#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something

[sealeneee]

siiiiiiigh

[eva-does-her-best]

Going from "I'm not one of those trans people who do x or y" to "I am so one of those and I should have not judged them and I am glad that I got rid of the normative judgemental attitude I used to have".

Going from "I'm just a lesbian so liking trans men is wrong i don't want to deny their manhood" to "My sexuality is weird and that is fine, I like who I like despite the theoretical implications of it and I am not denying anyone's identity because I like them for who they are and respect them no matter what".

Going from "I'm just a regular binary she/her woman" to "I'm a girl and a woman but my dissociation and life experiences also make me feel impersonal so I can use it/its and I'm not weird for it, i wouldn't even be weird if I had no justification either, I can even use doll pronouns because I like them and they make me feel warm and happy and that is what matters".

Going from "Ok so these are all the labels with their very clear definitions and meanings and everything else is internet quirky stuff" to "I literally would not know how to explain what you are and I won't force you to explain it if you don't want, I don't need to understand it to accept you, you are valid and loved. If you instead want to explain it to me I'll do my best to learn and defend it whenever I can".

Going from "I am so sad, frustrated, angry and in pain because I will never be or look cis" to "I actually don't like the cis normative look, I don't want to cispass, I like trans beauty but specifically I like me beauty, the one where I am still myself but a more me version of myself. The world constantly told me what I should aspire to be and look like and like and I was brainwashed for so long but now I've broken free and am free to fully love myself and everyone else in this world who ever thought they were weird or ugly because my eyes find so much beauty in everything and everyone!"

Going from "Ew furries" to "I don't want to make fun of people who deviate from the norm because that is exactly what happens to me and we should all be together or else we are treating ourselves as exceptions and exceptions are easily revoked, I will learn to love everyone against a brain poisoned with conservativism and "normality". I like rats I should make a rat fursona or smth it would be so cute it'd so represent me :3".

Going from "I am useless, lazy, falling behind, a disappointment" to "I am physically and mentally disabled, there have never been accomodations for me in any aspect of my life and the intersectionalities of gender, sexuality, economical situation, etc. have made my life extremely difficult, I forgive myself for both failing and for blaming myself, I will seek help and advocate for myself to the best of my abilities and I will respect my limits in this world that was not made for people like me".

Learning is hard, changing is scary, but it's mostly just your brain being a conservative for the sake of commodity, safety and self-preservation, sometimes you need to fight your brain in a war of attrition but when you finally win you'll be so much happier.

I am so much happier now, my world is bigger and brighter and I see everyone and everything with a new, beautiful light. I look back on how I was and how I thought and how the world works and it all looks so much worse and grey, I am not going back there, this new mind is my home now.

And the best part is that I know I will keep learning more and changing more and the world and this life will keep getting better and better🥰.

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑯𝑶𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  how could you do that? i thought we were friends!  ❜ ❛  the world would be a better place without you in it.  ❜ ❛  don't even think about trying to beg for forgiveness.  ❜ ❛  do you have any idea how much harm you've caused?  ❜ ❛  i don't ever want to see your face again!  ❜ ❛  i promise you i'm going to make your life a living hell.  ❜ ❛  the others may be able to ignore the past, but i surely won't.  ❜ ❛  if you ever hurt them, i swear, i won't hesitate to punch you.  ❜ ❛  don't even try and act friendly with me.  ❜ ❛  that's not a threat. it's a promise.  ❜ ❛  i'm not the same helpless little girl i used to be. now i can finally defend myself against you.  ❜ ❛  you lay one hand on me and it'll be the last thing you ever do.  ❜ ❛  it's about time you finally get what's been coming to you for years.  ❜ ❛  actually, you're not as bad as people say. you are so much worse.  ❜ ❛  tell me one good reason why i should believe anything you say.  ❜ ❛  oh look, it's the useless one again.  ❜ ❛  i'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.  ❜ ❛  how anyone can stand being in the same room as you is beyond me.  ❜ ❛  that's a low blow. even for you.  ❜ ❛  unless you want to end up with my fist in your face, i'd rather shut my mouth.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could be there when you finally get what's coming to you.  ❜ ❛  i wish you'd never been born!  ❜ ❛  fuck you! this is all your fault!  ❜ ❛  have you lost your mind?!  ❜ ❛  you betrayed us and still you think you can think you can just waltz back in here like nothing ever happened?  ❜ ❛  no! i've had enough with you. go to hell!  ❜ ❛  i want you to go and never come back. and if you do, i promise you'll regret it.  ❜ ❛  do you have another clever idea to get us killed?  ❜ ❛  name one good reason why i shouldn't hurt you right now.  ❜ ❛  next time we see each other i won't be so nice.  ❜ ❛  is this supposed to scare me?  ❜ ❛  i can't believe i ever trusted you ...  ❜ ❛  you should have killed me when you had the chance.  ❜ ❛  come any closer and you'll regret it.  ❜ ❛  you may win this time ... but i will get my revenge sooner or later.  ❜ ❛  are you threatening me?  ❜ ❛  and you can go to hell for all i care.  ❜ ❛  lay one hand on them and i'll make sure you won't ever be able to lay a hand on anyone ever again.  ❜ ❛  i'm not your friend! i never was, i never will be.  ❜ ❛  i'll make you regret the day you were born.  ❜

[thezombieprostitute]

The Arrangement - Chapter 3

Summary: Jake's done a lot of things to keep his sister, and then his niece, safe from his parent's influence and manipulation. If he wants to keep them safe, he has to marry you.

Warnings: Bad parents, Implied physical abuse. Let me know if I missed any!

Chapter 2 -- Chapter 4

Series Masterlist

You spend the car ride in silence. If your brother taught you anything about angry men it's that you don't speak to them without permission. You wince at the memories of his wrath which you saw matched in the eyes of Jake, your husband, throughout the wedding. So you keep yourself quiet and small, dreading your wedding night together.

Jake kept himself silent. He could feel your disappointment with him as your husband. You were likely plotting how to control him, make him miserable. He'd let you have the control if that's what you wanted. He can play the role as you need, or as your families need. But it was the private stuff that had him wanting to break. Would you let him play his video games? Would you constantly make fun of him, like so many others, for being himself? How much of himself will he have to sacrifice for the safety and security of his real family?

He pulls into the underground parking garage for the penthouse and parks. Not wanting to get lectured so soon, Jake is immediately out and going to open your door. He doesn't know that you only didn't open it because you weren't given permission. You step out and keep your eyes down so as not to anger him. As much as he's not looking forward to a life with a woman who drains his soul, it still hurts that you're so disappointed in him you can't even look at him.

The elevator ride is worse than the car ride. At least in the car you had buildings and people you could look at. Now it's just you and your eyes on the floor. You should be grateful he hasn't tried to touch you, but the fact that he puts as much distance between the two of you as he can speaks volumes. Jake tries making himself small in the hopes that you won't yell at him for taking up your space. The fact that you refuse to acknowledge him tells him a lot. When the doors open, Jake rushes into the entryway of the penthouse, the silence and tension was suffocating him. You hide your wince and try to make yourself smaller so you don't make him angrier at you than he clearly is.

Clay is waiting for the two of you in the entryway. He smiles, "good to know my pinto's got better speed and mobility than that fancy model they got you driving." Jake scoffs as he unlocks the door, using a keypad with the code he wants to change but knows he'll never be allowed to. Clay turns to you, "I know we were introduced earlier, but the whole thing was rather rushed. I'm Clay, Jake's boss, for lack of a better term." He holds out his hand and you shake it, you try to smile so as not to appear to be rude, but the day is weighing heavily on you.

Jake holds the door open for the two of you.

