#pikmin monsters are just little freaks

[lambda-asks]

Pikavee @Groovy Long Legs: "H-hello again. Um..." She shyly went up to the Ultra Beast, looking it up and down with curiosity. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I've been wondering. Why are you so big? D-do you know?"

"the universe is always expanding, is it not? just like Us," the giant blacephalon record scratches out. "everything gets bigger with time. most things. but if you are confined to a single, tiny planet, how can you expect to grow as large and opulent as Us? that is why We are always on the move." the blacephalon's head bobs once as it spins, as if sighing.

"why yes, We were once small. as are most infant whelps. however, We have always kept a healthy diet since We were a child. We absorb plenty of nutrients."

"that is how one grows, is it not? of course, not everyone is made for greatness. what is it that they say? We are simply 'built different,' haha."

@ask-team-misfit

[riverdrifter]

River Listens To: Mayfair Watchers Society - Episodes 1 & 2

Hi! It's been a while since I've posted here. I burnt out a bit on Creatures of the Deep, but I have still been playing Pikmin 4. However, I found that the way I was logging my gameplay was extremely difficult to keep up with for a game that I really enjoy getting immersed in. So, I'll likely be retiring the more encyclopedic style of posts. I'm not sure what I'll do in lieu of that, but I've been using letterboxd, Goodreads, and StoryGraph a lot and enjoying it. I'm going to port my reviews on there over to this blog so I can have everything in one place, just not yet. I'm in a bit of a slump, and I could really use a dreary horror listening session to hopefully get it out of my system.

That's where this show comes in! I'd already listened up to Society Proceedings, but I hadn't logged any of my listening, which I'd like to do this time. I've also forgotten a good deal, so I'd prefer to relisten and write down my feelings so I don't forget again. Since we have 28 episodes as of now, I'll be taking them on 2 at a time. Spoilers under the cut!

🚌 Episode 1: The Woman on the Bus

This is a very strong start to a very good show. I'm quickly remembering what I loved so much about it on my first listen. Let's start with the characters.

First of all, the central character of the episode being called Val was a hell of a jumpscare. I have a good friend with that name, and I know her ass would NOT be in this situation. The conflict is driven by Val not wanting to accept a ride from her friend, Lou, lest she feel like a mooch. She sheepishly reveals that she flunked the of driver's test and wouldn't trust herself to drive enough to retake it. This is what the kids would call a Big Mood. I am not driving any time in the foreseeable future, and I'm glad when people who feel similarly keep themselves off the road. I'm definitely not shy about accepting rides, though. I especially wouldn't turn down a ride if I were alone on an unfamiliar street at night, and ESPECIALLY not if I started hearing screaming. In fact, I'd probably tell my friend to get right the fuck over there right now, and then I'd hide until they got there.

This is what's brilliant: Val's sensibilities and flaws are what get her into trouble, something which I know I really liked about this show the first time I listened. It's very human to be so stubborn about excepting help that you get yourself into a worse situation than you were in in the first place. Every time she makes another bad decision, I felt like I could understand what led her to that conclusion. She also has effortless chemistry with her friend up until the tension starts rising, at which point he gets a little shitty with her. This is also done well. Not only does it amp up the stress, but you really get the sense that these are people with lives and feelings beyond the span of this episode. (Well, they were.)

Now, let's talk about what's probably the main appeal of this show for most people: the horror. I think the writing and the horror go hand in hand here, and it's done beautifully. Like, the dialogue is a seamless part of what makes the episode scary; when the characters are in denial, that's when the dread starts really seeping in. I found the following line to be especially effective:

"I felt her eyes on me, like the heat when you open up the oven door."

