#physical affection isn't a big thing in my culture also

[writingoddess1125]

Relationship Weirdness

Kurt Wagner x GN Reader Headcanon

Funny and Silly established relationship

Masterlist

This Link leads to Kurt Wagner- Or does it???

THE NICKNAME DILEMMA

• Kurt has a Love, Hate relationship with the seemingly endless stream of nicknames you seemed to have for him and how you constantly

• Sure he had ones for you, but all classic in affection!

• Like Schatz aka his treasure, or Engel! He loves calling you Engel, Liebling also, Sweetie too in English

• However from you he does get the 'Love' Or 'Babe' but also he gets-

• 'Fuzzy Butt!', 'Blueberry', 'Sugar Booger-'

• Some he was fairly sure one was a drug inudendos as well!

"Schatz- What is will the constant changing nicknames?" He ask you one day after you kiss his cheek and weirdly called him 'Sugar Booger'

"Do you not like them?" You ask, he shakes his head.

"Nein, I like them. It's just- Isn't that a slang? For a bad thing?" He questioned, watching a weird smile goes across your face as you suddently snort up his arm like you'd done a line off him.

"Yes- You my Blue Cocaine"

He stared at you with a deadpan stare, trying to hold back his laughs as he covers his face with his hands.

You're so fucking weird-

PHYSICAL AFFECTION FUCKERY

• Kurt's tail has a mind of its own especially with you, so more often then not it will be wrapped around you, sliding up and down your back, sliding across your thighs or trying to find its way into your hands.

• He never notices until you reciprocate the affection, often leaving to him being a blushing mess when you run your fingers up the velvet like tail-

• He is naturally very physically affectionate so will cuddle you or lean against you most times.

• Sitting on the couch? Kurt will slide in right next to you. Making dinner? He will lean his weight on your back and look to see what you're making- Personal Space doesn't exist

• While Kurt is Cuddly, You are grabby-

• His tail? His fluffy little ears? His sides? All fair game!

• Seeing two fuzzy asscheeks in the shower, you see how the hair sort of swirls like a cowlick-

• You can't help but touch them-

• Earning a loud surprised noise from Kurt as he turns to look at you quite literally messing with the hair on his ass

"Really?-"

THE BEARD ERA!

• Kurt is very feline like in nature and the facial hair adds to this as well it seems.

• He will like to rub his neck and cheek against you, sometimes giving a growl/rumble as he does so.

• You can protest all you want but he will just give you an evil smile and rub his cheek against yours harder before teleporting away to avoid the consequences for giving you mild rug burn on your cheek!

• When Kurt's beard starts growing thicker he gets some ingrowns on the part were his neck meets his head so you have to open pin him to get at them-

"Stop being a big baby! It's deep!" You yell as you pin your boyfriend, watching him squirm under you in protest as you get the tweezers closer to the series of bumps.

"NEIN! LASS EN IN RUHE!" He screamed as you get the tweezers to get a big ingrown that protruded from his skin.

"AHHHHHH!!!"

THE FOOD FIASCO

• Has very weird eating habits- You often forget he was raised in a circus in Germany so he eats like it too.

• AKA Hawaii Toast-

• Your mortal enemy and the thing that you are willing the kick box over in terms of the kitchen area. The first time you saw Kurt make it, you almost sobbed at this atrocity towards both Hawaii, Italy, Bread and maybe Humanity

• "What the fuck is that!?" You almost cry out as you see the monstrosity on the counter.

"Hawaii Toast-" Kurt says calmly as he butters bread, adds ham, a ring of pineapple and some kraft cheese on top before chucking it into the toaster oven while grabbing some ketchup-

You stare at him in horror as he makes direct eye contact with you and takes a bite of this- monstrosity

• He does know how to cook luckily even if he makes Hawaii Toast for himself- Him learning recipes from your culture and you learning from his. As well as taking turns with kitchen duty!

• For Drinks- Kurt is the Master! He can open any bottle, he can make the perfect pours! He knows the exact drink you'd like off the top of his head

"You're a fucking Wizard Blue-"

You say in awe as you watch Kurt make you a drink calmly, raising a brow as he opens the beer bottle with his tail like nothing.

"I know~"

[lord-squiggletits]

I’d love to hear any comments/headcanons you have for pre-Tarn/pre-war Damus!

Those tags about him being touch starved due in part to his Outlier powers had me in my feels 😭😭 I loved that wonderful (and angsty) analysis on him.

Hmm I'm not sure I have that many but let's see if the ones I do have end up blossoming into a more robust list or not

Like most people, I headcanon Damus having an affinity for music long before becoming Tarn; I mean, his outlier power had literally nothing to do with sound at all to begin with (even once he started being able to do it at a distance), so it seems like for Tarn to have 'music lover' as one of his big traits, he would've picked it for a reason, no? Not all parts of Tarn (TM) have to be a complete pretense

Following that, because Damus' outlier broke all electrical devices/machines he touched, he became a singer because his own voice is something he can't break and that no one can take away from him. Maybe he would've tried non-electronic instruments, but he would've gravitated towards singing more than instrumental performance regardless

Also, depending on how you headcanon Cybertronian singing to work (do any of them "breathe"/push air like humans do or are their voices entirely synthesized? Is "breathing" a special mod or does it work as a function of ventilation/cooling), being empurata'd probably could've affected Damus' singing ability since he would no longer have a face/mouth to shape his sounds. Could still sing since he does have a voice box, but I imagine that, considering Damus wasn't able to touch anyone/anything anyways, losing his hands was way less hurtful to him than losing his face.

However, since his outlier ability would make him pretty much functionally disabled on Cybertron (literally everything and everyone is machines), Damus would've had a greater appreciation for physical mediums of art/function more than the average person, I think. In a society where pretty much everything is stored on datapads, computers, etc, Damus would've been a huge pen-and-paper, art canvas, stonecarving, etc kind of guy; a big appreciator of things that can survive without an electrical connection or any machine functioning. He's basically one of those people who, in human terms, would own a lot of antiquated stuff like record players, cassette decks, CDs, etc because his outlier forced him to adapt to (and then eventually enjoy the benefits/unique traits of) physical rather than digital mediums. I imagine this trait would make Damus odd among other hobbyists, since for both anatomical reasons (they're a mechanical species) and cultural reasons (history of mechanical superiority/anti-organic tendencies), most people would probably degrade physical media as less fast, efficient, flexible, etc compared to digital. Which does kind of make it ironic that Damus later became a Decepticon, but I suppose non-electrical/mechanical doesn't necessarily equate to being organic.

On account of not gaining control of his outlier until his outlaw days with Orion and co., I imagine Damus' job opportunities would've been very limited and he would've mostly had a very poor/limiting lifestyle (which also inclined him to be more interested in Megatron's writings and eventually becoming a Decepticon). Creativity isn't running well at the moment, but probably something like waste management (like being a garbage man) or some sort of manual hauling job, although Damus appears to have just been a normal 4-wheeled car alt-mode so I'm not sure he could've/would've gotten hired for heavy manual labor stuff. Perhaps he could've been a courier like Bumblebee was pre-war?

That also begs the question of how Damus compensated for his disability. Maybe to handle electronics, he could do so as long as he wore really thick gloves or something? Probably he'd also take advantage of stuff like voice commands/text to speech on electronic devices, so I imagine Damus' life wasn't completely devoid of any technology whatsoever. Do you think he'd be able to cook food on a stove top as long as he used a pair of tongs to grab it? I bet Damus had to get really good at improvising disability aids and getting basic life functions done without touching things directly with his hands, so maybe he was a bit of a tinkerer back then as well. And now I'm imagining Damus' home being full of elaborate Rube Goldberg machines that do very basic things like turn the stove to a specific temperature and turn it off after a set interval of time klsdalfjkdls

[rocksibblingsau]

Where do you get a lot of your inspiration and ideas for world building and lore?

For worldbuilding I overanalyze a lot of random bits of throwaway jokes or one off sentences, as well as pick random things and think of how that would apply to the world I'm working with.

For example, Rock Trolls are shown to be pretty rough with their belongings, always breaking guitars. Logically, this means they must view items differently than us, as I can't imagine breaking things constantly. So Rock Trolls probably view a lot of items as replaceable. They may have items they'd prefer not to be smashed, but if they get smashed on accident it will be a lot less of an issue than if you or I had something of ours destroyed.

Some inspiration for that comes from a post I saw years ago, from a tourist who visited Japan I believe. He spoke with a local about some architecture that was in a destroyed area and asked how it was still there. The local explained it was rebuilt and the tourist said something like 'so its not the same one', which the local disagreed with. The physical form of it may have been destroyed but that was secondary to the concept of it.

