#platonically . in which i will be a single mother and you will be married fathers . and we'll share this youth in our five jobs apartment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

n0b0dy11 · 2 years ago

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Home ~ S.B.

pairing: siriusblack x fem!reader

genre: fluff and angst?

warnings: azkaban, stupid sirius, order of the phoenix

Sirius hadn't been a player all his life, sure he had hoped from girl to girl for a very long period in his life but everything had changed when he met her.

Y/n had always been around, she had been going to Hogwarts for just as long as the Marauders. The difference, she liked quiet. Y/n was a girl who liked the background, the silence while in the library, the peace by the Black Lake.

She hadn't meant to catch the eye of the heartthrob Sirius Black, she hadn't meant to ruin all the other girls' chances. She merely wanted to survive school, live her life and raise a family with a caring and sweet husband.

How times changed. Now she was a single mother raising twins with her husband a mass murderer and in Azkaban.

"Just let me take you out on one date!"

"Black, you aren't even asking me! You are springing this one me as if it's an order and I have no choice."

The boy shook his head and walked closer his hands out reaching for hers, when he took her soft ones in his he smiled happily. They fit perfectly, "Will you please go on a date with me?"

"You don't even know me," she whispered taking her hands back. His smiled dropped as he searched her eyes for a joke or lie in them. Then it dawned on him, he had never even been this close to see her eyes were the prettiest he had ever seen.

"I can get to know you! That's what dates are for right?"

"Not with you," she said as she started backing away from him. "You don't go on dates to 'get to know a girl', I can't believe you'd even think I'd fall for that."

"It's the truth!"

But it was hopeless as she had her back turned and was walking off towards the great hall, "You don't think I'm stupid do you?"

Now she was chasing him, memories of him, she had photo's stacked away in a closet which she only showed to her children. They deserved to know their father , from their mother's point of view.

Y/n was sitting in the library as usual, it was the only place she now found peace and quiet. Sirius had somehow found her by the Black Lake, in Hogsmeade, everywhere... But in the library she could she curl up with a book somewhere in the back and never have him bother her.

Until today.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"I already told you Black, I am not interested as -"

"long as I keep toying at your feelings I know, believe me I know." The boy sat himself down beside her, his hands holding a book themselves. "I wanted to tell you something."

Y/n looked up at him, expectantly but also a little bored, "Go on then."

"I, uh, I won't try to persuade you anymore."

She scoffed, letting her head fall to down again, "I told you it was all fake, you didn't really wanna go out with me right? Tell me was it a prank? A bet?"

He looked at her surprised, "What? No!"

She just rolled her eyes, not daring to look up at him, "right."

"It's true! I just- " he took a deep breath. "You don't believe me, so I will let you go, but I - I want to start over? I really like you, Y/n, so it would mean a lot if you maybe just gave me chance as friends, and I promise I won't try anything."

"Friends?"

"Just friends."

That didn't last for long though. Once they were friends the real bets rolled in, when they'd get together, when they'd get married, how their kids would be called etc.

Now however the bets were that she had helped him, that she'd killed her best friend along with her husband.

"I know he promised you it was only platonic, but have you considered it?"

"Considered what Lils?"

"Being more than friends?"

Y/n scoffed, she wanted to open her mouth and tell her she hadn't. That it was stupid she even thought so. But she couldn't. Of course she had thought about it, he was bloody gorgeous, funny and just magnifique.

"It doesn't matter," she answered instead, "Like you said, it's only platonic."

"But that can change."

"Lily," Y/n sighed, "I know you're trying to do well, but it isn't going to work. We differ too much, he's popular, handsome, sporty- I'm, me... He could have anyone he wants Lily, why would he ever settle for me when I've blown him off in the past. He wouldn't be interested anymore anyway."

The redhead sat down next to her, taking her hand in hers, "Those are your words, Y/n. He loves you-"

"He doesn't."

"Have you seen him with a girl these past few days? No, because even if he told you it was platonic, he can't find himself loving anybody else. He loves you, Y/n. Don't let him go because you're scared."

She took that chance, she hadn't let him go. Except that one night and it caused her him forever.

"We have been together for a year now," Sirius said. He had Y/n's hand in his as they walked together in Hogsmeade. He had wrapped her in one of his Gryffindor scarfs and beanies. He loved to dress her up in his clothes, even more so when he got to undress her later on.

"Mhm," she hummed her hand clasped around his swaying between them as they walked.

"I didn't know what to get you-"

"Nothing."

"- Let me finish," he chuckled shoving her gently with their interlocked hands, "I knew you didn't want something but I did so."

He got a little box out of his pocket and handed it to her, "You know normally if you ask someone to marry them you get on one knee and give them it themselves." He rolled his eyes at her remark, but as she opened it and did find a ring in it she gasped and looked at him, "I was joking you know, I don't think-"

"It's not an engagement ring, darling, it's a promise ring. That one day I'll change when we do get married."

"You want to get married?"

"Of course. Nobody else can handle my good looks!"

Their wedding was amazing, being married to him was a dream. He made her favourite's for breakfast, massages before sleep, kisses all the time... He was the perfect husband.

When Y/n had gotten pregnant that didn't change, he made her weird cravings, even tried some with her, he talked to her belly every night, gave even more massages ... He was the perfect husband.

Then the twins were born, he loved them. A boy and a girl. He loved them. He cried even more than Y/n when they were finally there.

It was the weirdest thing when she found out he had done such a stupid thing, she didn't believe it. After her and the twins, he loved James the most, he was his brother. Lily was Y/n's friend, best friend!

Y/n kept his memory alive by the twins, told them stories and showed them pictures. She never lost faith in him.

Then the news came, he escaped. She smiled bittersweet at the paper, at her husband. A tear rolled from her eye and then the door, knocking.

She didn't want to open it, having dealt with enough reporters and ministry people. She tried ignoring it, but as the door opened and he spoke she sobbed.

"Still keeping the key under the extra flowerpot I see?"

"You're home!"

#sirius black #james potter #azkaban #remus lupin #x reader #fem!reader #sirius black x reader #lily evans #lily potter #twins #home #fluff #harry potter #marauders #sb #sirius

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misguidedasgardian · 6 months ago

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The Lifeaters (IV. 1)

IV. The Quidditch World Cup

MASTERLIST

Chapter Summary: You enjoy your summer alongside your family and friends

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: Cursing, magical objects, Mugglephobia, classism, charms and curses, MINORS DRINKING, underage drinking,peer pressure, might miss some warnings

Wordcount: 4 k

Notes: This is getting good! muahaha I think

Regulus Black was your father

He was handsome, you thought, as you gazed upon the picture of him and your mom, both in school uniform, Slytherin obviously

Both smiled at the camera, and they were together, he was wearing his Quidditch jumper, he was a seeker, and to make matters strange, you actually had a picture of him, it was the year the Slytherin won the Quidditch cup undefeated.

You never knew it, you had a picture of your father since first year.

Now that you knew, your aunt had given you a little box of keepsakes, that was your mother’s, and had pictures of your father, and things of her, there was still a lot you didn’t know, but this was surely a start.

You watched the Firebolt your uncle, -so weird-, Sirius had given Cercille to give to you. You had it on its own stand on a desk in your room. So he was the one who gave one to Potter, who apparently was his godson. What a small world

You still couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that your uncle, your father’s brother, had been convicted for murder and had an order to be killed on sight by dementors, but that is another thing entirely. Was he innocent? like he claimed? maybe, your aunt seemed to think so.

“Allez petite-fille, nous devons y aller”, called your grandfather, who had spent all summer with you, you wanted to go to France, and you did, but you came back early… there was a huge event that you were of course attending, because your grandfather was such a fan, a fanaticism that he had inherited onto you

The Quidditch world cup

Tickets to all the major French and English games, top seats, appearings alongside Cornelius Fudge, and the French Minister of Magic, the Malfoys by your side of course, even though, it was clear to you that your grandfather was not a fan

“I’m going!”, he hated it when you spoke english to him, but, you were in England

You grabbed your bag, you were so, so excited for it, but you still had too much going on to really be invested in it.

“My beautiful granddaughter”, your grandfather appeared through the door, “are you ready, ma petite-fille?”

“Oui”, you said simply. He placed his hand on your shoulder and guided you down the hall

He hasn't spoken with you about your parents at all, he knew that you knew now some of the story, but still, he pretended like you still didn’t know

And that was fine.

You think

Because you still weren’t ready to talk about it, and in this month that had been by, in which you went to Paris for a few weeks and then came back, you haven't talked to your aunt, you couldn’t find a single memento to do so. You even hoped to meet Sirius Black when you got to Paris, which know you believed it to be silly, he could never had lingered in your family state in Montmartre

And this was not the time either

She had told you that it was of complete secrecy that Sirius Black had been in your house, that he used the VERY illegal international floo network that you had. So you swore to keep it to yourself, and since Sirius Black hadn't been in your house, you didn’t yet know about your father.

Regulus Black

You sometimes caught yourself saying it out loud whe you were alone, like a little prayer

Sounded so foreign and yet, so natural to you.

You were a Black

You know little of the family, but now everything seemed to click into place, the Blacks were one of the sacred 28, one of the most prominent and powerful wizarding families in Britain, you were as good as Wizarding Royalty, how insane that was?

This made sense

Your aunt Narcissa was indeed your aunt, because you knew she was a Black before she married Lucius and became a Malfoy

She was your father’s cousin, apparently, and that meant you and Draco were cousins twice removed. That was insane

Did they know?

They probably did, that is why they kept so close to you, as you heard your aunt say to Sirius

Sirius, your uncle, did not like you to be so close to the Malfoys

But why? Who was coming back? and why was it safer for you to be near them? well, they are very powerful, so, that made sense too

But still… so many unanswered questions

The sun was barely shining in the horizon when you left your house, your grandfather had insisted, he wanted you to walk towards Malfoy manor, and from there, you were going to travel to the place you were going to stay for the Quidditch world cup

“It is a beautiful morning, isn’t it?”, it was true, it was a nice morning, although still a bit cold. You had used a simple spell to make your baggage small, and like that, you could take it in your pocket, your big trunk, and you started the walk

You looked at your grandfather, walking by your side, and your aunt on his right side. He was one of the most powerful and influential men in Wizarding France, and yet, he preferred to walk to his destination.

To you, he had always been a bit mysterious

But you knew his temple of steel, he could be terrifying to those who crossed him, but he had never been like that with you, he was kind and gentle, with his “petite fille”

But like he said, he was part of a dynasty, an important family and as such, he had expectations of you and your aunt as well, you were to behave properly, look pleasant at all times and specially, excel at your field, whatever that might be. You were free to choose your own path, but you were meant to be great at it.

Your aunt was exceptionally good at potions and contributed to the family business, your grandfather was a prominent man in politics and you, well, that is to be determined

“I heard that you became the youngest animagus, probably ever!”, he said, smiling pleasantly, to make conversations

“I think I did grandfather”, you say happily

“You make me so proud”, he said with a big smile

“Thank you grandfather”, you said with a shy smile

The walk was pleasant, it took you only 45 minutes to reach the Malfoy state, the guards felt strong as you crossed them and the huge house appeared before you

“Désagréable”, muttered your grandfather

He did not like the Malfoys at all

They were waiting for you, in the foyer, you greeted Draco warmly as he did you. You haven't seen him in a month and a half, but he seemed different, he had stopped putting gel on his hair, now having it styled, and he was now taller than you. And by his side… Matthew, his hair was longer, more unruly, dark chocolate curls, and his eyes seemed even more mischievous.

“Guillaume”, greeted Lucius, taking your attention. Matthew looked at your grandfather wide-eyed

“Lucius”, greeted your grandfather, but then he turned to Narcissa, grabbed her hand and kissed it, “Narcissa”, he said softly, you and your aunt shared funny looks, “young Draco, and… friend”, he said dismissively

“I’m glad you are both here”, Lucius said, greeting your aunt and you, “shall we?”

“Oui, s’il vous plaît”, muttered your grandpa, signaling for you, your aunt, and Narcissa to guide the group, opening the door for you.

“The rest will meet us there, in ten minutes”, he said, watching his clock, you walked out of the guards of the state, and then you saw, over a small hill, a birdhouse, it was an odd object. You shared complicit looks

Guillaume looked at his own watched, looked at you both and touched the birdhouse, as Narcissa, Lucius and Draco, in mere 10 second, you were transported through portkey to your destination

The first game was tomorrow, today, you were going to get installed in…

“Are we really staying there?”, you asked, excitedly, in front of you there was a huge castle, bigger than you had seen before

“Is not bigger than Malfoy Manor”, said Draco contemptuously, uncle Lucius nudged him on his chest with his walking stick

“Yes my love, for the world cup”, said your aunt. This year, the Quidditch world cup was in Dartmoor, in the coast of Devon, and for the occasion, uncle Lucius and a couple of his friends had decided to… rent… this huge castle, so you could stay there and then easily apparate to the Trilenium stadium to watch the games, you were in for a treat as you were going to watch the French games, the English, Irish and Welsh, and even the Bulgarian ones, because they were this year’s favorites for the cup.

It was more than a month, and you were going to spend it here.

Pansy and her parents, Daphne, her younger sister, and their parents, Matthew, well, you didn’t know if his handsome uncle was going to be there, and Theo and his father, Vince and Greg and their parents were a no show this time, maybe they didn’t enjoy Quidditch

You were barely exploring the first floor when the rest showed up, and it took you another ten minutes to finish with the greetings

It surprised you really, the Parkinsons and Greengrass didn’t seemed to be quite enthralled in the Cup itself, but it was a nice castle and it served as a good vacation

“There are only 8 rooms”, said Lucius

“The girls will share, and the boys”, said Narcissa, and everyone agreed, you had the biggest rooms in the last floor

It was uncomfortable, as Cercille was single, and Theo’s father, and Matthew’s uncle and your grandfather

But it was funny as Morfin and Tiberius were forced to share a room because of it

From one second to the next the castle was filled with life, everybody had brought their house elves and they were walking, cleaning everything and cooking for the small army you had gathered. You could tell that uncle Lucius was not in his element, and this was clearly for Draco’s and your benefit, and of course of your friends

You were indeed a bit spoiled, as your grandfather was pleased with the Quidditch cup, but not with the staying arrangements, but he did it for you, as did your Aunt Cercille

The rest of the wizards were camping near the stadium, and it seemed more fun, but you were not complaining

You were happy to share with your friends, even more so knowing that you could sneak into your aunt’s room anytime it became, “too much”

You could barely sleep out of excitement, and the very next morning, you were the first one up, and it was funny to you that your aunt and grandfather were there in the dining room as well

The first game was the one of France against Peru, and it was going to be epic

You woke up the entire house by chanting the French Quidditch song, already dressed in the team’s colors. It was hilarious, they were not as happy

They played at noon

And sharing the prime box with the prime minister of France himself did not deter you, your grandpapa and aunt to yell and scream and grab onto the golden railings and yell obscenities at the referee. it was hilarious

A good start to the Quidditch cup, the stadium was incredible, apparently it took a long time to build and it was all golden and huge, more beautiful than the French one, even though you were not going to let your grandpapa hear that.

You went back to the house with your heart beating strongly, France had qualified to the next step of the competition and even though it wasn’t the opening game it was quite a turn up.

Later, at night, it was the first English game and it was going to be amazing, so you were preparing for that. You still had face paint in your face and the French Quidditch jumper on, you took a wrong turn instead of going up the stairs you ended up walking down the wrong hallway

“Why are you still here? you were supposed to leave!”, you heard Matthew, he was talking to his uncle. So, as the curious person you were, you stopped and listen

“I have my own reasons to stay, just like you”, you heard him answer, his voice was smooth and silky.

“Why?”

“Maybe even similar”, the door opened and you were discovered, standing in the corridor, they both looked at you, but instead of looking angry, they just smirked

“Sorry”, you muttered, and walked away hastily, Matthew, as any, didn’t like his “guardian” to stay and look over him of course

The opening game was incredible! it was Bulgaria against England, and even though it wasn’t good for the guests, it was one of the most incredible games you had ever seen.

