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daylighteclipsed · 3 years ago

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tbh (and PLS dont take this as me telling u not to ship it, i dont mean it that way AT ALL), ur last post is why i stopped shipping sns back in the day. specifically the part in shippu when naru told sasu that he would "break every bone in sasu's body to drag him back to konoha" like, sasuke's lit here knowing konoha massacred his entire family, his entire clan, is seriously fucked up on a fascist level tbh, is fighting against that & tryin to make change, & is like

saying "i cant go back to that" & naru is out here saying "idgaf, i want u in this police state regardless, i will lit break ur bones & chain u up to make it happen" like, at that point it feels like he doesnt actually care abt sasuke AT ALL, he cares abt what HE wants, fuck sasuke's feelings or needs. i love & support sasuke so much i cant stand for him to be treated like that. fuck team 7 tbh theyre the worst (except sasuke hes an angel & were glad hes here)

again tho im NOT telling u not to ship it, pls dont think i am!!! just sharing some Thots since u brought up how sasuke was the only one to criticize konoha in shippuden but ultimately was made to bow down & serve konoha & i just. man. its still so upsetting. not to mention how sakura basically raped him to make sarada (tho thats not saradas fault & i do feel bad for her... just goes to show if ur an uchiha ur life sucks i guess :/)

Phew there is a lot going on in this message. Okay, I don't know anything about Sarada and how she was conceived, so I'm not going to touch that. I like Team 7. Yeah, they're a mess, but I like them. I haven't finished the series yet, but I have been spoiled a lot. As far as I know, Naruto's "break every bone in your body" comment is during the first VotE fight when he's 12. If he says that again during the war arc or something --long suffering sigh-- And I don't think Sasuke's an angel lol If I’ve given that impression, it’s probably because people criticize Sasuke more than Naruto. I think all of the characters are flawed. Neither Sasuke nor Naruto have perfect ideologies or completely noble motivations, and that makes them interesting to me.

I went through like 5 long drafts trying to explain why, aside from bad writing, Naruto might keep asking Sasuke to come back to Konoha even after finding out about the massacre only to come to a conclusion that is so obvious in retrospect. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s not the only reason, and I’ll talk about possible others ones too, but this feels pretty right.

When Naruto talks about bringing Sasuke back to the village, it’s not about Konoha. It’s not about the place. It’s a less intimate way of saying, “Come back to me.” I know there’s good in you. I know you don’t want to be alone. I know you’re suffering. Let me help you. Come back to me.

Because I think, I really do think, that if Sasuke accepted Naruto’s support/stopped making self-destructive choices but still expressed dislike/discomfort towards the village, Naruto would understand that. He wouldn’t force Sasuke to stay there. He wouldn't let anyone else force Sasuke to stay there. And if Sasuke still wanted to destroy the village, well, that’s where the murder suicide pact would come in, I guess.

On the other hand, maybe it is about the place. Maybe Naruto thinks that Sasuke can heal if he comes “home” and accepts support from all his “friends” because that’s what worked for Naruto. That’s how Naruto was cured of all his issues, right? 😐

Naruto approaches everything on a personal level, and on a personal level, his philosophy of compassion and forgiveness works, but not against the larger, political picture. Not against fascism. You can’t forgive a fascist system the way you would forgive a friend. You can’t give it another chance. Using violence against fascism isn’t fighting hate with hate. It’s fighting for your freedom, for your life and the lives of others. We’re talking about a state that decided Sasuke’s people do not have the right to live. How can Sasuke possibly call that “home”? How can he call people who support that “friends” or “family”?

If it’s about the place, then it’s absolutely bonkers to me that Naruto doesn’t see that. He has to. He’s either extremely, stupidly naive or insane or... It’s bad writing. But let’s pretend for another second that it’s not. The only in-universe explanation I can come up with is: Naruto admitting that Konoha is bad for Sasuke would mean Naruto admitting that Konoha is bad for him too, and he won’t. He won’t address his trauma. Otherwise, his actions really contradict his supposedly empathetic nature. After Kage Summit, there’s no reason he wouldn’t realize that Sasuke would be miserable in Konoha. There’s no reason he wouldn’t admit that Sasuke is right and do something about it instead of insisting that Sasuke come back. It doesn’t make sense.