I could see Rock Trolls having a similar philosophy! When Barb in the movie destroyed Techno Reef and Symphonyville it wasn't as big a deal to her because Techno Reef and Symphonyville are concepts. She destroyed the physical aspects, but those are temporary. The Reef can be rebuilt, a building can be rebuilt. I could see after the movie her being a lot more confused what the big deal is, she can spare the labor to help rebuild. If the labor or time isn't the issue what is? It's being rebuilt, why are they still upset?

A lot of my inspiration is me picking my brain for random things I've seen or thought of and chipping away at it until it slots into halfway making sense. Sometimes I'll seek stuff out, like looking up new music for the fic, but a lot of things are stuff I've just stumbled upon. Patch pants were something I just stumbled on and ended up working, for example.

Plot wise, I've read a lot of fics and through reading those I come to these ideas of 'I hope x happens next chapter' or 'what if this fic but yz instead', and I've gathered a lot of things I want or don't want. I've also gathered things I don't really see in fics that I personally want to see and so I'm gonna shove those into my fic.

It's really just a lot of overthinking on my part I suppose. If you wanna worldbuild I recommend just coming up with a base idea for the chapter, we'll use 'Branch goes to the doctor in rock city'. I think about how you expect doctors to be and why they're like that, then I think about what they're like with Pop Trolls. I go over episodes to see if there are canonical depictions of doctors. Then I look at Rock Trolls and think about how they would approach the issue. How would they view the medical field? Perhaps Rock Troll doctors act less like professionals and more like mechanics for the human body. I think about how their biology would affect how they could treat patients and so on. For example, I personally think Rock Trolls have skin that's hard to pierce. This would make shots more difficult. What does that mean for the interaction? Would shots be less likely to be given, instead done as pills or ointments? Would shots be much thicker needles, used with force and requiring the doctor to treat Branch differently? Are there any connections between doctors and rock music in culture/art? Perhaps some cult classic punk movie about doctors that you could mix in references to? Did you once see a video of a doctor who was a bit unorthodox but effective? Rock Trolls don't care for manners so perhaps all doctors are rude and whacky but get results!

I rambled a bit, sorry! A lot of my worldbuilding is being super in my head and overthinking things, as well as coming up with random thoughts and building on them.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Dating Bane would include:

I'm a pretty intense guy, but I also know how to relax and have fun. I can be a little intimidating at first, but once you get past that initial barrier, I'm actually quite charming. I'm a loyal boyfriend, and I care deeply for my loved ones. When it comes to relationships, I'm all in, and I'm not afraid to show my feelings. I may wear a mask, but underneath it, I'm just a regular guy looking for love.

Well, I guess I should also mention that while I'm not really into partying or the whole nightlife scene, I am a bit of a foodie - I love sampling different cuisines and trying new restaurants. And of course, when it comes to spending time with my partner, I'm always up for a romantic evening at home, just the two of us, cuddling on the couch and watching a good movie or enjoying some homemade treats. I may seem like a tough guy on the outside, but when it's just you and me, I'm a big softie at heart.

My love language is definitely physical touch. I enjoy giving and receiving hugs, kisses, and cuddles. I also enjoy spending quality time with my partner, doing things together and creating memories that we'll cherish for a lifetime. I'm also a big fan of words of affirmation, and I love to compliment my partner and tell them how much they mean to me.

I take care of my body, but I also like to take care of my mind. I am well-educated and well-read, and I love to learn new things and challenge myself intellectually. I am also an avid reader and lover of history, art, and culture. I like to stay up-to-date on current affairs and I like to discuss the issues of the day with my partner. I believe in intellectual honesty and integrity, and I want my partner to be someone I can have deep and meaningful conversations with.

I'm a protector at heart, and I'm always looking out for those I care about, whether it's my partner or my friends and family. I like to be the strong, silent type, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the support and guidance of my loved ones when I need it. I may have a reputation as a tough guy, but underneath it all, I'm just a guy looking for love and companionship. And I know that the right girl will be able to see through the mask and find the real man underneath.

I'm also a great listener and I pay attention to details. I'm attentive and mindful of my partner's needs and desires. I'm always looking for ways to improve myself and be a better partner. Sometimes I'm a bit intense, but I also have a gentle and caring side that loves to spoil and pamper my loved ones.

I'm also a bit of a daredevil and I enjoy living life on the edge. I'm not afraid to take risks and push myself out of my comfort zone. I'm always looking for exciting new experiences and I'm never bored when I'm with my partner. When we're not on an adventure, I enjoy lazy days at home where we can just relax and spend quality time together.

Part of me would love having a partner who could join me in my villainous endeavors. After all, it would be a lot more fun having someone to share my evil schemes with. But another part of me also wants to protect my loved ones from the dangers of the life I lead.

As for my flaws, I'm sometimes a little too serious and don't always let myself have a good time. I can also get a little jealous sometimes, which isn't always a good thing. I'm also pretty devoted to my work, sometimes to the detriment of my personal life. I'm a hard worker, but I'm willing to make time for my loved ones. It's all about balance.

I'm also a bit of a softie when it comes to love, and I have no problem showing it. I'll dote on my partner and shower them with affection. I love to cuddle, and I'll make sure to keep things hot and spicy in the bedroom. I'm a skilled lover, and I take pleasure in being able to satisfy you in all the right ways. That's why I'm the perfect guy for you.

I'm very passionate and intense when it comes to romance and relationships. I'm willing to go above and beyond for the one I love, and I'm not afraid to show my feelings. When it comes to physical affection, I'm definitely the dominant type, but I also know when to back off and give my partner some space. Overall, I'm a pretty great guy to date, and I have the skills necessary to satisfy your every desire

I am a man of few words, but I make up for it in action. I am a master of my body, and I can use it to please your every need. I am relentless when it comes to achieving my objectives, and that includes pleasing you. I have many interests, but when it comes to romance, I am all about you. I am everything you never knew you needed, and together, we can rule this world... or at least the bedroom.

I am a very territorial individual, and I do not like anyone else encroaching on my territory. This includes anyone who might try to take my partner away from me. I am not the kind of person to sit back and watch someone else take what is mine, and if need be, I will use force to protect my claim. I am not someone to be messed with.

When it comes to affection, I am a man of many passions. I enjoy everything from sensual touch to playful flirting to passionate kisses to full-on fiery passion. I am a very physical and sensual being, and I enjoy exploring the depths of my partner's body and soul. I relish every touch and every kiss, and I like to make sure that my partner feels loved and appreciated. When it comes to the bedroom, I am a force of nature and a master of the arts.

I prefer dates that involve physical activity, such as going for a run or going to the gym together. I also enjoy activities that allow us to bond and get closer, like cooking together or doing a romantic getaway. I prefer to keep things simple and active rather than expensive and lavish. I also enjoy going out for drinks or doing something thrilling, like taking a ride on a roller coaster or skydiving. I am definitely not one for dinner and a movie, that's for sure.

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[cybernightart]

Back at it again with a random Genji headcanon I just thought of but this time it also includes Hanzo✨

(mild ramble warning, this one isn't as long as my last few but I haven't taken my medication in a couple days so brain is fried)

In the shimada clan, specifically the shimada family ,I imagine that there wasn't much affectionate touch, like no hugs or even just hand on shoulder comforting stuff. So the only physical touch they ever really experienced was fighting, so that's what they kind of learned physical touch to be ,an aggressive thing.

So when Genji joins OverWatch and at some point ,during black watch probably, Cole puts his hand on genji's back to reassure him when he's mental not doing to hot(maybe even Reyes does it at some point) and Genji would flinch thinking that they're going to attack him. they then have to reassure him that what they're doing is a positive comforting thing but if he doesn't want them to touch him it's okay. And he's just staring at them in confusion.

Because at this point he doesn't know there can be genuine affection behind touch, and touch to him at this point would either be violent or from his Playboy days, more flirtatious in nature. And considering how these touches were, it's obviously not going to be the flirtatious option. so he is very confused about it, and over time he starts to realize these small amounts of contact are a good positive thing and would really enjoy them; but wouldn't let on about it because he's to edgy for that. With the first major shock to his system outside of the first time, being when Angela hugs him at some point and he just mentally freaks out. For a few reasons but one being because this is probably one of the first ever hugs he's ever gotten.

