#perhaps even more disappointing now that i know the guide book lore?

[claire-starsword]

[presiding]

What is your favourite thing about Billie Lurk?

(Answers are obvious possibly but i love when people talk about her👍)

thanks for the ask!! YEAH ME TOO I love when people talk about Billie! I can't say I have a favourite thing specifically, but I can explain why she's my fav. apologies for not taking this qn literally, but -

short answer: she’s really cool

& you can stop reading there, or, for the maybe 2 mutuals who might have time to read this my thoughts on her as a character, her meta, and her character as raw potential...

long answer:

i considered making this entire thing a gush so you could read a gush about Billie. but, part of what draws me to her is that she’s not always well written, and in fandom she’s underrated for a literal protagonist.

since you ask...

billie is a cool character

when I played Dh2 (hadn't played Dh1), I was excited to see a black woman with disabilities who was captaining a massive ship by herself. wow.

then I discovered Billie’s backstory with Deirdre, the way she responded to that, then having to survive while living on the run, and her bisexuality. as well as her history with daud & delilah. fascinating!

she’s an outsider who has so much to lose, and knows what it's like to lose everything - having lost everything not once but three times - but nevertheless speaks truth to power. she's so brave! she went and helped Emily & Corvo and she must have known they might kill her! plus, she’s smart, she’s funny, she gets shit done, she’s gorgeous.

but... the meta

mild critique of fandom & arkane incoming.

skip this bit if you want - you've been warned twice now - jump to tired Hayao Miyazaki and read from there if you'd like my thoughts on writing her.

i thought Death of the Outsider was going to be amazing and then... well. *sad trombone* i've written about that before so i won't keep banging on. i figured others must be disappointed too, so I joined a few fandom spaces in hopes of finding camaraderie.

most people with complaints about DotO didn’t like how the Outsider and Daud were handled. which is valid & I agree. but it seemed like most paid no attention to Billie; when people talk about her it’s with respect to Daud, as opposed to in her own right. you could argue for fandom misogyny because people don’t talk about adult Emily Kaldwin that much either, but in Billie's case, it’s misogynoir (compare & contrast with the popularity of thomas, particularly the popularity of thomas portrayed as a white man for no particular reason that i've been able to discern - i keep asking around, is it in the books???).

i think this is a LOT better now than it used to be, which is fantastic. or perhaps i have found the correct echo-chamber? ha.

ultimately, The Fandom is a fraction of the entire picture, and not even the important bit since The Fandom is not who these games are made for. you can't make money relying on only your hardcore fans even if all of them spent a fortune on merch, this is true for any AAA game.

while it's true that Billie is underrated from a fandom perspective - but Billie as an underwritten protagonist is squarely Arkane’s fault.

it was reasonable when she was a side character - the lack of info in Dh2 makes perfect sense (if anything there was more lore in Dh2 which is kind of wild)-

- but as a protagonist in Death of the Outsider?

.... there’s lousy writing, and there’s whatever is going on with Billie Lurk, a black woman who mostly exists as a foil or saviour for light-skinned characters. In her own game there’s barely any of her own lore except where it's relevant to saving two dudes.

lore hints at, but barely touches on what race means in the Dh universe (xenophobia is stronger in Dh1; separate essay i guess), but Arkane has patted themselves on the back for portraying non-white characters, which feels like the same thing as the aesthetic of diversity we're seeing in advertising currently because it’s in marketing trend guides. it's self-congratulatory and it's a missed opportunity for deeper storytelling.

you can see an example of diversity at its most shallow in the way that Billie’s written: there’s little engagement with her as an entire person with history & wants & preferences, and the world she walks through in that game feels like it has nothing to do with her. you could make a case for alienation as a theme, but then, how do you handle the titular premise of 'Dishonored' without ever letting Billie make changes in an environment without a chaos system? it's disappointing from that angle too.

in my opinion, whatever it's worth, it was an accident Arkane created such an awesome character - they needed someone to betray daud. congrats billie.

all this said, it makes her an underdog as far as characters to enjoy & create art & stories for. it's nice to find so many like-minded, switched on people! <3

billie's character potential

she’s got a wealth of unexplored lore, being deeply intertwined with both Karnaca & Dunwall’s fates & criminal underbellies, as well as her connections to the witches & whalers, and three Empresses.

she’s lived a few distinct lifetimes and in the games we get to meet her at two peaks (KoD & DotO) & a low (Dh2 as Meagan).

her voice is very distinct, her dry & often dark humour is entertaining & fun to write. her perspective is really interesting - she’s had the widest variety of void-powers of anyone canonically, and she’s also lived through the highest highs and lowest lows.

she's got everything going for her :) i couldn't really pick a fav thing!

[duskodair]

further Noel lore, by popular demand (with the old bc why not)

The one constant in her life has always been him. One of them was born first, but they're not sure which. Names don't stick to them. Dozens of monikers have come and passed them by. They barely use names for one another, so it doesn't matter. They know vaguely which order the children they might have once been were born and named, but neither of them actually know to which of them each name belongs.

They come to the orphanage as a pair of red headed infants, identical and inseparable. Among the other children, they are easily lost in the muddle. They grow up holding hands and answer to both names. They come to answer to others as well, as staff members forget and rename them from the pool of other children.

The orphanage is a loveless place. They learn of the distant love of a God who has forsaken them from nuns who have no time for them. They learn to walk holding hands and make their own language to whisper the secrets they learn from watching places that the convent do not want them to see.

The nuns can't keep the right names pinned to the right child and by the time they leave the orphanage, their papers are muddled and merged, inseparable in their scarcity. At fourteen, they do honest work for a few months, pulling in a pitiful wage between them. They answer to the names that the nuns told them they were given as decide that it's not for them.

Knowing their letters, at least, gets them into interesting places. Gossip slips by them. They come home with stories and whispers of crimes committed in distant towns. There's nothing truly behind it, but it intrigues them.

They leave the town they were raised in with the collection money for the convent's charity children. They never saw any of it whilst they were there, so they reckon it's theirs to take.

They do it sensible, though, no grand heist and sudden exit. One day two nobodies walk the streets and the next they are gone, notice properly given and a forwarding address passed along to those it may concern. Perhaps they go where they say they are going, perhaps they do not. The convent only realises the theft far later than it could be solved. And by that point, they are dust on the plains.

'New town, new names' is their policy. It gives them something to do on their journeys. Their childhood gives them a wealth of options as they work their way through the Good Book. She chars for a family as Leah, subtly learning to mimic the habits of those born into money as she beats dust out of the curtains. As Mary she is a gentle lady, down on her luck, willing to watch the children.

She never does a con without him. It starts with petty theft, enough to tide them over. But they grow confident as the years pass, and still the sheriffs fail to put out a bounty for names they've left behind.

Both of them claim to do the most work in their enterprise. She scoffs and says he's far too distracted by pretty stable boys and saloon lasses for his case to be true. He argues that she's too busy staring at her own reflection in things to possibly be doing the most work.

She kicks him, out of principle, before grinning. They're nearly done with this town. Regretfully, they're about to have a family emergency and the gentle seamstress' assistant and the errand boy will have to leave. It will be a while before anybody notices that old Mr McCoy hasn't been seen in a while. Well, perhaps the young ladies he used to shout at might notice, but the twins don't think they'll miss him.

Noel swings out her legs one last time before depositing them in Jonah's lap. She leans back as she considers the best way for Miss Miranda DuVal to break her incoming family crisis to her employer to potentially receive offerings of sympathy. In the last town she'd received a lovely pair of hand me down boots. She's hoping to do much better here, and well, there's some lovely stuff in the Atkinsons' unpaid tab.

The breeze picks up a little. Nothing like a peaceful walk and a casual picnic to enjoy their last day in this town. She looks away from the disappointing straggle of houses that make up the town, towards her brother. He's lying down in the prairie grass, staring up at the passing clouds. She thinks he's probably thinking about a barmaid again. He's got that look on his face.

She rips up a bit of grass and tosses it at him, 'keep your raunchy thoughts off your face. I don't want to know'

He tosses the grass back at her, 'I can do what I please. It's my own bleedin face'

With that, he rises, pushing her legs from his lap.

'Now come along, sister dearest, I'm sure we are missed. I must see if Old Man Thomas needs any more of those crates lifting, and I'm sure you have embroidery to do'

She lets him read her disdain before rising and schooling her features into the amiable Miss DuVal. 'Of course, brother, shall we go, then?'

She takes his arm and they head back to finish the performance before the appointed hour of departure. They make their arrangements and say their goodbyes. Jonah receives his kisses and Noel her tea gown.

On the road they pick new names, write a new story. When she stumbles in a gopher hole, he christens her Grace. She makes a hand gesture that the nuns certainly would not have approved of and accepts the name.

Town after town they pass through, weaving their way West, across the country. Their cons become bigger and grander and their budget grows.

For all their griping, they make an excellent team, she thinks, as he combs out her hair for her next performance. Their plan is to land a quiet jackpot in the town of Danser. It's been in their sights for a while, a little passing place, irrelevant. Perfect.

They have a few weeks to go before they arrive, appearances to make along the road. They call themselves Underwood for the branch that Jonah stumbles into as he stumbles around their camp after dark. They turn the branch into a lumber business and laud their wealth to one another.

Noel laughs into the fire as she weaves stories of their loving Papa, whose only desire in life is to see his daughter married off to a reputable man. Jonah grins as he fleshes out the tragedy of their gentle mother, taken too soon.

At least, Noel thinks, she won't have to wear the fashion of a widow too long, as Jonah will, of course, have to return her to the loving safety of her father, if there is nobody left in Danser to provide. She checks the Derringer strapped to her thigh and consigns her new life story to memory. Yes, she thinks, Noel will work as a name for a while.

