#physically i feel kind of shitty but emotionally we're so back

[afterthegoldrushes]

i got a library card i did my housework and then sat outside eating pomegranates and reading i made a coffee i like my room im going to ren faire on sunday

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

Can you write sfw alphabet with nat?

SFW Alphabet with Nat

A/N: I got two of these so I figured I had to do it :). I'm also in the midst of a longer fic but since yall have been starved for like three months I wanted to post something real. (As funny as my little insane posts are I think yall deserve more.)

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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

She's touchy, but not hella touchy. Just like a tap on the shoulder, or a side hug mostly. But she's mostly a quality time or gifting type. Like she loves just sitting in the same room together, doing your own thing. And for the gifts, she sees literally anything she thinks you'd like or reminds her of you, she's brining it to you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

She's a great best friend, and your friendship stemmed from you deciding she was going to be your friend one day. You just show up and start talking to her. She's very much confused but ultimately rolls with it because you don't seem to be doing anything as a joke.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

She's cuddly when the two of you are alone, but you're out with friends or at a party, it's more just an arm around the shoulder. But the minute you're home, the two of you can't be close enough. She'd probably crawl straight into your skin if she could.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Depends on how "settled" we're thinking. She's not the white picket fence, married with kids type. But she's very pro-getting a shitty apartment together in a medium-to large city. She definitely works at some shit bar, but that's the closest to settled y'all will get.

Cooking, she's great. An amazing cook. Cleaning? Mediocre, but your apartment is never fully a disaster.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Erm.

She'd definitely do it in the middle of an argument, completely impulsively. She doesn't really mean it, either.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

At first she's very knee deep in the passenger seat about everything (haha casual by Chappell Roan reference), but after a while she realizes she really likes you. I feel like she sees you talking to another girl and gets jealous, and the next day she's ready to commit.

As for marriage, I don't think she really needs that to feel committed to you. She's not opposed if you want to get married, but she's not going to be the one to bring it up.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically, middle of the road. Obviously doesn't intentionally hurt you, but she can get kind of rough sometimes. She'll stop the minute you say something about it, though.

Emotionally? When you first meet, not at all. She'll say whatever she's thinking and not even comprehend it might hurt you. I feel like as time goes on, once she realizes you're not gonna leave her, she gets a lot gentler.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

She likes to do the hug from behind and rest her head on your shoulder when you're cooking or something like that. I feel like she's not really into the stereotypical full-body hug. It's mostly side hugs or from behind.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

She doesn't say it for a while, not because she doesn't think it, but because she thinks you won't say it back. When she says it for the first time, she thinks you're asleep and whispers it. You mumble an "I love you too" back and she kind of freezes. But then she realizes that you said it back.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I don't think she's super jealous, but when she is, it's bad. If someone's flirting with you (or if you're flirting back for attention), she's all over you. Kissing your forehead, running her hands all over you. She makes it very clear that you are taken.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Her kisses are kind of rough. I don't think that girl has ever even seen a chapstick.

Where she likes to kiss you: your mouth, neck, shoulders, and hands.

Where she likes to be kissed: temple, mouth, neck, and her hairline.

If she imitates a kiss, it's generally rough from the start. Like she kisses you like she's starving and needs to taste you. But I think she likes when you're softer about your kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

I know it may be a controversial take, but that girl is amazing with kids. I don't think she wants them for herself, but when your friends have kids or if you have nieces or nephews, she's obsessed. Honestly it gives you baby fever every time.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

She's asleep. It's never a "get up and get going" morning with her. You spend a lot of time just sitting in bed together, especially if you don't have to get going for work. She sleeps very late, so you mostly spend time reading or scrolling waiting for her to get up.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It's almost the same as the morning. If one of you has to be up the next day (most of the time it's you), you generally stay in and watch a movie together. If it's the weekend, you go out to dinners or bars.

As for actual sleeping arrangements, she's always up really late. She's not even really doing anything, she just doesn't sleep very well. So essentially, instead of you awake like the mornings, she's the one just waiting.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

You know a lot of her past traumas pretty fast, since you were friends first. But you're like three years into your relationship when you realize she's never told you her favorite color. She definitely doesn't reveal everything at once, you kind of have to work for it.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

She's not easily angered in most scenarios, but if you're lot listening to her then she gets pissed off. Or like if you make assumptions about her. She is easily annoyed though. Or at least she pretends to be. But if she's teaching you something she'll make sure you get it no matter how long it takes.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

She remembers literally everything you say, but doesn't show it. For months, you thought she barely listened to you until someone asked your favorite food/color/book/etc, and she answered before you could.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your first kiss, for sure. It was before you two were together officially. The two of you were friends before, and at one point just ended up kissing, whether out of curiosity or something else. That was when she realized she had feelings for you, and the two of you casually hooked up for a while.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

She's a bit protective, mostly by an arm around your waist if she thinks someone's a little too close to you. She never gets physical with people, but she's often glaring at people when they look at you weird.

When it comes to protecting her, she doesn't really need it. She can hold her own. She more likes the support of knowing you're there for her if she needs it.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Dates: not a ton, but not because she doesn't care, she just doesn't care what y'all do as long as y'all are together. So, she mostly leaves date planning up to you.

Anniversaries: again, she doesn't really care? She gets some flowers or something small, but neither of you really expect anything big.

Gifts: she puts tons of thought into them. She grew up really poor, so once she has means to buy things when she wants them, she's getting you anything you want whenever you want it. And for birthdays/holidays, she spends months saving to get you something big every time.

Everyday tasks: if you remind her, she'll do them, or if she thinks of it. She's not super strong in either direction, but if there's a chore you absolutely despise, she'll do it every time for you without fail.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Cannibalism.

The more obvious choice is her substance abuse issues. I think if this is pre-crash or no crash, she just smokes (both cigarettes and weed) most of the time. She drinks too, but that's not her main choice. Honestly, you find the smoking hot, but you also wish she would stop for her health.

She also definitely bites her fingernails/cuticles. Like her nails are constantly a bleeding mess.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Conventionally, she doesn't care. She doesn't want to feel like she has to appeal to anyone. However, if she doesn't think she looks good in her own way, she's constantly asking if she looks alright.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Not incomplete, but lonely maybe? She doesn't have a ton of friends, and so if you're not dragging her around to talk to people, she really only has Kevyn and Van to talk to.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Okay this is a personal indulgence but as someone who's midsize/plus size I think she'd absolutely buy clothes big enough to fit you so you can wear them. Like she gets t-shirts huge on purpose so you can steal them from her. She pretends she just likes them really baggy, but she goes insane for the way you look in her clothes. You totally know what she's doing too, but it's just so insanely sweet that you don't say anything to her about it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

I feel like she's a broccoli hater.

In all seriousness though, I feel like the thing she's really vehemently against is PDA. She's fine with like small kisses and holding hands, but beyond that? She's very much against PDA. At home, whatever. But whenever you're out of the apartment, she's not touchy at all.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Babygirl does not sleep right at all. She's going to bed at 3-4 a.m. every morning and then sleeps till two or three in the afternoon. She can and will get up earlier if needed, but never goes to sleep any earlier. It stresses you out, but no matter what you do she's still up until like the crack of dawn.