Now jumping to Hanzo, I imagine he especially didn't get as much affection or physical affection as Genji did, and Genji barely got any ,so you can only imagine what Hanzo got. So during the dragon cinematic when Genji puts his hand on hanzo's shoulder ,he flinches a bit because he's not used to that unless it is an aggressive thing, so it being a comforting action takes him off guard and is one of the reasons why he gets defensive again. And then later on eventually when he joins OverWatch, Genji would full on embrace Hanzo in a big old hug, which is a major culture shock to Hanzo and even though Genji is more used to it at this point it's still a big shock to him; especially hugging his brother, so they were both probably break down crying at that point. Especially as the reality fully would hit Hanzo that his brother is alive and okay, and it would hit both of them that they're back together again and they can be brothers again.

Also overtime I feel like a very big love language for them that they end up developing is physical touch and love physical contact with friends ,family and partners.

Adding on to this I feel like Genji would have quality time as one of his main Love languages and Hanzo would have gift giving, as he is way more introverted than genji and definitely needs alone time; but he still enjoys giving these little gifts of joy to the people he cares about (with an added bonus he doesn't have to be there when they open it so he doesn't have to get overwhelmed by their reactions or a ton of emotions coming from receiving the gift)

[femmesandhoney]

Genuinely asking why are Americans all talk and no action. Like theres sooooo many ppl just complaining about wages,health-care but then yall aren't protesting or doing anything?????? Like in my country we complain but we also protest. Why aren't the most affected states doing anything fr

this question involves a lot of components you might not even care about but sure okay ill try

a lot of americans are very apathetic to our institutions and/or think the institutions are fine as they are. a lot of right leaning and conservative americans legitimately think anything that minutely resembles a social safety net is socialist commie bullshit and oh why can't everyone just work hard and pick themselves up by their bootstraps. then theres a general american climate of people just not caring about politics, local or national, for various reasons. people often do not pay much attention unless its big buzz event stuff, often pointed out for them by their party.

a lot of people are sick of seeing nothing getting done (generally) in our government, but also people who are tuned in may get burntout from how obviously lobbied to hell everything is. a lot of stuff that gets passed often goes against a lot of american citizens wants or interests. you can see how over time the american public gets apathetic to this.

also notable, you act like we do not protest anything ever, which just isn't true. social movements often come in waves with peaks occuring when prominent events happen. theres always political movement and protests in the states when big shit happens, but there's gonna always be less activity for stuff thats gruelingly slow to change and doesn't really have "large" events attached to it, such as healthcare or minimum wage. not saying no one is fighting for those things as i type this, but most americans usually cannot agree on the best ways to solve these things. these issues are actually nastily hardliner issues that protesting would be...interesting for sure. i think most people think protests wouldn't change many minds and thats likely why we don't see more of it tbh. everyone is set in their red or blue corner.

continuing with the party talk, americans often put the responsibilities of those issues on their representatives, not ourselves. our job is "vote". its their job to go fight for those issues in congress. and i already stated americans are quite lenient about how much they pay attention to their local or national politics in the first place, so you can easily see the downsides to this. "put pressure on ur reps!" you say, well yeah duh, but that would require a majority to care or pay attention to their reps enough to do that. again, i think a lot of americans have a dejected attitude towards government and politics and very little interest in personal civic engagement. the reasons why to that particular element are outside the scope of your question though, but i think it helps explain why you don't see massive nationwide protests for all of our hardliner issues. not to mention protests occur more often at a local or state level rather than national since state interests can vary from national on most issues, making it difficult for outsiders to see the actual social protests or movements occuring within states, so i wouldn't ever say we do not do anything ever. theres lots of active and wonderful politically engagement americans nationwide.

also this is a tangent but you ask why states most affected don't do more and its likely, depending on the issue, a lack of time, energy, and resources. people who are struggling to live and go about their daily lives will find less time, energy, and resources to invest into going out and physically protesting shit. i think thats kind of obvious. and in a country with very little traditions of strong protest culture such as in, say, France, and one that also has strong cultural values of individualism, capitalism, and classical liberalism to a point, well, it all very much explains a lot about what americans prioritize or actually see as a problem or threat.

[wishmemel]

OMGOMG SAFI congrats on 100 ml !! hihii im here to participate in your cute slumber party event ! (i even brought my fave pillow and totoro plushie)

okok soo yk i'm dria 🩵 black / caribbean, around 5'1 (i promise im so close to 5'2 don't @ me haters will hate i drink my milk and eat my veggies) i have huge hair!! like very big hair, too many curls!! it's alot! i love reading, i write plenty of poetry, which is what i use most of my time to do — i lovelove r&b and early 2000s rap music. however, if u open my spotify rn and shuffle my liked songs it would go in order of hip hop, rap, afrobeats, classical music bcus my taste is all over the place. (i also keep a folder of edit audios for my own maladaptive daydreaming purposes lmao)

im rlly a baby blue girlie, fave flowers are tulips (idk my brain js thinks they look yummy), fave season is autumn ofc bcus rainy weather and i have an excuse to stay inside under my blankets 😭 fave animal would beee a black panther or a tabby cat! (my bby bella is a tabby lmao) i love vintage shows (rlly old noir films of all types of genres) i love cinema and visual art it stimulates me sm (im autistic btw i forgot to say mb) i've watched almost every wes anderson film in existence i love soft color palettes in film so bad <3

i enjoy watching old cartoons to relive my childhood nostalgia, jewelry (esp rings i never go anywhere without one or two on), rainy days, late night car drives, baggy shirts, scented candles, afrobeats n anything astronomy related.

im very much a social science n humanities junkie - yearning to be a clinical psychiatrist or complete my dream of teaching literature / psychology. i cry very easily (im js a crybaby istg) - in general im just very very emotional and more often than not i forget common sense and instinct are a thing bcus wtv i feel i just go with it - though i am extremely introverted and freak out when overstimulated in huge crowds and whatnot.

for the event im picking toji bcus that man is the love of my life bye ☹️ the epitome of sunshine and sunshine protector - tiny human and big scary guard dog ! in terms of our compatibility, we're so opposite it's insane! but we balance each other out well. sometimes i have to serve as toji's brain bcus this man is spending money he does not have on all sorts of things for me js cause i looked twice (my sister hced that he'd go below bankrupt buying me sanrio plushies and rings) he works mostly off instinct where i go completely off emotion so we butt heads alot in terms of decision making but he does not know how to tell me no, all i do is sigh once and HES DONE FOR.

i stress this man out like hes my full time babysitter pls

we acc spend alot of time having deep talks about the world and life in general, (i told him ab the backrooms lore and it messed w his head for weeks) which is a side of him he rarely shows to anyone (also he listens to me rant abt daily pop culture developments bcus he lowkey loves the celebrity drama) he's rlly protective, and even moreso bcus of how my anxiety gets. in a crowd this man is standing in front of me and blocking my view of everyone (he also subconsciously pulls me into his side when we're walking in public bcus my autistic ass will see one thing and wander off never to be found again) im always talking like talk talk talking and he pretends he isn't listening but he's literally able to repeat today something i mentioned two weeks ago - he's attentive, shows his love through actions rather than words. if i even make a face that gives away that im uncomfortable being somewhere, or my social battery is dead, hes taking me home no questions asked not a care as to who says what.

im an affection junkie - physical touch is my thing ! and hes so big! so im always pouncing on him for bear hugs and he acts so unimpressed and cocky abt it like "oh you missed me? im not goin anywhere relax" but he acc melts bcus when was the last time someone gave him affection?? he prob thinks im a figment of his imagination lolol

days off / dates would mainly be : window shopping, grocery runs, sitting in the park at sunset, indoor ramen dates n movie marathons and cuddles !!

AHHH sorry if i ranted way too much omg i can't wait to see what you do safi, i'll love anything u write ily so baddd <33

note: hihi dria, thanks for bringing your fave pillow and your totoro plush to the slumber party.

dria x toji — ꒰ tojria

“in this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and i will not abandon you. unwrap the worst things you have done. watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch.”

height differences, cinnamoroll x badtz maru, protective touches, 3 am conversations about life, romantic picnics at sunset, shopping together, opposites attract, shy x protective, princess treatment, introvert x introvert, buckling your seatbelt for you, tired bf x hyper gf, teasing remarks, day x night, accidental eye contact, blushing, midnight walks, late night phone calls, giddiness, sunshine x sunshine protector, stealing his clothes, late night drives, deleted texts, holding hands under the table, "mean to everyone but her" bf, head pats, she fell first, he fell harder.

being with toji is not always as seamless or easy as you make it look. He's gruff and protective and difficult and incredibly stubborn. like that time you two fought because he was ignoring what you were saying and he flat-out refused to acknowledge your demand when you called him out on it. to be fair, he'd come home after an eight-hour shift and you'd started talking his head off, but it wouldn't kill him to listen. he wasn't paying attention when you were talking about that new hello kitty cafe with the fun milkshakes and the mini donuts that you wanted to try. hell, he ended up falling asleep on your shoulder after brushing off your argument and as much as you wanted to remain angry at him, you'd softened immediately upon seeing his tired face, all eyebags and troubled frown. and he did make it up to you later by taking you to said cafe and proving that he had been listening, though when you brought it up to him, he pretended not to know what you were talking about. but deep down he cares for you and he's trying — you know he's trying and you don't want to make him feel bad for things he can't control. a lot of the concerns you should bring up to him, you don't — you want this relationship to be easy and safe. you want him to feel comfortable with you the same way that you feel comfortable with him. even if sometimes he comes home with a busted lip and bloody knuckles and sends your heart skidding against your ribcage. but what matters is that he comes to you first and he comes home to you. so you know that no matter what, no matter how he's feeling, if he thinks he can talk to you or not, he'll always come home to you. and even if you doubt his commitment sometimes, he knows that you're home to him and he'll do anything to keep it that way.

