#people talk to me about ex novel things and every time im like I WISH I COULD ACCESS THEM… LET ME IN…. LET ME READ!!! PLS…. PLS!!! AA A A A

[suffarustuffaru]

Vincent for the asky thing! He's my lil blorbo

SORRY ANON FOR TAKING SO LONG WITH FHIS ASK it got lost in my drafts oops. and also again another disclaimer—i still havent gotten to reading the ex novels but i will someday i promise 😭😭 and i do not have the attention span to read 100% of arc 7 rn but i will do my best with what i know about vincent <3 ty for trusting me with ur blorbo 👍

Sexuality Headcanon: 🏳️‍🌈👍 gay. 100%.

Gender Headcanon: ok so i do know that like hes been crossdressing since he was younger to save his life and thats why hes so like chill with crossdressing and ALSO LIKE i like the idea that hes just Super Chill with playing with his gender presentation more and he likes doing it a bit!! and like will do traditionally feminine stuff??? makeup?????? idk smth along these lines. gender nonconforming king.

A ship I have with said character: VINCENT/CHISHA 10000%. like theyre one of those pairings where its like. platonic or not they WERE super close like. insanely close. but also if u read into it as being Gay it also makes So Much Sense. like?? yes ok @ottosuwuen has that hc that vincent learned makeup or something from chisha (who clearly wears eye makeup 24/7) and like. urhgh gh the image of them doing each others makeup. OK but canonically speaking vincent/chishas relationship makes me soft. LIKE YES its partially the ottosuba shipper in me bc the obvious parallels are obvious but sometimes i just really like two mansplain manipulate malewife manwhores okay. and like the way chisha does ALL OF THIS (*insert chishas bonkers plan here*) TO SAVE VINCENTS LIFE……….. and the way they met being like vincent deciding to hire chisha wkfndn…. like……… they bend over backwards for each other i feel. theres something so sweet about it and like that Intense Loyalty there….. oh to be chisha and be loyal to your emperor Like This….. and then of course the tragedy. vincent grieving chisha broke my heart :(( their relationship just really intrigues me. its so heartfelt with a clear beginning and end and it ends so SADLY but chisha did all that to save vincent!!! chisha would want vincent to move on and be happy!!! chisha and vincents relationship didnt end happy necessarily bc chishas gone :(( but their love mattered okay it matters so much to me. and vincent. and its just crazy to me how chisha can Perfectly Imitate vincent like it shows how deep their connection was. along with of course chisha doing All Of That, as ive said.

A BROTP I have with said character: subaru and vincent + vincent and prisca/priscilla 1000%. like as for subaru and vincent like. the development of their relationship over time is really interesting to me. like they foil so well—they embody these different morals and ideals and vincent really emphasizes like cunning and ruthlessness and how you just cant be a hero or save everyone or solve things bloodlessly. and then subaru tries to do shit like his bloodless siege plan and that DID work. like i think the direction for them seems to be to have moderation with these two ideals? bc of course….. subaru cant be a hero. sometimes you cant save everyone. thats just being realistic. and on the other hand, by arc 8 vincents gone and REQUESTED the emilia camps help. which is a MONUMENTAL step given vollachias viewpoints on strength and weakness and of course the fact that vincents the emperor. like i just think subaru and vincents relationship and development together has been super fascinating. vincents not mean about natsumi (unlike rem or al…) bc why would he? crossdressing has saved his life. and vincent Has learned to trust a bit and turn to others for help by arc 8 which is super interesting i think. that and well. vincent and chishas relationship and their End to it (chisha dying :<<) got subaru thinking about how sad he’d be if otto died which…… well ig vincent and subaru gonna foil some more if otto dies 😭😭😭😭😭 LMAO… but yeah anyway i love the way vincent and subaru really emphasize and symbolize the whole themes and Contrasting Ideals of the vollachia saga. it seems like theyre set up to learn from each other some more :o

AND OF COURSE vincent and prisca. i dont know much yet but <3 like they were close!!!! they cared for each other!!!! he took the time and effort to make a plan for her to fake her death and make her new identity as priscilla!! LIKE he didnt have the heart to kill her….. in an all out fight to the death brawl with his gazillion other siblings for the throne…. like that means so much. im very interested in reading their interactions sometime <3

A NOTP I have with said character: i will probs find notps im more passionate about once i like. actually read more rezero. but like the big notp rn is like. vincent/priscilla aofndndnd PLEASE. THEYRE SIBLINGS.

A random headcanon: like okay theres the makeup headcanon but also in general i like the idea of chisha also doing vincents hair when hes crossdressing and stuff. bc chisha has Long Hair so he must know some things right?? i just love the quiet intimacy of it all……. and like u could have like. u know those moments in period dramas where the assistant to royalty is helping them dress…… yeah yeah pls i need it to happen with chisha/vincent.

General Opinion over said character: im gonna be so honest rn pls dont kill me………. but tbh for a moment when i learned the arc title for arc 8 was vincent vollachia i wanted to throw hands at first. like that was my gut reaction. not because i hate vincent but like it was me just going “URHJFGHH THE TITLE DOESNT MATCH THE OTHER ARC TITLES UNTIL THIS POINT….. NOOOO…. IT DOESNT MATCH…..” like you have arc 5 for example and its called the stars that shape history or something. and its like yeah snazzy title, fits how arc 5 revolves around such a large cast of like the main players for the royal selection. arc 7 is called land of the wolves and yep makes sense. snazzy. fits pretty well. AND THEN YOU GO TO ARC 8. AND ITS CALLED. VINCENT VOLLACHIA. A WHOLE ARC NAMED AFTER A CHARACTER??? IM SORRY BUT I STILL THINK IT DOESNT MATCH WITH THE OTHER ARC TITLES…. SORRY VINCENT BUT LIKE……. UR AN AWESOME DUDE BUT………. IT COULDVE STILL BEEN A FUN TITLE THAT REFERENCED U BUT NO ITS JUST UR NAME…… SORRY MAN BUT I JUST THINK…….

otherwise like. i was mostly neutral on vincent for a while—like ive always thought he was interesting but mostly i was only neutral bc i was more distracted but whatever the fuck my blorbo subaru has going on in arc 7 aodndnd yeah i was just distracted HAH. well that and arc 7 WAS my intro to vincent (and literally everything going on with vollachias politics) so like i didnt have much interest for most of the ex novels until i got to arc 7 and suddenly gained a bunch of side character blorbos along the way. and like admittedly arc 7 is. i feel like its chaotic which—ok yeah obviously its chaotic but i always felt like arc 5 was like more tightly knit with it? like more purposeful, and it was easier for me to get invested in everyone there bc royal selection stuff has been established since the beginning and the main storys been in/around lugunica…. until arc 7. for me it was like jarring at first. especially since like. littol old me with my lack of ex novel knowledge at the time was left floundering a bit bc WOAH VOLLACHIA THINGS ALL AT ONCE…. NEW CHARACTERS…. ANOTHER NEW CHARACTER… NEW CHARACTER NUMBER 1000… and tbh i was like. it felt so sudden all at once to me so i found it hard to be super invested in SO MANY PEOPLE all at once HAH. which i get was like. it was pretty understandable to have so many people. but it took me a WHILE to get warmed up to the vollachia drama for these reasons wkdndn so yes i warmed up to vincent even more over time <33 i think the final nail in the coffin for me caring about him was like. seeing his facade crack after he gets beat up by subaru in arc 8 and he just. Cracks. and he collapses to his knees and sobs over losing chisha and its such a human moment—like i think its easy to forget vincent is still human (ESPECIALLY when vollachia loathes weakness so much!!) bc he’ll do shit like only blinking one eye at a time bc Understandable Paranoia from being Vollachia’s Emperor and he’ll be like ruthless and cunning but like in that moment hes just. crying over losing his dearest friend bc said friend made this elaborate plan to sacrifice himself to save vincent. and when vincent just asked “why did you leave me?”…… like that survivor’s guilt and distress and despair and grief is so universal and understandable…. so YEAH HAH i really softened up some more to vincent bc like i said. its such a human moment and that moment with him and subaru is like tjis big step in vincents development. its fascinating!! im interested to see what happens next in arc 8 and im interested to learn more about him <3 i took a while to get used to the vollachia drama but now i am Very intrigued. and also i know way more lore now compared to when arc 7 first started so yayy!!!!! everyday i become even more of a nerd for rezero. 😭😭 im coming for those ex novels someday. like i said.

also his names are badass ngl. vincent abellux…. vincent vollachia….. now those are names i imagine an emperor would have HAH. good stuff.

[kamil-a]

right, okay, even more thoughts. check out how hard i can [ramble] PSHOOOOOO. they may feel disjointed for a number of reasons. also again i did bingeread the entire hoshino manga at once while not feeling my best so i may have skimmed or forgotten information- preemptive "oops" for that if so lol

-blood is so humorless in this manga!! what im thinking about right now is the bath scene where he's just complaining about alice behind her back... in game she was there and they were having a kicking war under the water! she was lying to him and elliot about not being able to handle drinking! she complained he needs to watch his kids and hes like oh no, those are elliot's kids. it was a relaxed and friendly atmosphere! I'm pretty sure we dont get the box in box gift at the beginning either, or alice telling him to stfu about his tea special interest, or alice sizing him up as a second grade bully on a playground...basically he's such a funny comedic character and that is one of his main sources of appeal imo. so that's gone.

-but we ALSO don't go hard on "be my bad boy amv dangerous mama im in love with a criminal romance novel ohhh i shouldnt but it feels so good" sex appeal either? because right at the point where they would've had sex for the first time he swerves into kills you road, and then the story has to be about that instead.

-WAIT HE DOESNT ACT LIKE HE HAS ~A DISEASE~ (FELL IN LOVE) EITHER.... OR "IM SO TIRED I WISH ANYONE NOT TIRED WAS DEAD"..... SO MANY FUNNY MOMENTS....

-so like if he isnt funny and he isnt sexy why are people supposed to care about him as a love interest.... -_-

-i halfway take back my feelings of blood being ooc in that kind of anger at "youre too friendly with every guy" way. i think its a reaction that's possible for him to have because this game enjoys jealousy tropes. he does get extremely jealous of her friendships with particular other guys, and reacts....... in a variety of ways,

-interestingly though not with julius! his reaction to her friendship with julius is more like 😬😬 okay so you dont know it but this is making a political statement you may not want to make.

-twice in manga ive seen him shoot around the tower for julius "taking her away" tho. maybe its a nonstay thing...

-i just dont think he should be acting like that because the situation alice gets into in the manga is one he should never have to react *to* because *it should not be possible for all of these events to happen in one timeline*.

-the half i am NOT rescinding is him accusing her of cheating on her ex/blaming her for that relationship's failure because we SEE him react to that in game and his kneejerk reaction is different.*

*from what i remember, he was like wtf thats gross i cant believe he did that to you, but also like you were in a bad relationship.... without me ;)???**

**that segment makes me feel really nasty so i dont want to return to it just now for posting's sake, along with not wanting to engage with , uh, beloved comfort media, on tisha b'av night. even the part that is uncomfortable.***

*** i debated holding off making this post till tomorrow night but ultimately lost the battle of will.

-it is extremely funny to me that so far like every manga author ive seen do a bloodalice plotline does the "omg are he and vivaldi a secret couple" thing because they clearly don't want to go the "i cant bring myself to tell him out loud i want to have sex in a bed and not a couch" route. i cant blame them but also , IF I WERE COACH, etc etc.

-idk im just very fascinated with telling bloodalice' story as a bunch of sex that is, while consensual (heres where i tell QR to shhhhh), bringing up a lot of conflicting and upsetting feelings in alice that she is hurting the relationship and the friendship its based on by Not Talking About. and the double-level of like... a late teen exploring adulthood/sex for the first time while also being a person older than that who is also navigating having sex for the first time because she has never moved past being like 18-9 emotionally.

-not that not having sex in your teens is a requirement of emotional maturity but that i personally headcanon she has never seeked another relationship after her first one. was too hurt and then lorina died and all processes kind of stopped for her.

-BUT THATS JUST ME,

-ANYWAY

-blood does have a "wants to kill her" plotline in game, so the manga does have its roots in that.

- in his route it's the same "i want to go against the belief that outsiders are lovable by killing one". its been a while but im pretty sure that gets settled fairly quickly so we have more time to either like or dislike couches, etc.

-in elliot's route he gets threatening towards her in a "i wonder whos side elliot would take if i killed you?" way towards the middle-end, and then elliot is like Um Hey Boss Can We Talk Privately and the matter is never brought up again. (I wish we got to see that convo. "can you not threaten to kill my girlfriend" "okay youre right sorry, that was rude", lmao)

-ace seems to want to kill her because he realized that it is not in fact the "meeting an outsider" that changes your life for the better, it's something else? which i guess plays down the sort of "youre like meeee haha" depressionsexual angle he takes in game, or maybe this alice just isnt visibly depressed enough for his tastes lmao

-alice in general, as i keep saying, seems to me to be kept a lot more hands-clean and "pure"- she doesnt touch clocks she doesnt drink she doesn't bathe with the guys, she never has a bizzare "murder is okay maybe??" moment (THAT I REMEMBER), etc. i feel like despite That Whole Plotline theres less making out/sex than in the game too?

-does she go on less self hating rants or am i just forgetting....

-if we MUST center this story around people wanting to kill alice for reasons related to her outsideriness i wish we got to heavily play up the "completed love" segment.

-a completed love.... that alice thinks the purest love is the love for a woman who's died. and that she feels she will never achieve being loved in that manner. near death experiences should be a perfect time to meditate on that, right? does she feel like she can achieve it? is she afraid that even in death, blood will ensure her memory is "some flirty girl who kisses up to everyone"- that she will Lose at Being Girl no matter what?

-i dont remember getting that though.... missed opportunities....

-i think positioning blood as an antagonist who wants to counter beliefs about outsiders by killing her couldve worked if he simply did not know her very well and then got to know her later on and was like oh i see. nevermind.

-oh, but the strangling was unrelated to this wasnt it? it was as punishment for walking into him and vivaldi's garden. which i think is a waste of like.... everything blood says about guilt, punishment, etc regarding elliot and that he sees the same in alice. couldve been a ~youve been a bad girl~ sexy scene lmao!!!! but he's apparently not allowed to have any sex appeal in this manga, so :'|

-couldve even tied itself emotionally to alice and lorina- siblings who can find peace in a garden but cant , for whatever reason, carry the story of "two siblings having pleasant conversation" outside of that space (for the dupres because it is dangerous, for the liddells because one of them is dead).