[alovelyburn]

Hello! I read the previous ask (about Griffith and Guts getting together after the events of Berserk and Griffith having his heart unfrozen), and I was wondering about the latter, wouldn't that destroy Griffith (emotionally at least, if not in other ways)? I can't help but feel like that would be very devastating for him, being that he had a tendency to feel extremely guilty even about things that weren't his fault, or directly caused by him (like the dead boy and his comrades dying in general), so wouldn't him accepting to make the sacrifice be so much more worse for Griffith to handle, reaching levels that are unbearable? Do you think Guts' love and forgiveness would be enough to override Griffith's intense feelings of guilt and self loathing? Do you think Griffith would self harm or self destruct in some way due to those feelings? How would Guts react if he witnessed Griffith doing something like that (in general, like in the scenario with NeoGriffith but also if he'd seen it during the Golden Age pre-eclipse)? Sorry this ask is a lot, feel free to take your time with it or ignore this if you want!

If I'm being completely honest about what I think is most IC for Griffith, I would say "I think his first instinct would be to double down on pursuing his dream to the end of the sky because otherwise the sacrifice was a waste and it's not like he can undo it." Because that's what Griffith does - he pursues justification and validation of the things he feels bad about having done or caused.

And if I'm being completely honest about what I think is most IC for Guts, I would say "Guts isn't going to be much help in that because it's not like he's going to be there telling Griffith it's fine that he had the Hawks killed." I don't think he is capable of permanently severing ties with a Griffith who acknowledges his actions, cares about him, and/or misses the Hawks and regrets his choices at least to some degree. But I do think if Griffith's response to it is "I feel shitty about that, now I need to accomplish extra hard to justify that choice" Guts would need a long walk and something to hit.

The other thing is, if we're talking about giving NeoGriffith his emotions back, that's not really the same thing as just swapping him for the Hawks Griffith, right? He's still a cosmic demon king - he still knows IoE's plan, he still sees the lines of causality, he still has the same nature and duties and role in the world, he just feels some type of way about it (and about other things). His perspective on things and on his own choices would still be very different than it would if you just time displaced one for the other.

All that said do I think Griffith would feel terrible about it, yes absolutely. I don't think it would be as big a shock as one would assume though - his feelings were intact when he made the decision, after all. But even so he's never had to face the emotional fallout from that or the consequences of it since he immediately lost most of his range of emotions and then fucked off to the Vortex.

I'm torn on whether Neo Griffith, emotions-enabled version, would actively, physically self-harm - it's not even really clear that he can be injured... though I imagine he could injure himself. I do think he would be in danger of becoming passively self-destructive, which is kind of funny (not ha ha funny) because, again he's not really prone to being injured so like... what's he going to do, let himself get hit by a cannon? It won't reach him, though.

I don't think Guts would want him to get that way though, no. I mean Guts can be prone to being harsh but kind, so I don't think being annoyed would make him comfortable watching Griffith display signs of self-hate, whether passive or active.

...I always feel like a romance buzzkill for some reason!

[2n2n]

OK. I can think about chapter 100 now!!! I've had sex calmed down.

What a fun time we're having, and what an awful guy Kou can be wwwwww....

shoutout to, me calling Kou emotionally like a 5 year old (compared to Amane being a 13 year old...), and him right now represented as an extremely young child having a tantrum... god what an epic drag!!! THANK you AidaIro!!

very cool and good of Mitsuba, I'm really liking him more than ever... drag him.... this is so good... perceive it....

this guy again....

screaming defensive guy when he's upset...

I love the painful impact of this line

Mitsuba not thinking of himself as special, so much as Kou's general heroism means he's concerned ... Mitsuba can't congeal a thought like "I'm special to you" "me going away forever would make you distinctly and uniquely upset".... I like seeing it hit Kou painfully because it's not true, it's not 'like anyone', but, he's not brave enough to just say that.

and now the award for most inappropriate thing anyone's ever called a suicidal person who has no motivation to live,,

GRAND PRIZE WINNER KOU, UNIMAGINABLE RUDENESS FROM A 5 YEAR OLD... ohhh of course Mitsuba's phrasing just sets of Kou's shitty reactive behavior!! Well, I love Mitsuba trying to explain that he wants departing to be special occasion, for someone to be sad and emotional about it .... major Rasphard swag. Love that for you, Mitsuba... such a 'midway' fantasy, you know? As I've said before, there are such 'rungs' of desire, what one can imagine for themselves can be so small and feeble, unable to conceptualize grander things... we are nowhere near a real hopeful dream from Mitsuba. He is trying to be happy with dying in a significant manner.

Mitsuba I wonder the same thing. Like Kou do you really understand the implications, here? Of YOu accusing Mitsuba of like, asking you to help him out with his fetish, wanting to die by your hand being somehow a perverted thing, like, back the hell up, I DON'T THINK YOU THOUGHT THAT THROUGH... I mean of course you didn't, you don't, but seriously, now.....

rauruhg... this is so lurid... this is the most rawly I've liked Mitsuba, I love his vigor and insistence on making Kou do this to him, this thing that would greatly upset Kou to do, and Mitsuba wants to get to see Kou be upset the whole time, wants it to be him because how upset he will be. This is, decadent.. this is incredible. Really good job, Mitsuba... your misery has crystalized in such an interesting fantasy ... you'd love to haunt someone's memory finally.... to be grieved always, in the guilty heart of Kou. Ugh, epic....

UNPRECEDENTED SECOND AWARD FOR WORST THING TO POSSIBLY SAY TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO DIE

feeling free and fine physically harming someone because "you wanna end it anyway right?" like omfg, you're really turning this into some kind of masochism in your brain Kou, PLEASE UNDERSTAND IT'S A ROMANTIC KIND OF FANTASY ... you're the equivalent of a vet putting down a sick dog, NOT A SEMI TRUCK SMASHING INTO A GUY, or,, a BDSM dungeon master,, OK..... I can't believe how awful you can be, please, you're so lucky Mitsuba is so desperate that he will have you, you behave so crudely and without any grace or romanticism............ know that like I love what we're doing here, narratively, but if this was my OTP I'd be dying, like please can you let a moment be beautiful, for 3 seconds.... I can't live like this, I'm too sentimental, Kou is such a violently unromantic person.... making hananene and amatsuka look so graceful....

EGREGIOUS.... childish....

a very nice Mitsuba!!! and... what a sentiment. Ahahaha... your standards are... so low Mitsuba... </3 Kou IS better than a big stinky fish, I guess.... congratulations on having some standards....

crazy crazy sentiment... "I sure am dangerous" oh I love it. Mitsuba...! This is such a great and interesting place to be about your status....

I like the reality of this explained out simply... and it guilts Kou in a way I have been waiting for-- I wish he could really understand this, and feel guilty for every time he's just placidly spending lunchtime with his buddies, relaxing with Teru and Tiara, while Mitsuba is all alone... (and then if Mitsuba playfully tries to find a way to join him, Kou might be pissy and annoyed, and has no perception of WHY he acted out for attention... he has never truly understood how miserable Mitsuba is, despite everything--!!!!!!!)

[Mitsuba feeling wanting, lonely, left out...]

[Kou just being a screaming animal about it blasting Mitsuba]

Even if we look at Mitsuba and think, "he has friends!", the reality to Mitsuba himself is different. Nobody asks for him specifically, and none of it is enough to compensate for the pain and guilt and shame he experiences for existing. It's all too small to effect any of that agony. Not a reason to stay clung to the shore... all the effort of it ... its not that he's ungrateful for the little he does have, it's just not nearly a distraction enough, for all the time he spends doing unpleasant and awful things, or languishes alone....