You were so hyped you could barely sleep that night, even Daphne and Pansy were excited even if they weren’t the biggest fans

There was also Astoria, Daphne’s little sister, for only one year, but she was very sweet, and nice.

The entire event lasted a month, a whole month!

France was brutally eliminated out of the team stage of the tournament, in the round of sixteen, and even though they played beautifully, they were eliminated by Bulgaria. They were this year’s favorites to win the cup, so you better hope they go on and win the entire thing, to make it worth France’s elimination

Your grandfather was angry, so he went back home, promising to be there at your house when the whole thing was over, to spend the last two weeks of vacation before school starts.

You had certainly deflated since France’s defeat, you did not sing any longer and you had put your jumper away from sight. Your only hope was England but they were eliminated also.

But that didn’t quiet down the party all round the stadium.

They were people from all countries, places and cultures, it was funny as their teams were losing people left, but others came in instead. It was revitalizing, too see all those tents, of different sizes and colors

You had been around, but never like this, it was amazing!

And time flew by! The parents came and went, as a month of vacation was a bit much, but of course there was always more than one couple with their eyes set on the big group of kids.

They had placed rules in order, but… you always managed to sneak into the boys rooms, and vice-versa

“I stole a bottle of firewhiskey”, said Matthew one night, with a big grin, you found it risky, since tonight, it was his uncle in watch of you, your aunt, and Pansy’s parents

“Matthew!”, nobody knew what to say or do, as you exchanged looks, but Theo was quick into following his friend, grabbing the bottle

“Should we…?”, you asked shakily, you and Draco shared looks, the most you had ever drink was butterbeer, even though it had a bit of alcohol, it was still harmless, but firewhiskey was… something else entirely

“Don’t be such a wimp”, said Theo with mockery, you caught Pansy looking back at you with pleading eyes, begging you not to ruin this, she was still crushing hard on Draco.

“Oh, sure”, you said, Matthew had sneaked a small glass, and he took the first sip, Theo the second, and then they expected you to come near and drink it

You didn’t want to, but… you didn’t want to be the one to kill the party either

So when the small glass got to you, you drank its content without much thought. You almost threw up because of the sting in your throat, this was what adults drank for fun? It was disgusting!

Daphne and Pansy had similar reactions, but you were not backing down now, after everything

You each had one more “drink” before the bottle was half gone.

Your eyes were teary when you were done dawning the second glass of that thing

“Let’s play some games”, muttered Matthew who seemed all too kin on “doing things” tonight, you shared looks with Pansy, who in turn looked at Draco, you saw Daphne sharing looks with Theo, and when you looked back at Matthew you saw him looking back at you

Oh Merlin

Were you in a three for three kinda thing?

You didn’t know how to deal with this

“Let’s play spin the bottle”, one suggested

“How do you play?”, you asked innocently

“You don’t know how to play?”, mocked Pansy. You did know how to play

“I can guess”, you whispered. You didn’t want to kiss anyone, so when you all sat down on a round, theo had his hand on the bottle

You didn’t want to surrender your very first kiss to one of them.

Theo seemed to have charmed the bottle, because it landed on Daphne, they shared an awkward kiss, but they were both smirking at the end of it, then it was Draco’s turn, it landed on Matthew so they of course made him drink another glass of firewhiskey. But then, already with her head in the game, Pansy took matters into her own hand and made the bottle turn, and of course, it landed on Draco

He did not seem too much into it, but Pansy did, she was smiling widely as they pouted and joined their lips together.

Matthew grabbed the bottle, with a determined look on his face, and turned it, to nobody's surprise, not even yours, landed on you. You looked at him wide-eyed, and he had this silly look on his face

You did not want to back down, but still… your very first kiss…

But for the first time in the evening, luck seemed to be on your side, as your aunt, followed closely by Tiberius and Morfin opened the door with angry looks on their faces

“Really? Do you really think you could sneak out an entire bottle of firewhiskey? enchanting water instead? please, I invented that move”, she said angrily

Only those who were parents of the kids could parent, and your aunt took you away from the room to really go out on you, but she didn’t, not really, she only gave you a speech to not do anything you didn’t want to, and to not be pressured by your “peers”, even though if they were your friends.

Anyways, it was an exciting night!

Now you couldn’t even stand the looks Matthew gave you, like you owed him something

But to no consequence, because the semi and the finals had been, Ireland was playing Peru, and they were completely flattened, and Bulgaria played Transilvania, and the bulgarians totally destroyed them

The finals were set… Ireland VS Bulgaria.

You were cheering for the Bulgarias, you liked the players better, Draco went for Ireland, for sure, and you even brought in parchment, quill and ink the night before to really draw statistics and possible plays to see who might actually win. Win the Quidditch world cup

You almost had no problems from that night, except that know you were being watched at all times by Jolie, your aunt’s cat, and also, Lucius and Narcissa’s determined eyes

You were so excited, but sad it was ending, you had met the French players, taken a lot of photos that ended up in the Daily Prophet, and in French papers, and also, had the best time with your friends

Now everyone was back for the grand finale, Uncle Lucius and aunt Narcissa were escorting your aunt and you to the Minister’s box, the rest of the lot, had returned home, not staying for the Finals, which, to your knowledge, was the best game yet, as they were the best of the best, even though they weren’t French nor English

As you entered the Arena, to find your way to your own box, and there they were, the whole Weasley lot, with Potter and Granger too! you tried to ignore them, but Draco and uncle Lucius were in a fighting mood

“Dang it dad, how far up are we?”, one of the twins asked

“Well, look at it this way, if it rains, you’ll be the first to know”, mocked uncle Lucius, and you couldn’t help but giggle, as did Draco

“Father and I are in the minister’s box, by personal invitation of Cornelius Fudge himself”

“Don’t boast Draco, there is no need with these people”, said his father, but as Potter had his arm on the rail, uncle lucius was quickly to trap him with his cane, “do enjoy yourself, while you can”, he said seriously, your aunt grabbed you and directed you to keep walking, already done with the exchange.

“Ah Miss Basilik”, greeted Mister Cornelius Fudge, by his side, there was a tall and gruff man, “may I introduce the Bulgarian Minister of magic?”

“Nice to meet you”, greeted your aunt Cercille

“There is no need dear, he doesn’t speak english”, he said, bored, but the man kept looking at her and smiling

You all got to your seats, it was a privileged post, and you were so excited

“Welcome! to the Quidditch world cup final!”, said Fudge, with wand in neck.

Even Ludo Bagman came and narrated the game, you saw the team mascots, you had to grab onto Draco for him not to jump out of the box when the Veela showed up, it was quite funny

You and Draco were both grabbing onto the railings watching the game carefully

You heard your parents and even the minister mocking your enthusiasm but you couldn’t care less about it

This was… something else

The level of international players was something out of this world! you could barely see them gliding in the air, flying quicker than anything you had ever seen, all on Firebolts of course, the favorite broom for this tournament according to what every player was using.

You couldn’t help but laugh when the Irish seeker plummeted tot he ground twice trying to follow Krum

Oh Viktor Krum, he was a bonbon, very cute, sturdy…

Anyways back to the game

It was one of the greatest you had ever seen. So electric

The Bulgarians caught the snitch, but the Irish had scored so many times that they undoubtedly won the Final, the world cup.

The Irish! This was going to be a great year! Many of the students were Irish, the party was going to keep going!

The Bulgarians were also known for partying either way, rather for celebrating or to drown their losses.

So that is why you found so weird that your aunt grabbed you and made you leave the event as soon as the match was over

“I was hoping we could go to the camp and celebrate”, you and Draco said, but your parents were unmovable, you were to return to the last night at the castle and stay there.

Matthew, his uncle and Theo haden’t left yet, they were still there, and you also found it odd when they didn’t even kept an eye on you that night, they just let you be

You never would have thought the chaos that would ensue on the campsite only moments after you had your dinner in the castle.

That at the same time you sneaked into the boy’s room they were muggle being tied and suspended in the air

That as you with Draco had gathered the entire French and English tea’s figurines, that a group of people were terrorizing the camp.

You were never going to realize how close you were to said group

Until it was too late

#misguidedlifeaters #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #hp fandom #death eaters #draco malfoy #slytherin #slytherin house #slytherin!reader

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starlit-dreaming · 1 year ago

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when honestly you can't recall (Baxter Ward/MC) p2

Rating: M

Romantic Ships: Baxter Ward/Original Character(s); Derek Suárez/Leandra “Lee” Last

Platonic Ships: Main Character | Jamie Last & Leandra “Lee” Last, Main Character | Jamie Last & Original Character(s)

Tags: Unplanned Pregnancy, Single Parent, Angst w/a Happy Ending

TL;DR: A self-indulgent Single Parent AU. Lee has a better relationship with my MC compared to Liz. I wrote this when the Baxter DLC was still in beta, so I opted to avoid writing spoilers (for now) and to avoid rewriting moments of the Jude/Scott wedding.

A/N: Cross-Posted on AO3 under the same title (@ Starlit_Dreaming). There's gonna be more fluff in the next chapter, but I've also written like... 5% of the next chapter, and I've only been able to finish due to having free time in the last few weeks.

Obligatory Tag: @arcosoffireheart

Links: 1 | [2] | 3 | 4

Summary:

Everyone assumes that Gabby is exactly like her mother, but Rosaline will always see the traces of her daughter’s father. The shape of her eyes, how fussy she gets if there’s even a hint of conflict, every moment her daughter is calm and serene in her arms, the sweet and gentle smiles.

Her daughter does not have her black hair, either. Wavy hair, yes, but it was not fully black and her father has only ever dyed his hair.

It’s a miracle that nobody notices their similarities.

Including Baxter himself.

// In which Rosaline ends up becoming a single mother in the aftermath of her and Baxter’s summer fling. Some things change. Some things don’t.

——————————————————————

Part 2: i don't care (it's taking me apart)

——————————————————————

Then

Mid-Summer

Step 3: Age 18

———————————

“It’s… I don’t know. A frightening situation?”

It felt wrong hearing those words coming from Rosaline of all people. Throughout their childhood, she was always taking things in stride and going with the flow. No matter how scared or anxious she would get, she would always pull herself together and stand tall. Maybe it had to do with Cove, who always relied on her as a shoulder to lean on.

Cove was precious, there was no doubt about that, but Rosa tried so hard to stand tall for his sake that it’s hard for her to rely on him in the same way.

And that’s where Lee came in.

There were some matters that were easier to share between Rosa and Cove, but things like this were easier to share between Rosa and Lee. Lee was Rosa’s shoulder to lean on, the person she cried to. And still, it feels wrong hearing those words coming from her cousin. Her cousin deserved to be happy, to smile without a care in the world.

“Why’s that?” Lee asked, tilting her head back to look at Rosaline, who was sitting on the monkey bars and letting her feet kick back and forth.

They were both honestly too big to be using the park — it used to feel like such a huge place when they were kids, but not any more. Rosaline stares off at the sunset, and Lee simply leans her back against the ladder, watching her cousin.

What a solemn look — it didn’t suit Rosaline at all.

“I’ve only been dating Baxter for two months now,” Rosaline stated. “The honeymoon phase wore off, but… I’m still really into him. Like, thinking about a future, getting married one day, that type of seriousness. It’s just… kinda scary to me. I’ve never felt this way about someone before.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it? Since you’re dating. You’re not the kind of person to date casually to begin with.”

Not that anyone actually knew that. Lee was the one Rosaline talked to when it came to anything romance-related, and sure, she might’ve mentioned something to Cove, but he wasn’t too interested. Probably on the ace spectrum, if she really wanted to make a guess.

Granted, Rosaline often broke things off with her exes within a month of dating. Either red flags that Lee noticed or because of incompatibility — most of those red flags being some who tried getting her number, despite dating Rosa, and Rosa promptly gave them the boot the second Lee said something. The fact that Baxter never asked Lee for her number when they met on the little boat trip was already a pretty good indication that he’s not interested in getting into somebody’s pants and dipping out after.

In fact, Lee was pretty confident that Baxter was equally head over heels for Rosaline. Is he just not communicating that to her?

“Yeah, that’s true, but still,” Rosaline sighed, wryly smiling. “I get jealous thinking that he’ll find you or somebody else prettier, even when I know that his eyes are almost always on me. I get all insecure, wondering if I’m good enough for him, or wondering when we’ll be breaking up because he finds someone new. What if we can’t handle long-distance? What if he loses interest in me? I just want to hog all his attention.”

“If he’s the type to break up with you because of something like that, then he’s definitely not worth your time and affections, but I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Lee stated rather confidently, moving to stand in front of Rosaline. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Rosa. There’s no way he’ll break up with you for those kinds of reasons. He’s nothing like your exes.”

“…You really think so?”

“I know so,” Lee grinned, reaching to hold her cousin’s hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. “You’re both absolutely smitten with each other. It’s a bummer that Derek won’t be back before summer ends. We could’ve gone on a double date!”

“Yeah,” Rosaline smiled softly. “Maybe next year, unless Baxter has a chance to come back sooner.”

“For you? I think he’d do whatever he can to make you happy.”

———————————

Then

Early Spring

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 19

———————————

“For you, I think she would’ve done anything to make you happy,” Carol murmured softly.

They both stood on the porch, an old envelope in Carol’s hands as she took her hat off, curly grey and white hair revealing itself as she held the hat over her chest. She seemed to be doing some sort of silent prayer, as she looked at Rosaline with a distant look in her blue eyes.

Eventually, she smiled, something sad and soft and gentle as she puts her hat back on and hands her the envelope. “I suppose it isn’t so terrible, in the end. You grew up happy and healthy, Rosaline, something that we all had hoped for,” she said with crinkled eyes. “And while it’s not how she envisioned it, the house is yours.”

“…thank you,” Rosaline awkwardly said, gently taking the letter into her hands. “For coming out here with me. For not selling the house and everything that belonged to… my birth mother.”

“Oh, don’t go thanking me for a silly thing like that,” Carol lightly laughed, waving her off as she approaches the front door, digging through her purse for the key. “Val was like a second daughter to me, and even without renting this house, I make enough money to keep this place. Coming here and showing you the house would be better than leaving you here to handle it on your own.”

“…you mentioned earlier that you stopped renting the house…?” Rosaline questioned as the door opens, and Carol steps aside, gesturing Rosaline to walk inside first. Wordlessly, she enters.

What greets her is a home with cream-coloured walls that appear to be freshly painted over and a stairway with a child gate at the top and bottom. On her left is a small carpet area with bean bags and two regular-sized bookshelves — one filled with minimal and minor decor, and the other half-empty and half-filled with books as if waiting for the next renter to fill in the empty spaces. The right of the stairs shows a short hallway with a door to the garage, and at the end of the hall is an open door, leading through a laundry room which also leads into a bedroom from what she could tell.

“Yeah,” Carol said. “You had just turned 18 when I stopped renting the house to people. All of my renters here were single parents who needed a place until they could find their footing, and the last renter’s lease only finished up recently.”

Rosaline walks towards the bookshelves as Carol closes the door and puts her keys away.

“It’s up to you if you still want to keep that sort of thing up with this house, but I imagine it’d come in handy for your current situation.”

Upon closer inspection of the books, Rosa noticed that on the bottom shelf was an assortment of children’s books. Half appeared to be brand new, and she suspects that it has to do with the fact that actual children had grown up in this house thanks to Carol’s past renters, and Carol’s renters had gone out of their way to buy new ones.

In contrast to the bottom shelf, was the top to middle shelf where an adult would have a much easier time to grab and go. Some books on the top shelf were old and worn, gently gone through multiple times in many years, yet still well-maintained. There was a book of names, with pages marked with pieces of paper that stuck out from between the pages. But most notably were the self-help books, the cookbooks for beginners, recipes to sneak in vegetables for picky eaters, basic first aid, and many more.

This bookshelf was curated to best help a first-time parent, and that fact was evident with how many books didn’t look brand new.

“I… am really sorry. For not talking to you about Valerie back then. You look so much like her, but you’re an awful lot like your moms,” Carol said, walking over and standing beside Rosaline. “I couldn’t bring myself to properly meet you back then. I lost both of my daughters and just couldn’t let go of my grief. Valerie, who died in an accident, and Veronica, who died in childbirth.”

“I see… I’m sorry that I can’t really understand how you feel.”

