#played like shit the whole season and playoffs

[rask]

certified winner

[muirneach]

toronto residents who dont care abt hockey but have been here for the past 57 years are sooo funny about the leafs. convinced they will lose every game no matter what

[prettytoxicrevolver]

August | Mathew Barzal

wc. 2.7k

"August slipped away into a moment in time, cause it was never mine. "

You had always kept an eye on Mat Barzal’s budding career. 

Growing up with the up and coming hockey player you always knew Mat as the dorky kid in your Algebra class. However, when he was drafted by the New York Islanders in 2015, you couldn’t help the glances towards his career every now and then. Everyone saw him as a hometown super star and you weren’t immune to the affects of celebrities unfortunately. 

You had stayed in your hometown, wanting to help out your parents as they started getting older and you found a teaching job not too far away too. It was the perfect balance and you were happy with your summers off and free time. You subconsciously knew the hockey season had ended in the middle of April overall and when the Islanders were knocked out of playoffs at the end of the month, your mind had wandered to Mat once more, and you couldn’t help the casual google search. 

When you discovered that he had plans to come home from the summer you were intrigued. Why come back to your hometown after traveling all over the United States and having more than enough money to travel all over the world? Of course, you wouldn’t find the answer to that until later. 

You didn’t expect to see Mat around your hometown. It was small but not small enough for you to run into a boy you hadn’t seen in years. You didn’t even expect for him to recognize you and yet you still did it anyway. 

You were driving to the beach, wanting a break from everything and to just sit with the wind blowing through your hair and your book in your hands. It had to be close to midnight and your habit of not being able to sleep was creeping up on you again. You didn’t expect to see anyone else on the road at this point but you could recognize him a million miles away. 

You’re still not sure what prompted it, but you found yourself slowing down on the road. 

“Mat?” you called and watched as he paused in his step and you laid on the breaks in your car till you were at a full stop. 

You watch with curious eyes as Mat walks towards your car before leaning over and peering into your passenger side. When he spots you, a look of recognition and then slight shock washes over him. 

You can’t help the light laugh that washes over you at his shock, a reaction to the absurdness of the Mat Barzal being in your hometown. 

“Oh my god,” you let out quietly and Mat tilts his head at the words. “Get in.” 

You gesture for Mat to hop in your car and you’re surprised even by your own actions. Mat takes it in stride though, climbing into your best up old car and clicking his seatbelt like this whole interaction was completely normal. 

“Let’s drive,” he finally responds and you step on the gas. It’s quiet for a moment as you drive and eventually you turn to look at him. 

“How have you been?” you ask, the question feeling odd but a glance at Mat shows him nodding in response. 

Your original route towards the beach is paused opting to just drive around your small town as you and Mat catch up. You tell him about what you’ve been doing since high school, how college was and how your job now is. He tells you all about the NHL and training and how lucky he has been to play professionally. 

“I’ve kept track of your career,” you mention as nonchalantly as you can afford. 

“Really?” Mat says and he can’t help the jolt of happiness that hits him at your words. 

“Vaguely. You’re supposed to have a 50 goal season this year or something?” you say but there’s a note of teasing in your voice. 

“Something like that,” he grins back at you and that smile has your heart zapped. 

“Shit I’m almost out of gas,” you curse quietly. 

You look over to Mat who offers an almost imperceptible shrug and you nod slightly. You start to head in the direction of your apartment, realizing that it’s almost 2 in the morning. You didn’t even feel the tiredness in your body just yet. 

When you get to your apartment, you tell Mat to keep quiet since your roommate was definitely asleep already. You both sneak in, collapsing onto your bed as Mat shuts the door behind him. He relaxes next to you, continuing the conversation you started in the car. 

Your eyes trail his features as he talks and you’re suddenly struck at how beautiful the man in front of you was. He was damn near a Greek god, chiseled features, bright brown eyes, flowy hair that falls over his eyebrows occasionally. He could have been a model if he wasn’t a hockey player. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” you blurt out, feeling all of 16 again staring at him. 

Mat nods in response and you take a deep breath, leaning closer as your eyes flicker from his to his lips. You try not to over think this, reminding yourself of the unspoken tension surrounding the two of you ever since he got into your car. 

When your lips ghost over his you can’t help the exciting pound of your heartbeat that only goes crazier when Mat pushes forward, truly connecting your lips. Your hand tangle in his hair as he carefully maneuvers you onto your back. His knee is pressed between your legs and his presence is so overwhelming you feel like you can’t breathe. 

He pulls back, granting you much needed air and after placing a few kisses on your exposed neck, he looks you in the eyes again. 

“Are you sure?” he asks breathlessly and you flush under his intense gaze. 

“I’ve never,” you trail off, the implication of your silence saying everything else. Your inexperience rolling off you in waves that Mat takes in strides. 

“But yes,” you tell him nodding and he smiles and meets your lips once more. 

The next morning you’re awoken by movement and a feeling of confusion takes over until you see Mat laying next to you and your cheeks flush at the memories of last night. As your eyes gaze over his features, you’re hit with the question what now? You had never done anything like that before and you gave it to a boy you went to school with and connected again with after one night? What were you thinking? 

Before you can spiral any further, Mat wakes up turning to see you and there’s an unreadable look in his eyes. 

“Good morning,” you whisper and Mat smiles lightly. 

“Morning,” his voice is rough from sleepy and the scratch in his tone sends a shockwave through you. 

“What time is it?” He asks, now sitting up and reaching for his phone. When he checks it, his expression changes quickly to one of frustration. 

“Ah fuck,” he curses and you tilt your head in his direction, a form of a question towards him. 

“I’m supposed to meet my friend for lunch soon,” he explains and you nod. 

Mat gets up and quickly dresses, running his fingers through his hair in a nervous manner before turning to look at you. Before you can process it, he’s pressing a kiss to your lips and whispering a promise that he’ll call you later tonight. 

When your bedroom door clicks shut, it finally occurs to you what happened last night. You slept with someone for the first time ever. Not just anyone either. Mathew Barzal. 

Your mind starts to scramble and before you have a chance to let your anxiety ruin the whole thing, you reach for your phone. You need to call Gianna. 

Gianna was your best friend ever since middle school. Well, at least you thought she was your best friend, but deep down you knew she preferred her friendship with Inez, a girl who lived in New York that you forget about half the time anyway. 

“Why are you calling me before noon?” she asks when the line finally connects. 

“So I met a guy,” you start, unsure of how to segue into one of the biggest moments of your life. 

“Ooh! This has to be good if you’re calling early.” 

“I slept with him last night,” you blurt out suddenly. 

“You what?” 

You explain the whole situation to her, omitting his name, and more so who he was until the end. When you tell her that he just left and promised to call you tonight, you listen intently as she sighs quietly. 

“Gianna?” 

“Yeah?” she asks, still not offering a full reaction. 

“It was Mat Barzal.” 

The bomb drop leaves the two of you in an awkward silence for more than twenty seconds, each one painfully ticking by and making you flinch inwardly. Gianna knew Mat a bit better than you, the two of them were both on sports teams and their friend circles constantly overlapped. You and Gianna however, had become friends in choir class. 

“I heard he was back for the summer,” is all she says in response and your heart clenches at her uncaring tone. 

“G? I really fucking like him and I’m happy,” you tell her, hoping this admission of feelings pulls more of a reaction out. 

“He’s only here for the summer.” 

“It’s different,” you demand, knowing the underlying meaning in her words. “Last night was amazing.” 

You drown out her response, anger clouding your judgment that Gianna couldn’t be happy for you. You had just slept with a guy for the first time and all she can do is imply he doesn’t care about you? That he’ll go home and everything won’t matter anymore? You hang up shortly after, still slightly fuming that your supposed best friend wasn’t being supportive. 

You knew. 

You knew though deep down, no matter the words you spat at Gianna or the delusional thoughts in your head. You knew you and Mat were going to be nothing after this summer. You just really didn’t want to believe it. 

known there was another girl back in New York. You should have known that she was the one he really wanted. The one he’d give it all for. He was never yours. 

Sometimes you really wished you listened to that doubting voice in your head. 

Maybe this wouldn’t hurt so fucking bad now if you did. 

Mat calls that night, tells you about his day and asks about yours. You make plans to go to the beach tomorrow. Your heart feels lighter when you go to sleep that night. By the time morning arrives, you’ve forgotten all your worries already. 

The knock on your door has an unconscious smile creeping up onto your lips and you jog downstairs and swing it open to see Mat. 

He’s leaning against the door frame, soft smile on his lips, arms crossed over a plain t-shirt and a blue open button down. His legs are crossed in a manner that is so effortless you wonder if he’s even a real human. 

“Ready to go?” 

You nod and he pulls you close, slipping an arm around your shoulder as you walk over to his car. Mat drives to the beach, hand on your thigh and an easy smile on his lips. Your heart raced twice as fast whenever he touched you and you couldn’t help but think you’re in love. 

You get to the beach pretty fast, the two of you finding a place to set up and relax for the day. Mat had been in and out of the water while you had relaxed back in your beach chair and read to your heart's content. You couldn’t think of a better day than the one in front of you. 

