#people like that take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional reserves

[isekyaaa]

Alh*itham & K*veh relationship analysis (spoilers below)

I said before that Alh*itham holds a level of "resentment" for K*veh, but what I really meant was "contempt." It's the contempt you feel when you're pushed past the point of sympathy and pity. You see someone you care about that's in a bad state, but the thing is that they're ALWAYS in a bad state due to nobody's fault but their own. They go from pitying to pathetic and pitiful.

This line isn't because Alh*itham literally refuses to do good deeds. It's because giving into K*veh's nagging would only serve to enable his guilty conscience. K*veh's guilt is what pushes him to clean and do things. One would think that helping K*veh would help ease his guilt and ease his stress, but all that does is put a bandaid on a gaping wound. What K*veh needs to learn is simply to stop. Learn he doesn't need to clean. He doesn't need to do the errands. He doesn't need to be "good." He doesn't need to give. He doesn't need to DO. He can just BE and that's okay.

But K*veh doesn't learn. He doesn't catch the hint. He doesn't change. Then the thought comes, "Why should I care about someone that doesn't want to get better?" And the next thought, "But unfortunately I DO care, so this whole situation irritates me even more." Alh*itham can ignore K*veh for the most part, but the times he gets too much, Alh*itham's irritation and contempt begins to seep in and he gets more biting.

It confuses me why people pair these two together because they are not what the other person needs. K*veh needs care. He needs love. He needs reassurance. Alh*itham needs independence. He needs low maintenance. He needs stability. As of right now, they only make the other worse.

[unabashegirl]

HI!! cn u pls do one of y/n surprising harry on tour or sth and doing sth with the fans while doing so hehehe MAKE IT SUPER FLUFFY PLS KSNDJDND 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

CHOCOLATE CAKE

I sure can! I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

Also, continue to SEND YOUR REQUESTS!

masterlist 

----

There he stands, hearing his name being chanted by hundredths of people but he has never felt as lonely; not even when he was single. At least then he hadn't had a taste of her. Now he is addicted to her love and her soft touch inflicted by her tiny, delicate hands. The same hands that hold him in his darkest times. And the same hands that he has held above her head when he makes sweet love to her.

Y/N is quiet, reserved — an introvert to the t. She prefers to stay home than dressing up and partying in crowded spaces. If there is one thing she enjoys the most is quietness. Perhaps that was what captivated him when he met her that afternoon at an art exhibition. He is so used to the screaming and loudness of people that he now naturally, gravitates towards the quietness. Thus, why he had stumbled into that small, serene exhibition that day. He started the conversation after noticing her admiring for far too long a single painting out of the bunch. Harry couldn't understand what she found so alluring and his curiosity got the best of him. They sat for hours on an uncomfortable bench talking about their lives as if they weren't complete strangers, but acquaintances.

Falling begins getting played by the band: an organic smile spreads across his face, product of remembering the first time that he played the album to her — in the privacy of his home. 

That day she sat on the couch with her legs crossed just after preparing herself a hot cup of tea. She wore one of his colorful jumpers and an old pair of grey pajama pants that were too big for her small frame. He would never forget the way, her eyes swelled up in tears when the last song was played. 

He’s been quiet all night and everyone has noticed. He hadn’t been his usual careless self throughout the rehearsal nor he had danced around to the music. The truth is that he hasn’t stopped thinking about her. He has been gone for far too long and it is starting to take a toll on his mental health. He misses the way she always manages to put him to sleep by just running her fingers through his hair. He misses how she always goes to bed wearing socks, yet wakes up barefoot. He misses the random conversations in bed when she can’t remember how to sleep and how she always wakes him up to a cup of tea and a minty, fresh, morning kiss.

His eyes are tightly closed with both ringed hands wrapped around the mic. His throat veins pop out as he hits the perfect note in the chorus. He knows he can’t do much about the obscure heaviness he currently feels in his heart. Nothing could ever fill the void that he feels in her absence. The only thing he is sure about is that he will never again leave her behind. He regrets the day he agreed on her staying because of work.

The melancholy song comes to an end earning quite loud cheers and howls from the crowd. He opens his eyes after taking in the last bit of his emotions. The crowd had felt his pain. They have known for a considerable amount of time, the woman that makes Harry’s knees go weak.  One afternoon a reporter had taken a picture of her getting picked up at work by Harry.  The next morning, her face was splatter everywhere. He was irate. He didn’t want to keep her hidden, but he wanted to reveal the relationship at their own time and terms. And the reporter had stolen that from them.

“What’s yeh name?” Harry asks an individual in the crowd as he approaches the edge of the stage. He knows how much fans appreciate and enjoy having some type of interaction with him. He also realizes he hasn’t been as in the moment as other times. Hence, why he is trying to make up for it. 

It takes him a few times to perceive what she is saying through the ear-piercing screams. 

“Are you sad?” A small smile appears, still surprised at the skill that the fans have developed to figure out his demeanor based on his tone and mannerisms.

“M’not” He replies, trying to hide the sun with a finger. No one in the crowd believes him especially with that little smile of his. 

Suddenly, their attention is ripped away from him. Their eyes drift back and to the side where the curtain is situated. It takes Harry a few minutes to realize that everyone’s got their attention focused on something behind him.

Y/N stands shyly a few feet away from Mitch, fiddling with her fingers. She looks tiny from where he is — adorable actually.

He is shocked — speechless even. Harry isn’t sure if he is more astounded that she has managed up the courage to appear on stage with him or that she is finally, in the same place and in the same country as him.

Meanwhile, the crowd is going crazy. They are just as shocked as Harry. Most are happy and giddy that Harry was reunited with his girl and that she had managed to surprise him. They thought it was a particularly precious gesture from her.

Y/N gives everyone a shy smile and a wave causing everyone to go nuts. It also manages to snap Harry out of his trance.

It takes him only takes four strides to stand before her.  He throws an arm over her and pulls her into a warm embrace while he holds the mic with his other hand. Harry kisses the top of her head. This is obviously not the only way he wants to greet her, but he recognizes that he is in front of a crowd with phones. He craves to kiss her but still wants to keep some grade of privacy and intimacy in his relationship. 