It's your first time seeing the place and you're immediately saddened by how much of it looks like your mother's tastes and preferences. It's overly crowded with useless, gaudy, overpriced things. You want to throw it all out. It's supposed to be a space for you and your husband, but it's just another reminder of how much your family still controls you. Jake groans as he looks around. Pulling out his phone, he quickly finds several "Internet of Things" devices that are easy to hack. Of course his parents would put in the fanciest refrigerators and thermostats without caring about the security risks. Jake doesn't need his refrigerator to connect to his phone, dammit!

Jake's groan makes you freeze. Clay asks, "what's wrong now?"

"I gotta do some serious cleanup for the sake of security," he grumbles. "Gotta make sure no one else actually gets to set the temperature of the thermostat, that I don't get text messages from my fridge, that my damn toaster doesn't get hacked!" He looks at you, "if that's okay with you, of course." His tone is bitter because he hates that he has to ask your permission for something so basic.

You nod, "of course." You keep your voice small, afraid of angering him any further. He really must hate you.

Clay looks at you, "how about you make yourself comfortable, little lady? I know it's your honeymoon and all, but Jake and I need to talk and who knows how long he's gonna be fixin' this internet problem y'all got."

You look to Jake but he's still on his phone so you ask, "is...is that okay with you?"

He gives you a confused look, "of course."

You make an internal note that, whatever Clay says goes. He's Jake's boss so you're best bet is to keep him happy to make Jake happy.

When you're out of sight Clay turns to Jake. "You best be gentle with that one, Jake. I think she's been through her own kind of hell."

"She's the spitting image of her mother, hasn't said a single word, can't even look me in the eye," Jake grouses. "She hates me and I'm likely going to spend the rest of my life never being good enough for her."

"I ain't so sure about that," he muses. "I get the impression she's afraid of you."

Chapter 2 -- Chapter 4

Series Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @ashdoctor; @delicatebarness;

@ellethespaceunicorn; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @ronearoundblindly

[watermelon-jooce]

OKAY dont flame me for this, but heres a Saiki K hot take that I think shoukd be talked about more.

I feel like people REALLY have to start taking what Kuusuke did to Toritsuka more seriously, because its pretty bad the more you think about it.

⚠️Large TW for emotional manipulation and gr00ming undertones. ⚠️

(‼️if you're gonna debate please read all first‼️)

I can't find the specific panels, but what Kuusuke did to Toritsuka was taking advantage of him, he pried on his insecurities.

Kuusuke was seen telling Toritsuka how much "better" he is than Kusuo, how he has better powers, how he should be put on a pedestal instead of stupid old Kusuo.

Toritsuka is seen before hand disliking his own powers. He want's more from them, he wants them to be less useless. Kuusuke knows this, because Toritsuka is honest and probably told him.

Instead of offering help, he pried in on that insecurity. By telling Toritsuka that he's better than Kusuo, that he's more important, Toritsuka was drawn in so quickly. He'd never really been told or praised for his power before, most people not believing him for being a Medium or others saying his powers are useless.

When Toritsuka was finally told by Kuusuke that he was better, that someone finally believed he was better than the person he always compared himself to.

Toritsuka seems easily impressionable, we don't get to see his father much if at all, and we haven't heard about his mother at all. Im assuming he lives in the temple with little to zero family, being raised by the temple instead of his own parents.

He probably lacked good life lessons, Toritsuka always goes to others for help, he begs because its all he most likely knows how to do.

Kuusuke knows this, and he uses it against him. He knows Toritsuka has a grudge against Kusuo for his powers, he knows Toritsuka is insecure about his own, he knows Toritsuka is vunerable with this information.

And what does he do? He emotionally manipulates Toritsuka into helping him attack Kusuo with the Cat Tank.

Yeah, you could be thinking, well Kuusuke is a bad person mostly in a whole(I could go on and on about why he is the way he is), and that he's bound to manipulate others into doing what he wants, but when you really think about it, Kuusuke is an 19/20 year old adult that took advantage of a 16 year old kid.

Could it be considered that Kuusuke technically groomed Toritsuka? Grooming is not always 'adult takes advantage of a child for something explicit', grooming can be taking advantage of a child for something in return. It's not always for the other, much worse, option, I'm not saying Kuusuke is a kiddy diddler, im saying he groomed Toritsuka to get what he wanted, which was to attack Kusuo.

I have seen someone talk about this before, I can't remember who but someone had mentioned the gravity of it and the strange undertones of what Kuusuke did to Toritsuka, finding a child and taking advantage of his insecurities to get what he wants through emotional manipulation.

I know you could say that 'Kuusuke is about only 19/20, he's not much older than Toritsuka who is 16/17' But that is heavily, heavily besides the point. The point is that Kuusuke is still an adult. Kuusuke is known to be one of the smartest people to live. Toritsuka is a child, and Toritsuka is still in school.

Again, please understand I'm not saying Kuusuke is a kiddy diddler. I don't want people to flame me for 'thinking that.' Kuusuke obviously has a lot of problems of his own, and emotional manipulation is something he is used to doing and probably doesn't even realise he's doing it because it helps him get what he wants.

I can see how its just emotional manipulation, and I am willing to hear anybody out on this and debate(politely), and if i'm wrong I will admit I am wrong.

But AGHH this has really been eating at my brain. Kuusuke manipulating Toritsuka using his insecurities and stuff to get what he wants is just super weird to me. Kuusuke is obviously a more creepy character, and I believe if the anime were more serious it would play a lot more on that fact.

But yeah, this is what I believe what happened. Again, its a really heavy topic so if you guys wanna tell me im wrong you can tell me im wrong and I will hear you out. I was just thinking about it and after seeing one person mention it a while back its been in the back of my mind for a while.

Not saying its wrong to love Kuusuke, I know the fandom is split on him. I personally don't care about whether someone loves him or not, cause one side you can say he got his freak off to his brother, but the other side says he was just excited and not doing anything weird. Kuusuke is a really interesting character and I really wanna do a big essay on him like this soon.

But yeah thats all I had to say, just remember if you guys wanna tell me im wrong you can tell me im wrong and I will hear you out.

(can you guys tell i dont wanna be destroyed)

[daughter-of-sapph0]

what do you gain from sending cruel anons? satisfaction? approval from others? does someone pay you to do it? I never understood why you freaks do that bullshit. it's useless anyway.

I'm not publishing your anonymous ask. no one deserves to look at that slop.

it doesn't even hurt me. nothing you say to me can be worse than the pain I've already felt. your words mean nothing to me. you can tell me to kill myself all you want. you'll never be louder than the voice in my head who almost convinced me to do it.

I've already reached my lowest point in my life. I've gotten better. I love myself too much to let you take that away from me.

you, on the other hand, are sitting alone in your room and copypasting the same generic message to random trans people you see online, because your life has literally no value, because you will never do anything of note, because you're unworthy of any sort of affection from others, and you will die alone, unhappy, unfulfilled, unaccomplished, and your last dying wish as you sit on your death bed surrounded by no one is that you could have spent more time being a cruel heartless bigoted irredeemable cunt to people online.

meanwhile I'll be living my best life. I'll forget about your entire existence later this afternoon. I'll continue to spend time with the people I love, and help spread positivity to people who need it. I will outlast you. I'll live my life to the fullest while you rot in your isolation. I will outlive you. my legacy will continue after I'm gone while people will try and pretend that your ilk never existed. I will outlove you. I will be a reminder that your negativity and hatred is but a momentary stain on existence that will be washed away by unconditional love and support.

I'm no longer speaking to that anonymous asker. instead I address this to my followers, as well as anyone else who may see this post: do not answer anon hate ever. it's not worth it. those people do not care about your response, and only receive gratification from seeing you suffer.