Mat flops down onto the beach towel next to you, a bright smile lighting up his perfect features. You gaze at him and he throws a wink in your direction and it feels like your body is lit on fire even just by the thought of him staring at you. 

He lays on his stomach, his head rest on his crossed arms and you find yourself dropping a hand to his back and tracing patterns on his bare skin. You’re tracing your name and then his when you finally break the silence. 

“When are you going back?” 

“Couple of weeks,” he answers noncommittally. 

“Do you think-“ you start to say and just when you’re about to push away the rest of the sentence Mat looks at you expectantly. “Will you call when you get back to New York? Keep in touch?” 

Something flickers in Mats eyes at your question, you’re not sure if it’s sadness or frustration or guilt or what. It seems to pass quickly though, a smile plastered on that doesn’t quite reach his eyes is thrown in your direction as he nods. 

“Of course.” 

You end up in Mats bed that night, twisted in bed sheets, laughs soaring in the air and good feelings wrapping you up so tightly you could almost choke on them. By the end of the night you fall asleep with a smile on your lips and Mat’s arms wrapped around you tight. 

The weeks slipped away from you, warm summer months slipping through your fingers until August arrived. Mat was due back to New York any week now and you found yourself begging for his attention. You dropped anything and everything when he called, something Gianna was getting angry about. 

“Hello?” you answer, looking over at Gianna who gives you an annoyed glance. 

“What are you doing right now?” Mat’s voice greets you and you can’t help the smile that slides on your lips at his voice. 

“Not much. Why?” 

“Meet me behind the mall in 20 minutes?” 

“I’ll be there,” you say, a giddy feeling rising in your chest. 

When you hang up, you stand up searching for your shoes, completely forgetting that Gianna was sitting in front of you. 

“Earth to (y/n)?” she asks and you look over with an awkward smile. 

“So that was Mat,” you start and Gianna huffs in frustration as she stands. 

“So you’re canceling plans again?”

“I only have so much time left with him,” you respond, tugging on one of your sneakers. 

“Of course,” she mutters, anger filling the room. 

“What?” you snap, frustrated that Gianna was still giving you shit for going out with Mat. 

“You’re leaving your best friend for some guy who will leave you in a week?” 

“I’m not-“ you start to retort but she cuts you off. 

“He has a fucking girlfriend in New York!! You’re the other woman!” 

The words are a complete and utter blow. The reality hits you full force and forces you to face the thing you never wanted to. That Gianna was right. That this summer was all you were to Mat. A distant memory. More likely, a mistake he made. 

“Whatever,” you mutter, left with nothing but the last word as you storm out of her apartment. 

You meet Mat behind the mall and he’s quick to hop into your car and press a kiss to your cheek. Your previous argument with Gianna is already fading to the back of your mind. 

“What’s wrong?” you ask Mat when you’re sitting next to him on the beach, the sun setting quietly against the crashing waves. 

“I’m going back to New York tomorrow,” he tells you quietly and the shock is plain on your face. 

“They called me to come back early,” he explains and all you can do is nod slowly at the news. 

“Will you stay until the sun sets?” you ask, the words wavering in your throat. 

“Of course,” Mat tells you but the words sound hollow like he’s already thousands of miles away and in a whole different life again. 

Mat had appeared in your small town like a reoccurring dream, lost memory, and perfect fantasy wrapped up in a six foot tall, brown haired, bright eyed hockey player. For a while you questioned so often if he was even real or not. 

And during that time you let yourself be delusional. Let yourself believe all the times he promised he would call when he got back to New York. That the two of you would stay in touch but as you sat on your bed a week later and no calls from Mat you knew what this was all along. 

And it still hurt just as bad. 

[nattblacklupin]

Ice and blood

Pairing: Hockey player! Cassian x Fem! Reader

Warnings: fluff and smut (so mdni 18+), possessive Cassian, Cassian fights someone, people flirting with Cassian, p in v, little bit of overstimulation, praise kink, dirty talk

Summary: headcanons about dating hockey player! Cassian

Masterlist ● hockey player! Azriel/ Eris

Cassian totally gives off offence vibes, not scared to get into fights (most of the time, it's him who provokes his opponents until they give in). It was quite the opposite. He loves getting into fights.

He made a reputation of someone you don't wanna meet on the ice, and totally not have a fight with him.

After every fight, he looked your way and waved at you, making everyone jealous cause how you managed to get Cassian, who was known for his playboy personality.

Sitting in the family section as close to the ice as you could be would be a dream come true for many people. But for you, it was truly a nightmare right now. Your boyfriend was on the ice having a fight with some other buff player from the other team. They were shit-talking each other even before the game started, the tension getting higher as the other player kept crosschecking and hitting players on Cassian's team. With bated breath, you watch them circle around each other, occasionally throwing punches that did little to no damage - when suddenly Cassian took his jersey in his hand and threw him on the ground. Fans got notably louder, and you let out the breath you didn't even know you were holding. Cassian turned to you while leaving the ice and sent you a kiss.

Don't even think about going to any of his matches without a jersey with his name on it. Not just that, it made him especially horny - but it gave him an incredible boost of energy.

He always called you his lucky charm. That's why you had to go with him on every game. He strongly believed he would lose without his favourite girl there.

"Cassian baby, you know I have to do things for work. I will come on the next game, " you said with head buried in his chest, nearly suffocating because of his muscled breast.

"Nono, this is the most important game of the season, plus I already said that I can financially take care of both of us" his lips leaving butterfly kisses on your neck, slowly breaking you and bending you to his will.

"So will you go with me, please?" Seeing his puppy eyes, you just left out a sign and went into your shared bedroom to take out his jersey.

Sometimes, other players would use you to rill up Cassian. Most of the time, it was winking at you or even throwing their own jersey at you with words that it would be prettier on you than Cassian's.

Cassian has a ritual routine after every game in the playoffs. It includes you, him, and an empty locker room. By now, his whole team knows to get away as fast as possible and to not be in the locker room alone with you two. It still didn't save him from teasing coming out of Azriel and Rhysand, but he didn't care that much. Not with you on his cock.

"Faster, come on show me what you got princess" Bouncing you up and down on his cock while he laid on beachers they had there. "I-I can't it's too much Cass," your whole body was sore after the third orgasm he gave you in thirty minutes. "One more, I will cream your pussy. Fill you up for good, never going to let you go. " his fingers found your pearl playing with it, making you moan his name. "That's how I like it, good job, love." He was kissing your neck in a gentle yet rough way. Marking you up so everyone knew to whom you belonged. "I-Im close," Cassian's thursts became sloppy and faster as he himself was close. "Come with me, baby."

Everybody by now knows that you two are a thing, and sometimes fans even come to take photos with you as if you were Cassian himself.

Situations like these always make you smile, especially when little kids come to you saying how they wish to be like your husband (you couldn't make yourself correct them - maybe cause you too wish it was true).

That brings on the spotlight Cassian propose plan. Poor baby planned it for nearly half a year before he even was somehow satisfied, forcing Rhysand and Azriel to do a presentation about what was good on his plan and motivation that you won't say no to him.

That finally calmed Cassian down, and he could put his plan in motion. The first step was to win the Prythian league.

You rushed on the ice to hug Cassian. Incredibly happy and proud of him and his team for winning the playoffs and becoming the best team in the history of the Prythian League. "You did it!" You couldn't contain your happiness screaming into Cassian ear while hugging him. He was spinning you in his arms with an iron grip on your waist. "I wouldn't do it without you, babe." He kissed you roughly on the lips before going down in front of you. Tears welled up in your eyes, already knowing where this is going. "Y/N L/N, will you marry me?" You started jumping up and down while nearly slipping on the eyes."Yes! One hundred times, yes!" Both of you now crying tears of pure joy while everyone cheered for you and Cassian.

"I promise to buy you chicken nuggets every day from now"

[classiccowboy]

instagram j.b.

summary: follow along with joe and his fiance evie as they go through joes football career.

*face claim is yasmin quintana*

series masterlist.

evie

liked by millyg, lahjay10_, and 629,937 others

evie: 🤍🤍🤍

view all 5,829 comments…

user: did you notice that you made top 10 hottest NFL wags?

> evie: the peak of my existence

user: OK! This is so freaking cute

user: and what happens when i have to go to therapy over this?

> evie: we love therapy?

joeyb_9: all of my favorite things in just a few photos.

> evie: lots of happy moments..

user: how did you get a photo with my in laws?

user: you’re all so happy together i’m obsessed!

user: not momma and papa burrow!!

> evie: truly the best people ever. 🧡

joeyb_9

liked by lahjay10_, evie, and 736,828 others

joeyb_9: Jon Snow

view all 8,626 comments…

user: kiss me now

user: Joe sucks

millyg: joe burrow is cool.

user: trashhhhhh

user: mr. can’t win a superbowl

evie: winter is coming 😉

user: goat frfr

user: they know nothing about jon snow

evie

liked by joeyb_9, millyg, and 976,629 others

evie: onto the next..

view all 6,839 comments…

user: can i say ur the cutest ever

> evie: pls do

user: go bengies

> evie: bengies all dey!

user: the fact you never miss a game? get a life.

