, battle after battle, and be more prepared for the adult world. Best of all, mass death's a stimulus to just ordinary folks, little fellows try 'n' grab a piece of that Pie while they're still here to gobble it up. The true war is a celebration of markets. Organic markets, carefully styled 'black' by the professionals, spring up everywhere. Scrip, Sterling, Reichsmarks continue to move, severe as classical ballet, inside their antiseptic marble chambers. But out here, down here among the people, the truer currencies come into being. So, Jews are negotiable. Every bit as negotiable as cigarettes, cunt, or Hershey bars. Jews also carry an element of guilt, of future blackmail, which operates, natch, in favor of the professionals." Once Pirate mentions that The White Visitation is where Katje can escape to, the scene shifts to her arrival there, and Osbie and Pirate having a conversation about going mad. I must, once again, transcribe a bit of text because it has a recurrence of "magenta and green" in an account of Dumbo (which will also have a recurrent mention later where Dumbo's magic feather becomes soldier corpses (or some such thing!)): "'Of course, of course,' sez Osbie, with a fluid passage of fingers and wrist based on the way Bela Lugosi handed a certain glass of doped wine to some fool of a juvenile lead in White Zombie, the first movie Osbie ever saw and in a sense the last, ranking on his All-Time List along with Son of Frankenstein, Freaks, Flying Down to Rio, and perhaps Dumbo, which he went to see in Oxford Street last night but mid-way through noticed, instead of a magic feather, the humorless green and magenta face of Mr. Ernest Bevin wrapped in the chubby trunk of the longlashed baby elephant, and decided it would be prudent to excuse himself."

Ernest Bevin, Minister of Labour during the War.

We learn that "[w]e are never told why" Katje quits the game with Blicero. But Pynchon adds some speculation that mostly amounts to simply saying, "Fuck it." In his analysis of why he brought back Katje, Pirate teaches me the word "crotchet." I shall immediately add it to my vocabulary, much as I added hobbyhorse after reading Tristram Shandy. And then, as Katje denies being Pirate's responsibility, knowing only that she owes him a debt, Pynchon gives us the story of her ancestor Frans Van der Groov and the story of the Dodoes. And I need to take a break because this section made me weep terribly last time I read it and I must prepare. The Dodo story reads like an early draft of Mason & Dixon. It easily, aside from the linguistic style, could fit into that book (which I'll probably re-read soon). And while I thoroughly loved this section the first time I read it, I gave it no real mind to the overall novel. I do that now upon my second reading and it makes me sick to my stomach. If not an analogy of the Holocaust or of Colonial Genocides, it is certainly a portrayal of the thing within humans that allow, or perhaps demand, grisly and horrendous crimes such as those. After the story of Frans Van der Groov and his dodoes (Dodoes that found salvation, or Preterite Dodoes?), Pirate and Osbie have a short conversation about what will happen with Katje. It begins like this: "'He's haunting you,' Osbie puffing on an Amanita cigarette.     'Yes,' Pirate ranging the edges of the roof-garden, irritable in the sunset, 'but it's the last thing I want to believe. The other's been bad enough. . . .'" I don't know who the "he" and "the other" are referring to! Frans, possibly, since Pirate makes reference to having been told the story later in the novel. Pointsman, maybe? Slothrop?! I guess some things will need to remain a mystery. The section ends on a scene at The White Visitation where the film of Katje that was being recorded at the beginning of this section winds up being played for Grigori the Octopus. He's being given a stimulus to respond to in the next Chapter.

[myhauntedsalem]

30 Doctors, Nurses and Paramedics Describe their Most Disturbing Medical Stories

1. The Guessing Game

“I work as an ICU nurse. A mid-20s female came in with some serious cardiac abnormalities and then went into respiratory distress. Never had any medical history at all. We had to put her on the ventilator, but she was on just enough sedation to keep her lucid. She could nod/shake her head yes and no appropriately to questions.

One night, the patient in the room next to hers died, but the body was still in the room about to be taken to the morgue. The female patient’s door was closed with curtains drawn, so she couldn’t have seen what was going on next door. When I went in to check on her, she had a look of sheer panic on her face, trembling. I asked her a series of questions to see if she was cold/hot/in pain/etc. and she denied all. I asked her if she saw something—she started to aggressively nod her head YES. She wasn’t on any drugs that would make her hallucinate. I went on to get details on what this thing looked like. After playing 20 questions I got this: a man, pale white, left arm missing, heavy, bald, standing still, behind me. This was the man who had just died next door.