“Shows over. Go home” He jokes for the first time in the night. “Just kidding. This is Y/N — my girlfriend” A big smile covers his face, crow’s feet visible. She hides her blushing face with her hands. “She’s a bit shy. Aren’t you lovie?” The term of endearment is enough to cause everyone’s hearts in the arena to melt. “Anyway, I don’t think I should embarrass her any longer. Say goodbye to Y/N!” Harry asks the crowd as he escorts her off the stage. 

As soon as they are off stage, he doesn’t waste time in connecting their lips. “I love you” he mumbles one last time against her lips before running back on stage to finish his show.

Y/N watches him the rest of the night from the side of the stage. She is pretty proud of herself. She has managed to pull the whole thing through. Jeff had helped her planned it. He had arranged everything for her to fly out and arrive a few hours before the concert. Jeff had also managed to keep her hidden from Harry most of the night. 

--

Y/N sits next to him with an elbow on the table and her head resting on her hand. She knows it's not polite to have her elbows on the table at dinner, but she can’t help admiring her boyfriend. 

Harry sits beside her, his hips turned towards her even though he is talking to Mitch from across the table. His left hand resides on her thigh, holding her close while he uses his other to gesticulate. Even if it’s a habit of his to have the first buttons of his shirt undone, she can’t help admire his bare skin and the pearl necklace that wraps around his neck. 

Harry can feel her expressive eyes on him. He can slightly see her from the corner of his eye. He attempts to ignore her gaze and continues the conversation with him. Although it becomes harder to do with every passing second. 

“Stop looking at me like that” He whispers as he turns his attention momentarily to her. His grip on her thigh tightens as a warning. His tone is rough, but his cheeky smile contradicts his statement. Mitch smiles at the couple’s interaction and decides to give them a bit of privacy. Therefore, he turns to the next conversation happening beside him. 

“What are you talking about? I am not doing anything” She says just in time as dessert and coffee get served. Y/N had ordered a chocolate lava cake with vanilla ice cream and a cappuccino. On the other hand, Harry had ordered a double expresso and had refused to order anything else. Even though Y/N knows that he will probably end up taking most of hers. 

Harry’s hand reaches down and grips the edge of her chair, yanking it closer to him. 

“Hi” He smiles as he pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Hi” Y/N kisses the tip of his nose before turning towards her dessert.

“Lovely shirt you are wearing” Harry’s right arm wrapping around her as he leans in to kiss the skin below her ear.  He can smell the faint scent of her favorite Chanel perfume.

“Thank you. It’s my boyfriend’s actually. He is just kind enough to lend it to me” She shrugs feeding herself a mouthful of hot lava cake. She is wearing one of his white linen, button-down shirts along with her own beige skirt. The shirt seems to tie the entire outfit together. Plus, it still smells like him. It made sense at the time. This is why Y/N has been especially careful not to ruin or spill anything on the designer shirt — all night long. 

“Really?” Harry reaches out and with his thumb wipes the remaining chocolate off the corner of her bottom lip. “Lucky bastard,” he says, sucking the chocolate off his thumb. Y/N slices a piece of the dessert knowing what’s coming next. “Can I have some, lovie?” 

She giggles proceeding to feed him a spoonful of the ridiculously sweet dessert. 

“What?” 

“You always manage to steal my dessert” 

“S’not true!” Harry opposes even though he knows she is right. He doesn't fancy anything until she is already eating it. “okay. maybe a bit” it’s not until she gives him a look that he finally confesses with a mischievous smile. 

She responds by wrapping her arms around his neck and whispering near his ear an intimate ’I love you’. Harry grips her chin, giving her the proper kiss that he has been waiting all night to share with her. He can taste the combination of the sweetness of the chocolate and the bitterness of the coffee while kissing her. 

“Thank you for today. I’ll never forget this”  Harry admits with his forehead pressed against hers...

[jaehotbuns]

coffee

rating: pg

word count: 3050

characters: you x jaemin

genre: university!au, fluff

summary: your first year of university had been taking its toll on you until one day a fresh can of your favourite coffee is placed there, marking the first out of many days to come of one on your desk waiting for you every single morning. you look around to find your secret admirer and meet eyes with someone behind you.

Day 1

Your clammy hands suctioned to the heavy wooden lecture hall door when you pushed it to reveal dozens of rows of seats being quickly filled by an ensemble of students varying in ages. As your shaking legs made it difficult to walk up to a relatively middle row directly in front of the speaker’s stage, you sat down in a nervous pile of first year sweat. You rubbed your palms onto your jeans after setting your backpack down in front of your seat, causing heat to well up in your hands due to the friction. You had arrived early on your first day of university classes but you were already trembling in a bundle of nerves and the incoming influx of more students was not going to put you at ease.

As there were 15 minutes until the professor would arrive, you pulled out your laptop and opened a new document in case you had to take any notes down; which was unlikely as it was the first day probably reserved for introductions.

Most of the moisture from your body was perspired out from the summer heat and from your worry so you took out your water bottle and drew a big swig, your mouth quickly filling up with water like a chipmunk. As you were about to swallow your mouth full, you met eyes with a handsome stranger walking up the stairs to find a seat. His large and charming eyes turned into half moons as he chuckled to himself as he saw your expression. You nearly spit out the contents over yourself as you choked, swallowing it instead.

Although you couldn’t see yourself, you could feel your face heat up in embarrassment as he passed you. It’s okay, you thought, I probably won’t even see him much, there’s like 200 people in this class. You tried to convince yourself until you felt him put down a chair and sit directly behind you.

For the rest of the class, you could hardly pay attention; which was not a problem as your predictions were correction and all the professor did was hand out the syllabus and introduce herself. You looked aimlessly at your screen and typed your emotions out in your blank document instead of texting your friends as they had classes too and you needed an outlet to release to.

Week 2

The new environment was definitely taking a toll on you; physically and mentally. You hadn’t slept in about 34 hours as you had two 8 page papers due yesterday and a quiz to study for tomorrow, creating purple hues and lines to accumulate under your eyes. All the effort in looking nice your first week was sacrificed for 45 extra minutes of sleep and the only joy you had now was buying a cheap cup of convenience store coffee to keep your stress eating in check and to give a boost of energy. You forgot to buy one this morning since the busses were later than usual so the little joy out of your routine was gone.

