#petty complaining and ranting mostly im sorry

[briankang]

sooooooo sick of my family and them always putting themselves first and my mom and i being the only ones to think of anyone else. my sister and her in laws complained we never go see them or hang out and so i suggested i could go to her house for my birthday last month and then i ended up spending the day not talking to her at all and she couldn't even be bothered to tell the entire group of people she invited to her home that it WAS in fact my birthday so i just. sat and hung out outside by myself on my phone. lol. on top of that she was meant to give me some decent money i was gonna put aside for skz tickets v specifically but she was too drunk to remember to give it to me despite being in my vicinity the entire day (AFTER she decided to make a big ordeal that the gift i got her was smth she already had as she awkwardly handed it back instead of just. fucking taking it and doing smth with it) and then her husband decided to message me on? facebook? of all things which i don't check to ask for my cashapp????? and then when i saw it a MONTH later decided to just. not message me back ever. so now i literally don't have the money for skz lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was banking on it being a christmas present but my stepdad got a dui like 3-4 months ago :^) after being off work bc of shoulder surgery back in april and lost his job and now nobody will fucking hire him bc he has to have one of those goddamn breathalyzers in his truck until march and bc he has it on his record in general and instead of saving money he spent thousands on a fucking fishing boat upgrading it and doing a bunch of bullshit and got an expensive truck after totaling his in the dui so now not only do we just not have general spending money we're also not sure how much longer we'll be able to just stay in our house!!!!!!!!! and if banking on the fucking. veterans association approving him for like 5k a month in disability (mind u. he just has a fucked up wrist + anxiety + depression and i was born disabled and get maybe a 1/5th of that. lol.) so he doesnt HAVE to get a job and its stressing my mom out and stressing ME out and now my sister and her family arent even coming for thanksgiving and the entire reason we even MOVED BACK HERE was to see my niece and we barely see her as is and im just soooooooooooooooooooooo fucking tired of having to do gymnastics to get anything done or to have anything happen like one of my wheelchairs is rusting out at the bottom and the other's tire completely fell apart and just everything politically w/ medicaid and social security and general everything i'm just. jesus fucking christ can i have a smooth time with ANYTHING PLEASE

[serxinns]

OOOO OGMVOVM SO IDEA:

YANDERE CLASS 1-A IS LIKE SO OBSESSED WITH READER BUT SHE HATES THEM ALL AND AVOIDS THEM, WHAT WOULD THEY DO ABT THIS?

You hated them... you hated them all they were just too overbearing! The flirting thr kissing the unwanted touching everything and whenever you told them to fuck off they'll just coo and baby you saying "thats very mean! Darling! "

They kept always crowded around you it's no surprise there Iida always insisted on study dates every chance you could get your mom would always pressure you to join her private tea party and insist it would be just the two of us the way she said it creeper you out so you would always make excuses or just awkwardly walk away leaving her confused and a bit pissed. Denki is always on your ass whether it be teasing or playing around he kept clinging to you like some puppy it was Cringe honestly...

Izuku yapping about heroes even if you weren't listening, Kirishima and Shoji trying to show off by flexing their muscles, Mina or Hakagure always gripping your arm too tight or hugging you until you couldn't breathe and you had to hit them harshly on the back and they dared to complain about it Aoyama guy always trying to stuff your face with cheese even tho the smell of cheese makes you nauseous, ochako was ok untill she started making me go bake with her and suprise suprise! Momo joins her and it always turn into some competition about anything which takes the fun out of baking

You couldn't even talk to your other friend in PEACE shinsou was your go-to friend ever since your classmates started being overbearing you would rant for hours about them and he'd listen heck he let you chill in his dorms for a while or longer you couldn't be asked for a better friend, but back to the story you were just peacefully talking to shiso at lunch until bakugo and his petty little gang came over there everyone smiling at me expect bakugo ofc just glaring at me like I did something wrong, "is.. there a problem?"

