#people don't implicitly understand me here and it's so weird

[anarchomitsumi]

I WANT TO GO BACK TO GALIZA

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

why do so many people keep calling ed izzy's abuser? I thought it was kind of funny how wrong they were at first because I love being right but at this point I feel like, if you really believe that why do you even like this show? where the main love interest is a violently abusive indigenous man? that sounds boring as shit. what would possess the writers of the show for them to make such an awful decision?

but then I think, if this many people believe it does that mean I'm the one who's wrong? or is it that the creators fumbled that storyline when they should have been clearer about it? or maybe it's just that most people on here have had their reading comprehension scorched away by Sherlock Holmes conspiracy theories and Steven Universe discourse. I can't tell. sometimes I think the internet may have been a mistake.

No they're wrong here's what's going on. People all read this shitty fic called Hell or High Water where Ed was everything the Izzy stans say he was and then instead of realizing that Ed is sad everyone regressed into thinking that the Kraken Era TM was going to be incredibly violent, like serial killing blond men because they look like Stede levels of violence. Even if you didn't read HoHW you saw art or read fic from people who had engaged with this fic and succumbed to it's premise. So there's been this background radiation of misunderstanding what the Kraken is on the fandom for several months. So inevitably when Ed did some mild violence and then attempted suicide by threatening murder until the crew took matters into their own hands, which is not abuse or torture by any stretch, btw, it's a murder-suicide at worst (I say at worst because I consider it fuckery-suicide I don't think Ed was trying to kill people I think he was trying to force them into a situation where they thought it was kill or be killed so that they would choose to kill him, but that is my interpretation and you are free to think it's a botched murder-suicide I have no problem with that), which, murder is something the show has never condemned and if it did it would be horribly inconsistent. So anyway, Ed's whole Kraken Era was categorized in the show by him being sad and doing so many drugs and begging someone please god anyone to kill him and trying to break Ned Low's record out of the evil boredom, but because it had a murder-suicide element to it and Izzy's toes were getting removed and he waved a gun around at everyone once (in a way that felt to me like he was trying and failing to work up the nerve to blow his own brains out but I digress) people who liked HoHW and were mad that people had called it out were like "see hes being violent HoHW author vindicated" as if anything Ed did rose to the level of that fic

And you want to know how I know this read is bullshit? Because when I watch the show with people who don't read fic or interact with the fandom and then I gauge their reactions without showing my hand they all implicitly understand that Ed is reacting to Izzy in a way appropriate to how pirate captains react to threats from subordinates. The spectrum of reactions has been from "hey isn't it weird how Ed was the Kraken because his dad was abusive and now he's the kraken because of Izzy? Maybe there's something there but idk" to "I don't think you can apply the logic of domestic abuse to a pirate captain and first mate but also Izzy had it coming" to "I cannot feel bad for Izzy after last season, I'm sorry." To "lmao Izcel" and I've showed this show to roughly everyone I know. The only thing I can conclude from the fact that people who don't engage with OFMD fic almost unilaterally thinking that Izzy is in the wrong and then coming online to see people thinking the opposite is that Izzy as victim and Ed as abuser is pure fanon, like how Stede is a cinnamon roll who talks like Azeriphael.

But anyway yeah you're completely right about the fact that this would be a bad show if they decided to make Ed into a domestic abuser. I don't want to watch a rom com about a domestic abuser falling in love and I don't want a show that decided to make it's indigenous lead abusive when the stereotype of indigenous men as abusers is still to this day used as an excuse to separate indigenous children from their families and put them with white Christians in order to erase their culture. Good thing OFMD didn't make Ed abusive, so I still like the show.

[creature-wizard]

The problem is, she says that across all cultures misogyny is part of the unconscious collective, I tried to tell her that the 15 cultures she knows aren't the majority, but she didn't listen. Also she says that the unconscious collective is shared by all human beings, like just one big clump of consciousness. I'm not too familiar with Jung's work but that sounds very far fetched

Okay so I'm gonna preface this with a "transphobes fuck off" because I know one of them is gonna find this post sooner or later.

So, I'd say that whatever form of collective unconscious exists is shared by social networks, in which memetic drift is a very real factor. The only thing you can really count on to be universal is stuff that's informed by universal human experience (for example, "water is wet").

Misogyny unfortunately exists in many places for many reasons, one of which being being the universal human capacity of devaluing, caricaturing, and objectifying people whose existences and experiences we don't fully understand. This is one of those problems that can be exacerbated by certain labor expectations, and it's easy to pigeonhole the people who are theoretically capable of bearing children (most of whom are women) into roles associated with childbearing and childrearing. Add in the fact that what's intrinsic nature vs. social construct is often far from intuitive, and you get people thinking that if somebody can theoretically bear children, then doing so is their "natural" role in society, and deviating from it is weird and wrong.

This of course is very very basic and there's zillions of other factors in play, too. Which brings us to another thing - misogyny exists in many places, but it doesn't always take the same form, because it's building off of different experiences and different worldviews. For example, within modern western capitalism, where people are explicitly or implicitly taught that life is all about maximizing those profits, misogyny can take the form of assuming that people theoretically capable of bearing children all subconsciously want to maximize the amount of children they can have. From here, people who are critically out of touch with actual human minds and hearts begin interpreting all kinds of behaviors as existing to maximize the amount of children born, and suddenly it's "oh my god, she's showing her ankles, she must want to fuck me and bear my spawn... but she will leave me as soon as she sees a Better Mate who can provide her with More Money To Optimally Raise Her Spawn and also Better Spawn In The Future."

(Now just to be clear, capitalism gives people mindworms in the other direction, too, with assumptions that anyone who can theoretically impregnate other people wants to cause as many pregnancies as possible. "Trans women are actually men trying to sneak into women's spaces to sexually assault them!" is ultimately an extension of this thinking. If you want to see a real example of a movement started by men who legitimately want to cause as many pregnancies as possible, go look at the Quiverfull movement.)

So yeah, misogyny is a very real problem in many different places, but to act like it's all a monolith is both incorrect and unhelpful. Misogyny has to be understood in the context of each culture it appears in, not just lumped together as if it's all some singular mass. Jung's collective unconscious is really just a terrible framework for this.

[bittersweetbonbon]

Coming out

Okay, I never thought I'd have to make this post, or that I would have to admit this to a thousand strangers, but here goes. Content warnings for grooming, e-rape, false accusations of being a groomer, and suicide ideation. I'll try to keep this brief.

TL;DR: I'm not a groomer. I myself was groomed ten years ago, and I was about to tell the people in the Lore Server this when they kicked me out and are distorting the truth to make me be perceived as a groomer when I never had sexual intentions towards anyone. They are deliberately obscuring and manipulating the truth to damage my reputation for reasons I cannot fathom, and I am now actively suicidal.

If you or someone you love needs help, please, contact https://findahelpline.com/ or a trusted friend or neighbor. You're not alone, there are people out there that care about you, and nobody wants you to die.

At least ten years ago, maybe more, I joined the Fandomstuck fandom under the muse of Hipster Fandom. I don't know if I stated my age, but my behavior probably made it clear that I was a minor. During that time, somebody playing either a Naruto or Inuyasha fandom muse got close to me, gained my trust, and then coerced me into rping sex between our characters. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but my brain blocked out the memory, and I became hypersexual as a result of the event. For years, I constantly sought out, read, and wrote strange porn almost every day. I thought it was just a result of being a teenager, since the memory of being coerced into roleplaying sex had been buried for my own protection. Once I turned eighteen, however, this slowed down, and I, again, believed it was because I was aging out of being a teenager.

In 2020, I made friends with Peachymunmagenta (then peachymun-from-georgia), cryptologicalMystic, and horatioo, among others. We became fast friends in the Lore Server, and we really clicked with each other. For the first time in my life, I had real, genuine friends, people I could trust implicitly without fear. We came up with dozens of awesome AUs, characters, and stories together, stories I wanted to keep forever, and even tell to my children and grandchildren. I also regularly stopped and asked if any of them were uncomfortable if I got a weird response to a message I sent, because I didn't want them to be uncomfortable or weirded out by something I said. In October of 2023, I then joined the Toontown Ask Blog Cinematic Universe server, and though I wasn't exactly adored, people seemed to, at least, tolerate my presence.