Everyone had essentially chosen their unassigned assigned seating and yours was the one that you chose on the first day; smack in the middle. You wanted to be close enough to hear and see but far enough to not make awkward eye contact with the lecturer. As you were dragging your feet to your seat, you saw a fresh can of your favourite Mr. Nana Hazelnut Coffee on your desk, with circles of perspiration marking the desk.

You sat down suspiciously and looked at your surroundings. There was no one in front of you for around 3 rows and the only person in the row behind you was the cute guy that essentially laughed at your water filled face on the first day. You turned around nervously, this was the only class that you hadn’t made friends in. “Hey, is someone sitting in this seat?”

The glare of the bright lights shined on his gold rimmed glasses as he turned to look at you. He tilted his head to the side and his bottom lip protruded in thought, “no. It’s been yours.”

You grasped the wet and cold can, whoever left it had gotten it straight from the school cafeteria instead of your convenient store as it was almost frozen to the touch. You held up the can to him, “do you know who left this here then?”

He shook his head and leaned forward slightly as if to tell you a secret. His tone was hushed as he spoke, “no idea. But if I were you I’d drink it before it creates a sweat ring on the desk; those bad boys are as out of shape already.” He leaned back on his chair and nodded while a small smile on his face.

You turned back to the front warrily before cracking the can open and taking a sip. An instant smile appeared on your face at your sudden luck. Whether someone had accidentally left it or had placed it there for you, you didn’t care.

“By the way,” the guy called out from behind making you whip your head around to face him. “My name’s Na Jaemin.” He held his hand out for you to shake with a warm smile accompanying it.

You extended your hand that wasn’t damp with the can’s sweat and shook his hand firmly before introducing yourself. “Nice to meet you Jaemin.”

His eyes turned into half moons like the first day you met him, “likewise.”

Week 6

“You know it’s odd, the only person I talk to is you and yet I keep getting my favourite coffee every morning,” you said with your face turned towards Jaemin as you packed your bag as the class ended. “It isn’t you is it?” Your eyes squinted at him. Your heart nearly stopped as you asked the question, hoping it was him. But you were probably getting your hopes up as you weren’t the only person that had been eyeing him.

Jaemin zipped his backpack up after neatly placing his notebooks and pencil case in their designated places. “I wish I had the time for that,” he chuckled as he swung the backpack arms around his shoulders before standing up. You stood up after him and began walking to your usual Taiwanese snack bar for a quick lunch before heading your separate ways to your other tutorials. Of course it wasn’t him, you felt stupid for even thinking there was a possibility that it was him. After the first month, he had always showed up 5 minutes later than class started. So it was logical that it was someone else as you came before him and would already have a can waiting for you.

Before you were halfway to the snack bar, a girl had run up from behind and gave Jaemin a friendly slap across his back. He jumped away in surprise before recognizing who she was. “Oh Luna! What’s up?”

She pouted and grabbed a hold of his toned arm, wiggling her shoulders as she pouted closer to him. “You promised that you would help me study for my economics test!”

His eyes darted from her to you before an expression of realization dawned across his face. “Oh, I totally forgot.” Jaemin turned back to you, paying no mind to his arm swinging to the opposite side. “I’m sorry, next time?”

You nodded and gave a reassuring smile, “I need to cut down on bubble tea anyways.” You turned to face Luna, a cute girl who was surprisingly much shorter than you were, giving her a cute aura. “Good luck on your test!”

She gave an almost fake smile as she brushed off your comment with a brief, “mhm, thanks,” before pulling Jaemin towards the library and away from your daily lunch spot. He turned around and gave you a wave and face of sorry. You waved back and mouthed, “don’t worry.”

Once they were out of sight you noticed a sheet of paper lying on the gravel in front of you. It was a receipt with only the purchase of one item on it; Mr. NaNa Hazelnut Coffee. You checked the purchase time and it was half an hour before class, today. Your eyebrows twisted in confusion, if it wasn’t Jaemin then why had he bought it?

Week 9

You sipped on your fresh green tea latte that you had bought from a cafe nearby your university building as you waiting for class to start pondering on why your daily free coffee was missing. Granted it had been nearly 2 months now and you had started to buy different variety of drinks but you wondered what had caused it to stop. Either way, you felt slightly guilty receiving free things without anyone to thank for.

Jaemin was surprisingly early today as he walked up to a seat beside you and set down his things before unzipping his bag to pull out a can of your usual coffee. “I’ve noticed your secret admirer has started to become more erratic.” You held the coffee can, still wondering if he was the one although you never brought the receipt up as he had already denied it once.

“Thanks, you really didn’t have to,” you said putting the can into your bag. “You’re awfully early today, and a free coffee too? What’s up?”

His hand rubbed the back of his neck nervously. You asked the question to tease him but it looked as though he really did have something important to tell you. Your stomach dropped as soon as you heard the words leave him mouth hesitantly. “I’m actually dropping the class.”

It was the only class you had with him. Usually you two would hang out in between your tutorials and lectures but ever since he started tutoring Luna, you’ve never really gotten the chance to talk other than your one class per week and through texts and the occasional phone call. You hadn’t realized that you’ve fallen for his kind nature and goofy jokes until your only guaranteed chance to see him now was taken away from you.

“I would’ve dropped the 3rd week if I didn’t have you in this class.” His smile was only making your heart heavier although he had said that to cheer you up.

You tried to hide your sadness; it would’ve been embarrassing to let him see your emotions so soon. “So why are you dropping?”

He rested his head on the curve of the wooden chair and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. “Hmm, while I was tutoring Luna I realized that I actually have a knack for economics and it fit perfectly in my schedule to switch.” Jaemin moved his eyes from the overhead lights to you without moving the position of his head, “I’ll miss you though seat buddy.” His hand ruffled the hair on top of your head with a smile. “How about we grab something after class?”

You nodded and tried to keep up your smile.

After class, Jaemin decided to go to a new place to eat since you two have only alternated between 3 spots so far and he wanted a slightly fancier brunch to commemorate your short time together as seat buddies. As the weather was getting colder as it transitioned from summer to fall, you got hungrier due to your body using most of your energy to generate heat. You usually only got a drink and something small like fries after first period but this time you were ready for heavy Italian food. You could hardly wait.

