#picking up on this made me feel sick and indescribably sad

[stillgotscars]

okay but “my beloved ghost and me, sitting in a tree, d-y-i-n-g” becomes even more devastating when you consider what comes right after the portion of the children’s nursery rhyme taylor modified: “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage”

[scarlettmurphy]

STARCROSSED PT2 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.

logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then you’re father by a good century or so.. whose completely in love with another.

- content warning age gap (is legal) drinking. explicit. swearing. dirty humour. comfort (an ounce). drugs. nsfw. sick. body issues. sh. angst.. maybe happy endings?! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader. logan howlett x jean grey.

spoiler: insane yearning and angst i’m sorry im too far gone ☹️ happy ? where.

note this is part two to starcrossed, prepare for even heavier angst!🫶🏻 i didn’t realise how sad this was until i finished the chapter and realised holy shit this is long. part three is already in the works. i hope u enjoy it! make sure to read pt1. it’s a bit diff from the first one but i hope u like it still. also if you’ve seen the movie ten things i hate about u the mid bit of this might remind u of that one scene if u get me :) song: need you now by lady a cos i was listening to it and jeff buckley whilst reading this? also on the timeline im going for like xmen 2 time i think?

tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl 🫶🏻

[i hope you like it!!]

you’d absolutely love to believe that what you heard last night wasn’t what happened but as your mind goes over the previous night as you fought yourself to stay awake during your fathers little class your brain couldn’t forget the continuous moans and little yells that you heard from a few rooms across from your own at the mansion for a good hour or two last night. you can’t help but figure out that logan most certainly found jean and just thinking about it made you feel sick. scott being the main thing on your brain after you got over the fact logan most definitely fucked jean last night.

she was a cheater. what else could you expect? your thoughts swirling in your brain causing an indescribable amount of heart ache as you kept yourself completely quiet and withdrawn from whatever was going on in this lesson, rogue clearly being able to tell you were off as she glanced at bobby giving him a look you picked up on — him shrugging his shoulders in return as you cursed your sadness for being so obvious.

just the thought of jean and logan staring at eachother hurt you but her touching him, his hands over her skin, her lips on his, his mind only on her in that moment and his gaze locked into hers as she let him take her yet again enraged you to another level it was a struggle not to jump into his mind and find out exactly what happened but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. your brain fighting with your heart in every way as you felt sick with all those pictures of the scenario you were forming for yourself.

so from that knowledge as you sat in class you knew you needed to stop liking him for good. he didn’t like you, he was throwing it in your face. you heard it all and it hurt you too much to bare. you didn’t even wanna look at him — that single thought of contact sending you crazy. you couldn’t even bring yourself to see him today. you didn’t want too, you couldn’t. seeing jean as you passed through the kitchen earlier was enough to make you nearly cry and immediately stop that tiny breakfast you had made.

you really couldn’t deal with this. one bit. you never did well with emotional pain — physical was something you could endure, yet emotional was always something you couldn’t stomach ever since you were a little girl.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

you'd been avoiding him like the plague. literally. whenever you saw him at the end of the halls you'd turn the other away, force a little smile and act like you had somewhere to go if you were in conversation and it had been like that for two weeks. two weeks had passed since one of your normal conversations, the friendly chats you admired in your brain and made out to be more, the little touches he'd give you that you couldn't comprehend was only a friend thing to do, the way he'd hug you.. the deep conversations, the way he'd sometimes kiss your forehead before you left for bed, watching the rain together and just joking together all something you had put in the past. that had been gone for two weeks and to say it was breaking you would be an understatement.

you could tell others has noticed the practical borderline dissociation within you since you had been a little mute recently not that it was specially due to logan (it completely all was) but you didn't want it to be obvious, you hated that it could be perceived that way so you knew you had to do something about it. who knew heartache for one that didn't love you back could destroy you this badly from the inside out?

.. and today was no different on the logan front. you saw him once today in the halls ushering something to hank — the two in bustling conversation and you made sure not to risk it by going to class, to upset over it all to deal with another short horrible conversation where you were nothing but cold to him as you tried to cut down any romantic feelings you had for him. every time you spoke now you could see the confusion and frustration in his eyes, the mental image to much to bare as you went on hiding in your room and pondering and that’s where you had been since — buried in clothing choices as you tried to stomach down the anxiety that had been growing in you over the fact it was jeans birthday party today and you would have to make an appearance after you had been a hermit since you’d got your heart broken by a guy that didn’t even know. rogue and bobby being the only two people you had really spoke too since the shut down yet their concern had been growing annoying as rogue clearly told bobby about the little crush she could’ve guessed, and got out of you when the two of you were high together a few months ago, you had on logan. bobby actually giving you little options of guys you could date to get over someone which was all you needed to hear when you realised rogue had told him as he literally mentioned hank who they knew you recently hiked with since he had been bothering you over your melancholy, yet you had left before it was a full fledge little argument.

just the thought of having to socialise with him and the others and step out of the hole you’d built for yourself to hide in irritated you especially for jean of all people’s party, your ‘smidge’ of hatred for the woman who had really been rude to you since she’d known you not because of logan, because god on that front she wins and it feels like she’s married to him despite her ties to scott, but on the power front. she knew you had powers incomparable to hers that you hardly even showcased magneto being someone who taught you many things when you were younger, your own parents being raven and charles. of course you had powers which were indescribable.

and most of the time you wanted to use it on that bitch. you were lucky she couldn’t get into your twisted mind to find that fact out.

you let out a little sigh as you decided on the black mini skirt and sweater — you finally having an excuse for the fall outfit and lack of dress because it was october which has always been your favourite season and best time of year yet this year that didn’t apply because you haven’t been hardly able to enjoy it because of isolation you’d forced yourself into.

y/n had to swallow her own self pity down as she leaned over to her perfume bottle on the drawer next to her mirror as she took in the image of her body in the skirt. her shrinking body, a scoff leaving her lips as she wasn’t happy with what she saw in the reflection. she never could be. the aroma of the perfume not masking her feelings at all as she put on some dc martens paired with black tights. the perfect little outfit yet she was sure jean would be outshining her on that front. god she didn’t even wanna imagine logan’s eyes being locked onto jean tonight, the heart ache already unbearable to comprehend as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. that aching feeling hadn’t gone away since the start of knowing logan the way she did, maybe that was a sign from the people above about how destined it was.. or how not it was.

these muddled thoughts led her too some early drinking as if she wouldn’t be getting shitfaced later. pregaming alone which is a bit self pity full as she swallowed the burning liquor down her throat, the whiskey hitting her softly and slowly enough to give her the confidence to leave her room twenty minutes later for this party.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the decorations were perfect, the present corner was overflowing and the students and people were everywhere. jean being clearly the popular girl from the looks of this party, as if y/n already didn’t know that, as the blasting music just made her more aware of the scenario she was in as she fought the urge to look around the room for logan as she went straight over to the bar that had been made. the party was the perfect one a girl, woman, could ask for and y/n could feel the jealously bubbling already that she bit down as she forced a friendly smile to join her lips.

walking through the dancing groups of people, there hardly even being any spaces to walk unless you wanted to bump into a coked up or insanely drunk teenager or wade. who she was lucky to get past without having to talk to yet, no matter how much she did like and enjoy his company she couldn’t deal with his jokes right now which she could guess who’d they’d be centered around, she knew he knew to some extent she was just lucky he hadn’t out rightly said it. that would be too much pity for her to deal with, that coming from wade being another level of pathetic.

the second she leant against the bar she managed to grab the busy barmaids attention giving her a soft nod and polite smile as she didn’t notice the figure beside her as she asked for a coke and vodka.

“thank god you’re showing your face — i thought i was going to have to clone you to get a good conversation.” hank rolled out his tipsiness showing as he pulled y/n into a tight hug when he was sat down on the stool. y/n letting out a low chuckle as she hugged him back nicely, his presence being a little surprise she tried not to seem so bothered about.

“hiya hank.” y/n said softly as the barmaid came over with her drink, placing it next to her. “thanks.” y/n nodded out as hank placed his hand on the stool next to him as she immediately grabbed it and took a swig.

“come! sit.” he ushered in with a drunken smile on his face, a bright one as usual, as he patted the bar stool next to him inviting her to sit and before y/n could even speak up in reply as she slid down on the stool hank bit in.

“where the hell have you been?” he abruptly said bluntly, putting a little look on his face off one that’s pissed off as y/n felt the guilt rush through her as she wrapped her fingers around the glass drowning her truth in the drink as she took a big sip off the liquor acting as if that didn’t taste appalling as she shrugged her shoulders at hanks obvious question which has an obvious answer to that she’d play off as a stupid claim if questioned about it.

“—i’ve been busy! controlling powers— small missions, and that.” y/n lied out.

hank furrowed his eyebrows at his words, giving her a knowing look before he shook his head swiftly at what she said. seeing right through her little lie he truly knew nothing much about what the truth was or not as he took a little sip of his beer.

“i know you but i’m not pushing it— rather you bite of logan’s heads rather then mine.” hank said out lowly as y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at his comment as a look of confusion spread over her face at the mention of him but before she could question hank on it she was met with two hands around her waist, pulling her tightly back purposely.

“hello pretty little liars, you’re aria?” wade said loudly into her ear his drunkenness obvious as y/n scoffed, him clearly stating that because her outfit choice as he squeezed her even tighter y/n’s eyes rolling as she elbowed him playfully back as his hands on her faltered as he playfully shoved her back.

“—elsa! you made it snow yet?” y/n said back to him as she was met with the sound of his laughter as he pulled on the stool next to y/n, making the guy who was sat on it mutter a curse before wade sent him a glare and then went speed walking away clearly a boy as young as fourteen or thirteen who just got the shit scared out him for, wade’s harsh look as he sqt down on the stool as he met y/n’s gaze.

“you know i have honey.” he nodded out with a smirk as hank leaned into the twos space.

“shots anyone?” hank rolled out, fixing his glasses as wade enthusiastically said a quick yes, y/n adding to the fire. “—very much needed.” y/n drove out as wade sent her a little look of knowing yet he held back the urge to call her out on it. he was being a ‘good’ friend in his eyes anyway, he didn’t wanna hear her say things about logan when he knew a few things himself on how the other party felt.

hank calling the barmaid over as wade pulled y/n’s stool closer to his that knowing look still present on his face as he played with the knowledge he had a bit just in a little playful way.

“you seen the birthday girl yet?..gave her a gift?” wade said sarcastically knowing the two didn’t really see eye to eye on a LOT of things as y/n gave him a little glare, him having been present for many of their little disagreements.

“luckily i haven’t, as i’ve brung nothing.” y/n rumbled back as wade nudged her playfully with her words as hank grabbed the tray of shots from the barmaid— y/n’s eyes widening once she saw how many shots he had ordered. “fifteen?” y/n broke out with a raised eyebrow as hank chuckled as he took one, downing it straight away before grabbing another as wade spoke up cockily.

“who’s pants are you trying to get into?” wade rolled out, his voice sly as he grabbed two for himself as y/n leaned over and took one ready to get shitfaced, maybe that’d stop her mind from falling back onto logan every other second her longing heart internally hating this situation more and more as she yearned to see him but she bit back the urge to even look around for him. halting that urge by taking a shot.

“preferably anyone with a pulse and no dick between their legs.” hank said right as y/n took another shot, her nearly choking on the burning liquid which was a horrible mix of vodka and god knows what.

“i can tuck.” wade said lowly as this made it worse, y/n nudging wade, shaking her head as she held back her laugh as she swallowed the shot she just took. “disgusting!” she rolled out as she took another, downing it before placing the shot down on the table.

“ah! sweeties jealous.” wade spoke up sarcastically with that all familiar cocky smile on his face with that teasing glint in his eyes as he handed another shot y/n’s way as she took it gracefully as they all cheersed their glasses together. that being just one of the about eight times they did that within the next thirty to sixty minutes as y/n bit back her thoughts with copious amounts of shots and soon enough they had gone through a good four or so tray off shots and a few drinks each.

every passing minute y/n felt her mind get closer and closer to the edge as every time she felt that aching feeling grow she’d swallow it back with another sip of liquor or large shot — wades jokes passing the time and hanks yapping and her own occasional drunken chime in making her mind a mess as hank got another row of shots.

the songs and wade and hank’s voices becoming a blur in y/n’s mind as she swallowed nothing but the truth with those shots. every sip feeling like more heartache she couldn’t stop having.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n was practically stuck too the bar stool, her eyes scanning the crowd occasionally (by occasionally around five times if not more a minute) as she looked for him. her mind lingering on a certain someone as it always tended to do the liquor just amplifying those feelings as hank spoke up.

“you know— you look like your mum.”

his words caused y/n’s attention to snap over to hank as she raised an eyebrow, wade making a little ‘oo’ in the background even if he couldn’t help but agree with his comment as he sipped on the cocktail he had ordered a few drinks previously that had just been laying there on the side. the bartender making a fuck ton of profit from these three miserables.

“very dead?” y/n said sarcastically as hank gave her a little look — clearly a little annoyed she didn’t take the comment seriously as he leaned a little closer to her.

“beautiful you idiot.” hank added out, his words making her eyebrows furrow a bit as she took in his drunken words as she gave him a little a smile — swallowing the depreciating joke she was close to making as she took a sip of her drink.

“thank you hank.” y/n nodded out calmly as wade butted in.

“—fucking hell, incoming for angry jacob twilight wannabe.” wade cursed out as y/n’s gaze moved over wade following his eyes to where he was looking, her heart feeling as if it was flipping and twisting in her chest as she watched logan walk into the bar games room as she furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of jean following him angrily. her looking perfect as ever.

yet before y/n could think another thought she locked eyes with logan from across the room — their eyes meeting as she felt a weight lift immediately onto her as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat at just the sight of him. it felt as if time has frozen just as they looked to each other , his eyes taking everything about her in as she did the same his way.

he practically immediately walked over, more like stomped over, as he seemed clearly agitated. more then usual as his eyes dawned onto wade and hank before resting back to y/n as he stopped in his tracks in front of the seated three.

“who thought getting a teenager shitfaced was a good idea?” logan nearly growled out, giving wade a glare as y/n’s eyes lingered back on jean who saw who he was talking to and turned away her being even more pissed then him, y/n holding the urge to go into her mind and find out why as she brung her gaze onto logan after seeing jean walk off somewhere else in the room, her patience clearly wearing thin. her wanting to make a little childish comment about how she wasn’t when wade spoke up.

“gods probably.” wade rolled out in reply as logan scoffed at what he said.

“y/n.” logan said, her eyes meeting his own as she took in his appearance. her eyes lingering on the chain that was wrapped around his neck — one he told her was something jean gave him when he first became an xmen, something he hasn’t worn in months, this fact only making her feel a number of horrible thoughts as she grabbed her drink and took a mean swig. swallowing her own building self pity as she forced a fake smile logan immediately knew to be fake.

“hi.” she said swiftly after she put her drink back down on the table — his eyebrow raising a little at her hostility as he looked to wade, hank the back to her.

“uh—“ logan spoke up, trying to find the words to say as he looked at her a bit lost for words at how she was acting as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat — feeling his frustration rise as he tried to control it, “where have you been?” he said lowly, hank raising his eyebrow at how this little conversation seemed weirdly tension filled. wade knew why, he could’ve called her little feelings for him back when she first met the guy but now he couldn’t help see how serious it was because off the way she was looking at him and how it was affecting her.

he couldn’t even brung himself to but in as he buried himself in his drink. hank doing the same.

“i’ve been busy. but i’ve been around— i saw you two days ago.” she said quickly, shifting in her seat a little as his eyes almost felt as if they burnt through her.

“you didn’t stay,” he said taking a pause as he looked at her, taking in just how intoxicated she seemed as he tried to analyse it, “like you uh- normally, do.”

his words touched a nerve on y/n as she felt that all familiar heart ache grow y/n trying to act as if the feeling inside her wasn’t killing her right now and ripping her to shreds as she kept her gaze on him, his eyes on her making her think and feel a number of things she hated.

“—had somewhere to be.” she replied quickly, his eyebrows raising at her bluntness to her reply as he knew something was off. he sensed it, the drunkness only adding to his worry as he went to step closer when he was cut off by a voice behind him.

y/n eyes dawned on the sight off jean, a tight silver dress on showcasing her curves as her red hair flowed down by her side as she looked at logan who hadn’t even brung himself to met her gaze yet. y/n immediately being hit with a truck load of insecurities just with a glance to the older women who had the only guy she’d ever loved wrapped around her finger.

y/n’s heart feeling as if it was stepped on as she kept her gaze on him — time feeling a little slow motion.

“logan—now.” jean said harshly.

“lo- logan.” she said again, y/n not leaving logan’s gaze as he swallowed his own spit as he eventually brung his gaze over to jean.

“logan— he knows.” she said harshly, her words a little quiet as they were clearly just meant for logan’s ears yet y/n heard them. “now! come on?” she questioned out frustratedly, saying that to grip his attention as logan looked to jean then back to y/n, wade and hank watching like it was a drama.

the air felt thick with some sort of something as y/n swallows, her eyes on him as he bit down on the inside of his cheek.

“be careful kid, remember to slow down.” he rolled out before he turned away with jean going right to her side as y/n scoffed as he walked off turning her attention back to the barmaid — not feeling logan’s eyes burning back to her as he took a long glance her way before disappearing off with jean into the party to sort whatever was happening.

y/n rolled her eyes the second she turned her attention back over to the bar as she looked down at the bar table, swallowing her thoughts down with the rest of her vodka as she felt the others eyes on her. they sensed on the tension — it was impossible not too.

“so they’re fucking again.” hank commented lowly and cluelessly. his words being like a gut punch to y/n as she bit down on her tongue as she called back over the barmaid, leaning over and ordering a couple shots as she sat back down in her seat.

“mm, most definitely.. hell for scott.” wade ushered out lowly, feeling a sense of guilt as he saw the way y/n’s eyes fell as y/n tried to mute out their conversation in the background as she welcomed the shots with open arms as she pulled the tray closer to her as she heard wade and hank whisper behind her as they leant over to gossip about the rumours of jean and scott being over as y/n’s heart felt as if it was plummeting and beating as fast as it ever had with every shot she took. the information she was hearing just making her internal pain grow worse as she tried to drink it away every shot seemingly enhancing her hurt as the metal images she were getting hurt her brain as she felt the urge to do something about it.

her mind full of relentless unlimited thoughts that were screaming at her as she placed the last empty shot glass she had down — the shots helping limit the voices to some extent as the barmaid came over and refilled them without another word most likely sensing her anguish as y/n nodded to her with as much of a smile she could muster up as she thought back to the conversation with logan.

“we’re going to dance— you coming?” wade spoke to y/n as that brung her out her gaze with the bottom of the shot glass as she shook her head, “no—thanks,” she slurred out as hank gave her a small nod and pat on the shoulder before they disappeared of into the crowd leaving her alone after saying their be right backs— her lips immediately around another glass as she finished the rest of the drinks thay were laid out in front-of her.

y/n either needed fresh air and a sick bucket or the man she loved and craved, and she was going with the latter. her desires only heightened which was making just about everything worse due to the mess the alcohol had started to cause her brain and body.

her heart pounding as she stood up, everything going messy and spin like as she stumbled through the crowd. her mind on one thing and one thing only, one person, as she got pushed around a bit by the dancing people as she made her way out the bar room she was in. her eyes searching the place as she looked for him in every corner, in every face, every person, every laugh, every grunt and every noise. she was searching for him like she had been doing within her heart ever since she’d know the man.

yet what she didn’t expect to see when she turned the corner was him right there. logan right there in his bubble of perfection as she saw it. her eyes taking him in as she saw him in the hallway — a smile joining her lips as she started to walk over to him planning what she was going to say in her brain. how she was going to do any of this? she didn’t even know what she had planned, she just wanted to speak to him. she needed to see his smile. she missed it. she wanted to make him laugh like usual, she wanted to kiss him, feel his touch. she needed it, it was destroying her to not have him. why was she ignoring him for the past two weeks? she should just tell him. nothing bad could hap—

“mine.” she swore she could make out logan saying, her eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as she took one little step closer to where he was as her eyes dawned on a certain red head with a killer smirk on her lips as she had a tight grip on his chain.

and with that every thought she just had was crushed within the space of five or so seconds as she heard jean’s light hearted chuckle next, her voice grating against y/n’s mind as she swallowed her own spit back down as she made sure she couldn’t be seen by them. feeling the sick feeling rising in her as she watched logan’s hands wrap around jean’s waist as she pulled him closer to her in a teasing action that broke y/n’s heart in two.

she was frozen in her tracks, watching as the one she loved was with the one he loved.

