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shadowynn · 1 year ago

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| in love and lore | eleven |

pairing: ot8 ateez x fem reader

genre: fantasy/daemon/soulmate au

warnings: some cursing, negative thoughts, a little bit of self-loathing, slightly possessive thoughts

wordcount: 10.7k

a/n: so, this chapter was an absolute joy to write, which might explain why and how i managed to get it out faster than normal. it has been a very long while since i've been able to write ilal so easily and with so much joy, so i hope you all enjoy this piece as much as i do. and for all you yunho biases out there, i hope this piece might do some justice for him. <33

| ten | eleven | twelve |

~~~

The stars were falling tonight.

You had thought it was luck when you caught sight of the first one streaking across the sky a few hours after dinner, but a few minutes passed and your eyes had found another. They were difficult to make out amongst the canopies of the tents and lights flickering around the camp, but the night sky above was clear and you were just able to make out a few streaks of light flying across the sky.

After a day amongst people, you relished the time you had to yourself. It was impossible for you to be completely alone, but you found solace in your position at the back of your tent. Yunho was on watch duty for the first half of the night, but other than a quick question of concern when you had exited your tent an hour after retiring, he had left you be. He had disappeared into the sea of tents shortly after you requested some space, but you knew he was still a call away. If anything were to happen, he would be at your side in an instant. All you had to do was say the word.

You considered calling him over to you now at your revelation of the night sky’s activities, but quickly decided against it, not wanting him to think something might have been wrong. It had happened often in the past weeks, any small beckon you made for any of them was met with instant concern. You hadn’t minded too terribly at first, overwhelmed by what had happened yourself, but it had quickly become stifling. No matter how many times you had insisted you were fine, they never seemed to hear you, making it impossible to go anywhere without one of them trailing behind you.

You understood their concern, at least, up to a point. No one had hidden the fact the culprits had gotten away that night, but who they might have been or why they had attacked, escaped your grasp. It was clear they knew something more than they let on, but any answers you were given had been allusive at best, if they weren’t dodged completely. They claimed they didn’t want to worry you, continually stating they had it under control, and though it frustrated you, you didn’t push too hard. Perhaps they were right. Perhaps it was better if you didn’t know the whole truth. You had long since learned living in ignorance was sometimes easier than knowing the truth, after all. And you had enough other things on your mind to worry about.

But despite the threat of the attackers still being somewhere out there, you couldn’t stand being under constant supervision for too long. And it wasn’t until you had gotten caught sneaking out the back of your tent once that they finally relented. You still had a guard on you at all times, but they were no longer right on your back, breathing down your neck.

Of all nights, you had thought it would be the one you would most want to be alone. And you did. You yearned for some time alone, away from the daemons that had invaded your life. For just a moment, you wished to get away. To forget everything that had happened and everything that was yet to come, but the stars were calling you. Each flash across the sky beckoning you to come and watch them. To allow them to ease your worries for just a moment.

But to do that you would have to leave camp, and unless you wanted another wave of panic to erupt when they inexplicably found you gone, you would have to go accompanied.

You weighed the decision in your head for a minute, trying to decide which would be a more welcome distraction from the thoughts that had been driving you mad. It didn’t take you long to come to your decision. You might have felt more comfortable on your own, but Yunho’s presence would just maybe distract you from the thoughts you had tried to bury for the night.

So, you picked yourself up to your feet, stretching out the kinks in your muscles. Ideally, you would return back to your bed and sleep the rest of the night away, but you knew the chances of that happening were slim. Not when you were finally arriving at Taeyang tomorrow.

After a month on the road, you had just started getting used to the flow of things. You had just started to grow comfortable with your new life among the daemons, but this way of life had only ever been temporary. As much as you wished you could be on the road forever, it wasn’t plausible. The day would finally come when it would end and you would be left with no choice but to deal with the reality of your new life. A life you had purposefully avoided thinking about to this day, but one that had haunted the back of your mind ever since Hongjoong had told you the truth. And now that it was here, you didn't know what to do.

You wrapped the blanket you carried with you closer around your body, shuffling in the direction Yunho had said he would be. While the days still held a hint of warmth to them, the nights had grown cold. Cold enough, your cloak was no longer warm enough to fight against the night air, forcing you to make due with whatever else you could find as you had foolishly left the majority of your winter clothes behind.

True to his word, you found Yunho in the small clearing between the tents that housed him and the other generals. A fire had been started since you had last been over, illuminating him and what appeared to be a large dog at his feet.

“Who’s this?”

Yunho jumped at your question, most likely not expecting you to make an appearance this late at night. His eyes softened as he took you in, before following your gaze towards the animal in front of him. Now that you were closer, you saw it wasn’t a dog like you had originally thought, but a wolf, black as the night sky above you.

“This is Haru,” Yunho replied as the wolf stood to his feet, stretching out his legs as he went. His tail quickly began to wag as you bent down in front of him, showing no hesitation or aggressiveness towards you as he nudged your hands with his nose. “He’s one of many animal companions I can conjure up if needed.”

“Really?” Your head tilted, reaching out to oblige to Haru’s request and scratch him behind his ears. You were quick to recoil, however, taken back by the strange sensation his fur elicited. It was cold to the touch and not quite fully corporeal, causing a shiver to course through you.

“Each beast has their own unique use, and I’m able to see and hear what they do from quite a distance if I need to.”

“That’s amazing.” You recovered quickly, finding the sensation of his fur against your fingers still strange, but not quite as unnerving now that you were expecting it. “What other animals can you create?”