All that is to say, I understand why Naruto’s behavior would upset you because it bothers me too. Most likely, it’s bad writing on Kishi’s part, refusing to let Naruto grow and change and admit that he’s wrong. He’s right about compassion and forgiveness on a personal level, but the system is not redeemable. Working within it to solve problems is useless because the system is the reason those problems exist in the first place. But in general I like this series more for its potential than what it actually is anyway. It’s so absurd to me that Naruto and Sasuke don’t work together to change anything in the end, that Sasuke just ends up serving Konoha and not getting any justice, that like I can’t even treat it as canon.

#it's such absolute nonsense #like this is clearly what the story is leading up to this is the resolution and then it just veers wildly to the side #flies off the tracks #its almost funny #naruto

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shock777archive · 6 years ago

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I got this question on deviantart, and I felt like reposting my answer here, in case anyone is interested :P

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG REPLY BUT BEAR WITH ME LOL When I first started drawing/am I self taught : I've been drawing since kindergarten. Anime specifically, since I was about 8 years old. so that's been uh...18 years since I've started drawing in the anime-esque style? I am self taught on these areas. I picked up a digital artist tablet at the age of 13 or so, (it was a wacom Graphire 4 4x5 in) so it's been 13 years of digital art practice i've gotten in. I have picked up several how to draw books over the years until i surpassed some of them. But even now i'm constantly referencing tutorials and poses, looking for ideas and color palettes, etc. I have taken some schooling in college for art. I took beginner's drawing and color theory and maybe a little of art history but that's about it before i quit lmao What inspired me to draw in the first place/what I first drew: The thing that inspired me to draw in the first place was my favorite cartoons. from a very young age i knew that cartoons weren't real, but it fascinated me that actual people could create almost living people. I related to cartoons, and even though they were fake characters, I just loved the idea of creating a whole world of my own. So I took up drawing in kindergarten. First things I drew were flowers, rainbows, trees, etc. But My first biggest undertaking was powerpuffgirls. lol This was the series that started it all. Began drawing tons of powerpuffgirls stories and oc's. For the next few years I would watch different things like all the standard cartoon network shows. But I watched yugioh and dbz and other anime things too. What also got me into anime art style was the online game neopets lol Their faeries designs ( http://images.neopets.com/games/pages/icons/screenshots/586/4.jpg ) kind of had an anime resemblance, so I started drawing those for a while. When I was 8 or 9 years old my father bought me my first how to draw manga book (this one in particular: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Drawing-Manga-Ben-Krefta/dp/1841931713 ) looking back on it, this book is terrible and the anime in it is so ugly looking lol. However, i used that thing religiously and began making my own characters like a blue elf girl and a human friend of hers. ( in fact, here's the post. i tried redrawing them recently lol: https://shock777.tumblr.com/post/145898896143/finding-old-art-is-the-best-cause-you-can-redraw ) ...Then the real transformation began once I started watching Teen Titans when it aired in 2003. I was 10 at the time. That show started my love for japan. The language interested me and I began researching Japanese songs and trying to sing along to them. I didn't know what the words meant, but the artistic style and meshing of western cartoons and anime of the show really piqued my interest. My earliest drawings of them suckedddd XD; As Teen Titans drew to a close near 2006-2007 ish, I picked up Naruto and then it was all over since then lol my anime style and weeb days really came into full force lol I thank naruto though. I learned how to draw more realistic anatomy as opposed to cartoony anatomy. It was a very wild ride, but it's all documented here on my deviantart page as I got this exact account around the same time! I started posting my work in 2008, so you can go back far enough into my gallery and see the progress XD; I keep the old cringe up because it just motivates me and hopefully others, to keep drawing and keep going farther! :) PHEW lol long history there XD I do have some of my old art!!! If you wanna see some, I've posted a little here: https://shock777.tumblr.com/tagged/old-art plus I already said there's a few still on my dA gallery haha Tips I can give to you: 1. And I think this is most important, JUST KEEP GOING. It's soooo tempting to quit drawing when things aren't going right and when you're not happy with how your art looks. Trust me, every artist I've ever known including myself have gone through this. It's so easy to compare your work to someone else's. The thing is, we're all in this together. No one expects a newborn to be able to file