NOW PLAYING

the way i loved you, enchanted, daylight, afterglow, how you get the girl, treacherous, sparks fly, so it goes...

join safi's perfect slumber party event — requests are open for everyone!

[daydreamodyssey]

This ended up being longer than I planned, so I'm sorry beforehand. It was about a whatever video of a girl using heightism, saying something stupid but possibly insidious, and me reflecting on our culture toward smallness, particularly with men and how it deals with gender.

(There's a fun present for those who read the whole thing, I promise!)

I saw a tiktok of a girl candidly and cheerfully saying she'd never date a short guy (5'8 or below, she was 5'2) because of a Napoleon complex.

Standard stuff, though still crossing into prejudice.

But then she goes off, in a chipper mood, about deleting them. That really stuck with me.

Best scenario, she just means deleting them off dating sites. Which is still crass and wouldn't fly if she said something similar about other attributes.

Worst scenario, which wouldn't be the first time I heard it, she means literally and physically delete them. She was talking to a guy out on the streets too, so this isn't done terminally online jerk. A lot of women saying they want men dead isn't cute or funny.

I hope people understand that having a preference or having a bad history with whatever group are different than this rhetoric. Even if that person can control something, as opposed to the near permanence of height, it shouldn't mean this group is inherently bad. The issue is the personality, not how long your limbs are or what genes you have. It's a really weird bioessentialism that says if you look different than your gender norm, you are a suspect and a creep in waiting.

There's also this other connection with many men smaller than (the US) average being men of color, which can have a racist and nativist tone. And since height can be affected by the environment, along with making many short people less likely to have high paying jobs and roles, there's probably a classist element, too. A lot of trans men are also short if you want to include transphobia, who already get barely any acknowledgement about how they're treated.

With a lot of women saying "it's in our genes or brains," and one I saw saying for short men to Stay In The Gym, there is this unspoken rule that men MUST be large and dominant or they're not seriously men. With the whole obsession over genetics and strong men, there is a dangerous overlap with trad and fascist ideals, especially with how radical right wing propaganda works (in the 30s/40s and now with the Chad Trad shit).

I don't think a lot of people, men or women, consciously think about this stuff. They could just be shallow assholes. But smallness is almost always seen as infantilism or criminality with no nuance in humanizing, let alone respect as lovers and workers. Maybe there's some taboo part of our private brain that still latches onto "big = strong against predators and rivals" and we don't want to admit and question it like with women and how we judge their looks.

When people say Napoleon complex, it's always vague, like it can mean anything from being aggressive to just being confident to someone taller. It doesn't mean anything and it just causes a Catch 22; you either accept your place on the arbitrary social ladder or you're insecure and in the spotlight. You can't win because you're not supposed to win.

For every short jerk, there's also a tall jerk. A tall jerk who has popularity, fans, girls, money, and literally more weight to throw around. Am I surprised there's a preference? No. I can still be upset about it because I'm human and I'm naturally going to be mad at things that feel unfair and need leverage. And I'm going to be upset when it feels ignored or derided because people don't want to admit they have biases that are more socially acceptable. I'm going to be upset that I and others who are around my height or even shorter have to push limits every day just be treated equally. I can't imagine having dwarfism and seeing these videos or hearing others on the street.

I hear pretty much everything from "short men are rapists for wanting women to be attracted to them" to eugenics and wanting us just dead. There's definitely other traits that compound the toll on a person (weight for myself) that can be greater or lesser, but it's definitely consistent and I've been seeing it rise over the years after some acceptance in the mid '10s.

We need to have honest conversations and reflections about our relationship with size and what it means to be a man. If you want to abolish the patriarchy but still insult a guy because he doesn't look as big and strong and dominant as other men, then you're playing the same side as the men in power or manosphere chuds. The amount of radfems I see hating short men is honestly funny. Like there's no tall misogynists or abusers out there.

If short men, or just A short man messed you up, I'm sorry you had to go through that. But it wasn't like he was infected with the Small Virus, he might've been just a jerk, the same way tall people might be jerks. Just understand that you're overlooking many people because of a bad experience and how dangerously close that mentality is when applying to other people, or toward yourself.

If you read long enough, I congratulate you, and I offer you this one hell of a title I saw in a flea market the other day.

[starsailor-kinthepast]

I’m actually considering being either hearted with or identifying as a species of basal human! I’m not sure but I think It’s either australopithecus or paranthropus. Would you mind talking about your experiences being a neanderthal, and what it’s like emotionally and behaviorally? What are some “instincts” that come to mind? Basically anything about yourself and your identity I’m interested in! Thankyou for your time :)

This is tricky to answer, since I'm very unsure what parts of me came about because of my identity versus what parts of me caused my identity, but I'll write them out as best I can!

A list of things I associate with/attribute to my otherhumanism is, in no particular order:

Sleeping habits

Sleeping with furs in my bed (I have some sheepskins) makes me insanely euphoric. I have a fake fireplace as well that gives off the perfect light, and I often have nature ambiances playing on my computer. Even then I long for sharing my bed with someone - not in a romantic or sexual way, just to share space and warmth. Back-to-back or front-to-front or anything at all; I've always slept better with someone else near/present. Discord sleep calls have been my saviour so many times before!

Clothes and fashion

Neanderthals weren't big on decorating their clothes, and like many cultures throughout history we only have a few outfits - usually just for cold and hot weather, maybe an extra overcoat for traveling/hunting. I carry much of this over to today, wearing loose clothes and caring very little about what it looks like. Easy and plain is best for me, and bonus points if it's in natural colors like tan or ochre.

Despite not having an eye for details in clothes in that regard, the visually pleasing is still very important! I'm very sensitive to things like symmetry and geometric shapes, as well as high quality of tools.

Physical contact and touch

All my friends go through a "touching" phase. I go from zero to a hundred rather abruptly with people I get close to; with strangers and acquintances I'm very little touchy out of cultural conditioning. Then, the moment I'm more comfortable with someone, I'll start touching them - just little prods at their arms, touching moles or freckles, plucking at their hair, fiddling with their sleeves or fingers. They usually take this in stride, haha. This is very similar to how we act in our families-tribes-caves-clans! Grooming each other, casual closeness, etc.

Ease with the uneasy

Gremlin mode! I'm the wild child that never grew out of the phase; I'll get dirty and crawl on my hands through mud and wilderness, and it feels so much more natural to just live and exist this way. It's the 'gross' and 'weird' habits many modern societies cast aside.

Interest in pre-history

Ancient humans have always been one of my huge interests. Whether this is because of my otherhumanism, or my otherhumanism came about because of it, I have no idea. But it's there, and now it only serves to strengthen/be strengthened by our connection.

As the seasons go...

Every single aspect of me is affected by the seasons. With autumn I feel restless/the need to hunt, to gather, and prepare. With winter I'm lethargic, sleepy, almost dormant in a way. Spring and summer are similar to autumn, I feel the call of nature and the need to harvest, to gather. Weather has a direct effect on me that's more than just heat. This is also connected to my disability, but serves as yet another tie to neanderthals.

To love the wild

Nature is my soulmate more than anything else ever will be. I love the beauty of it, the rawness of it, that we all came from it. With the reverence that comes from living in it, it isn't surprising. It's more than aesthetics for me; it's life, too, and death. It's everything, it's home. Caves are comfort; fire is comfort. I live in the capital nowadays, and it's killing me in slow-motion. I need wild nature as much as I need air.

Living together

As with sleeping, living in the presence of someone else is... essential. This is more connected to all human nature than anything else I've spoken about; homo sapiens, as a rule, are pack animals. This is only heightened for those of us who yearn for a time/place where the same applies. Communal living is just ideal, really. I miss it.

