#people might think i'm being oversensitive

[bonbonly]

pairing: charles leclerc x teamstrategist!reader; tw: fingering, cunnilingus, a twinge of degradation, p in v charles leclerc hated his team strategist more than he hated losing races. oh wait. he hated losing because of his team strategist. if the last one was bad, then the young girl who volunteered to help her rich daddy surely wasn't any better. people paraded you around like you were the second coming of the lord, as if you would save ferrari by yourself.

a few races in showed the public a few things: you were cheerful and bright, really sweet to the race engineers, and also had good strategies that only seemed to benefit everyone but charles. carlos had a few extra wins and podiums than charles, and the latter's blood boiled at the thought. he slunked off to a corner, eyeing the garage carefully when his focus landed on you. a ferrari jacket too big for you, laughter echoing so loud that your body shook with each laugh, lips parted into a wide grin. he really hated you, hated that you were still so happy even when he was losing.

"sometimes the better driver wins, that's how it happens, Mr. Leclerc," you chastised him with a side eye during a team meeting once, and that was enough for him. you wanted to play dirty and try to ruin his races? oh he could play along just fine.

he couldn't bring himself to disobey team orders, so he figured the only way to properly go about this was to change your mind instead. and that he did when he noticed you in the club, scrolling through your phone aimlessly.

"getting bored?" charles asked.

"no, just looking at some notes i wrote for next week's race." you responded.

"as if that helps at all," charles grumbled, rolling his eyes. you scowled at him, shooing him away with your hand,

"don't blame your incompetence on me."

"Do you think I'm incompetent, am I?" he asked you when he had managed to pin you against a wall in his house, fingers curling inside you as you gripped onto his arms, "i want words, now."

"n-no, i d-don't," you whimpered, wondering why you even bothered to come home with him. oh that was right, you wanted him to fuck your brains out. you came around his fingers with a cry, chest heaving as you gasped for air. in one swift motion, he carried you over to the couch, palming your tits through your tight minidress that left little to the imagination in the first place. with a growl, he tore off your clothes and spread your legs, immediately wrapping his lips against your oversensitive cunny with the intention of making you a babbling mess.

"you taste so good," his accent rumbled against your core, causing you to moan out loud, hips bucking into his mouth. he let out a soft chuckle, letting his tongue explore the insides of your cunt, slurping up your juices, "i thought your stuck up ass would never let this happen.""i wouldn't," you breathed out, throwing your head back, "this is only for tonight."

he kissed the insides of your thighs before letting his tongue rake over your puffy cunt once more, the gummy walls welcoming his tongue even though you swore you couldn't handle another orgasm, "maybe you're better off being my little slut instead of my team strategist, you're only good for this anyway."

his tongue darted in and out of you, a thumb coming around your waist to circle your clit. and before you knew it, you were coming for a second time, tears streaming down your face with how good he felt. with a satisfied gleam in his eyes, he licked his lips to savor your juices once more before unbuckling his belt. he grabbed onto your ankles and pulled you closer to him, chuckling at the way you squealed in shock,

"i think i deserve to cum at least once right? you can't make me win, you might as well do one fucking thing right tonight," he chuckled, watching your face contort in pleasure when he finally sank his painfully hard cock inside you. and charles did end up winning the next race, a proud smile on his knowing face as he glanced to see you limping around the garage, avoiding everyone's eyes to not reveal what happened last night. he bit his lip, hoping to reward you for your good work today.

[scientia-rex]

Long ask. I didn't see that you had answered anything similar.

How do I do activism? Yes, I could Google it, but I would rather learn from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience on Tumblr than from a stranger with claimed yet unverifiable experience anywhere else, and I'm here and so are you and we can talk and have a [para]social interaction. I won't bore you with a condensed autobiography, but I have a lot of experience fixing mistakes, not unlike being a physician, but far less noble, what David Graber would call a "duct-taper". It's partly what led me to socialism. I fixed mistakes but could not fix the root causes and, when I investigated those causes, I ran into structure. I couldn't explain the human behavior I witnessed as human nature, because it wasn't my nature and, as far as I know, I'm human, so the only explanation I could come up with was that the structure of the company I worked for created the problems I was trying to solve, and I had no power to change that structure, and no desire to join the psychopaths failing up the corporate ladder. I expanded my thinking outward and saw the problem inherent in capitalism and all the associated -isms and -archies, all the while trying to figure out what I could do that could possibly change any of it. I dove into progressive politics, read theory, consumed all the lefty content I could find, and thought, and keep running into the same problems. But even if the root causes cannot be addressed, the effects still need to be, because the effects are people, hence activism.

How do I talk to congresspeople? I email them about issues, but am frankly afraid to call them. Shall I get voice mail, or does a person pick up? If the latter, I'm assuming it will be a secretary. I don't want to be mean to a person answering phones. I've been one of those people getting yelled at or threatened because of events I did not cause and could not possibly prevent or change and, maybe I'm oversensitive or have PTSD or just a hyperactive amygdala, but I cannot overstate the damage those negative experiences cause. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, the lives that can be saved or improved outweigh a few people's hurt feelings or possible psychological trauma, but I would prefer not to turn this into a trolley problem if at all possible. Maybe it's a stupid question. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I can be charming and I have no lack of empathy; I can politely disagree. Shall I have to argue with anyone? Or is it a thank-you-for-your-participation-I-will-tell-the-congressperson-have-a-nice-day situation?

How do I get a job doing good things for people? This is somewhat pressing as I quit my corporate job five years ago, to have what turned out to be a midlife crisis, and have been living off savings (that are running out) ever since. I want to help and don't want to be ashamed of what I do for a living. I've always been able to do anything I've ever tried to do, but I'm 45 with little formal education or qualifications, and am thinking it's maybe too late to go back to school. Most of the non-profits I see seem like little more than scams. And perhaps the most serious complication: I'm a loner, more out of habit than inclination. I'll spare you the background, but I have no connections and no idea how to make them, and I don't believe I have any particular skills so valuable that should confer an immediate advantage or demand for my labor, but then again I don't know what is in demand.

It's OK if you can't answer some of these things. I simply have no one to talk to about them who can give any actual advice and figured you might. Thanks.

How to do activism: The first thing you need to know is your axe to grind. It was easy for me. I've been out since I was 13, nobody ever believes a girl is bisexual, it's always "you want attention" or "you're secretly a lesbian." That was in 1997. I went through hell and I'm bitter about it. So when I realized I liked medicine, I realized I could turn my life into an extended revenge arc by moving home and telling everybody it's OK to be gay. Two birds, one stone. I work with a woman who didn't get her axe to grind until about three years ago. She realized she was fed up with people abandoning dogs. She's one of the most active volunteers at the local shelter now. She's saved a lot of dogs' lives. She didn't start out knowing anything about it, but she told the shelter she wanted to volunteer, and they've helped her grow through the rest of it. My husband works with the local food bank, because his mom's neighbor (who is a family friend and sweetheart) wrangled him in to serving on the board, so now in addition to board meetings once a month he goes in sometimes to do things like help his mom's friend unload trucks. Sometimes the cause picks you, sometimes you pick the cause, sometimes you are the cause. And no matter what the cause is, someone else is already working on it. Someone else already cares deeply and if you show up ready to be hands on and help out, with humility because you know that you don't know everything, they will help you learn how to be effective. I started out in medicine by volunteering at the emergency room near where I lived. I pushed a linen cart around and restocked gowns in rooms, and when I couldn't fit any more washcloths into drawers I cleaned doorknobs. One of the nurses once told me she really appreciated that I cleaned all the doorknobs, because it wasn't getting regularly done. I am in medicine now because of many, many people I asked for help and who helped me because they wanted to contribute to justice and equity in medicine, whether for queers or rural people or women. This is, and has always been, a combined effort. Alone we beg, together we bargain.

