#pirate wires

[eretzyisrael]

Source

[utilitymonstermash]

In the sort of “based billionaires” and VC podcast space there’s this idea floating around that founders/CEOs are the real victims of woke. For years tech executives built an environment that catered to activist employees. Now that this environment is no longer serving the needs of the execs, they have recast themselves as victims while showing complete disregard to everyone they have harmed along the way.

NYT Opinion: How Democrats Drove Silicon Valley Into Trump’s Arms

Andreesen: And then the other part was social revolution and the social revolution, of course, was the Great Awokening, and then those conjoined. And there was a point where the median, newly arrived Harvard kid in 2006 was a career obsessed striver and their conversation with you was: “When do I get promoted, and how much do I get paid, and when do I end up running the company?” And that was the thing. By 2013, the median newly arrived Harvard kid was like: “[expletive] it. We’re burning the system down. You are all evil. White people are evil. All men are evil. Capitalism is evil. Tech is evil.” Douthat: But they’re working for you. These are people who are working for you. Andreessen: Of course. So I had this moment with a senior executive, who I won’t name, but he said to me with a sense of dawning horror, “I think some of these kids are joining the company not with the intent of doing things for us but destroying us.”

Just this past week on Pirate Wires they had the big bravery debate about Zuck’s post election pivot.

Pirate Wires Episode:

But these guys have been pushing woke on us from around 2014 (BLM 1.0 / GG 1.0) until recent their recent "red pillings". The 2014 tipping point may have been more broadly when the Millenial cohort hit a critical mass inside these companies.

Moldbug would say that these companies “leak power”.

But it's not just a leak. What they built were powerful machines, weapons they failed to guard. Both in terms of the external reach of the products, but also in terms of the massive corps of staff. Pushing "implicit bias" classes on the staff isn't exactly a neutral act. "Healing from toxic whiteness" ads on the bulletin board while banning much content that makes other employee groups feel "unsafe" isn't a neutral act.

How many people did Timnit Gebru successfully have fired / pushed out at Google before she got to Jeff Dean, took a shot and missed? I bet it’s not zero.

These companies reflexively sided with the tastes of the new generation of strivers, everyone else be dammed, until the execs started to feel pain. They directed the full force of corporate power into "current thing" after "current thing" only tangentially related to the business. Whenever there was a spat the CEOs sided with the activists.

After letting the activists work the steering wheel for years, now the real victims are the founders who didn't like where the car ended up and not the folks who got run over along the way.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Sanjana Friedman: Solana, you actually had a really good tweet on this that kind of sums up how I feel where, I think you were quote-tweeting Mark, where he was talking about you know, this hypothetical situation where you have a company with 30 black women, and you decide you want diversity of perspective, so you decide to hire a white man. Is that, you know, should that be illegal?

Mike Solana: Right, he asks that, cause he asks that question to the rabbit, and he was asking it like, obviously it should be okay to hire the white man in this case because you want that diverse opinion.

Friedman: And you’re pointing out how like incredibly patronizing it is, and of course incorrect, of Mark Cuban to assume that like somehow 30 black women are all going to be this perspectival monolith, right? They’re all gonna have the same views on things and, you know, you can understand that like, white man is gonna have X opinion and black woman is gonna have Y opinion, and like you wanna have roughly equal representation of those two opinions.

I just think the only way out of this is litigation, I agree. Like, someone needs to basically take a company that’s proven to be engaging in racist hiring practices to court and basically get enshrined, yet again, that there are penalties for this, this kind of thing.

But on a basic sort of, what does this say about the people who are pushing these hiring practices? I think it’s just patronising and as we always say, it’s really racist. Like, why are they assuming that because of your racist sexuality you have a certain set of opinions it’s just definitionally racist.

Solana: Yeah, I wanna actually underscore that point that you just raised on the 30 black women thing. Because it is crazy that he said this casually out loud. He said, I mean Matt, pull up the tweet.

He is saying that if you have a room of 30 black women, you really only have one opinion there. And there is, there’s a benefit to your company in bringing in another “diverse" opinion. He’s trying to sort of turn this on the anti-DEI people, because his assumption is that the anti-DEI people are actually white supremacists, and they will see this and they will think, "oh wow, there’s a dangerous possibility there of 30 black women, like we better bring in a white opinion."

But of course, the anti-DEI people are like, that’s crazy that you think all black women think exactly the same, and that you said it out loud, and that you’re the one who is over here pretending that you’re anti-racist. It’s fucking bananas and I think it’s just, that stuff is definitely over culturally and now there’s really, really fascinating fight to save face.

