#phobias are shaped like little green pills

[birdburned]

felix. • bodyclaim. • headcanons. • isms. • threads.

Is that JENSEN ACKLES? No, that’s FELIX WHITLOCK. The 40 year old STORM MOON WERE-GOLDEN EAGLE (HERBIVORE) OMEGA MALE (HE/HIM)  is a FIREFIGHTER. If you ask their friends, they’re known to be HEROIC & SELFLESS, but beware, they’re also known to be RECKLESS & RASH. Can you believe they’re from THE PRESENT? Me either.

BASIC INFO

full name — Felix Whitlock age — forty-one (may 4th) gender — cis male, (he/ him/ his pronouns) second gender — omega  moon — storm moon  occupation — firefighter species — herbivore, golden eagle clothing style/ armor — casual, functional, flannel

PHYSICAL INFO

face claim — Jensen Ackles hair — dirty blonde / eyes — green height — six foot & one inch build — perfectly (lmao), he's thicc, fit, six pack + chunky thighs scars — a few small ones littered across his body, one down the left side of his forehead, a bigger - formerly deeper one across the back of his left shoulder, a similar one along his left ass cheek. tattoos — bird with wings on his left shoulder, small crown on the inside of his right wrist, fake-wings on his back/shoulders bc he can piercings — a few rings at the top of his left ear, nipple piercings (he got them bc his ex wanted him to) special characteristics — he goes from charming to grumpy in 2.5 seconds sometimes, generally friendly unless you get on his bad side, a little too cocky/confident sometimes, mega hero complex sexual preference — bottom sub/switch/slave

PERSONALITY

alignment — chaotic good positive traits — protective, innovative, confident, heroic, selfless negative traits — stubborn, impulsive, jealous, reckless, rash hobbies — working out, basketball, gaming, music, trekking

MEDICAL INFO

mental — light ptsd physical — healthy babe phobias — atychiphobia eyesight — 20/20 dominant hand — left hand drug use — nop alcohol use — yep, preferably beer diet — burgers, all the grease - potatoes in all shapes and forms and bacon(!!)

BACKGROUND

birthplace — willow park, TX parents — unknown mother & Thomas Whitlock (father) siblings — n/a education — high school graduate notable skills — can fly (duh), can be charming if he wants to be, winning smile, can walk while in a handstand, sign language (basics) because they did a course at work

BIO

(grooming mentions tw)

Thomas Whitlock was always busy. He was a small-town sheriff and always tried to do his beliefs justice. When his wife found out she was pregnant, he was ecstatic and practically counted the days despite his busy work schedule, but their luck shouldn't last. He lost her during childbirth and was sent home with Felix a few days later. They'd decided on that name almost instantly when they found out she was expecting and so he hoped to keep a little bit of her with him.

He didn't know she ... wasn't human at the time, so when his son - at the age of 14 months ... suddenly popped brown, white and grey peppered wings from his back, ....well, he was surprised. Being presented with a Supernatural child when he'd never been in contact with non-humans before.. wasn't an easy pill to swallow, but ..he did. With help. And so he found daycare that accepted children like Felix, too.

Honestly, Felix spent more time at daycare, then kindergarten, school and the like than with his father, but he loved him deeply nonetheless. He understood why his father wasn't with him most of the time, because he had to go be a hero and so he adapted and usually found something to keep himself busy with. Highschool marked a big change, because he had more time to .. pass while alone and started developing hobbies - like trekking. Felix always loved being outside, especially in the summer and winter. Being able to fly made his life out in nature's glory much easier. And more enjoyable.

And then he fell in love. Fifteen and way too naive to be let out into the world, but his father wasn't there to stop him and his friends were just as impressed by the older boy.. so... he was left to make his own experiences. Unfortunately, those would shape the next twenty-five years of his life and ... many of those years would be less than impressive. He was so young and inexperienced that he was absolutely no match for the cunning and manipulative man he'd offered his heart to.

Eoghan was many things, but kind, gentle and loving were none of those. He was not good to him, but Felix didn't know any better at the time and learnt love to be this and whenever he was close to giving up, Eoghan would show him just enough love and sweet smiles to strong him along yet again. He trained himself the perfect little boyfriend and said boyfriend didn't see it coming. Or maybe he did, but love ... kept him where he was. He ran a few times later on, but fate would always bring him and Eoghan back together - or sometimes ... he'd miss him too much and return home to his lover regardless. One didn't just turn around and abandon true love they found in a soulmate, did they?

