#pay no attention to the fact it says 2006 and everything is fine | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shihalyfie · 3 years ago

Text

About the Adventure: reboot, the likely reason why it exists, the question of target demographic, and whether I would recommend it or not

I think this reboot has been kind of a strange outlier in terms of Digimon anime in general, in terms of...well, just about everything. I also feel like everything surrounding it has kind of been giving us mixed signals as to what the intent and purpose behind the anime is -- well, besides “cashing in on the Adventure brand”, but looking at it more closely, that might be a bit of an oversimplification.

I’m writing this post because, having seen the entire series to the end for myself and thinking very hard about it and what it was trying to do, I decided to put down my thoughts. This is not meant to be a review of what I think was good and bad, but rather, something that I hope will be helpful to those who might be on the fence about whether they want to watch it or not, or those who don’t want to watch/finish it but are curious about what happened, or those who are curious as to why this reboot even exists in the first place, or even maybe just those who did watch it but are interested in others’ thoughts about it. I'm personally convinced that -- especially in an ever-changing franchise like Digimon -- how much you like a given work is dependent on what your personal tastes are to the very end, and thus it’s helpful to understand what kind of expectations you should go in with if you want to watch something.

With all of this said and done, if you want to go in and best enjoy this series, I think it is best to consider this anime as a distinct Digimon series of its own. The relationship to Adventure is only surface-level, and by that I mean it’s very obvious it’s doing things its own thing deliberately without worrying too much about what prior series did. Of course, I think everyone will have varying feelings about using the Adventure branding for something that really isn't Adventure at all, but we are really talking about an in-name-only affair, and something that’s unabashedly doing whatever it wants. So in other words, if you’re going in expecting Adventure, or anything that really resembles Adventure, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. But if you’re able to approach it like yet another distinct Digimon series, and the other aspects of it fit your fancy, you’ll probably be able to enjoy it much better. And, conversely, I think it’s also important to remember that this series seems to have a writing philosophy with a fundamentally different goal from most Digimon series, and since it’s understandable for most long-time Digimon fans to have their tastes built on those prior series, it’s fine and completely understandable that this reboot may not be your cup of tea, for reasons that probably don’t actually have much to do with whether it’s an Adventure reboot or not.

There are no spoilers in the following post. (Although I use some emphatic language for the duration for it, these are mostly just my personal thoughts and how I see the series and the overall situation.)

On what exact relationship to Adventure this series has, and why it’s an “Adventure reboot”

If you ask why they did an Adventure reboot, the easiest answer to come up with is “Adventure milking, because it’s profitable”, but that’s kind of an oversimplification of what the issue is. This is especially when you take into account a key fact that official has been very well aware of since as early as 2006: most kids are too young to have seen Adventure, and therefore have no reason to care about it.

That’s the thing: Adventure milking only works so well on today’s children, and Toei and Bandai know this. This is also the reason that the franchise started going through a bit of a “split” starting in around 2012 (after Xros Wars finished airing), when the video game branch started making more active attempts to appeal to the adults’ fanbase with Re:Digitize and Adventure PSP. (Although they were technically still “kids’ games”, they were very obviously aimed at the adults’ audience as a primary “target”.) The generation that grew up with Adventure and other classic Digimon anime was getting older and older, and targeting that audience would require tailoring products more specifically to them -- ultimately culminating in 2015 and the solidification of “very obviously primarily for adults” media in the form of both games (Cyber Sleuth and Next Order) and anime (tri.). Note that Appmon ended up getting its own 3DS game, but since it was targeted at kids, it seems to have been developed by a completely different pipeline/branch from the aforementioned adults’ games, so even that had a split.

So if we want to talk about full-on nostalgia pandering, that’s already being done in the adults’ branch. In fact, Appmon development specifically said that they felt free to not really care about the adults’ audience because that was tri.’s job. Of course, the hardcore Digimon adults’ fanbase is still keeping an eye on the kids’ shows, and it’s good to not upset them -- and, besides, even if we’re all suffering under the hell of capitalism, people who work in kids’ shows still tend to be very passionate about the content and messages they’re showing the kids, so they still put an effort into making good content that adults can enjoy too. But, nevertheless, adults are still the “periphery demographic”, and a kids’ show is not a success if the kids (who have not seen and do not care about Adventure) are not watching it or buying the toys. Appmon ended up being extremely well-received by the adults’ fanbase, but that all meant nothing since the kids didn’t get into it.

Most kids are not super incredibly discerning about so-called writing quality (it’s not like they don’t at least unconsciously know when something is good, but they’re much less likely to be bothered by little things adults are often bothered by), so there’s a certain degree you have to get their attention if you want things to catch on with them. Critical reception does matter a lot more when we talk about the adults’ audience, but for the kids, the more important part is how much you’ve managed to engage them and how much fun they’re having (especially in regards to the toyline). Moreover, there’s the problem of “momentum”; Digimon’s sister shows of PreCure, Kamen Rider, and Super Sentai have sometimes had really poorly performing shows (critically or financially), but have managed to recover it in successive years to avoid getting cancelled. Digimon never managed to get to that point, with sales nearly dropping to half with Tamers and again with Frontier. So in essence, Savers, Xros Wars, and Appmon were all attempts at figuring out what was needed to just get that “kickstart” again -- but things just never lined up for it to work.

So if kids don’t really care about Adventure, why would they do Adventure nostalgia pandering? The answer is one that official has actually openly stated multiple times: they want to have parents watch it together with their children. Both Seki and Kinoshita said this in regards to watching the reaction to Kizuna, and it was also stated outright as a goal for the reboot, but, believe it or not, there’s reports of this having been stated back as early as Savers (followed by an admission that maybe 2006 was a little too early for people who grew up with Adventure to be old enough to have their own kids). So the little nostalgia references in Savers, Xros Wars, and Appmon aren't really meant to magically turn the series into Adventure as much as they’re supposed to be flags waved at the parents to get them to pay attention, so that they can introduce their kids to Digimon and watch it together with them, until the kids eventually take an interest on their own and they don’t need to rely on that kind of standby as much. (I say “as much” because of course PreCure, Rider, and Sentai all are still very indulgent in their anniversary references, but they’re not nearly as reliant on it to the point of life-and-death.)

This is also why Kizuna’s existence and release date two months prior to the reboot is a huge factor in this. The reason tri. wouldn’t have done it is that it never actually reached a properly “mainstream” audience. It’s a huge reason I keep emphasizing the fact that tri. and Kizuna are two separate things with completely different production and release formats, because tri. being a limited OVA screening released in six parts over three years means that, although it was a moderate financial success that did better than the franchise’s other niche products, in the end, it didn’t actually reach the “extremely casual” audience very well. We, as the “hardcore Internet fanbase”, all know people who watched all six parts, and the difference between tri. and Kizuna’s release formats doesn’t hit us as hard because of international distribution circumstances, but even on our end, if you talk to your casual friends who barely remember anything about Digimon except what they saw on TV twenty years ago, you will almost never find anyone who got past Part 1, maybe 2 at most. (That’s before we even get into the part where a good chunk of them got turned off at the character design stage for being too different.) Sticking with a full six-part series over three years is a commitment, and if you’re not someone with a certain level of loyalty to the franchise, you aren’t as likely to put aside the time for it!

Kizuna, on the other hand, was a full-on theatrical movie with full marketing campaign that was aimed at that extremely casual mainstream audience, including a lot of people who hadn’t even heard of tri. (due to it being too niche) or hadn’t bothered to commit to watching something so long, and thus managed to “hype up” a lot of adults and get them in a Digimon mood. (Critical reception issues aside, this is also presumably a huge reason Kizuna isn’t all that reliant on tri.’s plot; Adventure and 02 both averaged at around 11% of the country watching it when it first aired, but the number of people who even saw tri. much less know what happened in it is significantly lower, so while you can appeal to a lot of people if you’re just targeting the 11%, you'll lock them out if you’re overly reliant on stuff a lot of them will have never seen in the first place.) We’re talking the kind of super-casual who sees a poster for Kizuna, goes “oh I remember Digimon!”, casually buys a ticket for the movie, likes it because it has characters they remember and the story is feelsy, and then two months later an anime that looks like the Digimon they recognize is on Fuji TV, resulting in them convincing their kid to watch it together with them because they’re in a Digimon mood now, even though the actual contents of the anime are substantially different from the original.

