#petty move i know but i go on tumblr to enjoy myself ok

[loveydovey-leviathan]

If u read x reader fanfics, im pretty sure u saw the post where someone was complaining about how writers should just make y/n blank.

i agree with them when it comes to physical attributes (tall/short, pale/dark, etc), but what i will say is that it is kinda hard to leave the reader as blank as possible in terms of personality, especially when ur writing a fic: a piece of writing where the character has to interact with the reader.

Idk man, maybe im being big-headed or something, but the fact that they ended the post with 'it's not that hard' was kinda condescending and lowkey pissed me off ngl

[fifteensjukebox]

Hey hello how about 01, 12, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34 and 55 for the HORRIBLE ask game. This year.

hiiiiiii anon! i haven't gotten an anon in ages this is so exciting <3

also sorry i'm answering so late i explain it in the middle but i had a family outing and i thought mobile would let me edit

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? i do! my mom's my best friend in a way i'm sure is annoying to people who don't, and my dad is annoying but he is the best dad i know

03: Do you regret anything? biiiiiig question. i try not to. i try to tell myself i needed to do things to learn or whatever but i'm always wondering how else things could've gone and second guessing things as i do them

05: What is your relationship status? very much single. if you want to hear about my latest crushes you'll find it in my "vie" and "lore" tags but i'm sure they're not going anywhere so shoot your shot!

08: Played any sports? my dad coached a soccer team i was on when i was 4 but i was more interested in the dandelions on the field… outside of required gym class stuff (which i did not enjoy) i've enjoyed tennis and beach volleyball with my family (18 y/o brother included)

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? i think my record is 36, the last day/night/flight home from seeing my now-ex tumblr gf

well. if anything (back to earlier qs i could say i regret the whole met-online-ldr thing but it was good when it happened and im seeing it work out so well for friends so it could've been worthwhile in the long run!

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? irl i don't entirely hate anyone but i have some strong mixed near-hate feelings about the exes (and one not-yet-ex? i think? they're on the way out) of people i care about, and a certain ex friend of mine (if she makes the next move in reaching out i might be able to find it in myself to forgive but at this point it won't be as easy as it could've been)

21: What are your plans for this weekend? tbd but probably festive family things? extended family christmas dinner is on monday and we'll do our gift exchange that morning (speaking of which i need to get ready rn to leave for our family brunch followed by mall trip to shop for secret santa - my parents+18 y/o brother+i do a mini secret santa - well mini in that there are only 4 names but we have a generous budget bc it's usually our main/only source of gifts amongst ourselves. i got my mom again this year and she made it a little too easy by requesting a specific pair of raybans that make up most of the budget, but i'll get creative with the rest) we're also going to the distillery district for the vibes on thursday and my dad's taking these 2 days off work so collectively it all feels like weekend plans. maybe i'll go skating on the actual weekend! i haven't done it yet this season and i miss it

update here is that i didn't find anything for mom except the raybans so i may be going out alone to shop more on fri/weekend

34: Who/what was your last dream about? damn. the one time i don't write it down. oh! ok the last one i remember was one where a version of my ex bestie and i got back together so to speak but she was being overtly manipulative and i had to decide if i was ok with that? which. thanks subconscious! way to mix her with the bitch i had a crush on in middle school! real ex-bestie would never do that but i think it's created some irrational fear where before i just had sadness that i was mostly over (to briefly recap the situation there, she's depression-ghosted and blocked me before and she did it again earlier this year but it hurt more bc we'd been closer leading up to it than we had before the first time)

55: Are you mean? i think i can be really petty but people take it hard because they think of me as being so nice, so i know of some people who'd say i'm mean

thanks again for asking anon! i hope you're having a wonderful holiday season <3

[bukojuiice]

get you.

ೃ pairing: (husband! executive levi ackerman x wifey! reader)

ೃ  warnings: nsfw (18+) - the rest of the tags are below the cut! c:

ೃ genre: smut

ೃ word count: 2,696 words

ೃ  my nav  →  my college au! eren x fem! reader (fluff)

ೃ song inspo: get you by daniel caesar ft. kali uchis

ೃ  please do reblog if you enjoyed!! it really helps writers and content creators on tumblr! (feel free to add tags too because i love reading them and my heart swells with happiness when people love my work!)

ೃ “visit your husband at work” day is an actual event that happens every 3rd Thursday of the month at the company Levi works in. however, after he’s become too focused on the workload for the day and you’ve grown impatient as he wasn’t paying attention to you at all, you had to find a way to grab his attention. 

additional tags: fem dom! reader, slight bondage, sub! levi then a dramatic shift to dom! levi 

hope you enjoy reading!

Today is the 3rd Thursday of the month.

Which meant “Visit your Husband at Work” Day.

No. Like, it was literally an actual holiday that existed in the company.

One of Levi’s fellow executives, Hange Zoe, created a whole-ass holiday just so to tease you and Levi.

Not that it was a problem though, it was always so fun to watch your husband work so sternly and seriously. Even if he ignored you most of the time, especially when you were being annoying and were asking too many questions.

This month’s iteration of the holiday though… left much to be desired.

Your ever so busy husband promised you a lunch date at one of the swankiest restaurants in the business district, however he was so swarmed with papers, business plans, and taking calls from important clients that could he not take 1 hour out of his day just to spend time with you and keep the spirit of this “holiday” alive?

It really doesn’t make any sense. He could relay the client calls to his secretary, Eren, for an hour and a half, then once he gets back, he could go through them and call them back again.

Was it that hard to do?

Despite your many pleas of asking him to just stop working for a few minutes and eat some take out McDonald’s chicken nuggets with you, he still refuses to do so. He even remarked about how unhealthy they were, but you corrected him by telling him that it was alright to eat from time to time at least.  

The whole chicken nuggets exchange you had with him, put you into an even more sour mood.

Before he could even ask where you were about to go, you stormed out of his office, trying to get a reaction from him, so that he would try and make it up you. However, that did not happen and your romantic fantasy of Levi holding you by the wrist, whispering huskily into your ear, not wanting you to leave was not achieved.

So, you then head over to Hange’s office where they were eating lunch with their secretary, Moblit, and surprisingly, the company’s very own Erwin Smith, the CEO of Survey Corp. (get it? Because survey corps? Mwahahaah ok I���ll see myself out)

This got you even more confused, because why are both Hange and Erwin able to eat lunch so casually whilst your husband is so tense and stressed about all the paper works that he has to go through?

“AHH! Ms (Y/N)!” Hange beams at you as soon as they see you enter the room. “What brings you here? Does Levi not want to leave his office again?” They giggled. You greet the three of them back with a wave, but a sad smile present on your face. Erwin raises his eyebrow at you in worry.

“Ms (Y/N), is everything alright?” The blonde man asks worriedly, taking another sip of his afternoon tea. “Did you get into a fight with our most loved and hardworking executive?” He teases, trying to keep the atmosphere light and carefree.

“That’s the problem actually.” You laugh exasperatedly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “He promised me that we would go out for lunch, but he didn’t commit and told me he was caught up in a lot of business calls, and he didn’t want to miss any of them as they were very important.”

“Oh? He can just give them to Eren though. They aren’t extremely important calls. We’re not even trying to bag some huge business deal right now. I told Levi to loosen up a bit, but he continues to want to see through with everything.”

You breathe out an irritated sigh, crossing your arms in disappointment. “I’ll be going back to his office now. I’ll be talking to my husband about this and his workaholic tendencies.” You bite your lip, trying to muster a smile, waving goodbye and leaving as soon as you arrived.

“Aw. I wasn’t able to ask if she wanted some sashimi.” Hange pouts, holding a small paper bag that contained the premium dish. “Erwinnn should I go after her?”

“Nope. Don’t.” Erwin shakes his head, laughing, clearly in a very good mood.

“Huh!? Why can’t I-“

Erwin gives them a knowing look, raising his eyebrow suggestively as if referring to something.

“Ohhhh.”

You arrive back at Levi’s office, your arms crossed, waiting for the raven-haired man to greet you. The man you know and love so well, was still very much engrossed with the materials and blueprints he was reading.

He looks up at you then goes back to what he was doing.

You lock the door behind you and then proceed to sit at the long velvety couch situated in the middle of Levi’s huge ass office. Your arms remain crossed, so were your legs as you begin to read a random book laying on the coffee table.

Levi steals some quick glances at you from time to time and your petty self pretends that you don’t notice him doing so.

You hear him sigh and take off his black rimmed glasses that he only wears during work. He then rubs his temples and clear his throat, to try and get your attention.

“(Y/N) love, I know you’re disappointed over the fact I didn’t push through with our lunch plans. I know that you know how much I love you but this is a very important-“

You stand up from the couch and throw the book carelessly to the table. Approaching him with a rather alluring aura surrounding you, your husband giving you a puzzled look as you arrive in front of his table.

He stands up, thinking you were about to envelop him in a hug and accept his apology until…

You grip the lapels of his suit and yank Levi hard against you.

“Prove it.”

Your lips clash with his. Kissing him with every ounce of frustration and heat in your body. But even as Levi’s arms come around you, holding you flush against him, he suddenly pulls back with a questioning look on his face.

“(Y/N)…”

“Maybe you might be too busy for this too Mr. Ackerman.”

You push his jacket off his shoulders before your fingers slide along the back of his neck as you guide his wet, hungry mouth back to yours.

Levi spins you around, pushing your back against the cold glass of the windowpane, the beautiful city skyline as your backdrop whilst you make love? It was perfect.

He lifts your wrists up above your head, holding it there with one hand while the other explores your body, caressing the skin he could touch even though you were still fully clothed.

“Levi…”

You feel exposed in a way that makes your pulse race, the intensity and the heat between the two of you continue to escalate as his fingers find a strip of bare skin at your waist, then slide up beneath your clothes to trace the curve of your breast. He continues fondling it whilst his other hand slowly unbuttons your blouse, revealing the beauty that was your upper body. Levi takes in the view, breathing

You arch your back, pressing your body against him. His tongue continues to tangle  with yours, and he moans into your mouth.

“Can you even get back to work after this?”

“It depends how much you can keep me busy.”

Levi picks you up easily in his arms. You lock your legs around his waist as he carries you across the office.  He sweeps everything off his desk with a loud crash and lays you down.

Again, you were seeing a different version of him. Not only was it not typical of him to be careless and thrashing things around like this, but the way you can feel his heart beat and his emotions just by these gestures and the two of you haven’t even arrived at the good part yet.

Your head swims, going wild over the thought of what the two of you could end up doing as he unfastens your clothes and throws them across the room. Very out of character for a man who wants to be clean and organized all the time.

His lips trail kisses all over your body, pausing to skim his teeth along your side, caressing each soft spot, turning you on even more.

“I want to eat you up…” He whispers, continuing to smother you with all the love that he can give, touching you everywhere he can.

You look down your body at him, taking in the intense look in his eyes. You want him…

But you also want to make him pay for how he treated you today.

“You have to earn that privilege, Mr. Ackerman.”

You sit up from the desk, pushing him back lightly.

“(Y/N)…”

“You’ve been a naughty boy, Levi.” You wink at him, sucking your finger and waving it in front of him. “And you know what that means…”

“I’m going to tie you up.”

Levi, lets out a soft curse, as you hop down from the desk and motion for him to take a seat behind it. He has no choice but to follow you, albeit a bit surprised as this was something new that the two of you haven’t experience yet. He starts to move around the desk when you call out to him.

“Wait.”

You lean in and skim your fingers over the exposed skin of his chest, then tug lightly on the open flap of his shirt.

“I don’t want to have to deal with this later.” You wink at him again, running your fingers through his abs, caressing them, and you know that something was stimulating inside of your raven-haired lover.

Levi then quickly strips out of the rest of his clothes, then takes a seat in his office chair, arms on the armrests.

You grab a spare cord from one of his desk drawers, then tie his wrist to the chair. You do the same for his other hand, letting your fingers trail along his bare body, noticing the bulging erection in his pants before you step back and admire your handiwork.

“Aren’t you a sight?” You tease him, your husband smirks and shakes his head at how you were the one showing dominance this time around.

Levi tries to reach for you but stops when he pulls against the cords. He sits back with a pout.

“This isn’t fair.” He cursed under his breath. “I want to touch you.”

“Oh… you want to talk about not fair? What have you been doing all morning then?”