It took him twenty-five years to pull himself together and away. He didn't know where to go at first, but remembered another shifter he met a long time ago telling him of this safe haven only people like them could find. He remembered something about evil not finding its way inside and so he assumed his ex-lover would be locked out when he found him. And so... he ran once more, but this time he planned for it to be final. Town was actually a lot like his home, so he found he fit in quite nicely, got himself a job at the local fire station and .. well, he did what he loved - just like before, only without terror being part of his life anymore. He never stopped wondering if he'd ever be found, but living a life in fear? Not his style.

[greetingsfromthebottomofthewell]

PHOBIAS ARE SHAPED LIKE LITTLE GREEN PILLS - PART 2: DROMOPHOBIA

[source] [triggers]

seems a bit like an unfair game

Dromophobia - The second phobia I experienced. Basically, I was too scared to cross the street. I feel like this is something that is going to stick with me even though the drug has already worn off.

Again, Hayong here. I’m not going to introduce myself again, you can see it all on the previous post anyways. Yesterday, my father passed away, and a comment stuck out to me. It asked me why I acted so nonchalant about my dad dying, but to be completely honest, I’m still in a state of shock. How would you feel if you just experienced absolute fear for the first time. I was not myself, and even when I took the second pill this morning, it felt like something else was making me take the pill.

I want to tell you a memory I had when I was a child before showing you my log from the next phobia.

When I was twelve, I started to go through a rebellious phase. I would refuse to do my homework, I would lash back at my mother when she would yell at me, and homework was the last priority on my list. My mother would lose her temper sometimes and take me to a dead-end street and grab the soft parts of my body and pinch as hard as she could. Yes, it left bruises, but they were in places people wouldn’t be able to see. I know, it’s abuse, but hell, I don’t blame her. My father went to Korea constantly leaving us behind, and even with the money he would send us, we would barely scrape by month after month. Sorry, got off track a little bit.

I want to tell you why my mother stopped taking me to the dead-end street. She was in the middle of yelling and pinching when we both noticed a man standing behind our car. He looked visibly upset, and my mother quickly straightened herself out and started the engine. She tried backing out of the street when the man ran back to his car and blocked us in. A kid about my age was sitting on the passenger side. The man ran back out of his car and up to my mother’s window. She didn’t even look up at him. I remember being absolutely scared. Although my mother wasn’t the best person in the world, I still loved her and I didn’t want to lose her. I looked back up at the man and noticed his son was standing behind him with the barrel of the hunting rifle placed on the back of his head. Before I could yell anything out, the window was covered with gore. Bits of skull, skin, and brain matter slowly slid down and I threw up in the car.

The kid never ended up going to jail for it. He ended up going to some psychiatric ward. Funny, how memories that I tried to hold down for so long start coming up at the most inconvenient times. I never liked streets after that, and this drug made it even worse.

08:12 - I took the pill as soon as I woke up. I have my alarm set at 8:15 but I always end up waking up a couple of minutes earlier. Still don’t know how I should feel about my father’s death, honestly, one part of me feels like I will never really feel sad about him dying.

08:45 - Huh, I don’t really feel like this pill did anything. I need to pick some stuff up from the store, also, I guess I should go ahead and let my manager know that I need to use the rest of my sick days. I think I have 3 left?

09:12 - Well, the good news is, I figured out what I’m afraid of now. As soon as I walked out of my house and got ready to cross the street an old memory hit me like a tsunami. I’ll tell you what the memory is somewhere on this post. Maybe near the beginning. I still tried taking a step on the street, but as soon as I did, I saw blood everywhere. In the grass, in the streets, on my body, I couldn’t do it. I just ran back inside.

12:48 - I ate some lunch and went into the living room. While I was sitting on the couch, I looked out the window and saw the neighbor from across the street, Ben, walk out of his house. He gave me a wave, but I noticed he was coming over to my house to talk with me. Without a second thought, I ran out of my house and asked him what he wanted. He wanted to pay me back the 20 bucks I loaned him last week. I tried telling him it was okay, but with the bill in his hand, he walked half-way across the street. Suddenly, a loud rumble filled the street, and before I could open my mouth, Ben’s body was obliterated by a speeding truck. I wanted to rush out and see if he was alive, but my body wouldn’t let me. Defeated, I walked back into the house and sat on my couch.

14:12 - I got a call from Max. It was a private number. He only said one thing. “Face the fear, and you have a chance to save lives. If you let the fear take over you, there is a chance that the phobia may never leave.” I managed to squeak out, “okay” before he hung up the phone.