Like, Mark is someone, Mark Cuban is someone who has, you know, put a lot into this conversation publicly and to just kind of give up and be like, okay you know the federal government is now telling me I am potentially at risk of litigation here, I better just back up and apologise for my racism and try and do better. Like, he’s really trying to just kind of just rewrite history here, and get to a point where, I don’t know, he hasn't just taken another massive L in what was really just like, I mean this was 24 hours straight, he wouldn’t let it go. But it’s been at this point I think months of this.

[memento-moli]

We were talking about modern au with baker Killer and this happened

You know hey would lie their asses off without missing a beat after eating everything Killer bakes lmao

[njere]

♪ ♫ express your style ♫ ♪

[attyrocious]

@opkillerzine is out! here's my comic spread for it

progress shots in cut as usual

[thamaris]

very expensive...

[fanaticsnail]

It won't fit

Masterlist Here

Word Count: 3,200+ (600+, 500+, 1,100+, 800+)

Synopsis: The four commanders of the Victoria Punk were large in size, in every way. Eyes finally catching what goes on below their hemlines, you're brought to terms with the fact that it would be difficult to fit.

Warnings: MDNI, NSFW, 18+, Smut, all individual encounters with the four commanders, Kid x reader, Killer x reader, Heat x reader, Wire x reader, afab!reader, reader has breasts, size kink, size difference, no gendered terms used, first time with each of them, swearing, cumming, oral, hurt & comfort, pet names used.

Notes: Based on an ask @bitchimasnake-sss got about a size difference for Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji. I loved it, and wanted to see it for these four big boys. Everyone should check it out!

Gazing down from your position in front of him, your eyes met with his pulsating cock. Twitching in the air, his impressive girth and length caused your heart to beat rapidly in your chest. Heat swelling your cheeks, with your jaw falling slack, all you could manage to stutter in your stupor was a small whimper. 

“It won't fit.”

Eustass Kid

“Yes it will, don't be a baby about it,” he growled at you. Grabbing at your thighs, he moved you to lay down the bed and towards his large cock. His pale shaft contrasted his ruby-red tip beautifully, each angry vein expanding his cock with each pulsating rush of blood engorged and expanded. 

Panic shot through you as he lined up his tip with your slit, slowly dragging the cockhead over your slick pussy and tapping your clit with it briefly. 

“No, you don't understand-! It's too big, Kid! I don't think I can take it,” you managed to stutter out, your eyes wide and panicked as he stilled his motions. Immediately cocking his head in a sharp tilt, he glared down at you with his forehead lowered in a deep furrow. 

“You-... You want to stop?” He asked you lowly, each syllable pronounced so there was no misinterpretation of his question, “Say the word and we'll stop, ‘kay? I'm not gonna force ‘ya to do somethin’ you don't want.” At that, he withdrew completely, sitting back on his calves with his hand pressed on his thigh. 

“No-, I mean-, I don't-, I-,” you add, shaking your head and rising to a seated position, “...I want to try. Can we-... Can we go slow? I'm not used to taking anyone so large, and I'm a little-.”

"-Frightened of little ol' me?" Kid's eyes darted between yours, the crisp golden hue warming you with the crackle of mischief twinkling within.

"A little, yeah," you nod at him, your lip twitching into a quivering smile. Darting your eyes to the ground, clenching and unclenching your hands to stifle your nerves before meeting his gaze once more. Kid smirked at your confession, leaning down towards you and raising his hand to grip at the back of your head. 

“Although I may look and sound it sometimes,” he smiled at you, amber eyes darting between yours, “I'm not some huge asshole that doesn't take their partner into account. I can go slow. Just breathe with me, alrigh’?” 

Stooping lower, he pressed his lips to yours and slowly lined his tip up once more with your slit. Slowly rocking his hips, he stretched your pussy with his bulbous tip, prompting your eyes to snap shut and body tense in response. 

“Breathe, baby,” he whispered into your ear, pressing soft kisses to your cheek, jaw, and neck, “Just breathe. I'm gonna go slow, and you'll get used to it.” 

His cock slowly eased in with each soft motion, each small portion of his shaft you took, he would press a flurry of kisses against your skin. Neck, chest, collar, back up to the corner of your lips, all kisses in a bid to ease you into it and breathe with him. 

Not before long, Kid was whimpering and panting, his cock being squeezed by your tight pussy causing him to almost become a blubbering mess. His entire cock had your body mold to the shape of him, each twitch and pulse from it causing you to sigh and stretch to accommodate him. 