On February 20th, 2024, however, my brain had finally determined I was safe, and uncovered the memory of me being groomed. I took some time to process this, as well as to play Side Order, but, on the 26th, when I was going to come forwards to the Lore Server about being groomed, I discovered I had been kicked out of both servers, and that I was being slandered as a groomer. Understandably, I am now actively suicidal, and I genuinely fear for my life. I am not a groomer. I never had sexual intentions towards anyone in the server, especially not Peachymun, who is a minor. I have been proudly against the sexualization of children long before I started my Tumblr blog, and long before I had been groomed. Did I say the wrong things sometimes? Yes. Did I apologize and try to do better whenever it was communicated to me I was making others uncomfortable? Yes. Should I have done things differently? Yes. I'll freely admit that there were times I shouldn't have been stubborn, or shouldn't have said the things I did, but I never wanted to hurt anyone, and I never wanted to make anyone uncomfortable, and I certainly never wanted to make Peachymun think I wanted sexual things from them. Just that fact alone would have made me psychologically ill, so add that to the fact they kicked me out over it, and are trying to claim I'm some sick groomer freak? Of course I'm suicidal. There's no other logical or rational response to that, especially when one had just found out they had been groomed themselves. All I ever wanted was to be friends with them. That's it. There were no ulterior motives whatsoever.

F.A.Q.

What about the pelvic exam thing?

I said two lines about having a pelvic exam. They were "I just had a pelvic exam and it fucking sucked. They couldn't even do it because the tool was too big". The actual point of the vent was that I was in pain, my mother proceeded to infantilize me after an adults-only medical procedure, I smoked some weed with her in the vain hopes of that somehow making her see me as an adult, and I wanted comfort from my only friends because I was in pain and humiliated and intoxicated. I wasn't saying "oooh my pussy so tight aaa uwu", or at least, I don't remember saying anything like that. If I did, I'm sorry. I wasn't graphic or sexual, and besides that, I thought that "pelvic exams suck but they're fine and normal" from someone they trusted would be better for Peachymun to hear instead of "they're gonna shove a r-slur stick in your r-slur hole, now stop crying, r-slur" from their literal abuser. If I could go back, I wouldn't mention any of it whatsoever. I would simply try to deal with the pain and humiliation on my own, and not burden my friends with my problems.

What about the breeding thing?

Okay, that one requires some context to get the full picture. So. That was an AU based off of SCP-3999, and also Wobbledogs. We had an AU called 3999-malevencte, and in it, several characters were put through various torments themed around different things. This particular loop was themed around Wobbledogs, a game where the titular Wobbledogs "breed" by touching noses, and then an egg comes from the room's doorway. I was genuinely unaware that one of the proposed characters was a minor, and when this was brought to my attention, I backed off and scrapped the idea.

What about the roleplay?

In the roleplay, Peachymun wanted several characters to go to the beach together. I, not wanting to step on anyone's toes, tried to abstain from it by having two of my characters, a young child and an omnipresent narrator, have a cute, wholesome time together. Initially, when Peachymun was upset by this, I tried to push through with my plan anyway, but when I realized they were genuinely in distress, I relented, despite my own lack of desire to participate in the beach adventure, or maybe I simply dipped out of the RP during the time of the event. I can't remember.

Why put what happened into the story of your Toontown blogs?

Well, there's several reasons. One, it's a very traumatic event in my life, and the only way I know how to cope with things is through fiction. That's why so many of my stories involved dehumanization and infantilization. If it had been anything else that happened and was traumatic- the death of a pet, the loss of a limb, etc- it would have been added in so that I could cope with it through the medium of fiction. Two, simply retconning the blog would feel disingenuous to me. It would feel like I was saying "Peachymun, all your ideas never mattered and I never liked you to begin with, so I'm taking out everything you contributed, directly or indirectly, because you mean so little to me I can just replace you without a second thought.". Three, 90% of the contents of the blog were related to either Peachymun, the Lore Server, or the TTABCU server. If I got rid of all of those elements, I may as well have just made a new character outright. And four, as callous or distasteful as someone may find it, not bringing it up or retconning it would feel twice as cruel and ill-mannered, to me. It would be like saying none of the stuff that came before and none of the things that happened actually mattered, that I could replace them and not care a lick about their thoughts or feelings. That's far worse, in my opinion, than giving an in-universe explanation and spinning up a new plot about abandonment and loneliness.

What about the messages that got you muted in Toontown?

The first one, I regret immensely. It was supposed to be more lighthearted than it was. I wasn't serious. As soon as I said it, I realized that I had fucked up, and I regret it. I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said anything. It was a dumb argument, and I should have never sent the message to begin with. The second one was supposed to be a silly joke, and I genuinely thought no one would take offense to it, but they did.

Are you really going to kill yourself?

Probably. Maybe. It's not like I have anything left to live for right now, aside from my mother and my cat.

Would you still kill yourself if your friends came back?

Maybe. I don't know. Even if, by some miracle, they did come back, and all was forgiven, I've still undergone severe psychological trauma that I fear I may never recover from. I would never wish any of this onto anyone, not even my worst enemies. This is far beyond being a nightmare scenario. This is a scenario so horrible and cruel that it never would've crossed my mind as something I could ever be put through, even if I had a million years to think of awful, horrible things I might go through.

You're acting very immaturely.

I know. Please, forgive me. This is the first time I've ever lost a friend group. I've never been through this before, even though most people have, and the previous groups I've been in, I either left of my own accord or we drifted apart naturally. Couple this with the fact that I was in a very fragile state, and they're accusing me of being the worst of the worst when I only ever thought the best of them, it's very difficult for me to even speak to other people at all, or to write this message, without simply giving up on interacting with others altogether.

As a result of all of this, I have to say, I have undergone severe psychological harm, and I fear I may never recover. How can one recover, after such a series of events? I'm going to need lots and lots of therapy, at the very least, but I genuinely doubt that I'll ever be as healthy or as stable as I was before February 2024. Despite it all, though, I can't bring myself to be mad at anyone involved. Even if I knew, with 100% certainty, that it would help me heal, and I would be better for it, I doubt I ever could. I'm too soft-hearted for that. In all honesty, the only reason I didn't kill myself on the 28th is because my mother would be devastated, and take her own life, and then the cat would wind up with my shithead brother, and die, too, because he'd try to use her as a mouser when she's an exclusively indoor cat, and as much as I'm in pain and suffering, I don't want either of them to be hurt. I never wanted anyone to be hurt at all, actually.

Anyways, yeah. Peachymun, Mystic, anyone from the Lore Server or TTABCD, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. I really am. I never meant to hurt any of you, and I never meant to make you uncomfortable, or make you think I wanted sexual content from you. That was never my intention. I'm not a groomer, I'm not a pedophile, and I'm not a manipulator. I'm just a socially unaware idiot who was never taught right from wrong when it comes to these kinds of things. I hope all the rest of your lives are filled with love, and joy, and happiness, that all your goals are accomplished, that you live long, fulfilling lives, and that you continue to create wonderful, amazing stories and characters that change people's lives for the better. I hope every day you talk to each other, and laugh, and create things together, and grow into the best versions of yourself you can be. I hope everything comes easily for you, and that you always accomplish what you want without struggle, and that you can remain friends forever and ever. You deserve it. You deserve all of it, and more, and I'm sorry I couldn't provide it for you, despite my best intentions. Most of all, I hope you can look back on the things we made together, and enjoy them, without your untrue perception of me tainting things. All I ever, genuinely wanted was your friendship and happiness, nothing more, and nothing nefarious. I promise.

-Abby.