______

Danser is quiet the day the Underwoods ride into town. On the surface, they bring little change, just a business deal and a wife for the wealthy Mr Tobias Lloyd. Noel rides into town as a bartering token for her family's lumber business, a symbol of an alliance sealed.

Jonah Underwood brings her into town, red hair tousled in the wind as the twins drive, laughing, down the dust scattered road. He's going to stay in Danser as she gets settled.

He'll probably stay longer than expected, loath to leave her. They've never been more than a week apart throughout their short lives. Where she goes, he follows, but this time, he cannot.

Noel is prepared, she thinks, for a husband. Her trunk is packed with all her worldly possessions and the wood of the carriage is steady under her hands.

The town spreads before her, barely a stopping point out from the city. Home, it seems, now. She's a long way from Tennessee. She's a long way from their smaller cons. Jonah meets her eyes. They're ready.

Her fingers dust over the derringer that she carries strapped to her thigh. She smiles. The plan is simple. She can do it. Jonah guides the horses forward into town, nodding to the old man on his stoop outside the general store, before heading to the Emerald Hotel.

She holds her head high as Jonah makes arrangements. The role is easy, she smiles and nods and watches. Noel is quiet and demure, but ever watchful, cataloguing her new neighbours. She plays naive, batting doe eyes at passers by, luring people in to speak with them.

They spend a day getting settled, researching, making appearances. They go to church, make nice. They start tabs and pay them off, respectable like, with the money of dead men. They find out about Mr Lloyd. He's wealthy and removed, just their type. His employees dislike him, after a few drinks, and when Jonah reports back, so does she.

She is all smiles, however, when Jonah presents her with promises of lumber money. She twirls the loose curls that soften her cheeks around a finger, and in that motion, she has him. Soon the hair around her finger becomes a ring and she becomes a wife.

Tobias Lloyd is, fundamentally, a disappointing husband. Everything he tries to teach her, she already knows, and quite frankly, he's barely competent. He tries to run her in circles but his fall short of the ones she's running around him.

Jonah rides between Danser and the city, keeping the financial side of the con running as Noel pushes her hands into the running of the household. She takes control, bringing home arsenic for cleaning and for rats.

She makes appearances with her husband in the Emerald Hotel, a doting wife out for coffee. She wears fine gowns and resists gossip, staying upstanding, but never cold. She likes to think that she's making her mark in the town, becoming known. If she is, she's doing her job properly, settling her character witnesses.

Everything is going perfectly until it isn't. Jonah slips. Noel doesn't even discover how until it is too late and the gunfight is lost and Jonah is bleeding out in her arms, his tab with God unsettled and their victory bleeding away.

She buries him in the churchyard, demure and sweet, watching the stone with the wrong name mark her brother's place. Later, she rides out and screams, hands still stained red with his blood. She remembers his unsettled tab and sets out to match it, so that one day she can join him once more.

She returns to town and puts on her gloves. Tobias loves her, she is the perfect wife, so attentive to his bouts of illness and so concerned.

Noel forms the perfect cover, she plays her part perfectly. With a little sacrifice, she covers for Jonah's slip. She helps collect funds for the new church floor, embroidering kerchiefs with dainty patterns for the pastor to sell. The new pastor admires her faith, he smiles and says one day she'll see heaven. She does her best to ensure that won't be so.

Tobias grows sicker and sicker and Noel worries more and more. At least, in public. Old Man German at the store grows tired of her asking after medicine. There is never any coming in.

Calling for the Doc is a risk, but a necessary one. Fortunately, it pays off, he patiently assures her that he's not a doctor and he cannot cure her husband. He's the best Danser has, however, and all her husband will see. She grows fond of him on his visits, another respectable alibi and connection for when she is alone.

She forges ties and prepares for widowhood. She ties her hair up neat and slips into the saloon instead of the hotel on a Friday afternoon, seeking the Doc, looking to keep herself in his mind. She's going to need a new husband soon, anyway, and it's always a good idea to plan ahead.

[luckyspike]

Spooky Halloween - A Good Omens Fanfiction

in which the line between the real world and the supernatural gets a little thinner

and the ineffables deal with it as well as they can

--

Everyone who knew Crowley’s true nature - these days, this included the Them, and a select few adults - assumed that Halloween would be prime time for the demon. It was, after all, the eve of the spirits, when the physical world pulled in closest with the supernatural, and the borders between the two broke down. It was the day when spooky was loved and celebrated, and surely Crowley would be all about that, wouldn’t he?

It was why Anathema was struggling particularly hard with Crowley’s outright refusal to show up at Adam’s Halloween party. “Come on, Crowley, you have to be kidding, what do you mean you don’t go out on Halloween?”

“I don’t,” he replied firmly. In the background, she could hear something that sounded suspiciously like plants being ripped out of the ground. “Stay in all day. 24 hours.”

“But it’s spooky. You love spooky.”

“Yes, but you know there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”

“Oh?” She thought it over. “Like, too reminiscent of Hell, because I could convince him to tone down the decorations.”

“No, not that.” She heard him huff, and there came the sound of a body flopping into the grass. She had trouble not smiling, imaging the demon sprawled out on the lawn of the cottage, because she knew him and knew that was precisely what he was doing. “Me.”

“What about you?”

He groaned. “You can be really thick sometimes, you know it, Book-Girl?” She bristled, almost snapped a reply, but he had plowed on. “The boundaries between the human world and the supernatural are blurred. My corporation can only keep it together so well when that border breaks down.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, Aziraphale’s too,” he added, as an afterthought. “But he just gets sort of gimpy on that leg and has some extra eyeballs. He could - and he has - pass it off as a costume if he really needed to. Whereas me, well …” He sighed. “If I don’t just go serpent altogether I can hold a vaguely-human shape but it sort of stretches the limits of credibility to say it’s a costume or makeup or what have you.”

“Ah. Sorry I, uh, didn’t think of it that way. I think I understand now.” And she did. Crowley made some kind of non-specific noise on the other end of the line, and she went on, “Seriously, sorry.”

“Eh, don’t be. Natural assumption, really. And I have gone out on Halloween,” he added, “but because I needed to do some proper demon things. The scales and the horns really do help.”

She tried to imagine Crowley looking anything like a proper demon, and failed miserably. “I can imagine,” she said anyway. “Well, alright. I’ll tell the Them … something. Say you’re not feeling well or something.”

“Just tell them the truth. Adam’s the Antichrist, I hardly think demons doing demon things is going to be a shocking revelation.”

“Well, no, but I think if I tell them you’re spending the day cooped up because you look properly scary for once they’ll be even more disappointed you didn’t put in an appearance. You know how they are.”

“True.” He sighed. “That’s fine then, tell them whatever. And, ah, enjoy the party.”

“You’ll be alright by the weekend? I was thinking that new movie about the possessed priest -”

“Oh, yeah. Like I said, twenty-four hours, back to normal. Mostly. Might be a bit of ash around the fingertips but I’ll definitely be fine by Saturday.”

“Good,” she said, like they were discussing a brewing cold or sore throat, and not Crowley becoming an eldritch horror for a short period of time. “Alright, well, uh, good luck I guess. Hope it’s not too bad.”

“It’ll be awful, but thanks all the same.”

--

It always started at the stroke of midnight. Crowley and Aziraphale waited for it, knew it was coming, and took up stations where they would both be most comfortable. Aziraphale settled in n the library, books stacked high and at the ready, and an old but serviceable cane leaned up against the side table. Crowley carefully spread a few cheap old blankets over the couch and placed the iPad and his phone in easy reach. Preemptively, they both let their wings out, and Aziraphale took the time to rub some of the ache out of Crowley’s bad wing while his hands were still unfettered by eyeballs.

“We really have to look into fixing this,” he murmured, working the stiff joint of the wrist a little looser and ignoring the way it cracked, bones grinding arthritically. Crowley made a little noise of appreciation. “Even just the joint - I don’t know how we could get the feathers to grow back, but if we could get this wrist less contracted -”

“Can’t be done.” Crowley sighed, and Aziraphale let the wing go, the better to allow the demon to slump sideways into his chest. “Would’ve done it if I could.”

“I know that, dear boy.” He ran his hands down the leading edge of the wing, following the warped bone into Crowley’s shoulder and rubbing the muscle where the limb attached. Crowley sighed again, happily this time. “But I’ve never helped you look for a solution before.”

“S’pose not. Still don’t think there’s much to do about it, though. I mean, short of getting God or Raphael to fix it.” He snorted. “And fat chance of that.”

“I’ll have a look anyway. Perhaps - oh.” 

The clock on the buffet chimed. One, two, three, all the way to midnight. Crowley groaned. “Here we go.”

It wasn’t a painful transformation, but both had scars from the Great War, and the aftereffects weren’t enjoyable. When all was said and done, Aziraphale was leaned back into the couch, massaging his right thigh, and Crowley was carefully extricating himself from the angel’s lap, mindful of the ash raining from his form and Aziraphale’s newly-visible multitude of eyes. Cautious of the eye now in his palm, Aziraphale grabbed the tip of Crowley’s broken halo - horns, now - and guided it away from his wing. “Careful.”

“Sorry.” They exchanged a look. Exasperated, frustrated, but most of all, tired. It wasn’t a terrible trade-off, one day each year, but neither particularly enjoyed the in-between form that Halloween forced, and it had grown old over the years. “I hate this.”

“Me too.” Aziraphale sighed, and closed most of his eyes, although a few along his wings stayed open. “Twenty-four hours.”

“Ugh.” Crowley made a vague gesture, head leaned back over the sofa, eyes closed. “Don’t even feel like doing anything.”