The dialogue isn't all that's good about the horror, though. Of course the design of the monster of the week is amazing; this show is based on the works of and creatively directed by Trevor freaking Henderson. I remember just about exploding when I first heard that we'd be getting a podcast themed around his work. The sound design is also incredible. Early in the episode, Lou asks Val to be quiet because he thought he heard something, but he dismisses it as her paranoia wearing off on him. But we, the listeners, can hear it too: a faint jingling, like chains rattling, a second set of footsteps, and dry, croaking breathing, like someone is struggling to keep up. And as soon as this episode's anomaly gets on the bus, you hear it again, getting louder and louder the closer she gets. It's subtle, but not too subtle; I noticed it easily without headphones and with a beanie over my ears. Then there's the escalation of threat on Lou's end of the phone as Val frantically rings to request a stop... God, it's so effective.

That's about all I have to say! This was a lot more than I thought I'd have to talk about over just one episode. I haven't really addressed the plot directly; I think the premise of "person has a dream, person later experiences that dream in real life" is as solid as ever. But this is all that came to mind while listening. We'll see how much I blab about the next one!

✂️ Episode 2: Scissors

Oh boy. If I already yapped about the first episode, I dread how long this post is going to be, because my notes for this one are twice as long. Let's just dive right in.

Right from the beginning, there's some good subtle environment building at play with the fact that this is a suburban Neighborhood Watch group, but not one too bougie to have guns. Now, I know some people have a dinky little pistol they keep in the safe just in case, but these people have rifles and shotguns. Combined with the fact that one of the members, Liz, sprained her wrist in a hunting accident, we get the feel for what specific type of middle-of-nowhere small town this is. This is strengthened later by the mention that one of their prominent playground parks borders the woods. There's a lot of little details like this that help us get a good vibe check of Mayfair as a place.

I also think the characters in this episode were pretty fun. I did have to reference the transcript at times to tell if it was Ed or Simon who was talking, but that could've been a skill issue on my part. Clem is a classic Stanley from The Office type. He's a good no-nonsense guy to have in this bunch. Simon is the opposite, trying to keep things light by making jokes that might not be situationally appropriate, but he's not a total asshole. You can tell, especially by the end of the episode, that he cares about his fellow Watch members. He seems to be on friendly terms with Ed's wife, commenting on a brisket she made and how she can have a foul mouth at times.

While Simon stuck out to me the most this episode, Liz comes up in second place. Liz is interesting to me because she always asks for permission to take the floor; this could just be her personality, or it could be because she's the only woman in a room of men. So you have this shy-ish, relatively soft-spoken suburban mom who would rather the council say "poop" than "shit", but she also injured her wrist in a hunting accident. People say the character work in this show isn't very good, but I find that there's a good deal of depth to people like Liz if you're willing to read between the lines. As far as one-off characters go, at least.

Ed is probably my least favorite of this episode's cast, despite being the subject of a for-fun crack theory which I'll detail later. However, just because I wasn't that into him doesn't mean I didn't think he had interesting character stuff going on. There's this implied distance with his wife, Abby, who has some sort of police rank that was probably stated and I just didn't catch it. But he talks about how she isn't home long enough to reassure his terrified kids. I get the sense that he, too, feels like a terrified kid in this situation; maybe if he had more time with his wife, he wouldn't dissolve into paranoia and finger pointing so quickly. By the end of the episode, he has a low enough value of himself to want to go out guns blazing against this scissor-wielding threat.

That said, I'm not sure if his rapid mental decline is his own cross to bear, or if this episode's anomaly has some sort of psychic AoE ability. Other town members are said to be at each other's throats as the situation escalates, with one going as far as to beat up another man. Clem remarks that he probably just needed something to punch, but I'm still uncertain whether this illustrates an effect of the thing with the scissors, or if people are just going nuts because they're so scared and stressed. I don't fault the episode for this ambiguity. I think it's better left unconfirmed either way.

I'd like to defend this episode's story as well. I've heard people say that it leaves things too open-ended, or that it was lazy to leave it on a hang, but I don't think there's anything uncertain about what happens at the end. The typical roll-call structure is broken up by the distinct lack of Ed's voice. There's this uncomfortable silence, a clear elephant in the room. Now, if those criticisms are directed at not knowing what happens next, that's more understandable. I think I've just come to terms with the structure of these monster of the week-type shows, and it's something I really enjoy.