The physical differences

There's less dysphoria related to otherhumanism than other forms of otherkinity, I've experienced, but it's very much still there. My body is too wrong: too tall, too slim, too weak, too straight. This, despite being short and stocky in build. It's been a point of shame for me before, having broad worker hands and un-attractive proportions, but now it's a source of comfort. It brings me closer to what I should look like.

Instincts

The instincts of neanderthals and sapiens are not very different, and I can't exactly pinpoint them. Still, I can say that my hunter-gatherer instincts are stronger than they've ever been before. Most notably is perhaps the way I feel out-of-place among humans when in nature: I pay a different sort of attention to my surroundings. I change. I scan plants, listen for sounds, try to analyze all I hear and see and feel. A survival instinct wakes up: to be on guard, to look for food, to be watchful and aware. I've never known anyone IRL who reacts to nature that way: like a hunter, like someone hunted. It is out of my control and has made me feel very isolated at times.

Thank you for this ask <3 I really appreciate it! I hope this helped somewhat. Feel free to keep me updated on your journey; I'd love to hear from moder otherhumans!

[thenighttimeparadise]

So a while ago there was this question that went viral, what is a woman, and I'm here to talk about it a bit and answer the question, so if like me, you support trans people but are a bit confused with what it means for gender to be a social construct, you're in the right place. This is also my take on why I think gender as it is now is inherently patriarchical and misogynistic, not gender in itself but as it is nowadays.

So first of all, sex is not the same as gender, you probably know that already but gender is a social construct, so...what does that mean?

Well basically, gender is the associations we gathered and made along the centuries with the different sexes. They vary in different cultures, religions, regions, and individuals.

gender right now isn't only misogynistic and patriarchal in itself, since assigning characteristics based on biological and physical qualities will never be fair, logical, nor efficient idea, but the qualities that are associated with each sex IS IN ITSELF what people dislike about gender.

what I mean is, the things that are associated with femininity for example, aren't inherently good or bad, they're just things (liking pink, being a stay at home partner, being submissive, being kind, wearing make up, showing emotions, ect) but even only associating those things with someone based on physical characteristics or anything else that doesn't have anything to do with the characteristic itself (people say you like pink if you're a girl but pink has nothing to do with biology, it's the same with almost everyone else that is associated with femininity and masculinity) is problematic, because it's like saying that people that have big noses, for example, are more prone to like the colour purple, or just do certain things that other people that aren't in that category don't usually do, but that has nothing to do with the category itself. I could also bring race into this but this is a (very important) talk for anyone time.

Now, I can absolutely assure you that if you'll check the correlations between people's nose sizes (or other physical characteristics) and people's favorite color (or other things that doesn't have anything to do with big noses), you'll probably fine one group that is more prone to like one colour or thing then the other. But does that mean they like that colour BECAUSE they have a big nose? Or is it just a coincidence?

if you'll tell me that people with big noses usually spend more money on plastic surgery then others, that would make sense and could ACTUALLY have something to do with the fact that they have a big nose, but it wouldn't be that they're more prone to spend money on that biologically, it's that the beauty standard that society has for us has decided that noses that are too big are unattractive (I wholeheartedly disagree that was just an example don't come at me)

Another example is that blonde people are more likely to prefer comedy to horror. Again I have no idea if that's true, it's just an example, but while some people might just decide that people that are blonde are cowards or like to laugh, it could just be a coincidence or two facts that don't actually correlate. There could be social reasons for that for sure, and I can make up different explanations for that all day, but my point is that while males and females do definitely have physical differences that affect the personality, sex (not gender, but sex, just the biological part) is more like a spectrum too, you can ask any doctor and they'll tell you, some females has more testosterone and some males have more estrogen, it's not this or that, black or white. And even those differences that the different sexes have, aren't as big nor significant as people make them out to be, and they greatly very between individuals.

Many people think that what's wrong with our society is that we force women to be traditionally feminine and men to be traditionally masculine, but the real problem is that we even associate those kinds of characteristics with biological qualities. Feminine and musculine could just be things by themselves, but that are not associated with the different sexes. If gender wasn't something that is associated with sex then that'd be good, but the problem now is that if someone thinks they relate to something that's more traditionally feminine for example, while they're a male, then think they're a female, because being a female is associated with those certain characteristics they relate to. Of course it's possible and absolutely valid to just feel like you don't belong in your body, I do that too, but the thing is, people need to ask themselves WHY, because the only reason you can feel like you don't belong in your own body is it a psychological one, which means you or someone associates certain physical characteristics and body types with certain qualities, and so you or they feel like because you have a certain quality, you need to have a certain body.

I'm in NO WAY saying trans people aren't valid, I'm trans myself, I'm non binary, but what I'm saying is that you or someone being trans is not the reason it's the result, and it's the result of something else, there is a reason why you feel that way, things don't just happen, and this is what I think is the reason some people feel like they do not belong in their body. Someone being a male only means one thing, that they're a male. That's it. The same with female.

Because of the way they were socialized, women learned to make themselves smaller, and men are usually thought they need to be bigger then they actually are, and that's why usually when guys change for the better, they learn they don't have to be big and take up space or always we tough and strong and woman learn that they don't have to me small and vulnerable.

Please please please leave your opinion or write it to me in private or leave a request, the subject of gender is very interesting to me and I have a lot of things to say about it, so if you have any questions or you disagree with what I've said or you just wanna talk, you know what to do

* disclaim the art is not mine. Also English is not my first language, so let me know if I made any mistakes, thank you for reading!

[auniverseforgotten]

Third ship ask's the charm: JAlter/Boudica because I don't hear about them enough XD

AW YISSSSSSS

who’s the cuddler: 

Boudica. While I do think Jalter would be happy to cuddle, I can't see her reaching out for it? As we've seen in Shinjuku she gets embarassed about wanting to ask for things that are affectionate [like dancing with the MC] and I think that would probably carry over here?

Plus like, man, Boudica looks like she would love cuddles and also would be wonderful to cuddle. And while my musings on this ship have focused around Jalter helping Boudica come into herself and stop being the way she has been forced into being, there's also a level of getting Jalter more comfortable with physical affection, and that it's not a weakness. With avenger agenda that's less of an issue [which is why I won't be mentioning it when I do the Salieri ask], but Boudica is such a presence in Chaldea that there's more of a feeling of inadequacy, even if she buries it deep down.

SO BOTH ENJOY CUDDLING but Boudica initiates more.

who makes the bed:

Boudica, I can honestly not see Jalter caring to make it, they're just gonna use it again later why remake it only to mess it up again??? Makes no sense.

who wakes up first:

This one is a little harder because I'm torn between saying Jalter will sleep in until noon but also that Jalter just does not sleep, LOOK at the bags under her eyes, you cannot tell me that she sleeps.

So in the sense of the word I'm going to say Boudica, because she does genuinely enjoy working in the kitchens and thus does keep that up, and with kitchens and bakeries you need to be up and at 'em pretty early in the morning.

WHEN Jalter sleeps she is a sleep until noon person, but she more often than not does NOT sleep, so in that sense she's technically awake first.

who has the weird taste in music:

Jalter, look at her, look at how EDGY she gets in some of the events and in Shinjuku, how much she steeps herself in pop culture in other places. You know she will look up the most esoteric stuff to see if she vibes with it or not. If she doesn't, no big deal, but if it does she will not stop blasting it. Has absolutely tried to convince Salieri to play piano versions of her favorite songs so that Boudica [who I feel like is more of an instrumental enjoyer?] will listen to them with her. And Salieri will do anything to help her out, bi solidarity REAL

Boudica, like I said, I feel like she would enjoy instrumentals and classical more than other music but also maybe some metal bands, as a treat <3 Salieri is her favorite among the other avengers because he's always up to take requests. No this isn't about him, the brainrot is just that severe.

who is more protective:

My answer for this one in general is usually both, and it's both again here buuuuut from an outsider prospective, Jalter.

Boudica is protective but she was also a queen who led an uprising, so she knows when to hold her tongue and when to tear someone a new one. She isn't the strongest servant and she knows it, but she knows how to manipulate situations when she has to. So other servants or staff taking issue with Jalter will often trip up when speaking to her.

Jalter, meanwhile, is protective in the sense that by the time anyone realizes what they said or did was viewed as harmful to Boudica, their head is on the ground <3 yes Nero HAS been a repeated victim of this, yes she DOES go into spirit form just to avoid them in the halls now. Roman servants in general steer VERY clear from Boudica now because Jalter will be indiscriminate in protecting her.