“Take a nap?” Aziraphale suggested. He stood, hobbling from the couch to the chair, and picked a book from the top of the pile. “I’ll be reading.”

“Mm. What book?”

“Oh? Ah.” He didn’t bother to close it again, and instead blinked open the eye on his palm to read the cover. “It’s contemporary.” This was said with the same tone as he might have informed Crowley of a particularly insistent customer in the shop. “But I suppose it was well-reviewed. It’s a signed first edition.” Crowley made an interested little noise. “‘The Da Vinci Code’ by a Dan Brown. Supposedly has a good deal of Bible lore.”

“Haven’t you read that?” The demon looked up, grinning, and Aziraphale didn’t mind the fangs. “C’mon, you can’t have missed that.”

“I didn’t. I’m just getting to it now. Have you read it?”

“Nah. Downloaded it ages ago but then everything happened with the kids and I forgot about it. Meant to, though.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “I could read aloud, if you’d like. Good a way to spend the next 24 hours as any.”

Crowley hummed. “Can’t say I disagree. If you’re going to read, though, ah, and I don’t need hands -”

“Of course, dear.” There was a relieved hiss, and after a few seconds an enormous black winged snake was draped over the couch, coils heaped on coils to fit on the now-sagging piece of furniture. Leisurely, Crowley slithered forward, off the arm of the couch and across the empty space between there and Aziraphale’s chair. “Come around,” he encouraged, while Crowley draped the front length of himself around Aziraphale’s shoulders, until the tip of his snout was tucked under the angel’s chin, and the length of himself with his wings was resting on the floor, wings splayed out lazily. “Comfortable?”

“Yesss. You?”

“Budge off my right shoulder a bit, there’s a love. Right.” He turned from the title page, and started to read: “Fact: The Priory of Scion - a European secret society founded in 1099 - is a real organization.” He stopped. Frowned.

“Wasss it? Don’t remember that one,” asked the Serpent of Eden.

“I’m fairly certain it was not,” replied the angel of the Eastern Gate. He read on, expression growing more disapproving by the word. “In 1975 Paris's Bibliotheque Nationale discovered parchments known as Les Dossiers Secrets, identifying numerous members of the Priory of Sion, including Sir Isaac Newton, Botticelli, Victor Hugo, and Leonardo da Vinci.’ Well, that’s utter tosh. Who published this pulp?”

Crowley’s forked tongue flicked the tip of his nose, and Aziraphale heard a hissing sort of laugh. “Who caressss? Go on, I want to hear thisss.”

All in all, it was not a bad way to spend 24 hours. By the midway point of chapter one, Aziraphale was so bent out of shape about the inaccuracies that he all but forgot about the ache in his leg, or that Crowley dribbled a little ash onto the rug every time he laughed. At some point, cocoa appeared, and Aziraphale pretended not to notice as Crowley sipped at it, even though the sheer size of his snout made stealth a bit difficult, considering the gentle thunk he made every time he shoved his nose into the cup. The reading went a bit slow, too, considering they had to stop roughly every five paragraphs to criticise something, or point out some inaccuracy, but the interludes were mutually enjoyable, and neither found they minded. 

Ordinarily, Aziraphale would have been able to read a book of that length within 24 hours. It was the reason for the other books settled within easy reach, after all. But when the clock again chimed midnight, and the eyes faded back into the ether, Aziraphale just paused, marked his place with a finger between the pages, and took a sip of fresh, warm tea. “Well, there we are. Another Halloween.”

“Yeah.” Crowley stretched his newly-returned limbs - wings included, he was loath to put them away yet if he didn’t need to, it felt so good to let them breathe now and then - and flopped back onto the couch. “Not the worst I’ve had. Possibly top ten best, actually.”

“This book is dreadful.”

The demon patted the sofa next to him. “Well, yeah, but in a good way. C’mere, I gotta know what happens.” Aziraphale grumbled a little but he obliged, moving over to the couch once again with his usual gait, although he too left his wings out, albeit without the eyes. He settled, and Crowley slouched up against him, a tumbler of scotch suddenly in his hand. “You think they find the Grail?”

“I rather hope not, honestly.” Aziraphale scowled. “It’d be a real shame if he butchered that as well.”

“You know there’s a prequel?”

“No.”

“Honest truth. Called Angels and Demons.” Crowley waved his free hand. “Whole series, actually. Never read any of them.” He raised an eyebrow. “Might be fun?”

“You have a strange definition of fun, Crowley.” Absently, he kissed the top of Crowley’s head, ignoring the way the demon’s hair tickled his face. “Comes with being a demon, I suppose.”

“Comes with having a sense of humor. We should read them.”

“No.”

“Well not right now. Later.” He gestured vaguely. “After I get the garden cleaned up for the winter, maybe.”

“Hm. I’ll have time to read a few palate-cleansers.”

“There’s the spirit.” He snuggled in closer, right wing wrapped around Aziraphale’s shoulders and the left covering himself like some kind of massive feathery blanket. “Go on, let’s see if they get the Grail.”

Aziraphale sighed, defeated and resigned, although Crowley could see the tiny movement well enough to note the little twitch at the corner of the angel’s mouth, almost a smile. “Very well.” 

He turned the page, and kept on reading.

[amelierose13]

Downton Digressions - Season 2, Episodes 1 & 2

I’m gonna digress from the digressions for just a moment to pitch a fit – since writing the last few digressions, with not too much digging, I found the script from S1E5. They did indeed deem the snuff box scenes unworthy for American audiences, for some unknown reason. How are we Yankee Banna shippers supposed to deal without having such glorious phrases that have become the staple of Banna fic and lore?! “Fight fire with fire.” “Silly beggar.” “You naughty girl.” That’s all edited out of the PBS version! It wasn’t until looking up the Downton Wiki article for that episode that I realized the only time I’d seen those phrases were in fanfiction. And here I was wondering where ya’lls tumblr titles all came from.

That being said, those clips aren’t on YouTube, so where on earth can I watch them?! Are they on the DVDs? I haven’t bought a DVD in ages, but this might warrant it. I NEED THOSE CLIPS.

Okay. Back to season 2, episodes 1 and 2, though the topic will still be about Bates and Anna for some time, because it’s another one of *those* episodes. Ethel’s line that folks talk about Bates like he’s King. That sweet, subtle reunion at the beginning of the episode.Their first kiss! The “proposal”! Talk of the hotel and a family! These sweet, sweet things that have fueled so many a fic. And then Vera. She’s a delightful wrench of a character, even though she’s a harbinger of evil for all I hold dear in the show. My only question is HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHO ANNA IS ON SIGHT?! There’s no question whether any of the other housemaids could be her. Did dear old Mrs. Bates get a bit carried away with sharing her knowledge, which was so helpful in the past but now is harmful? Or was it something more nefarious?

Moving away from my favorite albatross-wearing couple, I think my husband was grateful to have a reason to not despise O’Brien as much – the subplot with Mr. Lang really does give her another dimension as a person who has family and can be caring. Nevermind Ethel flinging herself at him. Despite all her talk about making something of herself, she’s not taking many steps to ensure that she doesn’t end up in a heap of trouble with the first fellow who returns her ardent stares (Thomas aside).

And Thomas. I’m still trying to sort out my feelings on this episode. The first time I saw it I was aghast at what he did to preserve himself. It takes a certain kind of bravery to be that big of a coward, perhaps? That still doesn’t feel like it captures it. As someone who hasn’t the slightest inclination towards being in the military and does not live with a draft card in her wallet, I can’t cast stones. I’m sure in the same situation I’d not have enough courage to do it, that instead I would end up like Mrs. Patmore’s nephew. To be called up (or handed a white feather and guilt-tripped into) joining a war when you haven’t the nature…  ugh. The second William was handed the feather, I was transported into the later Anne of Green Gables books where Walter is given a feather.

And now we’re going to be subjected to another one of my least favorite story lines in the series, Daisy and William… and Mrs. Patmore. Perhaps it’s because of the day and age we live in where consent is (finally) becoming more of an Actual Thing in storytelling, but this is uncomfortable. Yes, she kissed him first. But she should be allowed to take it back and not have to play through the charade. I think he’d have done just fine without her agreeing to be his girl had not Mrs. Patmore’s nephew just been killed and she saw fit to try and “save” the nearest young man however she could. Yes, foresight shows that Mr. Mason will be one of the better things that happens to her, since she needs someone with a more rational head on their shoulders to guide her (it could have been you, Patmore, what gives?). But ugh. I don’t relish having to watch this again.

Other thoughts:

When does Edith become nicer?  I was really rooting for her the last couple of seasons at least, but at this point, it seems a marvel.

I’ve missed Mary and Matthew’s theme song. At least I think it’s theirs.  They’re such idiots right now (poor Lavinia, you poor dear), but I love their music.  What a ride it’s been for Mary.  The masks she wears are wonderful to watch.

Molesley, I’m so glad they have someone for you later on. He’s too sweet, even though I get rather growley over him making a move (seemingly) as soon as Bates exits stage left. Exchanging books to read?! *I* think that’s romantic! It also makes the teaching storyline seem a little more plausible, him showing an interest in books.

Oh look, Ser Jorah. He looks like he’s going to be disappointed in this show too.

“I hate Greek drama. You know, when everything happens offstage.” Like on Downton Abbey?! I would love to see more of these worthy actors and actresses actually shown receiving bad news instead of cutting away from their apprehensive faces! It happens *so* frequently! Sure, we don’t need to hear the whole plot rehashed, but I’d love to see their reactions! Thank you again, dear fanfic writers of the world. You are my heroes.

