#personally i only ever was allowed to watch tv when i was home sick so i rarely ever watch it lol

[writersblog20]

Not how it works

Pedro Pascal x reader

Summary: When your uncle dies on your birthday and shit hits the van with family. Pedro jumps in moments of crisis.

Warnings: TRAUMA bestie, trauma, losing a loved one, death of a loved one, hospitals, mention of dissociating, TOXIC family, getting kicked out of the family, breakdowns, not being able to say goodbye, abandonment, neglect (this whole stories is full with pain so please read with caution if you’re vulnerable for this. You’re not alone)

A/n: So this is extremely personal and very specific. I need to write this off of me so I can deal with the trauma. This is probably going to have a part 2 because this bullshit isn’t over. everything that is the backstory for this story has happened this week. I’v lost my uncle, can’t say goodbyes, been kicked out of the family because of one piece of shit ‘aunt’, who tries to break the whole family. Please read the warnings. This isn’t for everyone

Not how it works

You were currently chilling with Pedro at your house. He stayed with you for a couple of weeks for shooting and stuff. You worked on the production team and became close friends with Pedro. This wasn’t the first time working together but this project made you grow closer to each other than ever. You were watching a movie until your phone went off. It was your mom and you picked up. “Hi mom” you greeted “Hi dear, uhm I don’t have great news. Your uncle Jo is in the hospital… he’s not doing great. We have to go to say goodbye to him.” you stared in front of you, trying to process it. Pedro noticed the sudden change in energy and paused the tv. “Okay…. I’ll get changed. What time are you here?” you asked her and stood up.

“Ehm… it’s only for the brothers, sisters and children….” She told you and your disbelieve grew. “So… I can’t go?” your voice broke slowly and Pedro looked with concern at you. “No, I’m sorry. But I’ll come when we’re done.” She told you and you sat down back defeated. Anxiety, worry swirled through your stomach, making you almost physically sick. “okay.” Your voice broke down completely and you hang up. you were waiting for a reality check right now and tried to comprehend it.

“Sweetheart? What’s going on?” Pedro’s voice ever so gentle and laced with worry as he sat closer to you, rubbing your back softly. “My uncle… he’s going to die… he’s in the hospital.” You told him. “Okay, so let’s go than!” Pedro told you and stood up, holding out his hand for you. You just looked at him, eyes started to water up, making you feel defeated. “I’m not allowed… I can’t go.” Your voice broke and Pedro looked with disbelieve at you. “Are you serious right now?” Pedro didn’t understood and to be honest, neither did you. The tears started to slip and you started to sob. Pedro immediately sat down and pulled you into a tight hug.

He knew about your family and how you always felt left out. With the death of your godfather, you weren’t allowed into the church or whatever. They made you stand outside, all  alone and in the cold, which was extremely traumatic and it was all because one piece of shit of a ‘lady’. You were still struggling with that to this day and this brought you back to that point, where you were, once again, all alone. You were a wreck right now and Pedro’s shirt was wet from all the crying.  You were in for a rollercoaster and Pedro and you knew it.  

You held contact with your mom but you couldn’t contact her anymore, feeling even more left out. Finally after 7 hours, you heard from her. She called you to ask you if it was okay if she was going home or not. You couldn’t believe it. “No. I rather want to see you. I’ve been waiting all day.” You said with tears in your eyes. Pedro was softly rubbing your back, sympathy and pain written over his face. The way he saw you, broke his heart into pieces and how they already treated you.

In ten minutes your mom arrived at your home. You both sat there in silence. “We had to eat together with everyone… and your niece was there as well and nephews.” You felt your blood boil. “So they could but I couldn’t??” you started to get mad as the tears slipped down your cheeks. Pedro heard everything from the kitchen, where he stood so he gave you both some privacy but could still hear and see you. “Y/N, They had to be!” You shook your head and let out a frustrated chuckle. “Oh okey, so they could all say goodbye. Everyone except for me! And what about dinner Huh? I’ve been waiting here all goddamn day! The whole FUCKING day for what? I didn’t hear from anyone because you were all together and I HAD to stay home! I couldn’t even say goodbye!” you were furious to say the least. “I would’ve really fucking appreciated if someone asked me: ‘hey, I know you’re at home, would you like to have at least dinner? So we’re all together? But no, no one asked me because they don’t care!”

“They do!” she told you. “Oh really?” you didn’t believe anything she was saying right now. “You want to go to the hospital than? You want to say goodbye?” she asked you and you were absolutely flabbergasted as you got into a fight with your mom. “Yes, of course I want to say goodbye!” She nodded and clenched her jaw. “Then get dressed.” You looked surprised at her. “You said I wasn’t allowed….” You couldn’t believe it and it fueled your anger. “You are now.” you shook your head, not understanding that, now you could but not before when there were even people who weren’t allowed in. And they didn’t even think of calling you. No, they left you with all the question, didn’t respond, left you out as usual.

You stormed passed Pedro, tears streaming down your face as you walked up stairs. “Be quick.” Your mom called after you. Pedro looked at your mom and quickly went after you. You were sobbing while gathering your stuff. Pedro had a sympathetic look on his face, which became almost permanently now. “Can you please come with me?” Pedro looked at you with a soft gentle look and nodded. He walked up to you and pulled you into a hug. “Don’t worry, I won’t ever leave you alone. Do you understand that? I’m not going anywhere baby girl.” He told you as he looked straight into your eyes and cupped your cheeks. He only called you baby girl when life got super rough and you needed gentleness in your life.

You nodded, tears still streaming but now because of the warmth and love radiating from Pedro. (The love and warmth you needed so bad in your life.) You were ready and all got into the car. Pedro held your hand the entire way. It was late at night and the hospital was almost empty. You felt a pit in your stomach as you stood in the elevator. You searched for Pedro’s hand and held it. Your family didn’t know that you knew Pedro, let alone be so close. The elevator opened and you stepped out, seeing your uncle, some other aunts and uncles that you didn’t know and some you did. You greeted them as you usually did and your mom took you to the room he laid in.

Pedro waited for you in the ‘family room’. You walked into the room of your uncle and he was everything except peaceful. He couldn’t communicate and was very agitated and was fighting his own death which broke your heart even more. You saw your grandma comforting your uncle. It broke your heart to see. Your grandma already lost one of her sons (your godfather) and not even 2,5 years later, her other son. Comforting him to his own death.

You sat there for a good hour and a half before coming back to the family room. Pedro was awaiting your reaction but you were so extremely closed off that he was unable to read you, so he figured the worst because you would never close him off. You gave your family a hug and left, making your way to the elevator.  You were all silent and Pedro gave you the space you needed, never pushing you for answers but waiting until you were ready to talk about it. But Pedro noticed when you wanted affection as in, cuddles, holding your hand or your back, it didn’t really matter, you just wanted some physical contact. So that’s how he noticed that you were very much in need for some comfort, so he went with the back of his fingers over the back of your hand, making you grab his hand as you walked out of the elevator.

You walked to the car and it didn’t took long to arrive home. “He won’t make the night.” You commented, making your mother nod as you stood inside of your house. She gave you a hug and left, leaving you alone with Pedro. You poured a glass of wine in for yourself and looked at Pedro, if he wanted some. He was leaning against the kitchen counter as the clock ticked 1 AM. He nodded and gave you a sympathetic smile. You poured some in for him, got your joint and you jumped on the kitchen counter, lighting the joint and took a big puff.

You were both silent and Pedro stood next to you, not really knowing what to say or do. “are you…. okay?” he asked carefully and soft. Your eyes started watering and you tried to push away the overwhelming feeling of sadness and defeat. Even though how hard you tried, the tears started to slip. Pedro put his glass of wine away and put his arms around you for a hug. You were still sitting on the kitchen counter but the only person who was allowed in your bubble was Pedro. There was a safety, comforting and reassuring energy from him and you trusted him with your life. You started to sob, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. After an hour of crying and a bad headache, the weed finally kicked in, making you calm down a bit.

Pedro slept with you that night. Comforting where he could and giving you all the cuddles, making sure that you didn’t feel alone and that you felt loved.

The passing days, you’ve gone to the hospital. Your mother had a moment of communication with him and could say her goodbyes. You stood there, looking and unable to actually say goodbye. The next day, when you got ready for the hospital, they told you that you weren’t welcome anymore. It broke your heart but they said his children wanted to be with him, which you could understand. Until you heard and saw pictures that nieces and cousins were there.

On Thursday, it was your birthday and let’s just say, you were NOT in the mood. You walked downstairs, feeling heavy and it got rougher with the day. Pedro was already awake and was making you a birthday breakfast. He saw you walk down the stairs and gave you a soft smile, pulling you into a hug. “I know you’re not really in a festive mood but I still want to make you feel special sweetheart. Happy birthday baby girl.” He told you and you held onto him tighter. “Thank you Pepsi. I appreciate it.” He gave you a kiss on your forehead. You ate breakfast together and before you wanted to open your presents from Pedro, you got a call from your mom. You spoke to her before and she whished you a happy birthday so you knew that this call was going to be THE call.

“Hey sweetie…. There’s no easy way to say this but your uncle has passed away. I’m on my way so we can go to family okay?” you were silent and you felt completely empty. “Okay..” you whispered out and hang up. You stared at Pedro, still feeling empty and you felt confused because of that. So many feeling swirled to your body and you couldn’t identify them, leaving you feeling empty and confused. “He’s gone.” You whispered out and Pedro teared up, seeing you like this.

He stood up, placing his hands on your arms, making you stand up. He pulled you into a hug. “I’m so, so sorry… I’m here for you. I won’t leave you. You don’t have to do this alone baby girl. I’ll be with you.” you nodded, still feeling empty and weird.

Your mom and her boyfriend arrived at your house, whished you a happy birthday and their condolences at the same time. Friends of yours did the same thing. From going to happy birthday to my condolences, was horrible and confusing. You got in the car and held Pedro’s hand the entire ride to your grandma’s house and picking up your uncle on the way. You were scared that the same thing would happen here as it did with your godfather. (leaving you outside, unable to say your goodbyes, not allowed in the church because of COVID. But everyone knew better. She wanted you out of the family, a so called aunt of yours who wasn’t even in the goddamn family. She was married to your uncle so as a matter of fact, she had no right in any way, shape or form to put you away.)

Pedro knew what had happened with your godfather and how you despise her. It was trauma where you still haven’t really healed from. You told him there was a lot of tension in the family. Like A LOT. That so called aunt of yours, treated on of your uncles horrible. He had to do everything for everyone for free when he was still recovering from getting a new hip. And she even told him that he should be grateful that he could eat with them. She is one of the most evil person you’ve met. So, you knew that there was at least something going to happen. And that there would be a big bomb of confrontation, tension and drama, falling in one of these days.

You got out of the car and greeted the people in the house but something was off. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but something was going to happen. Your other aunt was behaving weird towards you. Not really looking at you when you tried to talk to her and sometimes staring at you when you were doing nothing and it caught not only your attention but Pedro’s as well, who sat next to you. You felt a distance between you and some ‘family members’.

One of your uncles came in, who you disliked as well cause he stood next to that piece of shit aunt and was one of the ‘leaders’ when your godfather died. So he was also to blame for how they treated you.

It was now 7 in the evening and you still hadn’t eaten yet, but they told you that Maria (THAT aunt) was making dinner. It was a part of the culture to eat together when there was a loss in the family. It wasn’t even up for discussion because you HAD to. So it was weird that you still hadn’t eaten yet but maybe after seeing your uncle who had passed, you would eat.

That uncle spoke up. “This is a sad day. I just want to make clear that what’s going to happen, are the whishes from the family and not my decision…” he looked at you and your mom, making you frown a bit. You felt a pit in your stomach as flashbacks from your godfather came to mind, scared that history was going to repeat itself. “After seeing him, we want you all to go home. We have long and tiring days ahead.” He finished his sentence, looking at you and your mom once again. Everyone stood up and his wife was looking sympathetic at you, making you even more suspicious. You looked at your mom and Pedro, hoping that they noticed it too. Your mom was too busy talking with that uncle so you looked at Pedro, who seemed to noticed it as well. “I’m with you, remember?” he softly told you, making you nod.

You all got in the car, your mom was driving, her boyfriend next to her, the uncle you picked up in the backseat and Pedro next to you. You were the second to arrive at the place they put your uncle in. Your godmother, another aunt and her daughters first as you waited. You couldn’t see him from where you were standing so you waited for your turn. Everyone followed behind you, there were at least 25 family members behind you. The kids of your uncle walked in and one of your aunts (his daughter that hugged you in the hospital) walked straight up to you and your mom. “I appreciate you coming here, but you’re not welcome. I need you to leave, you’re getting too close and I can’t deal with it.” you felt a brick hitting you, knocking out the air from your lungs. Tears started to water and your heart was pounding. Everyone was surprised and Pedro looked shocked.

You were the first to turn around and walk out of the building, almost knocking over that piece of shit of your uncle, over as you picked up your pace. You’re breathing started to become uneven while you sobbed, trying to catch some air. Everything was spinning around you. You heard someone call your name but you didn’t care anymore. The humiliation you felt and not being able to wrap your head around it. Why did she want you gone when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and when she hugged you in the hospital. You didn’t understand until it clicked where it came from. THAT aunt…. She was sleeping there and she wanted you gone from the minute you were in the family. They were vulnerable and she abused that vulnerability so she could push you and your mom out by manipulation.

You looked up in the sky for a minute, trying to get out of the panic attack, gasping for air. You felt hands on your arm, as the person tried to turn you around while you gasped for air. It was Pedro, worry extremely visible on his face. His heart broke into a million pieces, seeing you like this. You tried to push him away. The pain you felt in this moment was out of this world. You couldn’t handle it but Pedro didn’t budge. He knew you were in survival mode from this traumatic event.