I spent the rest of the night consoling her.” – whites42

2. Life After Death

“When I was on an ER rotation during med school we got a call about a 23-year-old woman who was shot in the head, and who was already completely gone, but was reportedly five months pregnant so they were doing CPR until they got her to the hospital to see if the baby was viable. They got her to the ER and did an ultrasound and turned out the baby was full-term so they did a C-section in like under a minute and got the baby out.

I don’t think it’s so incredibly uncommon but it was pretty surreal to see a baby delivered from a dead person with their brain exposed and she was pretty close to the same age I was at the time.” – bluegraypurple

3. The Last Goodbye

“When I was a student, I got called in on a stroke patient. She had coded and they were doing CPR. They worked for 45 minutes, but she died. They cleaned her up, and called on the family to say goodbye, but by that time the family left. She had been both brain dead and without a pulse for more than 45 minutes. Blood had filled her brain, and she was completely grey and started to smell. Suddenly, she sat up, and called for her family. The nurses rushed to get monitors and equipment back on her. They started working on her again, she stabilized, said goodbye to her family, and promptly died a second time.” – simplesimon6262

4. Miracle Man

“When I was in trauma surgery in upstate by, got a notification about a man who was shot 3 times in the head. He comes in, literally one eye hanging out of the socket, blood everywhere, and he’s slumped forward. Apparently, he was shot in the temple, exited out his right eye socket, in the nose exited from the roof of the mouth, and In the cheek one with exit from the side of the head.

At this point, I’m thinking they just brought him in so we can pronounce him in the ER because he looked dead. I go to examine him and tilt his head back, and he says ‘Yoooo be gentle!’ I jump back and scream like a little boy, as did everyone in the room. Literally, the bullets missed his brain in every single shot.” – Noimnotonacid

5. Bleeding

“One of the aides I work with said she was doing postmortem care on a patient who had been on many, many anticoagulants before death. She said when they turned her on her side she started bleeding out of every orifice—eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. She said her and the nurse went home and had nightmares for a week.” – sparklingbluelight

6. The Haunted Hospital

“My town has two really old hospitals. One no longer functions overnight, and the stories are unsettling. No one cleans the old ER alone because all the lights and call bells go off. On other floors, there’s a kid with his ball, a lady in a white dress, etc. A coworker was cleaning an entire floor utterly solo (the norm) and bounced between rooms because the cleaning solution stays wet for a few minutes. Upon returning to a freshly wiped bed, hand prints were clearly visible.” – Sapphire_Starr

7. Eyeless

“I used to do home care for an elderly lady with learning disabilities and no eyes (they were removed due to a congenital condition). She was lovely but prone to wandering around her flat at night in total silence, which led to several horrifying situations where I left my room at 2 am only to encounter her standing silently in the hallway, turning her eyeless face towards me.” – NovelistResearcher

8. Lonely

“One call that will always haunt me was on an unresponsive female at around three in the morning. We get there and do some pointless CPR along with the fire department… She had been dead for a while; no shockable rhythm, and clear rigor mortis. The most disturbing part was that the original caller was her 11-year-old daughter, who had just spent three days with her mother’s corpse and called 9-1-1 because she was ‘lonely’. It also didn’t help that the victim was completely naked when we arrived.” – CupofJoe776

9. Clear Waters

“I have quite a few stories, most of them are hilarious and then there are those you never want to think about. What fucked me up the most was when I saw how eyes change at the moment of death. Imagine you are looking at clear water but that clear water changes to foggy in an instant. In my 8 years here I’ve only seen this once, and I’ve personally seen well over 250 dead or dying people.” – ImCuden

10. Night Lights

“I work nights in a long-term care facility as a nurse’s assistant. I have two men under my care and both of them are unable to use their call lights. They have severe dementia and debilitating Parkinson’s disease but still, their lights are looped around their bed rail. One night their light came on and I went to answer it already confused and creeped out. I turned it off and left the room. Before I could get two doors up the light came back on. I went in there and both lights were unplugged from the wall and thrown under their beds. I fished them out, plugged them back in and left.

I’ve seen shadows standing over the dying and felt a tap on my shoulder while doing chest compressions so I knew that lady had passed.” – beeoakly

11. Holding Hands

“I’ve had a couple of weird calls. One was a major MVA-head on many, many years ago when we played M.E. as well. We had 2 DOA (husband and spouse) that were killed instantly in a head-on collision. They had a 12-year-old daughter that was in between them and they actually took the impact, saving her life.