UURHRHGGH THIS IS LIK E YES YES [most excited I've been all chapter] YES YE ES YES SCHOOL FESTIVAL ARC YES YES YES YES WHAT ARE WE GONNA RUN WITH HANAKO!!! PLEASE WHAT DOES HE DO AT FESTIVALS, I BET HE LOVES HAUNTING PLACES!!!! oohghr so much FUN POTENTIAL!!! please god Yugis playing together ... I don't know how old the tradition of cultural festivals are, and a cursory search right now isn't helping, so, I wonder if the Yugi ever attended one when alive (not a high school ran one obviously, since they didn't make it there).... but Hanako at least has existed in the building with them, I wonder if he has fun in some manner.... I wonder what Nene will want to do, she's such a fun and creative and playful girl--!!!!!! And her and Hanako together can be so playful, eeee excited ... ><!!!

I'm excited if Mitsuba and Kou will be together for this, because it also isolates Nene with Hanako >> I loved how Picture Perfect split them off, so, I'd love a reprise of that arrangement >> << >> sorry Kou but like, get out............................. I'm not one of those 'toilet trio' people ................................................... I want HanaNene......... and I want the opportunity for Nene alone with Hanako and Tsukasa-- EEEEVEN just the potential is enough for me, even if it won't happen ...... ! well, the dream would be both the Yugi messing around with people at the festival and secretly colluding with each other, you know....

glad we end with Mitsuba able to be playful about his affliction...

hows about you put those housewife qualities to some good use, eh, Kou? Don't you feed your family all the time.... you'd be better suited to being in charge of feeding Mitsuba, and maybe you'd take your little job more seriously if it was more like a wolf bringing pheasants home for your pup.... lets give Tsukasa a break on playing caretaker.... he's just meant to be the cute little brother Amane protects, you know, he's not really enriched by this caretaking thing, like you....

[frogsandfries]

I'm just going to jump in here with my opinion as a small-town girl who grew up to be a city-slicking enby:

Obviously not everyone wants to live Like That™, stacked up and squished together in their abodes. And honestly, for at minimum health/germ purposes, it is definitely not a great idea. I'm certain a toonnnnn of people who live in cities, squashed into apartments, would rather live anywhere else--and they should have every right to do so. In a utopia, people would live in population concentrations that truly suit them without having to worry about work or a commute or vehicle maintenance etc etc. And I'm sure conversely, there are a ton of people who feel like living in the middle of nowhere is the only option, when they'd rather be in the thick of it.

Now. If you follow me here on hellsite, I just went over this yesterday, but just for example, a handful of years ago, I took a Greyhound through Montana. We drove for about seventeen hours and hardly saw any Walmarts, gas stations, factories, houses, any kinds of human-made structures. I know at least ten of those hours was just highway and field.

There is unquestionably space, at least in the US. I would hesitate to say it's "perfectly" habitable, but people live inside the Arctic Circle and in the Appalachians, so. Truly, who am I to judge.

Honestly, humans are animals; we have a point of equilibrium. After the baby boom, here in the US at least, it was estimated that that kind of growth would continue. It did not. This is the same in all developing economies: there are population booms with health and food resources, and then the populations stabilize (okay, honestly, so far we've only seen this under capitalism; but honestly, this one planet can only produce enough food to feed so many humans, so unless we're like, growing our food off-world, eventually, we would unquestionably hit our population maximum at some point, even in a utopia where everyone can have as many or as few babies as they like without being concerned about feeding, clothing, educating, or keeping them healthy because of insurance). So eventually, in the utopic future where everyone gets perfect nutrition and healthcare and everything they need, the human population across the world will stabilize, and it will not be Star Wars levels of the planet being covered in buildings that reach into the clouds.

In the US, and across the world, in this utopic future where we don't need to kill ourselves physically and emotionally for shitty, over-priced apartments and food we can barely afford and vehicles that just suck up more resources that we don't want to be shelling out, there will be plenty of space for someone who never wants to see their neighbors. There will be places for you to put your yurt or tent or camper or longhouse or European rectangle house or castle if you fucking want.

Firstly, a solarpunk utopia is just that, a utopia. It's a concept. It's an ideal to strive toward, and I probably imagine a solarpunk world differently (no corporations, no food waste on corporate scales; if there are still jobs--because there aren't many people whose ideal is getting fed and being able to just live staring at the clouds--then you can choose your job based on you, your personality, your desired community; you would no longer be pressured to work a job you hate just to survive, etc), because my idea of a perfect utopia is different from yours.

Second, again, going back to the people choosing jobs based on themselves: the biggest reason for kids leaving their third or seventh generation family farm is usually money-driven. Again, in a world without corporations, people would choose jobs that suit their personalities and a lot of these kids who are leaving the farm would be able to stay. A lot of these kids who are giving up what their families have done for generations would be able to stay and keep doing those things, if it suited them. For example, in a world where I can walk into a grocery store and say, thank you for the milk, and be on my way, because there are no corporations and no reason to hoard resources to yourself--or maybe we even look at people who are trying to hoard resources and ask them if they need help--in that world, personally, I would happily work in food service. My sister would happily help produce food from the ground.

I think a solarpunk reality is attainable, but I also think so many people are unable to imagine the world without corporations and money. There have not always been corporations, and there has not always been money per se. Solarpunk is about a world that has moved beyond resource scarcity, which I would argue, we as a species have done. It's corporations that hold us back from true resource abundance.

[greygilberti]

A Court of Mist and Fury spoilers ahead. Also, possible infuriating opinions:

Alright, I'm gonna say it: I'm reading A Court if Mist and Fury (64% finished) aaaaaand I find it very fucked up that Feyre just sent a note to Tamlin about her being gone. I love Rhysand and how he treats Feyre is MUCH better than Tamlin, but Tamlin at least deserves a face to face explanation of why she left. It's my opinion that cyclic behavior continues because there is no communication. The fact that the story between Feyre and Tamlin is being pushed forward because of a lack of communication is killing my soul.

Like yeah, she pointed out - in her own internal monolog- that he loved her until he got his powers and land back and then seemingly just wanted to keep her as a pet. Yeah, that's fucked up HOWEVER if you play along with it and don't speak up and give that person reasons and detail everything that is fucked up about the situation and how poorly you feel you're being treated then that person isn't going to know. And NO, I'm not saying she deserved that kind of treatment, but if he doesn't know to NOT treat her like that, how is he to change???

I GET - excuse me, I ASSUME - that what is being demonstrated is an abusive relationship between the 2 of them. I have known plenty of emotionally and mentally abusive people in my life - some of my favorite people are married to them and I have BEEN a victim - to understand this. You know what I feel needs to happen? Communication. When the problematic behavior starts or you realize what's happening, sit down with your partner, family member, or whoever it may be and detail the issues. Give them a chance, and when they don't change, that's when you pack your bags and leave. (I understand every real-life situation is different, but this is FICTION, and from what I remember, he never physically harmed her, and his behavior is more of an overbearing parent)

They BOTH have trauma from being under the mountain. Thus far, we haven't found out if Amarantha abused Tamlin the way she did Rhys in that time. We know that he wakes up with similar behavior to Feyre's, and neither of them help the other, so yeah, she got some explaining to do as well. (I understand it takes time, and not everyone wants to talk about trauma but not even holding him? We're never told that she made any attempts at comfort. They both just seemingly ignore one another). Maybe had she been like, "Hey baby, it would be really nice for you to be there with me. I kinda fucked my entire life and psyche up trying to free you and you can't even hold my hair back while I vomit. Oh yeah and I feel like the walls are closing in on me so maybe don't suggest I stay in the house all the time OH and my favorite thing in the world - painting - makes me wanna scream. I understand you have duties, but maybe we can help each other out somehow. " This is FICTION, they have indoor plumbing in a more or less medieval setting and you're telling me that an underdeveloped understanding of psychology and PTSD is where you draw the line?