“Hey, it’s me. It’s me, look at me.”  Pedro begged as he cupped your cheeks. “Breath for me baby girl, breath.” He begged and you sobbed uncontrollably. Pedro pulled you into a tight hug. You saw over his shoulder, your mom and her boyfriend talking to your (good) aunt and your other uncle (that you picked up) walked out, extremely mad and pointed at the car to go in. You were ready to leave this hell place right now. You got out of the hug and into the car. You were completely dissociating right now.

Your uncle extremely mad as he got in the car. “Bring me to the station. I’m leaving. This isn’t over yet, I promise you that! Nobody touches my family. Nobody touches Y/N. NEVER. Don’t you worry, this isn’t over.” He told you but it was over for you. you got kicked out by half of the family because one person dislikes you for no reason. The other half, was standing up for you but there was no way you would go back.

You stared out of the window, trying hard not to make a sound from crying. Pedro had his arm around you, holding you tightly to his side, never looking away from you. His hand cradled your head and carefully pulled you into him so you could hide in his neck. You arrived at the train station and you all got out of the car and hugged your uncle. He cupped your cheeks “Listen to me. You are my family. Fuck them. This isn’t over. You keep being strong okay sweetheart?” You nodded, tears streaming out over his hand and he gave you a kiss on your forehead before leaving.

You sat in the car again, everyone was silent. Even when you arrived home, you couldn’t comprehend what had happened. You were dissociating very hard and had a blank expression. Your mom was talking to her boyfriend while Pedro stayed next to you, never leaving your side or leaving you out of his sight.

You were going from crying to thinking everything over to feeling blank to hate. It was a whole damn rollercoaster. Your mom picked up some groceries for dinner but you weren’t hungry. You were all drinking wine that your mom got until she got a call from that aunt. She picked up and they told you that they had to go back and eat at grandma’s house. “So they even fucking lied….” You told them, remembering what that uncle told you before you left. Then she told you that the aunt that told you to leave, told everybody that she didn’t. you couldn’t believe it. “She said it in front of every fucking one! And now she wants to fucking LIE about it?!” your rage was out of this world and you angrily stepped outside in the garden, lighting a cigarette.

You sat on the lounge couch outside and lit the fireplace and stared at the fire for a couple of second until Pedro came outside with some wine and a blanket. You were silently crying from all the pain you felt. You knew that you weren’t going to be invited for the funeral. And even if you was, you wouldn’t go. You had to protect that little girl inside of you from ever happening something like this again. Kicked out to the curb like you so many people did before her. It wasn’t about ego or pride but to protect yourself and like I said, that little girl inside. If you would go, than you would show them that it was okay to treat you like this when it absolutely isn’t. You don’t want to be around so much toxicity. This had to be the hardest choice to make and there wasn’t a good ending for what you would choose except to protect yourself.

“Hey” Pedro said softly. Your face was puffy and irritated from crying so much, your eyes red and watery. You tried to give him a smile but you could see from miles away it wasn’t meant. He placed the bottle of wine on the table in front of you and placed the blanket over your shoulders. It started to rain but luckily the lounge area came with a roof. Music softly played in the background. You had your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on your knee. “Thank you.” you softly murmured as you poured wine into your glass.

Pedro didn’t know what to say to make it less painful for you. I mean, how could you. There was no way to make it less painful. “I’m so sorry….” He told you softly and carefully looked at you. Tears pooled in his own eyes as his heart broke to see you like this as images flashed in his mind of how you walked away and remembering the pain on your face. You looked at him and slowly nodded, both at this point unable to say anything. Pedro sniffled and looked away for a sec.

You looked down as tears just kept streaming as if you were in a trance. Pedro stood up and took your hand in his, making you stand up. You had no clue what he wanted to do but neither did you care that much. He sat down in the corner and softly pulled you with him so he could cuddle you in a more comfortable position. “God, I’m sorry.” He told you and pulled you in for a hug. Pedro held you tightly to his side while you cried. You held onto his cardigan, pulling it into your fist and squeezed tightly. “Just let it out baby girl. I’ve got you and I won’t leave you.” he whispered, cracks in his voice since he became emotional.

After a while, your mom and her boyfriend stepped outside and you finally calmed down. Rage took it’s place as a defense mechanism. You all hang outside for a while until your mom and her boyfriend left. You convinced them that you would be okay and if you weren’t, would contact them. Besides, you had Pedro and he promised them to look after you.

Your feet were propped up on the table as you listened to the rain, heavily falling onto the roof, the fire crackling before you and the music softly playing on the background. “So… what are you going to do if you get an invitation for the funeral?” he asked and your expression looked pained again. “I won’t go.” You explained why.

“They’ve treated me so horrible… not only today but years even. And I kept going back. I just wanted to be loved but in that process, I’ve lost myself. I wanted a family that cared about me so badly that it almost didn’t matter what they would do. But they don’t love me. They’ve never seen the real me. They don’t care. I can’t afford reacting the same way as I used to. Never speaking up for myself or whatever. I’m not going to fight for this, neither do I want to. I’m done. I rather have no family at all, than them…. I’m done being okay with being treated with the BARE MINIMUM. I can’t and won’t let them.”

Pedro nodded. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I really admire you and the strength you carry. People can only wish to have 1/10 of the strength you have. I’m here, and will support and stand behind you with every decision you take. Let them lose you kiddo. Let them miss out on your big heart. They don’t deserve even a small part of the love you’re able to give. They don’t deserve you, baby girl. They really don’t.” The moment he talked about your big heart, you lost it and he hit you right in the feelings.

Your eyes started to water again and before you even knew it, the tears slipped. “Can you give me a hug?” you asked, voice broken as you softly broke down. What he said, hit very hard. It was like that little girl inside of you, felt seen for the first time. “Of course! Come here baby girl!” he stood up and pulled you into his chest again. You wrapped your arms around him and held his cardigan tightly in your fist. He placed his hand softly on the back of your head and placed multiple kisses on your head. “We’re going to be okay. You are going to be okay.” You nodded and cried. “I need you to know, that I do love you. Very much so, okay?” you nodded again.

After an hour and two videos further, you both decided to head upstairs. You were exhausted, yet your mind kept wandering back to the events that took place earlier. You got into bed and Pedro walked into your room, not wanting you to be alone and neither did you want too. He crawled in next to you and you immediately clang to him. His arm underneath you, pulling you closer, your head on his chest. You listened to his heartbeat and breathing, hoping that you could keep your focus on that but tears slipped silently. Pedro didn’t noticed that you were crying until his shirt started to get wet and you finally sniffled your nose softly.

He got you out of the hug for a minute and held your hand and got into the corner again. You let your head rest on his chest. You were mentally and physically exhausted and still had some rough days ahead of you. “I’m so tired Pedge… I really am.” He softly shushed you. “I know baby girl, I know.”

After you finally calmed down. “I know something fun to watch. I don’t want to go to bed immediately. Need some distraction.” You told Pedro as you chugged your wine in. He gave you a soft smile and nodded. You got a new, stronger joint along side your laptop from inside. It was peaceful outside with the rain (and now thunder from afar). You put the heather on and placed your laptop on your, stretched out legs and searched for what you wanted to. Something easy to watch, yet something that would keep your attention. You found what you wanted and leaned against Pedro. Pedro took the laptop from your legs and placed it on his own so you could get comfortable.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay princess.” He told you. “I’m not going to let this happen just like this. When I see Maria, she’s going to hear what I have to say. I’m not letting her take my right of speech.” You sniffled. “You know I’ll support you. I know you’re strong enough. Stronger than she could ever wish to be. And I know how intense you can get too. You do, what you need to do, to process this and if that’s, speaking your mind to her. Than you should and I’ll be right beside you.” he told you, kissing your head.

“Thank you Pedge. For showing me what love is.” Pedro smiled softly. “And I’ll never stop.” He comforted you. “Goodnight.” You told him softly. “Goodnight baby girl. And wake me up if you can’t sleep or for anything okay?” you nodded. “Promise?” he asked you softly. “I promise.” Pedro kissed the top of your head as a reaction. You closed your eyes, knowing that you needed sleep for whatever bullshit was coming your way, knowing that it wasn’t over yet. But you were strong. Stronger than you ever thought you could be and even stronger than that. It was going to take time, a lot of time to get over this and heal from it. But for now, you needed sleep if you were going to survive this battle you had to face.

[mask-of-anubis]

part of a college au I’ll probably never fully write, but I love anyway.

Joy/Nina, Patricia/Eddie

Two local British girls pick up their idiot American’s at the airport after a long winter holiday.

_________________________________________

“I bet it’s Eddie who’s taking forever,” Patricia said. She checked her watch. The plane had landed forty-five minutes ago.

“It’s so crowded,” Joy said. “I bet it’s a baggage claim issue.”

“He’d still find a way to make it longer,” Patricia said.

Joy rolled her eyes. She saw through Patricia’s annoyed exterior. “Please, you’re desperate to see him.”

Patricia scoffed. “Am not,” she said. “At best, I am mildly pleased to have someone back in the country who can handle the kind of horror movies I like.”

“Is that why you rushed me out of the door?” Joy said. Patricia scowled at her smug smile.

“You’re talking a lot of smack for someone who runs to their girlfriend at the gate like you’re in the sappiest Hallmark movie on TV.”

Joy dropped her jaw. “Sappy? I’m not sappy, I’m never sappy,” Joy claimed.

“So that wasn’t you last Valentine’s writing Nina a two page love letter and hand-making a bouquet?”

Joy crossed her arms. “No, I don’t recall,” she said. She scanned the crowd.

“Nina and I aren’t the mushy type,” Joy said. “Am I excited to hear her weird, American accent and listen to her drone on about mummification or whatever? Sure, maybe – but I wouldn’t be caught dead all like ‘Baby! I missed you! Let’s hold hands on the tube!’”

“You always hold hands on the tube!” said Patricia.

“She wanders,” Joy snapped.

“Well, you won’t catch me in a mushy reunion. I’m sick of Eddie already. Why he wants me to come all the way here to meet him when I’m just gonna go right back to campus is beyond me,” Patricia said.

Joy smiled. “Five pounds says you’ll cave first,” she said.

“Deal.”

“Yacker!” someone shouted in the crowd. They turned, knowing that could only be one person.

Patricia’s whole face lit up. Joy thought this would be the easiest money she ever made.

Eddie and Nina appeared, waving.

Nina’s eyes were tired from the flight, but when she saw Joy she smiled so wide her face nearly broke.

“Mercer!” Nina said. She ran to her, her suitcase dragging to keep up.

Joy couldn’t help it. When she saw that smile and heard that accent, she ran to hug her. Nina dropped her suitcase.

Meanwhile, Patricia stayed firmly planted and made Eddie walk to her.

“Sappy!” she yelled at Joy, who was too busy kissing Nina’s cheek to respond.

Nina squeezed her hard. “Ugh, I missed you!” she said.

“I missed you too,” Joy said into her shoulder. She pulled away and pouted. “I can’t believe you were gone for a month,” she said. “You’re not allowed to do that ever again.”

“Yes ma’am,” Nina said.

Joy looked over Nina’s shoulder and saw Patricia and Eddie distracted with each other. She felt safe enough asking, “So how was your flight, baby?”

Nina groaned. “It was fine until Eddie insisted I watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre with him. Even when I bailed halfway through I still had to watch the whole thing ‘cause his screen was so bright.”

Joy grabbed her hand and swayed. “Wanna come to mine and watch a better movie later?” she asked. She traced Nina’s collarbone.

“Only if you’re okay with me falling asleep during it,” Nina said. “And I have to shower first. I'm so gross, I can’t believe I’m even letting you stand this close to me.”

“Don’t care,” Joy said. To prove it, she kissed her extra hard.

Nina pulled away, out of breath. “Well, maybe I’ll just shower at your place,” she said. Her cheeks were flushed.

“Oh, you and that perfect ass were always coming home with me. Sweet you thought I would give you a choice though,” Joy said. Nina smiled.

“Should we get going?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Joy said. “Not looking forward to a whole tube ride with those two. I bet Patricia I would be less sappy than her during the reunion.”

Joy had definitely lost now, but as long as she’d lost, she was looking forward to spending the train ride doodling on Nina’s hands like she loved to do.

“I dunno, you still might pull out a victory,” Nina said. She pointed behind them.

Sure enough, Patricia and Eddie were making out while travelers wove around them. Patricia even let him thread his fingers in hers.

“Hypocrite!” Joy gasped.

“Well, I haven’t made any bets, so I’m going to be super mushy when we get to your place,” Nina said. She kissed Joy’s temple.

Joy crossed her arms and rolled her eyes as if she was opposed. “Fine, you have permission to be mushy as long as you never tell Patricia.”

“Oh, I’d never tell Patricia what I do in your room,” Nina said with a smile.

Joy felt a buzz in her stomach. God she missed her. “Maybe it would be faster to take a cab home…” Joy said. Nina laughed.

Joy grabbed her hand and led her to the exit, hoping to get out of the airport before she got too hot and bothered.

As they passed Patricia and Eddie, Joy said, “Knock it off lovebirds, we’re leaving.”

They reluctantly pulled apart. Eddie was smiling but Patricia gave Joy a dirty look.

However, it was nothing compared to the look she gave when Nina said, “Damn guys, save the mushiness for behind closed doors.”

Joy couldn’t have been prouder.

[sequinsmile-x]

Sweet Nothing - Chapter 1 - The Question

A series of one shots mini fics of our favourite idiots in love to celebrate my birthday, along with all the other July birthdays in the fandom <3

The master list can be found here!

-x-

Hi friends!!

This is the first of the prompts I received for my birthday celebration. I've changed the date you can submit them to until the end of the week (9th July) and you can submit them here!

I am going to try to keep them to around 1k - 1.5k words each (lol) but we'll see haha

So far I have received 24, and will write them as and when I can over the next several weeks.

The prompt for this first one was "get over here", and the anon who requested it had their birthday yesterday - so happy belated birthday!! I hope you enjoy this &lt;;3

-x-

Words: 1.5 k

Warnings: none.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

He’d always known that she was a terrible sick person.