You lean over the chair, careful not to touch him, to try and tease him even more. You let your breasts idle near his face… so close, you can feel his breath ghost over your skin. He visibly gulps.

“And now you’re being punished for it.”

You hop back on the desk, facing Levi. You spread your legs so he can see every inch of you, you hear him gulp again and you were loving the attention as you slip your fingers under your panties.

“Tch…” He cursed under his breath.

Your head lulls back as you let the pleasure course through your veins, trying your best to stop yourself from mewling in pleasure. You call out his name, as if imagining that you were pleasuring yourself whilst he wasn’t around. “A-ah…”

Touching yourself in front of Levi is a power trip like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. You can barely control your movements as your hips buck up. You continue to rub your clit in a circular motion. Your husband continues to watch.

Levi licks his lips as he struggles against his restraints. You slow your fingers as you consider him…

“Hmm… have you been punished enough yet?”

“No… but I can’t make it up to you properly unless you let me touch you.” He continues to breathe heavily, still trying to free himself from the restraints.

Selfishly, you know he’s right. You reach out to untie the cords, and he’s all over you, quickly pressing your body onto his, before the ropes even fall to the ground. Levi continues to kiss you deeply, pressing you back against the desk as his hands work your panties down your thighs.

“I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day. I know we could have just done this at home.”

“And now? What do you think is the point of this work holiday?”

His fingers make their way back up your bare legs, stroking you teasingly.  “And now… I can barely control myself. I want to devour you.”

You lean back and let your legs fall open as wide as they can. You fight back a blush as he hungrily takes in every inch of you. Levi bows at your feet, lowering his mouth between your thighs and working his tongue against you. He slowly licks the inside curves of your pussy, taking in every inch of you. He continues to make work of exploring your insides by a finger, pushing it in and out.

You shiver and grip the desk, reeling from the sensation.

“Levi!”

“If you want me to make this up to you properly, then you can’t come yet.” He stops for a second, now it was his turn to tease you.

“Can you do that, Ms. Ackerman? Can you hold back until I tell you?” Levi punctuates his question with a devilish twirl of his tongue, and you gasp.

“Yes. I can.”

“I can take whatever you have to give. Don’t hold back.”

Levi smirks at you, and you know he’ll rise to the challenge. He licks his lips… then dips his head and licks you. His tongue continues to ravish you, deeply and heavily, unrelenting.

“A-ah I’m going to!“ You mewl, your hands looking for something to grasp.

“Already? I thought you said you could take it?”

Your body trembles as he sucks and nips on your nipples, leading you toward the brink. He makes his tongue rigid as it flicks against your clit. You lift your head enough to see Levi’s hand working between his legs, touching his cock in rhythm with you as he groans out your name.

“L-levi…” You gesture him to enter you, your finger pointing down as your breath continues to hitch, craving more for him.

He slowly enters as if teasing you, and you feel your juices stimulate as you become one with him. He continues to thrust in, shifting from a normal to a fast pace, still relentlessly teasing you. How the tables have turned.

Levi’s pace grows even faster and faster, it was as if his dick was enlarging inside of you too. Your moans were in sync with his and with one final thrust…

That’s all it takes. Your body clenches, and you fly over the edge, ecstasy crashing over you.

You both exchange your I love you’s, leaning in for one last kiss as you feel the last pump enter inside you.

Levi slowly holds you and helps you down from the desk. It was such a smooth release that not one drop fell onto the desk. If it did though, his clean freak tendencies would probably show by now.

“Let’s clean up. I have a meeting at 3.” He says, still catching his breath, picking up his clothes that he threw from the other side of the room.

“So… you’re telling me that we can still have our lunch date!?” Your eyes lit up; the raven-haired man offers to help you clip your bra.

“Yes. Then let’s go to the spa after.” He smiles, combing a hand through your hair, kissing your shoulder before you finish wearing your blouse again.

“Does that mean we can also do it in the spa?” You ask, suggestively.

“No.”

“Aw. You’re no fun.”

Fin.

me after writing this and as i hit post now:

[filmmakerdreamst]

How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself

I was living in a city all alone and these two characters showed me that it was ok for two women to love each other.

In order to understand the following story, there’s something you need to know about me. I have always loved fiction. From the age of about 5 to 11, I loved books more than I loved people. I was a shy child who found it easier to emotionally engage with fictional worlds than the real one around me.

See, fictional worlds are created for your brain’s enjoyment. Their rules make sense. Events happen for a reason. The narrator tells you why characters behave the way they do, allowing you to empathize with them on a deep emotional level. Easy to understand, easy to identify with, easy to love.

But real people are complicated. The real world is complicated. And things are seldom laid out nicely in a coherent narrative format for you. Real things are much harder to love.

This emotional disengagement continued from the age of 11 onwards, although it was no longer as pronounced. My habit of retreating into fiction would fade during good times and come back in force during difficult or stressful periods. During the stressful periods of college, the rise of Netflix allowed me to become certifiably obsessed with my favorite TV shows. And naturally, I joined Tumblr in order to more easily fangirl with people who shared my interests.

Only for some peculiar reason that I didn’t care to examine, my interests were slowly gravitating towards girl-girl couples. Soon I was shipping, reblogging, and reading fanfiction almost exclusively about female couples. But I, who had always considered myself straight despite lacking interest in the boys around me, didn’t think this meant that I was gay. I probably just found female couples more emotionally satisfying. I was friends with mostly women, I was a woman myself, so it was natural that I just understood them better. Yeah, that was probably it.

Fast-forward to nine months ago. I was living in Boston and incredibly depressed about it. My job and my boss were making my life miserable and I had very few people to socialize with. I was making the rough transition from the constant socialization of college to the isolating pressure of a city where I had few connections. My days and nights were some of the loneliest I had ever experienced. I looked for something, anything, to lift the heart-crushing emotional silence.

My solution was the same one I always chose when I was dissatisfied with the real world; obsession with a new TV show. And thanks to my femslash-focused tumblr community, I knew just what my next feel-good show was going to be.

My tumblr friends had told me this: Xena: Warrior Princess is an action-fantasy show that enjoys a cult status, much like Buffy: The Vampire Slayer (which I watched and loved). The two shows were made in the same mid-to-late 90's era, with similar bad special effects and endearing campiness. But XWP is much… MUCH… more gay.

That was about all I knew about the show going in. And amazingly, that was all I needed to know to be excited about watching it. You’d think that fact would have told me something about myself, but no. The mental walls of denial were years in the building and needed more force than that to be shattered.

For anyone unfamiliar with the show’s premise, Xena: Warrior Princess is about the title character and her quest for redemption. You see, Xena did some bad things in her previous life on another show (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys). In her storied career as a warlord, she committed such petty crimes as genocide, the slaughter of innocents, that kind of thing. But now she has seen the light and wants to atone for her crimes. Except she can never undo the terrible things she did. All Xena can do now is help people on a day-to-day basis and hope that it’s enough for someone to show her mercy.

Which is already fantastic from a character standpoint. But there is a secret mirror to Xena’s journey that is not reflected in the show’s title, and that is Gabrielle and her character arc.

Oh! Gabrielle! When I met her in the very first episode, I loved her straightaway. She is a feisty, naive, talkative small-town girl who accompanies Xena on all her adventures. Her character quickly assumes paramount importance in the narrative. Gabrielle is Xena’s only friend. She comes to know her better than anyone else and love her for who she is, all the while believing Xena can reach redemption. Yet Gabrielle is not just a support system for Xena; she goes on her own heroic journey. The two character arcs intertwine and co-develop in a way I have never seen in any show before or since.

As each episode rolled by and their relationship grew in complexity, I found myself more and more engrossed. And I came to realize: this was something I wanted. The day I accepted my own desire was the day I accepted myself. What could be more strangling than denying the existence of your own feelings? Yet I had been doing this to myself for years — cutting off the possibility of being attracted to other women — without even realizing.

Before beginning the show, I thought the fandom had read in between the lines to construct a romantic relationship between the two characters, the same way as femslash shippers do in all other TV shows. Except not this time. This one is mind-blowingly different.

Not only does the narrative place utmost importance on the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, but the actresses bring such multi-dimensional love to their parts. When I saw Lucy Lawless (Xena) and Renee O’Connor (Gabrielle) interact, I could so easily believe that these two women loved each other beyond friendship. Xena and Gabrielle display every kind of love you can think of. They protect and sacrifice for each other. They tease and flirt. They cuddle and console. They have inside jokes with each other. They dance sexily. They play pranks and drive each other crazy. They sweetly kiss. They come back from the dead together. They bathe together. They raise each other’s children. They meet in alternate timelines and fall in love all over again.

I could have left my mental walls of denial in place. I could have said to myself “oh yes, I want this. But with a guy.” But no. Lawless and O’Connor’s incredibly attractive faces and bodies broke down the door of my mental closet. Precisely because they were fictional, I felt safe to admit my attraction to them. One of the key mental blocks I had always had towards accepting any attraction towards other women was the thought that I was being creepy. That since they could not possibly feel the same way about me, it was wrong to feel the way I did. But in my mind, that barrier didn’t exist with fictional characters. They couldn’t feel anything for me. Therefore, it was fine to feel whatever I want about them.

The walls cracked. The water came rushing in. Oh my god. I am attracted to other women. Like, every day of my life. Those flickers in my stomach when I talk to an attractive female coworker suddenly make a whole lot of sense now. I now saw my historical awkwardness when talking to beautiful girls, which I always dismissed as “me being weird”, for what it was. All those short-term girl crushes on older girls throughout high school. How was I so sure they were platonic? That heart-aching infatuation I had with my best friend that lasted for years? Yeah, add that to the ‘definitely gay’ list.

Since then I’ve realized that my feelings are valid regardless of what others feel for me. Just because feelings are unrequited doesn’t mean they aren’t real. That’s what Xena and Gabrielle taught me. Their fictional example was the final blow to my rapidly-crumbling resistance to the idea of homosexuality.

In our culture today, so many forms of media reinforce heteronormativity. How many commercials have you seen that assume attraction between a man and a woman? How many billboards tell women that they need to look sexy for the men in their lives? How many times has a movie ended with the guy getting the girl? It’s the combined action of a thousand small rocks shifting to make a cultural avalanche. You can’t move against it. All you can do is stand still and try to maintain your footing against the current, to maintain your identity in the face of a world where you and people like you are often swept away by the mainstream.

Xena: Warrior Princess is one of those rare stories that dares to go against the grain. It celebrates a romantic relationship between two women as the most natural thing in the world. And in doing so, it provides a mirror for me and people like me to recognize themselves in. There we are. Look at us fly.

This story isn’t over yet. I still have a lot of work to do to accept myself, but thanks to Xena and Gabrielle I’ve taken one huge step towards living the open life I want to live. I moved on from that horrible job and lonely city, but in the end I’m grateful. Grateful that circumstances pushed me to the depths of loneliness necessary to bring down the prison I had built in my own mind.

- How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself by Lyra Hall

[secondhand-trash]

Good People

@shinsoubowl​ Week Day 4 (Prompt: Hero+Villain)

A/N: Out of all seven days, this is probably the hardest to write for me but I did succeed in slipping a Fleabag reference in there again so it’s all good. I’m just hoping and praying that this turns out ok.

(Also, Tumblr has been acting strange and not letting me add more than 5 tags recently so the exposure is greatly limited and I'm petty about things like that because I do work hard on everything I put out so reblogs are greatly appreciated qwq)

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi x villain!reader

Description: You had lost your hope that there were genuinely good people in the world a long time ago. So no, just because this hero was nice and didn’t want to fight you could not convince you anything.

Word count: 3125

Playlist:

Me//The 1975

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked//Cage The Elephant

Something Has to Change//The Japanese House

-

If you got to start all over again, you would have never gone down this path in the first place.

It started off as minor shoplifting in convenient stores when you were a kid. You knew that it was wrong, but the wall of candy was too tempting and there was no way you could ask you parents for money when they were struggling to put food on the table each day. Your father got into heavy debt after his business partner took all of the company’s assets and disappeared from the surface of earth one day. The salary he earned was barely enough to keep the family alive, spending a large portion of it to pay off the loans.

You never got caught, not even once, and it only prompted you to keep going. You slowly moved onto pickpocketing and stealing cash from registers when the shop keeper wasn’t looking. It made you even more money but it also started forming this empty pit of guilt at the back of your head and yet you never stopped.