-man it makes me sad that hoshino's blood says she mustve cheated on her ex. dont SAY that to her dont you know what he DID-

-aaaaa AAAA OH NO MANGA ONLY READERS DONT KNOW HOW ROMANTIC AND SWEET HIS BALL SCENE IS IN GAME

-I thought it was adorable, anyway......

-he lies down in a guest bed like alice i am sooooooooooooooooo tired from dancing i wanna kiss you but im too tired you have to come over here and kiss me................

-thats all for now.

-FOR NOW...

[ketamie]

wait im going to talk about furries again

leo was such a massive slay and he really was just the manifestation of the writer's (howly) homophobia which i'm 10000% behind in this case. well im projecting but whatever. he's my favorite character in echo and simultaneously my least favorite i just think the way his route was executed was pure genius. an insane ex boyfriend who gaslights gatekeeps and girlbosses you throughout the route in order to sate his fixation is so novel for the kind of game this is and it's done so well. the fact he's so polarizing within the community and often genuinely beloved is just a testament on how literally deranged damaged and emotionally unfulfilled extremely online furries are. i hate every single one of them and i wish them all the worst. my faghag is the exception though because she's a woman. the main takeaway i got was that nostalgia is fake and sometimes it really is just better to let people out of your life for good. their relationship sucked for both of them and the only reason they got together was they were both gays in a shitty dying rural town and there's nothing else. leo and chase never understood each other enough to resolve their conflicts and chase ghosted him and left for california or wherever for a reason. the message is clear as day and howly could not have been any less subtle about the disaster they are and the fact that so many furries were upset he doesn't get an ending where you two end up being back together drives me up the wall insane. whatever. do better. i will say there are some nice moments between the two but personally i can't take riding on the high of nostalgia seriously. i was creeped out the whole time. amazing character. would blow all my cash to never see him again

wuHFSFE#TZ84zt68549odpsgfčlxkcvjndxvbduehgvbsbhdfns . wait i cantgdbhdgfvbdsbdsd. juuichi was NOT a serve i don't think but he was my sweetheart when i was like 16 and played this game for the first time. i think he's really like emblematic of the aloof cold distant yet protective archetype that i both stan and hate at the same time and like he's hot i mean we can all agree on this. i don't think he's like sociopathic or anything i just genuinely got the impression that hes not that into you that much but that's part of the charm right. when playing through his route for the 4th time i realized a lot of it mirrors when i redacted redacted for redacted. which is to say he just seemed like a straight guy who was kind of friends with you. well when you synthesize this with the context that the main character hasn't seen or talked to him for half a decade it really doesn't take a lot of calculating to get to that conclusion i think it's simple and it should have stayed like that. NO chemistry NO vibe i think if you haven't played his route in a while go back and just see how dry their relationship is. at the very end where he's like wait i guess i kind of like you it just seems fake and annoying 🙄 like if this was real it wouldn't be there you know. genuinely his biggest girlboss moment was where he was homophobic to you i think that was so genius it was kind of out of the blue but you also so expected. like we NEED more homophobia in these games. but his type is so popular i think in part because it's just so unrealistic i mean a lot of us have been in unrequited love situations/anti-fantasies before so to see it undone like that can be kind of cathartic i'll say that. and again he's hot i can't stress this enough if he wasn't hot nobody would care. i will say the route gets more interesting the more you read into it i think morenatsu is an incredible game to project your delusions onto. i understand that their relationship is framed through japanese culture so i'll concede there's some things i just don't understand but i think anyone who plays the game would agree that their dynamic is just not it. i mean anyone with taste that is. he takes all the agency not even wittingly or in a way that would suggest malice and the mc just hands everything over to him also unwittingly it's just so sterile and boring. it almost reads like this weird dom/sub thing but that would at least be exciting. and yet he's one of my favorites just because he was my first real like . nfhdsfgsdhfdf moment. again when i was 16. but i also kind of hate him now but yeah. he's definitely overrated though.

[gemstoneconstellations]

I love your fanfics! And I was wondering do you have any tips for original fanfic writing or just writing fics in general?

wow this actually ended up a lot longer than i thought it would, but here we go!

Original fanfics, hmmmmmm....

What I generally do is base things off of my own personal experience. Like all my iida fics are stuff that happened between me and my husband before we got married. Can’t help falling in love fic with bakugo, that was a previous relationship i had (which there is more to that story). Caught with todoroki..... thats how i got out of a ticket with a cop and how i learned that when i half check someone out and half start thinking about what i would do to that fine man in uniform (curse my uniform kink) that i glare/make a suspicious face. and when he confronted me about what i was doing, ready to write some kind of ticket for whatever i was doing wrong, i was so embarrassed that i blurted out that i found him very attractive and what exactly was on my mind and how i wanted to take that uniform off him.... that has happened with a emt too, i missed the green light looking at his bulging biceps after he rolled up his sleeves to write on a clip board.... he waved and i proceeded to squat in my seat and slam my face against the stirring wheel. escape artist cat was actually a dream i had, someone was taking off my cat’s pretty ribbon collars and putting ugly ones on her and i woke up sooooo mad, but i turned that dream into a romance story (reality kuiper was taking her collars off herself cause she was a brat) Stories about yourself, no matter how small you think it is actually has great potential to become a fic.

its also okay to borrow ideas from other forms of media. I do. example, Silk Maiden, based off of  an old batman episode from the early 2000s. its completely okay to do that. I’m not saying copy and paste the exact scenes. Just take the premises and then change it. some examples, like the movie Brave is the Scottish version of Aladdin. the princess who wants to be free and live her life beyond her princess duties needs to get married and she is not having it and wants to change the rules and runs away to find something new. premise is the same but how the story is told is different, one denies every prince and find her own prince in the streets of her kingdom and the other finds a cake that turns her mom into a bear that helps them understand each other and appreciate each other more. a weeb example is isekais. There are sooooo many isekais. japan, Korea, and china are all mass producing isekais right now. the premises are all the same, someone from one world now in another world primarily thanks to magical truck-kun who is probably could be branded as a mass serial killer at this point. I read a lot and i love korean isekai romance novels. I have read an isekai where the character was a villain who then was reincarnated with the memories of her villainous previous life who decided to live her new life by repenting by helping others but guess what? truck-kun came in the form of a airplane crash and she wakes up again in her first life’s preteen body before she became a villain. I’m reading an isekai isekai, author of an isekai met truck-kun and woke up inside the body of one of her characters in her isekai novel. all the same premise but told in a different way. i want to write an isekai for bnha! take a premise and write what you wanted to see happen between those characters if they were in that situation.

same for some fanfics, like you read a fanfic and you like the story that you read but you wished for something more. You like the idea but you wished that it went in this direction or you wanted different  types of interaction, its okay to write your own fic with the same premises. i’ve done that. (side note: but if you are gonna base off of it where a lot of the stuff is the same the give the proper credit where it deserves. no stealing peoples hard work) thats what fanfic was originally made for, fans wanted something more from their favorite works or wants something different (Thank you star trek fandom who started all this). I’ve read a lot of villain deku fics and i was craving a specific type of villain fic where “he really isnt a villain but is one but there is a reason why hes being evil cause it is for the greater good cause of deku’s savior complex and border line martyr complex he’s had since he was a child” with a side of “hero/villain romance”, “surprise quirk” and “badass” and a healthy scoop of “bakugo becomes a better person on his own without deku at UA through the power of friendship cause he has that potential without deku’s constant interference”. no one had what i wanted, so i started writing it myself.

also dont worry about being original. you can write a common idea that everyone sees a thousand times a day, like isekai, and people will love it. focus on how you are telling your story, dont put so much effort in being different. actually, common or typical tropes/ideas help make the story more relatable. two books can be equally as good but one person can like book A over book B because they felt more connected to the characters in it. they could relate to the emotions that were being conveyed. 

now writing tips....hmmmmm well not everything works for everyone but this is what i do

I write notes down, lots of them. I have notebooks full of notes for my fics. some people can just sit there and start writing, but i like notes to keep me on track and remind me of stuff i wanted to add. Writing it down makes it easier not to forget, cause you are just lying to yourself if you think you’ll remember the idea for later. i got dialogue, scenes, plots, random quirk ideas, diagrams, (12) oc profiles, outlines, lists, and a event idea that i have that i want to do some day, all in my notebook. If you are going to write a long fic i strongly encourage that you do this. Outlines are your friend, they are bones of the story Ex:

Hero By Another Name original outline:

meet at a fire, firefighter impresses kiri who will later seek her out

kiri is becoming popular and wants to share the fame

they bond some how(?)

firefighter kiri, kirishima needs to wear a firefighter uniform

firefighter turns out to be a mega fan of red riot

photoshoot

kirishima finds out shes a nerd and is cool with it

firefighter is now popular

camping with baku or bakusquad?

miscommunication

kirishima does a big confession

I always start off with the key things i want for sure to happen. then i start adding to it. I write out the scene i definitely want to see or i can see clearly in my head. i just keep adding to it till its at least three pages long of just outline that has some images, random dialogue i want someone to say or little summaries of the scene i want.

its okay to jump around when you write. there are some parts that you know you need in a story to help it move a long but it can be boring. so i write one scene that i want to happen next and then i think of what needs to happen to get to that point. like how in hero another name where kirishima shows up unannounced to her apartment  and finds out she hoards all his hero merch while not wearing pants.  how do you make that not sound creepy and have kirishima be okay with it? by adding bits of how much of a fan she is through out the story! when they first have dinner together i threw in that red riot shirt to help break the ice and that he would then know that she was a big enough fan to buy his merch and that she admires him and that he is an inspiration for her. then later adding that interview where she talks about how she became his fan shows that she has years of dedication to him as a hero. so when he sees all the merch she has, it would make sense to him that she had all of that and not go “huh, will i be able to leave this place if i enter?”

if you dont know it, look it up. research. i wrote a fic before where the reader was pregnant the entire time, i started at two months to birth. I knew nothing about pregnancy on how it can affect your daily life and what it feels like beyond what health class and child development class taught me. So i looked it up. there is seriously so much that doctors look for during those many ultrasounds cause there are so many things that can affect your health and the baby’s and did you know there is pregnancy diabetes? you can become diabetic only during pregnancy, like after you give birth it can go away or stay, the human body is just tripy. but thanks to that research, people who have had children before left comments going “yessss, i remember feeling that” or “god, this was my sister in this scene, it sucks”. Its that relatability i mentioned before that really helps and it makes the story more believable.

(this is just my personal opinion mainly here feel free to ignore) when it comes to smut, write what you know and not what you fantasize about. im not calling anyone out but i can tell from how someone writes sex that they never had it and they are most likely younger than me. i’ve experimented a lot in my 25 years of life and i find myself going “oh sweetie, thats not how the vagina/anus works” when i read fics sometimes. there are guides online that are very informative and tell you what the feelings are like that you would expect. dont rely on porn too much on how sex works physically, maybe for dialogue. (i think of porn as just live action fanfics for the human mating ritual fandom). its okay to use other smuts as reference tools as well, especially if you dont know anything of the bdsm lifestyle.

beta readers help a lot. if you are unsure of ideas that you have, talk it out with a friend. I sometimes do this for myself or help others with their fics. its actually a lot of fun with a group of people where you just keep shooting off ideas together about stuff and just go all out fangirlling to the point you are rolling on the ground smiling. this can help with writers block or motivate you to keep writing. also having another pair of eyes to look at your fics, not just for corrections but for input on the story can help make it better. someone can see things from a different angle and point stuff out to you, plot holes or things that you can add.

im not sure what else to say other than stuff like format and spacing. sometimes i see people who write too long of paragraphs or there is no clear separation between them. thats killer on the eyes and makes me not want to read at all cause all i see is this wall of text thats just overwhelming. i want to call who ever formatted textbooks cause thats how they do it and it makes it so hard to concentrate on reading and absorbing the info. if i see fics with no clear breaks or long running paragraphs, i usually give up half way cause i just cant do it. its hard to keep track where you are reading and you start trying to focus on it too much that the story is just lost on me. it is hard on people like me who have dyslexia (who ever called it that is just cruel to people who have it cause you can never spell it without spell check and pronouncing it is just ugggh) 

i hope this helps

[bazpitch]

a few gay thoughts on wayward son (aka i am disappointed) / a rainbow rowell tutorial: bury ur gay (relationships) by turning them into a dumpster fire

i am very mad and disappointed with wayward son for a lot of reasons and im pretentious so here’s an entire essay about SOME THINGS i hate ab the gay related stuff because this is a better way to spend my time than doing the thousand things i have to do for school and because i am a gender studies minor and a lesbian who spent my most formative years on tumblr! also im sooo sorry im not articulate in this because i am very tired and very angry. 

something i don’t talk about in this was the absolute trainwreck of a plot, but just wanted to say that the plot is a trainwreck and the end is a complete cash grab.

i really don’t know how to start this because i have a lot of thoughts, but i think that i’m going to focus on how there was literally no (healthy) snowbaz

okay, i may be wearing rose colored lenses for this one, but, in my opinion, snowbaz was a lot more nuanced in carry on, simply because there was a lot more development in their relationship, with the entire enemies to lovers procession. they both had to learn to trust eachother and other things that are necessary for literally every relationship which is fantastic. whether they were functioning and healthy and not toxic (considering how they were enemies like two months b4 the end of the novel) at the end is a whole other debate but i will not get into that here. basically, what i am saying is that we DO see some healthy development within carry on. for example, by being vulnerable with simon, baz learns to open up to other people.

however, within wayward son, we do NOT. we just get 350 pages of complete bullshit with random bits of ‘baz hates me’ and ‘simon hates me’ sprinkled throughout. THIS MAKES SENSE! i am not saying that it is not realistic for simon and baz to be insecure! however, i AM saying that there is zero communication and it is very unhealthy and bad!!! 

i find it concerning that rainbow literally did not write one heart to heart into wayward son in which they both voice their concerns regarding their insecurities. like being in a relationship where you’re convinced the other person secretly hates you is horrible !! it feels fucking shitty !!! not communicating about this is not angsty it’s super bad and you’re fucking yourself and your relationship over and i don’t know HOW rainbow plans to convince us that baz and simon do not at least need a break in the next book, considering that there is already TrOuBle at WaTfOrD apparently, which makes me think that like this book, next book won’t focus much on snowbaz.

personally, i would’ve preferred a book that had a plot that didn’t seem mad-libbed (which is a whole other thing), and actually, like carry on, had some healthy emotional development. like first we had carry on: emotional vulnerability n this could’ve been wayward son: healthy communication. i am not saying that it was not realistic for simon and baz to be extremely closed off in this book and not communicating a lot, as they were in extremely high pressure situations for much of it. (which i may add did not connect at all; for example are they really not getting shit for blowing up all of those vampires at that festival? and what the fuck was the end with the silicon valley tech bros? like ex machina did it better who cares. i wouldve preferred that part to be left out and for a few trump jokes to be thrown in)

overall, i wish this book focused more on each character’s emotional development and was thus more character driven than plot driven. a book that was character driven would’ve connected way better to the first book as well, as we would’ve gotten to focus on lucy and maybe read about old characters such as fiona and nico. (also speaking of fiona is baz really not like. does he just never talk about the fact that his aunt that he loves murders members of his species. i would’ve rather read about his thoughts on this rather than some 300 year old hag eye fucking him, who literally is not old enough to drink in the us)

i’m very tired but ultimately i love carry on because of the gay and the gay in this was underdeveloped bad and also sad. something i want to talk ab more but am too lazy to talk about rn is how younger lgbtq ppl might see the romance within this book, because now i do know that it is unhealthy and i genuinely do not think that in this universe baz and simon should be together for right now at least, but a few years ago i definitely would have glorified it. 

