#people online: omg he is the dumbest guy ever

[dopepoisonivyoncrack]

Got quite bugged by the lack of a more nuanced take on Astarion intelligence. This ended up quite long so I'm putting it under line

Won't get medical into the "less wrinkled brain" narrative comment, which can be offensive, I've seen some complain about it, I don’t have the medical expertise and it's not necessary because, while maybe not an excuse, it was used figuratively. Astarion is not the smartest person in the room but also not the dumbest, which makes sense and I'll get to that in a moment. I've seen the jokes though, and there is a big difference between being less wrinkled and having the brain as smooth as a chicken breast. I have not laughed.

About the stats, I think it reflects his current state but not the limits of his intellectual capacities. If anyone more knowledgeable in dnd inner workings can correct me in this, feel free to do so.

What I can say is that intelligence is the ability to solve complex problems, to learn and adapt and make better decisions, and there is nothing to suggest Astarion doesn't possess this ability, quite the contrary, he learns and adapts relatively fast when allowed to do so. The brain is like a muscle that needs to be trained, and unfortunately, he couldn't do that much in the last 200 years. Trauma also messes with the brain and many of its abilities. It can physically change the brain and the mechanisms used for learning and survival [x]. Not to dig into details as it's beside the point here but "trauma significantly impacts our ability to learn, to form memories, to regulate emotions, it can affect our ability to be calm, to learn, to think, to reflect and to respond flexibly and in a planned way" [x]. It should be no surprise that Astarion has difficulties in doing a number of these, if not all.

Before jumping at me like I'm trying to use the trauma in defense of his intelligence, I am not saying he was some brilliant mind before. He was probably a bit above average, with a privileged access to higher education. We can't know anything for sure because we were never given anything on the magistrate elf (not to assess intelligence anyway), but whatever his starting point was, it got affected under Cazador. We only have the current Astarion and some observations during our game travels.

So, while I don't think he was ever the brightest, he is far from being dumb. The lower intelligence stats in the game make perfect sense for someone like him, as he is now. He was killed as a young adult, he was controlled body and mind for 2 centuries, stuck following orders, and in survival mode. He didn't get, and wasn't allowed to think for himself, to grow, to learn, to develop his skills to their potential! Including thinking skills! Moreover, he was told and made to feel incapable, worthless. Cazador likes to remind that quite often. Of course he isn't adept at thinking things through, making complex plans, figure out things that would be more obvious to others, and so on... like when it comes to relationship experience, because he didn't had to think or do anything more complex than seduce someone for a night and carry them to Cazador, for a very very long time. The routine and ingrained mindset, the "chains" so strong, he kept doing them out of inertia for a while even after the tadpole-gained-freedom. It took him a while to even realize he can just stop doing it now, like slowly waking up and regaining senses, and control over his body. It's great writing there, sensitive, thoughtful, realistic writing. It would be quite weird if he knew any better, and that would have to reflect into higher stats. And I would like to point out that he learns and adjusts himself from now on with increasing pace, going hand in hand with recovery. (Going into how this affects Ascended Astarion who, I argue, rejects recovery, would be interesting but maybe another time).

On the other hand, the skills that helped him do what Cazador asked for, are very very honed. I still remember his lines, not being able to even put a name on another type of relationship "You are not a victim, not a target, not another night it's better to forget. But then...what in the world could you be?" (Might be paraphrasing a bit but the point stands). It's not for lack of intelligence that he fails to do that, and it's not for lack of intelligence that he fails to do many other things.

Basically, I am saying is that he was never the smartest, but he is not dumb, he was made a bit dumber/ kept for a long time, by trauma and circumstance, from getting smarter, kept from reaching whatever his potential was, and that if allowed to regain his freedom and recover, he still has the ability to reach whatever his potential is. Things we can witness him doing, gradually. And that his stats or the comments on his intelligence in the game reflect his current situation and not his limits.

[sunnytellings]

11/16/18 Wrestling: Wrestlers hang out when they're this tired? At tournaments? What is this lifestyle?

Dif day: Idea: Yeah no, I didn't do wrestling in hs.....I never went to tournaments, or even competed during the league dual meets, just jv leagues....the only sport I did in hs to hang out? But I did it to be good at first, then the competitions never came....ALL my hs coaches except snyder were lame. They didn't believe in winning, hadn't won themselves, didn't teach year round training, most didn't notice me to be coached but they were just thankful I was a teachers pet type and made them look good or made their "job" easier

11/19/18 No shade but Joey left practice cuz he was sick supposedly. Thanksgiving break. Thought: did I even like mb the boy? I think I just like wrestling. And he did wrestling somewhat good on the team back then.....if he wasn't a wrestler would I have been interested? If he never gives back to the sport as a grown man... We all already know he wasn't successful in it after all so I'm not gold digging that. But my crush back then was very reinforced on the culture of the time aka sms loved it's wrestlers.

11/19/18 "My Ex Harassed Me Online for Months, So I Took Him to Court and Won $6.4 Million" on yahoo news

11/20/18 Wrestling thoughts for journal... Wrestling is conquering fears....your own mental inabilities, turning multiple mistakes and bad habits into productive connections that lead to slight improvement. It's never you against them. It's always you against you. Are you the same or did you change something you didn't recognize as wrong before and worked on it until you learned how to make a (past) mistake a (future) strength. To go from absolute hell to absolute heaven.

Who the f told rihanna costiloe that I had wrestling experience. And why was I like HELL NO. Lol...