By then, you father had entered eternal slumber and something about the sigh of relieve from your mother when you handed her the cash pushed you to keep going back. There were times when she looked like she wanted to say something before you sneaked out of the house ‘for work’ but she never said anything, silently pulling back the hand that attempted to reach for her child.

Then there came the time when snooping around for inattentive by passers could no longer fulfill that urge in you.

Hiding in a dark alley, you gathered your breath as the security guards of the shop you just broke into ran past the spot you were hiding at. Checking that there was no one around, you pulled out that heavy gold bracelet from the pocket of your belt. You did not need the price tag on the display to see that you could make good money out of it. Inspecting it carefully under the flickering street light, you sighed in pity that the intricate carving on the gold would soon be gone when you handed it to the dealer.

Sometimes, you were afraid that you had started to enjoy what you were doing instead of treating it as nothing but a line of work like you convinced yourself to be.

“Pretty valuable stuff you got there but I’m almost certain that it’s not yours. Mind if I put it back to where it belong?”

You immediately went into high alert and shoved the bracelet back into your pocket when you heard the voice from above your head. Snapping up, you saw a man with a black mask looking down on you from the lamp post.

Great, a pro-hero.

A long piece of fabric extended towards you and you jumped to deck from the attack. You had heard of this particular pro from other people of your kind. He was new to the scene, making quite a name for himself with his skillful tactics and overpowering quirk.

“You’re not going to answer me? How rude.” the man clicked his tongue as he leaped from where he stood and made another attempt at trapping you with his scarf. You pursed your lips tight, avoiding even the smallest of responses towards the man. You remembered what they told you about him, one word and he had you under control, and you had been struggling on this path you went down for far too long to be captured now.

A villain, that’s what they called you, to which you only scoffed. Perhaps you were a villain, but if you were a villain, what were the people who turned you to this side of the moral compass? Were they good people? And this hero who was here to give you the punishment the society thought you deserved, was he a good person under that mask and the costume?

People did not overrate his ability in combat. You were having a rough time fending him off while resisting the possibility of a slip of the mouth, but you could tell that he was new to this. He knew what he was doing but none of his punches were lethal. He was holding back.

In a perfect world, he would be respected for having mercy on you, the villain. But the world was not perfect and most of the time, it was far from being good. Hesitating could be a great flaw.

Spotting one of the hero’s weakness in defense, you took the chance land a punch right at his stomach, forcing him to bend down no matter how fast he could react under physical reflectiveness. By the time he recovered, you had already gone out of his sight, leaving him alone in the dim alley.

Sliding in through the unlocked window, you frowned at how the light of the living room was still on. Living room, you silently laughed in bitterness at the thought, like you weren’t living in a tiny flat that was split into rooms by thin curtains hanging on the ceiling. “Mom? Why haven’t you gone to sleep? I told you that there’s no need to wait for me.”

The woman on the couch was already drifting into sleep when you called for her. You knew that she hadn’t been feeling well recently and you had tried to tell her to get more rest but it seemed that you got your stubbornness from her.

“I can’t sleep without knowing that you got home safely,” she smiled and you could see the wrinkles at the end of her eyes. When did those start to appear? For as long as you could remember, there wasn’t a time when there weren’t any lines on her forehead, an effect of furrowing her eyebrows together too often. “How was work?”

You felt bad for lying to her but you could not say it out loud. You could not say it to her face that her child was a villain who stole things for a living, even when you were almost certain that she already knew. After all, mothers know best.

“It went alright,” you tried to force a nonchalant smile even when your stomach was twisting together in guilt and lifted the curtain to where you slept, “I’ll just go to bed now. You should get some rest too, you’re looking really pale.”

You had long accepted the fact that you were no perfect human being and most of the time, you were certain that you could not even touch the line of being good, but lying to your mother would never stop making you feel like the worst person alive.

You kept running into the same pro-hero who you met in the alleyway from that night onwards. Where ever you were, he was there waiting already. It was starting to get tiresome and rather creepy, if you would be so bold to say.

For the first few days, a fight would inevitably break out between the two of you and it always ended the same way with you escaping by a hitch. Then he stopped trying to capture you through battling and it was worse, because he started talking to you.

If fighting him was a pain in the ass, than this new method of his was straight up torture.

It started off as him trying to irritate you into responding with jabs or insults but he soon realised that it was not enough to get you to talk as you would just rolled your eyes and threw punches at him. Looking back, you wished it had stayed that way because he somehow managed to make the whole thing even more annoying. He would block your only route of escape and started talking to you like he was just talking to a friend about his day. There were times when you were so baffled by the sheer stupidity of the whole thing that you almost gave in and yelled at him. Needless to say, it took a lot of self-control to bite your tongue when all you wanted to do was get him to shut up.

Still, you would at least tried to hear what he had to say each time before finding a way out. It would be a lie if you say that there wasn’t something stupidly entertaining about the hero rambling on about the random things that happened in his life when he could be fighting you instead. You almost anticipated him to show up each night and just started talking when you never gave him any responses other than exaggerated facial expressions at all.

If he wasn’t here to arrest you, you might actually take a liking towards that man.

You already had one leg hanging off the barricade as you were about to make a jump to the ground from the balcony when the hero showed up tonight. You stopped and turned to look behind you where the hero landed, raising a brow towards him.

“Sorry that I’m a bit later than usual, had to chase down this other guy who was robbing a bank.” he laughed when your eyebrow only arched at his statement, “Don’t look so shocked, you’re not the only one I’m trying to capture.”

You nodded in amusement. You weren’t sure when this whole process felt like less of a competition to see who break first and more like two people genuinely hanging out. “Although it really doesn’t feel like I’m even trying to capture you anymore.”

You grinned and tilted your head. You would love to believe that it was the case and he was just here night after night because he wanted to talk to you but it was never wrong to stay alerted. “Can you just say something? It feels like I’m talking to myself here! I promise I won’t use my quirk on you.” the hero pleaded but you doubted its sincerity due to the smirk on his face and you shook your head, the smile never left your face. “Come on! I know you want to!”

He wasn’t wrong, you did want to but your survival instinct override this childish desire. You were a villain and he was a pro-hero, you two weren’t meant to be friends and simply wouldn’t happen no matter how much you wanted to talk to him like normal people do.

Smirking, you turned your back to him and was about to leap down when his voice caught you by surprise.

“Fuck you, then.”

You snapped back, entertained beyond measure by his response. You had to purse your lips to prevent the laughter that was threatening to escape and gave him a look as in to ask him, “Really?”

When you lie on your mattress with your eyes closed, it was the amused glimmer in the hero’s purple eyes that kept showing up in your head.

You fell asleep with a smile on your face that night.

You shouldn’t get attached, it’s dangerous, but you had become way too fond of the strange hero who talked to you every night at this point to back out. The two of you were standing on the balcony where you would for sure past by each night. Leaning against the fence, you put your chin on your hand with one elbow supporting it on the fence as the hero standing next to you rambled on.

You wondered if you two would have become friends if the circumstances were different. It was a stupid move that could wash all your hard word down the drain but at that point, you didn’t care. This had been bugging you since you met this guy and despite better judgment, you weren’t really sure how long you could keep this in.

“Why are you still here talking to me?” the hero’s eyes widened as he heard your voice for the first time. “You’re a pro-hero, I’m a villain. You’re supposed to fight me, not hang out with me.”

He paused for a while, “I don’t think you’re like other villains.”

You snorted in bafflement and didn’t say another word. He sighed, seeing that you didn’t trust him enough to actually respond to him. “I’ve been keeping a record of what you did since I met you that day. You never steal from small businesses, only big cooperation or rich people.”

“And that’s how you decided that I’m not like other villains?” you replied, basically taking a leap of faith to see if this person you had been talking to for the past weeks was actually as decent as you hoped him to be. A rush of relieve washed through you when you could feel that your body was still under your own control.

“You’re not doing it just to cause chaos or hurt people like a lot of other villains and, I don’t know, I guess there are chances that you might be a good person.” he said with an earnest that left you unable to react. A good person. How long had it been since someone called you that? “I saw the way you fight, put it to good use and you might actually save the world-”

“Why do I want to save the world when the world never saved me?” you turned to look at him in the eyes and felt yourself stiffen at the look in his eyes. He would not get it, you bitterly thought to yourself. “I did not choose to be like this but when no one came to save you, you might just be isolated for long enough to become a villain.”

This was a waste of time, ‘villains’ weren’t supposed to confide in heroes and it was naive of you to even think that he would understand. Climbing over the fence, you stared at the hero before you escaped into the darkness.

“The world isn’t good. Trust me, I’m a villain.”

You were sure that it was the universe playing a joke on you to prove just how bad it could be when you woke up the next morning to find your mother collapsed on the ground. The sight was something out of your worst nightmare and you could not breath properly until you held her wrist to sense that she was still alive. She was burning with a fever so high in temperature that you were starting to fear that the day you were truly on your own would come sooner than you detested.

You tried everything you know, every medicine you could get your hands on but there was no use. She was still unable to even move when the night arrived and you were worried sick. It was the first time that you cursed yourself for having a lifestyle that was everything but legal. You could not take her to the doctors because hospitals keep record on everything and it would not take them a lot of time to find out what exactly you were up to. If this was about you, then you would just take the risk and turn to somewhere shady but it was your mother, and you would rather trade your soul than to put her in harm.

You knew what you should do the moment you stepped out of your house that night.

Shinsou was almost unsure if you would show up. You seemed to be quite pissed off last night and he wasn’t sure if you would still want to see him after that. It started off as an attempt to lure you into activating his quirk by accident but he had come to quite enjoy those late night conversations. He immediately perked up when you climbed onto the balcony.

You walked straight up to the hero and grabbed the scarf circled around his neck. His body tensed up at your sudden action but his mouth hang agape in shock when he saw you took it and wrapped it around your own wrist.

“Here’s what you’re gonna do,” you took a deep, shaky breath and said, “you’re gonna hand me over to the police and tell them that you captured me.”

“What? Wait a sec-”

“I’ll tell you where I hide everything I’ve ever stolen,” you sounded so calm it almost frightened him, “there’s a woman there, a really sick one. I don’t know how but please god get her somewhere better than that-”

“No.”

You stopped when you heard him. “What?” you yelled in disbelieve. “I am making your job easier for you, what do you mean ‘no’?”

“You’re not making any sense! Is something going on?”

“Yes!” you threw your hands in the air. You could feel tears forming in the corner of your eyes as you screamed in frustration, “My mother is dying because I’m a fucking villain and I can’t get her any help!”

“And your way out is to hand yourself in?”

“Well I don’t know what else I can do and if there’s someone who have to profit off of my misery I want it to be you because you talked to me and made me laugh and even if you might not turn out to be a good as I think you might be but at least you are a decent person and a decent person is fucking hard to find.” you said it all in one breath and gasped for air as you gathered your breath. “So please, I beg of you, just help me out and do as I say.”

Shinsou wasn’t sure what he should do but you looked like you were about to break down and that hurt him way more than it should. Although his movements were a bit stiff, he sighed in relieve when you didn’t protest as he wrapped his arms around you. “Told you, you are a good person.”

You sniffled and mumbled against his shoulder, “You have really low standard for ‘good’.”

“Let me help you,” he pulled away and wiped a thumb one your cheek to dry the tear that ran down your face, “I won’t hand you over but I’ll help you if you let me. That’s what heroes are supposed to do, right? We help people.”

You let out a broken laugh. You weren’t sure why you believed him but that look in his eyes was all too convincing. And for the first time in a really long while, you truly believed that perhaps there were good people in this not-so-good world after all.

No one had ever saved you, not until Shinsou Hitoshi talked his way into your life.