“Nonsense. Yes, you do look like Valerie, and who knows, maybe you’ll share similarities with her, but you take after your mom and mother. I can see that you have such a light-hearted and joyful approach to life just like Pamela, and you are a sympathetic and comforting sort of soul like Noelani.”

“…what was she like?”

“Valerie was an orphan who started working part-time as a receptionist at Lacework Lenders. She didn’t have anyone else, just me and the others, but she and Veronica were sisters in everything but paperwork. No boyfriend or husband either — her ex ran off the second he found out that she was pregnant, but Val was very stubborn. Nothing stopped her from wanting to keep you and have a family of her own.”

She tried not to feel guilty over a woman that she might never consider as anything more than a birth mother.

“What happened to her?”

“A car accident,” Carol shook her head. “I don’t know all the details, but you were born early, and she was alive long enough to give you a name. Nobody knew your father, so we couldn’t contact him, we couldn’t do anything about him, really. I don’t think Val wanted him to know about you, either.”

“Well, that’s fine. I’m not interested in finding a father figure — I already have two in my life.”

Gregorio Suárez and Cliff Holden were the only dads in her life, and she didn’t care to find someone who never wanted the title to begin with. Men who didn’t want to own up to the consequences of their actions weren’t worth an ounce of her time, anyway.

“Good,” Carol nodded, pretty much agreeing with the unspoken thought. “Past this room and the stairs is the kitchen. My daughters worked on redesigning it to be a spacious kitchen — unfortunately it’s also been baby proofed, so some things might be difficult to open.”

Rosaline nodded along as they moved into the kitchen. The edges of the counters all had edge guards, making it less likely for children to get hurt from it. That… was actually fairly smart. She never considered doing that with counters, so it really was a good choice for her to come see the house. If she doesn’t move in, she’ll keep that in mind the next time she shops for her future baby.

Past the kitchen and dining area was a wide living room with carpeting and an L-shaped sofa set. There was a TV mounted above an electric fireplace, with an empty toy box in the corner.

“You’ll have to buy the toys yourself for your child,” Carol said. “The children of the previous renters often took the toys with them, but they usually buy some starting toys for the next renters. The previous renters did buy you a few baby blankets, though.”

“They left me stuff…?” Rosaline blinked.

“It’s only polite that they did,” Carol smiled at her warmly. “They went through similar problems like you, and a small bit of kindness can go a long way. They wanted to help you in a way that they were able to, just as the previous renters have done for them. You’d still have to buy some things of your own, of course, like milk formula and baby wipes. Val’s things were left untouched in the back shed, but we can go over that later since we’re just here to look at the house today. I know that it can be… a lot.”

It felt… strange. Despite the fact that there were renters before her, everything about this house just seemed to be done for her and her birth mother the more she looked around.

But her birth mother never had the chance.

The idea of using it for herself just felt unsettling. It felt wrong, as if she was stomping on her birth mother’s dreams.

“Why don’t you have a seat on the sofa and I fix us up with some water, hmm?” Carol kindly smiled, gently placing a hand on Rosaline’s shoulder as she guided her over to the sofa, sitting her done. “And don’t go feeling sorry for Valerie. She would’ve been furious that I didn’t come help you in your time of need. I think it would let her rest easy, too, knowing that her own preparations would help out not just strangers in a similar situation, but also help you out with your own child.”

Rosaline rubbed her eyes, her other hand resting on her swollen belly as Carol wordlessly walked towards the kitchen, getting them both a glass of water.

Once, when she and Liz talked about their birth parents, she told her that she didn’t understand. Because the life she lived is hers, and that she could never imagine anything else. She loves her moms so much, and the idea of having different parents from childhood was unthinkable. The very idea of never being Cove’s neighbour hurts too much, the idea of never knowing the people in her life now.

And yet, this house was proof of a life that could’ve been, but never was. She could’ve been an only child, she could’ve been in a family of two. Maybe she would’ve acted like Derek had once thought she would when Father’s Day came around, maybe Father's Day would’ve become a sore topic of conversation.

Living here, she would’ve gone to the same school as Lee and Derek, she would’ve known them, but would she have been just as good friends with them? Maybe, maybe not.

(Would she have met Baxter, still?)

But here she is now, with all of that being only what-ifs.

“Do you have a name for them?” Carol asked, placing the cups of water onto the table and handing Rosa a packet of tissues from her purse.

“Gregory for a boy, Gabrielle for a girl,” Rosaline sniffed, taking the packet of tissues. “Gray or Gabby for nicknames. Maybe Greg or Brielle — I’m not sure which nickname to use. I just… their father doesn’t know, and I want him to see this child and understand that they are a symbol of the love we shared.”

She was being sentimental, and she was just thankful that everyone thought that she was just naming her child after Gregorio. It was dumb, and maybe she’d cringe in a normal situation, because Baxter had the whole black and white theme, and already she thought of their child as gray.

“Those are good names,” Carol smiled kindly, rubbing her back reassuringly. “And if he has an ounce of love for you, he’ll grow to care for your unborn child, if he ever meets them.”

“…would… Valerie really be okay with this?” With me, goes unsaid.

“Positive.”

———————————

Then

Mid-Autumn

Step 3: Age 18

———————————

“…positive.”

Rosaline let out a shaky breath, looking at the test before tossing it into the small wastebasket.

Her purple eyes stared off into space, lost in her thoughts. And when she turns to look at Lee, standing at the doorway of the bathroom, she looked as if she were looking for something. For someone. She hugs herself, looking small and even more fragile than she’s ever been.

And Lee knows that it’s not her who Rosaline is looking for, but she’s here, nevertheless. She’s the only one who’s here for her right now.

So, she does the only thing that she can do. Lee hugs her, warm and careful as if Rosaline were precious. She rubs her cousin’s back, hoping to give her as much comfort that she was willing to accept at this moment.

“Whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”

Rosaline doesn’t need assurance for anyone else. Lee knows her cousin, and she knows that Rosaline needs her assurance, because she’s here, she’s here and everyone else isn’t because of various reasons outside of her control. She’ll need their individual reassurances later, but Lee doesn’t need to wait to voice her own.

And then, Rosaline relaxes her tense shoulders, returning the hug tightly. Her eyes were watering, Lee noticed, and soon, it dampens the shoulder of her shirt where Rosaline laid her head against.

“I… I want to keep it.”

And unlike everyone else who would ask and showcase their disbelief, Lee nods, accepting it without question, “Okay.”

Because she knows better than anyone how much Rosaline gets stuck in her own head. She must’ve thought it over hundreds of times before the confirmation, before telling Lee, before asking her to be here tonight.

“And… I… I want you to be their godmother.”

“Of course,” she nods, knowing that she was going to be the godmother from the very start. Liz might feel hurt by that fact, but Liz also wasn’t always there for Rosaline throughout their lives. Lee was. Lee always was. “We’ll love and support you,” she adds, before Rosaline starts panicking over reactions next.

Everyone will spoil Rosaline’s unborn child, she just knows it.

Rosaline sniffed, eyes watering. “Will… will you be there…? When I—when I talk to my moms?”

“Always.”

———————————

Two Months Ago

Beginning of Summer

Step 4: Age 23

———————————

“Always,” Lee murmured, eyes glimmering with unshed tears in the dazzling lights.

Her gaze never leaves Derek’s as she speaks into the microphone, phone in hand as she says her vows. “Somehow, some way, fate brought us here today. When we reunited in high school of our sophomore year, after losing contact for that previous year due to conflicting schedules and busy lives, I thought it was a miracle that we managed to pick our friendship up right where we left it. When you had that summer training camp in the year after our graduation, our relationship was tested by distance when we decided to become more than friends. When you had to move to a different city for college, I stayed local, and still I wanted to be with you. Despite the distance, I knew that you were the one for me.”

Cove was definitely crying among all of Derek’s grooms men, as evident when one of Derek’s brothers grins, quietly giving him a packet of tissues. Rosaline just smiled softly at the scene before her among Lee’s bridesmaids. Her maid of honour, naturally.

“When you asked me to move in with you, I was excited — I wanted to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to your smile, and that’s how I knew that I was and still am head over heels for you, after all of our time being together.”

Derek started to tear up, holding her free hand as he stared at her as if she hung the stars in the night sky.

“I love you, so much more than what words can describe, and I swear to you that I will always love you. I’ll hold your hand through the good and bad, I’ll love you for who you are now and who you have yet to be, and I’ll stay with you, side by side, no matter the challenges that may come our way.”

She slips her phone into the pocket of her wedding dress, seamlessly hidden, a detail that Rosaline included in the design.

“I love you, Derek Suárez, and I can’t wait to build our future together.”

———————————

~1 Year Ago

Mid-Summer

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 22

———————————

“…and I can’t wait to build our future together,” Lee read, eyes trained on her phone screen as she squinted at the screen.

Rosaline stared at her sketchbook, sketching potential design patterns. They’re in Rosaline’s living room, with her sitting at the dining table sketching out potential designs for the dresses.

“Well?” Lee prompted, looking up at her cousin from her spot on the L-shaped sofa. “What do you think?”

“I think you’ve been rereading your vows a little too much,” Rosaline sighed, smiling wryly at Lee as she placed her pencil down. “It’s perfectly fine. You talked about your relationship, that you’ll both overcome the challenges together, and that you love him. Add more, and it’ll be a long presentation-level speech. Cut it too much, and it’ll be incredibly short for a vow. I think it’s fine the way it is, especially because it’s your feelings for him.”

“Mm…” Lee frowned, looking unconvinced. And nervous, Rosaline noticed. “And… it’s okay? You really think so?”

“Why would I think otherwise?” Rosaline raised a brow, picking her pencil up again to draw a purse. “Do you want your purse to match your reception dress? Or should I make it be a pop of colour like a flower bouquet, so it stands out?”

“Matching. I want people to see the dresses I wear and be wowed instead of focusing on my purse, and if I want the purse to stand out, I’ll just use it with a different outfit,” Lee leaned back into the sofa, frowning. “And I… that’s not what I meant, I mean,” she groaned, flopping down, lying around as she looked at her, almost guiltily. “You know I love you, right?”

“Uh, yeah? Where are you going with this?” Rosaline smiled, feeling downright confused.

“How uh… how are you and Baxter doing?”

Oh. It was then that Rosaline realized what Lee was getting at. The wedding is meant to be a heartfelt occasion, filled with happy tears and bright smiles all around. And here Lee was, concerned for Rosaline and Baxter, who both broke up because Baxter refused to try a long distance relationship.

And Lee was especially worried about hitting on a nerve with that speech.

Well, she admits that she’s a bit… sad that Baxter wasn’t willing to have an LDR like Lee and Derek, but she feels vindicated knowing that he’s now working for a couple that he expected to have broken up. It evened out on that front, and frankly the petty side of her thinks that Lee ought to emphasize that distance meant nothing to a couple who worked together.

Although Baxter had yet to ask her about Gabrielle. A fact that enrages her more than upsets her, but she understood why he feigns indifference.

Not everyone wanted to tackle the hurdles of parenthood.

“Nothing new,” she simply said. Honestly, Baxter was the same as ever. Only he of all people could confidently keep her at arms length even when they were technically in contact. “Apart from the group chat, he doesn’t directly text me. Assuming that he still has my number.”

And what did she expect? For him to step up, to talk to her about Gabrielle after he saw her for the first time? Did he even want to see the child beyond that initial first meeting?

“Not even about…?”

“Nope, but that’s okay,” Rosaline smiled. It did hurt, but Rosaline could deal with it. Her birth mother and her had shit taste in men judging from what she knew from Carol. “Besides, I don’t think Gabby cares about not having a dad. She’s already getting spoiled rotten by everybody, and seriously, it’s a bit funny.”

Lee barks out a laugh at that, “That’s true! Gabby practically has four grandmas and two grandpas, several uncles, and several aunties. Has Liz been gifting her more presents?”

“Mhmm, but Brielle still loves you and your pink hair more than she loves Liz, but that’s a secret,” Rosaline teasingly stated before humming much more thoughtfully to herself. “Honestly, worse comes to worst, I can always ask Cove if he’s fine with doing that whole second parent adoption thing, if she really wants a dad. Cove’s a sucker for her anyway, so he would cry happily if that happened, even if he’s never thought of it.”

“True, he really takes good care of her,” Lee smiled. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you two were a thing.”

“Maybe in another life,” she laughed. “But Cove’s definitely my brother.”

———————————

Then

Beginning of Summer

Step 3: Age 18

———————————

“Cove’s definitely my brother,” Rosaline laughed.

“That’s reassuring,” Baxter commented, smiling as they strolled through the boardwalk. “And here I thought that perhaps he was your first love.”

She doesn’t miss a step, her smile remains, as she watches Baxter from the corner of her eyes. But her heart skips a beat, her gut freezes, her mind reeling with imposing thoughts. Why would he say that? Naturally, there’s only one reason as to why he’d wonder, and why he’d look at her with incredible interest.

Her first love is Baxter Ward, back when she only knew him as the enchanting boy who swept her off her feet. That was an undeniable fact.

Rosaline, however, doesn’t admit it.

“Nope, that honour belongs to Mr Cliff Holden, Cove’s father!”

It wasn’t a lie, technically. She did think that Cove’s father was cute, but not to a point where she was romantically interested. The idea of it was plain weird, and she and Lee both got a kick out of it when she mentioned it, meanwhile Cove was mortified that she ever thought of his father as “cute” and “attractive”.

Cove was even more horrified (which she never thought was possible) when she told him that his mother was super cute, because she actually did develop a minor crush on Kyra back then. Now she’s just “mom three” to her. She’s not afraid to admit that someone’s attractive, but it’s a rather fun embarrassment, one that only gets mentioned as a tease from Lee, when it’s just her and her cousin, since Cove prefers to forget it entirely.

He had smiled, at first, in disbelief, before cackling at it, grinning when she mentioned Cove’s reaction to her minor childhood infatuation. Afterwards, Baxter was laughing, a reaction that she both expected and wanted. The tale is a fun exaggeration, and it safely tucks away the fact of her first love.

After all, it’s a bit much to confess to your first love, especially one you still had affections for.

Still, he was absolutely adorable…

———————————

~1 Year Ago

Mid-Summer

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 22

———————————

“She’s rather adorable,” Baxter absentmindedly comments.

Rosaline blinks, glancing over at him, but his eyes remain on the road. She thinks, for a moment, before realizing that maybe he finally wants to talk about Gabrielle.

“Yeah, Brielle is the cutest person in my life,” she smiled, thinking of her daughter.

“I would’ve expected her to come along, to be truthful.” It’s just small talk, but he’s finally showing interest.

“Well, my job can get rather hectic, and Carol keeps an eye on her for me until Cove gets off work. He normally watches over her whenever he’s home.”

“Ah… so you and Cove?”

“We live together, yeah.”

His hand grips the wheel tightly. Was he jealous that Cove spent more time with Gabrielle than him? He should just be honest about that, honestly. If he asked, she would’ve been happy to let him slowly build up a relationship with their daughter.

“I see…” he sounded rather… dejected. Almost accepting of the situation.

“I can always bring her along next time,” Rosaline offered. “She’ll be disappointed that I’m going to a bakery without her,” she chuckled.

“If that’s what you’d like,” he smiled, fake just like all the other smiles.

Even now, he was still holding back.

———————————

Several Days Ago

End of Summer

Step 4: Age 23

———————————

Even now, she felt like she was holding back.

“It’s okay, we can handle the clean-up,” Cove reassured her, his hand a warm comfort on her shoulder. “Take a break, Rosa,” he smiled. “Gabby’s with Lee; she came by to drop her off with your moms. So it’s fine, just… take a breather? You deserve it after all that’s happened.”

“The wedding’s over, so you can just leave it to us,” Terry grinned, and Miranda smiles, nodding along with him encouragingly.

She relaxes her tense shoulders, and she manages to smile back at them, feeling a bit weak.

“Yeah… you’re right. I need a break,” she took in a shaky breath and stands up. Eyes searching around the mostly empty room, spotting Baxter’s distant figure. She walks, her heels tapping against the marble floor as she deliberately bridges the gap between them.