So, looking back at the reboot:

There’s a huge, huge, huge implication that the choice to use Adventure branding was at least partially to get Fuji TV to let them have their old timeslot back. Neither Xros Wars nor Appmon were able to be on that old timeslot, presumably because Fuji TV had serious doubts about their profitability (perhaps after seeing Savers not do very well). This isn’t something that hits as hard for us outside Japan who don’t have to feel the impact of this anyway, but it’s kind of a problem if kids don’t even get the opportunity to watch the show in the first place. While there’s been a general trend of moving to video-on-demand to the point TV ratings don’t really have as much impact as they used to, I mean...it sure beats 6:30 in the morning, goodness. (Note that a big reason PreCure, Rider, and Sentai are able to enjoy the comfortable positions they’re in is that they have a very luxurious 8:30-10 AM Sunday block on TV Asahi dedicated to them.)

Since we’re talking about “the casual mainstream”, this means that this kind of ploy only works with something where a casual person passing by can see names and faces and take an interest. This is why it has to be Adventure, not 02 or Tamers or whatnot; 02 may have had roughly similar TV ratings to Adventure and fairly close sales figures back in 2000, but the actual pop culture notability disparity in this day and age is humongous (think about the difference in pop culture awareness between Butter-Fly and Target). 02, Tamers, and all can do enough to carry “adults’ fandom” products and merch sales at DigiFes, and the adults’ branch of the franchise in general, but appealing to the average adult buying toys for the kids is a huge difference, and a big reason that, even if they’re clearly starting to acknowledge more of the non-Adventure series these days, it’s still hard to believe they’re going to go as far as rebooting anything past Adventure -- or, more accurately, hard to believe they’ll be able to get the same impact using names and faces alone.

This advertising with the Adventure brand goes beyond just the anime -- we’re talking about the toyline that has the involved character faces plastered on them, plus all of the ventures surrounding them that Bandai pretty obviously carefully timed to coincide with this. One particularly big factor is the card game, which is doing really, really well right now, to the point it’s even started gaining an audience among people who weren’t originally Digimon fans. Part of it is because the game’s design is actually very good and newcomer-friendly, but also...nearly every set since the beginning came with reboot-themed Tamer Cards, which means that, yes, those cards with the Adventure names and faces were helping lure people into taking an interest in the game. Right now, the game is doing so well and has gained such a good reputation that it probably doesn’t need that crutch anymore to keep going as long as the game remains well-maintained, but I have no doubt the initial “Adventure” branding was what helped it take off, and its success is most likely a huge pillar sustaining the franchise at the current moment.

Speaking of merch and toys, if you look closely, you might notice that Bandai decided to go much, much more aggressively into the toy market with this venture than they ever did with Savers, Xros Wars, or Appmon (Appmon was probably the most aggressive attempt out of said three). They put out a lot more merch and did a lot more collaborative events to engage the parents and children, and, presumably, the reason they were able to do this was because they were able to push into those outlets with the confidence the Adventure brand would let them be accepted (much like with Fuji TV). Like with the card game, the important part was getting their “foot in the door” so that even if it stopped being Adventure after a fashion, they’d still have all of those merchandising outlets -- after all, one of the first hints we ever got of Ghost Game’s existence was a July product listing for its products replacing the reboot’s in a gachapon set, so we actually have evidence of certain product pipelines being opened by the reboot’s precedent. (The word 後番組 literally means “the TV program that comes after”, so it’s pretty obvious this was intended for Ghost Game; in other words, the reboot’s existence helped ensure there be a “reservation” for this kind of product to be made.)

I think one important thing to keep in mind is that Toei and Bandai have as much of a stake in avoiding rehashing for their kids’ franchises as we do. Even if you look at this from a purely capitalistic perspective, because of how fast the “turnover” is for the kids’ audience, sustaining a franchise for a long time off rehashing the same thing over and over is hard, and even moreso when it involves a twenty-year-old anime that said kids don’t even know or remember. Ask around about popular long-running Japanese kids’ franchises and you’ll notice they practically rely on being able to comfortably change things up every so often, like PreCure/Rider/Sentai shuffling every year, or Yu-Gi-Oh! having a rotation of different series and concepts, or the struggles that franchises that don’t do this have to deal with. And, after all, for all people are cynical about Toei continuing to milk Adventure or any of the other older series at every opportunity, as far as the kids’ branch of the franchise goes, this is only capable of lasting to a certain extent; if they tried keeping this up too long, even the adults and kids would get bored, and there is some point it’ll be easier to try and make products directly targeted at the kids’ audience instead of having to rely on the parents to ease them into it.

So it’s completely understandable that the moment they secured a proper audience with the reboot and finished up their first series with this, they decided to take the risk with Ghost Game right after. And considering all that’s happened, this is still a risk -- they’re changing up a lot (even if not as much as Appmon), and there’s a chance that the audience they’ve gathered is going to shoot down again because they’ve changed so much and they no longer have the Adventure branding as a “crutch” to use -- but they’re taking it anyway instead of going for something at least slightly more conventional.

Which means that, yes, there’s a possibility this will all explode in their face, because the Adventure branding is that huge of a card they’re about to lose. But at the very, very least, Ghost Game is coming in with the “momentum” and advantage that Savers, Xros Wars, and Appmon all didn’t have: a brand currently in the stage of recovery, all of the merchandising and collaborative pipelines the reboot and Kizuna opened up, a fairly good timeslot, and a premise somewhat more conventional than Xros Wars and Appmon (I’m saying this as someone who likes both: their marketing definitely did not do them many favors). There are still a lot of risks it’s playing here, and it’s possible it won’t be the end of more Adventure or reboot brand usage to try to keep that momentum up even as we go into Ghost Game, but it’s the first time in a long while we’ve had something to stand on.

Okay, so that’s out of the way. But the end result is that we now have 67 episodes of an Adventure “reboot” that actually doesn’t even resemble Adventure that much at all, which seems to have achieved its goal of flagging down attention so it can finally going back to trying new things. This series exists, we can’t do anything about the fact it exists, the period where its own financial performance actually mattered is coming to an end anyway, and we, as a fanbase of adults hanging out on the Internet keeping up with the franchise as a whole, have to figure out how each of us feels about this. So what of it?

About the contents of the reboot itself

One thing I feel hasn’t been brought up as a potential topic very much (or, at least, not as much as I feel like it probably should be) is that the reboot seems to be actively aimed at a younger target audience than the original Adventure. It hasn’t been stated outright, but we actually have quite a bit of evidence pointing towards this.

Let’s take a moment and discuss what it even means to have a different target audience. When you’re a kid, even one or two years’ difference is a big deal, and while things vary from kid to kid, generally speaking, it helps to have an idea of what your “overall goal” is when targeting a certain age group, since at some point you have to approximate the interests of some thousands of children. Traditionally, Digimon has been aimed at preteens (10-11 year olds); of course, many will testify to having seen the series at a younger age than that, but the "main” intended target demographic was in this arena. (Also, keep in mind that this is an average; a show aimed at 10-11 year olds could be said to be more broadly aimed at 7-13 year olds, whereas one aimed at 7-8 year olds would be more broadly aimed at something like 5-10 year olds.) Let’s talk a bit about what distinguishes children’s shows (especially Japanese kids’ shows) between this “preteen demographic” and things aimed at a much younger audience (which I’ll call “young child demographic”, something like the 7-8 year old arena):

With children who are sufficiently young, it’s much, much more difficult to ensure that a child of that age will be able to consistently watch TV at the same hour every week instead of being subject to more variable schedules, often set by their parents, meaning that it becomes much more difficult to have a series that relies on you having seen almost every episode to know what’s going on. For somewhat older kids, they’re more likely to be able to pick and pursue their own preferences (the usual “got up early every week for this show”). This means that shows targeted at a young child demographic will be more likely to be episodic, or at least not have a complex dramatic narrative that requires following the full story, whereas shows targeted at a preteen audience are more willing to have a dramatic narrative with higher complexity. This does not mean by any shake of the imagination that a narrative is incapable of having any kind of depth or nuance -- the reboot’s timeslot predecessor GeGeGe no Kitaro got glowing reviews all over the board for being an episodic story with tons of depth -- nor that characters can’t slowly develop over the course of the show. But it does raise the bar significantly, especially because it prevents you from making episodes that require you to know what happened in previous ones.

