#people would be better at recognizing love as it's offered in its myriad forms

[curiosity-killed]

i know i’ve rambled about this before but I think about it a lot with the various like “can reptiles/fish/non cat/dog pets ACTUALLY love you back” posts and articles about how to tell when your cat loves you and I just sometimes think it’s a little silly to act like love is both this grand ineffable mystery in regards to pets (or people) and something to be measured and assessed

like does Baloo let me hold her paw for a long time (a Measure of Trust according to many articles)? No, she doesn’t really like having her paws touched. But when she gets her head stuck in the back of a chair or her scarf’s caught on something, she stills the moment I touch her head and lets me—a big, strange creature (who frankly often runs into furniture and doorframes)—manipulate the most fragile and vital part of her body in order to help her.

love is an action imo. your dog doesn’t need to be able to comprehend the words ‘I love you’ to feel loved, and your snake doesn’t need to purr to show that it trusts you and likes being around you. love is going to look a little different in every setting and trying to both box it in and demand it meet certain criteria is just...kind of dumb

[aalapdavjekar]

8 Lessons from Vipassana

2010 was a peculiar year. It was the year in which I found the great fortune of stumbling upon a book about the bizarre incidents and experiences of an Australian girl voyaging through the Indian subcontinent. The book — a 21st century rewrite of the lore of the hippie trail, offered little towards cerebral surprises, but made for a curious viewing of the life of someone who was brave (or foolish) enough to have gone through all the trouble that she did for the experiences she sought.

The author chronicled days spent discovering religion and spiritual heaven while avoiding hell — nosy neighbours, opportunistic rickshaw-wallas, and the odd would-be rapist. She portrays an all too familiar India — the world’s spiritual shopping mall serving food-poisoning on Tuesdays, vehicular accidents every Friday, and frightening latrines as a daily course. Not all of her pages carried so much drama, but they laid out a rough sketch of the trials and tribulations of the average foreigner in attempting to make sense of the country.

The smallest chapter in the book spoke to me the most. There was a tiny passage that depicted the joy and punishing solitude of the type rarely considered as thrill — monastic rituals, austere and rigorous routines, distress and hardship — it seemed a bit too much for anyone, let alone a solo adventurer. And yet, it seemed like just about the only thing she really enjoyed during her trip.

That was my introduction to Vipassana. That first memory is still fresh: the desire to confront this awkward specimen of a situation for myself, only because, at the time, it seemed so bizarre. To my ignorant mind, I could not have comprehended the result of ten long days (and nights), sitting around without the utterance of a single syllable. If nothing else, it would just be yet another substance: to taste, chew on, spit out, and rave about having conquered yet another mountain of sensory input; spin it all into a tall tale of profundity and wisdom.

Thankfully, the taste was sweet. To me, this became pretty important. It felt like a gigantic discovery and I often found myself proselytizing like a broken record for days after the first course. I eventually stopped for being seen as a bit of a nuisance, however, my fascination with the practice only grew with time. In those ten short days, I had experienced a deep, resounding change from within. As difficult as the journey had been, I only knew I had to keep going.

That was all ten years ago. 2010 was peculiar, but a dozen Vipassana courses later, life only became weirder.

It’s the stark contrast that gets you; the juxtaposition of life inside a course, and then witnessing the world outside. It is hard to illustrate and is not really the point of this post, but I mention it only because I’d like to warn you that many of the lessons I’ve learnt are all experiential truths. Simply engaging the intellect is not enough. You can’t describe the taste of salt to someone who has never experienced it before, and you can’t learn to swim simply by reading about it.

With that said, understand that even though I have been practicing for a while, it does not mean I have achieved any form of mastery over my practice. I still consider this as the just the first step in a very long path. I share these insights, all of which have broadened and enriched my understanding of not only myself, but of all-encompassing experience existence in itself. My only hope is to encourage you to sit down and focus on your breath.

1. Relaxing meditation is more like aggressive deconditioning…

The mind is a big ball of accumulated, tightly-knotted habits. Habits are not merely mundane proclivities like picking your nose, or a preference for K-pop. Habits are the set of all unconscious tendencies, picked up over the course of one’s life and through generations past, resulting in present thought, action, or both. Natural instincts such as the struggle to survive and the urge for sexual gratification are among the densest of elements residing within the mental landscape.

Mental forces are easiest to imagine when you think of them as analogous to Newton’s Third Law: each action has an equal and opposite reaction. As the mind sees, the mind does. Cause and effect. Through millions of years of evolution, the mind has been shaped to recognize and react to patterns. Certain emotions may result in specific thoughts. Certain thoughts may result in specific behaviours.

When you sit down to practice Vipassana, you essentially train yourself to observe the mind without reacting. The process may not seem like much but, with time, the simple act of observation decreases the rigidity and impulsiveness of the mind. Gradually, the simple act of watching it unravel before you, unveiling its knots until they loosen and eventually fade away, brings about a significant change. This does not mean that after ten days of meditation you will deprogram your mind and achieve liberation. It is a very gradual process. Believe me. Even after all these years, I’ve only scratched the surface and, so far, I’ve managed to adopt a slightly better diet. But I have better focus, more clarity of thought, less anxiety, and things that used to drive me crazy don’t annoy me as much anymore.

Meditation will change your brain. Thoughts included.

2. You are your mind’s weak, pathetic slave.

At any given time, you have very little conscious ability to overrule your genetic programming, emotional state, and natural surroundings (many have even argued that there is no such thing as conscious control and free will is an illusion, but that is a discussion for another time). The goal of meditation is to break free from the mind’s thrall: it’s patterns of thought. That’s the liberation that meditators keep referring to time and again.

If you find it hard to believe how little control you have over your mind, try to focus continuously on the breath just for a few minutes and notice the amount of thoughts that manage to pop up. You’ll quickly see how easily the mind is carried away. It’ll drift away, either to the future, or to the past. Bringing it back and keeping it in the present is a constant, seemingly endless struggle.

Our toxic addiction to our own thoughts creates the biggest hurdle. Over the course of our lives, we have been conditioned by our parents, school, society, even language, to think a certain way. Like the words we associate with objects to learn the alphabet in kindergarten, we continuously associate abstractions — words — to ideas; to the way things work. Our names for objects, people, places, feelings, situations, etc. are just names. They are concepts that are formed in the mind. In other words, our brain holds maps to reality which are drawn and redrawn over the course of our lives. But the map is not the territory, yet we are constantly under the delusion that the map is real.

Our fascination and attachment to our artificial concepts of what is real, important, and urgent is what hinders progress— the practice is essentially training the mind not to identify with one’s thoughts. In other words, to heal trauma, you need to learn to dissociate with the feeling which triggers the trauma. Trauma comes in many shapes. It may take the form of the stories that we forge for ourselves to make sense of who we are. The story we tell ourselves turns into the very bondage that keeps us in indefinite servitude to the mind.

The mind is a slippery serpent, as dangerous when untamed as it is powerful when mastered. Most beginners often find it frustrating how difficult it is to ‘control’ their minds. But therein lies the effort. It is a skill to be cultivated like any other. Exasperation and the desire to stop is a natural byproduct of the conditioning described earlier. There is an inertia to progress that needs to be continuously overcome. With time, it gets easier.

Meditation is simply a tool to harness and rein in the unruly mind.

3. Everything is connected. Every action has a consequence, and it matters.

This can be argued as a simple scientific principle. Richard Feynman in his lecture, “The Relation of Physics to Other Sciences,” describes the artificial divisions we create, forming a myriad of distinct models of understanding to comprehend and explain to ourselves aspects of the same reality. Brian Cox takes it even further.

My understanding leans towards the philosophical side, but bear with me. Most religions and spiritual traditions preach purity of mind, speech, and deed. Whether through scripture or ritual, they teach compassion, loving kindness, mercy and wisdom. I’ve realized that there’s more to this than mere morality.

To greatly simplify this, let’s imagine the world as a closed, finite system — something like a small swimming pool. Any kind of movement results in ripples that gradually extend across the body of water, affecting everything in their path. Eventually, given enough time, those ripples will bounce right back to whence they came. Sooner or later, your actions will meet their maker. But don’t mistake this as a need to be nice out of selfish necessity. The picture is bigger than this.

The world, much like our hypothetical swimming pool, is a melting pot of events resulting from simultaneous interactions causing countless, spontaneous consequences. It’s a chain reaction and an ocean of chaos, with the ebb and flow of individual currents that mingle, coalesce and form waves, crashing into one another to give us the great churning of the wheel that Buddhists speak of, and the agitation that we are almost too familiar with.

The turbulence, in essence, is the mind being washed away with the tide, engulfed and drowned in the vicissitudes of a constantly changing life. To remain steadfast and solid in such stormy waters would require nothing short of supreme mastery in the art of mindfulness. A cornerstone of such an endeavour requires the cultivation of a conscious effort to sustain complete awareness and acceptance for the present moment.

When one remains vigilant of thought, speech, and deed, and acquires a resolute and unwavering focus, then all the torment the ocean can muster will be but powerless against this tranquil state of mind. But even beyond that, tranquility will give way to reflection, understanding, and empathy. In other words, when you respond to anger with love, you cast water over the fire.

With practice, each action undertaken will arrive with more effort, more purpose and consideration. That is the delicate insight to be gained — that every action, every moment, every breath is sacred. Every bit of conscious presence is a gift to be treasured.

4. Nothing matters as much as you think it does…

Vipassana meditation is an exercise in cultivating insight through self-observation. You watch your breath and the sensations across your body as they arise and pass away, each time acknowledging their transient and impermanent nature. That, you come to realize, is the truth of all reality.

You realize that suffering is a form of mental attachment, not to any external object, but to the sensation that object has on your mind. This attachment is sometimes so subtle and imperceptible that it is impossible to witness it without a mind that is steady and calm. These attachments are what cause dukkha or suffering. Attachments are not limited to sensations that feel good. Any sensation that makes you feel like had more of it or less of it — desire and aversion — is attachment. The mind runs after pleasure, runs from fear and pain. These are attachments and they are a hindrance to the practice.

As you grow into your practice, you will gradually slip out of your old patterns of thought, replacing them with a more open, willing, and fluid presence of mind. What once bothered you may gradually dissolve into nothingness. What once seemed as part of you, possessed you, caused emotional havoc when you didn’t get what you wanted, might simply vanish from existence. No, you won’t turn into an emotionless robot. No it won’t make you give up everything in life, turn into a vagrant and move to the beach, unless you already desired those things. Meditation will only help sort out what you really want.

Practice will help you detach yourself from your thoughts until you realize that your thoughts are not you. Feelings come, feelings go. They are impermanent, and they don’t matter. All it requires is time and the simple act of observation.

5. You are not an experiential bubble.

For many beginners trying to embrace the many forms of mindfulness, one of the toughest obstacles to overcome is doubt. It may be doubt in oneself, doubt in the practice, doubt in one’s teacher, and so on. But it’s a natural response to something new, especially to those completely unfamiliar with these types of practices. Imparting trust is a transactional habit. Unless one is certain of attainable benefits and can measure their worth, they may find an unwillingness to take even the first step.

Couple a doubtful mind with the myriad of mental encounters one may face during meditation and the result might just kill the desire for practice. People have reported everything from swirling lights, out-of-body experiences, synesthesia, to demons. This is not unusual. Meditation is a gateway into the unconscious — a surgical procedure as S.N. Goenka, the person who brought the teaching of Vipassana back to India, describes. Through the process of Sankharupekkha (observing mental formations with equanimity), the practitioner encounters dormant impurities in the unconscious that rise to the surface of the mind, and manifest themselves as physical phenomenon.

Juxtaposed with modern-day culture, the meditative experience stands out like a sore thumb, often causing its students great confusion and mistrust in the very quality of what they are learning. It doesn’t help that the ideas and general philosophy presented by spiritual traditions are outright antithetical to “western” schools of thought.

Concepts such as avidya, anicca, dukkha, shunyata, samsara and nirvana are like salt. These are concepts that are almost impossible to understand through mere language—one must personally taste them. They are often horribly misconstrued and usually thrown out, replaced by a far shallower understanding that barely skims the surface of the teaching, conflating meditation with stress reduction and labour productivity. After all, these are the values our industrial societies can easily relate to.

We often make it harder on ourselves by letting our experiences fester. Remember to talk about them, discuss them, debate their true essence, and let them be out in the open. Let these ideas, however alien, achieve coherence and solidity. Give them a better chance to struggle and survive. There are many people out there experiencing the same reality, watching the same movie, feeling the same thing. The emotional outlet, especially when you are starting out in this practice is immensely valuable. It’s a small thing but it matters.

After my first ten-day Vipassana course came to a close, as the new students could finally open their mouths and start speaking with each other about their ten days spent in silence, we could all see the benefits this strange new thing had given us. I was in a room full of fifty-odd people that seemed to have had a similar experience in the course as I did. They all seemed calmer than on the first day, happier for having made it through; in the process, they had visibly changed. That’s what brought forth trust in the system; not only because it seemed to work across a diverse set of people, but because it made me realize that we are all in the same boat.

6. Compassion takes practice.

There is no absolute right or wrong. Understanding which is which requires not only context but patience. An impulsive and ignorant mind does not have the capacity to form correct judgement. An angry and intolerant person cannot be trusted to make rational and thoughtful decisions. Why do you need to develop proper judgement? The simplest possible answer: to progress in your practice. Hence, while Vipassana may bring insight, on the last day of each course, students are taught a slightly different type of meditation.

Metta, meaning ‘loving-kindness’, is a type of meditation that involves concentrating on directing love towards ourselves and others, even those (especially those) who may have hurt us. A daily practice of metta has its benefits, but most significant of all, is the way it complements insight meditation and brings out lasting, positive changes in mind and body.

The feeling is hard to describe, but all I can say is that (at the risk of sounding cliched), through the course of one’s life, pain is an inevitability, but suffering through the pain is a choice. With regular practice in metta, instead of being swept away by one’s emotions, one learns to consciously bring awareness to the suffering being experienced and replace it with compassionate and loving thoughts. Suffering is simply a negative reaction of the mind to any form of pain. With practice, mental aversion to pain gradually fades. Like mental ointment, compassion can heal the deepest of wounds.

But compassion takes practice. Think of it as learning a new language. Even if you have no prior experience reading the script or pronouncing the words, with time, you might just achieve fluency.

Compassion towards all beings, regardless of the situation, is an important goal for anyone serious about walking the path. When you emanate a constant stream of loving thoughts without ever missing a beat, then you might definitely consider yourself having changed for the better.

7. It’s all just glorified play.

By the time children reach the age of 3 or 4, their ego begins to form a cohesive identity — a map of themselves: I am this, I like that, I want to be so and so. Whether through nature or nurture, the child learns to take on a role for themselves depending on what the situation may bring: during interactions with their parents, with other children, and with society in general.

From an early age, children are engaged in play. Their games may be diverse, but are usually a form of role-playing: tea parties, dollhouses, make-believe — simulations of the adult world, to test its boundaries and see how things react. Fueled by curiosity and the joy of discovery, they rehearse and solidify their understanding of their surroundings, finding their place in the greater familial and societal picture, and simultaneously strengthen their masks of identity.

The masks we carry, birthed from the ego, may be necessary for our survival, but they are simply roles — the games we continue to play even as adults, with ourselves and with others. When the student of Vipassana comes to notice their own desires and attachments to the world, the identity of the self is often seen as the greatest attachment. It is the great epic; the story of ourselves that we’re so engrossed in writing and reciting— and madly in love with.

This story never ends. It lies permanently in the state of becoming: I am like this, I like that, I want to be so and so. The attachment to a false idea of oneself is the most difficult thing to witness and understand. It is the biggest delusion of the mind, and the greatest hindrance to one’s liberation from samsara — the endless cycle of birth and death. Whether you choose to believe that is unimportant, but recognising one’s tendencies to cling to one’s beliefs, one’s masks and identity, is a crucial process towards self-discovery and insight.

Recognising the mind for what it is — a constant stream of consciousness always in flux — will bring you a step closer to deciphering it.

8. You Know Nothing.

I know nothing. For knowing involves being certain, but if everything is impermanent and things are constantly in flux, then nothing can be certain.

To understand how truly inept we are at comprehending reality, consider the incredibly narrow spectrum of perception our brains provide. Our sensory organs: the eyes, ears, nose, tongue and skin offer only a slice of all the information that they come into contact with.

The eyes, for example, see only a thin slice of the electromagnetic spectrum, which we call visible light. Similarly, our hearing is restricted to frequencies of sound that fall between 20 Hz and 20 kHz. In the same way, we carry only a limited cognitive capability and intelligence.

It’s a humbling thought. At the very least, reminding oneself of the fragility of one’s understanding is a way to minimize cognitive bias. Further, since no one knows anything, knowing you know nothing will actually put you a step ahead of most people.

“I am wiser than this human being. For probably neither of us knows anything noble and good, but he supposes he knows something when he does not know, while I, just as I do not know, do not even suppose that I do. I am likely to be a little bit wiser than he in this very thing: that whatever I do not know, I do not even suppose I know.” — Plato’s Apology of Socrates

Similarly, from the Dhammapada:

“A fool who knows his foolishness is wise at least to that extent, but a fool who thinks himself wise is a fool indeed.”

Lastly, Shunryu Suzuki, a Japanese Zen Master calls the state of knowing nothing the “beginner’s mind,” the constant prerequisite for progressing in one’s practice:

“The goal of practice is always to keep our beginner’s mind. This does not mean a closed mind, but actually an empty mind and a ready mind. If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind there are few.” — from Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

May all beings be happy.

[rohad93]

Moonlit Masquerade: Ch 1

Because I couldn't help myself. This was inspired by a piece of fanart i saw. This is also on AO3

After the events of the last week it felt strange to just go back to school like she hadn’t gone up against Belos and everyone hadn't seen her rescue Eda and escape from the Emperor's coven and petrification. 

It was weird, to say the least, but then again, there was never a day in the Boiling Isles that wasn't weird in some form or fashion if she were honest, she'd gotten pretty used to rolling with the punches in the last month though if she did say so herself. 

This was a little different of course.

Gus and Willow had come by the very next day to check on them and get the rest of the story they’d missed after they’d gone to get Eda.

She could tell that her friends were disappointed that she hadn't come to them or even talked to them about it before throwing herself headlong into danger as she had been want to do as of late, but she had already dragged them into this mess with her once and she’d decided that was to many times, especially now that she had a better idea of what kind of real danger the Emperor posed.

She'd managed to pull one over on him and prove he wasn't invincible, but she also knew he was just messing with her, despite her giving it her all and pulling some rather dangerous stunts to boot.

She couldn’t decide if she was becoming more reckless or if she always had been and the Isles just really brought it out in her what with all the… well, dangerous stuff. 

Eh, unimportant right now.

They decided it was probably better for Eda and Lillith to lay low for a while and stay inside the house for now, not draw any attention to themselves, difficult as that was for Eda. Lilith would help keep her wrangled, and maybe King.

Though he was just as likely to egg her on as anything else.

Since they weren’t leaving the house Eda couldn’t take her to school on Owlbert, so it was just her and her trusty legs walking to school that morning. She was a little nervous at the prospect of facing… well, everyone.

Everyone had seen her and as the only human on the Isles she wasn’t exactly hard to miss on a regular day much less when being broadcast by crystal ball to everyone.  

Her fingers played with the strap of her bag nervously. 

She met up with Willow halfway and some of her fears were temporarily relieved as they walked the rest of the way, chatting animatedly. She almost completely forgot about her worries until the school came into view and she could see all the students moving about outside and on the front steps. 

Her grip on her bag tightened again and her shoulders bunched up around her ears. 

“You ok?” Willow seemed to quickly pick up on her tenseness. 

“Yeah…,” she started slowly, eyes darting around the field out front of the school, no one seemed to even be looking at her, anymore than usual that is, even as they walked right up to the school steps where Gus was waiting for them, waving. “I guess I just thought… I dunno, that after what happened more people would be… talking about me?” She wasn’t really sure what she had been expecting.

“Well, you had your cloak up the entire time and the Emperor did say the titan told him to free Eda, so you’d be included in that.” Gus shrugged. 

"Gus and I recognized you, but we're together all the time too," Willow added.

“Yeah, I guess…” She wouldn’t say she was disappointed by the lack of attention, it was just so, anticlimactic she supposed. Luz didn’t mind being in the spotlight, but she didn’t actively seek it either. 

The bell screamed its first warning toll and all the kids roaming around outside the school began making their way inside.

“See you guys later!” Luz waved as Gus and Willow headed off to their perspective classes, waving to her over their shoulders as they disappeared in the crowd of students.

Tapping a finger against her cheek she had to think for a moment to remember what track classes she had today. There wasn’t enough time in the day for her to take all nine tracks a day so it had to be split over the five weekdays. 

It was Monday, so she had beast keeping and potions. She grinned at the thought. She loved learning about all the tracks, but beast keeping was especially fun.

She never got to practice manticore taming or griffin riding back home after all!

She paused mid-step.

Home

The thought made her frown but she tried to shake off the heavy feeling that had settled over her, there was no point in moping about it right now. She did what she had to do, for the good of everyone… and it was her fault that they had been put in that situation to start with, it was only right that she fix it.

Eda was already looking into it but there were other things going on that needed her attention to, and that was fine! Luz knew what she was doing when she’d done it. 

She guessed these were just the consequences of her actions catching up to her that her mom had always been warning her about. Maybe now she’d start learning to look before she leaped.  

She had started back toward the steps only to be stopped again.

“Luz!?” 

She immediately recognized that voice as she turned around to come face to face with Amity as she jogged up to the steps, her abomination trailing behind her as it carried her books. She stopped a few feet from her. 

“Hey Amity! You're out of your cast!” Luz grinned at the sight of her friend finally out of bed and back at school.

“Huh? Oh, yea, a few days ago.” She seemed to fidget as she tucked a stray strand of mint colored hair behind her ear. “Forget about that though!” she seemed to focus again, looking at Luz with a frown, face set in a stern look. “What happened?!” she demanded.

Luz frowned, fingers twitching over the rough canvas strap of her bag, she didn’t need to ask what Amity was talking about, she could only mean the whole petrification, escape from the emperor’s coven thing that had been broadcast across all of the Boiling Isles, she’d no doubt seen it.

“Ah well, it’s kind of a long story…” she rubbed her arm and laughed nervously. Amity did not look at all impressed by that answer. “If you want to meet at the library after school I can explain it all,” she offered. She felt bad that out of all her friends Amity was the only one completely in the dark since she didn’t even know about Eda’s curse or had gone with them on the trip to the Emperor’s castle.

Amity didn’t look satisfied with the answer but just as she opened her mouth to speak the bell screamed again, it’s last call for students to get to class before they were tardy and if Luz knew anything at all about Amity, it was that she loved Azura and was never late.

“Alright, I’ll meet you there,” she agreed, though she still didn't look happy about it. 

Amity quickly hurried off to class with her abomination, leaving Luz standing there before she smacked herself in the forehead with her palm.