I love the story EXCEPT for that. Facing the ones we love and telling them how their behavior HURTS and is DIFFICULT but if you can't tell your partner how they're unintentionally hurting you or how they can better help you, how are you going to do that with another potential partner? Yeah, Rhys and Feyre have the bond and he can gather info from that about how she's feeling but if that's the only reason he's a better partner then maybe Rhys isn't all that great??? I LOVE Rhys, but I also think that Talmin deserves better. He's not a bad guy, yeah he's made some shitty choices, but that's kinda what everyone does if their behavior isn't corrected.

And to everyone who's gonna be like "oh just wait, he's not actually that great. Him and Ianthe are scheming something blah blah blah" cool, imma find out eventually but my opinions still stand: there is no change in behavior without communication and I still want to rip my hair out every second that passes and Feyre and Tamlin don't actually sit down and talk.

[holycrimin]

It hurts to love.

Karl heisenberg x male!reader

Tags: Hanahaki and angst

SFW

(Note: In this au, none of the main events happen with ethan, as he is not in this story. Also SPOILER WARNING.)

(Warning: probably shitty plot, but i'm trying my best ok)

[Your pov]

It all started a year or two ago, when mother miranda had found me lurking around the village. As i was not a local, she deemed me suspicous. However, before she had the chance to kill me, She had a spark in her eye. As if she had an idea. And before i knew it she was using me as some sort of vessel for her daughter, Eva. Although i am a male, she had seen something special in me apparently. I had also found out that her daughter had passed away and she was determined to bring her back.

It failed.

The experiment... failed.

I was no longer deemed useful.

She had proposed me two options. become a servant or assistant to one of the lords, or die. A slow, and painful death.

Of course I chose to be an assistant.

She was kind enough to let me choose who to work for, thankfully.

Lady dimitrescu was very much intimidating. And from what I've heard, if you mess up even just a little while working for her, you will be sent to the dungeons. Never to be seen again. And she isnt really fond of men, so I wont be choosing her.

Next up was Donna Beneviento. She was nice, although her doll 'Angie' is a little... how do I say this... creepy. It doesnt help that i have a huge fear of mannequins and dolls, so I dont think i'll be choosing her anytime soon.

And then theres Salvatore Moreau, dont get me wrong he's a great guy but.. he might accidentally drown me. I might be overreacting, but the guy smells. Although, I feel bad that he's treated so poorly by the other Lords, but i think it's for the best if i stay away from him.

And.. i guess my only option left is Lord Heisenberg. I just hope that he wont be that much of a hassle, even if he IS kind of an asshole...

A day before i start working at the factory, Mother Miranda forced us to spend the day together. To 'get to know eachother' I assume.

Lord Heisenberg looked pissed off, he wasn't really fond of me. He was more pissed off at Mother miranda though. Most likely because he was forced to spend time with me. I quickly learned what he called the 'basics of him'. Basically, common facts. Such as, the fact that he can bend metal and his deep hatred for Mother Miranda. that was basically all that he told me.

The following day was my first day at the factory. As we were walking along the factory, he stopped in his tracks. "Listen pup, there's rules." He practically growled. "First of all, Don't touch my shit. Second of all, don't go around the factory without me knowing. And third of all, Don't try to get to know me, we're keeping a proffessional relationship, got it?" He said.

"Uh.. y-yes Lord Heisenberg." I very nervously stammered, lightly blushing at the nickname he gave me.

"Good, now let's get to work."

Present day

That was around a year or two ago, and while i have gotten closer to the other lords, i never managed to get to get close to Lord Heisenberg. And..

I'm an idiot who fell for him... And... I know he'll never feel the same way. I've tried getting his attention, impressing him, but... nothing's working. Every time i try to get close to him, wether it's emotionally or physically. I get pushed away, literally and figuratively.

It's my fault really. I fell inlove with a man who was emotionally closed off. His charisma, his voice, everything about him just makes me fall more and more inlove with him.

I know i wont have a chance, hell, i dont even know if he's into guys... Guess i really am an idiot, huh?

Later that day, Lord Heisenberg asked me to help him with something. I agreed of course, and during that time I tried to know him more. "Jesus christ, are you trying to get me to open up or something? Cause' that's not gonna happen, so give it up." He spat out, "a-ah... sorry Lord Heisenberg.." I stammered out.

A few minutes of silence pass. Suddenly, he grabbed my hands. "I- ugh.. Just- you're doing it wrong. Here, let me help." He said, while holding my hands 'teaching me how to do it right'.

Of course my face started heating up, the feeling of his slightly roughed up hands on mine... it feels nice. Although this is probably the only time i'll ever get close to him.

"Hey pet, you ok? Geez, you're practically as red as a tomato." He said, while still holding my hands. "Uh.. y-yeah..! Uhm... i.. i'm good.." i stuttered, feeling his breath on top of my head. He was bigger and taller than me after all.

"Well, whatever you say, pup." He shrugged as he continued his work. I got a little flustered on the nickname, i never got used to that..

After, he went and ordered me to get supplies fron the duke.

As i was walking along the pathway to the duke, a few lycans were following me. They didnt seem to be attacking, so i just left them alone. However when i reached the duke, the lycans were gone. How strange.

"Well well well, if it isn't Heisenbergs pet! What brings you here, young man?" He says, with a shit eating grin. "Ah.. well, i'm just here for some supplies is al-" i was then cut off with a series of coughs, "Oh my, are you alright?" said the duke, genuinely concerned. "O-oh i'm fine i ju-" i was then cut off by another series of coughs, but just when i stopped, a small white flower petal came out of my mouth.

"Oh dear, i hope this isn't what i think it is... Are you sure you are alright?" Asked the duke. "I.. i dont know," i pause and look at the small flower petal in my hand. "do you know what's happening..?" I questioned him, very much confused. "It may be something called the 'Hanahaki disease'. It was said to just be an urban legend. Where, if you were suffering from unrequited love, you would begin to cough up flower petals." He explained. "I didnt think it was real.." he muttered to himself.

"..." i was silent as i stared in shock and horror, I'm.. coughing up flowers..? Like actual, real flowers...?

From.. unrequited love.... i should've known, i... i should've known that he would never feel the same way.

How could i be so stupid, to think he would fall for a mere mortal like me. Or atleast.. i think i'm mortal. "Well," the duke spoke up, "luckily there are two ways you can get rid of the sickness." My eyes lit up, "the person you like, either loves you back," he continued "or, you can get surgery. Not only will it remove the flowers, it also removes all of your feelings for this particullar person permanently."

"Th-that's great! I can finally get this 'hanahaki' disease while also getting rid of my feelings for him-!"

"Him?" The duke asked as he cut me off, "do you mean Lord Heisenberg?"

"Uh-" as i think about him, i start coughing again. This time, blood was spilling over. And so were many petals. "Oh dear.. so just the mere thought of him triggers it..?" He said, concerned. "Uh... i'll just... take the supplies. Thank you though, duke."