“you’re mine.” ringing in her ears as she just made out what he had said to jean as his words sent a chill through y/n’s body as she felt the tears start to boil in her eyes as she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene. her mouth fallen gap as she watched as he roughly had her against the door jean’s hand going down to the handle of said door as y/n watched as jean pulled him in the room with her roughly.

the door slamming behind them as she felt her beating out her chest, her breath shaky and hitched as she swallowed.

and when she heard a little squeal come from the room over the music a few seconds or minutes later, she couldn’t tell how long had passed, that’s when she knew she needed to go before she turned into a public laughing stock as she turned on her heel — shakily making her way through the crowd again, unbeknownst to the tears dropping down her cheeks as she fought her way through the dancing crowd as she tried to get the hell out of here as she thought she was fighting back her emotions, yet she really wasn’t doing too good of a job with it.

“watch it!” someone yelled out over the music to y/n as she shuffled past them quickly, stumbling out and disappearing through the back door as she made her break for it. her heart feeling broken to an extreme it hadn’t felt before which was only amplified by the alcohol as she felt her brain chemistry formed for logan be destroyed within a matter of moments. seeing it in front of her own eyes being completely different from assuming it had happened.

the fact they were doing that right now she just couldn’t and didn’t want too comprehend it. it hurting her so much she felt as if she was going to be sick, she could feel it to the extremist point that when she managed her way to the end of the courtyard where her little spot was with her childhood swing set, where she’s surprised she even remembered the whereabouts off in this state, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning down into a bush shakily.

her mouth watering, her throat burning with liquid as y/n threw up into the bush her heart pounding ridiculously as she felt the tears burning against her cheek as she didn’t even notice the feeling off two strong hands holding her hair back. her body shaking as she kept being sick, feeling the acid burn her throat as she felt a strong hand round her hair pulling it into a ponytail and another hand around her fragile body to keep her up.

her body flinching a little at the touch as the person leaned a little closer as y/n was sick some more, “it’s okay—“ a low voice ushered out as y/n couldn’t help be sick again, leaning down closer into the bush nearly tripping into it as the person held her upright. their hand snacking onto her waist as y/n leaned back into their touch. basically tripping into it as she let out a shaky breath as she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her top.

her eyes moving up onto an all familiar face and she instantly cursed in her brain as he managed to move her over to the swings, sitting her down in one of two seats as she clung to the chain of it leaning her body against it freely as she let out a little cry.

“you’re good.” scott said softly his voice low as he spoke into a comforting tone that didn’t completely soothe her as she felt the tears trail down her cheek as he kneeled down — his hands stabilising the swing that was rocking a little as he looked up at her making sure she was okay on the swing. the cold air hitting the twos faces as the moon shone down on the courtyard, the faint sound of pop music from the mansion being completely distant to both of them.

“scott.” she managed to say, him being able to tell how far gone she was by the way she slurred her words as if her crying and throwing up didn’t prove that enough. his eyes on her as he moved her hair out the way for her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she held back a little sob which wasn’t held back that well as she let out a shaky whimper.

“w-why— doesn-t he love me?” she spoke out quickly, her breath shaky and her voice high pitched as she let out little sniffles in between words, the weight of those making a sad smile tug on scott’s lips as he kept his hand on her face trying to keep her upright which was sort of impossible as he kept his comforting warm hand against her face. just trying to make her feel okay.

“—he—“ scott cut himself off before he moved closer to her, trying to keep her calm, “he does love you okay?”

y/n shook her head at scott’s words as she let out a muffled sob against her wrist, shaking her head as scott wiped the tears from her cheeks. “not like i want him to.” she rolled out in a slur, scott feeling his heart beat quicken at her little admission as if he didn’t know how she felt over him before as he moved his finger across her cheek in a soft circular motion, his hand cupping her jaw.

“hey- he does okay?” scott said quickly as he moved her jaw down so she met his eyes again, his tone soft as he moved himself to the other swing next to her — the second he was sat him moving his swing closer to her own. tangling the chains of his swing up a little in doing so.

“he does.” scott added out again, y/n not believing him at all as she swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she leaned herself again the hand that was cupping her face as she nearly tumbled off the swing.

her biting down on her tongue as she let out a little squeal as scott placed his hand on her back supporting and holding her up as a little chuckle left her lips as she leaned forward a little. scott not letting his hand move as worry was evident on his face as y/n turned to him a sad smile on her lips, tears still evident on her face.

“i wish.” he heard her whisper as he swallowed, his own voice breaking a little, “come on. okay? he doesn’t know what he’s missing right now.— he doesnt see you liking him.” scott said softly, giving her a little playful nudge as y/n started to lose the energy to even speak off it as she felt another tear slip down her cheek.

his words were taking the weight off her shoulders as she moved in the swing a little, scott’s comforting hand on her back which was now sort off around her waist making her sure she wasn’t going to fall as she moved a tiny bit closer to him on her swing. their swings touching a little.

“you deserve better then jean-y bitch.” she managed out lowly, scott not being able to help the chuckle that escaped his lips at how she put it as he looked out at the mansion in front of them. the moon present in his red tinted glasses.

“yeah— i’m starting to realise that.” he chuckled out as y/n gave him a drunken smile in return as she locked eyes with scott. someone she’d hardly noticed was this nice mostly due to the words logan remarked about him all the time as her smile couldn’t help but grow as she looked at him. the air softening between the two as y/n felt tiredness fall over her as she leant against the chains a little as she slowly moved her gaze over to the moon.

a few moments of silence passes before scott spoke up.

“y/n?” scott managed out trying to grab her attention as he saw he eyes wondering a bit. his eyebrows furrowing when he heard no answer in return, her silence scaring him as he nudged her.

“y/n?” he quickly said out once again, nudging her a little as he saw how limp her body was and noticed her closed eyes.

“fuck— y/n.” he ushered out quickly as he stood from his seat and went right to her side as he kneeled down, tapping her face to try and catch her attention. y/n stirring a little at his action as he stood up, pulling her up with him as he placed his hand around her waist as he tried to shake her a little which did the job as her eyes fluttered open to meet his own.

a drunken smile joining on her lips as a tear dropped down her cheek that she didn’t even notice as she chuckled a little, leaning close to him as she swayed a little.

“scott.” she said lowly as scott gave her a low chucke as she placed her arm around him drunk on, him wiping the tear of her cheek softly something he’d done a number of times since being in her presence tonight.

“okay it’s time to go sleep— im taking you to bed.” he explained softly as y/n looked at him with a little furrowed brow as he started to walk, helping her walk alongside him her hardly even able to realise she was walking as she leaned against his touch.

“you’re good.” he said calmly to her as they walked through the dark courtyard, the illuminated by the moon field of grass between them and the bustling school /xmansion being the only light to guide them. his grip on her tightening softly when she nearly tripped over her own feet, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he realised just how long of a walk it was to the mansion. him sighing as he held her upright. “nearly there.” he muffled out as y/n leaned to him.

“—‘m gonna be sick.” she quickly flushed out before throwing her head over in the other direction as scott patted her back and stopped in his tracks at her words as she was sick again — him holding the urge got to be sick too because the smell as he focused on helping her. his heart skipping a beat bit as he felt his anger growing over logan putting her in this situation where she was so drunk she was being sick or the fact that she was being sick just thinking about logan it made his blood boil as he felt his jaw clench — his eyebrows twitching as he helped her get it all out, whispering little comforts as he soothed her back.

“good girl. “ he said lowly as y/n brung her gaze into him once more him giving her a small sad smile as he placed his hand back around her waist to guide her, “cmon, bed.” he whispered out to her as they started walking again. having to go through the party definitely going to be a difficult task as scott tightened his grip around her waist as they walked past a couple people hanging around the outside area of the building as the music met y/n’s ears as once they got into the building scott called for people to move out the way as he made y/n stay close to him. her eyes wondering over everyone in her drunken haze as scott helped her over to the staircase which was through a couple wide, filled rooms.

her swearing she came across wade and hank in the corner with two twins and colossus’s doing a certain something to wade, her eyebrows furrowing at what she believed to have just seen as she shook it off as she met scott’s words.

“you need to be carried or are you okay?” scott asked as if he was babying her which sent a wave of comfort through her body as she let the question hang in her brain as she tried to form answer to it as she leaned herself against scott.

“‘u—‘i can—“

“scarlett?” logan roughly called out in a raised voice towards scott as he came over out of nowhere. scott rolling his eyes as he quickly picked y/n up, y/n being in scott’s arms as her eyes fluttered open to see logan to the side of them. scott’s jaw immediately clenching as he continued up the stairs without cracking a word to logan as he rushed after the pair. his own anger frustratingly high as he tried to control himself and stop himself from doing anything stupid.

“scott?” logan said harshly, his anger growing as he didn’t get an answer as he tried to get the man to look at him.

“lo-“ y/n slipped out, her voice muffled as she leaned into scott’s arms more as he carried her bridal style up the stairs. her realising his presence, logan’s eyes casting onto y/n and then back to scott. his eyes darkening.

“what have you done to her?!” logan rushed out, his voice cracking with worry as scott ignored his words as he made it to the top of the stairs and continued on down to where he’s pretty sure her room is.

“scott!” logan shouted again trying to get his attention as scott opened the door with his back, giving logan a harsh glare as he walked right over to the bed where he placed y/n down carefully on it. her drunken self pouring the cover over her figure as she rolled over in bed. letting out a little muffled whimper as her head laid on the pillow.

the second scott having let go off y/n he immediately turned to logan scott not giving logan another chance to talk before he connected his fist with his jaw, logan been taken aback a little as he raised an eyebrow, scott looking right at him as logan pushed him back harshly.

“what the fuck did you do?” logan cursed out quickly, scott scoffing as he held back taking his glasses off because of the fact it was a party, not logan’s funeral even despite how much he wanted it to be.

“you should ask yourself that, prick.” scott said harshly. logan’s eyebrows raising at his words as scott pushed himself past logan without another word.

logan immediately grabbing scott’s arm harshly, his claws aching to come out as he met his gaze.

“what do you mean by that?” logan said quickly, his eyes locked onto scott’s as so many questions flowed his brain. his thoughts enlaced with y/n and the worry he had for the girl as scott harshly brung his hand back to his side after shaking logan’s grip off — giving logan a stern look as he looked him up and down judgementally, “god, you are so stupid. you’d think being born in the 19th century would make you slightly smarter then a twenty nine year old.” scott scoffed out lowly, his words only angering logan more as he shoved scott against the wall.

his claws extending as he pressed them close to his throat — his threat there as scott swallowed.

“tell me.” he said harshly as scott couldn’t help a certain look cross his face. completely frustrated by logan, his heart aching for jean in this moment as he stared at what she had clearly picked over himself that enraging him yet also y/n and what she had just gone through herself. the heart ache something he could relate too and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. yet right now he would logan however.

“she saw you and jean you idiot. meaning i did too. meaning— fuck you.” scott said quickly as he clicked his visor getting the right aim, logan jumping back as scott lazered his chest. his beam going right through as a loud grunt escaped his lips as logan in immediate retaliation clawed scott in the side, scott pushing back the whimper threatening to leave his lips as logan as he got ready to take another shot at the man.

logan raising his eyebrow as the two stared eachother down, “i’ll heal,” logan rolled out his words only angering scott worse as he went to raise his glasses again as logan roughly placed his hand on his chest to stop him, his claws retracted back in.

“i wish you wouldn’t.” scott bit out harshly as logan scoffed at his words, keeping his anger limited as he rolled his eyes.

“jean only needed someone to talk too—“

“you mean fuck.” scott said out harshly, jean crossing logan’s mind as his jaw clenched his gaze darkening as he couldn’t bring himself to shake his head. not that he was thinking about scott’s feelings — right now his mind pondering on another.

scott saw how logan couldn’t even fight back with words — tutting as he pushed him back. logan’s hands falling to his side as the two didn’t break eye contact.

“you know we’re engaged.” scott spit out like venom, his words causing a look of surprise to wash over logan’s face as his mouth fell open, “well we were.” he added out.

“you were— what?” logan fumbled out, confusion written on his face as scott rolled his eyes at his reaction. not that he cared deep down, but it felt like he did right now.

“great.. she didn’t tell you. like she didn’t tell anyone,” he said lowly, “not that it makes it any better what you’ve done,” scott casted out as a few seconds finding passed as he tried to find the words which only come out anger filled, “she’s a caniving cheating bitch.” scott cursed out, logan not bringing himself to react to the words scott ushered about jean as he looked at scott.

logan was about to say something to scott when the sound of y/n’s soft little snores filled the room which made the tension even higher as scott and logan glared at eachother.

“maybe just think next time before you fuck someone else’s girl, again.” scott managed out as he pushed past logan to leave the room.

“i don’t think she’s your girl.” logan called back out before he left as scott’s jaw clenched at his words as he opened the door.

“not anymore. you can have her.” he said harshly as he paused as he knew he had to say something.

“—just think about how y/n feels, because i know hurts.” scott spoke lowly as he left without another word clearly implying a certain fact.

logans heart skipped a beat at his words as the door shut behind scott, his mind feeling as if it was in a war as the tension built in the room immediately. the air feeling thick as he swallowed his own spit not bringing himself to call something back to him as his words couldn’t even bring themselves to form right in his brain yet alone out loud.

his eyes dawned back onto the sleeping girl y/n laying there. looking so soft and innocent, completely sound asleep and his heart couldn’t help twang a little as he bit down on the inside of his cheek — many bustling thoughts cursing his brain as he wished he had never thought of them.

his mind lingering on the thought of jean and what just occurred within him and scott as he came down from the pain that was inflicted on him his chest rising rapidly to a more normal flow as he healed. as he focused his gaze on y/n as he furrowed his eyebrows over what scott had said, trying to wrap his brain around it.

logan’s eyes dawning on y/n. guilt seeping through him as he felt his heart gain that aching feeling y/n had been riddled with since the day she first realised she was in love with the man as he sat on the foot of the bed. his mind feeling melted as he placed his hand on her own his big, gruff and rough feeling hand taking the soft touch of her hand into his own grip. her hand being half if not less of his size as he soothed her. her touch being another level of comfort he didn’t recall experiencing since he was a young boy that feeling sending memories flooding through his brain he couldn’t focus on now.

feeling all the emotions boiling up he’d been fighting to push down as he looked down at her asleep body. what was all of this? she had been distant, almost rude and very cold and scott’s words were making that why question he had on his mind for the past two weeks clearer.

the implication of scott’s words hung in his mind as he looked at her. him eventually bringing himself over to the spare place next to her in the bed not wanting to leave her alone for the night too worried about how drunk she was and if anything could happen in the night.. or anyone else drunkily walking in. but he couldn’t help deep down in knowing that those were just excuses to stay within her presence. asleep or not.

carefully building a gap between the two of them as he laid down — no matter how strong the urge to hug her and comfort her was — as he let out a rough exhale as he closed his eyes.

only to open them three seconds later to look at her. his eyes not leaving her peacefully asleep body for the rest of the night.

[jjkamochoso]

I’ll Be There for You

Angst, fluff

Levi Ackerman x gn!reader

Levi comes to your rescue when you’re dealing with negative feelings/depression :)

Warnings: cussing, negative self talk, allusions to depression, thoughts of death

A/n: if this fic helps even one person feel a bit better, then I’ve done my job🫶 much love to any of you who are or ever have felt this way; you’re worthy, you’re loved, and you have so much more life to experience so please don’t give up and always keep fighting❤️ I’m here for anyone who needs it and don’t be afraid to reach out!! Much love to you all❤️

Quite simply, you just wanted to lay in your bed and rot into the mattress, never to be seen again.

You didn’t know what brought on these feelings, you just knew you wanted no part of them. You would much rather sleep the hours away in hopes that they would leave on their own, but that wasn’t an option; you had to go to work. Trying to get out of bed each day was a Herculean task when it felt like your limbs were made of concrete. Inside your head were swirling thoughts of insecurities pertaining to every facet of your life.

I’m horrible at my job.

Everyone’s too busy to care about me, I’m not worth their time.

No one would care if I died.

You sighed, slinging your uniform jacket over your shoulders. You didn’t bother looking in your small mirror, figuring that seeing your appearance would only make your thoughts worse. You grabbed some files from your office as you made your way past the dining hall, opting to forgo breakfast. You had little appetite the last week, not having enough energy or care to fuel your body. You were just filing paperwork anyway, it wasn’t like you were doing anything important or worthwhile. Normally you would smile as you heard the chatter of your comrades chowing down on their meals, but lately it brought you no joy, instead leaving your heart heavy with an indescribable sadness. Your boots slammed against the floor, each step as difficult as the one before it. You trudged along to your superior’s office, dropping off some of the files before heading back to your own office, not looking forward to report writing the next few hours. You barely registered the presence of someone else in the hallway next to you, your surroundings unimportant as you pleaded with the universe to let you hide away in your office, alone and unbothered.

The universe was not so kind.

“You look like shit,” Levi commented, his eyebrows knitted in concern.

You snorted as you kept walking. “Thanks, Captain.”

Normally you would have a sarcastic remark at the ready, but you weren’t in the mood.

“Are you sick?” He walked in time with you.

You hesitated before answering. “I… don’t feel well.”

Levi quickly moved away several inches.

“It’s not contagious,” you added. His expression was unreadable.

“You haven’t eaten much lately.” he observed.

“Not hungry,” you replied, causing him to roll his eyes.

“Shitty excuse. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, okay? I’m fine,” you said through clenched teeth, fighting the urge to scream. You didn’t want him to know of your internal pain. You couldn’t show Humanity’s Strongest Soldier how weak you were. You picked up the pace to your office as Levi walked right next to you, offering you silent companionship. Under different circumstances you would be chatting away with the man, but right now you wanted to wallow in your despair by yourself and not be questioned about your lack of food or hygiene.

“This is me. I’ll see you around.”

You tried to slam the door closed as fast as you could, but his lithe leg was faster, blocking it with his foot.

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re a horrible liar.”

“I’m tired, that’s all,” you tried to reason, hoping he would either believe you or get the hint you really didn’t want to talk about this with him. Levi peeked behind you and caught a glimpse of your office, making him frown at what he saw. Your desk, usually rivaling his level of cleanliness and organization, was such a mess that he could barely stomach it. You noticed his eyes wandering and you shoved yourself closer into the doorframe to block his view.

“Anything else I can help you with?” you asked, clearly frustrated with him.

“No. Take care of yourself, L/n. I have no need for a squad leader who can’t perform at their best.”

With that, he pulled his boot from your doorframe and left you to replay those words over and over in your head.

As Levi left your office, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was really wrong with you. Your desk being such a wreck was totally out of the norm. Obviously you were lying about only being tired, but he didn’t know what the source of your issues was. Walking down the hallway, he saw that your bedroom door was left ajar. He wasn’t one to invade others’ privacy, but you were acting quite strange and, as a captain, he had a duty to make sure his peers were alright. Well, you two were more than peers anyway; he considered you a close friend and a trustworthy comrade. He hated seeing your lack of motivation, knowing you were capable of so much more, and thought his harsh words earlier would give you the boost you needed to get a grip and snap out of your funk.

What he saw when he opened your bedroom door made his skin crawl.

Your normally tidy, clean room was in a state of utter chaos. Your clothes were strewn haphazardly all over the place, your bed wasn’t made, sheets falling on the floor. Your gear wasn’t cleaned properly, nor was it resting in its rightful place. What was going on with you? He left as quickly as he came in, having seen enough. You hadn’t been cleaning or eating, two important daily tasks that never slipped your mind. You looked like you hadn’t bathed in many days or been bothered to monitor your appearance whatsoever. You weren’t ill because you wouldn’t lie to him about not being contagious.

So what was it?

He thought about your glassy, empty eyes. Your expression was mostly neutral, but he could see through the facade you were putting up; you were deeply troubled by something.

You were suffering mentally and he had just now noticed.

He cursed at himself for not realizing it earlier. Between his own never ending piles of work and lack of sleep, more so than usual, he hadn’t noticed the signs of you pulling away from everyone until much too late. His mind reeled at what he should do next. There were so many things that needed to be done to kickstart your healing process, he just didn’t know where to start.

Actually, he did.

It had been hours and you had barely written anything on the paper in front of you, your brain unable to focus on work long enough to form professional sentences. You wanted to rip the stack of papers into teeny little shreds, take out your mental anguish on something tangible. You thought back to what Levi had said: he had no need for you, since, clearly, you were as far from your best as you could ever be. You couldn’t even find it within yourself to care, numbness overtaking you. It was just a matter of time before you were fired, discharged, and thrown to the streets. Maybe there you could disappear for good…

Knocks at your door interrupted your spiraling thoughts.

“Name and business,” you called out, less than enthused.

“It’s Levi. Open up.”

You groaned. You didn’t want him to see your office in disarray, though you suspected he had seen enough earlier.

“Is it urgent?”

“I’ll kick down the door if you don’t let me in.”