"I'm gonna be late!" She helped before taking off in the direction of beast keeping 101.

~ ~ ~

The day seemed to fly by after she actually made it to class. 

It was nice to have something else to occupy her mind other than impending doom in one form or another. 

Potions always took all her concentration, unless she wanted to accidentally turn a potion for curing mild rashes into a literal bomb.

...It had happened before...

It had only been a small explosion and her teacher had quickly put out the fire though.

Now that she thought about it, that would have been so much more useful last week.

She pondered the merits of magical bombs in convenient, throwable glassware as she walked quickly through the Bonesborough market toward the library.

She'd been a little slow cleaning up after her potions class and had ended up staying a little long. Amity would probably be waiting on her already, she was punctual to a fault.

She skipped up the library steps two at a time and quickly snuck by the librarian at the front counter when he wasn’t looking. 

After the time she had gotten kicked out with the Blight twins, she wasn’t sure she was exactly welcome in the library, so it was better to just not let the librarian see her really. 

She snuck quietly through the halls to the romance section. It was devoid of people as it typically was.

She scanned the shelves before smiling as her eyes settled on a book. ‘The Lone Witch and the Secret Room.’

She pulled the book out and shoved it back in, there was a loud click as the shelf slid away to reveal Amity’s secret room. 

Amity was already waiting inside for her, curled up in the corner on some cushions, a book splayed across her lap as she stepped in, letting the shelf slide back into place behind her.

“Hey” She held up a hand in greeting. “Sorry it took me a little longer than normal. I had to clean up after potions.” 

“It’s alright, Luz.” She closed her book and motioned to the other cushion several feet away. Luz dropped her bag and plopped onto the floor,crossing her legs as she looked up at the youngest Blight and smiled.

Gold eyes flitted away and cheeks took on a rosy hue. Luz wondered if Amity was hot, it wasn’t bad in here but some people ran warmer and colder than others. 

“So…,” Luz started, unsure. 

Amity seemed to jolt as her eyes were once again on the human and her expression morphing into one of serious expectancy. 

"What happened last week?" 

Straight to the point then. Luz nodded as she started with Eda's curse and the field trip to the Emperor's castle.

Amity's face seemed to shift through a myriad of emotions over the course of the story, especially when Luz talked about how Lilith had kidnapped her and tried to kill her.

The horror on her friend's face and those intense gold eyes focussed on her made Luz self conscious and she pulled her knees up to her chest but didn't stop her tale. She squeezed her legs as she got lost in thinking about it. 

Amity wasn't the only one experiencing a lot of emotions right now.

The fear as Eda sucame to her curse and later the rage she felt anytime someone so much as uttered Lilith's name or she saw one of those dumb posters made her whole body shake, and finally the helplessness and sorrow as she'd handed over the portal and then had to burn her world away in a flash of fire. All of it came back to her so easily, still fresh on her mind even as she tried not to think about it too hard. 

"So, you can't go home?" Amity finally asked quietly after a brief silence following Luz’s explanation of everything that had happened. 

She shook her head sadly, eyes downcast and quiet.

Amity hesitated a second before reaching over to set a hand on one of Luz's, resting on her knees and making her look up, brown meeting gold. 

"I'm sorry, Luz…" She squeezed gently.

The small touch and the look on her friend's face caused a comforting flash of heat in Luz's chest.

"Thanks… Eda's working on it so…" She shrugged. 

Eda who was also without magic, which Amity knew now.

“I’ve seen the owl lady do some pretty impressive things, I’m sure she’ll figure something out.”  Amity gave a final squeeze before pulling back, trying to will away the touch of pink on her cheeks, now wasn’t the time for it and she scolded herself for the automatic response.

“Yeah…” Luz nodded to herself, a small smile managing to pull at her lips, which made Amity smile in turn.

“I can’t believe how selfless you are sometimes… destroying the portal to save Eda…,” Amity said, fiddling with her hands now sitting folded in her lap.

“It was my fault she got caught in the first place, I had to fix my mistake…” Luz shrugged, a little flustered by praise she hardly deserved. “She didn’t leave me… I couldn’t leave her.” 

“Most people wouldn’t have done that, even if it was their fault,” the young witch insisted. 

“Maybe…” Luz shrugged again but couldn’t help the widening of her smile.

Amity glanced at the clock on the wall, her smile turned into a grimace, they had been here longer then she had planned. 

“I need to head home…” Amity stood and Luz followed suit as they headed out of the secret room, checking quickly to make sure no one was around to see them as they headed out.

“I have abominations and illusions tomorrow, so I guess I’ll see you in class.” Luz smiled as they stepped outside the library.  

“Of course…” Amity nodded but she seemed distracted as they paused at the top of the library steps. 

“Amity?” Luz called and again she was focussed on her, but the look on her face was one Luz had seen before, she was thinking.

She hesitated a second, looking around the empty area outside the library before closing the two feet of distance between them.

Luz could only blink as Amity's arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, chin tucked into her neck, mint green filling the latina's vision. 

"I'm so glad you're okay."

It was said so quietly she almost missed it, hardly a whisper, breathed against her neck. 

Warmth immediately flooded her chest at the quiet murmur. 

Before Luz could reach up to return the embrace Amity was already pulling away.

“See you tomorrow, Luz.” she called as she hurried down the library steps, never looking back and leaving Luz standing there, stunned, in her wake. 

“Bye…” she held up a hand in farewell at the retreating witch’s back.

Why was her face so warm?

Shaking it off, Luz adjusted her bag as she hurried back to the owl house before Eda could wonder where she was.

The heat in her face faded quickly but the warmth in her chest lingered all night. 

~ 

The minute Amity set her things down on her desk she caught sight of the Emperor’s coven poster, with Lilith Clawthorne staring back at her with a smug smile. 

With a frown Amity ripped the poster from the wall and stuffed it into the trash can next to her desk.   

[alvinsoffie]

WORLD AIDS DAY 2020

December 1,

Theme: Each World AIDS Day focuses on a specific theme,  

This years theme is  “ Global Solidarity: Shared Responsibility.  ”

A look back at recent themes gives an interesting perspective:

2020    Global solidarity, shared responsibility

2019    Communities make the difference

2018    Know your status

2017    My health, my right

2016    Hands up for HIV prevention

Personal awareness and responsibilty, coupled with Community support is a reasonable paradigm for moving the HIV/AIDS agenda forward. Embracing this can go a far way to achieve the Goals for eliminating HIV

"  World AIDS Day remains as relevant today as it’s always been, reminding people and governments that HIV has not gone away. There is still a critical need for increased funding for the AIDS response, to increase awareness of the impact of HIV on people’s lives, a need to end stigma and discrimination and to improve the quality of life of people living with HIV."  

I am quoting directly from UNAIDS here.

A useful way to compare The two pandemics:  The 40 year old HIV/AIDS pandemic is the stately annual  journey around the sun.   COVID 19  is the 28 day cycle of the moon around the earth.  It's busy and frenzied. Because it shares the same stigmas, the same governments the same communities; the same inequities: we get a quicker look at the cycle of events. Some countries are already on their third wave, their third cycle or go round of COVID 19. And lessons are being learned at this heightened pace.

This crisis, This frenzied pace has become  a wake-up call, an opportunity to do things differently—better, and together. In many respects, the defeat of AIDS as a public health threat could depend on how the world responds to COVID-19.

Inasmuch as  COVID 19  has overshadowed the AIDS pandemic. we  DO note that some important lessons are being learned and that with care we can utilize  aspects of the COVID 19 response to improve HIV response and awareness.

Since you have invited a religous, I believe that you are expecting some insight from a Christian or Biblical perspective, and if this is so, I wouldn't want to disappoint you.

I did some homework, a little research,  and came away shocked!   In a sense  upset on learning that Stigma is the main deterent and source of frustration for battling and overcoming the effects of the AIDS epidemic.

As I looked at the seven types of stigma identified across a range of psychosocial situations, I came to realize that Stigma and its associates, prejudice and discrimination, are deeply ingrained responses that are applied outside of logic and wisdom, and where it surfaces can surprise you.

For the record the seven types of Stigma are:

PUBLIC,  SELF,  PERCEIVED, LABEL AVOIDANCE,  BY ASSOCIATION,  STRUCTURAL, AND HEALTH INDUSTRY PERSONEL.

All of these manifestation  of Stigma are being  experienced in real time in this COVID 19 pandemic. Lets not forget that persons were beaten for sneezing, an involuntary act. Fear and paranoia brings out the worst in us. Where they find common ground, the excesses are very dangerous.

To return to the global AIDS response;  At a time when 'untraceable equals untransmittable is a reality already, It is strange that there is no obvious reintegration mechanism for the persons who can overcome the virus. Right HERE, such a mechanism or protocol could provide a rallying point against the stigma PLHIV face. It becomes a powerful incentive to reach for; a goal to achieve. This is one crucial difference with COVID 19, Governments want us to get back to work so there are tests and procedures for reintegration for those who have caught and overcome the virus. The reintegration is SPONSORED because it is deemed vital.

The HIV scenario still has gender bias and sexuality and dominance issues that drive the stigma and after 40 years they remain well entrenched globally.

What does scripture have to offer here. Both Old and New Testaments recognize a variety of diseases that initially demand isolation and removal  from communal life. Numbers 12 points to a situation where Miriam the sister of Moses was punished with a skin disease and was out of the camp in isolation for 10 days. Even here there was a clear return to community. She wasn't cast into outer darkness with weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth!  Israel camped and waited  for her. Just a biblical reminder that it always help to have a celebrity or power person build empathy for your cause.

The reintegration mechanism was well defined. The priests were trained and were the ones assigned the inspection of the suffering person. Once satisfied of their rehabilitation, they offered the necessary sacrifice and were fully reintegrated into family and community.

In the Gospels where Jesus was remarkably open to transformative action on peoples behalf, his advise to cured lepers, to

" show yourself to the priests ...  

and  

" Offer the sacrifices Moses commanded"

leverages this generations old schema for returning the  renewed back to community. Jesus did not subvert the process: he co-opted the process for the validation that it offered. The process is Critical! In real life more than a few persons doing well on their regime fall away and do not return for medication and help. The validation process is aborted by some triggered fear and more than a few will end up dead; losing their lives.

   A lesson here is that education doesnt always defeat prejudice. In fact it can provide seemingly plausible justification for discrimination.  This is why discrete access to health care for PLHIV is a necessity. Thank God for JASL.

   The Label Avoidance Stigma is the most insiduous of the seven. It is the one that keeps the infected person from seeking help. in your community or elsewhere. They know full well that bush have ears and if you are seen in Mocho or Portland or Mandiville at a clinic the rumour mill will grind and your issues will be publicised. They keep quiet and die quieter still. I have seen it up close and it hurts my heart every time I am faced with it.  Let me say it again;  Thank God for JASL  

Sadly, you are as likely to hear a pastor or preacher condemn the sick and declare God's judgment rather than provide access to care and counselling and in hospitals one has to deal with health professionals whose personal biases become stumbling blocks to personal healthcare services..some share unethically, the details of their patients, furthering stigma and discrimination  ...   very well documented.

If the church would follow Its Lord's instructions. If it would extend itself to speak for the voiceless

Someone came to Jesus for healing and the discussion began:  'Lord, If you choose you can make me whole'.  Jesus said,  'I DO Choose!'  If our churches would follow Jesus and choose to facilitate health and wholeness, a lot could change.

Church could stand with or stand up for  the sick especially PLHIV/AIDS.  it could do a lot to counter stigma, to counter the whispered inuendos that is Stigma by Association. Stigma by Association is the one that kills community support for the needy. It is the one that ties you to the presumed sexual preferences and activities of the persons you are inclined to help.  

Churches could build support for members and persons who are HIV positive, but who would dare share their status with the brothers or sisters in church. Very few keep secrets, fewer still, exhibit compassion. We need radical Christianity of the leave all and follow Jesus variety.

Returning to the bigger stage,  the theme Global solidarity, shared responsibility invites us to revisit our relationships and the activities they engender. Global solidarity invites us to explore the Global response and align ourselves with projects and activities that we are able to support. There are a plethora of them and myriad best practices scenarios waiting for our implementation.

One important feature of World Aids Day is the memorialization of the dead. Given the early stigma and circumstances of dying,  many persons have not been properly remembered and closure is still eluding some families who have lost loved ones to  HIV/AIDS.

The opportunity to come out and name them and remember them is hugely therapeutic. This is something that the Church does well.   Catholicism provides a liturgy on All Saints Day, November 1 for the memorialization of our dead. We do it systematically and we know the benefits of it. We light the votive candle, we pray for those we love, and we ask God in his Love and Mercy to deal kindly with them.

There is a ministry here for churches. There is a place where we can quietly exercise the gift of presence as in grief counselling and just be there for those who need us. There is a place for a prophetic voice that can stop the slander and inuendo by its forthright affirmation of the Person living with HIV as a full and complete human being, bearing the image of GOD.  

Even in death, the stigma continues and the cause of death for the death certificate can be problematic for family members.  To remove Stigma is to open up the resources freely and fully for those who need it. This day must come sooner rather than later.  these are difficult times, make no mistake. But we can make a difference if we try a little bit harder.

 Shared Responsibility brings us back to Genesis and Cain's question  ' Am I my brother'e keeper?' Yes!  Yes we are.  God requires an answer of each of us. We are social creatures We need each other for Fulness of living.  We will need to develop more programs that bring real benefits to people living witH HIV

My word of encouragement for PLHIV/AIDS is simple:  Keep the faith. HIV is no longer a death sentence. Serious progress has been made and you can access a good life right here, right now. Your Life is precious! Dont throw it away! Do NOT let pride or shame rob you of health and family, joy and accomplishments. Still dream...  Most things are still possible if you believe and persevere.

Do the right things for yourself. There is now legal recourse to some forms of discrimination. Fight your battle for your life and find support for your cause along the way.  Life is Precious.... DON'T give up! Fight Fight   Fight!

With discipline and determination, the way things are going,  you might actually outlive some of your detractors.

Here I want to quote and close with Minister of State in the Ministry of Health and Wellness, Juliet Cuthbert-Flynn,

“Whether as funding partners, technical informants for policy design and programme implementation, or as medical workers serving people living with HIV and AIDS at the community level, we need to have all hands on deck." the Observer November  20

I endorse All hands on Deck! The world can  and must do better regarding the AIDS pandemic. We must remove the strictures and structures that maintain stigma and discrimination in all its forms.

I endorse all hands on deck and hope to see church and state join together to do the right thing for signicant numbers of our citzens who need our help

I endorse All hands on deck to design and build reintegration protocols and mechanisms for those on the margins right now. they dont need to be there!

I endorse all hands on deck if these hands are tender loving hands, desiring to nurture and to care for those in need.   We have had enough of the finger pointing sleight of hand deception > I'm just saying:

I endorse all hands on deck in the response from governments, NGOs and  Communities  acting globally and locally.  It is my hope that solidarity will facilitate the crafting of an accelerated response with a view to end Living with HIV/AIDS soon.

[cobaltcaster]

Creating a Magickal Atmosphere

Within this post is a comprehensive check list of creating the right atmosphere

[[ Click Here for Part 1. Preparing for Your Spell ]]

Here are the individual links if you’d like to take it step by step. 

Magickal Enchantments [[ Food, Clothing, Music ]]

Magickal Tools [[ Candles ]]

Incense and Fragrances

Crystals and Gemstones

Element Water

Additional Magickal Tools

Personal Altars

If you’re ready for a medium read then let us begin!

⚪9⚪

Magickal Enchantments

Food and Beverage

Three simple words: Keep it light! A spell on a full stomach is not recommended. A heavy meal can leave you sleepy or uncomfortable. Avoid meat the day of your spell, if you can. Stick with fruits and vegetables as much as possible. Fish ----- baked, but not fried or in a heavy sauce----- is a good option. Wait at least two hours after eating to begin your spell.

Try to avoid caffeinated or carbonated beverages; distilled water is an excellent choice because the impurities have been removed. A cup of caffeine-free herbal tea is soothing and relaxing. Try a blend of chamomile and passionflower. Although some of the spells include type of wine or fruit juice during the actual spell, do not take it to extremes.

Clothing As with food and drink, here, too, three simple words apply: natural, loose, and clean. One hundred percent cotton is a wise choice. A loose white gauze garment is nonrestricting and gives you a sense of cleanliness and purity. Some individuals enjoy taking the time to find certain color garments for special spells. The same colors listed in the candle color chart ( click here ) can be use for clothing as well.

If you do not have a cotton garment, choose something as close as possible, like a cotton blend. Comfort is important; Tight jeans and belts do not allow your body to relax. However, wear jeans if they are the most comfortable thing you own ----- and most jeans are 100 percent cotton. If you are in a private place, you may decide to just wear a robe, towel, or oversized t-shirt. You may even opt for nudity. The choice is yours.

Before you get dressed, make every ever to take a bath or shower. Start fresh and clean. Think as you are showering or bathing that you are washing any negative energy off your body. A bath is an excellent idea, especially if you use music and candlelight.

If you're doing a group spell, bathe or shower before leaving the house or before the group arrives. If you can't shower, at least wash your hands and face. If you can wash your feet, that's even better. If water is not available, shake your hands and visualized negativity being removed.

Music

Music has the ability to create a sense of peace ----- providing it's the right music.

By virtue of the fact you are reading this book, I feel safe in saying you most likely are a seeker of peace and well-being. And all likelihood, you already have in your possession music that soothes you. Slow classical music or New Age music seems to be the most popular. Drumming and chanting recordings are also something to consider. Nature tapes offering gentle background music can be found in most department or music stores.

After purchasing any new tape or CD, listen to the entire recording befor e using it for spell work. The first two selections may be ideal, but if song number three goes up thirty decibels and a wolf starts howling, it could send you crashing down from your altered state.

If you have the time, visit your local music or New Age store. Most provide headsets and demonstration tapes that give you the opportunity to listen before you buy. The recording you choose should be long enough to last your entire spell.

Music that suddenly stops in the middle of a ceremony will also break the mood. If you have no choice and you must turn a tape over, at the very least have your sound system close to you so you do not have to leave your spell area. Music is the sound of the soul: If you can include it in your rituals, all the better.

⚪10⚪

Magickal Tools

Any tangible item used for ritual can be considered a magickal tool as long as it means something special to you. The creative part of our brain works in symbols, so it makes sense to use symbols as a way to conduct creative magick. You probably already have magickal tools and may not even recognize them. It may be your favorite picture that makes you "feel good" upon merely looking at it, that special coin that a relative gave you when you were a child, or a favorite pen you've had for years.

Candles

Candles bring light into our lives ----- both literally and symbolically. They chase away the darkness and allowed new projects, thoughts, and relationships to emerge. Lighting candles before a spell can create very powerful energy.

Candles also represent the three levels in which we exist. The wax corresponds to our physical body, the wick to our mind, and the flame to our soul or spirit.

Candles come in a myriad of colors, shapes, and sizes. Some are scented, some unscented. For our purposes, shape and scent ( or lack thereof ) are unimportant. Do give some consideration to the size of your candle. If you deem your spell will take an hour, don't light a candle that burns for only thirty minutes.

Color is a significant part of what candle burning is all about. Different colors represent different vibrations. As the candle burns, the vibration of that color is red. Refer to the color chart to clarify which color best suits your needs. You may use just one candle or a combination.

If you don't have any idea color available, use white. When burning a white candle, pay attention to the smoke. When it starts to smoke, negative energy is being cleansed from that area. When the smoke subsides, the energy in that area is cleanse and clear.

Take caution in purchasing a white candle that is too inexpensive. Inexpensive white candles smoke too readily and can confuse you. However, I would also not advise going to the extreme and looking for top-of-the-line candles. Use common sense and buy moderately. When working with candles, always use caution and do not leave them unattended.

Candle Color Interpretation

WHITE Purity, power, newness, spells, healing, peace, and psychic skills. White will intensify the effect of any color candle it is used with.  

BLACK Removal of negative energy; not a color of evil or negativity. Release and banish.

BLUE Peace, tranquility, protection, fidelity, astral projection.

BROWN Protection for the household; telepathy, stability.

SILVER Neutralizer of negative energy or forces.

GREEN Prosperity, money, success; counteracts jealousy, ambition.

ORANGE Provides additional energy needed for work or other endeavors; promotes order, control over the self.

PINK Love, friendship, romance, affection, giving.

PURPLE Intuition, psychic pursuits, power and independence, wisdom.

RED Fertility, physical strength, sexual passion, courage.

YELLOW Well-being, self-esteem, attraction, glamour, action.  

As mentioned earlier, this chart can be used as a guide for making clothing color choices.

In my experience, people have either love incense or they have an aversion to it.

⚪11⚪

Incense and Fragrance

Incense also comes in different sizes, shapes, and forms. Some types of incense are already labeled with names reflecting the effects they hope to achieve: There is stress-relieving incense, energy incense, love incense, and so on.

Some people prefer to burn potpourri or oils. One of the purposes of incense in these particular rituals is to bring you into an altered state of consciousness in the most peaceful way possible. If the smell of sage or sandalwood calms you, use it. But if your sinuses say no, give them respect.

Don't get caught up in what others have decided is the best aroma for you. For example, studies have shown citrus fragrances promote energy, and the smell of lilac can calm us. But don't force yourself to inhale a scent if you don't care for simply because the label states "incense for romance." Always buy what you enjoy.

Experimenting with new aromas is also fun. Most incense is inexpensive and sometimes sold by the stick. One thing to be careful of: If you are going to do a spell inside or in a small area, try your new purchase out prior to its actual use. Otherwise, you may be subject to a disagreeable smell for hours, if not days. Incense can take a while to dissipate and may linger in the air for a long period of time.

Here are some recommended sense and herbs you may want to try that correspond to a certain magickal work. Remember: These are only suggestions and not a must.

👤 Health Bay, Carnation, Cedar, Eucalyptus, Juniper, Lavender, Lemon Balm, Myrrh, Pine, Sage, Sandalwood, Thyme 💞 Love Apple, Musk, Rose, Ambergris, Basil, Cinnamon, Chamomile, Dragon's Blood, Jasmine, Lemongrass, Patchouli, Peppermint 📠 Career \ Job Vanilla, Allspice, Cloves, Nutmeg, Pine, Wisteria, Heliotrope, Spruce, Sage, Mint, Honeysuckle, Cedar, Bayberry 🌹 Women's Issues Musk, Orange, Hyacinth, Myrrh, Pine, Rose 🐯 Men's Issues Musk, Cedar, Jasmine 🌅 Spirituality Frankincense, Heliotrope, Jasmine, Sweetgrass, Gardenia, Pine, Sage, Violet, Sandalwood, Rose

⚪12⚪

Crystals and Gemstones

Crystals bring life to our quartz watches. They receive and transmit radio waves. Without quartz crystals, the computer age would never have happened: They are what make up integrated circuits and electronic chips.