He remembered once, when she was relatively new to the team and still desperate to prove herself, she’d shown up to the bullpen full of cold. She was irritable, her temper short as she insisted that she was fine even though it was evident that wasn’t the case, right up to the moment he had sent her home. 

She’d told him since, after they’d become friends but before they got together, that she’d spent the entire journey home cursing him out at the top of her voice until she’d had to pull her car over because of a coughing fit. 

There had been moments when she was in Paris, where she did the bulk of her recovery from what Ian had done to her, when he wondered how she was doing. If she was driving the French doctors crazy as she insisted she could do things herself even when she clearly couldn’t. He asked her about it on their first night together, his hand resting over the large scar just below her rib cage. She smiled softly as she told him about her physical therapist, who she had nicknamed ‘Monsieur Ratched,’ a tone to her voice that let her know exactly what she thought of the man who had helped her body work again. 

He’d always known that she was a terrible sick person, but he had never expected her to be clingy. Insistent on being wherever he was, her face pressed into his neck or her head in his lap as she laid next to him. 

It had taken him by surprise the first time she didn’t feel well after they got together. She had a stomach bug, something she initially claimed was food poisoning from one of Dave’s pasta nights before Aaron pointed out he had eaten the same as her and was fine, and she was grumpy. He’d gone over to hers to make sure she was ok, expecting her to tell him to leave her alone, but she’d wrapped herself around him, her hand grasping at his shirt sleeve when he mentioned he’d leave her to sleep. 

He liked it. He liked that she needed him, that she allowed herself to need him. Something he knows she hasn’t done with anyone in a long time, if ever. 

It’s how he finds himself in their living room, curled up on the couch with Emily’s head in his lap and her hand on his knee as they watch Casablanca together in their pjyamas. 

Jack was the one who had come home with the flu having caught it at school and he was all about Emily when he was sick. He’d snuck into their bed and slept between them. Early one morning, Aaron had woken up alone in their bed and had gone to look for them, searching their house for his family. He’d found them downstairs, cuddled up on the couch with The Wizard of Oz on TV. Emily smiled at him and explained watching classic movies always made her feel better when she was sick, and The Wizard of Oz was the only one she could think of that was child appropriate. 

Emily sniffs, her nose blocked, and then she groans, the sound immediately turning into a cough. He rubs the hand that had been resting on her back up and down it, whispering reassuring words to her as he helps her sit up so she can get over the coughing fit. 

“You’re ok, sweetheart,” he says, continuing to rub circles on her back, “You’re ok, I’ve got you.” 

She moans as the coughing fit passes and then leans in towards him, resting her head on his shoulder, “Jack is so lucky I love him and that he’s cute,” she complains, her voice rough and congested. 

Aaron clears his throat to cover a laugh, well aware that even when this sick she wouldn’t thank him for laughing at her, and he turns his head to kiss her forehead, “We’re both very lucky that you love us, Em,” he says, grimacing at the temperature of her skin before he pulls back, “I should go get you some more meds.”

“Not yet,” she mumbles, laying back down to place her head in his lap, curling up into his embrace, “I want to lay here a little longer.” 

“It will just take a minute-”

“In a little while,” she cuts him off, her irritation slipping through, and she shifts to look up at him, sniffing again, “You’ll get the meds and then you’ll realise I need to eat with them so you’ll make dinner, and before I know it an hour will have gone by, so I just want to lay here.” 

“Ok, sweetheart,” he promises her, his hand on the top of her head as he plays with her hair, “We can just stay here.” 

He looks at her, and even though she’s sick, he doesn’t think she’s ever looked more beautiful.  The combination of her smile and her bright red nose from where she’d been blowing it for days and her paler-than-usual skin, free the words he’d had trapped in his chest for weeks. 

“Marry me.” 

It takes a moment for what he’s said to register, but when it does she chokes out a laugh, her mouth dropping open as she shakes her head, “This is the perfect moment?” 

They’d spoken about it before they’d bought the house. Marriage was something they both wanted, something that felt like the next natural step for them. They both wanted it all. Marriage, kids, a long and happy life together. After everything, they both deserved it. She knew he had a ring, he’d teased her about it more than once, claiming he’d hidden it somewhere she’d never find it, and he’d told her he wanted to wait until the perfect moment to propose.

He chuckles softly, and continues to move his fingers through her hair, playing with the soft strands of it as she looks up at him incredulously. 

“Yes,” he says, his smile widening as she rolls her eyes at him, “It is the perfect moment.��

She shakes her head at him and sits up, shifting so she’s sitting in his lap, her arms around his neck as she looks at him, “Me being unable to breathe through my nose with a mild fever is the perfect moment?” 

He shrugs one of his shoulders, “Every moment with you is perfect,” he says, smiling as she shakes her head, “I was looking at you and I realised I want to take care of you for the rest of my life. I know you don’t need looking after, that you’re more than capable of-”

“Yes.” 

He stops, his mouth still open as she cuts off his explanation, a wide smile on her face. “Yes?” 

She nods and she cups the back of his neck, her fingers caught up in the short strands of his hair, “Yes, I’ll marry you.” She replies, and she chuckles as he leans forward to kiss her, pulling back from him, “Honey, I’m sick.” 

“Sweetheart,” he says, holding her in place, “You’ve barely been more than a couple of feet away from me in days, if I’m going to get it that ship has sailed,” he says, capturing her lips in a kiss, smiling when she responds, kissing him once more before she pulls back, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she replies, leaning into him to hug him, sighing as he wraps his arms around her. “Can I see the ring?” 

He chuckles as he pulls away, his eyebrow raised as he looks at her, “You looked for it, didn’t you?” He asks, and the way she avoids his eye contact, her cheeks pinking up for the first time in days, tells him everything he needs to know. He kisses her once more before he shifts out from underneath her, “I told you that you’d never find it.” 

She watches as he walks towards the kitchen before she hears a cabinet open, followed by the sound of pans clanking against each other. He walks back into the living room, a small black box in his hand.

“You hid it in the kitchen?” She asks, raising her eyebrow at him, and he smiles as he shrugs at her. 

“In the pots and pans cabinet,” he says, “I knew you’d never look in there.” 

“Get over here,” She scoffs, but any further response is cut off as he sits back next to her and opens the box and the ring is revealed to her. She bites her lip and looks at him, her eyes shining. 

“Ask me again.” 

Aaron smiles, his heart beating wildly in his chest even though he knew the answer, “Emily Prentiss, will you marry me?” 

She kisses him before she rests her forehead against his, a tear escaping past her lashline, as she repeats her answer, the only answer she could ever have. 

“Yes.” 

-x-

Tag List:

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[koicrimes]

sometimes, i kick myself for being a future 27 year old divorcee but then i think about where i am mentally now, compared to when i was living with my ex.

-my heart doesn't sink because i hear the door opening/closing after 8pm

-i dont have to rationalize to myself or anyone else how it's perfectly okay and i'm not at all sad that my spouse doesn't want to share a room with me because his parent don't (despite us doing so in the first 3 years)

-i dont have to lie and say i prefer sleeping on my own now because i've gotten used to all the extra space when he asks to share beds 2-3 times out of the year because i don't wanna be reminded of how much i enjoy that feeling

-i dont have to lie to myself that we decided we didn't ever want kids because 'we enjoy living selfishly'

-i don't feel sick because i hear a car cranking up after 10pm and i'm too scared to go check the car port and see if it was his

-i dont have my entire mood ruined because i walked into the room and suddenly phone screens are black out or flipped on its face

-i dont feel sad because i only get to watch tv with him for an hour before he decides he wants game with the boys who gets a good 4 or 5 out of him before he head straight to bed

-i dont have to wonder who he's decided to go out with because i'm not allowed to ask

-i dont have to fear someone happening to him and never coming home and me not having an answer for anyone who asks because i'm not allowed to ask

-i dont have to feel like an aswful person because i was accused of being controlling simply because i wanna know where he's going and if he intends to be gone late (despite me being the one who used to push him to go out and socialize)

-i don't have to apologize for slipping up and saying 'i love you' to the person who told me that i'm not allowed to say that to him anymore

-i dont have to go to a function and be blatantly ignored by the female 'best friend' who clearly didn't like me without us having to interact

-i dont have to overhear him using a soft, gentle voice when speaking to someone else over the phone, a voice that was never used with me

-i dont have to feel the dagger of the words 'im afraid of you' be spouted at me any time he's clearly feeling guilty, despite me not doing anything that would warrant those words but he knows that it's enough to sedate me because i still beat myself over the head for the sins of my unmedicated, traumatized self in year one

-i dont have to feel guilty for not being in the mood to fuck someone who doesn't comprehend that affection throughout the day would help me want it more than simply having my pants pulled down and slipped into like an easy bake oven

-i dont have to apologize for wanting to kiss or hold the hand of my spouse

-i dont feel heartbroken when i'm reminded every few days or so that he doesn't picture us growing old together

-i dont have to feel guilty for casually mentioning that i find people on tv attractive after i gave him a hard time for casually mentioning that he's attracted to people I know personally

-i dont have to wonder if he's taking advantage of the fact that i dont have socials after he made new ones

-i dont have to feel like i'm a bad wife for not wanting to be touched and fondled inappropriately in public when i'm not even hugged affectionately at home

-i dont have to treasure the crumbs of affection

-i dont have to wonder who he's talking to on snapchat or question why he even has one in his 30s and married

-i dont have to feel guilty because other men find me attractive

-i dont have to feel guilty for being viciously sexually harassed

-i dont find myself going on a spiral trying to figure out if i've been cheated on or punish myself for accusing him of cheating without "proof"

-now that he's finally admitted it, i don't have to beat myself up for questioning the nature of his relationship with women he's brought me around and continued to see despite me vocalizing my discomfort

-i dont have to feel bad for ever thinking that he's a liar, because now i know that he is.

i still feel anxiety because i'm an anxious person. i have ocd. i still have mood swings because i'm bipolar. but the handle i have on these things is damn near immaculate compared to how i felt the last 6 years because i know i dont have someone taking advantage of it and i don't have stuff going on all the time that feeds it. i don't have someone blaming my ocd and delusions for why i found them suspicious. my gut was always right. i was just trained not to listen to it because of the handful of other times that my "gut feeling" was just unchecked anxiety.

i will always own my sins that played a hand in the downfall of my relationship but all this distance has made me reevaluate things. i used to take full accountability for everything falling apart but now i realize, just how much of that would have been avoided had i just been told the truth and not manipulated and played like a fiddle for 6 years...

i used to always laugh at the saying "his ex wasn't crazy, he made her crazy." because i always accepted 100% of the blame. like, no, bitches do be crazy. but now that i understand that this was a two way street?

yeah, i may have been a little crazy but i'll be damned if i say that motherfucker didn't help.

i just... the amount of lies that man told. the rules he put in place. the way he treated me... all of it

i pray that i continue on the path that i'm on now, learning to love and respect myself more- learning to determine my own worth and what i'll not tolerate... i wont date for a very, very long time (years most likely- real people are hardly even attractive to me these days lol) but i hope that if i ever come around to trying it again, i keep all these lesson close to my chest and i make my way to someone who pours into me and encourages me to become a better person rather than wittle me down and turn me into a shell of myself.

funnily enough, i still love him and i'm sure i always will. i'll always hold regrets and i'll probably always think of all the ways i could've been better but there's a distinct difference because him and i that puts it all into perspective for me:

these days, when i apologize for my poor behaviour, and the hurt i caused, i specify what i did and own up to it. him on the other hand, when he apologizes, which is rare, he keeps it as general as possible and i have to wonder what he's even apologizing for.

that tells me everything i need to know

[heyftinally]

Worst cartoons you ever watched?

Oh damn, alright, let's go. I'm a cartoon lover, so this is gonna go hard.

For the purposes of fairness, I'm leaving out anything intended for the preK-2nd grade ages. If it airs on playhouse disney/disney jr/nick jr/PBS/etc, I'm not counting it, because it's for a much different audience than stuff like what airs on normal Nickelodeon. I'm also not counting anything aimed at middle/high schoolers or adults, because I wasn't allowed to watch any of it.

Also, disclaimer: I do not watch most current kids cartoons. They don't interest me. I don't care how much anyone wants to hype up Steven Universe, Owl House, or whatever else - they just aren't things that interest me at this point in my life, so all of this is going to be very late 90's - 2010's centric and specifically shows that I watched more than a single episode of, either because I chose to or because my younger sibling liked it (mostly that).

1) Fairly Odd Parents. Look, it was okay in the beginning. I used to watch it if there was nothing else on, because it was better than being bored, but the longer that show ran, the more it sucked. They had virtually zero continuity, and they ran out of ideas WAY early on so they just started adding characters and throwing out their own rules for the sake of a half assed gag. It should have been canceled a *looooooong* time ago. And now apparently they're rebooting it?? I have very little hope for that.

2) Fish Hooks. In a time where most Disney Channel shows were still good, this was just crap. It was crass, relied on cheap toilet humor, and they officially lost me when they started making death/zombie jokes about a fishstick. I honestly rarely like shows like that anyway (ed edd & eddy is the only one that comes to mind), but especially from Disney Channel I expected better.

3) Adventures In Odyssey. Look, I was heavily raised on PBS. If you wanted to watch TV, PBS was sometimes your only option. And when you're trapped in an evangelical home with WAY too many restrictions on what counts as "appropriate", this was often something that I was more or less forced to watch. I don't care that it was aimed at ages 8-12, I was their target demographic and I hated every minute of it. I was already sick of constantly having religion shoved down my throat, and this show didn't make it suck any less. I genuinely remember thinking parts of if where it got extra preach-y were just flat out stupid. It's probably at least 50% trauma talking, but I hated that show so much. I'd have rather watched literally anything else.

Dishonorable mention to Ren & Stimpy - I wasn't allowed to watch it, but just the commercials gave me nightmares.