Calling elected representatives: Oh god I know, me too, calling strangers is the LITERAL WORST. I'm 40 and I'd rather pepper-spray myself than argue with a human on the phone. Wait until after hours and you'll get a voicemail. I like to leave voicemails that start with "My name is Dr. Rex, I'm a constituent of yours, and I VOTE, and I'm calling about ____." That's honestly about all it takes--when I was hanging out with the lobbyist she told me they keep lists with tick-marks for how many calls, emails, etc., they get on a topic. Calls count for more. The more effort you have to put in, the more engaged they know you are. So call, but if people scare you (and the people who pick up are almost always nice, if you do get a person, and they will 99/100 times say "thank you for your call, we will pass your concerns along to so-and-so"), call at night.

Going back to school is probably unnecessary. Spin your past experience aggressively and start applying to nonprofits. (You "took time off from the working world in order to sharpen your focus on what matters most to you," which will be whatever this particular group does.) It's OK if you pick a bad one to start with; most of them are shit-shows, and lots of them still accomplish good things. Nonprofits are a bloodbath when it comes to actually being an employee--they know that part of the compensation is the sense of living ethically and they will use your altruism against you--so keep your resume updated and be prepared to bail if grant funding doesn't come through, but most areas have food banks and pet shelters and human shelters and jails and medical clinics and hospitals (for every doctor who works at the local hospital there are at least 10 support staff by the numbers, and they are utterly critical and always under-staffed). Sometimes if you start by volunteering somewhere, once they realize you're dependable, you can get a job there. I am zero percent kidding about working for a hospital, clinic, or jail, by the way. Those are places I know well, and there are always civilian jobs available. You want to make a patient's day better? Be the front desk, front line staff who use the right pronouns and cheer them up.

I think it's completely reasonable to have procedural questions about how all of this works, and I am grateful to you for giving me a chance to talk about it a bit. Please feel free to ask any follow-up questions. And for reference, when I was just starting out in research at a time when the market for research-trained people frankly sucked, I applied well over 300 times and got well over 300 rejections (I was counting) before I ended up with a job that I loved (even though it was hellishly stressful and I made just barely more than minimum wage for working well over my alleged, salaried "hours") and felt like I was making a positive difference for the world with. And from there, I kept making changes as I realized what I wanted and needed. Just keep doing it. You don't have to feel good about every step, you don't have to know what you're doing, just keep putting one foot in front of the other as you try to figure out what will make you happy. Because nothing else is a good proxy for happiness, and happiness, for a whole lot of humans, means finding something meaningful to do in life. Helping others. Be okay with changing, be okay with sacrificing who you are right now for the sake of who you can become. You've survived four decades on this bizarre and cruel planet, and you have inherent, intrinsic worth as a human being. You deserve your own kindness.

[arkhamjack]

Thank you everyone for the reblogs on my "how some of the fandom sees wolfwood vs how I see him" lol I wanted to continue the conversation bc I am very annoying about this stuff and it grosses me out bc I am sensitive or whatever but um yeah 🤓

It's pretty long so TL;DR stop being weird about Wolfwood thanks 👍

I'll talking about objectification, hypersexualisation, and prejudice so a warning I guess --->

The Gaze has been working overtime on Wolfwood's ass (and tits) and it's making me a little nuts. This is not to say his character cannot be presented in a sexy way, or that he cannot perform sexuality without being problematic, it's just... ask yourself: why.

It can be subconscious, you might not even notice it, but media tropes have a way of worming into people's brains to be regurgitated into fan art, especially if the character presents or is coded marginalised in a way you are not. (I do it too!)

It starts from young. I had an adult call me a "hot head Latina" as a child LMAO (I am not even Latin)

Characters and actors that looked like me were worked into typically these roles - If feminine, desired, sexy but crazy, dangerous. If masculine, similarly sexual, either hot or ugly, suspicious.

I feel silly and attention-seeking for speaking up about this kind of stuff, especially as I feel I'm not in a place to cry 'racism' specifically because I'm more 'ethnic' than POC.

I'm a Balkan mongrel - Greek, bits from Turkey, Albania, and fuck knows what else. I've always kept my head down about people being weird to me but it comes to a point like the point of a classmate comparing my hair to an animal's, where I feel I gotta go "ok yeah lets unpack that."

Now about Wolfwood, he's our classic racially/ethnically ambiguous smoky sexy guy. Particularly in the 98 anime, he's pretty bosomy. He's a struggler - swindling Gunsmoke with his charm and portable confessional. This swindler trope, I've observed, tends to go hand in hand with 'suspicious immigrant out for your money'. Again, maybe I've pulled that out my ass and I'm being oversensitive, but I notice things. Tastes left in my mouth. Anyway. Brings to mind the time some other classmate jokingly called me a 'hustler' for *checks notes* making sure my work is submitted on time.??

Now on the subject of NSFW fanart... oh boy I am so uncomfy writing this... I rarely see him depicted.. receiving. You can place the issues here pretty easily. Give him a break. Please. Also I did note this on my original post and also completely my own opinion but PLEASE that man is not bigger than Vash, and I don't mean like not taller, like, thiccer. Calm the fuck down.

I hate having to write this bc it makes me uncomfy and reflects my own experiences of objectification by other people which sounds all very "oh noo its sooo hard being attractive :'((" but I trust y'all smart enough to see where I'm coming from.

The gaze. Othering. Marginalised masculinity (not to mention my intersecting trans identity thats a whole other unrelated convo). Hypersexualisation. Objectification.

But back to Wolfwood!! - are these tropes perpetuated by the original creator? Personally, I don't think so. (Wolfwood's design is based off a Japanese guy btw - musician Tortoise Matsumoto) The 98 anime? Maybe?? Am I reading too much into it? It's hard not to - naturally I'll latch onto the ambiguous guy and go "alright let's see how they do this" so naturally certain things stand out to me.

But when some of that fanart starts rolling out ... Jesus Christ ... MY EYES

On the flipside, I've seen great fanart out there! And I've seen quite a few Latino headcanons for Wolfwood too!(like I mentioned before I am not Latin, I am also not American in general I am a filthy freak Australian with our own colonial racist histories and intricacies) (There is also Latin diaspora here but I don't wanna speak for anyone aaaah)

I'd like to think most of the fandom is cool about him. But um. Yeah.

I said what I said but if I did say anything out of line I am so sorry and PLEASE let me know - I am using my own experiences as reference and acknowledge the intricacies my own privilege

Yap session over 👍

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset that my best friend slept with my recent ex and then told me about it in a group chat with multiple people?

I dated someone and we were super close, I was devastated when we broke up. One week later, my best friend initiated a FWB relationship, and told everyone in our friend group about it but me. About three weeks into their arrangement, the friend told me about it by writing in our group chat, "When you have to take a COVID test so that [my ex's name] can fuck you again smh." I DM'd them to ask what that was about and they told me about their arrangement, and also that I was the only person in the friend group who hadn't known the day it began.

Obviously I was upset both by their arrangement and by their method of telling me, which I thought was insensitive. I didn't want to overreact, though, so I didn't tell them I was upset, just said "congratulations" and acted normal. I wanted time to think it over before deciding what to say to the friend, if anything. The friend didn't notice, but my ex was more perceptive, and figured out that I was hiding some feelings. I told them that I was upset by the situation but that I wanted to think about it and calm down before talking about it, and to please not tell the friend that I was upset.