@ rainbow just let the gays be happy. that is why we read this. we already have enough media with emotionally stunted gays in unhealthy relationships we did not need this. like literally all i wanted from this was happy gays

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[yuichiroswife]

Happy Valentine’s Day~!

//I wanna say a big happy Valentine’s Day to everyone who follows my blog~! It really means a lot to me that so many of you have stuck by me through both good times and bad times. So many of you have supported me from the very start, while others are just beginning to join. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever had so many friends in my life and I can’t tell you just how happy it makes me. I’m in tears as we speak. So I just thought it would be nice to wish everyone a lovely holiday. I’m also gonna tag a few of my partners/friends/family that I wanna specifically wish a happy Valentine’s day. So without further ado, let’s get to it:

@forgottenlunarchild - Anne, there is so much that I have to say about you but I’m afraid that if I do... I won’t have any room for anyone else. Haha~! No, but seriously, we’ve only been friends for a few months now but it absolutely feels like forever. You understand me better than anyone has ever even attempted to in my life and I can’t thank you enough for that. I cherish you so much that it’s not even funny. I just feel that we have a really special bond together and if I didn’t have you, I don’t know what I’d do. I love you so so much and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@xkilluas - Dia, me and you go way back a whole three years. Having you as my Mika’s twin was so much fun and having you as a friend is even better. I remember when we found out that our birthdays were only six days apart so we had a whole birthday week on Tumblr. I really love how close we got in such a short time of meeting because you are one of the people that I really hold close to my heart no matter what. We’ve both been through a lot together and I want you to know that I’ll always be beside you whenever you need someone. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@monophagia - Veeerrrroooo~! Let me just say how much I look up to you. You have been my idol for the longest time ever. I think you’re just an absolutely amazing person and a beautiful artist. I don’t care what anyone says, you are one of the best people I have ever met and I won’t stand for others being so rude to you, even if I can’t do much. You are always valid in my eyes and if you ever want someone to talk to, I’m always here for you. *hugs tightly* Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@theothany - It’s Kira-Senpai~! You were like... one of my very first follows and the very first Guren that I interacted with on Tumblr. You were the literal shit (the good kind) in my eyes when I first joined Tumblr. I always thought your writing skills were so amazing and that you fit Guren’s character so well. It was a shame to see you leave Tumblr for so long but to have you come back again is just amazing. I’ve really missed you and I’m glad we can talk some more again. ^^ Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@ichinose-yuki - Han, at first I didn’t know what to make of your OC since Guren never had an actual sibling in the Light Novel or Manga, but I’m really glad that I gave you a chance because it blossomed into a beautiful friendship. Me and you have known each other for a whole year now and it’s been nothing but funny mischief. I really enjoy how much we talk about our OCs to each other and how we help each other with IRL issues as well. You are like my sister from another mister. I really hope we can see each other someday soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@maniacal-namanari - Alis, you’re such a sweet little cutie. I love both you and your muse so much, like... I cannot express it in words. I know that things in your life as of late have been really hard, but I hope that things get better and know that I’m here for you if you ever need someone. You’re such a nice person and deserve the best, keep doing a great job at turning your life around. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@elyon-kurae - Lily, my sweet little angsty friend, you are a beautiful artist and an amazing friend. Don’t let others, especially your family, put you down for anything ever. Your feelings matter and know you always have a special place here on my blog. Both you and Elyon have a place in me and Mika’s heart. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@laserkittenlucy - Kitty~! It’s one of my besties~! I love how our friendship started over being tired and rambling about cheese. I actually still have that cheese poem you wrote, haha! Anyway, you are one of the sweetest people I have ever met and I wanna say thank you for staying by my side through so much stuff. You really are a true friend and I hope you know how much I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day and tell your girlfriend I say the same to her please~!

@theliquoricelord - It’s Bay-Bay~! I hope that you’re doing well today and I also want to apologize for not responding to our chat yet, I get distracted by literally everything and forget stuff. I wanted to throw you in on this list since you’re really fun to talk to and I really enjoy listening to the things that you like. I hope we can continue our conversation soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@thepurrfectchat - Wolf-kun~! Hello from the other siiiide~! *shot* Let me just say that I cannot express in words how much you mean to me. I am so happy that we became friends two years ago, like... you don’t even know. I found it so adorable how you were scared to talk to me, even though I’m trash, and it made me so happy to know you wanted to interact with me. You are my favorite Chat Noir roleplayer to be honest with you. You do such an amazing job and your writing is just so beautiful. Thank you so much for being my friend. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@sinceritxte - Vexxie~! Fam~! My bestie~! You are one giant meme and I love you. Talking to you so much on Facebook is so much fun and I cannot express just how much I love you. I love how our friendship started over you screaming about Mikayuu and Shunaru in my IM box, which caused me to start screaming back about Gureshin as well. Me and you just clicked so well and like... I’m so grateful for it. You have stuck by my side through a lot and that means a lot to me, especially since I know how bad your situation is at home. You’re a true fighter and I look up to you in that sense. Not to mention that your artwork is beautiful. I hope that life gets better for you really soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@ultimateuob - Sammi~! I love talking to you so much, especially about Danganronpa and all of your ideas for Rantaro or fan fictions. Honestly the day you followed me, I legit screamed for like an hour. You’re such a sweet person who doesn’t get enough credit for what you do. You don’t deserve to be treated as badly as you do and if it were up to me, I would smother you in love and plushies. I hope you realize how much you mean to me. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@dusk-hero - I miss you so much, Li! I really hope that you’re doing well and that life is going right for you because you’re honestly such an amazing and caring person. I remember when we first met and how nice you were to me. You were actually the very first Kureto to ever interact with me and that made me so happy. I was a bit scared at first but after some time, I absolutely fell in love with you and the way you mused for Kureto. Everything about you just made me so happy and I always felt calm around you. I really hope that you see this and I hope that you have a nice day/ Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@lieutenant-ichinose - Eteif, you’re such an annoying little monster I swear- I’m just kidding~! You are my adorable little IRL sister and I love you so much. I don’t think that I’ve tell you that enough. You’re always so busy with school and volleyball that I barely ever get to see you anymore, but that’s okay because you’re doing something with your life and you’re gonna make something of yourself. I’m so proud of how smart you’ve become and I’m so proud of you for coming in second place of all two hundred freshmen in the entire school for the ranking of Valedictorian. You’re already way beyond me. Keep working hard so you can get out of this hell hole that we call home, don’t be like your failure sister and make everyone proud! Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@stestylius - Stephie~! Ah Stephie, sweet little Stephie. I remember the first time we ever interacted. It was on your Yuu blog, back when I thought you were a boy to be honest. I’m sorry, haha! It was very interesting the way you played Yuu and eventually I ended up meeting Nakia and Kagero. I will admit that I wasn’t fond of Nakia at first but then she really grew on me. I especially love our Pirate!AU the most, we have to continue that at some point! Don’t even get me started on all of the lovely artwork you made for the both of us during our roleplay adventures. That massive monster Mika attacking the pirate ship was awesome! I was screaming about it for weeks. You’re one of my dear friends that I hold close to my heart and I don’t know what I’d do without you honestly. I hope that life is being kind to you and I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day~!

@joker-yogi - Vess, I honestly never thought that we’d be as close as we are now. Back then I used to avoid many people because I was afraid to interact with so many different people. You were actually one of those people. I didn’t know how to approach you so I just kinda stayed away and watched from afar. Though after some bad events I had with my ex-girlfriend, you were one of the main people to come and check on me to see if I was alright, which really surprised me. From then forward, you became like... one of my best friends and I can’t thank you enough for it. Having all those Skype calls with you were so much fun and I can’t wait to do it again soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@snipec - Rinny, baby~! I love you so much~! I remember when you first messaged me on your Shinya about being friends since I followed your art blog. I was literally so surprised that you asked me that to be honest, mainly because out of so many people, you asked me. I know it probably doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is for me since I never had many friends. I loved every single chat we had, especially when we were both fangirling over Shinya and Mika. Your artwork is just so beautiful and I cherish every bit of it, even if it’s just scribbles. Haha. You are such a sweet little angel and I can’t thank you enough for everything. You always make me so happy. I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day~!

@resoluteseraph - Hiiii, Yuuichirou-Mun~! I’m sorry that I can’t actually call you by your name or a nickname since I never had the chance to learn your name. ;; I hope you can forgive me for that. Well... I suppose I could call you Eureka since that’s part of your name on Discord but that’s entirely up to you. Anyway, I really hope that you’re having a lovely day today and hope that you are able to spend today with someone you love and cherish. I really enjoyed the few times we talked and I love seeing you on my dashboard. I hope that we can talk more in the future, happy Valentine’s Day~!

@yuu--chan - Mika~! I miss you a whole lot and really hope that your life is going a whole lot better than it has been. I saw all of the stuff that happened on your Instagram and let me just say, you didn’t deserve all of that. You are a very sweet and loving person in my eyes. You are an absolute angel and I love you. You were one of my very first Tumblr friends and I consider you one of my best friends. We always had so much fun talking until like... five in the morning. I really hope we can do this again soon. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@tatsu-rose-bathory - It’s Georgie, my little Tumblr sister~! Okay, you were my second follower on Tumblr and can I just say how much it means to me that you’ve stuck around? I used to be so scared of you and your blog because of how many really popular people you used to interact with. I was terrified that they would see me try to be your friend and laugh at how mediocre I was, but after talking to you and roleplaying those first few times, I absolutely fell in love with both you and Tatsu. I love the dynamic we have for our muses as well. It’s just so nice. I really hope you’re having a nice day and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@korosukoto - Ceru, you little bugger! Having you back in the roleplay community is so awesome! Granted that you’re in a completely different fandom now, but that doesn’t really matter to me. You make an amazing Koro-Sensei and you had me completely fooled when you first started messaging me. I thought you were someone else, haha! It means so much to me that you took into consideration about me missing how we used to roleplay together. I’m really happy to have you back. It amazes me how perfect you are for Koro-Sensei, it seriously feels like I’m talking to him! Not to mention you make a really good Kureto with my Mika and an amazing Kouen for my Ja’far. I also have to thank you for always being there for me through LITERALLY everything for about... four or five years now. I love you so much and hope you have an amazing Valentine’s Day.

@saigo-no-utahime - Hina~! I was really surprised by how alike me and you were from the very start. To be honest, I never expected us becoming friends or anything like that. I mean, our blogs were so different... yet we somehow ended up talking to each other and now we’re besties. You are a very sweet young woman who a lot of people misunderstand and it really makes me angry how rude people are to you. Know that you’re always welcome here on my blog or in my IMs. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@seventeenthprogenitor-chess - Shimmer, my sweet twiny. I don’t know where I would be without you honestly. You have been the person that has guided me through so much for our entire life together. I know that I would have been utterly lost without you. You were always the one who would pick me up when I fell both mentally and emotionally. You never left me by myself, even when you were dealing with your own problems. You are legit my saving grace, the light at the end of a dark tunnel. You’re a blessing. Never in a million years will I ever forget everything that you have done for me. I hope that you’re having fun in college. I miss you and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@seventeenthprogenitor-horn - It’s my sensei, Nadeshiko~! You have taught me so much about helping others and how to learn from my mistakes. You have such a big heart and I can’t believe just how loving you are, especially after knowing what you’ve had to live through and witness while growing up. I know that both of your parents and your older brother would be proud of you. You took something extremely depressing/negative and turned it into something positive that you can build yourself off of. You have become my role model and that’s why I call you my sensei. I remember when we met as small children and you couldn’t understand a word I was saying because you only spoke Japanese. Teaching you English was so much fun and you’re gotten really good at it. Thank you for always sticking by my side, even after you went back to Japan. It means the world to me. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@nobleelegance - Semmi~! It’s so sorry that you’re stuck with that nickname now because of me. Anyway, I wanted to tell you just how thankful I am for you teaching me a lot of the things I know now. If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be dumber than I am, haha. Really though, it means a lot that you would take time out of your day to help me so often, especially since you’re so busy with school. You’re like a little brother to me and watching you grown into a fin young man has really been an eye opener for me. It feels like just yesterday that you were a little kid that didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing and now look at you, got the intelligence of someone who’s in their fourth year of college.I know that your mother would be proud of you, because I know I am. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart~!

@thirteenthprogenitor-crowley - It’s my partner in crime~! Rei, I absolutely love having you around. You always make me laugh so much and we always get into some kind of trouble. I’m really glad that we met and you’re like an older sister to me, one that understands the struggles of not being considered the “successful older sibling” because you’re out done by the younger one. Let me tell you something though, that’s perfectly okay. You don’t have to be the absolute best, you don’t have to be the smartest or the strongest. You’re perfect how you are. That was something some really close friends taught me and something you always tell me. Know that the people who matter, are you, your close friends, and the family that cares about you. I will always be on your side. Happy Valentine’s Day, Rei~!

@theforgottenprincetepes - Candy~! I really love hearing you sing for me on special holidays. I also want to say how proud I am of you for being so amazing with you writing style. You’ve come such a long way from how you used to write. Please make sure to always do your best, okay? I hope you have a nice Valentine’s Day~!

@fallenelegance - Teddy the teddy bear~! I hope everything with your situation at work has sorted itself out and I hope that you’re having a really nice day. It’s been a while since I’ve last seen you but that doesn’t really matter because you’re still on of my besties. We totally need to hang out and play Void again at some point. Anyway, please keep being absolutely hilarious and thank you so much for being a real friend to me. I love you and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@thunderdemon-raimeiki - Mag, hello you beautiful girly. I am so proud of how much you’ve grown into a beautiful young woman. You have struggle for so long and have been through so much. You are really strong and I know that you’re gonna make it in life. Please remember that we’re all here for you no matter what happens. I love you and happy Valentine’s Day~!