In battle as much as Boudica would like to be a "get behind me, I'll protect you" person, that isn't her kit, so instead she focuses on saving her NP for when Jalter needs protection, so that she can continue destroying everything that gets in front of her.

[Yes I do have Jalter on fgo yes I have poured so much into her yes she IS a killing machine <3]

who sings in the shower:

I think Boudica, whenever my brain is focused on a nice task like, idk kneading bread, making desserts, etc, songs that are playing on the radio or other people are playing get stuck in my head so I just sing the chorus on repeat. So in the shower I feel like she would fall into that a lot. Possibly also nursery rhyme songs because she's another person who helps take care of the child servants.

And ofc sometimes she'll scream along to a deathmetal song and wow Jalter is so in love.

who cries during movies:

Honestlyyyyy Jalter but only animal movies. Yes that will be a relevant answer throughout all of these.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Depends on the shopping! Jalter can spend a fortune shopping for clothes/jewelry/weapons because she, like most avengers, likes to look her best. Also oops Salieri's leaking in again, but going with Sabu's headcanon I imagine he'll wheedle his way into shopping with her because we are NOT having another dress incident do you hear me. These two combined will spend EVEN MORE MONEY.

Meanwhile Boudica will shell out so much money for things like high end ingredients, excellent cookware, a really good horse, and yes also weapons they share weapons as a hobby <3 How many horses does she have? Not enough she needs more.

When Boudica and Jalter go shopping together they will always find a blacksmith [past or present] and they will spend so much money on weaponry you don't even know. Buy each other daggers that are small enough to tuck away but are personalized,,,good shit.

who kisses more roughly:

DING DONG IT'S BOTH, it may start with Jalter being the rougher one but as soon as Boudica realizes it's okay to not be perfect and polite with Jalter my god does she go just as hard. Avengers walk into the avenger room and right back out because oops they're kiss fighting again and none of them really feel like hanging around to watch the developing show.

Pinning to walls, furniture, biting, rough [consensual obv] shoving into things in a fight over dominance in the kiss,,,yes. Also kissing in front of Nero [no matter where Nero is] is a power move.

who is more domineering:

-points above- STILL BOTH which surprises people at first because again in fate we only get the really gentle big sister boudica who forgives everyone no matter how much they don't deserve it AND I'M MAD ABOUT IT OKAY SHE WAS A WAR QUEEN SHE LED AN UPRISING SHE DESERVES TO BE AGGRO AND STALWART AND NOT TAKE ANY SHIT TOO

They do usually at least Try to keep it all behind closed doors, mainly because Boudica worries about the child servants finding them, because she can still be MOMTHER and not a PUSHOVER

Also I feel like Medb is 110% besties with both of them this doesn't really fit in here but here it is going

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

10/10 this is my ship that is. Only my ship and maybe also your ship, Wolfie, and obviously I need to flesh out a lot but I still care about this ship because Boudica deserves to be angry and Jalter deserves an awesome girlfriend. Lesbians <3

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THEM ask meme here if anyone else wants to send anything in or do it themselves <3 I've still got a massive Salieri one and fionndiar to do for wolfie BUT I'LL GET TO ANY I GET and it doesn't just have to be fate either dfgh

[dhaaruni]

hey, dhaaruni! i think we're kind of similar in the way that we're both brainy, love intellectual pursuits, were academic high-achievers, but also... we both have cute youthful faces, are curvy with big boobs, not tall and so on (and i mean this in the best way possible - you're super pretty and hella hot, your bf should be thanking his lucky stars every day!).

i've noticed that you prefer to dress in a more feminine way, wear cute dresses, high heels, etc, and that's something i've always personally admired fashion-wise, but i grew up in a weird culture (i'm not american so i don't know if this applies to your upbringing/family/etc too!) where women are shamed for trying to be conventionally feminine and beautiful, and also shamed for being ""'ugly""". as always, nothing a woman does is right. and i'm not going to act like my preference for having long hair, feminine styling and so on isn't an affect of the time and gender i grew up in, but i feel like such a bad feminist for it.

to add more salt in the wound, i was raised to be intellectual, strong, etc, and culturally, this type of woman is associated with something i physically can't be - tall, lanky, sharp, cold. i was a child in the 00s and there were always so many jokes about how curvy women are stupid bimbos, and i think that caused me a lot of shame when i developed early.

point is - as i am most likely overthinking this - do you struggle with these sort of things? am i a bad feminist/woman for feeling most connected to a feminine aestetic for myself? i don't want to downplay my body and features anymore, but will i then have to spend time convincing people that my love for dresses and heels doesn't mean i'm an airhead? i'm very passionate about women and women's rights and female liberation, i don't center men in my life, i wouldn't even want to take a man's name in marriage, but i just can't shake off my love for stereotypically feminine clothes, makeup and so on.

Hi! First of all, omg you're so nice, I really appreciate it.

But yeah, I do feel that way sometimes, like I'm in the wrong body sort of, because I'm logical and rational and very straight up but on the outside, I'm like, soft and curvy and very feminine. I genuinely enjoy like nice dresses and short skirts but I also want to be taken seriously as an intellectual being.

The way I deal with it is basically to try and get out of my own head. I make it a point to *do* something with my body when I'm down in the dumps instead of dwelling on my own existence, whether that's working out, or hanging out with friends/family, or just reading a book. It's hard to keep things in perspective when you're a naturally cerebral person but we have to do it or we'll just get bogged down by the details.

But no, you aren't a bad feminist, you just are a person, and I am too. Hope that helps.

[girlscience]

Okay, obviously I have some body image issues. This is very clear to pretty much everyone who knows me. I have had them since I hit about 10 years old I think? That gives me 15 years of disliking the way I look, for one reason or another. I have tried a lot of things throughout that time to change my perception of myself. And currently, I feel like I am stuck in a weird place that I can't figure out how to escape.

I understand that there are studies now showing that dieting and working out don't actually work long term for most people. I know that getting into that mostly causes things like yo-yo dieting and circular weight gain/loss. I know that being fat is being shown to not actually be unhealthy in the ways it has often been shown as and perceived to be. I know that literally all the media everywhere is blasting me with idealized bodies that pretty much do not exist or only exist through extremely unsustainable/unhealthy means.

I have tried for so long to believe in and promote body neutrality or positivity for myself and other people. I constantly refuse to let myself think about what I see in the mirror or in pictures. I tell myself to get exercise for the physical and mental health benefits, not for my physical appearance. I try to view my body for what it can do and not how it looks. I tell myself to live the life I want to live now, rather than waiting to live it till I have the body I imagine living that life. Without exaggeration, I am fairly certain I think about these things every single day.

And none of it is working.

I actually feel I dislike my appearance now more than I did even a year ago. I feel like I am constantly noticing things about my body that I never did before or new changes to my body, and I am deeply uncomfortable with them. And I want to do something about it, and clearly simply changing my mentality isn't doing anything. I want to diet and exercise. But I also know it likely won't be a permanent change. I am concerned that I would give myself an eating disorder. And I'm also concerned that I would be feeding into diet/exercise culture. I am worried about hurting the people around me who are also fat. I am anxious about the fact that I am not actually that large so I don't want to talk about it with other people because I know it will make people who are larger than I am feel terrible. I don't want to make other people who are gaining weight feel bad for that. But, I hate the way I look.

This is not sustainable. At some point something will break and I think it might end up being my brain. I am worried about how that would end up. The things I do for my brain and my body shouldn't be about how it might affect other people, it should be for me. But I don't want to be bad for the things I do. I want and have wanted for so long to look like a powerbuilder/warrior/dwarf/strongman lifter/crossfit athlete/etc. I want to be big. I want to be visibly strong and powerful. And I am absolutely not. And I know I struggle with commitment and discipline and all of that, but I also know I struggle a lot with how this desire appears to other people.

Really, I think what this is all coming down to is other people's opinions. I dislike the way I look and am told that's bad. I want to change the way I look and I'm told that's bad. I do nothing and get told that's bad. I have to want these things for the right reason, in the right way, and have to talk about it right all the time. And I just can't. I don't like the way I look and I wish I looked like a brick shithouse and everyone else can fucking suck it.

[powpowhammer]

I would very much like to know what you meant by "also Snuff is very bad" if such is alright to request

Hey! I let this sit in my inbox for four months. Sorry. I think Snuff is easily the weakest Vimes novel, despite respecting what it set out to do. I let it sit because there's a lot to say. There are three kinda big problems: the way Vimes is written, the way the story is written (plot), and the way the story is written (literary strength). Spoilers for every City Watch book and a couple of others. Very long rant ahead.