[els-writes]

A Place of Ghosts - Godless Snippet

The stack of books was growing unmanageable. Every time Maesha looked up at the pile on her desk, someone had added yet another book or two. It towered over her now, dwarfing her in the creaking chair. She put her pen down, caring little that she left a streak of ink across the thin paper. Slumping, Maesha rubbed at the rough calluses the pen had left on her dark skin. Her hands felt dry, coated in ink, and the notes in front of her were as messy and badly written as always. There was little more she could do. She didn’t want to have to try again. She didn’t want to have to keep digging through these dull books to finish it off either.

“Day! Forward!”

Maesha was never sure whether to be happy about a call forward: it got her away from the mounds of books, after all, but it rarely meant something good. If the Bookmaster wanted her, it was mostly because she wasn’t doing something right again, or to ask her to go on another study.

Oh please, let it not be another study.

She muttered back a confirmation that the caller wouldn’t even hear over the chorus of scratching pens in the college library. Tucking her chair neatly in, she flattened out her dress. Despite the thin fabric, her skin was still sticky with the heat: the library could never be properly aired out. Who used thick brick walls in a desert? She stepped back into her sandals, moving through the library as she adjusted the hairband to keep her tight curls at bay.

The library sat in the very heart of Bellon College – the College grounds and housing off to one side, and the public forums to the other. At the front of the library was where the Bookmaster received requests from the public, a small room with only three walls, allowing the breeze to ease the heat just a little for visitors. Maesha entered through the backdoor, stepping out behind the Bookmaster’s desk, where he usually sat hunched over one book or another. Today, however, he was standing on his skeletal legs, gripping the hand of a voluptuous young woman.

“Please send my gratitude to your father once again, Miss Evelone,” the Bookmaster said. “He is the only mine-owner who lets us know when they unearth something of interest.”

The woman’s eyes flickered over to Maesha, eyebrows lifting in interest, but her words were still directed at the Bookmaster. “Of course, sir. Father is so passionate about promoting learning across the world. It would be a disservice to our history to destroy any valuable archaeological evidence. Now, is this her?”

The Bookmaster’s head turned slowly, and he gave Maesha a smile she’d never received from him before. It was almost pleasant. She respected the elder scholar greatly, but Maesha didn’t deny that, for as great a mind as he was, he lacked social pleasantries.

“Yes, yes. Maesha Day,” He beckoned her forward, and Maesha took a few hesitant steps until his hand rested on her shoulder. “She’s our resident researcher in religion and religious articles. If anyone is to help you, it’d be her. She’s incredibly passionate. Came here and demanded to study when she was only… seven? Eight?”

Maesha was well aware that her passion and length of time at the College was the only things that the Bookmaster noticed about her. It was all anyone really knew her for.

She lowered her gaze to the floor, unable to even take in this woman when she was being examined so blatantly by her.

“Day,” the Bookmaster went on, patting her shoulder. “Miss Evelone requires some assistance. Please give her your attention.”

For a man who, Maesha was sure, had not a strip of muscle inside him anymore, the force with which he pushed Maesha forward past the desk was quite remarkable. The woman was still dragging her eyes up and down Maesha in her entirety, and that made her skin prickle with unease as she led this Miss Evelone out into the garden where meeting tables had been set up under the expansive arbour.

“Would you like a drink, Miss?” Maesha asked, motioning to an empty table.

“No, I’d very much like to get to the point,” Miss Evelone sighed heavily, brushing her hair from her forehead. Her skin shined, and Maesha wondered if she wasn’t used to the intense heat of Tyfe.

“How may I help you then, Miss?”

“I’m travelling with…” She paused, her lips quirking up slightly. “With some assistants of mine. We’re very interested in seeing some of the ancient religious grounds of Tyfe, as I know they are built so vastly different to the… singular and somewhat disappointing Temple we have in Clarend. However, the maps we were using to direct ourselves seem to be lacking, well, anything to do religious grounds whatsoever.”

Maesha couldn’t work out why this woman would want to see some boring religious spots, and she struggled not to furrow her brow. “Tyfe has a long and complicated history with religion. It was one of the first to build Temples to the Primaries, but one of the last countries of the Mainland to accept the concept of Secondaries. Historically, religious grounds here are seen to be something that people aren’t meant to go to, unless if they have some greater calling. Temples and the like in Tyfe have never been sightseeing spots like the Temple of Lore, or places open for common prayers and ceremonies like the Temple of the Secondaries. Thus, they’ve never been put on maps to avoid people getting the wrong impression.”

Miss Evelone listened in silence, and somehow that surprised Maesha. She held an air about her as if she believed she were far above anyone else, but she pressed a finger to her lips and sat thoughtfully for quite some time after Maesha had finished – like she was really taking in the information.

“And are the Temples still unvisited for the most part? Since the Mainland borders opened for the public, surely you have more tourists or more faithful followers from Loren and Estra, for example. Does Tyfe still keep the Temples private?” Miss Evelone asked. They were valid questions, ones that Maesha had written about in her research before.

“Um, more do visit, indeed. Hope Temple has prepared for that, however. They offer guides to help visitors learn and follow the expected protocol we have in Tyfe. If that’s what you wish to see, the guides there are knowledgeable in the history of Hope. It may not be mapped or signposted, but residents of the city are still happy to point it out.”

“Oh, we’re not interested in Hope,” Miss Evelone said.

Something about the blasé way she spoke made Maesha’s stomach twist. “Not Hope? Then… not a Temple, but somewhere seen as an important area in religious history?” She spoke hopefully, praying that this wasn’t going where her gut feared it would.

“No. The Temple of Lost Souls. That’s where we’re hoping to go.”

Maesha’s fingers dug into her knees. She held Miss Evelone’s eyes, attempting to pick apart the confidence and… challenge in her gaze.

“You can’t…” Maesha breathed.

“I’ve discovered that ‘can’t’ is a very decisive word,” Miss Evelone laughed. “More than that, it’s somewhat a belief. One I don’t invest much time in. So, yes, I can.”

Maesha shook her head. “The Temple of Lost Souls is not somewhere you can visit on a whim, Miss Evel-”

“Please, call me Spinel. ‘Miss Evelone’ is what my employees call me.”

That was very much beside the point, but it seemed this woman – Spinel – didn’t see that. Maesha glanced around, fearing what would happen if someone overheard the way this conversation was going.

“That place is not what you associate Temples with, no matter what it’s called. It’s not a place people visit. It’s a place to avoided. Hope Temple is a perfectly beautiful and renowned example of Tyfen religious builds–”

Spinel’s lips curved upwards. Resting her chin on her hands, she leant closer over the table. “Why are you so against me visiting this Temple? What’s there?”

Maesha took a breath. “The Temple of Lost Souls is not a place built in honour of the Gods – Primary or Secondary. It’s a place built for the souls unable to cross over to the Far Plains. Vengeful souls, sorrowful souls, souls who couldn’t pass on in peace. They reside in the Temple… trapped there to prevent their negativity spilling over into the world.”

A soft sigh left Spinel’s lips, and she sat back again. “Goodness, this is cliched, isn’t it? I wonder how we didn’t see it before.”

At a complete loss, Maesha could only stare as Spinel seemed to find the whole concept boring. Perhaps she was a non-believer. Clarend tended to stray away from religion and prayer since the Split, Maesha knew that, but she’d never met someone so intent on visiting the Temple of Lost Souls even after hearing the stories. Even if she wasn’t religious, surely everyone was at least a little superstitious? Maybe this strange woman was a thrill seeker like those ghost hunters Maesha had heard tales of – the people who snuck into the mass crypts closed off since the Landbreak Wars. That must be it.

“Where is this Temple, then?” Spinel asked, and Maesha’s gripped at the edge of the table, horrified.

“If I tell you, you’ll go?”

“Obviously.”

“Even after all I’ve said?”

“Oh sweetheart, you could have told me there were packs of rabid wolves around the Temple and I still would go.”

“But, why?” Maesha pressed. “What could there possibly be to make you want to go to an old, crumbling Temple with nothing but ghosts in?”

Spinel tilted her head to the side, an amused smile on her face. “The ghosts, of course.”

Hey guys look it’s Maesha! She’s finally here!!! 

Tagging: @nyxnevin @reeseweston @kriss-the-writing-nerd - if you’d like to be added or removed from the Godless tag list, please let me know! ^^

[disgruntledexplainer]

Sorry, I had to come back from my self-inflicted exile, because so-called “Star Wars fans” are being stupid

I am not pleased to be back.

OK, let’s look at your idiotic complaints, shall we?

First: Rey is a Mary-Sue

No she is not. Rey has a personality; Mary-sues, by definition, do not. What she is is an overpowered protagonist, which might be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that this is FUCKING STAR WARS: EVERY PROTAGONIST IS OVERPOWERED. Look at Luke Sywalker; yeah, I’m sure that gliding around in your civilian terrestrial aircraft and shooting rodents is EXACTLY the same as firing a proton torpedo into a ray-shielded exhaustion port in such a way that it inexplicably turns and travels PRECISELY where it was supposed to go. And if you say that was the force, you are a hypocrite, because that is exactly what Rey has been using to supplement her pre-existing skill with a staff in order to properly wield a lightsaber, which I might add by this point is a minor force artifact as it has been wielded by both ANIKEN SKYWALKER and LUKE SKYWALKER, the CHOSEN ONE AND HIS SON. It is the only lightsaber shown to have actually stored the memories of it’s previous wielders, it was literally GUIDING HER MOVEMENTS. Not to mention that she was fighting a wounded Kylo Ren, who had just been shot by the in-universe equivalent of a long-range shotgun/grenade launcher AND been emotionally destabilized.

