#pets united is a could have been cute but is just ass movie you can watch it on netflix

[crewofthegoldrush]

lmao pets united AU i guess

[shemarmooresfedora]

hi baby congratulations on 300!!!🥳 i’m so glad to be here ! 💗🤍💗🤍✨⭐️

you know i’m obsessed w ur fics so, i am gently begging you to write something w prompts “can i paint your nails” “i’m going to steal this from you” and “people don’t compliment you enough” (sorry i forgot the numbers :( ) pleeeease? 🥺🥺

(sorry if it’s too much) thanks, i love u <3

It’s a Love Story

Summary: It’s senior skip day and you’re determined to pull your best friend of 10 years (and secret crush) out of his comfort zone.

Pairing: High School Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (but imagine Spencer is 18 so he is the normal high school senior age)

Content/Warnings: fluff, swearing, bullying

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: this fic is very self-indulgent because my senior skip day was yesterday! :)

Masterlist



“Hey, Spence! Wait up,” you jogged down the hall to catch up with him.

“Hey, Y/N. How’d your math test go?” Spencer asked.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” you groaned, “Thank you for trying to tutor me last night but I think I’m a lost cause at this point. It’s too late in the school year to care.”

“Did you know that ‘senioritis’ can actually be categorized as situational depression? In 2009, 22% of colleges decided to revoke some admissions offers after students began to slack off at the end of their senior year,” Spencer stated.

“Oh, trust me, genius, I may not be as smart as you but I’m not dumb enough to lose my scholarship to UCLA. I did the math out and even if I completely bombed this unit test, I can still maintain my A average,” you replied.

“I never said you weren’t smart, I was just warning you. I don’t want you to lose your spot at your dream school,” Spencer explained, “People don’t compliment you enough for all the hard work you put in to get accepted there.”

“Well, thanks for looking out for me, Spence,” you smiled, taking a seat in the back corner of the classroom.

Spencer sat right in front of you and turned around in his seat, “Do you have any homework?”

“Nope. My study hall is wide open just as expected. The teachers are losing just as much steam as the students,” you grinned, unzipping your backpack and pulling out nail polish.

“Can I paint your nails?” you asked.

“Y/N, don’t you think I get made fun of enough?” he whispered back.

“Girls love when guys paint their nails and if any guys try to give you shit, I’ll personally kick their ass. I took a self-defense course but I’ll use those moves I learned however I see fit,” you said.

“Fine,” Spencer relented, extending his hand out to you.

Spencer was honestly sold once you said that girls love it. That must include you, right?

“It’s purple too. Your favorite color,” you smiled, shaking the bottle up and then beginning to paint his nails.

Spencer thought it was cute that you picked up on his habit of sticking your tongue out of the corner of your mouth when you were concentrating.

“Isn’t it pretty?” you beamed as you worked on the second coat of polish.

“Yeah,” Spencer replied, not looking at his nails but the girl directly in front of him.

You gently blew air on his nails to dry them, “All done!”

-

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the teacher’s pet?” Brad, the captain of the football team, smirked as Spencer passed through the hallways after his math team practice ended.

“Wow, nail polish? And to think you couldn’t become any more of a loser?” he sneered as the jocks began to encircle around Spencer.

“Spence, there you are! I’ve been looking for you all over. Let’s go, we’re going to be late,” you walked right into the crowd of boys, paying no mind to them and grabbing Spencer’s hand, pulling him towards the exit.

“Don’t look back,” you whispered.

“You know one day your little girlfriend there is going to realize what a pathetic nerd you are. I’ll be ready to show her what a real man is,” Brad called after you.

“Oh yes, Brad, a real man goes to community college to hang on to the scraps of his mediocre football career that is his only reminder of when he peaked in high school,” you laughed.

“Y/N, he’s going to kill me for that,” Spencer groaned after you exited the building.

“Relax, we have three days left and then we won’t ever have to see that dick again,” you assured him.

“We have four days left,” Spencer corrected you.

“No, three because we’re not going in tomorrow,” you walked into the diner and took your seat in your usual booth, “It’s senior skip day.”

When Spencer didn’t respond, you looked up from your menu, “Spencer Reid, please do not tell me you were going to go in on senior skip day.”

“Why would I want to miss school?”

“Because you already know everything they could possibly teach you and you can spend the whole day with your best friend instead?” you fluttered your eyelashes to persuade him.

“I don’t want to go to the beach with all the popular kids. I’ll get shoved in the sand,” Spencer grabbed some of the fries that the waitress dropped off for you and popped them into his mouth.

“That is why we are going all the way to Santa Monica. We’ll just get up a little earlier and drive a little further but then we won’t run into anyone from our school,” you proposed.

“Fine but you’re driving,” Spencer huffed.

“Well, I’m certainly not letting the guy drive who hasn’t driven since he got his license just to prove he could pass,” you giggled.

“Why do I need to drive when my next-door neighbor can be my personal chauffeur?” he grinned.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll pick you up at 7 on the dot tomorrow.”

-

You honked outside of Spencer’s house. He came scrambling out with a big canvas tote bag, a tan sweater, and lilac swim shorts that ended at his mid-thigh.

“Get in, loser. We’re going to the beach,” you rolled down the window.

Spencer furrowed his brow for a second before opening the door.

“It’s just a reference to a popular movie. I wasn’t actually calling you a loser,” you assured him.

“My mom made us blueberry muffins for the ride,” Spencer pulled a ziploc bag out of the tote.

“Oh that is so sweet of her! Please tell her I said thank you. She must have been having a good night then,” you smiled, accepting one of the muffins from Spencer.

“Yes, she has been having a good week overall,” Spencer affirmed.

“That’s so great to hear. Okay, we’re stopping for coffee but then we’ll get on the highway.”

The opening notes of Love Story by Taylor Swift began to play on the radio.

“Oh my god! Turn it up!” you screamed.

Spencer grinned and turned the volume knob up.

“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby, just say ‘yes’,” you sang.

-

You rolled down the windows as soon as you exited off the highway.

“Do you smell that, Spence?” you inhaled deeply, “Something about the salty air and sunshine just makes me feel alive.”

“You know it’s probably your increased exposure to the sunlight leading to an increase in vitamin D which can keep your energy levels up and enhance your mood,” Spencer stated.

“Well, whatever it is, I still love it,” you grinned.

You and Spencer made your way along the sandy coast. You parked in the beach parking lot and got out of the car, grabbing your mini cooler and chair.

Spencer grabbed the other chair and his tote and you headed down to the beach, walking a ways before settling on a spot in a less crowded area.

You took off your big t-shirt revealing your light blue bikini.

“Can we go in the water please?” you begged.

Spencer dug into his tote and tossed you a tube of sunscreen.

“Not until you put that on,” Spencer insisted.

“Fine,” you huffed.

“Sorry I don’t want you to be sunburnt for graduation,” he chuckled.

“Can you do my back?” you asked.

“I-um-yeah-yes I can do that,” Spencer scrambled to stand up from his beach chair.

His breath hitched in his throat as he applied the cool lotion to your back.

“All good,” he cleared his throat.

“Thanks, Spence! Do you need me to do your back or are you all set?” you asked.

“Nope, I’m all good. My mom did it before I left,” Spencer said.

“Can we go in the water now?” you pleaded.

Spencer gave a reluctant nod as you let out an excited squeal, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the tide.

You dove right into the cool waves, instantly relieving your body of the southern californian summer heat. Spencer was a bit more hesitant.

“It feels so good, Spence. Trust me,” you smoothed your wet hair back.

Spencer inhaled deeply and then sunk beneath the water as a wave passed by him.

“Yay! He’s actually having fun, people!” you cheered as he emerged from underneath the water.

Spencer playfully splashed water at you and you gasped.

“Oh Spencer Reid, you are so on,” you laughed, splashing water right back at him.

Spencer shielded it from his face with his hand and then started chasing after you. You shrieked in a giggle fit as he lifted you up in the water so you could no longer splash him.

“I surrender! I surrender!” you laughed along with him.

-

You and Spencer were walking on the basically deserted boardwalk by this time of night, licking your ice cream cones.

Spencer noticed you were shivering and pulled off his sweater, handing it to you.

“No, Spence. I can’t, then you’ll be cold,” you said.

“I really don’t mind,” Spencer insisted, wanting to have your scent on his sweater forever.

“Thank you,” you slipped it over your head, “I’m probably going to steal this from you because it’s super comfy.”

A reminder alert buzzed on your phone, “Oh shit. We have to sign up for tickets to go to prom by midnight,” you spoke.

Spencer shot you a guilty look.

“You’re not going?” you sighed defeatedly, trying your hardest not to tear up.

“Y/N, I don’t dance. I’ll make a fool of myself.”

“And I’ll be right by your side making a fool of myself too,” you urged, “Spence, it’s going to be no fun without you. I was going to ask you to officially be my date, you know? I had this whole complicated equation that I was going to have you solve and graph and the line spelled out ‘Prom?’. It’s stupid thinking back on it now, I won’t make you go.”

“I was going to ask you,” Spencer smiled softly, “but then I chickened out.”

“How about this? You give me one dance right now and then we’ll decide if we’re going or not,” you opened your phone and started playing Dancing by Mellow Fellow.

Spencer extended his hand and you accepted as he wrapped his other arm around your waist. You waltzed around the boardwalk in perfect sync as the neon lights from food stands and rides were shining down on you.

Spencer twirled you around and caught you in a dip. You let out a shaky exhale as you both stared into each other’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

“Please do. I’ve only been waiting 10 years for it since I moved in next door,” you smiled softly.

Spencer leaned down further and connected your lips. You pulled him even closer with your hands cupping his cheeks.

“I’ll go to prom with you under one condition,” he grinned, pulling away, “we go as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Absolutely,” you beamed and stood on your tippy-toes to give him another kiss that was long overdue.

A/N: i took a note out of my dear friend @samuel-de-champagne-problems ‘s book by naming the title after a Taylor Swift song

taglist (just ask to be added or removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @rem-ariiana

[moved-danganronpamess]

Hello to the new mods! I saw that requests were open and I had this one on my noggin for a while now. How about Fuyuhiko, Peko and Gundham with an S/O who has a cat that's like an ABSOLUTE UNIT?? Big, fluffy, soft and super friendly! How would they react to the cat just randomly sitting down on their lap??

A B S O L U T E U N I T .

This is so!! Adorable!! I have a chonky cat myself (he’s perfectly healthy, don’t worry!) and I love cats in general- he’s sitting behind me as I’m writing this. Mans knows what’s up.

I hope you enjoy it, my buttercup baby!

TW for some slightly vulgar language because Fuyuhiko exists.

- 🌺💖Mod Rantaro💖🌺

Fuyuhiko, Peko and Gundham with an S/O who has a chonky, friendly cat!

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu :

You were hanging out at your place, the usual.

Fuyuhiko knew you had a cat, but he’s never seen it. He just assumed it was skittish or shy and didn’t really question it. 

But as you two were casually watching a movie on the couch, a wild chonky baby appeared!

Fuyuhiko heard the jingling bell on it’s collar, and as he turned around to look where it came from, he heard you cooing: “Hello, buddy~! Did you sleep well??”, and then felt a weight on his lap.

Oh my god.

The cat was just... Vibing... With all that CHONK-

He froze for a few moments, then pat the top of the cat’s head, a rare, soft smile appearing on his face.

It’s so fat and fluffy that his heart can’t help but feel warm.

Don’t point it out though or he’ll never come in contact with an animal ever again-

He kept asking you questions about the cat. Like it’s name, where it came from, how you got it, what breed it was, why he’s literally never seen it before-

You explained that your cat was an extremely heavy sleeper, and that whenever Fuyuhiko came to your house, it was somehow always in the middle of a nap. So it just slept through his entire visit in a random part of the house-

Oh. Yeah, that kinda makes sense-

He and the cat become pretty close really fast. It was following him around everywhere, ran to the door whenever he came over, sat on him all the time, slowly blinked at him, etc. It was like no one else existed when he was around.

I don't blame the cat though like me too no thoughts only Fuyuhiko

Congratulations, your boyfriend has stolen the heart of your cat!

He never got why you’d just coo at it like it was a baby though.

And then he started doing it.

But like... In his own way.

And now he can’t stop.

“You’re so goddamn fat. Look at you, you dumb lil’ fatty!” 

You cursed him to swear at and insult your cat in a baby voice I-

He also has literal arguments with the cat sometimes-

Tends to go like:

“I know you ate my sandwich while I wasn’t looking, you damn fatass.”

“Mrrroooowww.”

“What do you mean you didn’t do it?? Look at how thicc you are! You walk into a room and your ass walks in five minutes later!!”

“MeoOooOOOwW!!”

Never-the-less he loves that cat with his whole heart, even if he’ll never admit it. 

Peko Pekoyama :

You and Peko were walking to your house, taking in the fresh air.

You had just recently, around a few months ago, let a random cat into your house after you found it outside.

It looked well-taken care of, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t find any signs of an owner. So, you decided to adopt it!

You still haven’t told Peko, since you didn’t know if you would be keeping the cat or not, but you were planning to tell her today.

 So, the two of you made it to your place. You went inside, and got ready to play some videogames, when you told her you needed to go get something.

That something was your new fluffy friend.

You were looking around the house, but... Couldn’t find the cat anywhere. You started to panic a little bit. 

Until you got back to the living room, where you saw Peko still sitting on the couch, your cat comfortably laying in her lap.

“Oh, there it is!”, you breathed out, relieved the cat was still inside and ok.

Peko was... So astonished. She stared down at the cat with wide eyes, unsure if she should pet it or not. It was... So fluffy...

Animals were usually afraid of her, and she didn’t wanna scare off your furry companion.

You giggled at her. For some reason, the fact she was the Ultimate Swordsman, yet was so captivated by your cat was adorable.

“You can pet it, Peko, don’t worry.”

“Won’t... It get scared and run off?”

“If it chose to sit in your lap, I doubt it!”

So, she slowly pet it, and heard it start to purr so loudly it sounded like a little motorcycle.

And that was the start of their friendship.

The cat, like with Fuyuhiko, follows her around a lot. But unlike Fuyuhiko, she points it out every time because she’s so surprised-

The cat loves to just vibe on her shoulders. If she’s walking around your house the cat IS sitting up there, no I don’t make the rules.

She also has conversations with the cat. She doesn’t coo at it, but she talks to it a lot.

Something like in this one video I found-

That cat looks so sweet I’m crying-

She’s really glad that that precious kitty came up to her.

Gundham Tanaka:

You were heading to Gundham's place, cat carrier in your hands. You and Gundham have been planning to move in together, and wanted to help your cat get adjusted to the various other animals that were in his care.

When you got there and Gundham greeted you, you got to work. You opened the cat carrier, letting your fluffy friend out, as it started to carefully sniff around the new environment.

The other animals were kept in a separate room. You were trying to do this slowly, after all! You didn't want to overwhelm the kitty.

Yes, that also meant the Dark Devas. He was worried they would be put in danger. Even if they were all-powerful, their mortal forms were incredibly fragile. He just put them to sleep in their little bed and let them vibe there-

Gundham could only look at the cat, astonished, and proudly say: "No wonder, someone as divine as you tamed even the most powerful of beasts!"

He's just being extra he's amazed by the chonk

But, of course, he had some worries about the cat's health.

He wasn't trying to say you were a bad owner, not at all! He just wanted to make sure that the cat was in top condition, despite it's weight.

And, thankfully, it was! So his worries were for nothing.

When it got used to it's surroundings, the cat immediately went to Gundham's side. He was used to animals naturally gravitating towards him, so he wasn't that surprised, but he was overjoyed that your cat also liked him.

You and the Ultimate Breeder spent time together, playing with the cat and letting it roam around his home and pick up the scents of the other animals.

And when you two moved in, your cat fit in like it was around since the beggining!

It easily got along with the other animals, found it's way around the house with no trouble and adjusted to Gundham's presence very quickly.

And Gundham was very surprised, but glad to find out that the cat?? Took care of the Devas, in a sense?? Almost like a parental figure would. You could always find the Devas either piled on top or around the cat and sleeping in it's fur, or the cat grooming them.

It was a really cute sight let's be honest-

And like with Peko the cat vibes on Gundham's shoulders a lot.

And he sometimes rolls it up into a purrito with his scarf because it's funny and the cat lowkey loves it-

Getting the cat to adjust did take a while, but Gundham was glad that, in the end, it became a part of your joined animal family.

Yay, another request done! I hope you enjoy this one! I'm also sorry for kinda,, Not posting, I procrastinated on writing this and am still procrastinating on writing the other requests I've claimed sgshdg-

Make sure to drink some water, take any meds you may need to, and maybe eat some fruit or candy! Lotsa love from me, my buttercup baby! <3

[nc7dr3am]

IF LILY DATED...

HI this is a long post. the idea for this was inspired by my favorite @delicatejisung who also has an nct dream oc that you MUST follow. also i know the edit sucks. also also i write very light nsfw stuff in this. like mentions but no smut cuz i don’t do that. HOWEVER there are no nsfw mentions w jisung. ik teens do whatever and lily is only a year older than him but 1.) i will not do that because he is still a minor and 2.) they just aren’t like that together. they don’t need it

THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL NONE OF IT IS OFFICIALLY CANON. lmk which ones sound cute cuz even tho it’s not gonna happen .. lilno and chenlil might have stolen my heart

mark:

you can bet they’d be so completely in love with each other

very sweet, very romantic

“baby” “babe”

in front of the camera they’re normal, the same amount of affection as usual, oftentimes less

lily, when mark is talking or being unintentionally attractive: *bites bottom lip, looks up a little, seems like she’s trying not to smile*

he does his rap in mfal to her randomly and it’s cringey and funny but he does it to make her smile because he knows it’s her fav title track

when she sings he smiles so wide because in his opinion. there is no sound more beautiful than her voice

they talk to each other so well. like. they can sit for HOURS just talking and it never gets old to them

writes genuine love letters to her but will cringe and hate himself if he gives them to her until she gets teary and smiles

her basically giving him book reports about the books she reads and he literally falls more in love with her when she’s screaming about the novels because she is so PASSIONATE

her falling asleep in the practice rooms or studio late at night because she INSISTS on staying with him

and when he kisses her he likes to tilt her chin up with his hand of holds both sides of her face

hyuck taking credit for the whole relationship

she has a collage of polaroids of them, of him (including some of the ones from qtah) that are separate from her other photos of friends (she has a lot)

mark has a few polaroids of her that he keeps by his bed and he always smiles when he sees them

HE 10000% WRITES SONGS FOR HER AND SHOWS HER BUT HES REALLY NONCHALANT ABOUT IT

she never calls him oppa (even a bit before they start dating tbh)

when she has to do sexy performances or just acts sexy you will 100% find mark at his most awkward

they will have fun doing ANYTHING they’ll be happy through anything if they’re together

they could go through five watermelons in a day

konglish all the time. and getting excited/thinking something is funny and jumping and screaming

“can i have your netflix password, lils?” “mark you’re literally richer than me and still use all of my accounts”

her getting embarrassed by him and giggling

she will continue her campaign to get mark to play spiderman

lazy days making music, him watching her cook, binge watching american reality shows she likes, and literally just days where theyfe in bed and make out and talk and make out

shopping trips all the time

they love to do activities together. like, they’ll go places and try new things

she’s desperate to visit his home and his family

and they have their ideal life planned. like. if they weren’t idols they’d get an apartment together. they wanna have some pets together. they have trips they’d like to go on together

they grew up together, they’ve loved each other for years, they’ve been pillars of support

but as much as they’ve loved each other they grew to be IN love with each other

but teased by every unit especially 127. wbk.

they’re more.. private than the others. they’re alone together a lot and don’t overdo it in front of the others

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

ummm so like. vanilla for the most part even tho lily is a bit more ✨wild✨

oh um. ass grabs. when they’re alone but. constantly

when they get comfy with each other (read: when mark finds confidence and is comfy) he will always have his hands on her ass

even just resting there

mirror selfies with his hand on her ass

if he can’t touch her ass, it’s always a hand on her thigh

very affection when alone together, moderate when they’re with others

he likes to lay on her stomach and she loves when he lays on her shirtless

so many days where they just lay in bed together, tangled in lily’s blankets, music playing in the background, lazy makeout sessions... need i go on? CUTE SHIT

mark isn’t great at expressing his emotions publicly, and they hold so much of their relationship just between them. they both always know how much they love each other

renjun:

so they’re SOFT

song covers together

she tries to learn mandarin but. she ends up getting frustrated that she can’t get it and renjun kisses it better

he tells her the wrong words in mandarin a lot and it has fucked her over a lot, especially in lives

“oppa, how do you say ‘i bought that shirt for renjun?’”