This list honestly isn't very long, because most cartoons that I hated (that I wasn't banned from watching) I watched less than a single episode of, got the ick for whatever reason, and never tried it again. Most of the ones I truly hated were the ones aimed at preschoolers, because my sibling would watch them and I would be subjected to them (notable ones I hated were Word World and Wow Wow Wubzie or however it's spelled). There were also honestly a few that I hated simply because my sibling loved them, and us having differing opinions on a show was one of the only ways I could feel like my own individual person, so I hated them on principle - had it not been for my sibling/how we were raised, I *might* have liked at least some of them.

[lwyrsdghtr]

TWO BIRDS ON A WIRE. a drabble on jimmy and jade (and chuck). cw death, drug use, overdose.

a twenty-two year old jimmy mcgill walks into a bar one night and in the crowd, he spots a twenty-four year old elena maldonado. after a futile attempt or two at buying her a drink, she gives in and allows it. it’s been too long since she’s felt another persons warmth, or had any really pleasant interactions with someone. jimmy, (the sweet-talker, the charmer) manages to get her into his bed. a month later he sees her again, but away from the dim lights of the bar, and without the comforting burn of whiskey within them — things are very different. on a cicero street outside a diner, she’s frantic, ‘i’m pregnant. yes i’m sure. yes it’s yours. i don’t have the money for a kid! what are we gonna do?’ in the moment jimmy does his best to deescalate the scene. to reassure her for the time being because he doesn’t want anyone to see her screaming at him. but he’s woefully unprepared, too, and he will never be equipped with what it takes to be a good father. for a while he tries, elena is scared and alone and her insistence is just enough to get an attempt at normalcy out of him. but after he follows her back to her hometown of east saint louis he realizes he barely knows her. he’s slippin’ jimmy, flying by the seat of his pants. does he even want to know her? they don’t get along well. is he prepared to become a provider? to be someone like his father before him? the moment he envisions himself in his fathers shoes, he knows he’s got to leave. elena is only a few months along. it didn’t come as a shock to her, he always felt like he was looking for a way out of it. he was young. he was scared. he didn’t want a kid. she wasn’t stupid. but he never got a shred of grace. and she barely ever spoke of him. 

his absence during jade’s childhood was palpable. birthdays came and went, she grew out of secondhand clothes. the few strings of christmas lights mom left in the box behind the tv went up and came down, eventually dimming so much only half of them didn’t blink. in the beginning she would always ask ‘where’s my dad?’. he was alive and around, that much she knew. it only made her more curious. when her mother was at work she spent days glued to their ancient tv set, watching stories about all kinds of fathers. she wondered desperately, what kind would he have been? 

but then mom would come home, and she would tuck her curiosity to the back of her mind because she learned after some time that asking only hurt elena. their relationship was almost enough to satiate her need for some kind of answer about him. until mom got sick, at least. her sickness, like so many others, came without warning and tore them apart. elena wasn’t in a position to take care of herself. between the health system, her busy work schedule, and the eight year old relying on her, she thought she’d be lucky to live a year or two. jade doesn’t like to think about that last year with her mother. she doesn’t like to think about the last time she saw her, living or dead. but her death opened a door that has previously been boarded up and bolted shut. 

chuck thought that he was taking on enough when he brought jimmy back to albuquerque with him. but when news of jades existence fell into his lap nearly a year later, he figured this is another one of jimmy's famous punchlines. the joke? chuck thinking trying to get jimmy to do better was going to be anything less than chaos. jimmy is unfit to raise her, that much the system deduces. he’s been incarcerated, then in the mail room and living in a hotel. so, chuck has a choice. take jade in, or leave her in the system. when their mother finds out about her, the choice is all but made for him. 

when she heard albuquerque being called ‘the land of enchantment’ she expected something a little different. it was a strange thing, to be in a world that looked so different to the one she had known. meeting her father was even stranger. the day it happened, she’d already been moved into chucks house. even given the previously unknown feeling of having her own room, which she used to cry and cry until she couldn’t anymore. she asked chuck almost immediately where her dad was once she arrived, and he explained that jimmy wouldn’t live there with them, but they could visit whenever they wanted. after giving her a day or two to settle in, she sat at the dining table beside him. she examined every aspect of his face, trying to discern features they might have in common. she came up short. he seemed stiff, awkward at first. he asked her questions most adults did. did she like school? what subjects did she like? and on and on. she finished answering the same round of questions from chuck just hours before. jade began to feel something different at that table. no longer was there curiosity, there was resentment rearing its head. and a palpable fear. resentment because he left, fear because maybe she was the reason. maybe he just couldn’t love her like dads loved their daughters. maybe she just didn’t deserve it. but, as the night went on, they settled into each other’s presence ever so slightly. jimmy had her doing things she hadn’t done since her mom died. smile, laugh. it was like someone somewhere had flipped a light on. he made silly jokes she was only just young enough to laugh at. they talked about movies. they talked about their favorite things. she realized that she hadn’t inherited his features, but instead his interests, his humor, his love for old films. whatever negative emotions had bubbled up were gone within the hour. for the moment, she was content with being dazzled by her dad, who worked at the mailroom, who made good jokes, who didn’t always show up to visit — but when he did she felt a peace that made the loss of her mother just a little easier. when they were alone, he would tell her captivating stories about his days in cicero. the scams he pulled, money he made, laws he broke. 

time always comes to change things. they were no exception. by thirteen, she loved her dad. but chuck was the one who helped with homework, who gave her advice, who guided her. all while drawing a very clear line between right and wrong. jimmy was good for a laugh, good for a ride to the video store, good for keeping a secret. she decided by then that singing was all she wanted to do with her life. the choice, influenced by rebecca, was only solidified when she learned that she really did have a good voice. she had been in the school musical a few times. jimmy didn’t come to see her in any of them. he must have just been busy, she told herself. but the 8th grade talent show was something different altogether. she practiced for weeks. she made chuck, rebecca, and jimmy promise they would be there. the night came. jade did well, up until she spotted chuck and rebecca sitting in the crowd with an empty chair beside them. dad hadn’t come. one thing she learned he wasn’t good for, keeping promises. things weren’t the same after that. she didn’t want to sing anymore. she found a new group of friends who spent most of their time skipping classes. she tried drugs for the first time. she got detention more often than she should have. her grades started to slip. jimmy never seemed concerned. chuck, on the other hand, was seeing too many signs of jimmy’s ways starting to grow within jade. she lied with ease. she chose the easy way out. she talked her way out of every failed test and call from a teacher. by the time jade was sixteen chuck could no longer leave the house. it made lying to him much easier, much more successful. her grades were better now, she wasn’t hanging around any bad influences anymore, she wanted to be a lawyer. just like them. none of it was true. and jimmy knew this, but he never looked far enough into it. why worry himself? she seemed fine. and he never told chuck out of a lack of necessity. they were as thick as thieves. although that feeling had been growing, the one that made her believe he never really cared, she decided having a dad who was like this was cool. who needed discipline? she could take care of herself. dad saw that, she was sure. she knew when to stop partying, when to stop lying, didn’t she? 

jimmy and chuck begin to implode. suddenly, whatever semblance of stability jade had is crumbling beneath her feet. there’s a clear choice to make here: dad or chuck. unbeknownst to her, she’s being used as a pawn in their games. chuck has never been so attentive, so eager to support her idea of going to law school. she chooses him. jimmy tries to warn her, all while attempting his own manipulations. by then, she’s eighteen, and she’s accepted that he will never make much room in his heart for her. it’s a revelation that crushed her slowly throughout her teenage years. but chuck? uncle chuck is different. she knows this. he cares. he wants me to do good things. maybe my dad really is just a bad person. i’m not going to be like him.

then, without warning, jimmy tells all. all about her dishonesty. all in an attempt at bringing chuck down to his level, uncaring of how it will affect her, preaching the importance of truth. chuck admits a terrible thing that will haunt jade well into her adult life. he never cared. he never wanted her to succeed out of the goodness of his heart. he only ever took her in to please their mother, and for the sake of a moral high ground. in only a few sentences, everything jade thought she knew is no longer true. she swears never to talk to chuck again. she spirals out of control in a rebellious tantrum. then, on an evening that she never forgets, she shows up to his house to grab some of her old things (secretly hoping he'll see her and take it all back) and it's burning to the ground. jade is there for most of the ordeal. she’s howling like a wounded animal, all grief and sorrow. this night is another dividing line in her life, and things will never be quite the same.

in all of her guilt and grief, she looks for her dad, wanting something to anchor her to the waking world and keep her from falling deeper into her hole. but he’s nowhere to be found, not interested in helping her mourn or being a shoulder to cry on. she’s alone. the ground beneath her becomes slippery and she falls into chaos. she attempts half-heartedly to go to college, pre-law. to see if somehow being that version of what chuck wanted her to be would feel good. but it doesn’t last long, there’s no solace in the attempt at healing through positive action — and slowly the chaos consumes her. her days are a blur of drugs, alcohol, a toxic relationship. in a drug fueled rage, jade tells jimmy of her feelings for the first time. they hadn’t seen each other in months, she clawed at his door like a starved animal, when she got her chance she went for the kill. jimmy could hardly make out any of it, she was so high it sounded almost like gibberish between the different versions of ‘you abandoned me’ and the ‘i hate you’. his reaction was less than desirable. he feigned, for a time, caring about her issues. but he wanted nothing more to run from what he saw in front of him. he knew deep down, jade was good, kind, pure. and all of his dirty traits had pulled her down into an abyss. his disregard had created a sick, desperate person who stood across from him screaming expletives. someone who believed maybe she was just unlovable. once she stopped he got her to a hotel and paid for a night. when she surrendered to sleep he thought briefly about staying. about finally being something akin to a caretaker. he was gone by morning.

everyone has to hit rock bottom sometime, and jade hit hers on the floor of a public bathroom. jimmy is her emergency contact, so when her overdose earns her a stay in the hospital, he was who they called. by then he was barely jimmy anymore. saul goodman was plastered all over town on billboards and park benches. he had more than enough money to send her to the best rehab program money could buy, which conveniently was in another state. out of sight out of mind. but this didn’t last long. one evening jimmy receives a package from her facility. it’s from jade. they haven’t spoken in over a year. first there’s a note, ‘listen.’ scrawled on a small post-it. then as he inspects further he finds an old record, it’s a single. todd rundgren’s hello it’s me. he laughs. not exactly his taste. but he’s compelled to play it anyway, on the comically lavish music set up he’s got in his comically lavish house. something stirs in him as the clear message comes through. the message she couldn’t deliver through a phone call for a lack of strength. she wants back in his life. she needs him. finally, he reaches out. they don’t talk about what she’s said to him, or what he did to her. the chit chat. he jokes with her. pretending nothing happened isn’t so bad, jade thinks.

when she finally finishes her stay in rehab, he sends a car to bring her back to albuquerque. upon arriving she’s got mo money, nowhere to live, and nothing more than a high school education and a year of college to help her forward. upon seeing his new lifestyle, she decides asking him for help is more than fair. his dirty money pays for an apartment, a new car, and anything else she might want. it does enough to quell his guilt and make her presence bareable. he offers a job begrudgingly, which she takes because she doesn’t want to live off of his money forever. this is only temporary, she’s going to make something for herself. she just has to figure out what that might be. they fall into a strange rhythm. they don’t talk about chuck, or elena, or her drug use. they don’t talk about anything serious. their mutual pretending can be enjoyable, and at times jade feels like she can almost believe that they’re okay. but she has to remind herself, it’s all just pretend.

she’s not sure who he is anymore. who they are together. who they ever were. whatever any of it was, they’re both running from it. and she wonders where all of this running will take them.

[lavender-sheperd]

Info dump about feeling alone n stuff

So I'll start this off by saying my mom was never really present like she should've been, she's got a few chronic illnesses and she's disabled, a lot of my childhood she was in bed, asleep, busy, or some other reason that she couldn't give me attention. I'm sure we did lots of things together but what I remember most is her not being present.

I have to brothers but for most of my life the older one has been mean and the younger one was a complete brat so I didn't have any connection to them.

When I was really little (4-5?) my mom was moving us 45 minutes away and would usually go up for a few days and come back to town for one or so. Now already that was hard for me because she was the only person I knew, no friends, no friendly neighbors, no dad. She'd leave me and my brothers with her mom who is an immigrant (doesn't speak a ton of English) and who honestly disliked us a lot. She refused to let us call out mom even if she said it was okay, she would watch us and criticize everything we did, she was very emotionally cold. It was a lot harder than it should've been for me and I kinda thought about how I missed my mom constantly. One time my mom came back for a lil bit and told me I could come with her, but my dumb lil self was being rude so she just left me. Now that's fine, but for me it was: mom is home > I can go with her!!! > Say something > mom is mad > says I can't come > drives away > without her for days

Which for a small child was really damaging

Then, later my mom said we were moving a state away and me and my brothers had to stay with her parents while she packed up the house

That meant that 8 year old me had to stay in a new state with people I barely knew

My mom would be in California for a few weeks and we'd stay in her parents house which was cold, and empty. She didn't like having the heater on so the house was cold, didn't like decorating so it kinda had the bare minimum. No toys, no books, 30 minutes of tv a day, not allowed to really play in the yard. We really didn't go anywhere like parks or anything, maybe the McDonald's play place once a week. So that left a lot of time for me to cry about how I missed my mom. My grandma was still as apathetic as ever and wouldn't let us call her. My grandpa was a bit better but they were bad parents and didn't know how to interact with kids at all. This went on for only like 2 months but it felt like an eternity for me as a kid

Next, my mom eventually stayed in my grandparents house, she's always stayed up late and slept late (like 4-7 am to 1-2 pm) so she'd stay in bed a lot of the day. My grandma watched me like a hawk so if I tried to go to my mom's room to see her my grandma would get mad at me and once again, refused to let us see her even if our mom said it was okay. That went on for a summer.