> evie: in the wise words of dani rojas.. Football is Life

joeyb_9: babe in the jungle. 😍

> evie: 🥰

user: love the fit!

user: Ev are you back to hanging out in the comments??

> evie: i’m always hanging in the comments

joeyb_9:

liked by bengals, evie, and 742,096 others

joeyb_9: Uninvited Guests

view all 11,836 comments…

user: you are HIM joe burrow

user: Joe you the best

user: snow shiesty

user: sad sorry qb

evie: my favorite/least favorite time of the year. i need a new coat.

> joeyb_9: don’t be a baby, you’re supposed to be the queen of the north. 🥶🥶🥶

user: proud of you joe!

user: jealous of the snowflakes

evie

liked by joeyb_9, lahjay10_, and 974,140 others

evie: mills said it’s getting too cold for this shit

view all 4,829 comments…

user: i played against joe in fantasy this week 😭

> evie: rip

user: isn’t this fit kind of basic?

> evie: ouch

joeyb_9: you can have my hand warmer

> evie: the sacrifices you make 🥰

user: i will never understand your relationship, he’s famous he can have anyone he wants.

> evie: it’s the people who know the least that always have the most to say..

millyg: i am never going to a playoff game again. not in this weather my guy.

> evie: you’re kind of lying dude

joeyb_9

liked by bengals, lahjay10_, and 960,002 others

joeyb_9: The journey continues

view all 6,728 comments…

user: does joey b reply?

> evie: our text messages are proof that he doesn’t

user: keep moving forward

lahjay10_: we be back brother

evie: boo kc

> joeyb_9: what do they say? tomato tomato?

user: somebody stop KC

user: joe shiesty for president

> evie: i support this

evie

liked by joeyb_9, bengals, and 827,017 others

evie: *gasp* she’s not wearing a joe burrow jersey!

view all 8,600 comments…

user: congratulations to the Bengals! what a great season!

> evie: 🧡🧡🧡

user: i’m sorry but can i marry ur bf?

> evie: not if i get there first 😉

user: who dey no matter what

joeyb_9: is this what it feels like to be cheated on?

> evie: it’s not what it looks like…

user: not me being behind you while you pounded back these ultras! you’re the best!

> evie: i was totally sober. 🥴

lahjay10_: nah if you gon wear anybody jersey number shoulda been mine!

> evie: i can see this was a major mistake

evie

liked by joeyb_9, millyg, and 639,927 others

evie: goodbye goodbye goodbye.. you were bigger than the whole sky. (what a season joey, i luv u).

view all 7,510 comments…

user: it broke my heart they lost..

user: who dey nation is proud of this team

> evie: forever..

user: leave joe and date me instead.

> evie: omg, usually it’s the other way around. i’m glad someone loves me!

joeyb_9: i can’t get enough of you.. thank you for being so supportive. 🤍

> evie: it’s a wonderful life with you.

user: i want you and mama burrow to post together more often.. i love her

> evie: my game partner for life and one of my best friends. we love mama burrow.. 🧡

evies ig stories

[amonrastbrowns]

my full NFL team ranking 😚

key things to note: this is my first full season as a fan, i get most of my team knowledge from analysts, social media and my dad plus going based off overall vibes

eternal faves are my lions ofc <333 this team MEANS something to me!! i love their bond, their attitudes, their ways of always thinking outside of the box and doing crazy shit etc. and their coach!! dan campbell you absolute gem i love you so much. my fave player is amon ra (duh) but truly all of the team are my babies, even the players we haven’t drafted, traded for or got through free agency yet lmao

i root for you!

bills; mainly for my precious keon but the team just has great vibes overall. love how their fans are always donating to players’ causes! it’s very sweet

bengals; similar to the bills, just have great vibes. i hope they keep tee bc i can’t imagine them without the big 3! and andrei is my baby doll i love him dearly

texans; i’m ngl 90% is bc i love cj stroud to death. like he is so sweet with his shy girl personality and chubby cheeks and big eyes and glasses and and and yeah. also the other 10% is tank dell aka tankerbell. i can ignore the players i’m not fond of (stef, azeez) bc those two are still on there lmao (ik every team has bad apples tho)

chargers; cool team but damn can they get some playoff wins??? tarheeb is literally so beautiful!! big eyes and dimples!! my absolute baby. justin is cool and nonchalant. their coach is insane. they have arguably the best social media manager. good vibes all around

eagles; ik their fans get dogged on but i love their team. jalen, saquon, devonta, aj etc. just a very fun group. i have beef with cjgj and jalen carter tho… but like the texans, the other members outweigh that lol

commanders; mainly cuz of jayden but terry is also very likable imo. very promising team! excited to see what they do next season (tho they do scare me a bit after our playoff loss to them)

you’re cool

cardinals; not much to say here but trey mcbride has two moms and i fuck with that heavy. also kyler is cool, shoutout all the blasians out there

ravens; nate wiggins my absolute baby with his big eyes and smile. he honestly carries the team for me even as a rookie. but ofc lamar and derrick and all them are cool too. marlon however is my mortal enemy

panthers; bryce is soooo baby and cute. i love his smile <333 hopefully they do better next season cuz i gotta support my fellow cat team

colts; this team intrigues me. they’re really not serious at all which is why i like them. shoutout adonai mitchell, hope he does better next season

seahawks; mainly bc of jsn!! but they’re pretty cool as a whole. legion of boom era was A Time that i wish i was around for

buccaneers; baker mayfield endears me and mike evans seems cool (also his childhood is insane?? like hello) also best branding in the NFL by a mile. they have a pirate ship at their stadium!! coolest thing ever

you exist

falcons, cowboys, jaguars, rams, raiders, dolphins, patriots, saints, giants, jets and titans. i don’t really care about these teams all that much and i’m getting tired of typing lmao so if you have questions about any of em, ask in the tags!

division rivals

they get their own tier bc i can’t find myself rooting for any of them unless they play the chiefs. rome odunze is my baby however, love his shy girl personality and big eyes to death

very evil energy

browns; as long as deshaun watson is on that roster i cannot find myself to ever root for them

broncos; bo nix genuinely scares and annoys the fuck outta me. why does your name have five letters. why’d you play in college for 20 years and then end up mid in the pros. why do you look like that. so many questions

chiefs; everyone hates them so i won’t get into it. free isiah pacheco!!

steelers; annoying fanbase but unlike other teams, their roster can’t cancel that out. george pickens is annoying as hell. tj watt is a crybaby. russ is washed and corny. their best player is their kicker. free justin fields

49ers; similar to the steelers, annoying fanbase but their roster can’t cancel it out. deebo, brandon, nick, hell even brock sometimes pisses me off. george kittle is the one bright spot on that team. i’ll forever make fun of them for admitting they didn’t know the overtime rules in the fucking super bowl of all games

and that’s all folks! <3

[puckpocketed]

new babygirl unlocked!! and he has HAIR!!!!!!

[ID: Photo of Los Angeles Kings prospect Aatu Jämsen in his Pelicans uniform. His hair is backlit to almost seem white, and streams out from under his helmet. /. End ID]

oh my GOD!!! new babygirl indeed... its giving barbie its giving goldilocks its giving hair on a my little pony toy... !

Quick notes on Aatu Jämsen. i am quite endeared. he is exactly my type of hockey guy <3

Plays RW! Drafted 2020, round 7, 190th overall. Before signing with the Kings, was playing for the Lahti Pelicans. Bit of a late bloomer, but he's tearing it up lately!! Probably why he got the nod from LA.

Per EP Rinkside, "Players with Jämsen's creativity are a rarity in Liiga. In a league where systems and team-wide strategy are at the forefront, Jämsen stands out with his puck skills and a flair for the dramatic. He's a legitimate dual-threat weapon in the offensive zone, and has also made some slight improvements to his physical game; a necessity if he wants to try to conquer North America next season."

So he's known for being very flashy. Quick, soft hands. Creative. Highlight reel stuff. GOATED on the shootout, apparently always trying crazy dangles in game... I'm SURE this type of prospect will be fine in the LA Kings system (<- lying but hopeful!! aslkdaskjl)

Here he is bullying the shit out of NHL24 champ/youtuber/ex-goalie Eki in the shootout. he yells "KUCHEROV" in triumph at one point after scoring on this guy who (checks notes) laced up skates to play goalie 2 times in the last 4 years - and i think that's so fucking lame and deeply charming.

and I am not surprised at all; he is VERY popular in the Finnish league.

Last month he got into a fight with Tampereen Tappara's Otto Rauhala. VERY unexpected, he's not a fighter at all. Rough google translate from this article, cleaned up a little by me:

Interviewer: What happened there? Jämsen: I don't know. Interviewer: So would you say Rauhala started it? Jämsen: You could say. I didn't appreciate his check in the first period of the game. Nothing more than that."

