#people can say stuff and it just won’t stick in my brain

[ghostgirl-22]

Your new fic about art is making me think about brat dom art squeezing patricks throat to get what he wants

Ay! My darling<3

—-

It goes something like…

When Patrick’s back to acting like a brat, flirting with other boys during Art’s Burberry photoshoot in London. Thinking Art can’t (won’t) do anything about it because his persona is supposed to be professional, calm, collected and so well rehearsed in public. But when Patrick makes a show of sneaking off to the bathroom to fuck another male model, Art just loses all decorum. He follows them to the bathroom, yanks Patrick by the arm and pushes him up against the door of the nearest stall just after it slams shut behind them.

“Hi,” Art says gently, but it feels dangerous.

“Did I break you?” Patrick asks, trying to play it off like he doesn’t care but his brain is already short circuiting because of the way Art manhandled him.

Art smiles and cups his fingers around Patrick’s throat. Gentle, but firm. Patrick swallows, his heart suddenly racing. Art must be able to feel it going crazy against his fingertips.

“I thought we agreed you were gonna stop fucking random people.” Art says softly, his lips so close to Patrick’s that Patrick can’t help sticking out his tongue eager for just a taste.

“I was just… I wasn’t really gonna do anything.” Patrick says, letting out a breath as he gets one lick before Art presses him harder up against the wall.

“I know you aren’t,” Art sighs, resting the side of his head against the stall and pressing his lips to Patrick’s cheek, hand still on Patrick’s throat he squeezes just a little tighter. “I know you’re impatient.” He says in Patrick’s ear. “I know you’re doing all of this because you want to fuck me. God. It must be so fucking embarrassing that you can’t fucking control yourself but that’s okay. I promise it’s okay.” He moves to look at Patrick head on again, pretty blue eyes darting back and forth.

“Mm, I just… ‘m sorry,” Patrick says carefully, his heads all scrambled. “I just— you’re wearing all that make up and clothing and stuff and you look so pretty I need to—”

“You don’t need to do anything, Patrick.” Art interrupts. “You just really, really want to.” There’s that same gentle tone with the dangerous edge.

“Yeah,” Patrick says, his mouth feels so wet he has to swallow to keep from drooling. “Fuck it, you’re right. I just want to fuck you in your pretty clothes, can I please?”

“Look at you…using your words,” Art smirks. To Patricks surprise Art kisses him, lets Patrick settle on the toilet seat and fuck him. It’s especially delicious because he’s still wet from what they did in the backseat of the car at lunchtime. Art’s fingers find their way back to Patrick’s throat, while he’s riding, while they’re kissing. Art’s squeezing a little tighter and a little tighter and just a little bit tighter till Patrick’s light headed and dizzy and Art’s moaning and coming, spurts of it getting all over Patrick’s t-shirt and face and chin. And while Art’s losing it he just grips Patrick even tighter.

Patrick nearly passes out with one of the most intense orgasms he’s ever experienced in his life. He wants to scream but he can barely make a sound, his heart’s pounding in his ears. His body is thrumming all over with wave after wave of pleasure and he can’t breathe. Art just kisses him, doesn’t even let up. Patrick tastes Arts soft lips and feels the edges of his vision start to go black. He just knows he’s gonna black out or just die and if this is how he dies it’s so fucking worth it and that’s when Art finally lets go.

Patrick gasps for air, coughing at the same time. “Fuck,” he says when he can finally formulate a sentence. He’s still feeling the aftershocks of it all. Probably spilled more inside Art than he ever has in anyone.

“Oopsie I didn’t squeeze too tight did I?” Art asks with mock innocence.

Patrick smiles, breathless. “You’re so fucking good at that.”

Art smiles back at him and gets up, letting Patrick slide out. “Can you behave now?”

“Mmhm,” Patrick nods, but he can’t help but ease his fingers inside just a second to feel the mess he’s made in him before Art can get his briefs and fancy expensive pants back on.

“Don’t touch,” Art says smacking his fingers away. Patrick smirks and bites down on the one finger he managed to get inside.

”You like the make up right?” Art asks, when he’s half dressed and zipping up his pants.

“Oh god yes,” Patrick says idly brushing his fingers along his spent cock.

“Good, once you clean up lets see if they can cover those marks on your neck so we can meet Tashi for drinks like normal people after this.”

Patrick laughs. “Yeah. Right. Like normal people.”

—

I’m not all that confident with writing the D/s elements but I did my (unproofread) best lol. Thanks for your idea nonnie!

[seeingivy]

new year's day

actor eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting fic, masterlist here

content: reader mentions insecurity, connie and reiner teasing you, smooching, levi being a dad for ten minutes straight, sukuna cameo

an: I MISSED YOU POOKIES SO MUCH. SO SO MUCH. war (my 9-5) is over. this ended up at 9k, I hope it can compensate for the wait. ALSO VERY IMPORTANT WE'VE REACHED OUR FIRST TAYLOR SONG OF THE FIC. you can listen to new year's day from reputation before reading - it'll make the end part make more sense <3 (me furthering my turning people into swifties agenda, I saw her last night and my brain chemistry changed)

previous part linked here

--

“Go outside and look at the moon.” 

“No. I’m really comfortable in my bed.” 

“Oh, come on Y/N. Just go outside.”

You grumble some nice profanities at Eren over the phone as you shuffle out of your sheets, pushing open your window to stick your head out. The breeze in the air is cold, the frigid atmosphere invading your already freezing room.

Erwin won’t justify turning on the heater. There are only four people in the townhouse right now - you, Levi, Hange, and Erwin (which is totally not your worst nightmare) - and apparently, that doesn’t justify heater use at all. Luckily enough, Eren and his very convincing angry face will arrive tomorrow to save you from your eternal winter. 

“S’cold, Jaeger.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Do you see the moon?” 

You crane your head up, twisting back in the window to look at it. A small crescent pressed against the sky, just slightly hidden beneath the clouds. 

“Yes, Eren. I see the moon.” 

“Okay. Now look to your right.” 

“Are we playing Simon Says?” 

“STOP SASSING ME AND JUST DO IT.” 

You’re thrown off by the irritation in his voice, and you turn over, peeking your head entirely out to look to the right. 

“Very exciting views, Eren. It’s literally pitch black.” 

You don’t see much, just the tandem bike you set out for tomorrow - when Eren would be here and not berating you through the phone - and the small patch of flowers that are by the front door. 

“I meant your other right, Y/N.” 

You shift your head to the left and see Eren standing there, his green hoodie pulled over his head and a cheeky smile pressed into his face. 

You drop your phone flat on the floor, running (falling) down the steps out into the cold air, your socks against the cold pavement as you run out to greet him. 

He’s already holding his arms open, which you run into, as you burrow your face into his shoulder, his warm arms squeezing around your frame and his laugh in your ears. 

“You were supposed to come tomorrow, Eren.” 

“And yet I’m here today, Y/N.” 

“Shut up. You know what I meant.” 

“Flight got moved up. And maybe I just wanted some time in the house where it’s just you and me - you know, without Mikasa interrupting us every two seconds.” 

You laugh as you and Eren sling your arms around each other’s shoulders, trudging out of the cold and into the kitchen. 

Before you can even mention it, Eren’s pulling out two bowls, and you’re grabbing the ramen packets, the two of you leaning against the counter as you watch the water boil. As excited as you are to see him and actually to be near him, there isn’t really much to talk about. 

You guys literally talk every single day. 

“How’s the song coming?” 

You groan, leaning into his shoulder as he laughs, his hand coming around your shoulder to rest in your hair. But it’s better. Because you can see him with your own eyes, hear him with your own ears, feel him with your own hands. 

“Bad. I’m never going to finish it.” 

“You’ll finish it. Plus, Armin’s coming soon, and he knows how to rhyme and stuff.” 

“That’s not the problem. I feel like the lyrics work when I can figure out the backing tracks and the music. But I keep getting tangled up because I can’t figure out the piano.” 

He reaches forward, opening the packets of noodles and dipping them into the water as you start chopping up the vegetables on the side. 

“I play piano, Y/N. I can help you if you want.” 

“No. That would just be more embarrassing. I get super frustrated when I’m writing. It would be infinitely worse if you were there watching me fail.” 

He rolls his eyes as he takes the knife from your hand, lightly pushing you to the side to watch the noodles. 

“You’re not going to fail. Let me help you. No one gets a hit on the first try, stupid.” 

“Don’t call me stupid, idiot.” 

“My bad, dumbass.” 

“Language, Eren,” Levi says from behind you two. 

You watch a smile spread across Eren’s face as he moves, running past the side of the counter to give Erwin, Hange, and a now-annoyed Levi a hug. Hange and Erwin are ruffling his hair, Hange cooing about how their little stars are back together again. 

Eren joins you again at your side as you're dishing out the food, Erwin pulling out a stack of papers as you and Eren start eating at the counter. 

“Business.” 

“Go ahead, Erwin.” Eren says, handing you the hot sauce before you can even reach for it. 

“So. Final scripts. As you’ll see, there aren't too many big scenes for you this season. It’s mostly focusing on this whole Utgard Castle arc, which you’re both not in.” Erwin explains. 

“Okay, that’s-” you say. 

“That doesn’t mean you both can slack off. There are more scenes for the rest of them because we need you two to nail the scenes you are in. Eren - this whole Colossal Titan reveal, you need to put everything you’ve got into it. If you think I’ve pushed you hard before, you’re in for a whole different playing field this season.” Levi says, glaring at Eren. 

You watch Eren roll his eyes, grumbling under his breath as he agrees and starts flipping through the script. 

“And you too, Y/N. This whole “Thank You” scene at the end - the majority of the dialogue falls on you. But you need to deliver in all ways. You better be acting with your eyes, your mind, your entire being. This is the type of scene you both could get nominated for as awards that’ll get you more roles. Take it seriously.” Levi continues. 

At the mention of awards, you and Eren both perk your ears up, flipping to the end of the script to the scenes tabbed at the ends with your name on it. You quickly run your eyes through the scene and the staging and feel your throat constrict at the staging lines right in the middle, bolded. 

Y/N leans forward, grabs Eren by the collar, and presses the softest kiss to his lips. It’s not overly passionate or sensational, but to the two of them, it’s a simple message. One they’ve known all along, maybe since they first met - in that cabin all those years ago.

I know how you feel. You don’t have to say it. 

You feel your eyes widen as you look up at Hange and Levi, the words spilling out of your mouth. 

“You want us to kiss?” 

“Huh?” 

At your words, Eren’s leaning over into your space, reading the line marked, and suddenly your cheeks are both burning pink. You both give each other a glance, which only makes it more awkward, as you shuffle as far away from each other as possible. 

“Yeah. It’ll fit the scene. It’s just one kiss, maybe two if we don’t get it on the first take.” Hange says nonchalantly as they start flipping through the rest of the highlighted script. 

As Erwin, Hange, and Levi start milling through their own conversations - discussing sets, costumes, that scene - you squeak out something that stops them in their tracks. 

“I’ve never kissed anyone before.” 

Hange’s eyes light up as they nearly jump to your side, taking your cheeks into their hands and teasing you. They flip you around so you’re facing Eren, which you’ve been avoiding this entire time, and start whispering into your ear. 

“Aw, isn’t he so sweet? It’ll be so nice to have your first kiss with your best friend, someone you trust.” 

“Uh, I-” 

“Cmon. Eren won’t bite now, will he?” 

Eren awkwardly pads to the other side of the room, shoving his face into his script, as Levi comes over and yanks Hange by the hair, muttering something about how they need to stop teasing you. 

“Another thing. While they’re filming the Utgard Castle scenes, you’re both not really in, you’re both going on a press junket. We’ll all be there as well.” 

“The rest of the cast too?” 

“No, just you two, Eren. They’re all going to finish filming so we can maximize time and all that. You’ll return on New Year’s Day to film that last scene.” 

“Can we come back earlier? Y/N’s birthday is on New Year’s Eve. She should be here to celebrate with everyone and not on a stuffy plane.” 

“Fine. You’ll come back that day. And then the scene is the day after.” 

Hange, Erwin, and Levi give the two of you a curt nod as they pad back upstairs, leaving you, Eren, and your two bowls of ramen in the kitchen. You and Eren take the bowls and place them on the table, eating silently. 

It’s still hanging in your mind. In a little less than a month, you’re going to be kissing Eren. 

“Y/N.” 

“Yeah, Eren?” 

“I haven’t kissed anyone either.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“I just mean, it doesn’t have to be awkward. We’ll just…figure it out together. And it’s you and me, so it won’t be weird.” 

You smile, watching the last of your noodles swirl around the bowl as his words seep into your head. Right. It is just you and Eren. You’re best friends. It’s just one kiss. Or maybe two. It’s not a big deal. 

“Yeah. You and me, Eren.” 

He smiles in response, the awkwardness lifting off of you as you both finish eating. 

- 

The second Connie, Reiner, and Ymir make it back on set, their incessant teasing starts. They read the scripts. Kissy faces, smooching sounds, purposely pushing you and Eren into corners together just so they can tease you. 

“Eren. Are you excited to kiss, Y/N?” 

“Shut up, Connie.” 

“Is this your first kiss together? You must be sooo excited, Y/N.” 

“Okay, Reiner. Are you excited for your weird pervert lines about Historia?” 

The entire room laughs, Historia and Mikasa coming over to yank you out of the corner and sit at the table with them as you all catch up. Armin’s going around - taking pictures of everyone for our first day of filming with his Polaroid - as he starts labeling them all. 