“As long as it’s an animal that I’ve seen before, I can conjure up any beast using my blood and the surrounding shadows.” He reached out for Haru, running his hands through the fur at his back. “It might not be quite as useful as some of the others’ abilities, but it does have its benefits. Haru, for example, can track a scent for miles.”

“I don’t know, I think it’s pretty wonderful.” Haru leaned further into your touch, eliciting a giggle from you at the tickling sensation caused by him licking your face. “Definitely wonderful,” you repeated, gently coaxing Haru away from your face. You turned your gaze to Yunho, proffering him a soft smile in the hopes of reassuring him you thought his ability truly was as wonderful as you said.

“Thank you.” Yunho returned your smile, causing you to quickly turn your gaze back to Haru. Something in his eyes had caught you off guard, causing your heart to flutter. “I’m glad you think so.”

Silence settled between you, one which neither of you seemed keen on breaking. You wanted to, but you could feel his gaze lingering on your figure as you busied yourself with Haru, preventing your brain from coming up with anything worth saying.

“Was there something you needed from me, angel?” Yunho asked after a few more seconds, jumpstarting your brain and reminding you why you had come to see him in the first place.

“Oh, yes.” You nodded. Haru’s presence had distracted you, but it hadn’t deterred you from voicing your request. “I was wondering if I- if we could head outside the camp for just a little.”

You were quick to correct your statement, already aware there was no chance at all that you would get to go out on your own. Despite being less than a day’s journey from their capital, everyone was still on edge. It made you begin to wonder if perhaps they were no longer only worried about the recent attackers, but the surrounding daemons as well. After all, it was common practice to kill your kind before Hongjoong was crowned, especially near the capital where the bloodlines were purist.

“The stars are active tonight,” you added upon seeing his confusion, “and, well, I don’t believe I’ll be going to sleep anytime soon, so I was hoping we could maybe go out and get a better view.”

Yunho was silent in the moments that followed, making you more nervous with each passing second. Haru had nuzzled his head against your chest, and you buried your hands and attention into him to help break the anxiety you felt awaiting his answer. And though Haru added to the chilliness of the night, you let him wiggle his way into your arms, wrapping the blanket around the both of you.

“Is that what you want?”

You nodded, relieved to hear him finally speak. “If you don’t think it’s safe though, I can observe them elsewhere. I just thought I might get a better view away from-“

“No, if you wish to go, I will gladly go with you.” This time he was quick to respond, taking no time to get to his feet before proffering a hand down to you. “Shall we?”

You didn’t respond, staring at his open hand. It wasn’t until now that you became aware of the unintended implications your request had with it. What had meant to be an innocent desire to see the stars a bit clearer, held the additional weight of being alone with him. A weight you hadn’t been aware of until you noticed the way he had reacted to it. All too eager to oblige to your request.

It left you hesitating, unsure if it was something you were comfortable with yet. Of course you had been alone with some of them up to this point, and you were clearly alone with him now, but this situation felt different, far more personal than anything you had been through before.

And yet, what was the alternative? To stay here on your own and inevitably worry over tomorrow’s events until the sun rose? To sit and stress over the uproar your presence was sure to bring when they realized just who their king’s mate was?

As much as going with Yunho terrified you, it also sent a shiver of excitement flowing through you. You could feel the warmth flooding your stomach at the thought of sharing the night with him, at being able to share your love for the stars above with him.

You took Yunho’s hand, allowing him to pull you back to your feet. Haru let out a whine as you separated from him, nudging your side in an attempt to grab hold of your attention once more.

“Haru, no.” Yunho was gentle as he called out the wolf’s attempt to get in between the two of you, yet the intention was clear and Haru backed away from you. “Stay.” Haru made it clear he didn’t enjoy the command, whining once more, but eventually settled back down on the ground next to the fire to obey it.

“I’m sorry.” It took you a second to realize the apology was directed towards you. “Haru is for the most part, an extension of myself, so he…” The light was dim, your figure casting a shadow on his, but it wasn’t hard for you to decipher the almost bashful expression that had crossed his face. “He will bother you all night long if I were to let him join us, wanting to be as close to you as I’ll allow him to.”

“Oh.”

You could feel your own embarrassment creeping up at his confession, unsure just how to respond to it. But as embarrassed as his words made you feel, you thought you were beginning to understand. They had said the bond wasn’t quite as strong for you as it was for them, but even you felt its effect this close to him. If you struggled to keep yourself from burying yourself into his side for warmth, what was it like for him? And if it was stronger like they claimed, how the hell was he resisting it?

“It’s for the best if he stays anyways, especially if someone were to wake and notice our absence before we return. We’ll be too far to communicate with anyone other than Hongjoong, and San will be taking over my watch within the next hour or so.”

“Is it fine if we go, then? I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

“Trust me, angel, your request is no trouble at all. Haru will let me know if anyone is searching for either of us and lead them our way if needed,” Yunho replied, brushing past your worries. “And if it’s your own safety that concerns you, I give you my word that no harm shall come to you tonight. If my word still means anything to you, that is.”

“It does.” Despite doing your best to reassure each of them that night had been your own fault, they still blamed themselves for what had happened. And though talk of that night had become sparse, you could see the blame they still laid upon themselves in moments like these. “And my safety was never a concern of mine. I trust you, Yunho. I guess-“

You didn’t understand the impact your words held until you saw the way he reacted. The hand that was still clasped firmly against yours tightening its grip as his body tensed. His eyes widened ever so slightly as your words caught him off guard.

“I guess,” you repeated, trying not to think too deeply about what you had just said or the implications it might have had, “I guess I’m just worried I would be inconveniencing you and I don’t want to cause any more problems than I already have. If it’s better for me to stay-“

“Angel,” Yunho’s eyes softened, bringing up his free hand to cup the side of your face, “nothing you could ever ask of me would ever be an inconvenience. You are not an inconvenience.”