*in mandarin* “i am in love with renjun”

they’d be a bit more obvious about their feelings, a bit more touchy

when they confess, they’re together right away, no questions asked. they literally need each other

sleepovers every night and they’re generally really cozy

lily reading, renjun drawing, a movie playing on her laptop that they aren’t paying too much attention to

renjun has specific articles of clothing he puts aside in his closet because he KNOWS she’s gonna take those specific ones

he is very into giving her flowers and little gifts

shes asked him to give her mf art lessons LMAO

ended with them covering each other in paint and making a MESS

they’re silly together, they’re the couple who knows how to cook but starts playing with the ingredients and makes a mess

they leave sticky notes for each other everywhere

lily jumping into his arms

constant pecks on the lips. the dreamies are sick of it. so sick of it.

deep talks late at night

lily being funny and having a box of his stuff in her room even though they live in the same place

nomin threatening renjun

but then lily fourth wheeling with them all

somehow they become even more of a savage duo

when they make eye contact while performing they’ll make faces at each other

he turns the koala joke into her pet name

so he calls her koala and she calls him a pain in her ass

SOFT KISSES he always cups one side of her face

he braids her hair a lot or does cute little styles

lots of cafe dates

will KILL any of the others if they wake her up when she’s sleeping

the type of romance that’s sappy but also they can most definitely roast each other

she likes to wrestle him LMAOO

the way they’re basically chenji’s babysitters is SO FUNNY it started to happen a lot right after they got together

they want to adopt a puppy and name him moomin

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

okay so it’s kinda.. more hesitant and sometimes she takes the lead more than he does

their make out sessions are more heated but don’t always lead to something

like the way it’s going youd THINK it’d be something, but then they just decide to watch a movie and go to bed

he really likes her neck and collarbones but can’t do much to her neck because yknow they’re idols

there’s almost no insecurity in their relationship

it’s very relaxed and loving, and everyone around them can see and feel the love

jeno:

a bit unexpected

a ✨whirlwind romance✨

lilno? more like lilmino because jaemin is always there

a part of her was genuinely sad that she broke up nomin and everyone looks at her like she’s crazy

torn between her love for him and letting him go if jaemin confessed

they can be a bit more obvious in front of fans than the others, because for some reason there isn’t much suspicion there

in front of czennies he lowkey flexes and picks her up over his shoulder a lot, has his arm around her a lot, and they wink at each other from across the set

he holds her waist a lot, and he’s super protective

but also the !! softness !!

have literally been walked in on several times of them just peppering each other with kisses and laughing and its literally lowkey a movie romance

working out together

practicing dances together

the type of guy to literally ignore everything she’s saying because her beauty distracted him

she hits him on the arm for that

passionate kisses

there have been too many times where the others walk in the kitchen and lily is sitting on the kitchen counter with her arms around jeno’s neck as they’re just making out

they’re the couple that’s yelled at by the dreamies the most because sometimes they need to chill out

LMAO THEYRE LIKE THE HORMONAL HIGH SCHOOL COUPLE

and like they love each other deeply and fully, it’s not high school in that regard

but they giggle too much and are kinda all over each other sometimes

they use pet names just a BIT too much

the older guys are a bit more protective of her with him than they would be with any of her other options

cuz while they’re softies

they escalate their relationship super quick

and it’s RIGHT for them

but the hyungs are protective

jeno surprisingly isn’t that jealous because if he could actually get lily

he knows neither of them are going anywhere

him constantly telling her how beautiful she is

her encouraging him and telling him he’s so talented and more than he thinks he is

when they ride the tandem bikes (i think that’s what they’re called? the bikes with two people?) it’s just jeno pedaling

OH and when they make eye contact during stages it only enhances their stage presence because they both wanna look sexy for their boo

jeno is rooting for lily solo because he knows she deserves it

super sweet and wholesome and they make each other smile so WIDE

she pops his zits for him LMAO

cuddles for DAYS and jeno’s fav thing is when she falls asleep in his arms

touches his muscles all the time

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

they make out so much OMG

a bit wilder than she would be with others

she loves to run her hand down his abs

when she does that or touches his biceps it lowkey turns him on

jeno is a bit more reserved than the others at times, but with lily he feels utterly HIMSELF

he doesn’t feel like the jeno who is just a hot rapper. he feels more than that with her

they bring the light out in each other

hyuck:

another unexpected pair but a lot more expected than jeno/lily would be

they’re both literal sunshine and they would be such a beautiful couple

lily aka the only human alive to fluster hyuck

and even THAT doesn’t happen very often

hyuck’s lap = lily’s seat

SO touchy and affectionate but not in the way lily/jeno would be

it’s like constant hand holding, hugging, sitting on each other, leaning on each other, stars in there mf EYES

while they still tease each other and mess around

i have a very specific image in mind of them waking up together, hyuck leaning over her, the biggest smiles on their faces, and then kissing each other

and lily’s just like “hi” with the cutest smile, and then he says it back with the same smile

it might surprise you but hyuck POSSESSIVE

will gatekeep her and not let anyone hug her

always calls her his girlfriend in front of the members

he stands behind her with an arm around the middle of her torso a lot and she’s just absentmindedly playing with his fingers

only a tiny, lil bit obvious in front of czennies because they’re both so affectionate?? and before they dated lily would call him the love of her life?? and keep her face close to his?? this is NORMAL for them

but one of the biggest clues is hyuck being physically unable to not stare at her lips sometimes

they read each other’s tarot nearly every day HAHAH

very romantic as well

she sings him “you are my sunshine” all the time, just stroking his face and staring at him with all of the love in the world

like i said, they still tease the fuck outta each other and roast each other and are at each other’s throats but then they can flip INSTANTLY

he kisses her knuckles and traces her face

he games and she’s falling asleep on his lap

127 squad doesn’t like when they’re being forward because haechannie is the maknae

she loves life cuz more hyuck = more taeil

he will move mountains to make her laugh or see her smile

he’s begging sm for a sexy dance break with the two of them

she’s obsessed with how gorgeous his skin is

the type of boyfriend that notices the tiny little things

he’ll do things/get things for her just because he thought of her or remembered something she said

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

another one that’s a bit wilder

theyre not shy LMAO

steamy intense makeouts like

how is he so good? lily is very satisfied

overall they’re such a fun beautiful HAPPY couple

theyre both so loving and wonderful and there is not one single doubt in anyone’s mind that they love each other fully

jaemin:

literally impossible in any universe

chenle:

lily and chenle have always been two sides of the same coin and he had been waiting for so long

the SMILES

the most beautiful happy smiles at each other ALWAYS because how did they get so lucky?

they were each other’s first proper kiss (canonically, as well)

it’s perfect because they’re best friends and always have been

nothing much changes except the affection and little things because they’re both still best friends

jisung being on all of their dates

he always buys her expensive shit and she hates it so much

she puts on lipstick JUST to kiss his cheek

jisung has walked in on them vibing, on them making out, and yeah he’s sick of it and so happy he only saw them kissing

always sleeping in the same room (usually at his place 👀) but theyre a huge mess when they sleep at night and someone ends up hitting the other because chenle moves too much for her liking

they’re still competitive and of course they still have their alliance

because dating or not, they would fight to the death on that rooftop

chenle literally will kiss every inch of her face because he likes hearing her giggles and he can’t believe he finally got his lily

CUDDLING ALL THE TIME and they’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the dorms and when they’re sleeping HARD the others like to see how many things they can balance on their heads

he will HYPE HER UP ALWAYS

but then say summ like “her face is weird tho” after and unless they’re in front of fans he ends up kissing her after she hits him

when she has to be sexy on stage, he is HERE FOR IT even if the stage is with another person because!! YES his girlfriend is hot, he’s LUCKY

she loves going to his house!! mostly because his family but also

they get to have privacy and be a couple

they’ll hold hands on camera cuz they don’t give a single fuck

they’re definitely outed and have to go public

which just makes their competitive streak and constant roasts WORSE

she loves the sound of his laugh but will yell at him if it hurts her ears

threatens to get one of his predebut photos tattooed on her

a big part of them loving each other is annoying each other and being soft behind the scenes

always together

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

the more intimate aspects of the relationship were really weird at first

but they’re very compatible so it was just fun to them

he WILL honk her boob. has done it in front of the others by accident and jaemin forbid her to see him for a few days

they kinda taught each other how to kiss way before they dated so it was funny when they did it as a couple

peak friends-to-lovers and even czennies can’t help but love then

jisung:

god their shyness is kinda annoying

really confident in private- they talk a lot, they’re very good at just chilling

but lily has to be the one to hold his hand because he’ll get nervous even when he’s so comfy in the relationship

i mean not that the dreamies have time to be in a relationship, but jisung was so SCARED to kiss her and have his first kiss

she thought it was funny

clumsy duo and they tease tf outta each other for it

chenle always being around

they can’t tell who the members are more protective over in the relationship

hugs!!! she loves to backhug him and he thinks it’s cute cuz she’s so tiny

they watch harry potter too much

she has almost convinced him to ride a rollercoaster but ended up failing

he makes fun of her height a lot and then she’ll trip him or something

he’s kinda protective and gets insecure that he’s younger than her sometimes but she just kisses his cheek and tells him to stop worrying

tbh they’re the most innocent, wholesome couple

they wanna go out on dates and they do but catch another member tagging along to babysit them

she gets wine drunk next to him and he can’t drink so he just has this drunk woman on his hands and doesn’t know what to do but honestly she just wants him to cuddle her to sleep

his voice is her favorite sound and she wants him to sing more

whenever anyone says something weird about jisung they both hold up the handcuffs cuz

they’re super weird they can be so confident and then one of them gets flustered and will be a shy baby

trading lines in concerts

lily making cute faces at him, staring at him blankly, winking at him, acting cute to him in front of fans

they share one braincell together and probably accidentally outed themselves by using pet names and like. holding hands on live

and then the OH SHIT face happens

they’ve given the older members heart attacks because he’ll give her a piggyback ride, they’ll hug really tight, or WORSE... they’ll give each other a lil kiss

they’re more innocent by nature but they love kissing and he loves holding her face because her skin is pretty and soft

he wears her perfume on his wrist so he can smell her and smile

the type of boyfriend who is CLUELESS about girl stuff

he wants her to try a different hair color. like a weird one

she refuses

taeyong actually loves them together so much

them dating and being IN LOVE and jisung still gives her cash for her birthday

the “i love you’s” are so. cute. and full. of. LOVE

she is merciless when theyre playing something against each other. she’ll TRY to get him out

usually lily is clingier but when she’s standing and jisung is sitting with his arms around her waist and his head squished to her side it’s so cute

he gets randomly really clingy at times and won’t let go of her

emotional bub will get teary because he loves her so much

[celmation-gibson]

The First Drawing to post for this New Decade, and it's the Best of the Movies that I've seen in the Cinemas, and one I've heard of for a while. So here are some Favorite Characters of mine that were fun to Draw, along with the Reviews for the Films.

Missing Link - My First movie to see in the Cinemas of this Year, and it's another Laika Classic, and despite being a Box Office flop, It did receive some very Good Reviews from Critics, and even my Foodtown Boss' Grandchildren saw the Film on a Thursday(?) and they Loved it, so I figured I give this film a watch, and I was amazed at the Final result, An Amazing sight to see that some Folks out there don't know what their Missing. It was directed by Chris Butler, who was co-Director of Laika's other projects 'ParaNorman', and it had an Amazing cast such as Mr. Zach Galifianakis (Felix of 'Bob's Burgers' & Lego Joker of 'the Lego Batman Movie'), Zoe Saldana(Avatar, Gaurdians of the Galaxy), & Hugh Jackman (Van Helsing & Wolverine of the live-Action 'X-Men' films). And once again, the Folks of Laika really did some good Work & Commitment in Making this Film, especially when I loved the Film's settings & Landscaping, and the Action Sequences are Phenomenal, especially in those Action sequences when the Ship rotates with the People in it when it was Struck with the Storm's Big Wave, and How Suspenseful it was when the Characters are dangled into Ice blocks or big icicles, and how shocking on how the Villains' defeat of Lord Piggot-Dunceby, his neurotic right-hand man Mr. Collick, and Bounty Hunter Willard Stenk were killed in Cold Blood, cuz I knew that that Ice Bridge in the Film was gonna Break in a Sequence. Plus there were some Cute Humor in the Film as well, especially after when Mr. Link/Susan Roared at a Dog during a Bar Fight, and after a Moment of Silence, the Dog just attacked on of his Men and the Bar Fight continues (that's when most kids in the Auditorium laughed at that part), and how Susan literally thrown some Objects over the Wall. And I'm always fascinated with Cryptozoology creatures such as Bigfoot, Abominable Snowmen, & the Loch Ness Monster, even when they make me think about that 1970's film entitled 'the Mysterious Monsters'. And even if the film was Distributed by United Artists (a Subsidiary of MGM I suppose), it's kinda Weird now now that it was released on DVD and Blu-Ray from 20th Century Fox, even after Disney's Conquest, but can we still call ML a Non-Disney film, even if some MGM films are being released by FOX under a Contract?

Godzilla: King of the Monsters - Well me and my dad certainly love Giant Monster movies when we were Young, and I certainly remember renting every Godzilla movie on VHS back when Blockbuster was still around, and we certainly enjoyed that one 2014 'Godzilla' movie, unlike the 1998 Matthew Broderick one, so we decided to give this new kaiju movie 'Godzilla: King of the Monsters' a viewing pleasure, not to be confused with the 1956 Americanized 'Gojira' movie starring Raymond Burr. And i gotta say that it was an Epic Thrill-ride of our Lives, even the monsters we were familiar with were Amazing, Godzilla being all greatly Huge and Buffed-up as always in the USA, Rodan looking a-little Sinister lookin', Mothra playing out like the original 'Mothra' movie, starting off as a larva hatching from her Egg, then Evolving into a beautiful Butterfly-like Moth, then King Ghidorah was so Menacing in this one, and being like Lizzie in 'Rampage', he was such a "Pain-in-the-Ass" character, even once being Nicknamed 'Monster Zero', either that Nickname was also used in Japan, or used for one of Ghidorah's old film appearances in the US, that was double-billed with 'War of the Gargantuas'. I even like how they referenced some stuff from Warner Bros. & Legendary Films' 'Kong: Skull Island', as that films along with the 2014 Godzilla, and this Film are all in the same Universe, Monsterverse that is. And how surprising that there are other Kaijus in this Movie that I'm not even certainly familiar about, like that one Arachnid-like featured titan, or the Giant Ape Body/Mammoth Trunk beast, or another Muto(?), and I am wondering if the Demolished Boston at the end of the movie is gonna be the new 'Monster Island'. The human characters were good, I mostly like every member on the character Dr. Mark Russell's team, they seem likable, and the Cast was great, even after looking at the film's Poster befor we went inside the theater, I saw the familiar name of Thomas Middleditch, the same man who did voices in 'Captain Underpants' & 'Bob's Burgers', doing a Live-action role, and while writing this review, I've discovered some other actress who starred in this film include Sally Hawkins, who starred in the previous 2014 Godzilla movie, and also in Guillermo del Toro's 'the Shape of Water, and the woman playing the daughter in this film, also played in 'Stranger Things' as Eleven. And also I love on how the film as a Newer Version of Godzilla's approach-like film that was used in the old films, and even the end Credits have Cover version of Blue Oyester Cult's classic hit 'Godzilla'. And one of the Film's story plot is Fascinating, like how this Earth was once ruled by Giant Titans, until us small Humans have taken over while most of those Titans went Extinct and hiding in the Earth's Spirit.

The Secret Life of Pets 2 - Well, Illumination has done it again, as it Amuses me once before with 'the Grinch', 'Despicable Me 2', 'the Secret Life of Pets', & 'Sing', they have released a Sequel to my Favorite Secret Life of Pets movie that I saw in theaters back in 2016, and now have it on DVD. And when I heard that the Original voice for Max got replaced with a Guy I know of who has a Great Career in Animation, I was like "Whuuut?", but even after reading what Happened to that one Guy, i figured I'd give this Movie a Watch, since I'll like Patton even more. And I gotta say, this Sequel does have some Cute and Lovable moments in the Film, and those Subplots in the Film are Wonderful, leading up to a Story on how to save a White Tiger cub from a Wicked Ringmaster (voiced by Funny voice man, Mr. Nick Kroll(Sausage Party, Sing, Captain Underpants). And Snowball is more luvable in this one as he is in the first Film (Kevin Hart is so Wonderful!), even teaming up with a Cute/Funny character such as Daisy, a Shih Tzu voiced by Tiffany Haddish (who just did a guest voice role in 'Bob's Burgers'). Also with a Cute story on how Max & Duke's owner fall in Love with a Fun Gentleman and have a Kid together, and I love how the Dogs raised the Boy up, by helping him to Crawl & walk, and have Good Animal Instincts, which makes me think that what if my Sister & her Husband had a Pet Puppy that could be a good a Good Companion to my Little Layla niece. And some of the Parts in the Film have Good humor in it, like did I just heard a Cow say "Rat Turd" in front of an auditorium full of Young children? Plus Mr. Harrison Ford(Han Solo in 'Star Wars' & Indiana Jones) was great as a character named Rooster, who tries to Man/Brave up Max and a few characters, after Max has devoted his Life to Little Liam, which led to the Funny Collar on his head. And I'd figured there was something Familiar about that Young Lamb Cotton's voice in the Movie, as he is voiced by Mr. Sean Giambrone, the voice of Jeff in 'Clarence' & Shermy in the 'Adventure Time' series Finale.

Abominable - Well, Dreamworks has done it again, a new film from a Creative Team was made and about to be released soon, and when I saw the Previews of it for the First time, I thought I wasn't too interested in it, especially with the humorous Blueberry gag parts. But after a while, and see that if it looked cuter as Dreamworks' previous film 'Home(2015)', I thought I give it a go, and hopefully it look way better than that one Weird-Looking film in 1995 called 'to catch a Yeti' starring Meatloaf. But for the 'Abominable' film, since the Movie was getting Good Feedback from Reviewers and Viewers, I was Lucky to watch the Film for myself. The Characters were Cute and Funny, almost like the ones from 'Home', especially with Ethnic Protagonists. And the settings and Designs of Asia in the Open Fields, Forests, and Cities are really nice, wishing I could visit and/or live there. And the Great story is like an E.T. Extra Terrestrial thing, expect that the Heroes goes with the Creatures on an Adventure of a lifetime to bring back the Creature to his Beloved Family that they Tried to protect from any threats what's-so-ever. And there are some Amazing plot Twist among the Villainous Characters, like just when you thought the villain was actually an elderly Man who has been hunting Mythical creatures for rewards, but it turns out that the True Villain was actually a Nerdy Woman who thought was a seemingly-gentle Scientist just doing what's right for the World, who almost Barely looks like a geeky version of Kari McKeen of Disney/Pixar's 'the Incredibles', and when she let down her Hair, she may look like a Devious version of Merida of Disney/Pixar's 'Brave'. The Effects in the Movie is Super Nice & Super Awesome, especially in the Yeti's Humming effects, some Action Sequences, and that one moment when the Heroine's Father's Violin broke, the Yeti fixes it by using his own Hair for the String replacements, and I know from that Moment, with Yi's Musical skills and the Yeti's Powers combined, and when the Hearts are Full, and the Heavens are listening, Magic is bound to happen. And for the one other part when the Heroes are Gazing into the Stars, they say that the Stars could be our Ancestors watching over us, and that if we don't see any Stars in the Sky, there will be always there for us, almost like even if for some Folks lost their Love ones, they will always be there, even if we can't see them. But I'm glad i enjoyed the Movie, and I know that some Tween kid group enjoyed it as well, laughing at some Funny Parts in which i enjoyed, sometimes with the Woofing Snakes, "WOOF, there it is, WOOF, there it is".

the Addams Family - Well, a another Fantastic new Animated feature has been made, and it's based off of what I remember from my Childhood, cuz I do remember watching the early 1990's Live-Action movies of the Creepy Family starrring Christopher Lloyd and Christina Ricci, before I knew who some of the Actors were, and I remember the Animated Hanna-Barbera Kooky series on Cartoon Network a while back, even making a Spooky Guest appearance in 'the New Scooby-Doo Movies', but I haven't watched much of their old Ookie Live-action series, and the Family I'm talking about is 'the Addams Family'. And I've read a while back that an Animated CGI feature is gonna be released soon, and I knew back there that that would be interesting for me to see, so I've waited several months for the to be released in Cinemas, and I finally got a chance to do so. It was a Fun and Entertaining movie, and surprising it was made Directed and made by the same team who did the 2016 R-rated Animated film 'Sausage Party' starring Seth Rogan & Kristen Wiig, and the Character designs for the Film were to be based off the old design from the Original Addams Family comics in the old days, and with modern help from Mr. Craig Kellman(Hotel Transylvania, Madagascar). And the voice cast is amazing, we got Mr. Nick Kroll(Captain Underpants) voicing Uncle Fester, Chloe Grace Moretz(Kick-Ass) as Wednesday Addams, Finn Wilfhard(IT, "Beep, Beep, Richie") as Pugsley Addams, Charlize Theron(Kubo and the Two Strings) as Morticia Addams, Bette Midler(Hocus Pocus) as Grandmama, Snoop Dogg as Cousin Itt, Elsie Fisher(Despicable Me) as Parker Needler, even the film's co-director Mr. Conrad Vernon as Lurch ("YYYOOOOOOUUUUUUU RRRAAAAANNNGGGG?!", LOL!!!), a priest that presides over Gomez and Mortica's wedding, the spirit that haunted the abandoned asylum that Gomez and Morticia move into (who often threatened them to get out, much to the family's delight, which i find those Parts to be entirely Hilarious, even in the Theater's Booming Stereo), and Dr. Flambe, a Devil-like relative of the Addams family with fire-like abilities. And the Film's Story is very cute, even with the Film's Opening Scenes on the Origin story of the Addams Family and their "Creative Differences" with other Societies, and it gives me some Good comparisons with Sony's 'Hotel Transylvania' as Creepy Creatures who have lived through the Centuries and Years soon get into Modern times and how other people dealt with Beings like the Monsters of HT and the Addams Family and their Clan. And it would be nice if my Parents were watching the Film with me in the Theaters, cuz during the Film's Ending, me and the people in the Auditorium got a chance to sing-along with the Film's Theme Song, and everyone was Snapping their Fingers to the tune. So If you wanna celebrate Halloween in a Great and Wonderful way, I think that this film is for you, and for all you Goth, Emo, and Young-at-Heart Artists out their who would love a Creepy Treat, and just can't wait to get it on DVD. Klaus - To come clear, I've heard about this movie, and I've even seen some Pencil Tests of it way back then, but I've actually never seen the whole thing, or catch it in a Selected Theater, but I really did see the Film's Trailer. And I would say for a 2D, Hand-Drawn, Frame-by-Frame, Animated feature, these people tried to Improve something for the Classic Animation with their Coloring and Shading type Technique, and even though It's a wonderful Improvement, I wouldn't expect some folks to use this kind of thing more often for Future Celmated Features. As for the Voice cast, I already know who Mr. J.K. Simmons is, but I was surprised to read that the voice man for Mr. Jesper Johansson, is also the guy who played the Villianous Gideon Graves of 'Scott Pilgrim vs. the World' movie.

And sorry if I didn't catch 'IT: Chapter 2' like I did with the first one, But I'm hoping o see some more clips of it online. And I Never had interest in seeing the 2019 'Child's Play', though I still like Ms. Aubrey Plaza & Mr. Mark Hamill. And I had no interest in seeing 'the Angry Birds Movie 2' since I'm never a Big Fan of Thurop Van Orman's creativity. And lastly, I didn't felt like seeing the 'Spies in Disguise' movie ever since Disney's Horrible Conquest of the whole 20th Century Fox media.

[pwnyta]

Full Endgame spoilers/review:

(TL;DR: It was really fucking good. Theres some bad obviously but overall worth it. Even after reading the spoilers and feeling like I may not like it as much as I thought I would... I actually liked it more.)

- - So as I said I loved the movie I had some gripes but overall I thought it was one hell of a fun, entertaining movie. I'll go by each characters story in my review saving Cap and Tony for last.

Natasha- Honestly? Though I think the MCU dropped the ball on the 0G6 being a believable family... I think Nats role in this movie was sweet. I really like the scene where Tony Nat and Bruce were laying down talking about Strange and the stones. It was really cute but it really made me wish we got to see this earlier. Joss dropped the ball hard in AoU. Ive said it one and I'll say it again. AoU should have been the movie where the Avengers were a solid unit throughout the movie.Nats death was... heroic but honestly her and Clint beating the shit out of each other because neither could stand the thought of the other being sacrificed was kinda funny and cute which is jarring to the story. It kinda sucks that she was fridged before the final battle though.