[meme-streets]

blondie gender thoughts

these are sort are a combination of headcanon and analysis, so i’ll start with the former. some of this is under the cut as this got rather long.

if you’ve seen me rambling on here you know my feelings about supernatural blondie & his weird relationship to his own humanity. and i feel like he doesn’t want to be a person and doesn’t fully think of himself as a person but rather as a sort of mythic figure. so, while i understand where people are coming from when they say all his weird bullshit is like a masculinity thing or an internalized homophobia thing, i don’t think it’s quite that–i think it’s something that’s very personal and specific to him. his thought process is not “if i do xyz, i won’t be a proper man,” it’s “if i do xyz, i will be dead.” i figure he probably doesn’t think about gender like at all. and iirc we never even see him interact with a woman onscreen (in gbu, i mean), so he is defined entirely by his relationships to other men, and i think that results in something like this: he’s a man in that he is among men, and he is treated as a man, and he does the things that a man does (in the new mexico territory, in 1862). he is a man by relation and a man by narrative function, but there’s nothing under there, nothing that goes all the way down–which is how he is with just about everything. he’s all gender role and no gender identity; after all, he has no identity at all, really, so why should he? and i think that gender role (or at least the primary one) is more specifically “gunslinger” than it is “man.” the gender binary that exists in blondie’s head is closer to “liable to shoot me” and “not liable to shoot me” and these do not necessarily map onto man and woman. do you see what i’m saying. agender blondie. at least a little bit.

furthermore, i think there’s something interesting about his relationships to tuco and angel eyes specifically. the weird homoerotic subtext. the way they fight over him. the fact that angel eyes basically kidnaps him and dresses him up and tries to force a partnership like some kind of dracula’s bride type bullshit. the fact that blondie implicitly asks tuco for help killing five dudes and for some reason tuco interprets this as blondie wanting him to kill all five dudes himself, as if blondie is a damsel in distress that tuco has to rescue–when he thinks it’s just angel eyes he literally even says “i’ll kill him and be right back.” as @the-lions-mouth pointed out to me awhile back, angel eyes saying “i want the blond alive” as if blondie is a hot girl. narratively, blondie is a drifting, gunslinging man, but narratively he is also (in some weird sense) the love interest, the girlfriend in the love triangle. he is also, narratively, tuco’s guardian angel, and angel eyes specifically refers to him as a “golden haired angel,” which strikes me as having some kind of weird subtext that i can't quite pin down. so to the aforementioned gender roles i shall also add "girlfriend" and "angel", and also "obligatory white guy in a western," but that's another post entirely.

and again: never do we see this man flirt with a woman or even, if my memory serves, interact with one (in gbu specifically). so far as straight romance goes he's essentially a sexless character, and yet there's definitely some sexual subtext especially with the guns (the way it zooms him on him holstering his gun when talking to angel eyes, the holster shots in the final duel). which is not necessarily entirely relevant to the gender thing but it is interesting to note, and (getting back into headcanon here) i think would be an aspect of the way he relates to the men around him–sometimes he sleeps with them, or at least he think about it.

additionally: blondie is rather visually distinct from the men around him. (obligatory disclaimer that clothes don't equal gender; i am talking about a character from a movie made in the 1960s and the significance of the visuals to the audience, you understand). he has a rather soft silhouette–with the iconic poncho, certainly, which is extremely distinguishing–but also with some his other outfits, especially the dark shirt he wears he wears at the beginning. observe:

that shirt is huge on him. i've marked up the image a bit to draw your attention to a few details (yes i know this is a pepe silvia moment but just bear with me). first of all: the distance between what appears to be the actual point of his shoulder and where the seam for the sleeve lies. it's hanging off him, which both significantly softens the line of his shoulder and also makes him look like a kid who got into his dad's wardrobe. second of all: note the fold of fabric hanging over his belt in the second image i have circle as it's a little hard to see behind his sleeve. it's at the very least way too big around and quite possibly too long as well, though that's hard to tell with it tucked in. third of all: the distance between the cuff of his sleeve and his actual hand, marked in the first image–granted it appears his cuffs are unbuttoned which would make them wider, but still, the sleeves are billowing off him. note also the deep folds everywhere in the fabric; he is absolutely swimming in that shirt. (yes, the fact that eastwood is very tall and rather skinny makes it unsurprising that most shirts long enough would be too wide, but this is a movie set; the choice not to tailor it feels deliberate). it looks like a hippie shirt, almost a blouse, not to mention the pattern, while not actually floral, is close. there's also the silk scarf he wears, which stands out rather dramatically from the usual neckerchief and even from the one angel eyes wears; i still think it's meant to resemble a noose. i'm not saying this is meant to look feminine so much as unique, in a way that signals to the audience (to use a clichéd phrase): "hey! this one's not like the rest!"

there's also the second duster he has, the one he gives to the dying soldier:

the lapels are hanging fully off his shoulders–once again softening his silhouette–and the sleeves, while not terribly loose, are long enough he's had to roll them at the cuffs. the costume designers for this seem to love putting blondie in oversized clothes. again, not so much feminine so much as different.

this isn't even all i could talk about but i'm beginning to sound obsessive. all this to say: blondie is very distinct from the men around him, both visually and in terms of character. he is among men but he is not necessarily the same as them. what i'm getting at here is that i feel like blondie does manhood like a job rather than something that has any real emotional significance to him like it does to tuco (but, ah, that's for another time). assigned male by narrative.

[multigenderswag]

saw the recent posts about lesbian men and like , to some extent i get how they got there-- if you define "lesbian" as "woman who is NOT attracted to men and IS attracted to women" and then you assume men and women are mutually exclusive because of your internalized phobias, and just kinda let non-binary people (assumed to all be neither men nor women) fall into a murky gray area.... you would go "wait but by claiming a man is a lesbian aren't you also implicitly claiming they're a woman and ~forcing me~ to be attracted to them?"

and it's like. it loops back around to the transmisogyny argument. because literally no one is forcing you to be attracted to or date these people. people have like, personal preferences sometimes. any individual person who is a lesbian and does not want to date men, like, that's fine. that's a personal thing. but it's not a lesbian thing. like.... i think the problem here is people imposing their personal preferences onto a community label just because they don't think they're allowed to..... have preferences in who they date??

like if i never found myself attracted to redheads i wouldn't try to claim that redheads weren't ~real [gender I'm attracted to]~. i would just go "yeah I'm [orientation] and also i never really find myself attracted to [x]". whether that's dicks or vaginas or a hair color or a neurotype (genuinely i don't think i could ever be attracted to a neurotypical. that's ok that's just how it is for me), like..... brains are weird. attraction is weird. you don't have to make it a Big Thing about everyone who is attracted to that gender. you don't have to make it about that gender.

like.... the actual definition of lesbian is so broad and so beautiful and so queer. and I'm sure there are plenty of lesbians that are not attracted to men (regardless of whether or not they are also women) and that's fine, like. there are definitely weirder attraction patterns than that. but it's really not that hard to go "yeah I'm a lesbian and also I've never found myself attracted to men" as if it's an actual personal preference. since it is.

anyway uh sorry to ramble in your inbox?? but yeah like, as someone who is a man + faux woman (like knockoff woman. soy-derived woman) uhh... yeah. lesbians are cool as shit and especially lesbians with male-aligned genders or transmasc/butch presentation. all the respect in the world from me

I'm not sure if I've publicly come out as a redhead on this blog, but I am a redhead, so I just found it extremely funny that you used redheads as your example of people you don't find attractive. Like damn, okay, just target me like that :/ (lighthearted)

Anyway, that aside, yeah! Even if I disagree with the anti male lesbian discourse, I can see how one would get from point A to point B. It's entirely understandable to have a knee-jerk reaction to "lesbians can be attracted to/be men," since a lot of lesbians- including me, way back in the day when I used to identify as a lesbian- really can't be attracted to men. And have had a lot of negative experiences trying to force themselves to be attracted to men, or having other people pressuring them to be attracted to men. So I can see where the discomfort comes from.

However- say it with me, kids- discomfort is not a moral judgement.

Yes, it can feel invalidating. No, that feeling does not give you the right to say "this identity that makes me uncomfortable is bad, end of story."

I think another problem, like you said, is that people conflate "SOME lesbians have a male gender, or SOME lesbians experience some attraction to men," with "ALL lesbians are obligated to date/sleep with men," when that's just not the case. An argument I've seen a lot is that men will use mspec lesbians as an excuse to pressure a non-mspec lesbian into dating them or sleeping with them. Which ignores a very important, very fundamental concept: NO MEANS NO.

If a man is hitting on a lesbian, and the lesbian says no, it doesn't actually matter whether that lesbian was attracted to men, or whether some lesbians can be attracted to men. All that matters is that that person said no. If the man in this scenario disregards that, it's not the fault of mspec lesbians; it's the fault of a man who didn't stop when he was told to stop.

In general, I think it's fairly easy to understand that "some members of x community do y" does not mean "all members of x community do y" or "most members of x community do y" or even "all members of x community should do y." Communities are diverse!

Take this example: "I'm Jewish, and I keep kosher. Some Jews don't keep kosher. Keeping kosher is an important part of my Jewish identity, but it's not part of their Jewish identity, and that's okay. That doesn't make them not Jewish, and that also doesn't mean I have to stop keeping kosher. Just because some Jews don't keep kosher, that doesn't give someone the right to insist I eat a bacon cheeseburger." This is a rational thing to say. I think most people would agree with what is being said here.