16:28 - I walked on the sidewalk until I got to the other side of the convenience store. I waited for the light to turn green and managed to walk three steps before it felt like I was about to die. Sweat started to drip down my face, my hands started to shake, and my stomach felt like it was ripping out of my midsection. Two guys walked up to me and asked me if I was okay, but I just turned around and walked back onto the sidewalk. I heard screaming coming from behind me, and I quickly turned around and saw one of the guys had a pocket knife in his hand. I didn’t want to watch, but it was the strangest thing. The other guy stopped screaming and slowly walked into the knife. It slowly plunged into his chest, and once the knife was all the way in, he just stepped back out and repeatedly walked into the knife. Around the seventh time, he fell to the ground and remained still. The man holding the knife walked across the street with a blank look on his face and kept walking.

19:07 - I don’t know. I just want this to stop. I don’t know what these pills are, but they have to be the thing causing all of this fucked up shit to happen. I’m taking a bath now, it was hard to get in the bath today. Thoughts of my father’s cracked opened skull keep intruding my mind and I feel like I’m close to giving up, but I know I can’t. I’ve gone too far after taking the first pill. I need to figure out why the fuck people are dying whenever I take these pills. I need to figure out who Max really is.

20:48 - I tried driving, but no. I can’t. It started off with me being afraid of crossing the street, but it’s so much more now. I’m scared of being outside. I’m scared of talking to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone else die.

22:51 - Getting sleepy. Going to bed. Hopefully Max will call me tomorrow and I can try to get some more info out of him. Fuck. Everything seems fake now. Even the thought of having to go to work makes me feel sick to my stomach.

07:34 - Woke up a little extra early today. Checked my phone, but there wasn’t any missed calls or messages. I tried eating breakfast, but I accidentally looked out the window and immediately felt sick. Closing all the curtains now, and waiting till this shit passes.

9:24 - It’s been over 24 hours, but I don’t feel any better. I tried looking out the window, but I couldn’t convince myself to open my eyes. I didn’t want to risk seeing anyone. Max called. He was a little less pleasant this time.

Max: ”I’m sure by now you have realized you’re pretty much screwed right? I mean, you could stop taking the pills, but then you would be losing the only tool to save people’s lives. You may be living in fear, but if you stopped being such a little pussy and pushed through the fear, you would be able to do something about it. Instead, you’re just letting people die. If you ran across the street to your neighbor, neither of you would have died. If you just walked with the two men, you could have stopped the man from killing himself.

Me: ”Can’t you just tell me what is going to happen instead? I can’t keep living like this. The fears aren’t even going away. I can’t leave my house, I can’t look outside, and I’m too scared to even look at anyone. Why can’t you just help”

Max: ”I’m going to cut you off right there. What makes you think I want to help? Like I said, I’m just researching. I just thought if you had even a speck of courage inside of you, you would have been able to save a lot of lives already, but it really is entertaining to watch you squirm in pain as you see people dying left and right. Haaaaa. Save ‘em, let ‘em die. It’s all the same to me. Just try to keep your sanity.”

He hung up after that.

Fucking dick.

I still don’t know what the fuck is going on, and I just feel like no one else does either. In the off chance that you possibly know what is going on, please send me a message. I really do need all of the help I can get. I really do appreciate all of the suggestions in the comments on the previous post, and I hope you guys continue to help me.

Max, if you’re reading this. Fuck You.

[greetingsfromthebottomofthewell]

PHOBIAS ARE SHAPED LIKE LITTLE GREEN PILLS - PART 1: ABLUTOPHOBIA

[source] [triggers]

hayong has a fun story to tell

Ablutophobia- Is the fear of bathing, washing, or cleaning. It’s one of the phobias the little green pills have caused me to experience.

Let me start from the beginning, my name is Hayong, and I was given an opportunity to experience fears that few people have gotten to experience. I have never had a phobia in my life, except for heights, and I have never experienced anything paranormal. A large part of me has always wanted to experience any sort of situation that is absolutely terrifying, but yeah, I guess it’s true that those things never happen to the people that search for it.

It all started with a message on Facebook. It was a guy by the name of Max Erckle.

”Hey man, I see that you are into horror, and I was wondering if you were interested in a new drug I developed. I work as a researcher at Vanderbilt University, but of course, this was created on my own free time, and I would really appreciate it if you could take a 7-day sample.”

Vague as hell, but still, the message gained my interest and I responded back after an hour.

”What kind of drug? I mean, what does it do?”

I waited anxiously for a couple more hours before I finally received a message back from him.

”Why don’t you meet me at 100 Oaks Mall, outside of the PetSmart. Let’s say, hm, in one hour? It is a unique drug, it draws out fears that you thought you never had. Of course, it won’t ever get approved by any institution but I felt like this could be our own secret research.”

I tried messaging him back with a couple more questions, but the profile was deleted.