Clint- What are the fucking odds that every one of his family was dusted? But w/e. Clint having a wild sword battle in Japan... it was ridiculous and weird and IDK what they were thinking with that scene but it was played really dramatically but I laughed? Cuz it was so over the top and silly... even though he just slit that guys throat and Nats like :c Clint~ honey no its fine... and they hold hands over the guys warm corpse. LMFAO WHAT!? Im at least happy his kids got him back if nothing else.

Bruce- ... Bruce with Hulks big green body? NICE. Thats gonna have some interesting fanart I can already tell and I lift my glass to you. I once tried to draw a little comic where Bruce and Hulk separated but also had swapped bodies.... so Bruce had Hulks body but I never did finish it I wonder if I still have it saved somewhere. Anyways. Honestly? I found Bruce in this movie to be equal parts funny and annoying? Like it was a bit jarring sometimes that he was so lighthearted despite everything.

Thor- When I read the spoilers I thought I was gonna really dislike Thor but watching it I understood where Thor was coming from and I couldnt really blame him for spiraling and its not like anyone close to him seemed to even check up on him despite clearly knowing where he was. Im really sad that it took all those years and only until he was needed for someone to try and talk Thor through what he was going through. Im not annoyed with Thor. Im annoyed with the rest of them (minus Tony and I guess Clint? Considering.). Bruce was his friend in Ragnarok, Nat keeps talking about them being family, and Steve is their leader where the hell were they? Unless im missing something... I guess Valkyrie too but shes been picking up his slack as a leader and was holding the Asgardians together so I can cut her some slack. ANYWAYS. Thor was kinda funny in the movie but it was kind of hard to enjoy his goofiness. It kind felt like Tony in IM2. Speaking of Im glad Tony seemed really tolerant of Thors drunk behavior... I was sure he would throw a lot of shots like Rocket did. I wish they had a moment to talk about Thor self medicating with booze... Tonys been there. I get why they couldnt really but.. His scene with Frigga was really nice. Frigga is a bad bitch raised by witches and shit.... she knows all~ A wise woman that Frigga.

Scott- HOLY SHIT Did I love Scott in this movie. He was soo funny and cute... and bullied a lot. You know I have a thing for easily bulliable character. And Scott just got spanked left and right. His helpless goofiness reminded me of Harry from KKBB a little. He bounced off everyone well and it makes me kinda wish he was one of the OG6 instead of Clint. He was more of the heart that kept the Avengers together than anyone. Also him and Tony talking about Caps ass? HILARIOUS. Bisexual icons honestly. 'That suit did nothing for your ass.' 'No one asked you to look!' 'I think you look great Cap as far as Im concerned thats Americas ass!' and then later Caps all 'That IS Americas ass.' Unbelievable. But his best scene is still him reuniting with Cassie. She was so big! Im so happy she got her dad back... but Bruces failed time travel machine scene.... that was a close second. 'Somebody peed my pants... idk if it was baby me or old me........ or me me.' Also the 'whats up regular sized man' scene is longer and more hilarious than the preview showed. FUCK YOUR TACO SCOTT. At least Bruce is nice to him. I ship GreenAnt a little. Rocket petting Scott and mockingly calling him a puppy. SAME.

Rhodey- JESUS RHODEY. Speaking of hilarious idiots. Im glad he got a bigger roll in this movie but he didnt hug Tony when he got back so whats the point? BUT W/E... He was hilarious and amazing. It was nice to see him step up as one of the sorta leaders after the snappening. But he was also A HUGE FUCKING DORK THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH. Thinking that a secret cavern with a spooky name would be boobytrapped like in Indiana Jones and trying to convince Nebula to be careful. Naming a bunch of shitty time travel movies to prove a point about time travel (with Scotts help) and going back in time to kill baby Thanos...and Bruce was like 'yeah... no...' and him fucking TRASHING the magic of the iconic opening scene of the first GotG where Quill is dancing.... 'so hes an idiot?' RHODEY PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE have mercy. Him and Nebula are a trip. Also I made a note to mention Don Cheadles BEAUTIFUL soft voice. So here it is. I love Don Cheadles beautiful soft voice. He had too few scenes with Tony but their first scene when Tony starts freaking out and hes trying to get Tony to calm down was pretty good... and god that ending.... ;-; How come Rhodey got NO lines while Tony was dying? But also in the same position I dont think Id have any words either. I too would just cry. And did... for Tony. But yeah besides his lack of scenes with Tony I really loved Rhodeys scenes. I usually do. Hes adorable.

Nebula: Sweetie... You are just amazing. Shes legit one of the best most solid characters in the movie. The opening scenes between her and Tony? FUCKING adorable. Im sad we dont see more of them after the time skip. I also wish we got a longer scene of Neb and Rocket talking when she gets to earth... I guess just seeing them sit together sadly was enough to portray the emotions but.... I MEAN. More Nebula wouldnt hurt anyone. Having to see two tortured versions of Nebula was upsetting. Future Nebula who lost so much and past Nebula still under Thanos' thumb. 'You can change!' 'He wont let me' OOF. Im sad that past Nebula was killed... but appreciate that even in that moment past Gamora was upset to see her be killed. Im glad with Present Neb, Gamora was so easily heel-face turned. She loves her sister. Also their moment after past Gamora beats up present Quill was hilarious 'Really? This is the guy?' 'The choices were him or a tree.' WHAT ABOUT DRAX, NEBULA?! I know I said I may not watch any MCU movies after this but I might tune in for GotG3 for Nebula (and Thor).

Steve: I actually ENJOYED Steve in this movie for the most part. For the first time in any movie... even by himself I kind of enjoyed Steve. Especially the scene when hes fighting himself and his past self says 'I can do this all day' and hes like 'Tst... yeah I know... okay' Like he was sick of his own damn bullshit. And frankly? Same. Also him whispering 'Hail hydra' to get the scepter? Hilarious. I cant help but see it as a knock at that shitty Hydra Cap comic that everyone hated. But despite me enjoying Steve for most of the film... the MCUs inability to write a good romance and pretending like Steve and Peggys relationship was a peak or something completely undoes it all. It would still NOT BE GREAT regardless but the fact the RUSSOS are the ones who brought Sharon into TWS in the first place makes it SO MUCH WORSE that Steve dipped out. Steve should have moved on... even if it wasnt with Sharon. They could have at least MENTIONED HER but they knew they couldnt because then it would be too highlighted that Steve is a fucking FUCK BOY who used the niece of the woman he loved as a surrogate and that him going back to the past means hes gonna be meeting little Sharon at some point. Also? Really? Steve you have this whole new family you supposedly love and can live your life with but you rather go back in the past because the first woman who was nice to you was there? Move on. Its so fucking weird that hes so obsessed with her. You have your childhood friend and the rest of your new friends... and supposedly a girlfriend. IDK how anyone could be happy with that ending for him. But I guess its in character... remember the note he sent Tony 'I've been on my own since I was 18.' What about Bucky? He was there with you and you had family in the Avengers supposedly. Natasha seemed to think so. YOURE SUCH A FUCKIN SCUMBAG STEVE. Jesus.

Tony: First of all Id just LOVED his scenes with Nebula as I said. He sat there patiently teaching how to play paper football and held her win. It was REALLY cute. When he passed out she picked him up off the floor and sat him down on the chair and pat him. REAL CUTE. He nicknamed her 'The Blue Meanie' its cute and he tried to give her the last of their food but she insisted he eat it. Bobbos eyes never looked more gorgeous than in that scene where Carol finds them honestly. Tonys I told you so was really really sad. It had a lot of feeling like that scene in AoU when he laughs hysterically and starts ranting? Rhodey tried to calm him down but he just ripped into Cap. Also he yanked off his arc reactor and I FULLY JUMPED IN PANIC because I forgot it wasnt in him. I fully flinched. But he pulled his heart out and gave it to Steve and then passed out. Tony and Peppers daughter is ADORABLE. And her interactions with Tony are so sweet. Domestic Tony is lovely. I love that when Steve and the gang roll up on him Morgan runs out during their discussion and is like 'Mom told me to come and save you....' and hes like 'Well Ive been saved!' REAL CUTE. Also he swore and his daughter copied him and hes like NOOOOO!!!!!!! LMAO. LANGUAGE Tony. Tony is motivated to fix things seeing that pic of him and Peter. Hes such a softie. IM REALLY REALLY SAD that we finally see Pepper kinda GET Tonys need to be Iron Man and is like 'But could you rest?'. The one time she encourages him to go back to be Iron Man and he fucking DIES. Im so sad for Pepper. But that scene between them where shes like 'We'll be ok.... you can rest now.' FUCK. Im crying again. That scene between him and Steve- 'Someone shoula warned you~' 'You did...' 'Oh did I? Thank god Im here' has the same energy as 'Who taught you how to dance?' 'You did.' 'Well Ive done a marvelous job!' It was pretty great. Tonys nicknames for Scott are 'Pissant' and 'Thumbelina.' Im not OVERLY fond of his scenes with Howard. But honestly? My brother is the same way with our dad... he just chooses to forget the bad stuff and focus on the few good times. I cant do that but if it made Tony happier then VERY WELL. I wish Tony coulda talked to Jarvis too tho... just a word... anything? Best Tony scene is Peter babbling about how he musta passed out because Tony was gone and and and and Tony just hugs him so tightly and Peters hugs back and is like :D 'this is nice'! Though that STARK contrast of them after Tony uses the gauntlet... and Peter is like 'Mr Stark... we won... we did it... no Mr Stark...' Big Simba and Mufasa feels (and kind of Hughes and Elicia tbh). Not cool Disney. I was already crying. Rhodey was the first to reach Tony and Tony couldnt say ANYTHING to anyone and Rhodey just pets his cheek... Tony was just looking around as his family just has to watch helplessly as hes dying and Pepper tells him its ok. His funeral was really nice. He recorded a message for everyone kind of like his message for Pepper on the ship. Everyone was there... I think even Harley (Im really sad we didnt see them get reunited even once). The scene with Happy and Morgan was really sweet. 'I'll buy all the cheeseburgers you want....' It was cool to because... ya know.... Jon Favreau. He got a really beautiful end. I wish he could just retire and live with Pep and Morgan... but if he had to die... that was a really lovely sendoff. SO ALL IN ALL. Awesome movie. I didnt get to see past elderly Steve passing the shield off to Sam... I'll have to rewatch it again when theres a better version. Especially for that fucking STUNNING end battle. Even with the shitty cam I watched it looked AMAZING and I cant wait for it in HD.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #472

“we don’t deal with outsiders very well  /  they say newcomers have a certain smell”

Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah; he has one son and a daughter. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? I don't. I'm selfish with my alone time, and I want to live for me. I don't want to essentially hand over my life for someone else, give my all for them, and then I wind up not being enough. I don't want the financial burden. I don't want to be responsible for another human being. There are so, so many reasons I don't want kids. Does a career in finance sound interesting to you? Noooot at all. When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, but you also wouldn't catch me dead cooking beans. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? No. What’s something that’s been bothering you lately? I've been pushing it to the back of my mind to avoid panicking, so I probably shouldn't even talk about it, but I worry quite a bit that Girt will eventually leave me because of me not being "adult" enough, like having a job, a car, knowing how to do basic adult stuff... you know. I don't feel like he will, given just how devoutly he's been by my side since HS, and especially now that we're together, I'm working harder towards those goals, but still. I worry it'll happen. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? I've never had a severe one. What was the last show you binge-watched? Psych with Girt. I quite liked it. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What’s something that bothers you more and more as you get older? Political issues. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Girt. What is your favourite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Just your normal tomato sauce. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? ... In my bed. :x Do you think your ex ever loved you? Yes. Have you ever had a filling? For my teeth? Yes. Should tattoos be meaningful? Get a tattoo for whatever reason you please. It doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful, no. Do you think wisteria trees look cool? Get a wisteria tree. Do you like to eat strawberries? Get a strawberry. There doesn't need to be a big story. Do certain times of the year remind you of certain people? Yes. January is like... all about Jason in my head because within that month is his birthday and our former anniversary. Are there any negative points to being in a relationship? Uh, there's probably something. What the most recent good news you’ve heard? Just today actually I got a phone call about some genetic testing I had done to see if I carried the malfunctioning gene my mother has that makes her more prone to certain types of cancer. My sisters and I all got tested, and all three of us are good! Our pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer risks are the same as your average person walking down the street. Would you hug your bf/gf’s best friend? I don't know his best friend. I don't think I would upon just meeting him, though. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Mom wouldn't care less, while I don't really know about my dad. Not that it would matter what he thought. Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? NO NO NO NO NEVER DO THIS. I have to be mentally prepared for company. How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I really, really love him. It's funny how wildly my emotions flipped from platonic to romantic with him just by giving it some deep thought. How close are you to the last person you hung out with? Can you be your complete self around them? We're very close, and yes. I'm still extremely shy for him to know some things, but ultimately, I'd tell him a whole lot. Is music a daily part of your life? Usually, anyway. Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yes. Did you do anything sexual last night? Naw. Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? Doubt it, he's been in at least one serious relationship before. Ever want a monkey as a pet? I would absolutely fucking never, even if it was moral and possible to give them all they need as a pet. I've never been that into monkeys, anyway. What’s the scariest bug you’ve ever seen? I've seen a massive stag beetle at least once and it was such a fuck no. Do you think it’s alright if people baby talk to babies? Yes...? They're unfamiliar with the world and need gentleness to establish trust and a positive bond in general. There is nothing wrong with treating babies like, well, babies. Ever take a nap in a hammock? I don't believe I've ever fallen asleep in one, but I definitely used to just chill out and close my eyes on the one we used to have at my old place, under the shade of the trees. Who’s the best character in Rugrats? I don't have an opinion on this, surprisingly. I adored that show as a kid and had two video games for it. Pop-Tarts or Toaster Struddels? The latter. But both are tasty. Ever want to make out with someone, anyone, didn’t matter who? Er, no. I have to love you. Smack someone on the ass lately? This question is worded so uncomfortably lmao but no. Someone smack your ass lately? Still an uncomfortable question but no. Do you like puppies more than adult dogs? They're cute, but no. Adult dogs are generally calmer and actually know where to use the bathroom. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I plan on dyeing my hair for a loooong time if it's something extra I can afford. Is there a historical figure you find interesting? If so, who? The first person who came to mind was Pharaoh Hatshepsut. Girl power, man. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I guess maybe my dad having done serious drugs for a while. I don't know if anyone would've told me that as a kid. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? I've never vandalized, period. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? SPICY SHRIMP FRITAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS <3 What is in the back seat of your car right now? I have no idea what's in the back of Mom's car, actually. I don't pay attention. What was the last thing you threw up? I'd assume whatever I had for dinner with the medication that made me vomit. What color is your mom’s hair? Since chemo, it was growing back completely gray, so now she dyes it black. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? Yeah, no. Not even entertaining this. I'd rather die. If you swapped genders for a day, how would you spend it? Ha, it's weird, the first thing that came to mind was "how would I look in makeup?" because men in makeup can look like fuckin babes so I guess that's what I'm doing lmaooo. Have you ever been to see stand-up comedy? No, but I would. I think it sounds fun. Have you ever been in a submarine? No, but that'd be cool. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. I wish. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Ohio. Have you ever appeared on YouTube? lkajsd;lkfjae yes Have you ever planted a tree? An apple tree, yes. Which celebrity do you find the most annoying? I don't care. Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? She can animate pretty darn well! Have you ever written a song? Guys when I was a little kid I wrote a song to the Nintendogs theme fucking kill me Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? My grampa on Dad's side used to, but he's deceased now. He would do that for me and my sisters, and I always thought it was so wild, because it was like, a lot, and this man barely knew us at all because of how far away my dad's family is. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? No. Do you know anybody who has a birthday in November? I mean I'm sure I do, but no one off the top of my head that I know well, anyway. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? Ghostface bc I've been afraid of him since I was a kid, and I HATE knives. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know if I have a favorite. He's also just in so many movies though that I could never think of all of them. Have you ever been abused by a police officer? Yikes, no. Do you know anyone who is very ignorant? Boy, do I. I know plenty. When was the last time someone said something mean and offensive to you? I don't know, and I'd rather not try to remember. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? ?????????????????????????? NO????????????????????????? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT????????????????????????????????? Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight. Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier obvs, Rhett & Link are a pair channel, so I count them as one unit, and uhhh just one more... Snake Discovery/Emily & Ed. I could hang with them, man. What makes you more creative? Music. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? Yeah, one person. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? My sister Misty. She's making me this really cool Halloween-y wreath to keep on my door year-round. She's really good with crafts and is making some beautiful ones. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? I'd rather keep it private, but the general gist is just realizing how much I love someone again. Were you raised religious? Yes. Didn't stick. Never felt "right" or "at home" in any religion. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope I would. I feel like growing up poor, it could go either way. I do THINK I'd use it pretty wisely, at least. Maybe go a bit too hard into things I seriously love (like tattoos), but then be really stingy in other areas. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? In general, yes. My favorites are still all shades and tints of red. Got any nicknames that you rarely even use? Not nicknames I use nowadays, no. Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I’m fine being female. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Absolutely, because of how little I've accomplished. Based on your running speed, what animal would you be? Like, a tortoise probs. :^) Can you read in public? Only if it's quiet. Pokemon, Digimon, GI JOE, Barbies, or other? Pokemon, duh. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? Not having a job, to name one thing. Are you any good at science? I've always been really good at (most) science, actually. Like language arts, it's just something that naturally "clicks" for me. Do you go on any forums on the net? Just KM right now. Got any secrets you honestly can’t say to anyone? It's not that I can't, like I don't have any deep, dark secrets that would rock someone's world if they knew, there are just things I'm never sharing. Believe in voodoo? Nah. What’s something you’ve tried really hard at? To be a decently successful photographer, but let's not get me started on that travesty. :^)

[parasocialpod]

Buzz Feed, LMFT: Our New Marriage Counselor - Transcript

Follow along with the episode here if you’d like to!

Alex: If you haven't heard about Anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. It's free, there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer, and Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many more. You can even make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. It's everything that you need to make a podcast in one place. So download the free Anchor app, or go to anchor.fm to get started.  

[Intro music]

Alex: Hi, I'm Alex.

Nick: And I'm Nick.

Alex: And this is Ice Cream Parasocial, the podcast that talks about as many different topics as there are flavors of ice cream.

Nick: Hell yeah. Uh, so a couple of quick updates: We're now on Apple podcasts! So if you've liked the show so far, please go over there if you have the ability to, go over there give us a five star rating. If you hated it give us a one star rating, I guess. Let us know what we're doing awful. [laughs]

Alex: If you hated it, then give us a five star rating and tell us what we're doing awful.

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: Um, it's reverse psychology. It really... [laughs] it-it'll still work out really well.

Nick: Right, um, and just because there was a little bit of confusion when we did post that we were finally on Apple podcasts; We are also on Anchor, Spotify, Breaker, Google Podcasts, Overcast, Pocket Casts, Radio Public, and we'll soon be on Stitcher. I'm still waiting on them to get back to me about having us on there but I've submitted all of the info.  

Alex: And we also have um, transcripts up on Tumblr.

Nick: Oh yeah! That's right! You made a Tumblr, I forgot about that.

Alex: Yeah, so like check out any and all of those things that you would like. Uh... what if we just started doing the thing like, um, like Justin Bieber did promoting "Yummy"?

Nick: [Snorts, then cackles]

Alex: [Laughing] Just like, give us a five star rating on Apple Podcasts! Um, also download a VPN. [Laughs] Get us to the top of the charts. If you live in another country download a VPN and set it to the United States. Put us on repeat while you sleep. [Laughs]

Nick: Yeah. So, if you could just make a couple of different accounts on Spotify?

Alex: [Laughs]

Nick: You know, change your gender every single time, make it make sure that it seems like it's a totally different person and just totally fuck up our analytics. But it's fine.

Alex: Yeah, we appeal to everyone.

Nick: We appeal to everyone. Um... [laughs] [diabolically] Yummy!

Both: [Laughs]

Nick: Um... but, yeah we've been getting really, really good feedback so far. I'm so amazed that anybody is listening to this, and that anybody actually enjoys it.

Alex: Yeah, God, me too.

Nick: And I'm really amazed that people are saying the things that I wanted them to say, too.

Alex: Yeah. Honestly.

Nick: You know? 'Cause what I really wanted this to be was as if we were just kind of hanging out with people, y'know? I really wanted it to be that it was like we were just friends hanging out at somebody's house and just kind of like, talkin', and that's literally the feedback that I've gotten back is just like... "Oh yeah I listened to your podcast! It was so cool! It felt like you guys are just there chattin'," and I'm like, "Oh, yes!"

Alex: I know!

That made me so happy! And also I uh, in my most recent therapy session, I told my therapist about the podcast [laughs] and he really liked the name, and that bought me a lot of-- that was just like, a nice hit of dopamine, you know? [laughs]

Nick: I know, now every time that I hear somebody even say the word parasocial I'm like "That's my word!"

Alex: That's the word!

Nick: [laughs] Um, but yeah,,  episode sounds different-- hopefully it sounds better I put a lot of work into this, but, for the first couple of episodes we were in the closet and--

Alex: [laughs] For the first couple of episodes we were straight.

Both: [laughing]

Alex: Oh it's actually kind of fitting that we came out of the closet for this episode.

Right?

[laughing]

Nick: But yeah we've been sitting in the closet and Alex and I both have issues with heat and it was so hot. So, you may have noticed towards the end of the last couple of episodes where it just kind of started to fall apart, that was because we were starting to die of heat stroke. But now we're out in the living room. Um, hopefully there's not too too much noise. We live on our really busy street and it's a really straight street that people love to go drag racing on.

Alex: Yeah, when we first moved in, we would like make jokes about that and just be like "Ah, people are drag racing again!" And then I downloaded Nextdoor and it turns out that it's like a literal documented like legal issue.-- [laughs]

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: It was people like illegal street racing on our street. Which is hilarious, by the way, because I um I telecommute and I have a job that is traditionally downtown. None of my coworkers downtown have the audio issues that I do, and we live in like the suburbs.

Nick: Right.

Alex: But it's a delight.

Nick: Yeah. I just heard someone go by on the other street and it's just...

Alex: It's fine.

Nick: Like, I think we should probably, if somebody goes by, keep in one for this episode just so that you can like... understand.

Alex: So you know what we go through.

Nick: But also since we're out in the living room and not holded up in the closet, we've got all of our pets with us!

Alex: Yes!

Nick: And so, you might hear us yell at one of them or--

Both: [laughing]

Alex: Oh god.

Nick: Or you might hear somebody making some noise. We'll try to keep it out, but, you know. Um, I guess just so that you know who they are, if we say one of their names; we've got-- we've got four. We've got two dogs and two cats. The dogs are Winston and Roxie. Winston is a rough Collie and he's four years old now. Um, and he's the baby. Roxie is 10 and she's a beagle terrier mix--

Alex: And she is a, I dunno, like a 52 year old woman on the inside, perhaps?

