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parisknyghts · 1 year

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The Greats (a novella)

The Greats

"The greatest beings find out they must come together to fight evil or something ". Episode one

Chapter One - Piper

Piper sat down just a second, having just finished her daily 250 mile jog, she felt she deserved a little bit of the rest as it were.

The first fist flew past her face fast, her reaction time always on the right key eller note she managed to not only stand up but dodge the heavy bladed weapon that was thrown at her back. It dug fourteen feet deep into the mostly innocent maple tree that provided many passersby a bit o shade... For a price.

Ten.

She counted 9 masked, armed and possibly underage assailants surrounding her person, it was ten but by the time she finished counting she had already dislodged the obsidian harpoon from the tree trunk and had returned it to the owner. The stabby way, like it landed into and through his coccyx parts. He screamed like a bitch and went down even more like a bitch or something.

Piper drove the outer edge of her forearm into the first approaching thug, a rather large fellow, she slowed his attempt at a tackle by shattering his upper windpipe.

Pushing him away with a thrust kick she used her pencak silat training to swifty turn and completely rip out the neck nerve of another.

"A ha!" She shouted mockingly.

For a brief second she switched to ledrit style to leap in the air, spin kick another fool before dropping the bone part of her knee onto the big guys back most neck gristle. It went kaputz.

"A ho!" She shouted from her foaming mouth.

American wrasslin was up next, the jog had driven Piper into a frenzy.

She spun and dodged the next attacker before catching the masked woman by her waist and overhead belly to back suplexing her through a nearby hadron collider.

It exploded and the shrapnel flew all around, injuring two more attackers most important groin bones.

A saito suplex to another heavy one left his upper body meat and confidence and health a shambles.

As Piper yanked one of the assailants ribs from his back to use as a weapon on another goon he fell to his knees and begged off.

"Please! I beg you, it's only a telegram. Don't hurt me and me mates anymore..."

Piper slowly dug the rib bone into the man's left most eye.

She said, "A what?"

The man slowly and with Shakey hands reached deep down into the front of his mossy pants and produced a wet envelope. Fat shiny leeches swarmed the outer layer, they tasted funny.

"F... Fighting telegram ma'am. It's supposed to be all in good fun, a little row to get the juices going." He said like a chump.

They both had a good and hearty laugh as Piper took the telegram.

"Do you think I could remove this rib bone from my -"

"No, no leave it in. It suits you." Piper said as she walked away, the mechanics of opening the envelope proving to be quite befuddling.

That's when the second chapter happened.

Chapter two - Bridewell

Hock Bridewell was an Ill man, his cellmate Jug Illman however was pretty even keeled and unabashedly polite.

As Bridewell shaved his back, the sounds of the old man struggling underneath Jug began to get on his nerves.

Bridewell could shave his own back because he had cool ass long arms, like he could scratch his ankles while standing straight up and shit. It was awesome.

For a shaving instrument he preferred to use a baleen whale tooth he stole when he was aught 13 years old (adjusting for inflation of course). He stole it from a plug ugly pirates French maid, the cool of her last breath as he leapt upon her back over and over gave a nearby kitten a shiver.

Kittens are baby cats who come out of the cats cloaca after they dig a deep hole on a safe enough beach and shed their last skin.

Bridewell liked kittens but he did not like cats. When cats get too old their fur tastes too much like shit.

"I'll have that cigarette I owe you in a few years Bridewell me pal, I've finally secured myself a spot on the kitchen staff. Tis a working man now I am!" Jug said with a greasy grin. He quivered for a spell before grabbing his yummy belly.

"You alright there...?" Bridewell stared at his cellmate with great and deep concern in his autumn hued eyes. He had never seen the man so much as sneeze or cough or eat or sleep or drink or talk or breathe or blink or have a shadow or -

The sound of a man screaming in the distance was soon followed by the familiar roar of a drunk Minotaur. It sounded sexy.

Wayward but dapperly dressed Minotaurs were known to leave their salty hovels from time to time and enter Pleasureville prison from time to time through a door in the back that no one ever remembered to lock.

They would get drunk off 10 day old pig wine and become well randy and quite talkative.

Even rarer though it was still like everyday they would grab a man by his arms and legs and head and groin and pull the opposite direction. Merriment was had by all.

Another cool game the Minotaurs and prisoners liked to play was they would see how fast they could debone. The rules were kinda vague but basically the bones had to be removed one by one, and the wish bone was to be avoided. You didn't have to start with the feet but prisoners sometimes have more bones in their feet than other people. Last count it was like 650 (as reported by famed bone counter and astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Iron Mike Tyson chickens and peer reviewed.

Bridewell retrieved his trusty abacus from deep in the toilet and began to calculate the size of the Minotaur by the scale of it's bellow.

As Jug violently shook on the cell floor, frothy blood squiring out of his ears in short burst and pooling around the feet of a passing turtle, Bridewell secured Gjölly to his back.

"Stay here Jug my friend. I'll return soon, I have business with this particular Minataor." Bridewell said with a wry upturn of his uppermost lip.

With a pep in his ass and step he sauntered out of the cell.

CHAPTER 3 - Bridewell

GJÖLLY was the solid stone sledgehammer that belonged to Bridewell. It was a magnificent weapon and tool. Made from the rock that some giant wolf was pooping next to, Bridewell noticed it's strange dexterity and smell.

The big ugly dog or wolf or whatever was tied to it by a very lazy owner. Bridewell took the stone and the chain and used them to forge his mighty weapon. He has yet to find anything that it cannot smash like a boss, ya heard me shorty?

"Leslie, you cheap bastard! Time to pay the piper." Bridewell said as he stood on the gray cracked wall, directly above the shocked Minotaur (or Leslie as he was known to his chums and trivia night contemporaries).

Leslie set both duffle bags full of ear bones down and was obviously annoyed at having been startled.

"My word Bridewell, have you no manors. I swear you're going to give me a stroke one of these days. Sneaking about as you do." Leslie droned.

Bridewell hopped down from the wall and circled around Leslie with a smile.

Leslie was becoming perturbed. He said, "... Is everything kosher Hock? You seem a little, tense. You say you're working for Piper now.. the thing between she and I is personal. If she has anything she needs to say to me, she can pick up the phone or drop a telegram like a normal goddamn per-"

The sound of Leslie's collar bone snapping in five places as Bridewell leapt into the air and with great gusto and glee brought Gjölly down onto his person, was kinda cool.

Her erect vagina signaled the need for interest in Lickity Split as she observed the much bloody interaction.

The mission of recruitment weighed heavier on what was left or right about her soul.

Chapter 13

Wicked.. a taste of the morrow. Is the word. But then…

Paul was not an unpeculiar fellow. Some would say he had a knack for the abstract by way of "jack o tradeitis", the man knew just a little bit enough about almost everything but not a bit enough to make something of it.

He sat cross legged atop his banyan wood desk puffing away at a tobacco pipe full of lush brown brown and locally sourced cinnamon, pondering the small ownerless Pomeranian skulking past his pale green garden. He wondered what that hund smelled like.

With an awful crash the door to Paul's office splintered and buckled and just a shade later the whole piece of wood split and almost fell to the floor save hanging by a meager hinge.

Paul straightened his back and let out a puff of smoke in dismay as standing before him in the doorway, nearly breathless and disheveled was a man named Jack.

A large bodied, furrowed brow and damp with sweat his muscles had torn through the sections of his brooks brothers suit making the man look most ill fashioned.

He was holding a bent ax, the one a lumberjack might carry but well rusted and twisted at the center in what Paul presumed was some sort of chopping accident.

Paul spake "I say jack, we haven't seen you in at least a season! Since I believe the whole debacle with Mrs. Havershams stray gazelle.."

"Shut your fucking mouth you sick ... Fuck!" Jack worded.

Jack reached into his trousers and produced a thick and tattered paper cover novel of some type. He tossed it into Paul's face and raised his ax high into the air. Really high.

"Explain this!"

Paul took thirty short puffs from his pipe and retrieved the novel from the floor where it had landed after hitting him in the nose. The blood from which slowly dripped down his face.

Jack fumed and his buxom chest muscles heaved as he practiced an ancient art known to few as Patience fu. Taught to him no doubt by the great practitioner Hanzo Gruber of little Berlin in West Kyoto, Paul suspected.

Paul studied the tome with little more than a few grunts and slight eyebrow raises. Maybe a wry upturn of his lips or the turgidity of his left nipple betrayed his conclusions.

After a few terse moments he looked up at jack and said..

"...why did you throw this in my face? It's quite heavy and appears to have both semen and fecal matter on it."

Jack bristled, "that's my fecal matter you son of a bitch. Stop changing the subject. What's the meaning of this? Why did I find it locked up in your shoddy ass basement and why does it have the names and personal info of hundreds..."

He took a step forward crushing a few roaches and snatched the pipe from Paul's hand with great violent force, shattering one of the man's favorite fingers and scratching deep enough to expose white meat.

Paul was deeply offended and finally uncrossed his legs. Sternly he addressed his increasingly unwelcome guest.

Paul said, "I'm not as happy about knowing you as much as I was before, jack."

Jack spit in Paul's mouth just as the final venomous words were being spat from his part time lord and keep.

Jack bellowed, "Lies! This vile wretched ... Accursed thing! When I found it, I .. the madness! The flames.. heaving breast, flames licking my face -"

He began to pace in a semi counter clockwise concentric mobius strip. He muttered to himself at the top of his voice as Paul began to become annoyed at the loss of his pipe.

"Why.. why did it have hundreds.. maybe thousands of people's names, and addresses.. and..."

He stopped after stepping on another sweet roach and turned to Paul.

"....Paul. Yellow paper? And why are most of the people in your... Book. Why are they dead?"

Paul smiled, " and why the business listings and adverts jack? I don't know what -"

Jack swung the bottom most part of his leg high into the air and brought it down on Paul's scrotum bones with a crunch.

Jack whispered, "I visited those homes. Those people and those businesses too as well Paul. You know what I found in your sick wake?! Entire places called blockbuster left abandoned with nothing but rats and mostly used but still usable condoms! What did you do to those people?!"

"My nutsack hurts!" Paul chided.

Jack was becoming unnerved.

Chapter 10

Paul thought a lot. He liked thinking because being smart was what gave him boners. He liked getting boners since he could recall being a wee lad standing on the marmy shore, fish shit and sand between his toes as he watched the treacherous waves.

"They come and they go boyboy... They come and they go. Like your aunty on a Sunday." The cracked out but still kinda hot in a nerdy kinda way bullet train hobo barked, his voice seemingly the result of him drinking a mixture of glass and coffee.

It was times such as this that were around 5 am. Also, it was ass can open of whooping time as it so happened that the boy known as Paul "Falcon" Maltese had exactly one so called friend.

"Grrrrreada ooooopar ficu fuck.." Jack screamed as his heavy blows rained down onto and collapsed the skull parts of the hobo. About the monkey blood stained man's middle torso and inner thigh meat Jack jumped up and also down.

As the man's bitch ass screams became wheezing pleads of prayer or mercy Paul turned to gaze back out at the wet water. With his eyes. Which were also wet.

"Why hast those words... That that man had said... Why do they stick with me so." Paul purred.

A seagull with two heads swooped down and expertly pooped into the gaping mouth of a sunbathing maiden as she slumber. The Z's coming out of her huge boobs were sharp. Man. Her boobs were like, so huge.

The sound of her smile as she swallowed the umami guano brought Paul to his revelation.

"I'm super smart and I should be a detective because I'm good at noticing things mon!" He said in a Jamaican accent.

Paul turned 72 cubits catercorner to Jack's left most knee.

"I say, dear jack. I shall return. I'm going to go become a famous detective!"

Jack gave Paul a blood plasma covered handed high five and 6 before leaping 68 billion parsecs into the air, snatching the sexy seagull out of the sky with his bare dick.

Jack bellowed "I don't give a fuck what you do. Just don't ever be evil or I'll kill your whole body till it's wet and dirty!"

With a splat and perhaps half of a skasplooshka his nutsack snapped back into place and Paul was brought back to the hear and now.

Then he realized he was past aggravated, ideally seeing a grave misunderstanding about to be birthed Paul raised a single elbow into the air.

"If I am who you think I am, and I deduce that if it weren't so then you would kommer ikke into my personal home and barraged me with these redundant and weak sauce ass queries! Now haste your genital blows. Away with your besotted and furthhence insipidus moral artillery, motherfucker! Disrepute and gelatinous gallons of spunk I spit uton your violent ways, especially when aimed towards my personal pieces! You have within your hot bod a flame of mystery.. and who else. Nay. Nah son. What else... Could possibly scratch your itchy ass gooch? I.. Paul Maltese!! Shall solve this most fatigued riddle for you. If you have money." Paul moaned seductively so loud that his throat parts began to a shimmy and a shake.

Jack looked his old comrade up and west before reaching into his pants roundabouts his crotch side and producing an eye juice and temple sinew laden dog leash for dogs.

He said, " .... That piece of pussy clot was having his dog make fart solids on your lawn so I made his eyeballs into a pussy."

Paul produced an illegally sourced teak wood smoking pipe from his desk after fumbling around in his broken Fleshlight drawer for ten minutes before turning to jack.

"I will always have your back, too old friend. You are.. a good man."

Paul poured a fathom of gin and black tar heroin into his pipe before picking up a local rat and squeezing its arse tendon juice into the exotic mixture. He struck a match and it called the cops.

I know, right?

Chapter 7

Guiltee McKee hard a had life. Reading what was not good for his brain like. Sometimes math made him anal muscles feel itch and bad hurt!

He walk funny and look ugly so titty people with fancy hats and tight cloth cross the street or snicker like candy bars at Guiltee.

"Him have soft dick for life style currently." He whispered in him crooked cranium.

Happen upon most prestigious government funded money laundry scheme.

"B... Bunk. Bunk have papers trade for cheap ass."

Sudden Guiltee have wood in top penis. He hard AF.

"Guiltee who is me! Me Guiltee go put security fucker clitoris gristle in mouth and clomp!? When me have money for ass. Ill repute ass great for these me penis!" He sang as he skipped down the road.

Paul turned the volume of his pale gray Sony walkman down, the Ramones will have to wait. And they were famously known to hate waiting.

As he slowly but confidently climbed out of the rustic yet quaint city dumpster Paul readjusted his condom, keeping close watch on the piece of shit ugly bastard known as Guiltee "possibly up to something or a rapist I don't know he looks fucked up" McKee.

"Methinks this will be a fun ride."

Paul drooled. The way he slurped up his own spit sounded like an angry gay elephant.

Making sure to stay no less than 40.544 kilometers but no more than 6.988887 barleycorns within his mark Paul kept one wet eye on Guiltee (ugly ass piece of shit), and one dry eye on his surroundings.

Obviously observation serves tons of folk bro. On the middle left a toad's bits and crannies hung lazily on a mossy prostitute's back as she sat reverse cowgirl upon a poor excuse for a log.

On the nearer left a jackal slunk about with a sway in it's tender gait indicting the iller effects of drug abuse, no doubt scavenging about behind Old Man McScabbies absinthe laden meat pie store.

Guiltee turned his nasty looking body towards the street where other ugly people probably lived. If their bods were decent enough Paul might throw one of em a handful of his essence.

Guiltee hunched over and took a bite out of the fallen ice cream stained pavement and began to chew.

Sharpening his crooked bicuspids.. Paul surmised with his brain. He loaded a few .454 cassulls into his mateba autorevolver and checked his fanny pack to make sure his stash of rusty hypodermic needles were well stocked. They were.

Guiltee leaned heavily against a graffitied wall across from a thriving coxswain thrift depot and began massaging his own prostate while he chewed his gravel, surveying the land.

Paul stopped by an ancient news-stand and took a long hardy piss on the intricately displayed candy selection so as to not draw suspicion to himself.

"Hey! You can't urinate your piss on me knickknacks and wares ya bloody twat!" Shouted the owner seductively.

Paul tossed a few pence over the elderly lady's visage and as her greed distracted her Paul quickly scooped all his urine back into his penis and disappear down an alleyway.

Chapter 80

"The art of deduction is for losers." Thought officer Growler.

599 wet bodies lay stacked upon one another in a most ghastly and some would say gaudy fashion.

The local donut clowns were perplexed and full of vitriol, once again having been outwitted by the crime dude coined and perhaps dinar'd "bony ass robber guy".

"Bony ass robber guy is number -135 on the most wanted list. My supervisor or general or whatever is pissed at me and keeps making me cry. I love him. Doesn't he see that? Am... Am I invisible?" Sergeant Growler was a wreck. Three thousand failed marriages. A smidgen of herp on his dick and a wagon he used to ride but fell off of due to his liquid porn addiction. The rookies shook their long heads behind open halls in plain sight and spit in his ear whenever and wherever he roamed.

Growler placed a single tongue on officer Bricksticks shoulder.

"Officer Bricksticks... I'm going to pass out. Tell my momma.. she had some tig ol' biddies.. and... I wish I coulda.. " Growler began to openly weep from the front of his pants and some of his eyes.

"A bit of curds and whey for lunch it is then, plus if I were you I'd get that dick problem checked out." Paul mimed. Catching the attention of Officer Growler from behind the rancid pile of cat bones stacked in the shape of a throne.

Officer Growler threw up in his own mouth and then swallowed it and then repeated the process for forty minutes as he slowly crawled on his shoulders and knees towards the gumshoe.

"E FUCKING gad Maltese. How do you do it? And what are you doing here? Last I heard you and your beastie got nicked for a few skull crushings and international peeping Tom Geneva violations down in middle Aberdeen." Growler spat.

Maltese shuddered and let out a small puff of smoke, "We escaped, Growler."

Growler spat, "You don't say".

"I studied under and inside many great escape artists the world over, plus as you are quite aware I am a master of over 40 deadly and arcane scientific fields. Banned and shunned by even the cruelest of philosophers and theoretical astrophysicist."

"Nope, I didn't know shit about that." Growler screamed.

"Not to mention I managed to procure the souls of several battle tacticians, Warfield assassin's and six buff Aussies."

"Oh fuck.. for real?"

Maltese smirked with his mouth and lips.

"I told you all this before, no doubt your low and pathetic level of intelligence has caused you some form of voluntary brain retard life."

".....ok. Why -"

"Allow me propose a bit of quo pro quid. I suggest that I help you with what is most presently perplexing you and your limp dick partner and in return you... Simply do me a small favor."

Officer Bricksticks approached scratching his chest hair through the rips in his uniform, "Wow, you really are a master detective Maltese. How did you know I was a limp dicked?"

Maltese grew slightly impatient.

Stuffing his Triassic period amber dabbed maple wood pipe with two ounces of bath salt soaked hashish he took a deep pull, being offered a light by a passing broad with a nice hat and a wet smile.

"By the gait in her walk I can tell she is a fan of what is known colloquially as doggystyle, note the curve of her shadow as the ultraviolet rays bounce off her loose bunghole. Poorly concealed beneath a knock off gorilla skin hoop skirt most likely haggled in the purple light district. As evidenced by the burnt sheepskin condom stain on the nape of her shoulder." Maltese spun around six times and then faced the officers.

"You, Growler are super gayly in a tryst with your immediate supervisor and are in no doubt great pain in your penis knuckle as well as your soul. The knot in your cheap government issued tie is off by exactly tenteen atomic units which is a mistake you only make when you are under great physical and emotional stress. Exhibit A.. you will recall thrice regaling me with a long and boring tale of your school boy days. In which you cried yourself to sleep at night for ten years straight due to worrying that your parents would one day remember to care about you and in doing so would find out that you were only barely passing your classes. Also during which time a banded eyed racoon had taken up residence in your dorm room and would sexually hurt your body at night." Maltese screamed with a frothy mouth.

Growler amazed, "how did you -"

"I took the liberties of invading your mother's home and finding a photo of you from that time previous, your school uniform was off... By exactly tenteen atomic.. units. Stress. And you officer Bricksticks, a few of my larger mates took turns on your long missing sister and during which she revealed to them that for your entire life you've had precisely two tragedies and one phobia. Tragedy moja - when you were born the doctors left you on the floor while out on a well deserved smoke break, neglecting to cut your umbilical cord. Instead differing the task to the lice infested rats, albeit smart ones. One of whom would proceed to begin a several days long psuedosexual affair with your nasty mum. Until of course he broke her heart. Driving her to a most orgasmic and brutal suicide. Tragedy mbili, five years ago you were out walking your blind dog -"

"How did.. is my sister ok? -"

Maltese grinned from ear to ear, "No. She's dead. Now, Silence. Obviously the dander on your shoulder and mouth and fingers betray the swill you feed your mutt. Poor in quality and high in nitric molecules that over a very short amount of time lead to a dog's nuts falling off and wicked cool eye degradation."