taxes or drive a car lol. We all have to evolve and change, and that change comes from consistent work. Art isn't an inherent talent, it is hard work that is honed over several years of blood, sweat and tears lmao JUST KEEP GOING. as I've mentioned, my old cringe art is still on my dA page. Back then when I was younger I was less concerned with things being perfect and I spam posted almost every doodle. And I began a "fanbase" i guess because of those days and my consistent posting. I've had this freaking deviantart page for 11 freakin years. If I had stopped drawing whenever I felt my art was imperfect or not good enough, I would have stopped posting around 2009. so...just keep going. And I'd even dare you to post your "shitty doodles" that you think aren't that great. Because you never know what someone else will see in it that you don't. Be confident, and never give up! 2. Soak up any tutorial and really focus on studying your favorite artist's styles. If there's something you want to replicate in your art that someone else is drawing, try to see how they do it. sometimes artists have tutorials posted and sometimes they don't. I have a few posted on my youtube channel ( https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRB9xQBsGpfetNJbmXWZ1fL9d5IlqQs1w ) and some in my gallery. Don't exactly copy some things stroke for stroke, but try to add your little spin to something. Like sometimes I will see art senpai drawing a specific eye style I wanna replicate, but I don't like one part of the process. So sometimes I'll just add my own little addition, or just omit that process completely. Usually though, if the art style isn't necessarily super unique, you can copy a lot of mainstream styles without anyone really griping saying "oh you're just copying so and so's art style". It's important to look up to art senpais i think. They make me want to try harder lol 3. Take an art class if you're able. Color theory really helped me grasp things that I never had before. LIKE REFLECTIVE LIGHT FOR INSTANCE. I never drew that shit but now I do because DUH it's so freaking obvious lol It also helps to learn what colors neutralize others, complementary colors, analogous ones, etc. It's nice to have an eye for what matches together and to know the principles of art. I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to perspective, which we did cover a little in class lol but work on your own pace. If your college near you offers a class for beginners, take it if you're able. it will help you view things differently. 4. Copy realistically. Like, I'm talking look at a freaking object in your room and try to draw it. Once you can draw it semi realistically, you can then add your own little stylistic choices to it. Like so many artists who draw chibis or cartoony things, they more than likely know the proper proportions of people and anatomy. But they draw the proportions all whacky and it creates their own style. However it does help to know how they work in reality lol 5. TRACE OVER POSES. Sometimes I do this. I'm not saying to trace someone's art, but if you see some kind of pose on say a google image, or a stock photo, try sketching over it to get a feel for where the joints connect if you're working on anatomy. It reaaaallly helps you memorize where the arm would end, or where the torso connects to the hips. 6. Take advice and criticism well. If someone sees something you don't about your art, they may be on to something. It's not wrong if someone gives you a heads up that a proportion seems lacking or something seems too big or out of place. It will actually help you to see what others see. Sometimes we get in the habit of drawing something a certain way and it's hard to break that habit especially if you've drawn the same thing several hundred times. It will help you in the long run to just accept that you're always going to be improving. You'll never be perfect at drawing, so what do you have to lose? Just keep walking forward and learn what you can. 7. Flip the canvas. This is more or less a digital art tip, but please flip the canvas to make sure the proportions are not off. lol A lot of professionals have to flip the canvas until they get a feel for where things are placed. Another good tip is to use a stabilizer of some kind to draw straight lines. Paint tool sai has one at the very top of the window. It helps tremendously. 8. Draw what you like and don't feel bad for not drawing everything everyone else likes. Don't sacrifice your morals or your personal desires for something everyone else likes. If you're paid to draw something you don't like, thats another thing. but don't let people pressure you to draw stuff that you don't want to. You'll be much happier, and build an audience that is much like-minded to you. Be considerate of what your audience likes, sure, but remember at the end of the day, art is something to express one's self. Art is not and should not be a job. Even if you get paid money to draw or design things, it's important to take a break and draw something for yourself every once in a while. Be self indulgent, and treat yo self from time to time :) And uhhh...that's all I can think of for the time being. :') let me know if you have any further questions or if I need to clarify anything :) Thanks again!

