#pickupshartist

[skunkes]

I love seeing cookie!!! She reminds me so much of my childhood dog 😭❤️

-

SO LOVELY i love this sweet little dog!! such a cute little face!!! T_T 💕💕

[elddansurin]

Something horrible has happened. I’m playing the Sims.

The Simsperiment: part 1

This isn’t replacing my awful NV photo diary (still working on that), but I couldn’t not share this awful sims photo diary with my friends and loved ones. Follow me down the this dark and terrible road, won’t you?

We begin our story with the Camtoe household, a rag-tag band of randomly generated youths, as they move into the largest lot in the neighborhood.

Aren’t they lovely and charismatic? From left to right, our cast includes: Queefetta Bonecrusher, Turd Ferguson, Vulva., Hurdy Gurdy, Bernedette Butthole, DEATH AWAITS, Men O’Pause, and Maxine Padd. Much appreciation to @pickupshartist​ for their help with all those names. Let’s join the family as they move into their dream house.

But all their dreams are nightmares. 

Thankfully, after a long journey up to the third floor, the Camtoes found a lovely and furnished apartment, which I forgot to capture in its initial state. 

They were treated to state of the art beds, appliances, entertainment, and plumbing. Maybe they were short a few beds and toilets, but at least they were fancy. Which is good, because everyone had been running the gauntlet for about 6 hours by this point. 

And by god, were they tired. But the first four beds filled up quickly, so the stragglers struck up a fun and engaging conversation in one of the toilets.

Feeling friendly with each other, the new roommates decided to watch a romantic comedy together. If only they had some chairs.

Only at this point did they realize there was no shower in the house. While they did have a kitchen sink, none of them felt the need to wash their hands. Which is a shame, because they had all gotten new jobs, and it was time to head on down to work, smelly as they were. Maybe they should have timed things out better, considering the rest of the house.

By mid-afternoon, the full timers headed out to the office. Two hours later, they were home and again faced the daunting, endless hallways. All of them exhausted, all of them absolutely reeking.

Unfortunately, by late evening they returned to find that their fancy and comfortable bathrooms had gotten a considerable downgrade. A considerable, clowny downgrade. A clowngrade.

Vulva. was reluctant to make the journey, and instead took a quick dinner before heading upstairs.

Unfortunately, Turd Ferguson set about summoning The Clown much quicker than anyone anticipated. Things got uncomfortable real quick.

By 3 am, Gladys the Clown had made it up to the third floor. She quickly got to conversation with Turd. He attempted to awkwardly flirt with her in the bathroom, but she was too busy sobbing to think about love.

Then she kicked him out to pee.

It was only the second day, and morale was hitting the first of many rock bottoms. Our heroes longed for the Before Times, before they came to this horrible yet expensive house.

Not only that, but they were now down to a single bed between 8 people. 

But could love blossom in this tired, smelly household? Hurdy Gurdy made an awkward attempt at flirting with Men O’Pause, who was not receptive due to the lingering miasma. Things got uncomfortable after that.

On Wednesday, the little workers were having a much harder time navigating the hallways, as tired as they were. What was once a 5 hour trip was creeping closer to 9 or 10 hours, not helped by how many times they passed out on their way to the front door. The sun had set long before they made it back upstairs.

Unfortunately, in their absense, the kitchen received a bit of a downgrade.

And their high-end wall mounted flatscreen had been replaced by... these.

By Saturday, morale was dropping at a breakneck pace, and not a single one of these sims had been on time to a single one of their shifts. Work performance was slipping as quickly as morale.

Their only solace was the remains of their entertainment center. Stinky and sleep deprived as they were, a 90s tube TV proved to be exceptionally popular.

The last of their worldly comforts, the bougie bed, was replaced.

Also, the house had gained a considerable collection of pet supplies through all three floors. It seems as though the terror house had become the hip and happening hangout spot for every stray in the neighborhood, and animals need to be taken care of. Wouldn’t want to be cruel.

And while their only remaining bed was shitty, it was, after all, a bed. There was never a moment it went unoccupied and unenvied.

And then, when it seemed their living conditions couldn’t deteriorate any further, the bathroom got redone.

The house had become astonishingly filthy. Trash littered the floor, old food stunk up the counters, and the refridgerator had begun to leak and spark ominously.

Sure would suck if the toilet broke.

The floor pissing began. Not a single one of these sims knew how to fix a toilet, and no one seemed willing to learn. Maxine Padd obsessively mopped up the overflowing toilet, but the water just kept coming.

Conditions continued to deteriorate at a rapid pace, and the roommates began getting very inconsiderate.

Truly, they were being pushed to the brink. Some handled the pressure better than others. Maxine Padd bonded with the toilet.

They had to do something. Something had to change. They called a maid to clean up their abundant piss puddles, never bothering to question why they hadn’t felt the need to do so until now.

At 10:30 am, she arrived, chipper and ready to mop up human urine.

By 4 pm, she was within 10 feet of the stairs leading to the third floor. Then, her shift ended. Time to go home.

Farewell, Hell House. At least someone got to leave.