And it’s Baxter, who keeps his back turned, whose back shifts as if tensing as her footsteps draw closer and closer. And it’s Baxter, and it’s always been Baxter, who draws her attention.

“Baxter,” she says, breathing, and steeling her expression.

He’s going to run away from her again, and if he does, she’s not quite sure how she’ll be able to handle it. Would it result in another night, crying in Lee’s arms like back then? She supposes that it’s a good thing Lee texted her earlier, saying to call her whenever she gets home. They both didn’t expect him to stay and talk.

“Ah, Rosaline,” he greets, turning to face her with that infuriatingly familiar smile. It was the same smile he used to maintain his professionalism, the same smile that showed her that he was just going to keep pulling away from her. His posture shows a clear desire to leave ASAP.

And her heart drops. Because even now, she was hoping that he would just… turn around and change his mind. That maybe he would give himself another chance with her.

But no, she supposes that was just a dream, and this was just her fulfilling a promise.

It’s just a dance, she tells herself and tries not to cry.

#wynter writes #fic: when honestly you can't recall #baxter ward #our life: beginnings & always #baxter x mc

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mandos-mind-trick · 1 year ago

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Have you ever thought about doing abo with some of the clones 👀 ?

Oh boy. Okay. This is gonna be a very long answer so I apologize in advance.

I had a whole A/B/O universe planned out at one point spanning quite literally from Clone Wars to The Mandalorian. Like, we're talking interconnected story lines with heavy references to each other, some characters appearing in cameos, like it was very planned out.

The basic idea was humans have this second gender, and so naturally the clones were all alphas because why not and while the Kaminoans were able to suppress things to a point, they're still alphas. So the Republic decided to hire a bunch of omegas to just kinda be there for when the clones need a little *ahem* stress relief. (It was modeled a bit around the "comfort/companion" idea that was going around for a while, but a/b/o instead)

There was this whole intricate system with omega specialist medical personnel that were hired by the GAR and the omegas had to go through training cause they're kinda gonna be in the middle of a war, even if they're not necessarily on the battle field. They're all on suppressants cause of course an omega going into heat while on a cruiser with probably hundreds, if not thousands, of alphas would not be good and of course, babies would be a complication as well.

I was going to format it sort of like Midnight's story where there's sort of one longer series focusing on one particular omega (who is stationed with the 501st of course) and also do sort of connected one-shots focusing on other omegas and pairings, and stuff like that, at least for the part within the Clone Wars timeline.

I had the whole plot kinda figured out for the longer series with that omega of course being a favorite of the Torrent boys and most of them are okay with it, but Rex kinda struggles with it a bit cause he's a Captain, he's supposed to be the pinnacle of control. And then she kinda gets entangled with Anakin cause Jedi are supposed to have a way to basically suppress the second gender (cause that would cause a whole host of other issues for them) but Anakin having been raised by his mother past the point he had presented, of course he had a harder time trying to suppress it and was never successful in doing so. He's still married to Padme, and the way things happen is not viewed as cheating in their universe (cause they weren't doing that, it was more care-taking type stuff for him) which then caused a whole host of issues for both of them (and that's kinda what aided his downfall into the dark side).

Then, moving forward, I had this idea to expand the story past Clone Wars and into The Mandalorian by using the same universe, but just focusing on Boba and Din. This was where things kinda fell apart, but essentially the idea was that Boba and Din had met before the events of the series cause you cannot convince me Din didn't know who Boba Fett was. Like...come on. Anyway, Din is an omega who got trapped without suppressants during a heat and Boba was there and helped him. Of course Boba thought he couldn't have kids (cause that's a theme around clones for some reason, even though there's like no reason to believe they couldn't. Like there would be no benefit to taking that ability away from them in terms of making them soldiers other than preventing them from fathering children but like...birth control) but turns out he could and Din was left with a pup and of course Boba is "dead" by the time she's born and Din is left as a single parent until of course Boba tracks him down to get his armor back.

The actual story for them would start post-season 2 of Mando in an AU where Din stays with Boba and is there for all of the events of BoBF and it focuses on them raising their child and I was gonna have an omega specialist on Tatooine kind of come in as a friend and sort of platonic care taker and it's revealed she's the daughter of an omega specialist that worked for the GAR during the war, and she recognizes Boba as a clone of course, and her mother was a pretty important character in the Clone Wars-based series.

I think I posted a sort of teaser of the Boba/Din series a looong while ago but it never really got much attention so I kinda just stuffed it, and then never really worked much on the other series and kinda left the ideas behind me.

I considered doing a Bad Batch spin off too, where the Kaminoans actually plot to remove some of the omegas implants that provide the suppressants to try and show that while making clones directly from Jango's DNA is kinda falling short, clone offspring would still be just as useful and of course the Batch's omega is one of those that gets chosen and they don't realize it till it's almost too late and bad stuff happens. But it just felt too weird, especially considering certain names would make it very, very confusing and it just kinda gave me the ick so that got scrapped real fast.

So, yeah. Long story short I had one all planned out, intricately planned out, and then just kinda lost interest and never went through with it.

That being said, would I consider doing A/B/O stuff for the clones? Probably, if I could come up with ideas for it, or maybe if there was enough interest in the series I had planned, I'd consider writing that too. Obviously the Bad Batch boys would not be considered as an option cause just...no. It weirds me out too much.

Yeah...this was really long, but I haven't actually thought about these ideas in quite a while so it felt nice to get them out, even if they never actually get written.

#will there come a day I can have a short response to simple questions #probably not cause everything has to be a novel with me

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shammah8 · 1 year ago

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🕊️🌺Wendy��🕊️:

UNGODLY BLOOD COVENANTS AND BONDS Most of us have had a best friend or a “blood brother or sister” that we were deeply connected to at some point in our lives. Even if you did not have such a friend, you probably are familiar with the concept. These are people with whom we have entered into “soul ties.” Remember, a soul tie is a strong bond with another person involving the mind, will, and emotions.

In the ancient world, people made covenants by mingling blood. It was common for two men to puncture their wrists and then join them together in order to bind themselves in a covenant relationship. In today’s culture, covenants, including brotherhoods and sisterhoods, can be sealed in a much less dramatic way—they may simply be an agreement or bond with a friend, a close relative, a romantic partner, or even a mentor or mentee—but they are still significant.

Since such covenants can be positive or negative, we must be mindful of the vows that we make in the name of friendship. For example, I am very loyal to my friends. I am the type of person that you can befriend for life. However, this trait of fidelity, while having a positive side, has caused me many spiritual problems throughout the years. Why? Sometimes, I was loyal to things and people that were outside the will of God for me.

When I was a child, I had a very close friend, and I felt such a connection to him that I would follow him into situations and circumstances that were not good for me. I remember going to a party that I knew I should not go to simply because I wanted to support my friend. This was a disaster that opened me up to very negative spiritual consequences. Today, the two of us are no longer friends. Such experiences are why it is important to understand the nature of covenants and oaths, even ones we may not speak out loud but still establish in our hearts. How many times have we come into agreement with things without regard for their true nature or spiritual origin? Or how many times have we suffered spiritual, emotional, or even physical consequences because we were negligent in examining beforehand the spiritual implications of the agreements and relationships we made?

As long as an ungodly covenant or oath is active, the demonic realm has legal grounds to enforce the terms of that covenant or oath. Oaths keep us tethered to certain behaviors, circumstances, places, and even individuals until they are renounced and broken.

This is why some people cannot leave the town or city they grew up in. This is why some people find it nearly impossible to break certain habits or patterns of behavior. This is why some people feel bound or obligated to certain individuals—no matter what. This can be the case with fraternal oaths; people feel compelled to do certain things for their fraternity brother or sorority sister even if it goes against their judgment or the Word of God in general.

As we discussed in the previous chapter, similar unhealthy covenants can occur in romantic relationships. I have seen situations in which a woman is not able to break away from her children’s father, even after they are legally divorced or the relationship is severed prior to marriage. She finds herself unable to meet new men or develop healthy relationships, including platonic friendships. Even though the woman and her former husband are legally divorced, they have not broken the spiritual cord that binds them together. Satan uses this ungodly covenant to drive away new, productive relationships.

The same can be true of inordinate relationships between parents and children. Suppose a single mother tells her son that he must never allow any woman to come between them. “It’s just you and me, little guy! Forever!” If the son, whether knowingly or unknowingly, accepts such a spiritual covenant, it may prevent him from ever getting married or else keep him from truly cleaving to his wife if he does get married.

(See Genesis 2:24.) Behind such a situation are familiar spirits who act as spiritual enforcers or debt collectors, demanding that the terms of ungodly covenants and oaths be fulfilled.☕️Kynan Bridges

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bradleymarshall · 1 year ago

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As I learn biology from MIT lectures on YouTube, I’m reminded of my curiosity as a child running through the Melbourne museum. No, running is the wrong word. My cousin and friends I’d go with would want to run onto the next display but I was frustrated with their impatience because I just wanted to stay on every display and read everything, assimilate and absorb every strand of information I could. Kind of like when I went to a theme park, I just wanted to ride every thrill ride, and like a sponge, I’d spend all day at the museum reading everything I could possibly read, everything they had to offer.

God knows I’m lonely though. I don’t know how to navigate this life at this stage. I was asked if I’m married at 27, no, I haven’t even found love at this late age. And everything seems so convoluted, having kids, settling down, finding a family, it’s easy to get “knocked up” as Damon says when you’re straight and in love, but if you’re gay, you’re on the outskirts of civilisation, the mavericks. And while creative, we bare the burden of dissimilation. Imagine the intricacies alone of finding a willing surrogate mother, and then raising a child either as a minority, two fathers which I find appalling, I’m passing my minority stress onto my child, who will be deprived of a natural mother and female mother figure, or, to settle down with a woman platonically that I do not love romantically. How tragic it all is and convoluted.

Battling loneliness is a whole form of conflict on its own,

As hard as it is to say, comparable perhaps to even depression,

The yearning to be connected to something existentially more… something to give you a profound sense of meaning.

Everyone deserves love, but like me, Christopher McCandless may have been gay, his sexuality was in question, he was a maverick and wandered alone on the plains of the earth, a child of nature

Elana always said I love the darkness. Bathing in sadness. It’s not that, I just like highlighting the problems in my life so I can eliminate them. I hyper focus on them with the intention of eradicating them for the better.

Reji, I see you as someone who’s after happiness, and adventure and watching sun sets and all the things I complain Matt doesn’t care for while talking business but I complain about when not engaged in business as time wasting

I can’t wait to eat, it’s my favourite time of the day, eating…

I’m grateful that I’m studying these biology and biochemistry lectures as it really opens my eyes as to how much information I don’t yet know, I’ll have to revise everything.

Electron configuration, carbonyl groups etc and while it’s relatively easy, just rope learning and familiarisation, part of me thinks…

You know if I don’t get into biomedicine at Melbourne, I’ll just continue to study coding as I already have acquired so much knowledge in that domain and it would be so much easier than entering the domain of Biochemistry, stepping in there and being at the lowest tier of the cohort. It’s a bucket list lifelong goal of mine, nonetheless to acquire this knowledge inevitably. Biology that is.

With coding I can be potentially working in 1.5 years or less

But idk

I feel like I’m back at the drawing board

Watching these lectures I’m reminded of how lost I felt during Melbourne when I had no idea what to do, or what major to pick and so I studied chemistry anyway so that it could open possibilities of me studying it in postgraduate courses at Melbourne, but I got a terrible score in chemistry in semester 2 year 1

Like 53 and I was convinced I would fail because I was so so lost and so depressed and I had no motivation to study anything. I was so alone and I thought I should be in music, or at least studying music, but I wanted to also have that academic mind and I was doing both, I would’ve done both as a double degree but Melbourne only offered it as a single degree and a concurrent music diploma which I did, and there was no way I was going anywhere but Melbourne as it was the best.

But now it’s almost like I’m coming full circle.

I’ve done the music degree and will have finished it in 1.5 years and now I’m back studying the chemistry again only this time I finally have the motivation and drive, and I think, wow, so this is what it feels like to belong in science, and feel like I actually want to be here, and have this urge to absorb all the information I can find. Wow, it’s like working with a million times the advantage of a depressed person who once struggled to even wake up and force myself on the 2 hour train commute to Melbourne uni

Every day wondering why I was doing it for, lost, dabbling in subjects I was trying to excite myself by while dealing with my sexuality, coming out to my parents and feeling so alone. I had no one but the people online I would talk to, writing those poems I showed you. How alone and devastated I was. And then it took me 4-5 years just to finish a bachelor of science and a diploma of music as I was just so lost right through it. But it was necessary, a dark period, to get to where I am now, wilfully returning and excited, hoping that I can reaccepted into biomedicine to start my journey again in the same place I suffered so much only this time, loving it, having almost completed my music degree and working full time in music. Ah life, how circular and profound it is

There’s so much to do and to learn and I wonder if I’m better off just continuing coding since I learnt so much, so I’ll leave it in fates hands as you said to ride the unknown. If I get into biomedicine, I will learn chemistry and biology and major in genetics and genomics, if I don’t, it will be another six months of coding of which I don’t resent either. Before I started this biology lecture series online, I would resent the idea of doing coding wasting another six months, but now I realise, wow, and duh, it’s obvious, but there’s so much information to be on top of, of which I have very little existing knowledge, it’s not bad at all to continue studying coding. One thing the lecturer online said is the current problem in biology is all the data, and thus, bioinformatics. All I know is that I’m excited to chase academia in duality with music and like you said, ride the unknown. It’s scary.

How fitting, that one of my friends who is spiritual is currently driving around Australia without a destination in mind, looking for jobs, riding the unknown. In a very sheltered cantered way I’m doing the same thing jumping careers.

But I don’t want to drift either, I’m so old already, but now… revisiting chemistry, I don’t feel so far in heart from the boy I once was studying chemistry at what I thought looked like hogwarts and I would try to imagine I was in potions magic class to motivate myself to attend the chemistry laboratories, and how it fascinated me that we could no longer wash the acids with water, you’d be washing them with the acid of course duh, and then the back titrations, wow… another life ago, how the student teacher laughed at me because I was pouring out the acids too fast. No no no, he said, you have to be more refined, much better.

Wow, and now wanting to return to that willingly today… crazy.

I feel like 9 years haven’t passed at all and that I’m still a child.

Some days I feel very old but other days I still feel like I just graduated from high school yesterday, just as lost and alone, as Queen says, I’m naked and I’m far from home.

After I stopped talking to you before, I asked my mum and dad, what would you do if you were me. I only want the best for myself, I want to be in a good job and have a family, but obviously I have the obstacle of being gay,

And they both said, just focus on career, and once you have a job you can meet people, and my mum said, when you have money, you can travel around the world working or touring and find the people you need, whether that is love or to start a family. It was touching in its own way. My dad said, I’d never want to travel anywhere, it’s just a waste of money to me, and I agreed, while I love travelling, I’d much prefer travelling because I’m paid to tour or for work purposes. Like that dream I once told you about that I’m on a plane and I’m headed somewhere because I’m needed somewhere overseas for work whatever that is. It was a nice dream

I want to grow that house with you too.

We’re both far from perfect as you said, and we’re finding our way. We can help each other as we grow

I was reading through old diary entries of mine and I was so fucked up

Poor boy

I longed for company like yours

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heyitsphoenixx · 2 years ago

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two young children, siblings let’s say, will be playing outside and laughing at the bugs in the grass and chase each other around and one of them will fall and begin to cry. the other child will run over to them and ask what’s wrong. they will try to soothe them, will pet their hair and put bandaids on them and kiss their wounds in the effort to stop their pain. they might do this because they have seen their parent do this, and their parent does this because they love their child, and the children learn how to love each other and how to express that love, but the instinct to care and love deeply was already there and waiting to come out. we are born loving.

A queer teenager will be kicked out of their home by their homophobic/transphobic parents. They will live in a country that has laws to make sure people like them do not have the same rights as people who aren’t like them. They may live on their own for years in loneliness and solitude. And then, one day, they will be in a bar or the store or the library and someone will say hello to them and they might have a rainbow pin on them. And maybe that person will tell them about a local group which offers support for queer youth. And then maybe that teenager will find other queer people like them, and simply because those people know the exact pain that teen is going through, they will welcome them into their arms, and that teen will have an entire community and a new family who loves them.