There’s one of Reiner and Bertholdt - in their iconic fists to each other’s back poses - labeled “pervert and giraffe” by Connie. 

Another one of Sasha sleeping face first on the table from her jet lag while Connie and Jean are spraying whipped cream into her hair, labeled “connie springer, ultimate menace” 

And another one of you and Eren, fist-bumping each other, labeled “l/n-jaegers, season two” 

Connie films his first incriminating video ten minutes after that. It's Eren tucking your hair behind your ear. 

- 

You yank your earphones out as you crunch the pebbles under your feet, rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes. When Armin walks up next to you, he’s immediately leaning his head on your shoulder, his eyes sleepily shut as you wait for everyone else to join. 

It’s five in the morning. And you really, really hate Hange for this. 

You’re all supposed to be filming a scene two hours away, in the snowcaps. It’s meant to be a flashback scene, primarily for Ymir and Historia, which is why you’re pissed that you had to wake up this early anyways. The light is barely peeking into the sky, the hues still a dark navy as everyone strolls out of the townhouse. 

Jean’s grumbling profanities, Mikasa’s dragging Connie out, and Sasha's the only one who’s really awake. Erwin slides open the bus door, and you trudge in, sliding into the first seat. 

You're leaning your head against the glass, ice cold, as you try to flutter your eyes closed again to rest a little bit on the drive over. You feel a shifting in the seat next to you and two hands on your head, moving you through space. 

You peek your eyes open to find Eren, placing your forehead against his shoulder instead of the glass. 

“Huh, what-” 

“Sorry, Y/N. Didn’t mean to wake you. Just figured it would be more comfortable this way.” he whispers, lightly pulling the hood of your jacket back over your head. 

You nestle more into his shoulder, letting the weight of your head fall entirely onto his shoulder as he readjusts under you, his arm splayed across your back. You feel his head resting on top of yours, your breaths in tandem as you both shut your eyes and drift off to a very unrestful and bumpy sleep. 

You wake up two hours later to the flash of a camera. And when you open your eyes, Armin and Connie are smirking at you, holding up the Polaroid of you and Eren sleeping in front of your face and then running out the bus. 

You frown as you rub your eye sockets with your knuckles, readjusting your hair and cracking out your neck. 

"Fuck Erwin for getting Armin that camera." 

“I really hope they’re not there when we have to kiss each other, Eren. They’re never going to let us hear the end of it.” 

“You and me both.” 

He holds his hand out, helping you up from the chair as you both pull on your jackets and join everyone else in the snow. 

“Sleep well?” 

You and Eren turn your heads to find Marco standing beside you, a shy smile on his face. You and Eren both reach forward, pulling your arms around him as you start talking at the same time, shocked at his presence. 

“Marco. What the fuck? What are you doing-” 

“You didn’t even tell us you were coming! That’s so messed up. You bitch.”  

He pulls back, a hand resting on both of your shoulders as he smiles, the look soft. 

“Sorry, guys. I wanted it to be a surprise. I’ll be here after you’re back from the press junket, too, Y/N. For your birthday.” 

You smile at him, giving him one more hug as he ruffles your hair, the two of you linking arms as you wait to film the scene at hand. After you film the aforementioned extremely short scene - which just makes you more aggravated at Levi and Hange because why the hell did you have to come out here for that - the lot of you head into the cabin, peeling off your snow coats and settling into the seats. 

Armin and Eren settle at the window, the two of them teaching each other card tricks while Bertholdt follows Sasha to rummage for snacks. Mikasa and Reiner run off to explore the upper level of the cabin as you and Marco sit flat against the wall, watching everyone walk around. 

“How are you, Y/N?” 

“Okay, Marco. How are you?” 

“I meant. Regarding everything we talked about last time and all that.” 

“Oh. Right.” 

The last time you saw Marco was when he came to visit you and stay with your family for a week. It was an impromptu trip after you mentioned to him that things weren’t going so great. Granted, he was only an hour away from filming a short film and had the time to spare, but it still meant the world. 

He places a hand on the top of your knee as you look over at Eren, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration as he starts talking. 

“You doing okay? Seriously?” he asks. 

“It feels better when I’m here. With you guys. Especially you, now that you’re here. I feel most normal here and wildly out of place when I’m home.” 

He sighs, squeezing your knee as you watch Eren place his card down, a victorious screech leaving his mouth as Armin rolls his eyes. 

“I can’t say I understand. We all went to the SHWA when we were so little, and I guess there was always some understanding that we’d be…in the spotlight. Scrutinized. No grocery stores or going to the beach, or any of that. Those things wouldn’t be normal. There was really no…normal to go back to.” 

You reach down, holding his hand, as you tilt your head back on the wall. 

“I don’t know. It’s weird. Sometimes it feels like I can’t even be normal without people picking apart everything I do. I knew this was something I wanted badly but never figured it would be like this.” 

“Yeah. I know the feeling.” he responds. 

Eren looks over from his spot on the windowsill, eyebrows scrunched together in frustration now as he mouths the words. 

You okay?

You nod, albeit halfheartedly, as Marco pulls you up, the two of you scooting into the kitchen. 

“Did you tell him about any of this?” 

“No.” “Don’t be silly, Y/N. The first thing they say at the SHWA is to rely on the people around you. The ones who understand.” 

“I do rely on the people around me. I’m talking to you right now.” 

He reaches forward to flick your forehead, the spot stinging.

“Ouch, asshole.” 

“I’m not a series regular anymore. And he’s the person you should tell. He’d want to know.” 

You roll your eyes at him as Sasha comes up, splitting half of her chocolate bar with you. Armin and Eren amble in a little while later, the lot of you all standing in the kitchen, watching Connie shove as many marshmallows as he can into Reiner’s mouth. 

Armin takes a picture. Labels it “chubby bunny gone wrong” when Reiner’s choking over the sink.

- 

The press junket is insane. You and Eren are spending three days, all at the same convention, doing panels together. All while trying to memorize the lines for your kiss scene. Levi and Erwin said to meet as many people as the two of you could socialize as much as you can. Answer questions about the show for fans without letting Eren spoil the show. 

The first interview was a get-to-know-the-actors test. You and Eren are tasked with asking each other simple questions and talking about them. It should be easy. As the camera beeps red for recording, Eren turns to the side and starts. 

“My name is Eren Jaeger, and I’m one of the cast members of Attack on Titan.” 

“And I’m Y/N L/N, and I’m also from the cast of Attack on Titan. We’re going to be doing an interview today for you to get to know us better!” 

Eren leans forward, giving you a warm smile as you talk. He reaches forward, reading off the question on the first card. 

“Y/N. Did you take anything home from the set?” 

You turn to the side, making a fake warning face into the camera. 

“Levi, if you’re watching, stop.” 

Eren laughs as you turn back to him, trying to ignore the lights blaring in your eyes. 

“Um. I totally accidentally took one of the scarves home. But that was an accident. Did you take anything?” 

“I stole one of Armin’s polaroids from the wall. I keep it in my wallet. And I totally stole one of the ODM gear swords.” 

“Huh? What do you even do with that?” 

“Threaten my brother.” 

“Oh my god, Eren. Jesus. Which polaroid did you take?” 

“I have it, actually.” 

Eren smiles at you as he yanks his wallet out of his pocket, handing the shiny white Polaroid over. You smile as you remember the day, the picture being of you and Eren with your ramen bowls. Armin’s inscription says, “sosuke and ponyo.” You hold it up to the camera before handing it back to Eren, making a mental note to steal one of Armin’s Polaroids too. 

“Okay, Eren. Your question is…who is the first person you call when you get good news?” 

His cheeks turn pink as he pinches the bridge of his nose, rolling his eyes at the camera. 

“This is kind of cheesy.” 

“Huh, Eren?” 

“The person I call is you.” 

You smile, twiddling with the end of your braids as you respond. 

“My answer is you too.” 

He smiles back, the two of you getting through the rest of the questions and thanking the crew team in the filming room. As you and Eren swing out of the door, he pulls the tiny little sheet Levi had made for the two of you out of his pocket, looking where to go next. You’re leaning so close into his space to read the little sheet that you can smell his minty gum, the smell filling your nose. 

You’re going to the networking event. 

You and Eren slide into the hallway, a big expensive conference room filled with people milling around. Almost everyone is nursing a glass of red wine in their hands, all adults talking over and around you as you both awkwardly stand at the front. You instinctively reach down for Eren’s hand, the two of you locking fingers as you move forward. 

You both naturally lean against the wall, watching everyone walk around as you enter the room. All men. Well, almost all men. But from what you can tell, the only other women in the room are actresses - the producers, directors, screenwriters - they’re all men. 

“Does it feel weird to you here, Eren?” 

“Kind of. I can’t really place what it is, but it doesn’t really feel like we’re allowed to be here.” 

You’re both significantly younger than almost everyone in this room. And they’re all drinking. Talking about god knows what. You try to scan the room - looking for Erwin, Hange, or Levi but come out dry from your search. Eren must be sensing your unease because he’s leading you toward the doors, ready to yank the two of you out of the situation. 

But before he can, a man stops him, tapping him on the shoulder to talk to him. You both stop in your tracks, half turning around to look at him. He’s extremely tall, looming over the two of you, and you feel infinitely small in front of him. He looks at Eren, a self-assured smile pressed on his face as he introduces himself. 

“Scott Clarkson. I’m a producer for Stone Studios.” 

“I’m Eren Jaeger. This is-” 

“I know who you are, Eren. I was invited to see one of the first cuts of the latest movie you just filmed and-” 

Before you can even understand what’s happening, he has his hand on Eren’s shoulder, and they’re walking down the length of the hall, the end of their conversation lost to you. Eren looks back, and you give him a halfhearted smile as he tries to turn back before getting stuck in a larger group of people. 

You make your way back against the wall, sliding into one of the farthest chairs and swirling a cup of lemonade in your hands. You watch the pulp of the lemon dissolve into your cup as you aggressively swirl, the drops landing on the black of your skirt. 

It’s moments like this where you feel like you don’t belong. Marco’s words swirl through your mind, that this type of stuff is normal for them because they have no normal to return to, but you can’t help but feel other to them even if they are where you feel most comfortable.

Eren’s on the other side of the room, now stuck in a big group and laughing with producers and casting directors and talking about movies he’s filming and what he has lined up next. You’re on the other side of the room, sulking against the wall - you’d be shocked if they even knew who you were. 

You’re not jealous of him. If anything, it’s everything Eren deserves and more. He’s always been phenomenal. But that’s just the thing, he’s everything and you’re not even on the same playing field. 

Sometimes, it feels like Eren’s too good to be your friend. Your co-star. Someone you’re around. You can feel your knuckles turning white against the plastic of the cup, crushing against your hand. 

“You know, if you do that any harder, you’re going to spill it all over yourself. Then I’ll have to take my pants off so you don’t look like an idiot.”  

You look up to find Sukuna smiling at you, with Nobara and Maki rolling their eyes at him. You hop up, crushing Nobara and him in a hug and physically feeling the unease untangle in your chest. 

“Hi. I’m really glad you’re here I-” 

“This shit always sucks. I have no idea why we’re forced to come to these things.” Maki says, sliding into the seat on your left. Sukuna sits to your right, his arm resting across the back of your chair as the four of you whisper, well, more like the three of them explaining who all the producers in the room are, as you sit there. 

“Hey Sukuna.” 

“Hm, doll?” 

“That guy. The one talking to Eren. Who is he?” 

He squints his eyes as he cranes around the room, trying to find where you’re pointing at Eren. And when he does, you watch his eyes widen before he talks again. 

“Ah. That’s Clarkson. He’s kind of an asshat.” 

“What? Why?” 

“No, he’s just a dick. A really great producer makes super cool movies, but he’s…not the best. All that shit you hear about the industry running people dry, taking advantage of people. They’re talking about him. And his lot.” Nobara explains, glaring daggers at him. 

“Not his entire lot, Nobara. His daughter is fine.” Sukuna says, reaching over to you and Maki to flick her cheek. 

“She’s a bitch. You’re just saying that because you’re dating her.” Nobara responds, flicking him back. 

“Who's a bitch?” 

The four of you break apart, still leaning over each other, to find Eren, Levi, and a short girl with brown hair staring at you. 

“No one, Hyla.” Nobara says, grumbling as she and Maki stand up. Levi gets side-swiped into a conversation. He looks like he’d rather be five feet under than whatever he was talking about as the six of you stand up. You hold your hand out, introducing yourself to Hyla. 

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Hyla Clarkson. Your dad was the one who acted in Interstellar, right?” 

“No. That’s Historia’s dad, but I get the confusion. We’re just from the same show.” 

You watch her eyebrows pinch up in confusion as she crosses her hands around her chest. 

“Oh! Was your mom the one in Moonrise Kingdom?” she asks. 

“Nope. I-” 

“So what film were they-” 

“My parents are dentists. They’re not really in the industry like that.” you ramble out, trying to spare yourself from any more embarrassment. 

She smiles, the expression not meeting her eyes, as she reaches down and links her hand with Sukunas. 

“That’s really sweet, actually. Humble beginnings and all that,” she says. 

“I think it’s pretty cool. Like yeah, we all land roles because our parents kind of help us get them in some way. But, Y/N worked her way to the lead of the show, sans famous parents. It’s a testament to true talent. ” Eren says, his voice firm.

“I agree. L/N has always been badass, especially on the screen.” Maki says, glaring at Hyla altogether. 

She rolls her eyes as she reaches into the pocket of her dress, taking out a shiny silver card and handing it to Eren. 