Mahapatra hella rude. Kept making faces, cutting me off, pale pink lipstick. So I stopped making eye contact. I continued telling the psychiatrist aka mental health doctor about my life's turns and happenings. And then she literally fucking kicks me out of there. Bye see you in 3 months ugly. "Not Kennedy"? Bitch I said Cupertino 3 times But yeah, still not ready to kill myself. Sorry! Then she kept asking what do I do. Um I teach a sport......I go to their games and I communicate with them effectively on how to improve their competitions outcomes. And obviously motivate them positively to continue prioritizing their physical health through this particular activity. #for my autobio I'm a good wrestling coach. But she'd have me explain that too... Any bitch that turns their head away over wrestling is a whore. #morals And no I'm not "dating" anyone.....wtf. like why or how is that most important question to ask. Want to know if I'm manipulating people (because that's all I've ever done #sarcasm)?? Want to make excuses to call me a whore? Want to set me up for rape?

Another sunny is engaged. K.

Idea: Colt, If texting is the only way we are communicating and you stop replying. And I reach out when I normally don't even do that either. And you ignore me. Again. And then a long time later you start pretending to care and ask about how I'm doing and omg am I ok. I'm not in crisis. And get over yourself. Pen pal.

3 blue tinder stars on me. Nope didn't miss anything. Oh yeah 7 looking guy on the way to the massage chair....

Did Briseida get a nose job? But she's not connected on the internet anymore with Neha OR Yvette who was on her ass after we hung out in 2010 because of Andrea.....

Uh Jack friend requests me and messages me...........

I swear all my exes be on me still ... Guys need to learn to be friends with a girl before shooting their shot on their dream girl. Aka me too. But like niggas need to admit they don't know how to be partners.

Glad I don't associate with girls whose only concept in their minds of what ability they have is to play dress up and arm candy. Dumbest broads at Wilcox fasho

Note: I choose my selfies based on my hair. I might not have the cutest angle but if my hair look good. I feel good. If my hair is not good, mehhhhhhhhh.

Boys wrestling. Boys like learning?

[sixmorningsafter]

How Gabi Ruined Me: A SMA Review of Ch. 15

GUESS WHO’S BACK AND READY TO REVIEW THE EFF OUT OF THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OMG THIS IS STRAIGHT GOLD.

It’s me, hi Gabi, you’re a blessing.

REPLY:

Hi Cassie, it’s me, you’re hysterical. Also, I’m going to start indenting my parts instead of y’alls parts because I’ve realized that’s way easier and I’m dumb.

Overall, I really like this “episode” style you’ve got going on. I know it’s problematic word-count-wise (it’s actually not a problem at all, I have no idea where you got that from, but if you say so). And your style is really unique, so it’s always a delight to see what you’ve created.

REPLY:

lmaoooo I’m glad you benefit from my misery. (No but real talk, this format’s new for me so I’m super happy it’s working for you, man.)

Steroline Sex

Nice. But also, unrelated to the actual sex, how you wrote it without being cringey or too graphic is a great feat. Like good job dude. And forget the sex again, but the intimacy was also nice. Like nice. Like, in the carnality of it, I find it interesting that in this moment, you read Stefan for who he is—the guy who looks for intimacy over physicality, the guy who craves the relational over the carnal. Like, nice, dude, A+ with extra credit. It’s hard to pull off, I think, but it so mirrors what the real world is like? Also your writing style, again, is some really great stuff. Like, maybe you should quit your day job?

REPLY:

LMAO idk why but every time you say nice I just imagine you doing this dude bro nod and the 👌  emoji and I love it. Tyler approves. But also, GIRL, writing smut was friggin’ uncharted adventure time for me so you don’t even know how happy this feedback makes me. I’ve been pulled right out of stories before because things suddenly take a really porny turn (and I start laughing because I’m an infant), so I really wanted to avoid that without skimping out too much on details. And gah, all of your notes on Stefan and his instinctive search for something deeper (even in the face of a sex contract and hot girl on his lap) are so perfect, and I’m happy as hell that’s what came across because that’s definitely what I was aiming for. And AW, girl, psh - right back at you re: writing style! Like I’m pretty sure this review is funnier and better written than the fic itself but whaaaaatever.

Beginning of the Bonkaimon (is this the right ship name???) Date

Kai’s apartment: lol, much like Damon, I was no expecting this Christmas wonderland (horror) either. But also, LOL at what Damon was expecting lol.

REPLY:

lololol I sat in Starbucks and stared blankly into space for like 20 minutes to come up with all the things someone might expect from Kai’s apartment, and I’m pretty sure I terrified at least three people because I’d just suddenly start villain cackling. Imagining a room full of nothing but shelves of blinking furbies made me laugh for like five minutes. 

Kai + Pinterest: not a big factor, but I find it hilarious that he was even on it??? Like could imagine, between gutting a swan, he’s casually scrolling through DIY Christmas décor?

REPLY:

‘between gutting a swan, he enjoys casually scrolling through DIY Christmas décor’ is totally on his online dating profile somewhere

The Bamon back-and-forth is too much. Like way too much, in the best way possible. They are literally children. Bonnie’s “villian origin story” quip is literally my fav. Damon’s “our thing” is sooooooooooooo like him what the heck, you pegged it; Damon saying “Like I know we have a thing and all, but—“ just made me laugh so hard.