Your eyes shifted to the ground, pulling away from his touch. Despite the genuinity in his eyes, you didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him. Not when you had only ever been told the opposite. Not when you were more than aware your mere existence had always been an inconvenience to those around you and would continue to do so. After all, how much easier would it have been for all of you if you had just been fully human? No one would have a problem with you then, would they?

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

You felt slightly guilty once the words left, not meaning to voice your frustration towards him. If anything, he and the others were the first ones in a long time that had treated you like you mattered. That they wanted you to be around.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t still feel like an inconvenience around them, though this was no fault of their own. It simply came down to the fact they had been stuck with a mutt for a mate.

“y/n.” Yunho’s voice was gentle as he called you back to him, taking no offense to your earlier statement. “You are worth it-“ You shook your head, opening your mouth to rebuke his statement, but he didn’t allow you a moment to speak. “And I know you might not believe it now despite how many times I may try to tell you, but I hope that someday you might.”

He tugged you against him then, pulling you into a tight embrace. Your eyes widened at the sudden move, body stiff as you were pressed flush against him. You struggled to react, still attempting to process what he had said to you right beforehand. The combination was almost too much, the situation threatening to overwhelm you, and yet… you could feel the panic easing out of you as the surprise faded away. Your head had fallen against his chest and you could hear his heart beating, the steady rhythm it thrummed helping to control the panic that had risen up.

“In the meantime, please try and extend some of the grace and kindness you show those around you to yourself.”

His body was warm, making it impossible for you to keep from moving in closer, burying yourself fully into his arms. “It’s hard.”

“I know.” His reply was soft, words mumbled against the top of your head. “But you can talk to me. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

You knew the wisest action to make would be to pull away, but was that what you wanted? His touch was comforting, helping to ease the anxiety coursing through you. It was a welcome relief from the past hour you had spent by yourself, trying your hardest to avoid the fears that crept up in the corners of your mind. Would it be so terrible if you were to give in just this once? If you opened up just a little and allowed him to carry your burdens with you for just a moment?

You felt the words bubbling up at the back of your throat, begging you to open up and confess them to the man before you if you only found the courage.

“Yunho, I’m scared.” You hadn’t realized how heavy the words were until they were out, immediately lightening the load on your shoulders. “I’ve stepped foot into hundreds of war zones, snuck my way around them knowing exactly what might await me if I were to get caught by the wrong person, but none of it compares to the fear that has been building up with each step we take towards your world.” Now that it was finally out, the rest of the words flowed with ease. “I’ve barely come to terms with the fact I’m your mate here within the safety of this camp and around those whom my identity as the Black Angel might have earned me an inkling of respect. So, how the hell am I supposed to come to terms with any of this amongst those who will be more vocal in their distaste for it?”

And there would be those against it. There was no doubt about that. Even if you weren’t their mate, and had simply been brought back because of your ability to heal, you would come to deal with the same prejudice and hatred you had faced back home amongst the humans. But this time, you weren’t just some random half-daemon who could save a person from death, you were Hongjoong’s mate, and by proxy, his guardsmen as well. If they didn’t want you in their city, they most definitely didn’t want you as their queen.

And you couldn’t even blame them. Not when you didn’t want to be queen either.

“I’m sorry, angel.” Yunho’s arms tightened, attempting to bring you in closer than you were already. “I know how terrifying it can be to leave your home and arrive at court in Taeyang, but that doesn’t mean I have any idea what it must be like for someone like you. Nor will I ever.” He was gentle as he slowly loosened his hold on you, pulling away just far enough so that he could look you in the face. “I do not know exactly how things will go when we arrive tomorrow nor how some will react, but you won’t have to go through any of it on your own. We’ll be by your side each step of the way.”

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” Yunho’s brow furrowed, taken back by the sudden change in conversation. “Taeyang?”

You nodded. Though you had caught snippets of the daemon’s capital from them over your time on the road, the majority of the city and its inhabitants were a mystery to you. And though Yunho’s confession had prompted the question from you, you would have been lying if you had said you hadn’t just asked if as a way to direct the conversation away from yourself.

“I would assume it’s quite different from any city you’re used to.” He let you go for just a moment, hands lowering to take hold of your hand and begin guiding you towards the southern edge of the camp. “Though I’m sure you’ve already been able to gather that much from the few cities we’ve passed through this past week.”

He was right. Though you had done your best to keep your head down in the cities and villages you passed by, all it took was one passing glance to take note of the difference. The design of the buildings was vastly different from any town you had been to before, alongside the structure of the town itself. You were used to hard lines and stone, buildings compact against each other between streets of dirt and mud. But here, everything was more open, buildings sprawled out amongst the terrain, incorporating the nature around them into their design. And a large majority of buildings featured areas, though covered by the sloping roofs above, left completely open to the warmer air of the south.

“To me, it’s most beautiful in the autumn during the Festival of Memories when the Dal is set ablaze by the lanterns sent out along it.” The hint of a smile appeared on Yunho’s lips. “Then there’s the way the city comes back to life in the spring when the plum blossom trees bloom. You should see the royal gardens at that time, especially at night when the fireflies come out.”

“It sounds beautiful.” You could only imagine the scene in your head, having only ever caught glimpses of the gardens in Maehwa when your services had been requested by the council. “Do you miss it?”

Yunho was silent for a moment, mulling over your question as he led you past the edge of camp and off into the nearby field. “Parts of it, perhaps. There’s a familiarity about the city that is comforting after all this time. It is my home, after all, but I do not miss the politics of deception that fills the halls there. There are many who will do or say anything if they believe it might benefit them in some way.”