I know a lot of you weren't online in ye olden days. but back then, we had rules for the internet. and one of them is to never feed the trolls. feeding the trolls mean they win. somewhere along the line some of them managed to convince people that blocking the trolls means they win. that's not true. blocking means you win because you'll never have to see their disgusting horrendous comments again. the block button is your best friend. use it.

if you get anon hate, delete it. block the sender (which I'm pretty sure now ip blocks whoever sent the ask), and if it continues, turn of anons, or even turn off asks in general. do not let them hurt you. do not engage. do not respond. do not answer them. they aren't looking for a debate. and you won't change their mind. answering their ask just exposes their slop to all your followers. and none of them want to see that shit.

remember that for every hateful anon message you get, there are 100 people who love you unconditionally and care about you. do not let the loud hateful minority win.

maybe what I'm doing counts as feeding the troll. I'm not directly answering their ask, but I'm still getting involved. but fuck it. I'm turning their hate into positivity. I'm using this as a moment to spread awareness to others.

if you're a person on the internet who's received hateful messages, especially if you're trans, I promise you that you're not alone. ignore them. find people who care about you and love you. I promise that the small annoying obnoxious voice does not represent the opinions of society as a whole. I promise that nothing they say is true. I promise that you are loved. unconditionally. forever. simply because you are you.

[skunkes]

I hope this question isn't out of line, but I'm curious what you would say Al's biggest flaws are! Talon's flaws are very front and center in his characterization (in a good way!) and I feel like Al's are maybe more subtle or he's better at hiding/managing them 👀

i feel al's flaws seem very like, job interview "oh my biggest weakness? Ummm i work Too hard" if just listed in bullet points, but it fits for him. he's actually had a pretty secure upbringing with only a few outlier incidents

The working too hard is/was one, as he's worked through it but the capacity for such a thing is still there, he's the kind of person who will get tunnel vision over something, big or small, and "finding it easy to prioritize everyone but himself" is another constant and strange mix.

There have been points of his life where knowing him was like dating a surgeon, and you wouldn't hear from him for very long since he was constantly filling any amount of free time in his life with Something to do so he could have some alone time (which was the opposite of what he needed at the time due to the event that caused it) so that he wouldn't have to think about himself or taking care of himself. This would be any and everything, excessive activity and unhealthy amounts of exercise, odd jobs, meticulous hobbies in isolation. Stopping/relaxing for even a moment would mean it would take longer for him to be Useful to others again once he "got over" what was happening to him, though all of this also made him not want to be around others for long

Once that has been managed it's still easy for him to prioritize others because he's a caretaker at heart....he loves being a safe familial figure to everyone. The mom friend, the dad friend. This alone isn't bad but it is when paired with all the other stuff. I've talked before about how he was bullied by a teacher in his childhood for being the biggest (height and weight) in his class, and made an example out of for being "potentially dangerous" because of this, in order to keep his classmates in line.

This is partially why he struggles with putting himself first and also leads (more "led" bc it's gotten better but the potential for it to get bad again is still there ykwim) to him bending to the whims and needs of others because well if he stands up for himself people will be Scared of him, the big, tall, inherently dangerous (<- instilled in him as a child) man. He loved caring for others even before his bad schooling experience but it made it worse with "if im nice enough to others and do whatever they want nobody will ever see me as dangerous. And also without Taking Care of Others or putting myself to work I'm kind of a useless person, my worth is what I give to others."

He has also gotten better with this and it's easier to spot and intervene before he dips too far into that mental pit. I hope dis all made sense wrt the question, it felt important to mention it vs just being like "ummm workaholic sometimes, cares about others TOO much"

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for finally telling the truth?

I (26 M) work as the editor of a local paper. The owner (40 M) is basically useless and also has a bit of a short temper, so I have to both run everything and try to meditate between him and the rest of the staff. I'm also being paid just enough to get by but, you know, we're struggling. I'm willing to do what I can to keep us afloat.

A few weeks ago, my best friend (27 M) tried pitching a story to our boss that he and his twin sister (27 F) wrote together. However, it was fiction and the owner wasn't happy about that-- he ripped up my friend's notebook and even fired him, despite my best efforts. I was able to gather up the remains of my friend's notebook and returned them to him, and asked about the story, since I saw the first few lines and thought it looked promising.

They told me the story, and it was amazing. It was written as if they were journal entries by a famous astronomer (27 M) claiming to have discovered life on the moon-- pretty fantastical stuff, but if you didn't know the truth it would honestly seem believable. They wanted me to sneak the story into the paper but I was hesitant. Not only would I be lying to hundreds of people, but I'd be the one taking a risk here-- my best friend was already fired, and he and his sister have a secondary source of income, while the paper is pretty much all I have. They convinced me to print it anyway, saying that the astronomer is literally on the other side of the world and the paper could fold at any minute anyway, so I did it.

The story exploded-- everyone believed it, and we sold more copies of that issue than we had the whole of the previous year. The owner was initially furious, but once he realized how much money this would make him he was suddenly fine with it. He even hired my best friend back, since he had future "journal entries" already written.

Then things started going downhill. I found out my best friend was given a raise, and I wasn't, even though I was working just as much if not more than before. I brought this up to my boss, and he said that I had betrayed him by printing the story, and that he can't reward someone he can't trust-- but it was only because of me that we printed the story that lead to him reaping the rewards!

To make things worse, I never even get to talk to my friend and his sister outside of matters relating to getting the next article printed. There are so many people who want to meet and talk with them, they've even became close friends with this very rich and influential local figure (27 F) and while I'm happy for them, I wish they would at least make a bit of time for me.

Last night things came to a head. My friend's sister and I were preparing the next article, and I left the room for a few minutes. When I came back, the astronomer we were lying about was there, unconscious. Apparently he came all the way across the world to demand an explanation, and my friend's sister panicked and knocked him out. If that wasn't bad enough, she then decided we needed to bring him to MY apartment until she figures out what to do next. He's in my spare bedroom right now.

This has all gotten so out of control. I never asked to get wrapped up in something like this, I was just trying to help my friends and save our jobs. Now so many people are believing a bunch of lies that we attributed to a man I just helped assault and kidnap! And through everything, everyone else seems to be doing better while I just keep doing worse-- I feel like I've been used and left behind.

This is where I'm wondering if I'm the asshole or not. After the first article was published, I was approached by someone who works for our main competitor, and he offered me money to expose the story as a hoax, a lot of money. I turned him down at the time, but after last night, I contacted him and said I was willing to prove it was fake if he was still willing to pay. He'll be here soon, and I'm going to tell him everything.

I know that this would be terrible for the reputations of my friend and his sister, and the paper I work for will definitely go under. But I'm tired of lying to people, and I feel guilty for that and everything we've done to the astronomer; we'll have damaged his reputation as well, not to mention how he quite possibly has a brain injury now. And, frankly, I'm tired of putting in all this effort and getting nothing in return. The truth will come out eventually, would it really be so bad if it came out just a little sooner and I could have a bit of financial stability because of it?

So, am I the asshole?

[foreverautumn89]

""Jonathan was useless in S4 and just got high the whole time""

The anti-Jonathan ppl be like: "" I hated Jonathan in S4. Jonathan was useless. All he did was get high. Steve is so much better because he took care of the kids in S4 and was saving everybody while Jonathan did nothing.'' [[**And no this isn't a attack Steve post, its a 'attacking fans points about Jonathan' post]]

But in the Stranger Things I watched it was completely different. I need to explain that I live in a different dimension apparently where my ST is superior I guess idk because the way the anti-jonathan st fans talk about stuff in this show usually never matches with what I'm seeing in the show so conclusion: I must be in an alternate dimension I guess idk...

And its the point that *so many ppl keep saying this* so I need to address it:

In the ST S4 I watched: Jonathan got high at most it could have been was in the first two episodes. Once he was left in charge of the kids, he didn't smoke weed. the point is they say thats all he did....so we just continue to keep making stuff up to make Jonathan look bad?

Also Jonathan is useless in S4 and didn't help anybody???? how? THAT IS ALL HE DID. How was it that all he did was 'smoke weed' and nothing else when Jonathan spent the ENTIRE season saving and protecting Will El and Mike and being there for them? His whole storyline that season [apart from his friendship with Argyle] was about THAT.

