#personally i think ashiok should start with teyo and move on from there but i am open to suggestions

[wifelinkmtg]

Cruel Angel’s Thesis intensifies

Technically, it’s “Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty” and not “Neon Dynasty Kamigawa” but only the latter facilitates “get in the robot, Shinji” jokes when you tap your pilot token to crew your Thundersteel Colossus, so. Anyway, none of the mecha cards are relevant to this project - it would have been too much to hope for a POWER DoLLS situation - so really, the moral of the story is that I should have saved the Samurai Jack title joke for this edition.

TODAY ON WIFELINK: GUSHING ABOUT CYBERPUNK FANTASY JAPAN

NDK was a great set, you have to understand. Do you remember how one of the few unequivocally good things about Legend of Korra was this project of imagining a 1920s industrial setting derived from (mostly) East Asian art and architecture? Yeah, similar story here. Just one example: the Imperial mecha look like someone did origami to sheet metal, which is super cool and lends their faction a distinct visual identity. The art in this set is gorgeous - soaring architecture, grungy neon alleyways, sick cyborgs, spirits (in the original Kamigawa block, spirits had some of the weirdest creature designs Magic had ever had, and this continues that legacy) - sagas! saga art is in-universe visual representation of a story that’s important to the people of the world, and NDK sagas are told on ornamental fans, wall scrolls, porcelain jugs, the carved hilt of a katana, a silk dress, in a leaf carving and vector graphics AND, the best saga art ever, on the back of a biker rat’s leather jacket. (I would be remiss at this point not to recommend Rhystic Studies’ extremely good video on sagas.)

And the mechanics! Sagas turn into creatures when the story is over, sort of living memories. Ninjutsu made a triumphant return, the channel mechanic multiplied interesting choices, and so did the reconfigure mechanic, which let you either use a mechanical centipede as a whip attached to one of your creatures, or let it operate autonomously as a creature in its own right (which led to one of the best type lines in MtG: “Legendary Artifact Creature - Equipment Jellyfish.”)

The draft environment - and I know I’m way off-topic here, but I’m about to say some mildly unkind things about this set and I need to preface it - the draft environment was the best I’ve ever encountered. There were so many different viable archetypes, so many different cool choices you could make during drafts and gameplay. The blue-black ninjas deck, fast red-black artifact sacrifice, recursive green-white enchantments - all felt powerful and fun. The whole set was flavorful and compelling, and there are not that many good wifelink hits, I’m sorry to say.

THE QUALITY OF A MAGIC THE GATHERING SET IN TERMS OF THIS PROJECT IS NOT AN IMPORTANT INDICATOR OF OVERALL SET QUALITY

Heiko Yamazaki, the General (art by Magali Villeneuve)

Heiko makes it where her cousin Norika (also by Villeneuve) doesn’t for two reasons: one is that I find Heiko’s broody expression indicative of a rich and stormy internal life, which always hits me like the smoky scent of a fine scotch or a cup of lapsang souchong. A woman with inner turmoil draws me like a moth to a bug-zapper, which I suppose is why I keep getting into trouble with older women in troubled relationships. “If I simply provide enough unpaid therapy, she’ll leave her abusive husband back in [REDACTED FORMER SOVIET REPUBLIC] & also the closet she’s been in for forty-five years & stay in the United States with me!” Yeah, that’ll happen, idiot.

The other reason is that Norika is a cop.

Tamiyo, Compleated Sage (art by Chris Rahn)

There are a lot of planeswalkers I don’t care about, personally, and I’m not only talking about the male ones. If I’m being honest, my engagement with Magic story has always been kind of shallow on account of Magic story is frequently (but not always!) bad. Like, pursuant to the previous entry, I did enjoy the apparently-uncredited story about the Yamazakis Wizards published back in February. It’s compelling! There’s juice to that relationship. We will never get anything else about these characters.

See, it turns out that the incentives of creating a collectible card game are not terribly aligned with those of creating rich long-form fantasy stories. Novelty sells cards. We hop around. Those few characters who do enjoy a prolonged spotlight often wilt under the attention as we all collectively get sick to death of the fucking Gatewatch or whoever else. Magic the Gathering is still compelling media, or else why would I be doing this, but to me it’s a kaleidoscopic whirl of mostly detached ideas, characters, settings, and vibes.

ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY that I never knew much or cared to about Tamiyo. She was some nerd from Kamigawa who didn’t save Avacyn, whatever. Then the Phyrexians got her and turned her into an ichor-weeping cyborg brainwashed into working toward the universal expansion of New Phyrexia, a biomechanical plane of horror, corruption, and ego death, so now she’s hot!

Go-Shintai of Hidden Cruelty (art by Johannes Voss)

I don’t think I can explain this one, to be honest. Sometimes you just wanna get fucked up by a magical bone machine.

I KNOW THIS ONE HAS BEEN REALLY TALKY ALREADY BUT I GOT SOME BEHIND-THE-SCENES STUFF TO SAY AND A SET WITH ONLY THREE HITS SEEMS AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY

Well, only three hits that I can find high-quality images of for. I suppose I could be using card rips of Tia Masic’s Moon-Circuit Hacker (reminiscent of my introduction to cyberpunk via Shadowrun, a bad setting paired with a bad system which nevertheless compelled me to consume more cyberpunk, most of it also bad) or Wisnu Tan’s Spring-Leaf Avenger (a delightful vaguely-orchid-mantis bug ninja) but that would look like

and

...oh wait that actually looks fine, at least to me on desktop. Okay, then, I’ll incorporate those into my strategy as an acceptable last resort going forward. Actually, while I’m at it:

Junji, the Midnight Sky (art by Chase Stone)

The dragon’s hot, man, I don’t know what to tell you.

THE OTHER THING IS ABOUT WHAT WE WILL GENEROUSLY CALL AN “UPDATE SCHEDULE”

Phyrexia: All Will Be One releases the second week in February and I am goddamn well going to review that as soon as it’s out, because I played Cyberqueen at the young and impressionable age of twenty-two and now “quasi-omnipotent dominatrix corrupts you into a biomechanical horror ecstatically enslaved to her will” is the hottest thing I will ever get out of Magic: the Gathering unless Ashiok decides to start force-femming planeswalkers, so I am going to be tearing through one set a week for the next three weeks.

Next time is New Capenna, the Art Deco Metropolis of organized crime, bad draft experiences, and well-muscled arms, followed by a return to Dominaria where my excitement for more Phyrexians will be tempered by the fact that my favorite characters from the last Dominaria set are not quite so hot this time round.