Second: The Force Awakens was a rip-off of A New Hope

Fair. But since when has THAT been a problem? Terminator 2 was basically Terminator 1, but with more characters. Most people I know loved that movie. But again, if you are disappointing that nothing new was done, I understand...

Third: The Last Jedi changed too much

MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS! It seems like the exact same people who were claiming the Force Awakens was a rip-off are claiming that the Last Jedi went in too different of a direction. You wanted variety, here is some FUCKING VARIETY. NOW GO SUCK ON IT!

That being said, there were some notable problems with the movie, notably that the Casino part was largely unnecessary and boring. But it’s better than fucking Pod Racing. Just TRY watching the Pod Racing scene again in the phantom menace, then get back to me.

Fourth: There weren’t enough lightsaber battles

Would you rather Yoda’s ghost got a lightsaber and started jumping around like a maniac like he did in Attack of the Clones? Because THAT’s what Star Wars is REALLY about.

All sarcasm aside, having a lot of lightsaber battles and having those battles mean something are two different things. I think if you go back to the original trilogy, you will find that there aren’t actually very many lightsaber battles at all. There is usually just one or two big ones, and the rest of the time the lightsaber is usually off, or visible briefly to end an encounter before being shut off again. A lot of my problems with the prequels (aside from terrible dialogue and reliance on severely dated CGI rather than using CGI to enhance pre-existing practical effects) has to do with the cheapening of the lightsaber battles. In the original trilogy, lightsaber battles are charged with emotion, with the surrounding lighting, set-pieces, and acting adding to the emotion of the scene. Each battle was different. For example, Luke vs Vader #1 was full of rage and fear, reflecting Luke’s desperation to save his friends and kill the man who made certain he would never meet his father ( XD ). Luke vs Vader #2 was more calm, but had a different sort of tension, as it was more about Luke trying desperately to reach out to what was left of the human being behind Vader’s mask. By comparison, with the exception of the battle between Obi-Wan and Aniken on Mustafar, lightsaber battles were more of a cheap gimmick to combine the two things 5-year-old boys love above all else: glowing things and whacking people with sticks. The Force Awakens did a good job of keeping the lightsaber battles minimal and emotionally charged (unless you count the times Kylo sliced up computers as battles, in which case the lightsaber battles occur with approximately the same frequency and possess the same emotional impact as those in the prequels XD ), and the Last Jedi did a pretty good job with this as well, though they could have perhaps held back a little more.

Fifth: [He/she] did [insert new force power here]!?! There is not any precedent for that in [insert questionably canonical source here] or in [insert one of the movies here, probably the prequels because apparently y’all changed your minds about hating them]:

I’ll go through this one at a time, in the order that I can remember them.

Gaining fighting experience through the force is entirely canonical, and is indeed heavily implied in A New Hope. Obi-Wan didn’t so much train Luke so much as forced him into a position where he had to rely on the Force to guide his movements, which is a more systematized way of doing what Rey was haphazardly doing in The Force Awakens. Also, the crystals that the Jedi use in their lightsabers bind to their wielders over extended use, becoming an extension of their self, so why can’t they store memories?

Rey’s mindtrick: she already knew Jedi could do it, unlike Luke. So there’s that. But also note that it didn’t work the first time she tried it (or the second, if I remember correctly). Also, the Storm Troopers of the First Order would have been even more susceptible to mind tricks because, unlike the volunteer troopers of the Empire, they were child conscripts, likely brainwashed and purposely made malleable for the sake of utility.

Leia flying: no, she wasn’t actually flying. If you ever actually studied physics, you would know of a little something called FREE FALL. When you are in a state of FREE FALL, you are falling at the same rate as everything else around you, so their is no apparent gravitational affect. So she was not FLYING. Rather, she was very clearly doing a force pull maneuver, a move so well known that it has been incorporated into a wide variety of Star Wars games over the years, not the least of which was the original Battlefront II (the good one). But because her mass was so small compared to that of the ship, she was pulled towards the ship instead of the other way around. Size may not matter, but if there is an easy way to make two objects in space move together, you better believe the universe is going to choose the easy route. Also, FLYING IS A REAL FORCE MOVE. Both Sideous and Vader do it in Battlefront II (the good one), as well as Count Dooku in Genndy Tartakovsky’s Star Wars the Clone Wars (one of the few good things to come out of the prequels, along with Battlefront II (the good one), Republic Commando, Attack of the Clones: The Game, the Lego Game franchise, and this one naboo starfighter game I remember enjoying but cannot find for the life of me. I know it’s somewhere in my room, but I haven’t seen it in a decade).

Force Projection: Hey, do you remember how Rey said she couldn’t find Luke in the force, that he was somehow cut off from it? Well, there is this little thing called the White Current, which was a Fallanassi technique for using the force in Star Wars: Legends. They were in a special part of the Light Side of the force that allowed them to hide from other force users, and produce illusions on a PLANETARY SCALE, that were so powerful that they pretty much overwrote the laws of reality, such that if you hid a building using the White Current so that it looked like a praerie, and someone tried to walk through the praerie, they would walk straight through as if the walls of the building didn’t exist. So yes, there is a precedent for that.

Force Ghost Lightning: You got me there. I had know idea a light-side ghost could still use the force. But I guess if a dark side ghost could do it, so could I light-side ghost.

Luke isn’t like the Luke from the books

yeah, and I think the movies are better because of it. Book Luke could basically take on the entire First Order single-handedly and win within a week. They actually had to bring in one of the designers of the D&D Dark Sun campaign setting (a setting known for it’s overpowered baddies, as well lore so sweet you get drunk on it) to develop an adversary which could actually pose a threat to him.

I will say that he wasn’t how I expected him to be, either. I thought he would be like Yoda or Obi-Wan. But... as much as I wanted to see Rey have to carry old-man-Luke on her shoulders like a backpack while he spouted wise sayings at her (which is to say, I REALLY wanted to see that), his characterization makes much more sense this way, at least in terms of the current plot.

Megan’s character is flat:

true.

Hyperdrive shouldn’t be able to destroy a fleet:

yes, it should. The ship was the size of a large asteroid, which if it fell on earth at normal speed would completely devastate the entire surface. Ramp that up to light speed, and you have a (non-reusable) planet cracker.

It’s all SJW propaganda:

(this is speaking from someone who IS decidedly sick of both SJWs and there very local opponents the Misogynists, both of whom I have seen on the bus ride home making people miserable for no reason. I have seen this woman harass a security guard for having her take her feet off the chair just like everyone else so as to not ruin the upholstery, screaming and calling him a bigot and threatening to have him fired, and I found it every bit as annoying and disruptive as that idiot who thought that cat-calling from a bus window was a thing. So yes, I know what an SJW is, and no, writing strong female characters does not make you an SJW, it makes you a successful writer)

Snoke’s Gold Robe is extremely distracting, especially set against his extremely red monochrome curtains:

Agree. Entirely. My friend Jakob and I kept joking that he was on the “Fab side of the Force”

The Kylo Fanservice scene:

fair. Yet I don’t seem to remember you guys having any problems with the Slave Leia scene, which was several degrees more gratuitous, unnecessary, and suggestive. In fact, I suspect the very guys who had problems with this scene are the ones who have been drawing fanart of Rey in said bikini (by the way, please stop)

That’s it, really. That’s all I have to say

[astrovksoni]

How to start right in astronomy?

"DEAR friends today we discuss about that how can we start right in astronomy." I have always been fascinated with the stars and universe. What would you suggest my first step be to get into the hobby, so that I might get the most enjoyment out of it?"

It's a good question, one that deserves better answers than most beginners find. Many newcomers to astronomy call us in exasperation after blundering down some wrong trail that leaves them lost and frustrated. Such experiences, widely shared, create a general public impression that astronomy is a tough hobby to get into. But this impression is altogether wrong and unnecessary.

Many other hobbies that have magazines, conventions, and vigorous club scenes have developed effective ways to welcome and orient beginners. Why can't we? For starters, novice astronomers would have more success if a few simple, well-chosen direction signs were posted for them at the beginning of the trail.

What advice would help beginners the most? Sky & Telescope editors brainstormed this question. Pooling thoughts from more than 200 years of collective experience answering the phone and mail, we came up with a number of pointers to help newcomers past the pitfalls and onto the straightest route to success.

1. Ransack your public library. Astronomy is a learning hobby. Its joys come from intellectual discovery and knowledge of the cryptic night sky. But unless you live near an especially large and active astronomy club, you have to make these discoveries, and gain this knowledge, by yourself. In other words, you need to become self-taught.

The public library is the beginner's most important astronomical tool. Maybe you found Sky & Telescopethere. Comb through the astronomy shelf for beginner's guides. Look for aids to learning the stars you see in the evening sky. One of the best is the big two-page sky map that appears near the center of every month's Sky & Telescope, which the library should have. When a topic interests you, follow it up in further books.

Many people's first impulse, judging from the phone calls, is to look for someone else to handle their education -- an evening course offering, a planetarium, or some other third party. These can be stimulating and helpful. But almost never do they present what you need to know right now, and you waste an enormous amount of time commuting when you should be observing. Self-education is something you do yourself, with books, using the library.

2. Learn the sky with the naked eye. Astronomy is an outdoor nature hobby. Go into the night and learn the starry names and patterns overhead. Sky & Telescope will always have its big, round all-sky map for evening star-finding. Other books and materials will fill in the lore and mythology of the constellations the map shows, and how the stars change through the night and the seasons. Even if you go no further, the ability to look up and say "There's Arcturus!" will provide pleasure, and perhaps a sense of place in the cosmos, for the rest of your life.