While en route, we noticed the husband’s arm had come loose so I went back to re-strap it. As I was doing that, the wife’s arm suddenly fell out as well, and her hand fell into her husband’s. My boss was watching in the rearview mirror and helped clear the way as I ran back into the front. It spooked both of us. Apparently, the couple (mid 30’s), had just found out he was cancer free after his last treatment.” – Anonymous

12. Last Meal

“I had an old lady come in by ambulance, near death. She was a DNR (do-not-resuscitate), so we weren’t going to do much for her. She didn’t have any family that we could find. The hospital was full, so we had to keep her in the ER for the night.

Again, she was near death. When you’ve seen enough people die, there’s no mistaking it, and she was almost there. Barely responsive; pale, cool, breaths were really irregular, heart rate was up and down, too. We just turned the lights down and kept an eye on her monitor, basically waiting for her to die.

About an hour later, she’s standing at the door of her room. She’d gotten up and put on all her clothes. We were all like, ‘WTF?’ One of the nurses went to check on her, and she said she was hungry. Not knowing really what to make of things, we got her a chair, a bedside table, and went to the cafeteria and got her a tray of food.

She sat there, ate all her food, talked with the staff a little. After about an hour, she told her nurse that she was tired and wanted to lie back down. We helped her back into bed, and within 30 minutes she was dead.” – Anonymous

13. “Don’t Let me go Back there”

“When my mom worked as an E.R. nurse a guy came in from a car accident and was losing blood. In the midst of resuscitation, the man jolts awake and screams ‘Don’t let me go back there! Please, please, please don’t let me go back!’ A few seconds later they lost him.” – JeremyHowell

14. The Rusty Old Saw

“This woman was clearly struggling mentally. She went into her basement and started sawing at her wrists horizontally with a rusty hacksaw, bleeds a good amount, and then starts walking around the house. She wasn’t dying quick enough, so she sat down in a chair in the middle of the living room, and started going at her wrists again, this time with a pair of scissors.

I was the second person inside the house. It looked like a massacre. We searched the house top to bottom, fully expecting to find multiple dead bodies in there. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. Every single room had a trail of blood in it.

The woman was found on a chair in the living room. Rigor mortis had contorted her body into a really strange, unnatural pose, and her face was haunting. Literally the stuff of nightmares. Her wrists had huge chunks of skin/veins/muscle missing from them. Saying she slit her wrists is inaccurate. She ripped them to pieces.” – anoncop1

15. Visitors

“I work a stroke/telemetry floor on the bought shift. Most of our patients are elderly. Apparently, there are two things that patients see before they pass away. Some will say that two men are walking in their rooms and telling them to get ready to leave. The patient will call and tell us that these men are big and abrasive in their demeanor. They are either terrified or annoyed when they see the two men. The other thing they will see is a little boy who will go into their rooms and try to wake them up. The boy is usually loud and runs around their rooms. The patients will call and ask who’s letting children just run around late night. Several nights or even that same shift we’re coding or cleaning the patient for the funeral home to pick up.” – pokfynder

16. The Handsome Man in Black

“I used to work in a skilled nursing facility, usually assigned to the Alzheimer’s ward. One night I’m in the linen room stocking my cart, and I heard someone shuffle up behind me, then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and there was no one else in the room. The door was still shut too.

Another lady started to complain that a man was coming into her room at night (again, Alzheimer’s so I didn’t think much of it) so to reassure her, I told her I’d check on her throughout the night. She complained of this man for every night for two more weeks when I asked her to describe him to me.

‘He’s real handsome, and wears a black suit. Oh. He’s right behind you now, honey.’

That freaked me the f*ck out. Of course, there was no one behind me. She died the next night in her sleep.” – Anonymous

17. The Blender

“We got a call for a male in his early 30s with ‘heavy groin trauma’ (exact words of the dispatcher). We roll up lights and sirens and the guy is waiting for us on the front step with a towel over his crotch. We barely come to a stop and the guy is already running towards the rig holding this towel. I asked him what was wrong and he moved the towel and this guy’s dick was just barely hanging on. Apparently, he had ‘lady problems’ so he decided to fornicate with the food mixer he had in his kitchen and accidentally turned it on.” – YayShinny

18. The Charred Skin

“Motorcycle driver, accident, third-degree burns, arrived DOA. Had to transfer him from ambulance gurney to ER bed. As we were moving him with a transfer sheet, the liquefied/cooked subcutaneous fat caused the charred skin on his back to separate and his body slipped onto the floor (despite several of us trying to ‘catch’ him).” – Doc-in-a-box