My own mother ran away at 18 and was pregnant on the streets by the time she was 19. She had been sleeping under her abusive father’s piano because he didn’t have a spare bed and he wouldn’t let her sleep on the couch. She wasn’t married to her baby’s father so she received no support from her family who was already far, far below the poverty line. Then, one day, a random woman saw her walking along the street with her new baby. This woman also had a newborn son. They came to discover they had both named their sons the same name. The woman said my mother looked tired and asked if she needed a place to stay. They lived together for the next five years, and my brother had a brother and another mother before I was ever born.

People just care. They just do. People don’t need reasons to hurt each other, but they also don’t need reasons to care. They care about your story. Every single person is aching to give their love to someone else, in many different shapes, including romantic, platonic, and beyond. The genes that determined whether we would stay up all night to watch over our family or fall asleep trusting we were loved and protected are still active today. Humans are great big miraculous loving machines. We are all desperate to love each other, and any malignancies we experience from other humans are because those humans were not loved enough and did not have the chances to love in return.

We care and care and care. Humanity thrums with its need to care about each other, and it has since the first human was. Do not let capitalism, a brutal systemic cancer that has only existed for a relatively short time in the grand scheme of things, disillusion you otherwise. Please, share an orange.

my mother was genuinely trying to make the argument that people do not fundamentally care about each other’s stories and only care in the ways they can relate their stories to their own experiences and therefore no one should ever try to make new plot lines or share their stories bc it’s all been told before and the only point to you sharing your story is for your own therapy bc no one actually cares and humans aren’t actually pack animals but lone wolves and we keep saying we want to change the world and we could so easily overthrow people in power but bc no one actually cares about each other we don’t do it and just give up. I have never been more certain in my whole life that I am right in saying she could not be more wrong. for the love of god please just share an orange with someone

#reblog this one #writing

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i-cant-sing · 3 years ago

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I am very interested in the platonic yandere step dad due to my ✨daddy issues ✨.

Also the Bakugo making you do everything he does I you. Lol.

I had Hawks in mind for that platonic yandere step dad idea.

Like imagine just coming under his radar one day, probably because he thought he saw his younger self in you- the scared child. You might have came under his radar when he saved you from a villain, and the image of you cowering away, eyes full of fear, struggling to breathe- that was something he'd never forget.

Then he started following you around, just to make sure you were safe. But then that wasn't enough, so he tried to befriend you. He'd walk you to and from school, treating you to lunch and snacks often, even carrying your bag and flying you back home. It was weird having him ruffle your hair and tell you to stay out of trouble.

Soon that wasn't enough for Keigo, and so he began snooping around to find ways to be a part of your life permanently. He found out you lived with your single mother, who was usually busy with work so she rarely ever had time for you. But that didn't mean your mother didn't live you. No, she may have not been around a lot, but she made sure all your needs were met.

It shocked you when you woke up to your mom and Pro Hero Hawks kissing in the kitchen. Hearing your gasp, they pulled away, smiling sheepishly.

Your mom would explain how she and Hawks have been dating for a while (just a month or two) and are soon planning on getting married. Your eyes widen but with Keigo around, you don't tell your mother how bad of an idea that is until he leaves for work.

Of course, your mother doesn't listen, saying something along the lines of "I'm the adult here, I deserve love too. I wouldn't do something stupid or something that would put us in danger." And so, a few weeks later and you were walking down the aisle as your mother's flower girl, Hawks gifted you a pair of diamond earrings, saying how glad he was to have a daughter like you.

It unnerved you how desperately Keigo was trying to become a father to you. Part of you felt bad because he was just trying to become a part of your life, but a bigger part of you was always on alert whenever he was around. Perhaps it was how fast he was rushing into this whole "bonding" with you thing. If he cared that much about being close to you, then he should've tried doing that before marrying your mother. Not to mention, it didn't feel like it was a mutually loving relationship. Sure, your mother loved Keigo- you could see that clearly with how much she blushed and giggled around him. But Keigo? He didn't look genuine with his reactions. His smile never reached his eyes, and you caught him a couple of times wiping your mom's kisses away, even purposely turning his head away from her lips.

It didn't make sense. If he hated or disliked your mother so much, then why did he rush in to marry her? It's not like you guys are rich or something. And you highly doubt your mother has something on him or manipulated him.

At least you got back at him in some ways for this alleged "hate" he has towards your mother. While he was reluctant to be physically close to your mother, you on the other hand were being drowned in his physical affection. Hugs, cuddles, head pats, hair ruffles- all of the things that you don't like receiving from him. However, it didn't matter if you told him to stop it or flinched away from his touch, even going as far as to leaving the room when he walked in, he still managed to get his way. And God did that infuriate you. Especially when he decided to go and talk shit about you to your mom, which then lead to her giving you a lecture about how "rude and inconsiderate" you're being.

The first time she scolded you after believing Keigo's lies, you were sad. How could your own mother not believe you? But you weren't even allowed to be comforted by your own tears as you suddenly felt a feather tickle your nose. You turned around to see Keigo standing at your door, his face holding concern. "Y/n, oh dove, why are you crying- what's wrong?" He asked, reaching out to wipe your tears away but you swatted his hand away before leaving the room.

Keigo sighed. He doesn't understand what he's doing wrong. What does he need to do to make you like him? To make you accept him as a parent?

The next few days went smoothly. Mostly because you spent most of the day out with your friends and often came at night when your mother would be at work while Keigo would be eating dinner or going to bed. You preferred it when he was asleep though, that way you wouldn't have to face him. But tonight, luck was not on your side. No, because when you walked in through the door, Keigo was sitting on a chair waiting for you.

"Y/n, you're late."

"To what?"

"There's a curfew-"

"Stop pretending to be my dad. You're not-" Keigo was in front of you in an instant, his hand gripping your jaw firmly.

"I. Am. Not. Pretending." He growled, eyes furious as you realised you had finally reached his limit. "I am your father. And I'm so sick of you throwing around a tantrum and not respecting me. I have been kind to you from the beginning, so I don't understand what I did to justify your insults." You glared at him all while trying to pry his hands off your chin, but he only shook it harder. "Nevertheless, my patience has run thin. I will not have you putting yourself in danger all because you want to be away from me. Now, you will go upstairs and stay in your nest until I say so. Do I make myself clear?" He asked, finally letting go.

Nest? What the hell-

You rubbed your chin, backing away from him. "What are you talking about-? Doesn't matter, I dont care. I'm leaving." Before you could take another step towards the exit, Keigo grabbed your arm and began dragging you up the stairs towards your room. While slapping at his hand, you managed to notice him punching in a passcode to your door, a digital lock that was never there in the first place.

You couldn't even question it as he swung the door open and pulled you and pushed you towards your bed, that was littered with his merch and plushies. You were still trying to comprehend what was going on when he snapped his fingers to get your attention. He made you sit on the bed and crossed his arms and puffed his chest, towering over you. "Now, you are to stay in your nest and think about your reckless behaviour. I already got your phone and I'm gonna take your other electronics away for now too. I don't like punishing you but you have really disappointed your father, Y/n."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "You have no right to punish me. I'm gonna tell mom-"

"She's not coming."

You blanked. "What?"

"She... is not coming." He said, his face turning grim. "Your mother was in an accident. She's in coma right now, but the doctors don't think she'll make it."

"W-what? No- I- when did this happen?" Your throat was closing up, heart sinking.

"Yesterday."

Your eyes filled with rage. "AND YOU'RE JUST TELLING ME THIS NOW!?"

"I would've told you if you came home earlier. I was at the hospital all day." You knew that was a petty excuse but you didn't want to waste more time arguing with him.

You got up. "I'm going to the hospital-" You were pushed back down on the bed. "No. Its not safe." Your confused face made him explain. "Look, I saw the CCTV footage and it looks like someone deliberately crashed into your mother's car. I think its a villains work- maybe someone is using her to get to me." He sighed, his hand cupping your cheek gently. "That's why I cant let you out of the house right now. Its too dangerous. If something were to happen to you, I'd- I'd never forgive myself."

You began crying, the world finally crashing down on you. Keigo immediately hugged you, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head as he rubbed your back. "Oh baby bird, don't cry. I promise, I will keep you safe. I will find out who was behind this. You don't need to worry about a thing. I will take care of everything. You just- you just stay in your nest, okay? Good girl." He said, hushing you before leaving the room, making sure to lock it from the outside.

Keigo didn't lie. Not one bit. He did mean every word he said. He was your father, maybe not biologically, but he was. He was going to keep you safe. Your mother was in an accident and that was all true. Sure, he was the one who caused it after he realised that the only for you to bond with him would be to make you rely solely on one parent.

You're his baby bird. And the sooner you accept that, the better it will be for you.

It sure took Hawks by surprise when he came to get you for dinner and you asked him for your phone to call someone.

"Who?"

"My dad- Dabi. Didn't mom mention him?"

Say what now?

#yandere hawks x reader #yandere hawks #yandere keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader #yandere keigo takami #keigo tamaki #yandere bnha #bnha headcanons #yandere mha #bnha imagines #yandere dabi

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ijustwant2write · 4 years ago

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A Secret Romantic-Benedict Bridgerton x Reader x Eloise Bridgerton (Platonic)

(GIF credit to @aryaofoldstones)

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello! I saw your looking for Bridgerton requests, I would love some Benedict x Eloise sibling fluff! They have such a good dynamic in the show and I need more’

(I wouldn’t mind making another part of this if people want it tbh)

Characters: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader, Eloise Bridgerton x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Fluff, fluff, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Eloise’s gloved hands clung onto her book as she and her family arrived at yet another social event, a ball once again. Her mama had ensured she was dressed to catch the eyes of men, and Eloise knew that meant there would be no room for intelligent conversation. With Daphne now married to the Duke, Eloise had more pressure on her shoulders than she imagined, having to find a suitor of similar standards. However, it wasn’t just her on the market, her brothers were too, especially Benedict (Violet knew it would be extremely difficult to marry off Anthony first, opting for the second eldest son).

Eloise smiled whenever her mama looked her way, though it quickly disappeared once she turned around. Benedict had been instructed to escort her sister around the ball to help seek out suitors, the men knew each other or something about someone; he could help her meet the right one.

“I cannot believe I am here.” Eloise moaned as she looped her arm through her brothers.

“Believe me sister, I do not wish to be here either.”

“Why must you parade me around like a horse at a dressage in order to find a new owner?” Eloise kept catching the men’s gazes, turning up her nose in disgust.

“So dramatic.” he chuckled.

She scoffed.“Well, if you’re going to advise me on who I should be marrying, I shall do the same for you. Now let’s see...”

Eloise looked around the room at all the women, wondering who would be the best match for her brother. Most of these women had no personalities, relying on their outfits to express themselves. Eloise knew of some ladies that were nice, though had nothing in common with her brother.

Eloise shrugged, tugging on her brother’s arm towards the door.“Ah, there’s no one here for us. Let us make haste and leave-”

“Oh no you don’t,” Benedict pulled her back,“we have been strictly told to stay for the night, even if it is just to socialise and...get our names out there.”

Eloise groaned a little too loudly, Ben ducking his head in embarrassment.“How long do these balls go on for?”

“I have never stayed for the full duration.”

“That’s not the answer I want to hear.”

Benedict glanced down at her, somehow only just realising that Eloise had brought a book with her.“Is that book sewed to your hand sister?”

“I brought it just in case I became bored. Which I am already.”

“I shall go and grab us some refreshments. Might as well enjoy them whilst we’re here.”

Eloise let her brother slip away, quickly finding a hiding spot by leaning up against a wall, away from the hustle and bustle of the crowds. She opened her book, continuing where she left off, happy she brought a pencil to scribble down notes for later. The studying never stopped for Eloise.

“Excuse me?” a woman’s voice interrupted her too soon.

Eloise tried her best to be polite, though her smile came off as sarcastic.“Yes?”

“Sorry,” the woman looked taken back,“I thought you were reading a book that I am reading at the moment, but I was wrong. I’ve disturbed you, I shall leave you alone-”

“Wait,” Eloise had now sparked an interest. No other lady had ever approached her like this,“I don’t mean to be rude. What book had you expected?”

“It’s oh so obvious, but I’ve been reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen. It’s the newest book out at the moment, and my mama lets me read it seeing as it involves a woman finding someone to marry. Although, it’s definitely about something deeper, that’s just what I told her.”

“I don’t indulge in romantic novels myself, but I am glad to hear of a female author selling her work.”

“It’s fantastic. And it’s nice to be able to read something without it being snatched out of my hands. Oh, where are my manners? I’m (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Sorry, I’ve been dancing with men all night and none of the conversations have been as riveting as this so far.”

“Why am I not surprised?” they both laughed.“I’m Eloise Bridgerton.”

(Y/N) tried to not show her shock when she heard the surname. They were only the most talked about family, her mama had gone on and on about them, especially when Lady Whistledown mentioned them in her writings.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. Might I ask what it is that you are reading?”

“It is to do with my studies. I truly hate these events, so I thought I would ensure my mind was being worked properly.” Eloise realised that could come off as rude, squeezing her eyes shut in embarrassment.“I did not mean to offend you by that.”

“It really isn’t any bother.” (Y/N) giggled.“I rather enjoy these just for the dancing and drinks, I find promenading to be more successful in finding a suitor. Though I would much rather sneak off and see if I can get a few more pages in of a book I shouldn’t be reading.”

“Eloise, why must you go wondering off like that...” Benedict’s words trailed off as he approached his sister, spotting a beautiful woman stood by her.

Eloise’s eyes flickered between the two, and she smiled when she saw the adoration in her brother’s eyes. Cheekily taking the two glasses from his hands, she passed one to (Y/N), who awkwardly took it. (Y/N) had gazed upon the Bridgerton men in passing, they were very nice to look at. Of course, she never divulged in any fantasies about them, that would be silly. But seeing one in front of her had taken her breath away.

“Thank you brother.” Eloise said, taking a sip.“This is Lady (Y/N) (Y/L/N), a new friend of mine.”

He gently took her free hand in his, bending forwards slightly to kiss it. (Y/N) had this done to her many times, but this was different. Benedict made her feel butterflies in her stomach. Eloise could tell her mama was going to love this.

She cleared her throat.“We were just speaking of art, actually.”

(Y/N) furrowed her eyebrows.“We were talking about books.”

“I was about to move the topic along.”

“What kind of art would that be then?” Benedict asked, knowing what game his sister was playing.

“The...drawing, kind.”

“Isn’t all art drawn?”

“No, it is also painted.”

“I think artists may sketch out a rough idea before painting.”

“Well you would know brother, seeing as you yourself are an artist.”

“I wouldn’t say that-”

“You paint, Lord Bridgerton?” (Y/N) asked.

“Ah, yes, and I sketch.” he hoped his cheeks weren’t turning red.

“Anything in particular?”

“Mostly people.”

“Are you both attending the art exhibition my family are holding next week?”

“That’s your families’ exhibit?” Benedict became excited.

“Yes, my father collects a lot of art work. Then mother realised she could make a social event out of it, but at least everyone will be able to admire the work.”

“Would you believe it, we already have it noted down in our social calendar!” Eloise informed (Y/N). Benedict could sense her over-reacting, trying to keep a smile as (Y/N)’s face lit up in excitement.

“Perfect!” (Y/N) looked back up at Ben, making him stand a little taller.“It will be nice to have someone there who knows about the artwork. It will make for an interesting conversation. Just don’t let my father lecture you, he will talk for far too long! And I know you will be too polite to try and get away.”

“My brother is very polite.” Eloise said.“In fact, I’m surprised he hasn’t-”

“Excuse me for the intrusion,” a young man said from beside (Y/N),“but I was wondering if we could resume our dance lady (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) was smiling, but Eloise knew that look; it was the face women made when a man who made them uncomfortable approached, but they had to remain ladylike and polite.

“Actually my brother just asked her and she said yes. You two best make your way to the floor before the music starts again.” Eloise nudged her brother.