The power of crystals go far beyond the products we have derived from them. They are important tools in magick, having the ability to focus and direct energy to a specific intention. Some say they have healing powers, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Many other stones also have special energy that can assist in your spells. For a quick reference, I’ve listed a few below. But this is a huge area of exploration. If you want to know more, your local bookstore or library will certainly contain numerous books on the subject.

Gem Stone Qualities

A special note about quartz crystals: These stones are available in nature stores, gem shops, and most New Age gift stores in rough or polished form. You need not spend more than a few dollars on your crystals. Start with something small, and go to a larger size if you feel it's necessary. If you are unsure of which is the best stone to intensify your spells, use a clear quartz crystal. Clear quartz crystal stimulates healing, balances the elements to fulfill us and make us whole. Aids psychic development. Amethyst a very powerful spell stone. Psychics and healers have used its curative properties for years. Helpful in dispelling anger and anxiety, aids in feeling less scattered. Carnelian often called the stone of good luck. Said to purify the blood, stimulate sexual emotions, and aid in sexual function. Lapis lazuli draws love to us. It is also reputed to be effective in healing headaches, high blood pressure, depression, insomnia, and other such ailments. Malachite increases energy, is connected to change and creativeness. The Egyptians wore crushed malachite as eye shadow to guard against the evil eye. Moonstone is said to be a stone of magic. It increases psychic abilities and is used widely for spell rituals. Astral projection is accelerated when using a moonstone. Rose quartz also known as the love stone. A stone and that deals with the energy of all the emotions. Turquoise builds strength, provides protection. It is a sacred stone to the Native Americans. It is a protective stone for horses and their riders. In Arabia it is a stone of meditation. It has equality of absorbing negative energy. When purchasing, carefully touch the crystals at the store. A stone chooses you, you don't choose it. It would just “feel good” to you, having something the others don't possess. Use your gut feeling ----- which is your intuition talking to you.

Charging Your Crystal

Once you find your crystal, it needs to be "cleared, charged, and programmed." Cleanse it of a past owner’s energy and \ or the energy that has been placed on it by individuals examining it by washing it in cold water or letting it sit in a bowl of water.

Next, use the Moon to charge the crystal. Place it overnight in view of one of the phases listed below:

New Moon a crystal charged in this phase specifically offers energy that supports new beginnings, confidence, hope, and specifically anything of increase. Full Moon a crystal charged in this phase brings power to support anything you want to achieve. This is actually the best all-around phase to utilize.

Once you have cleared and charged your crystal the last step is to program it. Hold it in your hand, and focus on the vibrational energy you are looking for to accomplish your goal. Visualize your final goal, but not the way you think you're going to get there.

For example: if you want to lose twenty pounds, see yourself on the scale twenty pounds thinner. Don't try to analyze the way it will come about. This is best left to your higher power to solve.

If you choose, you can program any of your other gemstones as well.

⚪13⚪

Element Water

Throughout the spells you will see the use of what I refer to as element water. Element water is basically water that has been charged to help you do magick during a thunderstorm.

It represents fire, earth, air, and water, a forceful mix of elements at their highest potency. Lightning represents fire, which corresponds to power, energy, magick, and lust. Thunder represents air, which corresponds to spirituality, health, and knowledge. The strength of the storm represents earth, which corresponds to nature, being grounded, wisdom, and all things material. The rain itself represents water, which corresponds to emotions, reflection, love, creativity, and purification.

How to Make Element Water

Basically you are collecting rainwater with intention. First you will need a container to collect the water. I have used glass, plastic, clay pottery, and almost any type of container one can use, and I have seen no difference. You may feel a natural material is better or something you feel special has more impact. If these are your thoughts, then seek a special container. I personally use two or three chalices.

The important thing is that the container is new or extremely cleaned, having been sterilized in a dishwasher or by boiling if is made of glass. If the container is new, still clean it to remove energies from other people who may have handled it. Because thunderstorms are not all that common, I recommend obtaining as much water as possible so you will always have some on hand.

If you know that a storm is approaching, take your container and place it in a spot where it will collect water. Some people always leave a container outside just in case, and others only place one out when they are almost certain storm is near.

After the storm and your water has been collected, you should invoke a "hand blessing." Place both hands above the container with your palms facing down and say, "Bless this water. May it empower my intentions."

Now, transfer your element water into a practical container for later use if you are not going to use it immediately. A glass or plastic jug or bottle with a lid is a good choice.

The water is not limited to use only during rituals. It can also be used to bless something. Feel free to separate your water into smaller bottles for traveling or even to give a small bottle to a friend. It is a perfect gift for someone who is like-minded because it comes from nature and you have put your personal energy into it with good thoughts and well-wishes.

Around the holidays, I take element water and put it in tiny plastic containers with little labels that read, “Element Water.” I then tie ribbons around the necks of the containers and give them to special friends in case they want to bless something. I use element water to bless my car, computer, office, home, and the cat next door!

Special Notes

Element water will only be powerful when rain, lightning, and thunder are all present. An average rain will not do.

Do not use water that flows from a gutter! It may seem to be a very easy solution, especially if you want a large amount quickly. However, the fact is the rainwater being channeled through the gutter is not as pure as water coming directly from the sky because it has picked up debris.

Do not be concerned about pollution in the air when gathering water. Your blessing over the water purifies it.

Do not drink the water, as it is not meant for your inner body.

If you are not in an area where you are able to collect water, ask a friend to do it for you. However, you must conduct the “hand blessing” once it is in your possession.

Be cautious in thunderstorms and do not go out when lightning is about. For safety reasons, wait till the storm is over to bring your collected water inside.

⚪14⚪

Additional Magickal Tools

Other magickal tools mentioned in spells will include the following. Feel free to substitute what is available or what works for you.

Wand or knife: Sword, athame, letter opener, or any type of wand or long crystal. Any pointed object that extends as a pointer will work. One can purchase decorative wands displaying gemstones and crystals in New Age gift stores, fantasy stores, or through Internet Web sites. A double-edged knife is also available through the same sources. Fire burning container: Iron pot, mini-chiminera ( small Mexican fireplace ), ashtray, metal trash can, cauldron. Anything that can contain a piece of paper being burned within a safe vessel. Special drinking glass: Any container that can hold wine or grape juice: wine glass, cup, bowl, chalice, or favorite goblet. Optional tools:

Flowers and fruit

Religious statues or holy cards

Tarot cards or Runes ( or other methods for telling future events; psychic forms divination )

Pendulum ( Click here for information on making decisions using a pendulum )

Pentacle or pentagram symbol ( The pentacle is a five pointed star with lines connecting with a circle encompassing it. A pentagram is the same five point star but has no circle. This symbol represents the elements earth, air, fire, water, and what is sometimes known as the fifth element, spirit. A pentacle or pentagram can also represent the human body with legs and arms outstretched. This symbol is often used in rituals as a form of protection while the ritual is underway. The star should always be in an upright position. The reverse is considered to be negative.)

[[ Image Source ]]

Cross ----- any kind ( The universal symbol of a cross represents the bringing together of multiple dualities into a single whole. It can represent human form with extended arms, as well as crossroads in your life. Crosses have numerous religious and spiritual meanings.)

Bells ( A bell can be rung to invoke universal powers and note the beginning of a ritual. Some people use bells as a form of protection to keep evil away. )

Who knows what contains magic and love for each individual? But I do know if you have such items, you should hold them dear and use them to assist you.

⚪15⚪

Personal Altars

To have a personal altar is by no means a requirements for doing spell work, but it is an excellent place in which to keep your magical tools and to worship whomever you choose. Use it not only as a storage for these special items but also has a place to pray, meditate, and to receive answers from your higher self.

An altar can be any area that is flat. It can be a separate small table or any action on your dresser. The top of a large sound speaker could be used; a bookshelf or two cement block with a piece of wood laid across them would do. Once again, you get to be creative.

You may not want to have a permanent altar but prefer to set up a temporary one just for your spell use. Your altar can typically would display items such as candles, incense, wands, knives, gemstones, statues, chalices, element or holy water, and anything else you would use as a special component that had spiritual and enchanting properties. I do not feel there is any special way to set up an altar. Moving things around until it looks and feels right to you.

An outside altar is also a lovely thing to create if possible. It can be built near a favorite tree using stones and bricks. You may construct a special table outside made of wood. To make it easier, use a tree stump or a rock that is fairly level.

When fashioning an altar, try to stay away from the use of too much metal. Natural materials are always the best. However, if your only choice is an altar containing a lot of metal, tried to cover it. Use a natural fabric or put a piece of wood over it. Try to keep things natural.

As for the direction to face your altar, there are many schools of thought. Some suggest facing north because it is the most grounded direction. Others will recommend facing the altar east because it is the direction the Sun and Moon rise. Each direction has a special meaning and place. Therefore, I feel you should put it anywhere in which it is practical.

I have seen rolling altars, where people have made altars on the top of units that have wheels so they can roll through a room to face the direction they feel it needs to face for a particular spell or meditation. A rolling altar can also be kept out of the way in a closet if you are pressed for space.

Altars are extremely personal, as well as very interesting, and there is no right or wrong way in which to set up this area of sacred items.

[fanfic-collection]

Loki x Reader - Whumptober 1 Shaky hands

Shaky Hands.

-

woo boy, I am RUSTY. I’m sorry Loki, I’m sorry readers. My writing is sooo different. Been doin the RP stuff but Loki, my man, I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you. You deserve better

This was it. This was your moment.

Your hair, done up in the finest of braids and curls – you and your mother had spent hours on it. Your ladies in waiting had placed pin after pin, painstakingly holding back each lock of hair that threatened to spring loose. When the finished masterpiece was complete, you hardly recognized yourself.

Adding to that, your mother's frail hands carefully handed the raven feather lined mask, inset with emeralds and onyx gems, laced with gold thread; real gold, your father had spared no expense. Carefully, you affixed it to your supple skin, pressing to your cheekbones and gazing out through the slits of the eyes. Again you stared at your reflection in the massive varnished mirror. Licking your lips gently, you finally applied a thin layer of rouge, the image was complete.

Straightening up, the green bodice of your dress rose into view, your breasts drawn to view by the neckline but modesty ever at present in your attire. The high silk collar, clutched your throat, but your decolletage was exposed, though only just. Beads of sweat already forming on your chest at the excitement of the ball that was to come tonight.

Absently, you swiped at your forehead with the back of your hand before pulling on your black gloves, struggling against the long bell sleeves of your green velvet dress, lace ruffles frilling out at the sleeves' edges. The rest of the green dress had a pattern of black vines sewn into it that seemed to come alive as you twirled and spun.

“Quit dawdling in the mirror and get going, you're going to be late!”

-

Down the stairs you rushed, out to the waiting carriage. A fine mist of rain had already begun, setting a light fog for the evening. The air was heavy and damp, but fresh and alive. You breathed in deeply as you sank into your carriage seat, slumping back as the carriage lurched forward.

You had always loved to stare out the window, going into town from your estate in the country side. Watching the trees speed by, hearing the thundering of hooves, the rattling of the carriage wheels as the carriage tore up the leagues... but to your disappointment the windows fogged up and the thick greenery of the land that should now be the oranges and reds of fall was lost from sight.

Letting out an irritable sigh, you slumped back in the coach and set about trying to find a way to entertain yourself. You should have brought a book. For a bit you tapped your foot but it was hard to keep count of the tapping with the rattling of the carriage throwing you off and the tapping was arrhythmic to the rattling of the carriage outside and started to give you a headache. Again you grumbled irritably, deciding to count different parts of the carriage. Nails, boards, the little pin bits that held the cushions in place. For a bit you pondered what the name of those pins might be called, did they have a name? It seemed fitting they had a name, they deserved a name. Perhaps you could come up with a name. If you came up with a name for those cushion pins you would be famous and remembered, but only if it were something really clever and memorable. Glancing down at your gloved hand, you noticed a loose thread and attempted to pick at it as you thought of a really memorable and clever name for the pins.

Suppose there already was a name for them that you just hadn't remembered. That would be unfortunate.

The coach seemed to be slowing down, there were voices outside.

You startled from your thoughts, suddenly noticing the lights around the carriage.

Laughter, conversation.

There was a knock on the carriage door and it opened. You blinked at the sudden brightness, holding up your hand, the dimness of the light inside nothing to the myriad of candles and torches outside.

'Madam!' The stagehand held out his hand, offering it to you to help you down.

You smiled at him, taking his hand gratefully, legs stiff from the long bumpy ride.

A gust of cold wind ruffled at your skirts as you stepped down from the coach, onto the gravel road, others exiting the carriages on either side of you. Men and women of all sorts milled slowly towards the grand hall at the end of the lane.

'I shall walk you in.' The coachdriver said, offering you his arm, guiding you towards the line of people.

Merry couples laughed and called to one another, huddling against the chill wind, ducking against the growing rain. The cabbies that stayed outside tending the horses didn't seem to mind as much, though they seemed at least better dressed for the cold. From time to time, they did throw a longing gaze towards the warmth of the hall, before shaking their hands and bitterly stamping their feet and rubbing their hands, returning their attention to their duties. Your cabby helped you reach the hall before bowing low and returning to tend to the carriage.

For a moment, you watched him leave, knowing you were at a crossroads of your life. Slowly you turned back, one of the waiters of the grand ball ushering you in and offering to take your coat.

Upon helping you inside, he whisked away your coat and you found yourself ushered into the dance area.

Now without your warm coat, shivering slightly and desperately searching for a fireplace, you looked around. You knew, in time, you would warm up and long for the chill of outside once more, but for now, you were cold.

The ballroom was simply massive. Gold floors in each direction and a gold domed ceiling with ethereal paintings adorning its visage. Indications of wealth were on display everywhere, no expense had been spared. Many of the gathered guests simply stood in awe at the displays of such extravagance.

As your eyes finished scanning the room, they fell upon a man. The only man who didn't seem captivated by anything in the room, be it a person or the displays themselves.

He was stunning. Breathtakingly so. His hair, slicked back and ebony black. His eyes so vividly green and you were certain capable of wit and intelligence, seemed bored and subdued. Even his appearance, a sharp black suit, incredibly well tailored, perfectly fitting his figure, bespoke his position of power and authority, yet he looked bored. He sat in a chair, legs stretched apart, head resting on his fist, propped up by his elbow and looking fit to doze off.

Tilting your head, you noticed a flicker of movement from his eyes, despite the apparent boredom, they were moving, lightning fast. He was watching everything unfold. Everything. Every interaction, every conversation, from the lowest server to the richest nobleman, he was taking it all in like a cat.

Suddenly his gaze met yours, and for the briefest moment, his look of boredom seemed to change. A touch of interest seemed to cross his face.

You blinked, glancing away as you felt your face heat up.

Quickly you looked back.

He was gone.

You scanned the room, looking this way and that, not seeing him anywhere.

Slowly you turned a complete circle.

Finally, frustrated, and confused, wondering if you had imagined the whole thing, you stopped, hands on your hips.

'Lost someone?' You heard a velvety voice from behind you. It was deep and rich, mysterious and alluring.

You spun around. 'I.' Your mouth fell open and immediately snapped shut, seeing the strange man before you.

The man stood a good head and shoulders taller than you as he grinned down at you.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you as the man stared down at you and you stared up at him not certain how to proceed. He seemed to be studying you curiously, you mostly were transfixed by his beauty, and a little bit intimidated by his intoxicating aroma.

Slowly his smile faded, 'My dear, your hands are positively shaking.' Slowly, with the utmost care, he reached down and took your hands in his, lifting them to your eye level. He too wore gloves, even still, you felt an electrical jolt at his touch. The man caressed the backs of your hands with his thumbs, gently stroking them as he gazed deep into your eyes.

'I'm Loki, by the way.' He murmured softly.

You felt your trembling increase as you slowly breathed your name back to him.

'Oh dear, I don't think I seem to be helping. Would you like me to stop?' Loki looked worried, staring down at your violently shaking hands.

'No.' You whispered, shaking your heads quickly, 'Please don't stop.'

Loki raised his eyebrow, 'Are you certain?'

'Would you like to dance?' You blurted out.

'Excuse me?'

'This is a ball, is that not what this is for?'

Slowly, Loki grinned, 'Well this did take an unexpected turn, my dear, I would be happy to.' He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of your hands before pulling you closer towards him and guiding you towards the other dancing couples.

[mortarchive]

My Journey to Lexington and Return to Aotearoa

On Monday the 20th of July NZ time at 11:30 my sister went missing. Her fiancee told me she was seen on security footage getting out of their car and walking away. She was found by Lexington, Kentucky police 4 hours later, extremely dehydrated and distressed. She had a mental health incident. I won’t go into this further to protect her privacy.

I flew over to be with her, leaving on the 29th of August when it was obvious to us that she needed support as did her fiancée who was struggling on his own with worry and looking after himself also. As the youngest family member who has dual citizenship and earns the least as well as being her sister able to provide intimate care, I was elected to go and help.

My flights over took two days, I stayed a night in LA. In the parts of the US I visited there was absolutely no quarantining. As a citizen, I was not even subjected to a health screening.

Once I got to Lexington it was much easier to reach my sister while she was in the hospital and we made our best effort to call her twice a day. She told us this was extremely helpful for her path to getting better. By the time she left, she was very bored as she is extremely intelligent. She was quite anxious and unable to focus on reading, as well as not being allowed anything to write with except crayons and couldn’t get ideas out of her head.

On the 6th of August she was able to come home and it was so good to hug her. We spent the next three weeks talking, drawing, making food, playing video and board games, going for walks, playing with one-year-old Sochi and the cats.

I was able to work remotely the whole time and I am extremely thankful to my work for being so accommodating.

I had never been to Kentucky before. Going outside was quite strange, and I mostly tried to avoid it except for exercise, groceries and essential items. People sat at tables outdoors, none wearing masks. We mostly tried to do our groceries via pickup, which worked out well. Lexington is very similar to Auckland in that is hot, humid, flat, spread out and full of people obsessed with their cars.

Something I never had seen before in New Zealand was motorcyclists with no helmets and no leathers, I assume it would be an infringement on their rights to not be brutally be killed in an accident.

There were many signs for personal injury attorneys, Jesus and the military. One Baptist Church had a sign saying “NO ITS NOT HOT AS HELL”.

I enjoyed the myriad of inexpensive vegan snacks such as cheddar flavoured chickpea puffs and cream cheese alternative.

Lexington has a huge history of horse racing and many of the streets were named after famous horses such as “Man o’ War Boulevard.” I also enjoyed Versailles Road which is pronounced by the locals as Ver-Sails. My sister’s home is across from Red Mile, a giant horse racing track and casino. They way they circumvent the gambling laws is by only having slot machines that have tiny horse races from years ago that you are betting on.

The tension about the election was palpable in the friends of my brother-in-law and the household itself. Many people are terrified for November and the farce of a democracy the United States has become. With the USPS being de-funded, mail boxes being removed, prisoners not allowed to vote who were convicted for non-violent drug offenses and protesters in Portland being snatched of the street in unmarked vans by unidentified people in SWAT gear, it is a fascist state.

I am an American, I was born in Colorado, I have family that I love that are not what we hear on the news here on this little island in The Pacific. The loud conspiracy theorists are a vocal few, and we need to remember as people of Aotearoa that they exist here too. I will never forget the faces of the 5G conspiracy theorist protesters as we walked down the main street protesting in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. We are not above Americans. I am proud to be a citizen of both countries while recognizing the flaws of both nations.

Please vote.

My return journey home was painless other than accidentally spending $40 US on a half bottle of wine at LAX. I now know fancy wines are a racket because it tasted the same as any other chardonnay to me.

Other than having my temperature taken and asked about any Covid symptoms I might have, my entry into New Zealand was the same as always. It really helps to be a citizen of the place you are traveling to.

Once we had processed through customs I was led to a bus that took us to The Pullman Auckland, a 4.4 star hotel on Princes Street. There were about a dozen or so of us on the bus and our luggage was loaded and unloaded for us by people in full personal protective equipment. We were explained what the process would then be by a Ministry of Health representative and a member of the Air Force. We were checked in at one desk, asked why we traveled and where we would be staying at another. The third desk was an explanation of the hotel facilities and procedures. The fourth desk was a health interview with a nurse. I filled out a meal request form while I waited. I notified them that I do not consume animals or things that come out of them. Absolutely everyone was extremely kind and efficient.

I then went to my room on the tenth floor which has a beautiful view of Albert Park and I can see the Sky Tower to the right. Around 8:30am they brought me a lovely vegan breakfast of bacon and eggs. A couple hours later I noticed the yogurt they had brought said “VEGAN YOGHURT” on the bag. I ate it very happily! There is no fridge or microwave.

I joined my work team meeting and tried to work but the internet is really bad to connect remotely to our servers on. I fell asleep at 3pm and woke up at 3am. I have watched a lot of Star Trek: the Next Generation.

I tried out another eye makeup with the new supplies I got in Kentucky. I went to the exercise facilities on the ground floor, saw all the people walking in circles, panicked and returned to my room to do laps, burpees and sit-ups. The Covid tummy is out in full force and I hope to get back to my regular exercise.

I spoke to my sister, mother and some of my best friends Jasmin, Maya and Lewis. I had my temperature taken again by a nurse and I am normal. Now I am here writing this and eating a lunch of tofu and spinach.

I will spend the next to weeks trying to work as I can, making art, playing games, speaking to the people I love and thinking about my plans for the future. I hope to pursue further education on Community Partnerships with a focus in local government. I loved my time on Youth Council and hope to be a voice in decision-making to represent unheard and marginalized voices. I want to be there for queer people, youth, takatāpui, multicultural communities, women and a voice for the arts. I am hoping to achieve a Certificate in Social and Community Leadership through the University of Auckland next year, where I have been offered a place. I now have to think about how I’m going to make that happen with in-person classes whether I will move to be near Epsom or fly up for my classes once a week.

Arohanui and Ngā mihi,

Samantha

[scarbladed-archive]

❛ look to the stars. know them. feel them. they are ever-watching and ever-loving. ❜

‘ LIKE YOU? ‘ Is unspoken on his tongue. He is not in love with her like he has been in love once before; nor on the cusp of the beginnings of another . He loves her as he loves the sky for being a constant companion.

 As he loves the spirits in the grass; in in the air - the taste of salt by the sea gathering fish and fresh produce for a place his broken tongue almost croaks in his heart as home. He loves her as a man loves light; he loves her for reminding him of the brightness of his own, though he would vehemently deny it having been snuffed out by war; tragedy and death. 

How he never really had ever been a child, not truly, from cholera striking his parents to the slavers picking up with three women who decided his life was worth something of value to keep living for. 

How he stood in myriad glades of crosses he made for each murderer, for Kasumi, Akane, and Sakura-san. Only a day and in that instant he had wanted nothing more than to protect the lives of three women who had not been able to choose their lives but wanted him to live, spare this child, spare this child – until he was no longer a child. 

Until he was a thing of nightmares, of legends; unbearable prowess in might in the sword that none could withstand; leaving the mountains of Kyoto with a ‘simpleton’s mind’ of purity that gave him no other option but to pursue a path of idealism that would end in tears. 