The thing is, the original Adventure and the older Digimon series in general didn’t have to worry about this, and, beyond the fact that their narratives very obviously were not episodic, we actually have concrete evidence of the disparity: Digimon has often been said to be a franchise for “the kids who graduated from (outgrew) a certain other monster series”. Obviously, they’re referring to Pokémon -- which does have the much younger target demographic. That’s why its anime is significantly more episodic and less overall plot-oriented, and Digimon wasn’t entirely meant to be a direct competitor to it; rather, it was hoping to pick up the preteens who’d enjoyed Pokémon at a younger age but were now looking for something more catered to them. This is also why, when Yo-kai Watch came into the game in 2014, that was considered such a huge direct competitor to Pokémon, because it was aiming for that exact same demographic, complete with episodic anime. When Yo-kai Watch moved to its Shadowside branch in 2017, it was specifically because they had concerns about losing audience and wanted to appeal to the kids who had been watching the original series, but since they were preteens now, they adopted a more dramatic and emotionally complex narrative that would appeal to that audience instead. So you can actually see the shift in attempted target demographic in real time.

Adventure through Frontier were aimed at 10-11 year olds, and here’s the interesting part: those series had the protagonists hover around the age of said target audience. We actually have it on record that Frontier had a direct attempt to keep most of the kids as fifth-graders for the sake of appealing to the audience, and so that it would be relatable to them. You can also see this policy of “matching the target audience’s age” in other series at the time; Digimon’s sister series Ojamajo Doremi (also produced by Seki) centered around eight-year-olds. Nor was Seki the only one to do this; stepping outside Toei for a bit, Medabots/Medarot had its protagonist Ikki be ten years old, much like Digimon protagonists, and the narrative was similarly dramatic. The thing is, that’s not how it usually works, and that’s especially not really been how it’s worked for the majority of kids’ series since the mid-2000s. In general, and especially now, it’s usually common to have the protagonists of children’s media be slightly older than the target age group. This has a lot of reasons behind it -- partially because kids are looking to have slightly older characters as a model for what to follow in their immediate future, and partially because “the things you want to teach the kids” are often more realistically reflected if the kids on screen have the right level of independence and capacity for emotional contemplation. Case in point: while everyone agrees the Adventure through Frontier characters are quite relatable, it’s a common criticism that the level of emotional insight sometimes pushes the boundary of what’s actually believable for 10-11 year olds...

...which is presumably why, with the exception of this reboot, every Digimon TV series since, as of this writing, started shifting to middle school students. That doesn’t mean they’re aiming the series at middle school kids now, especially because real-life 13-15 year olds are usually at the stage where they pretend they’ve outgrown kids’ shows (after all, that’s why there’s a whole term for “middle school second year syndrome”), but more that the narrative that they want to tell is best reflected by kids of that age, especially when we’re talking characters meant to represent children from the real world and not near-immortal youkai like Kitaro. In fact, the Appmon staff outright said that Haru was placed in middle school because the story needed that level of independence and emotional sensitivity, which is interesting to consider in light of the fact that Appmon’s emotional drama is basically on par with that of Adventure through Frontier’s. So in other words, the kind of high-level drama endemic to Adventure through Frontier is would actually normally be more on par with what you’d expect for kids of Haru’s age.

But at this point, the franchise is at a point of desperation, and you can see that, as I said earlier, Appmon was blatantly trying to be one of those “have its cake and eat it too” series by having possibly one of the franchise’s most dramatic storylines while also having some of the most unsubtle catchphrases and bright colors it has to offer. Moreover, one thing you might notice if you look closely at Appmon: most of its episodes are self-contained. Only a very small handful of episodes are actively dependent on understanding what happened in prior episodes to understand the conflict going on in the current one -- it’s just very cleverly structured in a way you don’t really notice this as easily. So as you can see, the more desperate the franchise has gotten to get its kids’ audience back, the more it has to be able to grab the younger demographic and not lock them out as much as possible -- which means that it has to do things that the original series didn’t have to worry about at all.

Having seen the reboot myself, I can say that it checks off a lot of what you might expect if you tried to repurpose something based on Adventure (and only vaguely based on it, really) into a more episodic story that doesn’t require you to follow the whole thing, and that it has to break down its story into easy-to-follow bits. In fact, there were times where I actually felt like it gave me the vibes of an educational show that would usually be expected for this demographic, such as repeated use of slogans or fun catchphrases for young kids to join in on. That alone means that even if the “base premise” is similar to the original Adventure, this already necessitates a lot of things that have to be very different, because Adventure really cannot be called episodic no matter how you slice it.

Not only that, even though the target audience consideration has yet to be outright stated, we also have interviews on hand that made it very clear, from the very beginning, what their goals with the reboot were: they wanted the kids to be able to enjoy a story of otherworldly exploration during the pandemic, they wanted cool action sequences, and they wanted to get the adults curious about what might be different from the original. Note that last part: they actively wanted this series to be different from the original, because the differences would engage parents in spotting the differences, and the third episode practically even goes out of its way to lay that message down by taking the kids to a familiar summer camp, only to have it pass without incident and go “ha, you thought, but nope!” Moreover -- this is the key part -- “surprising” people who were coming from the original series was a deliberate goal they had from the very beginning. They’ve stated this outright -- they knew older fans were watching this! They were not remotely shy about stating that they wanted to surprise returning viewers with unexpected things! They even implied that they wanted it to be a fun experience for older watchers to see what was different and what wasn’t -- basically, it’s a new show for their kids who never saw the original Adventure, while the parents are entertained by a very different take on something that seems ostensibly familiar.

On top of that, the head writer directly cited V-Tamer as an influence -- and if you know anything about V-Tamer, it’s really not that much of a character narrative compared to what we usually know of Digimon anime, and is mostly known for its battle tactics and action sequences (but in manga form). In other words, we have a Digimon anime series that, from day one, was deliberately made to have a writing philosophy and goal that was absolutely not intended to be like Adventure -- or any Digimon TV anime up to this point -- in any way. And that’s a huge shock for us as veterans, who have developed our tastes and expectations based on up to seven series of Digimon that were absolutely not like this at all. But for all it's worth, the circumstances surrounding its production and intent don't seem to quite line up with what the most common accusations against it are:

That it’s a rehash of Adventure: It really isn’t. It’s also blatantly apparent it has no intention of being so. The points that are in common: the character names and rough character designs, some very minimal profile details for said characters, Devimon having any particular foil position to Angemon, the use of Crests to represent personal growth, the premise of being in the Digital World and...that’s it! Once those points are aside, it’s really hard to say that the series resembles Adventure any more than Frontier or Xros Wars resembles Adventure (which are also “trapped in another world” narratives) -- actually, there are times the series resembles those two more than the original Adventure, which many have been quick to point out. The majority of things you can make any kind of comparison to basically drop off by the end of the first quarter or so, and trying to force a correlation is basically just that: you’d have to try forcing the comparison. The plot, writing style, and even the lineup of enemies shown just go in a completely different direction after that. So in the end, the base similarities can be said to be a marketing thing; if I want to criticize this series, I don’t think “lack of creativity” would actually be something I would criticize it for. (Of course, you’re still welcome to not be a huge fan of how they’re still guilty of using Adventure’s name value to market something that is not actually Adventure. We’re all gonna have mixed feelings on that one.)

That they don’t understand or remember Adventure’s appeal: Unlikely. All of the main staff has worked on character-based narratives before, which have been very well-praised while we’re at it. The producer, Sakurada Hiroyuki, was an assistant producer on the original series, and I would like to believe he probably remembers at least a thing or two about what they were doing with the original series...but, also, he’s the producer of Xros Wars, which definitely had its own individuality and style, and, moreover, was more of a character narrative that people generally tend to expect from Digimon anime. (Still a bit unconventional, and it has its own questions of personal taste, but a lot of people have also pointed out that this reboot has a lot in common with Xros Wars in terms of its writing tone and its emphasis on developing Digital World resident Digimon moreso than the human characters.) All signs point to the idea they could make a character narrative like Adventure if they really wanted to. It’s just, they don’t want to do that with this reboot, so they didn’t.