This is whole exchange is SO funny to me. what happened? he doesn't know. but if he had to say? then that guy fucking started it!!! but that's all <3 LMAO

HE MOONLIGHTS AS A RAP MUSICIAN. HELLO. His stage name is KIDJAM$EN kjlasdkljadlak HELP..,, here is one of his songs set to a short looping montage of Pelicans hockey players.. i think its a playoffs hype song??? I cannot understand a word of it. it DOES bang though!!! He plans to pursue music as a career if hockey doesn't work out. jumping from one risky career to another with no fear honestly go off!!! faith trust and pixie dust <3

everything about him i can dig up is like He's SOO flashy. eccentric. strange creachture. He bleaches his hair to get it that light. he did it to imitate Otto Salin, per this article. The picture is worth a thousand words tbh:

the fucking. LV sweater. the sunglasses. the coy look up at the camera. okay!!! cunt !!! <3

In the same article: he got very serious about nutrition and exercise last season after coming back from a break and getting BLASTED by his coaches for being out of shape. from the sounds of it, this dressing-down triggered his current meteoric rise? He was nawwwt taking his conditioning seriously before this. Since then, he's gained weight and become stronger, and has dedicated himself fully to going pro!

same article again: he's the scion of a hockey family - and god isnt that always the story?? His dad played for the Pelicans. his brothers Juuso and Vili also play hockey. The three have distinct play styles like a cute little set <3 Juuso the goal scorer, Aatu the playmaker, and Vili the GOON!!!

ough MIDDLE CHILD ALERT!!! it all makes SO much sense now....

Due to his flashiness on-ice AND off-ice, he naturally is a lightning rod for criticism. ice hockey is notoriously conservative as a culture and everything about him goes against this. Jams... Jammie... Jammer... idk what to call you BUT. your swag too different your slay too cunty, they're trying to kill you but you wont let them!!!!!

it seems instead of pivoting and making himself more palatable, he's only doubled down. i love and support him for this. if anyone has been on my blog they know i enjoy my guys with big personalities just as much as i love the quiet/underrated ones.

in conclusion, WELCOME TO LA. YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THIS TOWN, GORGEOUS <3

[naanima]

Oh dudes. I sometimes forget how not many of you remember or witnessed the whole Tyler Seguin as a Boston Bruins phase of hockey history. I gotta be honest I witnessed the whole thing from a distance because I was fully committed to the Flyers back then (all the heartbreak). The only thing I knew about him was that he was Bruins' hot young superstar who won the 2011 Stanley Cup with the team in his rookie year, and that he liked to party.

Dudes, the pics of him & Brad Marchand drunk & dancing on tables were legendary & amazing (below, you can Google for more on your own). Gods they were both so young.

But yes, from afar I couldn't help but like him bcos Tyler Seguin have personality in spades, and he just seemed so damn honest (so dumb). A young, talented, self aware himbo fuckboi ticked all my boxes, but I was starting to ease back from hockey due to some heartbreak. So I watched from afar, watched as his post rookie season didn't live up to the hype, watched him get skewered by the Boston media for being uncontrollable & a party animal, watched the rumours spread about how management had to post guards in front of his hotel room to stop him from making a run to get drunk & party.

It was a complete & utter shitshow bcos it was so public & must have been so humiliating for him. The Bruins organisation did nothing to protect him, they fucking let the rumours run rampant, let him be crucified. When the news came out that Boston traded him for Dallas I was shocked & angry, which took me aback bcos I wasn't even a Bruins fan or even really a Seguin fan. But the way everything went down, how front office decided on his trade (FOREVER curated on YouTube) , how the supposed last straw was him turning up to team breakfast late (I'm not even kidding - fucking breakfast? That fucking story kept on getting retold) left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

Despite all the shit that was said about him, despite the way the Boston Bruins handled everything, Tyler Seguin, the himbo has never publicly said one bad thing about the Bruins. My himbo prince might not be the smartest person, but he has always been receptive to feedback and is self aware enough not to be an asshole, in public at the least.

But honestly after Tyler's trade I only did a cursory look of his life there - he seemed happy, but didn't do further digging because I was on my way out of hockey completely.

A decade later I return to hockey, and I'm shocked that Seguin is still around, and still part of Dallas Stars. Looking back I'm fucking glad he got traded to Dallas. Bcos Dallas hockey fans fucking love him, and Seguin finally got a team of bros he can love & ho with proper. There will still be shits but Tyler Seguin went to Dallas as their superstar, as their great hope, they fucking love him. And in return he did everything he could - played the best hockey he could, broke his body, changed his playing style both physically & mentally - to get that team the Stanley Cup.

I don't know if Dallas Stars will win the Cup this year (🪵🪵🪵🪵🪵🪵), but the Stars are in the second round of the 2023 playoffs (be ashamed that Pavs got a Dick Trick and you fucks still COULDN'T win). And it has been almost exactly ten years since the Bruins traded Seguin to the Stars - 4 July 2013. Hockey & I love its narrative.

So, dear hockey gods, I don't even know if you all exists, and I know exactly how it is all superstitious bullshit. However, it has been almost exactly a decade since the fucking trade, the Bruins has been knocked out of the playoff, and in Tyler Seguin you have the perfect narrative. Are you gonna fucking deliver for me & my himbo prince?

Dallas Stars, are you going to show them all?

(Or we get fucked over, and hockey proves once again that there is NO god, superstition is bullshit, and the team who can effectively exploit the opposing team's weakness, and you know, play actually good hockey wins.)

I AM PREPARED. WILL I BE JOYOUS and roll around in the NARRATIVE, or is this gonna be my Villain Origin Story? (I'm gonna fucking support the fucking Leafs or the Oilers if these fucks lose).

[bropunzeling]

I absolutely loved all the bits that hinted about Brady’s view of the girl!Leon drama in the elopement time stamp (the directors cut was chefs kiss). I’ve been rolling around imagining Brady trying to talk to Matthew after Leon has to go back to Germany after they get their shit together. Just very “she’s gone???? Again???” and more upset than Matthew is, on his behalf, because brothers!!

omg anon this really tickles me ty, sorry for the rambling phone response but god brady is absolutely like, what the fuck. because from HIS perspective the series of events is:

a year plus of matthew pointedly not dating anyone, never saying he's dating anyone, but also after a few drinks/talking about life/etc the silences get very. suspicious. in the meantime the flames play the oilers ten times in a season and matthew complains about leon every time, win or lose

february to may 2022: the silences have gotten happier? more pointed? still no active confirmation but like. maybe at one point matthew says something that implies he might have something to tell brady soon? brady tells emma and emma is like "there is definitely a girl." matthew still has playing against leon mentionitis.

battle of alberta pre-playoffs: brady is There when leon suggests coming over. matthew is like don't you want to hang out with taryn. please go hang out with taryn and leave my house. he is pacing a hole through the carpet of the condo. brady is 👀

battle of alberta playoffs finish. once they are both in stl matthew is cranky for obvious reasons. he also keeps texting someone and then checking his phone every fifteen minutes like someone might have texted back and he missed it. brady is 👀👀👀

post-wcf. matthew is just like. actively miserable. some of it is figuring out his future but maybe there's an evening where they're sitting outside and matthew gets three beers deep and brady says something like, why are you such a fucking sad sack, and matthew huffs and tears the wrapper off his beer bottle and tips his head back and is like, there was this - but it doesn't matter, she doesn't want to talk to me, and when brady pushes a little matthew shuts down because he can't reveal a secret but also he is clearly heartbroken. they deal with this in the way of tkachuk men, which is more beer and brady giving him a hug that matthew puts up token resistance to

the summer: brady proposes! matthew gets himself traded! he does seem less miserable after that. though there is one moment where he comes back from taking a call and the look on his face is just - it's way too sad for someone who just got what he wanted. brady, in a rare moment of restraint, doesn't push it.

AND THEN: rob thomas' party. the second brady sees matthew see leon, he puts it together, and he’s so what the fuck about it that he leaves them alone so he can go process (call his fiancée and be like emma what the fuck) and then he comes home and matthew comes home and brady is like okay sit down dumbass, full details now. the story comes out. the longer matthew talks the more firmly anti-leon brady becomes. she jerked him around! she ghosted him! and now she's here? just for sex? well fuck that shit

maybe he even says that when they are debriefing (again) over breakfast, and matthew's face kinda - he looks a little blindsided, and then he says something like, i think i--, and when brady is like, what (fully prepared with a whole "you don't need her you can do better" speech), matthew is like, but she didn't really say what she wanted. and at brady's annoyed, confused, unimpressed face, he says, she always says what she wants.

and then three hours later brady gets a text that's like, please be somewhere else for the night, and when he gets back the next day matthew is like, happy and practically whistling and has a hickey an inch big under his jaw.

brady does not say anything in the moment - not when matthew explains both leon's previous presence and her current absence - but he sure is thinking: you fucking idiot, you're just asking to get your heart broken again

when leon comes to stl a few weeks later? brady may not be a natural at passive aggressiveness, but boy is he gonna pick it up fast.

