#people care about men's mental health until they don't

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

What up y'all! I return bearing what was originally gonna be survival!shipping fluff (I sketch the face first and drew young Garmadon instead of his full Oni version) but morphed into this because my ass was listening to Ethel Cain and Flower Face while drawing. Honestly I took it and wound up playing rendering/color and quite frankly I'm actually pretty happy with how it turned out!

Translations: Vertical word- Destruction, bottom text- "You are no man, men don't have claws they can't cut."

Garmadon is my favorite character to use for these more painterly metaphorical art studies because:

A) He's my babygirl and favorite character, this is very well established lol

B) He's a fundamentally tragic character. He's doomed by the narrative in every sense of the word, he was a child when he was bit and after that he was left to deal with the fact that there was this evil snake in his head and his father as well as his brother (seemingly the only people he interacted with as a child) were now somewhat afraid of him. By his young adulthood his relationship with his family begins to strain due to their belief he's "turning evil" especially when going on the quest for tea leaves in Spinjitzu Brothers which shows he actually feels rather upset/angry that his brother and father believe he's turning evil simply because he experiences negative emotions (you know like a normal person) but then after he see's himself in the mirror in book three he goes on a downward spiral believing he's doomed to turn evil and be alone. We don't really know what happens after book four since the fifth and final book never came out but it's easy to assume that the tea didn't work and Garmadon is left all the worse for it coming out of the trip with his mental health in the gutter. We don't know to much about what happens in-between then and when he goes to Chen's Island but we do know that he doesn't seem to have gotten better since in Shatterspin he's still pretty self sacrificing and other people have begun to notice his less than stellar mental state.

Then we know what happens after the war, his mind is consumed and he is left to be less than himself. Even then when he comes back from the underworld we see that he still cares about his son, he kills the Great Devourer, he still wants to be a person. At the end of season two he gets what he wants, he cured, and for the time that he is fully himself for the first time in years he begins to apologize and try to make up for all that he did (even if it lowkey wasn't 100% his fault seeing he was being controlled by an evil snake), but even that didn't last. He dies, or moreover sacrifices himself to save Ninjago from Chen's Anacondrai army, but he dies a good person, he gets a memorial and family that mourns the truest version of himself. And then he was brought back again, ripped from the afterlife but only as half of himself, only the evil side, the side he spent thousands of years repressing until he couldn't anymore and regretted the second he was himself again. Despite that despite the fact it is supposedly only his evil side left he is still trying to be good, with the Garmadon comics showing his desire for redemption and his care for his son even in what he had thought to be his dying moments.

I think this is what makes one of the beginning lines from the Garmadon comics all the more tragic "Who knows what life he may have lived had he not been corrupted by the Great Devourer and cast into the underworld." He might have gotten to live a different life, he may have gotten to be happy and not fear what he might become, he might not have had to die multiple times over, but we'll never know because that's not what happened instead his fate was twisted by something completely and utterly out of his control.

So yeah he's a little fucked up and that's why he's my favorite! Hope y'all enjoyed my long winded rant, I have so many opinions on this man and don't even get me started on how much I hate crystalized for how it fucked up his development from the comics, but uhhh I think that's it!

If you want to you can check out my fic What Doesn't Kill You it's mostly me putting him in a jar and putting him under a microscope lol, other than that I hope yall have a great day/night and I'll see you when I appear from the mist again! PEACE OUT!

[mr-scandinavian]

Only a post where Robbie Williams talks about the importance of mental health could possibly spawn comments such as these;

(These first two did make me giggle, purely out of how absurd they are, but I digress)

Less gracious were the rest, but inarguably tragically comedic

And finally, at last;

[cherie-doll]

Can I request COD Men dating a medic reader,??

I love your writing sm ^-^

Ofc!

౨ৎ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

COD Men x Medic!Reader

Price

Imagine being the new medic and you're nervous because it's your first time working there so you have to try your best to hold it together while patching people up

But one day Price comes in injured and you have to control your nerves as you clean his wound up, he's surprisingly nice and even makes small talk with you, it calms you down

After, you manage to keep thinking about that interaction, just how nice it felt to have a normal conversation, it took your mind off of things and honestly it kept you from a mini panic attack from happening

He wishes he could come see you more often, he liked how refreshing it felt to meet someone who seemed a little hesitant, too afraid to mess up, he likes how you smiled after speaking with him

Since he's busy most of the time he can't come to you as often, but I imagine he likes to invite you to just come and talk to him as you drink with him, it's comforting knowing you can bask in his company and he provides you a shoulder to rest on

Ghost

Believe it or not he trusts you a lot, he shows up to your office in his most vulnerable moments, when he's hurt you treat him and never mention anything of it, he knows it's just you doing your job but he can't help but feel like there is an underlying tone to it

He likes resting in your office or recovery room when he wants to get away from everyone else but can't find a quiet place to do so, he likes his alone time and if being in the medic's room where no one is to come in looking for him then he'll stay there during his free time

He secretly started growing a stronger liking to you when you covered for him and told his buddies they couldn't visit because he "needed to rest", not that he hates his friends he just likes his alone time

He often struggles to sleep so to get away from the other soldiers who snore loudly he'll come to you knowing you're almost always up late and drinking tea, like a cat who is content sitting without talking or doing anything next to you and eventually falls asleep

You tend to admire him silently, the features that you can see through his balaclava when he's not aware of it

Soap

Every time he comes to get checked up he likes making you laugh and telling you the worst jokes, but it makes you laugh lightly and honestly keeps you awake and sane from working overtime since you treat a lot of emergencies

He will be laughing as if he doesn't feel the alcohol you're using to disinfect his wound, he likes pretending like he doesn't feel pain when you push the needle in because he doesn't want to be weak in front of you, it's sort of turned into you trying to make him wince or show that it hurts but he tries grits his teeth and holds it in

Doesn't even know he likes you like that until others are teasing him about how often he talks about you and how he'll try to impress you, in his mind he hasn't come to that realization yet, not that he's denying it because he really enjoys your company

You probably get very nervous checking his eyes when you shine the flashlight on them because you notice the way his eyes crinkle, indicating he's smiling and you have to hold the grin before it shows on your face

As a boyfriend he'd be coming by every moment he can to just cling to you when you're on your breaks and you'll have a hard time getting him to leave you alone or give you some space

Gaz

I can imagine him already having a liking to you, he likes coming by every morning that he can to visit you before anyone else can bother you and just hanging around your office when he's in need of good company

You enjoy his company because he's not unnecessarily flirty like other the others are, he's respectful, caring about your mental health because you deal with so many people on the daily but with him it's different, you don't feel that obligation to smile or put on a fake act around him

Your tired eyes light up seeing him knowing you're going to be recharged emotionally and mentally, it's come to the point where you even seek him after your work is done hoping to spend more time with him

It's sort of hard finding time alone together when so many other people are friends with him yet the moment he sees you he'll pull away from everyone else to go to you

Roach

I have a hc that even if he survives the absolute worst situations no one else has he still deals with the aftermath of it and it's many complications and frequently getting checkups from you just to assure his health is good enough to keep getting sent out to missions

He ends up spending more time with you than he does with most of the other soldiers or members of the task force

He confides so much in you, things he'd never share with anyone else and yet you listen to him so attentively it honestly makes him develop an attachment to you and he'd look for any opportunity to reciprocate the attention you give him

You sometimes hate the way others treat him, despite being a chill guy to be around he's often a little out of orbit when it comes to socializing with the others, you'd think going through shit together would unite them but strangely enough he doesn't get enough dopamine from them like he does with you

It might be wrong to feel this way but you care more about him than all the others, you'll rush to attend his needs before the others

Alejandro

He is actually a very lousy patient, it takes you ages to try to get him to take medication or inject the needle into him despite him always teasing the other soldiers who have had medical procedures done to them

You have to be ready with a cloth and ice pack to instantly place on him or else he'll be wanting to bang his head against the wall for the dramatics, you let him hold your hand, anything to bring him comfort or some sort of relief at that point

To avoid getting to that level of pain he'll often drink before coming to you so he's not fully in his senses to actually feel or register anything you may be doing that would usually cause him to panic, you hate when he does this because you prefer him to be fully aware

Other than that he'll always try flirting with you or calling you something like "chula" in Spanish when passing by you and you simply roll your eyes and hide a smirk knowing he's nothing like that when you approach with a needle

Rudy

He's probably known you since before you were a medic, he's seen how much effort you've put into your training to be where you are today he respects you so much for it

He worries so much for you, probably more than you do for him which is funny because he has the "riskier" job, but he often worries about how you are being treated knowing some of the soldiers you treat have trauma and it can make you very stressed with them

He makes sure you get your much needed rest, especially during the breaks everyone else is gone and you still have to stay around "just in case"

There was this one time he was injured pretty badly and he had to be laid down as someone called the medic, he didn't know who would come but he felt his heart skip a beat seeing it was you running towards him, you knelt by his side and with a warm smile reassured him you wouldn't let him slip away from your grasp just yet

He didn't even need a painkiller when he held your hand to his chest so you could feel how much his heart beat showing you he was still alive and well

Phillip Graves

He could be dying on the bed, clutching a wound with blood gushing out and he'll still manage to give a smug smile and ask for your number, you want to suffocate him with a pillow sometimes but you'll most likely be blamed for medical malpractice, instead you just say "HIPPA" and that shuts him up for now