However. "I'm a lesbian, and I'm not attracted to men. Some lesbians are attracted to men. Lack of attraction to men is an important part of my lesbian identity, but it's not part of their lesbian identity, and that's okay. That doesn't make them not lesbian, and that also doesn't mean I have to be attracted to men. Just because some lesbians are attracted to men, that doesn't give someone the right to insist I sleep with a man." This follows the same logic, but is somehow a very controversial statement.

Because of the negative experiences so many lesbians have had due to not being attracted to men, it may be harder to reach the "and that's okay" point in the lesbian example than in the kosher example. I understand this. However, like you said, that doesn't mean they can enforce this for all lesbians.

And like you said, preferences are a thing that exist. Lesbians do not have to be attracted to every single other lesbian out there. Not being attracted to someone doesn't mean they're not a lesbian.

Lesbians are a diverse community, which is awesome. None of the ways to be a lesbian are wrong or bad just because they're different from each other.

[laura-de-milf]

Doom Patrol. A Eulogy

*inhales deeply*

This. show.

It isn't really a show about superpowered people. I think it's actually a show about underpowered people who, sure, can occasionally pull off a cool stunt, but for the most part are so broken that they can barely function. With such a strong focus on character, personal growth and The Human Condition- this isn't just something I haven't seen in superhero media; it's something I haven't really seen in all of television.

Shall I list all the ways that this show has improved my outlook on life? (ok, not all-)

The queer rep. Need I say more? Genuinely though--I can't recall ever watching a show where I trusted so implicitly that the queer relationships would be a) intentional, b) integrated into the plot naturally, and c) handled well throughout the show. Looking back on my Doom Patrol experience- not once did I worry about queerbaiting or the queer rep feeling tokenistic. I never worried that the queer storylines would be unceremoniously written out to "improve mass appeal". The queer themes were there, intentional, and unique. We have the classic repression/acceptance arc with Larry, but we also have the slow-burn courtship arc with Jane and Shelley (Jane's block being her personal trauma rather than shame for being queer). Characters like Cliff openly accepting the queer relationships to the point where Jane feels completely comfortable opening up to him--and only him--about her and Shelley. Rita and Laura might not be a canon romantic couple, but those two forged a deeply loving bond faster than you can utter the phrase "uhaul lesbians" and have had a tumultuous relationship that is entirely different from Jane x Shelley. Absolutely magical. There's nothing formulaic about The Gay Plot here: the queer relationships (plural!!!) are unique and explored, given just as much importance and screen time as any of the heterosexual relationships. (I know there is still time to fuck this up but the point is: I have trust in this show in a way that I don't normally for most shows. That's really special.)

The Sisterhood of Dada. I know they weren't everyone's cup of tea, but personally I cared less about their plot relevance and more about what they represented: the pure, wholesome and shameless creation of art. Literally any art. Film. Interpretive dance. Sculpture. Spoken word poetry. Bent paperclips. Don't "choose a niche" and pigeonhole yourself as just A Filmmaker or just A Writer: try whatever you want because it's fucking fun. You'll learn something. Shit doesn't even have to be good; it doesn't have to make sense. It just has to empower you against the forces which seek to hold you down. Maybe Dada is nonsense, but it's subversive nonsense. Most of all, though, I loved the found-family aspect of the Sisterhood: a safe place in which one could experiment creatively without fear of judgement from the outside world. I'll probably spend the rest of my life trying to cultivate elements of this in my real world, even if I can't necessarily build myself a secret teleporting salon out of fog where I can be weird and free with my 6 eccentric pals. The world needs more room for creative experimentation.

Lastly but so very not-least that it's actually the most important point of all: this show gave me Laura. I'm admittedly not as well-versed in the DC/Marvel universes as most fans, but I can't tell you how floored I was to find such a captivating mature female superhero. I've finally started to understand the appeal of having a fantastical super-powered person to look up to--even as a grown-ass adult. She's not a 25-year-old in a latex bodysuit with a physicality I'll never be able to (retroactively) attain. She's not here to be a looker for the boys. She's real. She's fucked up. She's incredibly intelligent, street smart, competent in her ability, and benefits from a wealth of wisdom forged in life experience. She deals with intense trauma. She struggles. She's made huge mistakes. But she's trying her best and she's genuinely growing. Probably most importantly of all, she reinforces how, contrary to what society will lead us to believe, a woman's life, growth, wisdom, wit, accomplishments--and, hell, beauty!!--are only just getting started, even as she turns 40. And that she's so heavily queer-coded?? Sublime. We need people like Laura. I need people like Laura.

So...yeah. I am SO grateful that a show like this exists and that I found it. Thanks for the good times.

🖤

...now all that being said- Doom Patrol has nothing to lose now. Go ahead. Give us the Rita x Laura smooch. As a treat. 😇

[erinthesails]

Some of the justifications for this this weird Izzy stuff seem to stem from, obviously racism, but also a fundamental misunderstanding of useful forms of transformative fandom and basic media analysis. like yes, obviously, you can do whatever you want forever, and there's nothing inherently wrong with reinterpreting a character to explore different possible dynamics, but that doesn't change the fact that, in order to say anything compelling about a story, you have to think about it on its own terms.

I think people think of transformative fandom as meaning "apply whatever meaning you want onto anything and everything in order to make a collage of character interactions that please you personally." Okay sure fine. Do that if you want. But if you're going to be out here claiming that an interpretation that goes obviously against the intentions of the text is just as valid as other interpretations, what's the point if that interpretation doesn't actually speak to any of the goals of the text itself.

I'll use an example of another popular interpretation that I love but don't necessarily think is the canon intent of the story: Ed as transfemme. I'm not recapping all the many thoughtful posts on the topic here (tho go read up on posts by weirdgirlcore and eluciferate if you're interested), but essentially, the idea comes from a few moments and symbolic juxtapositions in the text that open up the possibility of that reading. Do I think that the writers necessarily intended for "be careful what you ask your god for, she might just answer" to be an oblique reference to Ed using sher/her pronouns? Probably not, honestly. But in a story about finding yourself and learning to be who you are outside of constructions of normalcy, AND in a story that canonically contains trans and gay characters, the reading is a compelling one that offers new insights about the forces that Ed is working against. It's a reading you don't have to agree with, but it's one that speaks to the larger themes of the text, and opens up alternate ways of situating these characters within and against narrative conflicts, giving us more capacious ways of thinking about the show

Compare that to a reading of Izzy that places him as earnestly supportive of Ed, and as valid in his desire to maintain the status quo as Ed is in wanting to break out of it. This is a story ultimately about masking and the ways we're made to play certain roles by systems larger than we are: be it heteronormativity, colonialism, neurotypicality, capitalism, even family. It's about the ways we're denied the possibility of questioning those roles, and then choosing a path that allows us to be something Else. So what does it add to the story if, despite the evidence to the contrary presented in episode 4, Izzy IS a long suffering, devoutly loyal first mate and possibly lover to an oblivious, mentally ill mess of a captain? Well. Nothing. Besides the excitement of exploring a dynamic that you personally like. And sure fine that can be fun, but it's a reading that's implicitly supportive of maintaining the status quo!! The thing that the entire show is trying to break!!!

How does it expand our understanding of the show if, of the two main white guys, one is trying to shed the norms that give him power and one is trying to retain his power through threats of violence against a man of color and the romantic lead, and we're supposed to understand these as equally valid and valuable points of view? They're just not!! You want to imagine Izzy as being as sympathetic as the other characters, that's fine, but call it what it is: an AU, and one that's more interested in fun and imagination than with exploring any kind of real characteristics that Izzy displays in the narrative. It just baffles me, the lack of basic media literacy in these readings. You can like Izzy!! It's fine to like Izzy, he's a fun character! But WHAT is the point of taking these characters and saying "well. What if they were entirely different in ways that I like better." Just make him an OC, damn!