[realtapiocafan]

my football team doesn't know ball 💔

'mavs in five' 'mavs in six' 'mavs in seven' mouth dropped in OUTRAGE. not ONE of them said celtics in five, what the FUCK, respect my bball team 😭

s/o kris jenkins, marco wilson, jordan battle, mike hilton, tre mosley, and myles murphy for believing!

mike hilton btw! did not know he was from georgia! predicted fmvp!

tre mosley (i did have to dive into the training camp roster to figure out who was 86) 'boston in six if porzingis plays, boston in seven if he don't' see! he knows ball!

and myles murphy! from the same town jaylen was born in!

WARNING: ANTI-MAVS/KYRIE CONTENT BELOW

and fuckkkk outta here with that kyrie/luka clutch gene and 'best offensive backcourt in history' or whatever. clearly none of that shit matters when luka fouls out or is too out of breath bc he's not in the same condition that the jays are in (the guy's a great offensive player, but his defense...), and kyrie sees ghosts whenever he sets foot in TD garden.

i will NEVER understand why so many athletes like kyrie. like bball wise, the guy practically threw his rookies under the bus in 18! he performed so badly during a playoff series (4-18 from the field in one game wtf) that there was still conspiracy theories that he threw it on purpose just so he could go to the nets! fine, people miss shots, but in what world is a 6’2 guard ever going to effectively guard Giannis Antetokounmpo? No world! Not a snowball's chance in hell! (You ever want to piss off a Celtics fan, just mention the 2019 Bucks series) he said to a whole stadium that he was going to stay -and then the sage. the middle finger. the stomp. 1-15 vs the celtics since the stomp - what were you expecting when you stomped on a mascot literally named LUCKY.

and also like. morally. i feel like kyrie has gotten into so many scandals that people are desensitized (flat earth being the prime example) or were a few years ago and people have forgotten, but anti-Seminism is absolutely deplorable and there's no excuse for it. and not getting a vaccine is a personal choice, but he was literally promoting the idea that vaccines contain microchips? c’mon. that is straight-up misinformation.

finally, EXCUSE ME CAM 'the celtics always make it to the end and never finish' WE HAVE WENT TO THE FINALS ONE(1) TIME BEFORE THIS. WHAT DO YOUUUU MEAN 'nEvEr FiNiSH'?

2017-18 we got to the ecf riding on rookie jt's shoulders (also smh terry shot us out of that game 7). 18-19 we were a second round exit 😔. i'll always side eye kyrie for the bucks series. 19-20 the raptors series gassed us badly and it's not like they choked? the heat were the #1 seed? 20-21 first-round exit bc jaylen hurt and jayson had to drop fifty just to win a game against the superteam nets. 21-22 was the first finals year and like, jayson and jaylen had to basically go 100 from january bc we were at .500 for the first half of the season. our path was sooo much harder than the warriors. like the whole 24 playoff run, it was all the celtics weren't 'battle-tested' like we didn't have to go through the kd-kyrie nets, giannis and the bucks, and the heat with their Devil Magic in 2022. you can't just say they 'never finish' without the CONTEXT (sorry i get fired up about this). and ok fine, 22-23 we choked (had a first-year hc for all its worth)

[captainmartin20]

however, if the aces are dumb and stupid enough to leave kate unprotected, natalie is 100% picking her up. not only does she recognise kate's skills seeing as she was there every step of the way in her rookie year, kate's marketable, and has an established fanbase of her own (me)

I have a small fear that Becky would do something this dumb and stupid - not protect Kate, because I completely agree with you; Natalie will 100% take her. She went to Iowa and watched a game to scout Kate (no, they weren’t there to scout CC, they all knew where she was gonna go). Kate’s vets (especially AC, Syd, Tip and A’ja), will be pissed (along with Las Vegas fans) if Natalie takes her from them 😂.

The reason for my small fear: the decisions Becky made in the 2nd half of the season and playoffs. Sandy and Reeve used their bench the whole season (it’s the most logical thing to do to develop chemistry with the starters to get them prepared for the playoffs just in case something like an injury or injuries happen).

Sandy was not afraid to bench any of her starters when they started doing dumb shit and turning the ball over (iso ball, chucking up shots, lazy defense), while Becky just let them keep making mistakes after another, yet had a short leash when it’s a bench player that makes the same mistake ONCE.

Sandy and Reeve built up their bench’s confidence the whole season, while Becky just got allergic to hers 😒. Her loyalty to her starters is what’s clouding her judgement sometimes. I fear that that’s her Achilles heel. Instead of thinking about the age of her players and the roster…and her blind loyalty to some (Jackie is BFFs with KB, why do you think KB is still on the roster after no improvement the last 3 seasons?)

If Becky does fumble this, and GSV takes Kate, that would be bittersweet, but at least Kate will be in good hands, with a good organization and good ownership. Let me tell you, the Bay Area don’t play about their basketball players.

^^^

# becky get ur head out of ur ass and protect the best rookie in the class.

# if she does leave, at least kate would look good in purple <3333

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Baseball's Greatest Hits 1989 Novelty / Swing / Pop / Jazz / Comedy / Folk / Singer-Songwriter

Well, folks, I gotta say that baseball and I really aren't on the greatest of terms right now. See, my Mets are currently in the fight of their life for a playoff wild card spot, and their MVP-caliber shortstop, Francisco Lindor, who prides himself on playing every day, is now nursing a back injury, and we don't yet know the severity of it, because as I'm currently writing this, me and this entire fanbase are awaiting the results of a very important MRI. And as a diehard Mets fan whose only really been raised on baseball heartbreak, I've been conditioned to only expect bad news at this point, knowing full well that even if his injury is minor and he's only out for a few games, that his absence at this highly critical point in the season has a pretty good chance of causing this club to miss the playoffs by a mere inch, even though they've been pretty much the best team in the league since Memorial Day, with a starting pitching staff that was not expected to be very good, but has somehow miraculously developed itself into the best one in the game, despite ace Kodai Senga only making a single appearance all season due to multiple injuries.

But even though I really don't wanna think too much about baseball right now (hah!), we still push on, because like it or not, this novelty album of baseball songs from Rhino Records—the first of its kind, they allege—happens to be the next album in my queue, and so here I am, regardless of my own mood and how I'm currently trying to cope in this moment, ready to write, objectively 😥.

So, first of all, and above all else, this is a fun album. Little of it consists of music that I would consider to be *good*, but that's not really the point of an album like this in the first place; we're here for goofy novelty, and boy, do we have a whole lot of it, from swingin' and showtuney and rockin' tunes about specific greats like Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, Jackie Robinson, Mickey Mantle, and Hank Aaron; to jazz pianist Dave Frishberg's "Van Lingle Mungo," a song that, according to this albums own liner notes, became his most requested, even though its lyrics are literally only names of baseball players that he'd found in a baseball encyclopedia once, including that of Van Lingle Mungo himself. What a song to have your career defined by 😂.

But the absurdity of this album really only begins there, because in addition to that, we've got some peak 80s cringe here as well. Like, you know how so many people in that decade mistakenly thought it'd be a good idea to try their hand at rapping? Well, have a listen to legendary Yankees announcer Mel Allen rap the words 'that ain't no jive' on "Baseball Dreams," by Allen and a group called The Naturals. This song is like if one of those horribly cheesy 'just say no to drugs' anthems was made about baseball instead. A complete atrocity that reminds you just how much of this awful type of cheap and generic, keyboard-dominated ~sound~ was really floating around out there at the time. Fun to point and laugh at now, but holy shit, what terrible, terrible music this was!

And up until that very song on this album, I was set to write about how this is a great release for families to listen to in their car while on the way to a ballgame, so long as they don't go to more than a few games a year. But then I heard the next song, "Baseball Card Lover" by Rockin' Richie Ray, and thought otherwise, because while Richie provides the thinnest of pretenses that this song is merely about his love of baseball cards, what it's actually clearly about instead are his own fantasies about having wild sex with the players on those cards 🥵. So, uh...fun for the whole family, this album certainly is not.

Still, though, there are a few genuinely good songs on here too, and the best among them, I'd say, is probably Philly soul group The Intruders' "(Love Is Like A) Baseball Game," which wasn't their biggest hit, but still managed to perform modestly well, reaching #26 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1968. A quality piece of soul music that came courtesy of the legendary songwriting and production duo of Gamble and Huff, but I'm not too sure that I agree that the whole concept of love can really be equated to "three strikes, you're out" 😅.

So, all in all, it definitely did feel a little bit tormenting to have to listen to this album and then write up a post about it today, but now that I've done it, I won't have to do it again 👍. Worth a listen if you love the history of baseball and think you'd get a kick out of the wide variety of wacky music that this folkloric game has managed to yield since about the ~1940s, but if baseball's never really been your thing, you can probably skip this collection, because you probably wouldn't understand or appreciate much of what these songs are about anyway.

But seriously, how do you leave a song like "Meet the Mets," one of the single-catchiest baseball tunes ever written, off of an album like this?! 🤔 Tsk, tsk. The lesser known funkier and peppier 70s version of it goes pretty hard, as far as baseball songs go, too, I think.