Let's get into some things I've noticed that I wanted to point out. This is a joke that Lou made to Val in the last episode:

"Oh, yeah. Like that time you saw that weird black van parked outside your house, so you stayed up in your living room all night watching the John Wick trilogy and holding a kitchen knife?"

In this episode, there's a lengthy aside about an unidentified car going up and down the streets. This one is notably a "dark, mid-sized sedan"; not quite the same as a van. So I'm not trying to assert that these are the same vehicle or something. But we do have multiple instances now where suspicious vehicles have been mentioned, and I don't think the sedan had to do with the anomaly of this episode. This is something I'll put a pin in to see if it comes up again.

This is a different thing I noticed. Clem mentions an incident in which two teens went to the Hayward Textile Mill to record "YouTube nonsense", supposedly saw a ghost, and then one of them was injured by falling through the floorboards on their way out. This is, in fact, an event we see in a future episode! I like things like this that reward second listens.

Now, here's where I get into my crack theory that I don't really believe in, but I think is a really funny way to read the episode: Simon and Abby are having an affair. We have the aforementioned comments implying closeness between the two. When Simon says that the suburb's parents are "either working, playing squash, or havin' affairs", he points out being a squash man himself. This could be read as intentional misdirection if you are unhinged. Ed is in paranoia and denial about everything, and when he makes excuses for his wife, he says, "We need to find compromises sometimes." This could be the language of a couple who have gone through cheating incidents and are working through it. Again, I don't think this is true. It's clear within the content of the episode that Simon does just genuinely care about Ed and his family. It's just something I had fun tinhatting about during my listen.

To wrap up this episode's lengthy segment, here are miscellaneous comments from my notes, lightning-round-style:

Suburb-typical ableism towards those perceived as mentally unsound! Let's go /j

NOT THE 2016 MURDER CLOWNS REFERENCE.

Is people blaming sounds on washing machines going to become a running gag?

All in all, I think this was a good episode. It's not as effective in the horror department as the first one, but that was a really strong start, so I'll try not to fault future episodes too much if they fall short of its mark.

[allykakamatsu]

Danganronpa V3 Smash Bros Tournament!

•Monokuma decides a good way to get everyone to kill each other is a Smash Bros Tournament, I mean, with all the salt someone’s bound to snap.

•No one kills each other, aside from Maki attempting to kill Kokichi, but it does become a weekly tradition despite the rage.

Kaede Akamatsu

• Get’s into a heated debate over who gets to main Rosalina with Kaito, but after a bit she caved and agreed to pick someone else.

•She end’s up picking Peach after Tsumugi makes a comment that they kinda look alike.

•Little did anyone know that Kaede is actually kinda a monster with Peach and frequently does really well in the tournaments.

•Favourite stage is New Donk city, and every time she gets to play on it she sings Jump up Superstar the entire match.

•Nobody is sure if they love or hate it.

•When not singing, she’ll make the stage music anything that has a dominant Piano.

•Favourite item is the Star Rod

Shuichi Saihara

• Acts like he’s never played before and decides to main Chrom due to him seeing easy enough to play and liking his personality.

•In actuality has played on and off for years and is a proud Dedede main but is too embarrassed to admit it.

•Also plays Pikachu but cause it’s Miu’s main he doesn’t usually use the electric mouse.

•Usually middle of the road in the tournaments.

•Prefers to fight on Battlefield but so long as the stage doesn’t move he can live with anything.

•Likes to keep items off.

Rantaro Amami:

•Good with all three Link forms, but has a bias for Toon Link.

•Can’t remember when he started playing, but given how he’s the only one who doesn’t panic by tripping they assume it’s Brawl.

•They also assume this because whenever someone picks Meta Knight he gets visibly distressed.

•Tournament wise he Can either do really well or really s**t depending on the day.

•Doesn’t have a favourite stage but tends to pick the Zelda stages cause he likes them the best.