"You damn right it's a problem! Your sitting with hyno shit over there!" He said pointing at Shinso "Bakubro that's not very manly!" He said in a stern tone but you had a feeling he wasn't scolding him, "what everyone's trying to say come sit with us y/n you don't have to be alone!" Mina said in a fake sickly sweet voice I swore I saw her eye twitch a bit but you didn't back down easily "im not alone tho I got shinso and I'm fine where I'm at you can eat your lunch and have fun without me" the squad got silence and awkwardly walked away but sending one final glare at shiso

Another time when you were talking with Kendo and Monoma at 2nd you kinda disliked Monoma or thought he was some crazy lunatic just because he kept ripping on your classmates but the 2 of you weirdly got along mostly because of your distasteful experience with your classmates, if the two of you weren't ranting about how your classmates were, the two of you would talk about hero stuff (mostly monoma bragging about being the best hero) or just talking about your interests and laughing at Monoma's antics and chaoticness

Kendo on the other hand made you feel like you had a friend she knows how overbearing and overwhelming your classmates get, so she would try to pull you away as best as she could despite the glares, snarls, and scowls she swore she heard from them she still wanted to help you one day you were dragged by hakagure and Mina to go to their room to play games but Kendo quickly grabbed the back of your shirt with paint hands to pulled you away "sorry gotta borrow them for a sec!" And quickly ran off

"Thx kendo I was about to snap at them and cause a scene" She smiled at you "No problem! I felt you were uncomfortable and had to do something ugh those classmates never leave you alone huh?" You chuckled your so grateful to have a friend like Kendo "anyways let's hurry and go to this "awesome" place monoma keep spamming my phone about" you playfully rolled you eyes and walked with Kendo

Meanwhile your classmates glared at the window Cleary pissed off it "seems like those pest need a lesson.." izuku said voice laced with vemon

[marinette-sky]

my birthday (was awful) (also kind of long, sad, tw rant)

Okay, so my birthday was march 7th, so basically last Thursday. Rn, I'm just crying and can't sleep bc the more i thought abt it, the more i realized it was an awful bday.

Like, i turned 19 right??? Yeah. Anyway, i woke up in a strange mood bc of reasons i couldnt pin point (i have an 8am, so it was early and thought i was tired). Like, i got up, showered, got dressed and went to class. my bff and i walked to class together, even tho he had dance appr. and i had chem 133. He told me happy birthday and stuff, and then i gave him candy????? like, it was jellybeans (bought it on a whim bc it makes him happy), his fav, and i dont even know why??? but he didnt even get me a card??? so that sucked.

Like, had chem class, it was awful and then went back to my dorm. Still an off day.

Might i add, i was super busy on my bday. Like, i had a chen hw assignment due by midnight and exams to study for and bs like that. Also, i had a lab that day (and last sunday, i had to get my toe operated on so i couldnt do much of anything that involved walking so it sucked ass).

I was super stressed the entire day and had no time to myself. I had class, lab, study groups, two SI (ie extra help for my core classes) and then stayed at the library until midnight.

ALSO, while i was told happy bday and such by my family, they didnt rlly..do anything (makes sense, im in college like 3 hours away)

BUT

My parents and i got into an argument on the phone abt a friend visiting and were yelling at me and saying horrible things and i was getting upset and almost cried in SI. they didnt even realize they didnt wish me happy birthday!!! like, ik its petty and "just another day" and whatever, but i was really hurting. im crying rn bc i can't believe how shitty it was.

BUT

Theres more!!! My twin sis, who works from home and goes to comm. college, didnt get jack shit from my parents but her work gave her a cake and sang happy birthday! plus, she got a giftcard!!! like, my parents sent flowers, but i didn't even get to look at them until like 11:45pm (23:45)!!! yall, i was almost crying. i think this bday was worse than last year. Idk.

like, nothing went right on my bday. i wanted to die so badly i was hoping a car would hit me on the crosswalk in front of my dorm building.