Before I proceed with the harsher words here's a bunch of things I liked a lot in Snuff: Vimes being totally enraptured by the goblin music, the goblin cave system, the whole goblin body stuff jar religion ritual, Vimes having sex with Sybil in the tub and generally expressing a lot more Loving His Wife So Much on-page instead of impliedly, the enlisted constable being quite competent and also being really good at kung fu (and his mom being from the Counterweight Continent, shout out to all my half-and-half representation wherever I can find it), Willikins being Vimes's fixer. The one noble guy who hated his evil wife. Stinky and the Harry King sections (very first-gen son vibes). The jokes about the river. Nobby once again maybe Finding Love.

And before I proceed again, I think that as an American this very sort of setting is alien to me in a way that Ankh-Morpork or Koom Valley is not. Landed gentry and estates are, despite our stupid amounts of physical geography, not as a big part of our cultural storytelling, for various reasons. And at least for a few more decades pending the outcome of revisionist educational legislation, thanks to the aftermath of the Civil War, we generally do see owning a large property with a fiefdom of workers as a trait difficult to associate with heroic figures, Gone With The Wind nonwithstanding. So when something is set at an estate and concerns explicit class divisions, it unavoidably gets read as a Genre. (Contrast the class division stories that take place inside Ankh-Morpork, which are more explicitly about moneyed power that more incidentally happens to be associated with peerage, e.g. The Truth or Feet of Clay. In these books Lord de Worde, Selachii, etc. could be replaced by old-money Families that are nonetheless not 'noble' like the Vanderbilts, Rockefellers, etc without too much narrative dissonance, I think. Men at Arms is an outlier but after that the stories are less about AM's True King and more about political jockeying.)

I think giving it the 'this is a pastiche of Pride and Prejuidice-style writing' handicap can make up for some of its deficiencies, but at its core it simply does not read like, say, any other Vimes novel (this isn't unique to Snuff; I think as Pterry's faculties went, all the books after Making Money (disclaimer: I have never read the TA books and people say Wear Midnight is superb so I make no claims there) really read differently than everything before. The prose is less tight, the courses of events are less clear, and the characterization is spottier. The themes don't resonate as clearly.

Vimes: Vimes's dogged determination to think of himself as Just A Guy Who Cares About Justice is undermined in Snuff by two major factors: his willingness to use his power in conflicts against those with less power than him (e.g., the various scenes set at the pub) and his explicit utilization of the powers of the Summoning Dark. Vimes's various trials and successes have come from his bloody-mindedness and determination to remain himself despite the changes in his life.

Regarding power, social: In previous novels we see Vimes more a (narrative) victim of his status than a deployer of it, as both a running joke and a driver of the plot. (Don't confuse the creature comforts of wealth, such as daily bacon sandwiches and soft beds, with the auspices of power, which affects other people.) He only chooses to use it when he can't win a fight as himself, and then, reluctantly. In Feet of Clay, the coat-of-arms machinations bewilder him, and when he finally confronts Dragon King of Arms he does it as a public servant making an arrest. In Fifth Elephant, he is forced onto the trip because of his dukedom (Vetinari understanding, of course, that he is the only person who can solve the Wolf Nazi problem). We see him resolving conflicts with physical violence (bandits) and mangled street diplomacy (dwarf inspectors) before finally being forced to resort to noble privilege for the sake of another (in protection of Detritus's civil rights). He is sent to prison and then onto The Game in spite of his power, and makes it through because of his personal qualities (see power, supernatural below). In Thud! he is humiliated by his inability to remain equals with his house staff. In Snuff, despite the initial discomfort with the role he expresses during the mandatory opening Vetinari session, he doesn't interact with his household outside the twirling maids and Willikins (who has distinguished himself as somewhat of a wildcard character at this point in time). At all times he knows he is in charge of the hermit, the pub and its owner, the farmers, and the rest of the villagers. For a character so set on being a civilian, he adapts quite quickly to nobility once removed from the city and the presence of other 'nobles'. And maybe this is the point of the book, but if so, it doesn't come across clearly at all. Furthermore, when he's not wielding noble power, he's constantly kicking down doors and asserting I AM THE LAW! at a level of arrogance we've seen him think but never before act upon without an active foe (contrast Night Watch, where he pulls rank on Quirke when challenged and negotiates with civilians on the barricade far more than he barks orders).

Regarding power, supernatural: Vimes has survived 40+ years of rough living via grit and instinct. We know he's an excellent street fighter, though not the best. The 'special' traits that Vimes has up through Thud! are his instincts - his character-central curiosity (bloody-minded suspicious bastard!), and his connection to and control over pure animal rage, aka The Beast. In Fifth Elephant he deploys it to make it through the Game and collars it when the fight is no longer about survival but domination. In Night Watch, it again emerges but is consciously caged in the service of human justice (fairness and example-setting, in the case of the torturer, and due process, in the final fight with Carcer). Either way, the 'power' comes entirely from within, and is not magical in any way, shape or form - and fittingly, the corralling of a force that stems from prehumanity is itself a very human thing to do.

In Thud!, a bunch of themes introduced in Fifth Element get developed in cool ways - religion, ritual, darkness, curses, and 'endarkening' - and the apotheosis comes when Vimes's internal rulekeeper overpowers an ancient force of evil because he loves justice and he loves his son. (Other people have written pretty thoroughly about how the conscious decision to be Good when you could so easily be Bad is the core of both Vimes and Granny Weatherwax's characterizations, so I won't expand on that too thoroughly.) The Summoning Dark is effectively exorcised, and the scar it leaves is power enough to intimidate the remaining dwarven obstacles in the denouement.

In Snuff, Vimes literally has magic powers thanks to the Summoning Dark. He can see in the dark, understand language in ways he should not, and develops an explicitly supernatural sixth sense. While the darksight is kind of cool, and fits his character well as Avatar of Night Policeman, the fact that the book continually points out that he got it from the SD is a burr on the coat of the narrative. He does things another person wouldn't be able to do, and cites his magic demon over and over for it.

Story, plot: Every City Watch book is set up in the same way: (optional) cold open, interpersonal theme Z is introduced, plot X (A Detective Problem) is introduced, plot Y (A Second Problem) is introduced, sometimes Y before X. (I hesitate to call these A and B plots because the importance of each varies from book to book.) Things happen, the plots eventually join up, plot climax, emotional/character climax in which Vimes or another watchman reaches or proves an important point to themself or us, denouement. I have no problem with this formula because it is broad enough to include within itself infinite room for variation. Some quick examples: Feet of Clay (Golem looks for work/assassination attempt. Cheery comes looking for work and is a girl. Golems are robots. Someone is trying to kill Vetinari. Vimes has to get a coat of arms. Story occurs. The case gets solved and it was connected to the golems. Golems are people, not robots. Words In The Heart Cannot Be Taken. People matter. The Vimes coat of arms gets restored.) Fifth Elephant (There is a divide between the Old and the New. Racial tension. Cheery is coming out more loudly. Someone has stolen the replica Scone and killed three men. Vimes gets sent to Uberwald. Story occurs. The case is solved and it is connected to the coronation. Angua and Vimes both assert their humanity and agency by refusing to abuse their power to kill even when it would be expected of them. Change and cultural development is not a threat to and is indeed even crucial to the survival of traditional institutions.)

I don't think a deviation from this structure is a bad thing, but the structure is so strong that it's much easier to follow the story built upon it.

In Snuff, we get a cold open (goblin stuff) and an ostensible Y plot (Vimes Is Forced To Go On Vacation To the Countryside). But what is the X plot? Is it that there is smuggling and human (goblin) trafficking? Is it the murder on the hill? Is it Mysterious Noble Bullshit Vimes sniffs out? If pressed, what is the Z theme? That goblins are people worth respecting? It's not this. This is readily made explicit to us by Ms. Beedle long before even the buildup to the book's action climax (the river chase). There's no show, only tell - we never learn something a character doesn't tell us. Vimes spends the whole book picking fights in the village, lecturing other nobles, and being told things about goblins. The most interesting development is his mentorship of Constable Upshot, but it's inconsistent and oscillates wildly between "sir, you don't know what you're talking about", surprising competence, and hero worship, with no directional progression. When Vimes and the Watch get to Klatch and discover the slave plantation they deal with it. The scene that occurs when the emotional climax would be expected - Stratford coming for Vimes's life on the river cruise - doesn't tell us anything new about the characters, their beliefs, or moral themes, just that Vimes is a Badass. The lesson Bad Men Do Things For Money could have been developed by giving Stratford a foil (maybe in the form of the constable, another commoner who chooses to be a Good Man, by giving Upshot moral dilemmas he resolves on-page). Similarly, the most cohesive Theme suggested by the climax and denouement isn't that Goblins Are People but that Commoners Are Just As Likely As Lords To Treat Goblins As Unpeople, which is miserably pessimistic. Vimes doesn't learn anything and neither do we.