I like to think he brings his Shadows for checkups like a father bringing his children to the pediatrician, some of them aren't fond of it but he makes them go through it to ensure they are healthy and fit for their next mission or training

If one of his Shadows get severely injured he's rushing to see you with them in his arms (he can't actually carry them have you seen how big his Shadows are??) and begging you to help them, will literally be in tears hoping they heal up just fine and that nothing bad ends up happening

Afterwards, you just kinda have to give him that reassurance and he'll be eternally grateful to you for what you do for him and his team, and don't think that just because you aren't "that important" to his company because he makes sure you feel like a vital member of the family

Him and the Shadows will enjoy spending time with you outside of your work area just to show their appreciation

Makarov

You often worry about him, more than you should, he's always taking risks and needed to end up being brought into your office to have something done to him, you can only sigh and lecture him but he's never the type to take his injuries seriously, most of the time he takes bold decisions and that impacts his health

Most of the time he prefers having you go to him, so you have to pack your stuff up and go treat whatever he's dealing with, he often uses these opportunities as excuses to get to know you better and just overall toy with you

You hate when he does this as it wastes time and he's keeping you away from patients who could be needing treatment, whenever you hint at this he simply shrugs it off, clearly not caring about others

You carry so much responsibility on your shoulders to be carelessly leaving where you're stationed to treat a paper cut, but after all he always slips in something extra to keep you coming

Keegan

Loves to initiate arguments with you for the fun of it, you two will be bickering over him not wanting to take a prescription you've given him

You could be stressing over an infected cut and he's trying to act as if it were nothing, that being said the sounds he makes when he's injured and grunting and clutching his arm or side in pain and trying to control his breathing have me AKJERUJS-

He doesn't actually get to see you all that often as he wishes but you know he'll be coming to get "treated" when he comes back from a mission, he always thinks to come see you before anyone else can

And he knows you're often at risk too when you have to go along to treat sick and injured soldiers, he doesn't like to dwell too much on how you could be in danger so he just chooses to focus on his task knowing if he's not careful he won't be able to make it back to tease you again

König

He's the type to rarely go to the medic just because wounds on his body heal insanely fast but also because you will have to FORCE this man to enter your office

He was used to his the previous medic, an older man who took his time with each patient, could barely see which is why he often told the soldiers who came to him to read the medicine labels for him and such

But imagine his surprise when he walks into your office and sees a younger medic there instead of the old medic, he's completely silent as he sits in the chair waiting for you to clean a wound he only came because the pain got so bad he couldn't suppress it

Now he's considering saying he's fine and walking out, but you're already washing your hands and putting gloves on, going over to him and asking for him to show you the injury

He has to look away and his eyes roam the room, looking for something to focus on other than your focused stare, and gentle fingertips that hover over his skin as you inspect the wound that he could have ignored for a little longer

Horangi

He is a headache to deal with, comes in after every mission to get his injuries treated but will talk A LOT, mostly boasting and smug explaining how he got this bruise and those cuts

You're tired of hearing him but honestly you'll take whatever as a distraction, and you know he's BUILT like that man will be flexing his biceps and you can't help but stare at them, also his waist?!?

Before leaving he always jokes for you not to miss him incase he doesn't come back from the next mission, you just roll your eyes because you don't want to admit that he's grown on you and his absence is something you don't even want to think about

He likes sending you notes with flirty messages on them to show his growing interest in wanting to pursue a relationship with you because you never give in to letting him have your number, he always wants to take you out to some fancy restaurant or cook for you himself, anything to get you out of your office for a day and spend it with him alone

Nikto

You're often doing a million things at once, quickly treating a patient and ushering them out so you can see the next one who's grunting as they wait in line, that day Nikto has to get something treated and he just so happens to go on a busy day

You're in a rush to treat your patients in pain but he notices some of them aren't even in pain, they seem to have relaxed looks on their faces and they don't have any wounds that he can see, they even joke and laugh with one another

Turns out some of them are only there to chat with you, as happens most of the time with soldiers who are stationed in one place too long with little to no freedom to roam anywhere else, Nikto doesn't understand why they would waste your time when it's finally his turn to see you and you tenderly yet efficiently treat him

He likes the way you touched him, even if it was only you doing your job, he likes your pretty eyes, even if you barely looked at him, he thinks your voice is precious to hear, even if you only used it to direct a single question to him, now he understands those soldiers in line who don't mind waiting an hour just to be with you for a moment

[astrophileblogs07]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT.20

⚫ Opposite to the stereotype of Leo being a narcissist, its the Aquarians who are more narcissist than ANY other zodiac. Esp its the Dhanishta naks out of the Aqua naks who are so.

⚫ I have seen 3 Aquarian moons (of Dhanishta nak) who had a poverty stricken first half of life (childhood, teenage years) but then they become well off like rlly very well off in their second half (esp after marriage). They marry rich 🤑 too. What i am saying here is the dramatic transformation of their financial life.

⚫ Pisces men are physically abusive. That's it. Esp the March Pisces. They literally are a bully. (Dont be fooled by the beautiful doe eyes lol)

⚫ "WOW What voluminous and luscious hair he's got!" -my ♌ rising and moon mom commenting on a side character with insignificant role in a movie 🤣. I wasn't noticing that at all...but she seemed to be stuck on that feature 😂.

⚫ Martian influence on a chart can actually have a liking to dangerous weapons and ammunitions. (Like idk I weirdly love them 😂😂)

⚫ Females with Ketu ruled naks are the first group of people whom male perceive as "threat". (Second is mars btw). Like if the other person is a typical male (egoistic, chauvinist) they will literally hate you to the core coz they know you equal them in all ways (except you know what LMAO 🤣). So they'll try to pin you down or belittle you etc. (sad, but since I have experienced I wanted it to share w you guys)

⚫ Also I love the way Ketu Nak women get along becoz mostly they have so much in common. And by that I mean how the society (male dom) treats them. I am not saying they're an "outcast" but the reaction they face just coz the male species get intimidated by us which has an cascading effect on our mental peace is beyond tolerance.

⚫Ketu naks are sexyyyyyy 🖤👁️🫦👁️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

(I always imagine a smokin hot biker girl 👩🏻‍🎤with leather jacket and smoky eyeshadow whenever I hear "Ashwini, Magha and Mula")

⚫ I have seen a Chart which was totally "Mars" chart and I'll tell you, that person has Aries asc, Moon, Mars and (Mercury ig is in Scorpio?idr) along with Scorpio sun. And that person is like personified version of the planet itself. So cunning and so shrewd, potentially be a mastermind. Statergic. Secretive af. (Might be their middle name to exaggerate). Close to their mom. Loves friends (friends over anything). Also they have a "reddish" tint to their skin (no health probs, but yeah that planet does that). Knows how to tackle any embarrassing moment in public and deal with it. (I am jealous of him coz i wanted to be like him in every way 😂)

⚫Lilith and Pluto aspects in natal chart can actually survive 8H synastry. Almost same energy and themes. 💀

⚫Why are Maghas the "scapegoat" of the family? Like they be framed in a situation with which they have no relation with. Its annoying to see. Its like you're locked in your room chilling and as soon as you step out, everyone in the family is blaming you for something or the other. Now you're the "bad guy". (Yo wtf 🤡). Added to the generosity of Leos, people target you often. 😕

⚫Libra men CANNOT stand loneliness and being ostracized at all in any way. I have seen this in every Libra I came across. For eg: if you're the "black sheep" they won't talk to you and will go with what the crowd says. And if people have outcasted them just becoz they're with you/involved with you, they'll drop you like hot potato. People say and stereotype Capricorns for being the one who cares about reputation and all, but her 'Venus-ruled-Saturn-exalted' sister also is same. 💀

(no wonder they're besties lol)

P.S: I read a post here which said "Eye contact with 8H synastry hits different" ( i am not copying, i don't remember the username) and boy is that true 💀💀💀. Like I was -->😯😳🫣. Coz I have experienced that 🤣🤣. It does, than any other eye contact I have seen. Lmao 🤣🤣.{Edit: its @zeldasnotes 🖤😁}

Hope you liked it 😁😊. Until next time! 👋🏻

Love you y'all ❤️❤️❤️

[olderthannetfic]