Nick: Yeah. She's, she's a cranky old lady.

Alex: Yeah. Like I have a secret theory-- or not a secret theory. I have a theory that she was like body swapped.

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: Like she is in like a Disney movie or something and she was like a professional woman, or something. Except you ended up finding her and adopting her, and now she lives in Oregon and she can't get back home to her family, and she just said fuck it. Because she went--

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: She underwent like no character change like she was supposed to. Like her "Freaky Friday" did not work. [laughs]

Nick: That's... very accurate.

Um, and then the cats we've got Rupert who is... 17?

Alex: Damn near. Yeah, he's turning 17 this October.

Nick: Okay. Yeah, he was 13 for like three years. And then I finally pointed out to Alex that he had been 13 for a couple of years, so now I just don't know how old he is.

Alex: Yeah... yeah I had to pretty much look it up because he was named after like a "Survivor" contestant. So I had to like find out how old he was by looking up the "Survivor" contestant and like the season of "Survivor" that that person was on,

Nick: [laughing]

Alex: which was 2003, so. [laughs]

Nick: And then finally, we have Ony, who is also 10? 10 to 12.

Alex: [laughs] She's like um, she's like uh... KO from "O.K. KO"

Nick: [unintelligible]

Alex: [laughing] She's-- She's-- 5 to 11.

Nick: Yeah... she's an enigma. She's sleeping on the table here, and if we try to get her to get off she immediately jumps back up, so she's just here. If you hear snoring, it's her.

Alex: It's fine.

Nick: Well, if you hear snoring it's her or Roxie.

Alex: Or Winston.

Nick: Yeah, but Roxie snores like an old man.

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: She could be in a different apartment and you'd still hear [mimics loud snoring]

Both: [laughing]

Alex: Oh lord.

Nick: So those are our pets! If you hear us talking about them that's who they are. Um, hopefully they don't make too too much noise but also hopefully they do come and visit, because [chuckles]

Alex: Yeah, they're pretty cute!

Nick: I want them to come say hi. Um. But yeah, hopefully this episode sounds good because I really don't want to go back in the closet. [laughs]

Alex: Right. Out and proud, baby!

Nick: Says every queer person ever: [whining] "I don't wanna go back!"

Alex: Yeah, it's way more comfortable in the living room. I get to sit on the couch.

Nick: Right. I get to sit not on the floor. I think the floor was really fucking up my back like extra bad. But anyways, um, into what this episode actually is--

Alex: Yes!

Nick: Um...

Alex: So speaking of being out of the closet: Nick and I are married!

Nick: We are.

Alex: Surprise! [laughs]

Nick: Right. Uh, contrary to popular belief we are not brothers.

Alex: [groans]

Nick: Um, I really debated ever saying that in the podcast because I know in the future it's going to come back and bite me in the ass, but--

Alex: I know. Like please, if we ever become popular by any sort of like-- I am begging you, like this is like not a bit, like jokes leave the room.

Nick: Right.

Alex: [laughing] Please do not make that a meme.

Nick: Right. Please do not make it a meme that we're brothers. We're not. I hate it so much. [laughs]

Alex: I got contact lenses because people kept thinking we were related. Dude, I love wearing glasses, I hate contacts so much. And I got contact lenses when we lived in Indiana because people kept thinking we were brothers.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: That was like the only thing that stopped it.

Nick: Yeah! I don't know why!

Alex: It was fucked.

Nick: I'm just like... what, two white guys that are both five foot four and a little chubby can't also wear glasses and not be brothers? [laughs]

Alex: Right! Literally, it's like they just abhorred the thought of somebody being gay so much that their brain is just like "Oh God, Um, are you r-related?"

Nick: Yeah to the point that... um, I was with you for a doctor's appointment, and this lady in the elevator with us says nothing to us until she goes: "I've got twins at home!" And when I tell you I was confused--

[softly] Winston...

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: Now's not the time. [laughs]

He's literally looking at me like "What do you mean now is not the time to dig at the carpet? What the hell?"

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: Um but yeah so this lady looks at us as just like "I've got twins at a home!" And we both looked at her like "Oh that's nice. That's cool?"

Alex: "Good for you?"

Nick: I think that you, I think that you straight up were just like "Oh that-- that's cool. That's cool. Nice."

Alex: "Neat."

Nick: And then she looked at us and she was like "Oh! Are you, are you not twins?!" And we were just like [quietly] "Oh my fucking God."

Alex: [groans]

Nick: "A- brothers?" And we're like "No ma'am."

Alex: No ma'am.

Nick: And as she gets out of the elevator I'm like "We're married."

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: And she turned so red that she almost turned purple. I like, when I think about it I get mad because I'm like who goes up to people and like just fully assumes that they're twins to the point that like you don't even ask if they are?

Alex: Right! That you're just like "I've got twins at home!"

Nick: Right, but then like seeing her turn that dark dark red I'm just like I embarrassed her enough that I can't be mad about it, but also like are you kidding me right now?

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: But I think that now that I've got long hair and you've got short hair and... like,

Alex: We have very different fashion styles.

Nick: And we're-- I think that our fashion styles were starting to kind of become the same around that time, too. But now I'm kind of um edging back into a new goth phase, and you're like edging a lot more into like a kind of colorful more femme-y phase, people are like "Oh yeah no they're gay, I can tell."

Both: [laughing]

Alex: Oh, thank God. Like we're like every Tumblr post from like 2012 or whatever that was like,

Nick: Right!

Alex: I don't know like a like a probably haunted like black painted house next to like a pastel house

Nick: [laughing] Right?

Alex: And it's like get me a relationship like this! Like...

Both: [laughing]

Nick: Anyways! [ laughs]

Alex: Anyway!

Nick: That went off on a tangent and a half.

Alex: So our marriage [laughs]

Nick: So our marriage! Uh we're coming up on our two year anniversary. When this comes out, it'll be the day of or the day after, we're not totally sure.  Um... but, we're coming up on our two year wedding anniversary and our five year dating anniversary. So I think it's about time to find out if we're actually a good couple or not!

Alex: Right, And who better to ask than Buzzfeed and astrology.

Nick: Mhmm!

Alex: [laughs] Okay, just before we get canceled by the astrology crowd I am not knocking astrology, and I love it!

Nick: Oh yeah, absolutely. It's definitely one of those things that I make fun of because I love it so much, you know? Where it's just like that's how I show my love is that I make fun of things.

Alex: Yeah, just ask me.

Nick: Like I... [chuckles] That's just how it is, you know? Uh, I mean, now don't take that-- If I make fun of somebody that's like doing terrible things I'm not making fun of them because I love them I'm making fun of them because they're an asshole.

Alex: Oh yeah!

Nick: Um...

Alex: You can tell the difference.

Nick: You can, absolutely But for the most part I tend to make fun of things that I genuinely do love and I really do love astrology and tarot and all of that stuff I think that it's really neat. And I think that it is... it is something that I have gone to for guidance, being somebody that isn't um, strictly any kind of religious um... and it's definitely helped me get through some stuff. And so I feel like I have a right to make fun of it. [laughs]

Alex: Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely! Same here.

Nick: As someone that has spent hours and hours and hours reading things about it, very seriously. [laughs]

Alex: Yeah! Oh yeah, me too. As somebody that has definitely more than once called to you from the other room and been like "Fucking Astro Matrix has got me again! Who is spying on me at Astro Matrix?"

Nick: [whining] "The cards called me out!"

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: "God, can you believe that-- what this card just fucking said to me?"

Alex: [whining] "Baaaabe, God..."

Nick: Yeah, so our... our first quiz is uh gonna make or break our relationship. It's called "We know if you've cheated in your relationship based on how much you like these nail designs."

Alex: Alright, I am shaking.

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: 'Cause like personally, I know that I haven't. But apparently Buzzfeed knows more about me than I do, so like if I sleep walked or something...

Nick: [laughing] If you sleep cheated?

Alex: [laughing] If I sleep cheated or something, I'm going to find out!

Nick: I mean, let's be real, I'm a lot more likely to have sleep cheated.

Alex: Oh yeah, that's true. You do a lot of shit in your sleep.

Nick: I am so amazed that I haven't woken up outside before.

Alex: Yeah!

Nick: Because I will be in bed and wake up in the kitchen. And like... I-I-It's genuinely kind of scary sometimes where I'm just like-- I'll wake up not only in the kitchen, but halfway through a sandwich.

Alex: Yeah, like I can have a whole conversation with you sometimes.

Nick: Yeah! Like I'll walk out of the bedroom and you'll still be awake doing something, and you'll just be like "Hey hon. What's going on?" And I'll say something. And then the next morning you'll be like "Oh yeah like we talked about that thing last night!" I'm like "No we fucking did not!"

Alex: [chuckling] You did not talk to ME about it.

Nick: Right!

Alex: You talked to whatever entity occupies my body after I fall asleep, but...

Nick: Right! I'm just like I know that I have bad memory, but it's not that bad. And we did not speak last night, I passed out at this time and then I was done. You're just like "N-n-no, you woke up at 2:00 AM and started talking jibberish." And I'm like "No I didn't."

Alex: "You started speaking in tongues, and I--"

Both: [laughing]

Nick: Um... but yeah. So I am a lot more likely if-- if sleep cheating's a thing I probably have done it. And I guess Buzzfeed is about to tell me if I've sleep cheated.

Alex: All right, let's find out.

Nick: [chuckles] So, what it says: "Our rules are simple. Use the sliding scale to rate each nail look. Thumbs down emoji means you really dislike the design, shrugging emoji means you neither hate it or love it, and 2 fire emojis mean that you absolutely love it."

Alex: All right!

Nick: Um... so the very, very first one is short, square nails that are painted like an off white?

Alex: Yeah, kind of like a matte.

Nick: Yeah, like a matte off white. I like them.

Alex: I'm... kind of into them, I-- Hmm, I don't know. I wouldn't really use them for myself so I'm going to put like a little bit-- I don't know I'm going to say maybe like 45%.

Nick: [chuckles] Okay. Nails... Nail set number 2! Is another short kind of boxy cut and they've got what is it like Chevron? Chevron, yeah?

Alex: Yeah, I'd say that that's like Chevron.

Nick: Okay, cool. So yeah, so it's like a Chevron pattern and there's a turquoise triangle and then like a purple-y one and then a pink one. And then the index and pinky fingers are both gold with sparkles on top of the turquoise triangle. [quietly] I don't like it.

Alex: I really like these.

Nick: [snorts] I can tell that a lot of work went into them, so I appreciate them, but I don't like them.

Alex: Yeah this was absolutely a look that I would very much wear. I'm going to say like full like 90%, I like them a lot.

Nick: Yeah I'm at like 40%, I think. 'Cause I appreciate the hard work that went into it. Like it's very well done,

Alex: Mhmm!

Nick: But I just don't like the colors.

Alex: That is totally fair.

Alright, number three: We've got kind of like lengthier nails with kind of like an oval tip, perhaps?  Um that's kinda like a French manicure, maybe?

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: Um... where the bottom is kind of like a natural, like the nail, nail is kinda like a natural kind of pinky color. And then the like manicure tip is um kind of like an oceanic sort of vibe um kind of like almost a shell pattern? It's pictured next to some shells and it's like blue and purple.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: I don't really like these very much.

Nick: Yeah, this is another one where I'm like I can tell that a lot of work went into this but I just don't like it. But I like it better than the last ones.

Alex: That's so funny. Yeah I am going to go for like 20% because I feel like a lot of work went into them but I--I don't know.

Nick: I just do not vibe.

Alex: I just do not vibe with these very much. This does not pass the vibe check.

Nick: Yeah, I'm like a little bit over halfway with it. I'm just like, I... I can see why somebody would like them, but I don't.

Alex: That's fair!

Nick: Uh, the next one is that Stiletto? Stiletto nail? Th--The sharp-y one?

Alex: Yeah I'd say--

Nick: The sharp-y one. [chuckles] Um and it's that same kind of French tip thing where there's a natural on the nail, and then... the-- it's honestly a lot like the last one,

Alex: Mhmm!

Nick: But it's a little bit more of a turquoise blue and it's a stiletto nail.

Alex: Yeah... I don't know what's so different about this one that it's like doing it for me?

Nick: Right, I like this one a lot more.

Alex: I'm gonna go like 75%, I liked this guy.

Nick: Yeah, I'm about the same.

Alex: [quietly] Ooh, I like these motherfuckers!

Nick: Oh, the next ones?

Alex: Yeah It's kinda like a um, sorta like a grass pattern. It's like a kind of like a matte white base with various colors of green stripes painted over them, sort of like a grass texture.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: I really like these shits. I'm going to go like fully 90%. I would rock these.

Nick: Yeah, they're... it--It's really frustrating because up close I really, really like it, but I can definitely see it being a little bit further away and looking God awful.

Alex: Oh that's a good point

Nick: So I'm at like 75%.

Alex: That's a good point. Yeah, I'm going to knock it down too. 'Cause I feel like now that I think about holding them like, at arm's length I'm like Oh that might look not... fabulous.

Nick: Right... [chuckles] hashtag not fab!

Alex: Hashtag not fab.

Nick: What if we just... What if we started just a nail podcast--

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: where we just described nails and we just either "These are hashtag fab" or "These are hashtag not fab"

Alex: [laughs] A nail podcast except we never actually learn any of the like technical terms. And it's like exactly this level of skill.

Both: [laughing]

Alex: It's just like "I don't know It's like a nail, and it's kind of square on the end."

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: "Uh..."

Nick: Just "Ah, this--these ones are like they're like long but they're not too long... um, and they're like.... [sighs] you know?"

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: "I'm going to say that they're hashtag not fab. Next!" [laughs]

Alex: "Next!"

That's so funny.

Nick: Uh, so the real next one is a squared off long nail and it's orange and it has black and white speckles towards the base of the nail except for the pinky nail where it goes all the way up. I feel like they'd be cool for Halloween?

Alex: Yeah...

Nick: But nothing else.

Alex: Yeah... 'cause I feel like I like it for this specific shot. But then I think about having them and it gives me a little panic attack thinking about doing anything practical.

Nick: Yeah, they're just beyond that length of practicality.

Alex: Yeah. Where it's like I'm not one of those people that's like I would never wear anything that's like impractical but it's like they're not cute enough for me to [chuckles] to commit to that. So I'm going to go like full middle, I think.

Nick: Yeah, I'm a little bit below the middle.

Alex: This next look is just straight up gold nails, and I do this look a lot. So I'm going to go like full a hundred percent 'cause that'd be a hypocrite if I didn't. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah. I'm at like 90 I, I think that they're really classic but they're also very shiny.

Alex: They're very shiny.

Nick: I feel like... so the way that this picture is taken is the person is holding gold tinsel, and it's just a lot of gold like that. So I feel like seeing it with the outfit that the person was wearing might make it-- might make me feel a little better? It also just the way that that it's painted looks like these nails got photo-shopped on--

Alex: Yeah it kinda does!

Nick: Which also makes me feel like... or like they did um face tuning to their nails 'cause there's no wrinkles.

Alex: [laughing] Oh God. Yeah, you've got a good-- ugh.

Nick: [quickly] Moving on! Uh,

Alex: [disgusted] Oh, mm... mm-mm.

Nick: Okay These next ones are elaborate

Alex: These are fucking rad! And 100%. I love it. You don't have I mentioned the thing where I'm just like I won't ever necessarily be like "Oh yeah these are impractical, so I wouldn't do it. And it has to be like cool as hell for me to commit to that." This is-- this is that. 'Cause it's like um it's kind of almost like frosted glass cause it's not quite matte and not quite glossy but it's sort of like...

Nick: The base is white, and there's like a yellow half circle at the base of the fingernail, And then it's got that-- It's a short stiletto cut.

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: Um, and th-the tip of it is blue it's another, it's another turquoise one. And then there's a bunch of rhinestones in the middle with a bunch of little decorations on them.

Alex: Kind of like a clockwork-y sort of design kind of like a clockwork sort of gemstone...

Nick: Yeah!

Alex: Sorta look.

Nick: And this one's clearly like very intricate, and I very much appreciate it.

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: So I'm also going with like 100%. This is awesome.

Alex: Dope.

Nick: I'm really mad at how serious we're being about this. Just like "Oh no no no listen."

Alex: I know! Like I kind of forgot about like what the quiz was about...

Nick: [laughing] I know!

Alex: Now I'm just like in it I'm like "Oh fuck yeah"

Nick: Just "Mm yeah, these nails are not fab."

Alex: These nails? Not fab.  

Nick: THESE nails? Hashtag fab.

Alex: Hashtag fab!

Nick: [chuckles] Um, the next ones... they have a lot going on.  

I don't like them.

Alex: I would like them if the... okay. So, it's kind of like a... the base, base of most of the nails are kind of like a baby pink. Um, and there's like a gold accent across the pinky middle and index finger with like the kind of is like a gold ring almost.

Nick: Mhmm.

Alex: Um and like a light like kind of almost muddy baby blue on the tip of the index and pinky finger. The middle finger is the same baby pink, and then the um ring and thumb are just sort of like a cacophony.

Nick: Yeah! They kind of look like--

Alex: It's like a grandma's couch.

Nick: Yeah! Like a really old like not Rattan couch, but like... woven couch?

Alex: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Nick: It looks like an old grandma couch on the thumb and the ring finger. Almost every single finger has a different pattern slash color on it, and it's just-- it's a lot.

Alex: Yeah... like I feel like there's something that's just like oddly stressful to me about this. And it's like, if every finger had a different texture, I would like it. If every finger like had the same texture, I would like it. But since it's so different in every aspect like even in the aspect of them all not being different like I'm like "Oh, I hate this. I hate this so much."

Nick: But it's frustrating because I can tell a lot of work went into it, but I hate it. So it just doesn't matter, because I hate it.

Alex: Yeah, same.

Nick: Um, the next one is short square cut nails um with a white background and painted on top on the middle finger is a little flamingo, and on the ring and pointer finger are some leaves and then the thumb and pinky are just plain white.

Alex: These are cute!

Nick: Yeah! I really like these. Like, it's another one where like from further away I can see them getting really muddied and kind of awkward looking. But these are nails that are very, very clearly not meant to be looked at from far away, because they're so detailed and so um, tiny.

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: So, I still love them. This is so cool.

Alex: Yeah! I'm going with like an 85% 'cause like I definitely agree... No I'm going with like 90%.

Nick: Yeah I went with like 90, too.

Alex: Cause I feel like unlike the other ones um, which I feel like would kind of get muddy from a distance, these ones if you were like at a distance you could see that they were like something.

Nick: Right.

Alex: Whereas the other ones I might be like " Oh did you draw on yourself a little bit?"

Nick: [chuckles] "Oh what happened there, buddy?"

Alex: Yeah... Aww, these are kind of cute!

Nick: Oh, I think these  are really cute!

Alex: These are pretty cute, yeah.

Nick: Uh, so it's a clear base and each nail has a different part of a pink flower on it, with a little bit of green leaves. And it looks like the middle and ring fingers have the same picture but like cut in half, and then the other fingers have little buds of the flower on them...

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: And if this was hand painted then like I'm going to lose my mind, that's so cool. So I'm going to pretend that it's hand painted, because I don't want to break my own heart.

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: So I'm giving it like 100%. It's two full flames.

Alex: I don't know, I just don't really like the clear bases very much.

Nick: That's, that's very fair. I understand that.

Alex: Oh yeah, I don't like this next one.

Nick: Which is so funny, because I kind of do.

Alex: I wonder which one of us cheated. [laughs]

Nick: Right! So the next one is um a pretty matte c-- almost clear base. It's one of those where it's not quite clear but it's meant to look clear. Um... and they're short nails and they have black french tips, and then on the middle and pinky finger-- this is the part that I don't like, at the very base there's like a half circle filled in with black. And that kind of just like it's like you got a bruised finger.

Alex: Yeah, that looks like you have an infection.  

Nick: I think that without those, I would like it a lot more.

Alex: Me too.

Nick: But because it has those

I'm going a little bit below the middle.

Alex: I'm like full thumbs down I hate that.

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: It makes me so uncomfortable.

Nick: That is understandable. The next one is sparkly silver. They're kind of they're, they're not super long but they're just little bit long.

Alex: These are very party city to me.

Nick: They are very party city. And this is another one where it looks like they photo-shopped her fingers to not have any wrinkles on them. [laughs]

Alex: Yeah! What is with the sparkle nails?

Nick: That, that one gets a thumbs down, I don't like that one.

Alex: Yeah, this gets a thumbs down from me.

Nick: That one makes me uncomfortable.

Alex: Yeah, and I don't-- Okay. Again, I don't have anything wrong with like cheap shit I got my gold nail polish for like $2, I think. But I just do not like this like aesthetic very much.

Nick: No...

Alex: I kinda like these next ones, kind of into them. Because it's sort of like a traditional set of like red nails where the... index finger and pinky finger are um, kind of inverse colored from one another. one of them is black background white polka dots, one of them is white background black polka dots.

Nick: Yeah, I really like this one because it's cohesive.

Alex: Yeah I like this a lot.

Nick: The other ones where there were different designs on different nails, weren't super cohesive. But I feel like having most of the nails be that, that classic cherry red and then having a couple of um... stand out nails that are black and white I--I think that that looks really nice so that one's getting like a hundred percent from me, I love it.

Alex: Yeah, me too. These next ones I'm... into, but I feel like these are the nails that are gonna mean I cheated.

Nick: [ snorts]

Alex: I don't know why, I just am getting that vibe.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah, well, the thing is I don't like these nails.

Alex: Oh!

Both: [laughing]

Nick: Uh, so, they're square cut just a little bit longer than the fingertips and they're pink?

Alex: They're like super pink.  

Nick: And then they've got black tips.

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: And then--

Alex: Kind of like a gold cuticle.

Nick: Yeah, like a gold cuticle. I don't like the cuticle.

Alex: That's fair.

Nick: That's the part that just loses me, is when it's just that like little half circle just above the cuticle.

Alex: That's fair. Yeah, like it loses a few points for me for that...

Nick: And so I'm at like 20% it's almost a thumbs down, but not quite.

Alex: That's fair I feel like if it were brighter I would like it more, but just like... it's just another thing where it looks a little infected. Uh so I'm gonna give it like 60%.

Um and then our very last one!

Nick: Oh yeah.

Alex: Home stretch! We've got a pink index nail, a purple pinky nail, and a marbled pink purple white and black and kind of like gray Uh middle finger and ring finger. I really like this, I think that's cute.

Nick: I'm pretty-- I'm straight up in the middle about it. I think it's fine. I don't hate it I don't love it, it just is.