[cowboyshit]

Ok serious question , you've been watching AEW a lil longer than me i gotta ask why does everyone hate cody? Like all my tumblr right now is fuck cody as champ , fuck cody being main event every week , and fuck cody vs hager next week (i get the hager hate him being a homophobic transphobic git) but i don't understand the Cody hate

sorry I’m a clown and couldn’t resist a joke. I kind of keep myself out of the hate, but I remember there was a shady moment a few weeks ago where he liked a tweet about sami needing to go back to Canada if he was so unhappy with how the American government runs things and I think it was from a burner account that promoted/supported Trump for presidency or as a president? and since the start of aew he’s seemed to have become a little full of himself and lost the actual reason he started the company (to be different than wwe and move away from it) while the company does some wwe like things (bringing old wrestlers in from past wwe legacy, having a big guy come in new and already have a chance to challenge for the championship over other faves, etc) and he seems to still be hung up on his feelings of hurt over what happened to him with wwe. which you can either see as a little petty and childish, or maybe you think he’s justified in hating the fuck out of that place 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s a shame because I don’t enjoy him the way I did in the beginning, I kind of wanted him to go on this storyline of being knocked down to the ground, continuously losing right at the moment he thought he’d win, breaking him down and then having him build himself back up in some way. I enjoy his old bte stuff, I like his sense of comedy it really makes me laugh (even recently his bit in bte at vanguard 1’s funeral where he called matt jackson tommy bahama fucking cracked me up). but unfortunately the mass majority believe he’s become full of himself and is still over milking a story they’re no longer buying among many other issues I haven’t been paying attention to wrestling long enough to understand/know.

[snarky-sims-witch]

Ask Pileup

It’s finally here! The asks that have been collecting dust in my inbox! Doing them in one post just because it would be hella spammy if I did them all individually.

Don’t see your question here? It’s probably because it’s a 100BC ask that I’ve either answered before or is already clarified in the rules.

@simvanglade:  I love your sims medieval posts! I've never put that much effort into it before but you make me want to!

Aw thank you! I assume you mean the ones I was posting in the Sims Community Facebook group? I don’t think I’ve posted a lot of Sims Medieval to my tumblr, but I’m super happy you love them so much! I’ve wanted to do a Sims Medieval story for a long time on this simblr. Remind me when I finish one of my current stories. ;)

@consultingpolymath:  I have a question about the 100 baby challenge!! When my matriarch is an elder and ready to move out, is it ok at that point to make her immortal, or is it still against the rules? Even if she's not in the house anymore, I wish she could live to see some of her grandchildren, instead of just dying of old age after a week.

So I don’t typically answer a lot of 100BC questions anymore but this is kind of an interesting question that I don’t actually think I ever thought to address??? Yeah, it’s fine. You can basically do whatever you want with moved out kids and elderly matriarchs as long as it doesn’t break any rules that would in any way affect your active household. Moved out kids and matriarchs aren’t technically part of the challenge anymore.

@darkgrungemusic:  Hiya I just saw your answer to the ask of your text color on your blog and I wanted to let you know on Mod the Sims there's a mod to change the load screen and the main menu so its like normal, and there's one that lets you pick the colors instead. Just letting you know in case you didn't. Love you and your blog! Have an amazing day!

Thank you so much! I’m so happy you love my blog! I knew about the mod but since I knew a darker load screen was coming soon, anyway, I didn’t really want to bother with another mod that I’d just end up uninstalling again in a couple weeks, anyway. I appreciate the help, though!

@hotcocomash:  [i swear this isnt a 100baby ask] I found you from the buzzfeed 100 baby videos and got hooked on your not so berry story! ive kinda been reading it backwards cause of how mobile works but im still loving it. when i have time im gonna sit down and read everything chronologically. thank you for making so much interesting and fun content!

Lol I don’t actually mind answering 100BC asks. I just don’t like repeating myself. I’m so happy you found me through Buzzfeed (which is kind of surreal, wow) and I’m even happier you like my Not So Berry Challenge so much! I hope to get back to the Sweet family soon! They’re lots of fun.

@tekimimotaku: So I've only just found you. By looking up the only challenge I knew: the 100 Baby Challenge. But I'm looking through your blog and I'm captivated by the other challenges so far. Some aren't to my taste, but I can still appreciate the thought put into them and that others will enjoy them. Had I not already made my matriarch, I'd say F it and do a different challenge of yours. I can't wait til I'm done with this one so that I can start on the others! I wish I could think things through like that!

Aw thanks so much! I hope you’re having fun with the 100BC and it’s totally fine that not all my challenges appeal to you. :) I try to create different challenges that appeal to a wide variety of players so for most people, some of my challenges won’t be all that fun for them, but there could be others that they love so much, they just want to play over and over. That’s always sort of my intention when making a new challenge; trying to engage a different group of Simmers.

@mmfinch: I know that you're completely tired of the 100 baby challenge questions. I went back and read your Midford series as an apology of sorts and thoroughly enjoyed it. Your creativity in storytelling is amazing. I read through all the Q&A but this hasn't been asked. Is show hidden objects allowed to get a birth certificate for non hospital births? The have baby option was clicked by accident and couldn't be cancelled. Show hidden objects is a cheat, but the object is decoration only.

I’m so happy you love The Midford Legacy! As for your 100BC question, there are definitely a LOT of objects in the debug menu that I would consider cheating and not allowed, but the decorative birth certificate isn’t one of those things. Go ahead and buy it if you like. :)

@bipolarrrbearrr: Hey! I know you’re not super into this page right now, but I’ve been keeping up with your not so berry story and I love it. I haven’t been able to go past peppermint because I’m on safari and can’t get the app right now. I wish you could have streamed or recorded it because that would have made the story so much better! You’re awesome 😎

I have kind of a personal loathing for the YouTube/Twitch scene for... many, many reasons, some of them valid and some of them petty, lol, so I don’t think I’ll ever take up YouTubing again. I like the written word too much and the freedom of being able to stage my shots, but I appreciate the sentiment! I hope you get to read the rest of the challenge soon!

@sim-sizzlin: I did originally follow you cause you are the 100 baby (and many other cool challenges) OP writer, but it's really cool to see an active simblr making sims medieval posts it makes me want to reinstall my old copy it was YEARS AND YEARS ago ty

Aw, thank you! Yeah my Sims Medieval content is surprisingly popular. I think I need to make one of my next storytelling projects a Sims Medieval one. Thanks so much for the feedback!

@yennibelle: Hello there, I have an inquire about your unnatural genetics for children and toddlers in the sims 4. I just re-downloaded it, due to this months patch and was wondering if you have added Island Living hairs? Or did I miss them? And if you have not, will you? Either way, I appreciate your mod/CC :)

Hi there! I’m so sorry, but I haven’t updated the hair for Island Living, yet! All my files and palettes I used for those hairs is on my old laptop and I haven’t gotten around to transferring everything I need onto my new one, yet, but thank you for reminding me that’s something I need to do. :) In the meantime, all the hair should still work fine in your game. You just won’t have funky varieties of the IL hair (yet). I’ll be sure to post when I take this on but it may not be for a while, yet.

[onychaos]

Changes and moving forward

This was a post I made on wordpress but never got around to posting here on tumblr but I feel that it is better late then never, I guess? 

As the year 2018 comes to a close, as 4 days remain. Had a lot of ups and down, and a lot has happened or changed for better or for worst.. But during that time, I was able to reflect on my own life and know what must be done or must be changed on my end.

Take this with a grain of salt. There is a chance that you will:

Not agree with my changes

Not like what is said here

Or just don’t care or won’t care about this.

And I know I can't please everyone but oh well, here we gooooo!

There is a lot to cover here, so sit back or not and get ready for the list of things

To make things easy on some, just hit control + F and you can look for the following below

Updates on my life

Twitter stuff

Dropping Grudges

Twitch.tv stuff or stream related

Updates on the fan game

Youtube stuff

My Goals for 2019

Updates on my life

I have been avoiding drama that I have no need for, be it ignoring it, muting friends or followers who take part in it. I realize that me, worrying about drama that doesn’t affect me is a waste of time. I will still defend friends who are being attacked

I think it’s time that we move on from Skype to Discord for a number of reasons. One of them being security reasons, and skype is slowly being snuffed out little by little by Discord. Discord does have it’s problems but it’s time to move on, eh?

I have been more social with people Or rather, being more social with my friends since they are the only ones who like to answer others ignore me but it’s whatevers. I got used to it

Been pretty happy with life, despite what has happened in this year. Things could have been better but what can you do? :V

I have some goals and plans for this new year coming up and hope they going to turn out ok but time will tell what the future holds for me. And I shall see if my friends will be along for the ride or this may be your final stop. Let’s see, eh?

I have been using WordPress for a good while… It’s not bad, though limited in some areas, like coding html. I may switch over to Blogger, because Tumblr is useless to me. Most of my post don’t show up in Tumblr search and it’s not worth it to me.

Twitter stuff

I have been using Twitter way more than Discord.. that’s not a bad thing, This is pretty good for my standards, And my followers consist of a number of users (“Why does this matter?” I am sure you will say. sit a spell)

So, following has to be cleaned out as it has needed that for a a long while.. Pretty much accounts on the chopping block are, Art bots that I don’t look at, inactive accounts.

I may set my twitter account to private in the future.

Going into the year 2019, I will not unfollow users talking about drama. I will ignore it. I will not tell someone that they can’t or can say whatever, that’s not my thing. If it does not get out of hand..

Been adding friends to my Twitter friends's list, if you are on my Twitter friends list then you are a friend of mine

Being more social and such

That’s it for the Twitters. :V

Dropping Grudges

Going into 2019, I will be letting go of my grudges I held on people. I, however, have no plans on being friends with those who done me wrong off the bat or maybe never but I want to go into this year not hating anyone.

I will be dropping my biggest grudge against FlyingfoxTSC or whatever name she goes by now (FlyingFox). Why am I dropping this grudge? I realize holding a grudge only holds you back in many ways or can turn you into a petty or a bitter person. I have forgiven her but not forgotten. If she talks to me, ok. And if she doesn’t talk to me, ok. With this said. I no longer “Dislike” her.

I will be dropping my grudges against other Sonic Speedrunners and will unblock them on Twitter (no one cares but that is good.)

Everyone gets a clean slate. Cause why not. :V

Twitch.tv stuff or stream related

I wanna start doing podcasts and streaming other games or even stream making things

SRL racing is a part of my life that I am now closing. Once I hit 200 races completed, I will take a break but I will most likely be done with racing games. I’m burned out with it. You could say that SRL racing is in the same boat with how I feel about speedrunning and CyberScore.

Twitch.tv chat moderators for my stream. If you lost mod status, you could come back and get it again. I am sure some will not like this but starting in 2019 moving forward. Losing moderator status will be permanent but can be regain, if you wish. Some users are safe from this list. But no one watches me, so it’s fine.

There will be more co-op streams with my friends. I already know people who can’t join for reasons, so I not even gonna ask them. These will be streams where we shoot the shit and talk about things, and have a good time and fun

If you are still here for racing SRL stuff and speedruns, this be the wrong place. That’s coming to a end, I would say.

Updates on the fan game

So, it has been months. Progress has been slow for a number. Drama, friends fighting, Life issues, and so much cooking. Cause of that, I been learning more code to use in my fan games. But I can say without a doubt the prototype will be pushed back to a “TBA” for now. Can’t call it a beta, yet.

I will be sending Masta, Hyper, and SBCZ a document where they can fill out the stats for their characters and much more, within reason. :3 Once they get the document, they can open / edit it in Googledocs and edit in the info. Once they get their document, They have 30 days to fill out the document, and sent it back on discord.

When the prototype is ready for debugging, a new channel will open up in my server, Private testing only. When the first demo is live for testing, it will be uploaded to firefox’s file hosting site

Youtube stuff

Youtube let plays are coming back. Had no time to record games but I will fix that, soon. I have some in mind. :V That’s all

 My Goals for 2019

I would like to be drama free. I do not care about drama. It’s a waste of one’s time, and I have better things, man because drama ain’t one of them

I would like to get a fan game ready for testing or even released a app for others to use. I have 2 apps ready to be released

I want to talk to my friends again in voice calls, and play games with friends that I enjoy.

I have been removing myself from toxic environments. This could be discord groups, servers, and friends on Twitter or Facebook.

My Discord will become semi-open to new users.

Move my friends over from Skype to Discord

I will keep moving forward, with you or without you. If life changes the plans, I will adjust to the change, if need be.

Draw more things for fun, and to learn new ways of drawing

Live through it all

That’s it really. :V Thanks for reading, and hope to see you with me in the new year that is 2019.

OnyChaos~

[kirinda-ondo]

Rant/tell me about Cobalt and why u love him so much??

Ok so this is probably going to get very long, and very, very cheesy, and I hope y’all are ready for this.

Cobalt is a very special character to me and is absolutely my favorite character of all time, from anything in the history of ever. It doesn’t matter what other fandom I’m hyperfixated on or what character I’m saying is my son at the moment, if you bring him up at any time, in any context I will be there.