I still think the people responding to the abortion thing with "well you wouldn't want them to raise that kid" are missing the point a bit, though. Even if someone has ample resources to take care of a kid, and they're fully prepared to be the best parent ever, they still have an inherent right to abort a pregnancy they don't want. Like focusing on "an ableist parent wouldn't be the best to raise that kid!" or "what if they don't have the resources for the health care they need!' opens up the "adoption" argument - and I'm sure many people would counter it with all the problems of the adoption system particularly for disabled kids. But even if adoption were a surefire way to ensure every child finds the perfect loving home, it is still wrong to force the pregnant person to use their body for 9 months to carry a pregnancy when they would rather not. The problems with relying overmuch on this argument is it has a kind of ugly implication that if a woman has no economic or emotional reason to struggle to raise a kid, it's mean and selfish for her not to be a mother. We saw some of that with the overturning of Roe in the U.S. - a lot of rhetoric of how this was bad just because of how it would affect poor or minority women. And I just wanted to be like, okay, but a wealthy white woman with ample resources who just doesn't want to have a kid, shouldn't have to have a kid. And it's still a massive violation of her human rights to force her to carry an unwanted pregnancy for 9 months. Like I thought one of the anons made this clear, but people keep saying this so maybe they're not getting it: but think of the burden that pregnancy puts on a body? Think about all the little things you have to do differently if you're pregnant. You can't drink, you can't take certain medications, including some that a lot of people's mental and physical health relies on the rest of the time. It literally moves around your organs to accommodate the growing fetus. It's just painful and nauseating a lot of time. That's not even going into how it's often enough of a medical emergency that it regularly killed pregnant people before we had access to modern medicine and hospitals, and still does in other parts of the world, or with people who refuse that treatment. Isn't that enough to convince you that it's horrifying to inflict that on someone unwillingly? I understand focusing on financial burdens and so on because it helps convince people who maybe aren't all there with respecting bodily autonomy. But also, I'm a cis woman who has no desire to be pregnant and have kids, and sure the fact that I haven't got a lot of money right now helps, but I know that if I was a billionaire and had tons of people at the ready to help raise my kids for me, I still wouldn't want to be a mother. And it's bizarre how radical that is to say even in ostensibly feminist, progressive spaces. A lot of people are just still so deeply uncomfortable with women (or anyone they see as a woman) deciding to choose life paths that don't include motherhood, in a way they simply are not with men eschewing fatherhood. And we can't really talk about gender equality until that starts to change. There's no reason that being born as a particular gender should limit the kind of life that people let you live or even imagine. There's nothing about being a woman that makes you more nurturing or parental, and so no reason that you shouldn't be able to decide that's not for you.

--

[tw1l1te]

blueberry₊˚✩⊹sal fisher x reader₊˚✩⊹

(Not edited, so please forgive men if there are grammatical/spelling errors. Random thought I came up with. Please let me know if you'd like more backstory/a continuation of this!

Sitting on top of Addison Apartments was a place to think. A place of silence except the sounds of breathing and the occasional shuffling around. You haven't been up here in a while, since the fight you and Sal had a few months ago.

₊˚✩⊹

"God you're such a hypocrite. You keep telling others to take care of themselves and not isolate, but yet you don't give two shits and don't even take your own advice. Not answering your phone or leaving your apartment for over two months? Do you know how worried Ash was? How heartbroken and distant Larry became?? We thought you were fucking dead Y/n. And after all that you decide to drop by and ask 'what's up'?" Sal seethed, his tone getting more hostile by the second.

You don't think you've ever seen him so angry.

"I'm sorry Sal, I didn't mean to make you all worry. That was the last thing I wanted you guys to feel. You know I don't handle my mental health well," you murmured, avoiding Sal's eyes. You could already feel the tears streaming down your face.

"Listen I get it Y/n, but you can't just cut us off like that. You made us all husks of what we used to be. Do you know how many nights I stayed up till the early morning just staring at my phone, hoping you'd at least call?? I couldn't even remember what you sounded like until today."

"Bluebe-"

"Don't call me that. You have no right calling me that after the months of heartbreak and worry you've caused us. Every time this happens, I get my hopes up in that you won't shut us out and disappear. I get disappointed every. Single. Time. You're lucky that Larry, Ash, and Todd are such forgiving people. You don't deserve them."

You mulled over his words. He was right. You didn't deserve them. All the affection and love that they gave you all for you to throw it down the drain when you got too ill. The hundreds of phone calls from Ash. The constant check-ins from Larry over the walkie-talkie, talking about stupid shit that happened that day or speaking softly about how much he missed you. Todd emailing you every few days asking how you were holding up and if you needed anything, but eventually those emails automatically went to spam. And Sal. Sal was probably the hardest to avoid.

He sat outside your apartment door for hours, talking, pleading you to let him in to talk. He brought snacks and slid them under the door, worried if you were eating enough. Playing his guitar for you through the walkie-talkie, hoping it would soothe you or cheer you up. Sliding random doodles and letters under the door so you had something to help remind you about how much they cared about you. How much he cared for you. You kept them all under the bed in a shoe box, reading over every word and cat doodle every single night.

"I can't do this again, Y/n. You've hurt me over and over and over again. Each time I expected it to end different."

He took a pause, waiting for a reaction or a word from you.

"We're done. I don't know about the others, but don't bother writing or talking to me. I can't do this anymore."

And with that, he headed downstairs, not sparing you a single glance back.

₊˚✩⊹

You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard the rooftop door creak open.

You don't look back, hoping the person would get a hint and leave.

You hear the footsteps get closer, and stopping right beside you.

"Didn't think you came up here anymore." he mumbled, shifting uncomfortably.

Fuck. He was probably the last person you wanted to see right now.

"I come here to think." you stated, looking out to the street and nearby houses.

"Y/n, I'm sor-" "I'm leaving." you cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say.

You've thought about your time in Nockfell and decided that it was time for you to move on. You couldn't be stuck in a time capsule forever. The more time had passed, the more it had started to hurt being here and see reminders of what had happened. Reminders of him.

"What?" he whispered, finally looking at you.

"I need to move on. I can't be here anymore." you stated, trying to keep your voice level.

"You were right, I can't keep leaving people in the dark and constantly worrying them. I'll keep doing that if I stay here. I need to be somewhere else, I don't know where, but I'll figure it out."

"Y/n. If this is about what I said, I'm sorry, I was in a bad state too. I was just so worried that something had happened-"

"Sal, please stop. I'm not changing my mind. I'm leaving tomorrow morning-"

"What about Ash? Larry and Todd? What about me?? I need you here. It was wrong of me to shut you out, to ignore you. I'm so sorry, Y/n."

You finally looked at him, right into his blue eyes.

His hair had gotten longer, choppier, like he'd tried to cut it himself. No longer in the pigtails you loved. Seems like you'd both changed.

"I need to go, Sal."

You walk away, not looking back because if you did, you wouldn't be able to leave. You wouldn't be able to leave them. Leave Nockfell. Leave him.

"I'll see you around, Blueberry."

₊˚✩⊹

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad to be scared to start hrt?

i feel a little ashamed that i am. i try my hardest to be positive about all the things that make men & mascs masculine. i try to appreciate the parts that arent valued by society, like male pattern baldness, being fat, hairiness (love that part especially lol), etc.

but im 15, and i go back and fourth over whether or not i want to start testosterone. i had terrible cystic acne before i started acne medication, i have male pattern baldness on my dads side etc. im not a binary trans guy, so i kinda doubt ill be on it forever anyway if i DO wind up doing it, but its really scary to be told all the stuff that WILL make me a man when im… just a boy. that feels infantalizing but i suppose its true. im scared to be a man admittedly, im angry i never got to have a “true” boyhood because in currently at that age, and im scared of being thrust into it after not getting to be one. theres so much stuff about becoming “ugly” after starting testosterone. i know thats not true, logically, but ive faced so much bullying for not being pretty enough as an afab that i guess i still have that vanity embedded within me.

i feel ashamed for it, do you have any advice?

no, absolutely not- i think it's super reasonable to be scared to start HRT. it's a huge change, it affects your body and mentality in many different ways. it's a lot to take on at once especially considering there are permanent effects if taken for long enough at a high enough dose

i get why you'd be worried at that age. i didn't start HRT until i was in my early 20s. i think its okay to give yourself some time, especially considering you have some concerns about it potentially affecting your health. it would be ideal to find a way to get your blood tested for a few things- liver enzymes, red blood cell count, estrogen and testosterone levels, and so on. if you can't do that, it's understandable. i know it's not easy for someone your age to get a ride to a place like that discretely

is it possible to contact your dermatologist about your acne and see if they would be able to weigh in on that? baldness is a tricky thing. some people do bald but really late in life. some people don't. a lot of transmascs have their hairline recede by a few inches and then it usually stops. the nice thing about hair loss is there are medications that work very well that can help mitigate that. gender affirming care specialists or other doctors who prescribe testosterone are usually aware of the effects on scalp hair, and usually they'll help you test for high blood pressure, any issues like that

honestly i get where you're coming from here. i've seen this way too many times. people get pissed off about someone being a type of trans they don't like so they just bully the person until they consider detransitioning or never start transition at all, and then continue to mock and harass them anyway. i see this all the damn time and it bugs me like why would you do that to someone. who cares

people think it's ok to bully trans men & mascs right now because of all of the transandrophobia and antimasculism in general. testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly", people are projecting their hatred of men and mascs on to a hormone that almost everyone produces naturally. it's just hateful senseless bullying. people think the younger the trans man/boy/masc is, the more valid they are to bully them.

it's okay to identify as a boy for as long as you need. you actually never have any obligation to adopt the label man if it doesn't fit you. many people identify as boys instead of men. some people are guys and not men. it's okay some people find they have to take their time to transition from boy to man. you're only 15 you are still a child, you don't have to worry about being a man for quite a while

it's definitely okay to feel conflicted and confused here. if you're able to, take time to yourself where you shut all that noise from other people out. if you're able to just ask yourself a few questions like why do i identify as a boy, what about it makes me happy, what kinds of things do i want to do in transition. just try to get a feel for what's going on so it makes it hard for people to get in your head

remember that when people attack you like this they're projecting something they deeply hate about themselves on to you. my therapist told me that last week and i thought i would just relay that. it's alright to be affected by it, but they really are just being assholes. it's good to be a trans man/boy/masc. transmasculinity is good. testosterone is good. testosterone saved my life. i'm glad to get up in the morning every day because i at least look and sound like myself. i love my body. i love the way i look. i'm stronger. i stand taller. my face is the right shape. my voice sounds right.

life is good

i hope you found any of this helpful. good luck, it's okay to feel guilt or shame for a bit. i did NOT want to come out as FtM for a VERY long time it was hard. i get it. take care of yourself, let me know if you have any more questions

[rambling-red-wizard]

A Deity Work Primer

The following paragraphs are a discussion of deity work, with a focus primarily on safety and responsibility. Everyone needs to feel safe enough to work with their gods personally; no one should tell you how to worship. Two disclaimers apply: first, I use the word 'worship' as a loose and accessible term for deity work, due to its dual noun/verb nature.