“Guess that’s a yes,” you grumbled under your breath.

“No need to damage government property. It’s unlocked,” you told him, hinges creaking as he stepped inside. In his hands were a steaming cup of tea and some bread that he set in front of you.

“Here. You can’t starve yourself,” he said.

“I appreciate the gesture but I’m not hungry,” you reiterated.

“Stop being so damn stubborn and have at least a little bite. Or drink the tea. I won’t watch you waste away,” he argued, irises aflame with an intense emotion you couldn’t pinpoint. You didn’t want to be a further disappointment so you nibbled on the bread, your stomach coming to life with gurgles of hunger as you swallowed the welcome nutrients. Levi looked around for a place to sit but all of your chairs were occupied by opened books and papers you hadn’t stacked neatly.

“Sorry about the mess, you can just stick those on the floor with the other piles,” you said, embarrassed at your lack of tidying. He took a seat and watched you intently as you ate and drank. When he was satisfied with the progress of your meal, he spoke up.

“I’m not… good… with my words,” he started, more hesitant than you’d ever known him to be, “but I want you to know that I’m available for you no matter what. I won’t let you suffer alone.”

“Really, Levi, I appreciate it, but it’s nothing, I’m-”

“Your office is a mess and your room is a disaster. Your mannerisms have changed. I know you, y/n, I know something’s off. I failed at seeing it sooner and I let you down.”

His gray eyes bore into your own. “But I’m here now. I’ll do everything in my power to keep you from losing yourself. Whatever you need.”

Your gaze dropped to your desk.

“I don’t know what I need,” you whispered. “I don’t know what I need to feel better. To make all of this go away.”

“That means we won’t stop trying things until we find a solution,” Levi responded, resolute in his statement.

“We?” you asked, uncertain of what he meant.

“That’s what I said. You’re not fighting on your own. We’re in this together.”

“But I’m weak for feeling like this. I don’t want to be another burden on you or anyone else.”

You couldn’t dare look Levi in the eyes during your confession, afraid of how he was viewing you as you displayed your most vulnerable moments out in the open like this. He stood abruptly from his chair, the sound of wood scraping on wood echoing through your office. He leaned over you, his hands gentle yet firm on your shoulders.

“Look at me.” You slowly raised your head as he addressed you, his bangs hanging haphazardly over his forehead. “Don’t ever say something so stupid like that again. This is not weakness and you’re not a burden. That’s your shitty brain lying to you. I will repeat this as many times as I need to until your ears bleed or your mind starts believing it.”

He gave your shoulders one last squeeze before unhanding you. “You can talk to me if that helps. I might not have the right words but I’ll listen. It’s a hell of a lot better than keeping it bottled up inside. I’ve seen soldiers swallow it down until they couldn’t stand it any longer. I won’t let that happen to you, too.”

You nodded in understanding, taking in a big breath before letting it out. “Okay. Okay, yeah. I’ll try… talking about it.”

“Good. You do that while I’ll clean this pig sty you call an office.”

You laughed for the first time in weeks. Levi felt himself smile softly at the joyous sound he had missed for so long, his heart beating a little quicker at the way your expression was lively once again.

Your venting session with Levi went extremely well. You felt like the weights had been lifted off your shoulders a little bit. Obviously you weren’t cured and knew these feelings were going to linger and could strike at any time, but it was nice knowing you had someone to turn to when things looked bleak. Your office, now spotless due to his efforts, also contributed to your mind feeling more organized.

“Four eyes has good advice, too, but you might get experimented on so be careful,” Levi said, making you laugh for the second time that day. Before he left, he made you swear that you would eat dinner. “I’ll personally drag your ass to the dining hall,” is specifically what he said, and you wholeheartedly believed him.

“Thanks again,” you told him as he reached for the door handle. “I genuinely don’t know what I would do without you.”

He froze.

“You’ll never have to know,” he eventually uttered, taking his leave.

Later that night, when your work was finished and your stomach was full of food, you huffed in annoyance when you remembered the state your room was in. Bracing yourself for the disappointing scene, you opened your door to:

A clean room?

You walked inside, confused as could be. Your sheets were back on your bed, everything crisply tucked in. Your clothes were put away, both hanging up and folded neatly in your dresser drawers. Even your gear, which was left covered in muck and dirt from your last training session, was shining as brightly as the day it was first issued to you.

There was only one person you knew who could clean that precisely and quickly.

Your attention was caught by a sachet of tea and a small piece of paper left on your nightstand. You picked up the note, a tear staining your cheek as you read the meticulous penmanship.

Here’s some of my favorite tea. It’s brought me comfort in the past so I hope the same for you.

If you don’t know how to brew it correctly, come find me.

Like I said before, take care of yourself.

I believe in you.

—Levi

[goldensunset]

Hey. Pspsps.

I don't 100% know who your favorite characters are.

If I asked you to pick one and go ham telling me about them, would you?

*grabs you* ok today i’m gonna change it up and talk about a pair of characters i don’t usually talk about

loooong story short (i'll dm you the story if you want or something) roxas and xion were the reason i got into the kh franchise. their story and their unique indescribable connection to our wonderful protagonist singlehandedly took me from the mindset of 'haha kh is a dumb wacky disney fanfiction' to 'this is genuinely a stunning and heartwrenching piece of media full of so much honest and serious emotion and love and i'm insane now'

here's a boy who was never meant to exist, a mistake, someone who doesn't even possess the full capability to experience emotions, someone who's just the inferior resentful shadow of another who needs to die so that the precious original can come back. but he wasn't gonna take that lying down he fought tooth and nail until the bitter end against his fate and defiantly proclaimed that he was human and he was himself and yet it was all in vain. but it still mattered. it mattered to us and it mattered to those who knew him. the love was there even if it couldn't save him it still mattered.

meanwhile, here's a girl who's just a patchwork mess of pieces of other people. a clone of both sora and roxas, meant as a backup vessel for xehanort, wielding what used to be riku's key, having accidentally absorbed select memories of kairi from the magic naminé wove. it's a miracle she exists at all. does she exist at all? she was an 'it', an empty thing designed to mimic the fighting capabilities of another, who gradually started absorbing that other's memories of some girl until it subconsciously tricked itself into thinking it was that girl. suddenly 'it' became 'she.' but she had her own life experiences and therefore was not that girl but someone new entirely. what exactly did her mind look like? what did it feel like to be her? her mind was just a fragment of sora's mind and she didn't even know who he was. the insane headaches and crises that came free with her very existence drove her to seek answers and eventually made her realize she shouldn't even be alive.

but she was so brave. she was so so brave and resolute and made the firm decision to sacrifice herself for the greater good even though she should've never had to. it was the only agency she had and she took hold of it. she knew there was never any hope for her but she at least wanted something good to come out of her demise. roxas didn't really have that same agency even though he seems more proactive as a character at first glance. roxas fought and fought but was constantly being dragged here and there by the narrative up until the end. he fought his fate and xion accepted hers and they both met the same tragic end.

in kh2fm we saw what was left of roxas, angrily fighting back inside of sora. he was full of hate and anger and who can blame him? he should've won. he was stronger. almost. but victory eluded him once more. it was all for nothing and roxas faded again and sora was so confused and full of sadness he didn't even understand.

then in ddd we again saw roxas within sora's mindscape, but that time he was so so different. that time he was calm and smiling and gentle. roxas had surrendered. but sora told him what we'd all been wanting to tell him- he was his own person and deserved to be treated as such. to which roxas said like the best line in the series: 'sora, see? that's why it has to be you.'

roxas wanted things his way, he wanted his own life, he was bitter and sick of people telling him he had to make sacrifices for others. roxas would've gotten rid of others for his own sake. meanwhile sora had always been intensely loving and selfless. sora was always reaching out to people, seeing the light and humanity in them, caring about them. i'm not saying roxas was bad for wanting to live or that sora's insane constant self-sacrificial behavior isn't deeply worrying but the point here is: sora was the hero roxas wasn't.

roxas recognized this. that's why it had to be sora. if it was the other way around, roxas wouldn't have had the strength to be the person sora was. he would've never surrendered on his own. he had to be forced to surrender and then spend time within sora's heart to begin to understand him and to begin to love him.

roxas resented sora because roxas had to be sacrificed in his name. he didn't want to die to save someone he didn't even know who was apparently his real self and the only person who mattered. roxas was sick of hearing about him. but then once roxas met him he couldn't help but love him too. both because sora is just that easy to love, and because something in roxas resonated with- well, his other. that was him and that wasn't him and that was who he used to be and that was who he would be and they each held a piece of each other within them and even though they were their own people they would obviously be forever linked.

the bond that was created between sora and roxas transcends anything i really even have the language to say. or anyone who speaks this language to say. or possibly anyone in existence. that's self love and love of another in one. they're part of each other. i'm really normal about it

[getouswh0re]

Howdy!! Could I request Yandere Gojo and Geto from jjk, with a special-grade sorcerer reader? Ty in advance, I really like your writing!✨

an; thank you for the love ˊᗜˋ💕 here are some drabbles for them separately, hope you liked it :3

warnings; yandere, gore, blood, unhealthy relationships, obsessive behaviour. do not condone such actions in real life, and please kindly read at your own discretion.

THE night was quiet, almost serene, totally at odds with the glowering menace in Geto’s eyes. Gone was the subtle gentleness in those inky slits you had grown to adore; in its place, inscrutable darkness bore holes into the back of your skull as you shuddered beneath the curse user’s glare.

It was still Geto in the flesh: the same face, unique hairstyle and robes he’d wear just like any other day. Yet it was no longer the special-grade sorcerer whom you once knew and loved. You never knew what caused such a drastic change in him; all you wished for, was for the old Geto to return, hoping that all of this was none other than another nightmare.

“Suguru? W-What are you doing at my door? It’s already late, you should be taking some rest ...” A hint of dismay — maybe sadness, ghosted his expression when the raven picked up the quivers in your tone. Nonetheless, a gentle smile adorns his face, emerging from the shadows to reveal himself as the raven explained himself.

“Why? Can’t I come and visit you?” He cocked his head, a playful smirk evident. Geto never ceased to make your heart flutter; perhaps it was his flirtatious nature and mellow personality that drew you towards him, but even after being one of his closest friends for a long time, at times you felt like you couldn’t understand him at all, with this being one of the occurrences.

You chortled, about to invite the raven into your apartment when warning bells started to ring incessantly in your head, warning you that there was something awry about him once you caught a glimpse at his clothes imbrued with crimson splatters.

“Sugu ... what is that on your clothes?”

“Oh this? Satoru splashed me with red paint, it’s not much of a big deal.” You knew he was lying, instantly picking up the revolting metallic stench from the stains. Dread filled your mind while you staggered back, keeping a distance from the male who gave you a perplexed look in return.

“You and I know a smell like this isn’t red paint ...” Trying to be as calm as you could, you retracted a step backwards with every stride Geto took. “Be honest with me. What on earth have you done?”

“Sharp as ever, y/n.” A condescending look took over as Geto finally revealed his true colours. “The world needs to change. All these monkeys are the reasons why curses exist. They can’t even control their cursed energy properly, and we sorcerers have to battle with death every time a curse poses as a threat to them. Their ignorance is revolting in its core, and I believe to make the world a better place, it would be better off to remove all of them out of sight. Don’t you agree —“

“What the fuck are you thinking?” Unable to withhold your seething rage, you snapped at the curse user. “This isn’t what sorcerers should do! What you are doing is of no difference from a brutal murderer Geto! I can’t fucking believe you!”

“How can you think of me like they y/n? That hurts my heart you know.”

Before you could even scream, he was already inches away, blood-stained hands caressing your cheeks tenderly as if you were made of fragile glass. “I just want to make life easier, there’s no need for us to put our lives at stake every time we exorcise curses. Right? We could be enjoying peaceful days together, free from the dangers of this world ...”

“Stop! Your delusions are sick, this isn’t you at all Geto! I don’t know what is wrong with your brain, but it’s never too late to turn back —“

Suddenly, your vision darkened — your consciousness sinking into a bottomless void as the raven carried you in a bridal style, the two of you vanishing into the tenebrosity of the night.

“And I thought you were the only one who’d understand me ... love.” He shook his head in disapproval, but the disappointment in his eyes were eventually replaced with glee as Geto stared at your limp figurine in his arms.

“But don’t worry, what needs to be done will be done. For our sake, for our future together.”

EVERYTHING would always be uglier up close.

At first glance, one might find Gojo Satoru a perfect man: with talent, looks and wealth all in one package. Men envy the greatest sorcerer of all time, and women grovel at his feet, desperate for a sprinkle of the man’s attention. Despite living the life everyone dreams to be in, the heir of the Gojo clan couldn’t care less about how the world spins around his axis. For the sorcerer has his eyes set on something much more worthy of his time and effort. 

He is a man of determination, willing to achieve his goals with whatever means possible — even resorting to dirtying his own hands. It is such an irony that underneath the charming façade, such a disgusting soul exists.

“For the last time Satoru, I am not interested in dating anybody.” Heaving an exasperated sigh, you politely shoved the lavish presents piling up at your front door back into the man’s arms. 

“I feel really flattered that you have feelings for me, I truly do. But I’m sure you know as sorcerers, we fight with death every day. If there is any regret that I’d dread to have ... it would be to leave everything I love behind. And I would rather die alone than leave my partner suffering on their own.” 

“That’s what I love about you y/n.” 

A loving sigh slipping from his tongue, Gojo took a step forward, cupping your face with utter delicacy. Yet you felt more than revolted by his sudden intimacy, struggling to writhe away from his tightening grip.

“You are always so kind, so considerate ... something I cannot find in anyone else other than you. But think about it sweetheart! You and I are both special-grade sorcerers, but I can protect you from the curses — at the same time giving you the moon and stars. We could move in together, you wouldn’t even need to work anymore. Why make your life harder when I could simply provide for you? Seriously —” 

“S-Satoru, I hate to tell you this but you’re pushing the boundaries right now.” Trying to reason with the sorcerer, you spoke with a harsher tone, praying that Gojo would get the hint and respect your choices. “You’re out of your mind! And why would you force 

Nonetheless, your words fell on deaf ears. 

“Now this is not how you should react when someone offers you their heart and soul.” The light in his cerulean eyes darkened, cyan hues glimmering beneath the penumbra of nightfall. “And I know you are a smart young woman, so you’d come to realise what is in your best interest. I really don’t want to do this to you y/n; but if you are trying to push me away from your life again, I would have to keep you to my side — the hard way.” 

With that, he pulled down his blindfold.

You were aware of how dangerous Infinite Void was; still, experiencing it first-hand was one hell of a terrifying experience. Fleeting images flashed across your vision as if all of this was in fastforward motion, depicting your fate in the past along with future. As certain blurred vestiges showed up, your heart sank in indescribable despair; moments of you and none other than Gojo were portrayed — blood splattered across the labyrinth of streets in Tokyo, your trembling hands intertwined with his, platinum bands wrapped around both of your ring fingers, adorable kids that were exact replicas of both of you. At this point, you could feel the will to fight back dwindling to fickle embers. 

No matter what you did, Gojo would always find his way back to you.

Even if he had to tear the world apart with his hands. 

[duffs-shot-glass]

In This Together (Slash)

In This Together

Slash x Reader

Fluff (Possibly sad fluff?)

WARNINGS: profanities

Word Count: 1,358

Slash’s POV:

I was in my bedroom sitting on the floor next to the nightstand. I looked at the picture frame next to me. Inside the frame was a picture of my old band and I. Picking up the picture frame I thought of the memories with the band. I really thought I made it big when I found them. I thought we had something special. That all changed when the bassist of the band left. Slowly it became too much to handle and they kicked me out. I had joined Guns N’ Roses about a year ago now and I knew they weren’t going to leave me like the others did...right? Suddenly a wave of realization washed over me. What if they did leave? What would I do?

I didn’t have anything planned if that did happen. I could feel my heart beat rapidly in my chest. My breathing became unsteady and I felt sick. I dropped the picture frame and glass went everywhere. “Shit.” I muttered to myself. Ok ok calm down. The guys would never leave me, and if they did I still had Y/N. Y/N. She was so beautiful. I loved her so much. The love I had for this human was so indescribable. I felt that without her I would be nothing. I snapped out of my daze when a sharp piece of glass poked my leg. I looked down and remembered why I had thought of Y/N in the first place. She wouldn’t leave me right? I felt as if the room was closing in on me and I needed to get out. Had to get out. I stood up and walked over the glass. I slung open the door and ran downstairs. My cowboy boots clicked on the stairs with each step I took. Once I was downstairs I grabbed my leather jacket and headed out the door. The cold night breeze caressed my cheek as I stepped onto the sidewalk. I took deep breaths and thought to myself for another moment. What if Y/N did leave me? I felt a tear trickle down my cheek at the thought of her leaving. If I stayed away from her and didn’t bother or burden her she wouldn’t leave me. I walked down the sidewalk with that thought in mind.

Y/N’s POV:

Today seemed like it lasted forever. I got off work early, but I had to babysit my younger cousin Y/C/N. My feet were killing me from wearing heels all day and I was ready to relax. I was excited to get the night alone with Slash and be able to just relax. We would probably watch movies and cuddle. That’s what we usually did on nights like these. I put my house key into the lock of my apartment door and turned it. When I stepped into the house it was unpleasantly quiet. “Slash! I’m home!” I yelled into the concerningly quiet house. I hung my jacket on the coat rack and sat my purse on the coffee table. No answer. “Slash?” I yelled again. Still no answer. I made my way up the stairs yelling the entire way up. “Slash? Saul? Baby? Is this some kind of joke? Saul?” I made it to the top of the stairs and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. The door to our bedroom was cracked open slightly. I walked into the room expecting to find Slash, but to my surprise he was nowhere to be found. I looked to the ground when I heard a crunching sound. I was stepping on glass. There was a broken picture frame and glass everywhere. What happened here? I sat on the bed and tried to process what had happened. Had he gotten mad? Was he drunk? So many thoughts wandered my brain as I tried to make sense of the situation. I looked to my nightstand and picked up the phone sitting on top. I dialed Axl’s number and waited for him to pick up. I twirled the coiled telephone wire around my finger as I waited. Axl’s husky voice boomed through the speaker. “Hello?” He seemed to be out of breath. Probably with a girl. “Hey Axl...Um have you seen Saul? He said he would be home tonight but he’s not.” I said in a quavering voice. Axl sighed before answering, “No Y/N I’m sorry. He might be out getting dinner or something. Just wait a bit. If he doesn’t show up, call me again and I’ll help.” His voice was clearer now and his breathing was back to normal. “Ok. Thank you Axl. Goodnight.” I put the telephone down and started pacing the room. Why wouldn’t he tell me if he was getting dinner? I paced the room thinking for what seemed like forever. I looked down at my watch. It had been three hours since I talked to Axl and I was starting to worry. I picked the phone up once more and dialed Axl’s number. After the fifth ring I gave up. I put the phone back on the hook and walked downstairs. Guess I would be doing this alone. I grabbed my jacket and car keys before walking out the door. I felt tears prick my eyes as I walked towards my car. What if he was leaving me? I tried to put those thoughts aside as I sat in the driver’s seat of my car. I started the engine and the radio came on. I turned it down. I didn’t feel like listening to music right now. I drove to all of Slash’s favorite places looking for him. Multiple bars and diners he went to often. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I was parked in front of a diner looking out the window when I saw a shadowy figure standing at the edge of the sidewalk. As he emerged from the darkness I noticed the figure was someone I knew. It was Slash. Immediately I got out of the car and ran to him. I hugged him tightly as tears fell down my face. He was shocked at first but hugged back after a few seconds. “You scared the shit out of me you bastard.” I mumbled into his chest. He let out a small chuckle and then sighed. I looked up to see his expression. His face was dimly lit from the street lights and his brown eyes sparkled. As I took in his features I noticed the expression on his face was a sad one. Oh no. “What’s wrong Saul?” I looked into his eyes and furrowed my brow. “I don’t know Y/N. I just...I’m afraid.” he looked down at the sidewalk. I was shocked by his words. Slash had a sensitive side, but he tried not to show it that often. “What are you talking about baby? Scared of what?” I pushed a few of his curls from his face and lifted his head so his eyes would meet with mine. “Well I was thinking earlier..about my old band.” His eyes darted between mine. I shook my head in acknowledgement. “They left me Y/N. I’m

just so afraid the guys are going to turn out the same.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “No Slash. Listen they aren’t go-” He cut me off. “I wasn’t finished….I’m scared I’m going to lose you Y/N. I don’t know how I would live without you. You Y/N. You are the reason my life hasn’t fallen apart already.” I could see the tears threatening to escape his eyes as he spoke. His words broke my heart. I hated seeing Slash upset. Especially when it was about me. “Slash. I love you more than you could ever know. I will never leave you. Never. We are in this together Slash. I will never leave you.” I hugged him tightly. He sat his chin on the top of my head. “Thank you.” He whispered. “Saul?” I mumbled. “Hm?” “I love you.” He chuckled a bit. “I love you too Y/N. So much.”