Highlights:

The Intruders - "(Love Is Like A) Baseball Game" Steve Goodman - "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request" Sister Wynona Carr - "The Ball Game"

P.S.: Since I've written this, Lindor's MRI has come back clean, which is definitely encouraging, but they really need him back ASAP. Time is definitely not on their side right now 😓.

[itsgenotime71]

I've been stewing over some thoughts since Fridays game. Putting a read more cause this might get a little long

I'll start by saying that I don't think Edmonton is a bad team. Objectively, they are good. I personally don't know much about the . I mean besides you're two obvious players(which many see as those two who make the up the whole team and honestly it's quite true), they have some other notable players that don't get enough recognition. Forever foreshadowed by mcjesus. Whatever. But I'm not saying by any means that they are a shitty team, no talent, etc etc.

Im a fan of the Florida Panthers. Before the post season I wasn't, I had no opinion on them, had never even watched a game of theirs except the ones that were against the penguins(I'm from Pittsburgh so they are, by all means my team)but they were held pretty high up in league standings most of the year so I had of course heard things over the season about them. The pens didn't make the playoffs so I just chose the panthers as the team I was gonna follow through the post season. Call me a bandwagoner if you want, I don't care. To each their own.

But ive watched every single one of their games this post season. I have grown so attached to this team. It wasn't really me choosing them, they sort of chose me and wormed their way in my heart. I'm keeping them.

But the league is making an absolute mockery out of the Florida Panthers. If you're one of the people who believe sports to be rigged/scripted, well, if that's what's occuring here, they are really writing the script to make them a joke.

Everyone round this post season (maybe not against Tampa but I can't remember anything that stood out like the others), it's been the broadcasters being completely biased to whatever team the panthers are playing. Against Boston and against the rangers, the coverage was all over them both. There was barely any coverage on the panthers. You could get whatever ridiculous statistic about either team but mainly what you would get about the panthers would be something negative; shitty power play, turnovers, etc etc. I don't know how other series faired in terms of their coverage but the games I did tune into, it seemed pretty even sided for the most part.

But this finals has been all Edmonton. You'd be lucky to ever hear a fucking thing about Florida. The cats were up 3-0 and in those three games, all that could be said was what Edmonton could do to get themselves a win, what they could do to get past bob, what they need to focus on, what not to do, you get the point. In those three games, obviously the cats were up 3 wins, they rarely had anything positive to say about what the Panthers were doing. How they were playing. They would just make it all about Edmonton. Panthers score, oh well let's talk about Edmonton. The cats penalty kill has been phenomenal but they can only seem to talk about edmontons pp or their pk. I remember in game 2, Niko Mikkola scored. Doesn't score very much. But during the intermission, they were talking about his goal and I can't remember exact words but they said they weren't gonna make fun of him but then proceeded to make fun of him. He scored a goal and they had nothing nice to say. All they did was laugh and make jokes.

The series has now been tied at 3, and the three games that Edmonton won, such praise. All they continue to talk about is Edmonton. Unlike how when they were down three in the series and the broadcasters and those during the intermission talked about what they could do to get a win, Florida drops three and they have nothing but negative things to report. All the things they did wrong, not being aggressive, defense lacking, sloppy passes, turnovers which lead to goals, their power play being utter shit. We get nothing. They wrote off the panthers back in the first round.

There are also people out there who believe that the league paid them off to drop games. The league wants their money so getting the series to a game 7 gets them a fuck ton of money. So maybe they paid off the panthers to drop three games. If anyone has watched a panthers game or has watched many, they would know that the way they played in those three games, that wasn't the Florida panthers. Yeah I get it, teams can go through a funk, shits not meshing. Whatever it may be. They haven't been perfect in every game in the post season. No team can be, far from it. But how they were playing was so unlike how they are known to play is what also got me thinking what if they were paid to drop these games. If you know the panthers, you know that's not how they play. I'm not gonna go into depth there .

Thats obviously all speculation, no one can obviously know for sure. It just doesn't add up.

The lack of calls, specifically in game 6 in my opinion was just absurd. There should have been a few more penalties against Edmonton. If they didn't take away barkovs first goal that was deemed offside, game 6 would have been a completely different game.

I can't even go in facebook without the nhls page posting something about edmonton. I don't know how it is on other social media with their pages but Facebook is all Edmonton. I only scrolled so far on it but their past 15 posts that were specifically about the cup finals, were related to Edmonton in some fashion. I get it, they came back from being down 3-0.

I'm just completely at a loss for words how the league has completely buried the Florida panthers. They've made them a joke at this point. We have broadcasters who are so obviously biased towards Edmonton(and who were biased towards Boston and the rangers), posts being made only about Edmonton. Us panthers fans get absolutely nothing for our team. We are being forced to listen to 60+ about the fucking o*lers and have hope to hear a little snippet of something about the panthers, even if it's not something positive. Then again they never say anything positive, it's few and far between.

And oh maybe you are thinking, 'you're just thinking this way cause you don't want to admit they are actually bad' etc etc etc. If you think any of what's going on right now is right, I don't know what to tell you. I just don't believe a team like this just falls off like this so hard.(I want to direct people to the very first thing I said after the cut) Not good enough to make a team completely lose themselves like this.

I've seen some posts about players/teams and how they shouldn't use 'deserve' for winning or being in the playoffs, or in the finals. Whatever it may be. No matter how far you got in the playoffs, whether that be only as far as the first round or if you made it all the way to the finals, I firmly believe that a player/team can deserve to be in that position. People can deserve to have things. You can use any other word that you want. But I stand by that and that's my opinion and I'm allowed to have said opinion, as are you.

To whoever stuck to read this through to the end, I'm sorry.

[lecpenni]

LEC RETROSPECTIVE: KOI

Ahhh, I should be hated for saying I don't care for KOI, and I don't think they should get to worlds.

So! KOI are technically a new org, but quickly accrued one of the largest fanbases in esports by being founded by famous and popular Spanish content creator and e-celebrity Ibai, and being part owned by footballer Gerard Piqué. Previously however, they were known as Rogue, probably one of the less popular teams in the LEC.

Being a team accepted during franchising, they didn't come in with the greatest advantage. They didn't have a regional fanbase like MAD Lions, they didn't have a huge pre-established presence in LEC history like Origen or SK, only being present in Rainbow 6 Siege and their parent company also owning a COD League team. The 2 esports you DEFINITELY invest in for huge fanbases. But they quickly established a presence in LEC by being so perfectly average, and then by being so perfectly average that they began succeeding.

Entering in 2019, they were a middle of the pack team with some insane talent, like Inspired and Larssen, plus Woolite and Vander in the botlane. That roster didn't pan out the best, and after Hans sama joined in 2020, they had a middling spring followed by coming 1st in regular season summer, and making it to worlds, then they shit the bed and went 1-5 :p. Well 2021 went a hell of a lot better, adding Odoamne and new rookie Trymbi, coming 2nd in spring, and 3rd in summer playoffs, making worlds and being drawn into the Group of Death, and managing to make FPX blow the fuck up. 2022 replaced Hans sama with Comp, an oft maligned player resigned to C tier rosters like Vitality's 2019-2021 disaster rosters, and their MVP jungler Inspired with Malrang, a korean player who was known for his time on goddamn Jin Air (rip sadplane). They then proceeded to get 2nd in playoffs in Spring, and 1st in Summer. As you do. Being the only western team to make it out of groups, they immediately got drawn vs JDG, and lost pretty handily with some weird niche picks that absolutely did not pan out (Trymbi Nasus Support, in a bad matchup for it, anyone?) 2023 began with Odo being replaced in toplane with Szygenda, a player similarly maligned by vitality's disaster rosters and the rebranding to KOI, after a merger with Rogue's team, inheriting Rogue's entire infrastructure in the league. Now that's how you get into the league in a big way and establish yourself quickly. And as the previous champions, giving Odo and Larssen their first LEC titles, there were fairly big expectations put on this team. Sure, Szygenda was basically kinda a rookie at this point still, not having played a full year on Vitality before being benched then brought back in 2021, but his performances in the LFL were impressive nonetheless, often being called TheShygenda for his insane performances on Gwen and Gnar.

Winter began as it usually does, weirdly. KOI take a game off of BDS, with a double ADC botlane, off Excel with their tried and true Kalista/Soraka, and losing a game to a Fnatic who hadn't boomed completely yet with a very ill advised Jhin pick. But, a 2-1 start isn't exactly awful. However, KOI showed some of the problems that Rogue would show back in 2022 Spring, and 2021. Namely, the phenomenon known as Rogue Time. Where at around 16-20 minutes, the whole team mental booms and completely forgets how to play league of legends well, and the midgame completely collapses undoing the earlygame advantages they accrued usually. It got memed heavily by Korean fans, and slowly spread, but it was an actual thing that would happen. Rogue mid-game was absolute abysmal, only in 2022 Summer did they overcome it, and in Winter 2023, it came back in a big way.