I only lived around fifteen minutes away from the mall, and I had the day to kill, so I thought, “What the hell” and threw on some clothes. You may think I’m absolutely insane to even consider meeting the guy, but to be honest, I am just a bit insane. I really am being honest when I say I want creepy shit to happen to me. I want to experience near death experiences. I have lived a far too mellow life, and I know I have a lot of catching up to do. Anyways, I gave my cat a couple of treats and lovins’ and headed out.

I waited in the car for around 30 minutes, before I saw an older man walk up to PetSmart and look around. Nervously, I grabbed the door handle and got out of my car. As soon as I started walking towards the store, the man stared at me and gave me a small wave. I returned the wave and walked up to him. With my arm extended out I said, “You must be Max, nice to meet you.” He stared at my hand for a couple of seconds before he extended his out as well and gave it a limp shake.

Max: ”I didn’t think you would show up. I’m glad you did. Let’s go to your car and talk.”

Me: ”Um. I don’t really like having people I don’t know get in the car with me. Can we do this somewhere else?”

Max: ”Haaaa, stranger danger. Smart man. Well, we can just sit on one of these benches and talk, but I would like to give you the pills in the car like I said, it needs to be a secret.”

I walked over to the closest bench and sat down. He stood completely still for a couple of seconds before shaking his head a couple of times and sat down next to me.

Me: ”You seem a bit nervous. What exactly does the pill do?”

Max: ”It opens your eyes. It creates phobias that people experience every day, but it only lasts for 24 hours. I wanted to see if experiencing different phobias every day would drive a man insane, or if it would make them understand the world in a different light.”

Me: ”Sorry, but I’m a bit confused. Aren’t the pills all the same? Or do they activate random phobias?”

Max: ”If you keep listening to me, I will explain everything to you. Please try your best to not interrupt.”

He takes a deep breath, gives me a small smile, and continues.

”The pills are all different. I have them labeled as 1-7, and each pill releases a different phobia for you to experience. They are the 7 phobias I have found most interesting. Take, for instance, the first pill will make you experience what it would be like to have Ablutophobia, which in simple terms is, the fear of taking a bath, washing your hands, or taking a shower. Keep in mind, you are the first person to test this drug. I don’t know if it will drive you insane, and I will not take any responsibility for whatever happens to you. If you do take all seven pills and write out what you experienced from each drug, I will pay you $43,000. An odd amount of money, I know, but it is all of the money that is in my bank account.”

He didn’t talk for a couple of seconds. Instead, he just stared out into the parking lot and took a couple of deep breaths.

As soon as I started to speak, he put his hand up and asked, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to answer any more questions. Do you want to join my research or would you like to decline?”

Twenty minutes later, I found myself sitting on the couch with a white paper bag in my hands. There were seven green pills with small numbers on them. Yes, I felt dumb for trusting a man I never met in my life, but I knew that if it was real, I would be able to experience absolute fear.

After taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and swallowed the pill marked as “1”. It was 14:45 and I was nervous as fuck.

I felt like making a log was the best possible way to record what happened to me.

15:04 - You know how dirty fingers get? Holy hell, three of my fingers have little spots of black on them. I want to wash my hands, but for some reason, I don’t even want to think about having to wash my hands. I feel like if I do, I’ll die, and no. Nope. Fuck that.

16:28 - I usually take a shower at this time, but have you noticed how dirty the water probably is? I never noticed it, but now that I think about it, the water is dirty. Bacteria, potential diseases, dead bodies in the river, I don’t need to clean, I don’t. There isn’t a reason to torture myself like that.

18:02 - I know, I know it’s the fucking pills. I ran into the bathroom and filled up the bathtub. Sitting on the couch now. Sweat is all over my face, I know I need to clean myself, but every time I get close to the bathtub, I feel like my stomach is going to explode. I already cried twice. Not of sadness, but because I’m fucking scared.

19:44 - No, no, no, no, I can’t do it. I finally managed to muster up enough courage to get to the bath, but I saw him. My father. He was lying in the bath and asking me to come over and help him. I love my dad. I love him so fucking much, but I couldn’t. There were roaches running all over his body. They started to rip up his skin and crawled into his flesh. There were dozens of open gashes all over his body. I ran out. I’m back on the couch. I called my dad, but he didn’t answer. Crying. Sweating. Fucking scared.

22:12 - My dad called me back. He was on a little vacation with my mom. They were celebrating their 28th anniversary. Before he hung up, he told me he was going to take a bath and go to sleep. I begged him to just wait to take a bath. He hung up while I was sobbing on the phone. Figures, he never really liked it when I cried.