"Well I make a most meager wage.."

Paul stomped down on the officer's hip with enough force to impress a disparate bloke.

"I demand you stop interrupting me as I haven't the minutes nor seconds. When you were walking your hunde it sniffed out some bone. Bones that had inexplicably been claimed by a giant marmalade cat. It was rat bone. They fought. You ran. They chased you, forming a bond over your cowardice. They forced you down and ripped your uniform and put the rat bones in your penis hole. They stalk you and every once in a while.. like today. As shown by your ripped uniform.. they repeat the assault. So now.. officer Bricksticks. With the trauma of the rat. The bones. The throne. All of these things have given you a phobia."

Maltese posed like hulk Hogan, gesturing towards the bone throne.

"With this, before you. Your phobia is triggered.. causing your very dick. To be quite currently and possibly forever... as they say… a limp."

The officers looked at each other, thought about kissing and then looked back at Maltese.

"...sorry to have doubted your genius deduction skills Maltese. We're sold. What do you need.... Master?" They groaned.

Maltese took a quick sixteen puffs..

"Gentleman.. if you and your badges will follow me."

Chapter 2

We were all arrows, long time ago..

The air was bitter and salty, scraping against Paul's face like so many shards of night.

"Do you believe the comets ever falter, young Falcon?" Queried the Akkadian mage, striking her volcanic thunder forged sasumata in a mnemonic pattern.

Against the burning elk which shook alongside the earth, with each blow stoic embers danced like big booty freaks when the beat is bumpin'. Ya heard me?

Paul struggled to maintain his inner mantra, each inhale a harsh reminder that he had yet to transcend.

"It's not up to us to judge the tenacity of the cosmos.. we cannot fathom the importance of their final destination.." Paul whispered as the sharp stone he balanced upon slowly dug into his fine ass foot palms.

The Mage turned a keen nestle milky eye quickly towards her apprentice. She said in a low growl, "..becoming a master of escape requires the blood and sacrifice of the weak. Word life."

Rising up from her perch, the mage with a swiftness of a coked up peregrine leaped towards Paul, swinging her weapon with such force that the air around it began to sizzle.

Paul spun on his blisters in time to dodge the blow but in doing so lost his balance and fell neck first onto a hissing cobra with an attitude.

It bit the shit out of his neck skin and back bacon meat. Paul didn't like this for some reason and writhed in pain as the mage rubbed her pert nips and cackled.

"Why... Like.... What the fuck for real tho?" Paul whinnied as the venom coursed through his veins like a grand prix.

The Mages teeth twinkled ever so suddenly as she nodded towards the snake.

"Solstices ago, when the moon was still sat in the sky so close you felt you could reach out and fuck it.. I needed to borrow ten bucks. So I sold my essence to a passing serpent who told me he knew a guy. Yadda yadda, I needed to offer the taste of a fool to pay the vig. So.... Yeah." She mused as the snake winked at her and retrieved its auburn derby hat, it's business here no doubt reaching a most satisfying conclusion.

"Ok well fuck you and that bitch ass snake. I should -"

Paul was yanked back to now as the nightmarish screams of several lethargic coxswains floated heavy on the flap of so many burning leaves.

A near to pomegranate bonsai tree made a most curious birth, the expulsion thick with a tepid sweet eller metallic aroma that struck with a most furious yeet.

One coxswain proclaimed, "ohhhh shit. Ok. This isn't good. I don't like this."

Paul gyrated towards his center view of the situation, it was as thus.

Two billion factory workers ran in hexagonal zag zigs as their flesh began to smell hella good. Similar to an Austin, Texas inspired seasoned mesquite sauce burnt on an onion laden brisket, coleslaw made of sweet earwax like big momma used to beat you for eating. A downtrodden depot behind them smoldering most river Styx like, stank ass brimstone waning near beauty.. their noice skulls displayed signs of hurt.

"Ok.... Ok. This is fucked. This fucked me. What the fuck?" Growler brayed as he emptied his twelfth to second clip into the jowls of the now 52 hay bale tall Guiltee McKee.

The suave behemoth swallowed the bullets fired into his crooked mouth with a gulp before slowly removing his wet cotton fatigues. The scent of the newly formed cloud droppings took a most throbbing route as heated beads of innocent bystander marrow formed big black estuaries along the ripples of his officer meat filled tooths.

He said "Me stupid, and Iggy.. am so pain in blood pump organ, most ball blue in era. Most ball... Blue.."

Paul placed his damp palms and fingers and knuckles into his last pocket as he approached a clearly unnerved officer Growler.

"Relax bro. Everything will be fine." Paul snickered as he gently eased growler to the soil.

"But... He ate bullets... Then he ate... He ate my partn... He ate... Oh shit.. my donuts... I left them in the shop... The police carshop I mean." Growler spat as he hissed.

Paul had little time to ascertain the situation, which had spun least heinously out of fubar.

Chapter 54

Some people taste funny. Ain't nothin this ol' dirtball can throw that can break down a strong will.

Maltese furiously scrolled through his vintage Asian porn collection located on his computer phone like device as he gathered his thoughts. His palms began to sweat as the terse temperature caused by the burning people running past became a nuisance, he enlarged the gif of a thick veiny vulva and meditated.

Guiltee McKee was a query of a specimen. He was ugly. He smelled like a dusty wallabys taint, and his shoe game was lacking. Still, upon consumption of various forms of matter he would grow in size and strength, as well as developing a slightly indifferent cowlick.

"Me are balls blue!!" The hulking brute autotuned as his rampage became exceedingly erratic.

Reason. Craft. Achieve. Thought Paul as he finished adding his twelve thousand word long scathing review to the comment section of the bukaki video he was currently studying.

"Bad form" would be a magnetic summary of his intrepid thoughts.

The detective sauntered over to the unattractive criminal, his soft but taut hips swaying side to side and up to down with a hateful riddim.

"I say... Oaf. May I bother you for a few picoseconds of your temporal proclivity." Maltese was in true form.

Guiltee turned to face Maltese with a look that said "bitch, please" and tossed aside the bowl of kneecaps he was munching.

"When you have words for Guiltee... Bu.. bunk hurt. No time for fake ones, mustard on the beat!"

Maltese checked the hours and seconds hands position on his flame retardant limited edition patek, the raw speckles of oort cloud asteroid mined diamond dust that coated the face impressed even the most frugal of bastards.

He said, "I am a man of great skills, intelligence and style. No doubt when you gaze at my person you feel pangs of jealousy and doubts concerning your manhood... Stop me when I'm lying."

Guiltee was taken aback, he clutched his pearls in abackness.

"..........continue." he said as he choked a little bit on the eyeball juices of an elderly barkeep who happened to be in town for a high school reunion. Awkward.

Paul stepped ever so closer to the hulking brute, whose unattractive but muscular tendons glistened against a smoggy early winter backdrop. With each deep breath the beads of steaming perspiration evaporated into tiny altocumulus clouds that formed a breathless atmosphere of contempt and desire near the monster's buff ass chest. His buxom tongue hung damply from heaving lips, temptation unbound as a furtive damsel peered out of her sniper encampment for only two reasons. To kill the enemy. And to take peeks at the ugly ass hot dude eating people and gravel roundabouts the coxswain depot.

Anyway. Paul licked the side of his rose petal infused Damascus pipe before inserting a pound of raw crushed Percocet, lighting it on the smoldering frontal lobe of a soon to be deceased boat barnacle collector, Paul took 7 long puffs and then 68 short hits before stepping ever so much closer to the now entranced galoot.

"Check it. I didn't do any research into your background but I can tell you're all fucked up bruh, from the cat jizz stain on your favorite aglet, one with a decent degree of learning can surmise that a cat jizzed on your shoe. It was a multiplier. Your mood already askew after having awakened from yet another lonely evening dry humping your previous landlord's ribcage sinew, procured by nefarious means no doubt." Paul puffed away as Guiltee slowly took a knee, the detective's mastery of deduction and weavery of alphabet math stuff was noice. Having a calming but moist effect on even the most astute of pervs, nuttas and wayward carny.

Maltese had sway.

"Me... Me feel getted. Me want more of brain man. Wicked boner me have." Guiltee whispered into his own armpit.

Paul stepped once again closer to the foolish beast, now within a breahes hair or less than 907 half hectares the detectives pungent crotch just barely grazed Guiltee McKees chin split.

"I and you are not that same Mr. McKee, if I may call you such..." Malteses keen eye spied officer Growler being a bitch. Also crawling towards his cruiser. Paul continued, "I get ass all the time. Because I'm awesome. I'm just keeping it real with you, you're whack. But with my expertise in flavor and clout chasing I can turn your paltry existence into something that benefits me and most likely grants you what you so desperately desire..."

"Hooker love!" Shouted Guiltee.

"Precisely. Now Guiltee, if you will.. so kindly dust yourself off. We can begin."

Maltese turned his back towards the front of officer Growler.

"Belay that reload officer. I and the monster have come to a most amicable armistice. Isn't that right motherfucker?"

Guiltee nodded in agreement.

"Yup. We are peace now. Apologies for what eat people and destroy factory depot. Me shit. Me surrender." And with that guiltee began regurgitating all the irritating mark ass tricks he ate.

The hulking behemoth, now only 8 feet tall and a svelte 500 leagues heavy, smiled and turned to face the detective.

"Me am.....-"

Seizing the opportunity, Maltese reach into his utility belt and grabbed a handful of hypodermic needles, which he then proceeded to toss into the criminal's face muscles. Guiltee screamed and wailed as the exotic drugs and poisons entered his body and burned. Causing mental and menstrual hallucinations as well as itchy aortic migraines.

Maltese spit on a gray pigeon that flew too close before grabbing many more needles and slowly dropping them into Guiltee McKees back pants around the butt area. Expertly, Paul grinded the sharp interlopers into the criminal's anal situation.

Guiltee bellowed and howled. Slippery warm tears pooled atop his musty upper lip as the buffoon wailed.

He sounded like a straight bitch. For real.

Chapter 22

Take your time sweet child, and then may the wicked come..

Officer Growler awoke with a start, ribs were damaged. Breathing laboured and shallow, wet. Metallic taste tainted the fruit of his lower mandible, his loins were a little achy but other than that he was alright, I guess.

He strained to see past the stars hindering his vision, both of his eyes and his hefty belly button were swollen shut, a mighty knot swell up as if so many volcano on his top moist head. A single tuft of silky hair sat pon the lump, Fred Flintstone wouldst get a nominal boner from how awesome the lump looked.

"D.... Donuts .. need.... Don..." The officer stereotyped as thick human blood pooled in his throat. His blood.

Maltese was close by, but said fuck that and continued on his personal mission. He put his new Fleshlight away and stare deeply into the now fallen and quite lucid Guiltee McKees eye bits.

"Now... That I have successfully captured your attention, and before the fuzz no doubt place you into a deep dark guarded hole.. I require a bit of information." Maltese snatched a small sparrow from the ground and then spun it in a circle before launching it into the air. It flew... But not how people like sparrows to fly.

"B... Bunk .. me hurt.. drugs so potent... Me help them. Please.. cure our selves .." Guiltee spouted.

Paul pulled his pants back up around his waist fromst his ankles and took a comfortable seat on the pavement beside his bested foe.

"You poor bastard.. succumbed to the vile violent. The wretched Desire. In the blink of a whores pink eye you fell asleep, and in your slumber you forgot who the fuck you was dealing with. Now tell me where I can find one associate of yours before I set the rabid dogs of justice loosed."

"Who you look at for?! Please.. me snitch... Me snitch so hard for you.. me snitch you long time." Guiltee said in a poor but serviceable eastern Sicilian affect.

Maltese got a boner from how good he was at his detective stuff.

Chapter 6

Average!? I beg to differ, and I aim to please.

Some people called her Hattie. Well, the pieces of shit that managed to survive her existence did anyway. She had many names.

Picture this. Backdrop, harsh drought circa west Lebanon. A poorly trained and fallable vagina physicist named Portsmouth soaped down and gloved up for a suicide mission, he was set to task as presently the finest molecular biologist this side of Istanbul got herself in a family way.

She exhaled twelve thick clouds of pure krank from her multifaceted canary yellow tsavorite chalice while calculating pi to it's 630th sine integer, thus proving the nonexistent phenomenon known as "big dick energy" as she found great humor in the pain foreceding the baby making its way through her whole fancy cervix.

Having trained in wombwu-chun since she first got on the rag the fantastic and bombastic maiden let out a deep and gutteral fart noise through her bottom entrance, the density of which caused much discord and confusion amongst the lesser informed hostel patrons. They were all like "ewww..."

It didn't stink that much. Hattie fumed, reminiscing about her mother as she observed the legal maladies taking place exactly 693.5 pascals from her well scouted hiding place where she was hiding.

She watched Maltese with a great fury. The huge palooka with the needles in the front of his face was spilling all the beautiful bean footage. Gesturing wildly and slightly over dramatic with his appendages and licking his lips in a whorish but inviting fashion.

"It would appear a new game is afoot my dear detective Maltese... My lady boner is big. And my mind boner is big too. Because of the challenge... " She cussed the heavens while shaking her fist in tepid apoplexy.

Chapter 11

Call it whatever you want, just don't touch it bro.

Realizing there was no time to haste Paul Maltese sped through town at a flimsy 545 mph, barely dodging most of the pedestrian traffic as he was shivering from the constant fire he felt in his immediate bottom.

With an obstructive bleat the soggy vibrations rippled through his well defined belly and blatantly muscular intestinal tract, the big one. His guts aflutter, the world's most addictive detective pulled over with fervor, the screech of the well worn tires on his vintage red panda leather interior Subaru sounded something similar to your mom's.

"I.... Gotta take a shit." Said some weirdo who lay sprawled before the entrance, his penis and halve drunk bottle of spirits all askew.

Paul ignored the bum ass dude as he stormed into the establishment, his sharpened turd well into berth.

The information he has gleaned from Guiltee McKee had proven to be most furtive, ever closer to resolving his case he placed three thumbs deep into his booty guts to help alleviate the poopy pressure.

Approaching a fine ass freak behind the counter of a local vasectomy museum Paul licked most of his lips and said, "I... have poop coming out. Help me."

His turgid words jolted her awake, a lazy day guarding the wares of ancient losers and mummified collectables made her a dull dame.

Readjusting her patent vibranium strap on, the 9 foot tall vixen spit out three bloody teeth before loosening the tungsten wires on her chartreuse bustier, her plump breast meat was well seasoned. Smoked in burnt yak butter maplewood lotions for a lot of days and then soaked in salted peppercorn maxi pad scrapings.. she had it all.

Paul relieved himself in his mock velvet Rolex trousers and wafted away the eye watering stench with his favorite hand while lighting a bit of makeshift broken crack pipe glass resin in his rustic pipe. With a Dana carvey impression he said, "You're sexy. I don't need to use the facilities anymore.. can I sex you. With my penis?"

Chapter 88

Gods pray as well, but they too are met with painful silence..

Their sex business was poorly executed. Paul's dick top and center felt as if it were cascading against burly limestone, his partner was no help. Her dry gyrations against his impoverished member a lame brained attempt at nut busting.

The long haired gimp watching from the latticed balcony lost her erotic fever. What was supposed to be a wild evening of jacking off like a boss had become a retrospective incursion into her flailing psyche.. remembrance of times past when she walked in on her mailman and milkman double teaming the vice principal (who looked most bored).

Paul finished with a grunt and spit on his own reflection as it mocked his performance in the mirror. His sperm exited with a beleaguered sounding gong.

She looked at him funny.

"So.... You said you needed to use the phone or laboratory or something?!" She screamed while choking herself.

"Oh yeah, the case. Thanks.. I almost forgot.". Paul did with his mouth.

She tossed thirteen million crinkled and most damp yen into the puddle accumulated nearest the fridge door.

"Here. Next time don't be bad at sex, and also you made mess in the sheets. I don't like that anymore." She scatted.

Paul sat up on his tippy toes maintaining perfect balance on the water bed.

"Hmph." Was the sound his heart made.

"When we first met I anticipated your desire to grind uglies with a stranger as evidenced by the angle of your female clitoris dangle, known to harden and vary in texture.. and aroma.. when the female version of the grape ape was aroused. As you know, or maybe you don't now that I've been inside you and listened to you moan foolishly.. the grape flavored or rather hominus purpilious majori the third is our closest genetic relative."

Locusta the freak snatched her cockles deeply, the anger on her visage quite apparent.

"Obviously you're just a no pussy eating loser posing as some great detective and you're guessing your way through a sad career hanging out with lunatics and fool hardy sycophants." She cackled in a rough Irish brogue.

Maltese bristled, "Funny enough you should say that shorty, tell me. This substance that I felt under our bodies and under my current toes is supposed to be... Water? Yes?" Maltese screamed as he ripped a piece of the bed frame from its position and raised it above his knees.

With that Locusta snatched up her purse, her extensive but unimpressive CBL minor league card collection then made a quick ricotta cheese, hot prosciutto and garlic bread banh mi before leaping through the farthest window upper ankles first, her dexterity as she crashed onto a passing clerical tourist carrying a bevy of vintage Thracian currency was a sight to behold.

Maltese watched as she rolled off of the holy man's mushed cranium spunk and performed a perfect 450 backflip over a sentient robot clearly disguised as what public transportation buffs refer to as a "sweet 24 wheeler hauling more hog tit tips than whatever's a lot of them". With a vikings crotch tuft worth of artillery to boot. She landed on her muscular earlobes before disappearing into an abandoned opium den owner's shoddy duplex. It wasn't that shoddy I guess. Sometimes I just get jealous.

Maltese opened his third pack of crushed steroid flavored edible undergarments and emptied them into a oblong collectible cereal killers serial bowl filled six thirds of the way with cheap distressed male emu milk water.

"No doubt my false poor sexual performance will influence her travel.." he howled into the night. The pale gray wolves lapping at a muddy stream got so hard from how much they thought he was a chick wolf with huge wolf honkers.

Their crooked lupine members throbbed indiscriminately against the swollen winter gust, a big black and sweaty starlit comet grazed the pulsing hot atmosphere. Pumping slowly in and out of the dirty earths tight but deep gravitational pull.

The canine emergency reaction hairs on the back of their muscular neck muscles harkened back to a nother time. Whenst their were less separation a mongst continents.

Wooly mammoths roamed hapless plains blistering with pre mesozoic mushroom trees.

Gallot, the alpha wolf laid his musty but cold nose on the nape of his gay wolf lovers belly.

It was going to be another harsh winter.. but hope was a yonder.

They heard what sounded like a female wolf. And they all got boners.

Word.

Maltese checked his brand new solid uranium brick cell phone.

Thirteen thousand billion messages from his comrade Jack. No doubt concerning the mystery... Perhaps some physical threats.

With a great explosion Paul's impotent bowels made short work of not only his trousers but also the Raphael forged equine robot deco that blanketed the perfectly vertical wall nearest the other room.

Chapter 35

Uh ohhh, spegettios sang the bells.

The next door tenants of the harsh foliage covered hostel were at the moment knee deep into a most rousing bout of playing the dozens when the serene boom interrupted their bitter proclivities.

The entire building's brick and mortar structure quaked with a most venomous rattle against their gullible and tasty bones, the sweet marrow of which became humble and doubtful in integrity as the first, second and fifth elbow delivered to their countenance tripled in veracity and heat with each blow.

About two minutes ago Jack got tired of waiting for answers. His tolerance was the greatest and his patience was without compare - but c'mon bro.

"C'mon bro!" Jack belched at the top of his lungs with a heated breath onto the face and neck of the elderly tramp making his way westward with nothing but his finger paint sammich and a ruck sack full of like ten million dollars worth of sexy exotic animals in his insulated backpack that was like a rucksack.

The tramp was aghast and soon a ghost for he was in Jack's way, which is no Bueno.

No bueno.

Jack knew Paul Maltese was in one of these buildings, and he kinda wanted to know how long this mystery was going to take.

Take time, or anything from a good man and there was gonna be murders. Most wicked.

There was a Convo, like this.

Jack: "it's yellow mmmm hey so!"

Then the now hurt person said, "..are we ok? You seem -"

A broken femur.

Jack snapped the thigh bone of one person. He broke it, so good. Let's know a bit about jack. He's...

Chapter 16

Wait. This happened first.