You understood what he meant. Though Maehwa had never treated you well, it had been your home and a part of you longed to return. It may have not been the greatest of lives, but you had been happy at times. Life was constant. There were no surprises. No unexpected events that would change the entire course of your life. You were normal, or at least as normal as you could be as a half-daemon, able to carry on with your life with little issue with your siblings by your side.

“Do they know?” You were conscious of the way Yunho hadn’t let go of your hand during this time, but you didn’t dare attempt to slip it away. Not with the way it helped to keep you grounded, a physical reminder that you were not alone at the moment. “About me? About my relationship to all of you?”

Yunho nodded, but you weren’t sure exactly how the revelation made you feel. “The majority of the court learned about you when Hoseok, Hongoog’s father, did. He… he saw your relation to his son as a reflection of weakness upon him, so he wasted no breath shaming Hongjoong on the matter.”

His words made you feel like you had just been dumped into a bath of ice, body freezing as the weight of them hit you. You had always known how ridiculous it was for someone like you to be his mate. When they had told you, it had felt like some attempt at a cruel joke, made worse by learning it was indeed true. To know the only reason any of them had shown an ounce of kindness or expressed attention towards you was because of some supernatural bond that tied you all together. Even now, it still hurt, fully aware Yunho wouldn’t even be out here comforting you without you.

And yet, you had never stopped to consider how it all might have felt from their view. From Hongjoong’s view. How had he felt when he first learned about you? How had he felt when he had first learned the person he had been waiting for was a half-daemon? Had he been upset? Had he felt shame? Had he wished things might have been different? That you had been different?

He must have. It was only natural for him to wish fate would have delivered him a better hand. It was only natural for him to wish it had been someone other than you. Someone better than you.

And yet, he had saved your life, going so far to risk his own for yours. When he should have ignored the bond and listened to the other daemons and allowed his father to kill you, he hadn’t.

Why? Why hadn’t he? Why hadn’t any of them?

“Many of them believed you to be dead alongside your father in the years that followed.” Yunho continued, sensing the way your body had tended beside him. “And it wasn’t until after Hongjoong was crowned that they discovered what had truly happened and that you were still alive. As you can imagine, it created quite the uproar on many accounts. Nothing like this had ever happened before.”

Was it simply because of how difficult it was to reject a mate? They had told you how impossible it was to fight against the bond. How it was stronger than either of you could fight against and strong enough to drive you insane if you attempted to reject or ignore it. In the end, it didn’t matter how ridiculous it all sounded. It didn’t matter if they were against it. There was simply no way to fight against it. A fact you were quickly coming to learn for yourself.

But would they have dealt with the repercussions if none of them had ever met you? Would it have been impossible for them to reject you if you had died so long ago?

“Would it not have been easier to just let me die?” You pulled Yunho to a stop, terrified to hear the confirmation you knew awaited you at the other end, but desperate for it all the same. You needed to know. “Perhaps if Hongjoong had never met me. If none of you had ever met me, then-“

“He would have spent an eternity with a part of him missing, just as we all would have when the bond between us fully snapped into place. Even if we had never fully known you, we would have spent the rest of our lives mourning you.” His reply was soft as he brushed aside the hair the wind tossed into your face, expression terribly gentle “As impossible as it all may seem, none of us regret the choices we made to get to this moment here. To get to you. How could we?” He raised a hand against your cheek, thumb tracing along the bone. “You have no idea just what you do to us, do you? What you do to me?” He moved the hand he held towards his chest, laying your palm against the area above his heart. “Can you feel that, angel? Can you feel how it beats for you and only you now?”

You could feel the heat pooling inside you, locked into place from the intensity he took you in. The raw emotion in his voice made your breath hitch, heart thudding in your chest. You didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him, but one look at him left you trembling as your chest ached for you to just let him in. To let yourself be loved.

“Never before have I so fully been enraptured by another. Your presence captivates my entire being and not a second goes by that I do not think of you and what I wish might become between us. Of everything I would do for you to finally make you see yourself the way I see you.”

“Yunho…” Your voice quivered, breathless from his confession. You didn’t know what to say, let alone what to think. All you could focus on was the way he peered down at you so lovingly, as though he fully believed each and every word he spoke to you.

Whether it was on purpose or not, you could feel the wave of emotions that flooded through him into you. You could feel the desire he spoke towards you filling him, of how much he yearned for you to return the same sentiment towards him. And when his thumb brushed against your lower lip, it was impossible to tell whether you simply felt his desire to kiss you burning through you or whether it was your own natural inclination building up.

“We chose you, angel. We have accepted you just as you are.” Yunho leaned closer, slowly closing the distance between the two of you. “Won’t you now please accept us? Just give us a chance?”

He gave you no time to respond - not that you would have been able to if he had, his words fully rendering you speechless - closing the gap completely and pressing his lips against your own. They were hesitant at first, just barely brushing against you as though testing to see just how you would respond to it. Only once you hadn’t pulled away did he finally deepen it, using his grip on your face to tug you closer to him.

You were frozen in place. A thousand different thoughts were running through your head, but you couldn’t quite grasp at any of them. It was impossible to differentiate them from his own desire that overflowed into you still, looking at the base of your stomach. The only thought you could properly take hold of was how soft his lips were against your own and how very warm they were.

Your body responded before your mind did, fingers tightening their grip on his shirt in an effort to pull yourself in closer. The action left him gasping, and a wave of pure joy ran over into you from the excitement he felt at you returning the kiss with a similar fervor.