07:08 - I had a hard time sleeping. The dried sweat mixed with my feeble attempt at masking it with cheap cologne caused my bedroom to smell like a YMCA locker room. I tried to convince myself to just wipe myself off with water, but I can’t. I ate some breakfast. Eggs, toast and a couple of pieces of bacon. Some yolk got on my hands, but I just wiped it on my pants.

11:52 - I called out of work. My manager was a bit pissed, but after talking to me for a couple of minutes, he could tell I was not well. He told me to get better and hung up. I could hear the sink running on the other end of the line, and it took everything out of me to not vomit.

13:41 - I can feel the phobia draining out of me. It’s a weird feeling. I managed to wash my hands, and rub some water on my neck. I stopped when it felt like I was being strangled by the water. It’s okay. Progress.

15:28 - I took a shower. I was fine. I still couldn’t get the mental image of my father out of my head. I tried calling him again, but he didn’t answer.

18:34 - My mother called me. Dad slipped while stepping out of the bath. He hit his head on the sink, gashed his head, and bled out. She was asleep at the time. She begged me to come see her. She couldn’t get the image of my father out of her head. She said that roaches were walking in the gash of his head and walking back out drenched in his blood.

That was the last log from the first pill. I am still trying to figure out if my father’s death is real, or if the pill is still fucking with me. Just to check, I tried calling my dad’s phone one last time, but he didn’t answer again.

I received a call at 9 in the evening. It was Max. After letting out a couple of deep breaths he said, ”How’d you feel about the first pill? Actually, don’t tell me yet. Tomorrow is going to be a bit more fun. Do you like walking? Maybe you do, Maybe you don’t. Doesn’t matter to me. Just prepare yourself. Again, whatever happens, while you take the pills, I am not responsible for. I just know your life was going to get shitty, and maybe the pills will help you stop a couple of the tragedies. Don’t ask me any questions. It’s not how it works, but keep that in mind. There is more than science involved with this research.”

I know I may be breaking rules posting on here, but I really feel like I should get this out to you guys. Of course, I know the guy’s name isn’t Max. I am also fairly certain he doesn’t work at Vanderbilt, but like he said, it might just help me. For right now, I’m fucking scared of what could happen, and I’m trying to figure out how Max knew what was going to happen to my father. By preventing tragedies, did he mean my phone call could have saved my dad if he had just listened to me? It may be already too late, but shit, if anyone has any knowledge of what I am going through, I would really appreciate any help I can get.

As always, it’s nice talking to the NoSleep community. My name is Hayong, and I am starting to feel like my life is about to get a shit ton more interesting.

[greetingsfromthebottomofthewell]

PHOBIAS ARE SHAPED LIKE LITTLE GREEN PILLS - PART 4: NECROPHOBIA

[source] [triggers]

what a strange twist! may hayong know fortune from now on

Necrophobia - Is the fear of death or the fear of dead people. Max made a special deal with me when he showed up at my door this morning. This was not a pill that he intended to use, but he feels like this would be able to wrap up the research quicker.

Before I begin, I want to address a couple of questions you guys had.

One of the comments in the previous part questioned me about how I said nothing creepy happened to me in the past, but honestly, I don’t have a great answer for that. The human mind is funny. We only perceive things the way we want to perceive things. I never felt like I had any part of the deaths that occurred, instead, I just called it a coincidence. It just makes life seem a lot more simple. In a way, I am thankful for the pills, it has opened up my eyes to so much.

Other people have brought up the fact that Max is not human. You’re right. He isn’t, but I did find out that I’m not exactly human either. Funny thing is, if someone knew what we both were before they met us, they would be far more scared meeting me than Max. I’ll get back to that later on in this post.

I don’t know what Max’s last name is. Hell, I don’t even know what his real first name is. I just know that for the first time, I have bested that piece of shit.

Max came to my house right as I was about to take my fourth pill. I know I should have been surprised he knew where I lived, but after the last couple of days, I started to believe that he just knew where I was at all times.

Max: ”You gonna let me in? Or are you going to be like your rude-ass father and let me stand in the cold?

Me: ”Come in, I didn’t think you would even have the decency to ask. Sit down anywhere you want. Would you like some tea with gold flakes or peanut butter toast with jizz from the gods?”

Max: ”No need to be hostile, and don’t insult the gods. Anyways, I didn’t come here to make small talk with a dull-headed human, I came here to give you a deal.”

Me: ”I’m not taking any more pills after this. I don’t give a fuck how much you give me.”

Max: ”No, and if you’d just shut the fuck up and listen, you would see that I am trying to help you. Instead of taking the last three pills, I will give you one pill. This pill will only last for three hours, and I will sit and observe. Do we have a deal?”