#me #my art #art tips #long post

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gayliensav · 6 years ago

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the opening card of fear the walking dead is literally the most annoying sound to my overly sensitive ears

but im starting a rewatch, just gonna keep updating this post below the cut

S1E01: “Pilot”

ahahhaha that millennial daughter of theirs not watching to eat gluten. Bet the local white moms who are casual watchers for Norman loved this joke

Alicia is the only character I have liked from the very beginning (besides like...Strand, but he wasn’t in the first ep)

Like I know everyone is up Madison’s ass (at least they were last time I checked and I’m a few seasons behind), but I don’t like her or Travis all that much

Nick changed for me, I used to hate him but he got a little better

Nick hating Travis???? A BIG FUCKING MOOD

Like I understand that as the viewers who watch TWD we’re supposed to be annoyed with their decisions, which is how I feel from the beginning, but I do realize that’s how they want us to feel.

“You need to take Christopher” “i DoNt WaNnA gO”

He’s literally asking his son, a teenager, to come and spend the weekend in the hospital with someone he barely knows, like what does he expect here??

the lead up draaaaags on for too long

*slams fist on desk* wheres isaac lahey

I think one of the main problems with the relationships in this show is that there’s no lead up and no development, they just immediately love each other. Like with Rick and Michonne, we had seasons of lead up, but not with these two. The writers of this are capable of writing good relationships, they just chose to drag these two heteros into the main stage without giving them any backstory in the beginning.

This liveblog is going to consist of me making quips and then actual analysis of stuff

i walked out of the room to go to the bathroom and didnt miss anything

this one kids got it covered, tobias is prolly still out there

thats what I expected Paul Rovia to be like at the beginning of the apocalypse. Everyone is like dicking around and hes like nah fam and yeets his body outta town

the whole show is on 123movies, btw, dont give amc the numbers by watching it on their site. They also don’t have the first few seasons available anyways, so

like why don’t they just go check the building instead of saying Nick was just drugged. Like I know he was high, but he saw dead bodies, they need to call the police and have them check that shit out. Instead Travis just goes there by himself. Ricky Grimes would not approve.

I forget how long until the actual apocalypse stuff happens, but I’m getting a teeny bit bored already.

“Something really bad happened there” “I don’t care” lmao WHAT, Madison????

“You cannot enable him” IM HOWLING THESE WORDS JUST CAME FROM MADISON’S MOUTH

I paused and 50 pop ups came up, thanks

you know alicia’s bf goes down

IS THAT ANDRE FROM VICTORIOUS

ITS LEON

they really teased us with an almost-zombie huh almost like they knew we were bored

fffff there aint a doubt in my mind that anyone from the pilot except tobias and alicia survived this show

nick’s yeetin outta here

Like the concept of being in a huge city during the beginning was great, but we didn’t really get very much of that. The first few episodes especially when Travis was trying to get Chris and was stuck in that barber shop was great. Like that’s one of the few episodes of this that really stick in my mind. Those crazy fucking scenes were great.

“there’s no bodies...they couldn’t just get up and walk away” lollllll what clever writers WE HAVE

Like I’ll give Travis credit, he did try to be a good dad and stepdad...just bad timing, not great decisions in the end of the world, etc. Like the one scene where he was swearing he’d drag Nick to rehab??? That scene got me feelin’ stuff.

YES FINALLY SOME TENSION ON THE HIGHWAY LETS GO LESBIANS THIS IS THE WALKING FUCKING DEAD

lol a helicopter

you know why all these kids aren’t in school??? their parents are anti-vaxxers

walkers walkers walker walkers LETS GO THERES A WALKER

“killshot, bitch”

that took way too long to be the first episode goddamn

S1E02: “So Close, Yet So Far”

Ooooo cellphones are starting to go, shits getting good now

I’m like 30 minutes in and haven’t liveblogged anything, I’m bored

Well, that was that.

S1E03: “The Dog”

I hate this already because of the title we stan (1) TWD Dog in this house and his name is Dog Dixon

this star wars now???

See, I’m a neutral gay who just likes to watch chaos. A chaotic neutral, if you will. So this episode is fucking WILD, like this is what I mentioned before.

the monopoly scene was wholesome

I guess I could see Paul joining in on this chaos for a bit until he realized oh shit this aint good chief THEN yeeting outta there

Fun fact, the truck they use for the first part of Fear is Daryl, Aaron, and Paul’s truck on the askjaaryl blog:

The music while they’re driving is on fucking point, like it kinda sounds like that one TWD theme (the hopeful one) but remixed.

The scene where all the lights in the city go off PHEW poetic cinema

Madison: DONT LET IT IN! Nick: ITS A DOG! -- Daryl felt that

I frozzee I thought for a hot minute that it was Dog

He a cutie tho

that poor doggo im so sick of this show’s treatment towards them like

if anything happens to Dog, I think Norman will quit and rightfully so

i feel like just a few people in the post-apocalyptic world where zombie movies dont exist were just blessed with the knowledge that you have to shoot the head

damn chris really didnt do shit and got a whole broken nose huh

so far, stan list: alicia, victor strand (he hasnt appeared but yyknow), and chris sort of

they need a doctor but she never went to school before the end of hte world is this how alex feels all the time

S1E04: “Not Fade Away”

The opening to this one always really stuck with me. Like it’s so normal but you know it’s not.

lol remember that time everyone freaked the fuck out thinking this was Carl

I feel like Ophelia and this soldier dude would have one of those conversations where it’s like “what do you like about me?” “you’re beautiful” “is that it?”

deadass don’t care if nick is over 18, she still hit her son who has an addiction he can’t control

I think this is where I started to hate Madison. Instead of blaming the people who did it, she blamed Liza. Because that makes sense.