Benedict was confused at his sisters offer, until he locked eyes with (Y/N) again. They were pleading him to sweep her away, she was even leaning away from this man. He had been disrespectful in some way, and he wasn’t letting (Y/N) go through that again (despite only knowing the girl for a few minutes). He smugly smiled at the man, holding out his arm which (Y/N) took a little too quickly. Eloise was happy with herself as the pair walked off, sending the man a death glare when he asked her to dance instead. Once he left, her eyes went back to find her brother, who was already dancing with (Y/N), both smiling and laughing. Her mama was going to be ecstatic about this.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Eloise sat in the drawing room, obviously lounging with a book. Her younger siblings were being irritating as usual, running around her in circles. Before they arrived, she had peace. Eloise wanted a few moments alone, because she knew her mama would be bursting with questions about the night before.

“Ah, there you are.” Violet said as she walked in.

The book flopped into Eloise’s lap, a frown on her face. There goes her reading time.

“So, how was last night? Did you meet anyone?” her mama sat beside her.“You two, go play outside if you’re going to run around please.”

The children stopped as their mama spoke, sending each other devilish grins before they ran out of the room again, their giggling echoing down the halls. Violet went to shout after them, but decided to leave it be, there were more pressing matters.

“Well mama, do you see any suitors?” Eloise gestured around her.

Violet sighed.“Did you even try last night?”

“My life will not be reduced to a single night where I was forced to peacock around in order to please a man.”

“Oh, Eloise, must you make everything so dramatic?”

“Funny, Benedict said the same thing.”

“Actually, where is your brother? I have not seen him all morning.”

“He went out.” Eloise was relieved that the focus would now be off of her.“He’s calling upon a lady.”

Violet’s eyes widened.“What? When? Who?”

“Lady (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“(Y/L/N)? They are quite reputable.”

Eloise rolled her eyes.“Mama, she is a lovely girl. I don’t think you should just judge her on what family she comes from.”

“Oh, so you approve of this girl?”

“I...I mean...Well, I only spoke with her for a mere few minutes.”

“But?”

Eloise let out a huff.“I enjoyed her company. I think Benedict likes her. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night until it was time to leave. He spent all his time with her.”

Violet became overjoyed.“Oh, what marvelous news! I wish he had told me. Do you know what he took to her? Flowers? Food?”

“I have no idea mama. Just wait for his return and he will tell you all the details. I am not a psychic.”

Violet was impatient as she awaited the return of her son. Poor Collin had also been questioned when he showed up in the drawing room, but he had overslept in bed, waking with a terrible headache. It seemed that it was about to come back to him when his mama bombarded him with questions as to why he hadn’t called upon anyone that morning. Eloise kept her giggles quiet, ducking behind her book when Collin sent her daggers.

Poor Benedict had no idea what was in store for him. His cheeks were aching from how much he was smiling. He wasn’t surprised when he arrived at the (Y/L/N)’s house and saw multiple callers for (Y/N). However, jealousy rose inside him when he thought about these men dancing with her, trying to convince her that they were the man to marry. He held a beautiful bouquet of flowers, remembering that (Y/N) had mentioned her favourite the night before. Looking around at any other flowers she received, he was glad to see no other gentleman had chose it. Surely that would show he was listening? He endured sonnets, stories, songs and boasting from the other men, trying not to show his dissatisfaction as each one stepped forward. There was pressure that her parents were there, especially when he realised he was the last gentleman, everyone else had left.

(Y/N) had been incredibly anxious when she saw Benedict that morning. He had been the only man she genuinely smiled at, hoping he came at his own will, not forced by his mama. The night before had been the best ball (Y/N) had ever been to. Benedict was sweet, charming, handsome and interesting. They were able to talk about anything and everything, no small talk involved like all the other men she danced with. He had swooned her, and here he was, calling upon her.

Back at the Bridgerton house, Violet had not sat down since talking Collin’s ear off. Eloise was still in the drawing room with her, as were her two youngest siblings, munching on biscuits as they threw questions at their mama. She did not have all the answers, sometimes not even hearing them speak for she was too deep in her thoughts. At one point, she did sit, but beside the window, o the lookout for any signs of her son. When a carriage pulled up in front of the house, Violet leapt out of her seat, startling her children. She made a beeline to the door, standing there with her hands clasped together. When Benedict walked in, he too flinched, not expecting his mama to be there.

“Mama, how long have you been stood there?” Benedict asked as he walked past her, pinching a biscuit from his brother’s plate.

“She’s been waiting for you.” Eloise explained, also excited to hear about his calling.

“I hope you sat down at some point.” he joked, sitting beside Eloise and slouching.

Violet hurried to sit on the sofa across him.“You didn’t tell me you were calling on a lady this morning.”

“Well, we got back late from the ball yesterday evening, and I had to leave early to ensure I got there in good time. Though it seemed every other man thought that too.”

“There were many men there?”

“Yes, quite a few.”

Eloise straightened up at her brother’s grumpy expression.“You really like her!”

“How wonderful!” Violet gushed.

“Do not get ahead of yourselves.”

“But you do, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have called on her.”

Ben was lost for words. He couldn’t argue with that, and he did like seeing his mama happy.“Yes, yes I do. And it would seem she reciprocates the feelings.”

“This is such good news! I must see what our social calendar looks like, we must ensure you two spend time together.”

“Actually mama-” Eloise went to tell her about the art exhibit until Ben interrupted.

“Good idea mama.” he nodded, smiling at her as she walked away, a spring in her step. Once she was gone, he let out a big breath.“I just needed a moment without questions from her.”

“Well, you’re going to have questions from me.” Eloise angled her body to face him, her elbow perched on the sofa with her face resting in her hand.“I didn’t think you were going to call upon her. Are my match making skills really that good?”

“I hate to admit it, but yes, you have done an excellent job.” Benedict felt relaxed thinking about (Y/N).

“So, what happened this morning?”

“I took her flowers, she told me her favourites last night, and then I had to sit there whilst her other gentleman callers desperately tried to impress her. It was agony! Finally I was able to have time with her, and it was just...I don’t know how to put it into words.”

“Did you bring her anything else?”

Benedict became bashful.“I brought her a sketchbook, like the one I have. She mentioned how she used to often sketch when she was younger. I thought it would be a unique gift.”

“Benedict, you truly are a romantic at heart.”

“For her I am, yes.”

Eloise smiled for her brother, until a smirk fell on his face.“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Aw, is someone also a secret romantic?”

“No!” Eloise protested, quickly grabbing her book again.“I am just happy you found someone.”

“And you helped, because you secretly want everyone to find someone.”

“No I don’t! You’re ruining this moment now Benedict.”

“Don’t worry Eloise, you’ll find someone.” Ben joked.

She groaned.“You are insufferable...but I still want to go to that art exhibit.”

“To see love bloom?”

“N-no, to see the art work.”

“Of course, of course. But, thank you Eloise.”

She tried not to smile, but couldn’t help it.“You’re welcome.”

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imagine-sterek · 3 years ago

Note

So i’ve been rewatching the nanny lately, which naturally made me start imagining a sterek au. It’s not a perfect 1:1 conversion, but uh...

Derek, the hot older widow still grieving the death of his first love, is struggling to juggle the demands of his high pressure job and raising his three children, boyd, erica, and isaac, when he somewhat impulsively hires stiles, the witty, streetwise guy who shows up at his door one day, as his new nanny.

Stiles is immediately attracted to derek, especially that salt and pepper beard he’s rocking, and derek is reluctantly enthralled by stiles’ flair and the way his ass looks in those red pants, but they don’t really get along at first.

Derek’s so grumpy and authoritative and stiles isn’t great at following orders or figuring out all the weird new social rules he’s supposed to be adapting to. Stiles injects a metric fuckton of chaos into a previously static environment, creating quite a ripple effect in his wake, and derek absolutely hates this at first. They argue a bunch in the first couple of weeks and stiles threatens to quit at least twice; derek definitely threatens to fire stiles way more than twice.

Things start to settle down, though, when stiles realizes that under all that bluster, derek’s actually a softie who would do anything for his kids and derek starts noticing just how beautifully the children are flourishing under stiles’ care. His eldest, boyd, always so shy and quiet, has started opening up more and has even started bringing friends home after school. Erica, suffering a textbook case of middle child syndrome, chills out some when she sees that unlike the other nannies, stiles remains unflappably calm in the face of her pre teen rebellion. Young neurotic isaac, still coming to grips with his mother’s death, decreases his angst by at least 50% after stiles convinces him to replace a couple of his daily therapy sessions with playdates instead.

Since the children are doing better and the whole house has settled into a nice groove, stiles is able to round out his social life by hanging out with his lifelong doofus of a best bro, scott; bantering his way to bff status with the whip smart butler, lydia; dodging mostly harmless barbs from derek’s blonde ice queen of a business partner who’s obsessed with getting stiles fired, jackson; and occasionally visiting the old neighborhood to obsess over his father’s diet.

Overall, things are going pretty fucking well. The children are great, lydia’s content being the smartest person in every room, jackson’s miserable which makes everyone else happy, but derek and stiles. Derek and stiles are really great. Really, really great. They get along so, so well. Shockingly well. Stiles makes derek laugh like he hasn’t in years, and derek helps stiles take the important things more seriously.

And they talk, like all the time, constantly with the talking is them. Derek hasn’t talked this much since his wife died. Stiles is always barging into derek’s office while he’s trying to work, plopping down on the edge of his desk, and drawing him into these random conversations that derek accidentally loses whole hours at a time to. Because this talking? It’s easy, easier than either of them can believe, natural even. They just get each other in a way no one else does.

Derek and stiles have come to rely on each other so much that they’re both absolutely terrified of acting on the simmering chemistry between them. They have a good thing going with the kids, and the house, and the friendship they’ve developed that means everything; why risk all that for something as fleeting as lust? No, gotta keep that shit locked down platonic as hell. It’s for the best.

So everyone – the kids, lydia, scott, stiles’ dad, jackson, everyone – is forced to watch as stiles and derek engage in a frustrating dance of denial and repression for years. For. Years. Derek and stiles spend actual literal years pretending that it’s normal for a professional relationship to consist of casual eyefucking over waffles at the breakfast table every morning, popping semis while sublimating their passion into biweekly screaming matches, and wishing violent death on every single one of each other’s romantic interests.

Everyone knows they’re so completely, hopelessly in love that it’s actually pathetic. Boyd and erica keep hinting about hypothetical wedding bells, and isaac’s been calling stiles “dad” for a couple years now. Scott is perpetually confused over why derek and stiles aren’t already together. Lydia is so team sterek otp that she’s about to lose her goddamn mind with this bullshit. Stiles’ dad doesn’t even try to be subtle anymore during his routine interrogations over why derek hasn’t proposed to his son yet. Jackson, even jackson, just wants the misery to end at this point.

What’s funny, is it’s actually a near death experience that finally forces the issue. Stiles and derek are both staring down the face of possible imminent death, side by side, as usual, when they finally break. The prospect of dying without ever saying “i love you” is too much, even for them.

Things happen, of course; it takes longer than it should for those “i love you”s to stick, but they do eventually get married. And it’s beautiful. And everyone is happy, including/except for jackson, which really just makes it all that much sweeter for everyone.

#sterek #sterek au #sterek the nanny au #sterek nanny au #sterek imagine #imagine serek

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starlit-dreaming · 8 months ago

Text

when honestly you can’t recall (Baxter Ward/MC) p3

Rating: M

Romantic Ships: Baxter Ward/Original Character(s); Derek Suárez/Leandra “Lee” Last

Platonic Ships: Main Character | Jamie Last & Leandra “Lee” Last, Main Character | Jamie Last & Original Character(s)

Tags: Unplanned Pregnancy, Single Parent, Angst w/a Happy Ending

A/N: Cross-Posted on AO3 under the same title (@ Starlit_Dreaming). Originally this chapter was ~8k words, but I decided to split it when I ended up turning it ~10k when I was editing and kept on adding more and more to some of the scenes. I literally spent several hours just "editing" this chapter so it's a good thing I chopped it in half to save the rest for another day for editing rip

Obligatory Tag: @arcosoffireheart

Links: 1 | 2 | [3] | 4

Summary:

Her daughter does not have her black hair, either. Wavy hair, yes, but it was not fully black and her father has only ever dyed his hair.

It’s a miracle that nobody notices their similarities.

Including Baxter himself.

// In which Rosaline ends up becoming a single mother in the aftermath of her and Baxter’s summer fling. Some things change. Some things don’t.

——————————————————————

Part 3: just standing by blankly

——————————————————————

~1 Year Ago

Beginning of Summer

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 22

———————————

“It’s just a dance,” she laughs as Cove starts to cry.

They’re in the living room, practicing their dancing — or rather, Rosaline was trying to teach Gabrielle how to dance, and Cove was watching. She was crouched on the carpet flooring, gently holding Gabrielle’s arms up to mimic a simple dance, guiding her daughter into a swaying motion as she giggled with glee.

Cove was sitting on the L-shaped sofa, recording everything with Rosaline’s phone as he observed their dancing. He’s taken to being a very doting uncle, diligently taking videos and pictures and crying over her daughter.

“Yeah, I know,” he sniffed, watching them with watery eyes and a shaky smile. “It’s just that… she’s just so cute! You even made her a cute poofy little dress, and it’ll be the first wedding she attends.”

“Cove, I literally made all of her clothes. This isn’t the first time I made her dress, and I’m sure our friends are going to get married sooner or later,” Rosaline laughed, shaking her head in amusement. “You know this. And she’s also the flower girl for Jude and Scott’s wedding, too.”

“I know, but still,” he sighed wistfully. “Why does she have to grow up so fast?”

She snorted, “Guess we know how our parents felt, huh?”

“It’s also hard since Gabby looks so much like you when we were kids,” Cove sniffed.

Gabrielle perked up at the mention of her name, looking over to Cove before she gasped and started wiggling out of Rosaline’s hold. Once she was freed, she approached Cove with a rather determined look for a toddler as she promptly patted his leg with a bit of a smack, making him twitch with a subtle wince.

Ah yes, the joys of toddlers going the extra mile.

“It’ll be okay, Coco!” Gabrielle exclaimed with determination, looking incredibly pumped up and sounding so much like Lee does when she’s trying to reassure Cove with endless patience and positivity. “Pain, pain, go away!”

“Oh my god!” Cove seemed absolutely delighted by this turn of events and possibly even more teary-eyed. “That’s so cute, Rosa…” he murmured, glancing at her before focusing back to the toddler. “I’m okay, Gabby.”

“But Coco is crying!” she frowned, looking up at him with a pout.

“Don’t worry, Brielle,” Rosaline laughed, walking over to sit down beside Cove and promptly scooping up her toddler. “Cove cries happy tears.”

“Happy crying?” her daughter tilted her head, purple eyes wide and curious. It’s easy most days, seeing her daughter and not seeing bits and pieces of Baxter so blatantly. Cove often says that she looks more like Rosaline anyway, but Rosa thinks that he’s just being biased for not really caring much for Baxter to begin with.

“Mhmm. Cove cries a lot,” she says, and Gabrielle nods in agreement. “People cry when they’re sad, but Cove cries when he’s happy, too.”

“Does mama cry happy?” Brielle tilted her head, eyes wide as if it were a groundbreaking revelation.

“No, mama doesn’t,” she smiled. “Mama only cries when she’s sad.”

“Mmm… it’s okay, mama,” Gabrielle nodded. “I’ll make pain go away!”

“Aw, thank you, Brielle,” Rosaline softly smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you, mommy!” she chirped.

———————————

Two Months Ago

Beginning of Summer

Step 4: Age 23

———————————

“I love you, mommy,” she sleepily chirped.

“I love you, too, Brielle,” Rosaline softly whispered, pressing a kiss to her daughter’s forehead as she pulled the seatbelt for her daughter. “And just like that, she’s already out,” she couldn’t help but feel calmer now, before closing the car door and moving to sit in the passenger seat. “Alright, space cadet, time to go home.”

“…are you sure you want to leave?” Cove asked, his brows knitted in worry as he looked at her. “I don’t mind waiting here for a bit.”