Second, I hold these opinions steadily enough that I will not take offense if you merely disagree. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't.

But I do not accept the use of blatant fallacy to discredit or invalidate the work of others. If it works for them, and does not hurt you or your community, let it be. All said, let's begin. What are gods?

The only consistent answer for this is that gods are story incarnate. Gods are the things we see, love, and fear in ourselves, nature, our works, and other people. Gods cannot be blamed for a war, a famine, the greed of a pastor or the crippling doubt you are experiencing. They can only be credited with doing their jobs, because they do not act outside of their domains. Ares favor falls on the victor- but that's just a story. Both sides of the battle will be praying fervently to their war gods, but only one will win, and then credit theirs with being mightier.

Who was really mightier, though? The soldiers, of course. But war is inhumane, and as long as we can credit a god with our victory, the atrocities will be cast as preordained. Gods don't have the same standards men do.

Gods are the point where our consciousness intersects with things that are out of our control. I hate to offend some folks- but we were here first. We retconned history so that the gods were immortal and eternal, and because we all believed it, it became true- but only for the people who believe it.

Worship and Free Will

When you begin your journey, the road is often littered with claims that 'your gods will choose you', or that you MUST wait for a spirit to reach out before beginning worship practices.

It's your choice, though. Nobody seems to want to admit that, to themselves or anyone else.

If you are interested in practicing deity work, the gods have already chosen you. It is your responsibility to know them, reach for them, speak to them, now. Similarly, it is your responsibility to maintain their sacred space, and make offerings appropriate to their domains, and (the BIG one that everyone misses) live in accordance with the values they represent.

Which brings us to the next point:

How to Know Your Gods

I'm going to use my gods as examples here, because I feel that it would be unfair to make claims about anyone else's deity work without providing my basis for comparison.

I worship Loki (the God of Mischief), Mephistopheles (the Shrewd Merchant), Auberon (the Autumn Lord), and the Sand-Man (God of Bedtime Stories). I also work with personal manifestations of the cardinal elements, and am friendly with the local sylph (air-spirits). Do you see a pattern? Gold and orange and darkling purple, bonfires at dusk, travel hard and sleep harder. Make yourself at home wherever you go, subvert expectations, and talk your way into or out of anything you like. Everyone is a friend until proven an enemy, and no enemy will be forgotten for their crime. Tell tales for the children, the hungry, the old.

These are the tenets of my faith, but reader, I did all of that before ever meeting my gods. I worship these gods because I agree with their values- not vice versa. If you have to agonize to fit the 'ideal' practitioner for your god, by giving up parts of your own being, seek out somebody else. Tricksters and Teachers

Some gods, of course, show up out of nowhere. You will go about your business, and suddenly Baba Yaga shows up and asks you to take care of her spider. Janus offers you a life-altering decision that shatters your mental health for years. Eros pulls one over on you and you find the love of your life. Sometimes, worship is not the goal. Tricksters are often vilified, but their original function was CHANGE. "The way your world works isn't serving you or your gods. Monotony has overridden the function of your practice. Let's shake it up." The lessons taught by the random arrivals of gods are intentional; if your knee-jerk response is to kick them out and triple-lock your wards, you might want to consider your relationship with change and personal growth.

Back to free will, though- you don't fucking have to. Not a single god will take offense to the polite decline of their offer. Most trickster gods will even be ecstatic if you pull your magic weapon on them before you realize who you're dealing with.

Respect for Gods and Sacred Space

I have one rule, and one only, in regards to gods and temples: your personal practice doesn't mean a damn thing at a temple, circle, or sacred gathering. Even Loki acknowledges that the only person he needs to speak for him at his holy rites is the appointed priest/channel/etc. Your work, in your home, is going to be completely different from anyone else there, so stick to what you can all agree on, and leave points of contention to the highest authority at the gathering.

In other words, respect your deity by respecting the other practitioners of that deity.

Offerings

Everything is an offering, friends. If I make a good sale, I make it in Mephistopheles' name. If I prank my partner in a well-played jest, I am honoring Loki. Every story I write is an offering to the Sandman. Every pot of chili or apple pie is dedicated to Auberon. If you are doing something they would take pride in, you are making an offering.

Your altar is for ritual, but your worship extends far beyond its immediate surroundings.

That's all for the time being. To summarize, the gods are collective concepts, worship is a choice, and respect is more easily applied to humanity than it is to ever-changing deific personifications.

Take what you will, discard what you won't.

With love from this long-winded madman.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Where we go from here...

It took me awhile last evening to get my mind in the right place to do the baking I had to do. I thought I would put on some music on my little radio station to kick my head into work mode. Tried some Glenn Gould playing Bach (always a go-to for morning coffee music), and it didn't hit right.

So I dialed up the huge mix I have titled "1969-72" and almost immediately started the long road back to feeling like myself. After about a half-hour, I was in the groove. Listened to the mix far into the night, after I'd finished working.

I managed to keep my focus and got the cookies all baked, and kiddo's mom happily packed them up and just left for her party, and I'm over here for the next couple of nights, sadly for my back. Two nights of "No Mattress For Old Men" and I'll need a week to recover, but hey...

Wanna thank all y'all for your comments and messages when I posted that I was prolly just gonna go black. Y'all loved me back off the ledge. Posted in a moment of true despair...something I haven't felt in awhile. I am hurting for all of us...and all of you. I have never in my long life been scared for the nation until now. Or at least that's what I thought. This feeling of complete despair, the emotional pain of millions of people, the hopelessness, the fear for the future...after I sat with it awhile I realized yes, that I have felt this same combination of toxic shit before.

In the 65 years I've been on this stinkin' rock, I've been through a number of particularly devastating previous elections, most notably the two Bush2(Dumbya) regimes. I remember the night of the 2004 election...Americans were posting tearful photos taken by their webcams, with them holding up signs saying "We're sorry."

I saw first-hand all the fights for rights that we have gained from the early '60s onward. To find ourselves set back to square one, 50-60 years later, when we had finally gained some footing toward fairness, is cruel. And cruelty is what they will wield as their main weapons in the coming days, as we suddenly find ourselves in the same predicament as 1963-65 when a virginal Joan Baez and little Bobby Dylan changed protest music forever.

So yes, I have felt this same way, and no, the nation didn't die or descend into complete chaos. Our lives went on, essentially as they had, with a growing pile of "things we can't do anymore" heaped atop via the collective wounding of 9/11.

This is another collective wounding--an intentional collective wounding. The next few months are going to be chaotic, they will try to push through their agenda as quickly as possible come january.

I may not post much overtly political stuff from this point on, but if I do it will be refocused on positive news. I don't know for certain how long that might last, but I can't take a 24/7 barrage of bad news and outrage bait. I'm probably gonna unfollow a few blogs, but don't think it's personal...it is Mental/Emotional Health Care.

And yes, I've been in the trenches with y'all a long time...we are all Family at this point...Brothers and Sisters in arms. I'm not leaving, but my presence/role will be different, out of the renewed sense of self-preservation this has thrust me into.

I woke up disoriented, but quickly remembered I'd gotten what I needed to get done done, and had a slow re-entry, sipping my coffee for a couple hours. I kept remembering how well the music had helped me last night, and then the beginnings of what this might turn into began to coalesce. Concepts of a plan. lulz.

As the day went on, I've been on a roller-coaster, emotionally, with seemingly hopeful leads on a roommate not materializing, on top of my craigslist ad for a roomie getting flagged and deleted. Pretty goddamn hopeless as far as this situation is going.

Looked at the huge box of cookies I'd managed to bake last night and it hit me. I've been reblogging the "Gooood Morning, TUMBLR!" graphics every morning up until the election. The image of Robin Williams being in character calling up the role of the military DJ.

Back when I did my cafe in the mountains of NM, a friend lent me a book called "Radio Venceramos", about South American rebels who had a radio transmitter and clamped the leads to the barbed-wire fences to broadcast their signal/programming to their fellow rebels.

Still not sure how the format will work out, but I've decided: my new role is going to primarily be the voice of inspiration over the air-waves to my fellow rebels. Not sure if it will be a second blog or if it will be a continuation of PTSD, but with no further ado, I will become the Voice of my fellow rebels with:

I may make a second blog out of it, but until then I guess I'll make it a series of posts. Tumblr will let you blog up to ten videos/post, and that may be how I start things out. Consider them like stacks of 45s and LP tracks from my paul-shaffer-brain...meant to help keep spirits up and keep the focus.