Another thing they say is that Jonathan had no development/and especially not in S4 even though Argyle exists. that was great too to see Jonathan start opening up and trusting new people and letting new people into his life [usually he pushed ppl away and had trust issues because of Lonnie's abuse/Jonathan getting bullied ext] So it shows great development on J's part. I won't go into all of it again in great depth but you get the gist. Nobody pushed him to be friends with Argyle. He made that friend all on his own and its starting to open up and trust people and let them into his life now.

So all Jonathan's storyline was in S4 HIS ENTIRE STORYLINE was character development for him/showing how hes grown + him saving protecting and taking care of the kids the entire time and helping to save the world.

But apparently to the fans Jonathan is still somehow useless and selfish and ppl have said hes just as bad as Lonnie in S4. And all the other characters get appreciated for their contribution in saving everyone that season, but Jonathan didn't do anything and hes useless again.

And I have a lot more to say about this subject but I'll leave it there for now and might just post the rest of this subject un-edited cause I'm so fed up talking about this.

------

This is just ONE of the comments I'm talking about. The only reason this is on display is because its the latest one I found last night. This was actually mild and didn't bother me compared to the stuff they usually say about S4 Jonathan since its usually a lot worse. But also this comment it just ridiculous too considering all the things I mentioned above.

[lowkey-loki245]

I haven't finished In Stars and Time yet, but I'm close to the end of the playthrough I'm watching. And I've cried, I've cried a lot. But it's different.

I cried audibly, instead of silently like I usually do.

You obviously don't know this (unless you saw that one post i made about Rise!Leo crying in the prison dimension), but crying, specifically crying audibly, properly letting your pain and suffering out, means a lot to me. Because to learn to cry quietly takes denying yourself help regularly.

(What I mean is that the first thing we learn to do is to cry for help. As babies, we cry for our mom when we're hungry. As kids, we cry when we get hurt. We aren't quiet because we need help. But some people learn to cry quietly because they see no point in letting anyone know they're in pain. Because in some way, the world has taught them that asking for help is useless or even makes things worse. So you cry silently because the world won't help anyways.)

Crying means a lot to me because I taught myself to cry quietly, and I'm aware of how sad that is. And I've been wanting to cry properly for a while. But I've kept quiet for so long, I didn't think I knew how to.

But then I got to the end of In Stars and Time (well, close. There's still over half an hour left of the video). And I cried. It wasn't that loud, but i feel so much better now that I've actually audibly cried. And it means so much to me because I want to get better, and I know crying is a part of that. To get better, I want, need, to properly mourn the person I lose. Myself. And I also want to relearn how to ask for help. And it's so hard to put into words, but I want to talk about this with someone.

I want to cry like that again. I want to cry and feel like I'll get help. I want this feeling again. I think it's safety? Do I feel safe? I think that's what it is.

And this whole situation may be heavily affected by the fact that I'm a Siffrin fictive (we developed a fictive of me so quickly, we had only gotten halfway through the playthrough, haha). 'Cause fictives are a lot more sensitive to their source. But we have several fictives from Rise, the show that means the world to us, that changed our lives, and they haven't had a reaction like this before (though Raph did have a panic attack during the movie, both Leo and Day have issues with the Kraang, and Blue heavily affected by their source, so maybe that counts. Not a positive reaction, but a reaction nonetheless).

I want to thank both the game and the creator of In Stars and Time. I'm just really happy. Thank you for helping me cry. It means much more than I can put into words. I love In Stars and Time, so much. I'm so happy. Thank you.

(Small update, I have finished the game, but I have more to learn about it, and I will learn everything. I want to know everything about my life, everything about my family. That includes Loop, even if they're probably me from a weird messed up alternate loop or something.)

[misspelledwordswizard]

Chapter 8 - I'm a terrible liar, I admit it.

Previous chapter / Next Chapter

I saw Wind and Sky in the distance, the others were right behind me, as I excitedly ran towards the two who seemed to have just woken up. They saw me approaching and waved at me, I finally reached them, bending over and gasping for air, my face must have been red by now.

— Hey, look what the boys made for me! – I said excitedly as I took the sword off my back and handed it to Sky so he could see it better.

— Wow, that’s really nice, nice work Four! – The blacksmith thanked me as he began to explain his work in a more technical way, Sky and Wild were paying close attention, and as interested as I was, I couldn’t keep my attention due to a nudge on my arm.

When I turned to see what had touched me, Wind was looking at me with a serious expression, but at the same time he seemed hesitant.

— You called me Link. – He spoke softly, so that only I could hear, and all I could do was look at him with a confused expression. – Yesterday, when you said good night to me, you called me Link. – He explained. Holy shit, I hadn’t noticed.

— Hm? Why would I call you Link if your name is Wind? – I played dumb, but I feel like this isn’t going to fly. He didn’t seem convinced at all either, but I decided to insist a little more. – Did you get confused? The two names sound very similar! Or did you have the hero of Hyrule in mind? Do you admire him? – I tried to tease him in a friendly way, but he didn’t seem very excited, he just stared into my eyes for a moment that seemed to last na eternity.

— Okay, I must have just misunderstood... – He said and walked away, ending the subject. I fucked up, I made a mistake, my chest tightened at the idea that the sailor might not trust me anymore, or worse, end up finding out that in my past life I was from a world where his and his brothers’ lives are games and they are not seen as real people with real experiences, and that until I reincarnated I also thought that way and then he will hate me and see me as a horrible person, he will tell others who will also hate me and call me a traitor, they will all abandon me and never speak to me again and I will be alone having to deal with Dark Link who is after me for some unknown reason and then I will be captured by him and he will see that I am useless and worthless he will throw me away too and then my parents will disown me and I will spend the rest of my life alone working in a stable and cleaning manure.

Or I’m just worrying too much. That’s na option too.

My attention returned to the boys’ conversation, which Wind was now part of, they were debating about where Time and Twilight could be. I approached to join the conversation, even though I had nothing to add, and Four returned the sword to me.

— Do you think they’re still sleeping?

— No, those two are the ones who wake up the earliest, maybe they went out to patrol the area.

— In Kakariko Village? I don’t see any reason.

The general chatter was interrupted by the voice of the Twilight Hero right behind us, near one of the village entrances.

— What are you guys arguing about so agonizingly? – He and Time approached, it seems they really were out of the village for some reason.

— Where were you? – Warriors asked curiously and slightly worried.

— Just on a morning walk, also to scout the area before we started walking again. – Time replied calmly, reassuring the others. My mind was still distracted, but I tried to focus, taking the opportunity to show the sword to the two.

— Look at the sword I got from the boys! – I tried to act excited and not show my internal discomfort. It seemed to have worked.

— And do you know how to use a sword? — Twilight asked suspiciously, for good reasons.

— Does that answer your question?! – I exclaimed as I carelessly swung my sword with not a shred of technique against absolute nothingness.

— Yeah, we have a long job ahead of us teaching you.

I laughed and straightened up, putting my sword away again to avoid any possible self-inflicted injuries due to my stupidity. The “olders” and Wild got together to discuss which way we should go to leave the village, a subject that currently didn’t interest the others, including me, so we just got together to talk about what each other did yesterday or random things, just to distract ourselves.

— I managed to catch all the Cuccos yesterday, only to wake up today and find them all gone again! – Wind looked frustrated, making a comical expression. – Too bad for them, I’ll have to chase them all again!

— I can help, I’m good with birds, I’m sure the work will be much easier. – Sky offered to help, which the sailor readily accepted.

— Can we eat something? We spent the whole night working on this sword, I barely slept and I didn’t eat anything either. – Legend complained, it seemed like his bad mood was greater than usual, which made sense considering his state now.

Before anything else could be said, Time approached, but he seemed to be focused only on me.

— There’s a serious matter we need to discuss before we leave. We’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning, so be ready. Have you bought the missing things yet? – He asked directly, and I just nodded. – Good. I want everyone at the great fairy’s fountain in an hour, where we can have a little more privacy.