You followed Jaemin’s lead as he followed the directions of Google Maps on his phone until out of the corner of your eye you saw a small figure moving towards you. “Jaemin! Look at my pop quiz!” A familiar voice rang out as the body quickly slid in front of you and directly to Jaemin. Of course it was Luna. She held her economics quiz out in front of her with two hands to show him excitedly but she was visibly irritated when he looked back down at his phone after giving her a quick, “oh yeah, congrats.” She grabbed his hand that was gripping his phone and swung it back and forth, “c’mon let’s get congratulatory food!”

Jaemin usually didn’t mind her energetic energy and excessive skinship but now he looked annoyed as he spoke to her. “Maybe next time, I have plans,” his head cocked to the side to indicate that he was going with you. He stepped out to move out of her grasp but she was relentless, “I really can’t-”

Last time she had interrupted you and you refused to let her walk all over you again, whether you had romantic feelings for Jaemin or not this wasn’t about his attention, it was about her failing to address your existence. “If he doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t want to go.”

She instantly dropped her arms from Jaemin and turned towards you with her arms folded across her chest while leaning on one foot, the other tapping on the pavement. “Who are you to talk to me like that? Are you his girlfriend? I don’t think so.”

“I don’t have to be, but he said no and you should respect that.” You were already hungry and she wasn’t exactly making you less sensitive.

Her big eyes rolled so much that you thought that they were going to make their way to the back of her head. “Did you know that he only stayed in your class because he felt bad for you? Why did he stay that long, hm? You were lonely and he felt bad. Stop trying to hold onto him. Have you noticed when he met me that he stopped hanging out with you?”

You weren’t sure to believe what she was saying but you couldn’t stand for her to berate you for accepting Jaemin’s lunch invite when you weren’t even interested in fighting for his affection. “I feel bad for you.” You didn’t know who you were directing that comment to but it seemed like it could apply to both of them before you turned on your heel to leave.

“Wait!” Jaemin said exasperated as he tried to grab your hand but you continued to walk as Luna once again held him back.

You walked until you reached the cafeteria’s rooftop which was thankfully empty as it was the awkward period between a coffee break and lunchtime. You plopped down on a wooden bench, cool to the touch due to the chilly autumn wind. With the can of coffee Jaemin gave you this morning in your hand, you looked up to the sky sentimentally and took small sips as the clouds passed by.

You weren’t upset by the things Luna had said, she wasn’t a reliable source anyways and you trusted Jaemin to not be badmouthing you behind your back but you couldn’t help but feel an unsettling feeling in your stomach. But then again, being caught in a cat fight for a guy that you didn’t want to be involved in was not a good feeling in the first place.

When you were one sip away from finishing your drink you turned around at the sound of the heavy rusted door of the rooftop opening to reveal Jaemin. “Hey,” he said plainly.

“Hey.”

“Can I sit down?”

You scooted over to the left side of the bench and pat the empty place beside you, “of course.”

He awkwardly sat beside you and leaned forward to rest his elbows onto his spread knees as he couldn’t find the courage to face you. “Sorry about what happened.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Not your fault.” You took the last sip of your coffee and set it on the ground in front of you, catching the eye of Jaemin.

“99 cents for a cup of coffee is hard to come by these days huh?” He asked nodding his head towards the can.

“How do you kn-”

“I’m the secret admirer,” he confessed with an almost sad smile on his face. “I was going to reveal it at lunch but we saw how that went.”

“But I you always came later than when the coffee was there and why would you?”

His eyes scanned the clear blue sky lined with soft wafting clouds like you had before dragging out a long breath. “I’d go buy it in the cafeteria, place it on your desk before you came, and go to the washroom.”

You couldn’t believe it, “but why?”

He chuckled remembering the reason why. “I only planned to do it once as a kind of apology for laughing at you on the first day but after seeing how it put a smile on your face when you were stressed just gave me a reason to do it everyday.”

“That so much of a hassle and those 99 cents add up. I mean my reaction is nothing special.” You looked directly at his head and hoped that he would turn around and make eye contact with you because you couldn’t tell if he was being genuine.

“I like your smile… I think I like you too.” He turned out and looked into your eyes, causing you to flinch a little with the amount of sincerity and love that was pouring out of his eyes.

His hand softly brushed your check as he leaned closer to your lips before he stopped 5 centimeters away. “Can I?” You nodded before his lips touched yours carefully before letting his supple lips press harder. His other free hand cupped your face before pulling away to get a closer look at you. “Do you feel the same way?”

“I do, but what about Luna?” You definitely did not want to bring her up at such a time but you couldn’t help but feel wary.

“I only tutor her but I can’t reciprocate her feelings, it’s been tough having to hang out with her thinking that I could be using that time to take you out,” he laughed shyly.

“Let’s make up the time then,” you proposed. “Just you and me.”

He repeated after you, infatuated with the idea. “Just you and me.”

[the0therspace]

Heavy

I saw the best metaphor given when a follower asked a therapist, Amanda White (@therapyforwomen) on Instagram to describe depression for someone who hasn’t experienced it. She said “It’s like living your life in black and white while everyone else is in color and the longer you are in, the more you forget what colors look like”. 

I’m sure you all can tell, I am an advocate for mental health. I wasn’t always this way. It changed when I realized what I was doing to cope was unhealthy and felt that something was amiss. I decided to see a therapist. Fortunately for me, my insurance covers it. I learned a lot about the mental health field and about some of the resources available for those who are low-income or does not have insurance. 

As a society, we talk about heavy things in sound bites. It can sometimes become political and polarizing, but at the heart of it, I don’t think society looks at these heavy topics on a deeper, vulnerable level. Behind the heavy topic is a human being behind it. Behind any disagreement/disappointment is a human being. It can be direct or indirect. There is someone connected to it. We are a web of beings with interactions that can affect one another. It is no wonder we have boundaries. 

Fun fact: for the longest time, I knew what boundaries were in the physical sense, but not in the emotional, psychological aspect. It was so abstract for me to comprehend what that looks like. Unlike physical boundaries where one can actively see the object used to serve as the line of demarcation, emotional and psychological boundaries are hard to see, they are in our behaviors and most importantly, words. And since no two person are alike, our boundaries looks different among people. 