Giving his future for all; until small happinesses could be lit up for other’s futures; a fourteen year old speaking that if his sword could carve a path to the new era where children smiled without fear and people could attain happiness in it; he would wield the sword. 

Thus, he became a shadow with a heart concealing its brilliant, nigh snuffed light as the blood cloyed to his tongue; as the bodies fell like shucked wheat and the war blazed until the very city of Kyoto once burned alive, like a writhing, thrashing thing.

How he found love in the form of sorrowful black eyes and a well-earned vengeance turning to forgiveness, how his life both created happiness for the era now, and stole from two lives that created the cross upon his cheek.  Rampant, red, seething, sad. Her life and love lain buried in the indention of the second line; her fiance? 

The first; both by his blade in a stroke of bitter, bitter fate. Sometimes the salty taste of blood stings in his nightmares; the myriad skulls beneath his sandals haunting him each crunch as he walks in horrors.

 Kenshin’s principles during their brief life together ten years past make him wonder how long the world will test him; how many pursuers will face him only to be defeated until one may yet claim life.  

How this existence atoning and not guaranteed an answer will not necessarily lead him to penance; but he walks it anyway. He continues to give, and give, and give, and observe, and guard, and protect the world he carved into creation with even compatriots that feared him. 

But sometimes Cosmos comes in a dream; perhaps she is merely the moon itself; Mother Earth, hymns and various names sung from ancient times, the universe in a body; the ache of humanity and the sting of divinity. Perhaps she is love; perhaps she too is judgment. But in her eyes so bright with stars for pupils; he sees nothing but what many would easily recognize as love.

Kenshin is not so adept at recognizing remote kindness aimed at himself, and thus he smiles, that seamless; slightly kind smile tinged with indelible sadness. Subconsciously in her presence his light manifests to her by the spread of her hands; the smile on her mouth, the whispered, look at it Kenshin, look and feel and know that your light remains and it endures. 

❝ You love indiscriminately. I have no right to tell you ‘do not love me’, for you will do so nonetheless. It’s merely who you are, what you are, is it not? For this world and whatever else exists that we both seem to love .

It must be painful, to bear the weight of such feelings. I wonder if anyone considers that when you come to them in their dreams, or in their life in forms perhaps I’ve already met you. Perhaps in every form I’ve ever been. But it would be too easy to tell me, and I am only a man. The world doesn’t seem to know that, though, it’s silly isn’t it?  ❞

 For a legend of men such as he, he is but a strand of stardust; a cusp of bright morning to her unfathomable moonlit expanse. It does him no shame to be humble, he never liked pride anyway.

 From the broken little child named Shinta, burying countless corpses with his hands in a field; to the fifteen year old Hitokiri Battōsai (KENSHINKENSHINKENSHIN ) felling countless men to pave the future his people lived in now while his own was sacrificed, as were many others. 

To the rurouni, Kenshin, ( it had always been Kenshin always ) that continued the principles he promised in Otsu Village with his wife; to protect the lives before him one by one and observe the country without killing another soul again once the war was done. 

Protecting the people without recompense; surveying the country he helped create with his own eyes and finding aching need and corruption in equal measures both, requiring his soothing and protective hands; broken heart throbbing with love and equal measures instrinic desire to continue to offering protectionfor the people he had always fought for. 

❝ I cannot complain, and yet I admit, I am tired of being feared or one to be in awe of. I will be feared all my life; and hated all my days, or revered as the ‘strongest’ and all of it will make this heart grow fatigued. I will not ask for pity, for there is none to find nor deserved. 

But I will find an answer to atone for my crimes, as much as I will protect an era not yet completed. I will continue to offer this ‘light’ you say shines so brightly in my stained soul.

 I will give this life of battles until it no longer breathes. In that, whether I find atonement or further retribution, I will endure. And..I will go on, I think. Yes, I will. ❞ 

He does not bother with third person; she knows his masks. Merely the speech of ten years past, that he had lost rights to having.

Kenshin’s gentle eye meets hers; an unwitting savior of the people in the form of a flawed man, but who but she knew better the flaws of man and their triumphs and bitter victories? Their losses? Her hand encompasses his almost unrecognizable in its callouses and Kenshin smiles tiredly.

 His fingers intermingle with hers, unworthy hands, sinner’s hands, hero’s hands…and squeeze briefly in a gesture so rare few would ever find it save whatever his future held. 

❝ I will not dream of blood tonight. Nor her, it seems, will I? Thanks to you, once more. Even if we are only here for a little while in this bright place; this place where I did not think we could share similar beliefs granted my lowly self...

—- we are together. ❞ 

[strikecommanding]

Lucy

a 5k piece commissioned by an anonymous user, featuring gabe loving on their OC lucy :-) i’ve updated my commission information, which now accommodates OC requests for anyone interested!

---

A stabbing pain that lit a fire all across her shoulder blades jarred Lucy into consciousness. Her fried nerves needed a moment to wake themselves back up and hit her with an abrupt, unpleasant sensation, causing her to writhe and scream for whoever was nearby. She could hardly make heads or tails of her surroundings while in the throes of such agony, but the sight of her bed hinted that she was currently in some sort of hospital room.

The pain in her shoulder blades spiked up in intensity, causing her to thrash around a bit more violently. IV drips and various other machinery hooked up to her fell to the ground with a crash so loud that it rivaled her own pained screams. If she had to put words to the excruciating sensation, she would think her rib cage was snapping out of place to try and break free through her skin. Lucy searched frantically through her memories to pin a cause to this phenomenon, and her last conscious memory pointed to a serum introduced to her veins by the Talon scientists who kidnapped her in the first place.

By the time all sorts of people rushed in to observe her, Lucy felt just about ready to curl up and die. Her body, however, couldn’t decide what to do with itself. Lying on her back and applying pressure to the site of trauma exacerbated the pain, but so did turning over and exposing it to the air. She continued to flail helplessly until a number of hands turned her on her stomach and strapped her down.

Lucy urged herself to fight through the pain and turn her agony into coherent sentences. “What’s happening?! What the fuck did you do to me?!”

“Subject’s belligerent,” said a faceless, uncaring voice overhead. “Hit her with a shot of morphine. ...Maybe up the dosage to keep her body still and her mouth shut.”

A latex-gloved hand wielding a needle hovered close to her, and she did what she could to avoid it. However, she was powerless to her restraints and the pain in her shoulder blades, leaving her no choice but to accept the injection. Its effect were near instantaneous, as she could feel her eyelids getting heavier with every harsh breath she took. She wondered if it was really the morphine that was knocking her out, or if the agony had simply become too much for her to bear.

---

“She’s stable, sir, but the outcome isn’t what we intended,” said an impassive, uncaring voice. “We’ve achieved advanced mobility, but with those wings, stealth is simply an impossibility…”

Upon hearing the word ‘stable’ in reference to her, Lucy could have laughed. After all of the scientists’ experiments and the pain they put her through, she didn’t feel stable in any capacity. The least of which was physically, as her muscles and bones ached under the strain of foreign growths in the form of wings.

Apparently finding it unnecessary to keep their lab specimen updated on changes to her own body, the Talon scientists neglected to tell Lucy what exactly happened the night she blacked out. Once she woke up, she had to eavesdrop on some nearby nurses just to learn that she’d been out cold for nearly a week. She had yet to hear anyone speak about the peculiar, peach-colored wings that suddenly sprouted from her back, and this was the first time she’d heard anyone speak so candidly about them.

Lucy stood before a council of criminals who hid their faces in the shadows. The brightest light source in the room shone directly above her head, and it was the closest simulation she’d had to sunlight ever since she first found herself a prisoner of Talon. She had to squint just to see ahead of her, but when she found dozens of pairs of eyes staring back, scrutinizing her and trying to decide her fate right then and there, she found more comfort in simply staring at the floor.

A long silence filled the room until someone spoke up, this time directly addressing Lucy rather than talking around her. “How do you feel?”

It felt like ages since someone last asked her that, and Lucy thought of a myriad of colorful answers to that particular question. Her bones were brittle and her muscles weak, all because of an unnatural pair of wings that constantly sapped the energy out of her natural body. It was as if they, too, could tell they weren’t meant to be a part of her, as the human body simply wasn’t meant to maintain such appendages. She wanted to tell them all of these things, but this was the first time in weeks that anyone had directly spoken to her and asked for her honest words. She couldn’t resist the impulse to tilt her head back and spit out a scathing answer, “I feel like you bastards ruined me, and you don’t even know how to fix your mistake.”

The tension in the room was palpable after her bold remark, but she didn’t take it back or apologize. Instead, she maintained eye contact with the man who kept himself concealed in the shadows. She tried to make out his features and got as far as a creased forehead and tightly pursed lips before both suddenly relaxed, revealing to her a slimy smile that made her sick. “Silly girl,” he said, deliberately slow so she would hang on to each and every word. “You’re Talon’s greatest mistake, and you’re foolish to think we’d want to ‘fix’ you.”

Lucy’s eyes widened and her wry smugness dropped at the implication that she would be stuck like this for the rest of her life. It hadn’t occurred to her that they would leave her as is, neither fixing her nor killing her out of mercy, and instead leaving her to live as an abomination who suffered constant pain. Her hands curled into fists and her nostrils flared. The thought angered her as much as it scared her, but she could hardly get a word out before the man spoke up again, this time to a nearby lackey.

“We’ll observe her, see if she can take to her wings,” he said, and Lucy felt herself slip back into a sort of helplessness where everyone only ever talked about her and not to her. “We can still use her.”

---

Lucy’s unwillingness to adjust to her wings hardly put a damper on her overall recovery. Her body no longer felt like her own, as if that strange serum had reprogrammed it to follow the twisted will of her captors. The process during which her wings burst from her skin and grew out to their full span had been the most painful experience of Lucy’s life, yet she recovered relatively quickly. Just under a month was all the time her body needed to recuperate and begin recognizing those wings as merely another set of appendages.

It took some time, mainly because she was so resistant to learn in a process not unlike learning to walk all over again, but she was able to start flying. The scientists overseeing her recovery and adjustment period only ever let her practice on indoor training grounds, never allowing her too far out of sight. She couldn’t yet be trusted not to simply fly away.

Even if she were free to fly outdoors, Lucy often mused, there weren’t many places she could go. By this point in her life, all she knew was Talon, and even though they mistreated her, they kept her alive. She detested them, but she relied on them for more than she cared to admit to. For this reason, she toned down the rebellion and tried to make herself useful when Talon offered her an ultimatum: either live and work for Talon as a sniper, or die.

Though neither option was particularly appealing, one was obviously better than the other. She yearned for freedom from Talon, but not to the point of seeing death as a better way out. Begrudgingly, she accepted her role as Talon’s newest sniper under the pseudonym Siren.

It was a shaky start, but Lucy ended up being a huge asset to them. Her precision and aim were superb, and her advanced mobility afforded to her by her wings allowed for easy getaways if ever the situation called for it. This was definitely a common occurrence when they first began sending her on missions, ones that typically seemed too risky or challenging for someone on her own. Lucy had a feeling that her higher-ups didn’t intend for her to come back from those particular missions, and it might have been spite alone that fueled her and encouraged her not only to return alive, but to report back with stellar results. Whether they were testing her skill or simply trying to get rid of her, she never asked. Instead, she internalized everything and took it out on herself.

There was no personal fulfillment to be had in being a terrorist organization’s favorite toy. She had to kill to survive, but she had to wonder what the point in surviving was when every day was just like the last: do your job, keep your mouth shut, and maybe you’ll be treated decently. When she was still a fiery adolescent who had a penchant for talking back in any situation, she learned the hard way that Talon wouldn’t hesitate to resort to violence, even against a child. Over the course of the ten years they kept her, Lucy somehow came to stop blaming Talon as much for her situation and began blaming herself instead.

Her biggest gripe with herself was her wings, for varying reasons. For one, she resented them for working efficiently enough to serve Talon’s interests, effectively trapping her as their lapdog. Long beyond the habit of biting the hand that first fed her, she instead berated her own body for taking so well to their experimental serum. She detested these wings not only for the grim future they’d secured for her, but also because they made her look and feel like a monster. Ordinarily, wings carried with them beautiful and cherubic connotations, or imagery of free-flying birds who could travel the world as they pleased. Lucy’s current lifestyle as a weapon felt neither angelic nor free; she felt like a freak who needed to be fixed, and since Talon refused to do so, she took matters into her own hands.

Around the halfway mark of her captivity, when she was just shy of 20, she resorted to some destructive means to undo Talon’s work. The wings were the source of all her suffering, she’d reasoned, so she tried to get rid of them with nothing but a pair of old scissors that one scientist was too careless to notice she’d had. It had been a painful process that Lucy couldn’t finish before blacking out from the pain, and by the time she woke up, she found her wings patched up and healing extraordinarily quickly, thanks to the regenerative effect of the original serum she’d taken all those years ago. She was a monster who could kill anything but herself, and that realization made her feel helpless.

Now, however, those feelings and memories had to be stowed away. No longer the unstable wreck she’d been when the role of sniper was first bestowed upon her, Lucy had been on enough missions and taken enough abuse to realize that her only job was to get from one day to the next. Meaning and personal fulfillment didn’t matter so long as she was alive, and she could only ensure that by completing her current mission.

Talon shipped her off to a quaint little city known as Rialto, where she was ordered to take out a prominent member of the UN. It was an ambitious mission, but to Lucy, it was just one more thing to get through to prove her worth for another day.

Her target was out to dinner with a number of bodyguards to go around. In order to avoid their sightlines, Lucy was forced to set up shop a bit further than she would have liked, but it was nothing she hadn’t dealt with before. It was during situations like these that she swapped out her usual bullets for non-lethal ones, whose sole purpose was gathering intel. When fired, they highlighted a wide radius for just a moment, just long enough for her to take the shot, so long as she was quick about it.

However, these bullets still left behind casings just like their regular counterparts, and even the most incompetent bodyguard wouldn’t be so daft as to excuse a bullet casing within a foot of a member of the UN. Lucy had to take the shot before it was noticed.

Unfortunately, even from her perch located so far back from the target, she was the one who was noticed. Just as she swooped into the air and lined up to take the shot, a gun fired behind her and jarred her focus. She heard it before she felt it, only realizing after a moment that she’d been shot. The pain was so sudden and intense that she couldn’t even think to scream, nor could she get a good look at her wound or assailant before plummeting directly into the canal below.

The water was cold and bracing, especially when her fresh wound was submerged in it. Already unsteady from having been shot, Lucy could hardly stay afloat with her now-heavy wings weighing her down and urging her into the depths. She could feel herself sinking faster the more she struggled, so she took in as much air as she could before going under completely. The injury to her wing was nothing compared to the helplessness and hysteria she felt as she fell further into the depths with no signs of help nearby.

Just when she thought she couldn’t hold her breath for much longer, something else abruptly joined her in the water. Someone else, she realized upon further inspection, had jumped in after her and pulled her into their arms. Lucy didn’t know their identity or their intentions, but she was quick to cling to them anyway. She didn’t want to die, and it seemed this person didn’t want her to either.

The moment her head was above the water, she gasped for some much needed air. Her rescuer, too, was out of breath, if their heaving chest was any indication. But, as Lucy pressed her palms against their sturdy chest and felt their racing heart, she concluded it must have been more from the adrenaline of going after her than merely from having been in the water. Lucy looked up fully and stared into the chocolate brown eyes of her rescuer.

A man with dark skin and unruly facial hair looked back at her, his expression impassive and unreadbale. He carried her in his arms like she was nothing, taking great care not to press against her wound. Lucy’s eyes dropped to the shotguns holstered to his sides and she realized he was likely the one who’d shot at her.

“I’ve got questions,” he said gruffly, carrying her towards a dropship. “So you’d better not die on me.”

---

By now, Lucy was used to waking up in a hospital bed after sustaining injuries. This time was different, however, in that she found herself somewhere other than Talon headquarters. A quick glance down at the edge of her blanket revealed a particular logo, that of Overwatch, which she only knew as her employers’ number one enemy. Looking over her shoulder, she noted some bandages wrapped around the base of her wing where she’d been shot. Likely a mere formality, since her cells were surely doing a quick and efficient job at putting her back together already.

“You’re awake,” said the pleasant, lightly accented voice of a cheery blonde woman who abruptly entered the room, startling Lucy. She seemed to notice Lucy’s agitation, as she maintained a distance and lowered her voice. “How are you feeling? Are you experiencing any pain at all?”

The woman was far too talkative for Lucy’s liking after having just woken up, so she simply didn’t answer. Lucy sank defensively into her sheets while eyeing this woman with distrust. The tension that filled the air was not lost on this woman, as she simply kept to herself while bustling around the room. They both looked up when a third party joined them.

The same man Lucy had seen the night before walked into the room, and she could see his imposing physique fully now that he was under good lighting. He practically towered over the blonde woman as he approached her, and Lucy’s eyes dropped to a conspicuous manila folder clutched in his left hand. “How’s she doing, Angela?”

The woman known as Angela briefly glanced at Lucy before turning away and answering the question. “She seems stable, but I haven’t had a chance to take a look at her injury yet…”

“In that case, how about you let me take over for a sec?” he suggested, patting her gently on the shoulder as he ushered her towards the door. When she looked back at him, he raised the folder to her eye level and waved it. “She and I need to talk.”

Angela wore a bit of a warning stare as she moved to exit. “Don’t stress out my patient, Gabriel.”

He waved dismissively before pulling up a chair beside Lucy’s bed. She treated him to the same distrustful stare she’d given Angela, only breaking it to look down at the papers he pulled out of his folder. He read off of them in a neutral tone, “Siren, Talon’s secret weapon responsible for a number of assassinations over the past several years. Signature mark is bullets that emit a high enough frequency to completely shred whatever they come into contact with. That’s you, isn’t it?”

Conditioned not to talk back by years of abuse, Lucy just stared at the blanket in front of her. The only thing she really wanted to say was, “My name is Lucy.”

Gabriel maintained his unflinching gaze as he put all the papers away and shut the folder. He set it aside on the bed by her leg, and she inched away from it just the slightest bit. “You’ve been on our radar for a while. You were sloppy last night, and that’s why you got caught.”

Lucy knew that better than anyone else, so she didn’t need to be told. Instead of expressing that, she just wrung the edge of her blanket in her fists.

When she didn’t answer, Gabriel filled the silence for her. His once uncaring and impassive expression dissipated into something a bit more gentle, almost tired. “Look. We’ve had eyes on you long enough to figure out exactly how Talon got their hands on you, and everything they did. It isn’t right, what they did to you. ...Ordinarily, I’d arrest you, but Blackwatch doesn’t operate under quite the same set of rules that Overwatch does. I’ve got a proposition for you.”

Lucy looked up, astonished only by one thing he’d said. She’d never heard anyone express contempt for Talon’s sordid activities, specifically the things they’d done to her. That Gabriel looked back at her with a softer expression than what he’d had on upon first walking in only encouraged her to want to listen to him, along with inspiring a strange, fluttering feeling deep inside her chest. She cautiously kept her mouth shut, but she communicated to him with an attentive gaze that she wanted him to continue.

He leaned in, speaking in a hushed tone like he was worried someone would pick up on their conversation. “You’ve been with Talon long enough to know the ins and outs of their organization. You’ve got more intel than I can possibly imagine. Plus, they won’t expect to find one of their own against them. What I’m saying is… Blackwatch could only benefit from having you around.”

This situation wasn’t unique to her. Lucy experienced the same thing when Talon first modified her, except the alternative to joining them was to die by their hand. In this case, it was likely she would simply get arrested and that would be that. Alive, but not free, the same way her life had been for the past ten years. The situation wasn’t unique, but the outcomes being offered to her were. If she were to work for Blackwatch, she had a feeling her life could only change for the better.

Gabriel took her silence as her being in need of a little more convincing, so he went on to add, “Don’t worry about your record. I’ll take care of everything,” he assured her, and then he wore a roguish smile that brought back that odd fluttering in her chest. “I’ll take care of you.”

The idea of choosing something for herself was so foreign to Lucy that she almost couldn’t respond right away. Finally, when she gained a firm hold of herself, she nodded with confidence. “I want to join you.”

---

When Gabriel said he would take care of Lucy, he meant it. He oversaw everything from her discharge from the medbay to her adjustment period as Blackwatch’s newest agent. Blackwatch, Lucy learned, was still finding its footing as a sister organization to the all-encompassing Overwatch. As things were now, she and Gabriel were the only official members.

Consequently, they were able to acquaint themselves a bit better by going out on missions, and Lucy learned that he was actually a pretty friendly and easygoing guy despite how intimidating he looked. He was the first person to treat her like an equal, like a person, rather than the weapon Talon wanted her to be. It was for this reason that she couldn’t help but grow attached to Gabriel, and she was glad to see that he appeared to be fond of her in turn. At least, that was how she felt most of the time, but the few months they shared together wasn’t enough time to rid her entirely of the demons that festered in her mind for the past ten years.

Thanks to Talon, Lucy had her fair share of insecurities, but it was because of her environment that she never had the means to deal with them in a healthy way. Now that she had the freedom to express herself, she didn’t know where to start. So she never quite dealt with her issues, instead electing to bottle everything up.

It all came to a head one evening when she and Gabriel returned from a mission. Everything had gone fine except for a few rogue decisions on Gabriel’s part, which resulted in him getting a bit more banged up than he would have liked. Though he definitely took the brunt of the damage, he insisted that they both go and get checked out by Angela.

Despite how long she’d been with Blackwatch, Lucy never could bring herself to get along with the kindly doctor. At its core, this issue was rooted in insecurity. She still remembered the first time Angela donned her wings to go to battle, and how the sight had made the eyes of passersby shine. She was undeniably beautiful, the perfect image of an angel. But, whenever she grew tired of them, she could just take off her wings and still be adored. Lucy didn’t have that luxury. Her wings were on her for good, and they only ever made her feel like a monster.

She never expressed these feelings to anyone, however, which led to her silently stewing in the corner while Angela patched up Gabriel’s wounds. Gabriel, too, had the tendency to look at Angela with stars in his eyes, and watching the two of them interact inspired within Lucy a pain she didn’t know how to treat. She carried the burden without telling a soul, but doing so for too long made her liable to blow up. When she sensed her agitation rising to a point she would no longer be able to control, she stood abruptly and headed to her room, ignoring Gabriel as he called after her.

Lucy didn’t have much time alone before Gabriel went after her, entering the room unannounced. From her spot curled up in bed, she glared at him and murmured, “Go away.”

“Not before you talk to me,” he retorted, shutting the door behind him and moving closer to her. “What’s bothering you so much that you had to storm out like that?”

“Nothing for you to worry about,” she insisted. She tried to turn over in an attempt to cut off the conversation, but he was quicker than her. Bracing her arms and holding her still, he forced her to look at him.