Paul took a breath. His secretary and front desk receptionist was angry, she was used to rudeness but God damn.

A red haired vixen with hips to match sauntered into the detective agency carrying her teacup sized three headed komodo dragon in a mock turtleneck style Maserati handbag.

"I say, I have a most intricate plot and or scheme that I ... Er.. I mean I need to hire a private slong. I heard the best one works hair after he got discharged from the seamen corps all over someone's face. My poor elderly but disgustingly wealthy husband has not only fallen ill, but he has been missing since the rebirth of slick. He's old like that. He's sick like that. He's probably cold like that. I worry about his bones like that. I would inquire at his nursing home. The owner, her names is Cleopatra Goldstein." She scatted.

Paul listened with his ears as the flustered commotion outside interrupted his daily god cussing session. Various gods in literature got dissed with scornful disdain and meaningful spite while Maltese stood over and before an altar he haphazardly stole from a drunk monk on a vacay that became a staycay.. in the ICU.. cuz o how hard Maltese bopped him about his well polished noggin bones.

Sekky, the secretary (as some lame losers might call her) was a staunch advocate for animal abuse. Even despite this her mad libbed mindset inferred a classically trained wit, betrayed only by her porn star shaped back and Marc Jacob glasses that held no lens's, only fancy frame.

On her illegally uru mined desk sat fifty gallons of collectable erotica themed, wrestling superstar bobbleheads shoved into a ming era style mason jar. Pickling slowly in unholy juices. Also she had a few pictured frames but they were all factory setting laden, nothing personal. Just the original happy family porn you get when you procure the keepsake.

The red head punched a rabid fruit bat out of the air as it attempted to mate with her upper jaw, swooping down from aloft the long deceased canaries' human hair and used toothpick (haphazardly crafted in a faulty drug induced stupor from a confused blue swallows parasite residue) nest located on the third most bookshelves shelf that only had a few books on it. Cool pornographic books. With pictures of naked bodies in them.

Like ... As far as one of them. It's not like you can't find it on the internets or something but it's like, hot flower petals and shit side by side with mildly thick broads messiness. Plus there were ancient cartographers lame brained attempts at sketching many short, hairy burly blokes, bangers and mash. Get me bruv.

There was one that was nothing but wizard beard long pullouts featuring the best bleached taints of post mortem disavowed prophet's.. the eloquent poems accompanying each pimpled picture popped perfectly plike pthe pletter p.

"Pwhat in the heavenly fuck are you staring at you big toothed botch?!" Sekky spoke with words towards the fire headed future client.

"... Harrumph. A most erroneous abrogation was interred on my person, I was fittin to fuck somebody up but my favorite show was on. I beseech your most famous detective services. Also I have no intentions of betraying his trust or using him for a grander scheme." The redhead said as she adjusted the glasses on her head by at least 23.14645zed7 kelvin.

Back in the back office, a torrent of orange light converged on Paul's pupils. A miniscule migraine migrated through his mental portions. It hurt. In his head.

Smashing through his office door head first and landing most unceremoniously afloat a nervous pot smokers spray tanned back Paul punched his way into that person's neck and recovered what appeared to be an audio recording device, bro.

Sekky was no slouch. She smirked as she had previously scouted the interloper entering the office looking all interlopy.

"A listening device. I suspected as much ... Good show Mr. Maltese." Sekky grunted.

Maltese turned to sekky face first and laid both his feet on her desk with a jolt.

"The flies encircling the decaying necromancer outside my chamber door began to vigorously mate in a self destructive manner. Mushing their junks together with wanton abandoned ment." He cajoled, his upper lips twitching and covered in carpet cocaine.

Sekky dug her nails into her own back as she smiled, "Which at this time of decade only occurs in temperatures suited for clandestine audio recording. Especially when said equipment is made by a -"

"-lighthouse keepers olive skinned midwife." They finished together. Hands in wet pockets.

INTERMISSION

This dude walks out, and he's hot. Then like, this chick walks out.. she's totally hot too. She has breasts. Big ones. And her booty is tight. But sorta bouncy. You know what I mean.

So anyway. The dude, his boner is heated. NASA couldn't build a bigger rocket. He's practically getting his pants Prego cuz he so horny. And he don't wear boxers nor briefs. He Rambo. Dick scratching his zipper. Ykk.

So the chick is smart and funny and stuff. She's all like.. rubbing on whatever's down there in her underwear. And she's like.. "yo.. one time a gorilla was famous in a zoo.

And butt it was lonely in its but. So the zoo dudes said to a crowd of dudes .."yo, our gorilla is lonely so can one of you keep it company and suck it's ball sinew and shit for 5000 dollars American?"

A bated hush came over the crowd.

Ace space pilot Scout Bombardier raised his sturdy yet girthy fist.

"I shall do this horrible thing. Yet I have conditions and shit. Meet me behind or next to the closest disco teque. We make sexy time deal but only after you hear me say things."

The misconstrued but thick bottomed zoo lords met his stalwart request.

"What is it you seek?' they… said.

Scout emptied his buxom bowels on a familiar owl.

"Firstly, I demand that there be no kissing of the mouth." He was lying, he was totally gonna kiss that gorilla.

"Secondly, I pray that my wife and ugly children no hear bout me banging ape ass!" He also said.

"And third!?" They beckoned.

"I require two solstices to sell off my assets to pay for the gorilla sex. I need time.. to raise money. For the sex I am mistakenly willing to pay for as opposed to being paid for.. for the sex. I'm going to have with the gorilla. Which will have kissing. I will give you money.".

End intermission

Chapter One

Maltese took a long proud and slightly racist breath, "Well done Sekky. Your training is coming along swimmingly. I noticed a few dollars missing from petty cash. Those are my dollars. Don't touch them or I'll fuck you up. Next week we shall begin your blind submerged cave river creature anti toxin rituals."

"Please stop training me." She pleaded.

"No!" Maltese compromised before turning he's gaze towards the flame haired dame.

"And you... What can you do for me!" He exclaimed.

"My complaint is already explained." Plainly, she feigned.

"But .. I'm willing to let you torture me for information. I just want answers." Bleated the mysterious client.

Paul extended one of his most famous hands.

"Do you know anyone who wants to make a lot of money selling drugs?" He mourned, his cold perspiration well past pronounced.

The red head smirked before baring her sharp teeth.

Chapter 16

Sitting aloft three satin soft yaks relaxed backs while they napped Maltese smiled before he set aflame ten long cigarettes, next he attained a well laid loin of wet pork and set it on the blackened floor before his long backed company. Yeah.

Forty mugs of thick hot barley mead set forth for the sake of thirst and boss ass merriment.

"Let me say, I am most displeased and aroused to here about your old ass husbands demise." Paul spake.

"I think you mean hear." The red head demurred as she bit off a huge chunk of the wet broiled beast.

"....do you have money or drugs? Or perhaps I can touch you... I mean I'll take your case but I gots to get mines too." Paul chastised.

The red headed vixen reached deep into her grossly plumped boob fjord and produced a damp but well embroidered business card.

"I have all of that and more... If you can truly help me. You're gonna want to start hear, motherfucker."

Paul took the card deep into his warm hand, squeezing it and feeling every veiny inch of the letters. It read, "Gigi's Old People's Drop Off and Emporium" followed by most of an address, the rest partially burned off with something hot Maltese surmised. Maybe fire or something.

Maltese grinned as the unforgiving sol blazed through the toast brown stained office vinduet. Just outside, perched on the sill was a most curious looking ibex. Most curious looking indeed.

Chapter 26

Boney Scummspiser slowly removed the octagonal edge of his lower boot from the brune haired Constantinoplian oar makers only neck. He meant bizness.

At a famous 680 lbs the poor soul had a not good life. Born with a rarefied airborne disease known to only the darkest quantum theory cultists OL' bones as he was knowns suffered from Ohshityubonsfukdupedisis..

Or perhaps he didn't suffer, but instead prospered most heinous. With an inner skeleton dense enough to handle 856 ohms of gravitational air pressure, padded by 80 stone worth of frothy man meat and muscle.. his epidermis twas not skin. Rather a ghastly mixture of additional and multiplicationized razor sharp bone and cartilage that smelled like ancient fishmongers from eastern Carthage.

These things in addition to his morbid proficiency in Queensbury rules fist of cuffs and Emperorexhumed krav noob saibot breathing exercises exalted Boney a life sullied in the juices of excess crime profitability.

He relished in squeezing the local patriotic whore biz chroniclers, their semi hourly gazette rife with nascent articles concerning the sordid superfreak negotiations taking place twixt the heavy tongued Jerzeter fecal kings ( a gang heavy in firepower but low in your mom's) and thee Proper Yorkshire Purple Ribbon Youth Choir (a fairly recent and evenly taint skin thirsty crew of slothy religious artifact enthusiast who had lost their luster for peace).

Um.. where was I . Oh.. Boney raised his right shoulder high into the air as his eyebrows twinkled against the autumn hued parking lot morning, leaning close to the oversalted eardrums of the oar fashioner Boney spoke in deep heavy whispers, "I... Need. You.... To 'splain something to me... Lucy..."

He brought all 68 of his cold slime dripping teeth nearer to his trembling victims cranium sound holes.

"You don't mind if I... Call you Lucy.. do you... I like to.. call 'em Lucy cuz ... He shuddered as the middle part of his tonsils came into close contact with the edge of "Lucy's" kneecaps.

"...cuz I... Cuz I'm getting the impression that you.. need to be a part of the show... But thats not where you ... Be... Long... Lucy... You

.. don't... Be... Long..."

The blood red clouds overhead hung low and heavy like well aged nuts, the air crisp and thick with the acrid plumes of torture. An environment abused by the sodium laden torrents spit down onto cracked pavement, a lone elderly badger bared what remained of it's broken teeth as it fought off rivals for a mere piece of a rotted bootleg vhs tape peddlers entrails. Entrails taste good.

Searing Madness rampaged through the very edge of ones nerves, a passerby sitting by his lonesome on a rickety trolley took notice. A low hum behind the guttural hymnals the driver sang made arm hairs stand on end. Some even stood on beginning.

Scraping the mental gray juice and bits from the top of his heels against the slovenly chest of a recently widowed meat dispensary financier, Boney realized from the insanity inducing heat.. from the rapid flashes of sickness and destructive depravity invading his thoughts...

That today must be Monday, which means it was time for a company pep talk. Plus if the one known as Carol was still alive she would most likely bring croissants and white chocolate bear claws, caramel dipping sauce with little bit of

Chapter 49

Locusta uncorked her sawed off and checked the best by date on her bullet resistant maxi pads, now with wings.

The exterior of the disjointed compound verged on the verb of "nah, bro/nahbruh". As in "yo, I was creating a Pythagorean riddim based riddle to stump my heavily implied lady lumped mate when I attempted to forego a std flavored condom and her demeanor was nahbruhed more than as per usual."

Locusta spit on the earth and wished many a pox upon Daniel Webster and the devil's homesteads. Both of them.

Her fallopian boners hast gotten the better of her yet agained.

"I see great things in your future lassy, astounding victories and glory untold... Just avoid dudes with huge dongs." Her penpals half atheist chaplain wrote her one pre winter school break.

His mother quarter died from having visions of plucky cherubs holysplaining to her about how there was whyes being and know god... so finding a church where you didn't have to get all first name basis with everybody's body but still be able to meet a decent muscular fella with a healthy romantic nature who earned himself a decent wage was antisimple to locate.

She rest the middle left of her back against a long standing cats eye marble column. It's design intricately mundane within it's artistic simplicity. Opaqueness centered on the linear details within the thinly coloured grain.

"Oh man... My body feels like shit." She bellowed.

"That's.. is what someone's.. mother's achieves." Hummed Boney. His stark but pert frequency related scale or pitch bordering on E major.

He startled and endeled Locusta's demeanor, she snatched a Prussian era fragment grenade from out of her most stinky body cavity, the pin deloosed by her main gooch muscle. Thirty picovolts away from tossing it into Boneys being...

"You have a bad habit of sneaking up on me and also you don't pay attention to your female family members emotional states. Your sisters, your cousins and nieces... They want to get a nice poem or a compliment once in awhile. For Yahwez sake men just buy em a flower e'ry thn an na' ya pikish besterd.. twod be gran' te' av a fragrant flor or tew frem summon who aisn't a stranger or strummer." She sang in a vibrato.

"You reek.. of untitled urine and.. entitled mortality." Boney gestured loudly with sounds resonating from his throat and then, subsequently.. oral surfaces.

Repleted, Locusta layed down on a stiff bleak mattress. It's heyday long sequestered, but post modern in it's aboriginal attire inspired aestheticness.

"Well, unlike you... I can find someone to love me. Even if just for a few fleeting grunts. A laymen could'st form my dreamt rivers, steamed water'd fall our entwined lust. 'enhaps a whored thast, clappin' unique in it's staunch H2O ache. Weren't thee recent a proud Jupiter, fuming failed star a long the wirn serpents dark jism? Hairy globes marked deep blue in thirst?! "

In a fiery gusto the Boney jerked.

"Better scissors than paper you rock headed bitch." He saideth gently.

"A child's fame reference from a child minded fool. Makes sense." She refracted.

"I only deal in dollars buster." He said with a swish and a switch in his hips reminiscent of pre world war two era bombshells. Like Boom. Pow. Boff! Zlonk!

The two heathens embraced comically as the room darkened.

Chapter 79

Twain.

Twain had arrived. And they were not pleased. In life, emotionally or otherwise. Fearful inwist their parse synapseses.

"Poor. Those who knows less, poor! Pour the liquid sentiments postly, port aged in the vigor of elden war. A sediment host, a taste of ale for the one who bleed, waged not for nation.. aside from gain or grain. We halfted our frozen foes.. chosen a gainst vaulted pain of olde, all-time no cap. We beastmode." They snarked as they crookedly entered the hidden parlor.

They were to be feared. They were called..

Twain.

Once splintered a moon half the size of Europa, almost as dense as your moms.

Born twice, once by curse.

One by way of sought after hate the one called Twain was both.

The deepest earth hath heat sicker than the sun, lesses gods quake as if so many tectonic shifts.

Twain.

A twice. More than. Extra dipping sauce.

Existence made a fool, for how could there be another? Time and space never considered itself to be repeatable, but here we are again.

The same power, knowledge ripped through bloody warfare and dastardly experiment.

A them.

"Why hast we been summoned?! Sayment fromst your frothing jowels nower ye makeshifted molerat.." they spake.

Locusta stepped forward with her feet, her buxom head hung low.

".... I… I fear that I have failed you m'lords."

Twain was losing his buzz.

"Spake… we demand."

Locusta furrowed her brow and let down her gaze, towards the long equator.

"Spake!! Heart fated til nothingly, words dabbled by falstastion!?" Twain was gonna fuck somebody up if they didn't get answers.

Boney bristled, "cure… cure for madness you eat. Been stolen. Locusta did her vagina wet with detective… he found liquid cure. Him penis good in girth and length but merely serviceable in aesthetic and.. of hard… only kiss vagina a … tepid a mount before rush to finger.. game. Kiss on neck but… no with emotions.."

"Oooooook… we are they. And us find displeasure in sordid details. So… Locusta lost the cure? How? We hidst that marginal ambrosia fairly troth!!" Twain was obviously aroused but they tried to hide it.

"Guiltee… was he who fucked up bro! He allowedst my existence… our existing existence to be known. I told you he was ugly and weak and ugly and stupid and ugly and weak!!" Locusta waxed poetically.

Twain slowly backed away…

"The madness we eat shall be in question.. we are not pleased."

"Uh oh… somebody fucked up." Boney smirked.

Chapter 43

At least give them a nod, those who failed to die for you…

Jack didn't give a fuck bro. He tossed these dudes inerts cross two football leagues of length before even measuring, it's like that.

It was good. His foot through the ass meat of a pretender, one time some bitch ass dude asked Jack for directions. Direct to his ass, went jacks fist finger edge knuckle parts. Through and through the pain made that dude sound like a loser.

Truth be told jack can and would and could figure anything out that he wanted to cuz of how cooler he is than everyone and smarter.

But for what bitch? Jack will punch. That's how he gets answers. He's punching you, and if you know shit he punches it out of you. Or else.

Plus he was decked out in wholly mammoth tusk armor, freshly procured from a recently deceased hemp textiles magnates favorite corporate assassin.

Jack stomped on the outer temple joint of a haggard mta employee, hard.

"I... Need answer. Yellow. Maltese... Yellow." Jack screeched. In a cool way.

Dead people with their heads crushed suck at answering stuff.

Chapter aught ten

When Twain was born it was on the same day at the same time during the same season.

The same nurses had the same name and the same stench of breathe and the same shoes.

The same moon and the same sun banked on the similar set shore on the same beach where two same turtles deposited the same amount of eggs after fucking the same dude turtle who definitely wasn't planning on being a good father or paying child support, especially not twice.

On two planes of existence two twains flourished as twice the amount of anti and anto energies split to form the second but almost identical firmament

Twain.

Boney and Locusta knelt before them in monotonous revelry.

We will stay in the shadows for now… for Maltese is arrive.

Chapter 33

Sometimes… the love lost was just.

Leftenent Growler perused his files whilst on Ill gottenly procured hospice.

Vacation days and overtime well in the red, his inner arm bone meat twas a slight or sight off kilter plus bruised, he needed a concerted effort to regale his eyes with the blotted ink jargon known as words.

WELL TONED BONES LEFT OUTSIDE ZONED HOMES

Read (or rather read) the headline on the local tree skin murder produced picayune. Previously and kinda famously known as a snuff nickelodeon inspired propaganda rag monikered eller tagged "Teen Newz n' Shitz", it's legend n' embarrassment of riches for the cuff pimpz, rather a cazcade ala tasteful bullshit that paraded the malted incompetence albeit intelligent care of the impotently important but rye law whores.

Growler readjusted then writejusted the IV drip sharpened needle point located in his northernmost cock gristle, perturbed and almost melancholy he licked the edge of his dirty badge before inciting an ancient prayer to the deity of the fuzz..

"Ohhhhhhhhhh.... Hoolllllllllyyyyyy sweeeeeet. Doooooooooonnn... Ohhhhhhhhhhnutt, mistress of theeeeeeeeeeee...." He barely matched in pitch from the original runic pork worshipper inspired tablet translatutions.

"Want to hair a joke Growler? What did the copper say to the detective.."

Maltese was swift. Crawling from the underneath of Growlers hospital mattress fluff with gusto.

"Oh shit!! Not really in the mood for nasty riddles master .. but still well good to see you, ocular in a way o weight.. E'ry curd n den." Growler spat twice. Or maybe three times.

Maltese produced his dusty stained thirty tonnes of compressed painite encrusted quarter bent squat bulldog shaped pipe from the deepest nor hollowest part of his northwest pant hollow.

Allowing a modicum of disparity it were close to ten clicks of staggered witch hazel flavoured crank sprinkled and well mixed with elephant tranq dust, in the hug of one thumb and two middle fingers broken down for fiery inhalation consumption tossed into the smoking apparatus.

Maltese took tenetyeleven or twelventeen deep pulls before he sat native American cross legged, ballzak Indian styled on the chilled floor.

"So.." Maltese belched

"We have us a bit of a non starter.. a conundrum circa rubix."

Officer what's his name queefed deeply.. his intestines aloft of sudden non starter fecal improprieties. I know a lot of words.

"You're suspect has been squeezing the local rag peddlers ya dig. They was Havin the shit slapped outta Dem wit a cool cats best pimp hand, bitch. Check it. The fool ass trick you seek is monikered Boney and I have deduced that he is part of a vast criminal network." Maltese bloviated like a gangsta.

"So you've helped me solve me case it is then?! Jolly right and gay times abound. Surely me cap will give me a promotion and a proper handy ta boot!? Oh gailee gala galoo!" Officer Growler found the second wind to hop out of his hospice bed and do a Russian dance. You know the one, where he's like low but like kicking out his legs like a loser.

"No... No that's not what's happening. I don't give a fuck about you or your ambitions bro. I'm taking this case personally. I got sex from one them earlier and I want more. So you'll have to wait until I'm done to talk to your cap. Or I'll hurt you. In your body. You know I'll do it. Test me. C'mon motherfucker!! Test me!!" Maltese calmly explained to a now nonplussed and openly weeping Growler. He was crying like a straight bitch cuz.

Chapter gg

You want to know the limits to the evil of man? Convince him that forgiveness exists.