That they misinterpreted or misremembered the Adventure characters: There’s been accusations of said characters being written in a way that implies misinterpretation or lack of understanding of the original characters, but the thing is, while I definitely agree they have nowhere near the depth of the original ones, there are points that seem to be deliberate changes. (At some points, they’re actually opposites of the original, and certain things that operate as some very obscure references -- for instance, Sora complaining about having to sit in seiza -- seem to also be deliberate statements of going in a different direction.) The lack of human character depth or backstory doesn’t seem to be out of negligence, but rather that this story doesn’t want to be a character narrative to begin with -- after all, we’re used to seven series of Digimon that are, but there are many, many kids’ anime, or even stories in general, where the story is more about plot or action than it is completely unpacking all of its characters’ heads. In this case, this reboot does seem to have characters that are taking cues from or are “inspired by” the original, but, after all, it’s an alternate universe and has no obligation to adhere to the original characters’ backgrounds, so it stands to reason that it’d take liberties whenever it wanted. (Again, the head writer outright stated that he based the reboot’s Taichi more on V-Tamer Taichi than the original Adventure anime Taichi. He knows there’s a difference!) Even more intriguingly, the series actually avoids certain things that are common misconceptions or pigeonholes that would normally be done by the mainstream -- for instance, the Crest of Light (infamously one of the more abstract ones in the narrative) is fully consistent with Adventure’s definition of it as “the power of life”, and, if I dare say so myself, Koushirou’s characterization (emphasizing his relationship with “knowledge” and his natural shyness) arguably resembles the original far more than most common fan reductions of his character that overemphasize his computer skills over his personal aptitude. In other words, I think the staff does know what happened in the original Adventure -- they just actively don’t want to do what Adventure did, even if it’s ostensibly a reboot.

That it’s soulless or that there’s no passion in its creation: Well, this is subjective, and in the end I’m not a member of the staff to tell you anything for sure, but there are definitely a lot of things in this anime that don’t seem like they’d be the byproduct of uninspired creation or lack of passion. It’s just that those things are all not the kinds of things that we, as Digimon veterans, have come to develop a taste for and appreciate in Digimon anime. That is to say, there is an incredible amount of thought and detail put into representing Digimon null canon (i.e. representing special attacks and mechanics), the action sequences are shockingly well-animated in ways that put most prior Digimon anime to shame, and the series has practically been making an obvious attempt to show off as many Digimon (creatures) that haven’t traditionally gotten good franchise representation as they can. Or sometimes really obscure “meta fanservice” references that only make sense to the really, really, really, really hardcore longtime Digimon fan (for instance, having an episode centered around Takeru and Opossummon, because Takeru’s voice actress Han Megumi voiced Airu in Xros Wars). If you follow any of the animators on Twitter, they seem to be really actively proud of their work on it, and franchise creators Volcano Ota and Watanabe Kenji seem to be enjoying themselves every week...so basically, we definitely have creators passionate about having fun with this, it’s just that all of it is being channeled here, not the character writing.

So in the end, you can basically see that this series is basically the epitome of desperately pulling out all of the stops to make sure this series lands with the actual target demographic of children, dammit, and gets them into appreciating how cool these fighting monsters are and how cool it would be if they stuck with them even into a series that’s not Adventure. The Adventure branding and names to lure in the parents, the straightforward and easy-to-understand action-oriented narrative so that kids will think everything is awesome and that they’ll like it even when the story changes, and the merchandise and collab events booked everywhere so that they can all be reused for the next series too...because, remember, they failed with that during Savers, Xros Wars, and Appmon (I mean, goodness, you kind of have to admire their persistence, because a ton of other kids’ franchises failing this many times would have given up by now), so it’s a bit unsurprising that they went all the way to get the kids’ attention at the expense of a lot of things that would attract veterans, especially since the veterans already have a well-developed adults’ pipeline to cater to them. This does also mean that this series is more likely to come off as a 67-episode toy commercial than any previous Digimon series, but it’s not even really the toys as much as they’re trying to sell the entire franchise and the actual monsters in the hopes that they’ll stick with it even when the narrative changes.

Nevertheless, here we are. The series is over. Ghost Game -- which, as of this writing, is looking to be much more of a conventional Digimon narrative, complete with older cast, obviously more dramatic atmosphere, and pretty much everything surrounding its PR -- is on its way, presumably thanks to the success of this endeavor. It’s hard to gauge it; we have it on record that they also intend it to be episodic, but remember that this doesn’t necessarily prevent it from having an overall dramatic plot or nuanced drama (especially since the abovementioned Appmon and Kitaro were perfectly capable of pulling off this balance). Nevertheless, it seems to be a lot more of the conventional kind of Digimon narrative we usually expect, so, as for us, adult long-time fans of the Digimon franchise (many of whom don’t have kids anyway), what exactly should we make of this? Well, as far as “supporting the franchise” goes, you’ll get much more progress supporting Ghost Game than the reboot; I highly doubt view counts and merch sales relative to an already-finished series will do nearly as much for the franchise’s health as much as the currently airing series, and, besides, it’d probably do us all a favor to support the endeavor that’s actually new and fresh. So when it comes to a “past” series like this, it’s all just going to come down to a question of personal preference and taste: is this a series you, personally, want to watch, and would you find it entertaining?

For some of you, it’s possible that it just won’t be your cup of tea at all -- and since, like I said, the majority of us here have based our expectations and preferences on up to seven series of Digimon that were not like this, that’s also perfectly fine, and in that case I don’t actually recommend you watch this. Of course, I’ve never thought that it was ever fair to expect a Digimon fan to have seen all of the series released to date; the more series we get, the more inhumane of a demand that’ll become, and I think this franchise becoming successful enough to have so many series that most people won’t have seen it all is a good thing. (It’s actually kind of alarming that the percentage of people who have seen it all is so high, because it means the franchise has failed to get much of an audience beyond comparatively hardcore people who committed to it all the way.) But I think, especially in this case, with a series for which adult fans like us were probably lowest on the priority list due to the sheer amount of desperation going on here, it’s fine to skip it, and if you’re someone who lives by a need for character depth or emotionally riveting narrative, the fact this series is (very unabashedly and unashamedly) mostly comprised of episodic stories and action sequences means you won’t have missed much and probably won’t feel too left out of any conversations going forward. That’s before we even get into the part where it’s still completely understandable to potentially have mixed feelings or resentment about the overuse of the Adventure brand for something like this, especially if Adventure is a particularly important series to you.

But for some of you out there, it might still be something you can enjoy on its own merits. I’ve seen people who were disappointed by the limited degree of Digimon action sequences in the past or the fact that the series has gotten overly fixated on humans, and had an absolute ball with the reboot because it finally got to represent parts of the franchise they felt hadn’t been shown off as well. “Fun” is a perfectly valid reason to enjoy something. It’s also perfectly possible to be someone who can enjoy character narratives like the prior Digimon series but also enjoy something that’s more for being outlandish and fun and has cool Digital World concepts and visuals -- and, like I said, it does not let up on that latter aspect at all, so there’s actually potential for a huge feast in that regard. I think as long as you don’t expect it to be a character narrative like Adventure -- which will only set you up for disappointment, because it’s not (and made very clear since even the earliest episodes and interviews that it had no intention of being one) -- it’s very possible to enjoy it for what it is, and for what it does uniquely.

#digimon #digimon adventure:#digimon adventure reboot #digimon adventure 2020 #digimon adventure psi #shihameta

108 notes · View notes

i-did · 4 years ago

Note

hi mlm here. so i want to write andreil smut but im a virgin so i have no idea what exactly sex is like. but i do not want to write it for the.... straight women gaze. what are some things that are accurate to write about. this is prolly super nsfw but i dont know who to ask.

Okay so this response took me literally months, and I'm sorry about that. I honestly was so excited when I got this question. I don't know why I put off responding?? But here I go:

CW for discussion of NSFW, STD’s, and a lil homophobia

I bet a lot of people who write smut are virgins tbh, that's not to insult anyone or anything, but like writing is a non physical way to explore sex and fantasies by yourself, so you’re definitely not alone lol.

So you're MLM and want to write smut, (and others who want to get my opinions on writing non-fetishistic smut).

Porn is porn and can have unrealistic circumstances to fulfill said fantasy, such as anything from people messing around in locker rooms to tentacles.

To get a general sense of what is common in MLM sexuality, (rather than the typical feminine gaze that is seen in smut) looking at gay porn and gay porn categories is good insight.

Bear culture, muscle culture, leather culture, etc.

These are obviously still porn and unrealistic, however being attracted to sweat, jockstraps, and muscles is very common outside of porn.

Bear culture is a body-positive movement that started because of the gay community's fat-phobia, age-phobia, and overall shittyness about body hair.

Leather culture is also really big, it started because of the belief that gay men couldn’t be dominant or “masculine”, even in bed. So in America, leather culture was a way a lot of MLM embraced themselves.

Going to pride, you will see many men wearing those leather harnesses, it doesn't indicate a preference of topping or bottoming necessarily, they're just something mlm wear and has grown quite popular in the culture, I've known some men to say it feels like a security blanket for them.

And I think it’s very important to understand these cultures or at least be aware of them on a base level if you’re going to write gay porn.