"No problem, stay safe. But remember, the longer you wait around with the flowers still inside you, the worse your state will become." He informs me,

"I'll try to get the surgery as fast as possible duke." I said, waving him goodbye.

As soon as i walked out, those same lycans followed me all the way back to the factory. Strange isn't it? Anyway, when you finally arrived at the factory, supplies in hand, I hear Lord Heisenberg open up the door.

"Here, let me help you with those." He says as he starts taking some of the bags.

"...Why are you being so nice all of a su-sudden?" I stammer as i try to hold in a cough. "Would you rather not have me nice, pup?" he growled. As i opened my mouth to speak, i was interrupted but a fit of coughs. Blood spilt out as did the petals. Heisenberg didn't seem to notice as he was already far ahead.

I try to cover it up as much as i can as i try to catch up with him. "Jeez.. Finally, you caught up-" he cut himself off. "Why is there blood on your face?" He said, slightly concerned. I froze. "Uh.." that was all i could say. "Whatever.." he said as he wiped the blood away from my face. A faint blush spread accross my cheeks.

I excused myself to the bathroom as i felt another fit of coughs. More blood splattered out as well as more petals. God it hurts. I heard a knock on the door. "Hey pet, you've been there a while, you sure you're alright?" He said

"Uh- yeah, i-i'm fine..!" I said, trying to hold in my coughs. "Well just make it quick, we have work to do." "Yes sir..!" I reply back quickly, not wanting to upset him. I quickly cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom. "Took you long enough." He sighed, annoyed. He went ahead and grabbed his hammer, dragging it along the metal floors. It was loud enough for him to not hear you cough up more petals.

~later that week~

My condition kept getting worse and worse, to the point i was barely able to breath. I've consulted the duke, however nothing seemed to work. No matter how much medicine, herbs or other medicinal items i jammed into my body, it just won't go away.

I was asked to come over Lady Dimitrescus castle, i'm not exactly sure why. Maybe she heard of this 'hanahaki' disease?

As i make my way to the castle, lycans started to follow me. Even more than before, why was this happening?

I finally arrive at the castle, the lycans seem to be watching me very carefully. I hear the doors open, and out came a tall lady. "Ah, Y/N! I'm glad you came! Come in." She said, holding the door open for me.

I walked in and was immediately tackled with a hug. "Uncle Y/N! You came!" Exclamed Daniela, one of Lady Dimitrescus daughters. "Oh, uh... hello Daniela." I say, hugging back. I never imagined them to warm up to me. "Now now Daniela, me and your Uncle Y/N have something to discuss."

"Aww man... well, i'll see you around Uncle Y/N!" She waved goodbye to me. "I'll see you around, Daniela." I say as i wave back. As soon as her footsteps were no longer in range, i spoke up. "So.. what did you want to talk about..?" I carefully asked the tall woman, not wanting to be sliced to bits. "Well, as i said before, the duke has informed me of something related to your wellbeing."

"So... you've heard about this.. 'hanahaki' disease, i assume...?" I say as i tense up even more. "The duke told me about it, and when i asked why he was informing me about this, he simply stated it had something to do with you. So tell me, do you have it?" She asked me with a concerned expression.

"W-well.. I-.." i say, sighing. "Yes, as far as i know." I reply, not wanting to lie to her. "As much as i dislike that wretched man, Heisenberg, i must ask, is he the object of your affection?" I froze. "Well... uh-" i cut myself off as i break into a fit of coughs growing more and more violent than the last. "Oh dear- MAIDS!" She called out, panicking, as blood and petals fall out of my mouth. She patted my back as i continue to cough. "So... it is Heisenberg.. I am terribly sorry Y/N i did not know this would happen.." she said, apologetically.

"I-it's alright-" i break into another fit of coughs. But instead of petals, this time, there were fully grown flowers. "i.. i can't b-breath.." i say almost blacking out. The last thing i see and hear are the maids, Lady Dimitrescu shouting to get the duke, and the door opening to reveal... Lord Heisenberg..? "Goddammit, out of my way-!" Was the last thing i heard before blacking out.

•

•

°

.

.....

I woke up to the duke. I sat upright, "what... happ-" i was then cut off by the duke. "You're awake! Honestly, i.. didnt know if you would wake up.." he said sadly. "Thankfully, i was able to patch you up just fine. And after days and hours of research, i finally found an alternative to your hanahaki!" The duke said, switching from a sad, to a cheerful mood.

My eyes light up, "W-wait, really!?" I said as a smile creeps up on my face. The duke gives me a small bottle, "Here, take this. Free of charge!" He said as he smiles brightly. "Now, you should drink it as soon as possible. Lord Heisenberg is waiting for you outside."

"I will, thank you duke!" I said as i waved him goodbye. As I walked to the gates, I take the small bottle and drink it. Within seconds, the flowers were gone. I could finally breath again!

Walking out with a small smile, I saw Lord Heisenberg. "Oh, hey-!.. uh.. i mean, hey. You're awake, lets... get back to the factory..." he stammered out.

..

Was it just me, or were there tears on his face..?

The walk to the factory was silent, but as we walk up to the factory gates, he stops dead in his tracks. "Before we go in, I just uh.. wanted to let you know that the duke let me know about how you really felt about me." He said. "And.. after a long time of thinking about it.." he cuts himself off as his cheeks turn red,

"...I like you too." He confesses.

But,

I don't feel any different.

I don't have butterflies in my stomach.

I don't even feel my face heating up.

It was like...

I was never inlove with him in the first place.

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way." "W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I watch as his expression goes from flustered to heartbreak. "..." i grow silent.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't." I say, opening the doors to the factory, not wanting the situation to get more awkward. "...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." he says as his voice was slightly shaking. "Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." I said, walking in and closing the door on him.

[Heisenbergs pov]

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way."

"W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I say with my voice slightly shaking. Dammit.. god... fucking...

DAMMIT...!

Just when i thought i finally found the love of my life, he's stripped away from me.

"..." he was silent.

I could feel the heartbreak slowly filling me up.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't."

"...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." i stammer while i try not to break down infront of him.

"Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." He says, as he walks in and shuts the door. Heh.. it's cute how he still worries about me when..

Nevermind.

I need some time to thi-

My thoughts were interrupted when i started to violently cough. What i didn't expect though...

Was a flower petal.

"..."

"Heh..."

"So this is what he felt." I said, as i look at the bloody flower petal in my hand.

[invinciblerodent]

okay rambletime yeah i'm not done fuck

I keep harping on how since Iona is also an elf, these two have more alone time than the majority of possible in-game couples would (those 4 extra hours each night while everyone else -except Halsin- is asleep add up quick, and really help relationship development for me personally), and I just have this... weirdly vivid image in my head of the Rivington camp, specifically of the little shed/stable with the hay bales that's a bit further downhill from the tents, and how it'd be such a nice place for them to just... spend some of their extra time there. Pretend, for a moment, that this is an isolated pocket of time that none can intrude on, a time it's easier to be vulnerable.

what I'm more specifically thinking is that since she has relatively high dex too (16), trying to teach her some lockpicking skills would be a fun way to pass the time. Like I'm picturing them sat on a hay bale some ways away from everyone else, in this little private bubble, with her settled between his legs, his chin on her shoulder, and he's 100% a garbage teacher for sure, but it's also not helped by how they both keep getting distracted by one another? Caressing her hand instead of correcting her hold on a tool, knocking her head against his instead of listening, tangling fingers, cutesy garbage like that while she's essentially sitting in a nest of his limbs under the stars, and that's when she'd say, all soft and smiley and loosely cuddled, "I like this new, 'cuddly Astarion' flavor on you. It suits you."