To summarize:

my bff didnt even care tbh, he went out to a bar with other ppl; my day was busy, stressful, and full of disappointment; my friends kind of ignored the fact it was my bday; my parents yelled at me and only wished me happy bday when it was close to midnight and theh had forgot; i got a couple gifts, but mostly money and cards from my grandparents (not bad, but wish i could see them :( ); i didnt even get happy birthday sung to me; no celebration or cake or anything, unlike my sis; i had goddamn lab and it exhausted me; *tw* i felt so alone and upset that i was debating overdosing on my meds or worse; didnt even enjoy a moment of peace that day; forgot it was my bday multiple times myself bc i was so sad

Sorry this is so long and a drag, but i needed to vent and no one wants to listen to me complain abt how horrible my bday in COLLEGE was (meaning, "[im] privileged enough to even go to college, so why [am i] complaining??")

im just rlly sad and unmotivated and feel alone. sorry. this day didnt have a happy ending and it has made me feel rlly fucked up the last week.

[wanttoshine-a]

I’m about to kind of dump my thoughts here because things have been not great lately and last night I had a sudden revelation at 4am which may cause me to update rules and some other stuff so... I’m gonna... overshare. 

                                              Yeah, sounds like a plan.

The rules update doesn’t mean you HAVE to read it, I’ll possibly change them later if you wanna skip the rant haha. In any case if you read it i’d appreciate it if you’d like it or something to let me know. Thanks anyway and heeere I go.... wow I’m actually a bit nervous-

(( PD: God i’ve bared my soul there but goddamn is it long. It may be boring you’ve been warned ))

As i said, yesterday I was laying awake on my bed at 4am while having to wake up early for school and finding it hard to sleep because I was suddenly very very stressed out about tumblr, and I got thinking.

I have made one or two ??? posts @ the drama going around, since I’ve purposefully kept myself in my little tumblr emo corner so sometimes it’s as if i had goddamn ear muffs on regarding stuff. Still, seeing so much negativity and friends leaving is a bit taxing, specially for something that should be nothing but a hobby. But you know, that truthfully barely affects me at all because as I said I’ve been kind of doing my own thing... which is good, but can leave you feeling kind of lost and wondering where you fit in the community if at all, sometimes. I’ve been asking myself that a lot, lately.

Then there are the... not so nice anons I get, and while as you can see they’ll never see the light of day except with private conversations with a friend or two, it doesn’t mean I don’t see them. And even when not outright mean, comparisons were never good and I don’t like it, and playing innocent to try to get me to comment on something to get into drama is not appreciated thank u. I don’t need no help for that.

I’ve had some... small things too, which again I’m not naming and it’s definitely not your fault if I’ve apologised and as always I’d rather you people come to me than talk behind my back but still.... leaves me with a lot of worry and anxiety that I just can’t help but have.

Then there’s... there’s the fact that I’m very slow on IMS and interactions lately, which is making me feel very very guilty. It’s not your fault, and neither it is that I’d rather leave people waiting rather than answer a straight up ‘I’m sorry but I’d rather not start more interactions right now’ or ‘I don’t think our styles would work’ because I’m terrified of saying no and thus I wallow in my own anxiety until I fucking cook. It’s not nice, I know. Not a good thing to do, I’m aware. 

Let me explain:

As a few of you may know, I have depression which is even worse this times of the year, and there’s trouble IRL too that I won’t talk about. It’s so bad I can’t even get up to go to class for days and tumblr is.. a bit of a breather for me. Or was, idk. So when it comes to priorities and things I have to force myself to do, ooc talking and drama and negativity are not... not really high on the list. I just want a rest, and I need energy to talk to my actual friends here, i’m sorry.

          God, I’m so exhausted just by writing this, jesus christ.

So anyway. Thing is that I was laying on bed allowing tumblr to take time of my rest in order to be anxious and i was complaining to a friend and trading headcanons and I suddenly went-

Why he fuck am I letting this random internet people have so much control over my life?

Why, if I love roleplaying and I love my muses so much, am I allowing this petty things to taint the fun I have here? Why do opinions of people that go behind anon matter at all? Or people who I’ll never speak to for more than a minute, if at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I still think kidness takes little of you and takes you a long way but... To allow complete strangers to give me this much anxiety and weight on my choices is.... ridiculous. Absolutely fucking NUTS 

                                       What the fuck was I thinking??????