The very next day, the friend sent me a long ass email - like a 500 word essay - saying that my ex had told them I was upset despite my request to keep it between us, detailing all the reasons why THEY thought I might be upset, and then invalidating every single possible reason using logic that boiled down to "I'm not obligated to care about your feelings, your feelings are illogical, and actually by being upset at all youre being oversensitive and controlling." They ended the email by saying they never wanted to speak to me again.

I know that people are entitled to having relationships with whoever they want, and I wasn't angry at them for that. I was wounded, but I would've gotten over it. It was the way they handled all of the communication - they told me about it when I was still grieving the breakup instead of waiting until I was doing a bit better, told me in a group chat by making a joke instead of even sending me a private text message, AND told me that everyone in our friend group had known already except me. On top of that, upon finding out I was upset, they didn't even ask me about it or wait for me to reach out - they pre-decided why I could be upset and that I had no right to be, without even hearing my point of view. It just seemed as though they were trying to be as insensitive and calloused as they possibly could. Am I in the wrong here?

What are these acronyms?

[drdemonprince]

Since autistic traits are human traits (as in "all of these are found to a greater or lesser degree in different people"), I've rolled around in my head whether some of the "black and white thinking", "systematizing", "rigidity" overlaps with our frequent interest in patterns, our OCD traits, routines, etc.

That is, I wonder if some of that is the "normal" human trait of pattern-seeking/pattern-matching, but expressing either more intensely or (as I kind of think) with less of a *filter* (perhaps a filter for relevance?) than most people get.

So some of us can sometimes make some true and interesting and even groundbreaking connections between things, but not all the patterns or connections we see are relevant or accurate.

Like the "attention to detail" thing where it often means we can't filter out the irrelevant details, we'll perceive details and connections that might not actually be connected. Which could also predispose us to cults, conspiracy theories, etc.

I also think about that stuff as possibly contributing to some of my old phobias and some of my trauma/BPD traits - "I have been hurt before in situations that looked a lot like this, therefore I need to be vigilant and protect myself (even if the actual circumstances of this situation are very different, e.g. I'm now with someone who *isn't* hurting me, or my health isn't *actually* in danger)"

Anyway. Just some thoughts. I think it all ties together into our tendency toward anxiety, our nearly universal histories of trauma, etc. so it's never just one thing.

Yep, there is no objective metric of what is OCD, what is Autism, what is BPD, etc -- and between all of those categories and just being a human.

On the whole, Autistic people tend to skew toward being highly detail oriented, and that detail-oriented style of processing is highly overwhelming and effortful -- it takes more energy than focusing on the "forest," and the ways that we systematize and streamline the knowledge we have of the "trees" can be prone to error, overcorrection, bias, etc just as much as being a big picture thinker can be prone to missing a lot of stimuli. They miss stimuli because that is the point of their processing style -- to be more effecient. And we see all kinds of things that make people assume we are crazy or oversensitive because, well, that's how a more detail-oriented processing style works by definition -- you pick up things that other's don't.

That doesn't mean we are objective. We also miss lots of cues in one direction because we are so intently focused on processing everything that's in another. I am terrible at recognizing people in public because i just can't look at faces for the most part when i'm in a crowd. i cant often tell how people are feeling. yet i can pick up on a subtle conversational tension between two people sometimes that no one else even saw. i dont know exactly what makes that happen, but it is also the same mechanism that makes me create elaborate evidence for why a person MUST be mad at me when they aren't at all.

so yeah, needless to say i relate to how you think about this! the processing style we are talking about is inherently pretty paradoxical in nature. always noticing. always missing things. always reading too much into the wrong things, always reading too little into the right ones, a superpower, a burden, a completely neutral source of random error that sometimes hits and sometimes misses, a paranoia, an oblivoiusness, all in one

[dreemurr-skelememer]

i have a take.... might be a bit controversial but i think it's worth it..... but i'm sure that ink's lack of soul makes him disabled.

i like this headcanon!!! i don't personally use it myself because i have more of a problem with hyper empathy (or whateber being oversensitive to emotions is called) w my neurodivergency in comparison to other neurodivergent people who deal with apathy, but i totally see what you mean!

i know many people who do this with flowey as well!!!!

i think it's a really important headcanon that shouldn't really be "controversial" bc it's real and that some people truly can find apathy debilitating or frustrating (in a disability way) for themselves

it's not to say that it's a bad thing ofc, but it's something that can rly affects people's lives and i think that it's neat some ppl find identity and rep in headcanoning ink having it as a disability and not just a trait! :p

[erithel]

I’ve thought to myself that moments in your comics are far too dragged out beyond the point of mere slow burn. I took the time to reread the comic from the beginning to its most recent update and even when reading it all in one go, it feels too drawn out. If many people are feeling the same thing, maybe you should consider altering the pacing just a tad bit more in the future? And this is not me wanting them “to just kiss already” — this is me feeling like the moment is too elongated, almost frustratingly so. Your art is phenomenal (the expressions and poses are on point + you have a lovely, unique style). Your dialogue is chef’s kiss. But there is something to be said about constructive critique and listening to your fandom’s feedback without getting oversensitive about it.

There are two things I would like to address, here.

The first - and probably most interesting to me - is why things might feel drawn out to certain people.

Because things will only feel drawn out if those people are waiting for a specific goal, or a specific moment to happen that they feel should have happened already.

And that's one of the main reasons for my recent post. Because the goal of Gone was never for them to just kiss and have everything be okay. Of course, it's a klance comic so they are going to kiss, but that was never meant to be the big, defining moment, and purpose of the story.

Since you mentioned constructive critique, I am genuinely curious what parts felt dragged out to you, or what you feel could have been cut to "speed the story up." I'm not being snarky, here, this is a genuine question.

And the second thing I would like to address is the actual constructive critique/criticism you mentioned.

There is a time and a place where creators will be open to accepting constructive criticism and that is:

If the creator asks for it

That's it

Now to clarify, I have been in positions in the past where I have been given constructive criticism on my work when I have not asked for it, and sometimes it has been helpful.

However, there is a stark difference between someone offering genuine critique in the hopes of helping the creator improve, vs getting comments demanding the author speed things up/work faster/post more/change the story to fit what someone else wants.

One is constructive, the other is not.

(I am speaking not only for myself, here, but at least one other creator who has been dealing with this for a long time, as well)

In no way do I think my comic (or anything I've ever created) is perfect. And in no way do I believe everyone should simply love it.

But it is my comic.

It is my story. And it is being told the way I want to tell it.

This is a fan comic I am making because I love these characters and I want to explore their potential.

And as someone who has been expected to "just be okay" and "just get over it" during times when all I've needed was a bit of patience and understanding, it has been a very interesting experience for me to see who has that patience, and who feels the characters (trying to heal from both a physical and mental trauma) should "just hug/kiss already" and have everything suddenly be okay.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: My boyfriend is an ENFJ though I notice a lot of people would say things about him that would normally be associated with ENTJ. He's been described as "bossy", "rough", "ambitious" and "goal-oriented" by most, and I do recognize that in him too. Though, I typed him as ENFJ because he's very socially aware (like sometimes it feels like he's over-reading social cues, such as easily attributing a specific emotion or an intention to someone even when they barely express anything that could confirm their hunch...) and secondly, he has difficulty managing technical information and feels easily overwhelmed or lost, I (INFJ) often have to help him out as I'm good at managing time and breaking down tasks for him.