@aoiozora - Hey Aoi~! It’s been a while since I’ve spoken to you and I really hope that you’re doing alright. You were really fun to talk to the few times we talked via asks and we both enjoyed a lot of the same things, such as Owari no Seraph and Mystic Messenger. I’ve been looking at your blog pretty often as of late so I apologize for any possible spam I gave you. Anyway, happy Valentine’s Day~!

@travis-thedemonvalkrum-x - Damien, you are one crazy motherfucker and I love you for it. You’re another person that I never imagined making friends with, but I don’t regret it in the slightest. Both you and Vess are two of my best friends who I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. You’re like a little brother to me, honestly. I always look forward to talking to you. I really hope that today is treating you right. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@lestkarrkingofeurope - Tsunami, the salty wave of purification salt~! How are you doing? ^^ I really hope that you’re having a good time today and hope that the rest of your year goes well. I wanted to thank you for all the times you stood up for me with a lot of the really nasty and rude anonys. You’re a very kind and fun person to talk to and watch from the dashboard, I always look forward to your content. I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day~!

@human-s - I keep wanting to call you the nickname I have for my dog because you share the same name. Lola, you are just a sweet little muffin who needs to be appreciated and loved. You play a lovely Shusaku and I enjoy seeing you appear on my dashboard. We haven’t talked too much as of late which kinda sucks but sometimes that can’t be helped, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you should never let anyone stop you from doing what you enjoy. Happy Valentine’s Day~!

@childoflegend - Kyra, the smol angsty bean. I hope that you have a very nice day that isn’t filled with stress or anything like that. You deserve to be appreciated and loved no matter what anyone else says. I’ll fight them all for you. I’m always here if you ever need to talk and I want to say just how much I adore your edits and drabbles, along with your artwork. Never get discouraged when wanting to pursue something you love. Happy Valentine’s Day sweety~!

[writesbatty]

days 14-29

complete with unedited content notes from the facebook group i’m in

29/30

i love to rewrite the classics

to make persephone send hades running

(keep that 'rewriting the story of persephone as a love story’ shit several hundred miles from me, thanks.)

to give echo back her voice

to let arachne weave her tapestries once more

rewrite pride and prejudice so lydia bennet does not marry a rapist

get jane eyre out of her aunt's home sooner rather than later

find ophelia a therapist

remind everyone that tragedy can still have a happy ending

  28/30 content warning: mentions/discussions of sex and consent. this is very vulnerable and im uncomfortable and DOING IT ANYWAY rip

.

.

.

i tell my boyfriend i think we should start scheduling sex

but that this is not some indication of failure in our relationship

i know he worries that my complicated relationship with sex is some reflection of how attractive i find him

(it doesn't help that the past few years seem to have taken my ease of flattery away from me

i don't know when it got so hard to tell the love of my life he looks good in tank tops

and black jeans like the ones he wore when i met him)

but it's not that

it's that i don't think about it, the same way i don't notice i am hungry till i'm starving, don't notice i'm thirsty till my head aches and spins, don't notice i am anxious until i am already in the middle of panic

it's that i was in a relationship where i never thought about the word no, it never occurred to me as an option, and now i end up consumed with pointless worry that i do not really want this

i try to talk to my therapist about these things, but i never really know what to say

how to explain my ex never set out to hurt me and half of it was my fault, but i am still feeling the aftershocks years later

without sounding like i am making excuses

(maybe i am, i don't know, i have always had a hard time with blame, with holding others accountable)

but at the same time i never want to imply what happened was more serious than it was

nothing like a genuine violation, nothing that should label me victim or survivor

nothing like what others have gritted their teeth and fought through

maybe some of it is the meds

it's hard to tell

how much is the meds and how much is the trauma and how much is just me

and why has it been six years and i still can't

-casually tell my boyfriend he has a nice ass

-sit in my boyfriend's lap

-fearlessly messily uninhibitedly make out with my boyfriend

because some paranoid corner of my mind is afraid to say 'no'

(nothing would happen if i said no, because everything would stop happening, it's not fear that makes me question, it's the idea of disappointing someone i love, and that's all on me, not on him)

my boyfriend is an angel with a nice ass

(seriously, i am not overstating this, he has a very nice, round butt)

and when i tell him

i think we should start scheduling sex

he kisses the top of my head

and talks about how bob and linda on bob's burgers schedule sex, and they have like, the best marriage on television, so clearly we're in good company

and pulls me over to the couch to feed me ice cream and scratch my back

  27/30 warning for like. harry potter/jkr 'discourse' or something i guess?

listen, we all should have known jk rowling was going down in flames the moment she made harry james potter a fucking MAGICAL COP at the end of the series

i have a list of problems with the deathly hallows epilogue that is longer than the actual epilogue and this is at least three of them

will somebody cut harry a fucking break?

why on earth would someone punish this abused, traumatized, exhausted person by giving them a career that will repeatedly remind them of every bad thing that has ever happened, which is most things that have happened to harry potter

harry potter should have been the defense against the dark arts instructor

harry potter has intimately seen both sides, every inch of light and dark

and he saw them as a child, he grew in them like a weed in brackish water, an in between neither fresh nor salt

(but he chose good, he always chose good, and it was always a choice, and it wasn't always easy)

let him teach other children to protect themselves

let him eat lunch with neville longbottom so they can discuss their students and make sure no teacher ever treats kids the way snape treated his students

the way snape treated harry and neville

let harry spend his weekends in hogsmeade with friends both old and new remembering only the light spots in the dark days of his schooling

let him know the joy of helping a struggling student

(this is how he will carry on remus lupin's legacy; that and the bar of honeyduke's finest chocolate in his desk)

let harry potter retire and spoil the ever loving shit out of all of his grandchildren

let harry potter put the past behind him

consider the fact that we don't all want to devote our lives

to fighting the demons we met in childhood

  26/30

nightmare at 20,000 feet is the most terrifying episode of the twilight zone

and what an apt title

what an apt metaphor

because what could ever be more nightmare then knowing the worst is just outside the window

but no one else can see it

25/30 this ends like super abruptly but idk how to end it Properly and i need sleep so. shrug emoji.

it's like a bad joke, this harmless word that never stops following me

you know those tasteless reddit posts about trigger warnings? how there's 'no way' someone could be traumatized by something so normal

so small

that's me. i am that joke.

a man at the aquarium calls his young daughter pumpkin and i–

i swallow a wave of nausea

i try to ignore the way my skin begins to crawl

and my heart speeds up

and i can hear the sound of his voice

it's like time travel

it's like a curse

just say 'pumpkin' and i fly back in time and it's like my body does not know that he is dead

that he hasn't called me pumpkin in nearly a decade

you would think it would be the mocking, the insults, that would ring like shots through my echo chamber brain

but

it's that fucking petname

it's 'i'm sorry, pumpkin' in his voice and the look in his eyes as he digs the hole in my chest just a little bit deeper with another fake apology

an apology all for him

when he came to my high school graduation there were rules

-he could not drink

-he could not apologize

-he could not call me pumpkin

24/30

it's funny

this disconnect between the me i know and the me other people know

at home i pace the floor, building up the courage to call for a cab

at work they tell me i am good with people, that i am no nonsense

at home, i twist my hair in my fingers as i struggle to tell my partner of nearly six years i need something to eat

at school they called me confident, self assured

i wonder where this other me is when i need them most

where is this confident and self assured version of me when something actually happens?

when someone is in trouble?

when someone gropes me in the street?

when someone needs them?

when i need them?

23/30

weirdly specific sections i wish i could find at the bookstore:

unconventional sci written by women and queer people

dystopian fiction that ends hopefully

non-ableist romance novels with disabled protagonists written by disabled people

young adult romance novels about lesbians and magic with happy endings

poetry for queer girls who really like artemisia gentileschi's art

collections of personal essays about hospital waiting rooms

college kids from dysfunctional families getting their shit together and falling in love

narratives about found families of misfits

young adult novels about queer romance and theatre kids

the exact novels you needed to read at 15 when you were scared and alone and will still make you cathartically sob while reading in a public park

(this last section is real except it's just the francesca lia block shelves in the young adult section)

how to guides on how to be a person when your body and the world you live in are crumbling to pieces rapidly

advice on how to make your best friends move out of state to be closer to you

novels where the protagonist goes through hell but they come out the other side and are still an essentially good and optimistic person despite their trauma because the world is a terrifying place and we need fiction and narrative to remind us of the potential for hope

22/30

edit: i just word vomit typed this directly into the comment box and it got weirdly long so Be Aware

elle woods is my personal hero

i'm blonde

'yes sarah'

i'm sure you're thinking

'i know, i have seen you'

but it's more than that, okay? i am blonde on the inside. my heart and soul are blonde. i talk to people and they say 'i can't imagine you not blonde' because the concept of me any other way is absurd

maybe because its the one thing everyone always loved about me. when i was a kid, everyone wanted to play with my hair. i had barbie hair, disney princess hair. long blonde waves like strands of gold.

i grew up telling blonde jokes, so everyone would know i was Smart and Cool. i got teased for being a nerd and a four eyes and for awhile everyone called me 'dictionary' because i knew how to spell zombie. smart was more important to me than cool, but i still told blonde jokes. the blonde swims ninety percent of the way to the other shore, gets tired, and swims all the way back, and god if that isn't a metaphor for my life. god if i haven't spent 25 years fighting not to be the blonde who turned back.

when i almost failed math in my freshman year of high school my father told me i should give up and become a playboy bunny because i didn't have a future. a childhood friend asks when i will grow out of the color pink.

i am a blonde the way i am pink. spiteful. elle woods walking malibu barbie through the halls of harvard. elle woods taking notes in pink sparkling pen. elle woods handing in her scented resume printed on pink paper.

elle woods saying

'what, like it's hard?'

i tape my thesis pages to the wall with glitter tape and pin my blonde hair back with a flower clip and i wear baby pink leather heels with bows on them.

'what, like it's hard?'

21/30

why do the aliens always want to kill us?

why do we always build a giant weapon?

why can't the aliens come to earth to help us?

why aren't scifi movies about healing?

20/30

ode to vestibular stimming

i do not like metal music

i'm sorry, it's just not my thing

but good god do i understand why people head bang

and why people mosh

when i was a kid i loved jumping on the trampoline, and the way it made my heart and brain jump and soar and bounce

now i can't jump on trampolines anymore but

i can listen to british pop music in my living room and laugh and feel that soar and jump and bounce as i swing my head from side to side and up and down and sometimes, for extra fun, twist my torso around a little

like i am so much energy and so little body but finally it has somewhere to go as my hair swishes against my face and an unstoppable grin spreads across my face and

don't you ever wanna just let go?

don't you ever wanna shake your head until the dizzy chases everything else away?

19/30

i like to talk to the creatures in the tanks when i do my aquarium rounds

the old man of an octopus in the floor tank i call gramps

my favorite sea star, a purple velcro star in the touch tanks, i call zippy

mostly i just call everything 'buddy'

'hey buddy, how ya doing today?' or 'come on buddy, scootch down from the top of the glass'

i apologize to the anemones when they close up because people have touched them too much

and i apologize to the jellies when it takes me more than one try to scoop them out so i can change their water

in middle school i noticed a rip on my baby doll's neck so i made her a neck brace from the sash of a build a bear robe and propped her up on pillows every night, so she wouldn't rip anymore

i am nearly 25 and i still feel guilty when my stuffed animals fall to the ground

i am nearly 25 and i keep multiple stuffed animals in the bed i share with my boyfriend of nearly six years

a common misconception of autism and other similar social disorders is that people on the spectrum do not experience empathy

and in some cases this is true

but an often ignored aspect of these disorders is that anything you could lack, you can also have too much of

hyper-empathy is when you are so receptive to others feelings they become your own

they become so much your own it causes you physical distress

and everything

everything

has feelings

i once got sad about throwing away a pair of pants because i had them for just... so long

i once cried on an apartment balcony because my neighbors i had never met, never even SEEN, were fighting

today i watched a young boy scare simon, a seagull who hangs out by the aquarium, by screaming at him

and it broke my heart a little even though i not especially fond of birds and am, in fact, kind of afraid of them

sometimes i sit and think about the things my dad experienced and my aching too big heart thinks

maybe it was okay

maybe the things he said were okay, because of what happened to him

my aching too big heart always forgets

things happened to my mother, too

things happened to me, too

and neither of us turned out like that

articles on the internet talk about hyper-empathy like a super power

call it 'being an empath'

to me it has always felt more like a bruise

like my aching too big heart just can't stop pumping blood to the tender surface of my skin

18/30

a very angry letter to a lady who came into the aquarium yesterday. less poem and more just 'complaining' but wow, i am still mad like 36 hrs later

for the love of god, lady

what is your fucking problem?

you are a grown adult. you have multiple children, some of whom are teenagers, and this is how you behave, in public, in front of your family?

are you incapable of basic human decency? did no one ever teach you manners?

yes, there is a disabled person and their caretaker in this aquarium, and yes the person is making noise. people make noise. you are in a fucking public place. children scream in here literally all the time. the seals scream. parents scream. sometimes the people who work here scream, because it is the only way you can hear us over the damn seals.

so why, lady, do you feel the need to make some rude ass comment about a person you don't even know, and look at me like

you expect me to play along

i wish i could say something to you but i am an employee and that is not polite but

if i was just a person i would tell you to shove it

but i wish i could have been a staff member AND told you to shove it

so i could have told you, hey, lady

this person helping you, telling you all this information about sea stars, is also fucking disabled

and your rude as hell eye roll and 'oh great, here we go' and 'really?' and loud scoffing is not appreciated

and frankly you can kiss my autistic ass and get the fuck out

17/30

capitalism is broken

and the reason i know this is because of jurassic park

not the franchise but the canon, the universe it exists in

every time i complain about the jurassic park universe

demanding to know why, for the love of GOD, do people keep opening these parks full of dangerous dinosaurs

someone always tells me 'the money, obviously'

as if capitalism was a reasonable excuse for making a super t-rex that eats people

as if money were an excuse for making yet another death trap

yet another super dinosaur that's going to –inevitably– escape and eat and/or traumatize someone

the idea that the people who built jurassic world looked at the events of jurassic park and thought

the money is worth it

we won't fuck up this time

is completely fucking baffling to me

i suppose maybe i am meant to see this as a heartwarming representation of the american refusal to fail

if at first you don't succeed, try try again, after all!

but i think about the news article i read last night

about how insurance companies worry curing diseases is not profitable

and i think about all the lives lost and therapy needed because everyone in jurassic world refused to learn from john hammond's mistakes

and i don't think any of this is saying americans refuse to fail

it's just saying we don't care how many times we kill people if there's good money to be made

16/30, inspired by how affectionate the characters on new girl are with each other

all through high school i did theatre, and i don't know if this is a universal theatre kid thing, or just something we all did

but we were all about physical contact

we were a bunch of misfit touch starved pets

piling seven teenagers on one sofa, every part of you touching somebody, every part of you warm

and i miss that

all that platonic but physical affection

i am a very affectionate person, and i find myself fighting to seem 'normal' in social situations

reminding myself not to wrap my arms around people, or rest a hand on someone's leg, or call casual friends babe, or offer people bites of food

this is how i lived all of high school

sitting in laps, holding hands in the halls, kisses hello, shared drinks and forks

i miss it

i don't understand our desire as a society to deem intimate touch romantic

why shouldn't i kiss my best friend on the cheek? why shouldn't friends hold hands?

we are social creatures, after all

we don't start out like this

we sleep in heaps at slumber parties, we play doctor, we play house, we do each other's hair

why does all that stop because we get old enough to want to kiss people?

doesn't that seem silly?