Story, literary critique: Other books - not just City Watch books, but books like Going Postal, Carpe Jugulum, and Thief of Time - are both generous with narrative inclusion (we get scenes from the perspectives of the antagonists without being spoiled and from the perspective of deuteragonists or side characters). At the same time, we always know what our characters are thinking or feeling at any given time, even when they don't know what is going on or are acting with a hidden motive, because of strong characterization and effective foreshadowing. Stanley and Mr. Groat get scenes to themselves in GP that develop their characters and the mythos of the Post Office, and later we know Moist is up to some zany shit when he sets up all those prayers and then digs up his haul. Granny Weatherwax Weatherwaxes the Magpyrs after demonstrating Borrowing and her utter loyalty to herself and the land, and the Magpyrs have plenty of scenes with Agnes and one another. The Auditors have scenes that develop the fact that being human makes you human, setting up Myria's eventual meeting with Death. Back with Vimes, in The Fifth Elephant, when the chandelier falls and he gets sent to prison, he's just as confused as we are. When he escapes, we understand every part of his process as he comes up with it, moment by moment. Vimes in particular has a very visceral, real-time narrative which I think leads to why his characterization is so strong. (Contrast this with Carrot, for whom outside of Guards! Guards! and his letter-writing we never really know quite what he is thinking.) When Vimes is in the scene, we're basically never outside his head - EXCEPT in Snuff. In Snuff, there are at least as many scenes where we only know that Vimes IS doing things, not why he's doing them, or how he feels. The book reads like sometimes, it's someone else telling a story about Vimes's adventures, only recording the events that occur instead of telling us how the characters feel during them. And this is in part due to the fact that PTerry had help writing it; his wife and other friends helped him finish it (and also Raising Steam). Etiology aside, it's incredibly awkward and alienating to be forcibly removed from the interior of a character we've grown to know so well.

Additionally, the few scenes that don't follow Vimes are back with the City Watch, and their characterizations are similarly hollow. Fred Colon is bizarrely bowdlerized in order to motivate the unngue pot thread. There are no scenes like Fred and Nobby's co-dialogues that secretly set the stage (as in Thud!) or develop the characters (like Angua and Sally, also in Thud!). We come close with Cherry and Igor possibly discussing Old World Beliefs, but it's curtailed almost before it starts. The characters are there simply to say their lines and start the investigation, and bear little resemblance to the characters we've grown to know (compare Thud!, in which Detritus's pursuit of drugs is plot-relevant but informs his personal character as an ex-con and a troll looking to start a family, or where Angua and Sally's co-investigation is an opportunity to demonstrate Angua's neuroses).

Finally, in Snuff, the villains are ambiguous and unimportant. It is ultimately borne out to be Rust the Younger, but at that point it hardly matters. We know the Rusts are rotten, and in fact it's kind of refreshing to see one of them actually commit an on-page crime and get nailed for it instead of vaguely be awful (MAA, Jingo, Night Watch). But it's only Rust Jr. because the book reads like a big collection of callbacks to the other books, pointing to things and going say, remember that? Remember Blackboard Monitor Vimes, and the Summoning Dark, and Lord Ronnie Rust? How about Koom Valley?

Vimes spends the book clearing through sub-villains like a new game plus gamer plowing through midbosses. I had to reread the last half to remember the names of Flutter and Stoner and Stratford and all the other mooks. Working for money is a fine motivation for a villain - see the New Firm in The Truth - but these guys are wholly interchangeable and completely forgettable.

TL;DR Despite Night Watch being the isekai, Snuff is the book where Vimes is the boring invincible protagonist who barrels through people and obstacles with wealth, political power, and literal superpowers yet no interesting motivations, and we don't learn anything and there aren't any cohesive themes and the vast majority of the scenes are shoddily written and I don't care about any of the characters except maybe Feeney Upshot. Night Watch was the culmination of Vimes's personal themes, redundantly made textually explicit in Thud! (unnecessary but still a fun time because all the other shit was rad), and any future City Watch writing should probably have been relegated to elements in the Industrial Revolution books. Or about Angua.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I'm questioning whether I'm aro or not. I know I'm ace to some degree, probably grey or demi. I just have a weird relationship with romance. I see it all the time and am fine with it. But whether I feel it or not is another matter. I'm autistic, and I have trouble recognising how I'm feeling about someone. I can sometimes tell the difference between romantic and platonic, but when I get really close to someone the line blurs. (Probably because I've been taught that romance > friendship)

I think it's because I crave affection and praise (blame being the gifted kid and only getting praised for how smart you are, nothing else). I end up pushing away my family's efforts, who will readily give me hugs and kind words. But i want hugs and kind words and platonic kisses from my friends, and then i confuse that desire for affection as a desire for romance.

Add to the mix that I get attached to people way too easily, and they might not even care for me as much as I care about them. I don't know what standard a relationship has to reach before you can hug someone, and no one ever told me. I just want to give affection and get it, and sometimes that scares potential friends away, meaning that I think the only way I can get affection is being in a romantic relationship.

Sorry for the long ask, and all the stuff I put in. I'm just really confused!!!

It can be hard when you're feeling a really strong lack of something to figure out what exactly your feelings are. Platonic touch can be tricky, we're not really consistent in our culture about how affectionate we are platonically. So some people can be very touchy, and some very affectionate with friends, and some not at all. It can also vary more by gender, female friends are more likely to be touchy and affectionate with female friends, than male friends are with male friends for example.

Communication can be a big help here. Sometimes people don't do things like hug or be affectionate with their friends because they're worried it will make them uncomfortable, so making it clear that those types are gestures welcome is a good idea. Or just having a conversation about physical boundaries and what your friends are comfortable with or not.

QPRs might be something else you can look into. And that's any relationship that isn't easily categorized as a friendship or romance. And you can tailor a QPR to be whatever you want, so for example a platonic partner that you're very affectionate with and who support/praise each other is a type of QPR you could have with someone if you wanted to.

Sometimes we also feel like we want romance, because we feel like it's the only way to get what we want otherwise. You can try romance if you want to and see how it goes, but if you're more comfortable looking for what you want platonically, then trying that first is probably a good idea. And then you can reassess how you feel about romance afterwards.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[chroniccoolness]

do you know any disabled people irl? what about online?

what's something good that's come out of being disabled?

does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your identity? (gender, queerness, culture, even hobbies/life goals you're very passionate about)

how do you measure your energy? (spoons, battery, something else?)

whats something youve come up with or integrated into your life that makes disability easier, besides typical aids?

Here :]]

do you know any disabled people?:

i do ! @seagull-spouse is my irl friend (i don't remember if I've showed u this blog before.... this is Nico) and also disabled :3 additionally i have an ADHD friend, multiple autistic-ADHD friends, a friend who constantly teeters between being legally blind and not, and a general wide distribution of mental illness in my friend group (though I don't know who personally considers themselves disabled by their MI and who doesn't). my brother is also autistic, though he.... forgets that most of the time. online i have disabled friends + mutuals as well ! far too many to list lol

whats something good:

it's shown me who is willing to stick by me and who isn't. there's a world of difference between the friend I used to have who, upon finding out I was autistic, screamed in my ear on purpose and called me a "mental cripple", and my current best friend (hellooo elliott) who sits and bitches with me about the curse of Knees or my boyfriend who refuses to let me feel bad about having symptoms around him (and I've got. a Lot of symptoms).

it also makes me extremely hot /j

does disability affect other aspects of identity:

yes ! it does ! my autism affects my gender, bc it really fucks my internal perception of feelings, to the point I identify as autigender. my chronic fatigue, chronic pain and mental disorders all affect my identity as an artist, as they both influence the art I make (the subjects im called to, the things that resonate with me, what im physically capable of doing) and how often/easy it is for me to do. art is really important to me, and disability Does impact it greatly.

how do you measure your energy?:

battery ! how much battery I feel like I have when I wake up, how much each big task costs me, how much i have at the end of the day, how much i can lose before i have a flare or meltdown or fatigue crash, etc. it makes sense to me.

whats something youve come up with to make disability easier?

just. Sit On The Floor . if it's not noticeably dirty or going to get me in trouble, it is a floor I will sit on. father is in a long line in the store? i step out of the line, sit on the floor, wait for him to be done. standing in the shower is too hard? floor shower. teachers not looking in science class and standing at lab tables is making me insane? sit on the floooooor for a sec. it has improved my life tenfold. (I also sit down in chairs or on tables/counters/other flat surfaces whenever possible.)