It was over just as quickly as it had started. Yunho was the first to pull away, breathless as his forehead came to rest upon your own. You remained silent in the seconds that followed, eyes still shut as your mind replayed the moment in your head, holding on to the high the act had created for as long as you could before reality came crashing back down on you.

You could feel his fingers trailing across your face, taking you in as much as he could for the brief moment he had you with your guard down. And when your eyes finally fluttered open, you were caught off guard by the face that met you; the pure adoration that lined his features convincing you for just a moment that everything he had said was true. That you were worth it.

Your face turned away as the situation finally processed in your mind, cheeks tinting pink as you realized what you had just done. You felt no regret for allowing him to kiss you or for the way you had returned it, but the yearning you felt to give in and close the distance between you once more did scare you. The desire you felt for the man standing before you was completely foreign and you struggled to process it. Never before had you ever wanted something, wanted someone, as much as you wanted him now.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho’s voice was strained as he broke the silence, “should I not have?”

You shook your head. “No, it’s…” It was a struggle to speak, unsure of just what to say. Your head was still spinning, thoughts flying as you tried to straighten it all out in your head and just how you felt about all it. “It was nice. It’s just… I just…” You stumbled over your words, face growing hotter with each passing second. You struggled enough as it was with communicating your emotions and having to do so now over something you had very little experience with felt nearly impossible. “I’ve never-“

You cut yourself off, unable to stop the wave of embarrassment that ran through you at the thought of revealing your lack of experience. Of revealing that you had never before shared this sort of experience with anyone before. Of how you had never kissed anyone before. Of how you had never felt this way before and how terribly overwhelming it all was.

Instead of attempting to finish your thoughts, you tucked your head against his chest in the hope of hiding your reddening face. He didn’t try to push you further and was silent alongside you as his fingers brushed through your hair.

“Shall we go and observe the stars now, love?” Yunho was the first to speak, pulling your face back out to meet him.

You nodded, having completely forgotten why you had come to him in the first place. Despite the overwhelming nature of everything that had occurred between the two of you, it had worked as the distraction you had hoped for. You had long since forgotten why you had wanted out in the first place and the stress that had plagued your mind earlier in the night had been replaced with a different anxiety altogether.

You allowed him to guide you further into the night, away from the lights of the camp behind you. As you went, you resituated the blanket along your shoulders, feeling much colder than before now that you weren’t pressed up next to Yunho. You hoped it would help with the heat still pooling inside you and prayed it would ease the redness of your cheeks.

It was just a kiss. It may have been your first kiss, but it was still just a kiss and nothing to get so worked up about, but one glance in his direction was all it took for your face to flame again. Your thoughts kept trailing back to the feeling of his lips on your, alongside the way he had looked at you so lovingly. The way he had so unabashedly confessed his feelings to you making your stomach flip.

“Is this far enough?”

You nodded, any and all feelings you might have pushed aside in the silence fully returning once Yunho turned back to you. A hint of a smile danced across his face, and you were once again struck by just how beautiful he was. You had always known it, but the kiss had given rise to a whole new wave of emotions flooding through you. It made you wonder if you had fallen asleep without ever realizing, and the events that had transpired between you nothing more than a dream. Seeing him bathed in starlight, the near epitome of perfection, left you feeling small beside him. How could someone like you have ever caught the eye of someone like him?

You tumbled to the ground, wondering why you had ever thought this would be a good idea. When you had asked for a distraction, this wasn’t what you had meant. You hadn’t wanted to spend the night wrestling over your feelings for a man you knew was way too good for you despite everything he said.

The night sky offered little comfort. Everything was cleared out here away from the lights, but you struggled to piece the stars together. Everything was different here, the stars shifting far more than anything you had seen in your travels before, reminding you just how far from home you truly were.

“Minnie, Woo, and I used to sneak out all the time when we were younger to observe the stars. My mother had taught Soomin the constellations before she passed, who in turn taught them to us before she outgrew the act of sneaking outside Maehwa’s walls.” Your voice was soft as you spoke, finding a bit of your panic fading away as you slowly found your way amongst the twinkling lights above. “Soomin says she loved the stars, so much so that she named each of us after them. And though I never knew her, I feel as though I can see a sliver of her in them.”

And tonight, the stars seemed to echo your sentiment. The stories said that falling stars were tokens of good luck and fortune sent by those who had long since passed from this world. And though you had never given much merit into the thought, it gave you some form of comfort tonight. Who else could have sent them besides your mother who had loved them so dearly in her life? As though to tell you, I see you. I hear you. I am with you always.

You shivered, wishing more than ever that you had had a chance to know her. What had she been like? What about her had drawn the attention of someone like your father? Hadn’t he also been a member of the former Black Guard? Hadn’t he also been forbade from any sort of relation like the one he had with her? Had she ever felt the same way you did now? As though she wasn’t worth the love he gave her? As though she wasn’t worth the risk despite how happy she might have been?

It hurt to think about, chest aching as you wished more than ever before that things had been different. You wished you could have known them, seen who they truly were for yourself and not from snippets you heard from others. You wished it could have been your mother sitting by your side tonight, giving you guidance at a moment you felt completely lost.

“Soomin is a summer child, so you aren’t able to see her constellation this time of the year. The stories claim it is because the serpent goddess disappears into the southern seas each winter, hibernating through the colder weather to return in full strength in the spring.” You didn’t know what possessed you to explain the origins of your namesakes, but it was comforting to think about and a welcome distraction from everything else. “It’s why they say it always rained so much at that time, as she brings the sea with her to nourish the earth for the new year.”