What confuses me though, is that despite the fact that he's bothered and upset by how people perceive him ( the "rough" and "bossy" descriptions specifically), he doesn't necessarily want to change his behaviors. He blames people being oversensitive or having "authority issues". I'd think his Fe would urge him to reevaluate the way he handle individuals, but why would an ENFJ be upset at how people describe him yet being resistant to change his approach to interpersonal relationships? Why can't he simply accept he's indeed rough and bossy and just move on? Would an ENTJ react that way too if met with the same criticisms?

(Note: I don't necessarily want to him to "change", as I don't really care if he's bossy or not, but I'm not denying that he indeed can be rough with people and I told him that. But I guess, I'd expect an ENFJ to be more "receptive" and adjust his approach from that kind of feedback, and since he hasn't and blamed people instead, l got confused. If he doesn't like to be described that way, then why does he keep using the "rough" approach? Or why can't he just accept that he's that way?)

-----------------------

"Why would an ENFJ be upset at how people describe him yet being resistant to change his approach to interpersonal relationships?"

Why would anyone? You're describing a human problem, aren't you? Surely this is not the first time you've witnessed someone reacting negatively to criticism? Have you always reacted perfectly well to criticism?

"Would an ENTJ react that way too if met with the same criticisms?"

It appears you don't understand why people are sensitive to criticism. It is an issue of a fragile ego, which can afflict anyone. Anyone of any type can be in denial of their negative qualities because they are too psychologically immature to handle a threat to their self-image. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light, which can make it painful to admit negative qualities. A lot of people would rather avoid that pain and do so by rejecting criticism. And wouldn't it make sense for Fs to be sensitive to pain, which might lead them to avoid confronting it?

"If he doesn't like to be described that way, then why does he keep using the "rough" approach?"

When people won't change their negative behavior, it is usually because, from a purely egocentric perspective, the "benefits" of keeping the behavior outweigh the costs. In this case, his negative behavior efficiently gets him what he wants, doesn't it? Why would anyone change a behavior when 1) they believe it works, AND 2) they believe that changing the behavior would be more negative (for example, they wouldn't be able to get what they want)?

"Why can't he simply accept he's indeed rough and bossy and just move on?"

1) You have said that he doesn't agree with the assessment, so why should he "simply accept" something he disagrees with? He doesn't believe his behavior is wrong. 2) You make it sound like acceptance is a very easy task when the evidence suggests that it isn't.

"I'd think his Fe would urge him to reevaluate the way he handle individuals."

Are you basing your judgments of people on crude stereotypes? What makes you believe that the mere presence of Fe automatically makes people receptive to criticism? In fact, FJs are notorious for being easily upset by criticism. The manner in which any given individual expresses a function is unique to them and is greatly influenced by their psychological maturity. Why don't you take development into account, as explained in the study guides?

.

I suppose I don't really understand the purpose of your question. In my experience, when people ask a question like yours, it is actually a way to distract from a more important issue they aren't yet ready to confront.

For instance, you say you don't want him to change or that you don't care. However, if you really didn't care, you wouldn't flag such behavior but rather be indifferent to it or simply accept it without second thought. Is it possible that you are downplaying your feelings about it (for some reason that you might not yet be aware of)? If so, this could be the more important issue to address because emotional repression is a common issue for INFJs.

Do YOU believe that it's right to be "rough" with people and boss them around? Do YOU condone this way of treating people? If not, if you believe it's wrong, then denying the fact is going to make you feel more and more uneasy in this relationship, as you keep pushing aside your own moral values. Denial breeds anxiety. Anxiety breeds overthinking.

Instead of asking me to read your boyfriend's mind (I don't have that superpower), perhaps it's better to ask yourself about the true source of your confusion and what is really motivating you to expend energy to understand this behavior of his?

[scarlet--wiccan]

Since you play the sims… Do you have any coherent thoughts on like, the sims 4 from a Romani perspective? I know the earlier games had some pretty bad racism (npc called g slur like it’s their job; living in vardos) but I do feel like it uses sort of Romani aesthetics (both more realistic ways and stereotypical) in a lot of places

They’re probably adding tarot to the game next month (which isn’t exactly exclusively Romani) but it is one of those things that is like, very linked to Romani stereotypes (similar with the ghost pack with the crystal ball etc). I doubt I’m articulating myself well, I apologize. I was wondering if you had any thoughts about this or if I’m just being oversensitive

I have far less experience with the Sims franchise than you might be thinking. I didn't play any of the games growing up, and I didn't start playing The Sims 4 until some time last year. And to be honest, I don't even play it that often-- I really like the character creation and building houses and stuff, but I don't do much actual gameplay, so there's a lot of material that I just haven't encountered.

I am aware that so-called "gypsies" were a recurring element in previous installments-- it seems like they mostly show up as NPCs in historical or fantasy-inspired settings, and they usually operate as matchmakers or fortunetellers. Although such caricatures are fortunately absent from TS4, "boho" is an established decor category in Dream Home Decorator, and similar aesthetics, along with fortune-telling related items, can be found in downloadable content such as the Paranormal Stuff Pack. It's hard to divorce that sort of thing from Romani stereotypes or exploitation, even when it is reduced to little more than a cosmetic detail. This week, EA put out a tarot-inspired teaser video for some upcoming DLC-- I don't know if any of the actual content will be related to fortune-telling, but this sort of thing is really, really common during the Halloween season. You kinda can't avoid it.

How do I feel about it? These tropes and stereotypes are omnipresent in American media. I would be shocked if a franchise that's been around as long as The Sims didn't have racially-insensitive fortune-teller characters at some point, and speaking as someone who runs a Marvel Comics blog, I think I'd a be a hypocrite if I tried to condemn them for it. One of my main goals has always been to give people the tools to recognize anti-Romani racism in art and media, and to determine how to best discuss and engage with that material moving forward. Being able to call out earlier entries, and have sensitivity to where certain aesthetics come from and how you use them in your own gameplay is a good start. Unless the developers decide to bring back overtly racist characters, like those in previous entries, I'm not going to spend my time and energy accusing The Sims 4 of anti-Romani bigotry.

Part of this detached perspective comes from the fact that TS4 is literally free to play. You can choose to purchase DLC, but you're not obligated to, and most players use mods and custom content made by independent creators. So, in my mind, the game is sort of an open market, and I spend a lot more time engaging with individual creators and their content than the actual developers. If I was actually active in the Sims community, a lot of my critique and awareness-spreading would probably be directed towards players and modders, rather than the contents of the base game.

On a related note-- boycott Overwolf and CurseForge, and any modders who are still using them!

[teaveetamer]

How much of the Edel backlash/discourse is rooted in fandom misogyny and how much of it is rooted in having opinions soured due to people justifying her actions and doubling down via harassment/stalking and spewing out hateful rhetoric? Cause I've seen people saying the dislike towards Edel proves that the fandom can't handle "female characters who are evil or flawed and make mistakes " when I think it's moreso "people are justifying her bad/villainous actions and saying it good actually and doubling down on it."

This is going to be two things.

First:

Was/is there probably misogyny ingrained in some parts of the fandom that don't like Edelgard? Sure.

Would they have been dicks about Edelgard and women in general regardless of anything Edelgard fans said or did? Probably, yeah, that's how shitty people work.

Was it the majority of people who didn't like/criticized Edelgard? Probably not.

Did it help anything to just blanket accuse everyone who didn't like her of being misogynists? Absolutely not.