“Eren. This is my dad’s card. He wanted me to give you another one unless you lost it.” Hyla says, giving Eren a hug before she walks away. 

You both wait outside for Levi to join you, quietly standing against the wall. You watch Eren turn over the card in his hands before ripping it up, slashing right through Scott Clarkson’s shiny name in the middle. 

“That’s a bit harsh, Eren. He’s a really good producer from what I’ve heard,” you say. 

“Don’t care. We’ll get there on our own - we don’t need leg-ups from guys like that.” 

You smile as you lean your head on Eren’s shoulder, the anxious feeling still tingling in your chest. Levi makes his way out, giving you two a smile as you both get dragged to your next panel, individual interviews. 

You go first. The interviewer is a pale blonde girl with a stack of cards in her hand. 

“Y/N. Who's your favorite male co-star on set?” 

“Oh, um. That’s a hard question to ask, we’re all friends.” 

You can tell she’s not satisfied with your answer by her uptight posture, the irritation rolling out of her mouth. 

“Oh, don’t pick a cop-out answer. Who's your favorite male co-star? Is it Eren?” 

“Um, sure? He’s my best friend on set. But I like everyone.” 

She smiles, switching to her next card. 

“Fans have picked up on matching bracelets you and Eren have been wearing during this press tour. Can you comment on the story behind them?” 

“Oh, sure! It was last year, at the Savant Awards TV show awards. A pair of sweet fans gifted them to us.” 

She doesn’t comment any further on the story, switching to the next card as you swirl the bracelet around on your wrist, concealing Eren’s name on the beads against the inner part of your wrist. You have a feeling that what you just said will already get twisted into something it’s not, which in the worst way, distorts the entire thing for you together. 

“Okay, well, that’s all I have for you.” 

You give her a smile as you switch seats, taking Eren’s previous seat. Hange places a hand on your head, and you watch them share a look with Levi as Eren takes the seat.  

“You’re a phenomenal actor, Eren. What gets you in the zone on set?” 

“Thank you so much! I usually have to take a second before I start filming a scene just to get in the right headspace. Especially for scenes that I film with Y/N, I usually need her to be right there next to me just so I can…feel the scene before we film it.” 

The interviewer smiles, sliding to the next card as she asks Eren the questions. She couldn’t be this cheery and enthusiastic for you?

“Do you have any pre-filming rituals before you get on set and start filming?” she asks.

“I need to eat a bowl of ramen with Y/N before we start. It’s not like a good luck thing or anything, but we’ve just always started our day like that and now we just have to do it before we go on and film.” Eren responds, looking over to give you a smile. 

You give him a thumbs up as he keeps going, trying not to pay too much attention to the fact that all of Eren’s questions are about his upcoming roles, his acting techniques, his favorite parts of acting, and how yours were all about him. Granted, Eren somehow brings you up in almost every question he answers - even if it’s not explicitly related to you - which only makes the entire thing fester in your mind more. 

What are people going to say about it? This would just make what everyone says about you guys worse. 

Not that it’s bad, but they just…say things. Granted, everyone had been saying things since the start, but you’ve always chalked that up to the fact that you and Eren are closer than everyone else is. And you know how the two of you are, but everyone else seems to have their own opinions about it. And maybe you should try to stop it? But if that’s how you are, who are you to change and-

“You okay?” 

Eren’s taken the seat next to you, leaving Erwin to get interviewed next. You’re both slumped into the chairs at the back, Levi and Hange whispering in hushed voices in front of you. You can’t help but wonder if they felt this way when they were filming La La Land, but then again, they had no reason to deny anything that anyone said. They were actually together. 

“Yeah. Just want to go home.” 

He frowns as he brings a hand to the top of your head, leaning it to rest on his shoulder again. His cold fingers are in your scalp, pressing against the pulsating headache you’d been ignoring for the past hour, soothing the feeling. 

Should you guys really be sitting like this if there are cameras five feet away? And what if-

“Do you want to take a walk? We can go look for lemonade or something.” 

You nod as you both stand up, giving Hange and Levi a wave as you walk off. You’re slowly ambling behind Eren as he looks around for the drinks, the entire day replaying in your mind. 

You just want to go back to set. Have Mikasa tell you goodnight, eat breakfast with Sasha, play cards with Armin. None of this press junket, stupid interviewers, uncomfortable producers business. 

You feel a tugging on your arm, and you look back to find two girls looking at you. They can’t be much older than you, maybe eighteen or nineteen, with matching Attack on Titan shirts. With your face on it. 

“Hi. We’re Sarah and Sofia. We’re really, really big fans of the show. We were wondering if we could get a picture with you?” 

“Oh! Yeah, of course. I’d love to.” you respond. 

You take a few pictures with them before handing them their phones back. 

“Are you guys enjoying the panels?” 

“Yes! We’ve gone to every single one of yours, you’ve been doing really well.” 

You can feel your cheeks burning at their praise, reaching forward to hold both of their hands as you talk. 

“You guys are too kind. And I really, really love the shirts. Did you make them yourselves?” 

“Yeah! We also drove down two hours just to come watch, it’s been such a good weekend. We really, really admire you for what you’ve done. It seems like we hardly ever see “normal” people in the media. But every time we watch you do an interview, you always bring up our favorite songs and slang that we use, it just…makes it feel like there’s someone like us on the screen.” 

You squeeze their hands, the tears welling in your eyes as you fight them down while responding. 

“I promise, I’m a thousand times more like you than any of them, in more ways than you’d think. And…you could do it too. It’s like you said, we’re one and the same.” 

They’re smiling so brightly at you that it’s making your heart squish in your chest, the feeling all warm and gooey and self-soothing. Right. You can do it. Who gives a fuck if a stupid reporter or these people think you’re lame - the people who watch your show are the ones that matter. 

“We love you so much. You’re so, so sweet. You’re literally the nicest celebrity we’ve ever met. I’m sure you have to run soon - I can see Eren back there staring bullets at us - but we hope you have a really good birthday tomorrow, and we can’t wait to meet you again.” they say. 

You wrap your arms around both of them as they both run off, excitedly talking, as you see Eren coming up to join you. He has a cup of lemonade in his right hand, the left hand reaching forward to wipe away the one tear that escaped your eyes. 

“Sure you’re okay?” 

You look over at him, green eyes looking into yours, and reach down to take his hand. 

“Yeah. I’m okay.” 

“Let’s go home, yeah?” 

You nod, the two of you shuffling off to where you came from. 

- 

When you get on the plane, your impending panic of the “Thank You” scene comes back. You’re both landing on set on New Year’s Day - which is your birthday, so you won’t be filming. Levi and Hange granted you the night off, and Eren says the two of you can go get slushies when you land. But then you’re filming the scene the next morning. You’re both still stuck on the plane for another seven hours running through the lines. 

“Listen, you’ve always been at my side...thank you.”

You drop the script onto the table and groan loudly, to which Eren laughs in response. 

“It-it’s falling flat. This scene is too serious, I-we’re going to have to do a million takes.”

“It’s fine- we’ll just practice a lot.” 

You switch seats so you’re right next to Eren, the two of you looking down at your scripts and switching. You read each other’s stage notes - you both have a habit of writing notes to help remember lines and blocking - which you’ve found helps reading each other's notes helps you stay in line. Like you’re in each other’s head. 

You read through his little scribbles - keep eye contact, start crying here, practice this. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm?” 

“When you say practice this, you mean…” 

He leans over, eyes going wide as he snatches his own script back, face burning. The arrow saying “practice this” was pointing to the line referring to the two of you kissing.

“Were you going to practice kissing in the mirror?”

“Shut up.” 

“I think a pillow would be more sanitary. Maybe you could find a video of it on the internet or-” 

“I was going to ask if you wanted to practice with me,” Eren responds angrily. 

You can feel your throat drying, eyes met with Eren’s burning stare. 

“Um.” 

“I just thought it-it would be worse if we did it wrong. And had to keep trying, and you know that everyone’s going to come to watch us and-” 

“I guess, but-”

“You don’t have to, Y/N. I was just thinking about it, and I was going to ask. Just so we don’t…have to do it for the first time in front of cameras.” he mumbles, turning his head away to look out the window. 

You sit there for a second and think about it. Eren does have a point. Having Ymir and Reiner stand there while you kiss Eren, or anyone, for the first time would be horribly embarrassing if they were actually standing there. And it would be weird to have your first kiss for the first time in front of someone, maybe it would be a better memory if it was more isolated and someone else. 

“Okay, Eren. That actually makes sense.”

He turns back, a shocked expression spreading across his face. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, just…don’t be weird or something if it’s bad. I’ve like never really done this before, Eren and-”

“It’ll be fine. We can figure it out together. It’s just…kissing. Can’t be rocket science.” 

You nod, albeit apprehensively, as Levi and Hange join you and Eren in the seats across from you. 

“You guys doing okay?” Levi asks, pushing bottles of water toward the two of you. 

You both nod as you take in their expressions, the two of them more stern or serious than normal. Well, Hange being more stern - Levi has resting serious face. 

“We wanted to talk to you about something,” Hange says. 

“Okay. Is everything okay?” you ask. 

“The press junket. You both were exposed to many different things you really haven’t been to before and we just…want to give you our own advice before we let you go on and about in your careers.” Hange says.

“We care about you both, and there are just some things you should know. We don’t care what you do because you’re your own people, but we just want you to be warned about things you…might see.” Levi continues. 

You and Eren give each other a weary look, halfheartedly nodding at the two of them. 

“There are some producers in the industry that don’t have your best interest. I’m sure you guys have heard rumors before of what the industry is really like and what it can do to someone - we’re trusting you both to keep your heads when dealing with situations like that.” Hange says. 

“I don’t give a shit if it ruins your reputation. You don’t let them ruin you, control you, whatever. Your safety and what you’re comfortable with comes first.” Levi says. 

“Have you guys ever been....near stuff like that?” Eren asks

Levi and Hange give each other a weary look before nodding. 

“Yes. That’s why we’re telling you because no one ever told us. They’ll make you do things you don’t want to, make it feel like they control you, and take away the things important to you so they’ll know you’ll stay. Some of them are also very deep in some very, very illegal shit, so again. If you value where you are, you won’t interact with them.” Levi says. 

You both nod, reaching for each other's hands as Levi and Hange study you with their eyes.

“Eren. Y/N. Did you notice anything weird about the press junkets we did today? Or what the media says?” 

“Not really,” Eren responds. 

You look down at your hands, focusing on the way your knuckles look when they’re flexed, from clenching so hard, as they all wait for your response. But you guess your silence is enough of an answer because Hange takes that as their sign to start talking. 

“I had a feeling. What have you been thinking?” Hange asks. 

You can feel your voice getting tangled in your throat and the tears coming to fill your eyes when it comes time to explain, to tell the three of them something they might entirely reject. Or just not understand. 

“I just-the press junket was weird. It seemed like the interviewers were all asking me questions about Eren or Connie, or my other co-stars while they were asking Eren questions about his acting and what he does to get ready on set. It just feels like-that’s the only thing they care about when it comes to me. How I interact with other people.” 

Eren’s squeezing your hand - three times - as the tears are freely spilling out of your eyes. Right with the words because now that you’ve opened this can of worms, it seems like you won’t stop until they’re all out on the floor. 

“And. At the networking event, everyone wanted to talk to Eren and not to me. And it’s not that I’m jealous of him because I want Eren’s dreams to come true just as much as mine, but it…just feels like I’m less than. Like I’m stupid for even trying because my parents are just dentists in a small town, and the only acting I’ve done before this was in a very shitty small-scale production of Hamilton at my middle school.” 

Hange and Levi scoot into the seats at your sides, Hange’s arms around you on your left and Eren’s around you on your right. Hange and Eren are squeezing your hands, Levi’s hand softly running through the strands of your hair as you sniffle through all the tears. 

“I’m sorry, kid, but this part doesn’t go away. Especially because you’re a girl, something about that makes people think they have the right to the most heinous things about you. They’ll criticize anything and everything you do. You’ll learn to roll with the punches because, at the end of the day, you’re here to make art. Let that do the talking for you.” Hange says. 

“I know. I just have to ignore them. Plus, there are nice people out there who really care about the show and what I do so-” you respond.

“More than just care about it, Y/N. People love you. The ones around you and people out there.” Eren says. 

“Another thing. Eren, the type of scrutiny you’ll face is nothing compared to what she’s going to face, just on principle. It’s your job to not be the asshole who turns a blind eye to that and it’s your job to defend her if it calls for it. And if anything, it should infuriate you enough anyways that-” Levi mentions, looking over the tops of your heads to look at Eren. 

“It already does infuriate me. Who gives the people the right to say anything about her when she’s one of the best ones on the show?” Eren responds, the anger spilling out of his mouth.

Levi and Hange give your hands one last squeeze before walking away, muttering something about how you should just focus on enjoying your birthday tomorrow and the scenes, leaving you and Eren in the seats again. 

“What were we talking about before?” you ask. 

“Everyone is stupid. You know that, right?” 

You sigh, leaning against the chair so you’re looking up at the top of the airplane, the white lights shining on the two of you. 

“I know that logically. But sometimes, it just kind of sits in my head. Repeating, and I try to convince myself it’s not true, but-”

“I’ll convince you.” 

“What?” 

“Just tell me. I’ll convince you. You could have told me before too and whenever you want. I’ll drop whatever it is I’m doing for you if this is what you need me to do.” 

You nod, thinking of the best response. Because how do you tell him that he’s the best person you’ve ever met, and this only furthers the fact that he’s just too good for you. Because you’ve never had someone defend you or be so ready to come to your aid before that you don’t know what to do with it? 