“Hyunwoo and I were born in the dead of winter, however, so you should be able to see them at this time. In fact, Hyunwoo’s should be somewhere…” Your eyes followed the trail of stars, piecing together the patterns until you found the collection you had been searching for. “There!” You did your best to guide Yunho’s gaze towards them, subconsciously leaning over to better line up his sight. “His namesake was said to be a great and mighty archer whose ability caught the attention of the Gunungsins. They challenged him to a competition, promising him a spot amongst their rank if he were to succeed. He did, of course, and now he roams the skies above keeping watch over those down below.”

“And then-“ Your words cut off when you caught sight of him in the corner of your eye. He was looking at you again, the hint of a smile dancing across his face. “I’m sorry.” The blush you had finally gotten under control came rushing back. You had been rambling, boring him with information he hadn’t asked for, nor did he care to hear about. “You probably didn’t care to hear about all that.”

“No, please continue. I’m most interested in what you have to say, especially on your own.” He nudged your shoulder, gently encouraging you to continue on. “And I apologize if my distraction made you think otherwise. It’s just… you’re very beautiful, you know? Especially when you are talking about the things you're passionate about.”

God damn it, Yunho.

“I’m sorry, truly.” Yunho replied, clearly hearing you curse him in your head. It hadn’t upset him though, and he struggled to control his laughter at the outburst, making you wonder if his apology was sincere or not.

Your cheeks were definitely red again, however. Any and every feeling you had managed to suffocate over the past few minutes returning once more.

Was he doing it on purpose? Enjoying the way you squirmed under his gaze and hoping perhaps if he prodded enough, you would do something about the growing desire you had to kiss him that had been pooling in your stomach ever since the first.

“Please, continue,” he added in your silence, leaning closer towards you as he finally turned his gaze back towards the sky. “Which one is yours?”

“It’s the cluster just to the south of Hyunwoo’s, just above the horizon.” It took a second for you to steady your voice, aware of Yunho’s side now brushing against your own as he followed your guide. “She was said to be a maiden whose lover had become deathly ill. The only cure was in the flowers that grew at the peak of a nearby mountain, and though he had begged her not to go as the path was long and treacherous, she persevered and obtained that which she sought.” It had been a while since you had last thought of the story, and it felt strange telling it to Yunho now. Despite being a tale told through the ages, it felt oddly personal telling it to him now. “When she arrived home, however, she learned her lover had succumbed to the disease in her absence. She mourned for days, unable to live without him and ready to take her own life. The moon, however, who had watched the tragedy unfold, was moved by the woman’s selfless love and offered the woman passage to her immortal domain in the stars where she was reunited with her lover. Now they forever roam the skies together, given the happy life they had been stolen here.”

“Your mother named you well.”

“Soomin thinks so as well. She used to curse our mother for naming me after the maiden, claiming it had caused me to take the story too seriously and share her lack of concern for her own life. And I don’t know,” you shrugged, remembering all the times Soomin had cursed you in the past, “maybe she’s right. Maybe I have been cursed by my namesake, but she persevered to the end, did she not? Perhaps I will too.”

“y/n?”

You hummed in response, wondering what it was that had prompted him to call you out by name.

“May I kiss you once more?”

This made you stop, and you could feel the wave of heat flooding through you at the request. You didn’t dare look over at him, doing your best to not show just how much his sudden question had caught you off guard.

“You wish to kiss me?”

“Very much so.” The pressure at your side grew as he leaned in closer next to you, fingers brushing the hair that blocked your face back behind your ear. “If you’d let me, that is.”

Your fingers dug into the fabric of the blanket you held, trying to process his request in your head and just what it was you wanted. Deep down, you already knew what it was. You wanted him to kiss you because you wanted to kiss him.

So, then why did the thought of it scare you so much?

You wanted it. There was no doubt about it, but the thought of acting out on your emotions terrified you, and you couldn’t quite pin your finger as to why. Was it the unknown that scared you? Simply self-conscious of your lack of experience. Or was it the underlying fear that they would change their minds that strayed at the back of your mind? That despite their reassurances, eventually they would realize what you knew all along and move on. And the only way to keep yourself safe was to keep your distance.

You made the mistake of turning your head. One look at the man beside you and you could feel yourself caving; your want for him outweighing any fear you might have had.

Fuck it.

You didn’t have to verbalize your consent, the way your head tilted towards his own telling him everything he needed to know. He wasted no time, pulling your chin up towards him and capturing your lips against his own once more.

He continued to periodically kiss you throughout the next few hours you remained awake. At his behest, you pointed out more stars and constellations, telling him their stories as best you remembered. He would interrupt you every so often to kiss you once more, seemingly at random. You would be in the middle of a story or pointing out a new constellation and he would cut you off with his lips, making you lose your train of thought each and every time.

At some point, the blanket you had was extended towards him, and he was quick to bring your body in next to him. A part of you was still conscious of the closeness, of the vulnerability you were showing him. Would it not be best if you pulled back? The less involved you got with them, the less it would hurt when it all came crashing down. And it would, would it not? You would arrive in Taeyang tomorrow and they would finally come to their senses and realize you didn’t belong in this world. In their world.

But for now, it was nice. Perhaps the nicest night you had had in a very long time. For once in your life, you were able to forget your worries and just relax. Thoughts of tomorrow had been pushed to the back of your head, overtaken by the man next to you and how warm he was. How terribly sweet he was.

So, for once in your life, you let yourself enjoy the moment for what it was. You let yourself relax into Yunho’s side, allowing yourself to open up just a little bit, because perhaps he was right. Perhaps things would all work out. All you had to do was let them. All you had to do was accept them.