Right now, people are working to breakdown the stigma of therapy. It is not reserved for only people who have severe mental illness/disorders. It is for everyone. As I established above, we all have different boundaries as we all are interconnected. Our experiences will vary where one person may have the tools to cope with the situations in their life that is causing stress while the other does not have the tools or they might have unhealthy tools. We, as human beings, are imperfect. We can not confidently say that we got all areas of our lives covered to the same degree. As with anything, we have our spots that may need a little more work and that is where therapy comes in. It’s for the moment to help guide us through so that we may build a better foundation or patch the spots that need a little more work. Sometimes those spots are heavy topics and those heavy topics need to be discussed to heal that area. 

I can’t speak for you or any others, except for myself. I found that when I came in with an open mind, I was able to better receive. We all need support from time to time. It does not mean we’re too emotional, or “weak” or less capable to handle it. Receiving help is a sign that we’re human. The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” shows how we all need support from one another from time to time. 

Depending on your geographic location, there are resources through your city, county and state. You can also use your insurance if you have it. There are toll free nationwide numbers to call. Here are a couple of hotlines: 

*does not encompass the others that are out there

SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357 (HELP)

NAMI: 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI)

[fanfic-collection]

In a Name: Ch 5

The people: @hannah-caitlynn @graysonmalfoy @falltoashes @solsticestorm @bingewatchingmylifegoby @elenoranave @incadinkadoo @melanin—senpai @juuliiaa05

You sat on the healer’s cot as she finished poking and prodding you. “I don’t see anything wrong with you dearie.” She glanced over at Nox, “No curses either. I do have some crystals that might help if you were, though.”