So you’re probably wondering how I got here.

Once upon a time, it was 2009 and I was a young weeaboo, constantly absorbing everything anime or manga I could. I had just come out from the Astro Boy movie, and I immediately wanted to watch the source material. I’d already seen a bit of it on adult swim when they were running an Astro Boy marathon, but I had to go to bed at 11:30 then so I didn’t get to see much. So this time, I went to youtube and I found all the (dubbed) episodes of the 60s series. (Sadly you can’t find them all there anymore and it’s a crying shame).

I basically marathoned them, but over in the sidebar where the recommendations were, I kept seeing the thumbnail for part 2 or 3 (this was back when youtube only let you post 10 minute videos and you had to watch anime in 3 parts) of the episode “Brother Jetto.” You could plainly see him, and so it was clear this was supposed to be Astro’s brother. I thought it was neat that Astro even had a brother, as I’d only known about Uran before. I wanted to know more, but I promised myself I wouldn’t skip ahead. Though it was very tempting at times, I stuck to my guns and watched all 83 episodes up to that point.

However, it was not actually love at first sight. When I finally got to this episode 84, I wasn’t really impressed. “Wow, he’s kind of annoying, what’s the point?” I had thought like a fool, but I was still willing to accept him as part of the canon, as I figured I’d be seeing a lot more of him now that he had been introduced. After all, that’s what they did with Uran! But then…. that pretty much didn’t happen at all, which I thought was kind of weird. After all, why introduce a new sibling if he’s not going to show up again?

But then I got to the episode “A Deep, Deep Secret” about 6 episodes later, and I found myself a little relieved that he wasn’t completely canned. Upon watching that episode, I’d found that he’d started to grow on me a bit, but he still wasn’t my favorite. However, the trend of him being gone for several episodes only to show up once in a blue moon continued until I’d run out of episodes. I moved on to the 80s series next (and then the 2003 series) having learned that Cobalt had been replaced by Atlas as Astro’s brother. While I enjoyed those series (the 80s one a bit moreso than the 2003 one), I found myself kind of missing Astro’s dingus brother that had barely seemed to get a chance. After marathoning all the series (at the time), I started doing some googling and found out he had a slightly better run in the undubbed Japanese episodes (which was also how I discovered AB-O! Hi fandom!) and I’d learned a lot more about him. But the most important thing I’d learned was that I was in fact very emotionally invested in this character now and I was in deep.

Mind you at this time the undubbed Japanese episodes were nearly impossible to find without purchasing the complete DVD set and a player that could play them (on account of the fact that the set was region locked from western DVD players) so for years I sat wondering more about what those Japanese episodes were like, as the forums only had plot summaries with a handful of screencaps to go off of. Nowadays you can watch all the undubbed (and sadly unsubbed) episodes here but 13 year old me did not have the knowledge to do foreign language googling at the time.

But still, my Cobalt-loving heart wanted more, so I scoured the English speaking internet for whatever I could find, official or fanmade. Official content was virtually nonexistent, and the amount of fanmade content, I could count on one hand. The general fan consensus at the time seemed to be “Who the hell is Cobalt” or “Eh, whatever,” which was a far cry from how it is now. But being horribly deprived back then, I did the only thing I could: I combed through the dub for every episode he was in, coming up with a whopping total of…..four (well technically five but in that one he’s literally only in the last five seconds with no animation or lines), and I watched them religiously. I could pretty much quote Cobalt’s debut episode by heart. (For the record I can no longer do this to the extent I used to, but should the opportunity arise, I can still quote large chunks of it).

As I did this and learned more about him in my desperate googling, I started developing jokes for what would become my first silly comics, for which I am known in this fandom for. The art and writing for these was….. painful, to say the least, so I don’t even like to think about it, but as I’d already had a decently sized following from drawing silly (read: bad) Sonic comics, they caught on decently well, and I’d even managed to drag my friend and son down with me into Cobalt Hell™. Together, we made a group for Cobalt fans on deviantart (which is still up, but I no longer run it, as I deactivated the account that modded it without transferring ownership, so now it’s likely a wild west hellscape that I’m a little scared to look at).

This seemed to help do the trick though, as Cobalt fans were slowly coming out of the woodwork and appreciating this good boy. On and off I’d spread my yelling about Cobalt (and my silly drawings) to different platforms like the Astro Boy forums and tumblr, and even as I got into different things, after awhile, things kinda grew without me. Now I’m not gonna be out here claiming I built this city myself with my own two hands, as a lot of people got dragged into this hell of their own accord, but I do like to think my, umm….passion at least helped generate some interest, and I can’t help but be proud of how far this fandom has come from “Who the hell is Cobalt” to “Look at this good boy, I love him” and literally all the other Cobalt fans I’ve met have been the coolest people (in general, not just because of their good taste).

I think what really changed my life though was when AprilSeven, a mod on the Astro Boy forum and also probably the original Cobalt fan, as she’d seen the 60s version back when it was originally airing, finally got a hold of the undubbed Japanese episodes, and graciously allowed me and a few of the other big-name Cobalt fans get in on that action, and boy howdy, the screenshots and plot summaries really did not do these episodes justice (at least in terms of Cobalt content). My understanding of him as a character expanded like tenfold, and my appreciation of him expanded even more than that.

…Which brings me into a nice segue in which I shift more into just exactly why I like Cobalt so much. Yes, there’s more. I warned y'all, this was gonna be a Pandora’s Box that could not be closed once it was opened.

I honestly just find him a joy to watch. A lot of what made him grow on me was just how funny he is. I’m a sucker for comic relief characters in general, and he has a personality that lends itself to comedy. In the anime version, he’s literally introduced right out the gate as being kind of a dingus. He’s naive, he’s way too trusting of obviously suspicious people, he’s easily confused, he’s easily distracted, he’s a klutz, and he just… regularly destroys the laws of physics and/or the fourth wall just because. Sometimes he also gets weird ideas in his head to do things that could have been done a completely different, easier way and weirdly enough, it actually kind of winds up working? It’s so fun to watch him approach problems because he’s just… so far out there sometimes.

But beyond being absolutely weird and hilarious, he’s just a really sweet kid. He doesn’t like to fight, he wants to make friends with everyone and everything, he will drop literally anything he’s doing, no matter how important it is, to help someone in need, he’s good with babies and small children and puppies (sometimes), he would fight (and sacrifice himself) for his family, and just means well even if he tends to bungle things up and make them worse sometimes. Honestly, and this is gonna sound dumb, but he helped me be a better person. I used to be an absolute asshole when I was younger, but once I’d gotten into Cobalt Hell™, I was like “I wanna be that sweet and good (but with a better sense of stranger danger)” and I made that effort and did that shit.

That being said though, he’s not perfect, and I wouldn’t want him to be. His flaws, though they kind of give him the short end of the stick in life, are a lot of why I find him so endearing. All the naivety and confusion and general lack of coordination I mentioned before aside, he’s honestly just really relatable. He’ll say jokes so bad that Uran wants to punch him, he’ll opt out of the plot because he doesn’t want to get out of bed, he’ll fight with his siblings over silly petty things, he’ll get frustrated if he tries something and it doesn’t go his way, he’ll absolutely partake in his siblings’ mischief (if not start it sometimes), and just so much more. He just feels like a kid you would know (or maybe a kid that you were at one point) and I really appreciate that about him.

Unfortunately, the canon was not kind to Cobalt, and I think a lot of that comes from Osamu Tezuka just… not knowing what to do with him after making him? Like in the manga, he was just kind of created as a really rushed contingency plan because they thought Astro was missing. Sure, he was taken in as part of the family afterward, but not many appearances later, he was killed off in a firey explosion… Until Tezuka decided to change his mind and let him live in the end. His grave’s still there though. He gets to see it. I know it’s a framing device to explain the circumstances of Cobalt’s retconned death but it’s kind of fucked up to let a boy see his own grave..

Even being brought back, Cobalt didn’t get to do very much. He’d get some good scenes with Uran, but a lot of the time, he was sort of just relegated to filling up space in the background, provided he actually survived til the end of the chapter. When he wasn’t getting forgotten by the plot and thusly zapped out of existence, he would wind up sacrificing himself in some way that wouldn’t allow him to continue to take part in the plot anymore (be it parts, energy, etc.) The most painfully egregious example of this is in the chapter “Youth Gas.” Astro and Cobalt are convinced to fight each other to the “death.” They’re not really dead, but Ochanomizu says they are and can’t be repaired. At first, there’s mourning for “two of the world’s greatest robots,” but then we see a funeral service in which only Astro’s body is shown and his parents are only mourning him, completely forgetting Cobalt exists. He’s never seen again for the rest of the chapter. Now I would assume this is just a writing mistake, but it really does make it look like Cobalt’s own parents wouldn’t even bat an eye if he died, so there’s that.

The anime isn’t quite as horrible, and it is kind enough to give Cobalt a more prominent role once he finally shows up (even getting a handful of focus episodes!), but he doesn’t go unscathed either. In this version, he has the misfortune of being created by Dr. Umataro “Father of the Year” Tenma before Astro was made and was scrapped because, to quote dub!Ochan, “his electronic brain wasn’t as perfect as Dr. [Tenma] wanted.” (read: he thought Cobalt was a dumbass). Cobalt is eventually found and brought into the family, but because he still winds up not being relevant to the plot a lot of the time, he is once again zapped out of the existence and looks like a victim of child neglect. As a result, he gets left out of family vacations and holidays, even in favor of Chi-tan, who is usually even higher on the scale of irrelevant Astro Boy characters. Unlike Astro, Cobalt doesn’t have any consistent friends to even remotely justify what he could possibly be doing offscreen by himself, so it just kind of implies a very sad and lonely existence in-universe.

And of course, the final, meta blow that literally every fan of Cobalt is still despairing about to this day: basically being yeeted out of the canon. After the 60s series, he disappeared off the face of the earth until 2015 when some lovely soul decided to bring him back for Peeping Life TV: Season 1?? (The question marks are part of the title). He’d be referenced again a couple years later in Atom: The Beginning, and will be here for the game Eshigami no Kizuna sometime in 2019 as a… moe anime girl. That’s a little weird, but I’m hoping these sorts of weird appearances will mean a trend toward putting him back in the canon (and hopefully being treated better).

It just hurts my heart to see such a good character get treated like this by canon. He deserves way better and it just seems really clear to me that Tezuka didn’t really know what to do with him. I feel like he has a lot of potential as a character, though. Regardless of what origin you pick for him, Cobalt is essentially existing as a worse version of Astro. I feel like you could have some good character development regarding how he would feel about himself in relation to Astro in sort of a parallel to how Astro might feel about himself in relation to Tobio, the person he was based off of. You could go some neat places with these sort of questions about identity and expectations, I think. Or if you want to just do something funny because your character arcs are getting too real now, you can just let Cobalt do some silly shit. He’s a versatile character!

I’ve done all this rambling and now I’m not really sure how to wrap all this up, so umm

Cobalt is a good boy and deserves better, please hire me Tezuka Productions, and thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[pixie-unger]

The Inheritance

For @ban23.  18+  ILike this work?  Consider buying me a coffee or sponsoring my work.  Check out the Master List here.

Look, devil worship in just a thing I grew up with, OK?  Some kids have church and vacation bible school, I had sabbats and black mass.  It was just a thing my family did.  Instead of leaving our stockings out for Santa, we would all go down to the basement of Granny’s house at midnight on the darkest night of the year and make demands from the demon she kept imprisoned there.

Abrxz had been in the family for generations.  He just wasn’t that big of a deal anymore. Ten feet tall, horns, had to stoop to fit in the cellar.  The book described him as muscular, but he looked fairly rangy to me.  He still had the scaly skin, the crown of horns, the mouth full of sharp teeth and the long claws, but he was looking pretty moth eaten by the time I met him.

Then I became an angsty, rebellious teenager and I started just hanging out down there, writing bad poetry and worse love spells to get that cute football player to ask me out.

He did.

He gave me the clap.

Abrxz helped me curse him with herpes.

I was already finished college when Aunt Baal got pissed at Gran and shipped her off to a catholic nursing home.  The house and, by extension Abrxz, ended up being pillaged by the family.