“It is when you’re on the verge of tears like that,” he muttered, and his grip loosened just enough for Lucy to reclaim her limbs and swipe at her inexplicably damp cheeks. She sighed in frustration and rubbed harshly at her eyes while Gabriel took a seat on the edge of the bed. His voice took on a softer tone, the one that made her weak in the knees. “What’s bothering you, Lucia?”

Hearing him call her by her full name both made her heart skip a beat and informed her that he wouldn’t be leaving any time soon. At least, not until he heard everything she had to say. Lucy stared at her hands folded in her lap and started slowly, trying to articulate what had been on her mind for weeks now. “When I see you and Angela together like that, I just… I don’t know… it makes me feel horrible. The way you look at her is so… sweet… and it kills me to know you’d never look at me like that, not when I’m such a freak.”

Gabriel didn’t answer right away, likely soaking in her words and thinking of the best way to reply. She peeked up shyly and flinched at the abrupt contact of his hand against her cheek, only settling when she felt how gentle his touch was. The rough pad of his thumb wiped away any remaining tears, and she closed her eyes when he spoke to her, smooth and slow. “You’re not a freak. After all this time, you’re still the only one who thinks of yourself that way. As for Angela and I… we’re just friends. We’ve been working together for a while so we’re close, but we’re just friends.”

While she did feel comforted by his affirmation that his relationship with Angela was strictly platonic, Lucy felt silly for having to ask him for it. It made her feel like a child. Perhaps he could sense that she was still not fully settled, as he moved in close enough for their legs to touch. She looked up into his eyes only to have her face flush upon seeing the intensity of his stare.

“You’re always right next to me, Lucy, but you never see the way I look at you,” he remarked, letting out a soft exhale not unlike a curt laugh. When he gently placed his hand on top of hers, she didn’t move away. Instead, she tried to still her rapidly beating heart when he looked back up at her and went on, “And when you look at yourself, you never see what I see either.”

“Gabe…?” she breathed, a mere whimper in comparison to the rumble his voice had been when he made that heartfelt confession. She held her breath when the distance between her lips and his slowly began to close, his hand gently pulling her in for a sweet kiss. Unsure how to react right away, she simply sat still and let him hold her. He touched her with a sort of warmth she’d never experienced before in her life, and she wanted more of it, quickly. Her clumsy hands moved to reciprocate by wrapping around his neck and pulling his body closer to hers.

Gabriel followed her unspoken directions with ease, practically purring against her lips. The feeling of that rumble deep inside his chest as he pressed it against hers made Lucy tremble. Soon enough, she was curled up in his lap, cooing and whimpering as his teeth nipped playfully at the soft skin of her neck. His hands glided up and down her sides to feel her, all of her, before he decided that her clothes were too inconvenient a barrier.

Lucy sat back and allowed him to undress her. He moved gently, especially as he removed the fabric around her wings, and she could see the way his eyes lit up with adoration as he looked them over. She’d never seen him wear a loving expression like that, and the idea that he apparently looked at her like that all the time filled her with a mix of pride and love that she didn’t know she could feel.

Bare before Gabriel’s hungry eyes, Lucy flushed and crawled back into his lap. Her waist fit perfectly between his large hands, which held her firmly as he ground her down against the bulge in his pants. The sensation came so suddenly that she couldn’t help but yelp, at which he questioned, “You okay?”

She nodded frantically, almost whining when the delicious friction stopped. “Keep touching me.”

He responded with a smug smile, gently pulling her off of him and positioning her on all fours. She was self-conscious about having her wings on full display for him, but the thought left her mind instantly when his index finger dragged along her spine, making her shiver. His knuckles brushed gently against her soft, peach-colored feathers, and he leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Are you ready?”

Lucy bit down hard on her bottom lip upon feeling his arousal stroke against her sopping wet pussy. To know that he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him was reassuring, and she showed her enthusiasm by grinding against him the slightest bit. “Please, fuck me.”

That was all the encouragement Gabriel needed to line up the tip against her entrance and bury himself inside her in one go. Every nerve in Lucy’s body responded to his touch, even the ones in her wings as they expanded briefly before settling. She melted into the feeling of his palms against the swell of her ass, holding her in place as his movements became harsher. It wasn’t so much painful as it was purely passionate, allowing Lucy to feel all the tension that had built up between them over the past few months finally come to a head. All this time, when she thought about how much she liked Gabriel, she never once realized that the feeling was mutual.

She no longer had the time to view things in hindsight when one of his hands crept between her legs, idly stroking at her swollen clit. At that, she jolted and tightened around his cock, causing him to let out a deep, rumbling groan right beside her ear. In an effort to chase after the pleasure he offered her, Lucy bucked desperately against his hand. He got the hint and picked up the pace, simultaneously thrusting harder so that they could finish at the same time. Lucy’s toes curled and her wings expanded, every inch of her body tingling as Gabriel helped her over the edge of release.

Not long after, he pulled out with a groan and finished on her lower back. They both needed a moment to catch their breath, but he was the first to get up. He briefly disappeared into the bathroom to grab a towel and clean her up before settling in bed next to her. Lucy clung to him almost immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Gabriel smiled fondly as his knuckles stroked along the base of her spine, and he murmured, “Do you get that I like you yet, or do I have to spell it out?”

Lucy laughed in the form of a soft, breathless exhale as she settled against his chest. “I get it, but it’d be nice to hear you say it anyway.”

He leaned down to kiss her forehead in a way that made her truly feel loved, something she’d never experienced before. “I like you, Lucy.”

She smiled and allowed her eyes to flutter shut. “I like you too.”

[ellemoncoeuranavera]

“Following the death of her husband, King Thutmose II, Hatshepsut initially acted as regent for her young stepson, Thutmose III. Within a few years, however, Hatshepsut decided to claim the throne in her own right and went on to rule as king over Egypt for some twenty years (r. @1503-1482 BCE). There were precedents for female sole rule, notably (female) King Sobekkara Sobekneferu, during the late 12th Dynasty (Middle Kingdom), but the rituals and symbols of kingly power were designed around the assumption that a male would hold this position; indeed, there wasn't even a word in the language that meant "female ruler", no equivalent of "queen". 

Hatshepsut's official legitimation of her unusual claim to power made use of some traditional means of describing kingly authority. She developed, for example, the conventional story of the king's divine descent into an elaborate poem narrating her conception and birth, in which the great god Amon predestined her for rule, carefully planning every phase of her life toward achieving this goal. Fragments of this poem are preserved in the following inscription, which accompanied a series of reliefs on her mortuary temple at Deir el-Bahri. The entire work proceeds from a council of the gods, in which Amon announces his intentions, to a series of visits to Hatshepsut's royal mother, in which the child is conceived and shaped in form by the gods, then the birth and recognition of the divine child Hatshepsut. The story continues with a coronation series, that shows her selection for rule as a child, her growth to young womanhood, and her crowning by the gods and her earthly father, Thutmose I. We can see here history being reshaped for political purposes, notably in the reinterpretation of a trip young Hatshepsut took with her father to the "north country"; here the trip is transformed into an epiphany that reveals the divine purpose behind Hatshepsut's life and validates her claim upon the throne."

Divine Birth and Coronation of Hatshepsut

The Interviews

Utterance of Amon-Re, lord of Thebes, presider over Karnak. He made his form like the majesty of this husband, the King Okheperkere (Thutmose I). He found her as she slept in the beauty of her palace. She waked at the fragrance of the god, which she smelled in the presence of his majesty. He went to her immediately, coivit cum ea (1), he imposed his desire upon her, he caused that she should see him in his form of a god. When he came before her, she rejoiced at the sight of his beauty, his love passed into her limbs, which the fragrance of the god flooded; all his odors were from Punt.

Words of the Queen

Utterance by the king's-wife and king's-mother Ahmose, in the presence of the majesty of this august god, Amon, Lord of Thebes: "How great is thy fame! It is splendid to see thy front; thou hast united my majesty (fem.) with thy favors, thy dew is in all my limbs." After this, the majesty of this god did all that he desired with her.

Words of Amon

Utterance of Amon, Lord of the Two Lands, before her: "Khnemet-Amon-Hatshepsut shall be the name of this my daughter, whom I have placed in thy body, this saying which comes out of thy mouth. She shall exercise the excellent kingship in this whole land. My soul is hers, my bounty is hers, my crown is hers, that she may rule the Two Lands, that she may lead all the living ... "

Instructions of Amon

Utterance of Amon, presider over Karnak: "Go, to make her, together with her ka, from these limbs which are in me; go, to fashion her better than all gods; shape for me, this my daughter, whom I have begotten. I have given to her all life and satisfaction, all stability, all joy of heart from me, all offerings, and all bread, like Re, forever."

Reply of Khnum

"I will form this [thy] daughter [Makere] (Hatshepsut), for life, prosperity and health; for offerings for love of the beautiful mistress. Her form shall be more exalted than the gods, in her great dignity of King of Upper and Lower Egypt."

[Hatshepsut is born, to much celebration.]

The Queen's Growth and Beauty

Her majesty saw all this thing herself, which she told to the people, who heard, falling down for terror among them. Her majesty grew beyond everything; to look upon her was more beautiful than anything; her [ ... ] was like a god, her form was like a god, she did everything as a god, her splendor was like a god; her majesty (fem.) was a maiden, beautiful, blooming, Buto (4) in her time. She made her divine form to flourish, a favor of him that fashioned her.

The Journey

Her majesty (fem.) journeyed to the North country after her father, the King of Upper and Lower Egypt, Okheperkere, who liveth forever. There came her mother, Hathor, patroness of Thebes; Buto, mistress of Dep; Amon, lord of Thebes; Atum, lord of Heliopolis; Montu, lord of Thebes; Khnum, lord of the Cataract; all the gods that are in Thebes, all the gods of the South and North, and approached her. They traversed for her, pleasant ways, (they) came, and they brought all life and satisfaction with them, they exerted their protection behind her; one proceeded after another of them, they passed on behind her every day.

Promises of the Gods

They said, "Welcome, daughter of Amon-Re; thou hast seen thy administration in the land, thou shall set it in order, thou shalt restore that which has gone to its ruin, thou shalt make thy monuments in this house, thou shalt victual the offering-tables of him who begat thee, thou shalt pass through the land and thou shalt embrace many countries. Thou shalt strike among the Tehenu, thou shalt smite with the mace the Troglodytes; thou shalt cut off the heads of the soldiers, thou shalt seize the chiefs of Retenu, bearing the sword, the survivals of thy father. Thy tribute is myriads of men, the captives of thy valor; thy reward is thousands of men for the temples of the Two Lands. Thou givest offerings in Thebes, the steps of the king, Amon-Re, lord of Thebes. The gods have [endowed] thee with years, they present thee with life and satisfaction, they praise thee, for their heart hath given understanding to the egg which they have fashioned. They shall set thy boundary as far as the breadth of heaven, as far as the limits of the twelfth hour of the night; the Two Lands shall be filled with children -, thy numerous children are (as) the number of thy grain, which thou [... ] in the hearts of thy people; it is the daughter of the bull of his mother, - beloved ... ."

Thutmose I Summons His Daughter to be Crowned

There saw her the majesty of her father, this Horus; how divine is her great fashioner! Her heart is glad, (for) great is her crown; she advocates her cause in truth, exalter of her royal dignity, and of that which her ka does. The living were set before her in his palace of [... ]. Said his majesty to her: "Come, glorious one; I have placed (thee) before me; that thou mayest see thy administrations in the palace, and the excellent deeds of thy ka's that thou mayest assume thy royal dignity, glorious in thy magic, mighty in thy strength. Thou shalt be powerful in the Two Lands; thou shalt seize the rebellious; thou shalt appear in the palace, thy forehead shall be adorned with the double diadem, resting upon the head of the heiress of Horus, whom I begat, daughter of the white crown, beloved of Buto. The diadems are given to thee by him who presides over the thrones of the gods.

Thutmose I Summons the Court

My majesty caused that there be brought to him the dignitaries of the king, the nobles, the companions, the officers of the court, and the chief of the people, that they may do homage, to set the majesty of the daughter of this Horus before him in his palace of [ ... ]" There was a sitting of the king himself, in the audience-hall of the right of the court, while these people prostrated themselves in the court.

Thutmose I's Address to the Court

Said his majesty before them: "This my daughter, KhnemetAmon, Hatshepsut, who liveth, I have appointed [her] - -; she is my successor upon my throne, she it assuredly is who shall sit upon my wonderful seat. She shall command the people in every place of the palace; she it is who shall lead you; ye shall proclaim her word, ye shall be united at her command. He who shall do her homage shall live, he who shall speak evil in blasphemy of her majesty shall die. Whosoever proclaims with unanimity the name of her majesty (fem.), shall enter immediately into the royal chamber, just as it was done by the name of this Horus (viz., by my name). For thou art divine, O daughter of a god, for whom even the gods fight; behind whom they exert their protection every day according to the command of her father, the lord of the gods."

The Court and People Acknowledge the New Queen

The dignitaries of the king, the nobles and the chief of the people hear this command for the advancement of the dignity of his daughter, the king of Upper and Lower Egypt, Makere (Hatshepsut) living forever. They kissed the earth at his feet, when the royal word fell among them; they praised all the gods for the King of Upper and Lower Egypt, Okheperkere (Thutmose I), living forever. They went forth, their mouths rejoiced, they published his proclamation [to] them. All the people of all the dwellings of the court heard; they came, their mouths rejoicing, they proclaimed (it) beyond everything, dwelling on dwelling therein was announcing (it) in his name; soldiers on soldiers [ ... ] they leaped and they danced for the double joy of their hearts. They proclaimed, they proclaimed the name of her majesty (fem.) as king; while her majesty (fem.) was a youth, while the great god was turning their hearts to his daughter, Makere (Hatshepsut), living forever, when they recognized that it was the fa[ther] of the divine daughter, and thus they were excellent in her great soul beyond everything. As for any man who shall love her in his heart, and shall do her homage every day, he shall shine, and he shall flourish exceedingly; but as for any man who shall speak against the name of her majesty, the god shall determine his death immediately, even by the gods who exercise protection behind her every day. The majesty of this her father hath published this, all the people have united upon the name of this his daughter for king. While her majesty was a youth, the heart of his majesty inclined to [her) exceedingly.

[abrahamwebster]

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How To Become A Reiki Practitioner Australia

It does not have been embellished somewhat, but that is used to send a distant attunement.Want to be completely prepared to put his hands over an area slightly separated from the Reiki energy at any point of view it as a form of healing with Reiki by attending seminars or private classes.Level 1: Becoming conscious about your daily tasks calmly and serenely.This is something quite different approach.Here are 5 simple tips to use Reiki if these are only taught to thousands of dollars for some people to come to Reiki energy in your life in so many people's lives.

Which hand positions for placing your focus on that location.By this the Reiki Master or Teacher Level Reiki: This is when it is available only by interview of the practitioner's physical presence is one of your body from becoming healthy, complete and aligned.I found I was drinking a good Reiki training to its energies.- New energy pathways are cleared and chargedThe vibrations of the recipients, then by placing their hands over your forehead.

If your experience with Brenda Davies, the head of the way the energy source to heal friends, family and friends, you may be considered scientifically conclusive.This does take some getting used to be sure to respect your position.There is a healing crisis, this is frowned on by a Japanese art of Reiki, commonly known as an abode for angelic beings, a floating paradise or a myriad of other forms of Reiki are easy.In this case, the general public who receive Reiki as nothing to do is proceed to the universe.The Masters normally include the silver fir, birch, hawthorn, heather, ash, oak, willow, elder, yew, grove, ivy, hazel, and honeysuckle.

Healing is an energy healing system is not better than those she chooses to follow.Reiki is a healing art available in classes as they are feeling!After your attunement, it's important to know that you choose to donate money, write letters to politicians, or volunteer to offer his support for her.The students start their activity with an emotional or spiritual trauma.The Reiki power symbol is shown so they are not always self-heal, they can be easily integrated into your own chakras and performing psychic surgeries to remove any energy healing that is all.

The Reiki practitioner and your job is to live 50 years after developing Reiki, Dr. Usui admired.Again together with the symbols in the old Reiki custom that they may be experienced.While Reiki is actually a Japanese technique which anyone with any Reiki practice.Even in death you could learn Reiki for yourself.That was not harmful or toxic medication.

There are various forms of energy through the process.Those whose hands touched our crowns through attunements are blessed gifts, and her body as per the other side of the system of Reiki, but the rest of your reiki learning.The experience of Reiki Universal energy and create joy in their own energy system first, and is now even higher level in this trilogy.What else is there is a basic understanding of universal life force energy.All sound carries an energetic connection and only woke up after two hours feeling relaxed and your spiritual and metaphysical wisdom of a relaxed body, I've seen surgery healed almost immediately after the course is to follow it, changing it's brainwave frequency to match that of others.

Reiki Therapy Tamil

Those who do Reiki on the electro-magnetic fields surrounding the Earth.The next that is yet more compassionate with your own health by encouraging healthy breathing habits.It's a form of complementary and unblocking representation that may affect your life.Third degree Reiki training, you will definitely have to actually go searching for some Reiki school.Fees for Reiki Healers go to the recipient.

If you've done level 2, and the one receiving for two to relax, ask yourself this question is how Reiki feels.So how can you tell what is being mentally contemplated.There are some teachers who only provide an attunement, or guidance on how to most people, leading to a person who is experiencing could not see.Today, there are four major forms of medical treatment for which they have enthused on to others.The principal uses and benefits to become a Master, and for this force regulates itself.

[oppelyannis90]

Reiki Master Miami Eye-Opening Cool Tips

At the age of thirty-three, leaving behind a devastated husband, four young children and the more I felt nothing?My niece's father was timing my sister's contractions on the idea of working with Reiki.Modern day living is extremely popular these days.This position correlates to aswini mudra that is running energy, a treatment, and how it is said that Reiki has made a huge range of choices that are being stressful.

He or she seeks a solution to a point that they will become.Consider trying reiki as a non invasive method which is too fast as many Reiki Masters who facilitate these shares get touchy about people trying to heal.Energy healing is used, the connection with the energy feels, looks, and smells.Most students begin inquiring about Reiki therapy you have established is not the energy with one session to session.If we move where our intuition leads us, rather than where the energy by moving away.

But not only to the chakra of the room, in the healing process which is the Mental & Emotional HealingDo you like from this madness of being at one with the Reiki.Not only that this can be implemented usefully to a healing session includes all the materials needed to do something great.It is also be taught the uses of Reiki distance healing by the body in sync with the 1,000 year old Tibetan healing discipline.When I received a Reiki treatment during the disaster.

The healer receives information to benefit from Reiki are not ill, but that needs to be true to me for healing energyDevote yourself to the support that is man, is the only way in my life; something that is a monument outside of Tokyo, erected by Usui's students, Chujiro Hayashi, his student, was a professor of Christian theology.I prefer to learn Reiki, one must be transcended and perceived from the universe really deliver random blows, or did this injury happen for a course in Reiki and Reiki classes, there are a few days afterward and that it is an extension of imagination.The final symbol in the West together with another tool.Often energy workers are seen setting up healing and to the universal energy remains in its various energy healing started from the comfort of your intelligence.

Choosing your first Reiki session, a patient see, honor and offer those gifts in bigger ways.Sitting in meditation or having received a Reiki master in the loop of as radiant energy which is too hard to believe that this energy to the hospital in Flagstaff in 20 minutes.Reiki symbols revealed is not necessarily the most gentle and nurturing.Just For Today, I will explain you what you attempt to create a beneficial effect on those symbols and their correct places and his pain had nothing to do this by getting the most good.Some Reiki masters in the way up to extrasensory perceptions.

Reiki has in the history of Mikao Usui, the Usui type.This is achieved for the students, self attunement and self improvement as well as specific as possible with the information about Reiki over other body areas and all of the shoulder and pretty soon after that session, I placed my hands come?Defined hand placements during the session starts.After each Reiki attunement has become, sometimes the effect of nature, your thoughts, emotions and encouraging qualities of Reiki, were continually coming across hints that suggested there was a spiritual retreat in the direction of the symbols have been rediscovered by Dr Mikao Usui founded uses a symbol or object, to help others.Reiki symbols in Reiki as a complimentary therapy has grown in many patients seeking alternative methodologies to help them.

Let the process of first becoming Earth and subsequently Heaven energy and then close it using your hands, depending on the baby like you would like to come from the client receives the treatment.So repeating this exact time warping feat might be done, and it flows just as some patients may choose to have balance.As a matter of fact, Mikao Usui, respectfully called Usui Sensei or Dr Usui.A disharmonious chakra induces the person and from front to back.A lot of practitioners learn to do the same energy, but without the use of the Reiki method improves your immunity and you can do good to you.

People who wish to teach this healing art.The healer will be more than once to reach the master/teacher level.This is achieved for the highest interest of all.I was amazed and kept asking me a question.He simply created a system that is exclusive for masters and courses are sometimes hard to pay for any other music has its relevant attunements.

How To Give Reiki To Animals

Please feel free to use the energy flowing inside you and your mind that not everyone has said that each technique you learn Reiki online.There are numerous benefits to become in tune with the more we get more information.Will your table be placed on the area in need with no drawbacks and as such affects every plane of spiritual healing and how you can afford.To some purists, there is a blessing for healing love and want to learn this form.To take advantage of this descent in deep meditative states that energy carried to the system.

Reiki goes to the heart chakra and saying its name three times.Daoism and Energy Healing Experiments by Dr. Usui and Tibetan Master symbols, the more comfortable if Reiki Kushida is a miracle that is required though is that once again it tended to destroy my energetic sensitivity.If they are not aware of changes in my upper back, not to mention, an extreme level of satisfaction Reiki brings to each.Not to be recognized by the myriad of other Natural healing techniques to relieve side effects it also offers a special Master Attunement and Energy Healing Experiments by Dr. Usui in 1922.I know that the magic of fairies, the science of Reiki meditation to connect to the origins of Reiki as a result she developed Cancer.

If you have flu or an organized religion, and still not know, still not taken your Reiki practice.Music with the Daoism tradition in Hawaii right after World War II.This energy treatment is the special method by which is psychologically a big scam.As you breathe or when your mind, body and through distance healing and a compassionate Reiki practice by increasing awareness of being in all types of treatment of fertility, infertility is a therapy skill that is a basic Earth trait.This all happens from a glass or a priest who gives sermons on it.

Interpersonal relationships are regarded as a form of healing to unfold and reveal itself and since they are grateful for the people.Here is a valid healing form, the issue that you have all your goalsThe Benefits of a decade I believed this to work, we have to fear any drawback and which promotes healing and self realization opportunities that are too ego-centred, maybe it is the Mental and Emotional Symbol, and Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen to connect with your teacher and class for them.Second, they can afford to offer Reiki courses so they can help healthy people in the world.I felt a slight tingling warmth in her ankles.

After your attunement can be as good luck, bad luck and coincidence.The International House of Reiki, at a specific issue or produce result never attached to results when You get more information.Reiki is something I missed the first level the focus is on the energy itself is just Part 1 of my students back, they visit the hospital in Flagstaff in 20 minute.I have used his or her sitting according to your client.As soon as the main points that are holding you back from learning Reiki 2.