15/30 write more love poems about your friends guys. love your friends tell people you love them. i love telling people i love them. i love u. all of u. here's a poem about my best friend aka the greatest human on earth, the guildenstern to my rosencrantz

so i've known my best friend since 9th grade

except

except actually i met her in 3rd grade and didn't know it until 10th grade

and she wasn't my best friend until college

except

except she was, i think, maybe the whole time and we just didn't know it

on my fifteenth birthday she came with me to get my nose pierced and gave me a hand drawn birthday card that quoted my favorite green day song

once we spent six hours on skype drawing bad caricatures of celebrities

and when i left to grab a snack she yelled after me

"don't you go where i can't follow"

our senior year we read "rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead" for ap english and we started calling each other rosencrantz and guildenstern

and when she gave her senior project speech on william faulkner she cried, not because she was nervous, but because she loves faulkner and she got emotional

she is exactly 12 days older than me, and a taurus, and she plays a bunch of different instruments and one day we're going to start a folk punk band called the rebel amish

last summer we went to the deyoung together and laid in a shag covered bean bag chair watching the light show in the summer of love exhibit for like an hour

and we took a selfie in some giant gold antique mirror

and when i picture my future, she is as much a part of it as my boyfriend

this other love of my life, this girl with the bright eyes and the once broken nose and who is always willing to sit and talk about books

or the shitty people we went to high school with

or weird titles for potential memoirs

this amazing person, who is the only person i would trust to drive me through marin county while eating a mcdonalds cheeseburger

it is a different kind of love, sure

but it is a love story

and it is ours

14/30 which i wrote but forgot to post because i was playing video games

i wish my own mysteries were this easy to solve

just look for the spot that glows

and unearth what's hiding

no crying

no years of therapy

no buried memories

just point and click

[botchbatch]

book rec/review: they both die at the end

sorry, we the ants this is my new favourite

they both die at the end by Adam Silvera

they both die at the end is a coming of age novel following lifes short ends of the stick. it was so heartbreaking to read, but i loved every second of it. heres how it goes, they live in a world where death-cast exists, a system where you get a phone call from them and you know youre dying today. this hits one of the main characters, mateo, an introverted and paranoid guy upon learning he’s got less than a day to live. i wished he had better chances, because his mom died, his dad was in a coma- he really was alone in all this. but not for long.

thats when you meet rufus, an orphan with a bit of spite to him. he gets the call while beating up his ex-girlfriends new guy who talked trashed about him, so go figure. at first he’s a bit of a delinquent, but with his friends by his side (malcom and tagoe) i couldnt help but feel like he didnt deserve it at all. 

anyways, they meet upon both downloading an app for deckers- deckers is a term used in the novel for people who are going to die- called Last Friend where you find your last friend. this first part is spoiler-free as it gets, so i wont get into detail of how things go no matter how badly i want to. anyways, the novel tells you to live every day like its your last, because sometimes it really is. especially with them, because the rest of the story is an ongoing adventure, and it made me feel so many things in the matter of hours. 

the book lets you jump into their shoes, knowing theyve only got a day to live. character development was so strong. it tells you to jump out of your comfort zone, and be someone who isnt scared of their own skin for once. you have the confidence, just find it. i found it better for the two main characters to be together during the time they had left, if the story just consisted of one person trying to do everything by themselves, i wouldve found it unrealistic. throughout the book they grow together and learn to be better versions of themselves with the help of each others company. it really goes to show how much we need other people in life. 

i read the book expecting a bromance- friendship is magic trope, but was generally even more pleased. it wasnt as make-believe as i made it to be, and this book hit me hard. it shoved facts in my face-- its true!! you dont know which day is your last!! moral of the story: live life to the fullest, be confident, make friends. death is upsetting, but dont let it bring you down. if theres one book thats going to stick with me-- its this one. its so bitter and beautiful and heartbreaking and i love it. read this book, seriously. 

i dont know how i could spoil the book further, when the title is probably the biggest spoiler in many stories. but heres a warning.

SPOILERS COMING UP, MINOR, BUT STILL

i just want to touch this topic because im so frustrated by it yet oddly accepting- i hate how they have to die at the end. honestly, the title says it all, and theres no way you could really jump around it. this statement does not mean i hate the book, its so amazing to me. i just- it was so bitter and i cried so much just knowing the fact that the main characters i grew to love wouldnt grow up in their fiction world or something. i just grew so attached to them as individuals and as a duo that when it was over i was in denial. jeez, death is such a bitter thing. a part of me really wished they had died, hands clasped, peaceful and accepting, but i guess not. thats how i pictured it from the start, but it made me realize how venomous death really is. nobody wants to die, truly. i think thats why when they died, there was not only an unsatisfying goodbye, but regret and a lingering bittersweet taste. death is really unfair, and the way it was portrayed was shattering. 

[maliciously-faggotty]

I’m tempted to just say every single one for Hundoe and Pernat but i’ll just say every one you wanna do for them bc I wanna knowwww (for the derailed questions meme)

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Pernat and Hundoe Mancuu. I dont even remember where those came from,,,

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Pernats title would be The Guardian. Hundoes would be The Virulent

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

They both had fairly good and easy childhoods. Pernat spent the first half learning about Subjuggulation however Dogdad decided that it was unfair on Pernat. Hundoe spent most of his younger years with a certain matesprit ( GUESS WHO ;DD) He was rather heart broken when said matesprit disappeared and decided that he was against the world and the rest is history.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? 

Pernat adores DogDad and would die for him legit. Hundoe used to have a good relationship with Dogdad however.... they now have an extremely strained relationship.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

Pernat knew many many clowns when he was younger due to his local circus, however has not seen any of them in a very long time (thank god. that boy picks up bad habits way to easily). Hundoe was popular. He was charismatic and good hearted. He doesn't have many friends anymore.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

Pernat loves animals. Animals love Pernat. Hundoe does not like animals and tends to ignore them, it doesn't help that animals generally dont like him either.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Pernat LOVES kids. ADORES kids. He hopes that He, Tardar and Morris can take on more children in the future.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

Nope! Pernat loves all kinds of food and especially stuff with chocolate. Hundoe eats mostly meat and carbs.

12. What is their favourite food? 

Pernats favourite food is cake thanks too morris. Hundoes favourite food is a good bloody steak.

13. What is their least favourite food?

Pernat dislikes bland foods, he finds nothing to enjoy in it. Hundoe hates anything thats too sweet.

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Pernat is TERRIBLE at cooking. He burns stuff, gets stuff stuck to pans, sets things on fire. More than once he's made morris come too his hive because he just cant cook. Morris is happy too. Hundoe on the other hand is a BBQ extraordinaire as much as he would never admit it. His barbecue is to die for.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

 Pernat has a very very large collection of collars. Im talking like over a hundred at this point,,, people keep buying him them!! Hundoe has way more guns than any troll should possess. He likes them.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Pernat takes selfies! He enjoys sending his friends pictures of him making silly faces. Hundoes phone is so broken that it won't even take pictures nor does he want too.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Pernat LOVES adventure novels and romance novels, he has a lot of books and is an avid reader. He loves animal movies and he enjoys documentaries. Hundoe doesn't read. And he doesn't own a TV.

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Pernat HATES love triangles. Considering his Matespritship

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

Pernat digs a musical and he enjoys theatre! Hundoe is an avid music listener, he likes rock music and country music and a mix of the two.

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Pernat is patient unless he's being blatantly ignored, That takes him from one too ten REAL quick. Hundoe doesn't often lose his temper. He knows he can win most fights with brute force.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Pernat mostly just mumbles and bitches about them later to Tardar. Hundoe skips the insulting and goes straight to a pen knife in the gut as a way of saying “fuck off”

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Pernat has pretty bad memory. He writes down a lot of notes but is still prone to air heading on things pretty often. Hundoe doesn't bother trying to remember things. He has a very shut off mind.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

Pernat sleeps well but occasionally will struggle to sleep for a few days. He doesn't snore but has been known to occasionally bark in his sleep. Hundoe doesn't sleep well. Living in a zombie infested desert where they are constantly trying to get into his trailer during the day makes for shit sleep.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

Pernat isn't quite sure if he's funny or not. But he does feel good about it if he makes someone laugh... even if they're laughing AT him.Hundoe think he is HILARIOUS. He's not.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? 

Pernat is happy 85% of the time. But when he's extremely happy he is flightly, excitable, unable to sit still and generally a bit nutty. Hundoe is at his happiest when he has found someone gullible or easy to control. He feels very proud during those times.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Pernat is saddened when he thinks about Tardars short life span. He hates to think about his privilege as a highblood and how he is judged for that. Hundoe an asshole. Nothing can make him ‘sad’ and he doesn't think about his Ex

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Pernat is afraid of being hurt and not being able to help people. Fear makes pernat quiet and stressed. Hundoe claims he is afraid of nothing and he certainly  acts it but it isn't quite true ;)

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

Pernat doesn't think about it much but will help the person avoid it. what do you think Hundoe would do? (hint: exploit them majorly)

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Pernats only exercise comes from Avalanche Rescue. However he is very naturally muscled anyway and his muscle is mostly working muscle due to his job. Hundoe is a gym rat, Most of his spare time is spent working out or ‘visiting’ pernat.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Pernat rarely drinks but has been invited a few times to meet Morris’ subjuggulator ‘friends’ and has managed to get severely drunk. Apparently pernat is pretty good at Keg-Stands. Hundoe drinks regularly and a fair bit. He has a high tolerance and doesn't often get out of it.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Pernat likes comfortable clothes that are bright and warm, He still wears makeup in bad habit. He struggles to break his habits and that is one of the ones he hates the most. Hundoe wears very what you may describe as redneck clothes. as you can tell. He wears fairly skinny jeans and likes to wear vest tops and likes topping it off with a denim jacket.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Pernat wears a good mix but mostly boxers. although he will admit to owning a few ‘’’fancy’’’ pairs. Hundoe wears boxer Y-fronts only. 

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Pernat is built fairly square. He has broad shoulders and a wide chest. Hundoe is very much dorito shaped. Wide shoulder very skinny legs (Pretty great ass though)

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

Pernats guilty pleasure is hanging out with other purple bloods. He doesn't agree with subjugators but he enjoys hanging out with them and enjoys how crazy they can be but promptly takes a step back when they get into violence. Hundoes guilty pleasure is super fancy food places even though he will claim its pointless spending loads of money on food.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Pernat is good at hauling weight and recovering people, He has very good smell but poor eyesight. He enjoys reading and skiing. He CANT sing. Hundoe has a sharp aim and a high (but wasted) charisma. He enjoys shooting things and manipulating people. He can actually sing pretty well. 

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Pernat LOVES reading as mentioned. He is a VERY fast reader. He really loves fiction. Hundoe doesn't read. He thinks reading is stupid and unworthwhile. Tell that to his younger self though.... Somebody used to like writing his own stories (but you didn't hear that from me.)

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Pernat admires courage and persistence and hopes to be known as a hero one day. He wishes that he could be more assertive and be able too say no. Hundoe doesn't admire others. He wishes he was a god.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

Pernat prefers to message and enjoys chatting on Trollian. Hundoe can write in calligraphy pretty well but doesn't.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Pernat has been shown the joys of coffee by Morris recently. He very much enjoys it but still sticks to a classic hot chocolate. Hundoe drinks too much Coffee and Energy drinks.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Pernat is gay and poly however in pale he is Bi. He finds men who are very gentlemanly attractive, he likes men to be polite but sweet. Hundoe is also gay however I personally will not allow him too be in a relationship because he would kill them.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

Pernat loves the idea of being known as a hero. He goes home at the end of the night hoping that he will be remembered. Hundoes goal is to be on top. On top of everybody. Alternia. The Fleet. The Heiress. Her Imperious Condescension. The Empire. Everything. He wants to be on top of it all.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Pernat is no longer religious despite still wearing the identifying markers. He doesn't believe in The Circus or the Messiah. Hundoe is religious. He believes he will one day be whats known as the Messiah.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? 

Pernat loves spring. He loves flowers and bird and light showers. He does horribly in anything above 10c he cant function he thinks its way too warm. Hundoe lives in a desert. Autumn is the best for him, its not long below freezing but its not almost literally boiling. 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

People see pernat as a mean big muscular subjuggulator. Even if he walks with a kind look lowbloods will go out of there way to not walk near or around him in fear. He hates this and sometimes he almost convinces himself that its true. Its the only think he really really hopes hundoe never finds out about it because hundoe would destroy his life with it (by trying to make him act like that (which is fairly likely to work in because of how hundoes powers work on him)) Hundoe Is seen as terrifying. Looks mean. walks mean. is mean. Hundoe knows this. He likes it and demands respect.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

Pernat tries to make the best possible impression because he knows how most trolls think of him before they speak to him. Pernat introduces himself kindly and if he thinks the person needs any sort of assistance he will offer it. Hundoe is rude. uncaring and thinks first impressions dont matter. His first impression is accurate.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Pernat loves dressing fancy! He's not such a fan of black tie events because he likes to be colourful but he still likes to get all dressy. Pernat is a social butterfly and would mingle with everyone. Hundoe on the other hand hates anything formal and would only go to a fancy party to crash it.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? 

Pernat enjoys most parties, he's never organised a party but if he did it would be bomb. Pernat wouldn't have an issue being dragged along he enjoys peoples company. Hundoe only likes the most trashy hive parties with cheap beer. He hates socialising and would be grouchy

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Pernats collar means a lot to him. Its a comfort object in its own right but it also reminds him of morris. Hundoes sawn off shotguns have a strong value to hundoe. He believes they are lucky and he's had them 90% of his life.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Pernat would bring a change of clothes, survival food and as much water as he could take. Hundoe would take his guns, plenty munitions and snacks.