You scoffed lightly. You worked with science and actual chemical ingredients, not healing crystals and magic that came from charms with no real power behind them. You knew the magic Loki worked was different than what this woman was capable of. And you were also certain he hadn’t cursed you. “Thanks Syltha, but I’m good. Just checking to ease my friend’s worry here.” Nox glared at you but remained silent. Syltha, the healer, pursed her lips. “Very well then.” You and Nox left Syltha’s hut, both agreeing that you should skip work for the day. “Ava wanted to thank you for your help.” Nox said as he led the way to your home. The two of you decided to spend the day hunting in the woods. Nox had even saved you the trouble of retrieving your weapons from the jailer. Also, if you caught any fresh game, you’d be able to sell the furs for money. - - Loki returned to the palace shortly after he had parted ways with you. He was exhausted from the long day and disheartened by his failed attempt to follow Frigga’s advice and gain a friend. Glancing down at the book in his hands, he smiled, at least he had an excuse to return to you sometime. “Loki! Brother! Where have you been?” Thor yelled as soon as he caught sight of his younger brother. Loki looked up from the book, apparently he hadn’t been as stealthy as he thought, sneaking back to his room. Sighing, Loki moved the book under his arm. “I was looking into a disturbance that had been reported in one of the outlying towns.” “You what? Personally?” Thor asked. Loki shrugged, “The complaints had been frequent and it required a subtle approach, I figured I would handle it.” Thor frowned, “Why not have brought me? I could have helped.” “It was subtle, dear brother.” Loki smiled ruefully. Even if they rarely saw eye to eye, there was no denying the brothers cared for each other. “Did Father say anything?” “He asked where you were. Mother said you were on a personal errand and refused to add anything else.” Loki smirked, a surge of fondness welling up for his mother. Mentally, he made a note to get her flowers or perhaps one of her favorite sweets. “So what came of it?” Loki shrugged again, “There was a fight, I intervened, those involved were arrested and I oversaw what was necessary.” Thor looked at the book under Loki’s arm, “What is that?” “It is a book.” Loki replied evasively. “Is it the one you were looking for the other day?” Loki’s eyes widened in surprise. This time it was Thor’s turn to smirk, “Even if I think such things are boring and tedious, I am capable of remembering what you speak of.” Loki smirked back, “I’m sure there was something sentimental in that sentence, brother.” “You know I love you.” Thor beamed. “Give us a kiss then,” Loki retorted. Thor burst out laughing, “Come brother, have you eaten yet? I was just going for my noonday meal.” On cue, Loki’s stomach rumbled, “Alright then. Lead the way.” - The next several days passed, regularly and without any excitement. Then one night, Loki was jolted awake by the sound of loud ringing alarm bells. He lurched to his feet, magicking his armour on, when a loud pounding came from his door. “Brother, are you up?” Thor yelled through the door. Loki was at it in an instant, wide awake. “What happened?” “Alfheim is at war. Our assistance is needed urgently.” Loki nodded, “All of Asgard?” As Thor replied, the two brothers ran to the war room. “Just our standing army. No reserve forces, it shouldn’t be too serious, initial reports are saying.” “We’re not going in overconfident, are we?” Loki frowned as they ran. Thor chuckled, “Ever the pessimist, I see.” “Realist, brother.” “The war meeting is to confirm it, we won’t do anything foolish. Father hasn’t held his seat on this throne for so many decades with poor decision making.” The two arrived at the war room doors and Odin looked up. He nodded at his sons, motioning for them to join him and the other generals. “Thor, Loki.” Odin greeted sternly, he turned back to his advisors, “Alright, continue.” - - The bells at the town hall began tolling, rousing its citizens from their sleep. You banged on Nox’s door until he answered it, still half asleep. “C’mon lazy bones.” The two of you ran to the town square, joining the throng of civilians who had gathered to hear the news. The bells signaled important announcements, but only the heads of houses were required to attend. Other, more urgent bells, signaled a greater assembly, luckily they were not tolling today. An announcement was made, Asgard would be involved with a war for her allies. A collective breath of relief went out as it was made clear that no new soldiers needed training. The king and his advisors had already ascertained that there was no severe threat to Asgard itself. Pithe would gather in the morning to send the warriors off with loud cheers of support. You briefly thought of Sif, your cousin would certainly be at the forefront, fighting with the others. Then your thoughts strayed to Loki, the young prince. He would undoubtedly be leading portions of the army. You swallowed hard, suddenly concerned for his safety. The chieftain dismissed the villagers, telling them not to worry but to stay informed. “War…” Nox mused as the pair of you returned to your homes. You nodded silently, still thinking of Loki. “If we had joined the Einharjar, that would’ve included us.” You nodded again. After a long stretch of silence, you asked, “Do you still think we should?” Nox hesitated, you stood outside his house, talking in the dim moonlight. “I don’t want to force you. But I really want to. At the same time, I don’t want to without you.” Nox finally replied. You thought again of Loki, of living at the palace. While you would be a guard and busy with those duties much of the time, on vacation days, you might be able to read with Loki. “I’m considering it.” You muttered finally. The life of adventure and being a warrior still called to you. The possibility of seeing more of the mysterious ‘dark’ prince would be a perk, but to fight for your realm… “It’s not just idle words Nox, I think I might be ready to.” Nox’s face lit up, “Really?” “I’m going to start looking into organizing the affairs of the shop, and we’ll see what happens with this war. But I think it might be time for us to experience some real excitement.” “This will be fantastic!” Nox started to yell excitedly. You held up a hand, “Calm yourself, friend, I still said there are some things to take care of, and I still have to think of the consequences of selling this home. But I’m not just saying it to humor you now, I mean to think of it as my own decision.” Nox nodded, “Alright.” He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. “Right, I’ll see you in the morning then. Good night.” - In the morning, before first light, softer bells chimed again, once more rousing people from their beds. This signaled the approach of soldiers. People, yourself and Nox included, hurried to gather along the main road. Everyone brought gifts of food and small supportive trinkets, boosting the morale of those who would soon march through. You hurried into your shop, searching for a potion to aid adrenaline. You knew from your limited magic experience that seidr drained body and mind in ways that physical battle could not. With that knowledge, you hoped you might see Loki and be able to gift it to him. It was custom for the townspeople to make gifts for their favorite soldiers, some people even to find potential spouses. That thought was far from your mind as you grasped the delicate vial. You thought of the kindness Loki had shown you and longed to return it. Children often gave gifts baked with their families; usually to the soldiers they knew personally. There were a number of civilians who also baked to ensure no warrior went without emotional support. Popularity just ensured the better gifts. Nox had retrieved a haunch of dried venison, intending to give it to the youngest and freshest faced warrior he saw. He clearly hoped that someone might reciprocate the action if he ever went to battle. Around midmorning, the soldiers could be seen in the distance. Cheers rang out, bolstering the fighters’ spirits as they worked to maintain their morale for battle. Your eyes strained the army’s formation, trying to spot the younger prince on his pitch black horse with its gold horned champron. You figured he would wear his distinctive green cloak, with gold and green armour, and his almost famous golden horns. - - “A true king is the first into battle, and the last to retreat.” Odin said to Thor and Loki as they oversaw the assembly of warriors. The brothers nodded. “I am getting on in my years.” Odin continued. “Don’t say that, father.” Thor was quick to reply. Loki nodded in agreement. “It’s true. You are the future king of Asgard, Thor. And Loki.” It sounded like an afterthought and Loki tried not to read into it, but he knew better. Either way, he remained silent. “Thor, I wish for you to lead. Your companions will ride behind you. The heavy infantry will follow close behind. Then the senior generals and I will follow shortly. They will be dispersed among their respective ranks. Light infantry will be towards the rear.” “And me, father?” Loki asked. Odin pursed his lips, “You have your skills in sorcery. I,” He hesitated, thinking of Frigga. The queen constantly tried to remind Odin that Loki was no less effective in battle. Loki was cunning and had great effect in his ability to move independently; to be useful where he saw fit and communicate within the ranks. ’Both of you were born to be kings’, Odin thought of his words. “Loki,” the words were difficult to say, but Frigga’s constant reminders overruled his own doubts. “I trust you to act as you see fit. You will fill the ranks as necessary. I will remind the soldiers that your orders stand as prince, under penalty of doubting me.” Odin gazed at Loki sternly, trying to impress the gravity of his words on his son. Loki inclined his head shortly, knowing better than to show his excitement. Inwardly he was whooping in delight, soaring with the happiness of earning an important position from Odin. He knew he could easily tear up with this wonderful news. Finally a chance to prove himself to his father. “Thank you father.” Loki murmured quietly. Thor clapped Loki on the back, “Fantastic brother!” Odin nodded curtly, “Do not disappoint. You know your places, prepare yourselves.” - Loki rode on the edge of the soldiers, moving his horse about, sometimes riding ahead, other times moving back to ride among the rear troops. As he moved past them, shivers often went down some of the soldiers’ spines. They tried to hide their nerves of the dark prince and his frequent ill temper; because they knew to show open fear would bring about his wrath. Loki remained quiet, knowing the reputation he had forged for himself. There was no point altering it. But he knew if they feared his displeasure more than the enemy, their fighting would be stronger. Slowing to the very rear of the procession, Loki moved with the army as it began to enter Pithe. He watched the children run between the soldiers, giving the center ones gifts. On the edges, he watched the pretty girls trying to catch the eyes of the more rugged and handsome soldiers. Oftentimes, after such battles, the soldiers would return heroes and be lucky enough to find girlfriends for themselves. Some just wished to keep the soldiers company for a night or two, others actually forged relationships and even families. There were a small number of female warriors amongst the army, and some of the men as well looked for them, seeking to woo them with pretty trinkets or gifts in general. It was usually the women in relationships who remembered to make useful items for those warriors. Loki couldn’t help but feel slightly amused by that. Even still, he kept his expression serious. As the rear of the army neared the apothecary shop, Loki’s thoughts turned to you, remembering the night spent reading beside you. He didn’t recall who had fallen asleep first – perhaps it was at the same time – but there was a fondness he felt that you held no fear of him, even with his reputation. You were proud, but not vain, willing to stand your ground against someone in a clear position of authority, but also act with the deference expected of your social class. Such a balanced personality fascinated him. Loki found himself scanning the crowd, wondering if you had your eyes set on one of the soldiers, perhaps looking for a potential suitor. The thought sent a twinge of unheeded jealousy through him. It was a slight surprise, that feeling. Loki didn’t like it. Then he paused his train of thought, perhaps you were already seeing someone. It was clear you saw Nox as nothing more than a friend, but your good looks ensured that someone would notice you; not to mention the charm of your personality. And worse yet, he hadn’t seen you for some time, perhaps you no longer thought of the prince or the book he had borrowed. He had finished it almost immediately, pausing only to stare fondly at your bookmark. There had been a small sense of longing, realizing that you didn’t know its fantastic ending and wanting to discuss it with you when you found out. Loki’s frown darkened. Mentally he kicked himself, allowing some peasant to completely occupy his thoughts. But really, you weren’t just some peasant. You were clearly a warrior of sorts, and skilled in your trade. On top of that, your personality made him enjoy your company. Loki wanted to growl in annoyance, but he knew it would simply draw unwanted attention towards him. Then suddenly, his thoughts were forced back to reality as he saw you eagerly scanning the crowd. Clearly you were searching for someone. Feeling his heart sink, Loki slouched down in his saddle, not wanting to look at you. - - As soon as the procession started past the town, you began searching for Loki. Thor was visible immediately, leading the army on a chestnut horse. He proudly waved his signature hammer around, urging people to cheer. The villagers happily complied, Nox included. You clapped along, desperately trying to find Loki. The old saying of a leader being the first to battle and the last to retreat crossed your mind. Something told you that Loki wouldn’t quite be the leader. Not that he lacked the skills, but his approach would certainly be more subtle. You watched Odin riding along in the middle. Then finally your gaze fell upon Loki’s signature golden horns. He rode near the rear, weaving along the side of the soldiers, ready to position himself where needed. You smiled, realizing he would be able to put his versatility to use. You were certain his seidr made him versatile anyways. At the very least, his cunning would be better used not charging directly in. You gripped the vial tighter, trying to figure out how to get it to him. For a second, Loki seemed to notice you, but he quickly looked away. When he finally drew near, you yelled out, “Prince Loki!” Loki’s head shot up, his gaze fixating on you as he met your eyes. He briefly slowed to a stop and looked down at you, trying to maintain his imperious gaze. You couldn’t help but notice a faint sense of happiness in his eyes. You pushed forward and lifted the vial up to him. Loki stared at it in confusion. “It’s for rejuvenation.” You explained hastily, “I understand it to help with energy and for magic.” You tried to smile but suddenly felt nervous. Loki reached down for it, a genuine smile at the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.” He murmured. Before you let go, you looked him in the eyes, “Come back safe, please.” Loki nodded, “I will.” “Promise?” You didn’t know where the adamancy came from, just that you needed for him to be safe. Nox was nowhere in sight, so for that you were grateful. “I promise.” Loki replied, nodding slightly, his smile finally spreading across his face, lighting up his eyes. As you pulled your hand away, your fingers slid along his and you swore you felt sparks. You briefly wondered if he had felt the same strange sensation. Then all too soon the army was moving away. Loki looked up, noticing this. Affording one last glance at you, Loki turned and kicked his heels into the horse’s side, urging it to rejoin the ranks. As Loki moved away, it occurred to him how much he liked you saying his name. He felt as if he would never tire of it. Trying to ignore the feeling, he urged the horse even further forward, not allowing himself to look back. However, riding forward, he felt a proud surge of confidence that he rarely felt in his life – if ever. It took all his willpower to hide his expression from his soldiers, but he still sat up straighter in his saddle, vowing to return from this battle unscathed.