It turned out I was the only one paying attention to the pronounciation all those years.  No one but me and Gran could command him.  He had been good to me when I was young and had no friends, the overly religious zealot that I was.  But growing up in a strict fundamentalist family, no wonder the other kids thought I was nuts.

At any rate, I thought ‘What the hell?’ and I broke the binding spell, effectively setting him free into the world.  He vanished and I thought that was the end of it.

Until I got home and found him standing sheepishly in the kitchen of my apartment.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded.

Abrxz flinched, “You don’t have a basement.  You didn’t give me permission to terrorize your downstairs neighbours, Master.”

I blinked.  My downstairs neighbours were a family of Syrian refugees.  “You stay out of their way. They have enough problems without having a demon move in with them.” I commanded.

“Oh. I’ll just go over here, then,” he said awkwardly, and start making a nest in my broom closet.

I just shook my head and moved my towels.  I ordered delivery chinese and sat down to watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Netflix.  The new one, where they got all of the demonology wrong.  As compared to the old one, where they still got it all wrong but Salem the cat was awesome.

I could feel him watching me.  I didn’t even turn around, but between mouthfuls of chow mein, said, “I took a philosophy class in college.  They talked about how people aren’t fully good or fully evil.  Most of us are pretty mediocre.  This is me, enjoying my Tuesday night, being mediocre.”  At that I could feel him leave.  I finish my dinner, spend some time looking at porn on Tumblr before brushing my teeth and heading to bed.

I took a moment to listen if Abrxz was still here.  There was no sign of him.  I spent a few minutes with a vibe and a dildo to take the edge off so I can sleep.

That night I dreamed Abrxz was standing over me, watching me sleep.  You would expect something like that to be creepy, but it was strangely comforting instead.

In the morning, the apartment was cleaner than it had been when I moved in and the kitchen was stocked with food.  I ignored it and grabbed a travel mug and bolted to my favourite coffee shop.  Work was the usual petty bullshit.  The office bitch had called parking enforcement on anyone who had a car in the lot that was a grey zone between worker and client use, but most used by staff.

I had a protection spell on my car so it got missed, but I still had to listen to everyone bitch about it.  I thought about hexing her, but the attraction of spell casting weares off when you know that there is a literal hell waiting for you.  Whatever darkness you call on, is there waiting to take payment when you die.   Abrxz had been valuable because we could bend him to the families will without fear because while he was trapped in this realm, he could not get his revenge after our deaths.

Yeah, that loophole had closed.

It started to rain on the way home.

Great.

I came home to the smell of roast in the oven and Abrxz wearing my “Kill the Cook” apron and looking nervous.

“What did you do?” I demanded, as though he were a dog that had knocked over a lamp.

“I cooked.  So you don’t have to order mediocre food.”

I swallowed.  This was not how this was supposed to go.

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“Please, I want to.”

Now I narrowed my eyes, “I am not trading part of my soul for dinner.”

He hung his head, “I am not asking you to, Master.  I choose to do this, you have not commanded me.”

I pursed my lips and considered this.

Then I sat down and looked at him.  At the beautifully laid out table set for one.  “Aren’t you going to join me?”  He shook his head.  “Because the food is poisoned?” I asked, always suspicious of free gifts.  He shook his head again.  “Then why won’t you eat?”

“Do you invite me to eat with you?”

I trying to think about the consequences of that, then I nodded.  

We ate the best meal of my life.  “Where did you get the groceries?” I asked.

“The grocer down the street rigged his scales and overcharges everyone.  I took what was owed.”

I shrugged, then washed the dishes while he hovered.  Once I had a few done, he dried them using bursts of hellfire.  It didn’t work so great on the tupperware.

“Netflix and -“ I stopped before I said chill and just headed silently to the couch.  

“That show is terrible.”

I grinned, “I know.”

TV, bath, bed.  I lay there in the dark and thought about my day.  Pitch black smoke billowed up from under my bed and caught my wrists and ankles, pulling me spread eagled on the bed.

“Let me,” Abrxz whispered.

I swallowed nervously, “What are you doing?”  I wanted to sound commanding, but it came out like a squeak.

“It has been a while, but I assure you I am better than those toys,” he purred.

“I am not trading part of my soul for an orgasm.”

The dim light through the blinds glinted off his teeth, “I am not asking you to, Master.  I choose to do this, you have not commanded me.”  The blankets rose off the bed as Abrxz materialized between them and me.  He snarled at my pyjamas and the melted like liquid and ran off my body, off the bed and onto the floor.

“Need trick,” I said.  

His grin widened and a long, wet, forked tongue fell from his lips.  He licked my cheek, then my throat, then my nipples.   My wrists were still bound tightly to the corners of my bed.  His warm hands ran up and down my sides before forcefully grabbing my hips tightly enough that his claws pricked at my skin.  His head dipped between my legs and his nostrils flared as he sniffed.

“You have been wasting your treasure on mortals who do not appreciate it,” he snarled, saliva dripping from his teeth.”

That made me snort.  Abrxz was naked and in all the years I had know him, my whole life, the only thing between his legs was a tangled fringe of skin strips.  The were only as thick as my little finger and they hung more than a foot looking like he was wearing a tasseled loin cloth.  But that tongue had potential.

I smirked up at him, “Oh?  Are you going to kiss me with that mouth full of teeth?”

He leaned in and used the tip of his tongue to lick my lips before growling softly, “Your toys did not kiss you last night.”

I tried to shrug.  It didn’t really work.  “You said you would be better then they were.  Come on.  Stop playing around and let me up.”

The grin he gave me was pure evil.  “You have a safe word and that is not it.”  Then his head dipped and he bit my breast enough to break the skin in a couple of places as his tongue coiled around the tip of my nipple.

I shrieked.   My mind was racing.  What safe word?

He lapped at the wounds, his tongue traveling lower as I forced myself to say as calmly as I could under the circumstances, “What safe word?”

“The one to make me stop,” he purred, then his tongue was between my legs and I didn’t want him too.

Until I remembered the teeth and my body tensed with fear.

“Mmmm.  That tastes nice,” it was almost a coo.  His clawed hands grabbed my hips and lifted so that he could push his tongue into me.  It was scratchy against my sensitive skin and I got scared.  As soon as I whimpered, he withdrew and put his face right up to mine.  With eyes that are dark, like holes into the void, it is impossible to say what he was focused on but he was watching me.

His body bunched up so that his hips were between mine.

That’s when I felt it.

The fringe wasn’t just fringe.  It started to move like dozens of little tentacles, swirling over me, exploring every surface.

“Are you going to make me stop?”

I closed my eyes and thought about it.  I still didn’t know what safe word he meant, but this was strangely nice.  It was like many wet and sticky fingers gently caressing me.  I sighed a little and that’s when they became more insistent.  They started pulling on me, tugging on any piece of skin they could coil around.  Occasionally one or two would poke inside of me.  Some of it was nice, but it was too random to be errotic.

“Ok,” I said, “good try.  Now let me up, my shoulders are starting to -” I stopped as they started to pour into my body.   One or two at a time, filling me ever fuller.  More and more pouring into me, filling me so full my body felt like I was going to burst.  I couldn’t even find words.  I was keening and helpless to stop.

He smirked down looking into my wide eyes.  “Want me to move now?”

I nodded.

I could feel the tendrils wrapping around themselves.  Tying themselves into one thick knot. His head bowed and he ran his tongue over my neck and down my chest.  It was scratchy like a cats and incredibly prehensile.  His hips weren’t moving at all, but I could feel his tendrils burrowing into me.  He licked up my chest and neck, the lapped at my cheek.  “I wanted to taste you.”  He was still looking into my eyes, into my very soul.

Then he began to move and my eyes rolled back into my head before falling shut.

The restraints on my ankles pushed up forcing my knees to bend and my legs to open was wide as they could and he slammed into me like he was trying to split me in two.  My body writhed and my back arched and he licked me again from nave to lips before sliding his tongue into my mouth until I choked on it.  As he pulled back, I coughed and gasped for air my body spasming and clenching around him.  “Good,” he purred.  “Now this time, suck.”

I was impossibly, painfully full, being spit roasted by a single mostrous being.  Then he pulled away from my mouth and reared up.  “Cum!” he roared.

And, with a splash, I did, screaming his name, ”ABRXZ!”

WIth a flash and a whiff of brimstone, he was gone.

Demons are shit at aftercare.

[sleepithey]

It’s early as fuck and I just took a shower and now I’m in bed with a lot of thoughts, but I have to fuckin wonder, what the hell is with this tumblr society? Like on one hand, good on em, but on the other hand, this cancelling attitude it getting on my nerves. Now I get it. They don’t wanna be preyed upon by disgusting older men and women who wanna take advantage of a teenager’s psyche and turn them into a degenerate victim of society and ya know what, good on em for that. Lord knows the internet used to be a lawless place indeed with how much you could get away with, but I have to wonder what the fuck would we have if we went through with all this cancelling culture because it just sounds like we’re cancelling everything we don’t like, looking for flaws in it to validate our cancelling claims and then actively gaining a witch hunter fellowship to “deal” with them.  And ya know I don’t wanna be that guy, but I’ll be that girl and say it. It’s immature as fuck and half the time idk who appointed you the spokesperson for all teenagers and all people because you’re not. On one hand, there is in fact a disgusting and truthfully vile look on the internet. It is treacherous and as a local dumbass growing up I knew that very well. But when does it stop becoming “this is bad get rid of it” and more of “I know I shouldn’t be here but I am here in a space I’m not supposed to be”. Like this whole tumblr purge for instance was stupid af and still didn’t get rid of pornbots. As a matter of fact, I came to tumblr, as a teenager, looked things up as a teenager I knew I wasn’t supposed to but the fact was that unless you looked things up, things didn’t just show up on your dash or at least from my experience. So I went on Scott-free, and had the ability to explore in a place I felt comfortable in and that didn’t like freak me out. Adults back then were cool to explain things, and people actually did look out for you. Tumblr was a non-judgmental place that way and typically if you were being judged it was for valid reasons and not just because I didn’t like you. It was freeing. Now it’s like being in a box filled with anti-anything. I can’t bring myself to enjoy anything anymore. I can’t enjoy the things I like without some sudden 15-mile essay saying why I shouldn’t because someone has an opinion about it that they don’t like and a following of thousands. And I’m not saying it’s not valid, but I finally get to adult age and it’s like I can’t even be an adult, in an adult space, filled with adults. It’s like I’m stuck in a  teenager’s backyard listening to them rant about life, that granted this doesn’t go for everyone but, they haven’t even gotten to yet. And it’s annoying. I didn’t ask! If I wanted to know about something, I’d look it up. I don’t want EXPOSED news on my dash everyday. This is a blog for gay shit. And on one hand it’s good to know who to avoid but I’m not a child. Like I don’t need to be wary anymore. If I see something I don’t like, I press the block button and move on. I don’t entertain them. I don’t go back and forth. That’s too much fucking work. Now if it’s genuinely and I mean genuine then ok. Good. I’m glad then, but typically it’s something petty. And don’t even start with me on this pedophilia claiming shit because as someone who was actually preyed upon by an actual, real life fucking pedophile at a young age, I don’t see anyone doing shit about that. Nothing substantial. You wanna be a real SJW, put some real money towards organizations helping people who went through that or help someone out. Don’t just sit here in a damn void that is TUMBLR and yell, knowing full nobody is going to hear you or care down here. If you want it to get taken care of, take it outside of this site. I do not give a fuck about Jenny and Josiah getting together because she’s 19 and he’s 24. Last I checked, I didn’t ask for their ages, and I didn’t wanna know. That’s not my business. At some point, age gaps stopped being important to me probably because I am not privy to the relationship. I don’t know the nature of it, it’s not my business. 5 year age gap? Aight. I’m looking sideways but it’s not my place to say anything. If that’s what she wants, she’s old enough to make that damn decision for herself. She doesn’t need to be coddled through it and while being 18-19 does not make you a smart adult, it is the time when you learn to be. No offense to the 24 yr old. I bet they’re getting a lot of side eyes. Lmao this all stemmed from me looking at a post like a few days ago, I can’t quite remember specifically what, but I know like a lot of teens hopped onto it when it pertained to like young adults. And one of the comments was like “lmao you can always tell when someone writes smut how young they are because dadda da da” and someone went “yikes, maybe don’t read smut by minors ? ? ?” and I’m like bitch why the fuck minors out here writing smut? Take yo ass to school. Get yo damn education. But we all know why, and the funny part is, don’t nobody be givin their age to write smut, get the hell outta here. This is what I meant by adult spaces for adults but get infiltrated by teens, but I’m making myself laugh now, that shit was funny. Anyway I’m tired. If you think you’re old enough or mature enough to chat with me about it, my dms are open for that. Like, I like talking about stuff that’s important.