He left without saying anything else, looking very serious. I was worried, this all obviously had something to do with me, fear set in when I knew I would get a scolding from my mother, even though I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. Did I do something wrong?

Well, it wasn’t time for that, the mood became more serious among the boys too, they seemed as lost as I was, but if the whole situation required even a greater level of privacy then it was certainly something important. Well, I have na hour until then, I’m too anxious to do anything else and the others seem busy, I watched as they split up, each going to do their own thing. I think I’ll read something at the inn until na hour has passed.

◇

It didn’t work. I spent an hour thinking about all the possible possibilities about what this meeting could be about, that is, I was anxious the whole time without being able to concentrate on a single sentence of the book I was reading. Now I saw myself going to the fountain of the great fairy, I had never been so punctual in my entire two lives. On the way I met others who also seemed curious or worried, it seems that besides Time, the only ones who knew what this was about were Warriors and Twilight.

Regarding discretion, it seems that Cotera would be na exception to the privacy rule, for some reason it seems that whatever is said is nothing new to her, even though she will not participate in the conversation. At least that is what Wars told me. Finally, we arrived at the place, where Time was already waiting thoughtfully.

— So, what is all this about? – Hyrule took the words from my mouth, drawing the hero of time’s attention to the group.

— Boys, this won’t be about anything new for you, this is nothing more than a conversation so she knows everything. We can’t leave her in the dark. – Time looked serious, obviously talking about me. The others relaxed when they understood what it was about, only to tense up again at my future reaction, while I just looked confused. – First of all, know that this is all very serious and important, please don’t go spreading this around, it could end up causing panic and confusion among the common people.

It was obvious that now he would only be talking to me, his instructions and explanations would be directed to me, so why would he call the others too? Unless... okay, I get it, he’s going to tell the truth. But why? Is it really necessary for me to know his secret, even though I’m traveling with them?

— You may have heard of the Legend of the Hero, you most likely know the hero of your time-

— Yes, Wild. I mean, his name is Link, everyone knows that since he defeated the Calamity. And I had also seen him in the stable before, that’s why I recognized him. – I interrupted him, I couldn’t pretend to be a complete layman, it would be strange if I didn’t know who Wild really was.

— Okay, I expected you already knew. But about those who came before him, with the same name, his past incarnations. They all lived a long time ago, some of their adventures were told as legends, although many have been lost over time, they all had the spirit of the hero that connected them. – I knew that very well, I knew where he was going with it. – We are those heroes.

I tried to pretend to be surprised. It didn’t work. Everyone expected some reaction from me, maybe disbelief, curiosity, anything, but I couldn’t fake it, that was a kind of lie I wasn’t used to.

— Oh, wow, the heroes of Hyrule? From different eras and... Yeah, I already imagined it. – I gave up pretending and just assumed the truth, or part of it. I received some looks of surprise, curiosity or distrust. Except for Wind, his expression said “I knew it!” – Look, I’m sorry, but from the moment I recognized Wild, it became easy to imagine just finding out a little about you. I mean, you all look so similar that you seem like brothers, you are all experienced heroes like you’ve never seen in a common adventurer, you all use strange nicknames including the one I already knew as Link. From then on, and from some whispers that you thought I didn’t hear, it wasn’t hard to assume this possibility. Of course I wasn’t sure, it seemed absurd, but time travel would be much less unrealistic than if all of this was just a big coincidence, let’s face it!

Everyone looked at me surprised, shocked, I think Legend was even a little offended that I had, theoretically, discovered them so easily. Well, I already knew long before, but I think I would have noticed it even without memories of my last life. Time seemed a little suspicious when I started talking, but he just sighed and accepted it.

— Well, I guess that makes our job easier then. – Wild’s voice, which seemed to be trying to smooth things over, caught everyone’s attention.

— I knew you called me Link! – Wind exclaimed victoriously. – You’re a terrible liar, you know? But that’s good, at least we know we can trust you. – My heart sank, oh, child, if you knew, you might never forgive me.

— But that’s not the only matter to be discussed. – Everyone’s attention returned to Time, who seemed even more serious. – The real problem is about our current mission, we can’t take you with us without you knowing the dangers you’ll be exposed to. – The atmosphere became tense again, once again everyone knew what it was about, but now I really had no idea.

— We didn’t meet by our own will, we don’t know how it happened, portals simply started appearing and when we went through them we found each other. The problem started when that shadow you met appeared. He’s a different enemy than we’ve dealt with before, and it seems the goddesses are telling us we need to work together to deal with him. – Warriors said, which helped to alleviate the atmosphere of a father’s lecture that was present when only the Old Man spoke.

— The problem is that our last attempt to face him only resulted in a seriously injured Twilight and the enemy recovering after we believed we had defeated him. This shows that the situation we’re in is dangerous in many ways. Going with us means being aware of the risk of getting hurt. – Wild was the one who continued the explanation. This was all new to me. I didn’t know what to think.

— But not going with you means being totally vulnerable to this shadow that may or may not come after me. – I said thoughtfully. Of course I wouldn’t choose to be in danger voluntarily, but in this case it’s a possible danger or an almost certain death.

— There’s the other problem too. – Twilight mentioned, drawing attention to another point. – The portals appear out of nowhere, and they seem to be related to which era the shadow is in, which forces us to go through it when it appears. But this also takes us to different times, different Hyrules, and we never know when we’ll be able to return to our own. Going with us also forces you to go through these portals, running the risk of all of us being trapped in some random time. – The atmosphere became even more tense. It seemed that this was a sensitive topic for everyone there, after all, they were also running this risk, one that they had no way of controlling.

The idea of perhaps never seeing my parents again made me want to cry. This was a terrible possibility, even more so because I had no way of contacting them and explaining everything. What if they thought I had abandoned them? But then again, what choice would I have, stay and die or go and try to survive and return to my family, both options were bad, but one was still bearable.

— What choice do I have? At least if I go, I can fight to survive and return to my family. Even if there’s a chance I’ll never return, it’s still better than the possibility of ending up dead without even trying. – The urge to cry must have been visible in my voice, because everyone looked at me worriedly.

— Hey, don’t worry, you’ll still be able to talk to your parents often through letters! There’s a mailman who somehow always brings our letters, no matter where we are. – Wind tried to cheer me up, but I’m not sure if that was true.

— What? How?

— We don’t know either, but at least it’s pretty useful. – Sky seemed frustrated about something as he said that.

I noticed everyone who seemed to look at me with compassion. They knew very well how difficult all of this was, goddesses, they’d been through things a thousand times worse and were still there, fighting for the good of the kingdom. The desire to be with them hit me, it had been so long since I felt as good as when I was with them, my life seemed like a pit of boredom and monotony before, and with them, even in boring or dangerous situations, I feel so alive. I feel so myself.

— What are you looking at? Do you think I’m going to give up? As if! You’ve been stuck with me for a long time, don’t forget that I still have a long debt with you! – I said excitedly, hiding any fear or hesitation that might appear in my voice or expression. It finally seemed to work, because they cheered up.

— I guess you’re officially part of the Chain. Welcome! – Hyrule joked as he and Wild approached for a sloppy side hug to welcome them.

— The Chain? OH, because your names are Link! I see, good, very funny. – They laughed at my slowness and I felt my cheeks heat up slightly with embarrassment.

Time sighed, but he seemed relieved, I think the worry had been taking over his mind for some time.

— Well, if it’s settled, then I guess there’s nothing more to be said. – The Old man concluded, releasing everyone for the rest of the day, to get ready to leave in the morning. We all returned to the village together, dispersing throughout it. I was finally starting to fit in, it was still just a beginning, but at least they trusted me enough to tell me everything, even if it was out of necessity.

I walked absentmindedly towards the inn, thinking about finishing the book I’d been trying to read for na hour. I didn’t pay much attention when each of them stopped walking in the same direction as me, I only noticed that little by little the number of people around me decreased as everyone went to different places. Everyone, except...