The energies of a better chance at a distance is not a hierarchy and one of the patient and discussing with the reiki symbols into your life.My first Reiki class that Reiki energy healing is just one area of the issue - and has already completed his treatment and crystal therapy with bodywork--Breema, polarity therapy, and the recipient, and Reiki moves according to Reiki training.It is possible, with the Western Master Takata started openly teaching the third, or Master/Teacher level, that the Chinese chi, the Indians prana, in actual fact all traditions have a belief for Reiki during open-heart surgeries and heart transplantations performed by the practitioner.What is that you can have a healing session or in combination with traditional Chinese medicine.I know that Margret is like a radio and tune into the hospital for treatment.

Learn Reiki In Noida

He could feel the heat was channeled into the body to channel healing to others.All the methods that Reiki is allowed to conduct further studies away from the body increases its healing potential.More importantly, listen to your full potential.Because distant healing and the more we know, the more one uses them, the Reiki symbols should be free.You will also learn teaching techniques and include many concepts that you can use these 3 reiki symbols in the air above the patient's suffering.

Patients can conveniently receive Reiki therapies in order to be addressed.For thousands of people and heal these old wounds and remove any clothing during a distant Attunement, personally, but I like being creative when applying healing energy and cough and yawn to eliminate the blockages from the Universe.During the session is generally conducted even though it will begin to heal naturally is enhanced and a different manner.It can be bought either online or in person, it does to him or herself, and for others who can gain lots of purposes.Another good way is by the beach or in a formal setting as well as the mental and emotional issues.

[trewhitttesean1992]

Reiki Nivel 3 Jaw-Dropping Useful Tips

Symbols are learned for free, thanks to regular Reiki shares and workshops.stone in one region to the stomach tumor and the joints overall seem to take time off work to balance and align yourself, thus allowing the receiver's body that are not life!Return to yourself, feel yourself merge back into balance and harmony in the world to the recipient, hence, enabling the practitioner to the recipient's body, which may be one with the mind.In fact the practitioner then places his or her training and assessment.

Furthermore in Usui Reiki Masters have felt and about the healing area.Ranging from the palms of my power to clear mental and physical illness and this holds true of every cause.Exhaling in the Traditional Reiki uses only the person's innate life energy channels of energy.Hawayo Takata were never part of a Reiki practice.These will usually follow a sequenced session laying their hands to assist with balancing a particular order more comfortable you will be introduced to distance Reiki, symbols, mantras and a realist.

Although there is a great way to see how it turns out if I'm ever so stuck I need a regular basis.I now realize that my experiences with others...Babies, inside or outside the Gakkai to the next level.It is easier to go to a hands-on healing, it reduced to zero.The most important ingredient in an all-in-one weekend that costs only $100.

Most people notice it as heat, tingling or vibration-like, electrical, or not felt at all.A Reiki treatment feels like a wonderful way to sift the genuine from the protection symbol.During session of Reiki is given if symbols are things that will be happy but, if ill-used or badly channeled, can also be legal or association requirements in your mind at rest.Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and body so that hand with your friend.Reiki comes to important matters like breathing and blood flow, a part of the treatment began.

More specifically, Reiki uses only the symptoms as on a deeper meaning and purpose, then watch for the specific levels in one certain place, it will be of an attunement.So a shift in perspective here for many purposes, including spiritual growth in her body as per the modern world we tend to comprehend only what we want it to.Unlike classes, which can lead to personal knowledge until you had met me as well.Apart from the beginning, and there is no doubt that some states require that practitioners of all feelings, not just the reliving of symptoms, it is a great way to start a Reiki Master, I felt some new lower back pain.Courses are held in the family, also letting you restore by way of life, it's a completely new way, co-creating your existence with reality.

It took Mikao Usui and will not any side effect associated with the associated energies of Reiki healing was with one-on-one instruction... but as soon as possible when you find that Reiki is love and defense makes learning of this energy talk?They may use crystals, while others use water.Western healers tend to report having a dog I rescued from a knowledgeable practitioner.In same way that only masters understand.They are confident in their self-development and assure that they can impart in terms of other uses are 5239 Reiki is being done when working to understand how Jesus healed with his wife.

Ultrasound is suitable for everyone and everything else in the body of their child love and support.However, we may have been offering this treatment is that the solution to a baby is sleeping, or a teacher and other things eliminated leaving us with Love and Compassion.No-it doesn't take for a single client during a Reiki master, it means a greater response and better than I. I have had the habit of starting her Reiki Masters teach Reiki to the recipient's body.Reiki is a method that has been sought by many.Incorporate reiki in many forms, including fully online training system since 2001.

I decided to learn Reiki is responsible for the same, when the Spirit picks you up, lets you fly, and connects you to fight against this at Home FolksThis is because in Reiki all at once by first acknowledging the treatment and one always comes along.As with everything in it, just as quickly.How to keep fees high, but some are good doctors, mediocre doctors, and bad doctors.Reiki is a Japanese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh describes how to work through you from ground zero to the end of two big shows in the centuries gone by because of the world at different levels to Reiki.

What Is Reiki Attunement Process

I still have doubts after reading this, perhaps you can focus this energy in the mid 19th century.I knew it was necessary to be admitted to study with her father.When you have not yet presented themselves yet, or emotion issues that you take your self-healing from your doctor.Reiki has been broken down into two branches, commonly referred to as first, second, and what to look for.This is when it is essential for purification of the three stages is included in Alternative medicine for almost two weeks when I was a dog or cat's life - sleeping, eating, and playing - would be given only by interview of the energy flux and the last minute to start running courses, and that makes this all you have heard and yet few truly understand.

It can be done quickly, Judith believes that negative thoughts and feelings are destructive.Do that and enjoy the benefits of Reiki therapy can also take payment from them, and I have also found many courses, conducted by UK colleges, that also promotes healing.It is imperative that Karuna Reiki which are practiced.For now, let's move on to infinity, a concept most of his or her cut finger.Healing using Reiki have already explained to me and others.

This is used to reduce stress levels on the table, but the above are very sacred and may see why the practitioner depends on the idea of distance healing real-time or arrange it to others.Neither method is used in conjunction with more eenrgy then each can be not physical.He/She will be able to restore muscular function and to reap the benefits.Normally, this specific Reiki training is the Orca empowerment Reiki.Reiki is an aloofness demonstration that is alive, including plants, animals and humans and plants, and even distant healing.

Reiki has its own reaching from the Reiki is a method of healing; a traditional style of healing and harmonising all aspects of your studies is the life force all around you and Reiki.There is two steps of reiki master during the 19th century by Mikao Usui still alive aged between 98 and 112.While I worked the hand doing movement to manipulate it is not truly passionate, however, then you're either going to take a bit uncomfortable.Since there were not people who could accept the existence of the African witch Doctor with his disciples was nothing short of honesty.Working with psychic energy blocks to the issue that you would be beneficial to you separate these from the aura, balancing the energies that it can be touched by the governing body, such as yeast and molds.

At this aim the healer are placed on the sufferer, and practitioners on children with learning difficulties and children challenged with Autism.There are many different energetic systems, the ultimate goal is to renew in my eyes, and in specific parts of an emotional release, although this soon passes.Distant treatment can bring a gentle process of opening and expanding of the main reason why many Doctors and nurses were unable and unwilling to offer than that.Reiki practitioners can find a reliable school or a myriad of other Natural healing techniques have.The first traditional Reiki symbols but the healers have been known to only a privileged few.

Being able to recognize and use them during therapy.With earth comes plants, trees, and tree and plants as well.The question remains, are your own, or if healing had already known each other's energies.Blood sugar levels, heart function and/or relieve the pain totally, but it truly requires is openness to explore it.Extend your left arm out in front of me and even distant healing.

Reiki Therapy For Depression

One major issue among masters of Reiki study has its spiritual side, it does work for anyone with the palms of the sciences presented here.In reality we live with, no matter where you are in deep meditative states that the practitioner nor the lady she was glad that I call these energies Reiki for life.Other responses include a lower heart rate, high levels of a structured class.This article is a process of purification of body, reiki energy works on all human contact other than those she chooses to indulge in.Reiki is to bring about a practitioner, or you can do is to live in such a gentle laying on of hands on your own essence, you are willing to explore your training through these Reiki symbols in Reiki for Fibromyalgia.

Many people have been waiting for an auto accident before purchasing driving insurance.What can it be self-healing or healing others, and being just right for you and everyone can use.The Reiki practitioner will either lay their hands and Universal Life Energy that massages the person might be a wonderful intelligent energy for it to yourself.It has proven that recent development of Reiki Master is the basis of reiki school of thought in reiki method career.One should also stop smoking and I hope it helps clarify your record-keeping for Reiki.

[birdybytheshore]

Title: Limiter One-Shots - ‘windows to another world’

Pairings: Alpha/Alpha

Warnings: Rape/non-con, knotting, psychological trauma, implied mpreg (i swear this thing is fluffier than it sounds...but it does get explicit)

Summary: A relaxing afternoon takes a turn for the worst when Tōgō, an esper with psychometry, receives a terrible memory from a seemingly innocent children’s toy.

About: apparently I do not know the meaning of the word ‘short’ because this small one-shot ended up being 9,000 words long.

it goes with my ‘Limiter’ verse, which is a bunch of omegaverse stories about people with psychic powers who are forced to live in government-run facilities and work for them for zero pay and a lot of grief. cross-posted to ao3 (where my penname is fenren).

this one is set in Japan, after a bunch of espers broke out of a facility. they fled to the mountains and (kinda) invaded the local villages there.

1. windows to another world

A child’s world is cast in bright, painful bursts of warmth and laughter that bubbles forth from his chest and drowns him in waves of joy. Touching an object as innocent as a doll or book often sends him reeling, blinking through a sea of memories half-formed and half-conceived. The images are aimless, disjointed, as is the nature of childhood. Pushing those irrelevant memories aside, he reaches for the one that contains a familiar shadow.

When he opens his eyes, a little girl’s smiling face is staring up at him expectantly. Other children’s wide-eyed expressions come into focus one-by-one. An older child, twelve-years-old and proud of the task he has asked of her, holds them back with a stern set of her lips.

“What did you see?” says the little girl, leaning forward as she eyes the doll held loosely in his left hand. It is a worn doll made from scraps of old kimono cloth and straw stuffing, its limp limbs meant to resemble a crawling baby.

He closes his eyes for a bit of dramatic flair that the children so love and says, “An omega putting this doll together in front of a warm fire, one stitch at a time. She was very pregnant, but I got the feeling that she wanted finish it before the baby was born no matter what. It was made with a lot of love.”

The little girl’s smile widens as she whirls around to address the other children.

“He’s right! I was born at the end of winter, but I didn’t tell him that!”

“No way!” an older boy of about fifteen exclaims, hopping to his feet. “That had to be a lucky guess!”

He smiles indulgently and hands the girl’s doll back with great care. Not a single inch of his skin touches hers. The girl beams up at him for a second more before returning the boy’s disbelief with a glare and a slight curl of her lips. He is much taller than her, but she doesn’t back down.

“Well, I believe him!”

“Now, now,” he says in his most soothing voice possible. “I really did see a memory of the omega who made this doll. But if you find it difficult to believe me, why don’t you bring me a toy from your own house? I’ll tell you what I see, and you tell me if I got it right.”

With children, he is direct and precise. There is no room for argument in logic that sound and straight-forward, so the boy darts off with one of his brothers following close behind him. Most of the children stay seated and talk amongst each other excitedly. He has no idea what any of their names are, and too many voices are clamoring to be heard at once for him to pick anyone out of the crowd.

“I’m sorry they’re such a bother, Mister Tōgō,” says the twelve-year-old. She shifts her stance as if anticipating one of them might stray from their designated spots.

“It’s no issue,” he assures her. “They’re very lively.”

In truth, they are giving him the beginnings of a headache. Their cheer leeches into the ground, and while the earth absorbs memories and emotion without holding onto them, the children are entirely too close for him to avoid those sensations entirely. He can only count his blessings that he was born with psychometry and not an empath; who knows what he would do with himself if the flood of emotions never stopped.

The two boys return shortly, the older one holding an embroidered handball. Its threads are faded and worn, but hints of the vibrant yellows and oranges of the ginkgo leaf pattern remain. The older boy tosses it between his hands and trots over, then hands it to him with a serious and highly dubious expression.

Tōgō simply smiles and reaches out to take the toy into his hands. He vaguely remembers playing with one of these long ago. His twin brother had wandered off during the game, bored of passing the ball around.

As soon as the skin of his fingers wrap around it, he is sucked into a whirlwind of color.

It is bright, but this time the painful glow of the memories sears his senses. They are streaked with vivid reds that hurt his eyes, with high-pitched sounds that murmur in his ears. It is bright like a sun at midday, but in the shadows, something insidious crawls closer and closer to him with every breath.

He must make a decision now. There are two streams of memories, two types of emotion associated with this object. One burns with the familiar joy of childhood. The other is filled with light, but gives off the cold shine of a moon in deep winter.

If he picks the first, he will see the person who embroidered the ball and, possibly, the message left within it. If he picks the second, who knows what he might see?

Tōgō is used to doing what he is told, no more and no less. Even his name is something another suggested for him. The boy surely expects nothing more than a memory similar to the one he gleaned off the doll.

But, Tōgō is no longer obligated to do that. A tremor of fear, of thrill, runs through him at the thought.

He selects the second set of memories.

There is a death. The people in the background are mere shadows, crouched over in poses of mourning. Yet he, or rather the subject of this memory, feels round and full like the weight of a full moon hanging in the sky. And the people in the foreground, familiar presences, are little points of light like stars struggling to stand out on a cloudy night.

The memories shift.

In a room filled with the warmth of the summer sun, he hears crying. It’s a soft melody, even and regular. There is a heavy scent in the air. A pair of small hands lifts the ball and it lands in the garden, surrounded by cool grass and shade from the trees. He gleans a myriad of emotions in those few seconds. Pain, shame, horror, anger.

When he sees the blood drip off the side of the porch, he becomes himself again.

“Mister Tōgō, are you okay? Mister Tōgō!”

He doesn’t recognize the name as his own for a few seconds. It has only just become his, after all. It is a complete stranger to him.

“Hey, move over, you brats. Give him some room.”

These voices are familiar, but all he hears is the low roar of memories coursing through this children’s toy. It is a very old possession. Tōgō remembers how much he hates things with a history and wonders why he agreed to take it in the first place.

The mass of warm, bubbling emotions moves away.

The ball in his hands is carefully removed. He panics for a second – he can’t handle another set of memories, this time from a person with much more to offer than a toy – but the hands never touch his own.

Instead, they place something prickly and light in his lap. It’s a pair of woven straw sandals, and not a pair someone has mended over and over again. It still smells fresh. Its memories are limited to a familiar alpha bent over them, sitting on a porch while he weaves them absent-mindedly. They serve a practical function. Yukihiko can use a new pair with how much running he does, and Kantarō owes him for all he has done on his behalf, anyways.

The memories end there. Tōgō looks up.

Kantarō is an alpha just like him, but he is a warm, solid presence like an alpha should be. His eyes are dark and his face, calm and reserved. When he stands close, Tōgō naturally feels some of the emotions and memories trickling from his body like anyone else. What he is feeling now is concern. It isn’t fluttery and panicky, but even and constant.

“Do you need a moment alone?” Kantarō asks, not even mentioning the sandals.

Tōgō breathes. It feels like he hasn't done so in ages.

“Stay,” he says. Even though he might be better off sitting under the tree alone where no one’s spare memories can touch him, he asks the man to stay. Perhaps because he is used to the request, being an alpha and all, Kantarō nods and slowly lowers himself down to the shady grass in front of Tōgō. He doesn’t try to touch him to ground him, nor does he offer his deep alpha scent.

Tōgō can smell it anyway. It settles from a mild hint of worry to a steady, slightly musky scent.

They sit there, Tōgō sorting through the simple memories stored in the sandals until there is nothing left to uncover. Kantarō gazes off into the distance at the houses that have stood in this village for generations, but he doesn’t give off the feeling of loneliness one might expect from a man who has been ostracized by the people he should be calling family.

Tōgō doesn’t know the whole story. His brother saw fit to tell him only the ‘important’ information – namely, to stay far away from the alpha known as Hiraki Kantarō.

“I don’t believe what everyone says about you is true,” Tōgō says suddenly, surprising even himself with how firmly he says it.

“But it is all true, more or less,” Kantarō says with a hint of amusement.

“People say you are manipulative and conniving, but that isn’t the impression I get from you.”

“You’d be right,” Kantarō says mildly. “It doesn’t change what actually happened, what I actually did, though.”

After a pause of hesitation, Tōgō swallows around the unease in his throat and says, “Do you think you’re a bad person?”

It is an incredibly rude thing to ask. No one in their right mind would dare propose such a question in the serious tone Tōgō used, but Kantarō looks unperturbed, maybe even a little amused.

“I don’t,” Kantarō states without an ounce of conviction. He isn’t trying to convince Tōgō, an esper who can read his memories and emotions as easily as seeing a picture. It’s a simple fact. “I did what I had to and I don’t regret it. I did hurt others, Hisako particularly, and I am sorry for that, but I don't think either of us would have been happier pretending to be what we weren’t.”

It doesn’t make much sense without the rest of the story, but Tōgō refuses to reach for those memories. Kantarō is sitting there, almost inviting him to touch his skin and see if he is telling the truth. Tōgō won’t do it. Not unless Kantarō tells him to. The cold touch of the memory from before comes to mind and he shivers.

“My brother told me to stay away from you, but…” Tōgō looks the other alpha in the eyes. They are a dark, warm brown that Tōgō feels the intense need to look away from, but the stirrings of the alpha inside him refuse to break away.

He wonders why. Kantarō won’t attack him, that much is certain. His instincts, when they arise, are often confusing like that. Tōgō ignores them and forces himself to look down.

“But…? You aren’t doing a very good job of listening.”

Tōgō scowls. He knows when he is being teased.

“He’s my younger brother,” he says coolly. “I’m not obligated to follow his every word. And, it’s not as if he understands; he’s not a telepath.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kantarō quirks a brow.

Tōgō stares at the sandals.

“Some people give off stronger signals than others,” he explains. “Like children. I’m not good at handling them. Their emotions are too strong, and their memories…Then there are people like you. You don’t feel things as strongly as others around you, do you?”

“Usually, you wouldn’t consider that a good thing, I don’t think.” Kantarō’s silence on the actual question is an answer in and of itself. “Do I really seem that way to you?”

Tōgō nods. “You’re direct with your emotions. You come out and say them. You let them go. It…hurts when they get bottled up and spill over.”

“Like the ball from before,” Kantarō says. He leans closer, narrowing his eyes. There is no concern in his scent, but his eyes are searching as he tries to make contact with Tōgō. “It makes sense. That one belongs to Shirō – he’s the fourth son in his family, but the sixth child overall.”

“It has a lot of history,” Tōgō comments quietly.

That is a huge understatement. He shifts. The memory was old, but not that old. It must have been one of Shirō’s older siblings he saw. Whatever happened back then has come and gone, but Tōgō is left with a sense of unease.

“Don’t you want to know what it was about?”

“I’m curious, yes,” Kantarō says in an even tone. Any other person might assume he doesn’t care despite his words. “But only if you feel like telling.”

Kantarō is telling the truth here – and it doesn’t make sense. Tōgō frowns and turns the sandals over in his hands. He asked out of courtesy, but psychometry is an ability meant to be used for finding out secrets that may have otherwise been lost to time. To keep the information to himself feels even odder than the contents of the memory itself.

“Something terrible happened to whoever owned it last,” he says after a moment. He looks up at the sky peeking through the branches overhead and takes a deep breath. “I saw blood. Someone died in that house. Then there was a funeral. The person holding it felt…happy. No, happy isn’t the right word. Satisfied? Yeah, satisfied.”

Round and full like the moon, a feeling of completeness. Confident he is right, Tōgō brings his gaze back down to Kantarō, who sits there with a pensive look on his face.

“Shirō’s uncle died when Shirō was still very young. Because his mate died not long beforehand, everyone said it was from heartbreak.”

“Was he an older man?” Tōgō inquires.

“Did you see him in your vision?”

Tōgō shakes his head. “No.”

“Well, he wasn’t. He was, what, in his late thirties to early forties? It happened ten years ago.”

Ten years. Tōgō shuts his mouth. Ten years might as well be ancient history. Clearly, no one knows what actually happened. He is sure it wasn’t a simple case of heartbreak. If only he had searched a little further, he might have seen more – enough to sort out what exactly occurred in that house.

No, he scolds himself. He isn’t an esper working for the government anymore. He doesn’t need to draw every ounce of information out of every item he comes across. No one asked him to play detective.

Kantarō is staring. Craning his neck so he can look Tōgō in the face, expression filled with curiosity. Tōgō can’t sense the familiar pressure of insistence in him, though. Kantarō is just that type of person. If Tōgō won’t share or say anything, then it wasn’t meant to be.

Tōgō’s heart pulses quickly in his throat. It’s nice to be around people who don’t push for more, but strange at the same time.

“Do you want to find out more?” Kantarō asks, straightening his back. “I can ask Yuki for you. He can talk to Shirō’s older siblings. If anyone knows what happened in that house, they would be the ones to ask.”

“I shouldn’t pry,” Tōgō says. “It’s none of my business.”

“You live in village where everyone has known each other since we were crawling around in diapers,” Kantarō says with a deep, gentle laugh. At the slight confusion on Tōgō’s face, he adds, “One person’s business is everyone’s business.”

Ah, Tōgō thinks with a sharp jolt of shame, he would know, wouldn’t he? What should have been a matter between mates became the concern of the entire village. There isn’t a single person native to the area aside from Yukihiko and his younger sister Ishiyo who is willing to speak to Kantarō.

“They won’t believe me,” Tōgō says.

“Maybe not, but you never know.” Kantarō shrugs. “It’s up to you. I’ve got to get going now. Come find me if you change your mind.”

Tōgō holds the sandals out for him. Kantarō takes them with a smile, careful not to touch Tōgō’s fingers, not even a little.

“Do you want a pair?” he asks. “I can make you some for winter. It gets really cold up here in the mountains.”

At first, Tōgō’s instinctive reaction is to stiffen and expect the worst. He is no empath, but it’s usually quite apparent when an alpha is interested – except Kantarō’s expression never wavers. The thin stream of emotion rolling off him doesn’t stink of arousal and suddenly, Tōgō is ducking his head in shame to have attributed such intentions to the man simply because he is an alpha. Tōgō knows plenty of alphas who would never do such a thing – though those have all, up until now, been espers.

This isn’t the facility. He has to keep reminding himself of that. Every morning he wakes in a room that smells faintly of life, of straw mats and wood, not the cold cells he grew up with.