Hello! Thank you for reading! Hopefully you enjoyed it. Have an amazing day and remember you are beautiful! :) ♥︎

[hockeylvr59]

Honest Love Part 4 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: This part starts off with Cale’s pov. I’m a little stuck writing wise but hopefully as soon as I’m done with my semester in the next couple weeks I’ll get some motivation back to start the next part of this. In the meantime, feel free to let me know what you think. We’re now caught up to the flashback in the finale of Secret Love but not fully caught up just yet. 

Warnings: smut, cursing

Word Count: 3,086

~~~~~~

Cale was dead tired as he slipped his key into the lock of his apartment door. Road losses were always tough and he was looking forward to changing out of his suit before crawling into bed with his girlfriend. It was crazy how much he missed the scent of her shampoo and the way her body fit against his, crazy how he’d ever been able to survive coming home to an empty bed when now he couldn’t even fathom it. 

When the door gave way, he stumbled inside, closing and locking it behind him as he slipped off his shoes, letting them clatter quietly onto the mat. It was only then that he realized how bright it was in the apartment, light pouring down the hallway to the kitchen. Padding tiredly toward the light, Cale noticed his girlfriend standing in the kitchen pouring a packet of hot chocolate mix into a mug. 

She was normally long asleep when he came home so he was surprised to find her awake. Still, out of habit, he leaned in to kiss her softly. As he pulled away, he noticed a wrapped package on the edge of the island counter and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“What’s that?” The question spilled from his mouth as he shrugged his suit jacket off. Her reply that it was a present for him only created further confusion and he leaned in against the counter. “My birthday isn’t for two weeks sweetheart...can’t it wait?”

Her negative response insisted that he had to open it now and he watched her for a minute trying to piece together what was going on. Something felt off about all of this but the late hour provided little help and he grabbed the package, immediately going for the wrapping. Quickly scolded by his girlfriend, Cale felt his eyes roll and he yawned, reaching for the card. 

The second his brain processed the first word of the little poem Cale’s heart started racing. ‘No. No way.’ His brain screamed. ‘There’s no way this means…’ By the time he finished reading he could hardly breathe. Grappling with the package, he tore the wrapping paper off before tugging at the lid. His hands immediately wrapped around soft fabric and pulling it out revealed a tiny little sleep outfit. A second semi-blind grab had his fingers wrapping around a tiny stick of plastic, the word ‘pregnant’ staring back at him as he lifted it from the box. ‘Holy shit.’ His brain screamed again as his jaw nearly hit the floor. 

Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Cale felt his eyes start to water, tears spilling down his cheeks. 

“We’re having a baby? You’re serious?” Her mouth moved, but Cale couldn’t even process the words. Instead, it was the anxious smile on her face that signaled this was not a joke. He wrapped her up in his arms, spinning her as his head dipped to press into the crook of her neck, basking in the heat of her body. 

“I can’t…You’re sure?” Her confirmation that multiple tests all revealed the same thing made his hands shake and he kissed her tenderly, feeling her fingers run through his hair. 

The way she pleaded with him to tell her that he was okay with this nearly tore his heart in two. How could she ever think that he wouldn’t be okay with this? This was everything he wanted and more. 

“We’re having a baby.” He repeated, needing to hear the words again for it to actually click. “Fuck sweetheart...of course I’m okay with this.” Shaking his head, he felt some of the fog lift and his smile finally started spreading widely across his face. “You’re having my baby. I’m shocked but...good shocked.” Kissing her again, he attempted to express just how okay he was with this news without words. 

She was having his kid. He was gonna be a dad. There was a baby growing in her abdomen...a baby they had made together. 

His dress slacks strained against his thighs as he dropped to his knees in front of her, hands sliding across her lower belly. His baby was in there. Safe and warm and growing because it has the best mommy ever to take care of it. 

Nuzzling his nose against her, Cale slid his hands onto her hips before pressing light kisses onto her shirt-covered skin. As his girl whispered down at him that their baby says ‘happy early birthday daddy’, Cale felt more tears roll down his cheeks. He couldn’t have asked for a better present. Couldn’t have dreamed of one. Her insistence and urgency regarding the present now made sense and as he pushed himself to his feet, he wrapped his arms around her once more. 

“You’re giving me the greatest gift in the world.” He assured her. “I love you so much. Both of you.” 

“You’re really okay with this?” She questioned again, her voice wobbling slightly. 

“Yeah sweet girl.” He insisted, annoyed with himself for whatever had caused her to feel so insecure about this. “All I want is a family with you. I was gonna wait until I had put a ring on your finger to try for a baby but now works just fine.” 

Scooping her up, he carried her back to bed ever so carefully, his mouth grazing over her stomach once more as he settled her onto the sheets. 

“And don’t worry. You’re still going to get the ring.” He smirked, eyes glimmering as he peered down at her, amazed at how he could possibly love her more now than he did 2o minutes ago. 

Her giggle filled his ears, causing his smile to grow as he stripped out of his suit and crawled into bed, his hand sliding down along her belly as he pulled her against his side. 

“So tell me everything. How did you find out? How far along are you? Are you feeling okay? What do you need me to do?” With his thumb tracing circles against her skin, Cale listened as she recounted the last few days, assuring him that she felt completely fine so far. Admittedly, he was relieved to know that she hadn’t been feeling sick, that if she hadn’t gone to the doctor, she would have had no clue she was expecting. 

She explained how she couldn’t be more than 4 weeks along because she’d gotten her period in September and already Cale’s head was swimming with just how unfamiliar all of this was to him. He was definitely going to need to start doing some research. Seeing the look on his face, she patiently explained how the dating of pregnancy works and as she did so, embarrassment flooded her cheeks. 

“You know how we conceived this baby don’t you?” She questioned, her eyes shifting as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Again, the late hour provided no assistance until Y/N reminded him of what they’d done just a few weeks earlier. 

“Hmmm...at least we know that’s an efficient method now.” Cale found himself joking softly. She flicked his shoulder making him laugh and he pulled her into another soft kiss. “Can’t wait to see our baby grow inside you.” He murmured. “Gonna be so beautiful to watch.” Just the thought of watching her belly swell made his dick twitch and Cale was certain that the real thing was going to be indescribably sexy. 

Yawning softly, Cale looked at the clock to find it was already 3am. Though he was buzzing, wanting to know everything about the way their lives were changing, the game and travel were catching up with him and with his palm still resting along Y/N’s abdomen, he finally fell asleep. 

*****

You woke up to an empty bed, the sheets beside you already cool. It wasn’t totally abnormal for Cale to wake before you, but you still found yourself pouting softly. Stretching, you pulled your body out of bed, making your way into the bathroom to brush your teeth and take your prenatal vitamins. 

Pushing open the cracked door revealed Cale standing at the vanity, freshly showered with just a towel draped around his waist. Droplets of water dripped down his back from his hair and you gently teased your fingers over a few of them as you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind. Yawning quietly, you peeked up at him, watching as he relaxed into your touch. 

“Morning daddy.” You murmured, your words followed by light kisses to his shoulder blades. All at once, it seemed like the early morning revelations flooded back over him, his smile stretching even wider. 

“Morning mommy...how are you and baby doing this morning?” His voice was still filled with sleep, and you shivered at the sound of it, the effect it had on you familiar and welcomed. 

“We’re good...little sad daddy didn’t stay in bed for morning cuddles.” You teased, rubbing his back as you stepped to the side, your hands reaching for the bottles of pills you needed to take before you forgot. 

Cale didn’t respond right away, though you felt his gaze taking you in as you popped pills into your mouth, filling a small cup with water to help you swallow them down. 

“Come ‘ere.” Cale eventually whispered, turning to pull you against his chest as he leaned down to kiss you again. The kiss started gently, filled with Cale’s awe at the fact that you were pregnant. As it continued, however, it deepened into something more and you let your nails scrape over Cale’s sides and back until a groan spilled from his throat. 

“Can we still?” He asked dumbly, his hard length pressing against your stomach. 

“Yeah Cale, we can still have sex.” You giggled, the sound morphing to a squeal as Cale picked you up and carefully carried you back to bed. Laying against the pillows, you let Cale strip you out of his borrowed t-shirt and your panties, his eyes raking slowly over your body again. 

“Gorgeous. My girl is so gorgeous.” Cale murmured. After tugging his towel away, you pulled him into another kiss, feeling him settle gently between your thighs. Your skin was tingling by the time Cale pulled away from the kiss, dropping down your body. As his mouth latched onto one of your breasts, you whimpered. 

“Cale...stop please.” You whispered, gently pushing his head away. Immediately he froze and pulled back, concern lacing his expression. “Apparently sore and tender breasts are my first pregnancy symptom.” You explained softly. “So uh...let’s just avoid that. But please...continue otherwise.” Cale’s brows furrowed as he eyed you for a moment before nodding, taking your guidance. 

This time when he dipped down, he skipped over your breasts, instead trailing kisses across your stomach. 

“Can’t believe my baby is in there.” He mumbled, his touches super gentle and adoring. Smiling down at him, you tangled your fingers in his damp hair, and after one more line of kisses across your belly, Cale dipped down, sucking your clit between his lips. 

“Oh fuck.” You cried out softly, having missed the feeling of his mouth on you. He didn’t stay long, but it was enough to make you needy for more and as you felt the length of his cock drag along your hip you moaned, desperate for the stretch of him inside of you. “Cale please.” You begged, your hips arching up against him. 

“Shh sweetheart...I’ve got you.” He promised. Thankfully, he didn’t make you wait, and the friction of him sliding deep into you made your toes curl with relief. “Shit you feel so good.” He murmured staring down at you as his hips slowly started to move. Your eyes remained locked and you shared soft kisses back and forth as Cale slowly and passionately made love to you. You’d had sex more times than you could count by now, but once again, this time felt different and new. 

Of course, part of that newness was the spike in hormones caused by the pregnancy and everything associated with that. But another part was the way Cale was reacting, keeping things slow and gentle though his hips were stuttering with a lack of control more frequently than you were used to. 

“You’re not going to hurt us.” You remind him, fingers brushing along his cheeks. “You don’t have to be so slow or so gentle hun...not when I know your body wants more.” 

“Not that…” Cale hissed, his hips pausing for a moment. “Trying not to cum.” The truth of his words reflected back in his eyes and you couldn’t help but smile even as your hips shifted, seeking out the friction again. His hips had been stuttering because he was already fighting back his orgasm and the realization that he was so aroused just knowing you were pregnant sent a wave of heat through your body. 

“Cale…” You whispered softly. “Just cum for me. I’m so sensitive it’s not going to take much for me to be right behind you.” Pecking his lips again, you rolled your hips once more. That was all it took apparently for Cale to give in, his hips snapping forward pulling a scream of pleasure from your throat. “Oh fuck…oh fuck…” You repeated, feeling Cale slowly inch out of you before his hips snapped forward once again. 

It was only a few more thrusts before you felt Cale spilling inside of you, his body going limp with the force of it as your own orgasm crested suddenly, clamping down around him. As he softened inside of you, you pecked his lips once more, your fingers brushing over his cheeks again. 

“Pregnancy sex is going to be fun…” You teased drawing a laugh from Cale’s throat as he carefully pulled out of you, shifting to lay against your side. 

“Yeah sweetheart, it is.” He agreed, his nose brushing against your shoulder as he kissed his way up to your face. Basking in the afterglow, you snuggled against your boyfriend for a few minutes before the need to pee took over. 

By the time you finished using the bathroom and had slipped into another one of Cale’s shirts, he was in the kitchen, a mug of tea already steeping for you while he buzzed around to make breakfast. 

“You may not know it yet but you have the best daddy on the planet.” You whispered to your stomach, as you settled onto a barstool, just watching Cale. “And I really hope you get his eyes...among so many other things.” It was only day 1 having Cale join you on this journey to parenthood but so far so good. 

________

Your first pregnancy symptom had been the tenderness and soreness in your breasts. It was inconvenient but tolerable considering that you worked from home and didn’t have to wear a bra most of the time. And you didn’t necessarily feel pregnant because of it. No...the feeling of being pregnant only came with the arrival of your second symptom. 

No...not nausea or vomiting...thankfully those hadn’t arrived yet. Instead, it was the fatigue. How suddenly no matter how much you slept, you were constantly tired. Cale had played two home games in the days following the discovery of your pregnancy and while you’d previously worked while he napped, now you found yourself joining him as he came home from morning skate, pulling him back to the bedroom to rest for an hour or so together. 

You knew Cale was worried, but you assured him that it was completely natural. This was when the baby was at its most rapid rate of growth and so of course your body was going to be tired after providing the baby everything it needed. Right now you were just relieved that you weren’t experiencing morning sickness, allowing you to be certain that your intake of vitamins and nutrients was right where it needed to be. 

Cale’s worry meant that he wanted to keep you close and with the combination of your fatigue and your boyfriend leaving for a five day road trip tomorrow afternoon, you were happy to comply. That was how you found yourself snuggling into the couch with Cale as he pulled up the PS4 to play Fortnite with a few of his teammates. Obviously not Nate...Cale had told you about how Nate had been chirping him endlessly for his Fortnite skills. But there were a few of the other guys who were also more casual players and they had decided during practice that today was a gaming day. 

Cale had draped your legs over his lap before tucking you both under a blanket and his hands settled against your knees as he waited for the game to load, pulling his headset on over his ears. You’d grabbed one of the baby books you’d picked up to read while he played, but watching him was far more entertaining….and way less overwhelming than studies on breastfeeding and cosleeping. The way he laughed and joked about playing like shit made you smile and eventually your eyes drifted closed, the sound of your boyfriend’s voice a soothing background noise. You honestly couldn’t ask for a better way to spend an afternoon. 

Even if you hadn’t been listening to him, you were certain you’d know when he was between games because his hand would slide down to graze across your lower stomach. You honestly weren’t sure how much of that was a conscious act and how much was just instinct anymore because Cale constantly seemed to gravitate towards the baby. It had been less than a week since you’d shared the news with him, but it was clear that this tiny bundle of cells had stolen Cale’s heart already, just as it had yours. Neither of you had expected to start a family so soon into your relationship, but it felt like something that was just meant to be, falling into place the same way everything else had. 

As your fatigue kicked back in, you felt yourself falling asleep once more to the sound of Cale’s laugh. Pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy, you knew it was going to wear on your body and your emotions. But you weren’t alone and it would all be worth it in the end. How could it not be when you were having a child with the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with? 

[chibsytelford]

Terrible Things

*** GIF CREDIT TO CREATOR ***

Authors Note - I’m back again with another sad Angel fic. This wasn’t a request but I was listening to Terrible Things” by Mayday Parade and got this fic idea.

I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s sad as fuck and I apologise in advance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bllr63yMszw - song link

Warnings - slight mention of cancer

Taglist - @agirllovespasta @everyhowlmarksthedead @rebel-without-cause-x @whyisgmora @sadeyesgf ​ @sheeshgivemeabreak​ @lady-pswrld​ @scuzmunkie​ @elcococruz​ @angelreyesgirl​ @trulysuccubus​ @angelxshiba​ @blessedboo​ @xx--day-dreamer--xx​ @thisishowdynastiesareborn​ @gemini0410​ @starrynite7114​​ @fangirlingaesthetics​ @jadesamhart​ @talicat713​ if you would like added/removed from my taglist let me know :)

"Pop, can you tell me about mom?" Angel knew that question would come at some point from his son Danilo. He was a teenager now and Angel knew he would be more curious about his mom after seeing all the mothers dropping their children off to school every morning. When Danilo was younger Angel showed him pictures of his mama, and always told him "that's your mom, and she loves us so much". It always broke Angel's heart thinking of her and talking about her, but he wanted Danilo to know who his mother was.

He vowed to tell Dan about her when he asked even though he knew that he probably wouldn't get through it without breaking down. 15 years later and the pain was still indescribable and very very raw. She was the love of Angel's life and he knew he would never find anyone like you.

Angel sat Danilo down at the table and patted his knee. "Are you sure you wanna know Dan?" He asked his son.

"Si pops" Danilo told him and that was the encouragement Angel needed to start talking.

By the time I was your age, I'd give anything

To fall in love truly was all I could think

That's when I met your mother, the girl of my dreams

The most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen.

"When I first saw her, she took my breath away instantly. She was struggling to carry shopping bags to her car so I offered to help being the gentlemen I am" Angel smiled sadly at the memory. He can still see her struggling to juggle 6 bags with 2 arms. She refused help at first but Angel didn't take no for an answer and grabbed the bags from her causing her to smile. And from that moment on he knew he wouldn't let this woman leave his life.

"She had this smile that lit up every single room she walked into son, you would have loved it like I did". It was Danilos turn to smile sadly. 

"I really wish I could have seen that smile pops, but I've seen pictures of it and she was so beautiful" Danilo told his dad.

"She really was Dan" Angel confirmed. 

"What happened next? When did you see her again?" Angel was coping ok telling this part of the story, they were happy memories which filled his life with pure and utter joy.

She said, "boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I can't help but notice you staring at me

I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe

I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."

"Well, I'm not going to lie to you son. I followed her home" Angel smiled sheepishly at his son. "Never do that though kiddo" he warned Dan and ruffled his hair. 

"I watched her go into her house and I just knocked on the door" Angel laughed. "No plan, no nothing". When she opened the door I just stood there and stared at her like an idiot, she asked me how I knew where she stayed, so I just shrugged and flashed her my best smile"

 Angel smiled at the memory. He will never forget the look she gave him. She wasn't scared or pissed off or annoyed. She was happy and Angel knew that she knew he was in love with her already. He had never felt the butterflies he felt when she shook her head softly and smiled her beautiful smile at him.

 He was smitten and boy did she know it. "She literally said to me - "I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me" - "and I didn't deny it. I'm glad I didn't".

"She sounds wonderful dad, what happened next? What did you guys get up to?" Angel was so glad Danilo wanted to learn more about his mother. He knew he would want to say some point and he was glad it was when he was old enough to understand.

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink and we'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything

Too young to notice and too dumb to care

Love was a story that couldn't compare

"We were still pretty young back then, so we spent most of our time getting drunk under the stars. Our favourite place was a little hut down on the beach. We don't know who owned it but we claimed it as our own" Angel took her there for a first date and it soon became their favourite place to go. They kept a blanket and some pillows under the bench at the hut for when they were too drunk to drive home.

They said their first “I love you’s” there, and Angel found out he was going to be a father there.

I said, "girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I made you a present with paper and string

Open with care now, I'm asking you please

You know that I love you will you marry me?"

"I proposed to her there too" Angel smiled sadly at the memory. "I wrapped up a ring box, and put some string and ribbon on top. I told her it was just a little gift but really it was a ring". Angel didn't know what the perfect way to propose was. He had never thought he would get married and he didn't really have any serious relationships so this was all new territory for him. "As she opened it, I went behind her and got down on one knee. She turned around and was crying but that beautiful smile lit up her face". 

"And she said yes" Dan confirmed.

"That she did kid, she made me the happiest man alive".

Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things

You'll learn one day, and I hope and I pray that God shows you differently

The hardest part was coming up for Angel. He had told Danilo some of the happier memories Angel and his mother shared but he knew that he owed Danilo the whole truth. He knew Dan could handle it, he just didn't know if he could handle telling Dan.

"This next part Dan, isn't sunshine and rainbows. All of it isn't happy memories but I want to tell you the truth. I'm telling you because life can do terrible and awful things and I just want you to be ready for what life can unexpectedly throw at you" He reached out and grabbed his son's hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss before placing it onto his own cheek and cuddling it.

She said, "boy can I tell you a terrible thing?

It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks

Please don't be sad now, I really believe

You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me

"Everything was going great. We were married and were expecting you. You were due in a few weeks and it was supposed to be the best time of our lives, well it was, but also the fucking hardest" Angel couldn't stop the few tears that spilled from his eyes. He wasn't ashamed of crying in front of his son. It was a natural human trait so he didn't wipe them away.