“…why would I want to stay?” Rosaline asked, closing her eyes as she relaxes into the seat. “The wedding’s pretty much done now, and everyone who’s still inside is just eating and drinking at this point. Lee and Derek already left for the honeymoon, and Brielle’s pretty tired.”

“Gabby interrupted you,” Cove murmured, sounding incredibly hesitant and unsure. “I thought that you still needed to talk to Baxter…?”

Of course Cove, out of everyone, noticed what had happened, that she was literally just finishing up a dance with the man in question. Still, the thought of him made her… well, she doesn’t quite know what to think of him right now. Thinking about him was starting to be too much of a common occurrence, but hopefully that all ends now that the wedding’s over.

If he were to need a dress designer for his clients, he wouldn’t need to talk to her again. There were other dressmakers Velvet Design Studios, and their sister buildings, Suitable Lenders and Lacework Lenders, were other viable options for renting dresses.

Rosaline crossed her arms, looking out the window to the sunset skies. For years, she’s been hung up over Baxter, and no matter what, it’s been the same thing over and over again.

She tries, he shuts her out, she gets hurt, and it repeats.

Again. And. Again.

“…”

“Rosa?”

“No. I’m… I’m tired.”

———————————

Several Months Ago

Beginning of Autumn

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 22

———————————

“No, I’m… just tired.”

While it was true, she was actually exhausted for reasons unrelated to work (unless Baxter counted). She doesn’t feel inclined to correct that, though.

“Mmk, well, try to take it easy, Rosa,” Sonya said, peering at her with a concerned look. “I know you have a lot of work on your hands, and that you’re more than capable of handling it yourself, but don’t hesitate to ask for help.”

Sonya Chastain was Carol Amparo’s granddaughter and one of the few full-timers who was Rosaline’s age — most of their co-workers were usually in their mid-twenties at the earliest, thirties at the latest. She was a rather cheerful person with bright brown eyes and short blonde hair, with a bright smile that puts Cove at ease out of all her coworkers. It helps that she has a rather relaxed attitude in her interactions with everyone, which often puts high-strung clients at ease whenever she handles their fittings.

(Truthfully, Rosa was trying to hook her up with Cove in bits and pieces. Cove did think Sonya was cute, after all, and Sonya has had a major crush on him since the day they first met. Granted, she claimed it would pass, but it’s been a few years now.)

Her specialty mostly lay in beadwork than dressmaking, but she could at least do some basics and was much more adept with handling customers. Much better at it than Rosaline was.

Or at least, Rosa and Cass often pushed the customer service duties onto Sonya, since she was the youngest in their building.

The phone rings.

“Velvet Design Studio, otherwise known as Corsage Designs, Sonya Chastain speaking. How may I help you?” Sonya answered the phone with a fake smile, slipping right into character as she pulled up her tablet, bringing up the shared calendar. “Hello, Mr Ward.”

Rosaline froze, purple eyes immediately snapping over to her co-worker.

“Yes, Mrs Carol Amparo informed me that you were hoping to shadow one of our designers to learn more about our studio in hopes to be able to better offer our services to your clients.”

“What?” Rosaline hissed, earning Sonya’s confused glance. “Since when did Carol tell you that?”

“This morning,” Sonya whispered, hand covering the phone briefly before she continued to speak to Baxter and proceeded to blatantly lie because she did not plan on making any phone calls: “Yes, I was just about to call you myself to confirm a day. Will this Friday be convenient for you, Mr Ward? Lovely. You’ll be following one of our lead designers in bridal wear, Rosaline Winters.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry Rosa, you technically have the least workload scheduled this week since you’re focusing on a few personal projects,” Sonya whispered, looking apologetic at Rosa as she covered the phone for a brief moment before assuming her customer service smile as she refocused on the phone call. “Unfortunately, our lead suit designer, Cass Gardner, is busy at this moment in time—”

“—and I’m not?” Rosaline dryly grumbled.

“—but thankfully, Ms Winters will be able to walk you through the process of our work without an issue. Mhmm. Yes, our building is located right behind Lacework and Suitable Lenders, but if you’d like, just give us a call and Rosaline will be out to meet you.”

“I don’t appreciate how ready you are to volunteer me like this,” Rosaline muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“See you on Friday, Mr Ward!” Sonya ended the call and promptly slumped in her seat. “What’s got you so snappy, Rosa? You normally give people a walkthrough of the place,” she raised a brow. “I get that you’ve been tired lately, but it’s not like we’re pulling emergency all-nighters at the moment… plus, you love to show people around.”

“It’s worse than an all-nighter this time because Baxter’s my ex,” Rosaline groaned. “And you’re literally having me spend a day with him.”

“Oh…” she winced, opening up a calendar on her screen, typing in Baxter’s appointment. “Bad breakup, huh?”

“He didn’t think we would work out long-distance, so he dumped me,” Rosaline grimaced. “Suitor for the summer, he said.”

“Yikes,” Sonya cringed, slowly starting to organize the papers on her desk as she tried to smile. “At least you’ll only have to see him for only a day…?”

“Unfortunately no. He’s also Lee’s wedding planner, so I’m practically seeing him at least once a month if not twice a week because I’m her maid of honour and dress designer, so we’ll be in regular contact. Plus, he wanted to keep tabs on the dress progress — first time having a bride custom order a dress, so he wanted to know a little more.”

“For real?” Sonya looked taken aback at that, pausing in her organizing to look incredulously at her. “But Lee outright adores you, Rosa. Why would she deliberately put you into an awkward situation with your ex?”

“Derek was the one to set the meeting up, and Lee is super worried for me, but Baxter’s one of the best planners I know. It made sense that he became a wedding planner, and I knew that he’d go out of his way to make sure things go as perfectly and smoothly as possible. I told her to work with him, but I also didn’t really…”

“You didn’t really… what?” Sonya prompted.

“…I didn’t really think he would stay. When he figured out that it was Lee’s wedding, and that I’d be there, I just… I know him, y’know?”

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I… thought he’d leave again.”

———————————

Two Weeks Ago

End of Summer

Step 4: Age 23

———————————

“I thought he would leave again.”

And all of a sudden, under the sunset sky, staring off into the horizon, it felt almost as if they were 18 again in the midst of summer. Lee could remember it easily — the way Rosa shed her mask and displayed her feelings out in the open for Lee, the way Lee reassured her, and the way things ended in the aftermath of it all. It felt so stupid, really, the way things felt as if it were just repeating in different sequences of events.

Before, Lee would’ve reassured her. She would’ve told Rosa that Baxter loves her just as much as she loves him. That he wouldn’t dump her unless he had a good reason to. But he did, he did, and he said he wouldn’t be back.

She wasn’t going to lie to Rosa. It didn’t matter if she sincerely believed in them back then, because Baxter leaving had shattered Rosaline.

And Lee would never forget the guilt she felt when Rosa called her, crying.

“Well… he hasn’t exactly given you a reason to think that he would stay,” Lee murmured, trying to sound casual only to wince at how bitter it came out instead.

Liz, Aunt Pam, and Auntie Lani all thought that Rosa never even dated the guy and were surprised when it was mentioned in passing. And still, they believed that Rosa took the breakup in stride because she never cried to them and never acted differently, so they were fairly accepting when he said he was sticking around after her wedding. Rosaline was hurt, but she understood that he didn’t want a long-term relationship when they ended things back then.

Lee told him to treat Rosa better than he did before, and honestly, she wants to scream countless obscenities at him. She wanted to get angry at him, to shout and scream and tell him off for daring to break her cousin’s heart. Hell, if Rosa hadn’t said anything, she would’ve dropped his ass and hired another planner. Derek had even asked her if she was sure about keeping the guy as their planner! And yet Rosa had smiled so serenely and kindly, and had reassured Lee that Baxter was trustworthy when it came to planning. How could she say no to her cousin, even if Lee was infuriated with the man?

But Lee shouldn’t lose her temper just like that, otherwise she would end up revealing all the painful details that she’s meticulously kept close to heart, everything that Rosaline had wanted to keep quiet about. Her feelings, the nights she spent crying alone, the way her heart shattered. No matter what, Lee refused to hurt Rosaline in such a way.

(And, if she dropped Baxter as a planner, Rosa would’ve been even more worried and stressed about the wedding, and despite her feelings on the matter, Rosa was significantly calmer and happier with Baxter on board.)

And, the worst thing about saying all the thoughts in her head, however, is that hurting him with words or a slap would hurt Rosa, too.

Why does her cousin have to love a guy like that?

“Yeah… that’s true.”

Lee walked over, standing beside Rosaline. She wondered what she was thinking so intently about, standing there on the sand. Naturally, it was about Baxter, a thought that made Lee purse her lips as if she had just tasted something sour.

Loosening her expression, she glanced over to Rosa before scooting over, bumping her shoulder lightly.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m absolutely hopeless, Lee.”

It didn’t alarm her — Rosa’s self-esteem did take a hit when she got dumped by the person in question, but it wasn’t a self-deprecating statement like before. In fact, she sounded amused more than anything.

“Hey, that’s my darling cousin you’re talking about here,” Lee said in a teasing tone, impishly poking her shoulder. “You better not badmouth her in front of me like that, or we’ll be having problems here.”

“I think you’re gonna have a problem with what I have to say, anyway,” Rosa snorted.

“You mean you’re finally going to talk about your desk at work? About time. It’s covered in fabrics and lace, Rosa. I think you should stick to dressing up people and not desks.”

Rosaline barked out a laugh. “You sound like Cass,” she shook her head.

“Yeah, and it made you smile,” Lee grinned.

“Thanks, I really needed that,” Rosa bumped her shoulder against Lee’s, a small smile remaining as she turned to look at her. “Thank you for always being there for me.”

“Of course,” Lee softened, reaching to hold her hand. “I’m always here for you… even if I think you’re making a big mistake.”

“I never stopped loving him, and I’ve tried. You know that better than anyone. I tried so hard to stop loving him, but loving him is as easy as breathing,” Rosaline sighed, tearing up as she looked at Lee with unsure eyes. “You said it before. He loves me as much as I love him. And… I know that it’s true, even if he tried so hard to keep me at a distance.”

And clearly, Lee made a mistake when she said that. If Baxter loved Rosa, then he should’ve said something by now. Especially when they have a kid together.

“Will you… forgive me? For getting back together with him?”

“You never have to apologize to me. It’s your decision on what to do,” Lee wryly smiled, reaching up to wipe away Rosa’s tears. “You can’t help who you love, but… I just don’t want you to get hurt again. I don’t want you to cry because of him, you know? I’ll always be here for you, but I won’t hold back if you call me crying in the dead of night again. I really will end up fighting him, even if he helped me plan the perfect wedding.”

“Yeah…” she whispered, crying as she smiled at Lee. “Thank you for accepting it. For being here when I need you, from when we were kids to even now. You’re my best friend and…” she shakes her head, not wanting to voice the thought out loud. Lee was the sister that she wishes she had, but she does love Liz, and Liz has always been her sister.

“I am pretty great,” Lee smiled softly, squeezing Rosa’s hands, understanding. “Promise me you’ll be careful,” she said, knowing that she can’t convince her otherwise. “Don’t let him break your heart again. Promise?”

“I promise.”

———————————

Two Days Ago

End of Summer

Step 4: Age 23

———————————

“I promise.”

“And you’re sure…?” Rosaline softly asked, holding his hands as she looked up into his brown eyes. “I don’t want casual relationships, so I’m fine with us just staying friends if that’s not for you. What I want is a relationship with marriage in mind.”

“I don’t plan on leaving,” Baxter firmly stated, expression serious as he looked at her with soft eyes. “I understand your hesitation, and for that, I don’t blame you. I truly love you, Rosaline. I’ve loved you since the summer we dated, and even when we broke up, I still loved you, and when you entered my life again, I realized that I have never stopped loving you.”

She stared at him, eyes watering before she threw her arms around him, hugging him tight with tears in her eyes.

“I love you, Rosaline,” Baxter softly says, holding her tight. “And… I would want nothing more than to be a part of our daughter’s life. If you’ll have me.”

“Really…?” Rosalina whispered, voice wobbling.

She feels him nod, “I know that it’ll take a long time to earn your trust again, especially after what happened. I’m here to stay. I swear it.”

“Can you… say it again?”

“I’m here to stay.”

———————————

Two Months Ago

Beginning of Summer

Step 4: Age 23

———————————

“I’m… here to stay.”

Rosaline pauses in the middle of her work, hovering over the half-finished dress for her daughter. It was another cute floral dress made for Jude and Scott’s wedding this time. She just needed to add more flowers to it.

“Are you?” her eyes flicker to Baxter for a brief second before refocusing on her work. “Whatever happened to this just being a professional arrangement? A done deal, where we both do our own things?”

“…despite claiming as such, and saying that we would go our separate ways after Lee’s wedding, I… never actually thought of it.”

“…okay.”

“Okay?” he repeats, and Rosaline could so easily picture the way his eyes would brighten up. She hates that she knows him so well, and that she can’t just be happy with this.

“What about Brielle?”

And it’s the silence that makes Rosaline’s heart clench.

Because Baxter is speechless. As if he doesn’t know what to say about their daughter.

She bites the bottom of her lips, feeling him stare at her from behind. What did he think was going to happen? She’s been letting him interact with Gabrielle in bits and pieces, getting him to, at the very least, be open to being in their daughter’s life.

Their interactions at Lee’s wedding were her own selfish wishes, but her daughter will always be her first choice.

“If you’re going to be in my life again,” Rosaline said, as if this were obvious. “Then you’re going to end up having some kind of relation with Brielle beyond just being a grown-up that we interact with as if we’re just an acquaintance. I want to establish what to expect.”

“Ah… I see,” Baxter simply says, more to himself than anything. “Your daughter should naturally come first, so I feel that there shouldn’t be any issues with that. I don’t necessarily think I could be considered family to her, perhaps just a family friend. If something were to happen to her while you’re hanging out with me, I’d fully understand that you would prioritize your daughter’s well-being and safety.”

She lets him stew over the thoughts, but she can’t help but feel heartbroken.

Your daughter, he says.

It was enough of an answer for her.

He doesn’t want to acknowledge Gabrielle as his daughter.

“Okay,” Rosaline shakily sighed, staring at the little half-finished purple dress in front of her sadly. “That’s fine.”

“Hmm?”

“Not everyone wants to be parents, so I understand,” Rosaline murmured, managing to mask her feelings as she turned, smiling at him. “Would you… prefer that I keep it a secret from her? Until she gets older?”

“I beg your pardon?” Baxter blinked, confused.

Rosaline frowned.

Or maybe Baxter just didn’t know?

“Baxter… who do you think is Gabrielle’s father?”

“I… was under the impression that Cove was Gabrielle’s father.”

“You… thought Cove was the father?”

———————————

Then

Mid-Spring

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 19

———————————

“You thought Cove was the father?”

Rosaline, for the most part, looked incredibly unamused as she rubbed her swollen stomach. Cove looked flabbergasted at Derek, as if he had just said the strangest thing he’s ever heard. Lee, being one of the very few who knew the father’s identity and knew that Cove was part of the family, had burst out into a fit of laughter.

“If Cove was the father, he would’ve gone with me to all of my ultrasound appointments, and I would’ve scheduled them for a day when he could actually come with me, even if the thought of it made him nauseous,” Rosaline pointed out, rolling her eyes. “But I guess that’s a fair assumption.”

“What?!” Cove finally exclaimed, his delayed response finally kicking in and looking downright startled and horrified. “Rosa’s my sister!”

“I get that now,” Derek sheepishly laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just that — think about it. Rosa only ever talks about you when it comes to the guys in her life. She’s pregnant, and now you’re moving in with her and helping with the baby whenever they get here.”

“I… I guess?” Cove frowned, brows knitted as he thought it over, paling at the thought. “Oh god… do other people think that I’m the father? Do my parents think I’m the father?!” he whips his head around to look at Rosaline with panicked eyes. “Do your moms think I am?!”

Lee, unhelpfully, is dying with laughter.

“No, none of them think that,” Rosaline explained, trying so hard to retain the semblance of patience she’s developed since childhood. Pregnancy hormones, however, were no joke, with how irritated she was starting to get even if Cove’s concerns were valid. “I told my moms that it was a one-time thing, and that I wanted to keep them when I found out. Also, they asked me if their dad was going to be involved, which, obviously, he’s not.”