[cesium-sheep]

josee the tiger and the fish was... okay. it's definitely better than perfect world, but it's only mildly better than a silent voice, in terms of "wow you really don't even see how ableist that was huh". her grandmother refuses to let her out of the house, but also celebrates that she starts sneaking out, which like bitch you're the one who made her fear the outside world in the first place??? you are actively explicitly and directly putting additional obstacles between her and having a life??? you don't get to celebrate her conquering your weird fucked up tests. there's a lot of infantilization in the first ~half, she's 24 but she seems to have essentially never seen the outside world before. and her wheelchair frequently gets stuck in little potholes or supposedly shoved down a hill one time and people are constantly bumping into her and shit and it's like, I mean yeah some people are assholes about it but that seems a little uhh exaggerated. and like she has a social worker to help her who doesn't seem to be allowed to do anything due to grandma's orders, but also it's congenital paralysis and I genuinely do not understand why she's being treated as so fragile? like she can't even fucking hand-brake her manual wheelchair on a hill even though she is absolutely shown hand-wheeling on multiple occasions, and getting around in her home straight unassisted.

then of course grandma dies and josee gets a sickass hybrid chair like mine and also an office job we never see. she even seems to live completely independently, all she needed was a special set of stairs so she could reach her kitchen counter. (there's also a random person in the hospital with a hybrid chair just to get the other guy's hopes up, kinda neat to see them tho.)

the other guy gets hit by a car trying to protect her when her wheelchair just gets stuck in the middle of the street for no reason and gets a bad leg injury that requires rehab and may not heal completely, and he's suddenly like "I can never scuba dive again, guess I'm giving up on life" and like dawg if some lingering joint pain in one leg makes it impossible for you to swim idk what to tell you I think you just might not have been that into swimming. like that's just me bro but I feel like you're being pretty fucking dramatic. and implicitly ableist.

also the rival is kind of a total bitch? she straight up tells josee to her face that the other guy only hangs out with her because of pity and it's like jesus christ girl, what is your problem. the story would not have suffered at all if she'd just been written out completely imo. in fact it would be an improvement.

idk. it's not outright repulsive but it still feels cheap and shallow. very inspiration porn of course, I was gonna say you could guess that just from the premise but tbh the premise was deliberately vague/sparse in all the ad copy I saw and it really didn't actually have to go that way. (also you have the whole "caretaker to love interest" problem altho tbh it feels waaaay less gross here than it did in perfect world, because he's not a professional he's just Some Guy.)

I think I did not like it.

[the-cooler-king]

Awe shit.... here we go again

I think a lot of people write fanfiction to reflect what they want most. I maintain that its a really good tool for reflection, and I've figured out a lot about myself through the scenes I've written and how striking they are to me personally. In particular, I have a few sets of characters that I've developed over the years and placed in different universes based on how they might interact with my favorite characters. These characters are from really old role plays from when I was younger and I've just kept to their inspiration and run with them. I found it interesting, over the last like four years when I was living with vergil brain. The focus I've had is simply *feeling safe* and implicitly *trusting* and *being trusted*. Fucking crazy, but it's helped me understand what I got going on. So when I started talking to my crush, I had to reckon with a lot of things I've been afraid of - namely repeating mistakes and self destruction as I am wont to do. He's been very educational for me as a relationship (its an interesting dynamic but we aren't dating.... yet) and I appreciate the issues I've had to deal with in order to be more open with him. He has the patience of a saint and I've definitely said some accidentally mean things because I was being *honest* with him but I couldn't... ah... place where my feelings were coming from. And I'm sitting here now, thinking of my litmus test for people is "who would I call if I was too drunk to drive and needed to get home safely" and it's weird for me to say yeah, if I needed to I sure would call him. I'd feel safe, and I would trust him to make sure I got into my house safely and wouldn't make a move otherwise. I have trust issues but its been interesting to fully understand that I can still be distrustful of people, but individuals earn trust based on their actions and words. I can trust him regardless of what happens and that's just so hard for me at times to fight the instinct that says otherwise. I dont think its fair to treat him that way and I've told him that I dont think what I want is fair to ask of him. Maybe one day I'll tell him how much I actually have to stop and think whenever I talk with him - not because I'm afraid of him, but because I don't want to say something carelessly and be misunderstood. I like how much he's made me ask myself questions based on what I feel and what I want, and I appreciate his presence in my life at this time. There is something here that I can't necessarily explain, but I've told him before that I feel as though he needs someone to just kind to him and be there for him. I would've said "a soft place to fall" but that would've also been way too easy for him to make a joke. Anyway. He's so hot and I am enamored. Etc.

[nostalgebraist]

TBH it's (still) mystifying to me how so many people read Floornight and just, uh . . . understand the plot?

Some people do find it hard to follow, but a lot of people don't, or at least don't mention finding it hard to follow when they write about it on the internet.

Or like, they may mention it once in passing, in the course of a post that mostly talks about the setting and the plot and character beats. Which makes it clear that, while "trying to figure out WTF is going on" was a part of their reading experience, it wasn't the most dominant part, and wasn't the primary thing coloring how the whole story felt.

I'm glad it worked out this way, but I still don't understand how it worked out this way.

Floornight is an extremely complicated story where like five billion different things happen, in a setting that is basically 3 to 5 entirely different far-out-weird-idea SF novels smooshed together into one.

And then, on top of that, it is unkind to the reader's comprehension in a bunch of other, arguably unnecessary ways!

Several times, it introduces a new element of the setting by showing you, not just the thing (which is novel and weird to you if not to the characters), but an abnormal version of the thing which the characters also find weird for their own (not directly explained) reasons. It throws terms like "animatic link" and "shift radix" at you without ever defining them. The title itself refers to a mysterious aspect of the setting that is technically "explained," but only implicitly, requiring you to connect the dots between facts mentioned in passing in scenes that are mostly about something else!

There are parts of the plot and setting that I don't even understand anymore, because I forgot what I originally intended, never wrote it down outside the book, and when I go to re-read the book it leaves the topic ambiguous.

When people say things like this about Almost Nowhere:

There’s another update, and I once again want to rec Almost Nowhere so that people who are smarter than me will read it and analyze it and leave comments with their theories about what the fuck is going on here, because every update is this new and tantalizing collection of hints and oblique answers and new questions about this thoroughly mind-bending situation.

if you, like me, enjoy when a work of fiction makes you go “WHAT” and “UHHHHHH” and “??????!?” on a regular basis, read Almost Nowhere, first chapter here

I'm like "yeah, that's fair, and that's a large part of the vibe I'm going for . . . but I do hope things are comprehensible enough that the plot/character stuff can have the impact I want, too."

Like, these days actually I put in a conscious effort to avoid the unnecessary obscurity that (IMO) Floornight had at times, in the hope that if the reader is confused, at least they're confused about the right things.

Yet somehow, Floornight itself did spookily well at keeping the reader confused about the right things (or just not especially confused).

[vivalavi-daa]

Fav 2020 K-Dramas

1. Hospital Playlist

If there's anything I felt happy about in 2020, it's the fact that I've found my next ultimate fav kdramas. More than another, this kdrama feels like a home I could return to every time. Yes, hospital playlist is a slice of life drama that portrays the lives of people in hospital, but there's something about it that is so captivating to watch. I love how it realistically portrays the adults' daily lives & has no major villain of the story that heats things up whatsoever. Instead, I find it easy to emphatize with every character here, even with a patient who appears less than 5 minutes because this kdrama taught us that every life is worth it. And the friendship of the professors... it really has the power to bring joy & warmth to me.

(I also made a post about hospital playlist's characters study on my side blog. Here, if you’re interested).

2. Flower of Evil

Stories that revolve around someone who isn't capable of having emotions aren't nothing new in kdrama land. But this one, especially, is a gem. This one kept me on the edge of my seat because of how nerve wracking some of the scenes are. The suspenseful dramas, the mysteries, the romance...they're all so engaging to watch. I wasn't sure what to expect from the lead character and therefore it's exciting to see what was going to happen & to see how the characters would develop. And to be noted, I swear the cast who played the villain here gives off really scary vibes. He deserves an award for that alone

3. Mr. Queen

I'm not usually a big fan of Saeguk drama and yet here I am putting one on my fav kdrama list. I watched it merely to ease my boredom but then I surprised myself of how much I enjoyed this kdrama. The opening video was appealing & I love how entertaining Mr. Queen was. It became my weekly dose of serotonin (though it gets angsty at times). I thought the story's gonna be weird since it's about a man trapped in a woman's body in joseon era but heck, it was worth it; hilarious, and delicious (yeah, the cooking part) to watch. I've always known Shin Hye Sun is great at acting, but she truly nailed it in this one I swear.

4. 365: Repeat the Year

This drama is gold! It has a promising premise, and the rest of the story went better than I expected. It just never let me down. I thought it's merely about a time travel story, but turns out it's more than that. I never knew what to expect & every time I thought I figured something out, they always have a way to throw a surprise every week. This drama deserves more recognition imo.