3. Don't rush to buy a telescope. Many hobbies require a big cash outlay up front. But astronomy, being a learning hobby, has no such entrance fee. Conversely, paying a fee will not buy your way in.

Thinking otherwise is the most common beginner's mistake. Half the people who call for help ask, "How do I see anything with this %@&*# telescope?!" They assumed that making a big purchase was the essential first step.

It doesn't work that way. To put a telescope to rewarding use, you first need to know the constellations as seen with the naked eye, be able to find things among them with sky charts, know something of what a telescope will and will not do, and know enough about the objects you're seeking to recognize and appreciate them.

The most successful, lifelong amateur astronomers are often the ones who began with the least equipment. What they lacked in gear they had to make up for in study, sky knowledge, map use, and fine-tuning their observing eyes. These skills stood them in good stead when the gear came later.

Is there a shortcut? In recent years computerized, robotic scopes have come on the market that point at astronomical objects automatically. They represent an enormous change. No longer do you need to know the sky.

Once fully set up, a computerized scope is a lot faster than the old way of learning the sky and using a map -- assuming you know what's worth telling the computer to point at. But they're expensive, and opinions about them are divided. For beginners, at least, there's some consensus that a computerized scope can be a crutch that prevents you from learning to get around by yourself and will leave you helpless if anything goes wrong. Moreover, you miss out on the pleasures of making your own journeys through the heavens.

At star parties beneath gorgeous black, star-sprinkled skies, we have seen beginners struggling for hours with electronics when they should have been sweeping the heavens overhead. Is this just the carping of old fogeys? The jury is still out.

4. Start with binoculars. A pair of binoculars is the ideal "first telescope," for several reasons. Binoculars show you a wide field, making it easy to find your way around; a higher-power telescope magnifies only a tiny, hard-to-locate spot of sky. Binoculars give you a view that's right-side up and straight in front of you, making it easy to see where you're pointing. An astronomical telescope's view is upside down, sometimes mirror-imaged, and usually presented at right angles to the line of sight. Binoculars are also fairly inexpensive, widely available, and a breeze to carry and store.

And their performance is surprisingly respectable. Ordinary 7- to 10-power binoculars improve on the naked-eye view about as much as a good amateur telescope improves on the binoculars. In other words they get you halfway there for something like a tenth to a quarter of the price -- an excellent cost-benefit ratio.

For astronomy, the larger the front lenses are the better. High optical quality is important too. But anybinocular that's already knocking around the back of your closet is enough to launch an amateur-astronomy career.

5. Get serious about maps and guidebooks. Once you have the binoculars, what do you do with them? You can have fun looking at the Moon and sweeping the star fields of the Milky Way, but that will wear thin after a while. However, if you've learned the constellations and obtained detailed sky maps, binoculars can keep you busy for a lifetime.

They'll reveal most of the 109 "M objects," the star clusters, galaxies, and nebulae cataloged by Charles Messier in the late 18th century. Binoculars will show the ever-changing positions of Jupiter's satellites and the crescent phase of Venus. On the Moon you can learn dozens of craters, plains, and mountain ranges by name. You can split scores of colorful double stars and spend years following the fadings and brightenings of variable stars. If you know what to look for.

A sailor of the seas needs top-notch charts, and so does a sailor of the stars. Fine maps bring the fascination of hunting out faint secrets in hidden sky realms. Many reference books describe what's to be hunted and the nature of the objects you find. Moreover, the skills you'll develop using maps and reference books with binoculars are exactly the skills you'll need to put a telescope to good use.

6. Find other amateurs. Self-education is fine as far as it goes, but there's nothing like sharing an interest with others. There are more than 400 astronomy clubs in North America alone; see the directory on Sky & Telescope's Web site. Call the clubs near you. Maybe you'll get invited to monthly meetings or nighttime star parties and make a lot of new friends. Clubs range from tiny to huge, from moribund to vital. But none would have published a phone number unless they hoped you would call.

Computer networks offer another way to contact other amateurs. CompuServe, America Online, and the Internet all have active astronomy areas. These present a constant flow of interesting news and chatter by amateurs who are quick to offer help, opinions, and advice.

7. When it's time for a telescope, plunge in deep.Eventually you'll know you're ready. You'll have spent hours poring over books and ad brochures. You'll know the different kinds of telescopes, what you can expect of them, and what you'll do with the one you pick.

This is no time to scrimp on quality; shun the flimsy, semi-toy "department store" scopes that may have caught your eye. The telescope you want has two essentials. One is a solid, steady, smoothly working mount. The other is high-quality optics -- "diffraction-limited" or better. You may also want large aperture (size), but don't forget portability and convenience. The telescope shouldn't be so heavy that you can't tote it outdoors, set it up, and take it down reasonably easily. The old saying is true: "The best telescope for you is the one you'll use the most.

Can't afford it? Save up until you can. Another year of using binoculars while building a savings account will be time you'll never regret. It's foolish to blow half-accumulated telescope money on something second rate that will disappoint. Or consider building the scope yourself, an activity that many clubs support.

8. Lose your ego. Astronomy teaches patience and humility -- and you'd better be prepared to learn them. There's nothing you can do about the clouds blocking your view, the extreme distance and faintness of the objects you desire most, or the timing of the long-anticipated event for which you got all set up one minute late. The universe will not bend to your wishes; you must take it on its own terms.

Most of the objects within reach of any telescope, no matter how large or small it is, are barely within its reach. Most of the time you'll be hunting for things that appear very dim, small, or both. If flashy visuals are what you're after, go watch TV.

"Worthiness" is the term entering the amateur language for the humble perseverance that brings the rewards in this hobby. The term was coined by Ken Fulton, author of The Light-Hearted Astronomer(1984) -- a book describing the hobby as a jungle full of snares, quicksand, and wild beasts that only those with the spiritual skills of a martial artist can traverse unmauled. It's really not that bad -- but there are definitely times when a Zen calmness will help you through.

9. Relax and have fun. Part of losing your ego is not getting upset at your telescope because it's less than perfect. Perfection doesn't exist, no matter what you paid. Don't be compulsive about things like cleaning lenses and mirrors or the organization of your observing notebook.

And don't feel compelled to do "useful work" right away. Ultimately, the most rewarding branches of amateur astronomy involve scientific data collecting -- venturing into the nightly wilderness to bring home a few bits of data that will advance humanity's knowledge of the universe in some tiny but real way. Such a project often marks the transformation from "beginner" to "advanced amateur," from casual sightseer to cosmic fanatic. But it only works for some people, and only when they're good and ready.

Amateur astronomy should be calming and fun. If you find yourself getting wound up over your eyepiece's aberrations or Pluto's invisibility, take a deep breath and remember that you're doing this because you enjoy it. Take it only as fast or as slow, as intense or as easy, as is right for you.

[legitboom]

Spidey and me

When I was seven years old, my dad came into my room and told me we were going to a Cingular store on the westside of Evansville, Indiana. Just thinking about the word ‘Cingular’ alone is a nostalgia trip. Remember that little orange guy who’d bounce around in the commercials? When cell phones were the fast and exciting future, not the overbearing present? 

I’m getting ahead of myself. The reason we were going to this store was not to buy a cell phone, but to look at a car. I know very little about cars, and they’ve never interested me, but my dad told me this particular car was a Viper. It was very fast, had a big engine or something, I don’t know. Like I said, I could give a shit about the car. What stood out this particular time, however, was that this was a Spider-Man car. 

I don’t remember why that interested me so much. Maybe I had seen some of the episodes of the old Spider-Man cartoon when I was a kid. I think, at some point, I had a Spider-Man video game but I never figured out how to play it. Whatever the case may be, I was very unfamiliar with the wall-crawler when I hopped in our SUV to see this car. All I knew was that it sounded cool.

We got to the store and, sure enough, the car was there - being displayed for promotional purposes: 

That’s what it looked like. 

I didn’t know this at the time, but my capitalism-fueled brain now realizes that Cingular was sponsoring the 2002 Spider-Man movie (trust me, we’ll get to that) and, somehow, that meant that they got to attract customers by traveling this car around the country. Or something. Who knows. 

Their plan must’ve worked though, because my mom went in after a while to look at the cell phones at Cingular. She was traveling a lot back then, so she must have been thinking about getting one. She walked out without a cell phone - but with a large cardboard tube. I asked her what was inside, and she said - a poster.

From what I understand, every Cingular employee at this thing got a free promotional poster. Some woman behind the counter didn’t want hers (I guess it would’ve clashed with her apartment’s feng shui) so she gave it to my mom to give to me, the ‘runt of the litter’ at this event. As I opened the tube to pull out the poster, I figured it would be some corny advertisement for Cingular. Maybe it’d have a little picture of Spider-Man on it.

But, no. No. 

I pulled out this: 

It was an actual, full-sized, theatrical poster. I can’t explain why, but I was hooked. I hung the poster on my wall where it remained for probably five years. I had it up again in a nice store-bought frame when I was in college, though I’ve since retired it to make room-space for a clock. 

Needless to say, for the next two months I asked my parents every single day if it was May 3rd. I had - absolutely had - to see this movie. I think by that point an X-Men movie had come out, but I didn’t give a shit about that. Batman, Wolverine, whatever superheroes were being splashed across the silver screen - they meant nothing to me. They weren’t Spider-Man.

Then, on May 3rd, 2002, I was ready.  

I can’t remember which trailers premiered in front of Sam Raimi’s first Spider-Man movie, but I remember everything else. I could probably write a (very rough) novelization of the movie right now without having seen it in several months. The performances are all so vivid, the colors are so flamboyant. I’ll probably get into trouble for saying this, but the upside down kiss in the rain is, in my opinion, the best scene in a superhero film and, dare I say it, the most iconic film sequence of the 21st century. 