S1E05: “Cobalt”

YOU ARE MY DAD YOURE MY DAD BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

Strand out here scamming the heteros since before the apocalypse started

Paul Rovia and Victor Strand had a thing, you can’t change my mind

Everything but Strand’s scenes is boring to me and there is an extreme lack of those.

S1E06: “The Good Man”

Honestly, the relationship between Nick and Strand was really great.

“We’re gonna get along fine, Nick’s mom” is one of my favorite lines because like...it’s like a little kid talking to someone else’s parent, but he’s a grown ass man and he knows damn well how funny he is.

So wait did Ophelia die???

oop nope she good

lol she deadass apologizing that he got taken and not for beating her own son but OKAAAAAY

S2E01: “The Monster”

Here we go, a full length season this time. Let’s see how this goes.

#sav watches;

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pokefanbri · 4 years ago

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I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy �� basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

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fatouseckcreates · 5 years ago

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This is 2020....?

Phew!!!

Where do I start? This year has been, is proving to be a complete WHIRLWIND, sweeping everyone in its trail almost completely under water, and its just March! Within a matter of weeks, the whole world is under panic over this COVID-19 pandemic and so many people are talking but no one knows exactly what to do.

When I planned my trip to Senegal, I had big ideas for all the projects I would execute and put into motion for the near future. Projects that I would continue into the coming years which would ultimately place me where I want to be in my career, expanding myself into the academia and history of dance, not just the performance aspect. This was a big ask for me, albeit I am asking myself lol. It still is. My ideas excited me, but as usual, overwhelmed me. Still I had a fire and whenever I reached out to other artists for potential collaborations I was met with the very same excitement. Due to life happening, feeling like I had time, I continued to put my project off, waiting for the perfect time, the perfect circumstances, the perfect budget, because I am completely attached to the idea that when carrying out my visions, everything must at least START perfect.

And as it would happen, now in the chokehold of Corona’s grip on normalcy, my plans have completely shifted. In the scope of this global health scare, my plans seem to bear little importance in comparison to the ways we’re all adjusting, attempting to stay out of harm’s way. I am grateful to be in a country where the virus has not affected a great many people, but my heart is in two places as almost all of my family is in America, New York to be specific. Worrying will not fix anything, and neither will fear, so I am doing my best to stay levelheaded and continue to make healthy choices. While I’m extremely grateful I can leave the house and walk around my neighborhood, every time I leave the house, I think about the fact that I am potentially breathing the same air, brushing past the clothes or shoulders of people who may be contagious with coronavirus. It almost feels selfish to leave the house and venture off too far. And my intent here is not to fearmonger, I’m just saying what’s been on my mind. As restrictions crack down it becomes harder and harder to maintain a sense of equilibrium even within myself. But I cannot afford to panic.

All social activities have stopped, school and work for many has been cancelled indefinitely, and starting March 25 the country is under curfew from 6 am to 8pm. After months of feeling unmotivated and unsure of which direction to focus my energy, I was excited to have a new start once all of this ended. But with new news coming in everyday of worsening conditions abroad I dont know when that will be.

Not being able to carry out my artistic plans, attend rehearsals, or even travel freely to see family outside of the city for fear that I might endanger myself and those around me has taken a toll on my the part of my brain that needs to keep busy in order to feel accomplished. The thought that I waited too long, and essentially squandered my time here is one that eats at me more than the panic does, and all that I can do to combat it is to plan some more, research some more, visualize and prepare for my imminent success when all of this is over. I’ve learned so many lessons in silence, on my own, behind the mask that I armor myself with in the world. Not always because I had to, sometimes I chose to. Sometimes I observed other’s lessons, and decided I didnt want to make the same choices. In the midst of all thats going on now I’m sure we are all being dragged by life lessons.

In conclusion, this is a scary lesson for many of us but, like yall, I’m just waiting to see what happens. Stay safe! Stay prayed up. Hydrate often. Check up on, call, text and hug your loved ones!