As you finally adjusted to the large stretch, Kid was already shaking with the restraint of not pistoning his cock into you repetitively. He was already so close to cumming from the feeling of it alone, he truly didn't know how long he'd last if you finally acclimatized to his entire length. 

“It's okay,” you nodded, looking up at him and cupping his face, “I'm okay. You can move now.” 

“Oh thank fuck for that,” he groaned, immediately testing the sensation by pulling out a fifth of the way and rocking it back into you. When all it was met with was a moan from you, he did it again. More of his length came out, more of it pressed back into your pussy in a hard snap of his hips. The pace was set to a heavy rhythm of deep claps of his hips meeting yours. 

“F-Fuck. Told you it'd fit.”

Massacre Soldier Killer 

Letting out a soft exhale and shaking his head, he slowly drew your attention up to him by cradling your cheek in his scarred left palm. 

“We don't have to do anything tonight if you’re not ready,” he gently soothed you with a softness in his voice, contrasting the hardness of his pulsating cock. “I know I'm a little bigger in comparison to you. It'll make things pinch and sting a bit. I don't want to hurt you.” He moved his thumb in soothing circles against your cheek, truly meaning every word falling freely from his lips. 

Giving him a gentle shove, you push him to sit against the mattress, following your lead and reaching up to cup the backs of your thighs. Slowly crawling on top of him, he leans back and welcomes you to sit on his lap completely. 

“I want to try,” you round your eyes at him, pouting and moving your knees to circle his hips. Spread in a wide straddle, you move your pussy over his tip and slowly grind your slit on him, “Can I please try? If we take it slow?” Killer nodded, thankful that the mask shrouded his face from view due to the fact he was clamping his teeth so hard on his lips to stop the whimper from escaping. 

“W-We can try. I won't move a muscle until you're ready,” he stuttered, raising his arms to hold his hands beside his head: flat with palms up beside him. 

Leaning forward, you line yourself up with his cock and roll your hips against it. The large tip does nothing to enter your tight heat, slipping and sliding against your slick and causing Killer’s breath to hitch. Reaching one hand down to grasp his swollen cock, you hold it steady between your legs and roll your tight core against his blunt tip more intentionally. 

You wince at the sting of his pretty flushed tip entering your body, the stretch feeling immediately sore at your muscles expanding around him. Finally taking that first ridge of his tip past the largest point, you release his shaft and seek out his hands to anchor yourself against. 

True to his words, the only muscle Killer uses is widening his fingertips for you to lace yours within. All gentle, all soft, all welcoming and patient: Killer grit his teeth harder to halt the urge to bounce his thick cock up into your smaller frame. 

Slowly and surely, your walls relax around him and finally sheath him completely into your pussy. Walls fluttering around him, your clit grinds against his pubic hair and you whine at the contact. At that soft sound falling freely from your lips, Killer immediately unlaces his hands from yours and claps them around each of your ass cheeks, holding you firm and adjusting himself to the tight squeeze of your cunt clenching him in a vice-grip.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he huffed, groanding at his cock being strangled by your heat, “You gotta relax around me, sweet thing. Just relax, alright?” He withdrew his left hand from your ass and brought it to your face, cradling your cheek within the heel of his palm. 

“I’m right here with you, okay?” he hushed you, gently thumbing over your cheek bone, “I won’t move until you’re ready.”

Heat

“Do you,” he began, halting as he sought out your attention with his eyes, “Do you want to do something else?” He reached forward, his eyes flickering over your face and searching for understanding. His expression was captured completely in his hollowed eyes, hunching his shoulders and stooping to match your height with his own.

Heat was seven feet tall, his kindness welcome, but wholly unexpected and unfamiliar. His softness in comparison to the other three leaders of the Kid Pirates was what drew you to him: that kind hand mirroring the words pouring like honey from his fire-breathing lips. 

“We can calm things down, you know?” he offered, pressing his forehead against yours with a soft smile, “I can go ask Killer for some potatoes. We can make all different styles together. Fat-cut chips, hash browns, roast potatoes in duck fat, mashed potatoes as a creamy dip. If you’d rather we don’t do anything intimately, we could-.”

“-Can I try just a little bit of it?” you spoke over him, eyes peering dotingly down at his stiff cock, bobbing vibrantly in the air, “Just to see if I can? Not all of it, but... Just the tip?” You gulped back a dry mouthful of saliva glancing up through your eyelashes at the blue-haired commander. 

Heat’s face dusted with a vibrant shade of red, tinting his nose and tips of his ears with the hue. He swallowed the immediate “yes,” he so desperately wanted to bark out at you, focussing more on the serious tone lingering in the air. Following your gaze down at his cock and darting back up between your two orbs, he nodded slowly as he sucked in his scarred lips. 