Yeah, it was cool. 

Anyway, I walked out of the theater in a bizarre euphoric state that left me gasping for air. We drove home, I went to my room, stared at that poster, and wondered if there’d ever be more. 

Of course, there was more. Raimi made two more Spider-Man films, neither of which topped the first and one of which was a disaster. Then they remade the first movie and it got a sequel too. By that point, I didn’t really care about the movie Spider-Man. 

See, shortly after the movie premiered I graduated the second grade. I didn’t expect much to happen as a result of that, but something did. My dad came home and brought me this book: 

I didn’t know it at the time, but Tom DeFalco was considered one of the premier writers of the Spider-Man comic series and an expert on all things Amazing Arachnid. I didn’t care about that at the time, though. I had an entire book about Spider-Man and I was going to read the thing cover to cover.

So I did. In fact, I can’t even read the book now because I literally read it to death. I took it everywhere and, fifteen years later, I’m afraid it would not sit well on my lap due to its current condition. 

This book had everything - every tiny little detail about every character was packed into this thing. It made me realize that there was more to Spider-Man than movies or video games or toys (there was an extensive line of Spider-Man toys unrelated to the movie in the late 90′s). There was a Spider-Man world in the comic books that had been around for nearly fifty years. This was the ‘real’ Spidey. He had web shooters, not organic webbing, and his parents were spies for a secret agency called SHIELD. He didn’t wear glasses because he had bad eyesight - he wore them because they made him look smart. 

Needless to say, I had to know more.

Here’s where things get crazy. 

A few weeks later, I asked my mom to take me to the comic book store. There was only one in Evansville at the time. I walked back to where the comics were (despite their name, most comic stores do not specialize in comics, so they’re often limited to a small wall in the back or to the side) and looked extensively for anything that said Spider-Man on it. I saw the first one - didn’t even open it - and took it to the counter.

This was the cover: 

I didn’t know it at the time, but what Marvel Comics had done was take a poll from their readers to determine the top 100 comic books ever released by the company. I thought I was buying issue one of a new Spider-Man series.

Nope, even better. On the inside, it was an exact replica of Amazing Fantasy #15 - the first ever appearance from Spider-Man by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. 

I mourn that comic because, like my DK Ultimate Guide, I read that thing to death. I should buy another copy on ebay one day. 

Spider-Man comics, especially these older ones, were like a drug to my prepubescent brain. I saved up to buy at least half a dozen huge tomes reprinting the old stories. It never crossed my mind that Spider-Man had grown up, gotten married, and joined the Avengers in his current comic.

Years go by, and I stop reading Spider-Man comics. Partly because I couldn’t afford them, partly because the newer movies sort of disappointed me. Perhaps I was growing up and it was time to find a new hobby. So, for a few years, that’s what I did. 

Fast forward six years later. I’m on some website, it’s summer vacation, and I’ll be heading to high school in a few weeks. I’m scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.

And then something catches my eye. 

Amazing Spider-Man #600, out today. I looked up the cover, just because comics that often reach large numbers like that often celebrate with a special cover, and saw this: 

If you don’t think that looks cool as hell, I don’t know what to tell you.

I called up the local comics store and ordered it that day.

Now, unfortunately, that cover was one of many. I did get a swell variant cover drawn by Marvel’s then-Editor in Chief Joe Quesada, but I still wish I had gotten the beauty you see above. 

The story inside captivated me like I was seven years old again. A Spider-Man/Daredevil team-up! The return of Doctor Octopus! Aunt May gets married...to the father of J. Jonah Jameson! It’s all nonsense to a non-fan, but to someone who had spent so long being captivated by the lore of Spider-Man and his amazing friends, this was all I needed to realize that my love of all things Spider-Man was far from over. It was only beginning. 

Six years later, I have yet to stop buying each issue of Amazing Spider-Man as it comes out. That was issue 600, and issue 800 is coming up fast (and the same writer is still following up on plotlines from 600). There’s nothing quite like the twice-monthly thrill of seeing the Webbed Wonder swing into action on 22 pages of pure adventure. Call it whatever you want, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Today, a new Spider-Man movie is released in theaters. How strange is it that when I was a kid, Spider-Man was a role model? He was a ‘big kid’, a high schooler, and now he’s six years my junior in this new film! It won’t be long before I surpass the age of the Spider-Man of the current comics. 

It just serves as a reminder that as I grow up and Spider-Man grows...down?...I will be watching these movies differently than I did all those years ago. I no longer jump for excitement at the prospects of a new Spider-Man movie because there are already so many great stories I haven’t even began to touch, but if this new movie is good and does inspire a generation like that first movie inspired me?

Well, that would be okay. 

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

Your Complete Guide to Binge Watching 'Marvel's Iron Fist'

The Defenders roster is now complete. With the premiere of Marvel's Iron Fist -- all 13 episodes are available to stream at midnight -- the final spot in Netflix's assemblage of small screen Avengers has been filled by Danny Rand. Before you binge, here is a comprehensive guide of everything you need to know about Danny and his glowing fist of kung fu glory.

"The show is very gritty and very dark in certain aspects," Finn Jones explains to ET. "We tackle serious issues, like the heroin problem in New York and corporate cataclysm and corruption behind the scenes. There's definitely dark elements, but I think how Danny is different from the other superheroes is Danny has this naivety to him, which actually gets him in a lot of trouble."

EXCLUSIVE: How Finn Jones and Jessica Henwick 'Faked' Their Way to 'Marvel's Iron Fist'

Netflix

Who is Danny Rand? He's a comic book character who has been kicking around -- literally -- since the '70s, first appearing in Roy Thomas and Gil Kane's Marvel Premiere #15. Perhaps the least well known of The Defenders, Danny is essentially Batman -- a tragically orphaned child of a billionaire-turned-masked vigilante -- meets Bruce Lee. Game of Thrones star Finn Jones plays him here, part man-child, part Buddha-spouting hippie, with a sprinkle of trust fund bro-iness for good measure.

Who is Iron Fist? Or maybe it's, what is Iron Fist? Both work. Iron Fist is ostensibly both a title and an ability. As Danny himself explains on the show, Iron Fist is a "living weapon" and "sworn enemy of The Hand." It's also a power manifested by focusing your chi into your fist so you can punch things real hard. In comic lore, Danny must defeat Shou-Lao the Undying -- who, FYI, is a dragon -- to attain the power of the Iron Fist.

Netflix

Why is this one so damn controversial? Isn't it just another superhero show? See, Danny Rand may be white in the comics, but many have argued that is the byproduct of the bygone era when his story was created, when people weren't as woke about cultural appropriation. Ahead of Jones' casting, there were petitions for Marvel to cast an Asian-American actor in the part -- it's hard to make another "white savior" narrative if you don't cast a white savior!

For his part, Jones has done a...not great job of making a case against the backlash -- Trump is probably not to blame for this one -- and the series itself doesn't lean either way on the subject, neither creating a truly fantastical K'un-Lun (the mythical and Asiatic realm where Danny was raised) that shakes some of its Orientalist clichés nor acknowledging, hey, yeah, Danny's a white boy and a lot of the time it sounds like he's reading a fortune cookie.

EXCLUSIVE: Marvel's Head of TV Reveals How 'The Defenders' Will Be Different From 'The Avengers'

Netflix

So, what's the basic story here? Fifteen years after being presumed dead in a plane crash, Danny returns to NYC the rightful heir to Rand Enterprises, the monolithic family business. There, he reunites with childhood friend Joy Meachum (Jessica Stroup) and his frenemy-or-maybe-straight up enemy, Ward Meachum (Tom Pelphrey), as well as the Meachum's dead-but not dead father, Harold (David Wenham). It's no spoiler to say Danny does not receive a warm welcome.

"It's a bit of a surprise for all of these characters, considering the fact that they thought this guy was dead 15 years ago," Wenham explains. "It obviously rocks there world, because he could be a potential threat, he could be potentially useful for them, considering here's a kid who is probably a rightful heir to half this billion-dollar corporation."

Netflix

Do I need to remember anyone from the other shows?

1. Claire Temple (Rosario Dawson), who was last seen in the Luke Cage finale checking out a flyer for self-defense classes. As eagle-eyed Easter egg-loving fans noted at the time, that dojo is owned by Colleen Wing (Jessica Henwick), effectively providing an entry point into Iron Fist for Claire, the sort of Nick Fury of the NetflixMCU.

2. Jerri "J-Money" Hogarth, whose gender-bent comic book counterpart actually started as an Iron Fist supporting player. She's back--now with a fun nickname!--having been a Rand intern long before the events of Jessica Jones.

3. Madame Gao (Wai Ching Ho), the mysterious heroin dealer from Daredevil season one, and The Hand, that mysterious pack of ninjas from Daredevil season two, also play crucial roles. Brush up on them, especially since Finn teased that the latter, at least, will continue on into The Defenders.

"Danny kind of understands the bigger threat, because he's been dealing it all throughout his life and all throughout season one of Iron Fist," Jones teases of the upcoming series. "So, when he meets The Defenders, he is the one who really drives the group to understand the bigger picture."

Getty Images

I thought Iron Fist had something to do with Luke Cage? Why isn't he on this show? You're not wrong. While Danny and Luke have both had their own solo comic book runs, arguably their most popular was when they joined forces in Power Man and Iron Fist and opened Heroes for Hire. I, for one, am not opposed to Netflix forgoing the typical season two and instead doing 13 episodes of Luke Cage & Iron Fist: Heroes for Hire. Back to your question: Mike Colter, who plays Luke, already performed his crossover duties in Jessica Jones. He can't appear in all the shows! That's what we have Rosario Dawson for.