Alex: That is fair. These kind of give me a lot of like 2012 vibes.

Nick: Yeah, I think that that's kind of why I'm like "Eh, it's fine" is 'cause it definitely gives me like almost 10 year old fashion vibes

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: Um... and I'm just like eh it's not really for today, but I've definitely seen people with those nails.

Alex: Yeah. These nails are like a C plus for me, y'know.

Nick: Yeah. Are we ready to find out who cheated?

Alex: Alright. Okay.

Nick: Three,

Alex: Two,

Both: One.

Alex: [ laughs]

Nick: What'd you get?

Alex: " You've absolutely cheated before."

Nick: [Cackles] You motherfucker!

Alex: " Wow! The truth has come out [chuckles]. Based on your nail choices, we can say with absolute certainty that you have been dipping your toe outside the relationship."

Nick: [Snorts, then laughs]

Alex: [Holding back laughter] "We won't even ask for the juicy details, but just know that we know. Now-- [laughs] now, you might as well share this with your significant other to find out if they're guilty as well. Don't worry. We're right here for you."  So, how about you?

Nick: I... am so fucking mad at you. How could you do this to me?

Alex: [Laughing] Oh no.

Nick: How could you do this to us? [Sighs dramatically] I... have not cheated.

Alex: [ Laughs]

Nick: Ph...physically. [Mumbles] I haven't physically cheated.

Alex: [ Snort-laughs]

Nick: But they say that I've probably cheated emotionally.

Alex: That's so specific! [Laughing]

Nick: Yeah, that's literally what it says. "You haven't physically cheated, but you've probably cheated emotionally. Alright, so you've never done super sneaky things in a relationship. But you're definitely far from being wholesome."

Alex: What?! [Wheezing]

Nick: "In fact-- [chuckles] In fact, to some people you've committed the ultimate crime, worse than physical cheating: emotional cheating. But maybe you're a changed person now, and you're acting right. Or maybe not *squints eyes*. I don't even know what to say, but now I know your secret."

Alex: Oh my God!

Nick: So I guess we've both at least a little bit cheated.

Alex: Apparently. So we're on even...ish?

Nick: [Laughs]

Alex: Ground.

Nick: We're on even-ish ground, but we probably shouldn't be together.

Both: [ Laughing]

 Nick: Um, well... I guess since uh, since we're leaving each other, it's time to do the Buzzfeed quiz of "Tell Me How You Like to Brunch, and I'll Tell You the Type of Romantic Partner You Need" since we're going to be moving on from eachother now.

Alex: No, we're not moving on!

Nick: Oh, okay. Well--

Alex: We'll just-- this is how we know what, uh, we need to be like, so that we won't need to cheat on each other anymore.

Nick: Oh okay. This is who we need to become.

Alex: This is who we need to become [chuckles].

Nick: So that we can stay together?

Alex: So that we can stay together. Cause like, we're quarantining together. So like, we can't go anywhere.

Nick: I have a car.

Alex: Oh yeah, I guess you're right.

Nick: I don't have a job, but I have a car.

Alex: Yeah, that's a good point.

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: So the first one: "Let's start easy. When are you going to brunch? Saturday, Sunday, both days, or during the week?"

Alex: During the week, are you kidding me?

Nick: Uh yeah same, I don't go anywhere on the weekend.

Alex: Fuck the weekend, dude.

Nick: I hate weekends. I hate how many people are out. Even before... everything went down with pandemic shit.

Alex: Oh, yeah.

Nick: I hated the weekends.

Alex: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And like... obvious, but like, this is outside of COVID times. We would not go to brunch at all during...

Nick: No.

Alex: Cause, if this was during COVID times, and this is brunch at home which is any time I feel like it.

Nick: Right. I think we're literally planning on having brunch for dinner tonight, so.

Alex: Literally.

Nick: It's all good.

Alex: Vegan French toast. Vegan challah French toast. Homemade challah. What's up.

Nick: That's right. I'm so excited.

Alex: I know, me too.

Nick: Okay, we need to get this done.

Alex: Yes.

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: Uh... "What time are you going to brunch? As soon as the restaurant opens, around 11:00 AM, around 1:00 PM, or around 3:00, that's still brunch, right?"

Alex: Um... I feel like we're either the type of people that we're like-- or I guess like we were doing this like, independently.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: Yeah, I feel like I prefer like, as soon as the restaurant opens, again because people.

Nick: Right. I... I don't like waking up that early. So, I'm going to say 1:00, cause I feel like that's usually when people start to kinda stop being there, like it's right before lunch rush.

Alex: That is a good point.

Nick: So I'm going to go with that. "Are you getting anything to drink?"

Alex: Mmm.

Nick: "Mimosas, maybe an alcoholic drink, coffee, tea, et cetera, or 'I'll stick with water?'"

Alex: Coffee, tea, et cetera.

Nick: Uh, I'm going to stick with water. Water is great. That's how you can tell that you're a real adult, is when you choose water.

Alex: Water is great, but also, if they have like, a fancy coffee?

Nick: Oh yeah, I guess if they have a fancy coffee.

Alex: Yeah. If they have like a fancy coffee or like complimentary coffee.

Nick: Mmmmm.

Alex: Either end of the coffee scale.

Nick: Yeah, okay, I'm going to go with coffee, you got me.

Alex: [Chuckles]

Nick: Uh, "What are you ordering from the menu? Something very breakfast related like eggs, toast, granola, et cetera, something more hearty like steak, ham, et cetera, uh, something light like a salad, or honestly a combination of things".

Alex: Ah... I'm going to go very breakfast related, I think.

Nick: Yeah, I feel like every time that I have quote unquote brunch it's really just late breakfast.

Alex: Oh yeah, same.

Nick: And so it really confuses me when people do, uh, literally anything else. I'm like, it's breakfast!

Alex: Right?

Nick: Bitch!

Alex: I'm just like, why would you go to brunch and order lunch?

Nick: Right? Just go to lunch.

Alex: Right? Like, just go to lunch!

Nick: [Laughs]

Alex: If you go to brunch and get a salad, I'm sorry, we cannot-- I guess we can be friends, like, eh, dietary habits are whatever, but just know that you are weak.

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: Uh, "Pick a food that speaks to your soul." Uh, there's a picture of... eggs on toast and... potatoes?

Alex: It looks like some mozzarella and like uh... some like fresh mozzarella... and like a...

Nick: I dunno, it's not that important.

Alex: Eh, it's some potatoes.

Nick: Um, and then there's an omelet, and then there's pancakes, and then there's one for the alcoholics: "none of these, bring me more drinks".

Alex: These pancakes...

Nick: Yeah, those pancakes look really good. And also... I'm vegan. [chuckles]

Alex: [ Snorts] Uh, yeah. I'm vegan...??

Nick: So the eggs... I don't-- well, I guess that there are vegan eggs.

Alex: Yeah. Like, you could imagine that they're vegan. Or like whatever the vegan equivalent might be.

Nick: Mmmm.

Alex: Like a tofu scramble, or something. Or not a tofu scramble, but like, you know.

Nick: Yeah. In that case, I'm going to go with the first one that's got potatoes and stuff, actually. I don't like having that much sugar.

Alex: Yeah, that's fair.

Nick: Um... "How sacred is brunch to you?" Uh, I don't care about any of these answers. That-- I don't give a shit. It's fine.

Alex: [Laughs]

Nick: Brunch is cool. That's the answer that I...

Alex: Brunch is a great experience.

Nick: Brunch is cool. And that was the last one. And so I got: "you need someone who likes to laugh".

Alex: Yeah!

Nick: So I guess that is you.

Alex: We made it!

Nick: [Laughs]

Alex: I got... "someone who communicates".

Nick: Mm. Alright, I do my best.

Alex: Yeah. You communicate!

Nick: [Chuckles]

Alex: Hell yeah. Alright!

Nick: And so I guess we're back on being like, alright, we're fine.

Alex: We're fine.

Nick: We've forgiven the cheating.

Alex: We've forgiven.

Nick: Because this other quiz says that we're right for each other.

Alex: Yeah. Exactly. And now it's going to guess our relationship status based on how we can complete words.

Both: [Snort-laughing]

Nick: Complete this word: "space A-L-L"

Alex: "Fall, ball, or call?" Ball! All day.

Nick: I'm saying fall. Um...

Alex: [Chucking]

Nick: Complete this word: "space A-N". I'm saying ba--... oh, they don't have "ban". Uh. Damn.

Alex: [Laughing] Your block-happy ass.

Nick: Yeah, my block happy ass.

Alex: Ban! Ahh.

Nick: I-- I keep seeing people on Twitter, like people that-- I'll go to block somebody, uh, that's just being a dick on Twitter not even to me but to somebody else, and I'm just like... "I don't want this person to interact with me in the future". And I'll go to their profile to block them, and in their bio there will be something that says "blocking's for pussies." And I'm like, all right, well... I guess I am!

Alex: Right! Exactly!

Nick: Bye! I'm just like I would so much rather not have to ever deal with you than, like. I'm just like... do you really think that it affects me, that you of all people are calling me a pussy?

Alex: Exactly!

Nick: [Laughs] Cause guess what? Now I don't have to hear you anymore. [Snorts]

Alex: For real! Like, now I don't have to hear what you have to say. That's cool. [Laughs] Now I don't have to hear what you have to say, and I know that Megan thee Stallion loves me. So.

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: Right.

Alex: Um... B-A: Bag, Bad, or Bat?

Both: Bat.

Alex: L space G:

Both: Leg.

Alex: [Chuckles] --Lag, or Log. Leg.

Nick: Space E-A-D.

Alex: Dead!

Nick: Dead!

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: Space E-L-L.

Both: Hell.

Alex: Fight!

Nick: Fight! [Chuckles] This one--

Alex: Space "ight".

Nick: That one was space I-G-H-T. Fight!

Alex: [Laughs] Space O-G.

Nick: Dog.

Alex: Hog.

Nick: Oh I accidentally clicked on fog! No! Fuck! [Clicking noises] Alright. Well.

Alex: [Laughing] What did you get?

Nick: Not even interested in dating right now.

Alex: Same. Which I guess is technically true? [Laughing]

Nick: I... yeah. I'm not interested in dating. [Chuckles]

Alex: I'm not interested in dating. I am married.

Nick: Right? [laughs]

Alex: I am not dating! [laughs]

Nick: Like, those things aren't mutually exclusive, but I'm not interested in dating right now.

Alex: Right!

Nick: You think I want to go be, uh, within 20 feet of another human? Fuck no!

Alex: Right. Like, I'm good with being within 20 feet of you and that's all.

Nick: Yeah. But no closer.

Alex: Everyone else, do not interact in person.

Nick: [Chucking] Yeah.

Alex: You may interact otherwise, please, God.

Both: [Laughing]

Nick: Alright. And then the last Buzzfeed quiz that we've got is: "Which Zodiac Sign Are You Most Compatible With?"

Alex: Alright!

Nick: Um.

Alex: So, we're hoping for different answers on this one.

Nick: Yeah. We're hoping for different answers on this one. I am a Leo, but I'm technically on the Leo-Virgo cusp, so.

Alex: And you are very... if you look up Leo-Virgo cusp traits, it's all Nick.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: Cause I know you're Leo-Virgo cusp sun, and then for whatever reason I remember your rising sign but not your moon sign.

Nick: [Snort-laughs]

Alex: So that's fucking weird. I think you're Libra rising, and then Scorpio... right. Er-- Scorpio rising. Libra moon. That's right.

Nick: I... I'm proud of you, because I don't know that shit.

Alex: [Laughs]

Nick: Um. So the first  question: "Which trait do you find the least tolerable: jealousy, impatience, pessimism, laziness, sensitivity, or secrecy?"

Alex: The least tolerable...

Nick: Uh, for me it's secrecy. I hate secrets, I hate not being in the loop. It gives me so much anxiety.

Alex: That is fair! Um I would say like... ugh. That's hard. This is hard! Uh... jealousy? Maybe? Sure.

Nick: That's fair.

Alex: Yeah. "How do you deal-- er, how do you react when conflict arises: try to play peacemaker, become upset and anxious, choose a side and jump to their defense, play both sides, join the conflict, or remain neutral?"

Nick: Um... For me it depends on the conflict? But typically I do, I will become upset and anxious, I'm not going to lie.

Alex: [Chuckles] Literally, me too.

Nick: Yeah. Which is why we just... we don't get into conflicts, because it's just, it's not worth it. Cause we both just kind of "uh I don't know!"

Alex: Right? Like, that's why we communicate.

Nick: Right.

Alex: Both because it's healthy, and also because [chuckles] I hate conflict so much. [Laughs]

Nick: Right. Absolutely.

Alex: "What was your favorite school subject: Math, English, Art, P.E., History, or Science?"

Nick: Man, I don't remember. That was a long time ago. I know it wasn't P.E.--

Alex: [Chuckles] Right? Fuck.

Nick: --and I know it wasn't History. But all of the rest of them were about the same.

Alex: Um... I feel like I always started off really strong in English but then they'd get really disappointed in me for not turning shit in, cause they expect you to turn shit in, so probably Art.

Nick: Yeah, that's super fair.

Alex: Cause all of the rest of them kind of never started off very strong, necessarily? Except maybe History so I'll say Art. I usually did well in Art.

Nick: I'm gonna say Math because I-- until the higher levels that I started doing in like, junior and senior year of high school, I didn't have to try.

Alex: That's fair.

Nick: So, that was probably my favorite thing, cause I didn't even have to...

Alex: [Chuckles]

Nick: Um... "How do you show affection: physical contact, grand gestures, playful mocking--"

Alex: [Laughs]

Nick: "--meaningful words, unspoken loyalty, or 'I hate showing affection'?" Mine is... I'm between playful mocking and unspoken loyalty.

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: Cause I've definitely been described as loyal, but also... I started this episode saying that when I love things I make fun of them.

Alex: Yeah, like, actively. [Laughs]

Nick: Yeah. I'm gonna go with playful mocking.

Alex: Yeah. I would say... man, I really wish that this was more of like a languages of love thing.

Nick: Mhmm.

Alex: Cause grand gestures isn't the exact thing, but I feel like I like doing the uh... fuck. What's it called? It's like--

Both: Acts of service?

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: But I guess outside of that... like... I guess that would be like, the loyalty thing maybe? Or maybe... I guess, meaningful words is probably the next highest one that I would find on this list.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: Cause I talk a lot. [Snorts] Talk a lot of shit.

Nick: [Laughs] "Which of these is most important in your day to day life: being organized, being creative, being liked, being right, being the center of attention, or being independent?" Hmm. For me, I would probably say being creative. I feel like that's the most important thing for me to be able to do.

Alex: Yeah Cause I'm in between creative and independent. I would say probably like, creative.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: "What is your favorite genre of film: comedy, horror, romance, musical, documentary, or thriller?"

Nick: Uh, mine's a comedy a hundred percent.

Alex: Oh yeah, that's fair.

Nick: Like, I also feel like I really love it when comedy bleeds into other ones?

Alex: Mhmm!

Nick: Like, that's my favorite is like, comedy hybrids.

Alex: Oh yeah, same. Yeah, I think I'm going to go with comedy, because I feel like every other kind of genre of movie that I like has to have some element of comedy for me to like it? Because I feel like-- quick side tangent-- Um, I feel like that is the best way for me to end up actually like, having some sort of stake in your characters. 'Cause I'm the type of person that I really like like, art house shit too. And, you know, I really like horror and thrillers and everything. But I'm not going to care about your characters If I haven't laughed with them at all!

Nick: Right.

Alex: Like, that's why I really like like, dark comedies and stuff and like, art house comedies I guess, is just because it's just like, you know, you get like all the emotion and the shit behind it but also like.... the reason that you feel those things isn't just because you've seen this person go through tragedies for like two hours. It's because you care about them and you think that they're fun. [Chuckles]

Nick: Right. Because you've gotten that kind of laughter bonding with them, where it's just like you can watch somebody go through literal just hell for a couple of hours but... and feel bad for them. But you don't feel that same level of bad as you do if you were able to, y'know, laugh at some jokes that they made as well and really bond with them.

Alex: Oh yeah! Hello, BoJack Horseman.

Nick: Right.

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: Uh, what would you rather be doing on a Saturday? Partying, museum tour, hiking, catching up on sleep, shopping, or Netflix marathon? I'm most likely to be catching up on sleep... but I would rather have a Netflix marathon, I think. I'd rather watch some TV.

Alex: I know I'm such a fucking Oregon ass adult I hate this shit so much. 'Cause I saw that-- Well I guess we're talking about a Saturday.

Nick: Yeah.

Alex: Oh yeah, 'cause before I thought too hard about Saturday I was going to say museum tour or hiking. Um, I'm still gonna say hiking 'cause you can go somewhere remote to hike. But outside of that, I feel like my second thing would probably be like Netflix marathon. If it were-- if we're talking like a Wednesday though, it's definitely a museum tour. [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, absolutely.

Alex: Fuckin' love museums, dude.

Nick: Also I just for a second I got a big ad... oh it just came back! [laughs] It knew that I was thinking about it! But it's this big ad that takes up like a third of the screen and it's Mr. Beast,

Alex: Ah?

Nick: But it's a really really awful picture of Mr Beast, um that's like just like it's clearly just cut out of one of his videos, where they like went around in photoshop and cut out a screenshot of him. He's like halfway through speaking.

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: And so his mouth is making a weird shape because he's saying a word and it's for Honey. And it was just like "Need a coupon? Mr. Beast fans save more!" And I'm like...

Alex: [quietly laughs]

Nick: Oh my God, are we really at a point where like... YouTubers are the face of things like that? And we're just using like a shitty JPEG?

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: Just like "Hey you know Mr. Beast, right?" "Yeah." "He, he endorses us. Did you know that? Did you, did you know that... that is just is Mr. Beast enough for you to-- for you to finally download Honey?" Even though I have Honey downloaded right now.

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: I'm like if they had a better picture of him, it wouldn't have like shocked me so much. But it's clearly like just a screen grab from one of his videos, and I'm like...

Alex: [laughing] It's like 140p, just like...

Nick: Yeah! I'm like did you ask him, if you could? 'Cause I feel like he could send you a better picture, guys.

Alex: We stole Mr. Beast's face, and--

Nick: Right! I'm like, does he know that you're doing this? [laughs]

Anyways...

Alex: Oh boy.

Nick: Uh... what could you spend hours talking about?

Alex: All.

Nick: The answers are TV and movies, conspiracy theories, real life gossip, my feelings, politics, and the meaning of life. Um, I'm going to go ahead and out myself and just say real life gossip. I--

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: I hate that I do it, but... it's just so easy to just talk shit, for so long. Even though I know that a lot of the people that I talk shit about, I'm not that much better than.

Alex: [chuckles]

Nick: [extremely close to the mic] However,

Alex: Listen...

Nick: it's so much fun. And like, I know that I need to stop. And one day I might, but for right now...

Alex: [chuckles] Let me live this moment.

Nick: Just being honest, I could spend hours gossiping about anything. [laughs]

Alex: That is absolutely fair. I feel like I am showing so much of my ADHD ass...

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: 'Cause I'm just like we would have a conversation that involves all six of these things that lasts two minutes. [laughs]

Nick: Right!

Alex: I guess out of these things the thing that I would probably easily spend the most time talking about, without getting burnt out too fast, would be... Also potentially gossip.

Nick: [snort laughs]

Alex: Because I started to say politics, but I feel like politics I burn out real fast, and then I have to switch to something else. But then I go back to it.

Nick: Yeah, especially today's politics that are just so like "I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about people."

Alex: Right!

Nick: Like that's all politics is right now. I'm not going to get into this on the podcast right now, but like I don't know how to explain to people that they just should care about other people. And that's all politics is right now It's just like I don't-- How do you not understand that you should care about other people? And you can only say that so many times before it's like you just feel like you've drilled a hole in your head. Just like... I just, that's all I can say. [frustrated laughter] You know?

Alex: Yeah... like it's one of those things where, as a quick side tangent; In my most recent therapy session, it was so funny because I was talking about like-- I had surgery recently, I'm good! Um, but I have like a weight restriction for like lifting things. And I was talking about how I'm like away from work right now because of that. And about how it's also been really nice, because I haven't been talking about as much like heavy shit because my job involves talking about a lot of heavy shit, and some of that is like politics and like current events related. Um, just because a lot of it is like staying in-the-know for work. Uh, and it was so funny because my therapist noted something about like having a weight restriction like where it's like I can't lift things that are more than 10 pounds and also [starts laughing] I can't talk about shit--

Both: That's too heavy.

Nick: That's really funny.

Alex: What is more like-- or what is likely to make you angry or upset? Uh... Not being in control, being teased, being late to an appointment, a sad movie, being physically injured, trying something and not succeeding?

Nick: The unfortunate thing about me, is that a lot of these would-- are likely to make me angry or upset.

Alex: Yeah...

Nick: Um, not being in control, being late to an appointment, and trying something and not succeeding are like definitely the top three for me. Just because it's--it... it's things that-- Being late to an appointment and not being in control tie in to each other because anytime that I am late it's not my fault. And therefore, I'm not in control of the thing. So I'm going to say not being in control, because also trying something and not succeeding feels like it's out of my control, even though it totally is.

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: You know? Like it's one of those things where it's like you just need to keep trying, you will learn. And that's something that I've been really really proud of myself with this podcast is that... you know, I know that not all of the episodes are good, and I-- but I just keep doing it, and I'm like "Oh, well that was a learning experience" And I'm like yes, finally! Like I just had this breakthrough with the podcast.

Alex: Right! It's been-- it has been really nice to see.

Nick: Yeah... What about you? [chuckles]

Alex: It's so funny because like looking at this, um... a lot of these things wouldn't necessarily like "get to me" get to me. Uh, that isn't to say that things don't get to me because things get to me. But I feel like not being in control overarchingly really does. Um, because I feel like a lot of things with like trying and not succeeding and  being late to stuff I... kind of-- I blame restaurant work for this. I don't know what broke in me-- [laughs]

for the better, maybe, um... for this to happen. But I like developed this habit when like shit would go off of the rails where I'd like drop something or like something would happen and I'd just kinda go [clicks tongue] "Well." [laughs]

Like to the point that I've had-- I remember dropping like a full tray of water glasses at one point and just going "Oh, well..."

Nick: [laughs]

Alex: And like a customer that was nearby was like concerned--

Both: [laughing]

Alex: like for my like a mental health. And I think about that sometimes, like I forget exactly what she said but she was just like "Oh..." [laughs]

Nick: "Oh honey, are you okay?"

Alex: Like I think that she thought it was like one of those quiet snapping moments, but like gunuinely it was just like "All right. Well, that happened." [laughs] Um, but I think like not being in control really gets me, like especially longterm.