“If you want to,” he whispered slowly, drawing you close and pressing a sweet kiss against the apple of your cheek, “Let me take you over to the bed, okay. Lie on your side for me?” 

He guided you to the large bed, each element smelling distinctively of incense, crisp linen, the stale linger of his cologne on the pillow cases, and something that felt like him. Lying on your side and offering him a sweet smile, he crawled over your body and caged you beneath his broad shoulders and muscular arms. 

“I promise I won’t put it all in,” he whispered, pressing his lips against your shoulders and gently caressing him with each featherlight kiss, “Just the tip.” You nod at him, drawing your hand up and gently smoothing over the hair covering his ears. Falling behind your body, he jolted your knee forward with one of his own, lacing a lengthy thigh between yours, and lined his cock up against your glistening slit. 

The reason he asked to position you in the first place is so you didn't become frightened by that hungry look in his eyes. That soft little ‘just the tip,’ that fell so innocently from your lips almost had him cum on the spot. He couldn’t let you know how eager he was to try it, how desperate he was to just have the smallest amount of his cock buried in your pussy. Drawing his palm down to your ass, he gently spread your cheek and exposed your entrance to him from behind. The shudder in his jaw matched the glaze of lust eclipsing his eyes. 

Testing your heat, he reached down further and flicked his digits over the slit and collected your arousal. You mewled at the soft contact, arching your back and gently rocking your ass against his hand. He chuckled in your ear, giving your shoulder blade a swift kiss. Scooping his unoccupied palm beneath the pillows under your head, he cradled your chest against his body and lined up his cockhead with your warmth. 

“Comfy?” he asked you, reaching down with the hand cradling you and collecting one of your breasts within his palm. You nodded, collecting his knuckles beneath your chin and giving it a quick kiss. Taking that as consent, he gently rocked his hips forward and eased his fat tip inside your slick cunt. His eyes rolled back at the squeeze, almost becoming lost in the moment and wanting so desperately to claim more of you with himself.

You hissed at the small sting, your walls fluttering and straining to accommodate his girth with each soft stretch. He halted at the rim of his tip disappearing into your body completely, his knob fully nestled within your body. Releasing a sigh, you flopped your head onto his arm and leaned into his embrace. Although not completely uncomfortable, the stretch of his tip felt like all you could truly take of him. His entire length would simply overwhelm you, needing a lot of practice before you were able to take the whole shaft. 

“You okay, Heat?” you asked softly over your shoulder. The grip on your breast firmed, his arm seeming to vibrate with a soft quake. “Is this bad for you? Are you uncomfortable-?”

“-I’m t-trying not to cum,” he managed to stutter out, the hand on your ass moving to your hips to hold you stationary, “I-It-... It’s been a while. I-I-I’m gonna cum-!” 

A large smile split up your face, prompting you to boldly arch your back and rock his tip inside your slippery walls. He shuddered and shook against you, his tip never truly leaving your body while the soft rocking over the sensitive head drew him to the white-hot ecstasy he was desperately attempting to withhold. 

It only took a few more rocks before he came undone within your walls. The first few drops spilled over before he rocked his hips out of you and sprayed your back with his cum. He had no time to reach down and grip it before he was panting your name into your neck and spurting his release in white flashes over your ass. His choked whines and whimpers were caught in his throat, the little apologies flinging forth with each wave of release shooting against your skin.

“F-Fuck, fuck, shit,” he cried, his cock betraying him as he burried his face into your neck, “I-I’m sorry. ‘M sorry. It-... You-... So good.” You offered him a soft giggle, pressing your lips against his arm and flurrying a burst of soft kisses over his skin. Before you had the opportunity to offer him anything in response, he rolled you onto your back and withdrew back up between your knees. 

“This fucking pussy,” he growled playfully at you, “Is too fucking good. Gonna have to punish it a little bit.” He kissed up your thighs, throwing your knees over his shoulders, and uncaring about your back stamping his release onto his duvet. Eyes holding yours for a moment, he gives you a short wink before immediately surging forward and diving into your pussy. Tongue flicking, mouth claiming, head bobbing, and nose grinding, he was going to have you cum on his face a couple of times as a playful invoke of punishment. 

And then he was going to make you some potatoes. Any way you wanted them, he was going to make them for you. 

Wire

Wire's lips dropped to a somber pout, eyes downturning and tearing his gaze away from your own. Although he had consumed several of your orgasms with his lips, mouth and skilled tongue, he knew there was little chance his cock would be able to bury itself in your plush pussy. 