EXCLUSIVE: How 'Game of Thrones' Star Finn Jones' Last Day on Set Led Him to 'Iron Fist'

Netflix

OK, be honest, is it as bad as everyone is saying? It's hard to watch anything objectively amid an onslaught of takedowns and hot takes and think pieces, but is Iron Fist the worst thing that's ever been broadcast on television* (*a streaming service) and an indefensible stain on Marvel's good name? Nah. The first and second episodes are a bit of a chore to get through, I'll admit, but considering the six episodes made available, the show begins to hit its stride -- or a stride -- around episode four, and five really starts to get into the actual Iron Fist of it all. (By rule, every Marvel-Netflix series could be three episodes shorter, or each episode could be trimmed, at the very least, 10 minutes.) And that's not to discount some of the criticism -- it's valid! -- but after six episodes, I was willing to tune into the seventh. All in, it's just a bit of a disappointment, when you think of what it could have been. I mean, give us K'un-Lun! Give us spandex supersuits! Give us that mother effing dragon!

Netflix

More importantly, how's the kung fu? That might be the most disappointing part of it all. You get plenty of fight sequences -- within the first few minutes of the show, even -- but they are generally...underwhelming, something not often said about KUNG FU. The fight scenes are made to appear effortless -- Danny's the best martial artist evahhh -- but which has the inadvertent side effect of making them appear lackadaisical.

A perfect example of how Iron Fist wastes its own potential is a fight sequence at the end of episode two, which -- without giving away too much -- finds Danny in a straightjacket. It's the set-up for something unique and perhaps unlike any fight scene on any show before. (Or, at least, no Marvel-Netflix show.) Instead, it's more of the same, highly choreographed, punchy-punchy mush. And it could be so cool! Pulpy and stylized and exciting! That kung fu movie aesthetic might not gel with the grounded, gritty, street level superhero world established thus far, but it'd certainly be more interesting to watch. Ultimately, Iron Fist tries too hard to be the Kung Fu Daredevil, instead of the best Iron Fist it could be.

Netflix

Anyway, what's the spinoff I'm going to want after watching this? While Heroes for Hire is certainly enticing, I'd trade that and the Punisher spinoff for Daughters of the Dragon, the team comprised of Colleen Wing, badass sensei and sometimes sidekick to Danny, and Luke Cage's Detective Misty Knight (Simone Missick). They're set to cross paths in The Defenders, maybe just go from there?

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

Your Complete Guide to Binge Watching 'Marvel's Iron Fist'

The Defenders roster is officially complete. With the premiere of Marvel's Iron Fist -- all 13 episodes are streamable on Netflix at midnight -- the final spot in this assemblage of small screen Avengers has been filled by Danny Rand. Before you binge, here is a comprehensive guide of everything you need to know about Danny and his glowing fist of kung fu glory.

"The show is very gritty and very dark in certain aspects," Finn Jones explains to ET. "We tackle serious issues, like the heroin problem in New York and corporate cataclysm and corruption behind the scenes. There's definitely dark elements, but I think how Danny is different from the other superheroes is Danny has this naivety to him, which actually gets him in a lot of trouble."

EXCLUSIVE: How Finn Jones and Jessica Henwick 'Faked' Their Way to 'Marvel's Iron Fist'

Who is Danny Rand? He's a comic book character who has been kicking around -- literally -- since the '70s, first appearing in Roy Thomas and Gil Kane's Marvel Premiere #15. Perhaps the least well known of The Defenders, Danny is essentially Batman -- a tragically orphaned child of a billionaire-turned-masked vigilante -- meets Bruce Lee. Game of Thrones star Finn Jones plays him here, part man-child, part Buddha-spouting hippie, with a sprinkle of trust fund bro-iness for good measure.

Who is Iron Fist? Or maybe it's, what is Iron Fist? Both work. Iron Fist is ostensibly both a title and ability. As Danny himself explains on the show, Iron Fist is a "living weapon" and "sworn enemy of The Hand." It's also a power manifested by focusing your chi into your fist so you can punch things real hard. In comic lore, Danny must defeat Shou-Lao the Undying -- who, FYI, is a dragon -- to attain the power of the Iron Fist.

Why is this one so damn controversial? Isn't it just a superhero show? See, Danny may be white in the comics, but many have argued that is the byproduct of the bygone era when his story was created, when people weren't as woke about cultural appropriation. Ahead of Jones' casting, there were petitions for Marvel to cast an Asian-American actor in the part -- it's hard to make another "white savior" narrative if you don't cast a white savior!

For his part, Jones has done a...not great job of making his case against the backlash, and Iron Fist the series doesn't lean either way on the subject, neither creating a truly fantastical K'un-Lun (the mythical and Asiatic realm where Danny was raised) that shakes some of its Orientalist clichés nor acknowledging, hey, yeah, Danny's a white boy and a lot of the time it sounds like he's reading a fortune cookie.

EXCLUSIVE: Marvel's Head of TV Reveals How 'The Defenders' Will Be Different From 'The Avengers'

So, what's the basic story here? Fifteen years after being presumed dead in a plane crash, Danny returns to NYC the rightful heir to Rand Enterprises, the monolithic family business. There, he reunites with childhood friend Joy Meachum (Jessica Stroup) and his frenemy-or-maybe-straight up enemy, Ward Meachum (Tom Pelphrey), as well as the Meachum's dead-but not dead father, Harold (David Wenham). It's no spoiler to say Danny does not receive a warm welcome.

"It's a bit of a surprise for all of these characters, considering the fact that they thought this guy was dead 15 years ago," Wenham explains. "It obviously rocks there world, because he could be a potential threat, he could be potentially useful for them, considering here's a kid who is probably a rightful heir to half this billion-dollar corporation."

Do I need to remember anyone from the other shows? Of course you need to remember characters from the other shows. Remember, ~it's all connected.~

1. Claire Temple (Rosario Dawson), who was last seen in the Luke Cage finale checking out a flyer for self-defense classes. As eagle-eyed Easter egg-loving fans noted at the time, that dojo is owned by Colleen Wing (Jessica Henwick), effectively providing an entry point into Iron Fist for Claire, the sort of Nick Fury of the NetflixMCU.

2. Jerri "J-Money" Hogarth, whose gender-bent comic book counterpart actually started as an Iron Fist supporting player. She's back--now with a fun nickname!--having been a Rand intern long before the events of Jessica Jones.

3. Madame Gao (Wai Ching Ho), the mysterious heroin dealer from Daredevil season one, and The Hand, that mysterious pack of ninjas from Daredevil season two, also play crucial roles. Brush up on them, especially since Finn teased that the latter, at least, will continue on into The Defenders.

"Danny kind of understands the bigger threat, because he's been dealing it all throughout his life and all throughout season one of Iron Fist," Jones teases of the upcoming series. "So, when he meets The Defenders, he is the one who really drives the group to understand the bigger picture."

I thought Iron Fist had something to do with Luke Cage? Why isn't he on this show? You're not wrong. While Danny and Luke have both had their own solo comic book runs, arguably their most popular was when they joined forces in Power Man and Iron Fist and opened Heroes for Hire. I, for one, am not opposed to Netflix forgoing the typical season two and instead doing 13 episodes of Luke Cage & Iron Fist: Heroes for Hire. Back to your question: Mike Colter, who plays Luke, already performed his crossover duties in Jessica Jones. He can't appear in all the shows! That's what we have Rosario Dawson for.

EXCLUSIVE: How 'Game of Thrones' Star Finn Jones' Last Day on Set Led Him to 'Iron Fist'

OK, be honest, is it as bad as everyone is saying? It's hard to watch anything objectively amid an onslaught of takedowns and hot takes and think pieces, but is Iron Fist the worst thing that's ever been broadcast on television* (*a streaming service) and an indefensible stain on Marvel's good name? Nah. The first and second episodes are a bit of a chore to get through, I'll admit, but considering the six episodes made available, the show begins to hit its stride--or a stride--around episode four, and five really starts to get into the Iron Fist of it all. Which isn't discounting some of the criticism--it's valid!--but after six episodes, I was willing to tune into the seventh. All in, it's just a bit of a disappointment, when you think of what it could have been. I mean, give us K'un-Lun! Give us spandex supersuits! Give us that mother effing dragon!

More importantly, how's the kung fu? That might be the most disappointing part of it all, actually. You get plenty of fight sequences -- within the first few minutes of the show, even -- but they are generally...underwhelming, something not often said about KUNG FU. The fight scenes are made to appear effortless -- Danny's the best martial artist evahhh -- but which has the inadvertent side effect of making them appear lackadaisical.

A perfect example of how Iron Fist wastes its own potential is a fight sequence at the end of episode two, which -- without giving away too much -- finds Danny in a straightjacket. It's the set-up for something unique and perhaps unlike any fight scene on any show before. (Or, at least, no Marvel-Netflix show.) Instead, it's more of the same, highly choreographed, punchy-punchy mush. And it could be so cool! Pulpy and stylized and exciting! That kung fu movie aesthetic might not gel with the grounded, gritty, street level superhero world established thus far, but it'd certainly be more interesting to watch. Ultimately, Iron Fist tries too hard to be the Kung Fu Daredevil, instead of the best Iron Fist it could be.

Anyway, what's the spinoff I'm going to want after watching this? While Heroes for Hire is certainly enticing, I'd trade that and the Punisher spinoff for Daughters of the Dragon, the team comprised of Colleen Wing, badass sensei and sometimes sidekick to Danny, and Luke Cage's Detective Misty Knight (Simone Missick). They're set to cross paths in The Defenders, maybe just go from there?