Nick: Right.

Alex: That stresses me out... Um, being teased used to really get me because I did not grow up with siblings. But then I feel like over the course of like us being together it's-- I've gotten a lot better at reading when it's like people being mean to me versus like...

Nick: Yeah...

Alex: You know, reading it as like "Oh this person likes you and is friends with you. And that's why--" [laughs]

Nick: Yeah, you've definitely gotten a lot better about that over the last couple of years.

Alex: Mhmm.

Nick: Probably because I relentlessly mock you. [laughs]

Alex: [laughing] Yeah!

Nick: Uh, what do you value most: Laughter, challenge, faith, stability, success, or trust? Laughter.

Alex: Mhmm. Big same.

Nick: If I can't laugh, I just-- I don't care. [snort laughs]

Alex: I agree!

Nick: Finally, what is your Zodiac sign?

Alex: Saggitarius.

Nick: And I am a Leo.

Alex: What'd you get?

Nick: I got Virgo, which is not Sagittarius.

Alex: Damn. That is nowhere in my like chart.

Nick: No.

Alex: 'Cause I got Libra, but that's your moon sign so I'm counting it.

Both: [laughing]

Nick: Uh but so what it says about a Virgo being my ideal is: "They're reliable, organized, and a little bit anxious. They're great listeners and provide excellent advice. And even though they often seem cold on the outside, they can be a lot of fun. They're deep thinkers and together you'll engage in interesting conversations and provide each other stability and calmness." Which still feels...

Alex: Yeah!

Nick: A lot like you?

Alex: [laughing] I know!

Nick: There's definitely like... I don't-- you're not organized, and you're pretty reliable and you don't really seem that cold on that outside... That's a lot more me  which is funny because I'm on the Virgo cusp.

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: Um ... But it still is like, you're a deep thinker, and we do engage in interesting conversations, which is why we have a podcast. Um, and you're a great listener and you do provide excellent advice. And so it's like a lot of that stuff is you, but it says we shouldn't be together, so...

Alex: [laughs] We're like 25% for... 'cause like for you... or for me I guess, it says uh "Libras are artistic, graceful, hopeless romantics. They'll probably want to sit around and gossip and explore their creative side. They're great listeners, really fun, provide balance and insight for any lost souls." Which honestly is a lot of things that I really like about our relationship too. So I'm just like...

Nick: Well, Buzzfeed says that I need to leave you because you've cheated on me--

Alex: [laughs]

Nick: and you're not a Virgo.

Alex: My worst crime, arguably.

Nick: Your worst crime is not being a fucking Virgo. And... uh, I don't remember what the brunch one said.  

Alex: Brunch said we were fine.

Nick: Brunch said that we were fine, but you did cheat on me and-- [snort laughs]

Alex: And I'm not a Virgo.

Nick: And you're not a Virgo, so... I guess I kinda need to leave... or you need to like step your shit up. Change your birthday and become a Virgo.

Alex: [laughs] I will. Let me, let me go to the courthouse, it'll be okay.

Both: [laughing]

Alrighty. So, this has been Ice Cream Parasocial. We'll see you next time! Nick: Um, don't forget if you have the ability to go rate us on Apple podcasts and uh... that's all, for this one.

Alex: That's all! Um Buzzfeed if you have a intern that I can bribe to write a quiz that will save my marriage--

Both: [laughing]

Nick: Uh, we love you.

Alex: We love you. We-

Nick: See ya next time.

Alex: Yeah, hope it wasn't too loud so we can stay out of the closet.

Nick: This is a queer friendly podcast. Please don't make us go back in the closet.

Alex: [laughing] Anyway...

Nick: Bye!

Alex: Bye!

[meshugana1]

A story about me being transformed into an obedient sex robot version of Sophie Turner? Thank you!

The last couple years robotics had taken leaps and bounds, and as with most things put into human hands it was either gonna be used for violence or for pleasure. To many peoples relief it was the latter and sex robots started hitting the market in 2018. These were little more than Chatty Cathy real dolls however, but in 2020 everything changed with the introduction of the Venus models. These things were beyond top of the line, physically perfect looking and extremely intelligent and responsive. Think the Bishop robot from those old Alien movies but made for nothing but pleasure. They could be made to anyone’s exact specifications and best and most surprising of all they were pretty cheap, around two grand per unit.

They were so effective that street level prostitutes practically vanished overnight. But it wasn’t all peaches and cream. The usual suspects were mad that people still liked sex and did whatever they could to defame and slander the companies that made the Venus’s. That’s where I came in. I was what you would call a corporate spy, paid to dig up info and such. What my employer wanted to know was how the Venus’s were made, a secret kept even better than the recipe for Coca-cola. It wasn’t hard to get in but getting out was a lot harder than I thought.

I was sloppy, too confident and I got caught. Their internal security was way beefier than I thought it would be. And that’s how I found myself in front of the CEO and inventor of the Venus line, Trish Dodson. “We thought there was a rat in our system for a quite little while now, and now we’ve found you. Anything to say for yourself?”

I was pretty sure I was going to jail so I spilled everything I knew. She seemed pretty reasonable, I thought for a minute that I might get outta this unscathed. But then I mentioned a bunch of encrypted files I hadn’t managed to crack into yet. I know now that this was where I fucked up. “What file group did you say you copied?” She asked and I told her it was it called Prometheus. “I see.” She then walked around to the other side of her desk to her intercom. “Tammy, can you bring me mixture LV-426, thank you.”

“That’s a real shame, you hit the mother load with that file group. It would’ve told you all the juicy company secrets. Don’t worry, I’ll send a few people to your place and delete all your files and confiscate your equipment. I wouldn’t look so worried, you won’t be needing it anymore.” Now I really was worried. I was just about to ask what she was going to do to me when in walked nothing less than a wet dream in seven inch high heels. “Here ya go bestie!” The blond Bimbo squealed way too excitedly as she handed Tammy canister the size of a flashlight.

“Good girl Tammy, now run along. There’s a board meeting in 30 minutes and you’re the entertainment.” That line didn’t make sense to me until I realized that this girl must’ve been a Venus unit. “Ohhh I can’t wait!” She said as she skipped out of the room, giving the two of us a flash of her pantyless ass. “You like? You could consider her a prototype Venus unit. You said you never cracked into those files? Well if you did you’d have learned that little Tammy there used to be a man.”

If I was drinking I would’ve done a spit take, her a man? A HUMAN man? But the Venus’s were machines weren’t they? I mean nobody ever cracked on open because they were too busy with them to care. I was about to ask how that was even possible but Tammy seemed to go into super villain mode and just started to monologue. “You probably want to know how, well it’s all thanks to these little guys in here.” She said pointing to her cylinder, then it split open and revealed a syringe filled with some kind of pink liquid.

“These wonderful things are nanites. They can take certain kinds of biomatter and rearrange it. Nothing too insane mind you, they can’t turn you into an animal or anything. Not yet anyway.” She said with a soft chuckle. “But these bad boys are how the Venus are made. Congratulations! You figured it out! Just take someone, give them a quick injection and wait five minutes.” I couldn’t believe it. The Venus we’re all people! They were made of people!

“Now now.” She interrupted “Don’t look so dramatic, we don’t just kidnap people off the streets. Haven’t you ever wondered why the hooker population suddenly took a nosedive? No expenses, always being taken care of, and literally mind shattering sex every time. Not such a bad deal now is it. We’ve also got a deal with the government and get all the death row inmates and prison lifers. Much better now that their servicing society, isn’t it?”

I might’ve understood if it stopped there but after she said that she started to creep towards me with the syringe. “Of course occasionally, we have to…”take care” of loose ends and the occasional spy.” She punctuated this by plunging the needle into my neck and injecting me with the machines.

It was hot at the injection site and I could feel the things moving in my blood stream, then they where traveling through me and moved directly into my brain. There wasn’t any pain, but I could still tell they were in there. To my surprise she then moved around and undid my restraints. I wanted to throttle her but I just couldn’t find the motivation to do anything but sit in the chair and wait. “Stand up.” She commanded and suddenly it was all I wanted to do, I stood up as quickly and perfectly as I could. “Good, now I want you to write down all the access info to the files you stole.” Again after she said it it became the only thing I cared about doing. I quickly jotted it all down then gave it to her.

“Very good pet.” The praise I was getting from her for doing such a simple felt way better than it should’ve. She took out her phone and typed something on it, then she continued “you’re very much in luck, you get to be one of our prototype celeb line! And now here comes my favorite part.” If I could speak I would’ve asked what the hell she was talking about, but then I felt the nanites begin work on my body.

It started with my hair, which rapidly lengthened and changed from a dark brown to a chestnut red. It finally stopped at a little past my shoulders, then they began rearranging my face and bone structure. My nose shrank and became a cute button, my cheekbones became more pronounced and my face shape became more rounded and cute. The warm feeling of the machines moved down my neck making it into swanlike perfection and removing my Adam’s apple. If I could speak I would’ve found that I now had a sultry British accent.

The warmth travelled down my shoulders sucking them in and shrinking my frame. The warmth then. Collected around my chest and my rib cage shrank while my chest developed into a pleasantly sized pair of breasts. B cups I think. The nanites continued down pinching my waist in and widening my hips into a pert, smackable ass. Then came the inevitable, I felt the little bastards move to my goin and if I could’ve looked down I would’ve seen my cock begin to shrink.

My balls quickly followed suit and as they shrank I could feel a space opening and widening inside of my body. I didn’t know it at the time but that was my uterus and female organs developing. It was both pleasant and alien as my cock receded fully inside me and my vulva and clitoris took form. This was followed by the most intense orgasm I’d ever felt, imagine a firecracker in a mason jar, but I was the mason jar. It was intense enough for my knees to buckle and I sank to the floor into the pool I was making beneath me. I still couldn’t speak, but my moaning could easily be heard through my closed lips.

“Well well. You turned out very nicely. Would you like to see?” She didn’t wait for a response and pulled a mirror from her desk and showed me my new face. It was one I could easily recognize, thanks to Game of Thrones Sophie Turner was practically a household name and now I looked like her twin. “Yes, very nice indeed. Shouldn’t have any problem finding you a new home. Or maybe I’ll make you my secretary too. Tammy does get awful lonely between blowjobs.” She said chuckling. “But first I have a little tradition to celebrate each new Venus model.” As she said this she sat herself on the edge of her desk and slowly removed her black lace panties, exposing her pristinely shaved pussy. “I always take the new models for a test drive. Now crawl over here and get to licking.”

The End. I hope you enjoy it!

[actualltr4sh]

i’m doing this bc im having an existential crisis

1.if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?: read the mothers by britt bennett, watch stuck in love (2012), listen to the suns tirade / isaiah rashad

2.have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?: not yet.

3.three songs that you connect with right now: i’ve been heavily immersed in florence & the machine lately. drumming song, what kind of man, heavy in your arms

4.would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?: no lmao

5.have you taken someones virginity?: whoops!

6.how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?: you can’t trust none of these niggas tbh.

7.if you could, would you take back your last kiss?: i would take back the circumstances in which we kissed, not the kiss itself lmao.

8.who would you like to see in concert?: isaiah rashad. i’d probably cry the whole time lmfao.

9.what was the last concert you saw?: beyonce i think.

10.would you ever want to swim with sharks?: you niggas are crazy.

11.do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?: i sure as the fuck hope so.

12.what was the last thing that made you laugh?: mmm.. new girl.

13.a song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?: any of the old weeknd. let’s get dark and twisty.

14.have any pets?: 0.

15.do you want to have kids? How many?: if i get over my evergrowing fear of being in love again i’d like one. a boy. zion. 

16.do you have piercings? How many?: 9. i doubt i’m done. i can at least get to 10. i’m no puss.

17.do you miss anyone from your past?: ish. i think about people from my past a lot. i wish everyone the best.

18.what are you craving right now?: sanity lmfao.

19.have you ever broken someone’s heart?: i doubt it lol.

20.have you ever been cheated on?: kinda. it was a technicality. i had never felt more cheated in my life though. it took me months to get over it. it’s damned near a yes LMFAO

21.have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?: yeah i guess so. we’ve cried as a unit.

22.do you believe in true love?: not any more.

23.favourite weather?: spring or fall. i like my weather mid as fuck LMFAO

24.do you like the snow?: not particularly.

25.do you wanna get married?: doubt it’ll happen.

26.is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?: if i’m in love with you lmfao.

27.what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?: “excuse me, did you see my ash???” LMFAO

28.go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!: space is completely silent, says the internet.

29.what’s your favorite pasta dish?: cajun chicken pasta from chilis - no tomatoes.

30.what color do you really want to dye your hair?: blonde, actually.

31.what’s your favorite eye color?: brown. ugh. sex.

32.talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.: it’s a red duffle bag i got when i was like 8 from when i did gymnastics.

33.are you a morning person?: i’m barely even a person lmao god no.

34. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?: i don’t think i can say i’ve broken in anywhere lmfao

35.what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?: used to be my white chucks, it’s now black combat boots.

36.what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.: i haven’t worn matching socks since i was like 9 or 10. i typically wear the fun ones. i don’t sleep in socks because i’m not a fucking serial killer.

37.tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.: one time we were at a party and we got locked outside of my friends car and we had to ask some random guy in a fraternity for help and he unlocked it with a hanger.

38.do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!: it’s this place called ‘sip’ in crown point indiana. it’s cute and quaint and they have cookie dough hot chocolate. there’s a book you can write stuff in and people can read it whenever. none of the chairs match. it’s like a huge thrift store with coffee.

39.who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?: probably joe lmao.

40.what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?: mmmm i don’t know.

41.do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?: i used to LOVE buying cd’s. the last two cd’s i bought were the soundtrack to into the woods and 2014 forest hills drive lol.

42.think of a person. what song do you associate with them?: dante, holla if you need me. that was our song when we were like 12 lmfao.

43.what are your favorite memes of the year so far?: idk. i keep taking social media breaks (outside of tumblr obviously) i can’t even think of any lol.

44.do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?: love. the first thing that came to mind was we real cool by gwendolyn brooks. idk why.

45.what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?: given? like some now laters and a tea lmfao. idk about received honestly. i like most of my gifts.

46.what are some of your worst habits?: i can sound/be incredibly patronizing. i’m self destructive. i’m oblivious. and impressionable.

47.describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.: they are one of the smartest people i know. they focus too much on their flaws and can hardly see how amazing they are. they are so fun to be around and i aspire to be like them one day. 

48.tell us about your pets!: 0.

49.is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?: idk. being a success story.

50.are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?: eh. fuck minions. i guess that’s hate lmao.

51.what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?: once i tweeted “if a boy ever called me and sang just the way you are by bruno mars, i’d die.” and someone called me and sang it. i was like 13 or 14 lmao.

52.describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.: the shape of almonds, and the shade of honey. a sea of allure one could get lost in. sweet and honest were the pieces that gazed.

53.what’s some of your favorite album art?: my beautiful dark twisted fantasy.

54.are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?: nigga. i want two sleeves lmfao.

55.do you like concept albums? which ones?: meh.

56.what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?: legally blonde.

57.list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.: rope / isaiah rashad. heavy in your arms / florence & the machine.

58.if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?: future. the past is done. i also do not want to do college again lmao.

59.what do you do when you’re sad?: be sad. write. cry. watch tv. sleep. avoid. make videos. laugh at memes. 

60.what are some things you do when you can’t sleep?: sit and stare into the lids of my eyes lmao. i dead ass will just lay there with my eyes closed.

61.what was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had?: idk.

62.who is the last person you told a secret to?: joe.

63.what’s the best piece of advice you ever received?: don’t date while you’re healing.. that’s the most recent at least.

[champagnemiracles]

”oh, you have such strange ideas about love.” “maybe we should just do what you do. you meet, you have lunch, and you get married.” “oh, you forgot about happily ever after.“ “forget about happily ever after, it doesn't exist.” edit// this is taken!!!

FORGIVE ME FOR THIS GARBAGE/RANDOM/LUCID REQUEST bc my ac is broken and i’m slowly spiraling into sweat insanity, but i got this convoluted idea from the movie ‘enchanted’ and i wanted to make something out of it. WHO DOESN’T LOVE DISNEY PRINCESSES I MEAN??? so if you love disney and utter cuteness and playing romance crazy characters, then this sucker is MADE FOR YOU. all i ask is that you don’t mind mature themes (my boy is a sad) can do both comm and regular threads and most importantly, have the time to dedicate to this little story. personally i won’t be on every day so i don’t expect ‘round the clock stuff but if you know you’re going on a long trip, have exams or will be gone for weeks at a time, i don’t suggest taking this. BUT IF YOU’RE COOL WITH ALL THAT THEN PLS CONTINUE READING THIS MUMBO JUMBO!!!

i haven’t written out a 100% solid backstory for my guy max atwood (matthew daddario) but what i have in my head is that max was the youngest of two boys, and was extremely close to his older brother even though they were polar opposites. his brother was highly emotional, very artistic and very connected to the earth in an almost hippie fashion, whereas max is vastly more pessimistic, detached, and only passionate about few things (his brother was a sculptor, max is grounded in music due to his mother and became a club dj on the rise) despite their differences deep down max always looked up to his brother, admired that he could achieve an ‘american’ dream while max was moreso dredged in reality, working his ass off and keeping relationships at arms length. in short max’s brother moved from boston and went and made a life for himself elsewhere (they kept in close contact) and in that time became a father of his singular daughter gwendolyn. though max is super anti-kid the few times he saw his niece he still softened to her and respected that his brother was taking fatherhood in stride. now i’m not sure about the mother side of things yet, but as a soured result of his relationship with gwen’s mother, max’s brother recently committed suicide and left max ABSOLUTELY devastated and furious. ‘why didn’t he reach out,’ ‘why did he leave me behind’ kind of furious. they were supposed to be brothers after all.

amidst his grief, shock and unrelenting frustration max tried to carry on with potentially signing on to a tour in his dj career, but social services swerved into his lane with shocking news. due to the absence of the mother (be it death or the fact that she’s unfit) and his parents being too unwell to raise a child, max’s brother stipulated in both his goodbye letter and will that max gain custody of gwendolyn. max, being a typically single cynic with no idea how to tend to a child, was terrified at the idea of essentially becoming a ‘dad.’ but in thinking of his brother and his innocent niece in the hands of somebody other than him, he couldn’t withstand anybody else taking guardianship of her. he went through all the necessary paperwork, court legalities and what not, and halted his career to raise gwen in boston. it’s been a year since he’s gained custody, gwen is at the chatterbox age of six and she’s literally the only being to garner any kind of emotion/tenderness from max. he’d rather hang himself then admit he loves playing princess and dragon with her, has soaked his pink nail polished fingers in acetone for days at a time and sometimes tears up when gwen claims she’s glad her uncle could now be her daddy. he likes to think he’s getting the hang of this parenting thing (lbr his braiding techniques suck, he overfills her lunch box as if she’s eating for five and threatens any kids that tease her with shit like ‘i’m going to come out your fucking closet and eat your oreos, kid’) but it’s come at the cost of zero progression within his career, and having to remain grounded when before he was content with drinking, fooling about and letting the laundry pile up.

not to mention his love life is on empty and gwen doesn’t let him forget it (’she’s pretty huuuuuuuuuh??’ ‘yeah, but sunsets are pretty too and we don’t fling ourselves into the sun gwen.’) between dj-ing at night, rushing gwen to school in the morning and basically not trusting anyone near his daughter niece, max just hasn’t bothered. THIS IS WHERE THE GAL I’M REQUESTING COMES IN. it’s the eve of gwen’s 7th birthday and he wants to do this one right (the last one he doesn’t even like to acknowledge, the donkey at the petting zoo bit her okay) so he puts together this park bash and hires a disney princess to entertain the kids (see this link if you don’t know what a princess party is!!!) in comes girl, which in my head i saw her playing as ariel but pending the face claim we can change the princess!! outside of her character persona this girl is a true romantic, having only had two relationships and deeply believing in soulmates, marriage ect. disgustingly bubbly, extraordinarily good with kids, it’s as if she’s literally a human disney character (like giselle in enchanted “it's like you escaped from a hallmark card or something”) needless to say when max first meets her he’s like “.................-snorts-” but when he sees how gwen responds to her....oh boy it’s over. she makes the party a hit and gwen will NOT shut up about how perfect she is. that night max literally bangs his head on the wall because this is STUPID why is he thinking about a chick that acts like a three year old for a living and talks about true love and UGH DUMB HER EYES WERE SO NICE THOUGH.

it seems as though girl was thinking of him too. because she sends a text (initially the messaging was used to set up the party) talking about how much she adored gwen and thought he was a very attentive father. much against his better judgement they have a day out (for ice cream because she’s so pure she doesn’t bask in the bar scene) and it’s like the grim reaper and cupid are waltzing down the street, she’s so full of energy and warmth over all things bad and max is just like.....how do you fucking exist THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING FOR ANY OF US WE ALL DIE AND THAT’S IT. he’s so down and jaded over his brother and won’t outright tell her, so instead he jabs fingers and yells and tries to get her to understand that life isn’t a god damn fairytale. but much atone to his brother, her affirmation that there /is/ something good waiting for him gives him hope. he hates that shit, why does she DO that. it’s what makes him keep coming around, very very slowly altering his perceptions in the way that she dances on street corners without music, dishes out twenties to the homeless and leaves breakfast bagels on his doorstep (annoyingly THE KIND HE LIKES TOO) to the point where they having an outing with both them and gwen and....it’s so perfect. so god damn perfect, as if they’ve been a family unit all along. to want somebody in his life, one that grossly objects to everything he’s believed in...it’s paralyzing. to be happy for once, he can’t exactly cope with it.

naturally he’ll fuck it all up at some point, probably upsetting both her and gwen, and i’ve yet to decide if gwen’s mother will be alive and come into the picture, idk yet!!! but it’ll be adorable and then it’ll BURN BECAUSE I’M AWFUL. but oh god it’s all so sugary and lame i LOVE IT PLEASE TAKE HER. in my mind i had holland roden or lily collins to coincide with her playing red haired ariel but if you already have a face and want to take this we can work something out!!! she’d be around 25-26, probably a boston native, working for a princess party company and like a living fairytale in her ideals (but probably so far gone that she doesn’t know how to cope with bad shit or rejection, is probably naive, just to name a few negative traits!!!) the rest is up to you! drop a reply or send me an ask for her and i’ll respond asap <3

[labelleangel]