He was simply too big. Nine feet tall with a cock over one foot: achingly hard, desperately bobbing and leaking precum from his dark rose-colored tip. 

“I know. I'm sorry,” he whispered softly, gently clicking his tongue and attempting to mentally rid his body of desire. Sighing out a sorrowful exhale, Wire flopped onto his back and laced his hands behind his head with his eyes falling shut. His cock stood proud and neglected, his pretty tip twitching and begging wordlessly for stimuli. 

“Hey, look at me, honey,” your voice soothes down at him, your hands reaching for his cheeks and caressing his smooth skin and coarse facial hair. He scrunched his nose up and held his eyes closed in a tight clamp. Giggling at him, you shook your head before brushing your nose with his. 

“Fine,” you whisper, hovering your lips above his, “Be like that.” Pressing your lips against his in a chaste kiss, he barely had time to reciprocate it before he felt you withdraw from him completely. 

Slinking down his chest and over his stomach, you press soft kiss after soft kiss against his flesh. Mouthing at the skin, humming at the elevated goose flesh you leave in your wake, you map a trail down to his neatly cropped and trimmed happy trail. 

Lulling your tongue from your mouth, you lick a fat stripe up from his large vein on the underside, over each divot of elevation towards the frenulum. Mouthing delicately, romancing his cock with each open kiss, you manage to widen your lips enough to nearly encapsulate his cockhead between your lips. The corner of your mouth split the skin, stinging pain prompting you to wince at the tear. His tip was larger than the circumference of your fist, and you simply couldn't put that in your mouth without your teeth biting into it. 

“Don't-,” Wire whispered softly, his Adam's apple bobbing at the motion you were pressing against his skin, “Don't force it, sweetheart. I know it won't fit. It's okay, truly.” He reached down and cupped your cheek, drawing you up to cradle you against his chest.

“But-,” you tried to relay, cut off immediately with a harsh whisper down into your scalp. 

“-I said ‘don't’,” he pressed a soft kiss against your forehead, “It brings me pleasure to bring you pleasure. I don't need anything from you, sweetheart.” He pinched your chin between his thumb and index finger, drawing your eyes up to meet his. “I just want you.” His hand relaxed against your face, caressing your skin in slow, soothing circles. 

You hum into his hand, closing your eyes and leaning your lips lower to press a sweet kiss against his palm. He chuckles in response to such a softness from your earlier sultriness. Embracing you in silence against his chest, his cock twitched and began to reduce with his restraint. 

Looking down between you, your legs and ass barely make it to his stomach with the height difference. Lulling your head to the side, you take your lips into your mouth and gaze longingly at his cock. 

“...What if we don't put it in?” you offer, intrigue being met by his cock pulsating and slowly swelling back to life. 

“Don't start, sweetheart. It was just going down,” he grumbled at you, chuckling against your head. You rolled your head back up to meet him, pouting up at him and doeing your eyes at him innocently. 

“What if you fuck my thighs? I can grind your cock on my clit and get it all wet and messy for you?” you offer as if asking him what he wanted for lunch, completely nonchalantly, “You can cum on my stomach or ass, anywhere you want, and I'll say ‘please' and 'thank you’?” Wire growls down at you, his deep baritone vibrating against your shoulder. 

“You can't look at me like that and spurt such filthy shit, sweetheart,” he moved his body up, sitting with you on his chest and manhandling you effortlessly, “Sends me mixed messages. I want to take care of you first, dote on you and make sure you’re feeling safe and secure, and on the other hand, I want to use your thighs as my personal flesh light and fuck them until I'm satisfied.”

Without skipping a beat, you smile back up at him. 

“Use my thighs as your personal flesh light and fuck them until you're satisfied please,” you chirped happily up at him, prompting him to immediately clasp your thighs together and slot his exceptionally large cock between your wet pussy and your thighs. 

“You asked for it, sweetheart.”

Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @since-im-already-here @gingernut1314 @writingmysanity @sordidmusings @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @the-light-of-star @empirenowmp3 @racfoam @sunflowersatori @carrotsunshine @skullfacedlady @jintaka-hane

[don-mellow]

Ouch.

[gratefulcheeses]

Happy pride month everyone

[sloshys]

More heart punk alliance stuff

[toonsparks]

Merry Christmas from the smol kid pirates! 🤘🎄

[utilitymonstermash]

Red scare girls got a mention on Pirate Wires today. The worlds are colliding.