“I know how you feel. You don’t have to say it, Y/N.” 

You laugh, rolling your eyes at him. 

“Are you quoting the stage directions from our kiss scene?” 

“Maybe. But it’s true. And also, that’s what we were talking about before. Practicing kissing.” 

“Maybe after we go to get slushies for my birthday later?” 

“Yeah.” 

You both smile as you dig your noses back into your scripts, waiting for the plane to reach back to set. 

- 

You guys land on set the next day, around three pm. Eren and Levi woke you up on the plane with a little mini-cupcake and a candle to surprise you. Hange then smashed almost all of the frosting onto your face, which just earned them a good amount of scolding from both Eren and Hange. When you land, you and Eren head to the townhouse together, to change before getting slushies. 

“Why do you have your phone out, Eren?” 

“What? I always have my phone out.” 

“Not when you’re like…walking somewhere. And there isn’t even any wifi outside the townhouse, so I don’t even know what you’re doing on that.” 

“Can you just walk into the house, please? Do you have to question everything I do?” 

You pretend to scratch your temples, like you’re pondering his questions, as Eren rolls his eyes and lightly pushes your head, gesturing you into the house. And when you walk inside, they’re all waiting for you - the foyer of the townhouse decorated for your birthday and little party hats on all of their stupid little heads. 

They’re all singing Happy Birthday off cue - Reiner singing opera again, Connie screaming cha-cha-cha off cue, and Historia singing like she’s the next contestant of America’s Got Talent. Mikasa and Sasha bring over a cake with seventeen green candles, each of them giving you a tight hug as you blow out the candles. 

“Surprise!” Armin says, flashing the camera in your face. 

“This is so sweet, you guys. Thank you,” you say. 

“We have gifts. Come on, let’s open them.” Jean says, grabbing you by the hand and leading you to the center room. 

They each hand you their gifts, excitedly watching you rip off the wrapping paper. And you get why because it seems like everyone put so much thought into their gifts that it makes your heart squeeze. Mikasa gives you a nice, leatherbound notebook so you can stop writing song lyrics on napkins, and Armin compliments her gift by buying you a nice set of green guitar picks. 

You take the time to squeeze everyone in a hug and press a kiss to Ymir’s cheek, much to her dismay, because she writes you the sweetest little birthday note that makes you cry, and Reiner buys you a vinyl player to use for when you make your own record. And when you go all around the circle, you end up back at Eren, who is seemingly empty-handed. 

“Did you get me something? You don’t have to, I just-”

“Shut up. Of course, I had to. I just can’t really wrap my gift.” Eren responds, grabbing you by the hand and leading you to the closet near the front door. 

The rest of them all follow suit, watching you guys from a little distance. 

“Wow, Eren. I love it. I’ve always wanted my own closet.” 

“Shut up and open it.” 

You reach forward for the handle and swing it open, only to be met with your brothers - Colt and Falco - springing out of the closet and wrapping their arms around you. You’re squeezing the both of them so hard, so excited you’re crying because it’s literally been months on end since you’ve seen them, and you never dreamed they could even be here. 

“What are you doing here? Coco, you literally have class in like two days, and Colt so do you and-” 

“Eren flew us out for your birthday.  We’re leaving at the end of the day tomorrow.” 

You turn around, and you know you’re all teary-eyed and pink in the face, but you reach forward and squish Eren into the tightest hug known to man, eliciting cheering from the rest of them still watching you - that you entirely forgot about. 

“Eren. I love you so much. Thank you. I’ll pay you back for the plane tickets, but this really means the world to me, and I-” 

“You don’t have to pay me back. This was a gift for you, birthday girl,” he says, pinching the side of your cheek. 

- 

Nine hours later and the whole new year in the flesh, you’re scribbling lyrics into the little book Mikasa bought you. The party they threw you - fully set with games, karaoke, and a pinata that Bertholdt procured out of thin air - turned out to be so tiring that they all passed out in the foyer, sleeping on top of each other on the couch and the floor. 

“Writing a song?” 

“Yeah. I think it’s done, actually, I just need to go play it now,” you say. 

“Want me to come? I can help with the piano.” Eren asks. 

“It’s three in the morning. Aren’t you tired? And I don’t even know where the key to set is where we can access the piano.” 

Eren reaches for the closest drawer, pulling out a shiny black key and dragging you out by the hand. You both pull on jackets and run out into the dark to the tandem bike, pushing towards set while shivering in the cold air. 

And when Eren opens the set door and turns on the lights, you immediately scream and duck behind him. 

“What the fuck is that?”

“Ymir’s prosthetic titan.”

“God. Do they need to leave it at the front door? That literally scared the shit out of me.” 

He laughs, locking his hand in yours as he drags you to the piano near the back of the set. You yank your hoodie off your head, placing the lyrics on the front of the piano. 

“Okay, so. Sing it. I’ll see what chords make the most sense after.” 

You nod, going through the first verse. 

There’s glitter on the floor after the party  Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby  Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before, but

Eren starts playing the piano around the chorus, a light piano tune filling the air. And he’s watching you so intently as you sing the lyrics, change words around with your messy handwriting, and he thinks at this moment, with your forehead all scrunched up in concentration and your sweet voice in the air that you might be his favorite person to be around. 

Don’t read the last page But I stay, when it’s hard, or it’s wrong, or we’re making mistakes I want your midnights But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day

And when you finish, he’s wrapping his arms around you, his voice so soft when he whispers in your ear that it makes the hair on your skin stand up. 

“You are…amazing. You know that?” 

“Eren. You’re so-” 

He cups your cheek in his hand, his thumb rubbing back and forth as he looks into your eyes, the look so warm, so sincere that it makes your chest tingle and your heart pound. Any denial of the fact will be met with pushback, so you drop it. 

“Thank you, Eren.” 

He smiles, dropping his hand to play the chords again and write them in the book. 

“Hey.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Is this song about me, Y/N?” 

“What?” 

“Well, the line. You squeeze my hand three times in the back of a taxi? Isn’t that kind of our thing? Squeezing hands three times.” 

You can feel your cheeks burning as you focus on the lyrics. And god, maybe the song is about Eren. You didn’t intend to write it that way, but he’s right. The candle wax, and the polaroids are mentioned in the song.

Those are all things you associate with him. 

“I guess so. I mean, I didn’t mean to really write it that way, but I guess that’s how it came out.” 

He smiles, a smirk on his face as he starts teasing you. 

“Am I your muse?” 

“Shut up. You’re so fucking stupid, Eren.” 

“You and me, forevermore huh?”

“Eren. Stop.”

“I’m teasing, Y/N. I like the sound of that. And the entire song, it’s really good. You should submit it to perform for the Savants.” 

“No. I could never do that.” 

He rolls his eyes as he shuts the book, swinging on the other side of the piano bench to lean against the now-closed piano. You’re both sitting silently, taking in the set when it’s so empty. Everyone’s ODM gear is labeled in the closet with their names, Eren’s prosthetic titan arms lying nearby, and Levi’s cleaning supplies. 

Eren clears his throat, breaking the silence. 

“We-um. Were supposed to get slushies yesterday.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry, I just got so distracted.” 

“Yeah. And.” 

“And?” 

“Weweresupposedtopracticethekiss.” he mumbles out, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. 

You feel your eyes widen as the recognition hits you. You’re supposed to kiss Eren tomorrow morning. 

“Oh, shit. That’s literally tomorrow.” 

“Yeah.” 

The silence hangs between the two of you as the pit in your stomach starts burning. 

“Do you want to practice now? Just so we’re good for tomorrow morning?” 

“Oh. Yeah, I guess.” 

You both awkwardly shuffle on the piano bench facing, splitting your legs between each side so you can both scoot closer to each other. And you can feel your heart beating really fast at being this close to him, all alone. 

He must sense it, because he puts his hand in yours, squeezing three times, before talking. 

“You okay? We don’t have to.”

“No. We should. I-I want to.” 

He nods, lifting his hands in the air as confusion spreads across his face. 

“You can put your hands wherever. It’s okay.” you say

“O-okay. Right, Y/N. Sorry I-” 

“Don’t worry. I’ve never done this before either.” 

He settles for cupping the side of your face with his right hand and leaving his left hand resting against the side of your waist. You place your hands against his hoodie, crumpling the fabric in your hands as you try to limit the sweat gathering on your palms. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay, Y/N. You ready?” 

“Yeah.” 

He leans forward and presses his lips to yours, the sensation so strange that you forget to move your lips and freeze up against your face. You both stay there for three seconds - but it feels like an eternity. And when he pulls away, you can feel the embarrassment rushing to your face when you realize what just happened. 

You just kissed him wrong. You forgot to kiss him back. 

“Oh my god, Eren. Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I was so thrown off by it, and I just made your first kiss wrong, and I-” 

“Y/N.” 

“Oh god. We’re going to fuck this up so badly tomorrow. I’m going to fuck this up so badly tomorrow. And we’re going to-” 

“Y/N.” 

“Ymir is never going to stop making fun of me. And then I’ll probably-” 

He drops his hands and reaches for your wrists, squeezing hard as he talks. 

“Y/N. Stop.” he says, his voice so soft, so earnest that it stops you in your tracks. 

“It’s okay. You didn’t mess anything up. I think you’re just…thinking about it too hard. This isn’t the kiss we’re doing for tomorrow or the show. This is just you and me, kissing here and now. So just…relax. It’s just us.”

You groan as you put your hands on your face, murmuring through your fingers. 

“How do you always say the right thing like that? It pisses me off.” 

He laughs, grabbing your wrists and placing them back on his shoulders where they were before. And when he secures his hand around your cheek and your waist again, his green eyes are shining in the set light and you think he might be your favorite person to be around. 

“Ready, Y/N?” 

“Ready.” 

And when he leans forward this time, you move your lips too, taking notice of how soft, how warm his lips feel against yours. How the sensation tingles all the way down to your stomach, makes your cheeks burn and your brain prickle. You instinctively lift your hands off his shoulders, feeling the softness of his hair between your fingertips and how his hand is only guiding your mouth closer to his like he’s pushing your lips together more than they already are. 

And when you both pull away, you’re both staring at each other - dilated eyes and swollen, pink lips. Your hands in his hair and his hands around your waist, breathless. 

When he cracks a smile, you can feel your entire resolve shattering. You make no effort to stop beaming at him the way you are, because you know you couldn’t even if you tried. 

“Hi Y/N.” he whispers.

“Hi Eren.” you whisper back. 

And you both laugh so hard that it makes your chest hurt. 

“Listen, Y/N.”

“Yeah?” 

“You know. We’re practicing. And doing it one time doesn’t mean it’s perfect, so-so we should try again. You know, for method acting purposes and-and.” 

You smirk, reaching forward to pinch his cheek.

“You want to kiss me so bad.” 

“Shut up. We don’t have to, I just want to make-” 

“We can.” 

He smiles, leaning forward to press his lips against yours again, his breath tickling the tip of your nose and his lips pressing against yours again, this kiss better than the last. You’ve committed it to memory - how his lips fit perfectly against yours, where his hands feel the best. 

For acting purposes, of course. 

- 

You and Eren are ready bright and early to film the scene. Seconds before you start, Levi comes over and drops a key piece of information that leaves you and Eren pink in the face.

They’re cutting the kiss from the script.

--

--

next part linked here

taglist: @platrom @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

[pierogi-potwater]

A rambling defence of the pines twins

(Part 1)

I’ve been thinking about them all day. I basically want to psychoanalyse them all a bit and attempt to explain why I think, they think the way they do.

Though this is a defence of the characters, they are not perfect people! I’m not trying to say they have done no wrong or haven’t hurt people because they have. I just like saying why I think they did what they did. All their choices make sense from their perspective and I’m just saying why I don’t think they are ‘terrible selfish people’.

Some of this might be stealing insights from other people…sorry y’all have great thoughts and I’ll mention any instance where a thought isn’t fully original because I miss some really obvious stuff and I couldn’t have made these conclusions without this great community!!! Please, please, please provide your own thoughts I love having discussions with people! Like if I missed anything or you disagree with anything please say!

Spoilers for the show, the book of Bill, lost legends and journal 3 but I won’t be showing an screenshots. I should also mention, all quotes are from memory and I haven’t fully read TBOB or Journal 3 so apologies if I get any info wrong!

This is my first text post so apologies for any incoherence or poor formatting/grammar.

So! Starting with…

Stanley Pines

Stan! This guy: I love him! (Quick edit! I was hesitant to call Stan and Ford co dependant because that’s a medicalised term and they were kids/ teens but ig Bill already pointed that out! And calling out Fords PTSD? Dang…)

Going straight in, Stan and Ford were lonely kids, they only really had each other growing up so that ended up with them becoming somewhat reliant on each other. They’re a dynamic duo and as kids their dynamic isn’t something I’d call unhealthy (yet). They have a good complementarity of brains and punches; they are shown to stick up for, and support, one another. When Stan is accused of stealing his father’s watch: Ford goes out of his way to disprove the accusation, with his brother by his side. Even when presented with evidence for Stan stealing the watch, Ford gives his brother the benefit of the doubt and hears out his brother’s explanation that it was an accident and he intended to give the watch back as a Father’s Day gift but was scared of his father’s reaction to the broken case. He was just trying to do a nice thing and it backfired to make him look worse than he intended.