There are absolutely valid criticisms of her writing and how some of her fans treat her, but lumping every criticism together as "misogyny" fundamentally lacks nuance and exists to shut all criticism down, valid or not. And it does so in a way that is not only designed to say "I don't agree with you", it's also meant to say "therefore you are a bad person." You're attaching a moral dimension to media critique that was not necessarily present, nor did it need to be. Most of us can recognize the coded insult there.

That's obviously going to make things more heated right off the bat. Cuz, you know, most people don't like it when you come out the gate saying "I think you're a horrible person". So the people getting shit on by Edelgard fans get annoyed and push back, which causes the fans to push back harder, on and on and on.

The second point here is where I maybe risk being controversial.

I'm going to preface this by saying this isn't necessarily something I think is good/agree it's an okay thing to do, it's just my observation from my time in the fandom and knowing how internet culture works.

Second:

You have to acknowledge to some extent that Edelgard diehards are primo troll targets.

Like okay okay, hear me out.

You know why Edelgard discourse continues to fascinate and amuse despite everything? Cuz most people don't take this shit that seriously, but they think it's hilarious to make fun of people who do. Edelgard diehards just do not know when to quit, and they've been identified by 99% of the fandom as people who are easy (and occasionally entertaining) to poke at and incite a reaction from.

Their obsession with co-opting the language of social justice just enhances that further by making them come off as incredibly oversensitive about something that actually doesn't matter that much.

It's the heady cocktail of misplaced self-righteousness, the way they're so sensitive and easily hurt/offended, the obsessive need to argue every point, and categorical refusal to stop until they are 100% agreed with. It basically makes them PRIME troll targets. It's like. God it's not even fair. Edelgard fans are like those tech support scammers and arguing with them is like being one of those youtubers that gives the scammers the run around for hours on end just to fuck with them.

And like? It perpetuates itself because where an individual might come to the realization that they're arguing with a troll and they look fucking ridiculous, the Edelgard fandom is a community that consistently reinforces reacting to every single situation about Edelgard in the most terminally online manner. I mean go on their server they pat each other on the back constantly and congratulate themselves for "sticking it to the haterz" for stalking and harassing people, not realizing that at BEST 95% of the wider community is laughing their asses off at how ridiculous they look, and at worst 95% of the wider community growing increasingly hostile toward them every passing minute because of their behavior.

I mean. I didn't exactly advertise this but last year I got some amusement out of posting Dimitri-positive meta to my main blog. Because I noticed every time I posted anything positive about Dimitri in the tag it would get a responding anti-Dimitri screed from Raxy within 2-5 business days. And I was posting those because I genuinely like Dimitri and wanted to spread positivity, but I will not lie. It was fucking hilarious. I laughed my ass off watching him get so mad over just the concept of someone saying something nice about Dimitri. It's ridiculously easy to set these people off. Every time someone they don't like breathes they feel the need to write a screed and flip out.

Which like, it's not fun to be on the receiving end of getting stalked and harassed and having screeds written about your every opinion... but yeah if I were detached from the situation I can see why it would be amusing. I mean even typing this out I find it kind of darkly amusing.

And I'm not saying everyone that dislikes Edelgard is a troll (I'm certainly not in it to poke bears and get reactions) but like? I wouldn't be surprised if there were trolls who just jumped on the discourse as soon as they realized how damn easy it is to get Edelgard diehards riled up. Think of how many 3H discourse posts have some variation on the "don't mind me, just getting some popcorn" comments.

So the discourse gets perpetuated, by some actors, purely for amusement. It doesn't just happen to Edelgard fans either, but I'd say in general they're significantly easier to bait and rattle. I mean there's literally a dozen blogs on Tumblr no one gave a shit about that managed to do it without even trying. Just by like. Existing and having opinions they didn't like.

Like, genuinely, the more I think on it the more absurd it gets. There's so little you're actually required to do in order to piss them off. It's kind of amazing.

I'd say you can see a microcosm of this every time Edelgard loses a voting gauntlet in FEH. There are dozens of characters who have lost numerous voting gauntlets, but Edelgard is usually the one that gets the most energy put toward making fun of her for losing. And you know why? Because her diehard fans extremely consistently go into a tailspin whenever it happens and people find that funny as fuck.

Chrom loses his 15th voting gauntlet, there's a meme, and everyone laughs and moves on. Edelgard loses her 5th voting gauntlet, there's a meme, and then there's a full blown meltdown in the comment section and screaming about how everyone is evil and misogynistic and queerphobic for days on end. Now not only can you make jokes about her losing, you can make jokes about the terminally online fans losing their goddamn minds over her losing.

And again I'm not saying that's a good thing or that it should happen... but I feel like emotionally mature adults should also be able to recognize when maybe they're being a little too over-invested in the internet waifu war and acknowledge when it's time to write off certain people/opinions as not worth your time to care about.

And you know, some of it is that there's actual things to talk about and controversial conversations can get heated. But there's been things to talk about in every game ever released and it only seems to hit critical mass when you combine the co-opting of social justice language to "prove" the haters wrong with the need to argue your point aggressively and endlessly despite all evidence indicating that it's probably time to give it a rest.

[aeide-thea]

sigh

up in the middle of the night (or, really, rounding the corner of it now) rereading old fic (from a fandom i was never actually in, about a canon i never actually read, because if we're gonna go full Deep Internet we might as well go all the way, i guess) about a, hm, partially queerplatonic polycule and also somebody being nonbinary in a way that somewhat maps onto the way i'm nonbinary—

(or, i don't know, i stopped feeling confident about claiming that language for myself sometime around the time i first saw theyfab discourse happening in the distance and no one in my social vicinity deigning to acknowledge it even long enough to push back at it, so like, these days i mostly just feel like no language assigned or aspired-to is really mine to use, honestly, but i guess 'genderqueer' feels like a modest enough assertion i can probably safely make it: genderqueer, agender, what even is a gender anyway—)

but it really is just like. i wish i could have the experience you're supposed to have in your, like, early- to mid-twenties really, where you live with a bunch of people you have, like, ambiguously queerplatonic relationships with and get to be casually nakeder than conventional norms allow and be, like, a shirtless genderless person around other people and get that reinforced for myself. but of course instead it's like. i missed the boat on the possibility of that experience just like i missed the boat on the rest of life, and i live with my father which is—a grab bag of nice/comfortable/mediocre/stifling but mainly for the purposes of the current conversation just not a plausible environment in which to push nudity taboos and attempt to reframe bodily meanings; and so what i get instead is to flop around in the middle of the night like an unevolved magikarp feeling crazy and melancholy and reading fic where imaginary people make unconventional impossibilities possible for one another because they love each other and it's, like, an updated version of that pathetically tragic anecdote abt the woman calling the gay bars just to listen down the phone and know they were out there…

like honestly i probably would want top surgery really, or at least, to like. wave a wand and have—no tits? smaller tits? something, anyway, sometimes—but i also want people's perception of my self not to depend on my making that happen? i don't know. it's like. my ugly little tits are ugly and i never wanted to sprout them in the first place but it's also like. sux that all roads to social gender acceptance/affirmation regardless of direction involve active cosmetic modification of my own body. like actually that was a major part of the concept/constraint i wanted to get out from under.

i don't know. the things i want seem unreasonable and impossible no matter what camp you ask and i feel gadfly-maddened and oversensitive and despairing about the whole tangle of it (never mind any other aspect of my (non-)life). like it's no fucking wonder i spend so much time as a disembodied word-utterer on the disembodied internet. language my truest tongue of my truest body. heart-sea and heart's ease and heart's blood-without-blood. (found myself thinking here abt heaney's ban-hus (blood-holt, dream-bower) and went to look it up and was poured right back into the problem and then back out of it again. (woman-)body as wordless geography, limned and unlimbed by words.)

gender of the day: poiesis. (ἡ ποίησις, of course—the feminine article, which transcribed becomes he: a meaningless homograph, to be sure, but then so too am i a queerly-drawn thing; and anyway even a wildly-strung cat's cradle is still a cradle, the dots of it connected to hold a meaning like any other constellation…)

[apphiarothowrites]

some omega!Marco thoughts

since this is on my mind currently and I have a googledoc outlining the kind of ABOverse world I want to work within when I finally get around to writing one...