[rangerhanna-56-blog]

You're upset bc you got called out on saying something stupid like just man up and say ok I'm wrong I won't do it again sorry like that's all you have to do.... it really is that simple ????

Okay but have you seen my other posts where I said "I'm wrong I get it" "I get it I fucked up"Like I literally acknowledged I fucked up and people still felt the need to send a 17 year old death threats because literally you can't fucking disagree with anyone on this shit website without people attacking you. Like I'm literally being told to kill myself over a sarcastic comment I made and it literally drove me into having a psychotic episode because I literally have multiple psychological problems and I ended up carving awful fucking shit into my body with an actual knife. Like do people on here actually realize when they attack someone, that person might not actually be able to handle being threatened because of something literally so fucking small. I literally went to this person and tried to explain myself and yeah I did it in a petty way and they posted it for literally all their followers to see, but then as soon as I started getting anon hate they were like "but those aren't MY followers". Like how do you ACTUALLY know none of those people aren't your followers tho??? Like do you really think that ur followers are gonna step forward and say "yeah lol I was one of those ppl threatening that girl and saying that her and her family deserve to be killed" legit all because I compared TRUMP to fucking HITLER. Like bitch now that I've had my mental breakdown and I've calmed down a bit I can actually advocate for myself and say I'm allowed to have a differing fucking opinion than someone else and I shouldn't be fucking harassed for it. And idk wtf the whole "white liberalism" thing is when like I've done nothing to show I only care about the white race. Like yeah I'm white but that's literally just it??? Like sorry that I think that history is repeating itself bc THE SIGNS ARE ALL THERE and I have countless people agreeing with me WHO HAVE STUDIED THIS SHIT, that Trump is going to turn this country into something absolutely fucked up (he's literally having neo-nazis work for him like idk how else to fucking make this comparison any clearer???). Like are you just upset bc I compared him to hitler bc that's literally what everyone has been doing and it's annoying or are you literally trying to tell me that there are no similarities between them and that I shouldn't be worried as much as you all should be??? Like as long as you're not a Straight White CIS Christian Male, you're fucked. People are being fucking murdered because of this dude. What I'm trying to say if yeah I'm admitting I fucked up and I literally HAVE BEEN but none of you people people listen so I literally went into full panic mode and caused physical fucking harm to my body that probably requires a doctor to look at (let's be honest im not going to a fucking doctor because if they ask me why all this happened and I tell them it was tumblr discourse, they either won't understand or I'll get the biggest eye roll ever). I literally hope everyone is satisfied with themselves here. Are you happy that you got the "clueless white girl" to finally hurt herself because I hope you are. And the whole thing about me "using my mental illness to manipulate people and make them feel bad for me" is so much bullshit. Yes I had someone take a screenshot btw because I wanted to see how things were playing out. All because you got through this type of shit without support doesn't mean you're a better human being??? This was talked about as if people knew exactly what I suffer from and that it was just me using mild depression or something to excuse the dumb shit I do. And if you haven't fucking noticed yet, I literally just admitted right there that some of the shit I do is in fact dumb.If you want to get into this with me and you really want an explanation I can give it to you because that really isn't half the case. My family literally is full of people who have psychological problems (some of which I don't even know the names of). Just recently my grandfather (a retired police officer) was found hiding in his bedroom from my grandmother with a loaded fucking gun while whispering to it and he was later diagnosed with stage 3 Alzheimer's and he's convinced my grandmother is a member of the Italian mafia sent to assassinate him. I'm not telling you family stories for nothing and I'm sure you guys are gonna have a good laugh about this too because no matter what I say to explain myself I still get treated like shit. Im not even sure if I'm allowed to say this, but if even a team of Harvard Medical Graduates; professionals that people from all around the world seek for help from; can't pinpoint what psychological problems I have, then I shouldn't be given that "trying to manipulate people" shit. A fucking adult said this. If you have any experience with being mentally ill like you say you do, then you know just how fucking difficult it is to properly function and be able to say the right things and advocate for yourself. Do you know how fucking hard it is to fall asleep at night and wake up in the morning knowing that you'll probably have to rely on a caretaker for the rest of your fucking life because you can't make choices for yourself and will need to be under constant supervision so you don't fucking hang yourself one day?? I don't fucking enjoy being a literal walking disease, but thanks for implying that I would ever use it as a fucking tool to get what I want when I want it, you ignorant fuck. You didn't possibly think after screenshotting my mental breakdown that "Hey, someone probably has to have some type of chemical imbalance to type all of this out" before posting it and using it as a prop to get on some fucking high horse. I'm not some mildly depressed idiot fucking white girl who has no clue what happens outside of the cushy walls of my fucking house. I know how fucking horrible and disgusting the human race can be to each other which is part of the reason why I'm like this.I get it! You're so much more fucking smarter than me!!! I'm a stereotypical white western liberal! You caught me red handed! I literally hope that every single one of you have gotten your superiority fix for the day because I've literally had to move blogs because of this. I actually came back to this blog to clean up my mess of posts which is what I do after my episodes, and I happened to notice that one of the anons I had was surprisingly not abuse, but still something bitchy anyway. If you want anything positive to come from me answering this, then I'm just gonna say Thank You for not being like one of the other people who wished death upon me. If you guys still aren't satisfied with this, then I don't fucking know what else to say?? I've explained myself and admitted over and over that I was wrong, but nobody was satisfied until I freaked the fuck out and they got a good laugh out of causing a stupid white girl distress. I'm humiliated now and have pretty much become a laughing stock so yeah. There it is.

[ios-newzealand]

Rites of Passage (Add Pic Later FRICK Tumblr)

Our final four went through each of the sixteen fallen castaways in a special Rites of Passage! Let’s see what everyone had to say!

You can view BC’s Rites of Passage here!

Amanda, UGH ROBBED GODDESS <3 QUEEN OF FIRST BOOTS! SO THREATENING THE FAVES VOTED HER OUT FIRST... HER MIND, SO POWERFUL!!! For real tho, I was deeply saddened when you left early. You're one of the nicest people I've met in the ORG community! You definitely have a lot of game to you and I hope the next game, Shade franchise or not, we can work together! Til then, queen...!

Billy, I don't really know you that well so idrk what to say djdkdjf but what I will say is that you seem really cool and I admire how you battled your way back on your OG season!

Lauren, like Billy, idrk you but you seemed chill and likable. Hopefully we can work together in another game!

Bridgette, ANOTHER ROBBED QUEEN <3 You were so nice to me and we clicked instantly. I'm sorry that you had to leave so suddenly (screw Six for idoling you out btw :p) for real tho, you're an awesome person and you shouldn't let your placement dictate how you are as a person/player. You're a good player as well and I definitely think the Tumblr community as a whole underrates you a lot.

Six, while we were never truly aligned, I was right when I said I did like you a lot. I loved your spunk and outlook on life! You playing that rap song as the votes were read at our first tc was iconic <3 Unfortunately, you were too much of a wildcard after your whole "blowup" and I think that you were never able to recuperate. Also, had you made the swap, you would've 100% flipped on the fans at any given moment and that was risky. I'm sorry you had to go though!!! I'm definitely looking forward to talk to you after all of this :)

Grace, you were quite the delight honestly! From the moment we first spoke, I knew that I would like you a lot. I didn't even know about your dominance in ORGs which is quite impressive if I must say so myself. Unfortunately, once I heard you were targeting me, I had to vote you out but regardless, I think you played a great social game and could've taken it all had you made it farther!

Joseph, you are a SNAKE bro. I <3 you but you're such a snake lmao. I trusted you a lot and I really wanted to work with you, but for whatever reason, you obvi liked Liam more than me and wanted me gone (which ok I understand; it's a game). However, when you were making up lies to my face and trying to snake me out, I knew you couldn't be trusted and had to take the shot I could when it was between you and Dana. No hard feelings, I'm sure you're a nice guy! I hope to talk to you after this is all over so we can clear some things up! <3

Victor, ROBBED KING!!! The nuKaumatua tribe did you DIRTY! I really wanted to work with you. I would have considered you my #1 and Kevin my #2 so it just sucked when I got on a swap tribe with none of my super close allies. I think you had a lot of potential, and if it wasn't a double tribal, I think you could've won the next few challenges til the merge and made a run for the end. Better luck next time and I hope we stay in touch!

Zakriah, I felt so bad blindsiding you because you definitely were a cool dude. Unfortunately, you never really talked to me and I knew you were closer w/Dana than me so when your name came up for the vote, I was fine voting for you over Ally/Dana. Despite that, it was nice meeting you and hopefully we can work together in another game!

Liam, I unfortunately don't have much to say about you. This is not to be rude, but we have had NO connection, game or personal or indifferent. Every time I tried to reach out to you, you basically ignored me and when you tried to talk to me, it was just for a vote. I knew you were using me for my vote and that you/Joseph both were targeting me; I even confronted you about this and you straight up lied to my face when I know that wasn't the truth. So, for my game, between you and Michael, it made more sense for you to go over Michael because Michael actually spoke to me whereas you did not unfortunately. Regardless, you seemed really chill and if we talked more, I'm sure we would've gotten along better.

Dana, I straight up LOVED talking to you this season. You were definitely one of my closest allies, so seeing you go was heart-breaking. I wanted to protect you and go to the end with you, but unfortunately you were taken out before I got the chance. Idk why you were targeted so much; it seemed like pettiness to me :P. Hope you had fun and we can play again soon! <3

Tate, you were a really chill dude tbh. I liked our convos, although most were short. I established a connection with you early on in the game at Waitomo Caves, but you did not seem receptive at first. Eventually, I believe you came around to me, which allowed us to have a good working relationship which was nice. I appreciated a lot of what you told me, including the whole dynamics of everyone on our swap tribe knowing each other beforehand lol. I'm glad we met and I'm sorry you had to go, but your inactivity made you an easy target. :( Nevertheless, it was nice meeting you!

Kevin, MY MAN!!! After Victor left, you were 100% my ride or die. Even before, I shared everything with either you or him. I thoroughly enjoyed playing with you. Despite our rocky relationship in the game that shall not be named (Kevin knows which one that is ;) ) I'm glad we connected in this one. The thing that caused me to start distrusting you was when you brought up my name as a potential target going into F10 tc which was odd since we had been allies all game. I very much wanted to work with you and wanted to save you at F8, however, the numbers weren't there and unfortunately you were taken out as a social threat. Hopefully the next game we don't turn on each other AND we can make it to the end togeher! <3 So long!!!

Ally, one of my OG Epicmafia friends. I had never played an ORG with you b4, but now I know how you do so well in them. You were great socially, I loved getting to know you <3 You were sweet as can be but you also suffered a disease called "flipper-itis" and it affected our relationship a lot (at least on my end). I didn't know if I could trust you long term, so when the opportunity arose to take you out I had to take it. Despite that, you're an awesome girl, an awesome player, and I can't wait til our next game together!

Heather, you were definitely one of the people coming in I said I wanted to work with. We connected well in Big Brother Pokemon: Alola so I was hoping that we could do the same here. Except... neither of us really talked to each other that much lol. We were on the same "side" per say, but we were never allies I guess. I wanted to trust you and work with you, but I KNOW you would've chosen Colin/Michael over me. Additionally, you straight up told me that I was gone if Drew won live night immunity so that was the red flag in my book that made me stop and think about moving forward with you. Despite that, I know you're a sweet girl <3 and I hope the next survivor game we play, we can actually work together!

Michael, last but not least, the man, the myth, the legend LMAO. Idk what it was about you but something just pulled me into you so quickly (no homo bro lol) seriously tho, you had a calming presence that I think goes understated. You were a HUGE underdog in the sense that you had a lot of connections yet still found yourself targeted many rounds. You should be proud of the immensely great social game you played, as well as your strategic game as well. I definitely think had Colin not idoled you out you would've been the winner of the game over any of us 4 remaining, so I think it was best for all of us in a way to have you go home. You are such a sweet angel and I can't wait to talk to you and the rest after this is all over! <3

You can view Colin’s Rites of Passage here!