Derek rubbed Lee’s back as she slowly started recovering from her giggling, her cheeks red from laughing so much and eyes shining with amusement.

“Dad One was happy for me, and he didn’t ask me about the father, but I’m pretty sure my moms already told him by now. Otherwise, he would’ve asked us about what’s going on with us moving in together with a kid on the way. Mom Three was pretty excited about being a grandma, and she already knew that you couldn’t have been the father, because otherwise you would’ve been there with me when I told her.”

Cove relaxed significantly after hearing that, placing a hand over his chest.

“Dad Two and Mom Four,” she continues, giving Derek a look, raising a brow as he smiled sheepishly. “Didn’t think Cove was the father, and were happy that I wanted to name my daughter after Gregorio. Although Nico asked, because he was just being curious in all honesty and since I was literally naming her after Dad Two, if you or Cove were the donor, which Mama Four was horrified about because it was possible, and she probably would’ve gone into a panicked frenzy even more thinking that she got a grandchild with your blood before you even got married, but I reassured them that no, it was just an ex-boyfriend.”

“Well, at least he’s less of a menace than when we were kids,” Derek snorts, shoulders relaxing from the knowledge that his parents knew the truth.

“I think Terry was the only one who asked if my daughter was yours, Cove,” Rosaline said thoughtfully. “But Terry was also the one to ask me a lot of questions about potential fathers. Liz and Miranda have never asked, but they both have this look like they might know who it is.”

“I’m glad that was cleared up, then,” Cove sighed, rubbing the back of his neck rather awkwardly. “Not that you’re not an amazing person Rosa, but…”

“Yeah, I get it, Cove,” she nodded, sharing an understanding look with the man in question. “It’s weird.”

“So uh… are you…?” Derek trailed off.

“Hmm?” Rosa looked over to him.

“Did you… ever tell the father?”

———————————

Then

Mid-Autumn

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 18

———————————

“Will you ever tell the father…?”

Rosaline shook her head, looking at the vase of flowers on the table than at either of her moms. Lee is sitting beside her, holding her hand. She dreaded the question, she expected it, but the thought of Baxter had left her heart aching.

And… she still never really mentioned much of Baxter to either of her moms. All she ever told them was that he left, and they knew that she had wanted to keep in touch with him.

“Is he out of the picture?” Noelani asked, concern on her face.

She tried to contact him, but it’s rather pointless to when he won’t answer phone calls or text messages. None of it mentioned her pregnancy yet, but once she got the ultrasound, she planned on telling him that she was going to keep the child. If he still didn’t want to be in their child’s life, she’ll take his silence as enough of an answer anyway.

“…Yeah. It was a one-time thing, and he isn’t answering my calls or responding to my texts since we broke up. I’m the one who wants to have this child, and he’s going to be against it, anyway. I… don’t plan on getting him involved if he doesn’t want to be.”

Both of her moms shared a worried look with each other, an unspoken conversation happened between them. Pamela frowned, Noelani still looked concerned.

“It’s… a pretty big responsibility, Rosaline,” Pamela stated, looking at her. “Having a kid is wonderful, but it can be hard at times, especially when you’re still so young. This isn’t like having a pet, and there will be times when you have to put that child’s needs above your own.”

“I know,” Rosaline softly said, nodding. “I know it’ll be hard, but I want to keep them.”

“Well… we do know someone you could talk to,” Noelani said, thinking it over. “Your… your mother — your birth mother,” she clarified. Rosalina blinked, looking at her with clear confusion. “She had a friend before she passed away.”

Rosaline wasn’t ever interested in knowing more about her birth family. Not when she was a teenager and Liz had thrown a fit, and not even now. However, it was more for the sake of medical records that she should know, and when she entered high school and her parents talked to her about her birth family.

Not that there wasn’t really much to know. Her birth mother was an orphan, her birth father wasn’t in the picture, he knew, but wanted no involvement and had even signed away parental rights.

“While Cliff and Kyra would be able to provide insight on what it’s like to raise a child on their own, they did co-parent Cove,” Pamela said in agreement, thinking it over. “Mrs Amparo has regularly helped single parents get back on their feet or assisting single mothers who are on their own with no one to support them.”

“We will love and support you, of course,” Noelani assured, smiling softly as she reached over for Rosaline’s free hand. “But having a child can be difficult, and we want to make sure that you don’t feel alone in this.”

“Of course, we’ll help you whenever we can,” Pamela nodded in agreement. “I just want you to be certain. Are you absolutely sure that this is something you want?”

“I’m sure,” Rosaline murmured, blinking away the tears.

———————————

Then

Mid-Spring

In-Between Steps 3 & 4: Age 19

———————————

“I’m sure,” Rosaline reluctantly stated, trying not to let it get to her.

“And he really hasn’t answered back?” Lee pursed her lips, looking almost as if she had just tasted something sour.

“Yeah. I texted him, saying that I needed to talk to him about something important,” she shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “I did leave a voicemail saying that I was pregnant, but… still he didn’t say anything back.”

“I’m sorry, Rosa,” Cove frowned, wrapping his arm around Rosaline as he rubbed her back in a comforting way. She sighed, shoulders relaxing as she wryly smiled. Lee reached for her hands, holding it tight.

“Don’t be,” Rosaline shook her head, eyes softening as she stared at her phone wistfully. “Not everyone wants to stay together,” she smiles, almost weakly as she holds their intertwined hands up, “And… not everyone’s willing to take care of a kid with someone.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about doing this alone,” Lee softly stated.

Cove nodded, “We’ll both help you out as much as we can.”

“You guys are the best,” Rosaline smiled.

#wynter writes #fic: when honestly you can't recall #baxter ward #our life: beginnings & always #baxter x mc

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transmalewife · 3 years ago

Text

Alright, let's talk about attachment

I can’t find clear information on when exactly the non-attachment rule was added to the code. It was either soon before or soon after the great sith war. Either way, for the VAST majority of the existence of the Jedi, it wasn’t a thing. Jedi got married and had families for over 20000 years, then added the non-attachment rule, which ultimately led to their destruction. And before anyone tries to tell me I believe they deserved to be genocided, I don’t. I have never actually seen anyone say that, but I see people argue against it constantly, and imply anyone who doesn’t think the Jedi were perfect and blameless thinks that. I don’t think they deserved to die, I think they needed to change. And Yoda says that himself, many times. The Jedi weren’t prepared for the return of the sith, or the war. They had separated from the military 1000 years before, and the galaxy was in relative peace all this time, so the order’s role changed to one that worked very well with their rules. Detachment meant they could be impartial when overseeing political disagreements, lack of possessions meant they would be focused on the mission at hand and not prone to taking bribes, and distancing themselves from the general population meant they were more or less uniform, and could be trusted not to side with someone for personal reasons.

All of this falls apart once they become an army again. Impartiality is a flaw when they have to defend one side at all cost and not even allow themselves to consider compromise. Lack of possessions and attachment to people means they are prone to taking unnecessary risks, because they have nothing to lose, and do things like send 14 year olds into battle, thinking of the “greater good” over the safety of children. And the order being a monolith, with set rules and philosophy distinct from the rest of the population meant the Jedi trusted Dooku long after they should have stopped, because he used to be a Jedi after all, surely he still follows the code.

Now, I am not saying non-attachment is always bad, I think it served a very specific purpose in the order, and to some extent worked for many years. However.

Humans are a social species. Human babies NEED physical contact and affection to develop physically. Children need a stable, strong, and supportive relationship to their caregiver to properly develop psychologically. And after last year I don’t think anyone will argue that adults don't need connection with other people just as much. And not just shallow interactions, but open affection and love. Love of any kind, because claiming that the Jedi only forbid romantic love is just untrue. I think people tend to forget that "Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi's life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love." isn’t the actual doctrine, it’s a literal pick up line that Anakin uses on Padme.

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan both get criticized by other Jedi for their entirely platonic attachment to Anakin, and vice versa. Now, humans are the most common species in the galaxy, and in the Jedi order. Many other species are near-human, so it’s safe to assume at least some, if not most of them also need that companionship and affection to develop and live happy and stable lives. I do believe that non-attachment is a valid philosophy and chosen path in life if done carefully and within reason, I just don’t think we have a single major character that actually applies to. And chosen is an important word here. Jedi don’t get much of a choice. I’m not trying to start the baby-stealing debate here. I hear the argument of ‘force sensitives are dangerous if left untrained, and said training should start as early as possible’. I think finding a way to deal with that problem was an insanely complicated decision, and taking children into the temple as young as possible is not a bad solution. I don’t entirely agree with not letting them see their families later, (especially since in legends Obi-Wan was allowed to visit his family, which implies Anakin couldn’t go free his mother specifically because he was already too attached), but the idea is sound. I do also understand that no one is forcing Jedi to stay in the order and they can leave for whatever reason at any time. But that isn’t exactly a free choice either. Leaving the order means leaving the only home you remember, the only people you know to make your own way in the galaxy, and staying with those people means you can never fully love them. It’s a difficult solution to a complicated question, and for the most part, it worked (not always, and not exactly as intended, but I’ll come back to that.) Children grew up in the order, were trained to control themselves and the force, and became Jedi who were impartial, patient, and balanced. But everything falls apart when you introduce someone who wasn’t raised in the temple.

In The Rising Force, 13 year old Obi-Wan had barely been off Coruscant in his life. He describes himself as sheltered and unaware of all the pain in the galaxy, and says it was done on purpose, so younglings wouldn’t have to face the dark side before they were ready for it. But Anakin had seen nothing but darkness, pain and injustice before he joined the order. He was severely traumatized, and while the temple might have had some ways of dealing with trauma and PTSD in adults, they had no experience in treating the same in a child, because their children were kept safe and protected. The idea of letting go of your pain and fear only works if you know you have a safe place to come back to, if you’ve spent the first decade or so of your life in the most protected place in the galaxy. Anakin spent the first decade of his life as a slave. He couldn’t let go of his fear, because fear was what kept him alive. Fear is not irrational if you are constantly in danger, it’s what protects you, keeps you aware of the limits you can push before you get punished. And that mindset doesn’t fade just because you’re out of that situation, especially if your only family, the closest person to you, is still facing that danger every day.

I’ve seen people use every excuse possible to explain why Anakin didn’t see his mother again to avoid blaming the council, including, and I shit you not, “He just didn’t have her comm number”. But to me that seems disingenuous, when we see in his first meeting with the council that they already consider him too attached. It's one of the main reasons they don’t want him to be trained, so it seems logical that they wouldn’t allow him to see her once he became a padawan. I also want to mention that what Yoda says, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Is just… blatant catastrophizing. Right? Like we can all see that the escalation is not rational there at all. Maybe it could apply to something else, but not to a child who just left his mother for the first time in his life and went from a tiny dustball in the middle of nowhere to the most populated planet in the galaxy, and is now being tested by a bunch of old people with the power to decide his future. Obviously he’s afraid, and obviously he’s not dealing with it the way Jedi younglings do. That, in and of itself doesn't doom him to fall. Also what Yoda misses there is that suffering leads to fear. This is a closed loop, and one that has defined Anakin’s entire childhood.

Let’s come back to how the system doesn’t always work. The way I see it, most of the characters we see are attached. Obi-Wan is considered one of the greatest Jedi of his time. Windu describes him as “our most cunning and insightful Master—and our most tenacious”. And yet, he was not insightful enough to look past his love for Anakin, his attachment, and see how close to falling he was. Ahsoka was so attached to Anakin she refused to listen to Maul on Mandalore, refused to even consider the posibility he could fall. She was arguably the person with the best shot at preventing the empire forming at that point, and she loved anakin so much she doomed him and the entire galaxy. Aayla admitted to thinking of Quinlan as her father, and also, apparently in legends had a long relationship with Kit. Even Mace didn’t follow the code when he decided to kill Palpatine, which directly led to his death and the empire. He also indirectly caused the war to start. According to wookiepedia “Windu viewed Dooku as the shatterpoint of the entire Separatist movement, which meant striking Dooku down would theoretically end the imminent clone war before it even began. However, Windu's prior attachments to Dooku clouded his judgment.” I’m not even going to mention Kanan and Ezra, who are obviously family.

So basically everyone is attached and lying about it. How has no one thought that maybe this isn’t the healthiest way to live and tried to change the code? Well, I have a theory, and it’s Yoda. He was 900 years old when he died, and was on the council for the vast majority of his life. I can’t find when exactly he became grand master, but it’s safe to assume he held some degree of power over the entire order for most of a millennium. At the end of TPM he tells Obi-Wan “Confer on you the level of Jedi knight, the council does. But agree with your taking this boy as your padawan learner, I do not.” Then he reverses that decision by himself. So either he has the power to veto the council’s word, or who gets trained is entirely up to him. Either way, not great, considering his lifespan is so much longer than most Jedi, and therefore his approach to life is vastly different. Humans need love and closeness to live. However, while we don’t know much about Yoda’s species, it probably isn’t a social one. You could count all the characters of this species on two (human) hands, and Yoda lived in complete isolation for 20 years on Dagobah, and only went a little bit insane. They are naturally rare, and therefore probably lead solitary lives in nature. Moreover, Yoda outlived every master who trained him, and almost every padawan he trained himself, (there’s a great post about that here) so even if he wasn’t naturally predisposed to non-attachment, he would have had to learn it to deal with all the loss he had to live through over the years.

A lot of people think that Anakin fell because he had attachments, which is not true. He fell because of how his attachments played out and/or ended. The most obvious example being Palpatine, who used Anakin’s trust and friendship to groom him for over a decade and actively undermine Anakin’s trust towards anyone else, especially the order. (more on that here). Obi-Wan refused to take on the role of a father figure that Anakin tried to shove him into, so he turned to someone who did accept it. It’s not Anakin’s fault that it turned out to be the worst person alive, nor can we expect him to notice when he’s known Palpatine since he was a child. Another failure of jedi non-attachment, because a loving parent or guardian would not let their child be used as a bargaining chip when the most powerful politician in the galaxy blackmailed the order into allowing him to meet Anakin regularly, but a distant teacher and detached knight thinking of the greater good might. The other attachments Anakin had were taken from him (Shmi and Ahsoka, the last orchestrated by Palpatine who was fully ready to give her the death penalty to make Anakin more unstable), or he was forced to lie and hide them, compromising his vows as a Jedi (Padme) or refused to choose Anakin over the order/their principles (Obi-Wan, and again Ahsoka, and to some extent Padme, but he’d already fallen then). All these people had every right to make the choices they made, but it wasn’t the act of loving them that made Anakin turn to the dark side, it was how those attachments played out.

I think everyone agrees that Yoda is as detached as a Jedi should, if not can, be, and that didn’t prevent Dooku from falling. We see that explored in more detail with Barriss and Luminara. Luminara is detached and distant, she’s fond of Barriss, but their relationship is not familial in the slightest, and she repeatedly shows her willingness to put the greater good and the mission before Barriss’ safety and even life. And yet Barriss still falls. A complex combination of events and choices caused each of those characters to fall, not the simple presence or absence of attachment.

And lastly, just as attachment can make you unstable if your relationship with that person is unstable, it can also make you stronger. There is a reason Anakin and Obi-Wan were the face of the army. Not only did their obvious attachment (the strongest between two jedi we are shown) make them more relatable to the public, but they, when working as a team, are shown repeatedly to be more or less undefeatable. They spend half of aotc flinging themselves off great heights because they know the other will be there to catch them. They know from years of experience that they have backup and they know each other well enough (or force bond communicate) that they can trust the other will be where he needs to be to help/save them. Contrast that to how Windu and Palpatine fight in rots once the window breaks- very carefully, clearly holding back to keep themselves safe. Neither of them has backup until Anakin arrives, but until the last second they can't be sure which one he will choose. Anakin and Obi-Wan fight the same way on Mustafar, especially when balancing on that thin bridge. No acrobatics, swinging arms to keep balance, keeping their distance, being almost uncharacteristically careful compared to how they treated heights in aotc, in tcw, and on the invisible hand in rots, because they both know the other won't catch them if they fall this time.

#star wars meta #attachment #star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #yoda #jedi order #mine

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