"She called me at work. Asked me to come home quickly. I thought she was in labour with you so I drove home as quickly as I could. When I got home she was sitting on the kitchen floor cuddling the blanket she knitted for you". Dan left the table for a few seconds and came back holding the very same blanket that his mom made for him. 

"I love this blanket pops" Dan told Angel.

"I know you do son, I know you do" Angel grabbed Dan's hand again and resumed talking.

"Anyway, she told me that she had cancer, and the doctor's said she might just stay alive long enough to give birth to you" Angel's world stopped right then and there.

She didn't tell Angel that she had a feeling she was sick. She lost some hair and her bones ached, she wasn't eating and was sick, but she played it off as pregnancy symptoms and Angel will never forgive himself for believing her or for not pushing it. She went to the doctor's alone and she told them how she felt so sick and tired constantly, and she didn't just think it was the pregnancy. The doctor's confirmed she had cancer and gave her only a few weeks to live.

"I picked her up and sat her on my knee, cuddling her, letting her cry for hours and hours. It was the worst moment of my life" Angel was now crying hysterically having to relive that moment again and Dan went over and pulled him in for a cuddle of his own. Angel grabbed onto him for dear life, refusing to let go for a while.

When Angel was finally composed enough to talk he continued. "She died right after giving birth to you mate. Her body couldn't take it. She pushed through the pain long enough to bring me an amazing gift. She gave me happiness and sadness in one go. I was ecstatic to have a mini me, but heartbroken that I would raise you on my own and you would never meet the love of my life, your mama". 

Angel had help from his own pops Felipe, and his brother EZ and the rest of the MC he was in. They all helped Angel grieve and to raise Danilo and he will forever be thankful to them all for that.

So don't fall in love there's just too much to lose

If you're given the choice then I'm begging you choose to walk away, walk away

Don't let it get you, I can't bear to see the same happen to you.

Angel didn't want to scare Danilo away from love. Away from something that could make him as happy as it made Angel. The chance to have his own kids. But he also didn't want Danilo to feel the sheer pain that he does every single day of his life. To wake up in the morning crying, having nightmares every single night of the exact moment he lost his wife. His partner. His everything. 

"Dan, I'm not going to lie to you. I haven't lied to you all night. It hurts everyday man, every single day I think of your mom, all the memories, all the laughs, all the tears, all the arguments and it hurts like hell. I'm not trying to scare you away from love, but please, if you can avoid it, do it". 

Angel knew it was so selfish of him to say that, but he would rather be selfish than watch his son go through what he has.

"I love you so much buddy, never forget that". Angel pulled Dan into his chest and kissed his forehead. He was glad to have got some things off his chest. Only Felipe and EZ knew everything, and now Danilo did too.

“I love you too dad”.

Angel just wished that Dan would never forget his mother.

[caermis]

❝The 2rd Piece...❞

❖Midoriya I. X Togata M. X Black! Reader(BL) 

❖Characters:  ⇛Violinist! Midoriya I.  ⇛Pianist! Togata M. ❖ Word Count: 1324  ❖Warnings:  ⇛None ❖Prompt/Summary: A violin and piano, who knew you lived beside musical geniuses. ❖Notes:  ⇛Y/D = Your Drink  ⇛Not me sobbing  ⇛I know jack shit about music, but this idea was like a hard punch to the g-u-t

❖I couldn't remember the time, nor date it happened. I had just moving into an apartment complex, next door to a kind, gay couple. Both around my age and kind. Never pried, respectable, nor made me uncomfortable. So the situation I was in was perfect. Anyway, but I don't remember much about the day before the event took place, I sat in my window, waiting for the sun to peak over the apartment buildings, the windows slightly open. Just as the soft golden glow of the sun spread amongst the sky, the soft sound of a playing violin filled my ears. A melody that I hadn't heard before, but felt so nostalgic, I couldn't help but hum along.

❖Several days, the sun would rise and then the sound of the violin would begin, mixed in with the soft keys of the piano. The same melody, while I made-up words to go along. Like the melody was for me, so warm and lit and filled with an indescribable love.

❖How deep into the night it was, I don't remember, but the wooden floor felt cold beneath my feet as I walked throughout my house, fixing my hair cap, as I grabbed a mug for Y/D and walked towards my window seat. The quiet playing of a piano flowing through my window. Lulling me into a trace, far different from the playing of the violin. The sound was bolder and held a sense of joy and pride that made my hair stand on in.

❖“Y/N, I'm so glad you made it.” Walking into the cafe, I smiled and took a seat in front of the green-haired male, tucking a braid strand from my face. “I got caught up.” His eyebrows furrowed together. He stared at me in worry. “I'm not keeping you from something? We can reschedule.” He placed his hand lightly over mine, his thumb rubbing lightly against my wrist.

❖ “Not at all. I was getting my notes.”  Pulling my hand back, I reached into my bag and pulled out a notebook and passed it to him. “I know you've been sick. So here,” Taking my notes, he opened them and looked through them with wide eyes. “Oh. You didn't have to do this for me.” His green eyes stared at me in gratefulness.

❖“It would've been a pain to try to catch up.” Both ordering our drinks, we went over the notes and parts he didn't understand. Making small talk in between breaks. “Y/N, you should've come over for dinner. You've helped so much and the most I can do is cook you a good meal.” As I packed my things, I shook my head. 

❖“I don't wanna intrude on you and Mirio more than i have.”

❖“You aren’t. We love your company.”

❖“I will try to stop by today. Around 7 PM. Does that work?”

❖“Yes! I'll see you then!” Watching him disappear around the corner, I headed off to my next class.

❖Lightly knocking on my neighbor’s door, it quickly swung on to a bright eyed, wide smile Mirio Togata, dressed in black slacks and a white button-up shirt. “Y/N!” He enveloped me into a warm hug, smelling like a sunny day, I couldn't describe it. Smiling, I pulled away. “I'm glad you made it.” Stepping to the side, he allowed me to walk inside and slip off my shoes. 

❖“Thank you for having me.” Their apartment had an intense homey feel that made you forget it was an apartment. “You're always welcomed. We are neighbors.” Mirio chuckled, leading me deeper into the apartment. Modern style mixed in with a little country. The one thing that stood out was the large piano. Walking down the hallway, and taking a seat on the leather couch, Mirio stepped into the kitchen, grabbing two glass cups and a bottle of expensive wine. “How has school been for you?” 

❖“Um.. All over the place, but I'm managing. How is being a teacher going?” He left out a light sigh, passing me a cup as he drank his. Mirio was older than me by three or two years, having received his masters in History and becoming a history teacher. Now he teaches highschool students.

❖“They're a handful, but all talented students. You should stop by the class sometime. Izuku does a lot and helps. You could just stop by, say hell, give me a tender kiss on my cheek.” His smile widening as he joked. “Maybe.” Taking a small sip, my eyes going over to the piano.

❖“Do you by chance play?” I stood up, lifting the piano lib that covered the keys and pressing down on a few random ones, my other hand still holding my drink. Mirio stood up beside me, playing a short portion of a song with one hand. He looked down at me, while my eyes watched his skillful fingers move. “Are you interested?” Snapping out of my daze, I looked up at him. “Perhaps...” His blue eyes darting down to my lips before locking back with my eyes.

❖“Y/N.” Breaking out of my gaze, my fingers slid off the white keys, as I placed my glass on the coffee table walking over to Izuku. Enveloping in a quick hug, the smell of soft pine entering my nose. “I'm glad you made it.” Pulling away, he held my hands, rubbing soothing circles on the backs of them. 

❖“I was just showing Y/N the piano.” I glanced back at Mirio as he sat on the stool. “I had no idea she was interested in instruments. I would have played the violin for you sooner.” Pulling away from me, he ran his hands through his hair and went to fetch his violin just as Mirio started to play. 

❖Deep and soothing, my hands grabbing my glass, as I eased onto the couch, listening to him play. I recognized the piece; it was by a late composer a few years ago, used in an opera. It was telling the story of a lonely King, married to another, yet in love with someone else. It ended in a tragedy for the lonely King, who was in love with two people at once.

❖The King’s lover soon found out and left the King, taking the maiden the King had loved away. A sad play indeed, a slow tuned piece that slowly picked speed, before abruptly stopping, signalling the point that his Lover left. After the piece ended, Mirio turned and looked at me. “It was the first piece I learned to play when I was young.”

❖“There was a 3rd piece. From the perspective of the Lonely King’s Lover.” A high note from the violin came from the hall, Izuku slowly appearing. This part of the story was that the Lover, before marrying to the Lonely King, was friends with a maiden and wanted to be with her, yet she rejected his confession. The Lover then met the King and got married, joining kingdoms, but neither of them were fully happy.

❖The Lover raises a mob to attack the castle, while they escape with the maiden that the Lonely King had fallen for, leaving the Lonely King to die. It starts off as random notes put together, signaling the Lover’s heartbreak, before coming into a soft melody that never seemed to be enough before picking up to a fast past and ending in random notes again.

❖The King dies, and the Lover loses a part of him. While the maiden… who knows. The 2rd piece was never finished before the composer died. Some say that the 2rd piece would have taken place before the Lonely king fell in love, saving them both from a horrible tragedy. Izuku ended with a slight frown. All eyes were on me. 

❖“Y/N… will you be our 2nd piece.”

[yixxes]

Hurt | p.p.

Warnings: Homophobia, toxic parents/household, maybe a few grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, yall it’s 6 am and I still haven’t slept-

Word Count: 2413

"You make me sick!”  

You slammed the door behind you and you did not look back. It was all so suffocating, your family was so suffocating, living inside of a toxic household with such destructive, closed-minded people was so devastatingly harmful to your health and you couldn’t get away from it. Or, you never had the guts to storm out before. Things had gotten bad in the past, but this time was different from the others. This was no ordinary disagreement or argument. This was a direct attack initiated and orchestrated by the head of the household herself. There was something about the way that she spoke to you. The way that she spewed hate without an ounce of regard for your feelings or the fact that she was talking to another human being, her daughter, if that even counted for anything. The way that everyone else declared the side that they were on by not saying anything at all. You just knew that if you stayed there a second longer, you’d implode or combust. You wanted to vent. To say the words that you had been forced to swallow before you choked on them. There wasn’t a single person in your house that you wanted to speak to, so you rounded a familiar corner and started towards the place that felt more like home than your actual house these days. 

It was dark by the time you reached Peter’s doorstep and he got ready to scold you good when he opened up the door and saw you standing there. “Wh- Y/n!? Did you walk here, do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” And then he saw your face. Your stature. Your shoulders were slumped, your cheeks were tear stained and the way that your eyes were filling up made it clear that you weren’t anywhere close to being done crying for the night. “Oh no, babe, what happened?” 

He sounded like he was about to start crying right along with you, and honestly, it was a big possibility. He told you a couple of times before that he had trouble explaining the way that he cared about you. Even before you got together, he cared about you so much as a friend. Before that, he practically idolized you as his crush but that was all at face value. As he got to know you better, he was just as mesmerized by your mind and your heart as he was by your beauty, or so he told you. Anyway, your pain really hit home for him. He hated to see you cry, so you showing up like this really affected him. It made his heart pick up a handful of beats more a minute and made his blood run cold. And when you threw your arms around him and began to sob into his shoulder, he was so overwhelmed that he started to cry, too. 

He’d seen you upset before, sure, any regular human being dealt with complicated emotions, everybody had their share of bad days, but this was different. Peter couldn’t remember ever seeing you like this before. Not only did the sight break his heart, he was also at a loss. He was so worried that he wouldn’t know how to fix whatever was wrong. What if he couldn’t get the tears to stop? Or what if he couldn’t make the pain go away? Peter wrapped his arms around your torso and held you close to him. 

He was new at this, so he tried his very best to choose his words carefully. “You’re okay,” he murmured quietly in your ear. You obviously weren’t okay, but you knew what he meant. You weren’t alright, but you were okay there in his arms. You were safe. “I got you, okay?” He rubbed his open hand up and down your back and it made breathing come just a little easier. “Not gonna let anything happen to you.” The promise was sincere but he made it more with himself and merely let you in on it. Knowing loss the way that he did made his determination to protect what he presently had strong. As long as he was around, he’d guard your happiness just as well as your life. 

Peter walked your hug back a couple of steps so that he could shut the door behind you. For a short while, the two of you stayed just like that. This was probably the closest to that you’d get all night to a cleared head and that was stressing you out. 

“Peter, who was at the-” you pulled yourself off of Peter to look at Aunt May and brought your hands together, rubbing them slowly against one another. “oh. Oh, sweetheart, what happened?”

You hadn’t even told Peter what happened yet, nor did you have a single clue how you were gonna go about it and you told Peter everything. May was a great confidant, but the thought of opening up to her about what happened tonight intimidated you. On the same coin, it was the least that you could do after barging into her home this way. You took in a breath and readied yourself to answer her, but luckily Peter swooped in before you had to say anything. 

“Aunt May, could I have a second with Y/n? Please?” It was almost like he read your mind. 

May nodded, eyeing you with a sad smile. “Of course,” she walked to you anyways, engulfing you in a warm hug. “I’ll be right down the hall if there’s anything that I can do.”

With a smile, you breathed a quiet “thank you” and watched her retreat to her room. As soon as he heard her door close, Peter led you to the couch, making sure to keep hold of one of your hands even after you sat down. Your mind was all over the place and your heart was starting to pick up again. Getting all of this out wasn’t gonna be easy. Peter had no clue what was going on, but that much was clear to him. 

“Hey,” his free hand touched your cheek. “we don’t have to talk about this right now, alright? If you’re not ready, we can find something to do, I’ll make you something to eat, or we can-”

You shook your head, making him stop short. It wasn’t gonna be easy, but you figured the sooner that you got all of this off of your chest, the better. “Remember how... I told you that I kissed Victoria Woodland at Donnie’s back to school party this year?” He nodded without comment, deciding it might be best to listen with as little interruption as possible. It was a confusing start, but he was confident that you’d connect the dots for him. “’N how I was dating Shelly Sinclair last year?” Peter nodded again and you took another breath. He didn’t miss how shaky this one was in comparison to the first one. “Well, my...” you pulled your hand from his and bound your fingers together tight, a nervous tick you had been doing for as long as you could remember. “my parents never knew about it, they..”

You desperately didn’t want to say these words. You didn’t want to tell this story. The deep shame that you felt took the physical form of a set of hands.  With each progressing word, it was like they squeezed tighter and tighter on your throat. 

“My mother expressed more than a couple of times that..” you swallowed thickly, cringing at the compilation of memories of your loving mother saying exactly what you were about to say word for word. “that no daughter of hers would grow to be so sick and weird.” Peter’s eyes closed and he turned his face for a second. He knew exactly where this was going and he hated it. Dread weighed on his heart in a way that he just couldn’t explain. 

You went on to explain how you dated Shelly for six months behind your parents’ back last school year. When things crashed and burned with her, it felt like your entire world was ending, so that’s the way most high school relationships go anyway, and you passed a couple of months of sorrow and heartache off as fatigue and sickness. Your adoring parents fed you cups of medicine and urged you to keep in mind the importance of rest, but naturally, it did nothing for you. They couldn’t reach your hurt. They couldn’t heal you. Even if they knew why you were in pain, they wouldn’t want to help anyways. You told Peter how Mrs. Sinclair and your mother knew each other and were even good friends since before you even knew Shelly. Yet, miraculously, the conversation never came up between Shelly and her mom. Shelly knew that you had to keep things under wraps, after all, so maybe she kept it from her mom too. God, how you wish that were true.

“It came up in casual conversation during a phone call.” Your voice was breaking and so was your resolve. “She couldn’t wait to lay into me as soon as she hung up.” You swallowed hard again, doing the best that you could to mentally prepare yourself for what you were about to say. “She asked me why I wanted to be like that. She called me weird. Said she didn’t raise me like that, she...” You cut yourself off there, tears already beginning to roll, and looked away from him. You squeezed your eyes shut and felt more tears fall. Go on, you scolded yourself. Say it. “S-she said.. she said-”

Peter wanted to let you finish. He truly did, but what he wanted didn’t hold a candle to his overpowering need to comfort you. He couldn’t let you finish that sentence. He wouldn’t. Not when he could see how much it was tearing you apart. If he let you say it, whatever was remaining of your badly bruised spirit would break and dissipate into oblivion, and he couldn’t have that. 

Peter pulled you into a tight hug, the both of your bodies alike leaning forward rather awkwardly, but you didn’t mind it at all, because being held by someone who just accepts you was an indescribable feeling that you wouldn’t trade for the world. Without letting go for a second, he slowly scooted towards you in hopes of getting rid of some of the discomfort and pressed his cheek into the top of your head, doing his best to cry as quietly as he could. Your body shook with cries in his arms and his heart broke all over again. You didn’t deserve this.

At first, Peter really didn’t know what to say, which was fine because he had some time to think about it. The two of you sat there for more than a little while until your breathing finally evened out. 

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” he said, nearly cringing at the broken silence. “you don’t deserve this.” He couldn’t relate to you on this level, but he had absolutely no problem meeting you where you were at and talking you through your own mind. He just knew that it was in heartbreaking shambles at the moment. 

Peter pulled off of you and caught your face in his hands. He needed to look you straight in the eyes and know that he had all of your attention when he said this. “Do you understand me? You don’t deserve any of this.” Occasionally, you could tend to be just a little impressionable, especially when the given situation involved your parents. He needed to make sure that you understood that you, nor anybody else in the entire world, for that matter, did not deserve to be defamed, spoken down to, or bullied for being themselves. “The things that she said... they’re pure evil, but you know none of it’s right. None of it’s true.”

He made quick work of swiping your tears away with his thumbs and shook you gently when you closed your eyes, whispering a soft, “please look at me.” He paused until he saw your eyes again. “You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. I don’t want you to ever apologize to anybody for being who you are, there isn’t a single thing wrong with you,” he shook his head and you frowned at the tears that spilled down his cheeks. “there’s not a single thing that I would change, okay?”

You nodded at his words, wishing a little less that you could shy away from him. This was the most intimate moment that the two of you had shared so far in your relationship. You felt vulnerable and exposed, but you couldn’t disregard the positive outcome. How nice it was to be yourself, loved, and accepted all at the same time.

“I’m sorry that she hurt you, I’m... I’m so sorry, and I’m sorry that I’m not saying the right thing, because honestly, I have no idea what I’m supposed to say right now, but I’ll spend the rest of the night thinking. I’ll say the right thing, I’ll do whatever you need me to do, I-I’ll be right here beside you until things get better, I promise.” How would things get better and where would anybody even start? He had no clue, neither of you did, but he knew that his words were true and that he’d be true to his word. “They’ll get better, they’re just bad right now, I...”  Peter sighed, defeated because he had no idea how much his words meant to you. “I’ll be right there, always. Until things get better and every time after.”

You watched his face fall when he had to wipe away more of your tears, but eyed the small smile on your face hopefully. 

“You’re incredible,” he murmured softly. “her words can’t change how amazing you are. And her words could never change the way that I love you. I know it seems impossible right now, but... please try not to let it change the way that you love yourself either.”

Things were bad right now. So inexplicably bad, but they could be worse. You could be going through all of this alone, but looking straight ahead and seeing this lovable, beautiful soul right in front of you, you realized that you were about as far from alone as you could possibly get. 

A/N: Thank you sm for reading 💓 shout out to my lovely relatives for inspiring me to write this 🙃 Stay safe, be strong, spread love, be kind to one another ✨

[anonymous0writer]

Saving You III JJ Maybank

Part Two: Toeing the Line

Author: @anonymous0writer

Summary: You and JJ had been best friends for as long as you lived. But the feelings that would change your status haven’t been said. Will the words ever be said?

Warnings: Parental abuse/abuse, (more in detail..) swearing.. Going into detail about emotions? I don’t know...

A/N: This one is really long bc I went back to edit and added a shit tom of detail and angst ig. Also, I tried to edit it the best I could.. Anyway, I really like this series, and I’m gonna be so sad when its done even though I’m on the second part, lol.

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There was something in the air. Maybe it was the tang of rain just before it hit. Or maybe it was the way the clouds looked a little darker than the hour before. Whatever it was, it was there. Twisting and churning feeling that sat in his gut, making his face twist in sickness. It was like stepping off a plane, the indescribable feeling of you not begin right. Like you were meant to be in the air, pressure against your ears and flying in the sky, not dropped to the ground, heavy and lost. But no matter it was, the foreboding was there. Settled into his stomach like a lithe creature, ready to strike when the moment came.