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ladyperspective16 · 5 years ago

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Everything sucks

I didn’t ask to be born. But of course I was. And that started my shitty life. I know there are people with worse lives and so much more pain but that has stopped making me grateful for what I have. I just do not care anymore. What’s the point? Why are we forced to live at all? Why can’t we get a say in whether we want to be born or not? If that was possible I know what I would say. FUCK NO. No thank you dude. I do not want this shit ass life, I do not want to have to go through so much disappointment,rejection,failure,hurt, anger,pain,sadness and more just because two people got married and then 5 years later figured they should have children or maybe it was just because they were lonely. Because, honestly, I still can’t see what’s there to live for. It’s not like I meet any expectations, at least not since I was a kid. I always disappoint. That’s one thing you can count on me for. lol. Coming back to what’s there to live for, since we are born the shit begins. In school you are the ideal student, always disciplined, does your homework regularly and participate in stuff because secretly you want to be a prefect. Then you don’t. You study for years trying to get into a great college. Then you don’t. somehow you convince yourself thats fine too. Then you go to college. First year goes well,things are looking up for the first time in your life. But of course not, how could you think that your life could be good? dumbass. second years starts and it starts going downhill slowly,so you don’t notice it, you meet someone but a month later he breaks it off for someone else. You get over it and meet someone wayyyy better. Phew dodged a bullet with the first one. But how could you have a good thing you idiot? He cheats on you. With his best friend whom he never told he had sex with before you both met. And how do you come to know about the cheating? Well of course not from him but from his bestfriend who tells you everything in graphic detail and probably fucks up your mind forever. Yet you take him back, because they didn’t exactly kiss or do anything, just got really close to it while they were on his bed watching a movie. But you get back together because he does feel sorry. And you didn’t want to lose the only good thing in your life even though it had become tainted. Things get better, For a while. Then your 3rd year of college starts. You don’t get a room with your closest friend unlike the last 2 years. She doesn’t try to get a room with you either. Your roommate sucks. Doesn’t let you eat,sleep or study in peace. Makes you hate coming back to the room. Forces you to have to get sleep at your boyfriend’s place whenever you can because otherwise you would probably die from lack of sleep. You feel the loneliest you have. You sit in your room and cry the hardest you ever have. Its so bad you feel you could actually die from crying that hard. Your heart clenching so painfully you feel it might actually be heart attack. When you finally mention how hellish life is with your roommate your boyfriend just says ‘well I think you didn’t try hard enough to be friends with her. I am sure if you tried you wouldn’t have such problems’. You feel like someone punched you in the gut because he doesn’t get it even though it was so bad that when you went home the thought of going back to hostel made you break down in the middle of your family vacation with your dad letting you shift outside which he would never have let you do otherwise. You lose half the hostel fees you have paid. More guilt. You shift out and it feels like you left prison after decades and can finally experience freedom. Oh and you had your 1 year anniversary with your boyfriend but it wasn’t as good as you’d hoped it to be. you were secretly hoping he would plan something or surprise you even though the anniversary was right after his convocation where he spent almost 4 days hanging out and partying with his friends. Dumb of me to hope, I know. Oh and don’t ever make the mistake of mentioning this to him because he will lose.his.shit. He will shout at you and be the angriest he has ever been because how dare you say he didn’t do anything when you yourself didn’t do anything. Which is fair. But you had seen all your friends celebrate their one year anniversary with their boyfriend gifting them something or planning something. you know its unfair to expect that from him because it should go both ways but you just feel sad that he didn’t even bother searching for an anniversary gift. You gave him a wallet for his birthday and anniversary since they are on the same day. Not much I know, that too just one gift for both occasions but you didn’t really have much money and just to save for the gift you had to say no to your friends’ plans to go out and not buy anything for a month. And the funny thing is even if you had gifted him two things you know he still wouldn’t have gifted you anything for your anniversary. He would say he’s so sorry he didn’t get anything. But you know he’s too lazy to go and get a gift for you especially something that would mean something to you. You feel kinda stupid sometimes that in the beginning when you started dating you made a small painting for him on his birthday and he gave you a candle and a pair of street earrings for yours that were actually a gift he was going to give earlier but then they came on your birthday so he passed it off as your birthday gift. But you accept it. Your life has taught not to have high expectations from anyone. Everyone always disappoint. No one knows that better than me. oh and you made a card for your first year anniversary to give to him. You figured you would make half of it with him. He obviously didn’t reciprocate with anything similar. Your birthday comes up and he helps you with it. Your birthday secretly means a lot to you. You want that surprise and special gift. You want to feel special. but at the same time you know having those expectations is only going to hurt you. And your bf doesn’t have a gift for you yet because he’s too indecisive. You go shopping with him once. You know what gift he’s going to buy so you makes sure he knows what you want. He buys the exact opposite and you feel like a bitch for not being that happy with it. You decide not to complain because even after all this he is a good boyfriend. always there for you, mostly nice to you. interested in what you do and say and genuinely cares for you. And you know you have a habit of expecting too much so you just deal and try to be happy with what you have. things go well for a while. There are up and downs of course but the downs seem less intense compared to the first half of your third year. Just the thought of that time makes you shiver. You never want to go back to that dark place and time. then when things are going well, Corona hits. You have to go home, away from your friends and boyfriend. Back to the toxic home you had so eagerly waited to leave and got to college far away. However its your home and your adorable dog is there so it does feel good,feels like a break but then your mom acts like her usual self, toxic and destructive and this happens at least once in two weeks. Leaving you sadder each time, asking god why did you have to live this life. then your monthly anniversary comes. you make an e-card for your boyfriend. Both of you are happy. Then next month you sit for placement for a company. BUt you don’t make it past your second interview. It hurts and you feel like a disappointment again. Also, your boyfriend forgets your anniversary and you had hoped that maybe he would do something cute for you since you made that card last time. He doesn’t since he’s forgotten. You see new companies coming for placements and feel less and lees confident because you know you’re not good enough. Now you just exist and wait for whatever shit’s next because you know life is probably never going to make you happy.