This leads me to how Stan was perceived as a kid, as a troublemaker. His father, being a typical man in the 60’s didn’t really outwardly express any affection towards the boys. All mention of care is normally an assumption or through actions. Of course healthy family dynamics don’t require constant praise and verbal declarations of love. Stan’s dad showed his care for his kid through enrolling him in boxing classes. That being said, the boys clearly didn’t have a good dynamic with their dad. Stan is assumed to be a naughty child and isn’t shown any benefit of the doubt. It isn’t indicated that he’ll ever be seen as anything but a trouble maker. So of course he doesn’t try to be anything else. He cheats off his brother academically and his whole future plan is reliant upon his bother. His future plan, I should also add, doesn’t include trouble making. He hopes to be seen as an adventurer and in this, is still rejecting the deterministic fate of being a huckster and fraud. He thinks needs his brother for this identity though. He is constantly compared to his brother in a degrading manner and isn’t encouraged to find his own niche as it is assumed that he will automatically choose criminality. His brother on the other hand is a genius that can do basically anything he wants in the future. He has a large choice of things he’d be smart enough to do and chose to specialise in science. Stanley has cemented his future success as needing his brother, but his brother so clearly doesn’t need him. And so in an accident while letting out his frustration, slams the table the perpetual motion machine is on and breaks it. The same embarrassment and shame stopping him from confessing to the broken watch case: once again stops him from telling Ford about the broken machine. Telling him about the broken machine could have allowed him to fix it and thus get into that dream school but he couldn’t bring himself to. Either because he’d be accused of doing it purposefully to sabotage his brother or because a shameful part of him wanted to sabotage his brother so he could in some way prove his brother needed him too. To secure a safe future for himself with the only person that has unconditionally loved and trusted him.

Of course that’s not what happened. It’s been pointed out that Stan’s current obsession with money and swindling people is because of his dad disowning him saying ‘only come back once you’ve made millions.’ and so, he hoards money. But, I’d also add the fact that peoples perception of him already being cunning and a fraud definitely added to this. His only other role model aside from his brother was probably his parents ( famously con people). Their dad only viewed the two of them as pawns out of their current financial position [as people have pointed out before]. His mother cared about him though which is sweet (and there’s a high chance that she probably didn’t have much say in Stanley being disowned). Stan still subconsciously wanted to make his parents proud and be accepted again. Another part of the current money hoarding is probably scarcity related. Stan had to live in his car and has been in debt to what I can only assume is the mafia: he likely doesn’t want that same outcome for his niece and nephew. This also might be why he considers arts and crafting his own money to be a fun bonding exercise with the kids. Stan’s dad only seeing his kids as cash cows likely plays into that as well (but it’s very clearly shown that the kids mean more than just money to him but generational habits are hard to shake).

The portal fight. Gosh, what a way to lose your twin brother… Of course after around 10 years of no contact with Ford he’d be both delighted and apprehensive seeing him again. The shame and guilt of what the machine breaking cost Ford; mixed with the hope that this meeting means that’s an event in the past; they are about to reconcile. When met with his paranoid brother pointing a crossbow at him immediately as he opens the door. The suspicion that he inadvertently caused this paranoia (much like being disowned caused Stan’s poverty) lingers. Not a great start. The brother he so hoped called for a reconciliation, and more time together, immediately tells him to go as far away from him as he can: using the same childhood dream he so desperately wanted all this time as a reference for the isolation process. The exact opposite of the dream, the reason he accidentally ruined Fords future with the fear of them being separated . The guilt once again rising. Of course Stan is upset and so tries to burn the journal so he can appease Ford as quickly as possible and try and reform a connection with him. There is no way Stan could have ever known what any of the context around why Ford wanted the journal intact but far away. He had no way of knowing what any of the equipment would or could do. So the fight begins as a confused Stanley wants to spend time with his brother but has no meaningful way to express that. A hurt Stanley that wants his brother to understand him but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to say that. Ford accidentally brands him with a plate burning through his jacket ( image how hot it must have been for it to burn through his jacket and permanently scar him in those seconds he was pushed against it). When he accidentally activates the portal by pushing Ford into it: he freezes. How could he possibly know what to do to save him? And with the pain in his shoulder also clouding his vision.

It was pointed out to me that the carpet diem room was the same room Stanley stayed in while he worked on trying to save his brother. Ford’s bedroom. ( DEVASTATING HOW HE SECRETLY POCKETS FORD’S GLASSES AND THE ROOM WAS BOARDED UP UNTOUCHED, THE CALENDAR DATE BEING THE ONE THEY FOUGHT ON AUGHHHH). Similarly pointed out that Stan’s affinity to the statue of him was because it reminded him of his brother and the funeral touched him so much because for 30 years he’s been working on this portal to save his brother not knowing if the guy was even alive or not. Grieving the possibility of his twin brother and only friend being dead. (This killed me man :( no pun intended).

Stan learned the complicated science behind the portal despite science never being his strong suit. He worked on it for 30 years not knowing if Ford was even alive. He was willing to potentially risk the safety of gravity falls ( and the universe it was implied) to save his brother. The first thing he gets is a punch to the face as his arms are excitedly outstretched for a hug. He gets called a knucklehead (the thing his father called him after disowning him). Stan asked for a thank you.

The argument about Stan not wanting Ford and the kids spending time together for fear of their safety is pretty self explanatory in the show. The fandom has recognised that Mabel was lying about what she heard to protect Dippers notions of the author he has looked up to all summer. I didn’t think of this at first which is on me. She’s not a dumb character she just likes having fun and is a 12 year old. She gets too much hate ( ANYWAY sorry I know this isn’t about her but it was a nice character moment for her).

In weirdmageddon Stan refuses to hold Ford’s hand. While it -at first- seemed like a purely petty and idiotic thing to do, like then wasn’t the time, I can see why he did that. For Stan, the ‘thank you’ wasn’t just an acknowledgment of the work putting into saving Ford . He needed to prove he wasn’t the heartless con man people always saw him as. (Like he says in the show) .It was a promise that they weren’t going to immediately be separated again. An absolution of the guilt held for the perpetual motion machine breaking and the fight that sent Ford into the portal. In that moment he needed that ‘thank you’ because he needed to know that after the armageddon he wouldn’t be alone again. He needed reassurance that Ford wouldn’t just evict him from the house he made and the stable job he had with no brother to show for it as soon as this calamity was over. A promise that his brother still loved him.

Ford corrects his grammar after the forced thank you: proving all his fears to be correct.

He later sacrifices everything he knows to save Gravity falls, the last coherent thought he has being that of Dipper and Mabel.

Once regaining his memories, he calls the kids ‘ knuckleheads’ affectionately. A phrase used repeatedly to belittle him as an idiot he uses as a send off to the kids he loves so dearly to jokingly show how much he loves them.

Best of all, Stan and Ford finally do get to go on that adventure with the stan’o war. He gets the relationship he dreamed of with him and his brother, the genuine acknowledgment of how hard he’s worked and the genuine ‘thank you he needed.’

I love Stanley Pines!!!!!

Ok so some extra little notes unrelated to analysis :

I was going to make a single post about both the Stan twins here but I didn’t expect how much I’d actually write about Stan here! So a post each it is I assume.

A little reminder I don’t think Ford is a bad person. I’ll get into it in the next post but yeah one perspective at a time!

I somewhat wish the whole erasing his entire memory held more weight. It would have been a lot more impactful seeing it take a bit longer for his memories to come back if at all and give more meaning to his sacrifice. That being said it is a kids show and a finale ep is already heart wrenching. It also seems to be established the gun doesn’t fully erase anything so. Ehhh?

I love his interactions with the kids. Like he clearly leans towards Mabel because of how similar they are but it’s clear he loves Dipper with all his heart also just in a different way to Mabel as he hopes it better caters to him as a kid. He’s a super sweet guy but his rough exterior might make him a bit hard to like at first.

The bro code is so cute. I loved seeing Stan’s little ‘ love ya bro’ in his note to Ford. Screaming crying.

If you made it this far OMG THANK YOU!!!! I’m so normal I prommy. Feel free to DM me if you enjoy listening to more incoherent ramblings!! But yeah seriously I love making new friends so! Yeah! Thanks :^]

[queenofallimagines]

Meguru Bachira with a black s/o

LISTEN!! I picked up the 2 volume of the manga on accident when I went to target and I’m in love w him the man of my dreams!! Not taking blue lock right now bc besides Isagi and kunigami i don’t remember any other characters name or anything about them😅 feel free to talk to me about him tho I have SO many thoughts👀

** can you tell this is just me rambling 💀

Megaru💕:

- this pic gives me butterflies holy shit

- WHEW this man has huge unhinged sunshine energy

- Like giggling and kicking my feet how he’s the happy go lucky character trope (I.e hinata) but they make sure you remember he’s not “soft”

- Like the way y’all be uwuing hinata that is a grown man😐 he was throwing fists the WHOLE SERIES but he don’t know about sex? Bffr

- Anyway he’s definitely a switch but kinda leaning more top? he definitely just wants to fuck he don’t care who’s on top

- He’s so cuddly it’s adorable

- Getting neon yellow nails to match his hair>>>

- Definitely would like to match fits w you when y’all step out

- WOULD GET YOU AN ANKLE BRACELET W HIS INITIALS ON IT SO HE CAN KISS YOUR ANKLE WHEN HE PUTS YOUR LEGS OVER HIS SHOULDERS!!

- Most fashionable couple FR

- Always has to be touching you in some way

- Holding your hand, arm around you, hand in your pockets

- Wants to make sure you’re there and won’t slip away from him

- Imagining him going to meet your family and he’s SWEATING like he knows he’s not everyone’s cup of tea and really doesn’t want to start anything

- “You are good at soccer so you have like + 100 points right now”(watching Latino people watch the football on the Olympics is so scary 😫)

- Imagine your family watching his games😭 embarrassing bc now I’m imagining a room full of dads and uncles glued to the tv and cheering him on like he can hear it💀💀

- “You so skinny you need to eat more!”

- He’s charming your aunties to steal plates from your house

- You get in the car and he has like 3 Tupperwares full of left overs

- Great with kids because they think he’s cool

- he’s breaking they ankles in soccer tho he’s not gunna play nice w kids

- If “play where it’s safe cuz it’s NOT over here” was a person

- Like he can go 0-100 in a millisecond so if someone tries him

- Very “who’s gon beat my ass about it??” Type beat

- People think y’all are so cute bc he’s so smiley and sweet to you

- DEFINITELY says filthy shit in your ear too

- Like he’s cuddly w everyone he likes so you’d be no different but he’s slipping his hands up your shirt

- Number one hype man when you get your hair done

- So extra

- “My baby so cute🥹🥹”

- Box braids are his favorite bc he can put charms and stuff in your hair

- also medium long locs bc imagining him walking up to you and pushing them out your face to see your eyes🥺

- Freak

- Probably sends you links to sex toys and is like

- “👀👀??”

-“I’m a visual learner btw”

- The MOST unserious character in this whole series so far

- His song is rodeo but just the flo Milli verse i WILL NOT ELABORATE!!

- Once he get to doing that thing where he lower his voice just call in sick bc you probably not walking

- Not that he doesn’t care about your pleasure it’s more he’s fucking until HE taps out so your brains can be soup but he’s not done so,,,,hold on?

- If you like me and a few inches shorter than him will be smug about it

- His personality is big enough to count as a size kink but being a little taller makes him get a big head

- Talks you through it the whole time

- Switching back and fourth between degrading and praise so fast it makes your head spin

- “Hm? Don’t tell me my little slut is tapping out? You were begging me so nicely earlier”

- only one who can say babygirl and it not be cringe 🤭

- “be a good boy and spread your legs for me, hm?”

- Really sloppy kisser during sex too

- Will tell you to stick your tongue out for him

- On the rougher side of kinky stuff

- Fucks you like it’s the last time he ever will every time

- Don’t care about getting caught bc either way he’s not stopping

- Probably how you’d end up sleeping w him and Isagi I fear

- Isagi is so sweet and megaru is MEAN

- Isagi trying to go slow and be gentle and Megaru over here pulling your hair calling you a pretty whore

- this man In grey sweatpants would end me

- APART OF THE SHORT KING BIG DICK CREW

- he’s tall by Japanese standards but juuuuust 3cm above average in American height

- he already walks out the shower naked w NO care in the world

- probably walks around the house like that too Ngl

- “I am returning to the natural state of my birth” I will glue your clothes to your body sir :/

- feel like he’s more girth than length like don’t get me wrong he def has a third leg but he’s gunna have to work you open

- “ Oh don’t worry, I’ll make sure it fits”

- Act right dick™️ so don’t push him too far in public

- Definitely a bad influence!! You’re trying to be normal in public and he gives you a look

- Next thing you know he’s on his knees for you in a bathroom or an empty hallway🙄

- In the locker room so many times the rest of his friends already know, and when you two disappear they not stepping foot in there

- Buys you lingerie because he’s your biggest hype man

- When you feel confident you’re the most sexy

- “Mmm you look so good in that cute outfit, you won’t be too mad if I tear it off right?”

- Spreads your legs wide and will make you look in the mirror and watch as he fingers you open

- The type of man who fucks you so good you would get his name tatted on your ass

- Your family actually is probably like “don’t you go corrupting that sweet boy”

- And behind closed doors he’s got his hand holding your hair in a tight fist as he makes himself comfy in your throat

- “Let me hold your hair up for you💕”

- L$D- asap Rocky is also his song

[wuxiaphoenix]

On Writing: Upcycling

I don’t know if this holds for every writer. But for me and no few I’ve traded emails with, our brains and accumulated libraries of books/notes/articles/stray neat things off Tumblr is a vast collection of “it could come in handy someday.”