5. When the Weather is Fine

This drama is a pleasant to eyes and heart. Watching it is like having a warm tea during winter days. I wasn't truly engaged with the first eps, but I slowly began to see how beautiful & heartwarming this drama is. Yes, the story pace is a bit slow, but I realized that it's important to make us understand each character deeply, what they suffer from, and how the characters slowly develop. It shows us that the journey toward emotional healing may take time, but it's worth it. Choosing to heal itself is a big step & deserves an appreciation. Another thing I highly praise from this drama is how it implicitly reminds us that if we do suffer emotionally, don't be afraid to ask for help, or to let someone help you.

6. Tale of the Nine Tailed

From the first moment I knew who would cast in this drama and what the drama is about, it's obvious that I'd love it. And I was right. The first eps had already got me hooked. The stories were amazing & funny at times. It has unique lovable characters that complete the drama. In addition, I love the mystical fantasy vibes and how they wrapped up urban legends in modern settings. Not to mention how adorable Kim Bum's character here. He & Lee Dong Wook's bromance is to die for.

7. Do You Like Brahms?

I watched it by chance, and then I fell in love the instant I watched the first eps. The drama is just beautifully done. It has soothing music & ambience and mainly revolves around good people. It's appealing how they portrayed the different perspectives between the lead couple--one who doesn't have talent but works hard to achieve her dream, and one who has talent but wishes he didn't have it. Though the lead couple has different dreams, I can't help but rooting for them... as I've never seen a relationship so awkward yet so real and so adorable before them.

8. Record of Youth

Honestly, it took a bit long for me to be completely enamored of the stories and feel what the characters feel. But as the stories developed, I began to cherish what this drama tried to show us: of how important it is to have good communication & to support each other in our family, of how everyone has different timings in life, and that everyone could have second chance in life. It's also refreshing to see the main couple here & how they interact; we could learn a lot from their communication & relationship. Overall, record of youth is one light & comforting kdrama that's perfect to watch while we need a short escape or need something to cheer us up.

9. Start Up

Honestly, I have a conflicted feelings towards this kdrama. It started off as great but...I have a hard time making sense of some of the stories afterward. And not to mention how we used to ship-debating every week it was a bit draining 😅. But to exclude it from my last year fav kdrama list seems wrong anyhow because I did love this drama. Idk, it gives off this positive energy that I needed to go through a crazy year. It somehow encouraged me to move forward & fight for my dream no matter what. The story's also quiet creative and relatable in nowadays world, while also educating us about the world of business.

10. Find Me in Your Memory

I started watching without any expectations and turns out it's really good. It's not hard to love this drama since it has likeable characters with interesting background (a guy who can't forget everything & a woman who forgets some of her important moments). The lead couple's interactions were interesting to watch. They have the kind of romance that grows slowly & when it finally reachs its peak, it burns. I loved every minute of it.

K-drama recommendations: 5/?

[oranges8hands]

I agree with everything except the last sentence. I know it's trendy lately, but we really don't need to mix racism with everything. For me, a POC girl, this is as ridiculous as saying that liking top! Joe is racist. I am glad that people have become more aware of certain things, but you cannot exaggerate it and see racism EVERYWHERE. Even where it is not the case.

re: this post

Well, thanks for sending in an ask. There's kind of a lot of parts to this I want to address, but first let me ask - do you disagree with my assessment that Joe gets more blame for the exile and exile length, or do you disagree with my assessment that Joe getting that blame comes from a pattern of fandom racism? Because the first is a fandom interpretation and as always, interpretations will vary and be heavily based on the fandom circles you are in; it's based on a pattern I noticed in my engagement with fandom, the same way I noticed fandom's treatment around Booker's exile, and I find the two intricately linked. Some people (like possibly you) may not connect fandom's prioritization of Booker's pain/trauma to be implicitly (or explicitly) against Joe specifically, rather than against the group of Andy, Nicky, and Joe. [Regarding not naming Nile, the fact that she is a) new and b) voted for the apology-only means she seems to rarely get conflated into the blame game.] Like, ymmv, etc etc.

However, if you do think Joe gets specifically and repeatedly put on a different level from the other two in terms of being the one to heavily push for a long exile (against group opinion), being the one who wanted the strictest "punishment" possible because he's the angry/resentful/unforgiving one, being the only one who wanted the "punishment", being emotional (irrational) in his hurt while the other two are calm and collected (and therefore rational/objective in their decision), that his reaction is going to be a continued vocalization of his anger only and/or that his vocalization is a problem but Andy's immediate reaction or Nicky's silent treatment isn't, that his reaction is only anger while Nicky and Andy are disappointed/hurt/guilty/etc (aka a spectrum of emotions and not just one note), that his main motivation is retribution (esp that the other two don't feel that), that his anger is based on and only on selfish hurt (for hurting Nicky) while the others are looking at the larger picture of Booker's actions or able to see Booker's side of it, that he is quick to temper (unlike the others) and can't control his response, and/or that in general his anger about the betrayal isn't justified, I don't quite get why you wouldn't assume racial bias has a role in it.

Like, Joe is a different character from them! He's considered the emotional one, the expressive one, the vocal and loud one (to varying degrees of fairness.) The genesis of those traits exists in canon, and fandom as always has the weird ability to both flatten a character to specific traits and layer on complexity to the shown facets of character's canon. I even get why he gets tagged as the most mad in comparison to the others (though I don't actually agree with it) - the way Andy had her angry moment with Booker but doesn't continue with that anger in the lab and she's caring with Booker in her goodbye, Nicky basically tells Joe now is not the time to yell at Booker and then you never see him interact (look at?) Booker again, and again Nile wanted to let him off with an apology. I'm not saying it doesn't make sense or comes completely out of left field to view it that way.  

But again, it's not that he reacts differently; they're all different people and obviously their reactions will reflect their personalities and their relationship to Booker. It's that his reaction to betrayal is held to a different standard, the way he's subtly and consistently painted as wrong for his reaction in a way the other two aren't. And to be clear, I am specifically and only talking about the dynamic around Booker's exile and Joe, and not how Joe in general is written, but there's some touches of it in that too. My comment is also very much not about one specific fic or one individual's opinion about either Joe or the exile, but about the pattern I noticed that Joe's reaction is often treated with a different (lesser) level of acceptance than Nicky's/Andy's, that his reaction is often assigned more/only negative motivations (esp in comparison), and that (which ties to the main point of my first post) his reaction (even if - though it’s not - just anger) should be de-prioritized in comparison to Booker (or the others.) 

And obviously, this isn't all fic. Maybe not the majority of fic. But it's definitely more than one; it's something I started to pick up on as a potential thing to look for, and I know I'm not the only one. This is a large fandom and it is growing. This fandom on A03 alone has almost 6k works, and that's been in six months. (And that's just one platform!) It is frankly preposterous to me to say this one (large) fandom is somehow the only fandom where racial bias isn't a factor, or that it doesn't affect how all the characters get written.

(also I think it's worth bringing up while my original post, this ask, and this response have been heavily leaning on words about fandom's racism, I don't think that's divorced from its Islamophobia and the western (US/Hollywood) racialization of Muslims.)

As for the general fandom and racism discussion - look, I'm not going to speak over you a poc and say you should or have to notice racism in everything. It is 100% not my place to tell you how to experience/react to racism, how to interact with fandom and racism, or to say you are doing it wrong.

I'm personally coming from a different mindset - that racism does affect everything, and that fandom is absolutely not different in that regard, and that reactions to racism (either for people of color in general or the specific identity being talked about) are not monolithic.  

I also think - while I get why you use it - the word 'trendy' does a disservice to fandom racism discussions and how those got co-opted and conflated in the larger cancel/call out culture.  Cause

racism being used as an excuse/reason to cancel something ("I hate this, and here's racism as a reason no one should like it/why you are a bad person for liking it")

racism being discussed as an important issue canon failed at ("I'm criticizing the canon and depending on what it is, I may think canon's racism should hold the highest priority in terms of canon's worth")

racism being looked at through the lens of fandom ("racism permeates every facet of this world and that includes canon/fandom, here's how")

are all different things, and while the first one is used a lot more, and all of them are a lot more visible now, I don't think the other two are that much more accepted than they were before.