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breaksandbites · 8 years ago

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Beware boys and girls! This post has lots and lots of beauty-full sights and dramatic experiences; you may end up wanting to go to subject location, very badly. Read at your own risk! And there is a special video at the end of the post as well. Having said that, let me share the happenings and spectacularly beautiful landscapes of one of the most lovely days we enjoyed during our trip to South New Zealand. We stayed at Te Anau only to visit Milford Sound, as I stated earlier in this post. Our cruise ride was booked for 2:30 pm so we left Te Anau early around 10ish (to our understanding). The map was showing 1 hr 45 min drive to destination but what the map did not revealed were the breathtaking sights and lookouts we will be passing by in that brief drive and that leaving at 10 is horribly late (keep reading and you will find out why I used such a strong adjective this time).

Anyways, the drive to Milford Sound was super duper scenic. We bumped into Fiordland National Park which is a beech forest trail on the sandy Milford shore. Signboard leading to Lake Mistletoe was the first point we stopped at but we chose not to advance towards it since the return time to car park was 45 min (according to board) and we had to hike all the way to lake which definitely would be a bad idea with E in our hands all the time. So we dropped the plan and resumed our trip.

The lovely highway

Colors <3

We then reached at Eglinton Valley and the moment we crossed the forest trees and stepped into the canyon, we were spellbound. It looked like a scene from a movie; mountains at the far end, river flowing, tall grass dancing to the tune of wind, pretty flowers, trees at the back and no one else around. It looked so serene and captivating that we did not want to leave but we had to reach somewhere else at a specified time, so we marched back towards the car and hit the road once again.

The Eglinton Valley

We HAVE to pose everywhere

Next lookout was Mirror Lakes on the way. Check out the pictures and see for yourself the clean and clear water showcasing mirror image of the whole peaceful setting.

Mirror Lakes

Check out that board

Reflection of sky on water

Our next stop was Pop’s View overlooking the stunning valley of Hollyford with clouds gliding through the mountain peaks. Here I would like to mention that the government has managed everything very well, you will find washrooms even in some of very remote locations as well.

Hollyford Valley in view

Amazing scene

Falls Creek‘s magical scenery blew our mind and we could not resist stopping by the waterfall flowing right beside the single lane road. At one side it was thundering down like a gigantic water spout and toppling into the ecstasy rocky pool at the other side of road. Oh my god, that was heavenly! I have never seen so much beauty in my entire life, seriously!

The left side of road

Right side of road

Came across Monkey Creek along the highway and we turned the car towards it. Here we spotted ‘Kea‘ – a native bird typically large species of parrots. They were quite comfortably posing for our cameras. Have a look at them down below.