REPLY:

Aren’t they the dumbest? So happy you enjoyed that part because it was fun as hell to write. If writing was just zippy dialogue I’d have finished this fic 200 years ago.

KAI’S FREAK OUT ABOUT THE COATS: dude you did a good job with that. Like a really good job. You can really see the distraught.

Kai’s “the stuffed mushrooms are fluffy and delicious… just like me” bit was very cute, like too cute for a psychopath.

The chit-chat: yes, it was a sneak peek, no, it didn’t affect the hilarity of it within the chapter at all.

Sniper love, I kind of love it. Like that Kai has a date at all? Like how did he even manage that? Omg and is his date just as crazy as him? Idk if you watch B99, but Holt and Kevin lol, that’s what I’m imagining.

REPLY:

HOLT AND KEVIN YEEEESSS. Love that. I think in this case, Kai’s pretending to be breezy and confident about his date in front of Bonnie and Damon, like ‘happens all the time just another Saturday in Kai-town’, but he actually has literally no idea what he’s doing and is a little panicky about it, lololol. He was probably just at work looking all cute and brilliant and some hotshot sniper made the mistake of thinking he was just a quirky nerd instead of a legitimate threat to the planet. I have a plan for Kai in terms of romantic entanglements down the road that I think’ll show just how painfully awkward he is in those situations, loooool. Should be fun for sure.  

Bonnie’s true self coming through, and Damon noticing? Damon noticing in general? My heart can’t handle it. You know bamon is my main ship, main otp, main everything? But like, this part is everything (and another part later). I like Bonnie’s true self tbh. Like yeah, she made some mistakes with it, but it’s also a little more interesting than the self she created.

REPLY:

Bonnie’s such a messy tangle of flaws and virtues, and I think her problem is that she’s spent so much of her life living in extremes. Like she’s either pure light or a total eclipse - she’s never actually let herself exist as a collage of light and shadow, or rather, doesn’t realize she even can. I think a lot of that has to do with the degree to which she indulged in her darkness during that teen rebel phase, like her anger and hurt were so all-consuming (and the people she surrounded herself with were so intent on stoking the flames of it) that she feels like she can’t let any part of that in without it taking over. She’s afraid of that darkness being all that she really is, and that’s why her mom left, that’s why her dad was a checked out alcoholic - they somehow saw that in her and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else does, too. I think where Damon comes to play is that he’s an instinctive observer of people, and he’s obviously taken an interest in Bonnie and making sense of her. So far, he’s picked up on the light (brave, empathetic, optimistic, kind, a fierce instinct to help) and he’s picked up on the dark (angry, self-sabotaging, competitive, a taste for danger) and at first glance, the two seem so wildly different that he’s like ‘which one’s real’. But I think what I’m really trying to build toward with Bonnie is that she’s not one or the other, she’s both. In harmony. And that ultimately, letting in her ‘dark side’ wouldn’t take anything away from her compassion and optimism and impassioned drive to make the world a better place - if anything, it’d just make her light side shine even brighter, you know? 

And likewise, Damon’s a character with a similar but inverted complex - he’s somehow grown up with the idea that he’s not a good guy and doesn’t care about anything, but he’s actually done some pretty heroic shit? Like, he turned in his own parents because of the things they were doing to people - parents who grown ass hardened criminals were terrified of. And he was ten. He went through foster home after foster home of neglect and abuse, all of which calcified his alleged numbness to the world, and yet couldn’t help himself from becoming a constant buffer between Tyler and his abusive dad. He was more in love with Katherine than she ever was with him and yet his awareness of that never stopped him from being there for her, even when he kind of hated her, because the weight of their shitty lives mattered more than the weight of his feelings. When he accidentally pushed Bonnie into a spiral, he dove in to deal with it, in large part because it was his fault, but also because he knew he was the best option for her, and he didn’t want to see Caroline and Stefan take that on. And there’s more hero-revealing things ahead for him in the story, which kind of begs the question, ‘why are you so convinced you’re this hedonist who doesn’t care when you actually do more good than a lot of people who do care?’ And Bonnie is absolutely starting to piece this all together, so it’s a similar dynamic on either side.  Anyway, that’s my dissertation on how to go into an entirely unsolicited rambling meta in response to wonderful and pertinent feedback. 

Kai’s “you two must have a crazy sex life”, I think it’s funny ‘cause he could have left it at that and gotten away with it, but continuing with details just killed those chances (and it also killed me).

REPLY:

looool right? Kai’s one of those characters that’s always right on the cusp of having a normal moment and then nope, never mind, hail mary throw to loony land right at the last second. 

Caroline’s Freakout

I love how chaotic you write Caroline’s internal struggle. Because, like she realizes, she’s being irrational, and that’s exactly how her thoughts come across. Excellent work with that. “Everything about him was a goddamn error,” superb line, dude. That’s how exactly how I pegged the sma Steroline relationship (and the sma Bamon one, but on the side of Bonnie being the error anomaly to Damon). Like, honestly, when Caroline’s like “he’d known what he was doing”, I’m like,” y’all were having sex? You must’ve looked like you were liking it???” Caroline frustrates me sometimes, but like, she’s frustrating herself (and Stefan), so that makes sense and also kudos.

And then she lashes out at Stefan, and Stefan’s like, “I know”. Yikes.com. And I like how she realizes the physicality of what they did isn’t much different from what she and other guys did. It’s just him that’s different. And oh man, I love how Stefan’s like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you”, and she’s like “dude wait stop you’re not supposed to apologize for this”.