Week 2 didn't go that well. A loss to a fumbling Heretics, and Ruby's 2nd good game for the year, a loss to MAD's double ADC comp, and a loss to SK with another, ill advised ADC pick. God, what was going on? Odo wasn't the biggest shotcaller, but they were a lot better than this in Summer? Well one thing was Trymbi didn't look the best, basically ever since he picked Nasus at Worlds and he went on a bit of a tirade on Twitter against the people saying it was a troll pick. Basically he stopped playing to his usual standard afterwards, sadly. These problems continued into week 3. They hadn't locked playoffs yet, and were sitting at the bottom of the table with an underwhelming Astralis, a slumping Fnatic, and a dead in the water Excel. A win over Vitality started their week, which I believe locked them at least a tiebreaker, a loss to G2, and a win over Astralis locked themselves into playoffs, with a poor bot showing in all 3 games. Yeah, KOI didn't look the best. Nothing they won was convincing, and their losses looked lifeless. I don't know, the whole project wasn't going the best so far. Groups wasn't gonna be easy, their first series was a surging SK, who were looking like dark horses for the entire split.

Well, against all odds, KOI actually got a 2-0 over SK, with a good Larssen performance and a renewed Malrang on Sejuani doing Malrang things. Next opponent, Vitality. Ah shit, this is the superteam who got 1st in Winter, KOI have been relying almost entirely on clutch Larssen performances. Well again, against most odds, Larssen pulled out another set of carry performances, with Comp making sure his Sivir his noticed again for its insane carry potential, beating vitality in a quick 2-0. KOI made playoffs! Without demonstrating as much Rogue Time! Let's goooo!

Rogue were always better in Bo1s, but now as KOI they appear to have reversed this? Wonder if their Bo5 performances are gonna be as strong. First up was a series VS the other team who went 2-0 in Groups, G2. A carry performance from Hans sama's Miss Fortune, and a surprise Bel'Veth from Yike took game 1 and 2 respectively. KOI got put on their last legs, and Game 3 came back to a Comp performance. Man got a pentakill! Demolishing G2 inside their base, they got a food back in the series, and it came down to Game 4, it's still doable. Rogue have been reverse swept before, and they can do it to their enemies just as easily. KOI should be able to as well.

Nope nope a disaster in the botlane let Hans sama carry the entirety of G2 vs a Varus/Kalista botlane from Comp and Trymbi, being utterly destroyed. But, but, unlike others so far, KOI got a 2-0 in Groups, so they get a second chance to qualify to finals, and then a potential rematch vs G2. All they need to do is beat their old rivals, the MAD Lions. The team that dominated 2021, and when they slumped in 2022, Rogue took over and won Summer. Their rivalry has been building since 2020, when they took the regular season over G2 and fought each other for the top spots to go to worlds.

And that series went ok! A dominant Larssen Tristana, and a signature Kalista from Comp won Game 1, but that quickly faded. Game 2 featured a fairly weak botlane and the Nisqy Gragas that teams refused to ban, Game 3 had the New Hyli Special, Rell, and Game 4 had the Nisqy Gragas. That's the season. Y'know what, considering they made 3rd overall this season, that's not the worst but it's a step down. They did replace their weakside king Odoamne, so maybe the team needs more time to gel. Their botlane also looked shockingly weak after it was fair to call Comp/Trymbi a top 5 at best botlane at Worlds last year, which was tragic. Trymbi really hadn't been playing well, and Comp looked a lot less confident in lane and in teamfights, probably because his support wasn't doing as well at all.

But, nonetheless, not winning the split is a disappointment. Going into Spring, they were in a good position. Top 3 means that they have a good chance to make MSI if G2 win another split in dominant fashion, as long as they outplace MAD Lions. No changes going into Spring, but Week 1 wasn't exactly a glowing highlight. A loss to Astralis, who were looking pretty good. Day 2, a win over Heretics after some insane fumbles from Ruby, but it's an awful look for KOI, that they could only win through a phonemally awful throw and a botched baron call, and the fact that the game was that close vs a heretics that looked like well... Garbage they looked like shit.

Day 3, a rematch from Winter, MAD vs KOI, a snoozer with few kills and a generally unimpressive game from both sides. Well, Week 1 ending on 1 win. That's really bad. You made playoffs last split guys... Sadly, Week 2's looking a lot harder. G2, the Winter Champions, SK who blew past all expectations and Fnatic, who despite dropping out in the regular season, came back with a new top laner, new support, and went 0-3 first week...

Defying the odds, winning against G2 thanks to a strong Szygenda, a win over SK thanks to Comp and Larssen, and then a... loss to Fnatic... To be fair, Razork took a facilitator in Vi and made it look like a hypercarry, punishing the botlane of KOI super super hard, playing really really not well, failing to execute a pick comp and failing their teamfights really badly despite having goddamn Taric.

Week 3, KOI have basically locked Groups. MAD, Fnatic, Excel and Heretics all being 2-4, while KOI sit on 3-3 means they're safer going forward, almost guaranteed a tiebreaker at the very worst. And hey, they're facing Excel, who just subbed in a new midlaner in Abbedagge (god this news made me kinda mad, but i digress), plus BDS, who practically ran the regular season and Vitality who definitely looked weaker compared to Winter, but were still no slouch, especially with a strongside bot laner like Upset.

Well a win over Excel who showed most of the same problems, especially with closing out games, then 2 losses meant that KOI barely scraped into Groups. 7th place. Not great. You only beat the half starved MAD Lions and Heretics thanks to that one extra win. 4-5 isn't something to be happy about at all, and considering Rogue were often considered Bo1 Merchants, never showing up as strongly in their Bo5s, this is a really bad look. Groups is looking grim, especially considering they're facing G2 next.

And that series saw an incredibly rare Pantheon pick twice in toplane, piloted by BrokenBlade, which kinda stomped the lane vs Szygenda, plus another hypercarry performance from Yike in Game 1 left KOI on the back foot. A disastrous Leona performance from Trymbi as well felt phenomally bad. But, KOI didn't discourage. Next game, they came in and nabbed a Jayce for Szygenda, after some of his insanely good Jayce play in regular season, and a rare Malrang Lee Sin that actually worked out, but a quiet game from botlane, despite a Zeri/Lulu lane. Game 3 was desperation. Mikyx picked a Jarvan Support, and played it like garrrrrbage as Comp proved exactly why they never can give him Sivir, carrying the game incredibly hard, with a weak Szygenda Kennen and a shock Larssen Akali showing KOI at some of their individual peaks again.

A win over the Winter Champions puts you in a damn good position, after a rough as hell regular season. But still, Malrang felt coinflippy after so many junglers figured out his insanity, Trymbi looked incredibly weak despite being alongside Comp who was capable of solocarrying, and Larssen was either passive and willing to scale until late, or fully willing to put the game on his back and carry everything through to a win, with no in between. Facing BDS next, who uhhh... Managed to completely figure out and lock down the meta.

And KOI as serial meta players... Yeah prayers weren't gonna do anything they got booty blasted in a 2-0. Adam counter picking Kennen with an Aery Jarvan, Sheo putting on an absolute clinic on Vi, and in Game 2, Crownie dominating the laning phase and Nuc getting an insane game on Cassio left KOI reeling going into their next series, this time for their groups lives, another series vs G2.

Now it's fair to say that for most of the season, G2 had been experimenting on new odd picks, since they had a stamped ticket to MSI already, but they obviously had some ambitions still. But, now that they had their entire season at risk, G2 stopped fucking around. Game 1 saw a unique Cho'Gath pick into Kennen, which almost worked until Larssen scaling paid off and he took over the game on Viktor. Game 2 saw a pair of insane ridiculous drafts. The Bel'Veth/Sejuani Jungle/Mid respectively, which demonstrated some insanely high potential, vs an AP Varus Mid from Larssen, which ended up horribly. MVP Performances from Yike, Caps and BrokenBlade vs a really bad game for Comp/Trymbi, again, led into a game point game 3. Larssen Ahri, Comp Sivir, and Trymbi Lulu. This is as close as you'll get to the max comfort draft for KOI, and they shitted it. Hans sama completely ran over Trymbi and transferred that lead everywhere across the map, going deathless and basically solo carrying the game, leading to a KOI loss. Out at 6th, before playoffs. A major disappointment, and everyone on the team felt it. Something had to change.

Summer came along, and a few rumours flew around. One of the biggest rumours was Rekkles roleswapping to support for the future, which meant no Fnatic botlaner, since they weren't gonna keep him on as a support. So a trade was proposed. Fnatic buy Trymbi, a talent grown on Rogue, winning a title with them, and a weakspot all year for KOI, in exchange, KOI get Advienne, excitable, mature Advienne who, to be frank, hadn't gotten the best chances in LEC. A small stint on Excel before being replaced by Mikyx, followed by a benched season and a re-run in the ERLs, then joining Fnatic after a fairly weak season from Rhuckz. Advienne came into a bit of a bad situation, having to follow someone who was world class like Trymbi, even if 2023 was fairly weak so far.

And so, Summer began, with a sole change of the support, Advienne instead of Trymbi. Was this gonna fix the team? Fuck no, you can say a lot of things about Trymbi, bad and good but he's a loud player who calls a lot of shots, something that KOI definitely needed more of. Advienne wasn't that guy, at all.

