#pizza party for dnd club today

[malocclusive]

[thedappleddragon]

Day 123 (Tuesday July 14th)

I woke up feeling wierd in a way that’s hard to describe. As if every other day i woke up like a clean cut 2x4 piece of wood, but today I was partially rotted and covered in dirt, trying to be fit into the same space as a clean board. Idk. But I stayed in my room for a while and made eggs for breakfast. My friends set up a dnd session last minute in our rich friend’s basement, and at first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go. But then more people responded in the group chat and I saw my one really friendly male friend was going so I made up my mind to go. I told my mom I would need a ride and went outside in my backyard for a while with my cat. She was really cute laying in the sun and purring, but I feel bad because she can’t see outside. Her eyes are always as big as dinner plates, and while it super cute, it might also mean she has brain damage and can’t adjust her pupils. I practiced driving with my mom and sister for about 45 minutes and I did really badly. I know how roundabouts work but I fucked them up a little bit and she kept yelling at me about not slowing down and stopping properly. She was right but it still made me mad, and I was at least partially spaced out the entire time.

I got out of the car and helped the host friend look for their dnd figurine for a while until we decided that it was lost and went to the basement. She went around looking a while longer while the rest of us set things up, picking out dice and doing the best we could with limited figurines. The host eventually brought out a tray full of squinkies (tiny squishy animal toys) and Japanese erasers (the kind you take apart and put together but never actually use as an eraser). I ended up using a rock from the driveway as my figure, and the host used a little pendant with a shiny dragon scale pattern on it.

None of us knew who was going to dm before we got there, so we decided to take turns, which quickly lead to our dice goblin friend DMing. It was her first time, but she did really good!! The party started off in a tavern obviously, rolling for inebriation. Valka is underage but was served alcoholic apple cider instead of apple juice on accident lol. Then a fourtune teller approached and answered one question for each of us. I asked if Valka’s dad was doing ok, since he was on his boat and she was on land and they hadn’t seen each other in a while. He missed her 🥺. The fortune teller was sketchy and creepy and probably scammed us but it was fun anyway. The next morning a little boy approaches us, asking if we can help find his dog. We were all suspicious at first, but Valka trusted him pretty quickly. We followed him until he ran into the forest, where we were immediately suspicious again, questioning him about what kind of dog he was looking for and if there really was a dog or if it was an illusion. We reached a clearing in the forest where he pulled out a knife and 3 bandits jumped out of the bushes. Valka immediately pulled out a mace and hit him upside the head, having no problem beating up a fellow child. Combat was going great until the first “bandit” was killed, whereupon the little boy turned his head around and shouted “DAD!” My soul SHATTERED in that moment. The next bandit got hit and the the kid whipped his head the other direction and cried out “DAD!” again. The dog went down and he cried out “CHARLIE, NO!” We were atracking this poor child’s dog and two gay dads. The third bandit, their daughter, ran the other way. When Valka’s turn rolled around she ran over to the unconscious dad and spent a health potion she had stolen back when school was in session and dnd club was still a thing. He was still unconscious, but stable. She was the first to stop attacking because she loves her dad very much, and could never imagine what she would do if her father was hurt or killed. We called for the family to come back. They were very poor, having to resolve to mugging and petty crime to survive. We all apologized for attacking and set up a campfire in the clearing.

We rolled for an order in which to tell stories around the fire, but then the host friend offered to make chicken tenders for us all so we paused the game. We sat downstairs and chatted for a little while until I realized the host wasn’t coming back downstairs, so we went upstairs and sat on the couch and talked. I laid down, and dice goblin friend laid down perpendicular to me and I burst out laughing from the sudden urge to just slap her face. Later, she picked up her head and I sat upright normally, instinctually picking up a pillow and putting it on my lap. She laid back down with her head on the pillow, so I patted her head and stole her glasses. We all traded glasses and compared eyesight like people always do whenever someone takes off their glasses. When the chicken tenders were done, we brought them downstairs along with chips and dips and goldfish and snacked and listened to the host talk about star wars to way too long. Friendly male friend had to leave, and dice goblin and baby friends’ social batteries were running low, so we hmmed and hawed for a minute wondering what to do until the host recommended watching a movie. We watched History of the World Part 1, and it was really damn funny and vulgar. I probably would have preferred if it was toned down a little bit, and all my favorite parts were the lack of sex/orgy jokes, but I still enjoyed it. Then we settled into quietly drawing together. I drew moments from the night and inside jokes and whatever came to mind.