So many emotions dude. Mainly ‘cause I can relate to avoidance thing (yikes), but also ‘cause you can tell she’s trying to figure herself out, trying to correct her behavior (kinda), but then she reverts. A+.

REPLY:

Gaaah, all of that makes me so happy because that’s exactly what I was going for. You’re frustrated with her, but you know you’re supposed to be frustrated with her ‘cause even she’s frustrated with herself, you know? I’ve always found that I’m really forgiving of flawed characters when they’re aware of their flaws (and when other people are allowed to get fed up with their shit), so going into that scene, that’s what I tried to keep in mind - she’s going to be irrational and defensive and I need to make sure everyone knows that I know that this isn’t cool. It isn’t intriguing or exciting. It’s frustrating and repetitive and I know it, Caroline knows it, and Stefan knows it, and because of that, it’ll be confronted, you know? And yeah, that ‘he knew what he was doing’ line was exactly for that reason - Caroline clearly played a role in what happened, like it takes two to tango gurl, so I hoped that would hammer in how unreliable her narration was in that second. That, and the fact that when he starts apologizing, like you said, she’s like ‘stop’ because obviously he really didn’t do anything that bad and she knows that. Super, super stoked that the scene played out for you the way it did, man. Best feedback ever. Eloquent af. A+ goes to you.

Bamon’s first trip to Wine Cellar

Touching + promixity + commentary = horny Bonnie + smug Damon + heaps of hilarity

REPLY:

They’re like X-rated toddlers.

“You’ve been in love?” conversation was really good. I mean it was short, but I loved it. Like, called out much?

REPLY:

I literally had no idea I was going to write that until it just showed up on the word doc, but it ended up being one of my fave exchanges, so I’m so happy you liked it, too!

And then the “earthworm” argument: LOL.

“Like your entire face is rebelling against it—you look like you’re about to have a stroke.” LOLOLOLOLOLOL. What’s even funnier is I imagine Damon coming back with a doctor comment lol.

REPLY:

‘Uh-oh, better give me a full physical.’

The kiss/attack. Kai’s probably right, their sex life is will probably be crazy.

REPLY:

Definitely won’t get bored.

Bonnie’s flashback. Gotta know more dude. Like, in theory, you wrote it out a bit, but more more more.

REPLY:

More ahead! I have an ask about it that I’m going to answer but more’s coming in the actual fic, too. I think. So excited you want to know more, though!

“Merriam Webster” lol

OKAY HERE’S THE OTHER LIFE-GIVING PART: “Are you worried about me?” and “She turned around to leave and he caught her wrist again./’Seriously. Anything at all.’” YOU’RE MURDERING ME GABI HOW DARE YOU (please keep it coming).

Jesus Crisco lololololololol

REPLY: 

:D

Soon-to-Be Ms. Cuddles

It’s kind of scary how much of myself I see in Caroline lol (that’s kind of fucked up right?) especially when her eyes are shut because the cat is near her omg.

REPLY:

lmaoooo a little scary but she turns out alright so *bonnie voice* there’s hope for you.

My heart at “none of it was worth it”. At first, I was like Caroline’s not worth it? But then he’s like Caroline’s fear/hurt isn’t worth it, and I’m like, Stefan you IDIOT STOP HURTING ME.

REPLY:

LMAO ISN’T HE THE WORST.

And then him realizing what the real issue is with “Like maybe that contract hadn’t just been for him”.

But then him fucking it up with “something stupidly, recklessly hopeful”. BOY BYE WITH THIS DISNEY PRINCE-NESS.

REPLY:

Disney Prince-tervention. 8 o’ clock. Scott McCall can come too.

“It means is there anything on the planet you don’t avoid dealing with?” YIKES STEFAN DO YOU LIKE PLAYING WITH YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS OR

REPLY:

LOLOLOL I laughed when I wrote that line. I was like eating Smart Pop and going ‘BOY’ as if I wasn’t the one writing it, it was all super sane.

Avoiding!Caroline #relatable dude.

“Easy to mistake for serial killers” LOL STEFAN AGAIN ARE YOU READY TO DIE OR

REPLY:

Danger Zone Stefan.

The part with the cat coming near her, lol, is so damsel-in-distress, and it makes me laugh so much at how cliched/tropey this is, but I also love it, and I tried to imagine her with either Bonnie or Damon in the same situation, and Bonnie being similar to Stefan but taking her out of her misery, but Damon being a shithead about it. Ah yes.

REPLY:

LMAO that scene is pure, unadulterated, damsel-ly TROPENESS and I love forcing Caroline I’m a Force to be Reckoned With and Need No One Forbes into those scenes because she tries so hard not to be that way and like, for what? Girl, be afraid of the dark. Run away from cats. Be jumpy and hide behind people. None of that means you can’t singlehandedly take down the Emory football administration, you know? You can run away from spider-rat hybrids in the same stilettos you slam into the toes of drunk dudes harassing girls on the subway. Do you. And LOOOL to Bonnie and Damon in Stefan’s place - Bonnie would definitely let it go but would be subtly trolly about it, like putting the cat on her bed when she’s in the shower or buying it a bunch of costumes to wear around the apartment. Damon would probs be every inch as insufferable as you’d imagine. 

The Not-All-Animals conversation. You don’t have to answer this, but is this supposed to be a foreshadowing, because the window was wide open for you (or Stefan) to state it clearly. And lol I cried when he says “there’s a cuddly little fur ball who seems really interested in getting to know you” and I’m imagining him talking about himself *dies of laughter*

“You’re going to love this cat”. Subtle, Stefan. Subtle.