Made a couple of graphics, will probably try others in the course of it.

So the message today was "You did what you had to do. Heal up for what's ahead."

I will probably start this new focus in the morning...I'm still chewin'.

[karin-gespenst]

mental health and maternity

Arlene Brewer has been left alone by the institutions that were supposed to help her. Someone else can math out how many days were between her discharge from Lynchmere until she gave birth. It can't have been more than two weeks. She managed well enough until the very doctors that were supposed to educate her scared her instead and she was afraid to keep taking the medication. Afraid to ask for help from the district midwives that tried to form a trusting relationship and failed because they lacked crucial information. Her relapse was preventable. With proper support she may have been able to go through labour and birth in a stable mental state and care for her baby. Instead she had no partner, no family, improvised living conditions and too little time to prepare. What is there to look forward to for her? With her child in foster care there is a small chance left that they can be reunited.

Other mothers didn't even have that. Remember Mary from s1e2? The poor girl who didn't even get a surname. We don't know how her mental state was before at age 15 she was raped, displaced, exploited, raped again and completely talked out of her own perception by adult men who knew very well that she had little in her defense. By the time she met Jenny, she was already somewhat detatched from reality. The church took away her baby, and triggered her mental breakdown that she never recovered from and she was left alone again, with no support from anyone.

Remember Shirley Redmond? depressed after losing her firstborn baby, finally better through the care of her family and the midwives during her second pregnancy, and then happy with her daughter, briefly. then faced with tragedy again when her baby was kidnapped, by the teenaged girl from two episodes ago. Agony for days, and very much understandable anger at the person who caused that. Shirley could find compassion for Mary and was well again after the return of her baby. But Mary only lost again and got no help.

Season 1 was dark like that sometimes. Season two had a mental health story that ended well. Ruby Roberts had a son, and her son had spina bifida, and she did not know how to cope. For weeks she was unable to care for him or her other children. Only when her husband got through to her with his reverse psychology and pretended to want to send their baby to a Home, she snapped out of it and found her old self again. Helpful husbands, they exist!

Sarita Gupta has one. Her traumatic experiences as a child during partition made her extremely anxious and she developed symptoms of obsessive behaviour. Over time she got better because the midwives learned how to help her, and they could try because her husband alarmed them.

Roseanne Dawley also has support in her family, she even has a cleaning lady helping in the home. But even the gentlest of husbands wasn't able to reassure Rosanne that she is capable of being a good mother, when the experience of trauma in childhood and violence as a young adult made her doubt her abilities. Giving birth alone unprepared was a massive shock for her, and I'm glad she went to stay at her friend's when she was overwhelmed. Phyllis was finally able to reassure her and she stabilized again.

Pamela Saint was not so lucky. She needed weeks in the hospital to help her get well from puerperal psychosis. Remember the shock treatment? Her getting unwell was portrayed in a way that haunts me until today, because nobody expected it and when people started to react they were almost too late. Many people have heard about postpartum depression but not about psychosis. We see Pamela getting better but her baby had to stay with a relative and her husband was thoroughly out of his depth.

Season 5 with the thalidomide storylines gives us Ruby Cottingham. Losing a child is I'd say the most horrifying event in a parent's life. We saw how happy she was expecting her baby. Then the difficult labour and cesarean and no baby. not even a chance to say goodbye. Depression, alcohol abuse and drug abuse are clearly shown when we see her next. it's unclear if she ever got any closure from learning why her baby died. if she got any help from a doctor or support group it is not shown.

Nadifa Ghedi Jama had an episode of triggered trauma during labour. Valerie was able to help her a bit, and the birth was traumatic anyway, as was the recovery. Her husband at sea, her sister sent away, I don't know who was there for her after her discharge from the hospital.

Call the midwife shows us the factors that help mothers with mental health problems: proper medical care including of course contraception, suitable housing, understanding family members, friends, education and the chance to make their own decisions. and that's not going into social factors like discrimination, displacement, war, organized violence and gendered violence. that's a whole other essay but someone's got to make dinner.

[agendercryptidlev]

it's a specific kind of evil for someone to look at your post that says "this marginalized group is killing themselves at astronomically high rates, please be kind to them" and respond with "Okay but they don't get killed enough." Holy shit

Replying to these anons together because they touch on the same issue, and yeah what we're seeing here is the "children are starving in Africa" type of comparative suffering B.S. that happens so often in discussions of oppression.

There's also of course the stigmatization of mental health and suicide as systematic issue. People are uncomfortable talking about the fact that suicide is caused often more by environmental factors than internal ones, they want to be able to say those who commit suicide had personal problems because they want to absolve our societies responsibility for the epidemic of depression and self harm.

This is a bad way of looking at thing given that if you look at stats, those who are marginalized and isolated have the highest rates of suicide. Being made an outsider in the community you live in is what leads to self harm.

Another issue we're seeing here is the polarization of discussions of trans oppression. Basically that anon likely assumed that because I care about the issues that affect trans men I must not care about the issues that affect trans women. This is absolute bullshit, and in my opinion you cannot support any trans identity without supporting all trans identities, if you claim to than you are lying or a hypocrite. None of us will be safe until all of us are, and that means sometimes you have to give a shit about issues that affect other people more than you.

The trans community is currently under attacks from people who would like to see ever single trans person dead or detransitioned. Our enemies take many forms be it TERFs, Fundementalist Christians, edgy Atheists, LGB without the T, etc. Our enemies however are not the trans people who identify in a different way than you do.

Solidarity with other trans people, especially trans people who identify in a different way than you, is more important than ever.

Take care of each other <3

[aux-squiggle]

Reasons why I think Islamic conversion is becoming so popular in the West

Apologies if I don't sound coherent, I am high on prescribed medications rn

1} Western individualism to Islamic communalism: I should state that imo there's no society or society group in the world that is exactly good, but the Muslim bloc is clearly worse than others. I feel many Westerners, especially North Americans, see the hyperindividualism of their culture and are attracted to the hypercommunalism of Islam. In Islam we're taught to correct each other and essentially be police to each other, which is ultimately damaging for your mental health.

But if you are from a culture where no one cares about you other than immediate family, that also affects your mental health. I think people have a natural flaw tendency to reach for the total opposite of their problems, not realizing that opposite of a bad thing can still be another bad thing. Grass is greener until it's not.

★

2} Double-sided coin of female sexualization: Westerners have a hypersexualized treatment of women especially in what women wear. Women's clubbing outfits are often hypersexual, advertizements lean into "sex sells" and ofc a radical hookup culture that can ultimately lead to loneliness. And ofc a pornography epidemic leading to dehumanization of (mostly) women (but also gay males, esp gay male bottoms) and a culture of (mostly) female vulnerability being as easy to access as Wikipedia.

The radical banning of all these things in Islam again is a grass is greener problem, but what westerners don't understand is that the hyperconservative and covered clothing women are expected to don in Islam belongs to the same essence of hypersexualization → women's bodies are treated as commodities in the eyes of men.

To quote Arianna Kyanne “Many think that modesty culture and hypersexuality culture are two vastly contradictory things, and often think that weaponizing one in response to the other is some type of rebellion or system-breaking act, without realizing that modesty culture and hypersexual culture are two sides of the same misogynistic coin; it all revolves around the notion that your sexuality is your worth as a woman, and if not used correctly under patriarchal systems, you are then deemed as useless or invaluable.” Western "reverts" (especially the women amongst them) see becoming Muslim as a rebellion against hypersexuality when it is in fact the same thing.

★

3} Cleanliness: This might be a bit of a reach but I feel that western culture, particularly stemming from Europe, has an underpinning "shame" around them on the basis of uncleanliness. Europe has been ravaged again and again by infectious disease, with rats, epidemics, and pandemics having a long time problem in European society. Europe also has a few factors affecting its relationship with disease:

→ It has a temperate climate where disease can live in surface or on exposed food for longer, as opposed to MENA societies which have long been able to use the Sun as a disinfectant.

→ It has urbanized differently to other societies where it's cities and major towns were packed tightly together with damp, small alleys and no major roads.

→ European colonizers have killed a gigantic amount of Native Americans due to sheer disease, things that they'd developed immunity to that they've now exposed to people who don't live in that kind of dirty living space.

Now MENA is not immune to disease and also has an underpinning shame, however the illogical Western "revert" is not consciously thinking about these things, only subconsciously. There is emphasis on health in the west being an institution-based system (hospital, doctor, clinic, etc), with little in the way of home remedies for minor illness (as opposed to many other societies which have emphasis on traditional medicine, either alongside or precedent above scientific medicine). I'm not saying which is better, just saying it's there.

I think Islamic converts become attracted to the idea of not eating pig, using bidet instead of just toilet paper, fulfilling wudu, and also how many predominantly Muslim cultures have a strong home-medicine practice, and other parts of religious cleanliness. I think it appeals to them significantly.

★

4} Lovebombing and community aspect: It's no secret how much Muslims pour out affection and warm welcome to converts and I think that's one of the strongest reasonings. Along with the fact that Muslims are religiously entitled to lie about the contents of the Qur'an or hadiths in order to attract a convert, and the "good deeds" you get for bringing someone to Islam, it means pre-existing Muslims are motivated to sweet-talk interested people or newcomers to win their conversion.