He didn’t know what it was, but it was like the calm before the storm. The crispness of the air, the sharp tang of rain about to fall, and then it hits. The consuming, hoard of dark clouds, rolling over the sky in a furious march. Clouds that left the bone quivering, earth shaking booms of thunder and the wicked crack of lightening that light up the world for a second, before plummeting it into darkness.

The storm that brought destruction and havoc and sorrow. But so elegant in the way it destroyed you didn’t even think about it until you were left with the pieces of its aftermath. 

It was like a hurricane. Blowing and whipping furiously, making it way to you, eating up the miles in its path, determined to destroy everything. It was hurtling toward you, and you were powerless to stop it, only able to hunker down and let it happen. 

Whatever it was it was going to bad, and it made him sick. It was a knot in his stomach that tightened and made him sicker. He leaned forward, eyebrows pressed together in worry. What the hell was going to happen today?

---------

Y/N batted her friends grabby hands away, laughing at the same time. JJ smirked, able to get a loose fry with his agile fingers. Y/N squawked, her lips tugging into a frown as she watched the boy munch on the food happily. 

“JJ!” She called, her agitation masking the way she melted and loved that he felt so comfortable to do the simple act of stealing a fry. 

The boy smirked. “I’ll let you beat me to a wave today,” The boy winked, trying to make it up to her. 

Y/N hide her smile as she moved her head so her long hair slid off her shoulder, dropping in front of her face. However JJ feared that he had actually made the girl mad at him, and leaned forward, fingers subconsciously brushing her hair back, tucking the loose stands back in place.

“Are you mad at me?” 

Y/N gasped softly at the feeling of the edges of JJ’s fingertips ghosting her cheek and tucking her hair behind her ear. Her throat bobbed, and her eyes flickered to meet JJ’s. But Y/N was good at recovering fast, and she giggled, pushing the boy away again, 

“JJ, stop!” Her lips split, revealing a full smile that lit up her face and made the edges of her eyes wrinkle. JJ loved that smile with everything he got, and always hated the way it disappeared. So, trying to get the smile back, his fingers reached out to attack her sides in tickles.

Soon enough, Y/N was laughing madly, head thrown back and hair in her face, as she tried to take a much needed breath, her hands pushing away the relentless ones of her best friend. JJ grinned, blue eyes shining as he continued his playful assault, coaxing gasps and squeals from his best friend. 

“Alright, alright! J!” Y/N gasped, and the blonde let up, allowing her to catch a breath. 

Across from the best friends sat the rest of their group. Pope was staring with eyebrows raised, and John B. was smirking at the pair, while Kie was cleaning up their mess so her father wouldn’t get mad.

“You two are on crack, I swear.” John B. muttered, popping a fry in his mouth as he leaned back in his chair, tipping it slightly. 

“Shut up, John B!” Y/N yelled, a mischievous smirk plastered on her sunlit face. She reached into her basket of quickly diminishing fries and hurtled one at the tall boy across from her. 

A thud sounded as John B.’s chair dropped and he retaliated with a fry in Y/N’s face. The revenge blew into a full on fry fight, and the friends were laughing and ducking from the onslaught of fries headed their way.

As JJ chucked a ketchup soaked fry toward Pope, he felt so happy. His eyes wandered to see Kie and Y/N huddled together, battling away the fries raining down on them with loud rounds of laughter. He took a split second break to admire his best friend since he was eight. She was beautiful, with her laugh that made everyone join in, with her kind words and big heart and her smile that had every person that met her falling in love. 

But the fun was ended by Mr. Carrera and his sharp yell through the empty restaurant. 

“Hey, knock it off.” He frowned, eyes landing on his daughter. “I thought I told you not to waste my food.” He grumbled, soon focusing on cleaning a spot on the counter. 

“Sorry dad.” Kie winced, and smacked Pope’s hand with a glare as he tried to pick up a fry. “It’s getting late,” She comments, looking out the window of the Wreck, watching the sun sink lower into the horizon. “If we want to catch some waves,”

“We gotta go now.” Y/N finishes for her, hands scrambling to clean up the table now littered with grease soaked fries and splotches of ketchup and mustard. “John B, come on!” She chided as the boy waited a second too long to join in the collective work to clean up. 

He jumped in, but JJ held back, struck frozen by the sinking feeling in his gut. His stomach knotted, giving him the feeling he woke up with this morning. 

The calm before the storm.

“JJ?” Y/N prodded, eyes finding his as her eyebrows pushed together. She stood, brushing off her cutoffs with harsh wipes of her hands. Her eyes fixated on her friend, confusing pulling her eyebrows together.  “Hey, J?” Her voice cooed, calling out to the blonde.

“Shit,” The surfer muttered, taking his hat off to run a hand through his messy hair. His blue eye seemed distant, but they were wide, like a child who forgot to do a chore and their parent was soon to catch them. “Fuck, you guys I gotta dip.”

“What? Where are you-” Kie started, but the boy was already off, spiriting through the Wreck’s door. His figure jumped on his bike, and soon he sped away, gravel spewing and the blue shirt he wore fading into a small speck until it was gone from sight.

Kie sputtered, eyebrows pulling down as her lips curved into a soft frown. “What the hell was that?”

Y/N takes a second before pulling her eyes away from where JJ ran off. Worry churned in her gut, as she finally lets her eyes tear away from the scene.

“I don’t know.” She breaths, trying to quell the bad feeling. 

But she knows it hopeless. She’s always had a sixth sense when JJ was in trouble. Yet this time, that horrid feeling is coupled with another. It feels like her fear of something bad happening, but you have no control of it. 

To Y/N, it felt exactly like the calm before a storm.

--------

“You worthless piece of shit!” The screams curl into JJ’s face, stale beer and bad breath hitting him in a wave. The boy presses himself back farther, the untamed wood digging into his back. His face scrunches up, and he tries desperately to block out the words.

The words crest and break in the blonde’s ear, settling deep into his brain, and joining the other nasty words thrown at him by his father. The words shook him to the core, bone quaking, eyes swimming and blood sizzling. His anger built higher and higher, growing rapidly, morphing into a beast. Anger at his father, for the shitty life handed to him and the only thing in the refrigerator was a week old beer his father downed every day. Anger at the world, for turning its back on him, shutting him out and letting him suffer. Suffer at the hands of his father. Who couldn’t stay sober for his life. And couldn’t ease the anger towards his son either. It all came to a 360, didn’t it?

But another feeling roared in him, unable to be put out like a simple fire. This feeling was almost as powerful at his anger, close, but not quite. This feeling wasn’t powerful in the ascend. Only in the descend. The emotion, the feeling that ran through his veins, running with the anger and doubling its strength was helpless pain. It was like being too close to the edge, where you looked down, breath catching, eyes watering at the wind, heart speeding. Where even though you tried to calm yourself with ragged breaths, your heart sped up into a gallop, beating wildly in your chest cavity, palms slick with sweat and ragged breaths pulling your chest in and out. It was when your hands shook, and your eyes burned and you were so angry that it took over every sense. When the anger was the only thing. Anger at nothing and everything. Anger burning in your chest as your hands lost control, and your mind reeled. Anger that clouded your brain like a disease, so fast and quick you didn’t even realize. The feeling that brought you to your knees when it rose to its height. Where your thoughts streamed so fast you could process everything and nothing. Where your bones stopped, and you sagged, the fight escaping you like a soul to a body. The fight, the survival instinct, the anger, it all faded, leaving you to break down, mind still reeling, hands still shaking, breaths still ragged. It was that feeling. The feeling of everything in you giving up to a break down. Where your thoughts broke on you, turning against you and watching you fall apart.

“Shut up!” JJ screams back, face contorting as he tries to handle the emotions raging in his chest. They were too much. He didn’t handle emotions well, not when they were like this. Not when they exploded and raged and screamed like this. He couldn’t handle the wailing symphony of his fathers words and the feelings of pain and anger rose to a crescendo in his ears. “Just shut up!”

He was yelling. Trying to block out the orchestra in his ears. To stop the emotions beating in his chest like they were alive. To stop his fathers lying, withering words from taking root in his mind and growing like a weed. He was trying to shut everything out. Because he couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle the way his fathers hands never failed to hurt, and his father words never failed to sting, and the way eyes never failed to pity as they landed on the bruises that seemed like permanent markings on his skin.

Luke’s fist slams into his son’s cheek, filed by rage and the abundance of alcohol. The hit sent JJ sideways, knees slamming into the floor with a hard thud as pain split across his face like a rapid spiderweb. It worked it’s way into every fiber of his face, searing and never ending. His jaw clenches, sending another wave of pain through his body, making his brain go fuzzy as his vision danced. His mind was slipping, trying to process the amount of pain, but failing to do so.

But magically, it cleared. The fog dispersed and gave way to sharp images, sending the boy back into reality, where his fathers fists were too real and the pain was too clear. But the haze only cleared to let another emotion peek through as he heard it. Heard the sound of gravel crunching under tires and brakes squeaking as the engine rumbled, dying. Pain slithered away into the corners of his brain to give way to a more powerful emotion. Fear. Fear because he knew exactly whose there’s that care belonged to. Knew exactly the way the gravel surrendered under the weight of a certain tire. Of a certain car. The car belonged to her. Y/N.

She was here, knowing something was terribly wrong the second the boy stopped reveling in the childish food fight. Because she always did. Her gut always twisted a certain way, giving her a bad feeling that never faded until she investigated. She always seemed to know when he was in trouble and came running, eager to ease the feeling and help. She’d gotten that sense the moment the boys eyes landed on her all those years back. It was a gift. A gift, a connection between two people who’s love ran deeper than blood and deeper than words itself. But in most cases, the gift was a curse. Because every time her gut twisted that way, or she’d frown because she felt undeniably wrong, JJ was hurt, beaten bloody by his own father. Most of the time she showed up when Luke was passed out drunk on the couch, chest rising in falling in a drunken slumber, JJ visiting a world of pain on the floor or gripping his head like it was going to burst as he sat, door locked in his bedroom. But now she’d shown up when Luke was towering over the blonde, words bellowing out of his heaving chest. 

“No,” JJ whispers, fear spiking in his chest, hitting a certain place in his heart. Everything- the anger, the helplessness, the crescendo of wails and words screamed by his father- died. Faded into the background to bow to the new comer. Fear. Not fear of his father. Not fear that his father would go too far and actually kill him. Not it wasn’t fear for him. This fear was for his best friend. His bright eyed, smiling friend who he’d fallen in love with,

His fear was for Y/N. Fear that she’d get hurt. And if she got hurt- JJ wouldn’t even allow the thought to fully develop or form into a real sentence. He couldn’t- wouldn’t go there. The thought brought too many already present emotions and more to the front.

As the surfer tried to scramble away, the pads of his fingers digging into the fought grain of the wooden floor, he was grabbed. Luke flipped JJ over, hands rough, and words hitting JJ’s ear, making the boy flinch. Fists started raining down on his face, head smashed into the worn floorboards of the house. The blondes eyes fluttered shut, his brain threatening to stop. JJ was in too much pain, his mind clouded and vision swimming to hear the porch door and the main door smack open. It was too late. Too late to get up, shove his dad off and beg Y/N to leave, let his father run his course. But pain was a powerful thing, leaving JJ prone on the floor as the door to the house of pain opened to reveal Y/N.

“Stop!” Her screams ran through the air, snapping her best friend out of his haze of misery. “What are you doing?” Her voice wavered, breaking as it gave away to fear and distress. Worry seeped into the words, making her cries desperate.

The boy on the floor groans, heat splitting in pain as he moves, picking himself up. He stumbles, knees threatening to give way, and face bruised and bloody. His lips are cracked and parted, blood leaking from an open wound, thick and dark. His cheek is swollen, red and puffy with purple blooming across it like a wildfire. It was like the purple of the fading sunset, elegant and soft for such an alarming, pain filled color. A cut mars his right eyebrow, breaking up the symmetry of his abuse. His eyes are sad, the azure color dulled and faded, weak without the light of his usual smile or carefree laugh. His lips don’t tug into a flirty smirk, but frown in a soft, giving up manner.

When he opens his mouth, he finds his might too dry and throat too clogged to speak. So he tried again, voice hoarse and broken. “Get out of here!” He begs, fear and desperation thick in his rough voice. His pleas reach his friend, sounding harsher than he intended. Subconsciously, the JJ places himself in front of Y/N and his seething father. His hands are still shaking, weak and bruised as he holds them up, trying to keep his fathers hands of misery away from the perfect light of his best friend.

“What is she doing her?” Luke barks, his voice rapsy with the gruffness of a man with only anger and cheap alcohol in his blood can obtain.

“I’m gonna get her out dad. Alright? We’re gonna leave.” JJ’s hands shake more as he plays mediator, eyes beseeching his unforgiving father. He swallows the lump in his throat, trying to quell the soreness. He’s begging. Begging with his father to let them go- or at least Y/N. And begging with his best friend to leave, leave so his father can keep his reign of terror focused on the blonde and not her.

“You’re not leaving!” Luke thundered, brows glaring down as he surveyed the two kids. His stained tank top lifted at uneven intervals as his chest heaved, ragged breaths pulling in and out of his frowning mouth. His lips were screwed into a disgust filled sneer.

But Y/N wasn’t having it. JJ’s cerulean eyes flickered to meet hers, seeing them spark with fire and sadness. A combination her best friend knew too well. So, with a rare surge of bravery, fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins at the best of her thundering heart, she stepped forward. Her feet groaned against the wood as she went forward, short, quiet gasps falling from her dry lips. She was now exposed to Luke’s fury. JJ was no longer in front of her, protecting her. And it was her own doing.

“Stop it! He doesn’t deserve it.” Y/N’s voice was ragged, seeping with desperation as she begged with the inconsolable man in front of her.

JJ’s heart twisted at the words, squeezing painfully as it hammered against his bruised ribs. Breath caught, he stopped, but he was too late. He wasn’t in front of her in time, wasn’t meditating like he was begging for life. He was too late. Luke’s hand was already flying, and the loud sound of skin hitting skin filled the room. The sound was enough to make JJ flinch, a smack and cry sounding. The cry ripping from a familiar throat, provoked by the shock and pain. Y/N fell, the power of the slap sending her to her knees. She hit the floor, ground thundering as her hands flew to her cheek. Her fingers were gentle, exploring the source of pain now stinging across her face.

JJ was positive that he could hear his heart crack. Positive that the sound of it was breaking wasn’t only in his ears, adding to the decrescendo of wails and words in his ears. The boy was sure, if you looked hard enough, you could see the soft, yet strong webbing of his heart break and fall into tiny, sharp pieces, lost in his rib cage.

“Dad!” He screamed, shock forcing the words from his constricted throat. His ocean eyes brimming with tears and clouding his vision as he watched you gasp, red blooming fast on your cheek from where his father hit you. His father. Leaving his own abuse mark. On you. On the one person JJ cared about more than himself. On the one person he wouldn’t think twice about giving his life for. On the one person he promised nothing would happen to. On the one person he loved with every bit of his fucked up self.

He broke his gaze on your to look at his father. Despite his mind still trying to process everything- everything from the downhill spiral of his roaring emotions and the increased climb of his pain- he thought fast. Quicksilver. Turning to his father, he put his hands- now less shaky- up in surrender. His cerulean eyes were back to begging. “Alright.. We’re leaving. I’m getting her out of here, alright?” 

Luke’s lips curled into a sneer, and he spit on the floor, eyes hard and filled with disgust and to JJ’s relief, disinterest. His father turned away, searching for a beer like a lost man at sea for land. Once he was sure, his fathers mind was only on the cheap alcohol littering the house, JJ spun, eyes zoning in on his best friend. His blue eyes locked on your figure.

Breathing her name in a ragged whisper, JJ dropped to his knees next to her, ignoring the pain exploding like rouge fireworks in every part of his body. The wince didn’t hide the pain, but the boy was used to hiding. He ignored his pain, lips pressed together in a thin, determined line. Because the bruised ribs and face that were throbbing and screaming were nothing compared to the way his heart broke and seized at seeing you fall victim to his fathers vicious hands. 

“Hey,” He whispered, voice barely audible as he called out to his friend. His fingers reached, touching the soft underside of her jaw as his hands cupped Y/N’s cheeks like they were glass. 

Y/N’s heart ached at the way JJ cupped her face. Like she was so fragile and could break with the slightest pressure. Like he didn’t want to hurt her, and only craved to protect her. Alike he was sorry, and he couldn’t convey it in words, so he tried in touch. Like he was heartbroken over seeing her like this.

JJ’s eyes swam with unshed tears as they pooled. His attentive eyes saw the familiar welt form on your cheek bloom like a flower in spring. The welt was big and angry, making the boy clench his jaw tightly. His nostrils flared as his ears registered the gasp falling from your parted lips and the hurt look in your eyes. 

And he realized. The bad feeling this morning. The creature settling in his gut, waiting to strike. The feeling that reminded JJ of the times a hurricane would be broadcasted on the TV screen, the brightness of the pictures blaring and the detached voices of newscasters loud. This, this right here- his best friend sitting on the floor, bruising cheek cradled in his rough hands, both of them victims of his father- was the foreboding in his gut in the early morning. 

Before- that was the calm before the storm. 

And this- this was worse. This was the crashing of the waves after cresting to a scary height. This was the raging wind, coupled with the stabbing rain. This was the crescendo of the deafening music where you covered your ears with your hands, eyes squeezed shut. This was the sharp crack of lighting exploding across the night cry. This was the moment where all the fight left your body, leaving you empty and hollow, a husk of your emotions. This was the silent scream of mind tearing pain. This was the rising panic in your chest. This was the feeling of seeing Y/N and her abuse. This was the feeling of helplessness as you looked up, neck craning back as your eyes tracked the rising wave, fear heavy in your chest as your realized your fate and there was nothing you could do about it.

This was the storm.

[scary-lasagna]

Trust || Part VIII

" "You have to try to stand, I can't carry you back on my own." For a brief moment, auburn eyes flickered with hazel. Brian reached through, if only for a few measly seconds. But you were too busy to notice. You were lugging him up like a sack of potatoes, managing to get him on his feet. You two trudged, slowly, through the crunchy leaves of Rosswood forest.  Back to that cellar. "

Yandere!Hoodie/Brian x Reader

* * *

Hoodie was not helping in carrying his body weight, mostly because he was fading in and out of consciousness. It was a struggle to get a glimpse of that concrete building, a landmark of your capture. But it was starting to rain.

Even if Brian is long gone, you decided that you still weren't going to leave him. This was still a person. He still deserved life.

He sacrificed himself for you, after all. He was willing to die for you. So maybe he does love you, in his own weird and sick way.

You needed medical supplies. He had to have some back in the cellar, but you never saw any. Not even a casual box of bandaids in the medicine cabinet.

"My room.." Hoodie whispered, he was still gesturing you his hand pathetically. Your hand uncoiled his fingers, spotting the shiny brass key. There must be a first aid kit or something in there.

You didn't hesitate to sprint down the hall and fumble with the padlocks.  Lo and behold a red box was presented on the wall above his bed. 

You almost didn't notice one of your shirts wrapped around his pillow, along with the many pictures of you and Brian together on decorative shelves. You grabbed a few of his dirty shirts in case there weren't enough bandages to stop the bleeding.

"I'm here, I'm here." You came to a stop frantically in front of him, kneeling down beside him. Hoodie was gasping, clutching at the oozing wounded. You had to fight his hands off to apply bandages over the blood, just praying that the bleeding would stop. You had no idea what the hell you were doing, and the blood just kept seeping through everything you tried.

"F-Fuck! Hoodie, please!" There was a growing knot in the pit of your stomach, a similar feeling to when you had first arrived. When you realized you lost everything. You didn't want to lose Hoodie, or Brian, for that matter. 

You cradled his head, pressing your cheek to his forehead. A few tears trickled down your scrunched face and rolled down his nose.

You didn't want him to die.

So you waited.

You waited until the bleeding stopped, sitting right by his side. 

"{Y/N].." You barely heard the whisper from Hoodie's mouth. You looked down into his auburn eyes.

Hoodie struggled to lift up his bloodied hand, just wanting to feel the softness of his cheek before he entered shock. He's been stabbed before, but he was lucky enough to survive on his own. This time, he can't be so sure.

Your breath hiccuped as you leaned into his touch, not caring that the crimson liquid was making a mess all over your cheek and neck. 

"I really love you, [Y/N]. Even if you hate me, my shitty cooking, and how I always kiss you when you pretend to be asleep."

You blinked away your tears a few times, letting them trickle down your cheeks and clearing a trail of Hoodie's blood from your skin. Your bottom lip quivered because you didn't know how to say it. You did love him now, you loved the way he always flashed a cheeky smile after saying goodbye, and the way he always smelt like the forest, and the dumb fucking way he always kept chips in the fridge. It was the little things you hadn't noticed before, that made you fall in love with him.

The worst part is that you hadn't even realized it. Hoodie was around you the entirety of the time Brian and you were dating. The sudden eye shifts after he stared at you when looking out the window, the way he sobbed after an argument and begged for your attention, the way he disappeared for a few days and then returned with a giant hug late at night. That was all Hoodie, not Brian.