Maltese once made a mistake. That's more than once enough, a snail can be too slow. Believe it. A reflex to fast... An ass too fat. However, impossible.

This freak was off kilter, making them ass chaks claps most proper. Like a beast on mode the frontal meat of her left glut made a most pleasant aroma.

Plus her tits were huge. Nips on fleek.

This old folks hostel were not the best. If someone was to have a job where they picked out the best old people dump places, they would be all like, "hi, I'm Mary. That's not my real name but I work here. Some of these older old guys have big dicks. I fuck them. I work here I think. I gets money. This place smells of the shit. It hast rats most bubonic in nature and crest. Like toothpaste!!"

The madness was spreading. Like your mom's cheeks. Man.... I used to hang outside your crib. She kept them curtains open, you just knew by the way she looked at you when you came over to play late hump day hardcore D&D...

The way she came downstairs into the basement accidentally wearing a see through night gown prom cut slutty hellboy themed hat made his boner squeak.

"You came here for our confidential mental records I reckon .. suga. I like slavery." She whispered like a jerk.

Her name was Grimple. Weird. But just. Maltese stalked his own veritable shadow as he paced fro und to about the bleak pastel themed office.

"Most presently, in accordance with my several restraining orders.. I am disallowed to force you to cater to my inquisitive whims. Mind you though, I am and will always be Maltese. Therehence by the bevy of clout my name carries you are well aware of things that should persuade your compliance." He flowed in a voice similar to old school yet prime Dark Man X. His least sexually attractive but favorite lyrical mc.

"If I want it you got it all you gotta do is set it baybay.. ride or die. Arf arf..! " Quipped Maltese.

Grimple leapt across the room and produced a thick yet curved 90 centimeter long bladed weapon and placed it near enough to Maltese esophagus location to split a follicle sample in thrice.

Always on his boss shit, Maltese sidestepped vertically whilst maintaining perfect perception, his left most hand eight aught degrees catercorner to the opposite roof he blocked the sharp thing before delivering a healthy albeit slightly racist hapkido chop to her partially swollen clitoris vien.

It sounded like Kerplunk!

Stunned and flabbergasted Grimple staggered expertly backwards before falling over the pile of used air conditioning units layered hastily against the chambermaids favorite bookcase.

Novels and smut bibliographies laden pon the dusty tasting shelves bore much resemblance to centuries past when racoons were rampant and as tall as a crows gaze.

Like... One of the smut books. It has pictures or rather caveman style motifs of huge crooked phallic beasts.

The hairs coloured faintly of yeastly wheat crops, leastly lapping at the peppered thigh meat sodden with delicious sweat.

Another one.. of those smut books. Had the suspenseful origins of the

Grimple rose up from the ground and tulipped in a circle before attempting to kick the shit out of Maltese favorite face, unwavering he paused never while ducking and returning diagonally with a prime Mike Tyson uppercut type knee to her lowest mandible.

"Enough!" She laughed as the blood like plasma squirting from her achy teeth nerves splashed the adjacent wall in a voltaire inspired political statement.

"I give.. I thought I could kill you. But I was wrong. Unless!...? Nah... That won't work. I'm sorry... Wait! Maybe if I..... Oh... No. That will probably get me kicked in the fucking mouth again. I guess I give up. I can't think of a way to kill... Wait! I know. I'll try this!!"

Grimple was met with a tricep inspired downthrust among her middle neck before she could complete her attack, the force of which gave a nearby earthquake measuring worker and cigarette lobbyist the sternest sense of arousal.

"Ow. That hurt. Ok. I give up. What do you want to know? I'll give you anything you want. Anything you need. Just name it. It's yours. Just love me. Fear me. Do as a say and I will be your slave. " She laid out as plainly as she could.

Maltese did a 630 degree tope suicida in mock approval of his success.

"I forgot what I came here for...." He worded.

"....." She didn't said.

"Oh yeah, I need access to your records room or something."

"....oh. sure. cool." Okayed Grimple, gesturing vigorously towards the next partly lit corridor with the edge of her wet collarbone.

Maltese rubbed her cankles as a sign of mutual respect (not really) and thanks. He rubbed them hard, and aggressively.

With a sweet pep in his step the stalwart gumshoe ran towards the information thing room at full tilt. His tongue wagging dryly.

Paul was not only astonished by what he discovered in the hundred liter bale of documents and papers with covers on the front and back with words on and in them, but he was also astonished.

Chapter 5

Jack pissed in the eye pupil of a daunting gong farmers latest pupil, freshly clocked out and marginally dark in demeanor and having worked up an south Carolina sauce soaked slow smoked BBQ brisket cut perfectly from the sweetest lump of giraffe ass sinew perspiration scent.

Seasoned in the heavily scotch bonnet peppered regolith of whiskey barrel aged makeshift seasonings, the aroma was bullshit and he knew it. It made Jack tremble with unbridled rage, his tumescently muscular abdominals rippled justice desiring pain.

"Yellow! The book yellow!!" He screamed cooly as he pounded down on the mass group of bystanders heated skulls. They screamed, like weak ass banshees.

Sending the edge of his fist deep into the heart juice of an elderly midwife, her reaction was mild but dead. Cuz she died.

"We don't need that attitude Jack. We all know... You're a good man."

Maltese pleaded sarcastically from the bottom of his heart.

Jack bit off forty more pieces of a lame eyed strangers nose and sweet forehead inerts before slowly turning to see the salty detective. In Maltese hands a familiar site.

"You brought that with you you sick sick shit shit fuck fuck! Jack made obvious his manly feelings with his people parts.

"No... Tis a copy. One of many my dear ally. It is a rendition of information most fowl. And foul. You see..."

Maltese masterly produced his least sturdy solid opium chalice and seductively inserted two fiftieths of dank ass Birchwood moss doused bath salts before taking a huge rip, the flame provided by the maybach inspired torchlight he kept on his person.

"...once a time ago the people of this land used to allow their local lords to print several editions of a book containing not only their names, but addresses and telephone digits. It was madness, no doubt the reason behind so many awesome home invasion dismemberment serials. Like raping brand crunch and strangle puffs. What we have here.. jack.. Goodman.. "

"Is called a phone book." Maltese chimed as he tossed the pile of papers at jacks dick.

"Oh." Jack screamed as he leapt away, bounding 500 leagues into the air no doubt on his way back to his residence to finish his Gilligan's island themed snuff films.

Maltese sat down on a fire hydrant before it went kaputz, the massive stream of hydrogen and oxygen sending him flying into and through a local rat peddlers marketplace window pane.

Chapter 999

From a distance of roundabouts sixty Pokemon arenas she watched.

"It was going to be quite the adventure." She thoughted.

Killing Maltese will have to wait.

.. readjusting her prism linked Navaja sword on her waist...

Sekky smirked.

It was going to be quite the adventure indeed.

Chapter 04

Again with the grimace. There was once a time when you smiled…

"Oh shit, I hate this. Word to big bird my job is hard. Like my sexy parts." The captain of manager or whatever of the police place was perplexed. His caseload heavy with cases that were hard to solve.

"Growler officer, I should hurt your feelings!" The admiral blatantly threatened.

Officer Growler hid his penis his worry, nonplussed he shuffled paperwork on his desk in a fashion that was sure to endanger the innocent lives of many people with dark colour to their skin of perhaps in possession of vaginas. Which is sometimes considered a problem.

Maltese drunkily tethered into the station, his form rare.

"Oh… so the words make sense.. Growler need not be emotionally raped this season, nor a different way of life produced. I have solved this query, motherfucker. You see…"

The thirsty leftenant sparked mad ism as he procured a half moistened breath, his dry lips dry like dry stuff.

"As you have previously been made aware my sex liquid marks a scent, trained in the most arcane of scientific and latent technological techniques I was thought the vein of my member mark the victim of my poor sexual confection. Needless to say I was able to find one old man. A wealthy old man."

"Damn, bribe me harder Maltese." The captain spewed.

"In an hour's time I will be at the forefront of a red headed broad, her wealthy mate shall be explained as having been succumbed to the madness. Which based on the pale dirt I found in his person after having dug up his wet body.. uh.. something. The one you seek called boney is rumoured to be taking up residence in the pissy smelling location I followed my one time paramour to. I was not able to arrive in time to see who they were meeting but boney is still there."

Maltese yelled.

"Round up the swat teams and secure the baton hatches! Belay the paddy wagons boyos we've a monster who's rights need violation!" The Major sang to his men as he slowly did a blood pumping striptease til he was wearing nothing but his heavily stained knickers.

Maltese made short work of manners as he left. Disappearing through a large rat hole while the officers scrambled about.

Chapter 56

Maltese was well pleased.

Having found the origins of the mysterious novel his best friend Jack would no doubt cease to threaten his life with violence.

After having discovered the cure for the spreading madness located in the waterbed Paul was quick to hand out mostly placebos to the likes of the missing old man and sell the real thing on the black market for hella quap.

Pulling out his vintage pyrenean ibex skull pipe and stuffing it with toromiro tree sap flavored LSD, Maltese took 58 long deep pulls before smiling to himself and nodding off to slumber.

A good day indeed.

It was a dark and stormy fucking night.

Jack sat at his table. A rustic block made from the bones of polar bears foolish enough to fight back whenever he tried to take their recent kills.

He downed a gallon of petrol before dusting of his bloody hands and grabbing his favorite book. He jerked off on it sometimes.

"We'll Teach You To Be Special"

It was not a heavy tome, but quite jagged and acrid. It was written in jaguar blood mixed with arsenic and radioactive fentanyl. The spelling was atrocious because the writer was no pussy nor nerd.

The writer was also unknown at least by name. Legends told by losers who don't have the guts to be sick fucks say that the pen was forged in the flames of a church, saked in the eyeball juices of a billion dragons. NO. Two billion dragons.

They pull out their dicks and say things like

"Im a piece of shit. And I heard the writer of this book be the one who bit a demi gods testes Twain."

Jack punched his fireplace back to life before taking a shit on the logs. He tore the cover off and glared at page one.

- so you want to be special. Well let me tell you a little story. First a little background on me. I'm 9'16 in height and just shy of about 6,289 pounds. I work out as much as I can which is everyday all year for 24 hours. And I enjoy squeezing turtles till they pop. Which is what I was doing at the beginning of this story. There I was beneath the shade of an overfull mass grave eating rocks and squeezing Galapagos tortoises when I heard a a familiar sound.

- nearby a bag full of wizard hearts had fallen out of a nearby tree. Of course you know how they not only have value as currently but you could also shove them down the throat of gargoyles and make them shit themselves to death.

- now let me pause there. I tend to find affirmations a bit blase. But least we forget, just because something is a stupid piece of shit doesn't mean it can't be useful. Even you.

Jack turned the page with the sharpened edge of his penises.

- to be a winner. It requires practice. Dedication and some other things that don't matter. Because this is not about being a winner. It's more than that. I will teach you to be special.

- first some more background on me. I ate my first midwife when I was but a pup. She liked to bake pies and sing while she worked in the rain. A pale but buxom fiery redhead whose sweaty breast heaved as she yanked sabertooth tiger babies from their mothers stomachs by the dozens, tossing them onto a steaming pile.

- she displays potential. This is obvious. The potential to be special. So I taught her. I first yanked three fistfulls of hair from her head and anus. She didn't like this and bristled to show her dissatisfaction.

- Now to be an effective teacher one must apply pressure to the upper brain and hip area with enough force to crush the dreams of Mount Olympus. Without obstacles a person can become stagnant and gay.

Jack smirked a little as he heard the thunder raging outside. The motherfucking storm screamed like the destritis of hades as it got closer to his cabin. Jack grabbed a chainsaw made of dentist teeth and the tears of metal made live, tortured and strangled for ages, and used it to turn another page.

- a good rule of thumb is to always confide in your equals and loved ones. Seek them out when you find special people and enjoy their criticism as well as advice on how to teach them. When I wrote this manual I had full intentions of showing you how to teach the special. As I know you do or let's be honest you wouldn't have sold the souls of all you slaughtered to make this purchase of twelve easy payments $20,000,000,000,00,561,000,9999.99.

- You may be feeling a little overwhelmed by the pressure of being the one to teach the special. Lets take a breather and let me tell you a funny anecdotal.

- as I was one day staring out at the raging but yearnful tides of a new moon, I rolled up the ashes of a fellow I once new into a nice spliff and pondered. Where had I gone wrong? I have never failed per say but even during a windfall its good to stop and access, to go over it and discover what if anything could have been done better. More efficient. Did you enjoy the journey is an important question to ask oneself.

- it was then that I heard the ninny of a passing unicorn. One unlike any I had either taught or molested. It was a magnificent beast with a huge dong and a horn that gleamed in the burning mist. I moved closer as it grazed on the pile of loose mammoth tongues I had tossed aside fifteen years ago.

- as I rained blows down upon its granite hard spine it bent in half where its arse touched its stomach, I remember the stench of its dying words, not the words. And that ladies and gentlemen, is what's known as a folly. I should have taken more time to break all the bones of that beautiful creature, rushed for time for no particular reason. And though not a fault, being time efficient can deflect from time enjoyment.

Last night's rain was a sporadic heavy shower mixed with lulls of tepid drizzle. Seagulls overhead pooped against the wind and the poop mixed with the wet weather and fell on people's heads and into their mouths.

Jack used the timing of the thunderclaps to bite his way through the dead bolt, the flash of lightning was his chance to slip in like a shadow on crack. Good crack.

The security system was easy to disable, several years ago Jack banged the maid's grandmother to death AND beyond and upon her last breath she say the password.

It wasn't rosebud.

A honestly barely registered creak on the teak wood floor caused the family goldfish to stir and exit its tiny castle in a fit ...

The sound of the blade across the goldfish's throat, a slow and jagged drag - brought back memories of death and savagery.

Sunsets blanketed by sinew and smoldering human fat running down his face after a pitched battle.

Jack struggled to contain the odor of his boner.

This job was to pay like 20... Maybe even 23 dollars. Money Jack didn't need but a job is a job.

The family concubine was located in the foyer snacking greedily on rotted oyster shells. She was hot. And her booty was nice.

On the stroke of 3 hours past midnight Jack achieved a spinning back fist to the front of her ears, and then a running punt to her inner bits sent her flying into the fireplace.

The crackle of her back against burning logs caused the father to stir.

He slowly spat into his wife's open mouth until she awoke and grabbed her least favorite cricket stick thing.

"A wah da bombaclot a gwan?!" She patois'd.

Running downstairs she met her fate something similar to a cornerstone stray cat, her smaller intestines and left biceps and right biceps torn from her person ala swift blade strikes.

Jack used to chop up butchers into premium shanks, filet and loin. Tender loin.

"A fuck did you see my next soul or give me something !!" Jack whispered as he made his was up the dusty steps fourteen at a time.

The patriarch arrived at the top of the stairwell with a bag full of his pets and children and crusty unmentionables.

He tossed a few of these things as he cackled.

Jack was undeterred, but also in a rush so he ripped all the supporting beams from the walls and used them as a whole whip to strike against most of the old man's sexy back.

Interpol was watching on cctv.. they were supposed to be taking notes.

Instead... They doodled penises and boobs onto notepads. Big ones.

Chapter 4 - boat

Capn' blog.. sea date 33.90

This is my fucking boat.

She goes down, so do I. Maybe going 69 on a rusty sea vessel twice saved from the scrap was poor decision making. It's a good thing I'm not in charge of anything but this boat, and these men who signed on to help me with that starboard thing.

My first Nate Mate I mean my second mate Steve was the blackest dude I had ever seen in my life. His demeanor was solemn, almost a quickened way of sorrow. His boots charcoal and stained with stains. A deep shaded shark leather jacket adorned his 9 foot 8 tall personage, the pale parcel upon his sweaty hips filled to the brim with black licorice he never ate. Plus his skin was dark like those black people I seen one time in Madagascar.

The devil on my left shoulder told me to steer right towards the oncoming storm.

"Go right through that storm you dandy ass puss!" They whispered into the hole where my leftest most ear used to be.

"Hunh?! A whazzat?" I drooled. I was drunk. I'm drunk.

"Jesus h. Chr... Go towards that storm! Now! You Hellen Keller ass -" the voice was a pause.

I too had a deafening boner. Maybe two. For the sight... The majesty...

It gave the entire ship pause. A crew of 3 billion smarmy cutthroats interbred with many, many krunk dancers who hast lost their way. A few billion dirtbags seeking the waves of forgiveness, that will never come.. like the frail whores I frequent.

Anyway.

Back to the whores. Man they were good at whore stuff. I revisit soggy mouth filled memories of ports past.

This one time, I was knee deep in a huge set of -

"There's a goddamn monster on the side of this ship that's not starboard or whatever!" Moaned the senior rowman. His buxom chest heaving.

I procured and supplied copious amounts of LSD and cocaine for my crew so I was ganske used to their nightmare fueled screams and threats of suicide in the middle of the night.

This time was different. I felt their blood curdle, the cheap alcohol in their system also curdled. This..

I stepped on ten children on my fervent dash from the bathroom, my pale palms still furry with the windy excrement residue I was busy giving birth to.

Third mate nate journal

Acts iv

Poseidon is a bitch

I howled into the nighttime moon at night. It was dark. Me cap'n was drunk again and oh so sexy. This one time I tried to rape him and he said no so I was all like.. ok. Fine then.

We parted ways and he continued with his wedding. His guest afoul of my behavior I received looks I didn't like all night.

As I watched the treacherous waves of wet water smash gainst my sea mates scrotum.

Twas born in a isle sorta shitty in berth. The coconuts tasted like my nuts. The sand was racist. One time, this huge frog used his legs to jump on my back while my father watched and it bit me so I set my father's face on fire while he was asleep and then I got in trouble motherfucker.

So.. I see this FUCKING whale. It's not cool. But I remember it. This one time, me and the cap was down by the local pizzeria by a moisty shore purchasing faux hotdogs with a newly minted whore monger. It was fun.

it was then that a woman named Piper, and a weirdo named Bridewell hopped aboard the vessel.

#short stories #fiction #humor #funny #action #drama #mystery #thriller #action adventure #crime #superpowers #monster #creature #detective story #fight #combat #fantasy #fighting

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blissful-independence · 3 years

Text

Code Lyoko: REvision

I just finished binge watching Code Lyoko on Netflix recently to relive my childhood & forgot how cool of a show it was! While it is an awesome story, some things couldn't stop bugging me that didn't line up. So I revised in a short format the entire series in a way that follows a proper timeline plus what I would've added for the show. I hope y'all like it!

Word Count: 3.3k

Characters

Lyoko Warriors

Jeremie Belpois

Date of birth: 22 February

Age:

Season 1-2: 13-14

Season 3-4: 14-15

Height: 163 cm/ 5’4

Birthplace: Ville de Clichy, France

Family:

Daphne Belpois- Mom

Michel Belpois- Dad

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Yumi Ishiyama

Date of birth: 27 October

Age:

Season 1-2: 14-15

Season 3-4: 15-16

Height: 165/ 5’5

Birthplace: Kyoto, Kansai, Japan

Family:

Hiroki Ishiyama-Brother

Akiko Ishiyama-Mother

Takeho Ishiyama-Father

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 1-2: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Season 3-4: 2nd year (FR)/10th grade (US)/Year 11(UK)

Ulrich Stern

Date of birth: 13 January

Age:

Season 1-2: 13-14

Season 3-4: 14-15

Height: 173 cm/ 5’8

Birthplace: Berlin, Germany

Family

Christoph Stern- Estranged father

Emilia Stern-Estranged mother

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Odd Della Robbia:

Date of birth: 1st April

Age:

Season 1-2: 13-14

Season 3-4: 14-15

Height: 160 cm/ 5’4

Birthplace: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Family:

Adele Della Robbia-1st oldest sister

Pauline Della Robbia-2nd oldest sister

Elizabeth Della Robbia-3rd oldest sister

Marie Della Robbia-4th oldest sister

Louise Della Robbia- 5th oldest sister

Mary Elizabeth Della Robbia- Mother

David Della Robbia- Father

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Aelita Schaeffer/Hopper/Stones

Date of birth: 25 September

Age:

Season 1-2: 12-13

Season 3-4: 13-14

Height: 160 cm/ 5’2

Birthplace: Zurich, Switzerland

Family:

Franz Hopper-Father

Anthea Schaeffer-mother

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade(US)/Year 9(UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

William Dunbar

Date of birth: 11 December

Age:

Season 2: 14-15

Season 3-4: 15-16

Height: 175 cm/5’9

Birthplace: Edinburgh, Scotland

Family:

Thomas Dunbar-Father

Fiona Dunbar-mother

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 2: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade(US)/Year 10(UK)

Season 3-4: 2nd year (FR)/10th grade (US)/Year 11(UK)

Kadic Academy Students

Elisabeth (Sissi) Delmas

Date of birth:17 May

Age:

Season 1-2: 13-14

Season 3-4: 14-15

Height: 163 cm/ 5’4

Birthplace: Paris, France

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Patrick Belpois

Date of birth: 22 August

Age:

Season 4: 14-15

Height: 168 cm/ 5’6

Birthplace: Bordeaux, Nouvelle-Aquitaine, France

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Viktoria Klein

Date of birth: 14 February

Age:

Season 1-2: 13-14

Height: 163 cm/ 5’4

Birthplace: Munich, Bavaria, Germany

School: Kadic Academy

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Nicholas Poliakoff

Date of birth: 8 July

Age:

Season 1-2: 13-14

Season 3-4: 14-15

Height: 173 cm/ 5’8

Birthplace: Saint Petersburg, Russia

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Herb Pichon

Date of birth: 20 November

Age:

Season 1-2: 12-13

Season 3-4: 13-14

Height: 163 cm/ 5’4

Birthplace: Paris, France

Grade:

Season 1-2: 4th year (FR)/8th grade (US)/Year 9 (UK)

Season 3-4: 3rd year (FR)/9th grade (US)/Year 10 (UK)

Season 1

1x01: X.A.N.A Awakens Part 1 & 2

Similar to the original episode in the 3rd season

Jeremie meets Ulrich because of a biology project in Ms. Hertz’s class.