Amanda - Unfortunately we didn’t get to play together for very long. I’ve heard only good things about you so I’m kinda disappointed we couldn’t play together more. I hope ur doing well!!

Billy - Ugh we stan scorpios. I’m so BITTER we didn’t get to play longer. If we ever find each other in a game again can we, like, make a scorpio f2 pls and ty.

Lauren - Girl you REALLY tried it this game. I was shook. but to be fair I tried it as well so! You know I adore you and have always been ur ultimate stan. Stay in touch pls, ily!!

Bridgette - ahhhHHH I was so shook when I saw you were in this game. And then I was so sad when you were idoled out. It’s been so long since we’ve spoken and I really wanted to catch up with you!! You’re a living legend and I hope ur doing okay!!

Six - idk you but uhhh iconic idol play

Grace - WHEW. Meeting you and working with you was absolutely one of my favorite things about this game. You’re so gorgeous and fun to talk to and uhmmmm ily?? I hope all is well with u!!

Joseph - Idk you but i hope ur doing okay too!!

Victor -  Tbh I thought I was gonna try to work with you and we were gonna be some fun underdog opposite sides duo butttttt that obviously never happened. I’m sorry laskdjglks. I still think you’re really fun and yeah hope ur doing well!!

Zakriah - I love how we worked together more in this game than we did when we were a blood vs water pair in New Orleans. I’m really really happy we got to play together tbh?? I loved getting to know you more and I genuinely loved talking to you, even putting game completely aside. Hope ur okay!!

Liam - King, icon, legend. We literally aren’t close at all but I still feel like I know you and I think you’re great. I think you seem to have that effect on a lot of people and that says a lot about you!! You’re a genuinely good person and I hope we can talk to each other more in the future

Dana - Ugh I just wanna be your friend tbh. You’re so fun and an interesting personality tbh. I’m sorry I didn’t really put forth too much effort to talk with you, one of my main regrets on a personal level is not trying to get closer to you. I hope you’re doing well!!

Tate - King of negating two votes. Honestly,,,, you were kinda victim to my first personal backstab and I’m SORRY for that skjgdkgj. You were fun to talk to, and I don’t know why but I just found it hard to trust you, even though looking back I felt like you were actually genuinely loyal. I’m just a mess. I really hope you’re doing alright and I hope we can talk again more, I think you’re great!!

Kevin - Another fave moment of mine in this game was meeting you!! You’re such a genuine person and a fun personality and the circumstances around your vote off is honestly kinda tragic. Nonetheless, you were absolutely a power player in this game and you were frankly robbed. Pls keep in touch after the game, I adore you!! Hehe hope ur doing okay

Ally - So, like, I’m really sorry because I know this is definitely just as much my fault as yours but we didn’t really have any connection in this game at all?? And that’s kinda disappointing to me considering how long we played together. It’s another one of my regrets because I’ve heard so much about what a fun person and player u are, and I didn’t get to see that. I really hope ur doing well and I’m sorry again!!

Heather - Ugh okay so I wanna keep this relatively lighthearted so I don’t cry (thats ur job, ur the cancer) dskjsdgkj. You are one of the nicest and most easy to talk to people I’ve ever met in this community. I think you’re AMAZING and I’m so glad we can call each other friends. Murdering you in the live night was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in an org, it was last minute and very very heart wrenching, especially after what happened in Alaska. I really hope u don’t hold any resentment because I think so highly of you. I can’t wait to talk to you after this game and I hope all is well with you!!

Michael - This is another one that’s very hard to write for me. I loved our arc in this game, from when you voted to me round 3 to you becoming one of my closest allies. You’re so funny and I literally adore you SO much. King of being relatable and literally just never fucking sleeping. Pls pls stay in touch after this game because I really genuinely enjoyed talking with you. Hope you’re okay, I know it sucks going out at f5 :(

You can view Drew’s Rites of Passage here!

Amanda - Amanda my fallen queen and Hokkaido sister, I didn’t know how this was gonna play out after HOS20, but I was down to explore that with you. But then over half the tribe said they’d barely heard from you, and that’s just nnnn death

Billy - LOVE OF MY LIFE AND FUTURE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN!!!!!

Lauren - Hey luv! Your rehearsal and performance schedule kept us from making the best connection, but at least you were right about Colin making it deep!

Bridgette - Rip my cave buddy <3

Six - I don’t know you but you’re an icon, are you still afraid of Seven?

Grace - The actual best person I have ever met. I was so ready to throw my entire game away for you...

Joseph - We never met in-game but now I’m hosting you so KING OF CAYMAN ISLANDS!!!

Victor - When the Favorites lost their second immunity challenge and I was in my feelings about losing Billy, I made maybe my only confessional of the game to say “I just want to get to merge to get to individual challenges, but Victor can’t be there or he’ll stop me.” And based on your exit message, it’s maybe the best call I made all game.

Zakriah - I love you so much, I was really excited to play this with you, we got really close to making it back...

Liam - Ugh my Canadienne dad, lowkey wish I’d gone home instead of Keaton so we could share a placement in each other’s worlds. I still lowkey have no idea what happened on swap whatever your tribe was, but it did you in

Dana - Queen of barely being around and still slaying my faves, it honestly wasn’t even supposed to be you that night, but at least we can say we play orgs together in the same way that we host them: in borderline silence for days then throwing everything together in the last second like it was the plan all along!!!

Tate - I’d say you leaving wouldn’t have happened if I’d been voting but um...ily? I was psyched to play with the final third of the holy trinity, but our agendas didn’t line back up once merge hit

Kevin - Kevin why did you come for me, we were doing so well!!!!!!!! I love you, you’re one of my longest friendships in this community, and just so we’re both on the same page, I am NOT taking the blame for this one <3

Ally - Ugh Chilltowns, our one plot together this season went off without a hitch the week before!! I do wish you’d been more present with the game, this isn’t what I’d hoped for when we eventually found out way into a game together, but it was fun while it lasted. Also hmu for 703 Amazing Race if you haven’t played yet, we would slay

Heather - I still wanna know who played that fuckin disadvantage on me in the word search tbh...anyway working with you was a dream and everything I DESERVED after the last FvF we played together that shall not be named despite its incredible winner. I think you’re the only boot I made all season that was specifically because you would win if you were still here.

Michael - Tbh I knew we weren’t making the end together during the Kevin vote, with how hard I had to push to get you to not vote for me then. But if there’s one thing I admire about you, it’s your ability to put game aside and just have chill light conversations. Playing a game with you has been everything I’d hoped it would be.

And finally, you can view Medha’s Rites of Passage here!

Pre-merge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMP0NcPS4qI&feature=youtu.be

Merge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbPVaFkIZgs&feature=youtu.be

There you go! The FINAL Immunity Challenge will be posted shortly!

[onychaos]

Changes and moving forward (2018)

This was a post I made on wordpress but never got around to posting here on tumblr but I feel that it is better late then never, I guess? 

As the year 2018 comes to a close, as 4 days remain. Had a lot of ups and down, and a lot has happened or changed for better or for worst.. But during that time, I was able to reflect on my own life and know what must be done or must be changed on my end.

Take this with a grain of salt. There is a chance that you will:

Not agree with my changes

Not like what is said here

Or just don’t care or won’t care about this.

And I know I can’t please everyone but oh well, here we gooooo!

There is a lot to cover here, so sit back or not and get ready for the list of things

To make things easy on some, just hit control + F and you can look for the following below

Updates on my life

Twitter stuff

Dropping Grudges

Twitch.tv stuff or stream related

Updates on the fan game

Youtube stuff

My Goals for 2019

Updates on my life

I have been avoiding drama that I have no need for, be it ignoring it, muting friends or followers who take part in it. I realize that me, worrying about drama that doesn’t affect me is a waste of time. I will still defend friends who are being attacked

I think it’s time that we move on from Skype to Discord for a number of reasons. One of them being security reasons, and skype is slowly being snuffed out little by little by Discord. Discord does have it’s problems but it’s time to move on, eh?

I have been more social with people Or rather, being more social with my friends since they are the only ones who like to answer others ignore me but it’s whatevers. I got used to it

Been pretty happy with life, despite what has happened in this year. Things could have been better but what can you do? :V

I have some goals and plans for this new year coming up and hope they going to turn out ok but time will tell what the future holds for me. And I shall see if my friends will be along for the ride or this may be your final stop. Let’s see, eh?

I have been using WordPress for a good while… It’s not bad, though limited in some areas, like coding html. I may switch over to Blogger, because Tumblr is useless to me. Most of my post don’t show up in Tumblr search and it’s not worth it to me.

Twitter stuff

I have been using Twitter way more than Discord.. that’s not a bad thing, This is pretty good for my standards, And my followers consist of a number of users (“Why does this matter?” I am sure you will say. sit a spell)

So, following has to be cleaned out as it has needed that for a a long while.. Pretty much accounts on the chopping block are, Art bots that I don’t look at, inactive accounts.

I may set my twitter account to private in the future.

Going into the year 2019, I will not unfollow users talking about drama. I will ignore it. I will not tell someone that they can’t or can say whatever, that’s not my thing. If it does not get out of hand..

Been adding friends to my Twitter friends’s list, if you are on my Twitter friends list then you are a friend of mine

Being more social and such

That’s it for the Twitters. :V

Dropping Grudges

Going into 2019, I will be letting go of my grudges I held on people. I, however, have no plans on being friends with those who done me wrong off the bat or maybe never but I want to go into this year not hating anyone.

I will be dropping my biggest grudge against FlyingfoxTSC or whatever name she goes by now (FlyingFox). Why am I dropping this grudge? I realize holding a grudge only holds you back in many ways or can turn you into a petty or a bitter person. I have forgiven her but not forgotten. If she talks to me, ok. And if she doesn’t talk to me, ok.  With this said. I no longer “Dislike” her.

I will be dropping my grudges against other Sonic Speedrunners and will unblock them on Twitter (no one cares but that is good.)

Everyone gets a clean slate. Cause why not. :V

Twitch.tv stuff or stream related

I wanna start doing podcasts and streaming other games or even stream making things

SRL racing is a part of my life that I am now closing. Once I hit 200 races completed, I will take a break but I will most likely be done with racing games. I’m burned out with it. You could say that SRL racing is in the same boat with how I feel about speedrunning and CyberScore.

Twitch.tv chat moderators for my stream. If you lost mod status, you could come back and get it again. I am sure some will not like this but starting in 2019 moving forward. Losing moderator status will be permanent but can be regain, if you wish. Some users are safe from this list. But no one watches me, so it’s fine.

There will be more co-op streams with my friends. I already know people who can’t join for reasons, so I not even gonna ask them. These will be streams where we shoot the shit and talk about things, and have a good time and fun

If you are still here for racing SRL stuff and speedruns, this be the wrong place. That’s coming to a end, I would say.

Updates on the fan game

So, it has been months. Progress has been slow for a number. Drama, friends fighting, Life issues, and so much cooking. Cause of that, I been learning more code to use in my fan games. But I can say without a doubt the prototype will be pushed back to a “TBA” for now. Can’t call it a beta, yet.

I will be sending Masta, Hyper, and SBCZ a document where they can fill out the stats for their characters and much more, within reason. :3 Once they get the document, they can open / edit it in Googledocs and edit in the info. Once they get their document, They have 30 days to fill out the document, and sent it back on discord.

When the prototype is ready for debugging, a new channel will open up in my server, Private testing only. When the first demo is live for testing, it will be uploaded to firefox’s file hosting site

Youtube stuff

Youtube let plays are coming back. Had no time to record games but I will fix that, soon. I have some in mind. :V That’s all

My Goals for 2019

I would like to be drama free. I do not care about drama. It’s a waste of one’s time, and I have better things, man because drama ain’t one of them

I would like to get a fan game ready for testing or even released a app for others to use. I have 2 apps ready to be released

I want to talk to my friends again in voice calls, and play games with friends that I enjoy.

I have been removing myself from toxic environments. This could be discord groups, servers, and friends on Twitter or Facebook.

My Discord will become semi-open to new users.

Move my friends over from Skype to Discord

I will keep moving forward, with you or without you. If life changes the plans, I will adjust to the change, if need be.

Draw more things for fun, and to learn new ways of drawing

Live through it all

That’s it really. :V Thanks for reading, and hope to see you with me in the new year that is 2019.

OnyChaos~