Lovebombing is a common cult tactic but soon the convert is held to strict expectations. Eventual apostasy amongst converts is a well known phenomenon but I cannot find a source on what the % is (the oft-quoted 70% within a year seems to be just some guy's opinion and not a statistic). However what is worrying is that apostasy doesn't automatically mean you leave behind the radical nature Islam instills in you. The urge to police others, to justify violence based on philosophy, to stick to strict maladaptive routines, and to continuously radicalize in any chosen philosophy, doesn't automatically go away. Matter of fact, cult like behaviours instilled by Islam may be used further on an ex-convert if they have not deconstructed this.

★

5) Racial "blindness": As far as I'm aware, there's no islamic laws that are applied differently depending on ethnicity, race, or skin colour, say opposed to forms of Hinduism where caste matters, and in Christianity where certain denominations are associated with specific races or ethnic groups, have different teachings, and often have beef with each other.

This is extremely appealing to the western Islamic convert as race is taken extremely seriously in the west. Both for the oppressed races (black, brown, champagne) and the oppressor race (white), as the former see this as "finally! a religion that accepts me regardless of the colour of my skin," which is why there's so many African American converts imo, and a long history of Islamic conversion amongst AA's at that. And the white converts see it as an opportunity to ‘shake off’ some of their status as an oppressor, as they now believe in a religion that purportedly thinks every colour is the same.

The issue with this is two-fold. On the oppressed group's side, they're actually trading in one abuser for another, as Islamic colonization has long been going on and indeed the Arab nations still partaking in the Transaharan/Red Sea slave trade, one of the longest going slave trades in human history (afaik only superseded by the Korean slave trade).

The ignoring of Arabia's continued oppression of Africa and indeed UAE in particular trafficking south Asians, is extremely harmful to these groups as they are silenced on a global discussion level. This is not to forget how places like Somalia, Eritrea, Djibouti, and Sudan, retain a racial inferiority complex, often jokes made about these groups trying to say they're not black, or claim Arab significant ancestry when it's not there. When you add in that Islam believes only Arabic is spoken in Jannah, it becomes clear that Islam is not a colourblind religion.

On the other hand, white converts see their entry into Islam as a shedding of their position as an oppressor group in Western society. Reminder that the west sees Islam as the "POC" religion and therefore non-defamabke. Take in the "Tumblr model," which has 5 stages, and can happen for better or worse.

a → Tolerance: wanting to support a Group (possibly for uninformed or wrong reasons)

b → Glorification: Associates Group with positive traits

c → Appropriation: Real or perceived proximity to the aforementioned traits, therefore considers self similar to the Group

d → Fanaticism: Perception of proximity to the traits increases; considers self part of the Group

e → Intolerance: believes true Group members embody the aforementioned traits, not necessarily the criteria for the Group

These "reverts" all ended up at D and many at E, telling others around them that Islam is such a peaceful and gentle religion, or a feministic religion (💀) which then reinforces this model for other westerners.

—

Let me know if you feel there are other key factors to western Islamic converts, and let me know if you have an ideas of what can be done to stop this train of idealization of Islam!

[curioushabitforarivergod]

what would the doctors visits tom apparently endured have been like? what if he had been institutionalized as he apparently feared? what would have happened to him?

Sorry this took a little while! I had to do some research for this because I'm not super familiar with healthcare from this period.

This is potentially triggering for ppl who are neurodiverse or experience mental/chronic conditions as I'm discussing outdated language and treatments, some which are still prevalent today despite medical suggestion. So after the first part on general healthcare, I'm going to put the rest as hidden.

From what I can gather, general healthcare (like doctors) were largely free for working men, but that left women, children, the unemployed and homeless without. This also means Tom. Tom would've likely been treated, if he ever got ill (and I think its mentioned in Order of the Phoenix that wixen don't get the same health issues that muggles do, although that may just be JKR batshittery), by one of the staff at the orphanage, who would prescribe cod liver oil for colds and thats about it. Penicillin was only discovered in 1928 so its likely kids were still dying from infections, especially in the orphanage. A doctor might've been called for something more serious like a broken bone, but operations still were being done on stuff like kitchen tables, so I wouldn't trust a 20s/30s doctor. There would've been a sanitarium (basically a sick room) although I can imagine that children went there to essentially die, especially from the more dangerous conditions that were rife at the orphanage, which I also discussed here.

(This next part is the potentially triggering section. Read at your own discretion.)

Tom is commonly read, particularly to outsiders (as we are when we view him through others eyes), as neurodiverse or with an Anti-Social Personality Disorder. Especially with his magic, he likely would've been perceived the same way by those at the orphanage, most prevalently by Ms Cole and others in charge as kids just don't notice these things. Germany's Aktion T-4 during the 30s an 40s (the proposed eugenics and selective breeding, but in reality murder, of anyone 'mentally retarded') mirrored the attitudes of the first half of the 20th century. Not a lot was known about how children think anyway, so they were often treated as mini adults or dolls, despite children not even having the mental capacities to comprehend why they're doing something until they're literally 15.

Tom (with whatever condition he does have) would have fallen under the Mental Deficiency Act (1913) which was passed almost unanimously with only 3 votes against it. It was a step forward from the previous Idiots Act (1886), but the language and treatment was still poor. It categorised people into four groups:

a) Idiots. Those so deeply defective as to be unable to guard themselves against common physical dangers. b) Imbeciles. Whose defectiveness does not amount to idiocy, but is so pronounced that they are incapable of managing themselves or their affairs, or, in the case of children, of being taught to do so. c) Feeble-minded persons. Whose weakness does not amount to imbecility, yet who require care, supervision, or control, for their protection or for the protection of others, or, in the case of children, are incapable of receiving benefit from the instruction in ordinary schools. d) Moral Imbeciles. Displaying mental weakness coupled with strong vicious or criminal propensities, and on whom punishment has little or no deterrent effect.

It suggested institutionalisation was the best response to these conditions, and the now-obsolete Board of Control for Lunacy and Mental Deficiency oversaw this implementation of 'care'.

Tom wouldn't have been aware of what occurred in these places (lobotomies and shock therapy of various kinds for 'treatment', including insulin and forcing seizures; but also horrible treatments of patients by 'carers' including violence and abuse), but would know that it meant you were crazy. Bedlam (12th century — present) was notorious based on rumours alone. Tom would've been genuinely fearful of what happened in those places even though he had no idea himself.

I remember playing games about asylums when I was a kid, and I doubt children in Tom's time were much different, but there was no one around to de-stigmatise and so rumours perpetuated. I think Tom was very scared because he believed his magic was a sign of insanity or a hallucination, and although he probably wasn't politically aware, he realised his own ability to hurt and was afraid of what that meant for him. To Tom, as a young child knowing nothing about his strange powers, being crazy was just as frightening as death because it meant the end of freedom.

[silverior968]

Okay so since a few people were curious, here's what I have lined up for my new version of Anton's headcanon backstory (Long post, CW: mental health issues, elusions to suicidal ideation, death, particularly death of children.

His mother is an Irish Signum Linguist named Siobán, who met her husband, Lian, on a trip to Nanjing, while working as an interpreter between different magical communities. He was an Arborkineticist, and they fell in love through their shared love of botany. They move back to Ireland together and get married, and eventually have 4 kids, the two oldest, twins Iris (Sensitive) and Anton (birthname Aspen), along with two younger daughters Arnica (Vitakinetic) and Ivy (Elemental). This was before the war had properly begun, but fights were already breaking out between the two future factions, and Lian dies in one such altercation. This leaves Siobán alone with her children, at the time aged 7, 7, 4 and 2.

Depressive tendencies run in the family, and Siobán takes the loss very hard. Still, she tries her best to be there for her children, neglecting her own health in the process, which leaves her vulnerable to various diseases, one of which ends up being her slow undoing. She falls ill four years after her husband's death, and dies just under three years later. The children, 14, 14, 11 and 9 are on their own.

Before she died, Iris was well known in their town for being a talented Sensitive, and people would pay her to predict what they should do in regards to their crops and cattle. This unfortunately gets the attention of a certain powerful Mevolent-aligned family of Sorcerers. The year is 1592, but the signs of war are already clear in the air, and both of Iris's parents were Sanctuary-aligned. So they decide to have her taken care of while she's still young and can't do much in the way of fighting. A few of the family's soldiers are sent to take care of it-

A week passes, then another. No sign of the soldiers. A few more men are sent in undercover to find out where they went, and the locals tell them that they did find a few hunters dead in the woods from a wolf attack. Two local children had seen it happen. The townsfolk seem cagey about answering their questions, so the men surmise that it wasn't a wolf attack, but rather a werewolf attack.

Obviously, there's no wolf. The soldiers show up to kill Iris, Anton is with her and ends up summoning the gist out of a mix of fear and anger, promptly passing out afterwards. Gists in canon only seem to be as well known as they are due to Anton being such a high-profile person, so it is my opinion that in the 1590s some random folks in a little town would have had no clue what it was. Werewolves, on the other hand are said to have been more common in the olden days, so it would make sense for the soldiers to assume that one of Iris's siblings was a werewolf. Note that they don't know which one yet.