So l was going to go ‘I’m taking a break blah blah’ but ???? Listen ??? Why the hell would I do that??? I don’t wanna do that ??? I don’t want to have to take a break from doing something I like ???? 

             I love my blog, okay. I’ve put a lot of work here.

Worldbuilding, character development, headcanons, events, formatting and fucking hand drawn icons... I’m so very proud of this blog and how far I’ve come. It makes me genuinely happy and I feel accomplished.

And thus and last not to bore whoever is strong enough to have read this far I’m going to:

Be unfollowing and blocking people. First time for everything. Nothing personal believe me, but I need to distance myself from stuff.

Going to be more selective in interactions. I’m still not mutuals only but I get to chose.

Start saying no, and this is mostly to myself. ‘No’ is not a bad word, it’s a boundary and I need it.

Gonna be scarce on ims except for those that are my friends, otherwise I’m mostly in discord and even then I’m not giving it freely anymore.

Going to state that unless I say so I haven’t forgotten about your thread, I’m just busy.

If you pester me in my IMs I’m going to soft block you. Block you even. 30 messages are too many fucking messages okay.

I’m still:

Going to be commenting on people’s posts

People can comment on mine freely

Allow personals to follow me and like stuff, I appreciate it!

Start threads with new people, I’m quite open to this! Eager even.

Talk in general. I’ve not suddenly gone evil out of the sudden, I’m just looking out for my own health.

Spread positivity, because yes.

                              There’s a person behind this blog too, okay? 

I encourage interactions but I’m just human and I’m really, really tired. Roleplaying is something I love and I don’t want to ruin this. So.. yeah. Putting it all here not to make any more ooc posts and....

Hope you’ll all understand. Thank you.

[ohsweetflips]

Marble and sunrise? Have a great day!

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

honestly this sounds probably super cliche but it’s my grades and swimming. like, i am so invested in my education bc i worked my ass off to get to where i am and, honestly, im not letting anything come in between me and good grades like imo grades come before everything (sometimes to a fault but oh well what can u do). and swimming. like. oh boy. it feels so nice to truly, genuinely love a sport with all your heart??? like i swam for seven years on club and by the time i quit i was ready to throw swimming in the trash but now im back on a team with girls who are amazing and so friendly and fun to be around and im improving and it’s just so nice to be getting back in shape and doing what i’ve missed and loved.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

oh shit i just ranted abt a bunch of trc quotes a couple days ago this is my moment to shine

okay i have two bc i couldn’t decide

“it’s only you. why do you hate you?” “i don’t.”

“and then instead gave himself over to feeling sorry for himself, that he should have so many friends and yet feel so very alone.”

okay so with that first one, i can’t necessarily say that i hate myself. i do like who i am, for the most part, and im proud of myself for what i do. but im also my own worst enemy. i have purposely put myself in an anxiety attack or really bad spells bc it makes me feel. and that’s really fucked, you know??? i was talking to mer abt this and how i will sometimes purposely make a good situation bad bc i either feel that i don’t deserve to have that good or bc im too uncomfortable with things being okay for too long. mostly bc, during the summer, i was so used to feeling bad and terrible and nothing for days on end that, when things start to feel good for a while, i start to question myself and my experiences and i panic and make things bad so i can remember what it feels like. with that first quote, it’s the moment that i strive to have. i am slowly, very slowly, trying to get myself to the point where i can let myself be happy and not sabotage myself. it’s a very slow process, but im trying.

and with that second one, i just really relate to gansey and how he feels that he can’t have problems bc his friends have it worse. especially with that quote specifically, i can get so lonely and sad sometimes because of how lonely i am, but then i feel guilty bc i have such a close group of friends who i would call my family, and friends within that group who have been in way worse situations and states than i have. i have had that cliche feeling of being alone in a crowded room bc i can get so anxious or overwhelmed and then i kinda retreat into myself or cling onto one person and then i feel guilty bc im like “you have all these friends and you’re sitting here with your petty problems ruining the mood”. like, im trying to work on not comparing my problems with others, but i do still tend to feel guilty when i complain abt my problems to friends that have it worse.