Odd gets introduced as the new overseas student by Jim.

Odd is partnered with Jeremie and Ulrich due to there already being an even number of students.

Yumi’s first year as a student at Kadic is explained when she meets Ulrich at the Pencak Silat class taught by Jim.

This is the explanation for why she doesn’t have friends & why people confuse her for Chinese.

Parallel to the episode, Ulrich and Odd discover the supercomputer and ‘Maya’ when helping Jeremie with his robots suddenly attacking him.

Odd eagerly volunteers to be virtualized first to Lyoko to meet ‘Maya’ following Ulrich when Odd is in trouble.

The boys agree to help ‘Maya’ and try to turn off the supercomputer the following day.

Odd notices Ulrich staring at Yumi while on campus, pushing him to talk to her even if he doesn’t know what happened in martial arts class.

Ulrich apologizes to Yumi for being standoff-ish & wants to continue practicing together.

Sissi gets jealous and follows them around, causing her to get caught in a XANA trap.

This is how she sees the supercomputer leading to the first return to the past.

The group promises to keep everything between them and help Aelita.

Keynotes for S1 storyline

The main goal is to bring back Aelita from Loyko.

Jeremie learns how Odd, Ulrich, and Yumi can feel phantom pains after being devirtualized on Lyoko.

Ulrich learns Yumi moved from Japan just the year prior.

Yumi introduces the boys to her parents and little brother since she has a good relationship with Mr. & Mrs. Ishiyama.

The boys learn how Hiroki is an intelligent kid while mischievous, something Odd takes note of when they hang out.

Due to both their somewhat poor communication skills, Ulrich and Yumi dance around the fact they both like each other.

Ulrich does end up having a girlfriend in S1, a blonde German girl named Viktoria.

Yumi represses her feeling once seeing Ulrich happy with someone.

Sissi and Yumi get into a fight when Sissi threatens Ulrich with exposing his journal to everyone.

A page having details of Ulrich’s feelings about both Viktoria and Yumi.

Jeremie struggles with the balance of Lyoko and the real world, forgetting about his parents to the point they drive to Kadic for a wellness check.

Odd develops a secret crush on Aelita as time gets closer to materializing her.

The warriors learn about Ulrich’s estranged relationship with his family when Kadic hosts a Family Day. Ulrich is the only one from the group to not have a family member visit.

Mr. & Mrs. Ishiyama has sympathy towards Ulrich and wants to know what goes on with him in his schooling like a parent, even advising on how to help his grades.

Two of Odd’s sisters, Adele and Pauline, come for Family Day.

Sissi doesn’t leave Ulrich alone until it makes Victoria dump Ulrich towards the end of the season.

Yumi is a shoulder for Ulrich to lean on.

When Aelita is finally materialized and done safely with her ability to attend school in S2, Yumi can see Odd’s crush but promises to keep it between them.

Season 2

2x01

On Aelita’s first day enrolled in Kadic Academy for the spring semester, she is linked to Ulrich’s cousin instead of Odd’s.

As everyone comes back from winter vacation, Ulrich notices a new student in Yumi’s class named William.

Hearing from Odd through the grapevine of William, Ulrich isn’t a fan right away especially seeing how close William appears when speaking to Yumi.

Ulrich tries to not be jealous but can’t help it as Yumi seems to be enjoying herself when speaking to William.

Viktoria talks to Ulrich again to catch up, making Yumi internally jump to conclusions.

While in class, Odd asks Aelita to join him to take Kiwi out during lunch.

This confuses Ulrich & (especially) Jeremie, but Aelita agrees to have a breath of fresh air.

During lunch, Yumi introduces William to Ulrich and Jeremie but asks where Odd and Aelita are.

William jokes about Odd and Aelita being a secret couple.

Jeremie doesn’t find this funny and storms to the library.

Ulrich takes this as William being a rude person, a green light to being vocal on his dislike towards him, then follows Jeremie to the library.

Yumi doesn’t appreciate Ulrich’s attitude, following William for lunch.

Aelita and Odd come across an abandoned house called “The Hermitage” and enter the forest.

Aelita feels intense deja vu, suddenly having unknown flashbacks in the building.

Odd finds the place creepy, especially when discovering what looks like a little girl’s room.

Xana. Return to the past. Yumi and Ulrich reunite on a bench during the lunch period.

Yumi tells Ulrich about Odd’s crush on Aelita

Ulrich is surprised but also should’ve seen it coming after thinking

She understands Ulrich’s coldness towards William after the comment.

Ulrich says he’ll be better at biting his tongue and won’t tell Jeremie about Odd’s crush.

Aelita is back in the forest alone, standing in front of The Hermitage.

Keynotes for S2 storyline

Aelita is determined to discover her connection to The Hermitage with or without Jeremie’s help.

Aelita has been rewarded a scholarship to attend Kadic Academy.

William’s backstory of hot-headed comes more to light, specifically with Ulrich in physical activities.

Ulrich tries his best to not let William get the best of him, knowing it will blow up in his face if he does.

Yumi struggles with feeling homesick & out of place from being far away from Japan.

Sissi tries to mess with Yumi’s head about Ulrich and Aelita’s about Jeremie.

Viktoria tries to be friends with Yumi but can’t due to Sissi’s words.

Odd learns to become more mature to better himself after events blow in his face with Aelita.

Aelita is trying her best to be oblivious to Odd’s feelings as she has never been in this situation.

Odd actually does give something to Aelita for Valentine’s Day

Ulrich gives Yumi a necklace

Yumi helps give Aelita as much advice as possible, knowing she is also in the same boat since William came to Kadic.

Ulrich gives Odd advice to back off Aelita because he knows how much Jeremie likes her.

Jeremie finds all of Aelita’s personal information on Franz Hopper’s CDs.

When Odd tries to move on from Aelita, he ends up making regressing back to immaturity with girls as a ‘casanova.’

Xana takes control of the ‘return to the past’ program, causing the gang not to use it in S2.

Jeremie teaches Ulrich how to use the supercomputer first in simple terms for basic things.

Ulrich’s father surprises Ulrich and meets his friends, showing a strong dislike for Yumi, which causes a stronger refit between the two.

Odd tells Jeremie his feelings for Aelita after her almost dying on Lyoko.

There is ambiguity on what Jeremie does with this information.

When it is the end of the year & time for everyone to go home, Aelita stays with Yumi for the over month-long summer break.

Viktoria tells Ulrich she isn’t coming back to Kadic after this year. She also tells Ulrich to go for it with Yumi.

Ulrich decides to spend most of the break with Jeremie in France instead of going back to Germany.

Season 3

3x01

The Warriors come back to Kadic from their summer break, where luckily, Xana hasn’t done anything to harm Earth. A note Aelita takes as Xana, knowing they were apart without a trace.

The Warrior’s all meet in the courtyard as they wait for their new class schedules.

During the break, Jeremie reprogrammed the Return To The Past and added new programs to the supercomputer.

A new additive is Odd, gaining unlimited laser arrows and flexibility similar to a cat.

Jeremie asks Odd if they could speak in private, going to a bench away from the others.

The two talk about their mutual crush on Aelita and promise to not let it get between them as friends.

Jeremie asks if Odd really likes Aelita and is surprised to hear an honest, genuine response from him for once.

While everyone is waiting under the arches, William comes up at Yumi, eager to catch up after the break.

Ulrich remains distant to William after the constant back and forth, which William has no problem with.

Yumi can see the discomfort from Ulrich and excuses the two of them to another part of the campus.

Sissi catches Ulrich & Yumi holding hands ‘demands’ an explanation but doesn’t actually get one.

After returning back from the core of Lyoko, the talk about adding a fifth member is first brought up.

Keynotes for S3 storyline

Outfit changes for everyone to start the new school year.

Yumi changes her from black all around to a pink skirt, black tights, and a thin long sleeve skull top.

Aelita’s outfit is an updated version of what she was wearing when virtualized on Lyoko. A purple heart baby T-shirt with black shorts and pink tights plus lace-up boots.

Odd is lowkey with his acts of kindness to Aelita.

Ulrich’s mother, Emilia, comes to visit, where she catches Ulrich and Yumi together under a tree. Emilia doesn’t like Yumi right away.

Emilia and Ulrich argue about their distance as if it was only Ulrich who caused it.

Ulrich states how he’s the kid and shouldn’t be reaching out all the time to his parents.

Jeremie and Aelita show Yumi and Odd how to use the supercomputer after a mission where Jeremie cannot use it.

William is initiated as a Lyoko Warrior in the middle of the season.

Yumi is highly vocal against it the whole time because she doesn’t trust him.

Odd and Ulrich help train William to be a better fighter but notice his cocky attitude never changing even after a few Lyoko trips.

Aelita gains the power of foreshadowing instead of Odd getting it back.

Yumi is honest about her feelings to Ulrich after he doesn’t return at all from a mission.

He gets frozen in Xana’s dome.

They finally get together.

Ulrich teaches Hiroki and Johnny how to approach girls respectfully.

Aelita and Jeremie have growing tension from Jeremie’s repetitive stubborn overprotectiveness.

Odd and Aelita grow closer as they expand their creative passion for music.

Jeremie becomes jealous of Odd and Aelita spending time together only to make it worse with Aelita.

William takes Yumi and Ulrich’s new relationship way too hard. He becomes irresponsible when on Lyoko resulting in him getting caught by the Scyphozoa.

Aelita blames herself for William as she hazily saw the mission leading in that direction.

Season 4

4x01

Following Lyoko getting destroyed by Xana, the warriors are on high alert of anything on Earth.

Aelita is the one to find what Franz Hopper sent to the supercomputer to help reprogram Lyoko.

Jeremie and Aelita set up Sector Five and the forest sector first before other parts of Lyoko.

Jeremie improves Yumi’s telepathic ability and gives everyone super sprint instead of only Ulrich. (Aelita with flying)

When on Lyoko to find William, they see he can mimic what Jeremie programmed, such as

His version of flying like Aelita

Getting an over bike like Ulrich

Throw his sword like Yumi’s fans

William devirtualizes all of the warriors

The Warriors think of a plan to handle William the next day.

Yumi and Hiroki get into an argument about Yumi’s diary getting lost.

Hiroki stole it to give gossip for Milly but had it fallen out of his backpack.

Ulrich tries to help find it, knowing his situation with Sissi last year.

Hiroki gets caught in a Xana trap that smacks him unconscious, causing Yumi to panic for her brother.

Yumi stays on Earth with her parents while the others go to Lyoko to deactivate the tower.

After the return to the past, Jeremie begins looking for a temporary solution for William’s absence.

Yumi, Ulrich, and Hiroki go out for ice cream as all is forgiven.

Yumi tells Ulrich she’ll one day show him what she wrote before they got together.

Ulrich promises to do the same.

Keynotes for S4 storyline

The William Clone is programmed to have adaptive sensors, making him somewhat normal to the unknown person.

Odd’s parents and older sister Marie come visit Odd to watch his short film.

Marie gives Odd advice for his love triangle dilemma.

When it is time for the week of Christmas break, the Warriors find a way to spend the holiday with Yumi to be all together.

Ulrich and Yumi almost break up from a misunderstanding by Xana disguising themselves as each other.

Xana-Ulrich creates an argument with Yumi while Xana-Yumi kisses another classmate.

Odd mischievously submits Aelita’s mix CD for the Subdigitals audition when she cannot make it.

Aelita is grateful to Odd when she is picked as a finalist.

Odd gets kicked out of the group for showing the new exchange student Brynja the factory.

Once back into the group (called on by Jeremie), Aelita and Odd get into an argument that lasts longer than any Yumi and Ulrich fight.

Jeremie is the mediator for Aelita and Odd, telling the two to be honest with each other.

Odd tells Aelita he likes her finally, and Aelita says she doesn’t know her feelings. Jeremie tells her it’s okay if she likes Odd back.

Aelita needs time to think, and the boys give her as much space as she needs.

Jeremie’s cousin Patrick enrolls at Kadic permanently, allowing the two to grow closer as family.

Patrick helps Jeremie come out of his shell a little bit, and in return, Jeremie tells Patrick about Lyoko.

Patrick promises to keep it a secret and thinks Lyoko is insane when sent to be part of ‘Return To The Past’.

William comes back a little bit before the last episode.

Yumi and William have a conversation where he apologizes for his actions on Lyoko and reacting horribly to her and Ulrich’s relationship.

William does a whole apology tour with the Warriors about his carelessness that led to getting trapped by Xana.

Odd and Ulrich are verbal about their distrust for William, especially to his face.

As Aelita finishes destroying Xana and comes back to Earth, Odd is the one to catch her as she cries for the loss of her father.

Series Finale

With Xana now destroyed thanks to the power of Franz Hopper’s sacrifice, the warriors must now turn off the supercomputer as there is no real purpose anymore. To Yumi’s surprise, the rest of the warriors are hesitant to turn it off. Yumi gets upset when everyone but her vote to not turn off the supercomputer and is quite confused by it.

Yumi distances herself from the rest of the group, not wanting to hear what their excuses are.

In an irritated voice due to Yumi being stubborn, Ulrich says he likes being a hero who feels unstoppable. He doesn’t get that feeling on Earth where he struggles in school with parents who are hardly present in his life.

Yumi says encouraging words about how Ulrich is a great person on Earth who cares for his friends and others.

Jeremi tells Patrick and Aelita how he is scared of turning back into a loner after shutting Lyoko off.

Patrick tells Jeremie he shouldn’t worry about that because the Warriors are all really close.

Aelita says they have a bond that can’t be broken even if they all live in different countries.

While in gym class, Aelita asks Odd why he didn’t want the supercomputer to be shut off.

Odd doesn’t want to turn it off then begin to miss it, but he knows it is for the best.

William tells Jeremie they need to shut the computer down after everything that’s happened bad to him.

Yumi apologizes for her stubbornness and hears out everyone's reasoning for not wanting to say goodbye to Lyoko yet.

Aelita talks to Odd about what they could be like in the future.

They never fully say out loud what happens, and there are no hard feelings from Jeremie.

One last hiccup from Sissi resulted in the last return to the past by Jeremie and Patrick. Aelita and Odd are sitting together on one bench while Yumi and Ulrich are under a tree.

#code lyoko #code lyoko evolution #fanfic #fanfiction #cartoon network #netflix #revision #writing #ao3

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Jupiter’s Legacy: Choreographing Superheroic Stunts

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Stunt teams are some of the hardest working people in the industry. They literally put their lives on the line just to entertain us and yet there’s so little acknowledgement of their contributions. There is no Oscar for stunt work, but there should be. Netflix’s adaptation of Jupiter’s Legacy has secured one of the industry’s hottest stunt choreographers, one who is no stranger to superhero action, Philip J. Silvera.

If you’ve read Jupiter’s Legacy already, you know Frank Quitely’s artwork leaps off the page, splattered with intense moments of sanguineous bloodshed. Quitely’s graphic style is a perfect fit for Silvera, who says he’s always been inspired by the visceral violence of films like Goodfellas and The Godfather Part II.

“My action in the past has always had a bit of a lead pipe brutality to it,” confesses Silvera with a grin. Who better to choreograph the huge superhero brawls of Jupiter’s Legacy?

School of Hard Knocks

Stunt work has always been Silvera’s destiny. “I always wanted to do stunts, since I was a kid.” Silvera’s father was a boxer who was just about to go pro, but his fortune took a bad turn after he broke his arm and leg. Nevertheless, Philip inherited his father’s fighting spirit. After starting his martial arts training in Karate, Silvera switched over to a Shaolin-based system of Chinese Kung Fu, which he studied for about 20 years.

Silvera got his first break in 1997. He was competing in a martial arts tournament in New York City when he was approached to do an off-Broadway show called Voice of the Dragon: Once Upon a Time in Chinese America. It was a groundbreaking show from maverick playwright and noted jazz composer Fred Ho. Silvera describes it as “a bit of an urban Peking opera, really a martial arts ballet.” The show demanded he play a character, do martial arts, fight, fall, and flip on stage in front of a live audience.

As Silvera got deeper into the stunt world, his training diversified to accommodate a wider variety of roles. He studied Kali stick fighting and even trained with Cecep Arif Rahman (The Raid 2, John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum). Beyond his film work, Rahman is a genuine master of the Indonesian martial art called Pencak Silat. As a stunt coordinator, Silvera must keep pushing his training forward so he can meet the demands of his next project. “I just constantly want to keep learning different things and evolving.”

Silvera began officially working as a stuntman in movies and TV in 2005. You must work your way up to that director’s chair, and in the stunt industry, that means you’ve got to pay your dues and take a lot of hard knocks. By 2010, he got his first action and fight choreographer credit with Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II. That was followed by several coordinator roles on more video games like DC Universe Online, Batman: Arkham City, and Star Wars: The Old Republic. After an uncredited role assisting with the fight choreography in Iron Man 3, he received his first credited movie fight choreographer role for Thor: The Dark World.

Changing the Game

However, it was his work on Netflix’s Daredevil that caught the attention of both action and superhero fans. Silvera served as the Fight and Stunt Coordinator for the first two seasons of the series, and for action connoisseurs, he built a choreographic trademark for the show: the one-take fight scene. In Daredevil’s second episode, Silvera orchestrated a showstopping one-take hallway slugfest and every fan of fight choreography took notice. That scene propelled action in streaming TV to the cinematic level of big screen fight choreography. “I think most people would be surprised to hear that we designed that one-shot sequence in Daredevil in a day and a half,” Silvera says.

Silvera followed up that hallway fight with a one-take stairwell scrap in season two (an episode directed by Marc Jobst, who also directed two episodes of Jupiter’s Legacy). Hallway and stairwell fights comprise two of the three most common settings for extended fight scenes (the third being warehouse fights – there’s an innumerable amount of these in actioners because it’s just easy and cheap to find warehouse locations). Hallways serve as a device to narrow the playing field when one person must take on several opponents. The width of the hallway restricts how many adversaries can come at the hero at a time. Silvera’s Daredevil hallway fight is held in the same esteem as the epic hallway fight in Chan-wook Park’s Oldboy and is considered by many to be the greatest TV fight scene to date.

Stairway fights showcase technical expertise. The footwork must be precise because one misstep can result in a devastating ankle twist for any stunt person. Additionally, falling down stairwells isn’t easy. It requires top notch stunt people to stage safely.

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For Silvera to deliver such high-level fight choreography for the small screen was groundbreaking. Until the rise of streaming, most TV shows were more reserved with their action because it is a longer haul. A feature-length movie might contain half a dozen fight scenes, at best. An action TV series might stage that many fights in just two or three episodes, with plenty more over the course of the season. This takes an incredible toll on the stunt team, which is why many martial arts-themed TV series gas out before the season finale. This is what made Silvera’s work on Daredevil so revolutionary at the time. Now, a half decade later, many TV shows have upped their action game, but they owe a great debt to Silvera and his team. “I really enjoyed bringing Daredevil to life. Charlie Cox was amazing. That was a pleasure working with Steve DeKnight on that show.”