[violetsystems]

#personal

Like most vacations since last year, I don’t really do much of anything exciting.  The entire last year I took a week off every two months.  Part of it I stayed home cleaning and decluttering my stuff.  I’ve been living in the same place for about a decade now.  Every year there’s something new to conquer.  Lately it’s mostly been about enjoying my time alone here.  I literally cannot leave the house without someone trying to hijack my time.  I wish I could explain it better but it just comes with the territory.  Some people become famous.  Other people become this sort of fixture or anchor.  In some ways I’ve thought of it as developing an infrastructure or ecosystem around me.  How I spend money.  Where I spend money.  What personal information I share.  What I keep to myself.  There’s a lot of life I have to declutter outside of my apartment on a daily basis.  A friend from China messaged me yesterday to vent about being quarantined.  The banks were closed until Monday.  There’s a lot of people trying to get a read off of me for any number of current events.  Politics lately I have tuned out from completely.  Mostly for my own peace of mind.  Sometimes for my own safety.  Too many people have gotten the wrong idea about things I’ve done particularly when it comes to the arts.  I find nobody ever really asks you if you are cool with any of it.  You just end up in public in a vulnerable space and someone is there to manipulate it.  It doesn’t help I walk everywhere.  You can see me coming from a mile away literally.  Which means that sometimes I don’t really like leaving my house at all in Chicago.  Especially after so many years of people pulling these sort of art pranks on me to get me to ‘engage.’  I spent years trying to engage society.  I spent money on thirteen or fourteen plane tickets to South Korea, Japan and China.  I volunteered for a Korean American Chamber of Commerce three years in a row after work.  Years later Im a fragment of my deeds warped by whatever dark matter forces are at work in Capitalist America.  When people who barely know me insinuate I don’t do enough for the cause I respond mostly with a yawn.  I am literally too tired to focus or argue on explaining why I disengaged from everything and everyone.  I didn’t shut myself out completely.  It’s a tenuous balance of being hyper alone behind closed doors and hyper visible when I walk out to check my mail.  Being famous to me was always described like this though it seemed it had a payoff.  I’ve seen literally nothing other than my salary which last time I checked is about actual work and not fame.  So many people leech off my name but have never reached out to see if I was ok.  And I’ve largely been ok by forgetting about all of it and walking the hell away from the discourse.  Like constantly attending a lecture about your own life without any q and a.  What am I supposed to do?  Sit in the audience and blow snot bubbles while you get every single fact and intention wrong about what I’ve done my whole life.  I’d rather sit at home and play Hearthstone while I intercept my pet’s food deliveries for the month.  GPS is magic.  So is waiting outside for your packages.

I’ve had to come up with elegant solutions to real world problems.  Social engineering when applied to your own life can fix a lot of unfixable shit with other people.  Society is rubber banded together with money most of the time in America.  People try to guilt you into community all the time.  But the rate of return varies wildly on the quality of people you surround yourself with.  There are people out here I can only rely on to a certain point.  And then there’s me who isn’t ever interested in giving up the control I worked very hard to achieve in my life.  I wake up in my surroundings every day.  I pay the bills.  I feed the cats.  I sit at the kitchen table and drink amazing coffee while I play online games at my kitchen table.  When I go to New York it’s much of the same except in public.  There’s a reason why I don’t do that much in Chicago anymore.  It gets abused.  The return on me leaving my house and being vulnerable has been zero.  I still sit here in complete obscurity while people debate my social value behind my back.  A few of my friends on here know the entirety of the charade.  And it probably starts to sound to all of us like a dystopian horror novel unraveling.   I shaved my head again.  Some people might think that’s drastic.  The truth is my hair now matches my passport.  It’s a weird sort of collision of nostalgia for me.  People keep referencing multiple decades of how they know me.  Different versions of how I’m important to society.  All of them nothing to do with me currently.  I feel like nobody really knows who I am except me.  And in some ways I’ve matured enough to be ok with all of that.  Including the part where I tell people to silently fuck off and do my own thing.  The simple truth is I’m not intimidated by anything anymore.  I’m bored with all the talk.  I’m bored with all the simulation and theory.  I’ve lived my life and I’m sick of having to question it to enjoy it.  Some people make hard choices.  For years everything sucked.  And now I sit in my fish bowl every morning counting my blessings and planning my spending.  I read the news and it makes less and less sense to me.  Subtle things mean more to me.  Like how I used to want to compost and never could find a worm.  Somehow magically I found one wiggling through my window garden.  Now I have a whole worm army.  I fed an outdoor cat for years and now it sleeps quietly at my side at night.  I feel more isolated by humanity than nature.  Which is a really fucked up thing to realize when the planet is overrun by human greed.  People look for signs in other places.  Soothsayers tell you whatever you want to hear in whatever way suits them.  Nature speaks in different ways.  I don’t particularly identify as a druid.  Christians call me a witch when I randomly crash their protests outside of planned parenthood.  I’m more of a warlock at the end of the day.  Locking myself out of all this bullshit once and for all.  One mandatory social quarantine at a time.

It’s not that I fear society and what it can do to me.  I’m way past that.  The matrix said it best.  Humanity is it’s own virus wreaking havoc on ecosystems because it can’t control itself.  Everybody needs more.  Nobody knows what they want.  Nobody has to courage to stand their ground and wait in protest. I sometimes wonder whether I’m going to rot away here alone.  I visit New York too much for that to be a reality.  And so the less I question myself the better. There’s no shortage of people fishing for information out of me.  I’ve written it all here for years with little or no hesitation and people still don’t get it.  They don’t want to get it.  They don’t want to let me be me.  They want to attach year after year to me to weigh me down.  Every year they weren’t there shows even worse these days.  I’m not the one being difficult.  I literally deal with irresponsible bullshit every day in every corner of my life.  At a certain point, I treat everything like I treat alcohol.  I walked away from it completely.  I didn’t seek help.  I helped myself.  Sometimes the minimalism of isolation is getting yourself back to zero.  Restoring balance to the force within.  I am moderately comfortable in my own skin.  Sometimes I’m not.  I spend a lot of time in my kitchen doing pilates and yoga in an app.  I used to over exercise.  Like I was fighting against all the chaos in my life.  Things have kind of settled down to a more efficient clip.  Yesterday I spent most of the day waiting for packages at home.  I got a lot of laundry done.  I relaxed and enjoyed my coffee.  I got ready for New York without having to struggle with my messenger bag and the bus.  Everybody is the first to point at me when it comes to supporting these brands.  How I as the consumer become the target to teach a lesson.  I lost my car over a decade ago.  I paid the entire thing off.  I had to leave it with my ex-girlfriend to get her out of my life completely.  It was nowhere near fair.  I still get robocalls about my car’s extended warranty.  And yet here I am using the bus and the train.  Gas prices don’t register to me.  My driver’s license is expired.  My head is also shaved in that one.  Somethings have changed.  Other things have not.  Nobody gives me the respect I deserve.  Nobody knows what I’ve been through and never acted like they cared enough to find out.  So here I am done with most of it.  Burnt out on everyone’s best intentions and empty words.  It’s just me out here really at the end of the day.  The confusing and sad thing is that this is for the best right now.  That as much as things are crumbling around me I’m still always standing my ground.  Sipping good coffee in my kitchen or in Brooklyn looking out at the street knowingly.  It doesn’t really matter what I do these days.  I just have to keep being me.  Only I know how to do that.  You can either enjoy and respect that.  Or you can know how it feels to be forgotten about.  Because I’ve got way too much trouble on my mind to bring any more baggage into my next life.  The one where I’m happy and loved by someone who deserves my attention.   That’s the one I’m currently living.  <3 Tim

[cherri-ice]

All the numbers

fuck you 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

uH MY CLOSE FRIEND LMAO? 2. Are you outgoing or shy?

lowkey both?? im more shy but if i know the person im incredibly outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY LOWKEY GF4. Are you easy to get along with?

oft no 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

YEP6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

ppl who are kind !! also ppl who could either break me or love me 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

,, hopefully8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

,,, can i say keaton henson bc his music makes me sob9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no but depending w who lmao :””^10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

mm i think my friend from school abt shitty people ngl 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

”do you think it’d be a good idea for me to run and get tea right now”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ok jeez

1. cherry bomb - the runaways (wow, original)

2. all of sevdalizas songs ever

3. blood // water - grandson

4. charger - gorillaz

5. pools - glass animals

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YESYEYSYESYEYSYES. fuck yes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

mhm!!15. What good thing happened this summer?

err i mean, if u count summer as past summer then convincing my dang dad that i dont wanna stay at my shitty school lmao?? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

depends on what kind of kiss !! but ye!!17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

pfft, absolutely 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

,,, i dont think so tbh19. Do you like bubble baths?

HELL YE I DO20. Do you like your neighbors?

ngl i dont rly talk to them but they seem Nice21. What are your bad habits?

if i dont know someone all too well i tend to joke around w them?? idk its weird but i kinda get annoyed easy as well,, altho another bad habit is my flaky ass backing out of events sometimes22. Where would you like to travel?

i’d love to ,,, travel to scotland or france23. Do you have trust issues?

oh boy i do24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going the hell to sleep again and wrapping myself up25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

every part w scars lmao26. What do you do when you wake up?

take my dang meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

,, idk?? i like my skin tbh but it could clear tf up28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my sister29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope :””^ 30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes!!31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

ye lmao32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

,,, IM 16 LETS NOT GO HERE33. Spell your name with your chin.

aki34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i work out but i dont play sport lmao35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without tv, music is my lifeblood36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

almost always37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i try to joke abt smth usually38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone who cares for me smh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

T2, I LOVE TEA,,, 40. What do you want to do after high school?

university or nap 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

yes!! unless they’re super shitty42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m nervous, anxious or overthinking43. Do you smile at strangers?

i try to ??44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

oo fuck outer space ty45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

,, honestly talking to lovely ppl46. What are you paranoid about?

people abandoning me or being completely alone and shut in and just,, closed away from the world47. Have you ever been high?

tba48. Have you ever been drunk?

not rly lmao i have a high tolerance 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

,, UM,,, lowkey yes50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

olive51. Ever wished you were someone else?

before, yes. now? nah, i’m pretty good 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

highkey wish i was less anxious 24/7

53. Favourite makeup brand?

NARS. nars. or kat von d altho i hate what she stands for

54. Favourite store?

T255. Favourite blog?

,, idk? 56. Favourite colour?

blue / green!!57. Favourite food? 

creme brulee58. Last thing you ate?

a rly good double cheese burger59. First thing you ate this morning?

croissant60. Ever won a competition? For what?

knowledge of novels for school!! or art wise, i’ve won a few comps inside our school61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope62. Been arrested? For what?

nada63. Ever been in love? 

smh i fall in love,, way to easily64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

,, jeez i hate the person who it was with, but it was underneath the harbour bridge after chocolate strawberries and a picnic,, she asked if she could kiss me and i said yes65. Are you hungry right now?

jfc not rly im super content tbh66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

no @official-akko is a binch (im kidding i love u)67. Facebook or Twitter?

fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope but i was watching law and order svu 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

beauty, my cat71. Craving something? What?

cuddling someone and gently lying my head on their chest 72. What colour are your towels?

white!!72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3 binch73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes!!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

on my bed is 2, but i think at least 5+ around 75. Favourite animal?

i love,, cats,,,, so fucking much 76. What colour is your underwear?

wouldn’t u like to know77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

mm cookies and cream?79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

dark bluuee80. What colour pants?

grey81. Favourite tv show?

right now its between brooklyn 99 and stranger things82. Favourite movie?

i will never stop loving mulan or the princess diaries 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

,, janis ian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

uh the turtle smh87. First person you talked to today?

ash!! 88. Last person you talked to today?

rn, its niko89. Name a person you hate?

me90. Name a person you love?

ash91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

GOD this one asshole from school i will actually brawl92. In a fight with someone?

not rly?? idk93. How many sweatpants do you have?

at least 494. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

5!!95. Last movie you watched?

legally blonde pfft96. Favourite actress?

i lowkey love madelaine petsch97. Favourite actor?

shrugs loudly98. Do you tan a lot?

no im pale af99. Have any pets?

a cat!!100. How are you feeling?

tired, coffee makes me tired101. Do you type fast?

yep!! i can touch-type too so i dont even have to look most of the time as well lmao102. Do you regret anything from your past?

waayyy too fuckin much regret over what ive done to myself 103. Can you spell well?

ye!!104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

,, my grandma :105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

nope lmao106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

,, i think i have,,, 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!! i go horseriding at least four times during the year108. What should you be doing?

sleeping probably109. Is something irritating you right now?

i have a fuckin itch on my leG110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yep,, oh boy 111. Do you have trust issues?

i already answered this lmao112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

,, my sister because i wanted her to comfort m e shes v sweet113. What was your childhood nickname?

”leash”114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!115. Do you play the Wii?

sometimes116. Are you listening to music right now?

i am, its glass animals :””^117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes!!118. Do you like Chinese food?

eh, iffy but i dont mind it!119. Favourite book?

THE NAME OF THE WIND BY PATRICK ROTHFUSS120. Are you afraid of the dark?

only a lil121. Are you mean?

,, i think i am sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?

never ever ever ever is it okay.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

yes! if not i fuckin clean em wth124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not rly? i think love is something you have to grow and share together, kind of like a garden plant? works gotta go into it for it to blossom 125. Do you believe in true love?

i believe in it!126. Are you currently bored?

,, yea lmao127. What makes you happy?

memes, reading and tea ngl128. Would you change your name?

birthname? ye, probably lmao129. What your zodiac sign?

cancer! im an emotional fucking crab130. Do you like subway?

ye!131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

remind them im a lesbian132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

binnch this is a past question133. Favourite lyrics right now?

”Our skinIn time would tellCan I hold on to our genesIn my lifeI could not failWhen I run out will you leave?”

134. Can you count to one million?

i can but i’d loose track i have attention issues pfft135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

”i was late because my cat threw up one on of my school uniforms and i had to change”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed, idk who can trust anyone that much to keep them open137. How tall are you?