Me: ”Fuck that. You’re just trying to kill me, and stay here so you can get rid of the evidence or some shit.”

Max: ”Killing you would be doing you a service. After all, you would just be closer to your daddy if you die. No. I just want to see how you would react to this pill. I’ll even let you know what it will do to you.”

Me: ”Just tell me, no need to be secretive about it when you’re going to end up telling me anyways.”

Max: ”Necrophobia. Fear of the dead and dying. Honestly, it is the direct opposite of you, and I feel like this would be fun for me to watch.”

Max tossed the pill towards me, and I stared down at the pill. After thinking about it for a couple of seconds, I grabbed the other three pills and gave them to Max. He put the pills in his pocket and sat down on the couch. After taking a couple of deep breaths, I put the pill in my mouth and swallowed.

Immediately, red spots started appearing everywhere I looked, and a high pitch noise filled the air. Max calmly sat there as the noise started to get louder and louder. Soon, it was at an unbearable volume, and pain erupted inside of my head. It felt like every little noise that went into my ear tried to escape through parts of my skull. I started to cry out in agony when I could hear Max speaking to me. Even with my hands over my ears, I could hear his voice clearly.

”Poor uncle, poor poor uncle. Always thought he was human. Thought he would just go through life as a mere mortal. Haaaa. I don’t blame you. After all, your lack of intelligence proves you are truly the son of “The Unseen One” and for that, I must make sure your sanity is gone. May death come slow, but your life be a disappointment to our family. May the children of Apollo rise and the descendants of Hades remain in the underworld where they belong.”

I tried grabbing him, but I just couldn’t take my hands off of my ears. I kept trying to remind myself that the noise was just my imagination, but I couldn’t convince myself. I felt like if I took my hands off of my ears, I would die. I couldn’t die. No, I never wanted to die. I tried using anger to motivate me. I thought of my father dying because of Max, but instead of making me angry, my entire body locked up in fear. The thought of a dead body rotting away in the dirt, skin peeling off of his rotten flesh, intestines becoming a grayish sludge.

The sound was too loud. Everything I saw was completely red. It was too much. I blacked out, and I could hear Max laughing.

As I started to open my eyes, I heard a voice deeper than I have ever heard.

”The last thing you should be afraid of is death. Don’t let the fear overpower you. Make death your ally and not your enemy.”

Everything was back to normal. The sound was gone. The red spots disappeared, and Max was still sitting on the couch. He looked up at me with a small smile on his face and said, ”Well done, you only have 30 minutes left. Here. Drink some water. It should help you feel like normal again.”

I didn’t trust him anymore, and I did the one thing I should have done all along.

Max did seem confused when he saw his arm moving on its own. Yes, he did struggle when his hand went into his pocket and placed the pills on his tongue. He thrashed around when his other hand put the bottle of water to his lips. The high pitched noise and the red spots started to come back, but it was already too late. The pill was weaker now, and I could easily ignore it. Every gulp Max took of the drink, I could see the panic in his eyes grow.

I ran around the house and locked every door. It took thirty minutes for Max to become a paranoid mess, and it was the second part of the death I planned out for him. After a couple of minutes, he silently got up and went to my kitchen. He grabbed a couple of knives and ran as quickly as he could down the street. I sat on my couch and watched the news. It didn’t take long for the local news to cover a story about a guy who walked into local Taco Bell and started stabbing himself in the chest with every single knife he had. It was funny listening to one guy’s recount of the event.

”I don’t know man. The dude just came in here and screamed about how he didn’t want no woman to touch him. He walked up to a guy holding an orange and slapped that shit right out his hand and told him to not fu-, sorry, I mean mess with the devil fruit. Last thing he said was he was afraid to live in a dirty world and started to stab himself. Son’a bitch was nuts.”

Well, I don’t really have much else to say, but I do know that this may seem a little confusing to some of you guys. So I will explain.

Max was a son of Apollo, and I am a son of Hades. We aren’t gods, but we do have a fraction of the powers our parents do. Max knew how I would act in particular situations and he knew I would end up killing a couple of people I love. He wanted to break me down mentally, and he damn near succeeded. He just became careless with the little game he made for me. No, I didn’t end up getting the 43 grand, but shit, I’m just glad I didn’t go insane.

What am I going to do now? Well, I’m quitting my job for starters, and going to an organization that offered me help. I don’t know much about them, but I do know that they will be able to help me.

Yes, I see the father that passed away as my real father. He was there for me when I was growing up, and the hurt I feel from his death will forever be there. For that I will say, rest in peace, may your soul pass on to Elysium.