Iris makes Anton swear he's never gonna do that again (Imagine that comic that's like "Wake up Tails, you fucked up big time!" That's her) and he does pretty well for several years, learning Sigils from a local woman. After Siobán's death the kids fare reasonably on their own, with the three older children doing work with their disciplines. The realization that it's just the four of them now hits all of them hard, though. The community takes turns helping out with them when need be.

Everything goes steady until two years later, when they notice strangers hanging around their property. They try to run through the woods to the nearest neighbour, but get ambushed on the way. An arrow comes at Anton, but Iris pushes him out of the way, taking the hit instead. She dies almost instantly, and as soon as her life has gone from her Anton is forced to go back on his promise to her, releasing the gist and slaughtering the soldiers. It takes Arnica and Iris a few weeks to not cower away from him, as they had never seen the gist before. This leaves three of them: 15, 12, 10.

At this point Anton gives up on Sigils: as much as he hates the gist, he sees what it is capable of, and he knows that it's his one shot at keeping his younger sisters safe. The children grow distrustful of everyone who they don't know. A year later Anton starts working as a stablehand for a local not noble, but slightly more affluent family. This is where the new version of the story diverges from the old one. While working there he meets another boy his age, Rook. He's distrustful of him at first, but they slowly become friends and Anton learns to trust him. Rook tells him that his parents were affluent as well, but he left home to make a life for himself because of different worldviews. Anton tells him of what happened to his parents and sister.

In a previous Anton hc post I also said that Larrikin was the first person that Anton had any romantic feelings towards. I still maintain that he's demiromantic, but I'm going to say that he did have a crush on Rook, but never said anything about it. He's lost so many people he cared about, so he prefers to keep everyone at an arm's length, and he frankly doesn't even know how to go about it. So he just doesn't. One february day, soon after his surge and a little while after his 18th birthday he goes to work and finds that Rook isn't at work, and doesn't show up for work on the entire day for that matter. No-one has seen him. Well, maybe he was just sick. Anton leaves to go home that night only to find the house empty.

He alerts his neighbours, and soon enough a small crowd has gathered to search for his sisters, their footprints leading away from the house and into the woods, accompanied by a third set of larger prints. They end on the ice of the river, where the current is the strongest. Three human tracks lead to where the ice has shattered, one set of fox tracks continue off the other side. Anton jumps in and almost drowns, and it takes two men to keep him from trying to fish them out again after he's dragged out. A local elemental manages to get two bodies out, and they've clearly been dead for a few hours. Anton can't fathom how it could have happened, when Arnica and Ivy didn't trust anyone except a few people in town and him.

That's when he realizes that the shoeprints in the snow match his own exactly. And that there was no third body. And the fox tracks on the other side. And the fact that Rook never told him his discipline. After that it's a very cut and dry case: townsfolk saw Anton working the whole day, so most agree that he couldn't have done it. And Rook is suspiciously still missing.

See, the noble family of Sorcerers responsible for Iris's death finally came up with a strategy other than just throwing soldiers at Anton for him to kill. They send their youngest son out to earn Anton's trust and learn his mannerisms so that he can kill him and then his sisters. Over time he does come to care for Anton, however, and doesn't end up killing him. He explains this to his parents as resource efficiency: without his family Anton wouldn't have anything to fight for, and would thus be unlikely to fight in the war that was so close to breaking out. His parents are none too happy about this. At this point it's less about eliminating the threat of this werewolf and more about getting revenge on these dastardly kids that have cost them several troops worth of soldiers by now. Note that I don't intend Rook to be a sympathetic character who was just manipulated by his parents or anything: he still did something terrible that he could have chosen not to do, and while he did neglect to kill Anton, it was simply because he personally liked him. He still viewed himself as someone who could make decisions on who lives and who dies.

Anton runs away a few days later, never to return. He has no-one left to live for, and in his grief he's become convinced that the reason that he's still alive is so that he can neutralize the people who have brought his family such heartbreak. He spends several decades like this, wandering around. At first he targets the troops that get sent after him. Then when they slowly realize that he's not actually a werewolf but something else entirely due to the fact that he leaves behind the same exact carnage whether it's a full moon or not, they stop doing that. Then he moves on to doing vigilantee justice, wandering around fighting highwaymen and other people who he sees threatening those weak or innocent.

Finally someone who's actually familiar with gists sees him, and word spreads of what he is. The noble family responsible for his family's death suddenly realize that what they've done is accidentally craft a superweapon. Several of their own sons who joined their troops are dead because of him. When the war breaks out he moves on to being a menace to Mevolent's forces without being allied with the Sanctuary yet. He holds them slightly responsible for how little support his mother got after his father's death.

Finally, in the 1620s, his paths cross with Rook's again in a town far away from where he came from. Anton goes in for the kill, but Rook pleads for him to listen. He's a changed man now, he cut off all connections to his family and isn't involved in the war. He has a wife and child now. He apologizes for everything that he did. Anton holds the sword to his throat, standing still for a long time. Finally he lowers it. Rook thanks him, but Anton simply tells him to go.

In the morning they find him dead in the lake. "Go" was not a relieving from responsibility, but rather a head start. No matter how conflicted Anton was, he was unable to let him live after such a long time of only living for retribution. He never imagined that it would be relieving or triumphant, killing Rook. He wasn't sure what he would feel, but he certainly didn't expect grief. Even if he was a terrible person, he was someone he loved once, and after he's dead the weight of his own family being dead finally hits him at full force. He's lost his one reason to live, and he finds himself thinking of Rook's child and how there's now one more child in the world that's going to grow up with such a terrible tragedy on their shoulders.

It's in this state of mind that he finds Saracen, who's 11 years old and has just accidentally killed his older siblings. Neither of them have anything or anyone in this world, and so Anton takes him under his wing, finding a new reason to keep living.

[blubushie]

i've seen some blogs i follow say that misandry isn't real and men aren't opressed for being men and honestly the former doesn't sit right with me. misandry is not systemic like misogyny but your answers about your experiences prove that it does indeed happen in queer spaces. masculine queer men have to prove that they aren't a threat by making themselves a walking gay caricature.

Hell men aren't just oppressed in female-dominant "cultures" (like queer spaces) but they're also oppressed by patriarchy and, in some ways, legally. They're just not oppressed in the same way women are.

Men are considered inherently stronger/better, which means women can't compete with us, which means any time a man is a victim of a woman it's automatically his fault for ALLOWING himself to be. How are you, a man, gonna let a woman hit you? (It's because even if you defend yourself, and you make the call the police, YOU'LL be arrested as the aggressor. It's your word against hers, and in domestic violence they will always favour hers.)

We are simultaneously shit on for defending ourselves, because how dare a man ever put his hands on a woman even in self defence, but at the same time if we DON'T do that, it's our fault for being abused because we didn't "resist" our abuser. This is the male version of being asked about what you were wearing when you were victimised. The only way men are ALLOWED to be recognised as victims is if you're a child and your abuser is an adult man. If it's an adult woman? Hell, kid, you're lucky.

A lot of people think men can't be raped—either because we "always want sex", or because we're expected to physically resist our rapist and win. Contrast this to women, who are told to piss themselves or scream, or just take it because maybe if you do your rapist won't kill you. (If you ask me a firearm makes a helluva equaliser, but that's a conversation for another day.) Legislation even reflects this—in the UK, for example, according to UK law, it isn't possible for a women to rape a man unless she penetrates him with an object. A woman violently raping a man, even a child, by restraining him or otherwise and forcing him into penetrating her, is merely considered sexual assault and carries a much lighter sentence than rape.

And that really sucks for someone like me, who was raped by two women while I was drunk. Who didn't even realise I was raped until a mate explained it to me, because it's normalised that women can have sex with a drunk man and that's not considered rape—not even if he blacks out and asks them to stop when he wakes up, and they keep going while he blacks out again. Like what happened to me. An even bigger kicker—a man is always considered responsible in sex. So if a drunk man and a drunk woman both agree to sex while both are intoxicated, legally HE is raping HER despite both being unable to actually consent.

This in addition to men being expected to be sole providers for a home by society—look at the current rise of women looking for a sugar daddy or red-flagging a man because he only has one car instead of two, or of men never being favoured in family court even when the mother is unable to care for the children or is abusive, or how women will weaponise visitation against fathers for spite because they know the court will side with her regardless of how good of a father he is, or the lack of men's shelters, or how DV shelters won't take women with minor children who are boys older than 12 so a woman has to either go back to her abuser with her children or leave her sons behind alone with an abusive father, of people laughing at the male loneliness epidemic and treating it like a good thing/deserved reckoning instead of recognising it as a warning sign for a flood of lost teens and young men drifting down the Andrew Tate or rapist incel misogyny pipeline, of people laughing at men's mental health month posts and outright encouraging men to commit suicide under them while men already statistically commit suicide at a higher rate than women...

Men are oppressed in some ways, I'd argue some of those ways are systemic, but no one talks or cares about it. There was a feminism wave in the 90s of "patriarchy harms everyone", which is true, but now we're on a different wave of "men are biologically evil", which is absolutely batshit fucking insane and helps no one. Bioessentialism helps no one. (Plus it's transphobic and intersexist.)

Anyway I'm gonna go back to working on my ute now.