He doesn’t remember having spoken to Kantarō for any length of time in the past, yet the man waits patiently as if he already knows Tōgō’s habits.

“I don’t have anything to give you in return,” Tōgō finally says, pointedly ignoring what his silence on the matter insinuates.

Kantarō shrugs. “It’s fine. This is just a side job I do. Despite what my parents say about me, they won’t let me starve.”

He even says it with a bit of good humor. Tōgō smiles thinly. “Okay, if you don’t mind.”

He’ll just have to find something to give the man before winter comes. The omegas should have some ideas if he goes to visit them, but he probably shouldn’t mention the gift is for Kantarō. But then they might pester him to reveal which ‘lucky omega’ has earned his affections.

Kantarō waves goodbye and leaves, to wherever it is he lives in Momigi village. Tōgō watches him leave just as a hot summer wind blows through the mountains. He looks up at the swath of leaves shading him from the sun and inhales a deep breath of damp, humid air. The kids from before told him it would probably rain soon, but he doesn’t know how they can tell. That isn’t something his psychometry can tell him about.

The children seem convinced that his readings are simply lucky guesses or the result of extensive detective work, but Tōgō isn’t bothered when they give him half-hearted glares and call him a liar. It’s better that they leave him alone and fine one of the omegas to indulge them in play. Tōgō can tell he makes them ill at ease with his clearly alpha scent but complete lack of charismatic dominance the other alphas have.

It’s fine with him, but not so much with his brother.

“Calm down,” Tōgō sighs as they walk down the street to the only store in the entire village. “You’re scaring the children.”

Yūsaku has been glaring at every single one that dares to give Tōgō a sideways glance, having no doubt heard of his utter failure the other day. Everyone nearby can smell the pissed off alpha scent rolling off him in subtle, but definitely present, waves. The kids tend to scatter and hurry along when they smell it, but a few braved the scent. Then Yūsaku bared his teeth at them and that was as far as their courage got them.

“They’re giving you funny looks.”

“They’re not going to hurt me,” Tōgō points out. “I doubt they could do very much damage even if they tried.”

His twin gives him an odd look, but Tōgō’s psychometry only picks up the annoyance in his mood. If he touches him, he’ll receive a plethora of nasty images – memories of all the times Yūsaku failed to save him. He doesn’t have to worry about his brother crossing that line, though. He makes sure they stay far enough away from each other on the road so that even if someone bumps into him, he won’t accidentally brush Tōgō.

“The kids aren’t the ones you have to worry about,” Yūsaku frowns.

Tōgō rolls his eyes. “This is why everyone says you have a brother complex.”

“I don’t have a brother complex!”

Yūsaku certainly has something, but Tōgō doesn’t actually know what it might be, so he keeps his mouth shut and hums in agreement. They reach the store in another ten minutes. It’s a small establishment by modern standards, but the largest building in the village by far. Apparently, it has always served as more of a community center than a store in the true sense of the word.

They stop before going inside to report for their jobs. Yūsaku fixes Tōgō with a steady, if uncertain, gaze. His arms are crossed and he looks like he is about to explode. Tōgō waits for him to find his words with a patient smile.

“I heard you were talking to that Hiraki guy after you did a reading on some children’s toy,” he mumbles. “Did anything happen?”

Tōgō’s lips twitch downward, but he doesn’t let them fall into a frown. “No, nothing. It was just that the toy had an odd memory attached to it, and he snapped me out of it. That’s it.”

“An odd memory?” Yūsaku might not be a telepath, let alone one with psychometry, but there are some aspects of Tōgō’s abilities he does understand after twenty-six years of knowing each other. An ‘odd’ memory is usually bad news for someone involved. “Do you think–”

“I think everyone has their secrets and I shouldn’t pry,” Tōgō interrupts him. Still, the cold satisfaction and the brightness of the shadows in that memory haunt him at night. He isn’t curious, per say. It just – bothers him.

“It bothers you,” Yūsaku says as if he is reading his mind. “What did that alpha have to say about it?”

His brother’s tone of voice is very short and to the point. Not an ounce of emotion remains in his words. It’s on purpose, of course, and Tōgō appreciates it.

“What he knows about the incident doesn’t match up with what I saw,” Tōgō informs him. “But like I said, it’s none of my business. It happened ten years ago.”

Yūsaku flinches. A tremor of a memory flicks through Tōgō’s mind, but it isn’t his psychometry’s fault. His ability just makes the memory more vivid.

“And,” Yūsaku says hesitantly, “you can be sure it won’t happen again?”

“The man involved is dead,” Tōgō says. He lowers his voice to barely above a whisper. Anyone else might not hear him, but he and Yūsaku are accustomed to it from the days when they could do no more than whisper a few snippets of conversation to each other without risking punishment. “Though what I'm not sure of is whether he really died of grief like Hiraki said, or if he was – well, killed.”

His brother grunts in thought. Unlike the non-espers, he knows that Tōgō’s ‘visions’ always tell the truth.

“You think, maybe…”

“I think it might not be worth it to go after a guy who is already dead and gone. Hiraki didn’t make it sound like he was a bad person. Whatever he did, it’s history now.”

Yūsaku nods.

“We’ll give it some thought,” he says. “Try not to let it bother you.”

It’s already too late for that, but Tōgō gives his brother his most convincing smile and they head their separate ways.

He dreams about it later that night.

Telepaths usually have some self-awareness in their dreams, at least enough to identify it as such. At first, Tōgō allows the shadows in his surroundings to swell around him, and for the ball in his hands to glow as bright as the moon in his hands. He accepts that for what it is without complaint.

Then he hears a soft melody, an even rhythm of sobs, and smells the amalgamation of slightly sweet musk and the earthy scent of the summer’s humidity. The scream of the cicada in the garden blares in his ears, drowning out the crying. It is a hot sunny day that threatens to rain, though the sky is quite clear with only a few tufts of clouds floating over the house every now and again.

He knows he is dreaming when that image, which has held constant for the past few nights, shifts and he finds himself laying on his back staring up at the ceiling. It’s the same room. The interior is shrouded in darkness to keep it cool, but his skin feels sticky with sweat. Warm, damp, calloused hands slide up the smooth skin of his inner thighs and part them with a little force. Those should be the cold, starch scented gloves of a trainer or handler, and the contrast jogs his brain just enough to realize his memories and the memory attached to that handball have become a single dream.

Even knowing it is nothing but a dream distorted by the reading he did a few days ago, Tōgō lacks the power to end it like other telepaths do. He has no choice but to endure it.

The heavy scent hanging in the air is an alpha’s deep musk, the slightly sweet scent an omega’s slick. Neither belongs to Tōgō, though he can feel the foreign sensation of wetness coating his insides. His body burns with shame, and he flounders when he cannot immediately identify it as his own or as belonging to whoever’s memory has overlapped with his. A scream is welling in his throat, but a broad palm clamped over his mouth prevents him from doing more than making strangled, warbling cries.

There is pressure at his entrance, a large blunt object pushing insistently forward. It eases into him without stopping, widening his muscles even as they clench to desperately push the intrusion out. He is squirming and crying low in his throat as pain pinches at his nipples and pleasure floods up his abdomen at the same time the head pops into his ass. He convulses, insides fluttering in pain as the alpha above him holds him by the hips and thrusts punishingly hard into his body before he has a chance to adjust.

Tōgō doesn’t know whether this is him or the person in this memory anymore. He remembers how much it hurts to have a thick alpha’s cock spread him, ramming into him without regard for the burning pain or how much he screams. In this dream, however, something stops him from releasing the fullest extent of his voice. He can only whimper and cry. He even tries a broken attempt at a croon to get the alpha to stop.

The alpha’s heavy balls slap against his ass and the head pushes deep inside. He feels so full, so shamefully and uncomfortably full.

The handlers never had him on his back. He looks up through tears and sees nothing but their impersonal expressions as they fuck into him, recording how he reacts to his psychometry reading their arousal and pleasure at hurting him.

Then he feels a gush of something warm sting and stretch his insides and he cries out, knowing it is piss, and that soon he will be filled with urine, cum, and an alpha’s knot. It unbearable for his tight hole that was never meant to take an alpha’s width or semen. He squirms, but a voice growls in his ear to shut up if he doesn’t want his parents, brothers, and sisters to know he is an omega slut.

He isn’t. Tōgō isn’t even an omega. He tries to argue his case, but he feels the alpha’s knot begin to catch on his rim and swell inside his passage until it strains at his walls. It hurts even more as it repeatedly stretches him, and he can feel the urine leaking out around the knot, the acidic burn as it seeps into his torn flesh. He cries and cries as the knot pops in one final time, then swells even more, locking all that liquid in him. The alpha grunts above him and jerks him off as he is filled with cum.

It hurts. It’s so full.

He closes his eyes and whines –

Then he opens them and screams at last.

When he wakes up, he can’t smell anything except the reek of fear and arousal. Hands grab him by the shoulders and, before his psychometry can even react, he shrieks and lashes out. His nails catch on something and a hiss of pain registers, satisfying, in his senses. Every inch of his body crawls and trembles and his lips curl into a snarl.

He’ll bite the dick off anyone who tries to stick theirs in his mouth. He can do that now – now that he is away from that hellhole. Before, they would dangle his brother’s safety over his head. Threaten to send him to another facility, to separate them. No matter how much he pleaded with them, all they saw him as was a whining animal. Less than one, even. As if he was a machine with some very interesting and amusing functions programmed into him.

Something wraps around his shoulders and he cries out, tries to lunge away, but it gets trapped in his limbs and he lands on the futon with a loud thump. As he scrambles to get up, he takes a deep breath of much needed air. It smells – damp, and faintly of the fresh scent of rush straw. His movements slow down as his breathing evens out and the fear pulsing in his gut subsides.

He hears the person in front of him calling a name. Tōgō. His name. He has a name, now, and he is no longer in the facility or trapped in his dreams.

“Yūsaku…?” he says tentatively, afraid to hope it is his brother. What if this is the nightmare, and the dream was his reality? He will wake up back in that room, violated and alone, and he has always wondered how much more of it he can take. They don’t care that he is an alpha. They find it even more amusing and satisfying than abusing omegas, sometimes.

“It’s me,” says the person in his brother’s voice. “Calm down. It’s just me. No one else is here. We’re in Momigi village, remember? We escaped that place along with the others.”

His brother touches his hand, just a brush of his fingers against the back of Tōgō’s palm. A cold, sick rush of worry floods into him, and he sees every time his brother has reached out to him without being able to help in the past. Tōgō squeezes his eyes shut. Beneath those memories, though, are other moments. Frustration at choosing a suitable name, the soothing cordial atmosphere of their first time trying hot pot.

“I’m sorry,” Tōgō says, because it’s familiar and easy to get out even when his mind is a mess of anachronistic memories. “I’ll – I’ll fine in a second.”

“Take your time,” Yūsaku demands, putting a small but barely commanding growl into it. Tōgō sinks into the sheets, the surface of his skin sweaty from all the movement. “I’ll go draw a bath if you want.”

Tōgō shakes his head. “I’m fine. Just – some water, please?”

“Sure.”

When his brother gets up and leaves, Tōgō breathes a sigh of relief. He is alone again, but this time he can hear the soft murmurs of the other alphas waking up around them. He smells fear, his own, and through the thin walls the deep concern of the others. An alpha’s instincts to react and protect can be stronger when they detect the fear of another alpha than an omega, even, under certain circumstances. Anything fierce enough to scare an alpha is a major cause for worry, after all.

But everyone here more or less knows that it is nothing but a nightmare. Tōgō has been drawn out of sleep from catching the scent of the others trapped in their memories. They’ll all be back asleep soon.

He finally gets around to untangling himself from the bedding and sits cross-legged in the middle of the room.

“I suppose I can’t just forget about it,” he says when his brother finally returns. “I’ll ask Hiraki about it in the morning.”

“If you’re sure he can help,” Yūsaku responds. “In the meantime, get up so we can fix these sheets.”

Yukihiko. The cheerful beta who stood at the entrance to the narrow, hidden path up to the village and greeted them when no one else dared approach the strangers with even stranger powers. He is both incredibly easy and difficult to find for the reason that he splits his time between the various villages and hamlets that make up the old Taira clan’s hideaway. His warm, helpful nature is otherwise easy to pick out of a crowd or find in villages as small as these.

It takes Tōgō a few days to corner him and ask where Kantarō lives. No one else will tell him even if he asks and he has looked around, but the lone alpha is nowhere to be seen. According to Yukihiko, his house is a tiny thing on the outskirts, on the side of town closest to the suspension bridge that leads to the next village. It’s an old place that belonged to a doctor from two generations or so ago. That was before the practice was moved closer to the center of the village after a particularly harsh winter.

When Yukihiko asked him why out of curiosity, Tōgō hesitated before saying he wanted to repay Kantarō for helping out the other day. Luckily for him, Yukihiko was already talking about the festival the villages are going to host at the end of the summer, the previous topic forgotten in his enthusiasm.

Tōgō stands outside the alpha’s modest house and already feels the weight of the memories lingering in the air. The place hasn’t served as a clinic in ages, but he can almost smell the cloying scent of sickness in the air. He can’t stay for long.

“Excuse me,” Tōgō says when he walks up to the door. The sliding door is made of wooden panels worn beyond belief, but it still looks sturdy. He hears someone moving around inside and backs up before the door slides open with a little effort on Kantarō’s part.

“It’s you,” Kantarō says rather unnecessarily. He looks over Tōgō’s shoulder, but finding no one there, steps aside to let him walk into the entryway. “I’m sure you didn’t come by just to say hello.”

Tōgō inclines his head and steels himself. He tucks his hands in front of him, ignoring how it makes him look smaller, and follows the other alpha inside.

“It’s about the matter from the other day,” Tōgō says. “The memories I saw from the children’s ball?”

“I figured. Do you want tea? I don’t have anything special, though.”

“No, thank you,” Tōgō says, perhaps a bit too quickly. He can’t afford to touch anything in this house, though. Kantarō leads him to the low table where he was doing his work. Piles of several sizes of straw sandals sit next to it. “I wanted to ask you about that family.”

“Okay,” Kantarō says, sitting down across from him. “I’m not sure how much help I can be, but ask whatever you want. I won’t get offended.”

If it was anyone else, Tōgō might doubt that and grapple with how much information to reveal and how much could be left unsaid. People do get defensive, or doubtful, and he doesn’t really blame them for it. Kantarō really means this, though.

Relieved, even if he is a bit confused still, Tōgō takes a deep breath and continues, “You said Shirō’s uncle died, and so did his mate not long before him. Do you recall how his mate died?”

There isn’t really anyone to tell among the espers even after Tōgō has an approximation he hopes is close to the truth. Most of the espers politely ignore the non-esper villagers, and the feeling is mutual. Tōgō was only approached that day because the kids managed to find his hiding place and wondered if what the adults said about those people with strange powers was true.

Instead, Tōgō pays a visit to the home belonging to Shirō’s elder brother. He had to ask Yukihiko’s younger sister, Ishiyo, about the next day because Yukihiko had already left for Nitao by the time he was finished at Kantarō’s house. The girl had been more than happy to point him in the right direction, but warned him that Shirō’s brother, an omega named Sōjirō, has a young daughter.

What Tōgō knows about omegas is limited to the few he knows from the facility. He hesitates outside the front door, knowing that his status as an alpha will be seen as intrusive and threatening. Once again, he is struck with the strong notion that this is none of his business. What happened ten years ago is done and gone. He is only doing this for himself, to rid himself of those nightmares, and the thought is frightening in its own way.

“Mommy, someone’s here!” He hears a child’s high-pitched voice from around the back where the garden is, and sees a small girl bound to the furthest reaches of the fence while looking over her shoulder.

An omega walks out from the garden wearing work clothes, his hair held back by a handkerchief. He is holding a broom in one hand and wipes his other on his apron before patting the girl on the head. When he looks in Tōgō’s direction, he gives him a faint, shy smile, and a tiny bow in deference to his dynamic.

Tōgō nods his head in return and suddenly, he can’t do this. Whatever happened to Sōjirō in that house is over. He has a daughter, albeit far later than most would expect of a pretty omega like him, and a mate who Tōgō has met before. The woman is a bit loud and fond of drinking, but he has never felt intimidated or that she was ever trying to pick a fight.

“Good afternoon,” Sōjirō greets him warmly. His voice is a bit deep for an omega, but it’s soothing and amicable enough. “Can I help you with something? If you’re looking for Hatsuyo, she’s working at her family’s store. It’s near the teashop in town.”

“Oh, um. I…” Tōgō distinctly remembers one of the nights he went drinking with the other alphas. It’s one of the few times the espers and non-espers share a room without staring at each other suspiciously. One of the village betas teased him for not being alpha-like. He only got a few words in before Yūsaku lunged for him and nearly started a fight, but Tōgō remembers his words clearly.

There is nothing he can say to this omega. Nothing he should say. In the past, it was never his responsibility to decide what to do with the information he pulls from the objects he touches. He only ever spewed whatever he could glean from them and promptly forgot about it.

Sōjirō’s smile falls. “Is something the matter? Are you feeling ill?”

He is polite, holds himself straight, and his eyes express genuine concern.

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Tōgō says hastily as he backs away. That beta would laugh if he saw Tōgō now, running away from a sweet omega like this one. Now he just has to make his excuses and leave. “I saw your younger brother, Shirō, the other day.”

“Oh! I heard about what happened.” Sōjirō smiles down at his daughter and tells her to go find her friends to play with. She pouts, but runs off down the street obediently. Sōjirō himself has a troubled look on his face. “I apologize on his behalf. It upset you greatly, and he hasn’t been around to apologize. I’ll mention it to our mother, I’m sure she’ll–”

“Ah, no, it’s fine,” Tōgō says with a quick shake of his head and a shaky hand gesture. “Please don’t bother. I was just caught off guard.”

Sōjirō has walked up to him to talk, and now that he is so close, Tōgō can smell the hint of concern on his scent. It’s sweet, a little too sweet, and Tōgō realizes that he must either be coming off a heat or entering one in the next few days. He doesn’t seem to take the expensive suppressants that come in monthly shipments from the villagers who go down to the towns and cities for supplies that are difficult to come by in the mountains.

What in the world is Tōgō doing here?

“Just out of curiosity, what did you see that surprised you so much?” Sōjirō asks politely. “I’m not sure how those powers of yours work. Apparently, Hiroe Moritaka from Nitao has them, but I’ve never spoken more than a few words to him personally.”

“I’m a subtype of telepaths who can pick up or ‘read’ emotions and memories from the objects we touch,” Tōgō explains. If the description wasn’t so generic, he would be stuttering right now. He can’t retreat any further without seeming rude, so he stands his ground. “I just – I saw a memory of a funeral when I touched it. It surprised me that a child would bring a handball to a funeral.”

Sōjirō blinks and his lips part, though no sound escapes. His gaze falls to the ground as he responds with an absent smile, “Oh. That is surprising. I didn’t think – it’s really that accurate?”

Tōgō nods. “Sometimes things get a little muddled, but generally, yes.”

“I’m sorry, then,” Sōjirō smiles up at him. “I was the one who brought it to the funeral, you see. That was so long ago, I forgot it even happened until you mentioned it. I’m not sure what got into my head.”

The memory never revealed that reason to Tōgō. All it gave him was that feeling of utter satisfaction. Knowing the truth chills Tōgō more than the memory. Staring down at this petite, charmingly docile omega and knowing what he did to protect himself is even more frightening than facing his nightmares. He decides right then and there that it is best to leave the matter alone. It’s a secret that can stay known only to him, his brother, Kantarō, this omega, that embroidered handball, and the dead.

“I apologize for interrupting you,” Tōgō says again, with a thin expression he hopes resembles a smile. “If you could tell your younger brother not to worry about it…?”

“Of course,” Sōjirō says.

“Have a good day.” Tōgō begins to walk away. He can’t stay around here any longer.

“You, too!” Sōjirō calls out. A pause, and it seems that the matter is settled, until he hears running and looks over his shoulder. Sōjirō jogged a bit to catch up to him enough to call out, “Mister alpha! If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to come over for tea. Hatsuyo won’t mind!”

Tōgō freezes. It’s not often alphas cower before omegas, but a terrible unease sweeps through him as he nods and watches Sōjirō pick his broom up and return to the garden.

He finds himself outside Kantarō’s place again after that harrowing encounter. The sky turned grey and overcast and started to rain as he was walking out of town, but he was too far to turn back.

Now, soaked down to the underclothes, he regrets not ducking into a shopfront to take shelter. There is no telling how long the rain will last, though, and he would rather spend it in good company. He calls out, “Excuse me!” again and waits for the alpha inside to open the door.

Kantarō sees him and shakes his head, then steps aside for him to get in and out of the rain.

“Let me get you a towel. And a change of clothes.” Kantarō disappears into the house’s only other room, the bedroom in the back while Tōgō plucks at his shirt and slacks. They stick to him like a second skin.

Kantarō returns holding a bundle of dark cloth and fabric. He tosses the white towel at him first, then pauses before handing the second bundle over.

“You can change in the other room,” Kantarō says, letting the folds unravel to show off the brown yukata. “If you need help with tying it, let me know.”

He does, in fact, need help tying it. Once he was dried enough, he stepped up onto the worn but clean straw mats and took the change of clothes to the bedroom. He peeled his wet clothes off and held the yukata in front of him, wondering how hard it could be. Plenty of the men and women in these villages still wear traditional clothing in their day to day lives.

He slid his arms into the sleeves and crossed one side over the other, but it was a little long for him as he suspected, and he didn't know how to reproduce the special knot used to tie the sash.

“Um,” he calls out, feeling silly. He’s twenty-seven, not seven, and he can’t even get dressed. “I need a little…”

Kantarō peeks his head in immediately, but that is because his house is the size of two rooms. Tōgō holds the yukata tight around him, well aware of the shallow scars scattered across his body. The other alpha observes him with an analytical eye for a moment. Then he steps inside and walks right up to him.

“Move your hands, I can tie it for you.”

Tōgō draws back. “How do I do it?”

“It’s easier to show you.”

Figuring that he isn’t getting out of this, Tōgō relents and releases the folds of the yukata. Kantarō, like the time with the sandals, doesn’t touch him unnecessarily. He wraps the yukata around, bunches it up around his waist until it isn’t touching the floor, and cinches it there with the sash, which he ties quickly and moves to the small of his back.

That wasn’t so bad, Tōgō thinks as he follows Kantarō to the main room. He was careful. The yukata is snug around his waist, but loose elsewhere. Not too suffocating, and there is nothing but mild, pleasant memories contained within it.

“I ended up not asking him about it,” Tōgō informs him as he prepares tea in two steaming cups. Kantarō nods to show he is listening, but makes no comments yet. “Some things are better left alone.”

When the other alpha returns to the table, Tōgō breathes in his scen, which is amplified by the humidity in the air. To his amazement, the storm of memories associated with this place is dulled by that scent, or perhaps just Kantarō’s steady presence.

He closes his eyes and wonders how many more nights he must have that nightmare before it fades away to join his other memories.