[creatordarknesswing]

Pov those girls who say they simp for the kid pirates and only pull out these 4

Yes I made this because I was bored don't judge me(Also I didn't know what to do with Killer and I didn't want to leave him out)

[a-killer-obsession]

Whoops, you got hit by a bus, and now you're in the world of One Piece. But not everything is quite as you remember it...

General Tags: afab reader, she/her reader pronouns, isekai, monsterfucker reader, vampire!kid, werewolf!killer, wyrm!heat, minotaur!wire, everyone has a human form, smut heavy, unhealthy relationships, dubious consent, serious violence, spoilers for Wano arc, starts pre-timeskip. There will be a lot of more intense kinks, please check AO3 for all current tags.

Chapter 1 - All in One Piece

A bad day gets infinitely worse.

WC: 2.5k

Masterlist | AO3

A/N: This fic will include a multitude of more intense kinks and fantasy themes such as watersports, heavy BDSM, forced painful eggpreg, bloodplay, knotting, non-human dicks, somnophillia, and of course considerable amounts of monster fucking. If you're not good with those, then this isn't the fic for you sorry! More tags will be added to A03 as the fic goes, so please see what's currently listed there before you start, but those are the tags I know for sure will be included that may deter some people. This one is for my freaks! (affectionate). It won't be as long as Wavelengths but this is definitely a longer series than Pitching Tents~

Cold dirty water leaked through the hole in your worn boot as you accidentally stepped in a puddle much deeper than you'd originally anticipated. You cursed to yourself and shook your foot uselessly, your socks were fucking drenched. An awful end to an awful day. Work had been fucking draining, and if one more customer asked if you could ‘check in the back’ you were going to start killing people. Ma'am, what fucking ‘back'? It's a damn boutique, we don't even have our own private toilet! The cherry on top was the classic Karen with that classic boomer lead poisoning stare who absolutely refused to leave when you were supposed to be finished ten minutes ago. You were about ready to hit her with the wooden sandwich chalkboard as you pulled it inside if she took one more fucking second. God, all this pent up anger was getting close to boiling over, you needed to get laid, bad. Ye olde silicone dick just wasn’t going to hit the spot tonight, even if you did have a fun new one shaped like an imagining of a dragon’s cock.

You opened your phone as you walked, music blasting in your ears, blocking out the sounds of the bustling rush hour city around you while you sighed to yourself and opened a dating app in utter despair. Swipe, swipe, swipe, oh a message, ew ugly dick pic no thanks, swipe, swipe. You were at least thankful that the rain had let up for your short walk home, but if one of these men didn't reply with enthusiasm to your need for a lay you were going to scream so loud they'd hear it at the city outskirts.

Swipe, swipe, sw-

Hang on.

What the fuck just happened.

Everything was so.

Dark.

Where did the lights of the city go? Was it a blackout, caused by the weather? The rain hadn’t been that bad today had it? A moment ago you'd seen the bright neon colours of illuminated billboards and shop displays reflecting in the scattered shallow puddles, the red of the no crossing pedestrian light, the bright headlights of an oncoming bu-

Oh.

Oops.

You got hit by a bus didn't you? God fucking dammit. Well that's fucking annoying. A real fucking inconvenience to be honest.

But hey, no time to think about that, because all of a sudden it's so bright your eyes have to squint to see, and with all the force of a body that was… just hit by a bus… you were soaring horizontally through the air. It was dark again but this time… just your body? Something encompassed you, shiny and metallic, a dark reflective surface covering what you could see of your skin. Something hit your back hard, or maybe you hit it? There was a crack of wood splintering from somewhere behind you and you slumped down, sitting against… a deck? Your head throbbed with ache but you seemed to be in one piece, blinking at your surroundings to try and figure out what had happened, where you had landed. Against some sort of food truck maybe? Directly under a bright streetlight? Surely that would explain it. Voices were calling out around you, the vibrations of heavy, frantic footsteps over wood able to be felt where your hands touched the ground, but you couldn't hear anything except the buzzing in your ears, like white noise turned up far too loud, your eyes having trouble focusing through the bright light.

Something warm closed around your neck and you were dragged to stand, then further, your feet hovering above the ground as you choked, pressed against something solid behind you. You blinked again. No, that can't be right? Must be a dream, hopefully a sexy one, you must have been knocked unconscious. Scarlet red hair sticking up like a wildfire, squared googles worn like a headband, thick eyeliner, lips painted in the same shade as his hair. Oh please, please, please let this be a sexy dream. No scars though, curious. Pre timeskip then? His mouth was moving but you still couldn't hear, ah, not quite a completely detailed dream you guessed. Lucid though? Your ability to scan your eyes down at will told you perhaps yes. Ah, there it is, two flesh arms, yup we're going pre timeskip. Just as well, you'd never been keen on the idea of the metal arm touching you; a strong, calloused, fleshy hand would feel far nicer on your body.