5′7!138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have wavy hair if this is asking m e139. Brunette or Blonde?

blonde140. Summer or Winter?

winter141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

july bc its cold and my birth month143. Are you a vegetarian?

nooppe144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk chocolate!145. Tea or Coffee?

tea146. Was today a good day?

meh, highs and lows 147. Mars or Snickers?

mars148. What’s your favourite quote?

either:a. “And what we learn about ourselves in those moments, where the trigger has been squeezed, is this: the past is not dead. There are things that wait for us, patiently, in the dark corridors of our lives. We think we have moved on, put them out of mind, left them to desiccate and shrivel and blow away; but we are wrong. They have been waiting there in the darkness, working out, practicing their most vicious blows, their sharp hard thoughtless punches into the gut, killing time until we came back that way.” from Trigger Warning (Short fictions and disturbances), neil gaiman

or

b. “Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying 'time heals all wounds' is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.” - The name of the wind, patrick rothfuss

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes!! i believe that ghosts exist lmao, or at least guiding spirits 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“… but he left his doubts unspoken. Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” - Game of thrones lmao

[werewolf-fucker]

1-100

Is a kiss considered cheating?

- oh hell yeah 

Have you ever faked orgasm?

-sadly 

Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

- i think its going to be a miracle if im alive in 7-8-9 years 

Tell us some funny drunk story.

- one time i got too high and i tried to pass the bowl to a frog beside me 

Why are you no longer together with your ex?

- ah she cut it off but i was respectful of her decision 

If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? 

-oh shit i would love to be blasted into space 

Do you like someone?

- we shall see 

Who was the last person to disappoint you?

- my damn self 

Do you like your body?

- depends on the dysphoria 

Can you keep a diet?

- nah stoned me has no rules 

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

- ditch the white people! 

Do you work?

- sadly 

If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?

- anything alyssas mom cooks 

Would you get a tattoo?

- i have two! 

Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

- my friends and trasnition

Can you drive?

- im the only one of my friends that does 

When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

-all of my friends are saps so we say it all the time

What was the last thing you cried for?

- uh we ran out of skim milk at work and i just lost it 

Is life fun?

- can be with the right people 

Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

- u just gotta know how to pull it off 

What’s your dream car?

- small truck/ something with room 

Are grades in school important?

- hell yeah if u want to do more stuff with ur life 

Describe your crush.

- listens well, affectionate, funny, idk im an easy date man 

What was your last lie?

- im gonna go to bed early 

Dumbest lie you ever told? 

- ONE TIME MY SISTER FOUND MY VIBRATOR SO I HAD TO TELL HER IT WAS AN “oil paint spreader” AND THATS HONESTLY THE STUPIDEST THING TO COME OUT OF MY MOUTH BUT SHE BOUGHT IT 

Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

- for me yeah but not for other people

Something you did and you are proud of?

- i did a still life a little while ago and i really like how it turned out 

What’s your favourite cocktail?

- whiskey ginger! 

Something you are good at?

- fuckin up lol 

Do you like small kids?

- I hate babies but i love hanging out with 3+ yr olds 

How are you feeling right now?

- could be better 

What would you name your daughter/son?

- im naming my next cat Beau

What do you need to be happy?

- good friends, my plants, my animals

Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

- dumbasses at work and jazzercise lady 

What was the last gift you received?

- someone gave me a cookie today lol

What was the last gift you gave?

- i sent u a package!!

What was the last concert you went to?

- tbh havent been to one in forever 

Favourite place to shop at?

- i like thrift stores and little unique shops 

Who inspires you?

- anyone who knows what theyre doing 

How old were you when you first got drunk?

-16 i think 

How old were you when you first got high?

- like 15-16

How old were you when you first had sex?

- 14

When was your first kiss?

- 8

Something you want to do until the end of this year?

- idk if i get this one 

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

- legit just erase years 9-15

Post a selfie.

- in a separate post 

Who are you most comfortable around?

- probably @wild-wild-wonder or @gnomepapi

Name one thing that terrifies you.

- heights, fuckin hate them

What kind of books do you read?

- as cheesy as it sounds i like good ol YA novels 

What would you tell your 12 year old self?

- boys aint shit and just talk to people 

What is your favourite flower?

- bearded irises! 

Any bad habits you have?

- use weed as a coping mechanism so i do that wayyyy too much 

What kind of people are you attracted to?

- anyone whos into me tbh 

What was the last thing you cried for?

- skim milk and my parents kicking me out (its all good now) 

Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

- fuckin hate eggs and tomatoes 

Are you in love?

- im an ENFP and a sagittarius dude im always in love 

How long was your longest relationship? 

- 2 years 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

- rampant misogyny, toxic masculinity, violence in general 

What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? 

- straight women

What are you saving money for?

- to move out soon 

How would you describe your bad side?

- whiny bitchass who cant deal with shit like a normal person 

Are you actually a good person? Why?

- idk if truly good people exist but ive done too much bad shit to be one of them 

What are you living for?

- a new easel and the opportunity to use it 

Have you ever done anything illegal?

- LMAO yes 

Do you like your body?

- i love some parts of it and some parts i dont 

Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

- oh hell yeah

Ever sent nudes?

- yep

Have you ever cheated on someone?

- yep, not proud but yep

Favourite candy?

- kitkat!

Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

- i follow over a thousand people on this hell site man idk what’s even happening 

Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

- i play OW on pc a little but i suck at it lol 

Are you religious? Does God exist?

- oh god exists, he fucking hates me 

What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

- its cool just dont be preachy about it and get pissed when others arent 

How long have you been on Tumblr?

- like 4 or 5 years 

Do you like Chineese food?

- fave kind

McDonalds or Subway?

- subway but only from the one near my highschool where the dude gives me free food 

Vodka or whiskey?

- both 

Alcohol or drugs?

- both

Ever been out of your province/state/country?

- i try to make it canada once a year! my dads family is up there so i like to see them 

Meaning behind your blog name?

- it might be bc i fuck werewolves but idk 

What are you scared of?

- my boss cutting my pay to 2.25 bc she’s mad at us 

Last time you were insulted?

- today lol

Most traumatic experience ?

- yeaaahhhhh thats not happening 

Favourite app on your phone?

- tumblr consumes my life as always 

What colour are the walls in your room?- white man i live in an apartment 

Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

- i love cryaotic! his voices puts me to sleep 

Share your favourite quote.

- i cant remember anything my dude 

Do you like horror movies?

- i like horror i just fucking hate jump scares 

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

- yeah i told her i was gay 

Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

- i love my friends and i feel incredibly lucky to know them 

Can you keep a secret?

- idk can i 

[sapphicunicorn]

Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (young adult/science fiction)

This morning, Kady thought breaking up with Ezra was the hardest thing she’d have to do. This afternoon, her planet was invaded. The year is 2575, and two rival megacorporations are at war over a planet that’s little more than an ice-covered speck at the edge of the universe. Too bad nobody thought to warn the people living on it. With enemy fire raining down on them, Kady and Ezra—who are barely even talking to each other—are forced to fight their way onto an evacuating fleet, with an enemy warship in hot pursuit. But their problems are just getting started. A deadly plague has broken out and is mutating, with terrifying results; the fleet’s AI, which should be protecting them, may actually be their enemy; and nobody in charge will say what’s really going on. As Kady hacks into a tangled web of data to find the truth, it’s clear only one person can help her bring it all to light: the ex-boyfriend she swore she’d never speak to again. 

Oh look, another Illuminae review! Normally I don’t review books that I adore (you’ll never see me review VE Schwab’s Shades of Magic series because it will be endless crying and babbling because wow my life is dedicated to those books) since I find it hard to keep myself from spoiling all the things that make it great; the twists that drew me in, the points so awesome that I want to share them with others to show them why the book is so great. But Illuminae is kind of a weird one for me. On one hand, I will praise the presentation until the sun goes down. On the other hand, I hated the characters.

There, I said it. I hate Kady and Ezra. Is Illuminae fast-paced action mixed with a little bit of gore? Absolutely. Are the pages of names and pictures of deceased spine chilling? No doubt. Was the naked, headless bodies arranged to spell HELP US an image I’ll keep forever? Probably. Are the main characters interesting? Not a darn bit. Kady and Ezra are survivors. Their colony was bombed the morning Kady ended their relationship. The survivors are picked up by a passing military vessel that resembles a mix of In Amber Clad and Forward Unto Dawn from the Halo video game series. (In case you haven’t heard it enough, I love the presentation.) Between three ships, the survivors escape the collapsing planet and through a series of interviews and classified files, things start to get interesting quickly. It’s the classic story of zombies in space, but this time we have the added stress of an AI that thinks it knows best (by murdering civilians and military personnel, naturally) and the outbreak is found on more than just one ship. Kady seems to be the only one who cares that the military is keeping secrets, and she’s going to get to the bottom of it… but not until Ezra is in danger. Never in my life did I think I would read something published in 2015, set in XX75, that included the emoticon “0_o” and that it would be the turning point for Kady, Ezra, and myself. I hated them even more. The IM conversations were difficult to get through when I couldn’t help thinking that level of chatspeak was left in 2005. No way would kids in XX75 use any of it. Kids today don’t use it unless they’re being ironic! The adults were far more interesting than these brats. We see them through the classified files as they transmit messages, through security cameras, and battle reports. I wanted to know more about the captains of the Alexander and Hypatia. I wanted to know more about the subtle lesbians–killed off, by the way. All of the adults were killed because adults are dumb, right Every YA Novel Ever? But Kady needed to roam freely on a military vessel, so I get it. But there was no contact with the Alexander’s superiors? I feel like if one of the strongest ships in the fleet went dark, Command would be asking questions or sending someone to check out the situation. Kady was a boring egomaniac. There was nothing present in her files that showed she deserved to be the heroine. Not a single person in the entirety of the survivors had ever played with a computer? Only Kady was the best? Because she kept contact with some creepy, nearly pedophilic, middle aged man she was instantly the only one able to write code? I don’t buy it. Ezra was downright annoying. How was he the love interest? Why was he the love interest? I found myself skipping most of his featured files, and then feeling guilty enough to go back and read them. I can’t explain it–was it his attitude? He just rubbed me the wrong way. No matter what happened to him, I couldn’t find it in me to care. The AI was probably the best character until it started gaining human traits. Some of the more powerful moments were provided by the AI files. As the second part of the book went on, however, AIDAN wore on my patience. The way it thought about Kady was just stupid. I guess it’s the curse of the YA heroine that not only does every human fall in love with her, but AI without the capacity to love also come under her spell. All in all, it was a quick read and it was new. There were no descriptions, no emotions, so you could project anything you wanted onto the characters. It was nice to have a heroine who didn’t look at herself in the mirror and describe her appearance. But the relationship between Kady and Ezra? Flat. The book would have been the same with or without it; but the ending absolutely suffered for it. It left some questions open–for one, “Don’t look at me” being repeated by the infected–and I wish it had killed off some of the main cast to create real tension. If Illuminae was a traditional read, it would be one of my lowest rated. As it is, the presentation is the redeeming quality.

[fortheloveofcringe]

n e e d y //

I could go and write something where people would look up to me like a success story. That’s always a way to prove you’re something in the society you live in. It’s the easier choice, to make people feel like there is hope and success at the end of the dark tunnel but then people tend to overlook or push-back, the fact that there are things that happen along the road, they happen at the scariest time and moments in your life and never do these “people” who I have dealt with bother to feel it unless it needs to be felt. It’s like emotion these days has to have an on and off button. That’s scares me a lot, but then these days I’ve been thinking, being scared doesn’t do nothing to me, it just make me fight more, even after so much downfall and rejection.

Rejection, I’m going to touch bases with this one. Something I’ve dealt with my entire life. From my paternal grand parents making me feel like an abomination just because I was gay and no one in the bloodline has to be gay, or to the most fresh wound I have, which marks it’s first month today, me being single, after such a wonderful, scary and inspiring relationship with Timothy.

 You know something, perhaps I’m writing this as a formal closure to that chapter in my life because for so long I have been writing about so much sad stuff in the cloud of anger that I just want to get things off my chest differently which is to address this in a way where I’m the monster, and I’m not anymore pointing my fingers to the monsters in my story. I can’t even believe I called myself a monster right just about now.

 Anyway, Timothy, if you would read previous entries you might get the idea of a modern day fairy tale relationship. None of my wildest dreams per say. I adored him so much that it just hurt us both, badly. To cut the long story short. He just never needed me the way I needed him. It sucks. To just throw dreams of having a bright future with someone out of the window just because it hurts your eyes and you want to do a reality check but I guess that’s why we have sunglasses, they say it protects the eyes. I never realized some eyeglasses are fake and just do nothing but leave marks on your nose.

 Needy. I’m needy. I’ve been crying and going crazy for weeks now. This has been such a wild ride with him that looking back now I just feel like everything we had was just from a book. A Novel, a fictional one. I wish him the best however it just makes me feel a certain way knowing I have suffered more than he did. It’s like all the entire time I believe he had some reservations about us and he knew we are not going to work out and a few puzzle pieces come into my mind to support this claim. One, he never formally introduced me to his family because I think he never wanted them involved when it all crashes down unlike mine where my family had known him and are angry and tears knowing I almost tore my relationships with them just to have Timothy by my side. Two, being with him, despite the care and the love, felt like a love prison, for both of us. What I mean is I felt like he was just faking it to make sure he complied with the “ideal boyfriend” persona he describes himself as because there are moments when he had rolled his eyes at me to the back of his skull thinking “Hambert is not really worth it”. Three, and last, in support of number two, He admitted he wanted someone else. Not me. I’m glad I had so much time to make sure I have figure out the science of persuasion that I figured out a way to make him spill the truth to me and I have to say it was fucked up. Imagine being with a person beside you while his mind is off sucking someone else’s dick. That felt like boiling water in my freshly healed heart. Because I think breaking up is fine, sure some relationships need a time-off, but to know who’s replacing you? that’s just fucked up.

 This is where I got really and intensely angry at him that I made sure we really would hate each other after the end because my good side tried to patch things up with him even though it made me look so desperate running through their doors just to give him a movie or something so he wouldn’t be wasting time or whatever, but the bad side of me just wanted to get even so I made sure that I did some stupid things that actually, in the end, bought me peace of mind and of course some insights to process my pain.

 I met his the girl he dated before me. Which he just ghosted. I did that to catch his attention which ended up me having blocked by him on social media. My point of meeting this girl, besides my petty brain, was to make sure I erase this picture of him that I painted in my head, which was a handsome prince who picked roses for me every morning just to make sure I don’t dance in stems of thorns. Timothy was such a great man that he also made sure I would feel like nobody would care for me the way he cared. Which was debugged when I and Venus, the ex of my ex, had lunch over spaghetti, taco’s and the dick we both had in our mouths (and by dick we mean by attitude or literally, whichever comes first to your mind) When we talked I realized he has a cruel way of making sure you wouldn’t compare him to anyone. And the way he twisted their story to me, because when we spoke I realized Tim was such a liar he had to make her look thirsty for him and no woman should be painted that way, ever. That conversation I believe healed us both in a way were now, we’re friends and shit-talking about a guy full of shit which basically catered to what I want which was to make sure all of the good pictures in my head was crossed check for what is the actuality of who he was. In that moment me and Venus realized we were both used as a gateway for his lust to a guy named Gwen. I can’t call it love because I’m sure Tim has not have the opportunity to connect with Gwen on a deeper level so fuck fake smiles here, people.