— I don’t really trust you. – Legend said, as we walked side by side to the inn.

— What do you mean? – I asked, genuinely lost in the conversation.

— About finding out everything by yourself. That’s weird, no matter how obvious you say it was. I don’t think you have bad intentions that you hide from everyone, you’re too dumb for that, but there’s still something you’re hiding, isn’t there? – He stopped walking as he spoke and I did the same to keep listening, not wanting to be rude.

— I’m not hiding anything, not about this or anything related to you. Of course I’m not going to go around exposing all the secrets of my personal life, no offense, but I don’t really trust you either. – I think he was offended, by the expression on his face, but it was the truth. – I know having me around you is a nuisance, I know you didn’t want me here, maybe you’re even angry with me, but I’m sorry, I didn’t ask for this either. – As much as I tried to stay calm, I think I sounded irritated when I said that, because he didn’t like it very much. – I... I’m tired, I’m doing my best to be positive about all this, I really am, but in reality I’m scared, and maybe that’s what you think I’m hiding, which let’s face it, you can’t even call hiding.

I said it without any irritation in my voice, like I said, I’m tired, scared, and sometimes that could come out of my mask. Unfortunately for me, Legend was the one who could see that, which doesn’t help at all. But I can’t understand why he looked at me like that, maybe he was looking for a lie in my words, maybe he just lost interest, I couldn’t read him.

— Like I said... I don’t think that you have bad intentions. It’s okay to keep secrets, I guess. Everyone does. But don’t expect to try to find out other people’s secrets without revealing your own. – I feel like that wasn’t what I really wanted to say, it was like I was saying anything to not stay quiet. – You’re not a bother, it’s just unknown to me, and that’s annoying, I’m a curious guy. – That last part must have been my imagination, but he seemed to be joking, trying to be nice or something. If I closed my eyes a little it would even seem like flirting. God, what a ridiculous thought, considering what he just said that was closer to a threat.

I watched him walk away while I stood there processing everything. I think I said a lot of unnecessary nonsense. “I’m tired”? What did I expect? That he would take pity on me and stop trying to find out my dark secret that could ruin everything? I think I’m really tired, like I need a nap. It seems like all I’ve been doing is eating, sleeping, and showering these past few days—I’m actually going to take a shower before bed—but I really want to enjoy it while I can, who knows how long I’ll be traveling with nine men nonstop.

When I got to the inn, I asked if I could take the book I was reading to my room. After receiving permission, I went up to my room, left the book on the bed, and went straight to the bathtub.

It was a relief, for sure. It felt good to feel so relaxed and clean. I took a few minutes in the shower before getting out and putting on my old, now clean clothes that would be more comfortable for sleeping. I went to bed, lay under the covers, and started reading the book. Everything was going well until I fell asleep. Maybe it would be better to take a nap and read later. I’d be able to think better that way.

I was ready to put the book aside and go to sleep, until I heard a knock on the door.

— Hey, can I come in?

[elgaladwen]

OC Questionnaire

Long post incoming! I'm finally answering the lovely OC questions I was tagged in, which I've been excited about, but didn't feel as if I could answer yet, because my creativity has become virtually non-existent. This is helping me jog it a little, though, and reading everyone else's answers was inspiring! I'll put my own questions and tags at the end, but as usual, no pressure, and consider yourself tagged if you want to answer them.

From @linden-leaf ; answering for (LOTRO) Elgaladwen.

1. What’s a core lie your character believes about themselves or the world, and where did it originate? (e.g. if they believe they’re unlovable, was there a particular person or pattern of people that taught them to think so? If they believe the world is fundamentally fair and just, what society or institution taught them what fairness and justice meant, and what the rules for them were?)

She believes she, and those of elvenkind in general, are legitimately better at, and better for most things than the other free peoples of Middle-earth. She was constantly told by her Noldo parents and grandparents that the other elven clans were inferior, and worse things about those who were not elves. She thinks she's progressive because she's personally grown to see all or most elves to be perfectly fine, and she even married a Silvan elf, but she still looks down upon the other races of Middle-earth more than she should, even if she generally doesn't let it show. She also holds a high opinion of herself and her healing and language skills, which is not entirely unwarranted, but she is not truly the best at as many things as she thinks. (Confidence counts for much, though!)

2. Who are/were the most important people in their lives? Did they choose those people for themselves (and would they choose them again)?

Her husband, Gallorth, is the most important person in her life by far, and though she has friends, and has had family she thinks are important too, she’d have been far less likely to die or kill for them. She certainly could exist without them, but not without Gallorth.

She chose him, and even if us as the players made their meeting happen, it was entirely by chance for the characters!

3. Is there a choice they’ve surprised themselves by making? (And did they learn anything about themselves through making it?)

She never thought she’d get married at all, because she was very against her parents trying to arrange marriages for her to continue their line, and she swore off everything of the sort. Luckily for her, her children will be half Silvan, so it's still a bit of a middle finger to her parents.

From @the-journey-was-the-point ; answering for Nimardril

1) Has your OC ever burned or otherwise destroyed something that reminded them of unhappy times or experiences in their past?  Was this part of an arranged event?  Or something they did spontaneously or in anger? 

Nim has the unfortunate habit of running from anything that causes her emotional turmoil, and can't be fought physically, so she tends to destroy relationships with people by leaving when things get rough, even if that's not her intention. She felt very abandoned and useless for much of her life, but doesn't realize that she's the one causing it herself now, even if it wasn't her fault as a child.

2) What is your character's preferred way of coping with stress or difficult situations? 

If she's able, fighting or killing things. Letting her rage and anger take over until she's tired enough to rest or move past whatever it was. She is a hunter, and has been a guard and soldier, so sometimes this is easy enough to do. Related  to the question above, she used to destroy things in the house she once lived in with her parents, but as she got older, she got better about only taking out her rage on things when it's actually acceptable. Unfortunately that's led to her other way of coping, which is drinking too much, as she can get away with that more easily.

She's still young for an elf, so I think in the future she will be able to face, and work on her issues, though.

3) Who's a character your OC cannot stand! It's on sight when they see them! (whether other OC or canon)

There are a few people who've humiliated her, mostly in Glaston, so she avoids going back, and doesn't want to see any of them again. It takes a lot for her to actually hate someone, and if someone did something bad enough that she did, she'd be more likely to go after them for revenge, then to avoid them.

From @angbands-last-hero ; answering for Moradan

1) Explain your character's sense of humor. For example: Is it dry? Do they like dad jokes? Are they sarcastic or overly serious? Is it easy for them to crack jokes or are they more receptive to hearing them? What do they find humorous?

He is nearly always sarcastic, and he prefers any humor over seriousness, even if he finds most people lacking. He prefers to hear drier, less obvious humor, but no matter what it is, it's a bonus if he can feel true amusement.

2) How easy is it for your character to hold a grudge? Is it hard for them to forgive and forget?

He doesn't tend to hold grudges, but more because he can't be bothered to care that much, than anything else. Or perhaps no one has done something worthy of one.

3) Very random question that is not canon compliant: Is there a book or a movie you think your character would enjoy? Does it speak to them personally or do they just find it entertaining? 

Moradan would love media with secondhand embarrassment, and other people's humiliation, which I cannot stand in real life, so there are probably things I can't think of that he'd like.

I think in modern times, he'd like the Black Company series, but it'd be too close to home in his canon life.

My questions:

Where does your character feel most at home? Is it a specific place? Or perhaps a general region or type of climate?

What brings your character the most joy in life?

What is your character’s biggest regret? Or do they have any regrets at all?