-The Moby Dick is a massive beast and has, in canon, over 1600 people on board. That's a lot of people and too big for a typical "pack" that people like to write about in ABO fics. That's the size of a small town! So I'm thinking that the other commanders, the higher ranked people in Marco's Division, the nurses, and Pops are Marco's "pack." They're the people he's around the most, those are the scents he's most familiar with, and the one's he's most comfortable around. The ship as a whole is tightly knit but there are definite "packs"-mostly each Division is it's own pack and maybe smaller sub-groups of family units or somethin (each commander considers the other commanders, Pops, and their own Divisions their "pack" perhaps?)

-Marco's heats are twice a year. Literally every six months on the dot, you can set a calendar to it (and the Moby Dick absolutely does). I also think that omegan heats synch up like normal human menstrual periods do and, thanks to his fruit, Marco's is the "alpha" cycle of the ship. All other omegas on board are synched to his cycle (omegas who have theirs more often have one or two in between his two, omegas with less will have theirs inevitably fall at the same time as one of his) (it's absolutely because of the phoenix that his cycle is the one that others synch up to)

-Marco's heats have a 3 week pattern. Week 1 is the pre-heat: he feels itchy in his skin, horny, hungry but nothing tastes good or smells appealing, irritable, starts stealing clothes that smell like family and shiny things for no reason, and gets EXTREMELY territorial+over protective of the physical ship. Week 2 is the heat proper: lasts 5-6 days, horny horny horny, record of 13 orgasms in a single day, wears people out if he’s not using the seastone cuff to the point that before he got a cuff people rotate individual days so nobody burnt out. This isn't to say he's completely out of his mind and incapable of logical thought-but he is extremely and acutely uncomfortable with skin hunger and a need to do something (we all know what). He can still talk, still express himself, he's still lucid 99% of the time, he's just unbearable horny with stamina befitting a phoenix. Week 3 is the comedown: where he’s still itchy and horny but oversensitive and doesn’t like it, gets frustrated in his nest with sitting still the first few days but is too weak to really do much, phoenix finally calmed down enough to let his body actually process all the shit it went through to try getting pregnant and now that it’s not it’s flushing the ‘want sex now’ hormones out, wants to over eat, and the extremely over protectiveness and extreme territoriality come back with a vengeance.

-That week 1 of the heat where he's super territorial is BAD. If he senses anything strange/not family on the ship he gets very hostile and agitated until it’s removed or dead. The Moby Dick anchors on uninhabited islands during this period because of the risk of running across other crews or civilians is high enough that even Marco himself is worried he'll overreact and hurt people to a level he isn't comfortable with. Marines try sniffing around? Lmao not for long. The ship is his

(sidenote to the above: I like to think that Ace was first brought on board the Moby just after one of Marco's heats so Marco was at the end of the comedown period and was standoffish/aloof to Ace because he was still feeling agitated. He warmed up to Ace after his body finally decided things were fine. Ace gets a taste of the Week 1 protectiveness during a spar when Ace-only 3ish months into being an official Whitebeard-fights Marco, loses, and Marco visibly considers stomping him to death because heat-hormone brain says Ace might still be a threat and Jozu had to yell at Marco to get his attention back on what he was supposed to be doing) (mark Ace down as scared and horny, terrified and enchanted)

-Marco ate his fruit a year after he presented as an omega. For five years after that, his heats were so intense for his partners that it became a running joke that he'll end up accidentally sexing someone to death (the phoenix basically keeping him at max/peak heat for days to the point that the record for keeping up with him was only 50 hours before the nurses had to intervene and remove that partner from Marco's nest). That's when Marco asked Pops to help him find a seastone cuff (goes around his right ankle and anchors to the right corner of his bed). It gets used exclusively during Week 2 so Marco's heats don't accidentally kill the people who volunteer to help him out.

-Pops, who was a middle-aged Alpha when he found Marco, is pretty much the only alpha that Marco doesn't get weird about when his heats start up. Pops is Pops-father, caretaker, warmth, love, protection, family in spite of no shared blood. Pops is pretty much the only thing that can calm Marco down if he gets into a rage while mid-heat.

-Scent wise: Marco smells vaguely fruity and woody. Like overripe fruit that's burst open over moss. Like a cold spring in a humid jungle. Warm bordering on hot, but comfortable and refreshing. It's very soothing if you're a patient in his infirmary, and overwhelming if you're in the bedroom at the height of Week 2.

-In his territorial phases: the physical ship is the territory. That's his place, his home, and anything unfamiliar gets scrutinized both visually and with haki. If he senses anything weird, he gets increasingly pissy about it until it gets resolved or-the later into week 1 or earlier into week 3 it is-he kinda loses his temper about it. If the shit happening is enemy action, he can and will and has in the past destroyed whole units of Marines by himself (half transformed, snarling and stomping a marine to death like a secretary bird) (Ace gets the secretary bird treatment during that spar at the beginning: leg raised up with flared open talons at the read, Marco's very intense eagle-like stare, a sense of hard observation haki and impending doom before Jozu yelled at Marco)

-During the comedown: marco wants to carb-load like woah. He wants all the heavy foods: fruits galore, bread, rice, beans (which he normally can't stand the rest of the time), all the dairy in the world. Thatch keeps a fridge stocked just for the first couple days of his post-heats because otherwise he will fight people for their plates. It's also the only circumstance in which he feels like he needs to and actively wants to nap and oversleep too. As the week goes on he starts feeling and acting more like himself. By day 7-8 he's totally normal.

-Week 2: marco has volunteers that line up almost literally around the ship. Unfortunately for them, the territorial sense still sticks around to a mild degree. Familiar alphas are easier/"safer", so the other commanders and sometimes an officer from the First Division will lend a hand (usually only for between 8 and 24 hours before Marco wears them out, even with the cuff on). When Ace finally gets into the rotation, he somehow lasts the longest out of the lot (Thatch and Izou chalk it up to the stamina of youth, Ace and Marco privately think it's just because their chemistry is just so damn satisfying that Ace can shorten the heat by up to a day).

-Since I wanna go MAS with ABOverse eventually: sabo gets into marco's heats after Marineford (ace lives, because of course he does, how it happens will get figured out later lmfao) because Ace is kinda out of commission to heal from having a hole in his chest. Marco's very unsure of him, but somehow even after a decade apart he and Ace still smell vaguely like each other. With Ace in the room, Sabo can knot Marco just fine (and when Ace has to step out to make sure they have something to eat mid heat, Marco rides Sabo like a stallion). By the time they get the rough parts worked out, Sabo and Ace find they can manage Marco's heat just fine without the cuff.