This holds for less-than-great movies and TV shows, too. See something you think is kind of meh, but there’s a character, setting, or worldbuilding aspect you like? Write it down. Toss the note into your collection of ideas. Maybe let it marinate a bit. Then take it out, check that you can file the serial numbers off and make that bit original, and see if it slots in as a neat piece of an Idea.

Note, a piece; not the whole thing. If you want to rewrite The Acolyte so that Jedi Master Sol gets out alive and with his morals intact, instead of that... confused mess of characterization shift between the first eps and the last that reviews say happened-

If you want to, go to; but that will be fanfic. (Nothing wrong with good fanfic!)

If, however, you like the idea of a Korean space wizard traveling the galaxy and getting mixed up in a murder investigation... that could very well be original, and vastly entertaining. A wuxia wizard and a cop; together, They Fight Crime!

Ahem.

(Am I a smidge grumpy that this was the premise the Acolyte advertised, and then neglected completely? Yes, yes I am. I also predicted that takeoff of The Fugitive scene minutes before Roommate showed me the relevant review clip. I predicted, in fact, no less than three bad Plot Twists in the review that way. I may have made my roommate a tad nervous. So yes. A smidge. Or more.)

Picking up snips of ideas can be particularly helpful if, like me, your ability to visualize people is... ahem, not your strong point. Seriously, change your hat and I probably won’t recognize you the next time we meet. Faces don’t stick in my head. So giving a character a physical appearance can be daunting. I mean, they have... two arms and a head? Hair? Human-ish shape?

But as the internet saying goes, if you can’t make it yourself, sometimes store-bought is just fine. So I look at actors. Anime characters. Comic books and manga. “Does X look like the kind of person in my head?” And then, yes, alter some details. You don’t want a copy. Just a general model. And since writing is a verbal media instead of visual, that should work out fine. Your readers are going to picture their own versions of your character anyway, even if you do get lucky with your cover.

Also note, watching people in motion can really help with action scenes. I’ll take all the help with those I can get!

So never let anybody diss the, ahem, less than perfect stuff you watch or read. If you like it, there’s something good in it. Make a note.

It could come in handy someday....

Unrelated side note. If you used to love lemon meringue pie but turned up allergic to eggs, search for this recipe: Sweet & Tart Egg Free Lemon Bars, by Safely Delish. (It’s been a few years since I got the printout, so searching for the link is probably best.) This recipe is not only egg-free, it works with GF flour! Though the crust is a tad crumbly. Sometime I’m going to do some experimenting to see if I can fix that....

[smila-mac]

The gangs favourite tv shows and movies (modern stuff included)

~~

Ponyboy: Ponys favourite movie is The Breakfast Club, he just is fully in love with everything about it and he always cries. Always. He doesn’t really like TV shows but he likes watching The Good Place cause he likes going over the whole debate about whether Chidi should help Eleanor or not, if there isn’t something insightful or creative about a movie/tv show he doesn’t like it.

Johnny: when i tell you johnny never watches anything but gossip girl and 10 things i hate about you, i mean nothing. he tends to lean towards 10 Things I Hate About You only because he LOVES the romance between Kat and Patrick and he LIVES for Patrick singing to her. he’ll watch gossip girl when he wants something he can turn is brain off for cause he knows what happens.

Dally: Dally loves Brooklyn 99, he thinks it’s the funniest shit to ever exist. when he crashes at the curtis house all you’ll hear from the living room is ‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA’ cause Jake said something funny, Dallas doesn’t have the capacity to watch movies, unless he’s talking to someone.

(rest in peace andré braugher, my heart broke when I found out)

Soda: when i say I have absolutely no basis for this, this is solely vibes, community. Soda loves community and his favourite character is Troy, like he thinks Troy is hysterical. His favourite movie is titanic and he cries every time. EVERY TIME. Darry has woken up at 3 cause he heard crying, he walked into the living room, turned the light on and turned it back off when he saw soda watching titanic.

Darry: star-wars. Everything Star Wars. He watches everything including the new stuff cause he is convinced it will eventually get good, even though soda tells him it won’t. This man is convinced.

Steve: cars 💀. No, Steve’s favourite movie is shawshank redemption, he thinks it’s the best movie to ever exist and when soda tries to mention titanic he just shushes him aggressively and makes fun of him for crying whenever he watches it.

Twobit: friends. He thinks friends is comedic genius and can’t watch anything else (other than Mickey) Like Dallas, he doesn’t have the attention span to watch movies so he just sticks ti his twenty-minute tv shows

~~

A lot of people thought my last post was really funny so tysm 😋

~ Smila <3

[another-lost-mc]

Hello again! It’s the Mephisto x Mc x Karasu thoughts anon. I’m so happy we share the same braincell lol I was like yessss finally someone else gets the Mephisto and Karasu potential they would be such nerds together!!!

Also, I’m curious what you think on this cause from the fics/stuff I’ve seen so far it’s seems like a 50/50 split: Do you think Mephisto is loud as all hell or completely silent in bed? Personally, I’m on the side that he’s horrifically loud, like the loudest of the cast lmaoo, no matter what specifically he’s doing. He’s always making a snarky comment or rant, or monologue or comeback so it makes sense that he can’t shut up then too. I love him so much<3 Also I was wondering if I could pick an anon emoji? Maybe 📌 if that emoji isn’t taken. I swear I looked at the list like 4 times before I started typing my ask but they just won’t stick in my brain aaaaa. 📢 works too if the other is taken.

I have so many thoughts™️ about this. Let's talk about Mephisto's sexy-time noises first then we can add Karasu to the mix.

nsfw below (cw: degradation, praise kink, dom/sub dynamics)

I agree with the headcanon that Mephisto isn't quiet in bed, but I think there's nuance to it too. The way I picture it:

He's very guarded about letting people see the real him and that includes being intimate with someone or having sex.

So during casual hook-ups with strangers/distant acquaintances, he's not gonna let himself be vulnerable—it's all about that physical comfort and release he wants without exposing his emotional cravings.

I'm talking some grunts, growls, some groans maybe. There's not a lot of talking, that's not the point of quickies like this.

These usually happen in places that don't allow for intimate conversation either. He's not taking these partners home and he doesn't really want to go to theirs either (clubs like The Fall have back rooms for this sort of thing and he uses them often).

A lot of the degradation he spews at MC when I write him is usually because he's in denial, or in certain cases, he's angry/humiliated and wants them to feel as badly as he does.

He tries to avoid talking about his feelings by deflecting it all on the other person, but that strategy only works for so long.

In an actual relationship once he gets over the denial phase, he's still quiet talkative but his tone and his words are much more loving: sultry praise if he's more dominant, unashamed pleas and begging if he's more submissive.

He's also less guarded about the noises he makes so there's more of them. In terms of volume, he's loud but not as loud as Karasu can be.

When it comes to Mephisto x MC x Karasu together, that can change a bit depending on which version of Karasu he's paired with. I see Mephisto being more of a dominant type if there's more than one partner present.

OG!Karasu stumbles and stutters over broken praise and begging, but mostly he's whining and moaning a lot, and very loudly. He's more likely to take a submissive role with Mephisto present so he can spend his energy enjoying you instead.

DILF!Karasu is more controlled. He still makes lots of noises but they're not as loud and they don't have that desperate, needy edge. He's much more comfortable talking during intimacy too. He's worshipful and that means a lot of genuine, loving praise with a hint of teasing if the mood is playful. He's very good at reading what you need from him and giving that to you. If Mephisto is being a tease and a little derogatory, dilf!Karasu makes sure you feel warmth and softness in the things he says.

RAD!Karasu is similar to OG!Karasu but he's less confident and more submissive as a result.

NB!Karasu is like OG!Karasu except when he's feeling angry or jealous in bed (which happens more often than any other version of himself). In that case, he's similar to Mephisto: more dominant, more teasing and even a little derogatory until you can soothe whatever funk he's in. That being said, the likelihood of NB!Karasu sharing you with anyone at all is almost non-existent. lol

read more: mephisto masterlist | karasu masterlist

[ivy-meshle]

Okay I said on Tuesday in the tags I might talk about plurality n stuff wrt myself. Right now this is more stream of consciousness than anything polished, and idk if I’m going to be up to talking about it with people for a few days.

This is gonna get pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut:

(FWIW, I'm mainly using 'I' here, but that's because I've spent so long trying to make sure I keep plurality stuff off of this blog it feels weird to write 'we').

I think it was... fuck, six or seven years ago now? that I first learned what plurality even was, then another year and a half where I just kept thinking about it for weeks on end before I started to maybe consider that the reason I couldn't stop thinking about it was maybe the same reason I couldn't stop thinking about transness after I'd learned about that.

Even now, I'm still hesitant to claim plurality. It feels like a step too far- like I’m overstating things. I don't feel like one person, but I don't know that I feel like more than one, either. Certainly I don't have clear boundaries between one self and another. It’s more akin to distinct patterns of thoughts and behaviors that I feel like I snap between. Neural pathways that open and close.

There is one consistent pattern I've noticed though: when I'm in a period of stress, those distinctions become a lot clearer, and they tend to stay clearer than they were before even after I can unwind. Which is part of why I'm feeling more comfortable talking about plurality now; I know I'm going to be more people, more clearly, in the next four years.

The other major reason is that I want to not feel doubt every time I talk about us, that I'm just deluding myself. And that means that I need to get more used to talking about us.

So, uh, introductions, I guess? I've opted not to introduce characters (fictives(?)), since they tend to come and go more frequently- usually as I write about them. I think it's something about trying to get into their perspective that creates some of the same sort of neural pathways. If they stick around for longer than three months after I stop writing about them, I'll introduce them then. The sole exception here is Nensa, who meets that requirement.

For now: Hunter, 'me', host(?). He/it. Mostly responsible for getting people and things to where they need to be to work. Emotional regulation and planning type things.

Asher. He/ey. Math/physics nerd, problem solver. He handles the homework :Þ

Nensa. They/she. Minecraft Warden hybrid, stoic, helps with handling sensory overload mainly.

Miranda. She/her. Customer service voice social butterfly. When I need to talk to people at the bank or on the phone, she’s the one who takes the wheel.

Blake. He/him. Punk aesthetics and paranoia. He’s the one who keeps us from doxxing myself every other day, but also he keeps us from opening up to people. It’s a balancing act. (He’s very resistant to posting this.)

Dakota. She/her. Probably the first distinct self I identified; basically the face of my RSD. Very sensitive, cries frequently.

Ulyssa. She/it/void. Goth and angry and rude. It formed semi-on-purpose when Hunter decided to treat the negative self talk while I was spiraling like it was a person he could talk to and well. Now she is! Hunter tries to keep it and Dakota separate as much as possible.

Qwerty. It/she/he. Online persona, kinda? It only shows up when we’re on the internet. He’s more in tune with the social norms of the web than the rest of us are.

Anyways. Yeah. IDK. Life is weird and brains are weirder and I don’t necessarily think of myself as a system, but I would count myself as plural. That’s about the long and short of it.

Feels like I ought to say more, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m going to schedule this for, like, 9am my time so that I don’t have to actually hit that post button myself (scary). I also probably won’t be up for talking about this with other people (sorry mutuals!) for at least a few days. Thanks for listening.

( @ivy-meshle so I can rb this in the future )

[just-orbiting-you]

I think it's because the jikook jikookers write about is different than the real jikook

that’s honestly a given. shippers are bound to spin anything into proving they’re in love and remain pretty staunch in that belief. not that it won’t be jarring to realize they’re wrong, of course it will. and honestly, as i’ve been saying, this show opened my eyes a little more to a side of jikook i really don’t think we’ve seen. i don’t blame a lot of shippers for creating a jikook in their heads, because jikook fit their ‘sweet caring boyfriends’ narrative well for the past 10 years of what bts content has showed us.

with age and i think a jungkook who grew more confident and had more autonomy after the group moved out of the dorm, they show us a new side. again i don’t think the “old” jikook is gone necessarily, their relationship has just grown more nuanced from our point of view. and is a big flashing sign to remind us that they are three dimensional people, not the narratives we paint onto them.

quite honestly this stuff we make discourse about now probably was there all along, we just never really saw it on camera. you’ll hear me say it time and time again, we have never seen such a piece of content so concentrated with jikook in this history of bangtan. so we were bound to have new revelations.

its just foolish when people continue the old narrative and not really allow new information to stick in their brains. it can read a little delusional. but still i stand on the idea that jikook are okay, they wouldn’t have enlisted together if not. they still have a really strong relationship and emotional bond - that hasn’t changed. are you sure shows us that directly. and the micromanagement of their actions gets us nowhere because no talk will change those facts.