Kea posing for me – Later on it flew and came to sit on the side mirror of my window (I was terrified for an instant) #embarassingMoments lol

Monkey creek

Time was passing by like water was flowing through the rocks around us – very quicklyyy! We arrived at the Homer Tunnel situated at an altitude of 945m above sea level, surrounded by snowy peaks and so many little waterfalls flowing through them.

Little waterfalls

Way to Homer Tunnel

O yes, thats me *posing*

Highway in view from tunnel

Homer Tunnel – one way it is

We started to feel the cold we were about to experience ahead, the wind was telling us that we are nearby our destination and we were quite on time BUT how can our day pass by without any drama?

The Drama:

HI looked at the fuel tank pointer and it said that we were running out of petrol. And let me tell you, there are no fuel stops or gas stations at Te Anau – Milford Sound Highway. As a matter of fact, there is one at the end of road but sometimes it is out of petrol and we were NOT in a position to take risks at that time. We got to know by fellow drivers that there is a ray of hope 20 kms in the opposite direction where we can find fuel so we turned the car without giving it a second thought and raced back towards the location. HI over-sped through the narrow lanes and finally, we approached the spot ‘Gunns Camp‘.

Interesting directions – Check out the pointer towards Heaven… lol

Suspense:

The next challenge was to open the fuel tank door, the clock was ticking and every passing second was taking us away from our cruise ride and everything else decided to give us tough time! Aaarrghh. At last the door opened, we filled up the tank, turned the car and accelerated towards Homer Tunnel once again. We travelled 40 kms extra that day and that too with lightening fast speed.

We did not stop at any other lookout after that nerve racking occurrence and pulled over directly at Milford Sound Cruise Terminal at exactly 2:30pm. And the drama continues, I literally ran towards the counter only to find out that the cruise has left already and that was the last one for the day by that company.

Cruises at Terminal

isn’t it stunning <3

Climax:

I sat there in dismay thinking what to do next because this was the only day we had there. Instantly we took the decision to get on the scenic cruise managed by another company, rushed towards their stand and bought the last tickets of the last cruise they sold for the day. Had we taken one more moment in deciding, we would have missed it. Phew, the drama ends! We performed well, right?… haha

We boarded the cruise and took a sigh of relief. It was a 2 hour scenic cruise along the picturesque and idyllic setting of Milford Sound. The moment we stepped onto deck we saw beauty that cannot be described in words, truly extraterrestrial! There was no reception of signals, far away from the hustle bustle of world, just us and blissful natural beauty all around. We took so many photographs and recorded videos but nothing is doing justice to what we saw with our eyes. Catch some of the glimpses below.

It was too cold for her

Fur seals lazing around as always

breathtaking

we were cruising among clouds

I got myself drenched in this waterfall – ecstatic feeling

The captain of our ship ;)

HI pose too :p

Sereneee

We came out smiling and content of the terminal after the tour, it was more like a feeling of winning a race against time. Our day was not wasted and we achieved what we wanted to. Yayyyy! :D

Afterwards, we advanced our way towards Queenstown where our accommodation was booked for 2 nights. As soon as we hit Milford – Queenstown highway we realized that the day is not over yet and more pleasing panoramas are awaiting us down the road.

Queenstown highway

Those deers were surprised to see us

Check out these lamas – they are like ‘whateverrr’ lol

bee-you-tea-full

that landscape though

We kept on moving forward treating our eyes with the enthralling scenes every twist and turn was unfolding until we reached Devil’s Staircase Lookout. It is one bewitching location about 50 km away from Queenstown. I fell in love with the colors and serenity of that place immediately. We gasped in astonishment at the fact that it was about 9 o’ clock at night and the sun was shining bright, see for yourself.

Devils’s Staircase

Lovely colors all around

Did you guys noticed that we did not eat the whole day? There are no shops or eateries along Te Anau – Milford Haighway. We were hungry like crazyyy and the hunger levels elevated exponentially upon entering the amazing city of Queenstown. We headed straight to the Turkish Kebab shop at 31 Beach street which Noman bhai had told us without looking here and there and devoured their shawarmas as our lunch, snack and dinner – all in one. Later on, we grabbed some coffee and while roaming lazily on the streets of city concluded that we had Formula Rossa type of amazing day – Loved every bit of it!

Stay tuned to find out what we did in Queenstown the next day ;)

Until then… enjoy this enchanting summary video of our day.

Mesmerizing Milford Sound – Trip Of Lifetime Day 15 Beware boys and girls! This post has lots and lots of beauty-full sights and dramatic experiences; you may end up wanting to go to subject location, very badly.

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