I just want to say one thing. The pills did help me overcome my normal cowardice self. I am not a hero by any means, nor do I have mad amounts of muscles. Courage is not found through bouts of heroism. No, it’s found through doing things you thought you would never do. Whether it be talking to a girl you always had a crush on, telling your mother to stop taking the pills that made her become a complete pile of trash, or snatching the bottle of beer out of your dad’s hands so he can see the tears that run down your face because of his struggle with alcohol. I hope you can take a lesson out of my experiences. Keep pushing forward. If you fall back, you will still be a hell of a lot further than when you started.

As always, this was Hayong, and I would like to thank all of you for your suggestions and support. It was by far the roughest experience in my life, but you helped me get through it. If I do end up with more experiences from the organization in the future, I will post about it.

Until then, goodbye.

P.S. Hey Max, hope you have fun in the underworld. I’m sure Hades has a special treat for you.

[greetingsfromthebottomofthewell]

PHOBIAS ARE SHAPED LIKE LITTLE GREEN PILLS - PART 3: GERONTOPHOBIA

[source] [triggers]

1 of 2

Gerontophobia - Is the fear of growing old as well as the fear of anyone that is considered elderly. The third pill I took contained this phobia, and I am starting to feel a backlash from the two I have already taken.

You can call me crazy for taking the first two pills if you want, I don’t blame you. I find my actions a bit crazy as well. Hell, my cat has even started to look at me in a different way.

I decided to take the pill around 30 minutes after Max called me. I wanted to be finished with them as soon as possible. It’s odd, I don’t feel like the same person anymore. The only thing that is keeping me remotely sane is my memories. Well, except for one memory that keeps intruding my thoughts.

I always loved being around my grandfather. He lived in Spring Lake, North Carolina and when I was younger, I always felt bummed out that he didn’t live close to us. Though he didn’t have much money, he would always save up every little bit of extra money he had for when I came over for a yearly visit. My visit was only for 3 days during the summer, but most of the good memories I have in my childhood were from those mini vacations. I was 15, when I made my last visit to my grandfather’s house.

It started off normally, we went to the movie theater as soon as I arrived at his house, and he would let me choose the movie. Avatar was the movie I chose and grandpa kept talking through the entire movie. It annoyed me because he was just talking shit about how a man should not fall in love with gigantic blue women. After the movie, we got into his beat-up blue truck and went to the bowling alley. Around ten in the evening, we made our way back to his house. He fell asleep around midnight, and I grabbed a bottle of whiskey out of his cabinet and snuck out to a nearby park. It wasn’t the first time drinking, but it was the first time I ever stole something from my grandfather. I don’t really know why I did it, but honestly, I feel like I wanted to see what I could get away with.

You should have seen the look on my face when a cop shined her flashlight on me and asked me what I was doing. I couldn’t think of a clever lie to get out of it, so I just hung my head in shame and told her I snuck out of my grandfather’s house with a bottle of his whiskey. She got his phone number from me and waited with me until my grandfather came to the park to pick me up. The walk back to his house was the most awkward shit I have ever experienced. I knew my grandfather was pissed, but I also knew he would never be able to trust me again. He didn’t say a word to me when we got back into the house. He just went into his room and I went into the guest room.

While we were eating breakfast the next day, he told me he would have to tell my mother what happened. I tried begging him to let me off the hook just once, but he just looked at me with a straight face and said, “I really thought you were a good kid. You stole from me, and you drank underage. I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I am. I can’t discipline you, but your mother sure as hell can.” I should have just accepted the fact that I did something wrong, but I was just filled with rage. I felt betrayed. As soon as I heard my grandfather pick up the phone, I rushed towards him to try to get the phone out of his hand. Before I could even reach him, he let out a gasp, grabbed his chest, and fell over. I watched him as he fell to the ground, and though I was still mad at him, I immediately called 911. He died on the way to the hospital. It was from a STEMI heart attack, and he barely stood a chance.

I always convinced myself that it was a complete coincidence that my grandfather happened to have a heart attack while I was running up to him, but the last couple of days have made me start to question that.

Anyways, I took the third pill at exactly 10:00. It probably wasn’t the best idea because I still felt the effect of the pill the day before.

10:20 - Why did I take the pill so soon. I should have waited a day before taking another one. The streets still scare me. Hell, even taking a shower still makes me nervous. Fuck it. I have a bottle of vodka with me, I’m going to keep chugging it until I can create some sort of confidence.

11:12 - I did it. I finally managed to run across the street and back into my house. I’m taking a bath now and I feel fairly comfortable, maybe I’m finally getting better at this.