~~~

Is it almost time to switch?

San didn’t so much as open his eyes as he lazily reached out to Yunho, hoping the other daemon would tell him he still had a little time left to sleep. He hated pulling the second shift of your guard. While Yunho might have gotten an hour or two of your time before you went to sleep due to your insomnia, he wouldn’t get to see you until you woke up in the morning. And by then, everyone else would also be awake and vying for your attention.

Yunho?

It was only in the second bout of silence that he realized Yunho wasn’t just ignoring him. He couldn’t feel the taller daemon’s presence on the other side of the bond at all. Yunho was nowhere in his current vicinity at the moment, cutting off communication between them.

This had San waking quickly, reaching out just a bit farther along the bond that tied him to you only to be with silence once more. Neither of you were anywhere nearby.

While he was concerned, he didn’t allow the panic hovering at the back of his head to take hold of him just yet. San knew how nervous you had been, he could feel the anxiety growing within you each day you drew closer to Taryang, so he didn’t doubt you must have simply wandered off somewhere in the hopes of easing it. And with Yunho being gone as well, he could only assume the two of you must have gone out somewhere together.

He was met by a pair of black eyes as he exited the tent, finding one of Yunho’s shadow beasts lying near the fire Yunho had sat near at the beginning of his watch. Haru’s head lifted at his approach, observing him with mild curiosity.

“Where are they, buddy?” San bent down next to the beast, scratching the back of his head. If Yunho had left him here, then he knew the two of you must have been somewhere safe and there was no reason to wake any of the others. “Can you take me to them?”

Haru stood up at the request, stretching his front legs and shaking out his fur before setting off towards the south of camp. San was quick to follow, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to straighten it as he yawned. He wasn’t sure what time it was. The candle set out to signal the end of the first watch had long gone out, signifying Yunho’s watch had ended some time ago. Wherever the two of you had gone, he must have lost track of time, causing San to curse under his breath. Normally, he wouldn’t have minded if Yunho took over part of his watch, enjoying the extra sleep, but not when it was because he had gotten distracted by you. If only the watches had been switched, then it could have been him out there with you right now instead.

You hadn’t strayed too far from camp. Once Haru had left the tents behind, he could feel hints of your presence along the bond once more. To his surprise, your emotions had shifted significantly since he had seen you last. The anxiety that had riddled your body had almost completely disappeared, leaving you far more relaxed than he had ever felt you before.

This had him curious, wondering what might have conspired between the two of you to put you in such a state. For one brief second, the impossible crossed his mind. Yunho hadn’t mated with you, had he? But he shook the thought away before he could ponder it long enough to feel the outcome of that scenario. It was impossible, at least now. You hardly let them touch you at this current time, growing flustered and escaping away the moment things became too heated for you. There was no way you would give in and bare yourself completely to Yunho at this time.

He didn’t have to wonder for long, eventually finding you curled up against Yunho on the ground in the nearby field. The two of you were bundled up beneath a blanket and your head rested against his chest as you slept. It was the most peaceful he had ever seen you, for once completely at ease with one of them. It didn’t completely erase the jealousy that was brimming in his chest as he took you in, but it did alleviate some of it. How could he be upset seeing you like that? Knowing that whatever Yunho had done or said had eased your mind enough to help you sleep before the day you had tomorrow?

Yunho’s eyes were also closed, but San knew he was awake before he brushed against his subconscious. Despite how comfortable the other daemon might have been next to you, he would have never drifted off. Not when your safety was at risk in an environment like this.

I see now why you didn’t wake me.

It was hard for San to keep his tone from sounding too bitter, wishing once again that it could have been him instead. Though you had loosened up around each of them in your journey, he had yet to get as close to you as some of the others. And not nearly as close as he had been that night in Maehwa so long ago.

He still remembered the moment he had first seen you that night. He had thought you were beautiful the moment he first saw you, but the feelings that had arisen seeing you dressed like that had been something else altogether. You had looked so radiant, so regal, that night, and it was at that moment he knew without a doubt that he would lay down his life for you. Spend the rest of his waking moment serving you in any way you desired. He would do anything for you, his queen, and bathe the world in the blood of anyone who stood in your way.

“She fell asleep,” Yunho couldn’t hide the smile Sam’s words pulled as he replied, shifting slightly in the means of pulling you closer to him, “and I didn’t see the harm in straying here for just a bit. I don’t want to wake her after she finally got to sleep. She needs all the rest she can get for tomorrow.”

San couldn’t blame Yunho, both of them aware the moment between the two of you would end the moment he took you back to camp. And if he had been in Yunho’s position, he would have held you as long as he could. He would spend the entire night under the stars with you if he could. Whatever it was that you desired.

“She kissed me, San.” Yunho’s following words made San stop, and he had to replay them over in his head before the implication of them hit. “Well, technically, I kissed her, but she let me. She kissed me back. And then she allowed me to kiss her again when I asked.” He paused, shifting to his side as gently as he could to better take in your sleeping figure next to him. “Don’t worry though,” he was quick to add, eyes glancing over at San as if he knew just what thoughts had popped up in his mind, “I think it will be a while again until she allows me to do it again. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done it. She was vulnerable, desperate for any form of distraction from the days she has in front of her, but I couldn’t control myself. Not with the way she was looking up at me, and certainly not with the thoughts running through her head.”

And what thoughts would those be? San spoke to Yunho directly when you stirred in your sleep. As much as he did want to spend time with you, he couldn’t stand to wake you either. Not after you had finally gotten to sleep.

She thinks we should have just let her die.

San was thankful he had taken the time to sit down on your other side, Yunho’s confession shaking him to his core.