Since then, Silvera has tackled several super powered action icons for the silver screen, like Deadpool, Terminator: Dark Fate, and the Jaegers in Pacific Rim: Uprising. Silvera has fond memories of sitting down with director Tim Miller while working on Deadpool and Terminator: Dark Fate and setting the parameters of superpowers in combat. “It’s always that they’re really good at this, but what’s their weakness?” The audience will accept superpowers if the film stays consistent within its constructs. For Silvera, it’s about finding a new challenge in every sequence. “What I try and do is always make it super relative to the characters and then make it so that the audience can feel something when they watch it.”

Super Fights

Spanning eight episodes in Season 1, Jupiter’s Legacy allows Silvera the space to stretch his choreographic legs. “I believe the action on our show pushes the story and the characters forward, as much as it does on any of the other shows I’ve worked on in the past,” Silvera says. “And I’m super excited to see what fans think of the storytelling, the nonverbal storytelling, that happens within our action sequences.”

Non-verbal storytelling lies at the very heart of every action choreographer. The fight scenes are the climax of the story and that unspoken dialogue of conflict must rise to that or else an actioner will fail. “Nonverbal communication,” stresses Silvera, “like The Empire Strikes Back, the scene that happens between Luke and Vader.” His passion for the Star Wars franchise led him to direct “Star Wars: Scene 38 ReImagined.” It was a reworking of the first lightsaber battle we ever saw – Obi-Wan Kenobi versus Darth Vader. Silvera spliced together footage from Star Wars: A New Hope with new fight footage. Doubling for Obi-Wan was Dan Brown (Black Panther, Spider-Man: Far from Home). Vader was Richard Cetrone, who was Ben Affleck’s stunt double in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. “Both are seasoned stuntmen in this business and have been around for a while,” adds Silvera.

“Scene 38 ReImagined” was a huge success with over 33.5 million views on YouTube. “That was a bit of a test for myself, as a second unit director and a first unit director,” says Silvera. “I wanted to see if I could add the emotional content into a sequence, that you know the character’s full story from beginning to end.”

From Comics Panels to Movie Frames

Choreographing superheroes has its own unique rules. A still comic panel is one thing. Setting that action into motion is another thing altogether. While comics are akin to storyboarding, when it comes to fights, a few panels describe that action. It then becomes Silvera’s job to unravel that into a fight with a dozen or more beats.

One of his favorite examples for Jupiter’s Legacy is the “Hilltop” sequence. In the original comic, it’s a ferocious battle told over only four panels. Silvera saw that raw brutality and constantly built on that mindset with his choreography.

“Those four panels really set the tone of our show and you’ll see that in the first episode.” He’s especially proud of this Hilltop sequence, as well as many other favorites. Two more sequences that he mentions with special pride he dubs “Tokyo Alley” and “The Vault,” but Silvera won’t elaborate on those cryptic titles just yet. “I don’t want to give away too much.” Fans who’ve already read the comic can probably guess what he’s talking about. “It starts off big and it stays that way up to the very end.”

And for those fans familiar with Frank Quitely’s spectacular art, Silvera adds “We do our best to match those panels and the emotion that he puts into them. He really set the bar for us. And I think we met it.”

Superhero Boot Camp

As with many casts, most of the Jupiter’s Legacy actors have minimal background in martial arts or stunts. However, Silvera prefers it that way. “You get to figure out their characters and their movement in a different way.” He’d have ideas for them and then see something natural come out of their body language, which he would cultivate into something new and exciting.

The cast was put through vigorous training where Silvera says they all worked extremely hard. “Literally a month of bootcamp with the lead actors training every day with our fight team and fight coordinator.” The cast would come in and work on basic movements and fight drills. “And then they would ride the wire for hours because there’s a lot of flying in the show.”

As Supervising Stunt Coordinator, Silvera is quick to credit his fight and stunt rigging team. Micah Karns is the fight coordinator and Jayson Dumenigo is the 2nd Unit Stunt Coordinator and Key Rigger, a critical role for a flying superhero show. The threesome has worked together since Daredevil and teamed up again for several successive projects including Deadpool, Terminator, Pacific Rim, and Love, Death & Robots.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“We have such a tight workflow at this point, from the years of us working together, that we know how to expedite things,” Silvera says. “We know how to keep up the pace. And we’re definitely doing seven days a week on this show.” The stunt team worked hand-in-hand with the cast for months to achieve the action that they wanted. “I’m super excited to see them and what they did come together on screen.”

The post Jupiter’s Legacy: Choreographing Superheroic Stunts appeared first on Den of Geek.

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ucflibrary · 3 years

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Friday Bloody Friday on today's edition of Weekend Watching.

The Raid: Redemption (Gareth Evans, 2012)

There's little to discuss when talking about the plot of The Raid: Redemption. Tama is a powerful Indonesian crime lord living on the top floor of an apartment block inhabited almost entirely of other criminals who live there under his protection. Rama is a young Brimob officer (somewhat equivalent to a SWAT team) who is part of a squad intending to raid the complex and arrest Tama. Some minor asides ensue as well as a couple of double-crosses, but that's about it.

I say there's little to discuss because The Raid is nearly wall-to-wall action, full of intense violence between the police and Tama's domesticated henchmen, rising from the ground floor to the top, and back down again. It's almost like a video game—structurally, if not aesthetically. The violence, I think, stops short of being fetishistic, but it is most certainly brutal and unflinching. I mention that only to note that it won't be everyone's cup of tea. It's not even necessarily mine either, but it's so well done, so interestingly choreographed, that it is well worth it simply as a curiosity.

But for a movie that wants to be nothing more than a gonzo action picture, it could have easily skirted on its narrative details. To its credit, the backstories, the minor twists, and the character details—though thinly sketched—actually feel integrated into the action and give the film more interest. As expected, these plot threads don't provide any particular depth or breadth to the movie as a whole, but it's just enough on which to hang all these action set pieces.

And ultimately, these lengthy fight scenes are the draw of the movie. Coupled with his prior film, Merantau, director Gareth Evans brought the Indonesian martial art of Pencak Silat to a worldwide audience with The Raid. There are many schools and styles in Pencak Silat and that variety, along with it being a full body martial art, allowed for such a varied approach to its fight choreography. Dynamism both between scenes and within them mitigates whatever boredom or tedium that may naturally become of such a reliance on this much violent action. At a taut 101 minutes, each pause in the conflict feels like the briefest of moments to take a breath and by the end, just like many of the actors and stuntmen, you're liable to want to pass out.

The Raid: Redemption is available through Alexander Street Press.

#ucf library #weekend watching #alexander street press #Streaming Video #the raid redemption

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pencakesstuff · 10 months

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youtube

HELP THESE ARE SO COOL LOOKING

#LITERALLY PERFECT #i gottaaaa make an oc of one of these certified sillies #opium bird #erosion bird #cw creepy #creepy #i think those would be the right tags idk rlly know what to tag this JFADKf #pencakes notes #Youtube

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the-midnight-carnival · 6 months

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update

adkjadsf I am sorry about this, but I am restarting the fic soon. I know I can write it out better, my skills have improved as I've been working on other writing projects. I wanna create something that I'm happy with, and I feel like I failed to set up the world correctly in the beginning adkfaadf. Not sure when I'll rerelease it, it may take some time. I'll be orphaning the fics on AO3, in case you want to look at them again ^^

#locoroco #locoroco 2 #locoroco midnight carnival #au stuffs #pencakes notes

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planet-star-ving · 1 year

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thoughts?

im thinkin of making a munchables discord server, since there doesnt rlly seem to be a fandom(or at least an active one) on tumblr afasdfa so i think this would be a good way to find other fans? of course, if i post the invite on tumblr its probably not going to reach anyone who doesnt use tumblr hmm

#themunchables #the munchables #munchables #pencakes notes

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gatecoeur · 5 years

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Arelette’s Martial Arts Background

PREFACE: I am by no means an expert in martial arts.

I did have limited training in various styles (Karate, Shaolin Wushu, the TINIEST amount of Wing Chun and Tae Kwon Do, to be exact), and I’ve had an interest in the subject my entire life, so yes, I’ve done some research, but also please consider that I am susceptible to making mistakes (especially in the boxing section cuz lord knows how much I don’t know about the sport). If I have, please let me know!

Also, you may have already noticed, I am not going to use the word kung fu in this VERY long headcanon blurb, but the word wushu instead. Even though we colloquially have come to understand any form of Chinese Boxing as kung fu, the word itself actually means “to master an art” (idk in which Chinese dialect tho, sorry); it’s technically applicable to other artistic skills like cooking and painting. Wushu on the other hand means “the art of war”, and is used as an umbrella term in *insert proper Chinese dialect here* when referring to any Chinese martial arts style.

I want to give the language a chance to be properly understood, as the improper use of the word kung fu (I’m guessing) was probably a result of Britain’s colonial occupation in China, so that’s why I’m doing it.

Anyways, the full headcannon’s under the cut, so if you’re interested, read away!

Here’s a comprehensive list and explanation behind every martial arts style Arelette is canonically proficient in:

Tai Chi (also written as Taijiquan)

As you may or may not know, Arelette was hospitalized at the age of 7 due to episodes of extreme pain. After five months of no improvement to her chronic pain, she was admitted under HumGen’s care. HumGen was rather adamant about keeping Arrie physically active, as it was a well-known combatant of chronic pain, and determined that Tai Chi was the perfect starting point for her.

However, as you can imagine, a 7 year old is going to be VERY angry about being forced to do something that is generally perceived to be an activity for old people. However, Arelette’s Shifu, who also happened to be one of the doctors at HumGen, was having absolutely NONE of her shit, and dared her to punch him. Arrie of course listened, and her Shifu blocked it, before demonstrating to her a slowed-down version of his block.

From that point on, Arelette was absolutely hooked, and trained almost daily. Later masters of hers would often commend her on her focus and control over her breathing, despite being so young.

Kyokushin Karate

In 2002, Montréal’s martial arts community was buzzing about an up-and-coming professional who had won in his debut match by a knockout in the first round; a Québecois man by the name of Georges St. Pierre. Arelette, being an impressionable 8 year old kid when it happened, was absolutely obsessed, and learned that Georges had studied a specific school of karate that had a particular focus on full-contact sparring.

It took her a while to convince HumGen doctors to let her study Kyokushin, being worried about her pain and all. In the end though, the organization did hire a Sensei that Arelette trained with twice a week.

She still continued her Tai Chi training, much to everyone’s surprise, but the art was basically on the back burner for her by the time she was 12. Arelette got her Karate black belt when she was just shy of 15 years old.

Wing Chun

Oh come on, you knew this was coming. It’s 2008. Ip Man comes out. If you think for ONE HOT SECOND that Arelette managed to get her grubby little hands on it, but was later so obsessed with it that she started imitating Donnie Yen’s moves to the point of memorizing them, then you’re SO wrong. Arelette really appreciated Wing Chun’s style and philosophy, and upon later research, was absolutely amazed to find out that Wing Chun had been originally developed by a woman to teach women to defend themselves.

What’s even better was that there was (and still is) a well-respected school in Montréal that teaches Wing Chun. As soon as Arelette found out, she BEGGED her parents to enroll her; her parents of course obliged, while also enrolling the rest of her siblings. Until Arelette moved out of Montréal, she trained under Grandmaster Nam Anh’s school.

Xiang Xing Quan

Xiang Xing Quan is an umbrella term for the styles of Wushu (usually Shaolin) that focuses on the imitation of animal movements. Arrie is proficient in the Eagle Claw and Fu Jow Pai/Tiger Claw styles, as they’re fairly compatible with her habit of turning her nails into claws. She has also been trained in Shaolin Snake-Style Wushu, as the style focuses on aiming for weak points of the human body.

She studied each style per year that she was living in Québec City, as she did not want to stagnate her martial arts training. She’s not as strong in these styles as her other martial arts studies, due to a lot of tragedies that happened to her in that time, but she’s still proficient enough in them, and tends to use at least some of the techniques rather often.

Also, as a note, this style is the style that Arrie got the mass majority of her weapon-wielding training.

Boxing

Arelette had noted but never understood why so many of the people she had fought tended to either be full-out boxers or had fighting styles that were boxer-esque. She was brought to believe that boxing was an inferior fighting style, but had no choice but to take up the sport as a way of keeping herself fit during her first year living in New York City, since boxing gyms tended to be a bit more on the affordable side for her.

She really underestimated how strategic boxing could be (which she later found strange, since all fighting in the end has to be somewhat strategic), along with how hard it was to limit herself to only her hands. She really appreciated how boxing has given her an insight as to how a lot of her enemies fight. Though she doesn’t hit the boxing gym as much as she did in 2014-2016, she still swings by at least once every week (typically on a Wednesday) to blow off some steam.

Pencak Silat

Once Arrie started accumulating more disposable income, she started looking into a fighting style she had come across during her time in Madripoor, which she had come to learn through research was called Pencak Silat. She was particularly interested in the speed of its movements, plus its focus on striking with elbows and striking against pressure points, having learned from first-hand experience how much it all hurt to take hits from.

She found an underground school in New York City that taught Madripoor’s variant of the fighting style, which is one of the more aggressive and deadlier variants of silat. Due to her other life demands though, this was the style that took her the longest to master, as she had sporadic lessons in between 2017 and the 2023 Blip.

Jeet Kune Do

Another martial arts style that should obviously be on any martial artists’ radar; it was developed by Bruce Lee, after all. Arelette’s been taking sporadic classes since the Blip.

This is due to Jeet Kune Do’s mathematical philosophy of the economy of motion, which more or less promotes the idea that a fighter’s ultimate goal is to conserve both energy and time during a fight. Fair to say, it’s very relevant to Arrie’s career, hence why she took up the style.

#;hc #;skills #;long post #(( in case y'all were wondering what I was up to all day today lmao ))#(( also yeah don't doubt me when I say that Arrie can and will put you flat on your ass in seconds if she wants to ))#(( i have more hc's as to why I picked these styles specifically but I'll go into that in another post lmao ))#(( GOD I LOVE MARTIAL ARTS ))

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esaeld · 6 years

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Silat

Silat is a loose term used to refer to Indonesian, Malaysian, and some Filipino martial arts. Silat loosely translated may mean "one that moves like lightning". It may also mean "skillful movement" but the exact etimology of the term is hard to trace due to the infusion of so many cultures. Based on where the style originated it may be called Main Po, Betawi, Penjak Silat, Poekolon, etc. Jave, Sumatra, Bali, and other regions all have their own blend of this approach. Most Silat systems are blade oriented and therefore the knife is a big part of it. The wavy blade known as the Kris is a trademark of Silat and is regarded by the most steeped in Silat to possess magical properties. The teacher of Silat is called "Guru" or "Guro in tagalog". The master "Maha Guru". The spiritual master as "Pendekar". These terms may be interchangable depending on who you get your knowledge. Popular systems are Mande Muda, Cimande, Bukti Negara, Maphilindo, Harimau, Mustika Kwitang, Tapak Suci, Tjimande, Poekoelan Tjiminde, the list goes on…Indonesian culture has three main categories of martial art form: 1. Pentjak Silat (self-defense) ; 2. Penjang Gulat (wrestling ); and 3. Ujungan (stick & blade application). These variations of fighting methods have been in existence since 400 AD. Today, Pentjak Silat is the most popular of the three systems with wide spread organized associations and through acknowledged practitioners. Penjang Gulatis practiced mostly by the farmers of Indonesia, and is rarely seen today, except at annual festival events. Ujungan is occasionally incorporated into various Pentjak Silat styles or other systems that are closely related to Indonesian culture like the Filipino martial arts. These three major styles may be seen individually as a self-defense form or combined to make up one particular system. This depends on the experience of the practitioner. Pentjak Silat is performed with a high degree of rhythmic and artistic motions that give it a dance like appearance with a deadly array of combative techniques. The combinations of soft and hard explosive movements, changing directions at any point in time, forms a defensive system that uses hard strikes with flexible postures. Pentjak Silat practitioners occasionally hide their techniques from the attacker with unusual postures, stances and hypnotic movements that are meant to confuse and deceive the attacker. Once this is achieved, Pentjak Silat practitioners will defend or attack from a variation of angles and positions that surprise the opponent, giving the advantage to the Pentjak Silat practitioner. Other forms of deception that Indonesian warriors have used against their opponents are colorful garments and wooden facial masks that represented frightened and colorful gods. These tactics were also used to heighten the warriors adrenaline to endure the pains and victory of battle. It is also noted that these tactics of self hypnotizes were used to transcends one's spirit and physical appearance into a form of a god, making him invincible and untouchable. But Hindu master that perform such court dances of display represent not only the invincible warrior but princes, guardians, heroes and legends that all tell stories of their great nobility. Such acts as these have been the core of Indonesian beliefs for thousands of years. There are approximately 800 different systems of Pentjak Silat throughout Indonesia. Each share some similar characteristics to the other, but all Pentjak Silat styles are different in their fighting method. Distinctive styles developed to address the differences in the terrain and environment of the villages as well as the physical characteristics of the tribesmen that displayed them. Some techniques are characterized by upright postures and sweeping motions that trip the opponent off balance, while other styles are characterized by low stances and involve pulling the opponent to the ground. Pentjak Silat practitioners are trained to constantly deliver elbows, knees, empty hand blows, locks and take downs as their primary empty hand defense, and yet maintaining to keep the symbolic art form that is native to the Indonesian culture. Variations in the use of daggers and blades are incorporated into Pentjak Silat empty hand defense without changing the basis of the system. Blending the use of weaponry, with ones movements and combative applications, forges a type of martial art that is mysterious, sophisticated and deadly with weaponry applications. Migration from different cultures such as Persia, India, Malaysia, Philippines, and Europe have occurred in the Indonesian islands for centuries. The Dutch being one of the most successful in controlling the spice trade and valuable resources that are native to the Indonesian islands ruled parts of Indonesia until the year 1948. In that year, the Indonesian revolution occurred, and native Indonesians successfully fought to take back the control of their country from the Dutch. Today we see Pentjak Silat spelled and pronounced in two different manners. 1. Native Indonesian spelling - Pencak Silat 2. English spelling -Pentjak Silat. Pentjak Silat teaches specifically arranged set forms that are called: Juru's, Buha and Sumbuts. These patterns train the practitioner to constantly move into particular formations of footwork while executing their defensive weaponry. Indonesian native instruments are played to accompany the practitioner's movements and to influence rhythm into the practitioner's motions. Once this is mastered the practitioner then will incorporate several of the forms that have been practiced, and deliver them without any particular order or structure. This high level of performance is called "Kembangan" which translates to "ones own expression" while performing Pentjak Silat.