•The only one who’s happy when a warp star shows up.

Ryoma Hoshi:

•At first played Incineroar cause its the only cat.

•After realising how bad his recovery was though, he kinda just tried anything to see what would work.

•Found a few semi-mains, namely Snake, Link and Villager

•Usually doesn‘t try to hard in tournaments so comes in last, or will even sit out, but when he wants to win, he will.

•Moral of the story, if he picks Villager, panic.

•No stage or item preference, but when it’s his turn to pick he tends to go with Shadow Moses island cause he likes the look.

Kirumi Tojo

•Mains everyone and is good with all of them.

•Like, can beat Mario with Little Mac good.

•Does have a slight preference towards Shiek though due to her admiring the ninja’s loyalty.

•Due to her skills, she tends to sit out with Ryoma to give everyone a chance.

•When she does play though, well, try not to loose too fast.

•Also usually the one who has to stop Maki killing Kokichi if he beats her.

•Always goes random when stage picking time comes, but also puts all the stages in battlefield mode in case it lands on something BS.

•For similar reasons tries to ignore items

Angie Yonaga

•Everyone expected her to pick Palutena, and while she does have her as a sub main, Angie usually plays Sephiroth. •Why? Angel (kinda), kick ass theme, and loves watching the others panic when they see him. Plus, Atua told her to pick someone unexpected.

•Also tried Pit and Dark Pit, and while she likes their personalities she isn’t big on their gameplay.

•To this day the only one who’s beat Kirumi in a match, and outside of that time she’s still good in tournaments.

•Atua told Angie to pick Big Blue one day, and ever since everyone dreads her turn on stage select.

Tenko Chabishira

• Always plays as a girl no matter what.

•Plays Min Min more often than not, but occasionally surprises everyone by whipping out villager.

•Why? “She’s Himiko cute!!”

•Pretty good at the game, but super competitive. Unless you’re Himiko, be prepared to get yelled at at least once if she looses.

•One day while everyone was playing random, she got Ken and kinda hated that she likes it so she occasionally plays him in private. •Shuichi caught her doing this while he was playing Dedede, and they both promised to never tell a soul.

•Punch Out stage or bust!

•Doesn’t have an opinion on items, but when she plays villager she hopes for the bunny hood cause she thinks it’s adorable.

Korekiyo Shinguji

•Lucario or bust (he likes the aura theme) though he’s also kinda a monster with Lucina

•Strangely though, whenever he uses Lucina he acts... different? (the class is convinced he’s possessed when this happens.)

•Outside of that though, tends to be one of the worse players.

•Second to none at recovery though.

•Hyrule castle has been his favourite stage since day one And that’s never gonna change.

•Always has items on, he likes the surprise factor (he and Shuichi are never allowed have a one on one fight)

Miu Iruma

•Has probably been playing the longest aside from Kirumi.

•Has played all the games, and cause Of this is decent with all of the OG 8, but will always pick Pikachu.

•Will only ever pick someone else if it’s a random match or someone makes her give Shuichi a turn, and in that case she picks Pichu as a backup.

•Despite her boasting, is usually in the lower end of the group.

•Doesn’t stop her from rubbing it in when she wins though.

•Tends to go for Wily’s castle for her stage, if for no other reason than she’s the only one who can handle the yellow devil.

•Super Hammer or bust!

Gonta Gokuhara

•Likes Donkey Kong the best, but also tries to learn how to play Joker from Kokichi cause he looks like a gentleman.

•Also likes all the Pokémon even if he isn’t the best with them.

•Honestly, aside from Olimar he likes everyone, and he only really dislikes Olimar cause he’s bullying the bugs!

•Everyone agrees to never touch the pikmin rep when he’s in the room.

•Tends to come in last with the only one he can beat kinda consistently is Ryoma without villager, but he still has a lot of fun.

•Tends to pick whatever stage everyone likes best, and has no clue how to use items.