19. Dead Man Moaning

“Worked security through college at a local hospital. The only ‘creepy’ thing I remember is when a dead man moaned. One of my duties was to help wheel patients who had expired down to the in-house morgue. Once we were wheeling an older man from the ER down and halfway down the hallway he let out this low moan. I started to panic, thinking that he was coming back to life but the RN explained to me (newbie) that sometimes the air in the lungs doesn’t come out until sometime later or is delayed for a bit.” – ill_do_it-later

20. Otherworldly Screams

“I have had fellow coworkers swear that strange things have occurred in the ER. Two people that I work with were charting at the nurse’s station when they both heard a scream followed by incoherent words come from one of our open bays. There were three patients in the room and they denied screaming or hearing anything. I have also had fellow coworkers talk about hearing strange voices especially after really bad codes and one person states she felt someone grabbing her shoulder after the doc pronounced a trauma code. These are all respectable people and I do not think they would lie.” – Anonymous

21. Blank Stare

“We got a call to go out to a scene for an elderly woman with chest pains. I arrive at the house, front door is open. We knock, hear the old woman calling out from the back ‘I’m in the back room’ in a very monotone and calm voice. My partner and I go to the back of the house looking for this woman, and that’s when we smelled it. Nothing prepares you for the smell of rotting corpse. I’ve smelled it a dozen times, and it never gets any less disturbing. We radio for police and ALS backup as we move through the house.

We opened the door to the master bedroom, and there is our patient. She is approximately 80, and she is staring at the master bathroom with these cold, dead eyes. She never once looked at us as we approached her and began talking to her. I got to the bedside and got in front of her gaze, and she just looked right through me. I turned around to see what she could possibly be looking at, and there was the source of my smell.

A man, about the same age as my patient, is on the floor with very little left of his head still attached to his body. A shotgun lay on the floor next to him, and most of his head was strewn about the walls and bathroom counter. We loaded the woman up in the ambulance, and our police backup pulled up.

I don’t think that woman blinked once the entire time she was in our care.” – TheFilthiest

22. “Bill’s Here”

“I’m an RN and while I was a student I was caring for a lady who had an end-stage renal failure, had a DNAR (do not attempt resuscitation) and was shutting down. We were having a little chat when she stopped, looked over my shoulder and said ‘Bill’s here love, I’ve got to go,’ and swiftly stopped breathing. Read her old notes and Bill was her deceased husband.” – Jesspandapants

23. The Body on the Floor

“The call was for an older woman, lying in bed. When we get there, the smell is horrendous of a dead body. There are millions of flies everywhere and a little old lady in lying in the bed, alive. About five feet away, there is a body covered up by a sheet. The lady was a dementia patient, and her husband (the deceased) was the primary caregiver. Based on the number of flies and state of decomposition, the police estimated the guy had been dead for about three weeks. The woman must have been getting some food out of the refrigerator, but it was totally empty by the time we arrived.

The creepiest part happened on the way to the hospital with the woman, she said, ‘I hope that nice man on the floor is OK’.” – Tools4toys

24. The Fallen Cross

“I responded to a call where a janitor was dusting quite a large stone cross in the middle of a church. He had been up on a ladder cleaning, when he slipped off, and proceeded to try to hold onto the cross to keep from falling. Unfortunately, the weight of the 200-pound man was too much to support. The cross fell towards him, landing on his left arm, with a part of the horizontal stone of the cross, pushing his muscles and tendons out of his wrist like a squeezed toothpaste tube. Then the cross fell completely on him splattering his brain across the floor. Quite disturbing, and definitely the most horrific and gore filled call I had ever witnessed.” – UpboatOarKnotUpboat

25. The Headless Nurse

“I used to work in St Barts Hospital in London, which in parts is over 1,000 years old. One of the buildings had 2 floors (with massively high ceilings), and so the floors were taken out and rearranged to make into 5 floors. The nurses working night shift would often tell us of the ghost of a night nurse who wandered silently doing her ’rounds’ at night—but due to the new floors, only her head would be visible drifting down the ward.” – jenthejedi

26. Monsters

“I was still a nursing student at the time, but this was from when I had my psychiatric clinical placement in my 3rd year.

I was assigned to a young male patient with schizophrenia. He had been a voluntary admission because he heard voices telling him to hurt people around him, and he admitted himself because he was afraid of actually going through with it.