#gurodaninosanto #silat #filipinomartialarts #esaeldadvisor

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mega5t1ngr4y3ch0universe · 6 years

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arkn legacy and arknthology fanfic 0.5

athuor's noet : this stoyr is teh prqel to arkn legayc and arkbnthiilg fafncic adn tis is why it is called zeor poitn fiev beacuse 0.5 is the halfa of 1. CHAPTER 1:the true beginning. Raziel was exploring the lost woods when suddenly a spaceship that looked like the one the alien pitts used in episoed three of ultrsaven but bigger and with various modifications like plating of various very resistant metal landed in front him, Razeil was confused beacuse alien pitts did not often visit earth after ultraseven defeated their dictaotr queen and also because erath made a peace treaty with planet pitt (note : alein pitts are named like their plante beacuse aliens are named after their planets in the ultraman franchise), suddenly a door on the ship opened and a weird sound that was hydralisk noise was heard by raziel and he decided to hide behind a big bush because he knew that hydfalisk were very hostile aliens, suddenly a group of aliens that was made of 4 alien pitts, 3 hydralisk, 3 skrulls, 5 shiotri, 4 alien chibu and 3 zerglings came out of the ship and thye began to walk around the area were they landed, raziel waited until he could ambush them, he was about to ambush them but then he realized that he needed some sort of weapon that would be powerful enough to defeet the aleins because his powers were not strong enough and he realized that when he saw their weapons and he knew what weapon they were adn he aslo knew everything that you need to know about these aliens and their powers, so he looked around and he saw a shangeilli corpse and he had a palsma rifel in his hand and raziel grabbed it and then he jumped high in the air and he flew over the group of aleins and then he shoot a skrull in the head and there was pieces of skrull brain and skrull skull and also blood of skrull all around the corpse and then the aliens started to shoot at raziel but only one projectile hitted him and it was only on his most left toe on his left foot so it wasnt that bad and then raziel landed and he slapped an alein pitt in the face and the other aliens got mad at him and they said ``dont you know taht you cnat dio that to a woman`` (noet : alien pitts are an all femael race) `so raziel apologized and then he broke the alein pitt's neck and then he charged his plasma rifle so he could fire a more stronger porjectiel and while he swa chraging the blast he was avoinding the aliens's attack and then he fired the blast and it hitted a zerghilng in the face and it created a small explosion that killed the other 2 zerglisgn and 2 alien chiub and then he cutted all of the tentacles of an alien chibu and he connected all of them to maek a long rope and he hanged one of the pitts with it and then the alien chuib died beacuse of blood loss and then he swallod a steriod pill and he beaceme strong and big and he lifted a alein chibu and he threw him very hard at one of the hydralisk and they went very fast toward the end of a cliff and they both fell down the cliff and died and then raziel killed an hydralisk with a roundhouse kick and tehn he punched a skrull into the chest so hard that his hand went inside of it and then he removed the skurll's heart and the skrull died and then he ripped off both of the lsat hydralisk's arms off and then he dislocated it's jaw and it died and then he killed the last skrull with a butterfly kick and then broke a shitori's neck and then he killed two shitori wiut another rounbdhouse kick and he killed a shtiori with a headshot and he killed the last shitori by ripping it's head off, and then both of the last alien pitts who were sisters (authior’s note : this is a reference to the fact that in many materials in the ultraman franchise the alien pitts appear as a duo of sisters) returned to the ship and they escaped to a planetr but raziel telperted inside of the ship and he hid in a safe place

chapter 2: the training and the escape the ship landed on a planet and then the two aleins pitt opened the door of the ship but raziel killed them but some alien heard the sound of Raziel’s gun and they went toward the ship and they captured raziel and they sent him to jail, meanwhile the carver was sitting on his couch watching the news when suddenly there was a report about an alliance of aliens composed of many races and each of the races came from a dying planet and the alliance was planning to take over the earth, the carver called redgrave and he showed him the report and they decided to join force with the aliens but not because they had sympathy for them but beaucuse they are evil, so they went to the planet were the aliens were and they joined them, menawhile raziel was sitting alone in his cell when suddenly he heard someone behind him say "hey" he looked behind him and he saw theater mask, and he asked him why he was here and theatermask said that he was here to train him so he could be stronger and stop the aliens,theater msak sent Raziel to an altrenate univers that was weird because when 45 year has passed in it only 0.00000000001 nanosecond have passed in the real world, so he taught raziel many martial arts like pencak-silat, krav-maga, ju-jitsu, tai chi, judo, okichitaw, bando, dambe, taekwondo, capoeira, vovinam, and kumdo and he also made him do many exercices like jogging and weight lifting and raziel became very strong and then they returned to the real world and theater mask shot some energy balls at the cell bars and they were completely destroyed but an alien guard turned on the alarm and many aliens went toward the cell so our heroes had to fight, theatermask started the fight by breaking the guard’s neck and then raziel killed many aliens and theater mask also did that and they fought until they could escape and they went outside the prison and they were about about to go to the alein pitt spaceship when suddenly the spaceship was destroyed by an alein missile and they looked above them and they saw a large group of spaceships and then they looked around them and they saw many many many different types of aliens and they had to fight again,theater mask made a radio and a disk apeear and he put the disk in the raido and he pressed the play button and then a series of epic songs like chateau from the matrix and yunalesca’S battle theme and the final fantasy x battle theme and redrum by immediate music and the dragon from god of war and sephiroth's battle theme from kingdom hearts and arachnoid from ninja gaiden 3 and belfry gargoyles from dark souls 2 and taurus demon from dark souls and neodammerung from the matrix and ruler of blood from ninja gaiden 2 and ineptune's battle theme from spyor hero tail and alma awakened from ninja gaiden and gigan awakens from godzilla final wars and o fortuna and keizer ghidorah appears and nemesis king koopa and battle for the grand star and the boss theme from ocarina of time and ceaseless discharge from dark souls started to play. raziel started the fight by grabbing a zergling and tearing it apart with bear hands and then he stole a shangeili’s energy sword and he stabbed some alien guts, soem dada, some alien boze and soem alien bira and then theater mask did a hadouken and killed 3 alien sran, 2 hydralisk and 2 alien cool with it and then raziel falcon kicked an alien prote 6 times and the alien died and then raziel fired some energy balls at an alien reflect with his hands but it bounced back at him so he did a powerful punch on the alien and the alein was very hurted by the punch and raziel finished him with a butterfly kick and then raziel ripped an alien hook’s head off and he devorued it and then theater mask killed 3 alien perolynga with energy balls and then he snapped the neck of 5 martians from mras attcak and reazol killed 3 mutalisk and 2 vipers from starcvraft by slicing them in half with a light saber and then he killed some locust fromn starcraft with it and theratr msak killed some lukre who were also from starfcrat and some garogas from zone fighter with fiere balls and raziel then stabbed to deth some alien nackle. soem alien bado,soem alien shaplay, soem alein serpent, soem alien spell, soem alien valky, soem alien chibu, some alein pegassa and soem alein vo-da and then theater mask killed some alien manon and then raziel ran toward a group of outriders from infinity war and he killed all of them by punching them in the head very hard which shattered their skulls into many pieces and then he burned some alein viyell and soem alien godola because both of these types of aliens are plant based organism and tehn he ripped the head of some alien tepeto and soem alien ghos and also some alein flip and soem alien babarue and soem alein rqybeak and then theater msak jumped very high into the air and landed on a war spaceship and he went inside and he killed all the aliens inside of it and then he took control of the ship and he started to shoot at some combine gunship and soem corruptor, some defilers, some brood lord and soem guardians from stercraft and he also destroyed 5 alien pitt spaceships from the showa era , 4 baltna spaceshup, 5 alien guts spaveshiop, 6 alien pitts spaceshuip from ultraseven heisei, 8 cmobien dropship, 6 alien metron spaceship and 6 alien mefilas spaceshup buyt then the sapceship got hitted by many big missiles and laser baems but tehn theatermask made a big hole in the celling of the spaceship with his pwerfull ebnertgy balls and then he jumoped very very very high while doing a backflip and he started to shoot many eneryg balls and killed many flying aliens and damaged many spaceships while still doing the backflip and then he landed on the grund and then used a kame-hame-ha on the aliens and killed 57 of them adn thn raziel went toward the sky and threw a nuke as far as he coulso that it wasnt near him or theater msak and the explosion killed 187 233 aliens and then the aliens retreated and went to their base and theater mask and raziel both siad "YEAH WE DID IT "but then they heard very very very loud footstep sounds that could only come from giant monsters from behind them and they turned around and they saw 2 alien godleys adn 2 warogas, our heroes got ready to foight 4 very mighty foe.

chapter 3: the showdown

Thester maks looked at rwzoel anf siad "i have an idres, you go fight the warogas and i fight the godleys" "ok" said raziel, who then started to shoot energy balls at teh warogas while runningv in a ciircle aaround them an theatermszak flew into the sky and started to throw fier balls at the godleys while flying around them but after a long fight they started to wonder why their attacks didnt do anything, suddenly theater mask started to talk to raziel by using telepathy, "shoot the warogas in the eye, it seems to be the most vulnerable part" raziel said ok and he started to charge a big energy bal and it got bigger and bigger and then he trew it at one of the wAtogs's eye and it hiiited the eye rigvht in the middle and the waroga said "OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And raziel shoot many moer times in the eye but then the other waroga shot some purple lightning bolts from his eye at raaziel but raziel reacted in time and created a reflective shield which sent them back at his eye and he also said "ow" very loudly and then raziel threw a very very big And very very long pointy rock right into his eye which empaled his head And the waroga died and then raziel punched and kicked the surviving waroga’s eye many many many times and very very very fast for 24 seconds and then he trew a big energy ball in the eye and the waroga died, meanwhile theatermask kept fighting agaisnt the goleyds and then he unleashed a powerful attack that destroyed the top half of one the godleys’s body but the godley regenerated, he did many more powerful attacks on the godleys and tried to find a weakness but he couldnt find any, but then he had an idea, he made both godley trip with enerygy ropes that he made and then he lifted both of tehm wioth his pinky fingers and he went to space and he trew both of them into a star and they were finally dead and he returneed back to the planet and raziel and him did a high five, but then they heard some scary roars, and 2 very very very deep voices saying "ZE-TON" and both of our heroes said "OH SHUIT" and they saw an ultralisk, 2 hyper zettons, orga and the millenium era version of gigan, our heroes had to fight 5 even more mightier foes

theater mask started to shoot at gigan but it did ntu do anything, he then shot at the 4 other monsters but it always didnt dfo antyhing, then raziel used amny attacks on all the monsters but it also didnt do anythung, he then used many martial arts moev on the monsters but it still didnt do anythong, our herose were scurred because it seemed like they wer gunna loise, but then the ultraliks stepped on theatermsak’s radio and it was crushed, theater mask was nwo MAD and ANGEREY, and he shouted " AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he was now glowing red and then he got engulfed in fire and then the fire disappeared and he stopped glowing and now he had demon wings and horns and his body had many small and short spikes and his mask face was no longer happy face it was now angry face and then he flied toward gigan and he create a 34 metres long energy blade and he sliced gigan’s head off and gagan was nwo deed and then he summoned big cumulonimbus above the mosntres and lightning started to hit them and then he shot very pwerfuls eneryg balls at the monsters that actually did damage and the he went toward the ultralisk and he made the big eneryg blade onca agian and he used it on the ultralisk in many places and the zerg died and then he wnet toward the hyper zettnos and he sliced both of thweir heads off and they were also dead and then he threw orga itno into the sun and orga was also dead and he returned to his normal form

chapter 4 theatermask’s sacrifice suddenly an even more dangerous and even more strnog adn evne moer big army of aliens that was composed of all species of seijins that appeared as antagonists in the ultraman franchise, the bugs frum straship troopres, all species of aleuns that were at point in the covenant in the halo franchise, all types of zergs, all types of tyrannids, all types of xenomorphs, many predators, the invaders frmo mirrormna, alein controlres frmo helf-loife, gargantuas who also were frem half-lief, alein grnuts who were also frem half-lufe, pit drones who are also aliens from helr-liofe, shock troopres who aer also aliens frem holf-loife adn many moer species of aleins arrived and there swa 7 922 222 million of each type of aleins, adn then they looked aboive them and they saw an army of spoiceships that was composed of showa alein pitts ships, ultraseven heisei pitt ships, alien guts spoiceships, baltna spice ships, comboine dropships, every single type of spaecship that has ever been used by the covenant, coimboinw gnuaships adn manty other types of spaceships and there swa 4 555 555 oif each type of ships, our heroes were soon overwhelmed and tired because of how long the fight was and how many aliens they fouight throguhout the battle, after a short while raziel and theater msak were about to lose but then theater mask did a finger snap whcih made a weird energy thing that pushed the aliens far away from both of them and then he looked at raziel and said "im sorry raziel but there is only two things we can do, either you follow my plan and you survive and i die or you dont and we both die, i shall now create a forec shield arund you and go toward the sky and then initiate my own self-destruction which will kill at least 99,999999999999999999999999999999999% members of the alien army and then you use the traveller's call to return to earth and find people who can help us to stop the aleins invasino", raziel said "NO THEATER MSAK THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY TO WIN", "can you think of one" said theatermask, and raziel said nothing for 7 seconds, "that's what i thought" said theater mask and he started tyo go to the sky and created the forcefield arund raziel and then when he was close enough to the sky he initiqated his self destructuion adn went KABOOM and the explosion was even larger than the tsar bomba explosino and it killed even more then 99,999999999999999999999999999999999% of the army and tehn raziel's forcefield started to dissipate so he quickly drew the symbol of the traveller'S call in the sand and he used it to return to earth, he was now in a forest and he started to look for people who could help him to stop the aleins, tehn he notcied a robot that looked like partel from ultraman orb and then the robot tried to alert aleins but raziel remeoved the voice chip of the robot in a swift move and then he forced the robot to fuse with him (atuhor'S nolte: partel is a robot from ultraman orb the origin saga that has the ability to decompose the molecules of things and then combine them) which gived raziel the ability to fuse things together but the rbot tried to take control of raziel's mind but razeil had enough willpwer to stop the robot and he finally started to look for hepl and then he herd 2 voices, he went toward the voices and he saw faust adn tobit and he teplerted in front of them. TO EB CNOTINUED

#arkn mythos #fanfic #crackfic #arknthology #arkn legacy

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raya-animation-korean · 3 years

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라야와 마지막 드래곤 전체 영화 (HD.1080P)다시 보기 무료보기

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 인간과 드래곤이 평화롭게 공존하던 신비의 땅, 쿠만드라 왕국. 악의 세력 드룬이 들이닥치자, 드래곤들은 인간을 구하기 위해 스스로를 희생하고 사라진다. 500년 후 부활한 드룬이 세상을 공포에 빠뜨리자, 전사 라야는 분열된 쿠만드라를 구하기 위해 전설 속 마지막 드래곤을 찾아 모험을 떠난다. 라야는 험난한 여정을 겪으며 세상을 구하기 위해서는 전설 속 드래곤보다 더 중요한 것이 있다는 것을 깨닫게 되는데…

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라야와 마지막 드래곤~Raya and the Last Dragon, 2021 라야와 마지막 드래곤온라인 HD 1080P 【라야와 마지막 드래곤】전체 영화(한국어 버전) 일본 영화【라야와 마지막 드래곤】―(한국어 버전)HD 1080P 【라야와 마지막 드래곤】―온라인으로보기(HD)

출시 됨 : 2021.03.04

실행 시간 : 112 의사록

유형 : 애니메이션, 액션, 모험, 판타지, 가족

별 : Kelly Marie Tran, Awkwafina, Gemma Chan, Daniel Dae Kim, Benedict Wong

감독 : James Newton Howard, Peter Del Vecho, Paul A. Felix, Jamie Sparer Roberts, Don Hall

[ ABOUT MOVIE ]

<겨울왕국> <모아나> 제작진이 선보이는 가장 이국적이고 신비로운 전설 디즈니의 새로운 혈통 `라야`와 함께하는 차원이 다른 모험이 시작된다 2021년 디즈니 애니메이션 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 어둠의 세력에 의해 분열된 쿠만드라 왕국을 구하기 위해 전사로 거듭난 `라야`가 전설의 마지막 드래곤 `시수`를 찾아 위대한 모험을 펼치는 판타지 액션 어드벤처. 전 세계적인 신드롬을 일으켰던 <겨울왕국 2> 이후 디즈니 스튜디오에서 선보이는 오리지널 무비로 이목을 집중시키고 있다. 특히, <빅 히어로>를 통해 아카데미 장편 애니메이션상을 수상한 돈 홀 감독과 <겨울왕국> <빅 히어로>의 스토리 헤드였던 폴 브릭스, <모아나> <주토피아>의 애니메이터이자 스토리 아티스트였던 존 리파가 공동 연출을 맡아 더욱 기대감을 높인다. 뿐만 아니라, <모아나>로 아카데미상에 노미네이트 되었던 오스냇 슈러와 <겨울왕국>으로 아카데미 장편 애니메이션상을 수상한 피터 델 베초까지 제작자로 합류해 작품성과 흥행성을 겸비한 디즈니 최고 제작진의 라인업으로 신뢰를 더한다.

이렇게 <겨울왕국> <모아나>의 실력파 제작진들이 야심 차게 선보이는 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 지금까지의 디즈니 애니메이션과 차원이 다른 새로운 판타지 세계로 관객을 초대한다. <겨울왕국>이 눈으로 뒤덮인 세상, <모아나>가 끝없이 펼쳐진 바다를 배경으로 했다면, <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 동남아시아 문화 요소에서 영감을 받은 가장 이국적이고 신비한 전설의 세계를 탄생시켰다. 동남아시아 물의 신 `나가`의 전설에서 영향을 받은 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 물을 기반으로 문명의 발전을 이룬 동남아시아의 전통과 문화를 고스란히 반영하는 동시에 새로운 캐릭터와 이야기를 창조해냈다. <라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 드래곤 `시수`는 뱀의 형태를 하고 있는 물의 신 `나가`의 모습과 동양의 전통적인 용의 모습을 형상화한 듯한 비주얼로 탄생하였고, 물을 관장하는 수룡이라는 특징에서도 동남아시아 문화를 반영하려는 제작진의 의도가 엿보인다. 주인공 `라야` 또한 이제까지의 디즈니 캐릭터들과는 확연한 차이를 보인다. 드래곤의 수호자 `라야`는 아버지를 대신해 분열된 쿠만드라를 화합하고 악의 세력으로부터 세상을 구해야 한다는 사명감으로 끊임없이 정진하는 캐릭터이다. 특히, `엘사`와 `모아나`처럼 특별한 능력을 갖추고 있지는 않지만, 자신의 운명과 책임감 앞에 끊임없이 노력하고 성장하며 전사로 거듭나는 `라야`는 디즈니의 새로운 혈통의 탄생을 알린다.

동남아시아 문화에서 영감을 받은 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 지금까지 볼 수 없었던 이국적이고 신비한 판타지 세계를 선사하며 2021년 디즈니의 새로운 전설이 될 것이다.

지금껏 보지 못한 황홀한 비주얼과 스펙터클이 스크린에 펼쳐진다 450명의 디즈니 아티스트들이 완성한 72,000개의 애니메이션 작업과 방대한 스케일 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 가상의 판타지 세계 쿠만드라를 배경으로 하고 있다. 인간의 불신으로 인해 분열된 쿠만드라의 다섯 개의 땅은 저마다 개성이 뚜렷하고 각자의 독특한 문화와 사람들로 가득하다. 이 환상의 세계를 스크린에 수놓기 위해 디즈니의 아티스트들은 구조와 지형이 완전히 다른 다섯 가지 환경을 만들고, 72,000개가 넘는 개별 요소의 애니메이션 작업을 진행했다. 이 작업을 통해 인간 캐릭터 18,987명과 인간 외의 캐릭터 35,749개가 등장하는 방대한 스케일을 완성하였다. 제작자인 오스냇 슈러는 “다섯 개의 다른 땅으로 이루어지는 세계는 영화 다섯 편을 디자인한 것과 같다. 자연환경, 건축 재료, 사람들이 입는 옷의 색깔, 의미 있는 모양의 언어가 각각 다섯 종류에 해당하는 것이다”라고 밝혀 다채로운 볼거리에 대한 기대를 높였다. 특히, 판타지 요소가 있는 다섯 개의 땅을 옮겨 다니며 펼쳐지는 `라야`의 여정은 끊임없이 이어지는 신비로운 판타지 비주얼과 함께 어드벤처의 묘미를 선사할 것이다.

하지만 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 화려한 볼거리는 여기에서 그치지 않는다. 영화 내내 펼쳐지는 긴장감 넘치는 추격과 대규모의 전투 속에 휘몰아치는 액션은 스펙터클의 장관을 이룬다. 드래곤의 수호자이자, 세상을 구하기 위해 용맹한 전사가 된 `라야`가 쿠만드라의 다섯 개의 땅에서 펼치는 각각의 액션 시퀀스는 블록버스터를 연상케 한다. 특히, `라야`와 라이벌 `나마리`의 결투씬은 액션 영화 못지않은 긴박감이 흐르고, 악의 세력인 `드룬`이 인간들을 공격하는 모습은 판타지 블록버스터의 대규모 전투 장면을 보는 듯하다. 카를로스 로페즈 에스트라다 감독은 “관객들은 놀랄 준비를 해야 할 것이다. 환상의 모험이지만 그뿐만이 아니다. 코믹 요소도 많고 액션과 스릴도 넘친다”라며 자신감을 표했다. 이렇게 황홀한 비주얼과 스펙터클한 볼거리를 완성할 수 있었던 것은 드림팀이라고 할 수 있는 450명의 디즈니의 아티스트와 스태프들이 참여했기 때문이다. <겨울왕국> <모아나>를 비롯, <빅 히어로> <주토피아>에 참여했던 제작진들과 최고의 실력파 아티스트들이 함께했다. 그리고, 그중에는 <겨울왕국> <모아나> <주토피아>를 탄생시킨 한국인 애니메이터 최영재도 참여해 국내 관객들의 기대감을 높인다.