Kokichi Ouma

•Always plays Joker because who else is a phantom thief going to pick.

•Actually he plays Villager in his spare time but Kaito is the only that knows and that was a mistake so shh.....

•Begrudgingly teaches Gonta how to play, if only from the horror on someone’s face when they get cocky only to loose to the guy who didn’t even know what a Smash Bros was a few weeks ago.

•Peak troll. Camps with gun, let’s people *cough* Kaito and Miu *cough* Hit fake smash balls, always picks the auto scrolling stages, he just loves making everyone groan.

•Only thing that makes him visibly salty is Miu on stage select cause f**k yellow devil.

Kaito Momota

•A proud Rosalina main. A badass space princess that protects the stars, what’s not to love?

•First time they all play, they all expect him to suck..... so you can imagine their surprise he‘a one of the best players in the class, especially at edge guard

•Despite that, is the most susceptible to stage hazards and bad items, especially fake smash balls. He has gotten better at recovering from them though.

•Never asks anyone to turn them off though, cause it’s worth it for the black hole and the assist trophies.

•Whenever Kiyo plays Lucina, he makes sure to sit at the other end of the couch.

•Always tries to give people pointers, though since he really only plays one character he’s not the best at it.

•Will ALWAYS pick either the Mario Galaxy stage or the Star Fox stages

Tsumugi Shirogane

•Tends to pick Kirby for A, the cute hats, and B, it gives her an excuse to rant about the lore. You know those Kirby fans who obnoxiously push how the series is super deep? That’s Tsumugi.

•Rants the whole match, leading to people preferring Kokichi obnoxiously joining in on Kaede’s singing to it. •Knowing they’re not safe when she’s not playing either, they all agree that unless it’s random’s to never pick a Kirby stage or character (another reason for Shuichi to hide being a Dedede main)

•She’ll occasionally rant about other series too, but Kirby is the biggest example.

•Despite this, she’s actually a pretty good player, even if she can be a bit to sadistic with down special sometimes.

Kiibo

•Refuses to touch ROB or MegaMan to avoid falling into the stereotype of the robot playing the robots.

•Instead picks Pyra and Mythra cause they’re great characters with a bit of computer theme that only Tsumugi knows about mercifully hasn’t ranted on yet.

•Plays very predictably, but just because you know a Lightning Buster- Prominence Revolt is coming doesn't mean blocking it is easier.

•As such is usually in the middle of the pack tournament wise. •Refuses to use side B as Pyra because one time he did and Kokichi did a stupid combo which took him from 30% to death so he’s not taking any chances again.

•Tends to put The stage on random, which he occasionally regrets if he rolls a side scroller.

Himiko Yumeno:

•Mains ALL the magic users. •Robin, Zelda, Hero, Sephiroth, so long as they have a big focus on magic she’s all in.

•Tends to use Hero the most, specifically Eight, because she likes the MP gauge.

•Despite seemingly never practicing and only doing okay with most moves, is the fastest thing in the freaking world at picking the right spell. If she gets magic burst or Kamikaze, prepare to die.

•Everyone assumes she’s probably played Dragon Quest cause of this, but she hasn’t confirmed and just chalks her skill up to magic.

•The only one who can make Tenko stop raging.

•Keeping with the theme, will usually pick the World Tree stage.

Maki Harukawa

•Messed around with everyone a bit but was only super good as Zero Suit Samus.

•Even then she’s mostly middle of the pack, but she doesn’t mind too much.

•Unless she looses to Kokichi, then it’s a struggle for Kaito and Kirumi to stop her from killing him.