Also looking at erotic MLM art made by men, there is Tom of Finland, who was very historically significant, and is the most famous erotic gay artist. There is gay literature, one that openly talks about sex quite frankly is the book “We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan” which is a series of diary excerpts from a real gay trans man where you follow his life up until he died during the aids epidemic. He talks about sex with partners and discovering himself as well as what being a gay man means to him. He has a real love for sex in a way that is very unashamed and interesting to read about. We know that he wrote the latter half of his diaries with the plan of compiling them and publishing them but he passed away and people in his life carried out this wish for him. He is considered a significant part of gay and transgender history because of this, and his diaries are in LGBT museums.

Reading gay poetry, looking at gay art, erotic, romantic, grungy, whatever, and you will find and see how they portray things differently than when it’s not portrayed by gay men usually. I mean there is a clear difference between yaoi and bara and that's the audience and authors. Some yaoi are made by MLM, (well technically their called gei comi, or gay comics in Japanese)

“Also known as ‘gei comi’ or ‘men's love,’ bara comics are by men, for men. There is a yaoi equivalent to this, and it is called ‘gachi muchi’-- it is written by women, for women.” – myanimelist.net (lol)

but more than 90% aren't. I haven't ever heard of a non-MLM bara artist, but I'm sure there's at least one.

Of course, I've seen things depicting MLM just together pretty realistically that didn't feel like it was written by someone who definitely wasn't MLM, but these scenes tend to be more writing in the general sense of art in the general sense rather than porn, which has a huge gap in characteristics between stuff usually written by MLM vs when it's written by women. (sorry about the binary language here)

I know some people don't like any realism in their porn, but I personally really like small details such as prep being mentioned, foreplay, even acknowledgment of the existence of condoms even if they choose to go without.

Especially as an MLM who lives in America currently, the ever-present acknowledgment and stigmatism of AIDS is around us. We think about it, even when we don't want to. An entire generation of MLM, trans people, and a lot of POC were wiped out. Not necessarily a PWP detail, but including discussion of prep, PrEP (the anti HIV medication) and/or getting tested, even for diseases besides HIV, is a small detail that I think is nice. MLM often have to have a moment when opening up a conversation about sex where HIV is mentioned, our dating apps and hook up apps have sections where you put positive, negative, non-transmissible/undetectable, or prefer not to say. The books take place in 2006 so PrEP didn't exist yet, but also the aids pandemic was happening when they were being born and as young kids, so it wasn't that long ago in society's mind. It's still illegal for many trans people and MLM to donate blood despite that the blood is screened for diseases after donation.

Also, some realism I like is when a character isn't getting their ass ate first in the morning. Like, for me that's a huge turn-off because I think “holy fuck hygiene.” specifically with anal play I just really think even casually mentioning “washing up” or basic prep, or if you want more accuracy/details mention time between last meals or “x only ate a salad, so he would be fine”. It's like a joke in the gay community to eat chili fries or some shit on a date to indicate that either there will be no anal, or if there is you’re not going to be the one to do it, because you just fuckin ate those fries to say so.

A cock just going in without prep and no condom is going to A) hurt very bad the body does not do that naturally and can cause injury B) get shit dick.

An also not sexy detail that is common for sex is just laying down a towel so you don’t have to wash sheets. Lube on hands? Wipe off on the towel that you’re on rn. Laying down a towel is pretty normal especially for anal. But this is if you’re going for a much more playing for accuracy sex scene.

Honestly just writing fingering and prep and stuff like that in my opinion goes a long way and also gives the audience more to read.

Also, sex is way more than peen in hole. Get creative, frottage, mutual masturbation, docking? Idk like thigh fucking, fucking buttcheeks but not hole, handies, blowies, anal oral, Neil doesn’t have to be the only one who gets his ass ate and things don’t have to follow formulas, in fact, they’re better when they don’t.

Sex comes in many forms, and like I’ve definitely been with someone and he took off his shirt and I was like what, because he was skinny and clean-shaven and I didn’t expect him to have nearly as much chest hair as he did. I bet honestly Neil has a massive bush, like fuckin, massive.

Andrew and Neil don’t have to like everything the same amount, Neil could be like “I wanna lick your armpit” and gets really off on it, Andrew is neutral but likes that Neil likes it and agrees even if it does nothing for him physically. Honestly, Neil having a sweat kink imo is pretty fitting lol.

Try not to categorize the characters into “the bottom” and “the top”, or “the man” and “the woman”

This is something I see a lot and pay attention to how “the bottom” tends to adopt traits that are seen in straight porn that are over-exaggerated. I’m not saying it's inherently wrong to write someone as slim, but we know Neil isn't delicate, but I personally wouldn't categorize him as slim. He's a college-level athlete and is definitely muscular and defined, he has some bulk at least, he isn’t model lean for sure imo. You also often see PWP where the bottom makes a bunch of noise and the top makes none, or the top grunts and the bottom mewls, these are things I personally feel gives the bottom the role of a woman in porn. I don’t think Andreil have rough sex necessarily, but I do think when Neil does make noise, it would be because it was practically punched out of him by the feeling, and would sound more like a gasp than a kitten or whatever. There's nothing wrong with writing them both grunting, both of their voices being lower. Someone bottoming doesn’t suddenly magically not have secondary sex characteristics and stubble and body hair or a deep voice or however, they’re like everywhere else.

When I read an over-emphasis on Neil’s slim waist and swaying hips and ass I’m like,,, okay someone please mention Andrew looking at Neil’s dick or bulge or shoulders. As an MLM, what do you find hot about men? I like stomachs and arms and shoulders, jawlines, collarbones, asses yes but like in a different way than how I like women’s asses (I’m bi lol) they are smaller and I like them muscled and squared almost. I look at veins on hands and noses and shoulders and backs, I look at a lot and I honestly don't have a type. But yeah so think about what you like, why you like it, what you might want. Or look at what others like, and why and how they want and like it.

what would Neil like, how would he feel about it? And Andrew. I kinda feel like Andrew is low-key masc 4 masc but that's just me lmaoo. Anyways, good luck writing.