[kairoskrp]

                                       — On the wicked wings of time, thy kingdom comes

Meet [ Choi Minsu ]

He is a [ twenty-four] year old  [ contract killer & artist ] currently residing in [ nanjin duplex, #405]. Visit and greet  him today!

Personality: 

Sol Minsu is a tricky man to figure out. On one hand, he is as energetic as a puppy and as clumsy as a giant on rollerskates. On another, he can become deceiving and as malevolent as the devil himself. He carries with him a shady aura, one that seems to radiate suspicion and makes people feel stuffy and inconstant. His honeyed words seem to draw those unwary to him, where he sets his trap and waits for it to be sprung. However, this is merely to those he does not trust or he himself is suspicious about, as he holds a completely different persona to those that are truly his friends. His sass and cleverness truly sets him apart from others, and the same goes for his friends. He is not a people-pleaser, and does not identify himself with a specific “crowd”, however, he he finds himself interested in you much more than usual you can expect a caring Minsu who will quite literally treat you like the royalty you are.

Spirit: Alecto (one of the three Furies)

Power: Fear Embodiment

VIsually Minsu’s eyes will become a dark, almost blood red with no sclera present, and his veins become extremely visible and turn a dark red around his neck, arms, and head.

Is able to sort of “sense” a target’s fears and take on that embodiment, using it to his advantage

Is a form of a mental power, although it’s hard for him to pinpoint a direct image of what the victim’s fears are

Is sort of like spidey-sense, where spiderman can “feel” something coming at him but won’t know it until he actually turns and sees it, but in Minsu’s case it’s when he actually turns into it

While in another form he can take on that image’s specific abilities and such, but on a slightly lesser scale

Also, he cannot verbally communicate with anyone when in a non-humanoid state and must rely on actions

If he isn’t focusing enough or if he becomes extremely emotional, his body might accidentally take on a fear without warning, causing possible harm to someone he didn’t mean for it to

As a sort of last resort, and only in the most dire circumstances, he is able to become a sort of cluster of energy which, at the same time, “reads” the fears of everyone in the surrounding area and manipulates itself into mentally exhibiting that fear to an extreme level

The reason why this is a last-resort, is because anyone in the vicinity of Minsu while he does this (anything in visual range) will most-likely die from the mental toll it takes on the victim. Also, Minsu will end up unconscious, or maybe even dead himself, as he is physically and mentally pushing his life force out of his body and using it for destructive means.