When we moved out she was still sick and stayed in bed a lot or was on her phone or working, and often she'd tell us she was going to run a quick errand and be gone for 4 or 5 hours

Think "I'm going to run these donations to the thrift store and that's all" at 3 and then at 8 when it's dark and I've kinda accepted that she probably got in a car accident she'd come home acting like that was completely normal

Me and my brothers had no way to contact her so when she was gone she was gone and we just had to wait, she'd often drop us off at our grandparents and we didn't know how long we'd stay and couldn't contact her

When we were moving again she's leave me and my brother, or just be at the house so she could fit more in the car. She'd say she'd be right back and hours would pass in an empty house with no way to contact her. I remember a time that the only thing in the house was the TV, a few chairs and a towel, and she was gone for probably 4 hours again, it was 9 pm and cold and so the only thing I could really do was push the chairs together and use the towel as a blanket.

She used to leave us at the library after school, or our grandparents, or the park (at one point our school was a 30 minute drive) and we'd just have to wait, if we could call her she probably wouldn't answer, if she answered she'd lie and say she was on her way.

One summer she'd go out with a friend every few nights at probably 9 pm, 1 am would roll around and my younger brother would refuse to go to bed until she was home so we'd call her. Never picked up. That whole summer she'd always say that she didn't realize her phone was dead, it was on do not disturb and she didn't realize, it was being weird and she didn't get the call. Every single time.

While a lot of this is pretty small, as I child I literally only knew like 4 people so it was a huge thing that I suddenly couldn't contact my only person.

Anyways that's the (maybe) whole list of reasons why I now cry when I have to be alone, why not being able to talk to people makes me so upset, why friends not responding for weeks makes me so upset, why people needing space feels like a punishment, why not being able to contact people makes me panic, why I have Mommy issues, why I have daddy issues, and probably some other stuff, attachment issues?

I don't know why it all affected me so much but it really did

[josiebelladonna]

time to be honest with all of you.

the last… i’d say week or so, i’ve been thinking of leaving here. not with my mom, but by myself. go to my dad’s house (he has told me that i always have a room with him).

my mom is just… not a nice person, and ever since she got sick earlier this year, she’s only gotten more unpleasant.

back on mother’s day, i made her a german chocolate cake, one of her favorites, and she told me, “oh, no, don’t do that��, like she didn’t want me to do something nice for her.

last night, i helped myself to one of my cookies, after i had offered her one after i had frosted them. she called me rude and i (albeit begrudgingly) gave her another one. i’m not allowed to treat myself? i just *have to* bring you along?

seriously, she has the worst habit of being passive-aggressive. what’s bizarre about it is she actually admits to it. i admit to being egotistical, hard to handle, overly competitive, childish, rebellious, and yes, rude, but all of those qualities can be put to good use (and i often do put them to good use). there’s nothing good about being passive-aggressive.

she literally does not lift a finger around here. just works from home, freaks out about money, and then lounges in front of the tv all day, she doesn’t even do any of her hobbies anymore. she doesn’t help me, she doesn’t even offer to help me. yeah, there’s only so much you can do after blood clots but like… come on. you complained about feeling used when my stepdad was having heart problems, you don’t think i’m starting to feel used? plus, if i say anything about this, she goes on this long tirade about how she pays all the bills and whatnot. hey, you may handle the purse strings but i keep this place from burning down or falling over. and you know… i would think that if you had blood clots and now have a little scar tissue on your heart and lungs in their wake, and you have bad knees, you should probably exercise. even if it’s just for like 10 minutes, it’s better than nothing.

fuck, i’ll never forget the doctors at the hospital, her pulmonologist, the cardiologist, her hematologist, and her g.p. all looking at her funny when she said she’s sedentary. or when they asked her why she didn’t come to the ER sooner, i.e., when she was coughing after a few days and had no other symptoms. i literally had to talk her into it (and no, she didn’t thank me, either. if anything, god… i’ll never forget the night she came home. i was watching tv and i could hear her yelling at me from the driveway, and then she was snapping at me all the way back into the bedroom. i saved your fucking life and this is the thanks i get for it? i can’t believe i’m still here). yes, i’m fully aware that the medical community is very fatphobic—if anything, in my opinion, it’s shocking how fatphobic it is. but my take, from my own experience of standing up to fatphobia and unpacking it, is this: they want you to lose weight and exercise so your condition is more manageable. you can be slender and still have diabetes or heart disease, but weight loss makes handling whatever is wrong with you more manageable. i have no idea why they leave that part out, and i wish i knew.

there’s the… thing on her face. thought it was a chickenpox scar for as long as i can remember, but this time last year, it started to bleed and crust over (and then it mysteriously went away when she was in the hospital). it came back this past summer, and she finally managed to find a dermatologist that can remove it. personally, i’m not worried: skin cancer is probably the most treatable out there (barring it’s not a melanoma), and (i’m going by the first dermatologist’s word here) this particular kind can very easily be removed. what gets me is her attitude: “i have a cancerous lesion on my face!!” she always picks around it, and it’s gotten to a point it’s hard to look at. i got hotspots on my feet from walking my mile yesterday, you don’t see me whining about it (just took my shoes off, took a shower, and put my feet up). she complains about my dad being overdramatic, well… what’s that sentiment about pointing fingers and you have three more pointing back at you?

all the times she ever told a “joke” or was being sarcastic and it went right over my head and then scoffed at me for not getting it or asking “so what’s the joke?” (meanwhile, i get laughs from hardly doing anything—i don’t think i’m very funny, either)

her anti-israel stance. i was talking to a friend on ig about this yesterday, too: it’s just a country. it has its problems, its bad actors, its dirty laundry, its shitty government at times, all of it. the only reason anyone is making a huge fuss about it almost a year later is because it’s a safe haven for jewish people (don’t believe me? a year into the war in ukraine and people stopped talking about. hell, talk about it started dying down six months in). really, if it was any other country, we wouldn’t be hearing about it anymore. thing is, with internalized antisemitism, just like with any other internalized hatred, you don’t realize it and you’re in denial until you do. throw in a passive-aggressive personality and it should make sense as to why she changed the channel immediately after an israeli athlete kicked ass in gymnastics at the olympics, or when i talk about antisemitism and like clockwork, she brings up the palestinians.

actual conversation we had yesterday: me: “seriously, you look great!” her: “hannah, i’m fat. my face is fat. plus, i’m missing teeth.”

animals actually avoid her now—i remember my dog would often bar her teeth at her (hence why she very quickly became my dog). my cat wants nothing to do with her, and she whines and moans whenever he’s out of food.

it’s a long story but someone we used to know has been trespassing on our property (often late at night, too, which is… terrifying) and getting some of their stuff out of our garage (i seriously hope they didn’t take my bike, either, or my old textbooks). she always says she’s going to file a police report but she never does. back up, i thought this was *your* house?

i plan on making her a devil’s food cake for her birthday, which is on tuesday. but… wow, now that i write all this out, i think it’s going to be more in dedication of alex’s birthday. devil’s food cake… sexy devil… from the li’l devil.

really. i can’t believe i’m still here. the only reason why is because i feel sick at the thought of a disabled person being alone, and on top of a hill, and they don’t have four-wheel drive. and especially if that disabled person is my mother.

[survey--s]

456.

1) What’re your plans for the weekend?  Absolutely nothing lol. I feel like I've not had a proper break from work in ages as Archie was really sick last weekend so we ended up down at the vets. This week has just been insane too so it's really nice to just be able to relax.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not?  I was vegetarian on/off for a few years as a teenager but ultimately it's not really something I'm interested in.

3) Name a quote from your favorite TV show:  "That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds".

4) What time did you wake up this morning?  About 6.45 as apparently my body clock is back to being on work-time lol. I didn't get up until closer to 9am though.

5) What chores do you do around the house?  Well, pretty much everything that needs to be done as it's my house, lol. I mean, nobody else is gonna do it for me.

6) Do you like wind chimes, or do they annoy you?  They're fine at other people's houses but they'd drive me mad if I had them outside my own house lol. Especially as they'd probably set the dog off barking constantly. 7) How much sleep do you usually get a night?  Normally around seven hours.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get?  I'm not really bothered about having nice outfits. 9) Do you play any instruments?  I can play a few but I haven't played them for ages.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now?  The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars lol.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room?  No.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Not really, just normal household stuff. I had a lie in, fed the animals, let the dog out, vacuumed, did the litter trays, made breakfast, went back to bed for an hour, washed up, showered and now I'm just messing about online and watching TV.

13) What’s your favorite animal to see in the zoo?  Penguins, tigers, elephants, squirrel monkeys, lemurs.

14) When do you start back to school or college?  I haven't been in any kind of education in over a decade now.

15) What other social networking sites are you on?  Facebook and Instagram.

16) What was the best year of your life?  Hmm, overall I would say 2007, 2016, 2018 and 2022.

17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer?  It's only February but mostly I spend my summers working and riding, plus I have a couple of weeks off in August.

18) How old is the person you like right now?  He's just turned 38. 19) Do you get an allowance? How much?  No, I have a full-time job lol.

20) What games console is your favorite? What about favorite game?  We have an xBox but I haven't played it in ages. I liked Gems of War, the old-style Lara Croft games and also Super Mario back when we had a Nintendo.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why?  I'm honestly happy just chilling out at home today. I need a lazy day after how manic my week has been.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? I don't live with my parents so it's not really their place to nag at me. My mum sometimes complains about the state of my car though lol.

23) What is there on the walls of your room?  There are a couple of paintings but that's about it.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you?  Oh yes.

25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good?  Just a chilled out, lazy day as I have another fully booked week next week. Luckily Mike is off so he can sort the dog out lol.

26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be?  Sing.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make?  Clean water and ample supply of food. <--- this.

28) Do you reckon world peace is possible or are we just too selfish?  People are way too selfish.

29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes?  Wow, nostalgia alert lol. I used to LOVE Bright Eyes - especially Lua and Bowl of Oranges but I've not listened to them in YEARS. I might download them off Spotify actually. 30) Are you interested in politics, or do you just not care?  It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't think anything us "mortals" do can actually make a difference.

[caitimetravels]

she’s insignificant

chapter 2: welcome home

the umbrella academy x (fem) reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: mentions of death, mentions of drugs and alcohol, poor parenting

masterlist

“number eight! this is serious! if you do not train properly you will not be allowed to join your siblings on missions.”

“number eight! that’s not how you behave!”

“no, number eight! how many times must you do this before you get it right?”

“no! not like that, number eight! you must be quicker, smarter, stronger! you’ll be a liability”

“no! again, number eight!” 

“number eight!”

“number eight!”

she wished it was stop. the yelling. the shouting. the insults. the pain. the training. all of it. her head hurt. she could feel the anger swirling around, growing. control. she needed control. relax.

she took a deep breath. again. again. she pushed herself over and over until she collapsed. she worked herself to the bone only to always be left with disapproving stares. the scowl. the glare. and then she was alone, forced to pick up the broken pieces and put herself together. she didn’t have her other siblings. their family dynamic wasn’t much of a family dynamic but just once she wished one of them could be there. even just to see what she was going through. it hurt that she was alone. she hated alone.

--------------------------------------------------

“um..” luther slowly stood, unsure. “i guess we should get this started” he looked around at his siblings sitting in parlour. they all sat separately with klaus making drinks at the bar in the back.

“are we having a family meeting?” y/n stepped into the room, confused. she paused as realisation crossed over their faces. “..you forgot me”

“sorry, y/n, we didn’t mean-” allison started, trying to defend them. y/n shook her head.

“no, no, don’t apologise. it’s okay.. let’s just get this over with” she waved off any concern, taking a seat beside vanya. in her lap sat a familiar book. 

--------------------------------------------------

“you’ll be okay” ben spoke softly, gently bandaging y/n’s arm. he gave her a small smile. the pair sat in the back of the library, secluded and separate. the others were too wrapped up in themselves to care. 

vanya stepped over a moment later. she frowned at the tears on y/n’s cheeks. taking a seat beside her she offered them the cookies she had stolen from the kitchen. they weren’t meant to have any until dessert but ben and vanya found this much more important. y/n sniffled, taking the cookie in her good arm. 

“thanks v” she gave a watery smile, eating a big bite of the cookie to stop the sobs about to escape her mouth. ben and vanya shared a frown over her head. 

“should we read something?” ben offered, pulling a random book off the shelf behind him. y/n merely nodded, she needed this to calm down her raging emotions. these two were the only two who understood. if her emotions went haywire so would her powers. 

“hm, little women? i didn’t think dad would have this” ben smiled at the cover. 

“pogo got it for me” y/n murmured softly, listening to her brother’s soothing voice as he read. she smiled, they were always able to calm her down.

--------------------------------------------------

“so, i figured we could have some sort of memorial service in the courtyard at sundown, say a few words” luther started again, “just at dad’s favourite spot”

“dad had a favourite spot?” allison asked, confused. 

“yeah, you know. under the oak tree” luther nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “we used to sit out there all the time.. did none of you ever do that?”

“will there be refreshments? tea, scones” klaus interrupted, walking to join them with a cigarette between his fingers and a glass of alcohol in his other hand. “cucumber sandwiches are always a winner” he waltzed over beside y/n who smiled at his laid-back attitude.

“what? no” luther shook his head, “and put that out, you know dad didn’t allow smoking in here” 

“is that my skirt?” allison questioned, looking down at klaus’ attire.

“what?” he mumbled distracted. he put his glass down before turning around. “oh, yeah, this. i found it in your room. it’s a little dated but its very breathy on the.. bits” he gestured.

“listen up” luther put on his leader voice, commanding as usual. “there’s still some things we need to discuss, alright?”

“like what?” diego snapped, obviously sick of this.

“like the way he died” 

“and here we go” diego rolled his eyes and luther glared at him.

“i don’t understand.. i thought they said it was a heart attack?” vanya spoke up, confused. klaus plopped down onto the couch now, wrapping his arm around y/n.

“what? he had a heart attack?” y/n’s eyebrows furrowed, she hadn’t been told that. they all looked at her, surprised.

“you didn’t know?” allison asked softly,

“no? you did?” 

“that’s only according to the coroner” luther chipped in, still pushing his theory.