I had some pizza and watched YouTube and painted the driveway rock I took, just kind of chilling for a while. I checked artfight and accidentally made myself mad. I got upset that I put a lot of effort into my attacks to make them look nice, and not liking some of the attacks I get back. I understand that that’s just part of artfight and not every artist is at the same skill level, and it might sound petty of me, but whatever. What makes me the most upset was when all the other pieces an artist made for other people look really nice, but then the one they made for me looks rushed or in a different style. Idk man typing this out makes me feel like an asshole, but I still want to document my thoughts and feelings. If anyone from AF is reading this, don’t worry!! I’m not mad at you!!! It’s all good.

[matchacitrus]

Shit I’ve heard college students say

Long overdue quotes of stuff I’ve heard from people during my first year

I hate myself enough, you guys don’t have to hate me

I sold my soul to the devil this summer and went to Planet Fitness

This is college, where kids don’t live with their mom and dad anymore

Can we turn this cube into a circle

GRITTED TEETH I AM NOT, SQUIDWARD.

I’m watching engineering students use a tape measure as a yo-yo

Babysitter you say? Did you realize you just referred yourselves as babies?

Look at all these lab coat motherfuckers

“How do you find the other gays on campus outside this club?” “They roll their sleeves”

“You have to fight those homophobes hand to hand combat now”

“Ariana Grande is that bitch, isn’t she?” everyone cheers

“We stan Helena”

When I came to this club, I was “cis”

and I was standing there, three people dead around me

I lost my virginity on Saturday, just thought you should know

Dude I’m high as fuck right now. Like I ate edibles and smoked a lot last night and the day before. Probably still high right now (this was at the start of a 9 AM class and she was really grateful for the bag of powdered doughnuts I offered since that hunger hits)

Our class is really stupid

I can eat a match

I’m gonna sleep in this pillow fort, comfy, and with all my stuffed animals, and you’re not allowed to look at me

Let’s get these tendies hustlers! chorus of dude bros yelling YEAH

What’s better than this? Guys being dudes

The food tastes better because I’m fucking cute

If you ain’t shaking ass, we throwing you out 

YOU CANT!! DEADFISH!! THIS HANDSHAKE!!

remember when I was little and used to sleep in beds?

IM A VIRGIN AND IM READY TO LOSE IT. WANNA HELP ME?

(Italian hand gesture) You gotta read the classics, like Curious George

I’m holding a bunch of skittles up my sleeves

Is this something that will instantly, painlessly, kill me? (this was some guy talking to his DM privately during a dnd session)

I’m gonna pee, can someone hold my vape?

Death Culture

Every tiktok is cringy

I never heard Drake but I like his name

Cannibalism is not an option

do you know how hard it is being me? Having everyone blaming their problems on me when it comes to the test?

Yeah, I be sucking toes

Proposal: Let’s take laxatives for fun

We should cash in our free pizza tomorrow

That’s why they call it a dream, they’re not real

No, I’m never okay

as a customer is yelling at them over chicken nuggets We’re fry or die out here

Why is your name so stupid

Breakfast is served opens a box of Girl Scout cookies

Bruh why don’t glasses have windshield wipers on them?

I’m gonna have to walk to Cane’s in this

“Oh I killed everyone already.” “That fast?”

Y’all want Pepto?? No Pepto?

I’m a FIEND for extra credit

I went to a party once and saw some white powder so I left. I’m still nervous about that to this day

Happy international women’s day! All ladies can go home

First thing needed to do when we’re drunk, go:

I’m gonna staple a leaf to a canvas and art people will find a meaning to it

Come to my house! I’m brown

If it’s your time, it’s time

“Want me to play some music or something?” “I got the music right here man starts jamming on guitar”

“Y’all ready for spring break?” “Yeah man, I’ve been rolling joints all day”

Along with this presentation, we have a kahoot

We know that much...and that’s all we know

Normal water is gross

When you’re a grad student there is no such thing as breaks. Just pity me for a minute

“Pub quiz! Get in groups.” “Pub?” “Yes.” “Wait pub????” “Just get in groups”

SHAME ON YOUR SKIN!

“Do you want me to beat him up for you?” “It’s up to you!”

I shoulda brought my tweezers with me so you could pluck my eyebrows!

drops pen on the way out I hate this class.

“Okay pick anyone you want to respond next.” “I choose glasses at the end there” “I’M YOUR T.A.”

I don’t even know how to pay my taxes! I just hand them to my dad.

They’re not all white girls but they definitely act like white girls

When was the Quran written?

I don’t know shit about fuck

What’s a waifu????

Someone FARTED in the elevator. No joke. At least wait a lil bit

Oh hey what’s up, yeah I’m gonna have to study for an exam that’s in 30 minutes

Traders Joe slaps

I’m proud of you all being here today. It’s the end end of week 13 and I just wanna lay down and die.

We’re out of chocolate chips, I can’t find them

Man this shit’s thick

Woah woah, you’ve had your last sneeze three sneezes ago!

Fuck your clitoris

Anyways that was fun and I honestly live for writing down the dumb stuff people say