[windudemon]

my criticism of 16 types and their supposed sexual preferences

reacting to this: https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/personalities-and-preferences/

istj – least likely to vocalize what they want in bed?

istjs are si doms so they know what makes them feel good the best along with isfjs. they are traditionally-minded people, they are not interested with wierd stuff anyway. so there’s not much to vocalize for them. if you are able to keep it hard and continue pumping that should do.

infj – masturbates the least often?

they are ni doms and high fe users so they will definitely say that to be classier or something. but is it true? i don’t think so. intjs should be pretty much the same too, at least.

intj – favorite position is doggy style?

now that’s pure bullshit. intjs are actually fi secret agenda. they would open their hearts only if they really love somebody and they would desire a deep bond and doggy style is one of the least intimate positions.

enfj – second most willing to use toys?

enfjs are se users so they will have a healthy++ sex drive. then they are also one of the most progressive-minded people so i can see this.

istp – most willing to have threesome? most strongly prefers to be controlled in bed?

i mean maybe istp males, for the first part. i think “controlled in bed” is too much but i can see how (with inferior fe) they need a partner who take the lead, who initiate things (this would also apply to intps, therefore)

esfj – least willing to have a threesome and least willing to anal?

makes sense. sfjs are high si users so they will be very unwilling to try new wierd sensations, especially with the butt hole.

infp – most difficult to satisfy in bed? most likely to be mistaken about their sexual preferences?

i can see the second part because infps are sensitive souls and they tend to be shy so you may think they are gay or something, especially men. i can also see how first part can be true. not because they require some special sexuality shenanigans though. they would be hard to satisfy if emotional connection isn’t authentic, that would be the reason. a lot of foreplay and petting to warm them up does the trick.

esfp – least willing to experiment with the same gender.

bullshit. esfps are one of the most freaky and physically experimental types. i would expect the exact opposite. i would expect esfps to be openly gay and not giving shit.

enfp – most willing to experiment with the same gender.

ne is pretty much open-mindedness so they would experiment indeed. would they stick with, is another question. much like we will see with entp.

estp – least willing to try toys. least likely to be mistaken about their sexual preferences.

straight as an arrow!

estj – highest average number of sexual partners? most satisfied in bed?

haha. wierd claim. maybe because estjs work hard and they tend to have money so they attract all the gold diggers and dependents and stuff.

entj – most willing to try sex toys, roleplay, participate in bondage. most strongly prefers to be in control in bed.

makes sense. enfj but harder.

intp – lowest average number of sexual partners.

they would rather fuck your brains.

isfj – least adventurous in bed.

yes, but not necessarily low on sex drive or anything. they will even initiate things. it’s just, much like esfjs, they won’t be into wierd sensations such as anal or bdsm stuff and whatever.

entp – most willing to have anal sex?

if you are all about possibilities that possibility also comes to mind. will they like it? maybe a little. in the end, it’s too much work for them. you can’t be just like alrighty let’s have anal sex tonight. you gotta prepare for it, which is disgusting, a lot of work and entps are lazy.

isfp – second most likely to be mistaken about sexual preferences.

makes sense. being an introverted feeling dominant as a male can be confusing for others. for example, i type kurt cobain an isfp and he has said things like he himself thought he was a gay.

[quinloki]

Hahaha jokes on you for saying people are qualified to speak to you bc now I’m even more encouraged to send you my thoughts

Jk. But I appreciate your acceptance of them. I’m currently trying to bully my IRL bestie to hurry tf up on getting thru one piece bc right now my options are limited like she’s in enies lobby now and I’m like pls… at least get to post time skip… I can scream about Law and Marco then

Omg ok so it’s peak squirrel brain hours for me rn so lemme try to tell you about this brainrot I’ve been having.

I literally have no idea where it came from but modern au, you’re a patron at thatch’s bar, you go there often and are friendly with thatch bc he’s a nice guy. Friends with Luffy. You go to said bar, having a great time with your friends, whitebeard crew shows up bc it’s thatch’s place obvi, but some other crew busts in trying to pick a fight. Somehow you get yoinked as a hostage bc the other crew wants to fight somewhere else (a trap duh) and it’s not a situation where they can get you out safe so they’re like yes we’ll fight you at this location but Marco is like I wanna come too, prolly cause he feels responsible maybe you were by the whitebeard crew bc you were luffy’s friend or you were flirting with Marco and that’s why you got snatched

And the baddies they’re like fine fine but it’s seastone cuffs. They got beef with him or something so they were down, plus having one of their fighters tapped out seemed smart

So you go off with them and both of you are just subconsciously trying to protect the other Marco even has you come sit on his lap bc the sketchy van you’re put in has stuff all over the floor and you’re wearing shorts/skirt and it’s conveniently freezing in the van so like, y’all can warm eachother up

And the baddies are like oh wait is it the Phoenix’s gf is that why he wanted to come and they’re taunting like oh the things we could do to your little gf and Marco is like just remember the cuffs won’t be on forever

Anyways they drive y’all around until the meeting time maybe taunting or roughing poor Marco up a little and finally they all meet up at this trap location except obvi the whitebeard pirates are gonna kick ass and come to the rescue and they take you back with them to heal any injuries/make sure you ok

BUT

Oh no one of the baddies gets away and starts posting all over the dark web about the phoenix’s weakness and everyone is like oh you’re in danger guess you gotta stay with us for awhile

And Marco was so nice so you just have a huge crush but he somewhat avoids you bc he feels responsible so you’re like oh he does not like me back oh ok

And idk they’re loosely mafia ish so some shenanigans ensue of people coming after you but Marco is always there to protect you and the tension is off the charts

….

That’s kinda as far as my brain got bc I keep starting over lmao

Ugh I wish I was better at making that a cute little story I’m so good at coming up with things in my head but typing them out is so hard T_T

But I hope you enjoyed my brainrot I’m about to head to bed and will most likely be thinking of it more <3

An Author friend of mine - far more successful and suited to the job than I am - said something once that really sticks with me.

The ideas are the easy part, writing is the hard part.

Some people will come to her with ideas, and want some sort of 50/50 deal for doing "half" the work, and honestly, no matter how well fleshed out the idea is, it's barely going to be 5% of the process at best.

I don't share that to put your idea down, not even a little, but I do mention it to highlight that you're not wrong. Turning ideas into stories is the hard part, and honestly I always love seeing that truth understood too. (Real fun is when you apply that to other things and realize that certain types who have "great ideas" are rarely the ones who make them reality, but they really want to continually tell you how great their ideas are changing the world >.> )

<.<

Moving on from my little rant, I have to say I LOVE THIS - KAZIEAI OMFG I AM FOAMING AT THE FUCKING MOUTH YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS IS ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITIESTS SITUATIONS EVER!

I love everything about this!

AND THE ENSUING ANGST

UNNNGH.

So - I have to admit I have a Mafia AU Marco story I'm slowly working on. It's pretty complex so far, intended as a slowburn anyway, and I really want to incorporate this idea into it. I just love the vibes.

AND - lol - one of the points I wanted to sort out for it was specifically having the reader end up in the Main House for the Whitebeard Mafia family. This idea is PERFECT, a few adjustments for the reader type and the AU itself, and the vibes are there. It's a Devil Fruit AU too, so >.>

the reader as a hostage gets Marco as a "hostage", they're supposed to let her go at that point, but someone gets the brilliant idea that the girl keeps the bird inline, and Pops' prize bird keeps the other boys inline, so they're keeping both.

The idea of the doomed kidnappers thinking the two are together works, it'll be the 2nd or 3rd time they've met and yeah, there's been flirting, but nothing committal. So her staying at the Main House for protection still leave Marco with a sour taste - he does like her, but this situation isn't fair. He's too laid back and experienced to blatantly avoid her, but he makes sure there's always someone else around, excusing himself before his brothers can "leave the two of them alone" or anything.

In this particular story the reader is an adopted kid of Big Mom's, trying to get away from the mafia life to some degree, and more than that to avoid being married off for whatever reason by Big Mom in the first place. (this is grumbled about in the first chapter, so it's not some big reveal). That certainly adds another layer to things, especially if Lin-Lin sees it as an in to tie the two families together.

Ah, sweet Kazieai <3 I would love to utilize this wonderful idea you've blessed my morning with. Just because the idea part is easier than the writing part doesn't mean it isn't worth due credit ❤️Especially when it's just the scenario I was trying to come up with.

[heathersproship]

Too tired to make this its own fic so have a list of bullet points. But before we do...

Antis, minors, and antiship-leaning minors especially, fuck off.

Now then...

Teacher/student JDronica. Teacher!Veronica with Student!J.D. (what, were you expecting something else? :p)

They meet when J.D. transfers to Westerburg. Veronica’s his homeroom teacher. (Or his first period. My high school, for my senior year, made third period homeroom... for some reason)

Conversely, she’s not his homeroom teacher but he wants her to be

She teaches English. Sometimes wears glasses for the aesthetics, but she still has her monocle, which she whips out to grade papers or read essays at her desk. The students find the monocle pretentious, stupid, or just weird. Not that she gives a shit what they think on her fashion choices. It doesn’t impact her ability to do her job, and she likes it, so who cares, amirite?

She reminds him of his mom. She’s just got that gentle touch to her that really resonates with him. He’s definitely going to slip and call her Mom by accident at some point, which she takes in stride because “haha, it happens to all of us”

Being English class, there are plenty of people who either lack critical thinking skills or are too lazy to use them to read between the lines. J.D. easily stands out to Veronica by actually using his brain and applying himself

He gets into a fight with Kurt and Ram when they walk by Veronica’s classroom talking about her (rating her in terms of hotness, bangability, all that good stuff). Since he’s emotional, he gets sloppy, and they beat him up. Veronica overhears the noise and goes to break up the fight. She offers to take him to the nurse (if she’s got class) or takes him into her class to patch him up (if it’s her free period)

If it’s her free period and it’s just them, he may or may not tear up at how gentle she is with him. After hearing the story of what happened, she thanks him for sticking up for her, and tells him she knows he’s a good boy (and by far her brightest student), but please don’t get into more trouble on her behalf, okay? She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself

If it’s not her free period and she takes him to the nurse, they talk about it the next day, either before class or during lunch hour. Usually she eats with Betty or Martha, but like them she’s willing to let students have lunch in her classroom if he’s afraid of running into Kurt and Ram in the cafeteria. Her class is a safe space, she hopes he knows that.

If he has no lunch, she offers to buy it for him. If his pride won’t let her, she’ll do her best to make some for him. Either way, he’s gotta eat

Coach Chandler (those who can’t teach teach gym lmao) is a bitch. He overhears Chandler being a bitch to Veronica and almost intervenes again, but he remembers what she says and stays put. The confrontation ends with Chandler pushing Veronica against the wall and storms off. J.D. pretends to be walking by and asks if something happened. She doesn’t tell him. He plans revenge. Can he go to Principal Fleming about this? Or will Veronica be annoyed he intervened in her business even though he’s doing it for her sake?

Rumor has it Coach Chandler has a crush on Ms. Sawyer, but Ms. Sawyer didn’t like her back because of her bitchy personality, and that’s why she’s doubled down on being such a cunt. She doesn’t even do anything, just stands there barking orders at them, or sitting on a lawn chair while they run the mile. He’ll have to get a girl to slip something in her water bottle, or otherwise do it when she’s unawares elsewhere. Or he could key her red Porsche. (Rumor also has it her parents wanted her to get a job to understand the value of a dollar, so being a high school gym teacher and surrounding herself in that mentality means she never grew out of her alpha bitch phase, and still thinks she can get away with shit like this.) Hmm...

Veronica shares a small, cozy place with Betty and Martha. They spend Friday nights grading papers and watching a movie when they’re all done. They do dramatic readings of the English essays, and sometimes vote on a grade if Veronica is unsure. And maybe there’s alcohol involved. She saves the best (J.D.’s) for last.

It’s probably through one of those essays, depending on how personal it is, she learns he lost his mom at a young age. He describes in detail her death as he remembers, perceives, and wonders about it. He’s never been able to talk about it with anyone, not aloud, and especially not with his dad. She made him feel so safe, he feels like he can trust her to tell her about her. And he’ll be 18 soon (or he already is) and when he graduates, he’d love it if they could still be in each other’s lives. Because she’s special. She’s beautiful, and perfect, and while he does love her as his teacher, he also thinks he’s in love with her

Martha thinks it’s really sad but ultimately sweet, and Betty thinks it’s sad and sweet, but very slippery. Veronica is conflicted. Because on the one hand, ethics. But he did say after graduation, when they’re not teacher and student anymore, even though they met under those circumstances. And Sherwood is a small, small town — people will talk. She decides to hold him back after class to talk to him about his essay, and writes his hall pass that night.

That’s all for now. Maybe.