•Tends to handle snacks cause Kirumi has to be in the room to keep order and she usually gets knocked out early. •The most frequent subject of Kaito’s tips, which range from helpful to ”Kaito I don’t have a f**king Luma”

•Tends to pick Shadow Moses island cause she likes the look, and though she won’t tell anyone she loves the music

[pupbeat]

Sorry if this is a strange question but could you please talk about your Chara headcanons I love them and learning of other people's interpretations

oh this isn't strange at all!! Id love to I just need to remember everything ive ever thought....

here we go: (got kinda long oops)

they like to make poetry but generally keep it private

they also are trying to learn embroidery but they dont have the steadiest hands so its a bit difficult!

while they obviously have a fondness for specifically goats because yknow, they LOOOOOVE frogs and toads!

they let frisk paint their nails even if they aren't that into it

love earthy tones when it comes to clothing

always ready to roughhouse!!!!

this was inspired by a mutual but its also me projecting a bit, they do online school

start taller then frisk as kids/tweens but then becomes the shorter one (rip)

likes to chew on the chain of their locket

likes stuffed animals but doesn't have any themself because they try to keep their belongings practical and stuff

likes instrumental music

likes calm or nature-y games like animal crossing, harvest moon, pikmin, etc.

speaks pretty quietly/low a lot of the time unless they are feeling jazzed up or rowdy abt smth, then they have trouble controlling their volume

loves decorative knives! their main knife though has cute little charms on it that they like :-) they like to whittle sticks for no reason and eventually tries to get into wood carving as a result

I think this is canon but likes to knit! they join Toriel a lot to do so

has trouble sleeping so they hang out with Toriel a lot at night

likes bug hunting (Toriels influence)

likes to walk in the woods and sends frisk and co. random pictures of mushrooms and things they see

kinda fucked up about the fact that they have no greater purpose, badly wanted to be the angel to save monsters and finally be good/worth something

all about consequences. in a more canon adjacent au where they are alive with flowey instead of asriel, they fairly quickly learn to accept their brother is different now and that this is the consequence of their plan, but know he is still their brother and loves him. greatly regrets that they took so much from him and will do anything to make it up to him, though Flowey more wants to pick up right where they left off and pretend nothin is different

likes bracelets, and tries to typically wear the friendship bracelets Frisk makes

very interested in Alphys’ work! “woah u can make ROBOTS??? just like that????”

habitually smiles when stressed or freaked out, they dont mean anything bad by it tho

(also me projecting) VERY PICKY EATER but loves Toriels baked goods! 

favorite season is fall/autumn

likes dogs but prefers cats to some degree because they aren't so high energy

(more projection) very low energy person but tries to keep up with all these high energy friends like undyne and papyrus!

LOVES HALLOWEEN

they are the living embodiment of knife cat image

thats it for now I think ^o^

[thomcoldman-blog]

My 10 Favourite Games Of 2017

This list was originally posted on the forum Resetera, but I felt like putting it up here too, with a little more insight into why I liked these games so much, and so they don’t get lost in the muddle of forum posts. Enjoy!

10. Snake Pass (Sumo Digital; Nintendo Switch, PS4, Xbox One, PC)

Sumo Digital has been a developer I've admired for years, particularly for their work on the Nintendo-tier kart racer Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed. Snake Pass is their first independently-produced title, and it has a great hook - the player controls a snake in much the same manner as a real snake might move. There's no jump button, no Earthworm Jim spacesuit, just the power to raise one's head and the strength to grip tightly to any object you've coiled around. There's no timer or enemies; Snake Pass is content to let you explore its levels at your own pace, letting you getting used to its unique feeling and take in the calming David Wise soundtrack. It's a game that feels like learning to ride a bike again, and the progression in ability over time is such a pleasing sensation that it earns it its place on this list by itself. The good use of collectables and generous helping of levels is icing on the cake.

9. Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus (MachineGames; PS4, Xbox One, PC)

B.J. Blazkowicz returns and he's lost all meaning of subtlety whilst he's been out of action. Wolfenstein 2 shoots all of its shots - the action is bloody, explosive carnage, and the subject matter isn't satisfied with just skewering Nazi idiocy and narcissism, taking time to shine a light on White America's love affair with sitting back and reaping the rewards of compliance under fascist rule. Whether it's exploring B.J.'s broken psyche, giving Wyatt a crash course on hallucinogenics or putting you under the spotlight in a terrifying audition, MachineGames refuse to pull their punches, each great moment coming swinging like B.J.'s Nazi-reprimanding fireaxe. The combat encounters are far from polished, with stealth being heavily nerfed from The New Order and the half-way shift in tone from borderline-satirical diatribe on mortality and American race relations to comic-book capers is incredibly stodgy, but Wolfenstein 2 leaves a hell of an impression all the same. Shame about that credits music.