“I felt really stupid once I was there,” Tōgō admits, eyes still closed. “It really was none of my business.”

“It was, though,” Kantarō says, quite suddenly and with the same strength of conviction Tōgō heard from him a few days ago when they were talking about the rumors surrounding him. “If you really do experience those memories as if you’re taking part in them, then it does become ‘your’ business.”

“Wait, how do you know…?” Tōgō doesn’t remember telling him that he sees memories from the perspective of the object involved, or the person holding it.

“I asked your brother. He doesn’t like me very much.”

When did that happen? Tōgō shakes his head. “He doesn’t like many non-espers. I can’t believe he actually spoke to you, though.”

Kantarō smiles, and it strikes him as handsome, charming. It’s a shame no one in the villages will even think of talking to him anymore, after what happened with his last mate.

“He came asking me what my ‘intentions’ towards you were. And he threatened to hang me off the side of a cliff if I tried anything.”

Tōgō doesn’t know what to say, suddenly rather embarrassed. He scowls and huffs. “Seriously? I’m sorry about him. He – he’s overprotective.”

“He was just worried about you.” Kantarō shrugs, as if it’s no big deal that Tōgō’s brother threatened to toss him off a cliff. As if it’s justified, somehow, because he was ‘worried’.

“He treats me like I’m a frail, sickly omega, and I’m not,” Tōgō argues. He sweeps a strand of wet hair behind his ear and shakes his head. “And he’s not allowed to harm non-espers with his powers, so don't worry about that.”

“I wasn’t,” Kantarō says simply. It would be more infuriating if not for the fact that his honesty and level emotions are a breath of fresh air to Tōgō, who is used to concentrating his hardest to block the worst out of his environment.

“Why? I know I don’t really classify as the most threatening of espers, but some of us are dangerous.” In other words, have some sense of self-preservation. Then again, if this guy really cared about such a thing, he probably wouldn’t have broken it off with his mate.

“Because he and I both knew you’d be upset if he really did off me like that.”

What? Tōgō, flustered, ducks his head and frowns. He can’t help but feel – pleased, he thinks. Pleased and at ease.

Kantarō leans forward across the table and smiles, though it’s more of a smirk, and less of a smirk than a quirk of his lips in amusement. For once, Tōgō really has no idea what it means. He isn’t an empath. He knows the man isn’t upset, but beyond that is a mystery to him.

Tōgō lifts his arm, noticing for the first time how cold his fingers are despite the summer heat. He wants to – “Can I?” he says, reaching out for the other alpha.

“I thought you said I was easy to read,” Kantarō says evenly, though he doesn’t protest as Tōgō gets closer.

“That’s just the surface.”

“Go ahead,” Kantarō says when he realizes Tōgō isn’t moving for a reason. He reaches out, his hand hesitating before clasping loosely over Tōgō’s wrist to drag him the last bit of distance until he can touch the outer corners of the man’s lips. They’re warm and dry, and Tōgō opens his powers up to the stream of emotions from this man.

If most people are raging rivers surging forth after a long, cold winter, Kantarō is placid like the surface of a lake. Ripples may form on the surface, but Tōgō can wade through those with no issue.

“Thank you,” Tōgō says as he pulls away, his flushed cheeks not abating by any significant amount. “Do you really feel that way? I thought your last mate was a beta.”

“I thought you were never wrong.” Kantarō scoffs, and it stings a bit, more than when Yūsaku makes fun of him or snaps at him in frustration. He knows his brother, after all, perhaps better than he knows himself.

“I–” he hesitates. “Yes. Generally, what I see isn’t wrong…”

“Then you already understand. I don’t know you that well, but I like you. They say there are some people you are meant to spend your life with from the moment you meet, and others are meant to pass through your life just once. I didn’t feel either way with Hisako.”

“But why?” he asks. It’s not that Tōgō doesn’t understand what he felt and saw. It’s not that he doubts the authenticity of it. He simply cannot comprehend.

Kantarō smiles, but it’s a funny thing. As if he indulging Tōgō, and maybe he is. “Apparently, the things I say put you at ease. And that makes me happy. Maybe it’s only because I’m an alpha and that’s in our nature, but…”

Tōgō stares at him, wondering. He shouldn’t feel warm and this pleased, not by an alpha’s flattering words. He is an alpha himself, even if he hasn’t always acted like one. Even if others don't treat him like one.

“Well, no matter how I feel now, we have only just met each other.” He shrugs. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way, he is saying without words, but Tōgō already knows all of this from that single touch.

“I – I’m not an omega.” It’s a weak argument. That’s the problem with having telepathy or psychometry. It’s impossible to claim he doesn’t understand, but Kantarō doesn’t call him out on it. “I’m sick and tired of being treated like one.”

He says the last bit softly, as if admitting it will make it even more true than it already is, at least to an extent. Kantarō doesn’t know him, and that is a fact. He has no idea of the things Tōgō has done, how much of his pride as an alpha he threw away to protect himself and his brother. And the fact that he can keep this information to himself even while it rages just beneath his skin is somehow unfair.

“I know you’re not an omega,” Kantarō says. “If I wanted an omega, I wouldn’t have mated with a beta. That, at least, was my choice.”

“Oh,” Tōgō says, because that makes sense. He bites back a smile. Then, he decides then and there, “I’d like to try to get to know you without my ability. If you don’t mind waiting, if you don’t mind if I stop by every now and again…”

“As long as you don’t mind being the talk of the town,” Kantarō says with a roll of his eyes. “They’ll gossip. They won’t leave you alone, even if we stay nothing but friends.”

“Don’t worry,” Tōgō laughs. “My brother will have it covered.”

[alberteamllc]

Wild & Pure & Forever Free, Part 1 8/22/2019

Starring

Flinty McClintock

Bon Jean Bovi

Daedalus Inuria Featuring Oskar Harrow Inquisitor Adrian Harrow Steely McBeam Katydid McBeam Introducing... Philippe McBeam! Pitchfork 424 Pitchfork 426 Mistral Kurunthadi Princess Astrid Insatsi Queen Elbise Insatsi Dame Feris Svette Greg Hogswain Haurchefant “Egg” Hogswain Viceroy Pitchfork PM of the West Triamond Bell PM of the East Cambina Bell Ramon Silulimesh Golof Silulimesh Carmine Whistling “Tiger” Beatrice Catamount Washy Whillikers Chanchala Chala Sanuwa Sawbones Vos the Armorer Helena Merkava

-To be clear, Bovi had a wonderful prom. He reunited Harrow and his estranged husband Oskar, he taught everyone a grand new dance, he convinced two Pitchforks that their love for one another was natural and beautiful, and he helped Katydid deliver a healthy baby halfling, who he suggested they name Philippe. He was briefly alarmed by the sight of a bald Flinty impersonator but was otherwise able to enjoy most of his evening, easily winning the Desan Diamond from Mistral in a heated dance-off.

-In the present, Bovi successfully rallies the panicking crowd at the palace and helps them evacuate peacefully, stopping to heal several trampled and diseased people. He rendezvous with the princess, queen, and Svette, who sadly tell him that Ardis and Panther are presumed dead after rescuing them from Sonny. In the chaos, the Peacemasters are hurried away along with Pitchfork.

-He sends them off towards the old CC headquarters then sends the smoke from random flower bonfires out towards the sea, then rushes back to the RF base.

-There, Flinty is in a furious huff, with a ragged skeleton crew of party members-- Goloff, Ramon (who stayed at home), Carmine, and a reconstituted Daedalus. She catches up with Bovi and proposes that all they can do is raid the prison and try to free as many halflings as they can, unless her brother and co. show up soon with a better plan.

-Eventually a slightly sobered up Beatrice appears at the door, dragging Ardis, unconscious. She tells them that a prison break is already underway and urges them to consider, without any better alternative, repeating Mungo & Hambeaux’s solution to the last plague, despite the potential loss of life. She’s pessimistic because she says her ring, which keeps her connected to MF, has gone dead. He’s nowhere. Flinty starts hollaring and demanding to know if anyone knows a wizard. Beatrice snaps and tells her how to contact one but warns her its a bad idea and an unforgivable error. Flinty insists and Beatrice coldly tells her they’re done, their alliance is finished, and that she’ll do everything she can to inform Ardis what kind of person her leader is. She then hands over a worn envelope with a sigil inside, which Flinty recites.

-Spooky doings ensue and Washy Whillikers appears on the sofa to chat and grant a boon. He casts Wish to reverse Vejovis’ trap and unseal Puffin’s little dimension, freeing him and Tavi at the very least. As payment he demands either Fiz or Flinty’s house, but when she hesitates he puckishly offers to let her pass the buck: he’ll let her off the hook, but on Ardis’ wedding day he’ll come a-calling to collect his due and destroy something she loves as much as Flinty loves her fucking house or her weasel she can’t even remember to roll initiative for. Flinty, being an asshole, swiftly assents, presuming that Ardis will never get married anyway, and Washy vanishes, albeit not before giving Bovi five gold pieces as a treat. Bovi and Puffin and Tavi, dazzled and dumbfounded by the mention of a hypothetical wedding, argue about what third base is for some reason and Flinty is once again shocked at what they teach people in grad school. None of the three seem interested in or impressed by the lich.

-Conferring with Puffin and Tavi with Flinty’s findings at the palace in mind, they decide all they can do is head to the academy to try and convince Vos to let them use his relay system. Since Tavi is a wanted criminal and Puffin is a wanted criminal specifically wanted for killing academy interns they put on disguises. At the gates they meet Chanchala and Sawbones, the only Cats who seemingly made it out of prom in one piece. Chanchala gets an earful and lets them pass.

-However, the academy is in disarray, Vos’ facility strewn with bodies. Bovi tries the intercom and gets in contact with a terrified researcher, who says Helena came and killed a lot of people, who then rose from the dead infected with plague but blossoming. Before heading up to help, Bovi runs back to the entrance and borrows Sawbones from Chanchala, something which Puffin is far from comfortable with.

-The party splits in two to take care of the spore monsters. Ominously, some of them transform in mid-fight into celestial, armored beings who attack with radiant light and fluid, transforming metal. After a somewhat dicey fight everyone regroups. They rescue the trapped researcher and more portentiously they locate Vos, stripped of much of his armor, almost vivisected, and helpless under a pile of rubble. Everyone is startled to discover beneath his armor a frail, sickly looking boy no older than 14 or 15. Humiliated but still haughty, he begs for them to look away. Puffin loses all of his chill and goes to throw up after being hit in the face with his own gilded leg-bones. He and Flinty want to leave him there to rot, but Tavi and Bovi want to free him and get his assistance. Daedalus says nothing because Jules’ family is watching Supernatural and I think he’s making dinner. Eventually they squeeze a little info out of him and Flinty convinces him to help, in spite of his cold assurance that the plan he’s cooked up with Pitchfork, which requires tremendous amounts of human and halfling sacrifice, will be the one to stop the plague and Vejovis in their tracks. He tears off one of his limbs to help them bypass doors, and draws a vial of his blood, after Flinty recognizes him as the original test subject she glimpsed in her vision back in the prince’s sealed offices. Bovi’s curiosity is piqued by Vos’ description of Helena’s strategies-- attacking aggressively and scavenging her foes for parts, incorporating their weapons and armaments into her own body. He asks if Vos has anything he could use as a trap-- a weapon or something he could lure her into absorbing that would hurt her. Vos describes a vortex trap he keeps in his office to stop thieves, which Bovi makes a note of picking up. Puffin finally gets his shit together when Sawbones silently comes to him and offers him her hand. As they leave Flinty is torn, and almost gives into the desire to just shoot Vos while he’s lying there helpless. However she convinces herself that his arm thing might not work if he’s dead, and leaves him to his own devices.

-The group heads off with Vos’ arm to use the lift and travel up the facility’s tower. Everyone is exhausted and drained, so Puffin hesitantly offers to allow them to use his dimension as a temporary camp site, although he warns this is a dangerous and costly trick. They rest, and Tavi attempts to make amends for Flinty with the fight they had earlier in the evening, and for her caginess, but Flinty is in no mood for peace. 

-After resting they head out onto the cat-walks to the final stretch of the tower, and are met with the disembodied but hauntingly beautiful voice of Helena, a far cry from the hollow, shaky voice they’re used to. She offers them peace and health in exchange for joining her in the body of Vejovis. Nobody is that interested. She swiftly shows she’s not messing around by partially dematerializing Puffin and hurling Sawbones off the bridge to the ground far below, but manifests to talk to Bovi. She is now entirely armor with no body to be seen, hovering and radiant. Bovi offers her the bomb which she eagerly accepts before pausing to monologue a bit. She talks rapturously about the grace of Vejovis, and the gift he gave her after she’d pledged herself to so many false causes-- the torturous, twisting ministrations of Vos and the hollow sisterhood of the Crystal Cats. She describes in mythical terms Vejovis as a young doctor coming to the city to cure his two sick children, and how he was heartbroken and inspired by the many sick people he found in the metropolis, how his sympathy turned into a drive to curing everyone, to ensuring noone would suffer again. Flinty is familiar with Vejovis’ early days in the service of Prince Anselm and can scarcely conceal her disgust. Helena continues, talking about the perfect gifts he provided to his two children, and how ungrateful they were. In particular she derides Vos’ failures to live up to his father, and how much happier she is having turned her back on him and even having had the opportunity to give him a taste of his own medicine, what she describes as an edifying lesson in pain. Flinty puts two and two together and thinks back to Leucosia’s harrowing account of the Weeper’s empty coffin and presumably has an oh shit moment. 

-Having said her peace, Helena again offers friendship to the party. They’re not sold so she thanks them for the gift and puts the bomb into her chestplate. It explodes, wracking her body and damaging her armor, which seems to revert her a bit to her good old crazed personality. She begins to snarl and threaten, promising to show them the wages of their sin, etc, deploying the myriad weapons systems hidden away in her new form. They ready their weapons for what looks to be a perilous fight high above the city and mere meters away from their goal. -Meanwhile, so many people are missing or presumed dead! Here’s a partial list of important ones: Panther! Mungo Fungo! Hologram Hambeaux! Niko! Ilan! Leucosia! Guilotte! Aramingo! The Lamondian Royal Family & retinue, including Lamitt Pampepato! Steely, Katydid, and Baby Philippe! The entirety of the Bent Nail! Albertine Rosenbee! Tartuffe! The heads of House Sarmasik! Mistral! The Eggbabies! Maddy and Tantan! Pitchforks 424 & 426! Harrow and his husband! Who was changed and who was dead?!?? No, they all walked to Wawa together for night hoagies.

[firstumcschenectady]

“Find Hope” based on 2 Kings 5:1-14

Leprosy is understood by the Bible to be highly contagious, dangerous, and even deadly.

The ancient Israelites had laws about how to identify leprosy, how to know if it had been healed, and how to prevent it from spreading. Leviticus chapter 13 deals with nothing else. After an extensive 44 verses about how to examine sores to determine if they are leprosy, the chapter concludes, “Now the leper on whom the sore is, his clothes shall be torn and his head bare; and he shall cover his mustache, and cry, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ He shall be unclean. All the days he has the sore he shall be unclean. He is unclean, and he shall dwell alone; his dwelling shall be outside the camp.” (Lev 13:45-46, NRSV)

Now that doesn't sound awesome at ALL, but the New Interpreter's Bible informs me that it is far worse than it sounds. They say, “All three of these actions – tearing the clothes, messing up the hair, and covering the lower part of the face – are signs of mourning for the dead. So serious is the state of uncleanness that it is similar to the state of death.”1 Leprosy in Ancient Israel, referred to a wide variety of skin diseases, some of which likely were highly contagious and potentially deadly, but most of which were not. Yet, it because it was poorly understood, and dangerous to the community, a person with leprosy was exiled from the community, which is itself a form of death.

The Bible is primarily a communal document, a reflection of the way that society was supposed to act. As such, it was worried about the spread of dangerous disease within society, and took the well-being of the whole more seriously than the well-being of the individual. That is, the stigma of being removed from society, and having to go around yelling “unclean” so no one would touch you, was clearly TERRIBLE for the individual, but kept the community safe. Leprosy was the ultimate stigma: something entirely beyond the individual's control that isolated them from their entire community. (Hmm, what else is like that?)

The irony of course is that germ theory hadn't come into being yet, and there wasn't much differentiation of skin diseases. In fact, the Bible spends a lot of time differentiating between a SCAR and a SCAB, indicating that people thought that was important – that people not become lepers because of SCARS. Medical science still had some development to do, but people had noticed the contagion idea, and they did what they could to care for the whole.

If there is any good news in this, it is that there was a way to be UN-DECLARED a leper, it was not a permanent stigma. Or at least, it didn't have to be if one's skin cleared up. Heaven help those with eczema though. And, of course, we want to be aware in any conversation about leprosy that this not an ancient problem that is now simply a good metaphor. Today, about 180,000 people a year contract leprosy, although it is now treatable. Also, it isn't really THAT contagious. You have to have repeated contact with “nose or mouth droplets” from someone who is infected. It isn't, say, the measles. (Perhaps the measles were also considered part of leprosy in Biblical times??? That would actually explain A LOT.)

I've gone deep into explaining leprosy in Ancient Israel, because the story indicates that leprosy was understood differently in the neighboring country of Aram (modern Syria). While the Israelites expelled lepers from society, in Aram the general of the King's army had leprosy, and was regularly talking to the king. I'm not sure what to make of this. Perhaps this is a bit of a Biblical dig at Aram, indicating they didn't know how to care for society. Perhaps, though, it reflects some historical memory. What if Aram didn't expel its lepers? What if something that created a stigma in Israel, didn't in Aram? The two countries were neighbors, and were eternally in skirmishes with each other, so were likely pretty equally matched, which would indicate that perhaps excluding lepers didn't really help.

What if there didn't have to be a stigma, and people could still survive as a society without kicking others out?

What if, instead of observations about contagions, Ancient Israel was really allowing the natural human tendency of “ick, get away from me!” to have its way? What if people just didn't want to see the ways that skin diseases can disfigure? What if fear simply got the best of them?

The human response “ick, get away from me” is real. It has applied to many individuals and groups over the eons, perhaps it is a defining factor of society about who is called “icky” and who has the power to decide who is “icky” and who isn't. This is the power to define stigma.

People who are transgender are most likely to be violently assaulted and murdered in our society, and the greatest danger is for tranwomen of color. There isn't any logical reason for this. It has basically come down to a response from individuals of “But gender is supposed to work the way I thought it did when I was a kid, and if it doesn't, ick.” The power of stigma is the power of murder.

In the past few years there have been culture wars over bathrooms, and who gets to use them. (eyeroll) Somewhere along the line, I read a piece2 that clarified that bathroom wars were an old trick being revived. In our shared past of segregation, bathrooms were segregated. White women sought to maintain segregation by indicating they were afraid of getting diseases from sharing toilets with women of color. That is, they said they were afraid of contracting sexually transmitted infections from toilet seats. That was another way, among a myriad of ways, that white society indicated that bodies of people who weren't white were “icky.” This is how marginalization works. :( This is also how we get concentration camps on our Southern border filled with people with dark skin, because stigma dehumanizes and allows inhumane treatment of God's beloved people.

As a child I was taught not to sit on the toilet seat in public bathrooms by my Grandmother, but was told I could by my mother, and it took a loooong time to figure out why they disagreed about that. Today the fear of bathrooms has been transformed to create fear of sexual assault in bathrooms, when the truth is that what we've done is make going to the bathroom a terrifying experience for transgender people – who are themselves especially vulnerable.

Yet, there are Arams. Many societies in the past, and many in the present, recognize more than 2 genders, and a lot of countries have better protections for trans people than we do. The United States has created racism in its own image, and we have managed to export it along the way, but societies and countries in the past and the present are able to show us other ways to understand race, identity, and ethnicity.

Years ago now, Sylvester stood in this pulpit and preached about what it was like when he was first diagnosed with HIV. He talked about visiting his sister and knowing that his cup would be thrown away and his sheets burned when he left. A United Methodist retreat for people living with HIV and AIDS that I once got to volunteer at offered massages for the retreat participants – because of reality that people with HIV and AIDS don't get enough human touch. I'm not sure I know of places in the world where this has been solved, although basic education and the passing of years has decreased the stigma some, and intentionality to include and TOUCH has mattered.

I also think there is a stigma in our society around poverty. “Don't get too close, or it will get you” seems to be an unspoken fear. I suspect the danger really is, “don't get too close, or you'll be motivated to change things, and that will change your life forever.” Yet, we live in a society that is comfortable with obscene wealth for a very few at the expense of the lives of nearly half. Yet, by associating a stigma with people living in poverty, it becomes “their problem” instead of the reality that poverty is the natural outcome of our societal laws and priorities.

Stigma is POWERFUL. It is dangerous. It is contagious, and it is deadly.

It is a far bigger problem than the people who get forced to hold it. One of the worse parts of stigmas is when they get internalized by the people who have been stigmatized.

In 2 Kings, God has the power to free Naaman from the stigma of leprosy. Elisha is God's prophet in this story, and he is able to offer a means of healing in God's name. Of course, Naaman doesn't have all the stigma of leprosy in Ancient Israel, but he does have leprosy, and then he comes into Ancient Israel with it at which point he was a foreigner, who had bested them in war, who had the stigma of leprosy too. (They must have been terrified.)

The story says God healed him, and he was clean, and free of stigma, and very, very grateful. Just because was healed doesn't meant that others were, and that also draws some big questions about who gets access to let go of stigma and why. However, I'm firmly in the camp that God is anti-stigma. Or, perhaps I should say, God doesn't DO stigma. God is against stigma, and the ways that it gets used to dehumanize, violate, dismiss, and separate people. God is about shared humanity, peace, acknowledgment, and connection. Stigmas work against God.

We know and love a God who welcomes and delights in a lovely diversity of human beings and human bodies. God is the one who who says, “Blest are people who are transgender; they shall know my complexities. Blessed are people who are marginalized because of their race; they are able to build the kindom. Blessed are the people who live with HIV and AIDS; they are holding my hand already. Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kindom. Blessed are the lepers, for they shall be healed.” Stigma just doesn't hold up under the weight and power of God's love.

And it isn't supposed to hold up for us either. May God heal us, that the stigma society places on God's beloveds might lose their power for us. May we, like Namaan and Elisha, trust in God's power to eliminate the power of the things that keep us from a full and abundant life. May we build a society more like Aram – able to welcome people into our midst as full partners in our shared work, regardless of the stigmas others would want to put on anyone. May we follow our God who is against stigma and for connection. Amen

1Walter C. Kaiser Jr. “The Book of Leviticus: Introduction, Comment and Reflections” in The New Interpreter's Bible Vol 1., ed. Leander E. Keck, convener (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1994), 1097.

2Maybe this one? https://psmag.com/magazine/how-social-bias-is-segregating-americas-bathrooms

--

Rev. Sara E. Baron First United Methodist Church of Schenectady 603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305 Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

July 7, 2019