[goodnightmemes]

TIKTOK SENTENCE STARTERS PART 6

some of these are quotes from tiktok creators, and some are from various other forms of media that were popular audios/trends on tiktok  

❛ Guess who didn’t eat me out last night? ❜

❛ I don’t know if I’m on my period, if there’s a star out in the sky that moved too far to the left, or if my brain chemicals just went ‘uuggghhhh’, but I’m sensitive and violent right now ❜

❛ ‘Ugh, why are you girls always going to Target?’ Ta get stuff. Duh. ❜

❛ Don’t act like you’re above wearing a cowboy hat for a tiktok. Oh! Handsome cowboy! Handsome cowboy! ❜

❛ How fucking elaborate do we have to make this fight?? Get down here!! ❜

❛ It continues to redefine ‘family’ as meaning: ‘some dudes who ate at my house’, instead of people you share a bloodline with. ❜

❛ What’s more American in this nation of living paycheck to paycheck than living your life a quarter mile at a time? ❜

❛ You’re gonna fuck the bee?!?! ❜

❛ I need a trenta cup of heavy cream. ❜

❛ If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I’m gonna dilly dally. I am a dilly dally-er. ❜

❛ You’re taller! How fucking dare you. ❜

❛ Santa sent his deer to fuck your shit up cause you’re on the naughty list. ❜

❛ How many times do I have to tell you mind control doesn’t work on me? ❜

❛ I have never seen a creature look more like a rotisserie chicken, and I am including every rotisserie chicken I’ve ever seen. ❜

❛ You can actually have two loving and supportive parents and still end up weird and unstable. ❜

❛ Blaming it all on my father really takes away all the work that I put into making me the worst version of myself. ❜

❛ I want my mom to come home but if I call her and say “mom I convinced myself that the dog is a shapeshifter again.” she’s going to think I’m crazy. I’m not crazy! ❜

❛ Kill me or come cuddle with me, 'cause you’re freaking me the fuck out. ❜

❛ I mean these days I just be wondering like, will I ever feel fergalicious again or is it just over? ❜

❛ If I go missing please do two things: one - check near the parking lot of Sears, two - arrest Billy Ray Cyrus. ❜

❛ Daily affirmation, repeat after me: I am not the bigger person. I am the smaller person, who is prone to pyromania. ❜

❛ Why are they playing Shrek songs in church? ❜

❛ She gave me trauma beyond human comprehension. ❜

❛ Girl if you don’t get your coochie sticks out of the uranium bin… ❜

❛ The children yearn for the mines. ❜

❛ Alright here’s a lesson in physics… that’s not how physics works. What the fuck just happened?! ❜

❛ Run like you’re being chased by the love of your life but you’re not ready to love him yet, you still got some learning to do! You have to love yourself first! ❜

❛ Hate me or don’t hate me, but if you put holy water into a humidifier you won’t have a vampire problem. ❜

❛ Awwwww shit. You don’t know about doing whatever the fuck you want? Damn. I’m sorry. Hope you find that someday. ❜

❛ Shh! Don’t bother me, I’m having enrichment time in my enclosure. ❜

❛ Quite frankly, I don’t care where you taking us, cause anyone with an ass like that gotta be blessed and highly favored. So why wouldn’t I follow gods child? ❜

❛ What the fuck did Dora say? Where are we going? To follow that ass! ❜

[house-of-slayterr]

Marko headcanons? Please 🥺 am in much need of my trash baby cause am much sad

Of course, anything for you my love! I too am experiencing Marko brain rot!

Marko loves pretty things, and by pretty I mean unique. Someone’s style, hair, makeup or lack there of. He notices all that stuff right away. It’s like he’s constantly searching for the next coolest person in town.

Cause we all know Marko is a platonic whore (as well as a regular one) boy could make friends with his eyes closed and his mullet on backwards. He’s just a really charismatic guy!

And that’s when he’d spot you, with your new blue hair! He thinks it’s possible the coolest thing he’s ever seen in his life. Before Paul or David can even tease him, he’s marching on over to you. Determined to at least leave with your number.

He probably uses the cringiest of pick up lines to attempt to flirt. “Are you a parking ticket? Cause you’ve got fine written all over you!” And don’t you for a second think it stops after just one. No, he makes it his mission to find the worst ones just to hear your laugh.

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”

“Feel my shirt, wanna know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.”

This is your life now. I hope you don’t mind a little golden doodle following around everyone, because you now have your own personal vampire body guard. The only time he’s not with you is when he’s hunting. He wouldn’t want to scare you off, but little does he know it makes him more irresistible.

Prepare for a lot of Paul time. Where on terror twin goes, the other fallows. He probably flirts as well, but Marko cuts him down with well places glares. He loves teasing Marko, and making you blush. So the behaviour again, won’t stop. Not unless Marko asks him too in the moment.

This man will drag you to EVERY concert on the board walk. If they’re selling t-shirts, prepare for a whole new wardrobe! Marko is a master Kleptomaniac. He could steal from five different people before anyone notices. What can I say, he’s got sticking fingers to go with the devious smirk of his.

Dates under the stars! He will fly you to the highest point in the city so y’all can look at stars together. He probably just picks up Chinese and turns it into a little rooftop picnic.

YOUR JACKET! That’s right, you heard me! Marko custom made you a jacket to match his iconic one. He pays attention to bands and colours you like and collected patches for months before gifting it to you. Sometimes you help him see new patches onto both of you jackets.

Dwayne whole heartedly approves of this. You mellow him out a Little. He’s not like a kid who’s on a sugar high, and claustrophobic, always needed to be on the move anymore. He doesn’t care how much you weigh, he’s content to have you sit on his lap. He’s a vampire after all, you weigh nothing to him. Get you a boy who can handle some skin!

David is wearing of you at first. But he sees how happy the two of you are so he lets it happen. But he’s probably had a chat or 100 about Marko turning you. David is impatient and would rather you be a fledgling than a human. Even if like Star and Laddie you don’t want to feed right away, he’d respect that. But he’s much more excepting of you after you turn.

And don’t worry, Marko would make it special. He’d be careful not to hurt you, and make sure everything goes smoothly. He can’t go with you, but Marko gives you an entire day to watch your last sunrise and sunset. He doesn’t want you to feel like you’re missing out by being with him. Please assure him your not, this poor Baby would have his heart broken if he continued to think that.

But you’re living your best life now with the boys, and Marko couldn’t be more proud of you. You’re Marko’s person, and he’s yours. And everyone respects that. Those other people better stay away, cause an angry hungry fledgling is not someone you want to piss off. You kill someone for flirting with Marko, he goes fucking feral.

Don’t expect to be getting any rest anytime soon. He’s keeping you up well I got he morning in that cave. Cue David yelling at Marko for his poor timing, why couldn’t he do this when they weren’t all stuck in the cave for the day.

Marko’s love languages are gift giving. He sees something that reminds him of you, it’s yours now. He’d buy the whole world if he could, but you’ll settle for an ice-cream and the random set of rings he thought would look nice on your fingers. But he’s keeping that one finger empty, so one day he can get you a real nice ring and start your forever together.

An: hope this was what you were looking for! I’m all soft and mushy now 🥺

[raccoon-in-a-dumpster]

I am in the editing stage for The Big Breakdown Of The 33 Paragraph Essay Ask, but here's the short version:

I think they mostly wanted to try to explain their stance one more time. This is my best attempt at a short breakdown, without bias. The only reason I’m trying to keep my bias out is because I think it’s better to try to extract the core of the essay in the purest essence possible when trying to explain someone else’s point. Ik I’ve said some variation of that already but I want to say it again.

The main points are:

An attempt to reiterate what they believe ‘proship’ means, and why they think your version is…lacking?? Illogical?? Secret Third (But Similar) Option? Or just straight-up wrong. Somewhere in there.

An attempt to convey that they understand why you won’t believe them. 

I gotta say tho, the way they actually went into that (further than just an ‘I Get It’) being so close to how I put earlier it is. Unsettling. As I’m typing this out, I don’t honestly remember if I got to that point in the Thirty-Three Theses* yet when I said something about it. If yes, it was probably just fresh in my brain. Either way every time i read it again I feel like someone i don’t know just briefly glanced through the mirror at me.

Their third point is basically “I’m afraid that if it’s okay to harass pedophiles, then queer people will be harassed under the pretense of us all being pedophiles just because homophobic/transphobic/etc dickheads want us to leave. So that’s why I’ve decided I’m Proship.” with a very dramatic lead-up that implies concern for you, + a moment of ‘btw I don’t support that stuff myself. For the record.’

There is a reminder of that one time an anon accused you of pedophilia. I do, actually, remember that, because I remember wondering if the anon just heard that you were trans and suddenly saw red. I couldn’t think of any other reason to call a minor a pedophile, unless they just wanted to upset you for no reason? Idk. anyways.

There is also expressed concern for people who aren’t necessarily queer, but people who are writing about pedophilic/incestuous relationships who either don’t know any better, are trying to deal with their own trauma through writing, or adults who aren’t writing anything like that but it’s For or About kids and People Will Call It’s Sus.

Still, their main concern seems to be queer people. 

Long-winded explanation of why they won’t come off anon, which boils down to ‘i am not going to get harassed because i do not need that damage to my mental health’

I don’t know why they worded the last few blocks like a mysterious warning. I think it and the war drums comment are probably because they got weirdly dramatic and self-righteous about it? Idk. Either way they’re expressing concern for you (whether real or fabricated, who knows), with the implication that they think you’re being used/manipulated. Or that they think you could easily be used/manipulated? One of the two.

I have no idea if any of this is performative, or if it’s entirely sincere. The last bit is kind of insulting to you, even if it’s indirect. But what I’m hearing there is “you are voting for the Face-Eating Leopards Party, who promise to only eat the faces of Bad People, but you don’t realize that they can and will easily pin the ‘Bad People’ label on you and your demographic.”

Also, regarding their definition of proship: It’s less about what you ship and how you treat other people for shipping things, whether you like the ship or not.

So by their definition, even if someone did ship something like, idk, Dreammare (most common icky ship that I hear of), they’re not necessarily proship. If they believe that people shouldn’t be harassed over what they ship, and also stick to that and aren’t a fucking hypocrite, then they’re proship. Whether or not the ship in question is pedophilic, abusive, toxic, pretty average, or pure wholesome fluff has no bearing on it. 

I go more into that in the Big Breakdown.

I'm going to have to go places in a moment or two, but when I get back I should be able to finish my editing.

...At least, in the google doc. I'm debating whether tumblr would have better formatting and if I should make it a tumblr post instead of sending a link to the google doc, but if I did then I'd have to fuck with the images, and change some of the OTHER formatting because tumblr doesn't do underline for non-links.......

Either way, send me a message or something if you decide you want to see the whole thing. We're at 7525 words, which includes the essay from Proship Anon themself. most of it's me though

My “Thirty-Three Theses” comment is a reference to the Ninety-Five Theses that made Protestantism a thing. I only reference it because that’s a lot of fucking theses, and they were nailed to the door of the church that the author was bitching about and I think that’s funny. Otherwise it’s entirely irrelevant. I just wanted to share the joke.

7525 WORDS??? JEESSUS CHRIST MAN

but yeah the whole "anon calling me a tranny pedophile" was actually cause they were originally harassing my older brother for being a "tranny pedophile" (they did call BOTH of us trannies so.) despite the fact we're both minors, and also "what're you doing at the devil's sacrament" shit of "see you on Einstein's (epstien's) island"

but like... jesus. you're doing god's work ong.

and like. honestly. i do not give a shit about what someone draws/writes to cope with stuff, that's not my business, yk? my stance on that is that you. should not post it online. keep it between you and your therapist or whatever

[quodekash]

um. so.

I noticed this ages ago and promptly forgot about it, but when Win takes off his shirt at the start of episode 6, you can see a mark or bruise of some kind on his shoulder.

and win is always sleeping in class. He was late in episode 6 because he overslept. He wore the wrong uniform, was probably rushing to get ready due to oversleeping. We don’t know much about win’s life at home, apart from the fact that his dad wants him to continue the family car business thing (unless I’m remembering incorrectly but I’m pretty sure it’s something along those lines). his family doesn’t want him to peruse music. That could have detrimental effects on his mental (and therefore also physical) health and well-being. And there’s a bruise on his shoulder…

I’m not at all a professional of any kind in these matters, nor do I have any personal experience in anything like this, so hopefully someone with more knowledge/understanding than me can correct me or agree with me, but it seems a lot like there could be from some kind of ab*sive situation??

Or at least there’s probably some kind of problem with Win’s mental health, cos running late, getting dates mixed up, wearing the wrong uniform, really only having one group of friends that you’ve known for years, constantly starting fights to defend yourself and your friends, being so defensive it’s honestly showing signs of vulnerability/insecurity, “I actually feel like I exist today”, constantly appreciating words of affirmation to a deep level like you’ve rarely ever been told that you’re good enough… it all kind of points to some kind of brain… thingy.

In my eyes, as someone with adhd, I think Win probably also has adhd? The running late and sleeping in class and not really vibing with school (and a whole bunch of other stuff) are very reminiscent of adhd, so that could be why his family potentially doesn’t like him/treat him well

I’m not explaining this well, hang on.

the way I see it, Win is a kid with adhd. He’s never really worked well with school, it doesn’t agree with him. He finds himself constantly running late, always getting distracted, his focus narrows in on this one thing, and suddenly it’s 4am and he needs to go to sleep. So he’s constantly oversleeping, running late for school, and zoning out in class so much that he decides he might as well sleep in class because either way he won’t listen to the lesson so he should catch up on missed sleep while he can. And because of all this, his home hasn’t really felt like a home. His family constantly berates him for things outside of his control, continually yelling and screaming at him for being so unorganised, for being so late, for being so hyperactive. And maybe that anger is brought out into the physical world, is let out onto Win. And not just that, they want him to pursue something he doesn’t enjoy, something that isn’t his passion, and they don’t want him to enjoy the one escape he has, the one place he can go to feel safe and included. He starts masking his symptoms when he’s at home, making him even more exhausted cos masking is so freaking tiring, so whether he sleeps well at night or not, he still needs to nap in class. He spends as much time at the music club as he can, practicing as long as they’ll go, to avoid returning home to the screaming. His friends allow him to be him, they let him release his pent-up emotions, they make him feel a warm happiness he doesn’t experience often. These people stick by his side, day and night. If anyone says anything against them, he takes a stand and speaks up for them, he starts fights because that’s the only thing he knows how to do. During the beach trip, he just seems so… happy. Content. We never see him napping during the day. There’s never a moment where he’s yelling and defending and fighting. He’s friendly and chill and collected and alive. He’s not exhausted from masking, day in and day out, because he doesn’t have to around this group of people. He’s safe, as long as he doesn’t have to be at his house.

As for the inevitable fight… I’m not sure what it’s gonna be about, but Win probably explodes because he’s been having a lot of stuff building up at home that he hasn’t told anyone about, or because a lot happened on that particular day, or something along those lines.

idk if anyone will agree with any of this but it makes a lot of sense in my mind and I think it explains a lot, so I figured I should share it.