(lbr it's probably easier for him too to express physical affection when she's not looking directly at him the entire time too.)

see because then, then!!!!!!!!!! he actually is what she sees in him you know, with the agonizing odreal of being known and all (we're past a successful love test here, he fucking knows and admits that she knows him), but that -at this point seldom-seen- soft core of his is still like covered under all those layers of hurt and bile, and this meeting with the other spawn is a very emotionally charged moment anyway that's full of fear, and it brings back horrible thoughts and feelings and memories about centuries of torments, so in many ways it's easier for him to say that it's actually that softness that's false (even though they both know that's a lie), than it is to acknowledge that he feels shitty in like seven different ways, and the unexpected guilt of disappointing her on top of everything else is just proving too much

and this whole exchange ofc is, once the immediate danger has passed, followed by "other people don't have a heart like you", which is just so sad and kind of backpedaling on this "I can't be what you want to see" bit with an "nobody else but you sees me the way you do" (which kind of has an edge of "so maybe I can be that, but statistically you're more likely to be wrong than everyone I've ever known"), and do any of you realize how close I am to eating drywall about this man at this fucking point frankly

do you have any idea how obsessed I am with this fucking line right now

like I can't be the only one who thinks this sounds like it could be a callback, right? Like the words "cuddly Astarion" were said at least once before???????

[messengerhermes]

Building in the Buffers

So hey, Living with chronic pain, I learned the hard way that deciding I didn't need to build in buffer time for myself around a big event (or even just going buckwild with a lot of small things that would stack) would put me on my ass with a major flare up. Over time, I started to figure out what my bodymind needed in terms of care and slowness to offset the big things, this mish mash of stuff is what I call Buffer time, the cushion before and after a thing that keeps my meatsuit from falling to pieces (or at least makes the falling to pieces less extreme). Here are a few examples for buffer time: During the Event, limit what the fuck I'm doing. Conventions take a lot out of me, whether they're the kind I am facilitating a workshop at or tabling and selling shit at. If I'm facilitating at a convention, my workshop is the *only* planned thing I will do that day. Everything else, fuck off. If there's a workshop that looks cool, I may go, but if I get tired or bored I will not make myself sit through it, I will quietly slip out. If I'm with friends and they want to hang out and do something high energy, I won't promise I'll be there, I'll ask when they're meeting up to go and let them know if I'm there I'm going but otherwise nah.

Streamline the number of choices I have to make about the thing. For tabling conventions, my entire kit is fits in a cracked, duct-taped electric purple hardshell suitcase and a cardboard box of comics. It's on wheels, holds my little collapsible shells, my prints, my tablecloth, my jewelry, and my signage. When I break down after a show, everything goes right back in that suitcase. All I have to do before that show is grab that suitcase, shove my cashbox in it, and that box. All I have to do at the end of a convention is look over my ledger to make sure I marked all my sales. When I worked charity fundraisers back in the day, I would pack my outfit in advance, dress clothes, shoes, and deodorant, shoved in a garment bag and small toiletry bag and stuck wherever staff got to put our stuff. I'd get maybe thirty minutes before showtime to shove myself into my clothes, wipe my pits and fix my hair. I did an extended version of this for conventions I present at. I would pack my clothes as outfits for each day, already put together. When I'm there, I don't have to panic about what to wear, I just have to pick which outfit I feel like that day. Plan my aftercare. I spent many years going "Oh I'll probably be fine after this concert/night dancing/big party/family event, no need to spread out my plans/do aftercare" and then wondering why I would crash, either emotionally, physically, or both in the days after whatever the thing was. No more. Social events take a lot out of me. If I go out to my friends at the club, whether we're dancing or out on the patio, that environment tends to be very overstimulating and draining. I also tend to need a tapering off-ramp to extended hanging out. This means I'm always the friend that does the "Hey, wanna grab 3 am tacos?" at the end of the night, and most of the time at least some of the group says yes. This has dual perks of getting a more chill wind down hang out and also food in my belly. Then I get to go home, sleep forever and do nothing the next day. Do Future Me a Solid. This is "planning my aftercare's" cousin. On weeks where I had major events/work things, I streamlined my life as much as possible. I figured out the easiest meals that were within my budget (I have eaten so much cereal, pancakes, and rotisserie chicken in my lifetime), I would hang full work outfits on one hanger so I could just pluck them from my closet and throw them on. I'd pack my lunch the night before to avoid eating only my emergency desk peanut butter. Take back your time. This is very narrow advice because it's focused on salary jobs with PTO, so please know, I am aware this doesn't apply to everyone. The thing about a salary job is they put that shitty "exemption" that means if you're called to work over 40 hours a week, you aren't getting overtime, *however* the flip of this is your employer is technically supposed to give you that time back. You don't get overtime pay, but you worked a week filled with 12-16 hour days? Flex the next week to take a day off or work halftime. Whenever I worked one of those special charity events, like a gala or 5k where I had to show up to work at 3 am, I told my boss in advance "Since I'm working extra hours here, can I take Monday off? I'll be sure to finish and schedule anything that needs to go out that day in advance." I started doing this because my body cannot work six days in a row and then come back and do a 40-hour week. It eats me alive. (Please note, advocating for myself this way worked because my boss wasn't a douche, but it did cost me promotions, even when I got glowing annual reviews. Ableism and capitalism suck ass y'all.) Chronic pain sucks ass, and our world is not set up to make it any easier. I know this post is not comprehensive and won't be useful to everyone, but I hope there may be something helpful among these words even if it's only inspiration to think about what might work for you.

[dismalzelenka]

Day 36

for @the-wip-project

Damn I can't believe we're 36 days in! Wow!

I could wax poetic about a bunch of different angles on this but I'm gonna ramble about spicy stuff today because I've been writing smut all morning so have a cut and some lemon flavored meta and breaking down the different dynamics in the f!handers/nathaniel howe OT3 for The Place Where I Belong! Tagging for discussion of D/s dynamics, pain play, very light verbal teasing beneath the cut. I also briefly touch on age gap and arranged marriage tropes for various AUs.

Almost all of my sexual relationships I write, if they become recurring, end up with some flavor of D/s. It runs the whole spectrum, but there is something very appealing to me about one person taking control and directing the flow of action. I think for me it's largely because I'm bad at interpreting body language cues and struggle in sexual situations where I'm expected to go with the flow without someone explicitly giving me direction or allowing me to take control. So I'm drawn to these dynamics in real life, and thus most of my experience tends to be in that realm.

Anders and Journey are both switches, but their relationship tends to skew towards him being the more dominant one because sex is one of the ways she copes with her anxiety, which sometimes makes her freeze and get really indecisive. He provides her with a sense of safety and this feeling of "I'll catch you no matter what." She's also kind of a pain slut when she's in a subby mood, by which I mean she is REALLY into being spanked and bitten and will let you hella fuck her up. When she's the more dominant one, she's very much a tease. She does things like restraining Anders and not letting him touch her, making him watch while she touches herself, and gently teasing him for how much of a slut he is. She's small but she's also super athletic and really strong, and he's kind of a bean pole, so when she holds his arms down he can't fight her off despite the fact that she's almost a foot shorter than him, and he finds that incredibly fucking arousing.