#aftg #ask #fandom psychology #fandom culture #osha violation #mailob

62 notes · View notes

theasguardians · 5 years ago

Text

3 Of The Top 9 Reasons That The Real Estate Bubble Will be Bursting

If you own real estate or are thinking of buying housing then you better pay attention, because this could be the most important message the user gets this year regarding real estate and your financial future. The last all 5 years have seen explosive growth in the real estate market and as a result a lot of us believe that real estate is the safest investment you can make. Well, that may be no longer true. Rapidly increasing real estate prices have made the real estate market to be at price levels never before observed in history when adjusted for inflation! The growing number of people concerned about the real estate bubble means there are less attainable real estate buyers. Fewer buyers mean that prices are decreasing. On May 4, 2006, Federal Reserve Board Governor Susan Blies stated that "Housing has really like peaked". This follows on the heels of the new Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke saying that he was concerned the "softening" of the real estate market would hurt the economy. As well as former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan previously described the authentic estate market as frothy. All of these top financial industry professionals agree that there is already a viable downturn in the market, therefore clearly there is a need to know the reasons behind this change. 3 of the top 9 reasons that the real estate bubble will probably burst include: 1 . Interest rates are rising - house are up 72%! 2 . First time homebuyers are costed out of the market - the real estate market is a pyramid and the base is crumbling 3. The psychology from the market has changed so that now people are afraid of your bubble bursting - the mania over real estate has ended! The first reason that the real estate bubble is bursting is without a doubt rising interest rates. Under Alan Greenspan, interest rates were within historic lows from June 2003 to June 2004. These low interest rates allowed people to buy homes that were more pricey then what they could normally afford but at the very same monthly cost, essentially creating "free money". However , time of low interest rates has ended as interest rates have been rising and definitely will continue to rise further. Interest rates must rise to beat inflation, partly due to high gasoline and food rates. Higher interest rates make owning a home more expensive, thus operating existing home values down. Higher interest rates are also affecting people who bought adjustable mortgages (ARMs). Adjustable mortgages experience very low interest rates and low monthly payments for the first several years but afterwards the low interest rate disappears and the regular monthly mortgage payment jumps dramatically. As a result of adjustable mortgage quote resets, home foreclosures for the 1st quarter of 2006 are up 72% over the 1st quarter of 2005. The foreclosure situation will only worsen as interest rates continue to keep rise and more adjustable mortgage payments are adjusted to a more significant interest rate and higher mortgage payment. Moody's stated which will 25% of all outstanding mortgages are coming up for interest rate resets during 2006 and 2007. That is $2 trillion of U. S. mortgage debt! When the payments strengthen, it will be quite a hit to the pocketbook. A study done through one of the country's largest title insurers concluded that 1 . contemplate million households will face a payment jump in 50% or more once the introductory payment period is over. The actual reason that the real estate bubble is bursting is the fact that new homebuyers are no longer able to buy homes on account of high prices and higher interest rates. The real estate current market is basically a pyramid scheme and as long as the volume of buyers is growing everything is fine. As homes are purchased by first time home buyers at the bottom of the pyramid, the newest money for that $100, 000. 00 home goes right up the pyramid to the seller and buyer of a $1, 000, 000. 00 home as people sell one particular home and buy a more expensive home. This double-edged blade of high real estate prices and higher interest rates seems to have priced many new buyers out of the market, and now our company is starting to feel the effects on the overall real estate market. Sales will be slowing and inventories of homes available for sale are intensifying quickly. The latest report on the housing market showed new place sales fell 10. 5% for February 2006. The largest one-month drop in nine years. The third valid reason that the real estate bubble is bursting is that the mindsets of the real estate market has changed. For the last five years the particular estate market has risen dramatically and if you bought real estate property you more than likely made money. This positive return just for so many investors fueled the market higher as more individuals saw this and decided to also invest in real estate prior to they 'missed out'. The psychology of any bubble market, whether we are talking about the stock market or the estate market is known as 'herd mentality', where everyone 's coming the herd. This herd mentality is at the heart regarding any bubble and it has happened numerous times in the past as well as during the US stock market bubble of the late 1990's, japan real estate bubble of the 1980's, and even as far back as the US railroad bubble of the 1870's. The herd mentality had fully taken over the real estate market until recently. The bubble continues to rise as long as there is a "greater fool" to buy from a higher price. As there are less and less "greater fools" available or willing to buy homes, the mania disappears. When the hysteria passes, the excessive inventory which was built during the boom time causes prices to plummet. This is true for all three of the historical bubbles already stated and many other historical examples. Also of importance to note will be that when all three of these historical bubbles burst the usa was thrown into recession. With the changing in attitude related to the real estate market, investors and speculators are becoming scared that they will be left holding real estate that will lose cash. As a result, not only are they buying less real estate, however are simultaneously selling their investment properties as well. It is producing huge numbers of homes available for sale on the market at the same time who record new home construction floods the market. These two boosting supply forces, the increasing supply of existing homes for sale including the increasing supply of new homes for sale will further exacerbate the problem and drive all real estate values down. A recent survey showed that 7 out of 10 people feel the real estate bubble will burst before April 2007. This change in the market psychology from 'must own properties at any cost' to a healthy concern that realty is overpriced is causing the end of the real estate market increase. The aftershock of the bubble bursting will be enormous also it will affect the global economy tremendously. Billionaire real estate investor George Soros has said that in 2007 the will be in recession and I agree with him. It is my opinion we will be in a recession because as the real estate bubble bursts, jobs will be lost, Americans will no longer be able to cash through money from their homes, and the entire economy will reduce speed dramatically thus leading to recession. In conclusion, the three purposes the real estate bubble is bursting are higher rates; first-time buyers being priced out of the market; and the mindset about the real estate market is changing. The recently published information "How To Prosper In The Changing Real Estate Market. Protect Your body From The Bubble Now! " discusses these items in further detail. Louis Hill, MBA received his Masters Trading Administration from the Chapman School at Florida International College, specializing in Finance. He was one of the top graduates on his class and was one of the few graduates inducted towards the Beta Gamma Business Honor Society. Mr. Hill been given his undergraduate degree from the University of Florida along with a double major in Finance and Risk Management. For those past several years he has been working in a South South carolina commercial real estate lender that specializes in financing real estate administrators. Mr. Hill has seen firsthand the challenges as well as pitfalls that real estate developers are experiencing, and the real estate market has been deteriorating rapidly. He is also a professional expert to professional real estate developers and investors. Previously, the person was in management consulting. Additionally , he was a professional trader in the stock market and witnessed the stock market bubble unfolding in 2001 and now is concerned about the real estate bubble.

1 note · View note

gabofambolero · 5 years ago

Text

3 Of The Top 9 Reasons That The Real Estate Bubble Will be Bursting

1 note · View note

everwizard · 5 years ago

Text

Addie’s Story

Note: Before you read this, please understand that this is heavily based off of my real life. All the events contained herein either actually happened or are summarized based on the reality of a certain time frame. That being said, these characters represent aspects of myself and this story is about how they would react to it. Also, in order to avoid deadnaming myself, I changed my childhood name in this story.

Trigger warning: assault, verbal abuse, death mention, depression

2006 - 5 Years Old

A small orange-clad child appeared in the mindscape. Logic, Morality, and Adventure stared at it. After all, new people don't show up very often. This was a sight to behold.

“H—hi.” waved the child. She was noticeably nervous. Her body was trembling and she stuttered her words.

Logic got up and walked over to the child. “Who are you?” she said.

“A—ADHD,” the child replied.

Logic regarded this child. She had never heard of an ‘ADHD’, much less knew what it was supposed to be. “What do you do, exactly?”

“I don’t really know. What do you mean?” ADHD could feel Logic’s calculating eyes burning into her. This made her all the more nervous.

Morality stepped forward. “Well I’m Morality. I tell Morgan what things are right and wrong. I also help with feelings!”

Adventure joins. “I’m Adventure. I deal with Morgan’s fun and well, her adventure.”

“Yes, and I’m Logic. I am Morgan’s memory and everything she knows about everything,” Logic finished. “So what do you do?”

“I… I still don’t know. All I know is that I’m supposed to be different or something.” ADHD wished these people would stop asking all these questions.

“That’s okay,” Morality started, “take your time. Let us know when you figure it out.”

ADHD smiled. “Okay. I promise.”

2008 - 7 Years Old

“ADHD!” A shout came from somewhere in the mindscape.

ADHD appeared. “Yeah?” ADHD took this time to see who had called her. It was Quinn. What did Quinn want?

“You did it again,” Quinn replied, almost as if reading ADHD’s mind.

This was very unclear to ADHD. “Did what again?”

“You made us forget again. Morgan had an assignment due today but she didn’t do it because you made us, more specifically, me, the person who does it, forget.”

ADHD’s heart sank. I let them down again. I’m such a disappointment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“You never mean to! You just do things! No matter what happens or who it hurts!”

ADHD swallowed hard. Stop! I know, okay!? You all hate me. I don’t need to exist. I just make everything worse. “I’ll do better next time. I promise.”

“You better.”

2009 - 8 Years Old

ADHD stood in her room. There had been another fight with Quinn and the others. Like always, it ended poorly.

"They always blame me for everything. They never take responsibility." She moved to sit on her bed. "I'm the reason Morgan has no friends. I'm the reason Morgan always forgets to do things.

"It's not Rylie's messed up right and wrong. It's not Quinn thinking she's better than everybody. It's not Adventure being too forward. It's me. It's always me."

July 2012 - 11 Years Old

Quinn called a group meeting. Everyone was there. Well, everyone except the new girl. ADHD doubted anyone even knew there was a new girl. She had been hiding out in ADHD’s room since she arrived and she rarely came out.

Quinn called the meeting to order. “As you all know, Morgan is starting at a new school soon. It has to go perfectly.”

The group nodded in understanding. They did not want this next year to go as poorly as the last.

Quinn continued, “Rylie, you’re in charge of making Morgan some new friends. Journey, you need to find Morgan some new hobbies and interests. I will be in charge of Morgan’s studies. And ADHD? Just stay out of the way.”

ADHD nodded. It was the same every year. Nobody can know about me or they’ll think we’re crazy. “Understood, Quinn.”

“Good. Does anybody have any questions?” Nobody raised their hands. “Good. This meeting is dismissed.”

The sides headed their separate ways; Journey, Rylie, and Quinn probably going to assist Morgan while ADHD retreated to her room to spend time with her new friend.

“Hi Sadness,” ADHD said calmly, “I’m back. How’s it going?”

“Same as usual, I guess,” Sadness replied. “Still sad.”

ADHD hummed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Could you tell me one of your jokes?” Sadness requested.

“Yeah.” ADHD thought for a moment. “How does the ocean say hello?”

“I don’t know,” answered Sadness. “How?”

“It waves!” ADHD could see Sadness’s lips turn up ever so slightly. It was enough for ADHD to know she helped. Any time Sadness felt more upset than usual, she often asked ADHD for a joke. ADHD knew they were bad but she felt happy knowing that it at least helped a little.