8. Gorogoa (Jason Roberts; PC, iOS, Nintendo Switch)

A good puzzle game can make a really strong impression, guiding you subtly by the hand to make you feel like a member of MENSA just for pressing a few buttons or prodding at a screen. With Gorogoa, I can't even begin to describe how the puzzles actually work. Imagine a window segmented with 4 panes of glass, and now imagine you can drag elements out of those panes and into other panes, or over where there isn't a pane to create a new pane... See, it’s hard! In as simple terms as I can muster, it’s a game about taking the world apart and putting it back together again to create paths and progress for your anonymous young hero. It’s intensely abstract, yet the South Asian aesthetic feels like a living locale, an exploration of a boy's days-to-come. It's a short experience, but with each puzzle solved making me feeling smarter than Albert god damn Einstein, it's one that will stick with me for a long time.

7. Splatoon 2 (Nintendo EPD; Nintendo Switch)

Like pretty much everyone, I didn't own a Wii U, but the sting of that decision never really happened until the arrival of Splatoon - Nintendo's first proper new "core" universe since what felt like Pikmin. It instantly looked like sheer fun - and as a big fan of both Jet Set Radio and The World Ends With You, it was clear as day Nintendo's younger designers were picking up the Shibuya fashion torch those games dropped behind them. Put simply, it's totally my shit. Splatoon 2 confirms my suspicions and then some, being the first multiplayer title I've enjoyed online in forever. I can't get enough of the soundtrack, the sound effects, the amazingly catty banter between Pearl and Marina, and just the feeling of dropping into ink, strafing around a sucker and blasting them straight between the eyeballs with my N-ZAP '85. 20% of Switch owners in the US can't be wrong.

6. Yakuza 0 (SEGA; PS4)

The only games I've played previously by SEGA's Toshihiro Nagoshi are the brilliant arcade/Gamecube bangers F-Zero GX and Super Monkey Ball 2, plus his one-off PS3 sci-fi shooter Binary Domain. Loving those 3 wacky games, I always felt a little put-off by his regular gig nowadays being a series about Japan's most decorated crime organisation, and a bare-knuckle brawler at that. Yakuza 0, the 80s-set series prequel that serves as a perfect entry point for series newcomers, proved my suspicions ill-founded. It's a game which instantly casts the majority of the yakuza as control freaks and bullies, pits its protagonists Kiryu and Majima as their unfounded targets and pawns... and then lets you fight your way out of hell via brutal finishing moves, bizarrely complex business management sidequests and, if you're so inclined, a gun shaped like a giant fish. It's that kind of game that always keeps you guessing whether or not you should take it seriously, and so it wins you over with its best-in-class action choreography, astonishingly good direction and a never-ending deluge of sidequests, minigames and challenges. Don't sleep on Kamurocho.

5. Sonic Mania (SEGA/Christian Whitehead/Headcannon/PagodaWest Games; Nintendo Switch, PS4, Xbox One, PC)

If you’re reading this, you probably know I'm a Sonic apologist. I don't really stand by the 3D entries - bar Sonic Generations, which I genuinely love - but the narrative that "Sonic was never good" is some ridiculous meme that I can't stand. They were genuinely fun games, albeit far from perfect; every game can use some improvement. Sonic Mania is that improvement, spinning the level themes and gimmicks from the original Mega Drive (and Mega CD) games into vast new forms, with myraid routes, tons of secrets, an astonishing sense of speed from beginning to end and fairer, more agreeable, more exciting level design. Old locales, new levels - oh, and some new locales as well, one of which (Studiopolis Zone) is an instant classic. 16:9 presentation, all new animations and crazy levels of animation detail, and a mind-blowing soundtrack by Tee Lopes - Sonic Mania is the perfect Sonic game.