-After Marineford, Sphinx island as a whole becomes the new territory for Marco's heat brain. The Moby was massive and the population of the island is actually smaller than the crew had been. He protects them all-week 1 becomes a constant flying patrol of the island (maybe sometimes swooping down to pick at the hair of the kids, especially the ones who have bright pretty hair colors, they laugh and giggle at the giant silly bird who's usually the new doctor in town). Speaking of the kids, he bonds pretty well with them all and tries very hard not to get baby rabies-channels the parental instincts they awaken in him into just being the best physician on the island. When he sees Ace and Sabo being good with the kids? Be still his throbbing ovaries, he is 44-45 he is way too old to be thinking about kids (which is a whole other can of worms for him-the phoenix means he's still at his physical peak but while he isn't sure where either of them stand on the idea of children he can certainly guess from both their comments about cursed bloodlines).

-He is very wary about leaving for Wano at first because his next heat is less than a month away, but it ends up being mostly fine. The whole thing happens in less than a week and the travel time means he has a couple days to spare by the time they return to Sphinx (but not without Shanks making a pass at him after the offer to join the Red Force, just to rile up Ace for laughs). Still cuts it closer than he'd like, but they get home just fine with enough time to get the house prepped properly.

[artwithoutblood]

I’m enjoying the headcanons. We’ve seen Eri and now Aeron, now wondering about the rest of the girlies.

I can’t decide if Genesis bleaches his hair or uses henna. (Or it’s natural?) I feel like he takes a multipurpose product on tour to save room in his backpack so he smells like an orange/cinnamon/patchouli 2-in-1 shampoo + body bar or just uses grapefruit scented body wash on his hair and body. Maybe it’s just a bar of bubblegum scented soap from a pack bought for Micah. But then from his flag he’s a PoC and he has such long hair so he might also bring ten kinds of conditioning products with clashing scents.

I feel like he might enjoy chewing gum, like Juicy Fruit. Or Red Hots. He seems like the type to enjoy spicy salty or crunchy food, jiggle his leg or foot and chew on pens or toothpicks. (Or guitar picks.)

I’ve already headcanoned that Dorian reads middle aged mom romances alone in his library and possibly also reads the ones Erebus writes (if Eri doesn’t keep those secret that is - which he well might). While Dori suppresses gestures to seem calm and in control in front of the Fallen, he stims while writing letters by stroking and twiddling the ends of his hair. He drinks fruity tea and uses eucalyptus shampoo as a reprieve from the monotonous smell of dust and ashes. I wonder if he likes Parma violets.

Kayn rolls up an extra fur to slip inside his nest or bedroll beside him, to trap warm air and block the drafts. Or so he claims. He hugs the fur pillow as he hums himself to sleep and the Northern wind howls outside. He likes pemmican.

Apologies, I know very little about Ambrose but maybe he mixes drinks he imagines would taste like or appeal to you. Maybe you’re unknowingly the muse for the weekly special.

[I deleted my headcanons about how Eri can be both ace and bi as per his chart - and people can connect between them in a few ways - because it felt really intrusive to pick that apart. Can elaborate if wanted.]

Between his coffee creamer and the old books Eri possibly smells of vanillin, with a sharp tang that could be cigarettes, ink, venom, rubbing alcohol or formaldehyde. Or due to the oversensitivity to smells he carefully keeps himself not smelling of anything.

[Deleted my speculations on Aeron’s orientation and gender because while I have a strong sense of who I think they are it seems rude/nosy to say. And they seem to prefer not to.]

Aeron craves affection and likes having varied sensual/sensory experiences. Paint is up there but is not the only one. They seek out social and visual stimulation constantly and flirt socially with everyone because they just love to connect. I feel like they may enjoy strong perfume or cologne, going between both and varying the scents depending on the day. They seem like a jasmine sort of person but also mix it up with leather or cedarwood.

genesis packs literally an entire suitcase of hair products. being a demon means his hair color can be whatever, but that doesn't mean the hair just fixes itself. black vanilla shampoo, shea moisture. genesis probably falls into the 2C hair type. genesis braids micah's hair. he loves spicy food (even more than aeron) and can often by found chewing cinnamon or watermelon flavored gum.

i'm sure someone has brought him parma violets. dorian keeps a courtyard to grow fruits and flowers if he can. the smell of dusty books and the outside ash gets to him. he probably wears a flowery cologne as a result. he stims. he taps his pen against paper. he twirls his hair.

kayn does what he can to stay warm. there are pockets of warm air in the caves. his childhood bedroom still has a draft. he lines every piece of clothing with fur and sleeps twofold. he loves his dried berries and meat.

ambrose is a very intimate man. he wants to make you feel special when you first come to his bar (so you recommend him tk friends and come back another day!). he always plays 40s music. ella fitzgerald, frank sinatra. he keeps a vial of blood to drink from or to use in cocktails.

erebus is, as the books say, just a little guy. :)

he smells like alcohol and cigarettes - but in the smoke and sterile way. he tries to cover it with eucalyptus and orange. he stresses out, he turns to cigarettes. he tends to wallow in his own self-pity. aeron tells him he can smoke without damaging an already dying body if he just lets it die. once. erebus refuses. he coughs into his elbow and rolls his eyes.

aeron likes black cherry and jasmine. they smell like tea on some days; it's a preferred drink to coffee. they love social interaction. huge extrovert, but they aren't one to yell. they love whispers and gossip, and when they need to tune out, they thankfully can; it just takes a long stare out the window. give them a good party. give them a good ball.

[poppywriter]

❀ Pansy n°7 = I'm "over"-everything.

To begin, yes, it is tiring. It’s impossibly tiring to be this prone to overwhelming. 

It never was a secret that I am an overthinker. Like my brain literally never f*cking stops, always fuming and reeling. It caused me too many insomnias - the images, sounds, memories and information in my head running and distorting without break. It’s insufferable.

Yet, that's not all. Sadly it is also difficult to survive overthinking on a daily basis. Especially in a social environment. My brain is just… dying. The world feels and seems constantly against me. I always think that everyone around me is watching and judging my every move. Looking out for the small moments when I’ll mess up and be cringe.

So it’s difficult to allow myself to act as I want because I feel like I will be judged and hated either way, never belonging to the unity. Like I am bound to stand out, to be left out by the social group. To try and avoid that, my brain analyzes everything and everyone but often is irrational. Because I over analyze how people see me, what they might think or feel; but in the end I am just projecting my fears onto them way too much. Yet, I end up stuck, struggling to fit in, alone up in my head thinking I’m not interesting, weird, not worth anyone’s time and hated by everyone.

Nice right ? :) 

My mind just tricks me to believe that I am the worst and cringiest person in the world. I have been told before that I question myself too much. In fact, I prefer to - and cannot help but - analyze every situation in which I could be the source of a problem before blaming the other party. I also try to find many excuses for others. Maybe I am too gullible and try too much to see the good in people, or that I’ve been used to caring for others before myself. The problem with this is that unconsciously I expect the same train of thought from others when most times it is not the case. Sadly, it ended up hurting me as it is easy for people to take advantage of my overthinking.

→ Toxic people (narcissistic perverts…) like to make you feel guilty - often through gaslighting - and overthinkers are the pros for that… :/

However, my cousin has been teaching me to find the positive side of those habits that I don’t like. And I came to the conclusion that this habit made me more observant and that when my worries are communicated it makes for good and deep conversations. Apparently it also makes people question themselves more - or so I’ve been told :/.

Therefore I try to be more kind to myself and calm my overthinking by communicating. It’s not easy everyday… But it is so important. As important as speaking about your feelings.

I’m still learning how good it is for oversensitive people like me. I’ve always struggled to speak up about my emotions because I always thought they didn’t have value or importance or even that I was being overdramatic, faking it. it was like I never had a good enough reason to express myself and make people lose time on me, like I’m not worth it.