A few moments of silence passed. ADHD was fidgeting with her fingers as Sadness layed on the bed. Sadness spoke up.

“Hey ADHD?”

“Yeah?”

“You know how the others all have names? Do you have one too?”

ADHD thought for a moment. This was the first time anybody had asked her for her name. The others didn’t care for her enough. To them, she was just a disability, getting in the way of their important work.

“Yes I do. It’s Addison.”

“Can I call you Addie?”

“Sure.”

May 2015 - 14 Years Old

Middle school had been okay for the most part. Morgan had actually made some really good friends. Some of them were coming along to Morgan’s new school while others went to the rival school.

Eighth grade had probably been the Sides’ best year in a long time. Addie certainly thought so. So too did Sadness.

Addie looked around her room. A few posters and various other merchandise littered the walls and shelving space. She had recently discovered a new trait of hers. She didn’t have a name for it other than fandom obsession. It might be just a phase but she wasn’t so sure.

She decided to try to locate Sadness. They had gotten really close over these past few years. They bonded over being the outcasts.

The three other sides eventually found out about Sadness when Rylie realized she could no longer control those emotions. Sadness came out of hiding and introduced herself after the others asked Addie too many questions about it.

The other three decided it was fine to let Addie and Sadness have their kinship because it was better for everyone that way.

So Addie strolled on over to Sadness’s room and knocked on the door. “Sadness! It’s me!”

Sadness opened the door and allowed Addie in. “Hi Addie. It’s good to see you.” The corner of her lip turned up slightly.

“It’s good to see you too! Wanna hang out today?”

“I always want to hang out with you,” Sadness replied.

Addie smiled and moved further into the room. Sadness followed and the two began their leisure time.

August 2015 - 14 Years Old

Addie and Rylie could often bond about things that excited them. This was one of those moments. Journey was in on it too this time around. The three were caught up in a moment of euphoria that they had not experienced in a long time.

Suddenly! There’s a flash and before the trio knew what hit them, there was a girl dressed in green standing before them.

“Who are you and what are you doing!?” Journey demanded.

“I’m Luck but you can call me Lucy,” said the girl. “And I just saved Morgan’s life.”

Addie, Journey, and Rylie took in what just happened. Sure enough, Morgan was picking her bicycle off the ground and there was a person sized dent in a nearby minivan.

“We hit that car,” Rylie observed.

“Yeah. You did,” Lucy replied. “And if I hadn’t been here, Morgan would be dead. Pay more attention next time.”

Addie began zoning out. This was all her fault if only she had just paid more attention. If only she had put in some thought into what she was doing. Morgan could have died and it would have been all her fault. “I… I need to go.”

And with that Addie left.

She fled to her room and was unable to stop the tears as the started to flow.

November 2015 - Age 14

This wasn’t how this night was supposed to go. It was supposed to be a good night that Morgan could enjoy. Not like this.

Addie held herself tightly, fingers digging into the fat just below the ribs.

She wasn’t the only one in shock, though. Everyone was. Even Lucy didn’t see this coming.

It had been a good night until Rylie prompted a text to Morgan’s mom. Morgan was loyal and Rylie wouldn’t stand for anybody disrespecting her family. Not even different members of the same family.

That text set off what Morgan eventually consider the worst night of her life.

“We should have just kept quiet,” Addie muttered.

“Yeah,” agreed Rylie. “This is all our fault.”

Memories flashed through Addie’s mind. Memories she knew she would never forget. Morgan clutching the porch. Listening to the verbal abuse, all the harsh things said. Morgan’s sister in hysterics ten feet away. Trying to be brave. Facing down Morgan’s grandmother. A slap across the face. Being shaken by the shoulders. So violently, still clutching the porch. The grandmother grabbing Morgan’s long dirty blonde hair and trying to drag her inside a stranger’s home. “May I have my phone back?” Morgan asked after it was over. “No you may not,” replied the grandmother.

Now they had nobody. No way to contact the outside world.

Nobody knew what to do as they listened to the people around them placing blame and verbally attacking Morgan.

So they did nothing. This was, in fact, their fault. They could have left it well enough alone.

This was the night that ruined everything.

This was also the night that Sadness became Depression.

September 2016 - 15 Years Old

They had been going to therapy. It was really helping.

Addie was learning more about herself just as Morgan was learning about herself.

They had learned more about their neurodivergence as well as the gender and sexuality spectrum.

Addie now had words for all the weird things that made her different. Hyperfixation, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, stimming. All these words that explained why she was the way she was.

There was another word she learned, though. One that had nothing to do with ADHD. Non-Binary.

This word made a lot of sense to Addie. This word describes us, she thought.

"Quinn, can I talk to you?" Addie asked the air.

Quinn materialized in Addie's room. "Yes Addison, how can I assist you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about this word that I think describes us."

"And what word is that?"

"Non-Binary."

"Ah yes," Quinn started, adjusting her glasses, "a term relating to the gender spectrum in which one feel they are neither male nor female."

Addie nodded her head. "Yeah. I think we might be that."

"An interesting observation. I'd have to say that I agree. We should check with the others first, however, and see what they think."

Addie didn't need to see what the others thought. That little validation was all she needed. From this point on, she was a they.

And they were happy.

May 2017 - 16 Years Old

Therapy had been going very well. The treatment left everyone feeling healthier and happier.

Well, except for Depression. One can't feel happier if one can't feel happiness. The therapy was working for them though. It boosted their mental state so they weren't constantly depressed.

Today, they were in one of their better moods. One of the best in a long time. Camp was about to start and Morgan was finally going to be able to work.

Depression called for Addie and they arrived just seconds later.

"Addie," Depression started, their mood shifting to nervousness, "You know how I'm the only one who hasn't shared their name?"

Addie's eyes lit up. "You mean it's time!? Can I get the others?"

"Yeah but before you do, I want to say something."

Addie nodded, listening.

"This is all thanks to you." Depression enveloped Addie in a hug as Addie's face turned red. "I couldn't have done it without you," Depression whispered.

Addie returned the hug. This was nice. They were so happy and honoured to have been such a big help to Depression, even through all these tough times.

The pair broke apart. A red tint lingered on Addie's face and Depression's lips were slightly upturned.

Addie cleared their throat. "Everybody! Get in here! Come quick!"

One by one, the remaining four sides joined Addie and Depression in Depression's room.

"What's the matter?" Quinn asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Depression has an announcement they'd like to make."

"Go for it!" Rylie chirped, pumping her fist in the air.

"Um, okay," Depression started. "The reason I called you all here is to tell you my name."

"Go on," Lucy urged, folding her arms.

Depression took a deep breath. "My name is Dierdre. But please call me Dre."

Quinn nodded. "Dre," she repeated. "I like it."

It was Dre's turn to blush now. The others were so supportive. They didn't expect this but it's all they ever wanted.

Dre had never felt this warm. They felt almost happy.

March 2018 - 16 Years Old

The group had come to a conclusion. They were, in fact, non-binary.

It wasn't a sudden decision. There had been a lot of thought and questioning involved. It happened gradually.

Addie was the first to identify this way, then Dre. Quinn and Journey joined next. Then Lucy. Today was the day Rylie finally joined.

Rylie had made the announcement a short bit ago. Everyone had welcomed them into the group. It had been a difficult process for Rylie and Addie could tell they were overjoyed that everyone was so accepting.

A voice rang out through the mindscape. "Everybody please gather in the main room. This is important." It was Quinn's voice.

Addie popped out of their room and into the meeting place. They waited patiently for the others to arrive.

Once everyone was gathered, Quinn spoke up. "I called you all here because we have an important decision to make that we need to make as a group."

"Alright then," Lucy started, "out with it."

Quinn ignored the sudden interruption and cleared their throat while adjusting their tie. "Yes, well. It seems Morgan needs a new name. And because this is such a big decision I wanted you all to be here.” A beat passed before Quinn continued. “Does anyone have any suggestions?”

A few ideas were thrown out and Quinn wrote each of them down.

“What about a name that means ‘new’?” Addie suggested. “Like how they’re starting a new life as a new person.”

“Sounds cool!” Journey chirped. “Exciting!”

Everyone hummed in agreement.

Quinn began listing off some examples of names that mean new. “Neo, Gen, Primus, and Newton are a few that I know.”

Lucy voiced their opinion. “Those suck!”

“I don’t know, Neo sounds pretty cool,” Dre argued.

A small voice perked up from the back of the room. “What about Nova?” Rylie asked.

Quinn hummed. “It means new and I quite like the space connotations associated with it.”