“well, wouldn’t they know?” vanya raised an eyebrow.

“theoretically”

“theoretically?” allison asked.

“look, i’m just saying at the very least something happened. the last time that i talked to dad he sounded strange” 

“oh, tell us please” klaus gurgled through his drink, not at all serious. y/n would have laughed if she didn’t see the real reason luther was bringing this up. he thought one of them did it.

“strange how?” allison continued to push, incredulous. 

“he sounded on edge, told me i should be careful who to trust” luther frantically tried to convince them.

“luther” diego sighed, standing “he was a paranoid, bitter old man. he was starting to lose what was left of his marbles”

“no” he quickly shook his head, turning to him. “he must have known something was going to happen. look” he looked over at klaus. “i know you don’t like to do it but i need you to talk to dad”

klaus rolled around, disagreeing, “i can’t just call dad in the afterlife and be like dad can you stop playing tennis with hitler for a moment and take a quick call” he waved his cigarette around, sitting up and letting go of y/n.

“since when? that’s your thing”

“i’m not in the right frame of mind!”

“you’re high?” allison looked up,

“yeah, yeah!” klaus laughed, nodding his head, “i mean how are not listening to this nonsense?”

“well, sober up, this is important” klaus merely sighed, “then there’s the issue of the missing monocle” 

diego scoffed, “who’s give a shit about a stupid monocle?”

“exactly, it’s worthless” luther was only digging himself a bigger hole, “so, whoever took it i think it was personal. someone close to him, someone with a grudge”

“yes, cause that’s all we need” y/n rolled her eyes, exasperated “more grudges”

“where are you going with this?” klaus narrowed his eyes, confused.

“well, isn’t it obvious, klaus?” diego sneered up at luther, “he thinks one of us killed dad”

luther opened his mouth to deny it but nothing came out. it was true.

“and i bet your top suspect is little y/n” diego pointed a finger right at the said girl. she froze.

“what?”

“you do!” klaus sat back, shocked. 

“how could you think that?” vanya stared in disbelief.

y/n stood abruptly and everyone watched as her eyes turned black. the same way they used to when she had trouble controlling her emotions. they watched as she quickly shook her head, storming out.

“great job luther” diego mocked, “way to lead” then he begun to walk away. 

“that’s not what i’m saying” he tried to defend himself but nobody listened.

“you’re crazy man, you’re crazy.. crazy” klaus stood too, picking up his drink. vanya went to walk away, following diego.

“i’m not finished” luther attempted to stop them. 

“okay well sorry, i’m just gonna go help y/n murder mom, i’ll be right back” he commented sarcastically, walking away. 

“that’s not what i’m saying-” it was no use.

y/n curled up beside ben’s statue, book pressed against her chest. she took deep breaths, trying to regain control. her breath came out shaky as she rocked slowly. eventually she relaxed, leaning into the side of the statue. her cheek pressed against the cold concrete. with a final sigh she looked up at him. 

“hey..” she spoke softly, “i brought our book” she gave a weak chuckle, showing the statue the book she had been cradling. 

“i finished again.. should i start again?” 

diego stood in the doorway, watching her talk. he frowned, she was so sweet. it wasn’t her fault she was born with such a horrible curse. he understood why she got along so well with ben, they both hated their powers. it made training unbearable for them. she begun to read aloud, still leaning into the statue as she sat on the gravel covered floor. with a sigh he walked away, she would be okay, she just needed time. 

time didn’t heal y/n, no matter how much she wished it would. she didn’t have anybody, everybody left her. she had to get over everything all by herself. her words started to come out stuttered, her voice cracked. slowly she begun to sob, tears wetting the pages of her book. she wiped them from her face, standing up. she had to be calm.

she spared one last glance at the statue before walking away.

--------------------------------------------------

“number eight, you must always keep your emotions in check” reginald scolded, glancing up from his notebook. he scribbled something else, ignoring her watery eyes.

“b-but i can’t” she sobbed out, she was young. her siblings were allowed to show emotion why couldn’t she?

“then you are weak!” reginald snapped his book shut, raising his eyes to glare at her. the words shouldn’t have hurt as much as they did. she was never enough, she was always going to be weak. she needed to do better, to be better. to be strong. 

--

“emotions, number eight” the girl supressed her smile at the name her mother had just given her. he wouldn’t even use it. her face fell blank.

“emotions, number eight” the girl took a deep breath, no anger. nothing. you cannot feel. she closed her eyes for a moment, controlling her urge to destroy something. she opened them to see a confused diego. this wasn’t how she was meant to react, he had stolen the ring her mother had given her. she just walked away. 

“emotions, number eight” she caught ben’s eye across the table. he nodded softly. she breathed calmly, no dessert. she was weak, she didn’t deserve dessert. five frowned from beside her, looking between her and their father. something was wrong.

“emotions, number eight” reginald turned on her. she stood, hands gripping the table until her knuckles turned pale. how could he let five go? as she raised her head she heard gasps from her siblings. pogo and reginald shared a look as she glared at the latter, taking a moment to calm herself. it wasn’t working. she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay, she couldn’t supress them. “y/n..” vanya whispered as she ran from the table. she couldn’t do it. he was gone and she hadn’t stopped him.

“emotions, number eight” she couldn’t do it. not this time. she shook her head. her eyes filled with tears. she couldn’t. “number eight! emotions!” she shook her head again, all she could feel was pain. it was her fault. she let him die. her siblings must hate her. her father hates her. ben would hate her. she let him die. she watched him die. 

“number eight! your emotions!” reginald’s voice got louder and she heard herself scream. everything was crumbling. he was gone, it was her fault. “number one, do it” 

it was all.. her fault..

--------------------------------------------------

on her way to the staircase she paused. her eyes lingered on the painting. five’s painting. she felt herself move without wanting to. she stepped into the room, looking up at her brother sadly.

“i’m sorry” she frowned, “i’m so sorry, five. i shouldn’t have let you go. i should have gone after you. i’m sorry, you must be so alone and i lied. i’m sorry for lying.. i should have done better, i should have listened to dad.. i couldn’t bring you back and it’s all my fault. it’s always my fault.. i’m sorry five, i’m so sorry..” 

“sweetie?” she looked over to see grace. “who are you apologising to? did something happen to you?” the blonde robot walked over, glancing over her to see if she had hurt herself.

“oh, no, it’s okay mom” she smiled fakely, trying to reassure her mother. “i was just thinking out loud. nothing to worry about”

“oh, alright, sweetie” she smiled again, “how about something to eat?”

“i’m okay, thanks. i think i’m just going to rest” grace nodded, allowing her to leave.

she wouldn’t be okay, not until she could stop blaming herself. she took one last look at five' picture before she closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears. when she opened them she appeared in her bedroom. she quickly shut the door, locking it. at least in here she couldn’t do anymore damage.

--------------------------------------------------

“number eight” reginald’s voice was disappointed but y/n couldn’t find it in herself to care. so what if she was a failure, she had always been one anyways. “you are no longer allowed to go on missions with your siblings”

she didn’t raise her head. he wasn’t done. this is what she deserved. “you will instead be working on locating number five”

she froze, staring up at him in shock.

“what?”

--------------------------------------------------

a flash of blue light outside her window broke her out of her thoughts. she stood from her bed, glancing down at the courtyard. it couldn’t be..

[watchmegetobsessed]

Grammy Winner Husband - Harry Styles

a/n: okay, yall know im a suckr for dad content and i just needed to write this little fluffy thing. also MY BABY IS A GRAMMY WINNER IM SO PROUD OF HIM and also, Sarah and Mitch are gonna be parents???? my heart can’t take all this *sigh*

pairing: Husband!Harry / Dad!Harry x Pregnant!Reader

word count: 1.3k

masterlist

“Congratulations once again, Harry. This Grammy looks great on you,” the interviewer compliments the grinning man who still very much feels like he is in a dream and his phone could start ringing anytime, ending this ethereal feeling of becoming what was only a dream when he was just a boy.

“Thank you,” he cracks a humbled smile.

“How are you gonna celebrate? Popping all the champagnes?”

“Honestly?” he sighs. “I just really want to kiss my wife, that’s gonna be my celebration,” he chuckles shyly, making every woman close to him swoon at his sweetness.

He accepts all the congratulations, the little shiny golden award weighing in his hands, not letting it out of his sight as he makes his way to the back to change his outfit back to something casual instead of the bold statements he has been making all night with his boas.

“Good night, Harry. Tell Y/N I said hi!” Sarah runs a hand down his back, grabbing his attention immediately. She’s gotten rid of her leather bodysuit as well, wearing just jeans and an oversized t-shirt, but her bump is making an appearance in it regardless. Mitch is holding his girlfriend’s other hand, their bags occupying his other as he smiles back at Harry with proud, shining eyes.

“Good night, you guys. Drive safe and thank you for tonight.” Harry pulls her into yet another hug, careful not to hold her too tight.

“Good night, see you soon,” him and Mitch share a quick hug as well, patting each other on the back before stepping back. Sarah’s hand runs down her belly, an instinctive motion Harry has seen quite often lately and not just from her and it reminds him how badly he just wants to get home to you finally.

While most performers and winners are probably out for some celebrations, champagnes must flow all directions, Harry quickly loads his things in his car and heads home to the one person he would ever want to celebrate with. It’s late, way past midnight by the time he arrives home and he has a guess where to find you.

Being the angel that you are, you left the lights on for him so he doesn’t have to blindly make his way to the bedroom. He kicks off his boots, drops his bag to the couch in the living room, placing the award on the dining table before padding down the hallway, the muffled sound of the TV and the strobbing lights of the screen still on in there, illuminating the doorway. He pushes the door that’s ajar open more, his smile immediately widening as he sees you curled up under the sheets, the TV remote still in your hands, your phone lying on the pillow next to your head while you’re fast asleep.

You swore you wouldn’t have problem staying up this late, but Harry knew it was not gonna happen, especially because ever since you’ve reached your third trimester bedtime was moved to seven o’clock, no exceptions.

Harry takes a second to adorn the beauty he has the luck to call his wife, before he quietly tiptoes into the bathroom connected to the bedroom to quickly wash up and get ready to his way of celebration: holding his pregnant wife in bed, falling asleep smelling your shampoo and maybe feeling a few tiny kicks under his palms.

Following a speedy shower he brushes his teeth, washing away the taste of that one glass of champagne he allowed for himself, he has been very restricted when it comes to alcohol ever since you found out you’re pregnant. Partially because he wants to take solidarity with you, having to say no to a good wine whenever you’re out for dinner, or a beer you occasionally drank with him while watching a movie. But he also feels like alcohol would just take away memories from his brain he wants to cherish forever.

Lifting the covers he tries to slip into bed next to you as gently and quietly as possible so you don’t wake up, but the moment the mattress sinks in under his weight, your eyes flutter open, blinking up at him sleepily as you register what’s really happening.

“Oh shit, you’re back! I really wanted to be awake when you arrive!” you pout at him as his arms curl around you, pulling you to him gently, his smiling lips pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“It’s alright, baby. I know how tired you always are.”

“Yeah, but my man won a fucking Grammy! I wanted to jump at you the moment you walk in,” you giggle, nuzzling your head into the crook of his neck. “I’m so proud of you, baby. Congrats!”

“Thank you,” he smirks blushing softly. He is still not used to the title he has earned today.

“You looked so hot on stage, that leather suit was awesome,” you grin, cupping his face, turning it towards you so you can see his bright, shining eyes.

“Yeah? You liked it?” he shyly asks, his finger grazing on your belly, tickling you a little in hopes the little one inside is still up, or went to sleep just like his mommy. “Mm, loved it,” you grin, pulling him down for a sweet kiss, one he was waiting all night to finally get. “And I love you.”

“Love you too, baby,” he hums against your lips, his palm coming to connect with your bump. “How are you feeling?” he asks, nuzzling his nose against yours.

He knows how this third trimester has been on you, the swelling and back pains killing you but you never complained as much as he knew you could have. He admired your strength all through this pregnancy, from the way you handled morning sickness, all the mood swings and changes in your body to the point where you are now carrying a literal watermelon at this point, having left only three more weeks until the baby arrives.

“I’m good, a little hungry maybe, but what’s new,” you chuckle.

“You want me to make you something?” he asks right away, ready to get out of bed to make you a sandwich or bake you cookies even if that’s what you wanted. But you push him down back shaking your head at him.

“It’s fine, I can wait until the morning. I just want to kiss my Grammy winner husband stupid right now,” you grin before leaving a sloppy kiss on his chest, chin, nose and finally, his lips. Pecking your lips a few times he makes you lie on your back as he slides down and pushing your shirt up, his adorning eyes fall to your belly, hands coming to gently cup it.

“Hey there, little one,” he murmurs as he leans closer and kisses your stretched out skin just above your belly button.

“He hasn’t moved in a while, think he’s asleep,” you smile, fingers running through his curls as you watch him pepper your belly with more feather-like kisses. Harry has been ecstatic since you found out you’re having a boy, though he would have been just the same if it was a girl.

“S’alright, I’m just gonna wish him goodnight,” he smiles, pressing his cheek against your bump before he kisses it one last time, pulling the shirt back down over it. Climbing up he pulls you back into his arms, knowing how much you like being held normally, but since you’ve fallen pregnant, you’ve become especially cuddly, which he doesn’t mind a bit.

“I love you, H. So proud of you,” you huff, feeling your eyes closing. Harry grabs the remote and turns the TV off, placing it to his nightstand along with your phone before kissing the top of your head.

“Love you too. Thank you for being here for me,” he huffs, the smile never leaving his lips. He has never felt happier and more complete ever in his life.

“Always,” you whisper before drifting back to sleep.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[silenceofthecookies]

Hello cookie, congratulations on 700! For the event, can I plz ask for domestic headcanons for the bleach captains? If not that's ok! Thank you!

Of course! Enjoy!