11:28 - Geeze, I really look like I’ve gotten 5 years older. That fucking sucks. The last thing I want is to get older. It just means I’m dying quicker and that makes me really uncomfortable. Why do we have to get older? Why can’t we just fucking stay the same age and live forever? Fuck this. I’m definitely going to start taking care of myself better.

12:51 - I’m freaking the fuck out. Every time I see my reflection or look in a mirror, it looks like I’m getting older. Every goddamn time. I swear to god I am losing my mind. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna fucking die. Please. Let me stay young.

14:12 - I managed to drive to the Walmart in the Madison area of Nashville. It’s only about a 3-minute drive for me, but it really did feel nice getting some fresh air finally. An old lady was struggling with a couple of bags. She asked me if I could help her with putting them in her trunk. Normally, I would help, but no. Fuck that. She is just going to contaminate me. She’s just going to make me older. I already have enough problems.

16:02 - I got back home with a shit ton of groceries. I saw a lot of old people there, and it took a lot of time for me to maneuver around them. I can’t risk touching them. I keep looking down at my hands, and I see a new wrinkle every time. The weird thing is, I keep thinking about the elderly lady, Martha, that lives two houses down. She was always a sweet lady. Whenever I saw her, she would always make it a point to bring me some sort of home-cooked meal. I used to look forward to it, but now, I really hope I never see her again.

17:12 - An ambulance raced past my house and parked in front of Martha’s house. Two paramedics rushed in with a gurney while a younger lady walked out into the street. Even from far away, I could tell that the lady was crying. The paramedics wheeled the gurney with Martha on it into the ambulance and drove away. The lady was still standing in front of the house. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just rushed out of my house and ran up to the lady. She was sitting in the driveway sobbing. I put a hand on her shoulder and asked if she was okay. With tears pouring down her face she looked up at me and said, “I have been taking care of Martha for the past 2 months. She always seemed happy, but I came into her house today and saw her lying face-down on the couch. An empty bottle of her high blood pressure medicine was in her hand. She had a pulse, but she was unconscious.” I tried asking her more questions, but she just shook her head before getting into her car and driving away.

18:48 - I looked in the mirror again and saw that I look to be around 50. My face is starting to look like it belongs to someone else. There is a deep scar that is not on my neck that ends on the right side of my chin. It scares the hell out of me to look at me in the mirror, but after several gulps of vodka, I am feeling a bit better. I keep staring at myself trying to find some sort of clue. For some reason, I started to think of my mother. Well, not really think, more like I had a feeling like something was wrong. I tried to dismiss it, but my mind immediately went to Martha. If I had acted sooner, I could have saved her life. Without another wasted second, I ran to my car and drove the one hour distance to my mother’s house.

21:08 - I’m sitting beside the hospital bed next to my mother. When I got to her house I saw that she was lying in the bathtub with deep cuts running down both her wrists. It made me go into a full-on panic when I touched her, but I ignored my feelings and pulled her out. I called 911 and waited for the paramedics to arrive. I couldn’t help it, my stomach was jumbled into knots and I threw up in the toilet. I felt like touching my mother was the death of me. I looked in the mirror in her restroom and saw that I looked older than my mother. Anyways, back to my mother. She will be fine, I managed to drag her out of the tub just in time. She lost a lot of blood, but it wasn’t deadly.

23:41 - I’m back home now. I couldn’t stand being close to my mother. It’s fucked up, I know, but I can’t help it. I feel nauseous being around her, and it makes me feel like I’m flirting with death. Max called me a couple minutes ago.

Max: ”How do you feel, big man? Saved mommy. You must feel like a goddamn hero. Haaaa. Remember, you’re 1 of 2 today. You still let poor old Martha die. Thank you. You are making my research a bit more interesting, however. Alright. I don’t have time to listen to your bitching, so I’m going to hang up. Halfway there. Don’t die on me!”

8:12 - Shit, when did I fall asleep? My mother called me. She cussed me out and told me I should have let her die. Oh well, that’s just something I’m going to let the therapists deal with. I haven’t checked my reflection today. I don’t think I will. I’ll just wait till I take the next pill. The bottle of vodka is empty. How the fuck did I manage to drive to my mother’s house?

9:48 - I accidentally looked at myself in the mirror. I’m looking young again, but I did notice something odd. Half of my hair is now gray. Looks like I’m going to have to get some hair dye soon.

As always, this is Hayong. I wish I was braver, but maybe I’ll get to that point soon. I’m going to go ahead and upload this before I take the fourth pill. Wish me luck, give me advice if you have any, and share some funny pictures if you want to raise my morale. Send me a pm if you happen to have any inside info on Max.

Again, Max, Fuck you.