Anyway, I went into the room alone, as usual, and did the usual introduction and asking how he was doing. He was at a desk drawing creepy, hideous monsters—each monster had its own page, and there had to be at least half a dozen of these pages scattered around him. I asked him what they were. He answered that those were the monsters he saw. They were the monsters that whispered to him and told him to hurt people and do awful things. Guarded, I asked him, ‘Are they telling you to hurt me?’

He answered, ‘Yes.’

I didn’t stay very long in that room.” – duckface08

27. The Man in Black

“People turn batshit crazy and creepy as hell when they get really sick. There’s even a term called ICU psychosis…and trust me, it’s real. Anyway, the creepiest that takes the cake for me is this (am an ICU nurse, btw): Had a patient who was admitted for overdose. Very long history of mental health problems. She was thrashing around in bed, very combative, kicking people’s asses for days, totally incoherent.

Well, the night I had her, she started making decent sense, but still not oriented at all. She was extremely paranoid and kept talking about the man in black in the corner. I’d hear her talking to him and screaming, all night long. So I’d go in there and try to calm her down, but you could see the fear in her eyes. she was talking other nonsense about how she was in space and shit, and with certain patients, you try to redirect their ‘reality,’ but what I did didn’t help. She said ‘that man in black! Don’t you see him!’ and pointed to the corner. I said ‘there’s nobody here.’ I stepped in the corner she was pointing to and waved my hands around. While I’m waving my hands around in the air, she had the most horrifically terrified look on her face that actually scared the shit out of me, like I had just assaulted the man in black. I said ‘see, there’s nobody here’ and she said in a matter-of-factly‘that’s what you think.’ I promptly got the fu*k out of there.” – HeatherTakasaki

28. Eyes Wide Open

“I work in palliative. Most deaths I’ve seen have been more or less peaceful, though the ones that are not, stick with you. One guy was silently screaming through his last few hours of life. Another guy (who up until this point had been unresponsive) reached up and grabbed me when we attempted to lower his bed to turn him.

One time while doing post-mortem care I walked into the room and thought ‘that’s weird, how come nobody has closed his eyes yet?’ He had that movie-perfect dead look, with pale blue staring eyes and slack jaw and greyish, waxy skin. I closed his eyes and started the care, and when I looked again those eyes, still staring at me, were slowly opening, one slightly slower than the other. He groaned when we turned him to wash his back and his hand managed to clamp onto the bed rail and we had to pry it off. When we finally got him onto his back again, there was a foul-smelling, oily black, viscous liquid on the pillowcase. I cleaned his mouth again thinking it must have come from there, but his mouth and nose were clean. The best I could figure the stuff had come from his eye. I couldn’t wait to get that bag zipped up.” – draakons_pryde

29. Crawling up the Hallway

“I used to work as an STNA in a nursing home. Worked third shift throughout university. During the night we turned half the lights off so it was darker for the evening and didn’t get a lot of light in the residents’ rooms. We had one resident who was younger (70s) and was mostly in for mental reasons. She had long, dark hair and was very thin.

I was sitting at the nurse’s station at the top of the hall and heard a call light go off. I stood up, looked down the dark hall, and on all fours—straight out of The Ring—this resident was crawling up the hall toward me. The other STNA had forgotten to put the bed rail up and the resident was VERY good at climbing out of bed.

Needless to say, I needed some new britches and my heart was racing a mile a minute.” – blameitonthewookie

30. Heaven

“Had a young woman in full liver failure. She was orange in color and she was still conscious. She asked me what I thought it would be like to die. I told her I didn’t know but I hoped it wouldn’t be painful. She then asked me if I thought I would go to heaven. I told her that I believed I would. She asked me if I thought she would go to heaven, and I told her I wasn’t able to answer that question.

She then told me ‘I am going to heaven and I know it,’ and I asked her how she knew that and she told me something that I will never ever forget. She told me ‘I know I am because that man over there told me so.’ I asked what man and she said the man sitting on the end of the bench. I asked her what he looked like and she said ‘he looks just like the Jesus on the windows of my church.’

Well, to tell you I was pretty well affected by that statement. She then went on to say ‘And he says that you are going to go to heaven too.’

We then prayed and I will never forget that interaction between the two of us. About a week later she passed away. I hope she made it to heaven.” – Anonymous

[smalltragedy]

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them ) 

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances. 

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay! 

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years. 

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe. 

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost. 

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.