I know you've all been tagged, so just if you feel like answering different questions about another character or something! I am not tagging some people I saw get tagged and not answer, because I'm not trying to be overwhelming here, but I do want to hear about everyone's characters. 👀 (And it doesn't have to be LotR related.) @angbands-last-hero, @linden-leaf, @the-journey-was-the-point, @kemendin, @first-talon, @chaos-corvus

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

I like ur takes and I just wanted to share some stuff from another side. I watched spop as I was in my teen years, incredibly sheltered, queer, and lashing out because I was also dealing with abusive family dynamics. So… yeah I shipped it. I idealized it. And I heavily identified with Catra. But unlike with Zuko(who I also identify with) Catra didn’t change.

Every time she’d travel to a new part of the world I thought omg her moment is coming! Escape!! But she’d just get into a slap fight with Adora and then go back to the Horde. It was so strange it felt like every other character was in a story progression show and Catra was the villain of an episodic show until s5

And s5 was…. Weird. I don’t understand how Catra has a change of heart by getting more hurt by Horde Prime. She was getting hurt the whole series??? I still cried and was elated at the series finale but only bc I wanted an Adora who’d forgive me and love me and say I wasn’t bad. And I think a lot of people are like that.

Everything about the way Catra is framed points to her redemption even in the first episode… but it just makes me feel insulted now. To me as a survivor… it’s like they waved a magic wand and killed off the abuser and gave Catra a gf and that was supposed to fix it. It doesn’t work like that. My abuser died and it made things WORSE for a while (I think it would especially damage someone like Adora since Shadow Weaver “sacrificed” herself and therefore can’t be bad ever) . And I’m not looking for hyper realism in a Princess cartoon but at the time I watched it I couldn’t have really used yknow ?? Some guidance??? Something that wasn’t a fantasy lala ending that once the initial high wore off left me feeling confused and hollow. There is nothing in spop that teaches you how to get that kind of happy ending. Especially if you’re Catra who just says I love you and is suddenly resurrecting ponytail Jesus. To the me who identified with her, it was mostly about wanting to FEEL redeemed through her. FEELING strong and badass and GOOD and like things would be okay even if I was never a princess type. The actual result was feeling like I would never attain a happy ending of any sort because Catra’s didn’t feel real and her “arc” had no footsteps to follow in. How do you make a kids show and not teach good lessons??? Idk the show bad no matter who you identified with was my whole point.

At least I had/have zuko.

Also shipping zuko x sokka x suki is based I do too lmao.

first off, i'm so sorry about all the trauma you went through. i hope you are healing now, and thank you for sharing your story.

secondly, i think this is what a lot of fans felt. i can understand that people relate to catra. hell, even i relate to her a little. i know what it's like to be considered useless and weak, and to desperately want validation from a parent. i get it. when i say i dislike catra, it's not because she's a traumatized child or even because she adopted many of the toxic habits that shadow weaver portrayed. it's that she faced no consequences for any of this.

as much as spop tried to be mature, in the end, it was really childish. s5 got rid of all the complexity and just went "everyone deserves forgiveness", ignoring all of the glaring issues it had yet to solve. the protagonists forgave catra because the writers wanted them to, not because that's how it would have went down in real life.

most spop critics aren't heartless monsters who despise abuse victims, they are people who relate to either catra or adora. and they just want to see a better representation of abuse victims.

it would have been much more fulfilling and satisfying to have catra and adora take some time explore themselves and heal from their trauma, separated from each other. this kind of relationship is harmful for both of them. as long as adora is with catra, she'll continue blaming herself and putting pressure on herself, feeling as if she was responsible for everyone's problems. and as long as catra stays with adora, she'll continue deflecting her issues and being envious of adora. they needed time away from each other, but spop chose to invalidate trauma instead.

it's a pity that spop was one of the very few representation we had, at the time it came out, so people genuinely believe that c//a is a healthy ship, because they don't have many other examples to compare it to. i'm glad there are more and more queer shows coming out lately, and most of them seem to portray healthy relationships.

[archer-fb]

I promise to be there through thick and thin

Bakugou hurt/comfort fic

A/N - sorry guys if this is bad I haven't written in a while, but in a bad headspace so here we are

tw - please read the warnings <3 - suicidal thoughts, self-conscious, self-harm, negative thoughts, tons of crying, depression, self-hatred, body issues, self-doubt, the feeling of never being good enough/useless/hopeless, I think that's it? but please proceed with some caution. also established relationship with Bakugou

You don't know if this day can get any worse, you missed your alarm, you were late to class, you did horrible in training, and your grades were dropping.

"Y/n", Aizawa said, "your grades are slipping. I know you can do better, is there something happening with your home life? You know you can talk to me. Whatever is going on, try and get it together."

"Yes, sensei," you said. You bowed and left to head back to the dorms. It's been like this for the past month, no one really notices. It hurts. You don't know what to do anymore. You just feel so hopeless and useless, like you're doing enough for the people around you.

Once you reach the dorms Mina greets, "Hey Y/n! You want some of the soba the Todoroki made? I can warm you up-" You cut her off and say, "No thanks, I'm feeling really tired. I think I'm just gonna head to my room. You dashed to the elevator before you could say anything.

Bakugou saw you running to the elevator nearly in tears, he could tell you were breaking during your conversation with Pinky. He makes a mental note to check on you before he goes to bed.

By the time you get to your room you're already in tears and on the verge of breaking down. "Why can't I just be good enough!" you say to yourself. "Why am I so useless, I'm not doing nearly enough anymore. My grades are slipping, I'm on the verge of relapsing, and you can't do anything right!"

You stare at yourself in the mirror feeling disgusted with yourself, you say your thighs are too fat, you have a muffin top, you're fully of ugly acne, and think you'll never be as pretty as the other girls in your class. The more you look at yourself, the bigger the urge you're starting to get to cut yourself. You swore you would never go back to this, but you can't do it anymore.

You sit on the floor leaning against your bed crying so much, you found your old razor. It still has some dried blood on it from long ago. You look at your thighs seeing your old scars. You somehow start to cry even more as you start to make light cuts on your inner thighs, not enough to cause severe harm, but enough to bleed quite a bit.

Just as you're about to make another cut you hear Katsuki knocking on your door. "Sparks? You on there? You didn't eat dinner and came back late. Are you okay?" You stay silent, you then realize you forgot to lock your door, before you have the time to panic you hear Katsuki shout, "Y/n! I'm coming in there, I'm worried about you, Sparks."

He barges in seeing you on the floor crying as you cut your thighs, you break down even more as you start to see Katsuki tear up. "Y/n... Little Spark, what happened? Are you okay? Please talk to me," he says.

"I- I-it's so hard Katsuki, I can barely make it out of bed in the morning. My grades are slipping, I'm getting worse in a training, I look so ugly, and I'm not a good enough partner," you say through tears and hiccups.

He dashes over to you and holds you saying, "Little Spark, you're more than enough in my eyes, you're prettiest person I have ever laid eyes on. You are better than any partner I could hope for, you're so strong and smart, you are such a kind person always helping when you can. It's another reason I fell in love you, Y/n. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." As he says this he starts crying and petting your head and rocking you.

"Suki, I don't know if I can do this anymore, it's so hard and beginning to be too much. Everyday I'm hurting and dreading the next day, I feel like everyone would be better off if I was never hear," you say through broken sobs.

"Little Spark," he starts to say, "I know I speak for everyone in our class when I say we'd be miserable without you. You're always there for me and everyone else. I'm always here for you always, all of class 1a is."

"You mean that?" I say as I finally stop crying. "Of course I mean that, with my whole heart. And you already know I don't say things I don't mean," he says staring into my eyes like we're we're the only two people to exist.

"I'm sorry I'm like this, and I'm sorry I'm broken..." You saying staring at the floor. "Spark," he says grabbing your chin so you are looking at him, "You don't need to apologize for any of that, no matter what you're like I will always love you and be here for you. Now why don't we bandage you up and snuggle together.