That everything would have been easier if none of us had ever met her.

San was well used to your attempts at rejecting them. You had made it clear that you didn’t believe you were deserving of any of them, believing your status as a half-daemon made you lesser than them in some way. He knew the insecurities you held towards yourself, fueled by all the lies you had been told by the people before them. Their treatment towards you had cut you deep, and though killing them had alleviated some of his anger on the matter, it did nothing to heal the scars that remained. And to now hear their lies had led you to believe it would have been better if you had died alongside your parents, refueled his hatred towards them fully. He wished more than anything he could go back in time, realizing whatever death he had given them then was far too merciless. They deserved to suffer for what they had done to you.

But the rage Yunho’s revelation brought only lasted so long, dissipating the second his mind thought of the inevitable. What would have happened if Hongjoong and Yeosang hadn’t gotten to you in time? If Hoseok had succeeded in his attempt to kill you alongside your parents?

He could only stray on your death for so long before it became too much. The sheer panic he had felt when you had been attacked was something that still haunted him to this day. For days he had been unable to keep you from his sight, putting up as many barriers as he could manage to ensure nothing else happened to you, even going so far as to sketch the runes beneath your saddle to ensure no one but them could approach you when you were on the road. The last thing he wanted to think about was a life without you in it, let alone a life in which you never were.

It made him wonder just where he was going wrong? Had their actions not shown you how much they cared? Had they not shown you just how much you meant to them? Had they not been enough to convince you that they would do anything to keep you safe? To keep you happy?

He would have been lying if he said he hadn’t cursed your humanity before. Not for the reason you would have expected him to; he couldn’t care less about your blood status. He didn’t care if you were considered pure or not; it didn’t change who you were as a person, let alone how he saw you. But he did hate how your human heritage did limit the effects of the bonds that tied you to them. It had only been around two months since you had entered his life and he was already beginning to go insane. Every fiber of his being was drawn towards you, desperate to finally claim you as his own. It was driving him crazy. You were driving him crazy. Each second he spent next to you only fueled his hunger for you. A hunger you very well would have felt just as strongly if you had more maetha flowing through your veins.

He may have promised alongside the others to wait as long as you needed, but he knew he hadn’t been the only one who had lied to you at that moment. He wouldn’t be able to wait that long. It would be impossible for him to wait another lifetime to finally have you. He knew it. The others knew it. But it didn’t really matter. In the end, the lie was meaningless. Even with your humanity, not even you could fully withstand the bond that mates shared. Already, you were cracking. A fact shown in your current position curled up to Yunho beside you.

Does she realize that would have changed nothing? That it would have simply resulted is us feeling as though a part of us would have been missing for the rest of our lives?

I told her as much.

And?

And… then I kissed her. Yunho paused, weighing the situation in his head. I guess a part of me hoped to convey just how much she means to us and that we mean each and every word we say. …At least that was the original intention, but then… The way she looked at me, San, I couldn’t control myself anymore.

San was silent as he took in Yunho’s confession. As much as he wanted to be jealous, he knew Yunho wasn’t telling him all this to simply rub in the fact he got to kiss you first. Some of the others might have, including himself, but that wasn’t something Yunho would do. He was simply trying to piece the situation together himself, working through the wave of emotions flooding through him.

Did you know she was named after the stars? Yunho shifted, eyes wandering the sky above. That’s why she stays out so late at night. It’s the one place she feels truly at home.

Do you think she’ll ever feel that way with us?

I hope so. Yunho sighed. You should have seen her, San. The passion that filled her. The way her eyes would light up. I like to think a part of her enjoyment was getting to share a part of herself with me. Of having someone to share it with.

A wave of images flooded San’s mind as Yunho shared his thoughts with him. He could hear the hushed excitement in your voice as you spoke about some particular collection of stars, and see the way your eyes lit up just before turning away shyly when Yunho gently encouraged you to continue. To think Yunho had managed some control over kissing you was a shock to San. If it had been him, he would have kissed you under the stars until your lips were bruised and you were desperate for air.

As much as I wish to stay here, we should probably head back. Yunho’s fingers ran through your hair, taking in what little time he had left with you. Dawn will be arriving soon and I don’t doubt she’ll be more comfortable waking up in her own bed rather than here. She has enough to worry about tomorrow.

I’ll get her. San was quick to offer, eager to have you in his arms again, even if it was just for a few moments.

Yunho offered no resistance, allowing San to wrap his arms around your sleeping figure and gently pick you up. You stirred once more from the movement, but did little more than curl in closer to him once he had you secured. San’s heart fluttered at the action, unable to resist planting a chaste kiss against the top of your head as his grip on you tightened.

It was hard to let you go once they had made it back, and even harder to lay you down in your own bed, knowing he couldn’t stay there with you. All he wanted was to take you back with him, curling up next to your body which would slot in so perfectly next to his own.

Nothing would happen if you weren’t ready. He’d be perfecting content with just having you next to him for now. But if you would just give him a chance, oh, the wonders he could show you. The things he could do to convince you he wanted nothing more than to have you by his side for the rest of your lives. The way he would worship your body and sing your praises all but forcing you to believe just how much you truly meant to him.

But today was not that day. And he didn’t doubt it wouldn’t be any day in the near future either. For now, you were still stuck behind the walls you had built around yourself, an invisible barrier he had yet to find his way through. For now, he would have to be content with your mere presence, knowing that one of these days you might finally allow him to come inside. He just had to be patient, because one day he would succeed. One of these days he would finally get to fully savor you in the way he had craved ever since he had first set eyes on you.

And he couldn’t wait.

~~~

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