Shunsui Kyouraku

Shunsui is at the age where he no longer plays around in a relationship. He's in it until the end, or not at all. He insists on open an honest communication and on being able to talk differences out like adults instead of screaming at each other like two stubborn teenagers.

He will do pretty much anything you ask him to do in the house. Captain or not, you shouldn't be the only one keeping your house clean and organized.

Waking up with a bad mood when living together with Shunsui is impossible. He prefers to have you in his arms when going to sleep, and he will hold on to you throughout the night. When he wakes up, he'll stay as still as possible until you wake up. Then it's time for morning kisses and cuddles.

Shunsui enjoys stargazing with you in the garden, accompanied by a nice bottle of sake and some snacks. He'll have his arms around you, or even have you sitting on his lap if you're comfortable with that, just so he can comfortably hug you and still watch the stars.

Juushiro Ukitake

Due to his illness, Juushiro can't do all that much in the house on bad days. On good days though, he likes to take the opportunity to cook for you. He enjoys is and is very good at making typical home-food. Nothing fancy or exotic, but the kind of things that are nutritious and make you feel happy.

Juushiro enjoys being near you more than anything. It doesn't matter if you two are doing different things in the same room, as long as you are near him and sometimes look up to smile at him, he will be happy. This is why he insists on getting a house with an open kitchen.

He also likes to decorate the house with lots of potted plants. Flowers to brighten up the room, some herbs for in the kitchen to cook with, and some bonsai trees for him to occupy himself with on days when he can't leave his bed.

He really enjoys you combing his hair, and if possible, he will gladly return the favour. Ideally, he'll sit in front of a big mirror when you do so, so he can look you in the eyes though the mirror as he talks to you. You can style his hair pretty much anyway you want.

Bakuya Kuchiki

Byakuya does what he can to be a good boyfriend/husband, but he is and will always be a noble. Things like housework is done by the servants, not by him. This counts for you too, of course. You won't need to lift a finger. He won't really understand if you want to do certain things in the house anyway (be it for the sake of control or just because you like something), but he'll let you.

Well-taught as he is, Byakuya wouldn’t be able to cook a meal if his life depended on it. He never learned how to cook, and he has no intention of learning it either.

Despite his busy schedule, he tries to have dinner with you every night. It’s not always possible, and sometimes when it is he has to go back to finish work afterwards, but he wants to make some time for you every day.

He will often get you little gifts. Flowers, chocolates, jewellery… Sometimes because he saw them and thought of you, sometimes just because he wanted to spoil you a little. Whenever he has something to apologise for, like for example not being able to make it to dinner with you, he gets you something as well.

Unohana, Shinji, Yoruichi, Urahara, Toshiro, Soi-Fohn and Kenpachi below the cut!

Retsu Unohana

Retsu's house is full of plants, and it wouldn't be complete without a garden as well. Most plants that she grows have some kind of medicinal properties, or can be used to make a nice, calming cup of tea. Teatime is a must, and if the weather allows it, she prefers to have it in her garden.

The plants are pretty much the only bright colours in the house. Aside from those, everything is in soft colours so the plants really pop out. There's also very little dark colours in the house, she prefers everything to be light. Big windows/windows that cover a complete wall are a must.

Retsu insists on no shoes in the house. They are left at the door and changed for indoor slippers or socks. No. Dirty. Shoes. In. The. House.

Marriage is no big deal for Retsu. If you want to get married, she'll be on board, but if you don't want to, she's just as fine with that as well. She appreciates the symbolism but at the end of the day, that's all marriage is. She doesn't need a piece of paper to tell people that she loves you and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

Shinji Hirako

Shinji loves teasing you and once you live in the same house, that just gets worse. His terribly cheesy sense of humor is also still a daily occurrence. Yes, even when you're in a bad mood. Especially when you're in a bad mood.

Shinji is very lazy when it comes to his household. He'll make sure it's clean enough to not get sick from living in his own trash and dirt, but he'll push his chores off a lot and he'll leave his stuff lying around throughout the house. If you're a person who likes a clean and/or tidy house, you'll either have to kick his ass or clean up after him.

Surprise kisses. They happen a lot in general, just when he feels like it, but especially when you're in a video chat. He thinks it's hilarious to have your friends/family/co-workers think you have a perfect and loving boyfriend/husband, while he's actually a cheeky little bastard.

He leaves little notes throughout the house when he leaves. Some are sweet, some are jokes. He'll put them in the fridge, on the toilet, inside the shower, on his pillow,… anywhere he knows you'll come.

Yoruichi Shihoin

There is one night of the week dedicated to movie night and takeout. Both the eating and watching the movie will be done in bed. No, this is not up for debate. Lazy movie nights in bed are a must.

Be prepared for this woman wearing little to no clothes when she's home. She doesn't give a damn if people see her naked or not, and you're living together anyway, who cares if she's naked? Clothes are for going outside and for when visitors come over.

She loves taking baths or showers together as well, and not (necessarily) in a suggestive way. It's just a nice way to relax together, ‘and it saves water, right? *wink wink*’

She's actually a pretty good cook, at least when it comes to comfort food. When either of you are in a bad mood she'll step into the kitchen and make some of the best comfort food you've ever had. Which will then, of course, be eaten on the couch or in bed, in front of the tv, with a comfort movie.

Her favourite movies are comedies and romcoms. Anything that'll give her a good laugh is fine.

Kisuke Urahara

Another very laid-back person to live with. There is no rush at all when living with this man, with anything. He's the type of person to be at least a little late to every party or meeting because he just wanted to take his time and get ready in a relaxed way.

Don't let him take care of plants. He is the worst plant dad and they will die. Only cacti survive, and even those will struggle to do so.

Kisuke moves around in his sleep a lot and will steal the covers. A good way to remedy this is to use his chest as a pillow, he'll barely move at all then. Does the pressure on his chest really keep him still, or did he move around a lot on purpose as an excuse to get to you cuddle up to him at night? You will never know.

This man is very clingy. It doesn't matter what you're doing, he wants to have his arms around you. You're cooking? His arms are around your waist. You're trying to clean up? Good luck. His favourite moment is when you're both watching tv though. He'll pull you as close to possible to cuddle up on the couch.

Toshiro Hitsugaya

Toshiro has the windows open all-year round in his bedroom. Even when it is freezing outside, he'll want to open the windows for some fresh air as he sleeps, so he doesn't wake up in that stuffy sleep air that gets stuck in bedrooms. This does give a great excuse for cuddling while sleeping though.

He'll get you flowers every week, on the same day. It's a habit, one he doesn't want to miss. It's his way of reminding you that he cares, even though he's usually very busy with his work as a captain.

He'll agree a schedule with you to do chores in the house, just to make sure it all gets done and nothing gets forgotten. Of course, he helps in the house as well.

If you're not a fighter, Toshiro will want a dog in the house to protect you. Toshiro is very good at training dogs, as he is already used to being a leader and giving orders, and this dog will be the sweetest thing until either you or him give it the command to attack. He really counts on the dog to protect you when he cannot.

Soi-Fohn

Soi-Fohn will decorate her home in a minimalistic way. The colours don't jump out at you and there is just enough decoration to make it feel homely without having trinkets and pictures all over the place. Her home basically radiates calm and is so clean you'd almost wonder if she cleaned every day.

She sleeps with a lot of blankets. During the night she will want to say warm and she'll get closer to any source of warmth, which usually is you.

You need but say the word and Soi-Fohn will help you out with whatever she can in the house. Grocery shopping, the dishes, the laundry,… you name it. She will also start doing things without saying it if she notices you are a little overwhelmed.

She REALLY wants a cat. She loves the little creatures and has always wanted one of her own, but due to her often being away from home for extended periods of time, she never got one. If you've got a job that allows you to go home every day, she'll definitely bring it up.

Of het days off, she likes to cook something for you. She's actually a pretty good cook, though she rarely has the time to prepare something special for you.

Kenpachi Zaraki

Kenpachi is oddly clingy when you're home. He loves you, so he wants to be around you. Preferably have an arm around you. He's not shy about admitting it either. Why should he be? He wants to hold you. He's your boyfriend/husband. It's only normal.

He is the easiest guy ever to cook for. As long as you have made it, Kenpachi will eat about anything. Doesn't matter if you burnt it a little, doesn't matter if it's something he usually doesn't like. If you made it, he will eat it.

His favourite food is BBQ though, and when you eat BBQ he's the one making it. It's about the only thing he can cook, but that meat is prepared perfectly. He'll wear an apron will some stupid BBQ-related pun on it whenever he's doing so.

Kenpachi needs a dog in the house to play with, to get rid of that excess energy of his. It's likely a breed that's generally seen as dangerous, like a Pitbull. The dog is the absolute sweetest thing though, wouldn't harm a fly, and it loves playing fetch.

Kenpachi lets his dog sleep on his bed, which will cause some funny moments while trying to cuddle because the dog wants in on the affection too.

[9tzuyu]

home

warnings: talks of alcoholism and trauma

note: this is a vent fic coming from personal experience so yeah :p

+ two fics one day? crazyyy

ty moli for proofreading ‹3 no tags because it might be a sensitive topic </3

. . .

you were never fond of parties. they were always too loud, too crowded, too unpredictable – especially when there was a large amount of alcohol involved. it wasn’t so much that people were drinking, but how they began to act after drinking too much.

if it were up to you, you would’ve been locked in your room watching tv for the rest of the night, but tony harassed you all week about coming to the party until you finally agreed.

the music was loud, almost everyone was drunk, and you were far from having any kind of fun. you felt awkward, out of place. so instead of trying to socialize, you found yourself standing at the back of the room with a cup of water in your hands.

memories of your mother drunk and unstable were reeling over and over again in your mind. no matter how much you tried to focus on something else, teenage trauma began to seep through into your thought process.

all of a sudden you remembered how you were forced to be the parent instead of the child, how you had to fend for yourself a great deal of time, the selfishness of your mother every time she chose to drink instead of being sober enough to protect you.

“y/n?” natasha’s voice snapped you from your thoughts and you quickly plastered a smile on your face.

“hello nat.”

“you alright?” she asked curiously.

“yeah, of course i am. i’m at a party hosted by tony stark himself.” natasha giggled, taking a sip of her drink.

“they can be a little much at times.”

you nodded in agreement. the two of you stood in silence before you decided to leave.

“well i’m a little tired, so i’m off to bed. i’ll see you tomorrow.”

it was clear you were lying, but natasha didn’t want to push the matter. so she figured she’d wait up and keep an unknowing eye on you.

“good night y/n.”

. . .

you found yourself surrounded by the crisp new york wind on the roof of the tower. everything felt more at peace in contrast to the party. nothing was too loud, you had a nice view of the city, and you were alone. it almost allowed you to catch your breath.

“you’re going to get sick if you stay out here much longer. it’s cold and you’ve been up here for about twenty minutes now.” natasha’s voice rang through your ears. “i’m okay nat, it’s not too bad.” not a few seconds later you felt a jacket drape over your frame.

“may i sit?” you nodded and watched natasha place herself comfortably by your side. she said nothing, only taking in the new york view herself.

it was comforting, natasha was comforting. you could trust her with anything, no matter how bad it may be. she was like a warm blanket of security.

“she wasn’t bad, you know,” you began. natasha tilted her head. “who?”

“my mom.” there was a pause between your next choice of words. one natasha knew too well. you were debating, debating on whether or not you should continue sharing such a vulnerable piece of your being.

“she was never violent or anything when she was drunk. she never yelled or screamed at me. but she was clumsy, very, very clumsy…” you trailed.

“i feel like i have no reason to complain or call it traumatic because it doesn’t sound traumatic when i say it out loud. people have it so much worse, you know? so why do i feel so horrible about it? i mean, yeah, there were days, weeks, months where i had to take care of her because of how drunk she was, or because she fell and couldn’t get up. and yes, i was a kid, and i know it wasn’t normal, but it could’ve been worse.”

natasha adjusted herself to face you. she cupped your chin in her hands to look into your eyes. “you have every reason to feel the way you do. no kid should ever have to go through that. it doesn’t matter that other people have it worse than that. she was supposed to be the parent, not you. you were a child.”

“i know, but still-”

“don’t do that to yourself,” she cut you off.

you closed your eyes, leaning into her. “i just feel so stupid and normally it doesn’t affect me like this, but the party… being surrounded by so much alcohol and so many people drinking alcohol just reminded me of my mother.”

“it’s not stupid, please don’t let yourself hang onto those kinds of thoughts. besides, what made you go this time? i know you normally don’t attend these kinds of things.”

“tony wouldn’t leave me alone about it all week.”

“well that’s the last time he’ll ever do that.” natasha confirmed, adding a smile to her face as she rubbed your cheek.

“let’s go in and get you all warmed up, okay?”

“mkay.”

you followed natasha all the way up to her room. confused, you stopped in your tracks.

“this isn’t my room?”

“take your pick, your room or my room. either way i’m not leaving you alone tonight.” your face softened before you felt a familiar warmth in your cheeks.

“your room please.”

natasha smirked as she opened her door. “any particular reason?”

“i like the way you smell.”

“oh?” she raised her eyebrow.

“sorry, i know that sounds weird-”

“no, it sounds adorable.” natasha corrected, dragging you into her room. “you can change into these, don’t worry about returning them.”

“thank you nat.”

. .

you spent the rest of the night with your head on natasha’s chest, her arms wrapped around your frame. the memories of your mother were put to rest for the remainder of the night. you chose to focus on natasha and how beautiful she looked in the moonlight.

and then you had the realization that she was your home.

[mara-xx217]

Pokes head

May I request Michael being a possessive daddy and fighting a killer who hurt his girlfriend ? It can be anyway you like 💙

Why of course you can~ This isn’t based in Dbd, but the normal world. Hope you don’t mind!