REPLY:

CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM CALLING HIMSELF A CUDDLE LITTLE FUR BALL ON PURPOSE #BYE. I mean, it’s true, but still. I did the parallel on purpose, which I’m sure you know by now because I take forever to reply and have answered tat a few times, but I think it was more subconscious on Stefan’s part. Like his dedication to getting her to open up to the cat was definitely motivated by his own frustrations with her in that department, but I don’t think he saw the direct parallel or anything. Muahaha. I kind of want him to now though because CUDDLY LITTLE FUR BALL. That’s his street name. 

Bonkai/Damon’s return from the cellar

Kai flirting

Bonnie feeling bad for Kai for not having any friends. (can I just note that Kai doesn’t seem bothered that he doesn’t really have friends—or rather, he seems the type not to mind it. Like I’m sure there’ll be a part when Kai says something ‘jeez Bon, stop being so obsessed with me’ when she tries to be his friend)

AKA ME now feeling bad for Kai, just in general (or that might be the copious amounts of Bonkai fics I’ve been reading recently…)

Bonnie teaching Kai to “flirt” AKA just be a human being

REPLY:

lololol Kai’s just a dude doing his best impersonation of humaning and failing miserably and not being too bothered about it.

“Maybe a little less… carnivorous” lol

Damon calling Kai “bud” (like, him actually picking up on the fact Kai enjoyed that). Too sweet.

REPLY:

I didn’t get a chance to get too into it in 15, but if all goes according to plan, Kai x Damon should be a pretty unexpectedly adorable brotp, so I’m super happy you picked up on that!

Bamon kiss #3 : “his stare was dark, humming, glinting with a hint of self-satisfaction” hehehehehe

“but I feel like maybe I should’ve asked you instead. Cool move.” lmfao Kai is a cutie pie (I know what I said, I’m not taking it back).

“Honestly, he could go back to the murder cellar now” lolololol. You’ve got a lot of golden lines in this one.

Almost Bamon kiss #4: nice

“She exhaled slowly, trying to ignore the buried, messy part of her that was turned on by the idea, that buzzed from the risk of it all.” Same, Bon.

Bless Bonnie’s insane self-control.

REPLY:

Damon’s a smug little shit. There’s just no getting around it, tbh. And YAY for cutie pie Kai (it even rhymes! Destiny.) - definitely trying to hone in on the more delightful sides of him from canon. And lmao, Bonnie must be so tired.

 Caroline vs. the Cat

Obsessive Caroline is something familiar and safe to all. I like obsessive Caroline a lot lol.

Okay, unrelated, but can you expand a little bit on the Maroline situation again because, from what you’ve already explained (sorry if this is ruining the story, you obviously don’t have to explain if it is) Matt was sweet when it suited him, not sweet when he was angry or whatever. So, like, Stefan has none of these telltale features, like not even lowkey. I mean, he gets mad at her that one time, but it’s not malicious, you know? But it also triggered her to breakdown, but I read that as she’s already dealing with internal shit, so the internal is being external, and has very little to do with Stefan. So, I guess my question is, why is she not realizing Stefan is a Disney prince and he’ll always be one? Or is it just the overwhelming fear that’s clouding her judgement? I’m rambling.

REPLY:

GIRL, join the club. Rambling is a way of life. Re: Matt, I think a key thing I haven’t gotten to in the fic yet is that Matt started off as a bit of a Disney Prince, too. He was this humble, small-town star quarterback who was a little shy around girls and didn’t know what to do with all the attention on him, and when he met/got to know Caroline, he fell hard. Like haaaard. She was this confident, brash, outgoing ray of light that drew him in and made him laugh and added so much joy to his life, and he was just totally smitten. Built her things, wrote her crappy love letters that made her smile, etc., and for a year or so, they were this fairytale of a couple that everyone in town loved. And then Vicky got into drugs and his family situation went from not great to really bad - his mom was constantly off with some new guy, so a lot of the responsibility fell on him - and things just slowly started changing. He was angrier. Stressed out all the time, and he wasn’t someone who did well under pressure. He started checking out from school more and more because he didn’t see it as a priority. And in that context, larger-than-life Caroline with her sunny optimism and big ambitions went from endearing and inspiring to naive and a lowkey reminder of everything he didn’t have the luxury of being. Resentment started creeping in, and it’d come in the form of him being snide or putting her down, and it just kind of spiraled from there. Like you said, it wasn’t all the time, he could still be every inch as sweet and loving as he was when she first met him, but the bad moments started cropping up more and more often, and Caroline was just kind of frozen because they had years of magical history to indicate that this wasn’t the real him, and she just needed to wait it out and be supportive. And if she’d only done that to a certain degree, I think she would’ve been okay, but she stayed for way, way longer than she ever thought she would’ve. And she started coming up with insane ways to justify everything because their relationship meant so much to her. And all in all, that’s the real damage for her - the fact that she can’t trust herself to one: see people for they are when she has feelings for them, and two: know when to get out of something. Not when she’s in love. Any other context, sure, deuces, bye, but she doesn’t trust herself in love. So that’s why Stefan, without really showing any real Matt-like flaws, is scaring the hell out of her, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKING OF RAMBLING HI HELLO YES WHERE IS THE SUPPORT GROUP 

Caroline and the cat is really cute. We don’t see many soft moments of Caroline, except the baroline apology scene, so it’s cute to see her just calm down a little bit. Calm in the storm.

