some more incorrect quotes, cos they're fun xdd
---
Dorian: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute
June: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
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Varric: I hate the countryside. It’s dirty. It’s unclean. And what is that smell?
Liam: That would be grass.
Varric: Disgusting.
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Liam: Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life anymore..
Liam: Things just happen and I’m like “Oh, is this what we’re doing now? Ok.”
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Noya: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.
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Liam, texting Fenris: Fenris there’s a spider on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?
Liam: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry
Liam: Fenris
Liam: Fenris?
Fenris: Fenris is dead. You’re next. Love, Spider.
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Addie: Can we go out to get icecream?
Liam: Did you ask Pa?
Addie: He said no.
Liam: Then why did you ask me?
Addie: He’s not the boss of you.
Liam, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap-
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Noya: Are you busy?
Sten: Yes.
Noya: Cool, listen to this-
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Zevran: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Kala will and will not eat.
Alistair: Grass? Yes!
Zevran: Moss? Yes!!
Alistair: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Zevran: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Alistair: Worms? Sometimes!
Zevran: Twigs? Usually nah.
Alistair: Rocks? Usually!
Zevran: Morrigan's cooking? Inconclusive!
Wynne: How did you… test this?
Zevran: You just hand her stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if she eats it, she eats it.
Wynne: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.
Morrigan: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
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Kala: You are an absolute sodding dork.
Alistair, singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!
Kala: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.
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Ari, to the party: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.
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June, trying to comfort Cullen: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.
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Liam: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.
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Cullen: So, June is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Cass: Why?
Cullen: Because I've caught her trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
June: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
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Var'Renan: *raises eyebrows*
Noya: Put those back down!
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Kala: That's ridiculous, Alistair doesn't have a crush on me.
Zevran: Yes he does.
Leliana: Yes he does.
Alistair: Yes I do.
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Ari: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off?
Josie: What? No, I—
Solas: *enters room*
Ari: *jaw clenches*
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Neira: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices.
Neira: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.
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Morrigan: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.
Morrigan: *glares at Neira*
Neira: Well, sorry I have morals!
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Jowan: You’re overthinking this.
Neira: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Jowan. What if I’m underthinking?
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Alistair: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Kala: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Alistair: Th-that's not how that works-
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June, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?
Sera: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.
June: Ohhhh-
Cullen: Both of you get out of this kitchen.
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Liam: Fine! I don't give a shit!
Merrill: You seem to give a lot of shits for someone who claims not to give a shit.
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Neira: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.
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Ari: Who hurt you?
Sera: *snorting* What, do you want a list?
Ari: ...Yes, actually.
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Krem: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Cass: Bees?
June: SHE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!
Cass: Wait-
*Sera approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*
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Liam: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.
Addie: Heck.
Liam: You're on thin fucking ice.
Liam: Oh no-
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Solas: This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with forces you don’t fully understand.
June: That sounds like a dare to me.
Solas: Oh my god.
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Neira, making coffee: This is going to fix everything
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Cassandra: Yesterday, I overheard June saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Dagna replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.
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Lilian: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.
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Zevran: Hey, can I get a sip of that water?
Kala: It’s not water.
Zevran: Vodka! I like your sty-
Kala: It’s vinegar.
Zevran: …What?
Kala: It's vinegar, PUSSY.
---
Ari: *closes a cabinet*
*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*
Josephine: What was that?
Ari: The sound of someone else's problem.
[insert dejected Trifles Minutiae noises]
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Lilian: I need to dye my hair.
Lilian: Or get another tattoo.
Lilian: Or a new piercing.
Sebastian: ..... Why?
Lilian: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.
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Merrill: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Liam: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Varric: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Liam: Good thinking.
---
June: *makes Cullen a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Cullen: *sips tea*
June:
Cullen: *finishes tea*
June: Didn't it taste bad?
Cullen: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
June, tearing up: Oh, okay.
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Random Orlesian at a political dinner: How many kids do you have?
Ari: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
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Var'Renan: Creators, give me patience.
Noya: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Var'Renan: If the Creators gave me strength, you'd be dead.
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