Nathaniel is probably the most consistently dominant one out of the three of them. He's used to taking charge after being a Warden Captain for ten years, and it's a role that fits his personality well enough that the mantle definitely doesn't always come off with the uniform. Sometimes he leaves the uniform on when they're feeling particularly spicy. With him and Journey though, especially in the beginning, they have this sort of balance beam dynamic where she tries to see what it takes for her to break his control and get him to snap and fuck her without holding back. He's very scared of hurting her at first, until he discovers she's actually very into being tossed around in bed on occasion, and then he slowly discovers he actually really enjoys that too. She's kind of a power bottom with him, especially at first.

Between Anders and Nathaniel, Nate is more often the toppy one in a traditional sense. He loves to fuck Ansers in positions he can see his face, because something about know he's the reason Anders is making those amazing expression really does it for him. Kind of prods his possessive streak a bit I think. Occasionally they swap and Anders tends to be kind of a service top with him on those days, just like super soft "let me show you all the ways I love you" sorts of things.

All three of them are very open to experimentation as well, and then their power dynamics as a triad honestly shift a lot also depending on their individual mental states. That's kind of a common theme across all three of them, sex is a way of communicating a lot of things, so sometimes when one of them is in a shitty headspace the other two like, take care of them, both physically and emotionally. Sexuality is deeply interwoven into their fabric of how all three of them interact and how they reassure each other when one of them is doing poorly. Nathaniel enters the relationship with a lot of insecurity about his place among the three of them. Hawke goes through something later in the story that very very deeply rattles her confidence. Anders eventually has to face a life without Justice in his head. All of these things do affect their dynamics both in and out of the bedroom and affect the sorts of ways in which they choose to take care of one another.

These dynamics are mostly similar across all of the AUs of them I have rattling around in my head, with the addition of one more big thing that I'm looking forward to playing with eventually that isn't as much of a thing in the modern and canon-ish universes:

In both the Wild West and Regency AUs there is an additional element of the person/people with the least societal power having the most control. In the WW AU there's a pretty significant age gap between Journey and the other two, but she definitely has them both wrapped around her finger and there's a huge line of respect for her and a vibe of they love her deeply and would do literally anything for her. A big theme is at first she makes them earn the right to learn her name, and then once they start "courting" her she makes them earn the right to touch her and undress her, and there's never a moment where those boundaries are pushed or violated.

Regency is a little less developed conceptually (they're both outlines in progress) but the idea is similar- she's a noblewoman's daughter in an arranged marriage with Nathaniel, and Anders is the handsome but penniless young rake she's been going out drinking with while disguised as a man. So ultimately she and Anders end up being the ones who call most of the shots, even when Nathaniel might occasionally take charge physically in the bedroom. There's a balance aspect to the idea of the person with the least amount of power having the most control that I really really love and is very satisfying for me to both read and write.

Anyway have I mentioned I love them and they all live rent free in my head forever now 🥰

[firemblem-fics]

Smitten Kitten [Finale]

one | two | three | four | finale

-> Pairing: Felix x Female!Reader | Hybrid!AU (mostly platonic idk)

-> Warnings: Abuse mentions, Like Two Sex Jokes, Yelling

-> Genre: Angst, Fluff

-> Word Count: 1.6k

-> Summary: You never wanted to be involved with hybrids. They were risky and had too many rules for you. But what will you do when a little black and white cat that you take in turns out to be the very thing you steered clear of?

-> A/N: Okay so the more i wrote this the more i realized it was more platonic than anything and also it barely fucking features felix and i’m just very unhappy with it i suppose ... maybe in the future i’ll rewrite idk i’m really sorry for this i kinda hate it but i’ve been working on it for so long i didn’t want to make people wait longer

Soon, the bell rang once more and you turned your head, finally making eye contact with those red eyes you'd been longing to see for weeks.

"Fe!" You nearly stumbled forward as you rushed towards the hybrid, your heart leaping as you reached out to-

"Don't touch him!"

Karen's shrill voice was like an invisible wall that was keeping you away from Felix. You almost shrunk back as she yelled, but you stood tall. The Hybrid Services needed to see that you were strong and fully capable of taking care of Felix and you were determined to do just that.

You only looked at Felix expectantly. He went to walk over to you, but was stopped with an extremely harsh tug on his leash. He hissed at Doug, who was talking to an HPS officer with a hardened gaze.

Karen, on the other hand, walked coolly up to you. "What's your problem?" She sneered.

"My problem? You're hurting Felix."

"We're just disciplining him," She rolled her eyes, "Sometimes a savage animal needs a few hits to get the rules in their head. Felix plays too many games that we don't feel like dealing with."

"Then why do you keep him?"

"Have you seen the boy? He's gorgeous. He's won multiple awards and thousands of dollars at Hybrid Shows. A bit of pain is worth the prize."

It was your turn to roll your eyes. "He's gorgeous, yeah? Is that why you felt the need to cover his bruises with makeup? I took care of Felix for two months and he never caused any trouble. He was polite, respectful, thoughtful, and never once did he need to be 'punished'. He's not the problem- you are."

"Why you-"

"Mr. and Mrs..." An officer called the couple away from you. He began showing them all of the messages between you and Felix- proof of their wrongs.

You, on the other hand, turned to the cat-boy and finished what you started, throwing your arms around his torso and squeezing him tightly. In return, Felix only stiffened up. He didn't know where to put his hands, choosing to rest them on your shoulders as his chin laid on the crown of your head. You only got a few seconds of alone time before another pair of arms wrapped around the two of you.

"How sweet, a reunion! I'm sniffing out a kiss and some 'I missed you' sex later on- OW!"

Felix's hand went from your shoulder to Sylvain's stomach, stopping him in his sentence. "Go fuck yourself."

"Only if you watch me~"

You laughed, pulling back from the hug and looking over at Ashe, who was now engaged in a conversation with one of the HPS officers. You were more than thankful to have him at your side. Ashe had gone through the same little trial to get custody of Sylvain, so he was more than willing to help you get Felix out of his shitty situation as well.

Ashe had explained to you how Hybrid cases worked. Evidence would be presented to officers or a Hybrid Facilitator, such as Nancy, and they would make the call as to what happens next. You would be presenting evidence of Karen and Doug’s abuse to them and asking for Felix to be placed in your care. Lucky for you, Felix could speak on your behalf as well since he had stayed with you for two months.

You were scared. Felix was a big boy. He hid his emotions and stayed strong throughout the shit that his owners put him through, but even the strongest people have their limits. Unfortunately for you, Felix was still a hybrid. Legally considered an animal and treated as even less.

You couldn’t give him the freedom that he deserved, but you would try your damn hardest to give him a happy life.

You nearly teared up thinking about it and Felix must have noticed, for amidst his and Sylvain’s bickering he subtly placed his hand on the small of your back. It stayed there when the officers gathered everyone together, letting both sides present their cases. You spoke first.

“Two months ago, I found a little black and white cat in a dumpster. He was cold, hungry, and unhappy. I took him in and learned later on that he was Felix. Felix stayed with me for two months. I was under the presumption that he was kicked out of his old home- that was what he had told me, anyways.” That earned you a glare from the man beside you. “But I sheltered him for about two months, waiting for someone to come looking for him. They never did, so I took him here to get some papers filled out and make him legally… mine.”