You vaguely registered the brief feeling of weightlessness as you were pulled away from the strong thing behind you and slammed back again. The mast perhaps? Ow, that one kinda hurt. I think? Surely not, it's a dream. His mouth was moving again, but this time words were starting to form, the fog of the white noise slowly fading to a more bearable hum.

“-re you doing on my fucking ship?” He barked, flicks of spittle splashing against your face.

You blinked again, hmm, could you talk in this dream? No time like the present to try I guess?

“Tryna get laid?” You coughed, your voice strained from the hand around your throat. Something unrecognisable flashed in his eyes. Anger? Confusion? He leaned back a little to pull something from his bandolier, his grip on your neck loosening for a moment before being replaced by something sharp and cold, metallic perhaps? It was hard to tell from the thin edge.

“Wanna try that one again little mouse?” He gave you a toothy grin, his canines sharp and dangerous, and something about the dark look in his amber eyes sent a shiver down your spine. Fear or lust, you weren't sure, both perhaps? “I'll put it in plain words: What. Are. You. Doing. On. My. Fucking. Ship?”

Hmmm, prisoner turned lover type scenario huh? You'd read more than your fair share of fanfiction, your best bet to getting this sexy dream to go somewhere was act confident, right? What was he gonna do, kill you? It's just a dream anyway. Probably a weird coma dream, given the bus. Oh, maybe you'd be one of those crack medical cases of people who live a whole life in their coma dream. Shout out to your brain for picking this world to live it out in, you wondered if the machines on the outside would beep with a heighted heart rate every time one of these pirates fucked you in the dream. You wiggled your toes to check you were in control, all systems go captain, initiate stage one of ‘badass bitch gets laid’. You swung your legs up and wrapped them around his waist, and his brows, or lack thereof, shot up in surprise.

“Did I stutter, captain?” You purred, “You are the big bad captain of the Kid Pirates, correct? I thought a guy like you would be overjoyed to be presented with a hot, willing lay, or do you prefer to pay for those services?”

Someone coughed out a wheezed laugh, it sounded strained and suppressed. Ah, Killer must be nearby. Well, at least if Kid hated your jokes maybe you could turn your attention to the masked man, he was your favourite afterall.

“So what, you just crashed onto my ship outta butt fuck nowhere, naked as the day you were born, for a quick fuck?” Kid scowled, “How did you get here? Devil fruit?”

“Uh, I think I got hit by a bus actually,” you pondered, able to speak a little easier now that his hand wasn't so tight on your throat, though the metal was still pressed to it, some sort of knife you assumed. “Hang on, did you just say I'm naked?”

“Are you stupid?” Kid squinted. He let you go all of a sudden and you fell to the deck with an unceremonious thump. Ow, that one definitely hurt. “Kil, throw her overboard, if she ain't gonna talk we'll prove for ourselves she has a fruit, fish her out before she drowns too much though, she's interesting. I wanna know how she got here”

You turned to the quiet footsteps of the approaching first mate, in his button up polka dot shirt. Cute. You gave him a sweet smile but he ignored it, scooping you up, throwing you over his shoulder, and absolutely yeeting the shit out of you straight into the drink.

Icy water closed in around you as your body dropped down several metres under the surface at the impact. You felt no exhaustion though, no pull of the deep. Well, at least now you knew there was no devil fruit for you in this dream, too bad, it'd be sick to turn into a big fuck off bear or something. Sighing internally, you swam your way back to the surface, doing your best Little Mermaid impression and flicking your hair back as you broke through to air. Several scowling faces looked down at you from the deck, and you bobbed awkwardly in the gentle waves, staring back up at them. Fuck it was cold, could someone put a blanket over your comatosed ass irl please? Jeez.

“Uh, can someone help me up?” You shouted up to the ship, “I'm not a good climber”. Honestly, you weren't a bad climber, you were just sure this was gonna turn into one of those running but getting nowhere situations if you tried.

Kid let out a tsk and suddenly heavy chains were wrapping around you, enclosing around your neck and nearly hanging you as they pulled you back to deck, dropping you back to the wood with a wheeze.

“That wasn't-” you let out a choked cough, “that wasn't very nice of you. This dream sucks, actually”

“Dream?” Killer asked. Oh god his voice was even better in person. But it sounded more to the pitch of the Japanese voice actor, hang on did that mean you were speaking Japanese? Dreams are weird man.