[heyftinally]

https://www.tumblr.com/heyftinally/748388217187958784/i-love-bitching-about-taylor-swift-and-im-glad?source=share

Hi I saw this on my dash and wanted to say I agree with your anon and your reply so much. The thing that annoys me the most isn't that she stays silent about x issues it's that she constantly claims to be a massive ally/activist for x groups/issues but when it's actually time to be an active ally she says NOTHING. It's clear in her doc she only said all that she did about being an ally and how actions speak louder than words to make herself look good bc people were calling her out, not bc she actually cared. What has she done since that doc was made in 2020? She hasn't done many actions and even with just words she's been mostly silent on things.

It's like her constantly claiming she is a massive feminist and cares about women's issues but when many women [along with trans men and NBs] had to deal with abortions being banded/illegal on a federal level in the USA she didn't say anything until after the decision was finalized why bc she's billionaire rich and worldwide famous so it wouldn't effect her. Her fans claim her speaking up before hand wouldn't have done anything and that is the dumbest shit I've heard given her fame and power status. She only cares about feminism or any women's issues when she gets to be at the center of it and she just uses it as a weapon so others can't hate on her.

Let's not even get started how she's the appitmy of "white feminism" [or how I see it caring about feminism only when it benefits herself] bc she screams feminism but I didn't see her saying anything when a poor innocent young woc was getting racist death threats from HER fanbase bc of a tweet SHE made. Wasn't the actresses fault that one line joke was made blame the writers of that netflix show! This situation alone tells me she hasn't "changed/learned" like she claimed in her doc.

She's the exact same as she was back in the day when she was silent on the fact white supremist groups idolized her and claimed her as "one of them". She was silent for years on the matter and only said something when she changed from typical southern country gal to liberal pop girlie and her older pop fanbase was like umm what is this? I honestly don't understand how ANYONE over looks the ws group situation. It's very alarming. She's not a kind of done some questionable things person it's VERY red flag things she has done or in this case not done.

When it comes to the music portion it's just like you said if she wasn't shoved down our throats 24/7 and treated like the greatest artist who ever lived we wouldn't care so much her music is average and her latest album was awful. All the lyrics I've seen on SM are so wtf? Who wrote this? THIS is the "greatest writer of our generation"? Outing her ex as someone with mental health issues and how you just wanted him to "easily get better" so you could love him? Outing yourself as awful [yet again] by saying the things your other ex did was just "bad jokes" and you thougut you could fix him bc racism, misogyny and SAing workers on stage at your concerts are just "bad jokes". Romanticizing 1800s America. Acting like you had a lower class upbringing with many bills to pay when really you had a rich upbringing and your daddy bought your way into the music industry.

Also her putting out 20+ versions of one damn album so she can make as much money as possible and have as many streams as possible is so 😵‍💫. It was such a cash grab when she had the backs of midnight vinyls be a puzzle picture that forced fans to buy 4 vinyl copies of 1 damn album or it just looked like an incomplete shelf piece for fans.

Lastly it's just like you said most of us who dislike her don't dislike her because she's a women it's bc she's an awful person who uses x issues and people to further her own agenda and only really cares about herself and will step on anyone just to make herself look better and more of a victim. The only victim thing she has actually dealt with was her music being bought from under her BUT now she owns her own music and found a way to make it a huge cash grab for herself so she could get that billionaire status. 🤩 She needs to stop using feminism as a means to try and stop people from calling her ass out for being problematic!!!

The post anon is referring to is here, for those wondering

Anon, you are so very, very right, and I personally want to give you a round of applause: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

One thing I want to elaborate on (because I find it endlessly funny/ironic), is where you said "She was silent for years on the matter and only said something when she changed from typical southern country gal to liberal pop girlie..."

Taylor Swift was *never* a "southern country gal". She's from Pennsylvania. A big white McMansion with a swimming pool in Pennsylvania. All those old songs about summer nights in the country? The cowboy boots? Sweet Tea (referenced in an unreleased song)? Yeah, lies. She painted the image of a good ol' Tennessee princess pretty darn well, didn't she? I'll admit, she fooled me for a while on that, too. But no, she built her career on fraud from day one.

The rest of your ask I'm going to hit point by point, because it's beautiful and made my day and you deserve it.

Performative is her middle name. I about choked when she - a self proclaimed LGBTQ+ ally (side note: you don't get to just decide you're an ally, it's not that easy) - got up on stage in a known LGBTQ+ safe state to make a statement about queer rights, and somehow left queer people out of the statement. It was all "it's so hard for us as friends, family, and allies to see our loved ones face such hatred". As if being an ally is harder than being the queer person actively afraid of getting hate crimed???????? She somehow managed to center herself even when actively talking about an oppressed minority group she has nothing to do with unless she can profit off of us. And she can't even put us at the center of our own oppression. If I hadn't stripped her of her ally status before, that would have done it.

If Taylor Swift can make the impact that she does on economies, the environment, and social trends, she could absolutely speak up about human rights and make a positive change in the world. But she doesn't. Her feral mob loves to brag about how much power they have, but they/their hive mind leader never uses it for anything good. They're just her minions to go bully whoever she's decided deserves her high school mean girl nastiness next. So many artists with ⅛ the reach she does make positive change every day, and she can't be bothered to pay someone to tweet her fake support for oppressed minorities or to stand against a genocide. And it's because she cares about money above all else. Her fans accept the bare minimum of scraps, so she's able to play both sides - before it was the white supremacists and people who weren't raging bigot trash, and now it's homophobes/racists/genocide supporters and people who don't see those things as bad enough to stop supporting someone who happily aligns herself with bigots. It's pure self serving greed.

Is her music shit? Yes. Has it been shit for a while? Yes. But there's alose a lot of music I don't like, for one reason or another. I've never been a fan of "Hey There Delilah" even though it was a MAJORLY popular song. I'm not much of a fan of Maroon 5, or Post Malone, or Yungblood. But unlike those bands, if I turn on the radio at any point, I *will* hear a Taylor Swift song withing twenty minutes. And another one twenty minutes after that. Despite having her blocked/filtered on every social media possible, I see more about her than artists I actively follow the personal accounts of. That's a PROBLEM. Because it's not just that I think both she as a person and her music suck - I'd ignore her as much as I could if that were the case - it's that despite ACTIVELY trying to avoid her, I'm forcibly subjected to her shitty music and shitty actions daily. And her shitty actions aren't just annoying! As a queer person who has queer, black, and disabled friends, her bullshit actively impacts our lives. One of my disabled friends was totally blindsided by this recent "asylum" bullshit, and was so shocked and hurt because, in a different time, they would have been sent to an asylum. They're physically disabled with a degenerative condition. They would have been sent away, drugged up, and forcibly given electroshock and brain surgeries until they died/were murdered. And Taylor Swift is using that aesthetic - disabled people being exploited, abused, tortured, neglected, and murdered - to be "edgy". In turn, she's minimizing just HOW bad that abuse was. That waters down disabled history, and considering disabled people still have to fight SO hard just for basic respect, nevermind access rights and fair treatment, it's an overall thoughtless and disgusting thing for someone with so much money and access to feedback to do.

The multiple releases of albums is nothing short of a scam that her fans keep falling for. I've never in my life heard of an artist doing such a thing. Sometimes you'll get a platinum or deluxe edition if they hit a milestone with that album, which usually has 4-6 new songs and some new art/bonus pictures/a mini poster/etc inside. And that's it, that's the only "duplicate" album we got. Meanwhile, Taylor Swift will release the same album five times in one day, each with one different song and a different cover. She's actively preying on consumerism to line her already fat pockets. At least donate the money to charity! Pick an album = pick a charity? Nope, because she's incapable of not scamming her fans. Case in point: all the Eras merch that requires a masters in chemistry to wash without destroying you $60+ shirt.

She truly has such a huge victim complex that it might ACTUALLY be bigger than her ego. She's no feminist - she'll tear a woman to shreds as soon as it serves her purposes. Hell, she'll tear ANYONE apart just because she's bored. Whether it's siccing her fans on an actress for reading a script she didn't like or basic her ex (AGAIN) for the "crime" of having a mental illness, all she cares about is how other people effect her. She's incapable of compassion, yet weaponizes is and cries big white woman crocodile tears any time her conniving bullshit comes back to bite her in the ass. Then she begs for all the compassion she never shows anyone else. Hell, remember the fan that DIED at her Brazil show? Yeah, that poor girl's family had to CROWD FUND to afford to bring their daughter's *dead body* home for the funeral. Taylor Swift posted a half assed "thoughts and prayers" on her Instagram story - gone forever in 24hrs. But as soon as she gets called out for dating a known racist who gets off to abuse porn? She has every defense in the book as to why "poor little Taylor" doesn't deserve all that mean ol' accountability for her actions. And if she doesn't have the defense? Doesn't matter, her fans can - and have, and will - justify everything up to and including racist harassment, stalking, and death threats!

Genuinely, my dislike of Taylor Swift can be summed up in this: she's a shit person with shit music who uses her disgusting amount of power and money to do nothing but serve herself, regardless of who she hurts in the process. And the rest of us are forced to watch it happen because if you don't worship the chair she farted on people act like you're either stupid, a piece of shit, or both. And then those same people will go on tumblr and post "eat the rich" and "be trans, throw hands" memes as if they didn't just give $300 to a billionaire who couldn't give less of a fuck about any minority to ever exist.

Anyway, thank you again for this, anon. You cleared my skin, watered my crops, and gave me a small amount of faith in humanity back.