And her being like “You’re lucky Stefan’s here.” Oh, dude, that really got me. Like, before she goes into the physicality of him/them, I read that line as like, “he’ll take care of you, he’ll be good for you” and that struck me.

REPLY:

So happy you liked that softer side of Caroline! Definitely going to be seeing more of that now that she’s gotten most of the defensiveness out of her system (in large part because I’m just tired of writing it, lmaaaaaoooooo #authoroftheyear). And yeah, that’s exactly how she meant that line, which I think shows just how much her opinion has changed of him over these past few days. Progress!

“And it was terrifying, because for that brief glitter of a moment, for better or for worse, she’d been Caroline Forbes in all her complete, defenseless, messy glory”: nice.

REPLY:

👌

“And closed hearts, apparently”, awwwwwwww. You know my general feels about steroline, but this fic, man. Well played, Gabi, well played.

REPLY:

lmao you know mine too. thanks, boo. 

Bamon Snooping

Initial and overarching reaction: LOL

Damon saving Bonnie’s life: *heart eyes*

“I’m not talking to you”/”Why ‘cause I didn’t feel you up in the kitchen?” LOL Damon knooooooows, Damon’s got you cornered (you’d like that wouldn’t you, Bonnie) (but also, same)

REPLY:

#READ

Like this idiot really thinks she’s fooling anyone? She’d totally like that. Let’s make another support group.

The flamingo tarts LOL

AND AND AND “Stefan’s not even going to be able to look at yo—“ crying

Kai going to hunt swan. Again.

REPLY:

So rude, pulling the judgy Stefan card. And yeah, Kai’s really into casual evening strolls with crossbows. 

The snooping. Okay, so first, Bonnie’s reaction of “yeeeeeeeeee” and Damon’s reaction of “k let’s do it”. I love it so so so much. This is a moment I can see Matt Daddario being Damon (I started watching Shadowhunters, pardon me). But also the things they find??? Like, if this were a tv show (where’s the petition, my pen is ready), then this would be that one weird/sci-fi episode. Like a musical episode, but sci-fi-y.

Damon “how much you want to bet one of these opens a hidden passageway”/I’m a big nerd too Fell/Whitmore (who tf is this guy)

REPLY:

LMAO coming up with the things they find was another case of me staring dead-eyed into space for 20 minutes and cackling at random, so I’m glad it was entertaining. And yessss, I can totally see Matt pulling off that line. I see him as a slightly sleepier Damon, like his blithe charm goes from obnoxious to a little slyer and lowkey, and he has more of a playful laziness about him. It’s a really fun/unique fit, especially since some of the other actors I’ve imagined as Damon have more of a brash/sharp quality to them that would enhance the showman aspect instead of downplaying it.

Bamon talking about Damon’s job: real bonding about real things!

REPLY:

WOOT. More of that ahead :)

Steroline Avoiding

“He could navigate picky eaters like a pro”:  I love that you made him this way, and that you made her that way, and that their ways are like puzzle pieces.

REPLY:

Ahhh, I love that you put it that way. That’s their new tag line.

And also for this beaut: “the Human Grimace” lmfao.

“I feel annoyed”/”Why?”/”I don’t know.” – is that their tag line or?

REPLY:

JK that’s definitely their tag line. 

Steroline bonding in general, bless.

“I can’t do this”: yikes. At first, I thought this was going to be a repeat of every sexytimez moment these two had before the ultimate one

but I really like how you placed that bit about Elena in there. Nice. Like how he can’t handle not knowing, and that’s very Caroline of him, and he could just tell her this please that’d help everyone???? I’m not ranting.

REPLY:

IF EVERYONE COULD JUST TALK IN THIS GODFORSAKEN FIC IT WOULD’VE ENDED TEN CHAPTERS AGO AND MADE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER. lmao but I’m glad you liked the Elena nuance - I’m trying to build their experiences in bits and pieces so that when they finally talk about everything re: the exes, it’s not too much of an information dump. 

Damon’s Panic Attack

Jesus Christ, Gabi. Right in the heart, dude. Like chill out. His avoidance of the very inevitable killed me. And Bonnie not picking up on the signs. Omg and Damon’s “I’m fine”, parallel to Caroline’s, and the whole “I can do this, I can get through this, I’ve only had myself before, and I only need myself now”, but Bonnie’s there and she’s all “I got you, you can do this, we’ll get through this together” and she’s talking him through, but he’s doesn’t want to even talk and  she’s just trying to bring him out of him successfully, but ultimately fails and goes with the distracting that is an old Stefonnie story. BUT THEN, her fourth-grade poem reminded me of The Punisher’s “one batch, two batch, penny and dime” in Daredevil (you watched that right?) and I was like oh shoot, you right. What you were right about, not sure, but it worked, and Bonnie did a good job (but also YOU), and Damon’s “she was a ridiculous person./Tangled and dark and simple and light.” And my heart wept. “He let himself stay”. Oh my poor baby. You wrecked me, Gabi, you really did.