So I always second guess myself and think about the true worth of communicating what’s bothering me. Because if it’s little and I’m just blowing it or that in the end it turns out I was tricking myself and faking it unconsciously, I’ll just feel ultra guilty of wasting someone’s time and energy. Especially as I strive to make people around me feel good, safe, heard and comfortable (with me). And I know I tend to blow things out of proportion. Like I feel horrible when someone makes a tiny and precise criticism about my work even though I did all the rest well. Because it’s like I disappoint them by not doing good enough. 

The problem with me is that “good enough” has to be as close to “perfect” as possible. Simply because if I put energy in it I should go 100% and nail it. If it’s not the case then why waste time and embarrass myself ? Though I’ve been trying to understand - more to assimilate - that everyone’s 100% is different and even that every day’s 100% is different. And that’s completely okay and normal.

I’ve just been taught at school that you have to keep a high constant of activity even though it’s obviously not possible. 

Disappointing people is one of my greatest fears. I think that might be why I take things too personally all the time. So many times I tear up when someone makes a remark to a group I belong to, and even if I shouldn’t feel concerned I question myself and feel horrible. “I should’ve thought of it.”“I should’ve done it.”“I didn’t do good.” I hardly let myself fail as I haven’t failed much. So I pressure myself to keep my high average by being the most excellent. Yet I can hardly hold on anymore… It’s logical that I end up burned out. I overdid it and now I'm over it.

I am over with life.

At least that is what I think a lot but I’m working on it. I am trying to be done with being over-pessimistic. It’s not over for me, and if it’s not for you either, dear reader… Then,...

Let’s get over it together <3. 

✿❀✿

🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

[xaren-jo]

it's hilarious, really. i used to think that there's some intrinsic, immutable quality about me that would always expose me as "actually a woman" to everyone, no matter how i felt inside and no matter how i physically presented, so there was no use even trying.

but all it took was a haircut and a wardrobe change for people on the street to refer to me as "young man" without a second thought. i wish i could tell my younger self about this, about how easy it would be. well, okay, not easy, but. just that the gap is not insurmountable.

the thing that worries me is people taking a second, closer look, or hearing my voice, and realising what i am, and then the looks on their faces after that. sometimes it's just momentary confusion, but sometimes i think it's disgust? maybe anger? or maybe i'm just projecting my own insecurities onto strangers, i don't know. i wish i wasn't so dependent on other people's opinions about me.

some days, when i'm feeling happy and mischievous, i love being confusing. i like knowing that i don't fit into one rigid box. i like that some people will read me as one, and some as the other. i used to fall a little bit in love with people like that whenever i saw them as a kid, and it sparks joy knowing that i'm one of them after all, and i belong somewhere in the end, and it's a good thing to be what i am, actually.

other days, my skin crawls with a sense of wrongness whenever i go outside, like i'm not supposed to be there. i expect disgust and anger from people. it's unnatural to be what i am, immoral and scandalous. (i never did fully understand what's immoral about dykery/faggotry/gender fuckery, but i internalized it all the same.) seeing me is an unsettling experience, and parading myself out there is malicious, unconscionable, like exposing an innocent child to a mutilated corpse. how dare i offend people's senses with my presence? i should have tried harder to be what i'm supposed to be. the better option for me would be to hide, or to not exist at all.

nobody even got on my case yet, and i'm already wound up and tired. bah.

when i'm feeling less down and less complacent, it pisses me off knowing that there are people out there who think that i deserve to feel that way and even worse. i'm reminded of that every time i hear about the recent anti-lgbt laws, or when i hear a passing disdainful remark from colleagues or friends or family. they don't even aim it at me in most cases, but i've become oversensitive to such things, i think. i worry that i see offense where there isn't any, and when there actually is bad intent there, i'm paralyzed. i can't defend myself, because part of me believes the things they say.

i'm just trying to exist and do my thing. what did i ever do to deserve such hatred?

for the sake of my mood, i'd better finish this on a high note. so in other, better news, yesterday was a sunny day, and i went for a walk. i'm in need of a new jacket, but the trouble is, i'm even worse with men's fashion than i am with women's. i've no idea what kind of jacket do i want, and it doesn't just have to be fancy, it also needs to actually keep me warm. i went to a couple stores, but i couldn't find anything, so as i walked along the street, i looked at the men passing me by, trying to figure out what i liked or didn't like about the way they looked, and what i might borrow of their style for myself.

i wish i had a fashion savvy friend to go shopping with me... but anyway. all those men outside were so different from each other, every one of them handsome or cute or good looking in his own way. the clean and slick city boys dressed to impress and the workers in grimy clothes, with worry lines on their faces and dust deep in the creases on their palms. the younger guys, smooth-faced and with curls escaping from underneath their hats, the gruff older guys with dark sulky eyebrows and grey beards. the ones hurrying somewhere on very important business and the dreamers strolling carefree down the street.

ahem. got a bit carried away there. as i looked at them, there was that yearning that i have always felt, a recognition mixed with sadness and longing for something i can't have. but now there's also joy in knowing that i'm not a different breed from them after all. i'm bridging that gap. just gotta keep living and keep moving in the direction that makes me happiest.

[hologramcowboy]

What I find telling, and kinda funny, is watching the reactions to the BS eps (I don't watch anymore, but I see stuff in Jensen's tags) - I see normal Jensen fans and BS fans talk positively about Carla and the actress who plays her. Obviously there are issues there with her and Beau but people seem to like the chemistry and the way they play off each other and what she brings out in Beau etc. Then you see the AA's talking about her like she might as well be the devil incarnate. They drag the character and the actor saying she's not good and Jensen is soo much better than her and say all these awful things about the character. One of the first scenes they had together I remember seeing soooo much vile stuff about how awful she was to him in the scene (rude, condescending, etc etc.) and how she was just so mean to poor baby Beau (woobifying him beyond belief) and then someone posted the clip and I watched it and I was kinda shocked because she was just acting like a normal ex-spouse and wasn't even that rude or mean at all. Just slightly terse, which is understandable given everything going on anyways. The AA's had made it sound like she ran up to him, punched him, kicked him, berated him for the whole convo and kicked him one more time for good measure when she left. The scene I watched with my own two eyes was maybe a little tense (understandable between ex's anyways and especially those in a trying situation) but she held her own and felt more consistent and steady in her character than Jensen did even in just that scene. I've even seen people rooting for them to get back together. But ofc the AA's have decided that Beau and Jenny deserve to be together (hell, let's be honest here, the AA's decided THEY deserve it and therefore everyone must go along with the idea too) so that's the only thing that can happen. It's bad enough that they are so oversensitive and overinvested when it comes to who they think is allowed to be around Jensen, but they're gatekeeping his characters too and they really need to understand just how NOT normal this behavior is.

Interestingly enough that actress look just like Danneel pre-surgeries and yet AAs claim they love her 🤣 Also, the behavior displayed by Carla is nowhere close to the disrespectful, devaluing, shaming things Elta says about Jensen so wow, AAs truly lack emotional intelligence.

His chemistry with Carla has gotten better but I will say, she's a vanilla actress who needs advanced classes. Also, she doesn't have the physique du role of a lawyer so her being cast makes me scratch my head just as much as their daughter being cast as she looks nothing like any of them. That being said, Carla is cute, I'd love to see her play a different kind of role that matches her look as I think she's better suited to play warm characters.

Jenny and Beau initially had chemistry but now, uh, please just no. I love Katheryn but I look forward to the day she will be cast as something else as I've truly come to detest her character. I caught up to the last episode a bit earlier today and let's just say I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I just watched. 🤣