아콰피나 X 산드라 오 X 대니얼 대 킴! 한국계 대표 할리우드 스타들 대거 출연 <스타워즈> 켈리 마리 트란 <캡틴 마블> 젬마 찬 <닥터 스트레인지> 베네딕트 웡까지 동남아시아 문화의 신비로운 분위기를 전해줄 아시아 스타들의 초호화 캐스팅 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>이 아시아 스타들의 초호화 캐스팅으로 이목을 집중시키는 가운데, 한국계 대표 배우들의 대거 출연으로 기대감을 높인다. 가장 먼저 <페어웰> <오션스8> <크레이지 리치 아시안> 등을 통해 할리우드의 새로운 별로 자리매김한 아콰피나가 전설의 마지막 드래곤 `시수` 목소리를 연기했다. 중국계 미국인 아버지와 한국인 어머니 사이에서 태어난 그녀는 다방면의 재능과 유쾌한 매력으로 `시수` 캐릭터를 완성했다. 전설 속의 신비한 이미지와 달리, 지나치게 솔직하다 못해 소심한 성격의 `시수`는 유머러스한 매력의 독특한 드래곤이다. 아콰피나는 “낙천적이며, 미래에 대한 희망과 스스로에 대한 믿음도 있지만, 자신의 내면에 대해 미처 깨닫지 못한 `시수`를 공감하고 사랑한다. 완벽하지 않아도 된다는 것은 모두를 위한 강력한 메시지”라며 캐릭터에 대한 애정을 드러냈다. 카를로스 로페즈 에스트라다 감독은 아콰피나가 `시수` 캐릭터에 그녀만의 독특한 유머 감각과 깊은 감정을 더해주었다고 했으며, 제작자인 오스냇 슈러는 아콰피나가 `시수` 그 자체라며 극찬했다.

쿠만드라 왕국에서 송곳니의 땅 족장 `비라나`의 목소리는 한국계 캐나다 배우 산드라 오가 연기했다. 2019년 드라마 [킬링 이브] 시리즈로 골든글로브 여우주연상을 수상하며 화제가 되었던 산드라 오는 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>을 통해 카리스마 넘치는 냉철한 지도자의 연기를 완벽하게 소화했다. 또한 [로스트]와 [하와이 파이브 오] 시리즈로 국내에도 두터운 팬층을 갖고 있는 한국계 미국인 배우 대니얼 대 킴은 드래곤 수호자 `라야`의 아버지 `벤자` 역을 맡았다. 분열된 쿠만드라의 화합을 위해 노력하는 담대한 지도자의 모습과 딸 `라야`를 아끼고 사랑하는 온화한 아버지의 모습을 동시에 소화하는 폭넓은 연기 스펙트럼을 선보인다.

한국계 배우들 외에도 출연진의 면면은 화려하다. 전사 `라야`의 목소리는 <스타워즈>에서 `로즈 티코` 역을 통해 세계적인 스타로 발돋움하며 강렬한 인상을 남겼던 켈리 마리 트란이 맡았다. 세상을 구하기 위해 홀로 전설의 드래곤을 찾아 떠나는 용감하고 도전적인 전사의 모습부터 험난한 여정 속에서 내면의 갈등을 겪는 모습까지, 켈리 마리 트란의 풍부한 감정 연기가 `라야`의 캐릭터를 입체적으로 완성시켰다. <캡틴 마블> <이터널스>에 연속 캐스팅되며 마블의 차세대 스타로 관심을 집중시키는 젬마 찬은 뛰어난 무술 실력을 지닌 `라야`의 라이벌 `나마리` 역으로 새로운 매력을 선보인다. <닥터 스트레인지>의 `웡` 역으로 깊은 인상을 남겼던 베네딕트 웡 또한 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>에서 거대한 도끼를 휘두르는 괴력의 거인 `텅`의 목소리를 연기해 다채로운 재미를 선사한다. 뛰어난 연기력뿐만 아니라 독특한 개성을 가진 배우들과 그 이상으로 독특한 캐릭터들의 만남은 관객들에게 상상 그 이상의 즐거움을 전달할 것이다.

이제까지 보지 못한 독보적인 드래곤 캐릭터 탄생 전형성을 탈피한 반전 매력과 유머러스한 캐릭터의 변주 전설의 마지막 드래곤 `시수`는 지금까지 그 어떤 영화에서도 보지 못했던 특별한 드래곤이다. <라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 제작진은 동남아시아 문화에서 영감을 받아 창조한 세계인 만큼 드래곤의 외형부터 새롭게 만들고자 했다. 디즈니의 아티스트들은 몸통이 크고 날개가 있는 서양의 드래곤이 아닌, 길쭉한 몸통을 지닌 동양적인 이미지의 드래곤 캐릭터를 디자인했다. 일반적으로 드래곤에 대한 개념은 서양과 동양이 확연한 차이를 보인다. 이는 외형뿐만 아니라 성격과 특성, 그리고 사람들이 드래곤을 대하는 자세 등 모든 부분에서 차이점이 드러난다.

<라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 각본을 쓴 퀴 응우옌은 “`시수`는 [왕좌의 게임]에 등장하는 드래곤과는 차이가 있다”고 말한다. [왕좌의 게임]의 드래곤은 공포의 대상이며 압도적인 힘의 상징이다. 이는 서양 문화에서의 느끼는 일반적인 드래곤의 개념과 비슷하다. 퀴 응우옌은 “동양에서 드래곤은 신성시되는 행운의 상징이며, 희망과 ��굴의 용기를 의미한다. 그리고 사람들은 드래곤을 무척 사랑하고 아낀다. 주인공 `라야`가 동남아시아 문화에서 영감을 받은 캐릭터이기 때문에 이런 측면을 ��장하는 것이 중요했다. 그런 의미에서 `시수`는 숭배받는 강력한 존재이지만, 드래곤에 대한 기대를 또 한 번 뒤집고 싶었다”고 캐릭터 설정의 배경을 설명했다. 이렇게 기발한 아이디어를 통해 영화 사상 가장 독창적인 드래곤 캐릭터가 탄생했다. `시수`는 전설 속의 신성한 이미지처럼 근엄하거나 압도적인 모습 대신에 시종일관 유쾌하고 때론 지나치게 솔직하다. 물의 드래곤답게 화려한 수영 실력을 뽐내는 것은 물론 센스 넘치는 라임의 랩 실력을 선보여 웃음을 자아내기도 한다. 하지만, 신비의 동굴에서 오랜 시간 동안 잠들어 있던 `시수`는 처음으로 맞는 낯선 세상의 모든 것이 익숙하지 않고, 때때로 실수를 하는 등 평범한 인간보다 미숙한 모습을 보여주기도 한다. 전지전능함으로 모든 것을 해결하고 숭배 받는 것이 아닌, 인간과 똑같이 실수하며 성장해 나가는 드래곤 `시수`의 모습은 전형성을 탈피한 반전 매력으로 관객을 사로잡을 것이다.

2021년 오늘을 살고 있는 우리에게 가장 필요한 이야기 서로에 대한 믿음으로 하나가 되었을 때 진정한 힘이 깨어난다 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>을 관통하는 가장 중요한 키워드는 신뢰와 화합이다. <라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 이야기가 꾸려지는 몇 년 동안 주인공 `라야`의 여정도 변했고, 단결과 화합이라는 주제는 더욱 분명해졌다. 돈 홀과 카를로스 로페즈 에스트라다 감독의 합류로 영화의 스토리는 더욱 세심하게 다듬어졌다. `라야`는 어린 시절 겪었던 배신으로 인해 완전히 믿음을 잃어버린 캐릭터이다. `라야`가 믿는 것은 오직 전설의 드래곤 뿐이며, 드래곤을 찾는 것만이 어둠에 가득 찬 세상을 구할 수 있다고 생각한다. 그녀는 홀로 모험을 시작해 결국 드래곤을 찾게 되지만, 드래곤의 존재만으로는 세상을 구할 수 없다는 것을 깨닫는다. 결국 세상을 구하기 위해서는 불신으로 가득 찬 사람들의 신뢰를 회복해야 하고 서로에 대한 믿음이 없다면 쿠만드라의 화합 또한 불가능하다는 것을 알게 된다.

바로 그때 `라야`에게 손을 내미는 존재가 전설의 드래곤 `시수`이다. 잃어버린 아버지를 되찾고 쿠만드라를 구해야 한다는 사명감 때문에 그 누구도 선뜻 믿지 못하는 `라야`에게 `시수`는 위로와 용기를 건넨다. “불가능한 상황에서도 첫발을 디뎌야 해. 중요한 건 믿음이야”라는 이야기를 전하며 끊임없이 그녀를 일깨운다. 뿐만 아니라, 쿠만드라 다섯 개의 땅을 모험하면서 만나게 되는 새로운 동료들 또한 라야의 여정에 기꺼이 힘을 보태고 신뢰를 보낸다. 이렇게 예상치 못한 만남 속에 낯설기만 했던 이들이 험난한 여정과 위기를 함께 극복하고 마음을 열어가자, 그 안에서 차츰 성장하게 된 `라야`는 신뢰를 싹 틔우고, 그로 인해 확장되는 단결의 힘을 깨닫게 된다.

<라야와 마지막 드래곤>이 제작되는 동안 전 세계적인 팬데믹이 발생했다. 매체 인터뷰를 통해 돈 홀 감독은 마치 영화 속 모습처럼 팬데믹 현실 세계에서 생존의 위협을 마주했고 그로 인해 사람들 사이의 불신이 커져가는 것을 목격했다고 전했다. 혼란한 세상 속에서 신뢰와 화합을 키워드로 `서로 믿음을 회복하고 하나가 되었을 때 진정한 힘이 깨어난다`라는 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 메시지는 2021년 지금의 시대에 더 빛나는 가치를 선사할 것이다.

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디즈니 애니메이션 최초 동남아시아 문화에서 영감을 받아 탄생한 작품 문화 체험 리서치 여행과 스토리 트러스트팀 동원해 사실성과 진정성 더했다 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>의 제작진이 영화를 제작하면서 가장 중요하게 생각한 것은 동남아시아 문화의 전통과 관습에 주의를 기울여 사실성과 진정성을 더하는 것이었다. 카를로스 로페즈 에스트라다 감독은 “쿠만드라는 판타지 세계이지만 이 작품에 영감을 준 지역에 대한 제작진의 사랑과 존중이 느껴지게 하고 싶었다. 동남아시아 지역의 관객들이 영화를 봤을 때, 우리가 창조한 세계가 역동적으로 느껴지고, 그들의 문화 요소가 제대로 드러나도록 노력했다. 이 영화와 쿠만드라의 이야기에 영감을 준 문화에 경의를 표하고 싶었다”고 말했다. 본격적인 프로덕션 작업에 돌입하기 전, 디즈니 제작진들은 두 그룹으로 나뉘어 라오스와 인도네시아, 태국, 베트남, 캄보디아, 말레이시아, 싱가포르를 포함한 동남아시아 전역의 문화를 직접 체험하고 조사했다. 이 리서치 여행은 동남아시아에 처음 가본 팀원들에게 그곳의 문화에 몰입하게 되는 심오한 경험을 제공했다. 공동 연출을 맡은 폴 브릭스에게 영향을 준 것은 공동체 의식과 신뢰였다. “그곳에서 만난 사람들이나 함께 했던 가족들로부터 모든 사람을 환영하는 믿음을 엿볼 수 있었다. 그들은 우리가 그곳에서 존중의 마음을 갖고 배움을 얻으리라고 믿었다. 우리는 그 사람들에게 활짝 열린 태도로 환영받는 큰 영광을 누렸다”며 동남아시아의 문화에 대한 존경의 마음을 드러냈다.

프로덕션 디자이너 폴 펠릭스는 동남아시아의 건축물, 색채, 디자인에서 깊은 인상을 받은 것은 물론 그것들에 담긴 의미와 미학이 삶의 모든 면에 녹아있는 것에 감탄했다. 그는 “우리가 만난 사람들은 모두 마을과 문화에 깊이 연결되어 있었다. 직물이나 음식이 만들어지는 과정, 꽃을 배치하는 방법에 이르기까지 모든 것에 의미가 층층이 쌓여 있었다. 문화와 마을에 관한 심오한 의미가 별개의 지식이 아니라 사람들이 하는 모든 일에 연결되어 있었다”며 놀라움을 표했다. 또한 제작진들은 인류학자, 건축가, 댄서, 언어학자, 음악가들로 구성된 일명 `라야 동남아시아 스토리 트러스트`의 도움을 받았다. 동남아시아 전문가들로 이루어진 자문위원회는 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>이 판타지 어드벤처일지라도 동남아시아의 다양한 문화를 충실하게 표현할 수 있도록 값진 노력을 더했다. 이렇게, 동남아시아 문화에서 영감을 받아 새롭게 탄생한 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 그들의 문화를 존중하며 진정성 있게 표현하고자 했던 제작진들의 노력이 어우러져 디즈니의 새로운 전설을 예고하고 있다.

동남아시아 여행의 기분을 만끽하게 하는 다채로운 문화 요소 총집합 자연경관부터 전통 음식, 무예, 교통수단, 의상에서까지 영향을 받은 디테일

# 베트남 – 캄보디아 – 라오스 - 말레이시아를 연상시키는 이국적인 비주얼 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>은 동남아시아의 대표적인 관광 명소를 연상시키는 비주얼로 한시도 눈을 뗄 수 없게 만든다. 형형색색의 홍등이 자리 잡고 있는 거리는 마치 베트남의 호이안을 연상시키며 배를 타고 이동하는 수상마을은 캄보디아를 떠올리게 한다. 신비롭고 아름다운 바위산의 모습은 라오스나 말레이시아의 풍광을 추억하게 하고, 화려하고 장엄한 사원의 모습은 태국을 연상시킨다.

# 태국의 전통 수프 `똠얌꿍`의 실제 재료와 레시피 <라야와 마지막 드래곤> 제작진들이 동남아시아 문화에서 가장 깊은 인상을 받은 것은 바로 음식이다. 돈 홀 감독은 “제작진들의 리서치 여행을 통해 동남아시아에서 음식이 믿음과 화합을 가져다준다는 사실을 깨달았다. 음식을 영화의 주제를 관통하는 수단으로써 활용하게 되었다”라고 밝혔다. 이는 사람들을 모이게 하고 화합하게 만드는 동남아시아의 음식 문화가 <라야와 마지막 드래곤>에 얼마나 큰 영향을 끼쳤는지 알 수 있는 부분이다. 다채로운 음식들 중에서 가장 눈길을 끄는 것은 태국의 전통 수프 `똠얌꿍`이다. `라야`의 아빠 `벤자`가 쿠만드라의 수프 만드는 법을 가르쳐주며 등장하는 새우 경단, 레몬그라스, 죽순, 야자 설탕은 실제로 존재하는 `똠얌꿍`의 재료이기도 하다. 이것은 스토리 헤드 폰 비라선손(Fawn Veerasunthorn)이 태국의 요리 수업 경험에서 영감을 얻은 장면이다. 그녀는 달콤한 맛과 신맛, 매운맛의 조화가 쿠만드라의 땅들이 아름답게 공존하기를 바라는 `벤자`의 바람을 잘 보여줄 수 있을 것이라 생각했다.

# 말레이시아 – 인도네시아 – 필리핀 – 태국의 전통 무예와 격투 스타일 영화의 전반에 걸쳐 등장하는 격투 시퀀스는 동남아시아의 무예에서 영감을 받아 탄생하였다. 공동 각본을 맡은 퀴 응우옌과 영화, 비디오, 게임 등의 격투 안무가 매기 맥도널드는 강력한 여전사 `라야`의 모습을 표현하는 것에 중점을 두었다. 특히, 말레이시아와 인도네시아의 전통 무술 펜칵 실랏(Pencak Silat)과 필리핀의 무술 칼리(Kali), 아르니스(Arnis)에서 모델링한 무기가 라야의 격투 스타일에 많은 영향을 미쳤다. 또한, `라야`의 독특한 검은 인도네시아, 태국, 필리핀, 말레이시아 등지에서 숭배하는 칼날 케리스(keris)에서 영감을 얻었다. `라야`의 라이벌이자 `나마리`의 격투 스타일은 태국의 무에타이 킥복싱, 크라비 크라봉 무기술을 참고해 완성시켰다.

# 태국의 대표 교통수단에서 영감받은 `툭툭` `라야`의 가장 친한 친구이자, 어린 시절부터 함께 해온 `툭툭`의 이름은 태국의 유명한 교통수단 삼륜차에서 영감을 받았다. 캐릭터의 독특하고 빠른 움직임의 역학을 파악하기 위해 애니메이터 브랜든 고틀립은 자신의 아버지와 함께 실제 툭툭의 모형을 만들었다. 그러한 노력의 결과 끝에 쿠만드라 땅 곳곳을 바퀴 하나로 굴러가는 툭툭의 모습을 완성할 수 있었다.

# 동남아시아 사원의 스투파를 오마주한 `라야`의 모자 영화 속 `라야`의 의상 중에서 가장 눈길을 끄는 것은 바로 모자이다. 용 모양의 디테일이 들어가고 가운데가 뾰족 솟은 `라야`의 모자는 동남아시아 전역의 사원에서 발견되는 스투파(탑)를 오마주한 것이다. 라오족 출신의 시각 인류학자 소울린하스 스티브 아룬삭(Soulinhakhath Steve Arounsack) 박사가 모자 디자인에 자문을 제공해주었다. 의상 또한 동남아시아 전반의 의복에서 영감을 받았다. 의상 디자인의 핵심 요소는 기능성이었기 때문에 라오스, 캄보디아, 태국의 사바이 상의와 삼포트 바지에서 영감을 얻어 통기성 있는 드레이핑 스타일을 만들었다. 또한, 수많은 원단을 이용해 쿠만드라 다섯 개 땅의 저마다 고유한 스타일을 창조했다. 면, 리넨, 가죽 외에도 10가지 종류의 비단과 브로케이드가 사용되었고, 인도네시아의 바틱 기법에서 영감을 얻은 스타일로 이루어진 패턴이 많았다.

[ SPECIAL STORY ]

신비의 땅, 쿠만드라의 위대한 전설

500년 전, 쿠만드라는 하나의 땅이었다. 인간과 드래곤들은 함께 어울려 살았고, 드래곤은 물과 비와 평화를 주는 마법의 존재였다.

평화롭기만 하던 어느 날, `드룬`이 나타났다. 생명체를 모두 삼켜버린 괴물들은 산불처럼 번져나갔고 세상의 모든 것을 돌로 만들었다.

드래곤들은 인간들을 위해 싸웠지만 역부족이었고, 그때 마지막 남은 드래곤 `시수`가 자신의 모든 마법을 드래곤 잼에 집어넣어 드룬을 물리쳤다.

모두가 원래의 모습으로 돌아왔지만 드래곤들은 돌아오지 않았다. `시수`가 남긴 드래곤 젬만이 남아있을 뿐…

그리고, 어리석은 인간들은 서로 불신하며 적이 되었고 결국 쿠만드라는 다섯 개의 땅으로 분열되었다.

드래곤의 신체 부위를 형상화 한 쿠만드라 다섯개의 땅

#심장의 땅 마법으로 가득 찬 평화로운 곳이다. `라야`의 아빠 `벤자`가 부족의 리더로, 심장의 땅 깊은 곳에는 `시수`가 남긴 드래곤 잼이 비밀리에 보관되어 있다. 모든 이야기가 시작되는 곳이다.

#송곳니의 땅 물로 둘러싸여 있고, 성난 암살자와 더 성난 고양이들이 지키고 있어 경비가 삼엄한 곳이다. 리더인 `비라나`는 부족을 위해서라면 드래곤조차 희생시킬 수 있는 냉혹함을 지녔다. `라야`의 라이벌인 `나마리`의 고향이다.

#발톱의 땅 모든 땅들의 교차로이자 유명한 수상 시장이다. 언제나 사람들로 북적거리기 때문에 소매치기와 사기도 성행하고 있다. 귀여운 외모를 무기로 사기단을 이끄는 꼬마 노이의 고향이기도 하다.

#척추의 땅 얼어붙은 대나무 숲으로 유명하다. 외부인을 불신하고 외딴곳에 고립되어 있는 이곳에는 거대한 도끼를 든 거인족들이 살고 있다. 괴력의 거인 `텅`의 고향이다.

#꼬리의 땅 물이 빠지면서 점점 고립되고 있는 찜통 사막으로 비열하고 야만적인 용병들이 살고 있다. 조숙하고 자립심이 뛰어난 영업의 달인 `분`의 고향이다.

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#라야와 마지막 드래곤 전체 영화 (HD.1080P)다시 보기 무료보기

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