Tag of Basic Information ~ okie dokie so I just saw I was tagged in this and it's like 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep (plus I saw this video on sleep paralysis and it freaked me out) (plus I'm on my phone which makes things tough) (and thank you Emily for tagging me I'm too tired to search up your username rn but thank you ily bae) ABC tag AGE – 18 BIGGEST FEAR – probably being disliked or being a disappointment/a failure. Also clowns, fuck clowns. I used to be extremely scared of spiders and I still am but I'm able to kill them now CURRENT TIME – 3:39 am but will probably be after 4am when I finish this DRINK YOU LAST HAD – Water EVERYDAY STARTS WITH – Coffee, a pb&j, and a clementine FAVORITE SONG – I have a lot but I'm gonna try to keep it brief. Any Disney song, My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, Evermore by Josh Groban, Ride by Lana Del Rey, a shitload of Beatles songs there's too many to list, Monkees songs, and songs from Newsies, Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat GHOSTS, ARE THEY REAL? – Bill Nye and other scientists say nah but I've seen a couple things that make me think "shit, probably" HOMETOWN – ive been told it's a stereotype that we're bitchy and I don't doubt it. But we're hipster af I feel IN LOVE WITH – My dog Angus, Leo DiCaprio, speaking french and anything french related (if you're from Quebec or France hmu let's communicate a bitch is tryna become fluent) and nature. JEALOUS OF – People who are straight A students easily and people with clear skin KILLED SOMEONE – Shhhh LAST TIME YOU CRIED – idk probably yesterday MIDDLE NAME – Lindsay NO. OF SIBLINGS – one ONE WISH – to be able to speak all the languages of the world fluently PERSON I LAST CALLED/TEXTED – My homegirl Gillian (love you boo) QUESTION YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED – I used to be asked if I was in college when I was still in high school but now I'm in college I'm not asked that anymore lol REASON TO SMILE – Emily had a FANTASTIC list so mine would probably be similar to hers. LEGGO: sunrises and sunsets. The beach. A walk through the woods on a sunny day. Snuggling up with a pet. Snuggling up with a person. Seeing a loved one for the first time in forever. Disney movies. Romance movies and fairy tales. Hearing something in a language you're trying to learn and being able to understand it. Finding seashells on the beach. Traveling to a new place and seeing the landscape change. Confiding in someone and having them listen to you. Intellectual and deep conversations. Concerts. Unity when tragedy strikes the world. Love. Being in love. Being in a great big lake and floating on your back and closing your eyes. MUSIC. A GOOD ASS PLAYLIST FOR ANY OCCASION. EMPHASIS ON LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE. There's so much more of any of y'all wanna discuss messaging works lmao SONG LAST SANG - Love Potion °9 by i forgot TIME YOU WOKE UP – 10:30 am UNDERWEAR – none cus I'm in my pj's VACATION DESTINATION? – I'm trying to get to Quebec this summer but I love traveling in general. I'd honestly go anywhere WORST HABIT – picking and peeling the whites of my nails off and probably being messy when it comes to my room YOUR FAVORITE FOOD – I LOOOOVE SPAGHETTI AND JUST PASTA IN GENERAL ZODIAC – Leo BOLD tag ~ listen, a bitch is tired so I'm just gonna put yesses next to them if they apply cus I'm still on my phone and I don't think I can bold anything → appearance: I I am 5′7″ or taller- yes 5'8"
I I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
i have at least one piercing - yes, my ears
i have brown eyes i have short hair
my abs are at least somewhat defined- i have a couple bumps near the top but they're not totally "defined" i have or have had braces -yes I hated them 
There is something I would change about the way I look - yes I'm trying to get my hair cut into layers soon → personality: I My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff - gryffindor af (lowkey used to be in ravenclaw but it's a long story and now I'm in gryffindor) Ravenclaw Slytherin 
I am an introvert 
i like/love meeting new people - yes yes yes
people tell me that i’m funny - maybe, but it's mostly me telling myself 
i enjoy physical challenges -sometimes
i enjoy mental challenges -It depends 
i’m playfully rude with people i know well - yes but I try not to be too mean 
i started saying something ironically and now i can’t stop saying it - yes its awful someone help 
There is something I would change about my personality -yup → ability: I I can sing well 
i can play an instrument 
i can do over 30 pushups without stopping
i’m a fast runner - I guess???
i can draw well - i have sketches all over the place 
i have a good memory 
I’m good at doing math in my head 
i can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I can hold my breath for 9 hours
i have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling 
i know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
i know how to throw a proper punch - yes thanks to my brother → hobbies: I i enjoy playing sports - yes i love playing soccer and baseball and volleyball and just being active 
I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else
i have learned a new song in the past week
i work out at least once a week - I try to
i’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months - yes cus volleyball kept me in pretty good shape and now that's over idk what else to do with myself 
i have drawn something in the past month
i enjoy writing - yes and the best gift you could give me is a journal
Fandoms are my #1 passion
i do or have done martial arts → experiences: I i have had my first kiss - yes
i have had alcohol - yes
i have scored the winning goal in a sports game - yes
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
i have been at an overnight event -yes
i have been in a taxi 
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I should've added hospitals to the list of things I'm afraid of, but thankfully no i haven't been to the ER lately
I have beaten a video game in one day
i have visited another country - Canada ig??
i have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts - One Direction yo → relationship: I I’m in a relationship 
i have a celebrity crush - basically any cute actor but it always comes back to Leo DiCaprio 
I have a crush on someone I know 
i have been in at least 3 relationships 
I have never been in a relationship
i have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them 
I get crushes easily - same as what Emily said, i get infatuated but i don't get crushes super easily. But if i like you i god damn like you A LOT
I have had a crush on someone for over a year
I have been in a relationship for at least a year 
i have had feelings for a friend → my life: I i have at least one person i consider a “best friend” - hey gilli and Teags (and my follege besties OF COURSE) where you at 
i live close to my school my parents are still together -yep
i have at least one sibling - yes
i live in the united states -yes
There is snow right now where I live
i have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month - I hung out with friends in the past two days actually 
i have a smartphone - yes it's what I'm using to painstakingly type all this out on 
I have at least 15 CDs 
I share my room with someone → random shit: I i have breakdanced 
i know a person named jamie 
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce 
i have dyed my hair
i’m listening to one song on repeat right now 
i have punched someone in the past week
i know someone who has gone to jail -yes but I can't say who
I have broken a bone 
I have eaten a waffle today 
i know what i want to do with my life - mostly, I just hope it all works out
i speak at least 2 languages fluently - IM FUCKING TRYING. IM TRYING SO DAMN HARD. IMMA GET THERE SERIOUSLY IF YOU ARE A NATIVE FRENCH SPEAKER HIT ME UP!!!!! 
i have made a new friend in the past year - @ All the friends I made at college you're all the bomb Okay so now imma tag @squiinty and @plurth and @natsukashiiii I legit copied and pasted @yixingding 's post and re-wrote everything (iPhone probs) and it's now 4:05 am lol but this was fun my Leo ass loves talking about myself so I invite literally anybody to do this too and THANK YOU EM&M FOR TAGGING ME ITS SO FUNNY I SAW THIS AT LIKE 3:30 IN THE MORNING I MISS YOU BOO

[katedoesfics]

Shadows of the Future | Chapter 14

Uli was already at the bar when Rusl arrived. She was sitting alone at the corner of the bar, and Rusl took the seat beside her.

“You came,” Rusl said.

Uli looked at him with surprise. “Were you expecting me not to?”

“Kind of.”

“Why’s that?”

Rusl shrugged. “Because I didn’t wait three days?”

Uli laughed. “So, what’s the plan?”

“The plan?”

“You have dated before, right?”

“Sure.”

“So. Movies? Dinner? What?”

“Dinners are too serious,” Rusl said. “And you can’t talk at the movies.”

Uli raised a brow. “You want to talk?”

“I’d like to know more than your name. Is that so strange?”

“A little bit,” she admitted. “Most guys don’t want to talk.”

“I’m not most guys.”

“You sure about that?”

“I might surprise you.”

“Alright,” Uli started. “Let’s talk.”

Rusl ordered a drink. “How much shit did you get for coming out with me?”

Uli grinned. “A lot.”

“Those friends of yours are pretty intimidating,” he said.

“They’re harmless enough,” she said. “She was just being sour since our other friend just got out of a crappy relationship.”

“Ah.” He took his drink from the bartender. “So. Uli. Dog person or cat person?”

“Getting right down to business,” she said. “Dog person.”

Rusl nodded. “Good. Favorite color?”

“Uh. Green.”

“Long walks on the beach?”

“I actually prefer long walks through the woods,” she said. “I enjoy getting lost in a good book. A good cup of coffee. A rainy day. And from time to time, the occasional chick-flick.”

Rusl nodded absentmindedly, and Uli snorted.

“I’m kidding,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Goddesses.”

“Are you though?”

Uli’s shoulders slumped slightly. “Well, about the chick-flick part,” she said. She scrunched her nose, then turned back to her drink. “So I’m a cliche. Sue me.”

Rusl grinned. “I like cliches.”

Uli put her chin in her hand. “And what else?”

Rusl sighed thoughtfully. “I like alcohol. But coffee is good, too. And I prefer long drives down the highway in an old car.”

“I get it,” Uli said. “You’re a cool, carefree dude.” She put her hands in the air and grinned. “Don’t gotta tell me twice.”

“Fine,” Rusl said. “I’m a sucker for my friend’s daughters. Happy?”

“Aw,” she said. “For real?”

Rusl sulked and drank.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

Rusl met her gaze and smiled. “Siblings?”

“None. You?”

Rusl shook his head.

“Where did you grow up?”

He hesitated. “Uh. Akkala.”

Uli’s brows raised. “You’re a long way from home.”

“Work takes me around,” he said. “What about you?”

“Lived here in Faron my whole life,” she said. “Have you seen a lot of Hyrule?”

“Too much.”

Uli frowned. “Why’s that?”

Rusl turned his glass over in his hand, watching as its contents swirled around. “I dunno,” he said. “I’m not exactly a welcomed presence too far north.”

Uli pulled her gaze away and looked at her hands. “Yeah. Sure.” She let out a breath and tapped her fingers against the counter. “What else?”

“What else?” Rusl echoed, meeting her gaze.

“Pets?”

He shook his head.

“But definitely a dog person,” Uli added.

“Right.”

“No siblings,” Uli said thoughtfully. “What are your parents like?”

“I… never met them.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh.” Her voice softened. “Sorry.”

Rusl smiled. “I was a foster kid,” he said. “I grew up in a foster home in Akkala, with a woman named Telma and some other kids.”

“What was that like?”

“Was alright,” he said with a shrug. “Telma… was a good person. She put up with a lot of shit, but she knew how to dish it right back.” He smiled at the memory.

Uli frowned, and Rusl answered her unasked question.

“She died a couple years back.”

“Well, I am not doing so well, am I?”

“I was just thinking I’m the one that looks like a tragic mess.”

Uli laughed lightly. “Only a little bit.”

You don’t know the half of it, he thought to himself. “Alright. What about your family?”

Uli sipped from her drink. “Alright, here’s one,” she said. “I’m actually not an only child. Or, I wasn’t. I had a little brother.” Her voice softened. “He died when I was in high school.”

Rusl frowned. “Sorry.”

Uli offered him a smile. “Maybe that makes us even?” she asked hopefully. “No more awkward conversation.”

“Alright. Consider us even.”

“How about some food? I could go for a greasy burger.”

They placed their food order before Rusl spoke again.

“So, you’re a dog-loving hippie with bitchy friends, a fairly normal family, and you’ve lived here your whole life.”

She tapped on her nose with a finger. “And you’re a tragic dog-loving man who has a soft side for kids.”

“I’m not liking the way I look.”

Uli laughed. “I knew you were intriguing.”

“Hardly.”

“So, should we move on to the next portion of our evening?” Uli asked. “Dreams? Goals? Accomplishments?”

Rusl pondered this for a moment. “I don’t know,” he said slowly. “I guess I’ve never really thought about it.”

“There’s nothing you want in life?”

“Just what everyone else wants, I guess. Find my place in the world.” He met her gaze expectantly.

“I always wanted to get out of Faron,” she said with a shrug. “Have some kind of an adventure, I guess. See what else is out there in the world.”

“You should be careful what you wish for,” Rusl said, looking over his glass as he took a sip.

Uli met his gaze, hesitant, then pulled away. “Maybe.” She sighed lightly and finished her drink. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“Hey, don’t listen to me,” he said quickly. “I’ve had my share of adventures.”

Uli looked off across the bar, deep in thought. “Sometimes, I have these dreams…” She trailed off, then shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said with a heavy sigh. “You caught me at a weird point in my life, Rusl. I guess, like you, I’ve got some things to figure out, too.”

Rusl nodded. “This seems like the part of the night where you say goodbye and I don’t see you again.”

“It does seem like that,” she started. “But for what it’s worth, that wasn’t my plan.”

“It wasn’t mine.”

Uli met his gaze and smiled. “That’s kind of weird. I didn’t think I was looking too good, either.”

“I like you,” Rusl said.

Uli blushed and averted her gaze. “I would not say no if you wanted to ask me out again.”

“That’s a relief.”

“I’m glad I didn’t give you that fake number.”

Their burgers arrived, and they continued to chat casually while they ate. It was nearing ten o’clock when they finally left the bar, standing outside under the stars, still deep in conversation as patrons began to fill the bar.

To Rusl’s surprise, Dorian found them outside.

“Don’t tell me you’re coming here to drink,” Rusl said with a grin.

“No,” he said simply. “Figured you’d be here.”

Rusl frowned. “Don’t look for me. I’m off duty. You don’t get to look for me.”

Dorian turned his attention to Uli and offered him a smile. “Hi. I’m Dorian.”

She returned his greeting. “Uli.” She turned to Rusl. “Off duty? What do you do?”

“You went on a date and didn’t even cover the basics?” Dorian raised a brow at Rusl.

“I gave her my social,” Rusl said. “Ran a background check and everything.”

Dorian yanked at the dog tags around his neck and shook them obnoxiously. Rusl pulled out of his grip and rolled his eyes.

“Oh, so King Roham owns your ass, then,” she said with a smirk.

“Rusl says ladies love a man in uniform,” Dorian said with a grin. “Is it true?”

“I find them to be rather obnoxious, really,” she said.

“Rusl is the epitome of obnoxious.”

“Hm. I guess I’ll have to give it time. He’s hiding it.”

Dorian turned to Rusl. “You? Trying to make a good impression?”

“You know,” Rusl started, “You’re not helping me win any points here.”

“I’ve had worse dates,” she said. “You don’t have me running off just yet.”

Dorian grinned. “Oh, you will soon enough.”

Rusl elbowed Dorian in the ribs. “You’re unusually chatty tonight.”

“You left me alone to go play with girls,” Dorian said with a shrug. “I got stuck drinking with those other idiots.”

Rusl raised a brow and grinned. “I’ve always wanted to see a drunk Sheikah.”

Dorian snorted. “Keep dreaming.”

“Sheikah, huh?”

Dorian met her gaze carefully.

“Does that make you a Sheikah, too?” she asked Rusl.

“No, just his bitch,” Rusl said sourly.

She smiled. “I gotta say, you two make a cute couple.”

Their noses wrinkled in disdain, and Uli laughed.

“He actually hates me,” Rusl said. “Hated my guts ever since the day we met.”

“I’d love to hear the story there,” Uli said.

Dorian scoffed. “There’s no -”

Rusl waved a hand in the air, cutting him off. “It all started about four years ago when I joined the Hyrulean army,” Rusl began in a story-like voice. “I was a young, bright eyed, hopeful young man -” Dorian scoffed again, but Rusl ignored him - “looking to find my place in the world. After almost a year of grueling training and missions, I found myself in a top secret unit with the brave and loyal Sheikah called Dorian.”

“That’s enough,” Dorian said.

“There was never a moment when we were bickering with each other,” Rusl continued.

“Bickering?” Dorian echoed. “Try disobeying orders.”

“You see,” Rusl said, turning toward Uli with a grin. “I was a young lad who thought he knew everything.”

“You still do.”

“But then one day, we found our lives in jeopardy.”

Uli reacted appropriately, her eyes widening as he continued his story, but still, she grinned and listened along.

“And despite how poorly Dorian had treated me, I couldn’t stop myself from risking my own life to save his.”

“Wait a second,” Dorian said. “That’s not -”

But Rusl interrupted him once more, raising his voice. “I almost died for him, and ever since then, he’s been in my debt.”

“That’s not true -”

“Alright,” Rusl started. “That’s not entirely true. He has saved my own life on many occasions.” He grinned at Dorian. “I guess somewhere down the line, we just stopped hating each other and realized we couldn’t live without one another.” He batted his eyelashes playfully at Dorian.

“For the love of Hylia,” Dorian muttered. “Why do you do this?”

“Because you make it so easy, D. Loosen up, man. Live a little.” He turned back to Uli. “As you can see, his life would be very boring if I weren’t in it. I’m his fun half. I guess you could call us soulmates.”

Uli laughed. “I’m not usually one for cliche love stories, but I have to admit, yours is pretty good. I only hope I can find my own Dorian someday.”

“Or maybe you need a pain in the ass Rusl,” Dorian said. “Then maybe you’ll feel bad for me.”

“Aw, poor Rusl,” Uli said teasingly. “After all he’s done for you?”

“Yeah, come on, man,” Rusl said. “I’m not as bad as you like to make me out to be.”

“We’ll let Uli decide that for herself,” Dorian said.

Rusl turned to her expectantly, and she laughed.

“Well, you don’t seem so bad yet. But the night’s still young.”

“Have fun,” Dorian said. “I’m going home.”

“Already?” Uli asked. “You’re not going to stick around and watch Rusl fuck up?”

Dorian grinned. “As fun as that sounds -”

“He’s got a wife and kids to get home to,” Rusl said. “I’d call him a sucker, but then he won’t let me see the girls, and they’re way cooler than he is. In fact, they’re the only reason I’m still friends with him.”

Dorian ignored him and offered a smile to Uli. “Nice meeting you, and best of luck. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Thanks. I’ll remember that.”

“Bye, D.” He watched as Dorian simply waved a hand over his shoulder. “And that’s Dorian,” Rusl said with a grin.

“Adorable,” Uli said.

“I’m actually very macho, thank you very much.”

Uli laughed. “I should probably get going, too,” she said. She met his gaze. “But thanks for wearing me down until I said yes. Now that we got the twenty questions out of the way, we should do something that involves… less talking.”

Rusl raised a brow. “Oh, yeah?”

“I was thinking a chick-flick,” she said with a grin and a wink. “Thanks for dinner.”

Rusl slid his hands into his pockets. “Thanks for saying yes.”

She turned away from him, waving quickly over her shoulder. “Goodnight, Rusl.”

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #1 & 2: "so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell" - Ahrre

So I'm so confused right now lol. Like I feel like discord should have a similar format to skype, but maybe I'm just dumb and cant figure it out. Also the only people I know/heard of are on the other tribe which is fun. Hopefully I can set myself up so my lack of understanding Discord doesn't make me look like a liability to the rest of my tribe.

we legit just got into our tribes.. missus sweyn.. LOL. i legit don't know ANYONE!! APART FROM MY BABY RYAN!! LIKE WHO ARE THESE PPL? liek i've heard of rhys and malik from like other orgs but the other people like god.. why can't I just have my circlejerk like in emvv. ): and idk WHO IS EVNE ON THE OTHER TRIBE WHICH MAKES IT WORSE I COUD HAVE LIKE A BUNCH OF RLY STRONG PLAYERS who are gunna win every single immunity challenge.. and i ain't wantin to go premerge nnn. uhm. ya. thats my mood rn. Xo

Oh wow, hi it’s me, Mo. I’m going into this game with an advantage of not having a social life so I can be more active. I like my tribe so far everyone’s really nice. I only know Fabricio because he won the game I got PoTS on. But I think I’m going to withhold that information of him winning his last game because I kinda wanna be allies.

First impressions of my tribe, they’re pretty cute I guess I like people well enough but I’m always nervous about pre existing relationships people may have in other communities so that’ll be fun to manoeuvre around my plan is just to lay low be social and hopefully not stick out as a target

deadass the challenge has barely started and wes already has 2 images.. meanwhile his ass has prob spoke in the tribe chat like once and he aint comin in  my pms anytime soon so. LAMJHNFG . better hope his social game saves him over the physical x

this is my 3rd one already but this is important. linus is the first person to say haha to me. TWO! FUCKING! HA'S!!!!!! JUST SAY LOL!!!! SAY LMAO!!! IDGAF!! Omg this is geniunely my pet peeve and i wanna scream a a a a a  a a a a a  aa

Man, I'm back with Tobi from Survivor Ko Chang and that scares me to death. He claims he wants to start on a clean slate with me and work together again, but I don't trust him one bit and the first opportunity I have to take him out, I'm gonna do it, cuz I can't have somebody like him around. Bad for my game.

On the other hand of the spectrum, I know Michael from Zwooper and we've always had a good relationship so I think that's one person I can fully align with right out of the gate. I've also worked up some social connections with Dani, Jose and Ahrre so far, and they all seem pretty chill for the most part.

Right now, my focus is to win. I'm gonna go hard in this first immunity challenge and rack up as many points as I can. Losing the first challenge always sucks and I wanna make sure that doesn't happen for me again.

Okay im like mad excited to play this game. One Ive been kinda down, and this should help me be able to invest my time into something and potentially help me feel better.

Seeing this cast. I love it. I have really only worked with Felix in a past org before but we havent talked in ages. So I dont have any past connections which feels great because I hate people assuming were working together because were friends?. So this wont happen this season which is great.

So far my tribe is okay. Havent had a chance to speak alot to everyone yet. However the people I have done are alright. So far my favorite person is Scott or Scooty Toots. Hes British as well as me, he's 18 and we're both starting University without a clue what were doing. Like twins?!? So hopefully he feels the same way about me too.

Alliances are key. I want to make a few smaller ones to form a majority for me. Like two allainces of three. Giving me 4 allies. Not sure if this will happen soon or not, but its my goal to take control of this game, as Ive never done it before. I dont want to come across as controling however so smaller groups is the way to do it in my head.

Omfg y'all...... The game started like maybe 16 hours ago and I have barely spoken to most of my tribe bc I was a lil busy last night & had some damage control to handle in EMVV but like..... ??? I already found the idol in the Play Room CTFUUUU. We fucking stan. I immediately told my son Scooty because he's my bae.... I haven't had my hands on an idol in an org since like...... 703 San Marcos when I was voted out w it in my pocket (i think?? i cant remember any others so..) so BEST BELIEVE I'm going to use this correctly. THAT IS MY MAIN MISSION. I'm craving that satisfaction of a successful idol play...... I would love to cross that off my imaginary org goals list..... BUT WHEW I'M PUMPED.

I am making a pact with myself to not be an overly annoying gamebot this season because I just wanna have fun with it and make it a chaotic season, and this lil buddy is gonna allow me to be as extra and messy and turbulent as I please <3 big dick energy

Helloo so here I am doing this org thingy so you're stuck with my thoughts of regret until I die, or you could just not read them that's also an option.