Biography:

TW: Extreme violence, heavy gore, heavy blood, themes of insanity, themes of parental abuse

i. Picasso

The room is filled with drawings, from the grey rug to the ceiling filled with glowing stars. Posters of movies, books, and famous art have become the wallpaper, with there being no sign of the former teal walls behind. There is no sign of toys or books in the room, no sign of the mess a 5 year-old Minsu should have made. Instead, there is only a pristine white bed, bedside chests filled with tools and brushes, and large easels covered in paint. Drawings that could be considered a level that of a young adult was compared to “child’s play” by Minsu’s mother, who always made sure that there was never an empty easel, never a blank page, never a painting not sold. It could be said that his “bedroom” was more of a full-time workspace. The rest of the house was no different, with his artwork being displayed in every corner and crevice available in the 5-story mansion. A few years ago, his mother had been living in a middle-class neighborhood and had two jobs, now, the family (consisting of Minsu and his mother) were living high above the upper class stature and the income was solely based off of the money made from Minsu’s artwork. His mother was comfortable and in some terms, lazy, living off of the “gravy train” her son was too young and naive to notice.

ii. Van Goh

It’s quiet the car ride home with the tension in the air growing more apparent by the minute. Minsu’s mother’s hands grip the steering wheel tightly as she jerks it left and right in an unconventional manner. Her eyes are hazy and her lips are pulled up into a mindless snarl, her gaze trained on the 12-year old sitting in the backseat. Minsu knows she’s too drunk to be driving, but the swelling bruise on his left cheek is enough to warn him about the dangers of getting in her way, so he sits with his hands placed lightly in his lap and his eyes empty and staring at the floor. Years of mental and physical torture have left him unresponsive to his mother’s harsh responses, causing him to block out all white noise associated with her.

“You’re an abomination, you know that?” She spits, looking more like the devil than a woman to him. The elegant burgundy dress and the pinstripe suit the two wear are more of a masquerade of the troubles faced at home, a veil to cover up the ugliness inside Minsu’s mother. “A shame to the family, that’s what you are. Might as well have been off with your father if this is how you repay me….” She mutters the last part but subconsciously Minsu perks up a bit. He’s never met his father, a man of low stature and wealth who disappeared soon after he was born, leaving his wife and son alone.

“Did you hear m-” And before she can finish there’s the sound of a horn echoing, the shattering of glass, the screams as his mother is sent through the front window of the car, her body flying through the air before slamming onto the asphalt road, sliding a bit until coming to a complete stop. Minsu’s eyes are shut as his entire world is quite literally rocked, head squeezed between his knees as he feels the seat belt being ripped from him and the cool night air as he too is flung from the car. He hits the ground with a sickening crack, but when he opens his eyes he realizes he is alive, and breathing, although everything is spinning.

He remembers the colors, vivid and bright as he slowly pushes himself up to gaze at the mangled body of his mother not too far from him. His face is emotionless as his eyes travel over the visible bones pushed through brazened skin, the spilled organs across the road, the small twitching of her hand as it lay limp and bent awkwardly in the air. Her face no longer looks like a face, instead to him it resembles the crushed pulp of an orange. He is emotionless when the paramedics arrive, he is emotionless when he is tugged into the arms of a police officer, he is emotionless as he is whisked away in an ambulance to the emergency room although his lips are glued shut in the event of what has happened.

And Minsu learns something that day that stays with him for the rest of his life:

Karma is one hell of a creative bitch

iii. Monet

Minsu is lucky- now 17 years old, he had made enough money when he was younger to still stay in his mansion, although with a caretaker and tutors to help guide him. Now, he has made an impressive name for himself, known for works of art displayed all over the country and beyond. His insightful past seems to hold no weight on him as he paints with brush strokes that of a master, and a keen eye capable of picking out the tiniest and most obscure detail that inconspicuously would change entire painting.

However, not all was happy, dandy, said and done.

As with many celebrities- or rather figures of high idolization -Minsu must keep a persona reserved for the public and one for more personal times. To the outside world, he is a figure of perfection, of simplicity, and seems to model the very well-known statues he makes. He is gentle as dove, but as merciless as a bloodthirsty tiger when it comes to his business, and if anyone were to question veiled incidents….

There is a side to him that many don’t see, where the mind of a madman reigns over his kingdom with fits of rage and destruction. Enticement comes in the form of nightmares and panic attacks, where Minsu locks himself away with dread and sadness, where sobs of terror and screams of a broken mind echo through his studio. Where those that might feel sorry for him disappear like ghosts, and Minsu is left to pick up the pieces of the glory he has built.

His physicality may be that of a man, but his mind is that of the devil.

iiii. Vinci

Minsu is 22 years old when he breaks, finally, and in one sudden and terrifying instance that spirals him further down into the rabbit hole.

Criticism, in Minsu’s mind, is the tool used by insufficient beings to further spread false influence over those who would be classified as better than them. Malicious gazes and harsh words confirm this belief when he meets with these “critics”, one by one being visited by the artist under the guise of simply wanting to show off his artwork in hopes of having a changed review. Whispers in Minsu’s ear the night before had pushed him to this deed. A woman, unseen yet heard clearly through the fog of dreams and nightmares. It’s this voice that plants the seed of his madness, acting only as a guide in his endeavors and beyond with him the vessel of her deeds.

Fear, is their creed. Fear, shines in their eyes as Minsu wields a weapon known not to any mortal but all too-well coveted by the gods. Fear, is the power flowing through his veins as he takes on the form of some unimaginable creatures only fathomable in the deepest recesses of the mind. Fear, fills their cries as Minsu cuts them down one by one, hidden by the darkness of their homes and businesses. He knows not what he is, only that he is a force of terror that can only be found in nightmares and under the bed of a child at night.

A few of them are killed, the rest are found without any physical wounds, but their mind is broken completely. Slurred words and violent outbursts confirm what psychologists think- something happened that traumatized them bad enough to put them into this animalistic state.

No one knows who did it, they say. They find dog hairs, blood with the dna of crocodiles, and the claw marks of an undisclosed creature but no human dna, they say. They tried searching for a culprit but it looks like the cases will be closed, they say.

And no one can see the complacent smirk on Minsu’s face as he sits, watching the tv with luxury filling the world around him. No one can see how the wheels in his mind are turning, twisting, creating a plan that can only be as malevolent as the last.

He sits, thinking about his life and what has led up to this moment. Thoughts sift in and out of his head, before one particular one causes his smile to grow and his attention to become more focused on the future ahead.

The art of killing in enamoring, so why not make it something more?