REPLY:

‘and I was like oh shoot, you right. What you were right about, not sure, but it worked’ - LMAOOOOOO, dead. Like 50% of my excitement for posting this review is just people reading it and realizing how hilarious you are and then going to check out B&B. (GO AND CHECK OUT B&B). For real though, gaaaaah, everything about this is making my friggin’ day because this is always the toughest stuff to write for me. I never know if I’m building it well or if the emotions are transitioning fluidly and it makes me want to break my laptop (jk it’s already broken JOKE’S ON ME), so I’M SO HAPPY I WRECKED YOU. All of your observations are perfect. I didn’t even think about The Punisher but shoot, YOU RIGHT, that’s such a great parallel. I’ve always found that angsty situations are super unpredictable in real life, like the things you expect to happen seldom do and it’s always the most random thing that ends up shifting the mood, so I tried to translate that into this scene. Like Bonnie’s pulling out all the stops, all the things she’s trained to do, but what ends up cutting through the air is a random ass poem from fourth grade. And it’s just thoughtful and spastic enough to grab his attention, especially once he realizes why she went for poetry, and suddenly, the situation’s quelling. So I’m super, super happy that it worked for you, and that the ‘tangler and dark and simple and light’ stood out. I think that’s one of the first instances of him starting to realize she’s not one or the other, she’s both at the same time, so yeah, this feedback is all wonderful and now you’re wrecking me so we’re even.

Steroline Confronting

Is Caroline… confronting the problem? Is Caroline… actually fixing this? Is Caroline… actually being a person? Nice, good job, I’m proud of you, girl. Slay.

REPLY:

LOOK AT HER GOOOOO.

I like how she gets how fucked up the whole thing is. Like, she knows she’s being irrational, and that he shouldn’t have to put up with this mess, and damn, I feel for her.

REPLY:

Yesssss, totally what I was going for. Like the person most done with her shit is herself, and she’s likely going to be way harder on herself about it than you or me or Stefan or anyone else, really. So happy that came across.  

“Would it make you feel better if I told you that wasn’t the first time that’s happened to me?”

“What did you do? Actually—don’t tell me now.”/“I’m not telling you ever.”

”Tell me when it doesn’t hit so close to home.”/”Or never.”

”It’s still too soon.”/”It’ll always be too soon.”

These are gems.

REPLY:

Gotta sneak some fluff into every scene you know how I roll.

Oh goodness, but Stefan wanting to know her as a person. Ughhhhhh.

And the ruse of “for the sake of Bonnie.” I’m calling bullshit.

“Who was he, Nicholas Sparks?” Lol, I mean, it worked out, though, dude.

REPLY:

Stefan’s a lost cause.

As always, my friend, you’ve done a phenomenal job. Your writing style is so unique and fabulous, and it just adds to the storyline itself, like, it’s own entity in this whole thing. Bless. So excited for the next chapter. Did I hear more sexytimez for the bamon babes? 

REPLY:

GIRL I COULD SAY THE SAME DAMN THING ABOUT YOURS. Like even in this review alone - hysterical and eloquent af. I know you probably know this, but no one ever thinks that of their own writing (or at least I don’t think they do lmao, if they do LEMME HAVE A HIT OF THAT CONFIDENCE BOO ‘cause I didn’t even know I had a style), so it’s legit amazing to hear that the style stands out to you, and know that I’m boomeranging that comment right back atcha. Next chapter is sloooowly chugging along, by which I mean I’m writing at a regular pace but I’m trying to cram a legitimately concerning/insane amount of scenes into it. Like 15. LMAO. RIP Gabi. But hopefully it won’t take me too long! Also, it’s the last of the intensely emotional chapters for a while (just a lot of big moments I need to get right), so even if this takes forever, the rest should be a little faster. I feel like I say this after every chapter and nothing changes, looooool. BUT ANYWAY, you’re a marvel, this review is everything, I’m feelsy, you’re hilarious, write a book, bye. 

[myauralove-blog]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Baby Liam

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing if I know you, shy if i feel intimidated or you’re new to me

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? mjum, sister, brothers

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d say so, unless I feel super threatened by you I’m the nicest person everrrrrr

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? ummm no

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Legit assholes and that pretty much sums it up. nah intelligent, witty, funny, confident but not cocky, articulate, class clowns

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I’d rather not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? JD, JW.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah. Ask me anything.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Megan

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Cant wait to see you.

12. What are your 6 favorite songs right now? Unforgettable - French Montana

Thunder - Imagine Dragons

XO Tour Lif3 - Lil Uzi Vert

I like me better - Lauv

There for you - Martin Garrix

Know no better - Major Lazer, Travis Scott, Camilla Cabello

13. Do you like it when people play with your? You better be reaaaal gentle bro

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes, just not for myself

15. What good thing happened this month? Rekindled a friendship with Hayley, Lots of fun with Griff & Vato, Lots of drunk fun with Megan, had sex watching the july 1st fireworks hahahahhaahahah

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Ya.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? hahah ew

19. Do you like bubble baths? So much

20. Do you like your neighbors? The ones across me, yes. Other people around - no. Fuck them.

21. What are you bad habits? Trusting too easily, revealing too much, spending money, eating junk

22. Where would you like to travel? Italy, France, Southeast Asia, Scotland, England, Ireland

23. Do you have trust issues? Yessssss, but I trust too easily too.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? eating, laying in bed at the end of the day

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? boobs that arent there, stomach that is fat, nose, googly eyes, teeth

26. What do you do when you wake up? Go back to sleep lollll, get anxiety, want to smash my alarm, stretch

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Tanner

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Megan, sister, mum, zane

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Joel lolll why’d ya cheat then