Anyhow god save the queen blabla after more time that it should've taken me I get that I'm in one of two tribes of 9 which is kinda good because with snaller tribes I feel lime everything is more claustrophobic and shit hits the wall the moment we lose a challenge. But with 9 players imo I feel more relaxed.

So summary of who am I stuck with, there are a few who I know from before so let's start with that.

First off Jose, already played an org with him and we were good allies so my first instinct was to call him a bastard and hey he took it well so hopefully it will be a smooth sailing with that lad.

But after Jose I don't expect the meta to be kind to me.

Michael and Mo were both in my last org and I blindsided them both. Tbh they were good allies until that point so I'm more than willing to work with them in this game, hopefully they feel the same way.

But anyhow then there's Felix who I think I technically played with? We meet during a merge and he went out early without us ever talking much so really this is gonna be my first time really playing with him, he's the only one that I haven't talked to yet though I hope he gets online.

Then there's Tobi. I've heard of him and from the get go he strike me as a very straight shoot-y player. Those are always interesting to play with so let's see how that goes.

There's Dani, she seems nice and compared to Tobi she seems more social instead of strategy focused but then again it's been one day and I'm talking out of my ass.

Then there's jaylen who seems nice aswell even if I haven't talked much to him.

And finally David the absolute unit, and I say that bc he instantly started focusing on the challenge, which is a breath of fresh air plus he's Canadian so what's not to like thus far.

Talking about the challenge I get anxiety by just looking at it, scavenger hunts are always hard for me bc I live with people and I want them to remain thinking I am a normal member of society so I always need to be sneaky to do this crap, plus I don't have a car or anything so I have to use public transport if I need to go anywhere.

Apart from that well I would like to set up a 5 man majority alliance just to be safe, my only fear is the ever so feared overplaying-doom. But I feel like someone like tobi would jump on that idea pretty easily so I'll have a chat with him about that idea.

Oh and also look at me I remembered to guess for the idol TWO times in a row. I could die this very same week doesn't matter that's already an improvement on my usual gameplay.

Hi since I’m required to do these once an episode, I’ll use this one to talk about my tribe and maybe a few on the other tribe that I saw were on.

Guacamole - They seem fun. I talked with them last night, but our convo went short because we played jack box together. They seem nice though.

Linus - Mix feelings. I can get a completely loyal Linus here, or a cutthroat linus, so I’m kinda wary right now towards him but the vibes I’m getting I don’t think he’s going to be an issue, atleast for now.

Madison/Madisin - She was also at the jackbox last night and I enjoyed her, she was dying laughing at the games and I thought she was funny. So hopefully I get a chance to talk to her today.

Malik - Who? Let’s not talk about that bitch.

Rhys - He literally waits until we’re in a game to talk to me, so I peep it. And you could say I should reach out to him but it’s annoying when I have and he doesn’t do it until we’re in a game together. Boggles the mind. If I can overcome doing that, so can you. But I enjoy our current coversation as of the moment.

Ryan - We just played Mount Olympus together recently and that was a bust for us both. I’m kind of hoping we can be on the same side since it’s been a while since that’s happened. However, Ryan says he just wants to have fun so I don’t fault him if he does crazy things down the road!!

Scooter - I don’t know about him yet. We haven’t talked at all but he seems interesting. Maybe I can give a better opinion when we talk.

Steven - Very hilarious and I’m also intrigued by him. His thinking and way of talking during the jackbox had me DYING I loved it. I think he’s my new favorite new person here so far.

Wes - I only saw him once but we haven’t talked yet so idk what to say. He said he’s from ndims and is an alias of someone, I just don’t know if I know the alias since I was on that site also. But hopefully it could be someone who knows me as Orlando.

Now for the people I know on the other tribe:

Ahrre - I cant stand him too much after our last season of JPORG. He has this self righteous attitude to him and I don’t like it. However, I warmed up to him a bit during the movie times we had been present for awhile back so hopefully if we see each other again, I won’t have that opinion anymore.

Big Tuna aka Danielle - YASSS I love ha! I know her from the Skype minis and she’s amazing. I hope I finally get to play with her for once in a non mini game ❤️

Felix - Felix is a fucking wildcard. I love him, but he has really pissed me off in games in the past, and I’m hoping this one won’t be like those other ones.

Jaylen - A mess but a friend! He plays how he wants and doesn’t care what people thinks or tweaking it to better it but that’s Jaylen for you! Accept it or don’t phew.

Jose - He’s a fucking snake at times LOL but he’s lovely. I wouldn’t mind too much of being on a tribe with him.

That’s all from me for now so hope I stay around longer to see how this season goes!

so the tea is that this tribe is drier than an old lady's pussy and its so hard to talk to these people... there are no personalities... the only people i feel mildly happy talking to are ahhre and jose... and the tea is that both of them asked to be allies w me im like o ok sis lets do this so i have at least like 2 votes i know abt... and i know david from a prior org but thats not really a good thing bc i fucked him over hardcore and like... he knows im a snake LKJHDFSLK I really don't know how to maneuver strategically with this cast butttt ill try my best hehe

Oh wow!! I can't believe I haven't made a confessional yet what a shocker. BUT HI! I'm kind of just trying to get myself acquainted with everyone in the group, I'm not as active as I'd like to be :C but I'm trying my best teehee. On the first night or so Linus, Malik, Stephen, Madison and I played Jackbox games and it was SUPER LIT and We bonded over that and I'm v happy about thatttt. (ofc I already know madison and I already love her but I haven't talked to her in game yet aklsdjf) I just started talking with Scooty today, or Scooty? I might just call him Scooty, ANYWAY yeah we got to talk about how we type similarly and that was nice, we bonded over that and it was littY. I also got to talk to Rhys!! He also seems like a neat guy - I still haven't talked to him a lot but I think he's cool. I honestly don't know who else is on the tribe, Wes and Ryan right? Wes and I talked a little bit, but barely. and Ryan hasn't talked to me at all lmao. Hopefully right now I've made enough connections though. I'd like to make tribe swap so I can meet more people and make friends lololol - wish me luck gang!

I’m getting along with everyone really well so I know I won’t be the first fine at the very least so I just need to lay low laugh and Kiki with everyone and hopefully I can survive for the long term

I’m doing the Scavenger Hunt and knowing me I decided to wait till the last two hours to do everything I can. So now I have an hour and a half to film a bunch of videos

Okay so talking to my tribe Im begining to feel less at ease with them. Mostly because most of them hardly seem to talk. Which dosent bode well for me. Could mean im on the outs and they dont like me. Or that They're all inactive.

Madison seems like the easy boot right now just because like, who?!?. Shes not been around Ive messaged her once and she left me on read.

So Steven had to leave but we still have to do the challenge as if he was competing which PROBABLY means were going to tribal. So ive been working on getting an allaince going. Ive talked to Malik and Brought the Idea of us forming a trio with someone. Luckly he picked Linus because I talk to him aswell. So fingers crossed we can get that going.

I also have a great feeling from Scooty aka scott. So like Hopefully i can get another trio with him going aswell. So then I will be solid untiill a swap.

I do have a concern that Scott and Ryan are close and Malik and Linus are close. More so that I would be their second choice out of the trio if one is made. However thats not going to effect me I dont think this early. So fingers Crossed.

uhm so!! STEVEN QUIT which im rly sad for two reasons. one for him bc i know he wanted to do well and i hope hes doing ok and i geniunely wish the best for him and the other reason is selfish bc i literally.. planted my seeds on him already? like. all that work for nothin. and now we sitting here actin as if madison aint afk and aint gunna submit nothing..

like its the only reason ive done these dumb videos so that i wont be seen as the weak link if we ever lose again almdlddg.. but uhm hopefully my seeds that are in rhys/jones keep me safe bc if madison gets out here i have ryan/rhys/jones to keep me safe.. so im not gonna be that upset if we lose LOL esp bc ik linus/malik r gunna be scary af later on

hopefully we win tho? so i dont have to deal with this stress? i dont wanna relive louvre where i visitted every single premerge tribal except for 2.. even tho i did well hehe uhm. YAH WE’LL SEE :)

I'm kinda bummed that this last challenge wasn't immunity anymore because we smoked the other tribe, LOL. But at the same time, I'm glad cuz I wouldn't wanna lose the challenge after one of my tribe members quit, that'd just be sad as fuck, LOL.

Also, I feel a good rapport developing further between Danielle and I. I feel like her and I can dominate this game together, but I can't get too ahead of myself here. The first couple of rounds are meant to create social bonds and I feel like I've done a good job of that thus far. Only person I haven't talked to is Jaylen and I'm okay with that, cuz if we lose the immunity challenge, he's most likely the first one to go.

Okay, thankgoodness that the challenge was changed to reward last minuet. Because we wouldve gone to tribal.  Maddison is legit missing. I dont even care if we win or loose this next challenge because she needs to go.

So firstly that reward was weird like woo thanks pretty crown but there’s nothing else so I’m thinking that someone else has the clue and my best bet would be jaylen bc he got the Crown Jewels the most important piece. Overall I’m very nervous for this battleship challenge because in my mind it’s mostly luck based so my fate is really out of my hands.

Well, not much honestly but I'm gonna write a confessional for round 1 and stuff so I don't get a strike

The game is going okay I'm trying not to be aggressive talking to people, but just letting people come to me and make conversation right now honestly I'm trying to play UTR since I think considering madison doesn't exist right now I think I'm able to do that TBH. Hopefully it all works out.

I volunteered to do the battleship challenge thing because I have no life and it looked like no one else was gonna volunteer.

I actually know Linus he played with me in Epic SBB in Hell, so that's nice to not be going in with no connections period.

Sorry this wasn't that long but it's something I guess

If we lose probably another confessional will be writen but right now there isn't much to report

I’m for sure feeling a little bit more nervous now because a lot of this challenge is about being organised and teamwork and we could barely have someone sit out so fingers crossed

Heyo so we won the challenge so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell but hey we've got bragging rights, which is pretty much it since unfortunately Steven was medevaced out of da game so even though the other tribe lost they didn't go to tribal.

A bit annoying knowing you did that for nothing but oh well the other tribe seems to be having a rough time by itself with steven quitting and someone (Madison I think) not submitting anything lol

And I say for nothing bc technically we won reward but it was one of those first come first serve things and I only got seved a jpg image so nothing fancy there...

But at least now the next challenge is something where 8 out of 9 people on the tribe don't have to do anything and you bet your ass after that first challenge I'm gonna be one of the 8. David the unit took it upon himself to carry us to victory so godspeed lad.

However this challenge is pretty luck based so I'm saying fuck that I'm not talking my chances.

Following last confessional I talked to tobi about making an alliance and he was onboard, he proposed to have Jose on it which is great since that was my idea anyways, plus I told dani and she was also on board, and to finish up the hipotetical majority of 5 she said he was cool with Michael.

I haven't talked to him yet and Jose hasn't been online but hopefully we should be fine.

Ngl would like to have an alliance with david and felix too, david bc he seems like a total lad with the challenges and Felix because he later told me he felt the most confortable with me.

But regardless hopefully we won't even have to go to tribal (and if we do at least there are other options for the vote)

For now I shall be the dumb cheerleader of the bunch for a game of battleship.

Ahhh, I feel so bad that I lost the challenge for my tribe. I feel like going into a challenge with the weight of the win or loss stacked against you is huge. But I did come REALLY close and my tribe seems to respect that I almost got us the win. I don't think I'll go anywhere tomorrow for tribal, but you never know.

Yesss we won immunity. I’m happy we could after Steven left. They made our challenge a reward for that and we lost but it’s fine because WE WON immunity phew. And it’s all thanks to Wes. So far to me, Madison is looking the easiest vote off right now because I haven’t talked to her and I haven’t seen her so that’s my view on it. The three I talk to the most on my tribe are Rhys, Linus and Scoots. Then Ryan and Guacamole. Then Wes and finally Madison. I hope this game doesn’t pull a JPORG Fitzroy Island, I don’t wanna be screwed over by a random ass tribe swap. But I basically dig my tribe and hope that I won’t be the first to go.

Whew we won?! What. I thought we were gonna fuckin loose. Noah fence Wes.

Sad tings though because Madison is probably going to strike out. Oh well.

Ya boi still hasn’t gone to tribal so stay mad.

It’s fucking gross having to go to tribal council and I can’t be dealing but I seem to have found myself in two alliances with only dani connecting the two so I’m gonna work with dani to ride this middle ground and make it further

I’m going home omfg. I can’t really have a deep convo with anyone, which means I don’t have an alliance even though I’m sure one has been made ugh. I’m gonna focus on surviving this round then seeing what I can get set up next round. Wish me luck whew

I’m pissed because it’s super obvious that the other 7 on my tribe are in a mega tight alliance. Steven was my only alliance in this hole game, and like, he even told me he found an idol and then on his way out he didn’t even slip me the idol??? Can’t wait to be voted out 7-1 because he wanted a souvenir.

So the tea is that ahrre and I made an alliance of 5 which includes him, me, Jose, Dani, and Michael which I think is cute but they are really boring so meh idk I’ll just flip during merge x JDJSJD I’m a messy bitch

ugh i'm so glad we won immunity bc our tribe is already severely lacking in strong members bc Steven left us out to perish and Madison aint shown her face yet... so the numbers getting back to even is great for us <3

Right so unfortunately we lost the battleship game so that means we're heading to the first tribal of the game, fun stuff.

Now as we lost I got the Me-michael-jose-dani-tobi alliance set up. Meanwhile Felix was telling me that for him it was between Jose or Jaylen, since they've been the least active. Understandable but more understandable is that I'm in an alliance with Jose so for me it seems like it's gonna be Jaylen, who I also haven't spoken much with so I don't mind, albeit every tribal we go to before swapping or merging I see it as a potential ally down the line going home, which shucks.

Either way the alliance (and everyone else for that matter) agreed on jaylen, I also told Jose in kind words to get his shit together before he gets sent home but that's pretty much it. I'm gonna try to lay down for now I don't want to bring any unwanted attention to myself.

Hopefully tribal goes well.

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo. Ok so currently the plan is to vote out Jaylen which I don’t have a problem with, it’s kinda sad because he is actually really nice but somewhat inactive. I’m on my way to get a burger and fries and I’m fucking ecstatic like I’m so fucking hungry it’s stupid. Also watch me get blindsided.

So we went into this chalenge on a high after wining the reward and I was the one who got the most points out of everyone :))). Although I’m nervous this will put a target on my back, I’m happy that I have kind of proven my dominance in this game! After losing the challenge, I’m upset!! This was all luck based which sucks! After that, I started talking more with Felix, David, Michael and Ahree. Within the span of like 30 minutes, I got added to 2 seperate groups. I was like “iiii” because this can get messy fast. Michael is in both of the groups as well so I don’t feel too bad because at least there is someone else in my position as well. I get along with Felix a lot and have had quite a few good convos with him! David seems to want to lead things in the group he made, which is whatever. Keeps the target off of me, especially if we go to tribal again. I expect to make more confessionals throughout the course of the game, usually videos but I’m pretty tired right now haha.

I just took a nap and there's no tribal and I'm always trying my best. My tribe doesn't hate me for some reason even though I sure would. Oh well. I really miss Steven I hope he's okay.

Steven quit half way through this episode. Then Jaylen was voted out 8-1. 

[canaryatlaw]

So today was all around pretty sweet. Got out of bed at my alarm at 7, like a good girl, and went to work. Work was a bit of a scramble, I did a lot of different things so I may not recount all of them perfectly. I started with more jail phone calls, which I did at other points in the day as well. Nothing super interesting came out today other than the mom like cursing out her 16 year old daughter and saying she didn't want to see her when she gets out of prison, because she's clearly an awful person. But like, mom's not even a party on this case because she never came forward, despite giving birth to the child???? Idk, it's weird. Stupid. So I did that until around 11 when I had the interview scheduled for, so I called the juvenile correctional facility (proper name) and got bounced around a few times until I got the guy I was talking to yesterday who then put the kid on the phone. I know it's like, basically a jail, but it still kind of bugs me that they refer to them as "offenders" or "inmates." We're always very intentional with our language because they're our clients, so we make sure to always refer to them as such. But anyway. I wasn't sure what to expect from him, I want to say he's like 17 or so, and basically I was interviewing him because he's set to get out at the end of the month and there's a CIPP next week for him to try and figure out a placement. He was actually really polite, very "yes m'am" and such, and he seemed to be in a pleasant mood and I'm sure fairly excited at the prospect of getting out. He gave mostly one word questions, which to be fair is all that was really required for a lot of the questions. He was not enrolled at school at the facility (don't know how that works) but when he gets out he wants to get his GED and go on to college to study music, with his future plans being to "inspire people in the same situation I'm in through my music" so hey, good for him. As far as placement he wants to go live with his aunt in Texas, which is somewhat questionable because she used to to be his guardian but he got returned to the system because his behavioral problems were giving her "high blood pressure" (smh). But relative placements are generally a good thing, so that may work. Overall it was pretty short, but I got all the info I needed so I'm counting it as a win. I wrote it up as a narrative afterwards then went back to the phone calls. At one point my boss gave me some stuff to work on, but I ended up going back to the phone calls until I could review them with that lawyer towards the end of the day. I had gone through my notes and highlighted the important stuff, where they talked about evading DCFS or when their relationship was particularly evident (given that they're not supposed to be together, according to his testimony). So that was good. Afterwards I didn't have very much time left, but I started on an assignment my boss had given me regarding a client who essentially went missing, but is supposedly living in a city in Illinois with her mom, so she wanted me to call the caseworker and see if I could find her on Facebook or anything. Caseworker didn't answer, so I moved on to Facebook. Apparently another lawyer had tried a few months ago and didn't get any results. Well, my web sleuthing skills tend to be pretty good, and I was able to locate a potential profile for the mom that was friends with a profile with the same name as the daughter, with other contextual clues pointing to them, so that could be a potential lead, though there's no information posted publicly so we'd have to have the investigation unit message them apparently. I also did a people search on lexis which is apparently something you can do, and it turned up one Illinois address in a town not too far from the one we were told they were living in, so that's a potential lead to probe when I get back. And yeah, then it was 2:30 and I headed out. Got an uber pretty quickly, nice driver if a little quirky, when he heard I was gonna head to O'hare shortly after going home and grabbing my things he asked if he could hang around and do it as one trip and I said sure, so when we got home I just ran in and changed, then through some things in my bag and headed back out, which was all I really needed to do. My downstairs neighbor, the dad, was outside playing with his two adorable children, and when I was walking in the little boy stood in the middle of the sidewalk and tried to like, growl at me, but it was actually the cutest thing I've ever heard and I could not stop laughing lol. Then on my way out a few minutes later he decided he was a puppy and wanted me to pet him, and then his sister decided she was one too and between the two of them it was just so darn cute it made me smile. We hit the road again and hit a little bit of traffic getting to the airport but still got there right on time so no worries there. It's probably my most expensive uber trip, it came out to like $65, but I was in the car for like, 2 hours, so it was a significant amount of distance lol. The airport wasn't very crowded, which is always a relief in this city. Checked my bag quickly, then got through security in just a few minutes. When I stepped out of the scanner machine the guard made a quirk about having to do a field sobriety test because I had two different socks on, and I was like.....really? And he was like no I'm just joking haha then asked if it was intentional and I told him it was. It was a bit of a trek to the gate, all the way at the far end of the terminal, and I thought I was lost at one point but I was actually headed in the right direction. So I got down there and surveyed the scene, saw that they hadn't started boarding yet and probably wouldn't for a little bit, so I walked back and bought a sandwich and some granola since the flight wasn't gonna get in until 8:46 (supposedly, anyway). So I sat at the gate and ate my sandwich, as we waited, and waited, and waited. We were told we were just waiting on the crew and we should be boarding "soon," and it would only set us back 15 minutes. Alright, fair enough. We did eventually board, and there was some confusion with seating and I got bumped up one row from where my ticket said but that wasn't a big deal of course. So then we boarded the plane and waited some more. We were like, set to go, phones on airplane mode and everything, but then ended up sitting for a while longer waiting for our turn to go, and soon enough it was 6:30 when the flight was supposed to take off at 5:30....sigh. So I turned my phone off airplane mode for a second to let the guy who was picking me up know this, and then we took off shortly after that. The flight itself was fine, it took them pretty long to get the drinks out but I didn't really care lol. As has been my tradition for flights lately, I read the fanfiction I had earlier downloaded offline to my phone. Read some short stories and one fairly long one, and enjoyed them all quite a bit. We ended up landing around 9:10, so not too bad from our expected arrival time (note the time difference as well). Got off the plane and headed to baggage claim, the terminal was pretty much deserted, our flight was the only people there. Baggage came soon enough, and then my ride showed up. Since my parents absolutely refuse to go to laguardia airport since they're slightly nuts and hate it (it is a pain in the ass but they're unreasonable about it) they always just have our family friends who own a limo service send somebody out to get me. Tonight it was the dad of the family, who I know pretty well of course. It was a decent length ride back, so we talked about different things, I shared about my job and he wanted to know how I handled the more heartbreaking elements of it and such, and we talked a bit about the current political climate, though I chose my words very carefully since I knew he was a Trump fan (or used to be anyway, I don't know how he feels about him now). We were talking about the poverty problem and I basically just framed it as whether you believe in public or private funding, as Christians we are called to help the poor, and the attitude of simply being apathetic and even demeaning towards them is all too common in Christian circles and simply antithetical to what the bible says, and I think he definitely agreed with that. Overall it was a pleasant ride. Got home around 10:30, but everyone was still up and around (save my younger brother, who's always out doing something with somebody and never really around). So we talked and ate and just hung out for a little while, and made some more plans for tomorrow after the baby shower as well as for our city trip on Sunday, just figuring out the mechanics and all that. I'm excited for the baby shower for sure. They asked that instead of cards everyone bring a children's book and inscribe it, so they could read them all to their child. I had gotten the book Corduroy off amazon and had it shipped to the house since that was my favorite book when I was a little kid, so I wrote a little message in the front entitled "dear little one" and signed "Aunt Rachel" which just made me feel really happy to write because ahhhhh I love children and no matter if I end up in New York or not I am most definitely going to be around for this child's life and be Aunt Rachel, just as she was my cousin growing up and her mom was my aunt (though of course we have no blood relation, I always still refer to her as my cousin and she does the same). So yeah, I'm super excited for that. And then I'll apparently go to the fair that's in town with my sister for a bit and then I'm making sure we go to see Wonder Woman because I need to see this movie and cannot wait any longer. But yeah, good day and I'm happy to be home. Should be lots of fun over the next two weeks and I'm looking forward to it. That's it for now. Goodnight sweethearts. Hope you have a lovely weekend.