You did fall in love with Hoodie.

But now the life was fading from his eyes and you had no way to make it up to him.

"Hoodie, I love you too." Taking one hand off of his bleeding wound, you leaned down and met his lips.

His soft, iron tasting lips.

The wet hand moved into your hair, desperate to deepen the kiss, the only true feeling of love that you've felt for him. Not Brian.

Your lips danced with his, and you could only describe the feeling of desperate longing and the perfectness of how your lips fit his, like they were made to kiss him, and him only.

But even with the miracle of the kiss, Brian was still fading in and out of consciousness, because this was not a fairytale. And even though the bleeding has slacked up, it had not stopped. 

"Please don't leave me." Hoodie whispered into your kiss.

"I promise. I promise I won't."

Your own world felt like it was fading away. Without Brian, without Hoodie, you didn't feel like anything. No one set out to look for you except to murder you. No one truly cared except for him.

When Hoodie stopped responding, you started counting his breaths, just to reassure yourself that he was still fighting to stay alive for you. And you constantly mumbled those three words that you hoped to work like magic.  But they didn't. Hoodie didn't wake up.

* * *

It's been three days since Hoodie fell into what you presumed to be a coma. No matter what you did, cold water, kneading his breast bone like you saw on shitty tv shows, even leaving a few bruises from trying to painfully wake him up.

You never left his side except to use the bathroom, and you barely ate unless you started to get dizzy. Because if you, too, fell unconscious, there'd be no one to help Hoodie.

You used the key he gave you to place him in the comfort of his own bed instead of the cold cement floor or the rickety couch.

You didn't even notice the masked man that walked in through the open cellar door until he stepped on an old chip bag you left on the floor.

You met with the familiar brown eyes of Tim Wright.

You didn't even bother acknowledging him.

You place your head back down on the mattress, and tighten your grip on Hoodie's hand. You've been staring at him as your pass time until he woke up, reflecting back on your memories of you and Brian. It was hard to differentiate between Brian and Hoodie in your glitchy memory. Another pass time favorite was crying, and sometimes even throwing a tantrum. You were a shitshow of emotions, sad, angry, scared, desperate, and a whole bunch of other indescribable feelings plagued your mind.

Tim took a cautious step forward, now scanning over his coma induced friend.

You weren't sure that was Tim, or if it was another Hoodie situation going on. you just hoped he wouldn't take you away.

He dragged a chair across the room, sitting in silence next to you. You slowly picked your head up, looking over into Tim's brown eyes that were cast onto your intertwined hands. He almost looked confused.

"Why are you here?" You croaked, your voice wasn't in the best shape between screaming, crying, and otherwise not talking for the past few days.

Tim stayed silent, only meeting your eyes as an answer. He blinked and then looked down.

"He didn't answer fora few days. He told me to come get you if anything happened to him." The voice that came out of Tim's mouth sounded too deep and gravelly to belong to him. 

"I'm not leaving."

Tim looked over at you with unreadable eyes. And for a flash, you felt the familiarity of bickering with Tim.

"Who are you anyway? Are you like Hoodie?" You glanced back at the blonde for a few moments, counting a few of his steady breaths.

"Tsk, 'Hoodie'. You couldn't have come up with a stupider name." The masked man leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed.

"Do you want a name too?" Your lips managed to twitch into a soft smile.

"No, I don't need a name."

"Alright, you'll be Masky then, and that's what I'm calling you."

'Masky' stayed silent, keeping his arms crossed. "Do you think he'll wake up soon?"

The masked man stared down at his friend, and then at [Y/N]'s desperate eyes. How had they fallen in love with Hoodie? He kept telling his friend that he had no chance, but Hoodie never gave up on them. And now they’re refusing to leave his side, even when Hoodie has little to no chance of coming out of this coma anytime soon. Especially without food or water. 

They deserve love together.

"I hope so."

[undertaker1827]

AAA FUCK I JUST REALISED U ALSO WRITE FOR RONALD WISSIANLA COULD U DO IT FOR GRELL AND RONALD U DONT HAVE TO THO 💕💕

Absolutely!! Umm this one kinda ran away with me, we’re well over 2000 words. Enjoy!

Masterlist

-

The sun was shining down beautifully this morning. London’s streets were busy as ever with pedestrians, full of traffic and the city’s general air of bustle. Your hand rested lightly over the zipper of the small bag you were carrying, sunglasses perched over the bridge of your nose. You barely had to think about where your footsteps were taking you; you knew the route to your favourite coffee shop so well.

There was a spring in your walk, excitement practically radiating off you as you neared your destination, looking forward to seeing your boyfriend. He was always so busy with work, you barely ever seemed to meet up face to face. Of course he spent as much time as possible on the phone, texting you when a call or facetime wasn’t acceptable. You even had the feeling that he did it on the clock, when you were certain he wasn’t supposed to, not that you would ever tell that to anyone else. It felt somewhat nice to have a secret only kept between the two of you and it would be a lie to say that the thought that he would break the rules of his workplace for the sake of talking to you didn’t make you go all warm inside.

The bell above the coffee shop gave a happy tune as you opened the door and you waved to one of the girls behind the counter. Throughout the time you had been coming here, you had built up quite the friendship with Meg, who had memorised your order after knowing you only a week. Your eyes scanned the various tables, both those with a higher stance surrounded by stools and the shorter ones with soft leather armchairs dotted in between them. Your eyes lit up when they met a sparkling green gaze boxed behind black framed glasses. Your boyfriend put on a charming grin, the one he knew would make you melt, and gave you a two-fingered salute.

As soon as you made your way over to the table he had picked out - your usual one - he jumped up to press a kiss to your lips, a hand curling around your lower back and the other reaching up to card back through your hair. You couldn’t help but laugh at the PDA, Ron was nothing if not proud of showing physical attention. You didn’t mind all that much, especially not in this specific place. It was almost like a second home at this point.

“Got your favourite,” Ron grinned, throwing a casual thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of a steaming mug full of what was, in fact, your favourite. You returned the broad smile, sitting down in the chair next to his and cradling the mug close to you. Your other hand reached over and intertwined with his, resting on the arm of his chair. You chatted away for well over an hour, intermittently sipping away at your drinks and watching the city go by through one of the large windows on the shop front. Meg had taken a break around 20 minutes ago and quickly rushed past your table, giving each of you a quick hello.

You got around an hour and a half overall, which was most certainly a rare treat, but it ended all too soon. It was with a frown and disappointed sigh that Ron turned to face you, fingers still laced together. You knew just from the look on his face what he was going to say.

“M’ sorry, sweetheart, duty calls,” he murmured, undeniable sadness flitting through his eyes. You gave a sad smile of your own nodding quietly. It quickly widened into something happier though, the feelings of the morning’s walk coming back to you.

“I know. It’s alright though! I mean we had all morning together, that hasn’t happened in ages!” He shook his head slightly, eyes sparkling once again.

“Always so optimistic, you know that?” You thought for a moment, deciding there was only one appropriate response for his words.

“Love you, Ron.” He leaned his head to the side, teeth flashing in a grin as he ran his fingertips through his wild locks.

“You know I love it when you call me that.” You did. That was the name you called him by most often. He reached over to pull you in, leaving a kiss on your lips then moving to hover his lips above your ear, his voice a mere whisper as your heart beat frantically in your chest.

“Love you, too.”

It turned out to only be a few hours later when you saw him again. You had spent a decidedly relaxing day wandering around the city, every so often taking a picture or inspecting something in a shop window. You had just made it into a secluded street, one you picked up your pace to get through as you realised there were no pedestrians. You were about halfway down when a flash of metallic red in an alley to your left caught your eye, followed by someone taking a sharp breath and a clipped heel landing on the pavement. The shoe was a pristine white Oxford, and paired with the crisp black three-piece, you were fairly certain you knew who it was. Your steps increased in speed again, this time with excitement. It was when you saw his mop of two-tone hair that you allowed yourself to break into a run.

“Ron!” You called out, smile settling over your lips. You were too happy to consider why he would even be in this area of London. Whilst you knew his job was important, he had never exactly given you the specifics. When he turned to face you fully, it was with his usual flirty grin and an extended hand, covered entirely in a black glove. However, the closer you got to him, the slower you moved. A feeling of dread spread throughout your body as you took in his beautiful face, now marred with a clean flick of crimson. Your eyes then travelled to whatever he had hoisted over his shoulders, casually and like it weighed nothing. You could hardly believe what your eyes were telling you, but it looked like a lawn mower. There was a sickening dripping sound emanating from the blades and you swallowed hard. You stopped walking entirely when you caught sight of a black boot lying on the ground, just visible from the alleyway it was protruding from. Ron’s face had fallen now too, but as he followed your eyeline, every feature drained to deathly pale. His eyes widened into shock and he looked as if the weight of the world had just been dropped onto his shoulders.

“I - oh, no I - Y/N…” he whispered in strangled voice. He looked like he felt sick. You certainly did.

“What’s… what’s that?” You asked, horror permeating every nerve as you forced yourself to walk closer. “Who’s - that?” He seemed as shocked as you were.

“Y/N I never told you … how could I not have though to tell you?” You were within arms’ reach of him now, close enough to realise that the person lying on the ground, hunched with a knife still protruding from her abdomen, was none other than Meg. Your hand flew to your mouth as your eyes began to mist over. Helplessly, Ron extended a hand to attempt to touch you, to do something, anything. You stepped back immediately, palm flat in a useless attempt to defend yourself.

“What the hell have you done?” Your voice wavered, but it was stronger than you were expecting. “You-you killed her?!” Rationality and caution were thrown through the window as an indescribable rage overtook you. Before you knew it, you were throwing yourself at the man before you with all the strength you had, hands fisted so tightly you were certain your own nails were drawing blood. Your punches landed uncontrollably on his face and chest; you barely even heard the clatter of his weapon being discarded.

Ron caught your wrists easily to end your attack. Your logical mind knew he would - he was considerably stronger than you. That didn’t stop you from struggling. He was calling your name, trying to bring your attention back to him but all you could see was red. That was until you glanced past his shoulder to see the body of your friend. When the gravity of the situation hit you, all fight fled from your being, leaving your muscles weakened and the breath leaving your lungs in heaving pants.

“You killed her,” you muttered, spite rising in your voice as Ron held your arms out to the side. It occurred to you that he was being careful not to hurt you, but that wasn’t much consolation.

“Y/N, please listen to me. I did not kill your friend, I swear.” You glared up at him from your slightly shorter stance, upper lip starting to curl into a sneer in spite of yourself.

“Really? Because it damn well doesn’t look that way,” you growled. Sarcasm and anger tended to be your defence mechanisms to cover up fear and pain, so you had well and truly fallen back on them now.

“Can I explain? Please?” You worried at your lower lip before taking the plunge and nodding. “This’ll be confusing and difficult to believe,” he started, “but I’m a grim reaper. I’m in the UK branch of an international organisation that works to collect the souls of the deceased. We don’t kill them ourselves, though it’s easy to see why you would think that, we just assess and collect their souls.” Your eyes were starting to cloud over again as you mulled his words, a slight tremble setting up in your hands.

“So you’re saying you didn’t kill her … someone else did?” His expression turned sympathetic as he nodded.

“I’m so sorry.” You blinked and swallowed, gritting your teeth and trying to clear your mind. All you could feel now was grief.

“Hey, hey…” Ron murmured, grip loosening entirely as his hands travelled from your wrists, up your arms until they came to rest lightly on your shoulders. He knew you believed him when you didn’t pull away, but his eyes were still full of sadness for you and disbelief that telling you what he was had entirely slipped his mind. “C’mere.”

You practically fell into his arms, face buried into his neck as a sob broke from your throat. Ron’s arms encased you and held you tightly to his chest, his nose buried into your hair as he whispered sweet nothings to you, attempting to help you find comfort.

You had no idea how long you both stood like that, no concept of the passing of time, but eventually your tears dried up and your legs ached but you still didn’t want to move, because as soon as you did, Ron would give you the same look as this morning and say he would have to go back to work, however much it hurt you both. Then, as if he had heard your thoughts, he asked what you wanted to do. You answered without moving back to look at him.

“I want to go home,” you confessed, “but I don’t want to be alone.” He nodded understandingly.

“Your place or mine?” It took you a while to reply, shocked as you were that he had implied he would stay. Your arms tightened around him.

“Yours would be good…” you whispered. You found the smell and homeliness of his apartment comforting, not to mention that he didn’t have an intricate glass bowl Meg bought for him in the hallway as you entered his home.

He nodded again. You closed your eyes for a moment, only to open them and think you were hallucinating. You thought you were standing in his flat.

“It’s teleportation, love, that’s all.” You were too tired to question it. Ron dropped the weapon down and left it to one side. He swiped at the blood on his cheek then discarded his gloves over its handle, turning around just as quickly to face you again. He stepped closer, fingertips brushing your elbow.

“What can I do?” He murmured, trying to catch your gaze. When you did look up, you found yourself unable to look away again.

“Please just hold me.”

He leaned down immediately to press you against him, bringing you with him as he moved towards the sofa against the back wall. He turned towards you as soon as he sat down, an arm around your waist and the other behind your shoulders, holding you tightly to him. You crossed a leg over his, arms curling behind his back and closing your eyes, pressing your face into the join between Ron’s neck and shoulder. His hands traced circles over your sides and he let out a small breath, pressing gentle kisses into your hair.

You would sit together for hours like that, no need for speaking as you were both perfectly comfortable in each others’ company.

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

Worm 2.09 (part 2) - In which they seem like good people

Sorry, I had been gone for a while.

Let’s continue then!

I nodded, absorbing the information.  It sounded very underwhelming to me, but I was willing to admit I could be underestimating it.

We were discussing Alec’s power last time, and how it sounded silly but it could be really OP in the right hands

“Well,” I said, after a long pause, “I think I pretty much get what everyone can do, then.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but Bitch can turn those dogs into those freakish monsters I saw the other night?”

Sitting a few feet away, Bitch muttered, “They aren’t freakish.”

I think Bitch’s power is the most obvious of the group, so it’s normal it hadn’t been discussed yet.

Lisa answered my question, ignoring her. “Rachel can do it with any dog, actually,” she said, stressing the name, “And no codenames when we’re not in costume, ‘kay?  Get in the habit of using the right name at the right times, and it’s that much harder to slip.”

It was hard to think of Rachel by her real name.  Bitch seemed really fitting given the stunt she had pulled.  I apologized to Lisa, “Sorry.”

Yeah slip-ups concerning secret identities and the like could be baaad

Pfft, I love these little inside-comments Taylor makes, like the bitch thing.

Lisa gave a small nod in response, then told me, “She can use her power on any dog, but only Brutus, Judas and Angelica are trained well enough that they’ll listen to her when they’re pumped up.”

Oh so her power juices up the dogs, but doesn’t make them submit to her control like Taylor’s power does with her bugs. She has to actually train them

Makes sense, as Bitch seems to care for her dogs quite a bit (”They aren’t freakish...”) while Taylor really only uses her bugs as a means to an end, and even feeds some to others.

I really like when the nature of the superpower fits the kind of person that it belongs to, and can be used to explore their personality further.

Ah, so that was it.  “And Brian makes that oily darkness that screws up your hearing.  The Parahumans wiki said it was darkness generation.”

Brian smiled, “I put that into the wiki myself.  It’s not wrong, but it does catch people off guard when they think they know what you can do, and there’s something more to it.”

That is something people would do if superpowers were real, no doubt! Editing the wiki about their own powers, either to bring attention to themselves or to obfuscate the truth. Very nice detail to add.

Lisa added, “It’s not just hearing.  It also cuts off radio signals and dampens the effects of radiation.”

“That’s what her power tells her, anyways.  I haven’t had much chance to test that part of things.  I get by as is,” Brian said.  He turned his hand palm up and created a handful of the darkness.  It was like smoke, but so absolutely black that there was no texture to it.  It was like someone had taken a scalpel to reality and the blackness was what was there when everything else was gone.  I couldn’t even gauge the dimensions of it, unless I looked at it from a different perspective.   Even then, with the way the darkness shifted and billowed like smoke, it was hard to judge the shape.

Brian’s darkness nullifies or weakens wavelengths and senses! That’s amazing! I can see how it could be really really useful.

I love the description of the darkness. It’s absolutely pitch-black, like when you were staring at something bright and then turn all lights out. That darkness so all-consuming you can’t make out dimensions or distances inside of it. Only in this case contained within a single place on his hand.

It remains me of the nothing from The Neverending Story, in that they both feel inherently wrong.

The Nothing was way more unsettling and indescribable though. Especially in the book.

More of it just kept pouring from his hand, climbing upwards to cover the top of the room.  As the light from the windows near the upper edges of the room and the florescent bars on the ceiling was cut off, the room got a great deal darker.

He closed his hand into a fist, and the darkness thinned out and disintegrated into strands and tatters, and the room brightened again.  I looked at the light coming in from the windows and was surprised it wasn’t later.

It can expand and cover the whole room just like that?

Imagine going up against these guys and you suddently get surrounded by this type of dark abyss and completely lose your bearings. That sounds scary as fuck.

“What time is it?”  I asked.

“Nineteen minutes before five,” Lisa said.  She didn’t look at a watch or a clock as she said it, which was unsettling.  It was a reminder that her power was constantly available to her.

Lisa’s power is still by far the most dangerous, with the tactical advantage she represents in any battle. She’s also the most fundamental threat to Taylor’s little undercover plan, easily.

Brian asked me, “Do you have somewhere you need to be?

“Home, I guess,” I admitted, “My dad will wonder where I am.”

I bet Danny could never imagine in a million years the type of situation you are in.

“Call him,” Lisa suggested, “Now that the introductions are over with, you can just hang out for a bit, if you want.”

“We could order pizza,” Alec suggested.  Then when Lisa, Brian and Bitch all made faces, he added, “Or maybe everyone’s sick of pizza and we could order something else.”

“Stick around?” Brian made it a question.

Alec really is the most chill out of all of them.

This all feels so normal, hard to believe we were having a fight just moments ago.

I glanced at Bitch.  She was sitting on the table behind one of the couches and looking like a mess, with a bloody bandage over one ear, blood smeared below her nose and lip, and a bit of green around the gills that suggested she was feeling a little worse for wear.  With her in that state, I didn’t feel particularly threatened.  Staying meant I could work to get things more copacetic and maybe dig for a bit more information.  I’d also missed socializing with people – even if it was under false pretenses with a group that included an apparent sociopath. It had been a sucky day.  Just chilling out sounded good.

Damn Taylor really fucked her up! Maybe even Rachel respects her more now, with that warped view of things she seems to have. Or maybe she is more pissed off, hard to tell, don’t know her enough yet.

Taylor’s clearly looking to socialize with them, but I like her attempt to justify it to herself as part of her undercover mission. Oh boy you’re totally going to end up becoming a member for real

“Okay,” I decided, “Yeah, I think I’d like to.”

“Phone’s in the kitchen if you want to call your dad,” Lisa said.

I looked over my shoulder as I headed across the loft.  The others got settled on the couches, with Alec turning on the TV while Lisa and Brian took a second to clean up.

I found the phone and dialed my dad.

“Hey dad,” I said, when I heard the phone being picked up.

This has the potential to be awkward, painful, sad or any of the three

“Taylor.  Are you alright?”  He sounded worried.  It was unusual, I supposed, my not being home when he got back from work.

“I’m fine, dad.  Is it cool if I hang out with some people tonight?”

There was a pause.

Yeah that’s not normal for her

As an introvert, I imagine it would be jarring if my parents heard I’d be staying for dinner at a stranger’s house unnanounced.

“Taylor, if there’s anyone that’s making you make this call… the bullies or someone else, tell me everything is fine.  If you’re not in trouble, tell me your mother’s full name.”

Oh that is really smart and really great on Danny’s part. You’re a good dad, Danny.

I felt momentarily embarrassed.  Was it so unusual for me to hang out with people?  I knew my dad was just trying to keep me safe, but it was bordering on the ridiculous.

I feel like in a world with supervillains people would be more paranoid in general about these things.

“Annette Rose Hebert,” I told him, “Really dad, it’s cool.”

“You’re really okay?”

My gaze roved over the kitchen, taking in the details, as I gave him my assurances.

“Better than ever.  I kind of made some friends,” I said.

Well that’s kinda true I guess...

My eyes settled on their dining room table.  There was a stack of money, wrapped with a paper band just as the money in the lunchbox had been. Beside the money, plain as day, was the dark gray metal of a handgun.

....Fuck