 Who I thought was the man, that I’m willing to go through with all the hardships in my life, who would support me, and help me grow, turned to be a complete poser. This was hard for me because I know him in way that not Venus knows and I know very well that he’s a broken soul, but there is no rational reason to justify his pain to be carried over to his present life knowing well that he is old enough to fuck us both, and for him to be running around and break the hearts of people who loves him.

 What also bothered me was the fact tat he was just so ready to move on to the next page of his life which was by trajectory, was Gwen, and that he never muttered a word that would have potentially brought us back together. He was just so “Please I need new dick in my mouth I’m bored of you because you’re  a pain in the ass”.

 Pain in the ass was also one thing that he couldn’t handle. He never wanted anal with me. Now, I don’t know why but I have a strong feeling that would have it been Gwen to offer to top him, I’m sure he’d squat in less than a second. Forgive my bitterness overflowing in each word here, if you’ve been in so much pain, you might understand.

 The world isn’t big enough because this Gwen guy is a close friend of my friend Argie. Now long story short Gwen doesn’t do boys, or so he claims. Tim got dumped and now it’s a double whammy for our pretty boy Tim who thinks everyone is gonna drool for him. I hate him though. That Gwen guy, he haven’t done no shit. I can’t like him because he’s the friend of my friend and I know it’s not his fault, but sometimes disliking people just don’t need to be justified, we just feel the way we feel.

 I hate knowing he was my replacement just in case he was into boys because he’s manly, skinnier and lanky (as Tim admitted he like those kind of boys, one where he could pose as a pedophile) short, and it makes me more bitter going to work everyday passing their 3-story house making it feel like a slap to me for coming from a poor family. It was like “Hambert, your replacement is a handsome, skinny guy whose rich and that’s what our high maintenance Tim boy wants, bye, you deserve to be left, so sorry but not sorry, go ahead and die.”

 Got a chance to talk to him though and I think he’s smart from staying off the dirt because I would drag him in the mud with Tim on top of him so they could finally get to fuck one another for making me and Venus shed tears.

 Let me tell you one thing though. And this is fucked up. I still love him.

 I still feel his kisses on my lips. His face in my chest. The scent of his hair or his subtle way of putting his nose on my shoulders in the jeep. This is what breaks me to tears like right now. Because knowing I can’t have that anymore. It’s feels like death and I’ve had a fair share of losing people and tragedies from living so poor, not eating to being accused of wrong things, to be bullied in work or having my grandmother die while I’m carrying her to the hospital or maybe even growing up without a father, but I think this has been the greatest pain I’ve dealt with. To be in tears because of love.

 And I can go ahead and make stories about how I successfully dodged a bullet. But to be fair, I know that in those nights I spent with with him, the love we shared, I know he’s the love of my life and there could never be anyone. Because now I’m scared to be loved and be in love. I can’t embrace something that broke me.

 I’m now employed ans still studying. Things seem fine. I’m walking on a fire pit but I’m still alive.

 However if there is one more song we can bond over, just one last, I wish I can sing Ariana’s “Needy” to him. Just to make him understand. How good it feels to be needed.

[n0feelingsxx-blog]

do you like getting hickeys? only on my nek.

oral, do you like oral? i love receiving it, giving isn’t too bad either, but only do it for the right peron.

if you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Eminem

plan on getting drunk or high tonight? i’ve gotten drunk the past two nights, so not tonight tomorrow i will be tho

do you have any best friends that you only know online? i know ppl just online, they’re not bffs tho 

is it okay for people to cheat if it’s only online? its not okay to cheat in any snse

are you interested in anime? DBZ, KIND OF. if that counts?

do you have a favorite youtuber or do you not watch much youtube? i have few favs, but i still dont watch it too much

have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? i have given one actually

have you ever made out in a hot tub? dont think i’ve ever been in a hot tub

ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? when i was pregnant lmao

what was the name of the last video game you played? COD

what is your favorite elvis song? i dont listen to music that far back. don’t have anything against elvis tho lmao

what is the last tattoo you got? my sons feet on my back

what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? food.

do you let your pets on your furniture? would if i had a pet and my own furniture as long as they didn’t shed a lot

do you enjoy your job? if unemployed, are you content being so? I’m pretty content with being unemployed, i hate working and i love being a stay at home mom

what is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? how bad i need to get this tax money, get the fuck outta this county, and get over some feelings. 

what is your favorite christmas movie? A Christmas Story.

what do you think of your best friend’s ex? uhm, i didn’t really know him. 

are you biracial? noo.

be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? or are they actually not worthy of your affections? this is a hard question to answer for my situation

would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does? hell nah.

if you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light? and if you wear mascara, what color is it? no mascara. light collored eye shadow, brings out my green eyes.

what was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Skittles 

are you any good with kids? i got a one so yah.

have you seen the last person you kissed without a shirt on? Yup

do you like watching jerry springer? Not anymore

have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? Nooooo

have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? well yah

have you ever deleted your facebook, then brought it back? mhm

have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? yes

what’s your favorite brand of peanut butter? Is there brands other than jiffy?

do you have a thing for shy/awkward hot guys? well yeah, im not picky tho. just be nice and sweet and not a fuckboy

what’s your favorite lunchables meal? double cheese pizza

have you ever eaten at golden corral? fav buffet

do you ever decide to just dance crazy to a favorite song? sometimes when i’m really happy

have you ever watched fireworks with someone you loved? mhm

are you good at memorizing phone numbers? i am.

do you like men who have a sensitive side? yeah

have you ever used glitter as one of your makeup items? only makeup i mostly use is eyeliner

do you keep a memo book/agenda? I need to

is there a song in a different language that you can sing? None.

what was the most expensive thing someone bought you? probably north face jacket and uggs. 

how do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? It’s cool.

is there anyone on your facebook friends list that you dislike? why do you dislike them? some are annoying, but i dont dislike anyone 

have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? both. they’re nasty

have you ever thought about what you might call your children? or, if you already have children, what are their names? alexander. 

where is the person you would most like to see, or most like to be with? fuck guys 

find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. who are these people, and how did you meet them? 

Kristin: my cousin

Kim:my half sister 

Krysta:my main bitch

Kaitlyn: grade school/cheerleading

Kathy: my ex husbands friends wife.

is there a person that you can go to in sweats, and still feel comfy? Plenty.

do you think the last person you kissed is nice? fuck him.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? trust no mf..

how far away is the last person you kissed? about 20 ft. 

have you ever had a teacher that was like a second mom to you? nope

have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? nope.

was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? som mystery novel ider.

would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in his house? It depends on my mood. I like doing both.

do you enjoy long car rides? Sometimes.

do you ever wish you could live on a farm? Nope.

do you know how to play poker? hell yeah used to kick ass 

have you ever had an ear infection? Not that i remember of 

what color is your favorite bra? #nobralife

what was the name of your first boyfriend? nathan.

have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? Not yet.

have you ever dated someone a year younger than you? i think so.

have you ever dated someone of another race? nope 

do you enjoy eating veggies? ewh

are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? i dont have a number to exchange 

what do you think of country music? some of its good. 

do you think pigs are cute or ugly? Grown pigs aren’t the cutest animal out there… but as babies, they’re cute.

did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? if so, did you feel pressured to do the same? lol. i think all my friends has sex at 16 or younger. and i lost mine at 14 so

what kind of home would you like? idc as long as i owned it 

did you ever build furniture forts as a child? yassss

what kind of dog is your favorite? teacup yorkies 

have you ever considered dropping acid? thought bout it 

describe your music style: rap/hiphop/alternative

are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? I write my uncle in jail every week. another uncle comes visits me and my grandma a couple times a week, so. bout it. 

have you ever had a seizure? No.

do you plan on losing weight any time soon? hopefully gain. 

what was your gpa in high school? 3.5

if you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? shameless. uhhh, i love all the gallaghers 

what is your favorite book series, if you have one? I don’t have one.

have you ever had a parasite before? Nope.

do you enjoy listening to older music? Sure.

have you been to disney world before? i will someday

have you ever met someone who was really racist before? Unfortunately, yes.

if you could be a disney character for a day, who would you be? i dont like the disney characters 

would you ever want to swim with sharks? i cant swim so i’d either die instantly from being eaten or drown

what was the last thing that made you laugh? I have no idea.

ever used a bow and arrow? Yes.

occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? astronomer, veternarian…

tea or coffee? Coffee.

opinions on sex before marriage? do it. fuck arriage 

who was the hottest teacher you ever had? freshman year there was this math teacher who was super hot and i think he transferred cause i kept flirting lmao 

have you ever walked on a beach at night? nah.

when was the last time you baked something? did it turn out good? chicken pot pie homemade, it was amazing. couple weeks ago

do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless? almost all of it 

why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back? daylight savings time. 

what song really gets to your heart and inspires you? I’m not sure.

do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did? I think there are fireflies around here…

what commercial do you wish they kept playing? hate commericals. 

what current commercial is your favorite?   I don’t watch enough TV to know of any good, current commercials.

if you could have played in any movie, what movie would it be? Magic mike 2, would’ve ayed the girl who got the lapdance at the end.

did you used to do easter egg hunts when you were a child?   Yes! i loved them

what would you rather live by: highway, train tracks or airport? ive lived by train tracks before, so them.

do you believe that ‘hate’ really is a strong word?   I guess. Maybe not anymore

if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things?   mhmm

as a kid, did you love playing on neopets? Not really. i was too poor for that shit 

do you often get bitten by mosquitoes, or rarely ever? hardly ever anymore 

what’s your opinion on plastic surgery? ever thought about getting it? i’m getting a boob job one day, i’ve said it since i was in grade school..

do you own any feathers? tf kinda question is this lmao no. 

do you have a skype?   nope

the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”? he said sorry earlier but it dont mean shit so i just continuted crying.

where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? ive never really had a romantic dinner 

do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex?   when my ex did that i did. but im singleee now 

do you know anybody who was abused?   me, a couple ppl i know. 

do you start feeling really gross if you don’t shower after one day?   sometimes

do you pee a lot more after you’ve drank a caffeinated beverage?   i pee about 2-3 times a day. only pee more when i start drinking alcohol

waiting for something? my life to get itself together.

who is your last received call from? grandma.

how do you pronounce the name Sean when you come across it in text… “shawn” “sheen” or “shane”? ”Shawn.”

wouldn’t it be EXTREMELY weird if someone fell in love with you after reading your answers to this survey?   kinda.

who is the next person you’ll hold hands with? nofuckingbody.

have you ever pole danced before?   id like to. 

what is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?   i dunno.

do you believe your dreams have any real meaning?   sometimes. i took a nap earlier and i dreamed of snake and bugs and i looked it up and it said that something in my life was bothering me, which is true so..

what do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet?   pathetic.

do you drink more apple or orange juice?   apple

do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? i reaked out. then got curious 

do you find extreme body builders’ bodies to be attractive? ewh no 

does it bug you when people go ‘mhm’ all the time when you’re talking? kinda

are your parents religious? they were yeah. not super holy rollers but they believed in god yeah.

what is your favorite hostess/little debbie snack?   swiss rolls, honey buns

do you find it rude when you offer someone something and they decline? Nah

do you think benedict cumberbatch is hot?   who

favorite disney princess?   none

does your sibling have a significant other? dont have a sibiling 

do you have any american girl dolls in your house? fuck dolls 

have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes?   yup

are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment?   Nope.

have your parents ever questioned your virginity? i told my mom after it happened, she cried but after that didn’t care, my dad never asked

roleplaying is super lame, agreed?   It’s not my thing, but people can do what they want.

how’re you feeling right now? I’m done crying and i just feel empty, and kinda mad and just wanna get my money and go.

does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No

is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? Yes.

are you prone to illness? used to be 

are you on birth control? bout to change it but yeah 

how bad are heartbreaks? unbearable sometimes 

has a song ever given you an orgasm?   uhm no. 

have you ever made out in your room? last time? i dont have a room. 

if the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say? lolololol. we already are. 

do you like your eyes?   I do.

are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? Yah

do you have a big butt? Not anymore 

would you be a good salesperson?   helll no

do you like hot sauce? if yes, what do you usually put it on?   nope .

can you do the ‘emo hair flip’? used to be able to

do you know anyone that has dimples? alex.

would you ever make out in front of your best friend? i think i have 

anything physically wrong right now?   nope.

ever had sex under water?   No.

the last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?   no

you’re having twins. what’s your first reaction? freak the fuck out 

did your first love love you back?   why hell no

do you have scars on your wrists?   mhm

do you like fedoras? Lmao, no.

have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? what ive been doing the last couple ights but hasnt helped 

is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? idts

is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway?   probably

does your optimism sometimes hurt you?   yah

have you ever painted a piece of furniture? mhm

do you believe the fortunes in fortune cookies?   Nah

what do you prefer more: waffles or pancakes?   Waffles!

did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yes my fav

got plans after you finish this?   sleep

did you ever dream that you had a baby?   Yes.

have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Not pretty enough for that shit 

did you sleep alone?   I slept alone in my bed last night, but Mahima and Adrika were sleeping in the same room.

does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed? probably dont care 

where is the last person you kissed at this moment?   In his bed.

describe your dream girl/guy? fuck guys 

been arrested? for what? I’ve never been arrested.

tell us the story of your first kiss? it kinda just happened in the middle of class,

do you sleep with stuffed animals?   I have one stuffed animal that I keep in my bed with me. 

how many stuffed animals do you think you have?   used to have a lot but one now 

favorite character from finding nemo? dory

how long does it typically take you to get over people?   depends

are you stressed out?   always

so tell me one interesting thing about yourself. im an emotional wreck

do you own a trenchcoat? Nope.

have you ever owned a tire swing?   no

do you have a nervous twitch?   Nope

are you currently listening to music? no

is it easy to get a job where you live? im in cc rn, and its not. but in indy it is. .

is your signature legible?   it is, and pretty too .

was the last time you cried because you were angry? inbetween angry, sad, empty, not feeling good enough. .

is there an animal that scares you?   snakes, spiders, anything big enough to hurt and eat me

are you any good at video games?   helll yahh.

has a jehovah’s witness ever showed up on your doorstep? mhm

do you have a step parent? I dont even have parents anymore..