I only caught the periphery bones of the top/bottom joe/nicky controversy, but my understanding is these two sides collided very badly: side a) early into fandom people pointed out the trend, related it to how that trend works in every other fandom, discussed specifically how bias in interracial and interfaith relationships are likely to show up in this fandom and that dynamic, called for more nuance/thought into this dynamic, and all of that got flattened into "top!Joe is and only is racist, and you're a racist for liking it." and side b) because call out/cancel/purity culture, fans (specifically including fans of color) were being called racist for either engaging in the characters the "wrong way" or not engaging at all, pushing them to create content they didn't want to create, left the fandom due to harassment/bullying, and got treated like even the hint of top!Joe was the Worst Thing They Could Ever Do, so that even suggesting racial bias may play a part on shipping dynamics for joe/nicky is completely unreasonable/without merit. That, again, is how my (limited) view followed the issue, and like everyone else where I fall on the spectrum of that discussion is very much dependent on the circles of fandom I float in.

[uj0yeux]

Unless We Wanna Jump Against All Odds🤯

I always love his presence. He is always a good friend with lots of random thoughts and deep talks. Many people thought we look cute together.

One day, he asked me out. I took it as a friendly invitation. It's been a while since my last time strolling around Jakarta.

I never thought that it would be full of fun and memorable: we visited a thrifting market, bought the famous local noodle, ate ragusa, watched KKN, took many pics, ran to catch the train, being lost each other. One thing that made me confused: he loved to put his arms around me and then hold my hand. Well, that could be a gesture of friendliness.

But it was not the last time we spent time together. He asked me out again and again. He texted me. All things that made me have these questions: is it safe enough to like him? Does he have a feeling on me?

I realized I started adoring his tall figure, that smile, that deep stare, that big hands, that small acts that showed he care, that smell, the way he dress up, that words, that attitude towards people; I have many reasons to like him. And time went so fast when I was with him. But isn't it too soon?

We had dinner with my senior, 3 of us near the office. My weird senior asked me if theres someone that i look up to at the office rn. I said... maybe. Cz I still figure out the feeling and I don't wanna jump to a conclusion too soon, I said. He asked me again, does he come from the same division? I refused to answer that. And in the corner, I saw "that guy" lowkey blushing, I knew he was also curious.

On our way home, he asked me implicitly "Siapa sih Jay?" But I didn't mention it. Fool you, it's you, man.

Last night he came here. We did grocery shopping together and yeah I took him to AEON and he said it was his first time. I liked it when we talked about some great books at Periplus and Gramedia. I never met a guy who loves reading like him.

He brought all my stuff, walking to my kos--I was pretty sure it was heavy but he did it anyway. And he didn't complain.

We cooked together. Wow, it was my first time too. We danced in the kitchen to many cool songs. I loved to see him confuse when I asked him to peel the shrimp. But he was excited. Me too.

Accidentally, I cut my finger. He suddenly rushed to the nearest warung, bought betadine and hansaplast. I said, no it's fine, just a regular cut, no need to put hansaplast on. But he did it. He said, he didnt want to see me have a cut again since my toe nail was blooded bcs of the trolley that he rode at the supermarket before. He had no idea that his act made me blushed afterwards.

The food was done. It was my first time cooking in my magic jar. And we did it. It was a great sapo tahu.

We watched horror together. It was The Medium. He hold my hands, just like the last time we watched movie together.

And suddenly.. we jumped to a super awkward and deep conversation. I asked him whether he likes me or not. So yeah, we like each other, even though it wasn't that "strong" but we are at the same page.

I asked his intention towards me. For this, we also have the same answer: we can't be together. We always know we're very different. He's a Catholic and I am a moslem. Just like water and oil. We knew it very well. So that is why we can't move into more seriuos step.

I understand it. The moment he started taking my attention, I always know this is just a temporary bliss. Unless we wanna jump against all odds. Besides, we both agreed that we are still not ready yet to be in a relationship in general. We just wanna have fun.

Suddenly the air changed. That night, before he went home, everything went so awkward. I thought: oh this is how it feels like confessing our feelings. It was finally clear and determined how we act afterwards, yet it was veryyy awkward. Like u feel hesitate to be close, just like a couple minutes ago.

근데, I know it was normal. We know that phase is what we should pass, and that's fine. Despite all the awkwardness, I really enjoyed that day tho. Besides, I knew that he likes me too.

[montpahrnah]

Diff anon, similar ??: do you view remus as loving sirius outside your fic elcipse & transit? I guess there's a part of me that needs soulmates to exist, even in fiction (& if that's not how you see r/s, that's okay! I don't mean to put that on you, AT ALL, just me being soppy) & am curious if you interpret r/s as soulmates or not? Also curious on your remus thoughts in general, his redeeming qualities & not so, how your interpretation of him has changed over time & why you love his character?

this is such a big question and i love you for asking it… let me just wax poetic @ you for a bit 

the short of it is, YES, we are the same, i do believe r/s are soulmates and write them as such, and i’ll fight anyone about it because i’m right. i got an ask vaguely in that vein here a while ago. before that fic i’ve never written remus as anything but in love with sirius (and sirius irrevocably in love with remus), for better and for worse; when i wrote it i was really thinking about remus’s weird emotional coldness and his self-interested nature that sometimes edges into flat-out callous selfishness, and how that might fit into a wartime story where he realizes he can’t pretend anymore. and as remus would he just goes on to try and pretend differently with someone else, and when that ends badly too, he blames–as remus would do–anyone but himself.

in a lot of ways fandom tends to fall into the same trap a lot of characters do with remus in the books–we buy into the image he wants to project of himself, i.e. competent, caring, emotionally intelligent, a font of truth and wisdom with an inoffensive charm, infinitely suffering through no fault of his own at all ever, etc etc. and remus is a good person with a wonderful brain and a heart in the right if slightly off-kilter place who is capable of being those things, but that’s not the whole picture–it’s like, a head shot where the only things in the frame are a shoulder and an ear. remus is the same guy who cared more about himself than giving anyone crucial information when sirius was thought to be stalking the hogwarts grounds. the scene with the map and snape in poa has nothing to do with harry and everything to do with remus covering his own ass. he’d rather look the other way or take the path of least resistance and let things simmer than actually deal with them.

he has a certain carelessness occasionally wrt other people’s feelings (other characters are def careless with remus’s feelings and boundaries, but that doesn’t like, cancel this out). he’s a phenomenal liar. he’s manipulative, which we see with harry repeatedly, and a bit with sirius. he’s colossally irresponsible–he’d rather run away than deal with anything or admit he made a mistake. and when he’s confronted with his mistakes, he reacts very badly–trying to manipulate harry with james in dh after he runs away (i know no one likes to think about the shitshow involved with that, myself included, but remus’s behavior there is 100% in character when he’s made a mistake and wants out), and then firing off a curse at harry when he doesn’t get what he wants. in poa he runs off immediately rather than face the repercussions of forgetting his potion (i’m not talking about parents and the hogwarts governors or w/e, but his unwillingness to face what it cost harry and sirius). he cuts and runs and lets other people clean up his messes. he utterly, absolutely cannot/will not communicate anything important. he seems to have no desire to fix any of these things.

generally i think we’re soft with remus in a way he doesn’t deserve, and which kind of does an injustice to his character. like there’s this tendency–even when we are acknowledging that remus is flawed and isn’t always interested in doing the right thing–to cut him slack for it and implicitly justify it, or present them as cute character quirks or as remus being a stone cold badass, or act like everything bad in his life is actually all sirius’s fault. and yeah, there are plot reasons and blah blah and in the dingy light of remus’s circumstances/his lycanthropy, much of this is understandable, and it makes for an amazing, compelling character! whether it’s forgivable or not is a totally different story, and it’s a big part of why i love him so massively.

so! the thing that’s changed the most for me since i first started writing r/s is wanting to write/see remus as more than a tea-stained genius badass with a seductively ill pallor who has never hurt anyone in his life and definitely never would. writing him doesn’t come as easily to me as sirius does but i’ve also tried to move away from like, writing remus as this vessel for sirius’s development/love/hopes/dreams/growth etc, which i’ve been guilty of doing. they’re not dissimilar people at their cores and so much about their characters is predicated on each other and their history/preoccupation with each other, which is partly why they’re so interesting together, but for me so much of it is that sense–narratively and like, cosmically–that they don’t have a future without each other, whether they like it or not. i think it would take time for them to come to terms with it, sirius particularly, but by the time they do canon-wise it’s too late.

to circle back to your first point, i guess as weird as it is i think they are still soulmates in that story. sometimes that doesn’t look the way we want, and there is maybe something in the way preventing you from loving this person completely or at all–fear, resentment, wildly different desires/feelings, the pain/difficulty that i think is sometimes inherent in relationships like that… in other words i do believe they’re meant for each other and all that gooey fated multiverse nonsense, but it’s never going to be a hallmark original movie for them. it’s mostly why i’m kicking around a short sequel-ish thing, which i’m now more interested in than ever thanks to your amazing ask–thank you so much for this, dude

[haku23]

I don't know anything about Johnnydakken so I'm going generic: Coffee shop AU!