Well that’s a really effective visual to drive home the reality of the situation she’s in and of the people she’s hanging out with...

My attention caught by the gun, I only barely caught my dad’s question.  “What are they like?”

“They seem like good people,” I lied.

....

That’s such a good ending line. It gave me chills.

What kind of hole are you digging for yourself here with this?

...

Well, I’m hooked.

[callboxkat]

Infinitesimal (part 52)

Author’s note: I have nothing to say for myself. But, hey, have a chapter! I’m hoping to get back into something closer to weekly updates between Infinitesimal and A Little Nightmare now that college apps are done, but I did just get a new puppy (his name is Rudy and he’s perfect), so we’ll see how that goes. Happy reading!

Warnings: injury and illness, fear, arguing, guilt, death mention

Word count: 2430

Infinitesimal Masterpost!

...

“You doing okay, kiddo?”

Patton, standing at Emile’s side, was currently bearing about half of Emile’s weight, Emile’s good arm slung around his shoulders.

Emile, his gaze fixed on the tabletop in front of him, made an affirmative noise and carefully took another step. Patton moved with him.

That question again, the one he kept hearing almost nonstop this past… had it already been over a week? Longer? Emile wasn’t sure. A lot of the time he had spent here was fuzzy, especially at the beginning, for obvious reasons. He still didn’t remember the event that put him in this situation at all, although he had a few snatches of memory from immediately after that he wasn’t overly keen on dwelling on. And he’d been sleeping more often than not, especially during those first few days.

So, he wasn’t quite sure how long he had been here. Too long, he felt. He wanted nothing more than to go home.

On the bright side, he was definitely improving. He was finally starting to get some of his energy back, his bruises had begun to fade, and his nausea was dying down, thankfully, so he was able to eat more as well. His arm was still broken, of course, as was the end of his tail, and his head wound was still something to consider; but he was getting better.

As time passed, Emile was starting to get restless, lying down all of the time. Logan had thought that was a good sign, that Emile was starting to get bored. It meant that he was getting well enough to care about more than just sleeping. Patton and Virgil seemed glad to see it too, although Emile was mostly just frustrated.

Because Emile’s ankle was no longer as swollen, his head was doing better, and Patton made a good crutch, the littles had decided that it would be okay to let him walk around, just for a short while, supervised, of course. Emile was eager to stretch his legs and to get some small part of his independence back. The humans had already gone for the day, off to their jobs, so it was just the three of them until evening with no interruptions.

They had used some of the supplies from the first-aid kit to put together a sling for Emile’s bad arm; and once that was finished and in place, they had carefully shifted him into a standing position, moving slowly. That had been the most difficult part, getting him up and out of the box, with no one wanting to accidentally make any injuries worse. Virgil had even lifted each of his feet over the lip of the box so he didn’t trip. That part might have been overkill, but Emile still wasn’t very well-coordinated, and they hadn’t wanted to take the risk.

Now, as Emile slowly shuffled across the tabletop, both Patton and Virgil were watching him like a hawk. Emile could hear the anxious tap of Virgil’s crutch tailing closely after them, where he held Emile’s tail aloft so that the injured part of it didn’t drag on the ground. Even considering the fact that Virgil was holding Emile’s tail, he stayed very close, following them like a shadow. He only had one crutch at the moment, since his other arm was full; but he had no trouble keeping pace.

It still felt weird to Emile, how their roles had suddenly swapped. He was the oldest. Usually the one in charge, the healthy brother, the one taking care of everyone else. He never held it against Virgil for being disabled, or, later, against Patton for being sick and, as Emile suspected and completely understood, afraid of leaving the walls. That was just the way things were, and Emile had accepted his role. But, now… it was strange, to be the one being taken care of. That rarely happened, save for when he occasionally got sick, and never lasted this long. It was nice, in a way, to not have that responsibility on him for once; but even ignoring the fact that it took being knocked from the top of a cabinet to give him that release, he couldn’t say that he liked it. It felt… infantilizing, at times, even though he knew he needed their help. He hoped that Virgil didn’t feel this way, when Emile tried to keep him from putting himself in danger. Emile knew that he had been rather strict, even if he did have good reasons.

Regardless of any discomfort, Emile was undeniably glad that Virgil and Patton had stayed with him. He knew how much of a sacrifice it had been for them to go to humans for help, and then to stay with them for days on end because Emile couldn’t leave. It was true that Roman and Logan only seemed to want to help, as terrifyingly huge as they were, and they’d been very gracious with offering whatever the littles needed without asking for much in return, even binging cartoons for a few hours each evening simply because Emile and Patton liked them. But they were still humans, and Emile was indescribably grateful that he didn’t have to face them alone. However nice they seemed, Emile was determined to get better as soon as possible, so that they could all go home. He knew that Virgil was still very much on edge around Roman and Logan, and Patton had already spent far too much of his life at a human’s mercy. Emile didn’t want Patton to feel trapped ever again.

“I think I’m done,” Emile grunted, coming to a halt. They’d only done two laps of the table—and not even the whole table, given that they were staying clear of the edges and the back quarter of the surface was covered in supplies—but sweat was beading up on his forehead, and he was starting to feel ill. “Sorry to cut our scenic stroll of ours short so soon.”

“That’s okay, Em,” Patton said, smiling at his friend’s attempt at humor. “There’ll be other walks. And you made it a lot further this time!”

“Hm,” was all Emile responded.

This was technically their second attempt at getting Emile to walk. On the first, he’d made it about six inches before needing to be basically carried back to the box. Emile had persuaded them to let him try again an hour later, with some more preparation. He had decided that the first try didn’t count.

Patton helped him back to the box, and he and Virgil very carefully guided him over the lip of the cardboard. They eased him down onto the blankets, the tension leaving Virgil’s frame only when he was back down. Emile let out a small sigh, shifting to get comfortable.

“How are you doing?” Virgil checked, sitting beside him.

“I’m good, Virge,” Emile said.

Virgil looked doubtful. Fair enough, Emile supposed.

“Well, kinda tired, but that’s not a surprise.”

He looked down, nodding, twisting his hands in his lap. “We’ve still got a while before they get home, if you want to take a nap.”

Emile shook his head, only enough to be noticeable, watching Virgil’s seemingly subconscious fidgeting. “That’s all I’ve been doing.”

“Okay… but, like, you didn’t hurt yourself, did you? Is your head okay?”

“It’s fine.” He did feel dizzy, but it wasn’t too bad, considering.

“Your tail?”

“Doesn’t even hurt,” he answered honestly. Of course, whether that was good or bad was still up for debate. But Emile thought it was good—he still didn’t have full feeling in the tip of his tail, but he was growing surer and surer that he had some feeling in it.

“And your ankle?”

Emile supposed that Virgil would only get more suspicious if he claimed to be completely fine. “A bit sore, maybe. I tried not to put too much weight on it.”

Virgil bit his lip. “Let me look at it.” He slid over to Emile’s feet and partially rolled up his pant leg, inspecting the ankle. Emile felt his cool fingers gently probe at it, inspecting. He mumbled something to himself. Emile watched him for a moment, then looked over at Patton, who was sitting on his other side, with a meaningful expression.

Patton, in turn, shifted and cleared his throat.

“So,” he said, hesitantly when Virgil looked up, “I was, um, I was thinking of maybe going home for a bit, just to grab some things.”

Virgil paused, halfway through rolling Emile’s pant leg back down. “By yourself?” he said, concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Patton glanced at Emile, who gave him a small, encouraging nod. “I’ll be okay. I won’t rush. And I know you have to stay here, kiddo, which is fine. I’ll be fine alone, promise.”

“Is it important? I think we have everything we need.” He frowned, clearly thinking that if it was important, it would have come up sooner.

Patton glanced at Emile again. “It’s important,” he confirmed.

Virgil still looked unconvinced.

“If he thinks he can do it, he probably can,” Emile nudged. “I think we should let him go.

“Since when are you mister ‘let’s let everyone go off by themselves’?” Virgil said with a frown. Then he caught himself and broke off, glancing away.

Emile sighed.

“I’ll be careful,” Patton said once more.

Virgil groaned. “Okay, okay, fine; but if you’re not back tonight, I’m coming after you.”

Patton gave him a sad look at that, clearly aware that Virgil would never actually leave Emile alone in the human apartment. All he said, though, was, “I will be.”

Ten-odd minutes later, Patton had gathered what he needed for the trip—with help from Virgil, who fluttered around him the whole time like a nervous moth—and he departed, using the hook and rope to slowly climb down to the floor. Virgil watched him until he disappeared into the wall, then reluctantly returned to Emile.

They sat in silence for a long moment, Virgil looking to the side and absently picking at a seam in his jacket. He shifted, fidgeting, occasionally glancing at Emile and away again.

“Virgil, what’s going on?” Emile asked. “Is something worrying you?”

“What, you mean like Patton going up two floors by himself? That kind of something?”

Emile didn’t waver. “No, you’ve been acting weird all day. What is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m great.”

Emile glanced up at the high ceiling above, then back at his younger brother. “Do you how do?”

Virgil blinked, then shook his head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“That’s not news. Tell me what’s up.”

Virgil glanced at him again, then let out a long, disgruntled sigh. “It’s just… I don’t know, you’re doing better and stuff, and I was thinking… or, um, I guess I wanted to ask….” He rubbed the back of his neck, shifting awkwardly, looking as if he wished he were just about anywhere else.

“Ask what?” Emile leaned his head back on the blankets he sat propped against, watching his brother.

“I don’t know… I mean….” He sighed, frustrated, then looked back up. “Do you remember… We talked, before you went on that trip. The one where… you know.” He winced. “Do you remember our conversation?

Emile frowned. “I think so,” he said slowly, shifting to look at Virgil better and squinting his good eye. “I’m kinda fuzzy. Could you remind me?”

“Yeah, ’course… Um, we were talking about your trip and stuff, and I wanted to go with you, but you said no. And I argued because that’s kind of my thing. And I asked you why you were still mad at me, because I guess I figured I’d proved myself with Patton and everything… and, um, you said it was because I didn’t tell you about Patton before I brought him home. Because you thought…. It seemed like I thought you wouldn’t have wanted to help Patton.”

Emile glanced away. “Right. I remember now.”

“Anyway, uh, I just wanted to… you know—I knew you’d be okay, obviously, and stuff, but—that would have really sucked if that was our last conversation. Like, really sucked. I’m sorry I snapped at you.” Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. It hadn’t been the best talk to end things on, even if Virgil had apologized at the end of it, and the guilt had been gnawing at him for a while now. Because even if that hadn’t been there last conversation, it could have been. Patton had actually left the house during the argument, frightened by how heated they’d gotten—something Virgil had already apologized for, but also still felt guilty about. “And like I said, I really am sorry about the stuff with Patton. I should have told you about him sooner, so you could help, not just showed up at home with him. I’m sorry.”

“I already forgave you for that, Virge,” Emile said. “But thank you.”

“I just… I know you would have helped him. I know you would have. I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t trust you.”

Emile reached out his good hand, and Virgil took it.

“I just wanted to tell you again, because… I don’t know. I wanted to make sure you knew. I’m sorry.”

Emile swallowed. “Well, if we’re apologizing for things… I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t trust you.”

Virgil blinked at him, taken off guard.

“I know, even with everything, I’m too strict sometimes. And I know how it stinks, to be stuck on the outside—or inside, I suppose, technically. Now more than ever.” He glanced down at himself with a grimace. “It was never about you, Virge. I just… I get scared. After everything that happened, with your foot and your tail… it just felt safer, to keep you away from that. I just… I never want you to go through something like that again.” He swallowed. “But I know that wasn’t my choice to make, even if I know you never really followed my rules. You’re an adult. You can make your own choices.”

There was a long silence after that, so long that Emile wondered if Virgil was going to respond at all.

“You’re just trying to distract me from Patton, right?” Virgil finally said, ducking his head so his chin disappeared into his hoodie.

“No, no. And this isn’t the concussion talking either.” Emile squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Well… that makes two of us, then, I guess.”

“We’re never going back to the seventh floor, though.”

Virgil winced. “Hell, no.”

[shadowofthelamp]

Relish the Flavor

Happy Halloween, you filthy animals.

Ao3 link

Summary: Zim has a craving for something... different.

Wordcount: 1870

Rating: T or M, only a very brief mention of sexual stuff but... well, look at the warnings.

Warnings: Gore, cannibalism (does that count if one’s an alien?), consentual vivisection, hard vore I guess? Messy messy messy. Also mpreg.

Comments either here or on ao3 super appreciated, as well as likes, replies, and reblogs! 

Zim was hungry for something.

What, he wasn’t sure. Something other than sugar, because he’d had a few spoonfuls and they hadn’t even cracked at the hunger. Usually, whenever he had a craving that satisfied it, but now it just nagged at the pit of his spooch like a loose tooth. He’d already taken a single bite of nearly everything in the fridge and none of them sad sated the itching desire. (On top of that, Dib’s ham sandwich had nearly made him sick. He wasn’t sure why he thought that might be it.)

His knees pressed against the curve of his abdomen, and he narrowed his eyes, one hand squishing the blanket underneath him.

“Why can’t you just give me an answer? What do you want?”

The smeet didn’t reply. Typical. They really enjoyed playing him like a puppet, didn’t they? How a bundle of meat had so much control over such an Elite soldier’s biology was beyond him. They were clever, taking full advantage of the fact that he had to listen to them or risk his body rebelling. It was going to be worth it in the end, but in the meantime...

He turned as Dib emerged from the elevator, cracking his back so loudly it made Zim’s antennae flinch. “You need to fix the rough edges of that one console, it snagged me when I was crawling back out.”

“What were you doing under it?”

“I dropped something,” Dib said, licking at the back of his hand like a cat. Zim huffed.

“That’s your fault, then, isn’t-” His words died mid-sentence as he caught the scent of something wondrous. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Dib turned to him. “Oh, damn, it got my side too… man, I really need to get more clothes, these are getting torn up. Your base is a death trap, you know that?”

“That smell.” Zim pushed himself up off the blanket pile with a grunt, sniffing at the air. “It’s rich.”

“Rich? Okay, maybe I need to wash up a little, but-”

“Not that! Your stink isn’t as offensive as usual to me at the moment.” Zim dismissed it easily, moving closer.

Dib licked at his cut hand again, and yelped when Zim suddenly dug his fingers into his wrist. “Gah! What the hell, Zim?”

“This. This is what they wanted.” Zim squeezed Dib’s thin wrist, watching the bright red bubble up over his skin. Dib swallowed.

“Wanted?”

“I’ve been attempting to figure out what the smeet’s been making me crave.” Zim pulled Dib’s hand closer, tongue running over the cut. The blood soaked in, coppery taste jolting his senses, and Dib stared down at him.

“Uh… that one’s new.”

Zim lapped at the wound for a few more seconds before growling, throwing the hand down. “It’s not enough.” He grabbed Dib’s hips, twisting him before throwing him down on top of the blanket pile and straddling him. He reached back towards his Pak, and Dib held up his hands.

“Woah, woah, slow down for a second! What are you doing?”

“I want something more.”

“More?”

“Something… more substantial. Bloody, but better.”

“What, like one of my organs?” Sweat dripped down Dib’s cheeks, and Zim raised an eye.

“That was the plan. You lost your lungs for a bit years ago and were fine.”

“I still don’t know how that worked.” Dib wriggled underneath Zim, and Zim could feel him under his bump. “You should at least ask before you steal a guy’s heart when it’s this literal.”

“If I make you an extra, will you let me have yours?”

Dib’s pupils shrunk to pinpricks. “What?”

“If I grow you a replacement organ, may I have one of yours?” Zim repeated more slowly, unsure how Dib didn’t understand the first time.

“I- I guess so…?”

Zim licked his lips. “Good. Then come with me.”

_________

The ride down and walk to the lab was silent. Or rather, it would have been, but Dib’s heart rate was heavily accelerated. Zim probably could have heard it even if he’d been a human.

Dib climbed up on the table. “So let me get this straight. You’ll grow me a new organ, then open me up, take mine out, and put the new one in?”

Zim snapped a glove on. “That’s the idea.”

“How long will it take to synthesize a new-”

“No time at all,” Zim said, crossing the room to open a fridge. “I cloned all of your organs years ago.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I don’t want you dying of something preventable if I wasn’t the one to do it. Heart failure is such a pitiful way to go for a warrior like you.” Zim pulled out a spleen, turning it over in his hands before putting it back. No, no, that wasn’t right, it needed to be perfect.

“Oh. Wait, years- this was back when we were enemies?”

“As I said, you weren’t going to die to anything but me.” Intestines? Tempting, but his wouldn’t be as clean as these. Lungs? Mmm, those had been surprisingly tasty, but partially hollow…

“Oh. Well, you always were a possessive jerk. Not that I wasn’t the same.” Zim heard the rustle of fabric and turned to see Dib had pulled his shirt off, grimacing at the cut on his side. “Why can’t you just eat the grown one?”

“It isn’t yours. I want yours. ”

Dib gulped. “Got it.”

He decided on a heart. Dib had mentioned it before, and it was the symbol of sticky love-feelings, wasn’t it? It was juicy and had more than enough meat. He set it back in the jar, bringing it over. Dib looked over at it.

“Wait. This was a clone from when I was younger- is it going to still work with my older body?”

“It’ll be fine.” Zim reached for the sterilizing gel. “Now relax. I don’t want to break anything that doesn’t need to be broken.”

Dib laid back on the table. “I always figured I’d be the one to cut you open first.”

Zim didn’t respond, the end of his tongue sticking out as he focused on the gel application. “Table, activate restraints.”

Dib yelped as his wrists and ankles were bound. “Hey!”

“It’s so you don’t wriggle around and have your liver pop out. The gel should numb you enough that it will only be a mild sting.” Zim pulled out his tools, selecting a scalpel.

“That’s- okay, that makes sense, but geez, a little warning would be nice, huh?” Dib slumped back, staring up at the ceiling. “And your pain tolerance and mine are pretty different.”

Zim snickered. “I know, but I would have knocked you out if I didn’t think you could handle it. Don’t be a smeet over this.”

“You’re cutting me open, I have the right to be a little- uh.” Zim had climbed on top of the table and straddled over Dib’s legs to get a better angle. Dib’s height had nearly doubled over the years, and Zim had to crawl up him like a pole if he ever wanted to get anywhere, nowadays.

Dib pushed up a crooked, nervous smile. “Not gonna lie. You look really good, with the backlight and the scalpel and- you know what, I’m going to be shutting up now.”

Zim grinned. “I always look good.” He lowered the blade, making neat a shallow, neat ‘V’ over the middle of Dib’s chest before beginning to cut. Dib sucked in a breath, but Zim was focused. A line dragged down under the initial cuts, and he pried the skin and muscles open, blood immediately pooling over his hands. He needed to work fast- he hadn’t thought to lower blood pressure, and the rapid beats of Dib’s heart weren’t exactly helping. It stuttered like a rabbit, and Zim couldn’t help the way his stomach growled.

He reached around the ribs to cut the heart away from the arteries and veins, taking care to keep as much of the aorta intact as possible. When he was done, he set aside the scalpel to pull the heart out. Dib stared as it pulsed in Zim’s hands, speechless for once.

Zim set the heart down on the tray, carefully lifting the replacement out of its jar and setting it back in. He maneuvered it around the other organs, settling it back where the original had been. The tiny program inside of it ignited upon being settled into place, reaching out to the veins and beginning to beat.

“That was… easier than I thought.” Dib admitted as Zim settled the layers of muscle and skin back into place before sliding off Dib. “Uh, Zim? Are you gonna finish-”

Zim could barely hear him, drool pooling in his mouth at the rich organ sitting in front of him. He picked it up, watching as it continued to beat. Still alive, even though it was no longer attached to Dib. Even though it was Zim’s now.

He licked it first, not caring about the gore that soaked his gloves. It tasted like the cut had, only better. This blood was healthy, full of oxygen, not tired from travel through the veins. This blood that helped keep Dib alive. That was going to nourish Zim.

Then, he took a bite, ripping part of the aorta off with his teeth. The taste was indescribable and he immediately swallowed, taking another. He needed more.

Dib let out a little squeak, but Zim was preoccupied, feeling the salty sweetness soaking through his tongue. Dimly, he realized he was making a mess- the heart was still dripping blood, and now viscera soaked his chin and probably his clothes. It was far away compared to the satisfaction of the ‘food’, though, the craving disappearing amongst the texture and taste. He’d never taken bites before- the only other time he’d consumed human organs, they had all been whole, and he’d dampened his taste buds to keep from becoming sick.

Perhaps it was just because he’d grown to enjoy the taste of Dib, or perhaps he’d jumped the gun and all human organs had this transcendent property. The bites became larger and larger until he was left holding nothing but thick, sticky globs of blood.

Zim burped, a hand settling down on his now-thoroughly soaked shirt. It was only then that he noticed Dib again.

He’d fumbled for the medical sewing kit, giving himself sutures. Well, he’d always been quite self-reliant for a human. He was fine. What worried Zim was the glazed look in his eyes and the flush on his cheeks. Zim waved a hand in front of them. “Are you dead?”

“No…” Dib’s voice was quiet, and Zim realized as he shifted something was nudging him from underneath. “But I think I just realized that I’m way more into this than I ever thought.”

It took a moment for Zim to process Dib’s vague phrasing, but he smirked, leaning forward to stroke a hand soaked in Dib’s own blood over his cheek.

“I have the others. We can try again later, and you can personally give of yourself to make the smeet happy.”

Dib’s eyes drifted down to the curve of Zim’s stomach, and he nodded slowly.

“Deal.”