Possessive, Protective Mikey

You were like some sort of disease to Michael. Or, perhaps, a parasite was a better descriptor of how you affected him. You wormed your way into him, deep into his chest, right beside his cold, soulless heart. You made him… feel, regardless of what that actually meant, it was beyond unacceptable in his eyes. That warm, painful throbbing in his chest was more than distracting, it was nauseating, disturbing. Terrifying… In a sick, twisted, wrong way, you terrified the Shape of Haddonfield. Michael fucking Myers was absolutely terrified of a small, defenseless creature that was completely helpless against the evil and cruelty he wielded against the world. He should kill you a hundred thousand times over for this transgression! But… it wouldn’t make him feel any better. He only… feels more empty every time your cheeks are stained with tears. Cold. Dead. Michael would feel dead without you…

This isn’t the first time he’s caught someone hurting you. It’s happened many, many times over, and his reaction has ranged from blinded rage to searing hatred. Not just for the one harming you, but towards you, yourself. It was that lack of control that drove Michael insane. He couldn’t watch you 24/7, couldn’t always follow you around or know where you were at any given moment… It drove him fucking crazy, and he took that frustration out on not just the asshole unfortunate enough to have crossed paths with you, but onto you, as well.

But, even that was quickly losing its luster to him. Michael had thought that hurting you would bring him some sort of fulfillment, like it has always done in the past when he had hurt others. It never has, though. Sure, he’s lied to himself, trying desperately to convince himself that seeing you all small, all scared and teary-eyed brought him a measure of enjoyment, to have your blood on his hands, to have you groveling in terror before him- but it didn’t. It- He- Michael felt… not good, when that happened. You made him… stop to consider how his actions would affect you, and he hated that.

Michael despises that you’re a magnet for trouble. That you just can’t seem to stay the hell away from people that want to do you harm. Sure, he doesn’t mind killing them. Quite the opposite, in fact, he rather enjoys seeing them covered in their own blood, begging for their pathetic lives before he mercilessly snuffs them out. No, Michael hates that you get hurt in the first place. The only one that should ever have the right to put their hands on you was him! Him, and him alone. Anyone else would be destroyed.

Some wannabe serial killer punk had set his eyes on you. Luckily for you, Michael knew better than to leave you to your own devices, anymore. He caught the little bastard scoping out your home before you had any idea of the danger you were in. He’d make sure that, this time, he’d be in complete control of the situation. You won’t be hurt, but that idiot thinking that he can do as he pleases? He’s going to regret the day he was born…

Sitting in your kitchen, you drank what must be your fifth coffee of the night. Strange things were happening, and it left you unable and unwilling to sleep at night. Rustling outside your windows, the sound of someone possibly jimmying your doors and windows, looking for a possible way in… Muddy footprints on your porch and small, dead animals left on your door mat… It was becoming too much. You’re… pretty sure it wasn’t Michael. He did love to torment you, but this wasn't really his thing. He was much more… direct, with his approach to you. This… this was someone else…

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you rub your eyes, feeling them water involuntarily from how dry they were. Anxiously, you tap your fingers on the top of the counter, before sighing heavily and grabbing your coffee mug. You decided to make your way to the living room, thinking that some TV would help calm your nerves and get your mind off of things. Fuck, I’m exhausted… You thought bitterly as you crashed onto the couch, nearly spilling lukewarm coffee all over yourself.

Picking up the remote, you absentmindedly flipped through channels, not really wanting to watch anything. It was just something else to focus on, rather than the impending sense of dread that was washing over you. This feeling was one that you were well acquainted with: the feeling of being watched. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your palms were slick with sweat. Slowly, you sit up, clumsily placing your mug on the table in front of you. The hairs on your entire body stood on end. Something’s not right here…

As you begin to rise off the couch, a firm hand pushes you back down into a sitting position. Your heart jumped up into your throat. You’re very familiar with Michael’s hands, and the one still gripping your shoulder was much, much smaller than his… Short, shaky breaths escaped through your clenched teeth. Fuck..! Oh shit- Oh my God no no no-! You don’t dare to move, only stare straight ahead at nothing as your mind runs wild with possibilities. Who the hell is it?! How did they get in?! Why me?! Where the fuck is Michael when I fucking need him?!?

The intruder sucks in a deep breath, as though he’s about to say something, but instead yelps in surprise as he’s ripped away from you suddenly and violently. You gasp, shooting up and scrambling across the room, back peddling into an opposing corner. Curling in on yourself, you crumple onto the floor, watching the brutality unfolding before you through the cracks of your fingers.

Michael had thrown the intruder back, sending him crashing into a mostly bare bookshelf, breaking most of the shelves along with it. You cringe and jump, feeling your insides twist and revolt against you. Michael drops to the floor, straddling the winded, smaller man as he desperately tries to fight back. Vainly. It was laughable, really. The idiot didn’t stand a chance against the human incarnation of evil, itself.

Michael briefly debated on playing with his food. There was something about seeing them crawl and beg that really set him off, but when he glanced at you over his shoulder, in the fetal position and hyperventilating, he actually decided against it. It was getting under his skin seeing you like this, and the quicker this is… inconvenience is dealt with, the quicker things will be back to normal. Well, to Michael’s fucked up definition of the word “normal”, that is.

With a quick stab to the back of his neck, the intruder was killed. Normally, Michael would have painted the walls with this creep’s blood, but he decided that it would be too much of a pain in the ass to clean up. With a flick of his wrist, Michael twists and pulls out the blade, wiping the excess blood onto the back of his victim’s shirt. He looks back over to you, and sees you stiffen. His… Huh. His chest actually hurts…

With a heavy sigh, he stands, stepping over the dead body as he makes his way over to you. A major part of you was beyond terrified. Is he gonna hurt me..? Oh- Oh God..! I’m gonna- I’m- I’m gonna..! You were trembling, shaking so hard that your teeth were actually chattering audibly. Michael’s eye twitched. He was conflicted: one part of him loved that you were this scared of him, as you should be, but the other… the other hated it. He- Well, he wanted… something, but he just didn’t know what. Fingers twitching, he reached out to you, struggling to ignore how you froze as he slowly approached you.

You really thought that he was going to grab you by the hair and drag you off to the bedroom, so when his fingertips just barely brushed the top of your head, moving the hair from your face, you were, well… at a bit of a loss. Michael has never, ever been that gentle while touching you. Ever. You raise your head slightly, just enough so that you could see him. He still had that damn mask on, of course, and his body language hardly betrayed what he was thinking or feeling, but- You couldn’t deny that his fingers were trembling ever so slightly.

He slowly crouches in front of you, treating you as though you're some kind of animal that will either bolt at the slightest movement or go for his jugular, or something like that. You don’t move or speak, unsure of what he was doing. When he placed his hand where that stalker touched you, gently- carefully squeezing your shoulder as though you were made of glass, you… you relaxed.

You could tell that he was struggling to be gentle, with how his fingers twitched uncontrollably and the pressure of his fingertips varied. You looked up to him, then down at his chest as an odd warmth spread through your cheeks. Michael was extremely possessive over you. He hated it when you interacted with anyone else, especially other men. But, right now, even though another man had touched you, he wasn’t flying off the handle like he usually did. He was still extraordinarily pissed off that he had given the bastard just enough time to physically touch you, but it was remedied.

He was fucking dead, and you were still here. You were his and his alone. That wasn’t called into question. There was no dispute. Michael Myers is the only person that is ever allowed to touch you. You’ve come to accept this, and slowly but surely, you’re even beginning to enjoy his touch. As sick and messed up as it was, you’ve started to develop feelings for him, despite the fact that he made your life a living hell. If anything, you knew that no one would hurt you ever again. No one, except for him.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

another helping of living w/ bakugou thoughts:

pls i am so sorry, i feel like i bombard y’all with these constantly, but u don’t understand, he literally lives in my brain full time

- if you’re rolling your sleeves up, to wash your hands before dinner, he’ll whack your hands away and do it himself. very much “you’re takin’ too long, idiot. i wanna eat already. let me do it.”,, don’t be fooled tho, you could do it in 2.5 seconds and he’d still open his mouth. bc it has absolutely nothing to do with u and everything to do with him wanting to be close to you

-ik he watches the mha equivalent of the history channel. i just know it. dude is a grandpa at heart, n im so confident he would 100% sit down and watch a 3 hr docu on like, old weaponry or some nerdy shit

-bakugou is annoyingly arrogant, but only about things that don’t matter. like, he’ll fully sit in front of you and tell you he’s stronger/faster/smarter in passing conversation,, but when he does actually impressive shit??? the man clams up. absolutely clams up the second you praise him, trying to brush off whatever ridiculous feat he just pulled to protect u with a “It’s not that big a deal, shut up about it already, dumbass.” 

- pls mans is an absolute simp. u ask him to do something and he’s on his feet in a second. ofc he’s complaining but he’s also then following that up by doing things you didn’t even ask him to do. fan behavior honestly.

-when you’ve had a bad day, he’ll make u food and throw blankets in the dryer for u. don’t expect much verbal comforting from him, bc obviously, but he’s pretty good with actions. you always feel a little warmer after he’s wrapped you in a blanket n fed you something ungodly spicy

- i have absolutely no basis for this but ik he secretly watches kids movies. like, if it’s animated then he’s there. ofc no one is allowed to find out about this ‘embarrassing’ behavior tho, except maybe you. maybe. if you accidentally happen to see it bc he’d never tell u himself.

- he’s a beast to wake up in the morning, but he’s a lot more easy to convince if u pet his hair. or rub his back/shoulders. maybe even kiss his neck. look, u cannot tell me that he doesn’t want to be absolutely coddled in the morning- especially when he can get away with it so easily. 

-bakugou always pulls ur legs into his lap if u sit down next to him. pls he’s so weird, he’ll just like, tap his fingers on ur calves absentmindedly while he’s watching tv

-he probably created a playlist of songs ur ‘allowed’ to play around him. meaning, it’s only the songs on ur phone that he likes 🙄

-bakugou always takes his work phone calls outside. like if his phone rings he’ll just stand up n walk tf out the door to take it. even if it’s cold. u ask him once about it n he just “Work stays at work. This is my fuckin’ home. Now shut up about it already.”

-you’ve never once seen this man wearing socks around the house. don’t ask me, i cannot explain this whatsoever, but i just kno this man walks around constantly barefoot 🤢🤮 unfortunately.

-he’s like, the most functional person ever in almost every aspect, but the stuff katsuki is bad at?? pls he is hopelessly bad. like, lets say art stuff. omg he just doesnt have the patience for it, okay, so say goodbye to any dreams of cute lil couple’s crafts. like, he’ll sit there while u do yours, but his will look like utter shit

- during the week, katsuki is either at work, training, or at home. pls, he works so hard during the day that i highly doubt he’s anything but an absolute homebody during the work week.

- bakugou gets pissy if u re-arrange any of the furniture on a whim. pls he likes comfort and familiarity n if he stubs his toe on the stupid coffee table one more fucking time, he’s going to scream

-its a rare occurance,, especially bc of the crazy hours he works,, but bakugou rlly likes making dinner for u to come home to. he just likes to feel like he’s taking care of u tbh

-he still goes to bed at like 8:30. or thats what u think, but rlly he just goes to sit in your room and have some time to himself for a bit. as much as he loves u, he prob still needs some alone time to recharge

-bakugou takes meticulous care of any plants u have in the house. like he’ll water them on a strict-ass schedule, n preen them when necessary. pls the way he’ll curse them out if they even dare to wilt under his care?? very much “What the hell, you bitch? ‘m doin’ everything fuckin’ perfect! Grow already!”

-katsuki is such a little bitch when he’s sick. he’ll be running like a 103 temp, brain literally melting, and still trying to get up and work out. the only way u can get him to chill the hell out is if u take a nap with him. ofc that means u always get sick too,, but hey- lil sacrifices right??

-he never lets you get the door. like, if there’s a knock n neither of u knows who it could be,, pls he’s on his feet so fast. waving u away n looking thru the keyhole w/ sm suspicion

-he has his spot on the couch, n u will not find him sitting anywhere else. like, that’s his spot. u better pray for anybody who mistakenly takes it

-bakugou doesn’t like dirt or grime, so he won’t allow you or himself, to sit on your bed with clothes that have been outside. like, even if you’re just sitting on top of the covers, he’s gonna throw a fit and demand you change your clothes first bc “No way in hell am I gonna let your dumbass dirty up my bed.”

-katsuki rlly likes when it storms outside. he’ll go sit in front of the window and watch the rain, sipping on a warm drink while he waits for more thunder. 

-living with bakugou is incredibly frustrating, bc he’ll just show up with new skills all of the goddamn time. like you’ll be like, “hmm i’d love to remodel the bathroom someday”,, and the very next weekend bakugou is meticulously re-tiling the bathroom floor by hand, probably also painting the walls in a new color, maybe even installing a new sink just to spruce it up. n then he’ll just present the entirely new, upgraded room with such weird nonchalance that it pisses u off. pls and if you watch him while he does these little projects, with all the weird precision and skill he suddenly gains?? pls you’re sure he must be possessed by the ghost of a craftsman

- when he hangs out with the bakusquad, he’ll drag you along every time. he expects you to sit with him the entire time and act as a social buffer?? basically, someone’ll ask him a question, one he deems stupid and therefore not worth answering, and bakugou will just look at you expectantly. he’ll just stare at you blankly, hardly even blinking until you pick up the slack and answer for him. you call him out on this many times, but it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. he does this over and over and over again

-bakugou gets really unsettled when you guys fight. like, he can’t sleep and he’s snapping at everybody, and is somehow more aggressive than usual. he always wants to just make up already, but the pride in the way won’t allow it

-he’s a weird stickler about intended furniture functionality?? like, the table is for eating, and the couch is for watching tv, and then only way you’re gonna get him to mix the two is if you ask him rlly rlly nicely

-finally- i have no basis for this one, but ik it in my heart: bakugou has a very intense fight with your thermostat nearly every single day. he swears up and down that it never ‘behaves’ for him, but every time you check it, it’s working perfectly fine

--/-- 

ahahhaa sorry y’all for the super random spam today,, but here were are back to our regularly scheduled bakugou programming,,,, bc idk if it’s obvious ur honor, but i love him