30. Do you ever want to get married? Maybe.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? hardly. can never decide if I want it long or short so i just keep cutting it ? 32. Which celebrities would you have sex with? Ashton Kutcher and Ansel Elgort omg

33. Spell your name without vowels - scrltt jwl vn

34. Do you play sports? What sports? ew no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Thats hard neither

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? All the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences? The wrong thing 99% of the time

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Finds my quirks endearing, intelligent, witty, funny, sexy, loves my body, loves my humour, is interested in what I have to say, is interested in my life, basically they have to be obsessed with me

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Online - PLT, Peppermayo, Boohoo

40. What do you want to do after high school? im 24 lol take me back to when i was actually facing this question

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? im so sensitive and emotional so yes. but if theyve had 2 second chances then no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m hurt, trying to read your mind or off my head

43. Do you smile at strangers? If they look like a kind stranger

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? fuck that ill stay on dry land thanks

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Alarms, anxiety

46. What are you paranoid about? Being played, laughed at or talked about behind my back

47. Have you ever been high? Ya

48. Have you ever been drunk? is that even a question

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? um yes

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Blue

51. Ever wished you were someone else? KYLIE JENNER UH YEA

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? eyes, pasty skin, boobs, my stupid anxious mind, my stupid big heart

53. Favourite makeup brand? BYS, Maybelline

54. Favourite store? Kmart for sure

55. Favourite vlogs? Shani Grimmond, Michael Finch, Skye Wheatley, Tammy Hembrow

56. Favourite colour? Green, tan and pink

57. Favourite food? Pizza, Pasta

58. Last thing you ate? Mars Bar Icecream

59. First thing you ate this morning? Banana and honey toast

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Haha like never. Raffles, Jellybean in a jar guessing,

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? In school suspension. Cant even remember what for. Plenty of detentions

62. Been arrested? For what? Yeeea. Punching a cop. Didnt go on my record though so all good lol

63. Ever been in love? Twice.

64. Tell us the story of your first proper kiss? hahahaha year 6. Was 11. Being forced at a park by his sister, me standing on a skateboard because he was so freakishly tall for an 11 year old and legit missed his mouth the first time

65. Are you hungry right now? I’m full af but always

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? No. wtf i have 1 follower on this account

67. Facebook or Twitter? FB.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now? No. Listening to music

70. Names of your friends? Megan, Ebony, Vato (Tony), Griffo (Tyrone), Yoshi

71. Craving something? What? I dont know... Him

72. What colour are your towels? All Sorts

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? lol no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 2 that ive had since i was a baby that sit on my top cupboard shelf

75. Favourite animal? Dogs, Seals, Elephants

76. What colour is your underwear? Pink.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Choc

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Mint Choco

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? White

80. What colour pants? Pj Pants

81. Favourite tv show? Of all time - Riverdale, Friends, catfish, crazy ex gf

At the moment - The middle, modern fam, ex on the beach,  yummy mummies ahahah

82. Favourite movie? Best of me, The choice, life as a house

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls!

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo duh

87. First person you talked to today? Dad

88. Last person you talked to today? Dad

89. Name a person you hate? The bitch whoever my ex is sleeping with

90. Name a person you love? My ex, my family, my dog, all 50 of my babies at work

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah?

92. In a fight with someone? No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? A WHOLE LOT.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many

95. Last movie you watched? Shark Tale

96. Favourite actress? Rachel Mcadams, Cameron Diaz, Isla Fischer, Katherine Hiegel, Amy Smart 

97. Favourite actor? Leo, Ashton Kutcher, Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell

98. Do you tan a lot? Noooo

99. Have any pets? Oaks

100. How are you feeling? Tired, Blank, Distracted, On edge

101. Do you type fast? yes

102. Do you regret anything from your past? hahahhha yuh.

103. Can you spell well? Very well.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? LJ (LM)

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? maybe?

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Nothing.

109. Is something irritating you right now? That its almost tomorrow, my hairs faded, he doesnt give a fuck about me

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yesyesyesyes

111. Do you have trust issues? I answered this already.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? On the phone to my mum

113. What was your childhood nickname? Scar, Bubble

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii? When I go to Eb’s

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes. Currently Playing not going home - DVBBS

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes.Homemade

118. Do you like Chinese food? OMG. YES.

119. Favourite book? You - Caroline Kepnes

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes and no

121. Are you mean? No.

122. Is cheating ever okay? No. No No NOOOOOOOOO

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? NO lol

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? hmmm starting not to

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? Kinda.

127. What makes you happy?

Kenji, My fam, Alcohol, Food, Music, Tv, Holidays, Money, New clothes

128. Would you change your name? Nah.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Aries, what yours?

130. Do you like subway? yum yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? He did and now he doesnt and treats me like im nothing

132. Who’s the last person you had a laugh with? Griffo, Hayley, Powelly and Ziggy

133. Favourite lyrics? So I will run Until my feet don't touch the ground And as the waves carry me out Keep listening She'll never make a sound

134. Can you count to one million? No wtf ive got time but not that much time

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? sickies for work?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed,open when im home alone

137. How tall are you? 5 something

138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight.

139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter? Both, can never decide

141. Night or Day? Night.

142. Favourite month? March or December

143. Are you a vegetarian? No.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk.

145. Tea or Coffee? Both

146. Was today a good day? It was okay.....

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars atm

148. What’s your favourite quote? Anything by Beau Taplin

149. Do you believe in ghosts? YES.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? No that’s too far, but I’m reading gone girl atm