I’m an asshole so this functions both as a coffeeshop au for them but also... my ocs LOL.

Rating: G don’t worry palsWarnings: Daken is DakenWordcount: 1,557

#johnnydaken #myfic hashtag idk if that’ll work but we’ll see lol

The mohawkguy always comes in first. The blonde guy is usually what some people callfashionably late but Antonio just calls “rude”. Blonde guy wears sunglasses,sometimes a hat, that do nothing to hide the fact that he’s Johnny Storm. Theall blue wardrobe with flame themed accessories don’t really help him blend ineither. He carries a cellphone with the Fantastic Four logo on the case.

So he knowswho the blonde guy is. The mohawk one is a mystery; he gives a different nameevery time along with a smile that admittedly makes it difficult to focus onhis work.

Mohawk guy alwayssits in the corner near the emergency exit and Antonio somehow manages to getanxiety about people sitting in the spot around the time that mohawk guy usuallycomes in. Interlopers always tend to clear off right before mohawk guy startsto look for a seat, though. He must be lucky.

Not toolucky though, in that Johnny Storm is actually late today. Mohawk guy taps hispainted fingernails on the reclaimed wood of the table, two hot drinks cooling infront of him. The drinks are about the only thing cooling, though; every sooften mohawk guy glances at his phone and then the door. He has a glare thatcould peel paint off of steel-Antonio doesn’t envy Johnny Storm.

“Hey, areyou going to work or just stare at customers all day?” Fernando asks with asmile that means ‘I will murder you’. He gets back to work with pretending towipe down the machines, but he can’t help but keep glancing up at mohawk guy.

--

This weekJohnny Storm comes in early. He tips the brim of his hat down and glancesaround the room for signs that anyone has recognized him before he heads to thecounter. He looks over his shoulder to the usual spot and his shoulders sag inhis light blue polo shirt. The couple with matching undercuts who sit there aredefinitely not mohawk guy. Johnny Storm gives a lopsided grin.

“Uh, haveyou seen my friend here yet this week? Oh. And can I get a peppermintmachiatto?”

“The guywith the mohawk?” Antonio asks like he doesn’t know. Johnny Storm nods and hedoesn’t have time to answer properly-or at least warn him about the glare-so hejust shakes his head then gets to making his annoying seasonal drink.

Johnny Stormspends the next couple hours frantically typing on his phone and lookingthrough the large glass window by his seat in equal measures.

--

Lauradoesn’t look like mohawk guy but he understands implicitly when she shows upwith Johnny Storm that they’re related somehow. They both share a love fordated emo accessories for one. She orders a peppermint latte; mohawk guy onlyever orders the house blend, black. They sit by the fireplace which makes itdifficult for Antonio to hear anything or see anything at all, but they staythere a long time. In the lull between lunch and dinner he hears the name Dakenand that he’s disappeared; Johnny Storm looks like a kicked puppy throughoutthe conversation and Antonio starts to feel more sorry for him than Daken(?).

When hegoes over to clear away their dishes Laura stops talking but Johnny onlycontinues when he looks up at Antonio.

“Sorrydude, but have you seen him at all this week?”  

“I haven’t.But he looked upset last time I saw him,” he answers and Johnny Storm sighs sodeeply his posture starts to resemble a deflated balloon.

“Can I askyou a question then?” Johnny Storm asks but then continues before he cananswer, “so if you had a uh...friend who you accidentally stood up becauseyou’ve got a really serious job with really unpredictable hours what would youdo to make them stop hating you?”

“Uh. Apologize?”

“I totallydid that. He hasn’t answered any of my messages. He’s left me on read for liketwo weeks. He’s totally ghosting me, he always does this,” Johnny Storm ispouting now and Antonio stands there but doesn’t know what to say. He can’ttouch Johnny Storm on the shoulder, he doesn’t even know him, but Daken seemslike the kind of person that isn’t pleased by much beyond his black coffee.Occasionally he gets a danish but makes a face the entire time he eats it-healways finishes it though and so Antonio assumes he’s making a fuss for show atthis point.

“I guessyou could always. Go find him and apologize in person?”

“I shouldget him something too, right. Do you like flowers? Would that be weird to getflowers from your bro? What about chocolate? Laura, come on, you have to knowwhat he likes,” Johnny whines and Laura nods. She doesn’t make much of anexpression at anything Johnny says but looks up at Antonio.

“This isvery good. I like it.”

“Oh. Uh.Thanks. Maybe you could get him flowers that mean stuff. My friend runs aflower shop down the street.”  

Laura nods,“he likes art. You should take him to the art museum with the flowers.”

“Yeah, true.He did say he liked art too. What’s the name of that flower place, Antonio?”

He hasn’tnoticed Johnny Storm looking at his nametag. Most people don’t remember theirbarista’s name anyway; through his slight shock he manages to give the name ofthe flower shop and on his break shoots a quick text to Linda. Johnny Stormleaves him a fifty dollar tip, and he starts to feel even more sorry for him.

--

Antonio hadwarned her Johnny Fucking Storm was coming to her shop but it’s still kind of ashock to see him in person, rubbing at his chin as he peers at displays. Hewears a ballcap and a pair of shades, but no coat or scarf despite the smallflakes of snow fluttering down outside. His friend on the other hand is bundledup so much at first she only sees the strip of skin around her eyes between thebright yellow Wolverine toque and matching blue and yellow scarf.

Linda waitsa little while longer until there’s a lull in their quiet conversation and shesends the last of the other customers on their way before she makes her wayover to them.

“Can I helpyou find something?”

“Oh, yeah.I’m looking for something that says ‘sorry I accidentally stood you up but Ihad to work and it’s not like you haven’t done the same thing to me so pleasestop ignoring my calls? bro’. You have anything like that?” he asks with thekind of sheepish kind of smile that certain other people would find hopelesslyendearing.

“That’sreally specific. But I think I have something that just says ‘sorry’.”

He laughsand shoves his hands into his jeans pockets, “I guess that’ll be good enough.Do you guys do cards?”

“Ofcourse.”

She gathersthe flowers-hyacinth, purple, and gladiolus in various colours. She sticks somefiller in there and wraps it in a bow. It’s not a very large bouquet, but hehad said it was for a bro and so the typical dozen red roses probably isn’tappropriate. She gives him a card to write in and he stares at the blank spacefor awhile before he starts to write. So long that she has time to sweep andmop behind the counter but he does pay up without complaint.

“Thanks,Linda, I appreciate your help,” he says before he heads to the door. He lookshopeful, and she hopes that things work out between he and his friend.

--

For thenext few weeks he doesn’t see either of them-Laura comes in a couple times witha girl wearing an obnoxiously yellow jacket but Daken and Johnny are notablyabsent and she doesn’t give him any clues on whether the plan had worked out ornot. He guesses it’s not really his business anyway, but the two of them are regulars. Or were.

He stopswondering after them in between final exams and the start of winter break, andthe next day the people at their usual spot clear off as the bell over the doorjingle. He glances over and sees them both. Daken’s a bit close for friends, orat least what constitutes friendly distance to Antonio, and whispers somethinginto Johnny’s ear before he makes his way over to the counter. He’s traded hismohawk for a topknot and doesn’t smile when he orders this time. He does,however, when he takes their order over to their usual table and Antonio triesnot to stare when he leans over to wipe a spot of whipped cream off of Johnny’slip after a particularly vigorous sip on Johnny’s part.

“What didshe put in that bouquet I thought they were bros?” he mutters under his breath.The answer doesn’t come-Linda later insists she just put what he asked herto-but Johnny and Daken do. The more he sees of them the more of an odd pairthey appear to make, but it works for themso why can’t it work for him?

“Linda Ineed another bouquet,” he sends on his break.

--

the flowers mean “give me a break I’m sorry” LOL