You spat out the last word. God, did you hate the idea of having a human as a pet. Felix’s thumb brushed your back again, providing you with his own quiet form of comfort and amping you up to continue.

“I came, got some papers, and left. I should have known that he would have had papers under Doug and Karen’s name, but since I believed that they no longer wanted him, I went ahead and took ownership. Then they came up to my door later that day and took him. He had actually run away from them.

Felix put up a fight at first- he didn’t want to go. I gave him Sylvain, the other hybrid’s, phone so that he could still message me if he needed anything. The minute he left, he sent me a voice recording of those two screaming at him in the car. Since then, all of those messages had been sent as evidence that Karen and Doug have threatened him and harmed him emotionally, verbally, and physically. I want Felix to stay with me. They called him a behavioral issue, but I know how to treat him. I’ve never had an issue with him. Ever. I want full ownership of Felix Hugo Fraldarius.”

Nancy nodded and pointed to the couple, who were fuming on the other side of the room. Karen practically stormed up to Nancy and the officers, her face redder than Sylvain’s hair and voice more annoying than Sylvain himself.

“She obviously stole Felix from us!”

“What the fuck?” Said hybrid suddenly interrupted. An officer shushed him and motioned for Karen to continue.

“Felix is an award-winning, purebred Fraldarius tuxedo cat. He’s won thousands of dollars in prize money and trophies and awards, so of course a lower class girl like her would want such a high end Hybrid. He would win her money. She could have easily turned him into the facility, but she didn’t, so she stole him from us!”’

Karen had a point- you should have turned Felix in, but you couldn’t. The little cat had wormed his way into your heart more and more every day- even if he was kind of an ass in the beginning.

He still is an ass, but a little less now. You knew that when his arm moved from your back to around your shoulders, thumb now soothing the skin there.

“Wh- I didn’t even know he was a show cat until you two showed up and told me!” You defended. His hand gripped tighter as if already trying to hold you back. You were rather ready to tear this lady to shreds, honestly, so he was helping.

“You’re such a little liar- and those videos, too! They’re obviously fake. You don’t deserve Felix, you deserve to be jailed for stealing our precious prize!”

“Prize?! You don’t even see him as a real being with feelings and emotions or anything! Look-“ You suddenly licked your thumb, turning around and swiping underneath Felix’s eye. “He’s got bruises that you gave him and hid. Your face and fist are in that video. I’ve got selfies I took of him and I when he was in my care- there are no injuries, so they obviously happened in your care.”

“And how do they know you didn’t use makeup to hide the bruises you gave him?” Karen accused. God, she really was going the extra mile here. “Listen, little bitch, Felix is ours and he will be if I have to pry it from your little dead fingers.”

“You won’t lay a hand on her.” Felix speaks up. He turns to Nancy and sighs. “I wasn’t going to say anything because my pride heavily prevented me, but I am afraid of Karen and Doug. They have abused me in the last few years that I’ve been in their care and I can’t do it anymore. I can recount every single instance where they have harmed me and I will gladly do it if it means I can get the hell away from them and go with people who actually treat me well.” His face stayed straight as he spoke, his eyes hardened in a desperate attempt to show everyone how he wasn’t affected. Felix never was one to show his feelings- you were proud that he did this.

The officers, who had stayed silent for the entire time, looked at each other.

One sighed and spoke up. “You two are under arrest for Hybrid cruelty and will be investigated further and punished as charged.” He turned to you, “Do you mind if we keep the phone for a while to extract evidence?”

“I mind-“

“Not at all.” You cut off Sylvain, “He can go a little longer without his phone. He needs to go longer.”

The officer thanked you and led the two away, nearly kicking and screaming.

Nancy watched as they left, typing some things into her computer before standing up. “If any of you can follow me to the back, I need to put the proper information on a new collar tag.”

Ashe volunteered and dragged Sylvain back with him, leaving you and Felix alone at the front. You turned back to him and slipped your arms around his waist once more. Felix looked around, making sure nobody was near before holding you back properly this time. A purr erupted from his throat- quiet, but soothing as your ear was pressed against his chest.

“You’re coming home, Fe.”

“I’m already home right here with you.”

[canaryatlaw]

well today was all around not great. Started okay enough, didn't have much to do at the office for most of the day, and a lot of people were out, so I was bored for much of it. I had a client meeting at 3, which I initially went into wanting to discuss a settlement, but before I could even get to it the client got extremely upset and it just broke my heart, so we had an intern work with her to update her petition, and I tried to give her a lot of encouraging words about going forward. it's going to be a difficult case for sure (the other side's lawyer is from one of the top family law firms in the city, the one that actually sponsors the family law center at my law school, which is rather ironic) and the abuse isn't as cut and dry as some other cases, but I'm certainly willing to fight for her seeing how emotionally affected she's been by it all. I then had a super frustrating phone call with another client that contained a lot of ranting about things I could do absolutely nothing about, and I'm honestly super fed up with this client, but we're not really at the point where we can justify withdrawing (yet at least) so I just have to deal with it for now. I ended up staying at work until around 6 so the intern could finish up updating the petition (she volunteered to stay late to finish it) which was fine since I had small group anyway. I left the courthouse and made it to the starbucks around 6:15, only to be informed they were closing in 15 minutes (half an hour early) because they had to do cleaning, so I scarfed down my still very hot panini and walked over to the church I bit early. the one small group leader I like a lot (like like like) (lol at that sequence of words, hopefully meaning is clear) and got to talk to him a bit, so that was nice. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to tonight's session, because the session was about fathers- we're doing the trinity this year, and this semester is about God the father, so we were talking about earthly fathers this week. I had already cried in a prior session when dads were brought up, so I knew it was gonna be rough, but I had already skipped two weeks ago because I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to skip out again, since we've been made very aware by the church leaders (no ill intention on their part) that our group is very popular and has quite the long wait list, so I wanted to make good on my commitment and went. we got started and broke into two groups for the discussion, with 4 other people with me, two of them being leaders (we have a very high leader to group member ratio lol). I don't want to get into it too much because I'm tired AF and don't want to get all emotional right now, but I didn't exactly contribute to the discussion very much and instead just sat there and cried for most of it (at one point they asked our parents names and I couldn't even bring myself to answer) and at one point excused myself to go to the bathroom and spent probably about two minutes in there sobbing before cleaning myself up the best I could and going back. so yeah, not a great night. I wasn't with the leader I like for the discussion, but talked to him briefly afterwards. I had told him before we started I wasn't sure if I wanted to come tonight, and at the end he asked if I was glad I came (or something like that) and I admitted I kinda wished I hadn't, so I expect I'm going to get some follow up love this week from the leaders, which will definitely be appreciated. anyway. group ended, I walked to the train and took it to the bus stop. it was past 9 so the coffee shop was closed, so I had to wait about 10 minutes for the bus in the cold, but oh well. bus came, walked the rest of the way home and just crashed on the couch for a few minutes before making some food and starting to get ready for bed, and now I'm here. I feel pretty shitty physically, most of my body has just been kind of achy, and I had a pretty bad headache earlier (I think it was partially caused by running down the sloped ramp to catch the train earlier as it felt kinda impact based) so that's not great, but I

have a continued hearing (which I'm feeling super anxious about) tomorrow afternoon, so taking a sick day isn't an option. I may end up working from home, we'll see how I'm feeling and how much resolve I have in the morning. but yeah, I'm tired AF so I'm going to bed now. Goodnight my friends. Love you lots.