4. NieR: Automata (Square Enix/PlatinumGames; PS4, PC)

For my first foray into the sunken mind of Yoko Taro, he couldn't have left a better impression. NieR: Automata uses Platinum's engaging-at-worst, thrilling-at-best melee combat as the language to tell his new story of how pointless it is for anyone to even bother throwing themselves after ideals of society or humanity, and why it's worth trying all the same. Every inch of this game feels crusted in Taro’s sensibilities, with the no-bullshit 2B and her curious whiny partner 9S running into robots waving white flags, avenging fallen comrades, establishing monarchies, throwing themselves to their deaths, and coming to terms with their crumbling existence in apocalypse.  It's crushing, it's raw, it's often dull, but its uniquely bleak vision of AIs breaking free of their programming has a grip as powerful as a Terminator's. And when it’s ready to let you go, it has you send it off with the most memorable credits sequence in history. Glory to Yoko Taro, glory to PlatinumGames - glory to mankind.

3. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Nintendo EPD; Nintendo Switch, Wii U)

Standing in the centre of a bridge connecting Hyrule’s broad, emerald green fields to the desert mountain approach, a bridge overlooking the still Lake Hylia, I fire an arrow into a lizard bastard’s head, or at least I try to. He dodges it and rushes me, forcing me to jump away and retaliate with my claymore. Out for the count, I resume looking for the lost Zora wife I’ve been asked to seek out, who apparently washed all the way downstream in a recent downpour. I can’t see any wife - my entire view is dominated by the giant green dragon snaking across the night sky above me. The wind picks up, but I am too awestruck by its presence to take note that I could glide up to it and shoot off a valuable scale. Instead, I just stand and stare, this utterly unexpected moment happening before my eyes. Friend or foe? A boss monster, perhaps? A vital story element later on? The answer ended up being none of the above: in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, there be dragons, and that fact in and of itself speaks volumes about what this game is about. After 30 years, Hyrule finally feels alive.

2. Night in the Woods (Infinite Fall; PS4, Xbox One, PC, Mac, Linux, Android, iOS)

Very few games instil a genuine emotional response within me, but the story of Mae Borowski's no-fanfare return from college to suburban gloom resonates hard with me. It's an expert at the little touches - the needless-yet-fun triple jump, the not-so-starcrossed rooftop musicians, the impulsive reaction to poke a severed arm with a stick - and woefully precise with its big swings, like an upsetting cross-town party, a wave of violent frustration amongst the townspeople, and the inability to just lay it all on the table with friends and family when you need to most. In the cosmic dreams of shitty teens, Night in the Woods finds an ugly beauty in depression. 

1. Super Mario Odyssey (Nintendo EPD; Nintendo Switch)

It’s impossible to deny 2017 has been the year of Nintendo. There’s plenty of celebrate elsewhere, but the Switch’s rise to prominence as the machine to be playing ideally everything on, and the amount of absolute smash hits Nintendo has producing this year makes it hard for the narrative to focus elsewhere. The epitome of all this is their final killer game of 2017: Super Mario Odyssey, the grand return of a more open-ended style of Mario platformer. A true blue achievement in joyous freedom, it brings together everything from Mario's history of 3D platforming - 64's freedom, Sunshine's other-worldliness and sky-high skill ceiling, Galaxy's spectacle, 3D World's razor-sharp platforming challenge - and throws into one big pot, creating a Mario where both the journey and the destination are one and the same, and exciting to the very end. In a year of amazing games that hit upon horrid, upsetting themes with delicate, pinpoint accuracy for tremendous success, I’m not sure whether it’s a shame or an inevitability that such an unapologetically surprising, happy game made the biggest mark on me this year, but either way, I’m welcome to have Mario be truly Super once more.