“Yeah I mean..” you looked up at him, crossing your legs, not bothering to cover your nude body. What did it matter, this was just like one of those giving a presentation in school kinda dreams, but nudity had never bothered you. “I got hit by a bus, so this is just some weird coma dream. Sucks though, usually they're sexy by now. What a disappointment”

“Yeah? You have sex dreams about us often?” Kid smirked.

“You, not so much,” Kid's smirk very quickly turned to a frown and he looked like he was gonna hang you again, “aye, easy big guy, they exist, I just prefer dreaming about Killer or Heat is all”

Someone nearby choked on air, and there was the audible sound of a palm slapping a back and the faint whisper of “get it to-fucking-gether Heat, fuck”

“Anyway, this dream sucks,” you hummed, stretching out your legs, bored, “so either make with the orgy or turn into a face eating demon or some shit so I spook awake, I'm bored.”

Kid rushed towards you, knife still in hand, and you wondered for a split second if he was actually going to do one of the two, before the piercing pain of a knife through your rib cage cut right through that line of thinking. It was searing, white hot like you were being branded from the inside out, you'd broken your arm once but this might have hurt more. Your world stopped for a moment before you let out a blood curdling scream that forced those closest pirates to you to cover their ears, and you gagged and as you looked down at the knife sticking out of you.

“Oh shit, oh fuck,” you finally stuttered as your scream settled, your throat sore and strained, pained tears rolling down your cheeks, “that hurts. Oh god, oh god, not a dream, not a fucking dream”

“No fucking shit, dumb cow,” Kid reached for the knife and you smacked his hand away, holding the hilt protectively.

“Don't fucking touch it, asshat” you bit, “oh fuck what if you got something important, just my fucking luck I get fucking isekai'd to the resident ship of the Grandline's biggest fucking asshole and now I'm gonna die again. Twice in one day, that's gotta be a record for sure.” Kid growled and tried to pull the knife with his powers, but once again your hands turned metallic and held the hilt steady. Realisation hit you like a… bus… hmmm, too soon?

“Oh, fuck yeah, HAKI!” you yelled triumphantly, “I always knew I was a strong willed bitch, ha, take that Captain Stupid Pants!”

You lifted a hand to flip him off. Ah, well, you'd never claimed to be smart. Moving your hand halved the strength against his pull, and the dagger shook and yanked itself out from your chest.

“Now who's stupid?” He smirked, dangling the dagger as he squatted in front of you, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Okay, admittedly, maybe me,” you would probably laugh if it didn't hurt so damn much. “Hey, what if I make you a deal, I'll uhh… I'll let you freeuse me if you let me live”

“Back at it again with the sex! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Kid yelled.

“A lot, probably,” you sighed, blood pouring freely from between your fingers. You squinted at Kid before reaching forward and yanking his sash off, “gimme that.” Much to his dismay, you pressed the fabric to your wound to slow the bleeding, though the effects of blood loss were quickly becoming apparent. “Cute that you wear each other's colours,” you mumbled drowsily, holding the royal blue sash to your wound, which was quickly turning a dark red as your blood soaked into it. “Whoops, looks like it's your colour now though, Kiddo. Hey, before I die, can someone tell me how Heat's fire breathing works?”

“Really? Minutes to live and that's what you wanna know?” Kid frowned.

“Call me curious,” you gave him a drunk looking smile, “they never explained it in the manga”

“Who the fuck is they?” Kid tilted his head curiously, “and what the fuck is manga?”

“It's like a comic book, boss,” Heat spoke up. Ha, you always had him pegged as a fucking weeb.

Life was quickly draining from you, red spilling out over the wooden deck, your eyelids drooping more with every minute. If this was real, a thought occurred to you. Maybe there was a real reason behind this. Maybe you really were dead, and this was some sort of test to be a guardian angel or some shit. Alternate universe type deal, perhaps all fiction was just flickers of a view into another universe. Deep. Ah, no time to really ponder that thought though. You let go of the sash to grab Kid's arm with a weak, blood drenched hand.

“Don't- don't fight Shanks,” you mumbled, “and don't make an alliance with Apoo or Hawkins. And don't-” your head spun as you tried to push out the most important stuff, “don't let Killer eat the SMILE fruit”

The last thing you saw was a look of confusion on Kid's pale face, before everything spun and once again you were tossed into darkness. But hey, at least you weren't wearing wet socks anymore.

[Next Chapter]

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[feldmanshome]

Wire is just trying to read.