And wouldn't you believe it, the same shit happened again. 1-2 Week 1, 1-2 Week 2, 2-1 Week 3 barely scraping into Groups. What's the point. But i'm getting ahead of myself. A win over Excel, who most expected to still go absolute dead last in LEC for the 3rd time, so not much to write home about. A loss to BDS who came 2nd in Playoffs and a fairly bad Aphelios game from Comp, followed by a loss to MAD Lions which was honestly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Rogue Time kicked in harder than ever and everyone comitted completely to protecting the president, meaning Carzzy went completely untouched, 1-2 week.

Goddamn it guys. Week 2, a loss to an incredibly strong Fnatic following a disaster game from Comp, a win over Heretics with a very strong Larssen Tristana, and a loss to SK capped off the week, another 1-2 week and a really really bad look heading towards groups. Week 3 started vs Vitality, a free win with a good Statikk Shiv Leblanc from Larssen, a loss to Yike's Kha'Zix for game 2 of the week and the game that would basically decide their groups chances: vs Astralis, who had been floundering in the lead up. And then Comp showed up again, after being basically absent the whole season. Hand delivering Sivir boomerangs to the entirety of Astralis, carrying KOI through to groups, looking phenomally weak and like easy prey. As written yesterday, Astralis then had to hope that SK lose to Fnatic, to keep groups, and their chances for worlds alive, but that all went out the window, after SK pulled a miracle out of nowhere and beat Fnatic.

KOI is the first team i'm writing about that actually is in Group stage, meaning I can do some meaty speculation about them heading into groups, rather than end it with a limp "hope they stick together" again. Truly, KOI look dead. After a strong Winter, an underwhelming Spring and a dead in the water summer they rightly should've lost for some of their abysmal performances and the hard return of Rogue Time, it's unlikely anyone will bet on KOI heading into the group stage. Considering their first opponent is a pissed off G2 looking stronger than ever and looking to secure their place in Season Finals even harder than before, KOI should definitely count themselves lucky that their vacations might start sooner than later. They're also one of the teams fortunate enough to have good championship points, meaning they might eak into Season Finals regardless, if Heretics and Fnatic completely bomb out, which is unlikely at this point.

Whatever does happen, I'll be there watching. Larssen has become one of my favourite players in the past couple years, and of all the "next generation" mid laners, he, humanoid and Vetheo are the ones i've got the most faith in, by far. Comp as well deserves a good roster, just a shame it might only come next year.

Anyways, be back tomorrow for the next team...

MAD LIONS (oh god i hate them)

[gayle-blythe]

Tanner’s Account part 3

-original story-

After that first encounter I started hearing whispers of other people seeing weird bugs and weird plants. A few of the things seen, at best, weren’t native to our area and people just didn’t recognize what it was, but worst case scenario, they didn’t look like they belonged to our planet. Following that was when people started getting sent off and the whole mass hysteria diagnosis was given. I held off telling people what I saw, partly because I couldn’t even believe it myself and partly because I didn’t really have anyone to tell. I’m an only child, not to close to my parents, and I don’t really have any friends. Sure, I’m on the football team, i pal around with the guys, hang out sometimes, but we’re not really close like that. Speaking of those guys, it was actually when I was hanging out with them that was the next time I had seen some weird shit.

Against all odds we had just won a pretty big game. We had been having a really good season so far and this game we were up against the #2 team in the league. It was a home game. We really shouldn’t have won but they were really sloppy. After a couple of really good plays we took the win and our chances of making it to the playoffs skyrocketed! It became the talk of the town. “The best team since 58’” they said. They always made a big deal out of that year. Last time our school had made it to the playoffs finals, the year our school’s rivalry started, and the senior year of our coach. All that aside, while the next morning had “GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS” plastered on front of the newspaper and the student council was already planning the big pre playoff pep rally, my mind was somewhere else. My mind was stuck on something that happened a few hours after game had ended. I sat there trying to recall it through a pounding headache.

In the locker room after the game, music was playing over someone’s portable stereo, not that anyone was really listening to it. Shouting and jumping and pounding of lockers as we all celebrated the big win, I was even caught up in it all. Amongst the noise one of the guys I was closer with, Kelsey, invited me over to his place for a bonfire. He said that his brother had told him that he was gonna buy us “a shit ton of beer” and that we could all “get hella wasted” and that his parents were even cool with it. Of course I went, sounded like fun. I got home, changed, and went out. He lived just outside of town, I knew where to go cause I’d been there a few times before. Driving up his long driveway I saw a few other cars parked and just beyond them the small beginnings of a fire near the cornfield just past the property line. Small handful of guys, their girlfriends, and a few of the girlfriend’s friends. It was a nice little group. We sat around the fire, chatting, drinking, someone found a plastic ball they began to throw around the circle, and the couples couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Seeing as I hadn’t eaten since before the game, it didn’t take me to long to get absolutely wasted. I couldn’t remember much after that, only that the party went on, some had to get home so our number began to dwindle, and then at some point I passed out. I had no idea what time it was when I woke up but I knew it must have been a while. The fire had died down to where it was just glowing embers with the occasional lick of flame popping through. I felt a throbbing in my head, my vision blurred, and I had the taste of vomit in my mouth. Looking at my feet I saw a puddle of vomit, which made sense. I only hoped that I puked before I passed out and I hadn’t almost coked to death on my own vomit. I noticed I was alone. All I could hear was some crickets off in the bushes somewhere and the wind blowing through the corn. It was cold out now and with the fire on its last legs, the only thing warming me was my hoodie. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and side up a bit more to get a better grip of my surroundings. From where I was sitting, an old barn they had was in front of me just off a ways, the cornfield was to my right but spanned the perimeter of the property, and the house was behind me and to the left, barely closer than the barn. The ground around me was strewn with bottles and cans. When I turned around in my chair to look at the house I could see that all the lights were out. Party must be over? But the cars were still here. I groan and hold my head for a moment, still groggy.

Then I heard a new noise

From the field I thought I heard some sort of crackle. I look over just in time to see a firefly blink. Then another. And another. Soon, above the crops and between the stalks was an expanse of blinking lights that could rival the best Christmas light display. I sat there just staring for a moment, not really believing my eyes. Some began to float out of the field towards me.

Truth be told, just like the “eye leaf thing”, there were a few things that should have tipped me off that this wasn’t normal, had I not been absolutely wasted. Firstly, fireflies don’t show up this last in the season, they all usually die out just before fall. Second, these fireflies did not glow the normal yellow green, the were glowing a deep red

[jedusaur]

that's playoff hockey, baby

for my girl @1000-directions, who just got into hockey this season, a list of ways the NHL playoffs Just Hit Different:

overtime: in the regular season, tied games go to 5 minutes of 3-on-3 then a shootout. in the postseason, overtime does not end until a goal is scored, and it is NERVE-WRACKING. if I ever have a heart attack, it will be during playoff OT.

playoff beards: in the '80s the Islanders won a bunch while bearded, and hockey players are the most superstitious motherfuckers on the planet, so now nobody shaves during the postseason. it is terrible and occasionally hilarious; not all men can or should grow facial hair.

clean slate: anybody can win in the playoffs, regular-season record really doesn't matter much after you've clinched your spot. there are underdog upsets all the time, nothing is guaranteed.

everybody is trying their hardest all the time: with an 82-game season, you can't give 100% every game and survive, you gotta pace yourself a little. in the playoffs, nobody is pacing themselves, everybody is giving it their all. it's faster, it's more intense, and players are a lot more willing to dive into the path of a 100mph shot.

physicality: the officials let players get away with a lot more shit in the postseason, so you'll see more hits and fewer penalties.

fights: there's less fighting in the postseason, because the stakes are higher, but when they do fight it tends to build up over the course of a few games and then dramatically explode.

grudges: when you play the same team 4 to 7 consecutive times, and emotions are constantly high, you really start to file shit away for later.

tailored strategy: in the regular season there's only a day or two to study up on the specifics of each opponent in advance. in the playoffs, you have time to really do your homework on the other team. players will memorize the goalie's weakest areas and aim accordingly, they'll adjust special teams (power play and penalty kill) to fit the other team's style, and coaches put a lot more effort into managing who's on the ice when, making sure their best defense is playing against the other team's top scorers etc.

importance of depth: if a team's success relies mostly on their top players and a few people are getting disproportionate ice time, then once the intensity cranks up to playoff levels, those people get EXHAUSTED. also, if one guy is scoring half your goals and that guy gets injured and can't play, you're fucked. this is a major strength for the Kraken—our scoring comes from all over the roster, so we won't have to wear out our top guys as much as some other teams will.

risk aversion: players are less likely to throw away the puck on a low-quality chance, so there's less scoring, but when they're holding out for better opportunities you get to see some really well-executed goals.

handshake lines: at the end of each playoff series, the whole team plus the coaches all line up on the ice and shake hands. sometimes people are dicks after a rough series, but there's a lot of mutual respect too, especially between the goalies.

noise: playoff crowds are L O U D