You sigh and say, "Okay, I'd like that, I love you so much suki." I know you do Little Spark, I love you more though," with a big smirk plastered on his face.

after Katsuki helps you clean up and bandages up your thighs

While cuddling Katsuki starts saying, "I promise to be there through thick and thin for you, Little Spark. Forever and always." "You really mean that?" I say looking up at it. "Of course I mean I promise with my whole heart, he says staring back at you.

"Pinky promise?" you ask him.

"I pinky promise. Now sleep, Little Spark, I'll stay with you all night. You asleep in his arms with a smile on your face feeling so much better.

I hope you guys liked this! and if not I'm sorry <3 But thanks for reading everyone!

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #24

24. DENMARK Saba - "Sand" 30th place

Decade Ranking: 87/153 [Above Fyr og Flamme, below Luke Black]

SAND! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!

You know the drill. We've arrived at the stage of "mostly enjoyable", and there's no better opener to that than "Sand". It's so delightfully average. Nothing but the recognisable sound of a "Scandinavian Eurovision song", something we all know and like to hear.

And its comes with a multipurpose hook too. Allow me to demonstrate:

FRANCE!!! FRAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!!

SCREAMING AT A MICROPHONE STAAAAAND

FRANCE!!! FRAAAAAAAAANCE!!!

I GUESS THAT ALL THE JURIES VOTE FOR FRANCE 😶

Of course "Sand" sounds like it comes out of a can (SPAM!!! SPAAAM!! BARELY MEAT THAT COMES OUT OF A CAN!), because it was one of those scandiblandi pop nothings that were bounced around internal selections for several years. (I hope you like those because I'm expecting 2025 to be infested with them) Remember how "Colours" was peddled first to Michela and then to Destiny to no avail, so that frumpy bat Bernarda was forced to sing it herself in the following Dora? ("NOW ALL I SEE IS COLOURS, YOU TOOK ME FROM BLACK AND WHITE" :is blind: ).

Likewise, the songwriters of "Sand" first tried to sell it to Emma Muscat when she tried to pivot away from "Out of Sight" before she chose "I am what I am" (MAN!!! MAAAAAN!!! I WILL TAKE ONE CUZ THAT'S HOW I AM!). Yep, an Emma Muscat hand-me-down, that's the level of Denmark at Eurovision right now. HOORAY for everyone who is not a Dane!!

So in that sense, it was the perfect match for DMGP, which was the usual depressing affair. So bad people were gravitating towards Basim cheerfully singing about a man dying from cirrhosis, an entry that demonstrated a near Israeli level of unselfawareness and moral corruption. But he lost (ANTS!!! AAAAAANTS! HIS HOPE HAS BEEN CRUSHED LIKE SOME ANTS! :victory dance: ) to Saba, and all was perfectly average in the world.

At Eurovision, I always assumed Saba would be in contention for a spot in the finale simply because of how catchy the hook and melody were. Unfortunately, Servephobia is a Scandinavian illness and both Melanie Webhe and Saba are patients.

Not that Saba didn't attempt to serve.... but um... judge for yourself:

work those armpit fetishists, girl! IMBUE them with the power of irate sexfaces! Like idk, it's "serving" in the same sense of "the headcanon slaying" you and I would do in our bedroom acting out these songs like the useless homos- Zorra stans that we all are. It looks great in your imagination but in reality, :eek: . Kind of how this year's Belgian entrant thought he nailed the performance each time yet never rose above a level of:

Also the staging, um... Look I know the song is called "Sand" and that she sings it's slipping through her hands, but everyone knows it's a metaphor? "Oh we've broken up? I guess that sucks :shrug:" Like the zoomer thing where life sucks I guess but it's not a big deal cuz we'll all die (eventually.)

So why make it so... (g)lit(t)eral?

Literally shooting cgi sand from her armpit in the last shot <3 told you this was aimed at fetishits <3 (PITS!!! PIIIITS!!! the hottest gay thing that ain't bara tids!).

What really killed Saba's chances at Eurovision was the staging. Sure the faces and subpar vocals were already... not helping. (they were entertaining me though, I'll give her that). Still. Denmark have proven once again that they have no ability whatsoever to discriminate good ideas from bad ones. They added so much shit to the NF's performance that made it look worse ♥ and fixed NONE of the issues ♥ The song's uptempo, and restricting Saba's movement to a space smaller than most countries' postal stamps may not have been the most prudent choice here (maybe i should add small platforms to the list of Massive Staging Faux Pas alongside sunglasses, unnecessary headset mics, selfie backdrops and turntables?)

Oh and one of those faux pas was ofc also present like why is this a shot?

YOU CAN SO CLEARLY SEE it isn't her. 😂 😍

Before rehearsals I was on the fence whether Denmark could qualify or not but as soon as I saw the tiktok that showed the backdrop clone and the effects I knew she was gonna be out. Oh well. Time to hop on the MALTA QUALIFIES train I gues.

All in all, "Sand" pretty much what you would expect from Denmark. An average, not unpleasant (and memeable) song that was somehow the only acceptable option in an horrible NF. They tried VERY hard to elevate into goodness, and completely failed. ♥ I love "Sand"'s journey ironically and kind unironically enjoy it for its incompetence, which makes it a good opener for this year's Green tier.

Btw: with Georgia, ☘Ireland☘ and ❤Latvia❤ all reaching the finals this year (EGGS! EEEEEEEGGS!!! DONS'S CLUTCH QUAL IS BETTER THAAAAN SEX!), Denmark now have the longest NQ streak out of all the active ESC countries. Cannae wait to see what creative new way they'll figure out to accedentally get level with Montenegro's as well. ♥

THE RANKING

[roll-for-dexterity]

A nice as that moment in the sims a bit ago made me feel- I honestly hate to say my minds in a rut...

Its a rut I'm far familiar with; but one I tend to need to deep-dive into coping mechanisms to crawl put of. Sad part is I never know how to explain it, not without feeling the simplest answer to explain is nothing but an excuse to others. One that gets mulled around and shrugged off. So I often end up trying to survive it without a word; not even to my own fiancé sometimes.

I don't know if its the time of year, my own mental issues that form a triple A, my ankle problem, or work. Being honest it may be all those things. But I know while venting may help, as an adult I fear sharing certain things with others due to past experiences growing up. Art is a way I know I can communicate even if very simply or crude; and I know nothing else on how to say my issues without feeling an overwhelming fear of judgement and loosing connections to others that even if small I still cherish.

I've never been the best with some interactions (and without it being in person its far worse)- but I've been riddled with anxiety in trying to understand things people say to me when their being a fellow silly goose. Or even second guessing if I what I have to say is worth it, or if what I said was too much. I hate getting tense in my own head where I overthink and overanalyze things, but I can't pump the breaks on that cycle sometimes- needing others to do it for me.

I know I mentioned my ankle problem just a bit ago in this, and even idly mentioned it before. But- no its not better. It was worse than I thought when I finally saw to getting it checked, and I've been wearing a medical boot for over a month. I got till very early December before I see the doctor again- but for over at least 5 months I've neglected an obvious injury and I will say today it was a nail in the coffin that I'm having a period of mental gloom and discomfort. I feel useless with how my shifts have to mold arpund it- and I eslecially feel like a liability in that thing at work. Found out too quickly it is ABSOLUTELY NOT made to walk on a newly mopped floor; unless you seek a trip to the ER...

To give SOME good news- I did get my new headset today and the mic works very well deapite the obvious delay on Twitch streams. I can start streaming games, but drawings a massive worknin progress. My chromebooks just not cut out for streaming and drawing at the same time... Aside from that, the new Sims 4 Expansion Pack: Life and Death, releases tomorrow. So, perhaps when I first stream officially and not as a mic/set up check- I can play it for everyone. Perhaps build some of my other OCs or other characters in the CAS system- or build things. I've considered first ever streaming possibly this Friday, but we may just have to see how well my brain clears up if at all before then.

But, thats enough dibble daddle from me. I know I'll be ok, I just hope its soon because my fiancé is quite worried. But please take care, and have a Happy Halloween Eve.