Journey jumped up. "Sounds cool!"

"I agree," said Lucy.

"Yeah," replied Dre.

Everyone turned and looked at Addie. "What do you think, Addie?" Quinn asked.

Addie smiled widely. "I love it."

May 2019 - 18 Years Old

Nova finally graduated high school. It was a rough journey for everyone but at least now it's over.

The sides we're all looking forward to something in the next year. Journey was ready to start as a camp counselor. Rylie wanted to make new friends and perhaps even find a love interest. Quinn was ready for a break. Lucy was excited for the thrill of saving Nova's life. Dre couldn't wait to get an emotional support animal. And Addie was happy to finally be themself.

They were finally fully accepted by the other sides. Rather than putting them down, the others would try to work with Addie to solve the problem.

A lot of people grow out of ADHD but in this case, ADHD grew with a lot of people.

#personal #novas thoughts and ramblings #novas sides #sanders sides #my sides #my writing #writing #writeblr

6 notes · View notes

emptymanuscript · 5 years ago

Text

The BEST Writing TED Talk

youtube

I happened to bring up Simon Sinek’s TED Talk, Start With Why, earlier today. And then ran into this, which is an edited down version, from 18 to just 5 minutes (and that’s including the TED intro). So, it seemed worth sharing again.

Though why do I say this is the best writing video when it’s obviously not about writing. Is the part about writing a book in the 18 minute version? No. That’s mostly clarification and more examples, which is the same as his book by the same name. All about business but I still recommend it for writing. Not the business of writing but the act of creative writing itself.

One of the most valuable creative writing exercises I ever got was given to me by Joshua Kane when I was briefly interned with him back in 1996. A constant problem had come up, one which most writers struggle with: that I wasn’t working. Plenty of ideas. Plenty of things I wanted to do. At that age I was ahead of the game in terms of what I knew about writing. And it didn’t make a lick of difference because you can’t do anything with nothing.

So Josh asked me, “Why do you write?”

And yes, even though Sinek hadn’t made this TED talk yet or written his book(s) or anything, Josh was referring to this sort of Why.

Everybody knows WHAT they write. You spit it out. And if the most important thing is people kissing, WHAT you write is a Romance. If it’s starships or neural data jacks, it’s science fiction. If there are trees and magic it’s fantasy. If there are alleys and magic it’s URBAN fantasy. OOoooh.

How we write is more complicated. There isn’t a right answer. It’s individual. There are definite trends among vast swaths of writers. There are conflicting yet overlapping philosophies. And as William Goldman famously said, “Nobody knows anything.” We just have a lot of ‘educated’ guesses. This part actually obesses me. I would say in all honesty that this is what my Master’s Degree in the Teaching and Practice of Creative Writing is really in. They are both aspects of HOW we get from the desire, ‘I want to write a story,’ to having the object of WHAT, the product as described by Sinek: the written story.

But notice something. We’re not getting from WHY to HOW in the way we usually talk about writing. We start with: I want to write a story with a certain feature. People tend to start there and go straight into HOW until they have WHAT they believe they wanted and then they try to sell it. And it works ok. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that if it is working for you.

The issue, always, is what happens when it’s not working. When I, spent months on end vaguely polishing one turd I had written and doing no other writing and so I had pretty much like 12 pages in 12 months to show for my writing for the year. Fine if I want it to be my hobby. Not fine if I want to be a writer in some kind of career fashion. Which I did. Which was why I had Jewish bullied™️ Josh into taking me on as an intern. (Don’t feel too sorry for him, he grew up in a Jewish family too, he could’ve fought that guilt if he wanted.)

And Josh, being a professional a few years senior to me, wasn’t having it. As far as he was concerned - and him being one of the people who taught me, I agree - that’s not how to be a writer. You have to produce. And so he dug up the old saw from Frank Norris: You, EM, “Don’t like to write, but like having written.”

What a stab in the heart.

And then he asked what actually makes me like to write. Not the finished product that everybody wants and almost no one produces, that’s the result, but the thing that makes me want to take the action of producing. WHY do you write?

‘Is it because you value being an intellectual and are insecure about it and need something that will indisputably prove to EVERYBODY that you’ve got the chops.’ Which is kinda both going right for the jugular and pretty accurate so I started to nod and he cuts me off. “You can’t have that one. I came up with that one. It’s mine now. You have to come up with your own.”

‘Is it because you were bullied in school and you hate all of them and you want revenge for the rest of eternitiy by putting them in fiction and doing worse to them?” And you know that kinda sounded pretty good to me, too, so I’m tipping my head forward when he shakes his and cuts me off. “No, you can’t have that one. It’s mine now. You have to come up with yours. You can’t have mine.”

And there were other equally as insightful, painful, and annoying statements. As much as Josh pissed me off that time in New York, that question has proven one of the most valuable bits of writing work I’ve ever done. And as frustrating as it was, it was worth the insight. Because Josh was right. As Sinek mentions in the video, the answer is more emotional that logical. It’s something deep down and hard to just whip out and have at hand. It’s fuzzy, which is why everyone avoids it or takes a cheap and easy answer. Too much work and if you haven’t done it, it’s hard to see the value.

It took me YEARS to answer that question. Must have been about 7. Now I work profoundly slowly, so probably better to think of those as dog years. It doesn’t have to take you years or even many months but an easy answer is probably the wrong answer, so it is going to take you more than a day or a weekend unless you are exceptionally self aware in the way that most writers just aren’t because it tends to interfere with the process. And, I will say, that although I got close to the answer, I finally FOUND it more than figured it out.

Because this is something that is fairly deep into the preverbal area, it can be easier to see in reflection. Instead of you evoking it in yourself, the stars align and someone does something that you can see the reaction in yourself to and attach to, figuring it out for yourself.

I’ve had that happen fairly intensely twice. The other time was my then girlfriend and I giving mutual friends relationship “counseling” to try and help them with what they knew. And in the moment of them getting it right, it reflected back on us, strongly enough that the other couple noticed, and i proposed about a week later. Although hard to put into words, I felt the reflection through them of WHY I wanted to marry my partner. And while I can describe it and label it and what have you, that emotion, that profound feeling of connection about how we both viewed the world was a deep emotion, a thing personally felt to a degree that words will never quite capture it correctly. That’s why you can’t use mine. My words can’t be your emotions.

Because when I tell you that my reason for WHY I write is, STORY TIME™️ those are just words. They are a short hand to describe a feeling, evoked by a series of events, that I recognize as what initiates me into the flow state. The words are so poorly matched that they are almost a lie, it’s just the best I have. Because, in 2003ish, having thought about the problem without actual resolution for many years I found it. Or it was given to me. Or I finally figured out the missing piece of the puzzle. However you want to phrase it. My friends and I were out for ice cream. We were at a concrete bench off away from everything and I was standing while the others sat for whatever reason. I don’t remember what we were talking about but something came up where I knew something about somebody involved. And I asked if they had heard about them. Lots of shakes of the head and I took deep breath to tell them. And it happened.

There was this charge. A way of them settling down and getting comfortable. If you wanna be new agey, I felt this connection to everyone as their focus simultaneously went to their comfort and to me. It was all of us slotting into this well worn groove of common pleasurable repetition where we all knew and liked how we fit.

And I’m all, “What was that??” and everybody laughs a little. and Findingsherlock, who got me onto tumblr in the first place, explained that they were getting comfortable because they knew it was about to get good because when I started to tell them something it was... and there Findingsherlock shrugged for lack of a better word and said: STORY TIME™️. And for me that was it. I knew it. Balls to bones as they say. That when all that shit and complication of life is peeled back, what motivates me is this precision amalgam of emotion that sits somewhere between 1) interconnecting with people 2) entertaining people so they WANT to pay attention to me 3) proving I know something you don’t - intellectuallism is a harsh thing in my family of origin - and then giving it to you as a one, two punch of self esteem boost 4) being able to observe positive reaction to me and manipulate emotions to get you to react in the positive way I want with my words 5) just flat out making you like me and being with me because of what I say.

And... none of that’s actually right. It’s just as close as I can get in words and thinking about it. It’s the feeling down under there that I would seriously make pacts with dark gods and start killing people to get. The way people talk about heroin is strangely accurate to how I would describe my dealings with STORY TIME™️, sometimes it is so euphorically amazing that selling your soul and killing your whole family to live there sounds like a great deal. Sometimes it is this bitter absence where you will just chase it even as you would rather go on a killing rampage than deal with this anymore. In fact that was a significant part of my first time in the mental hospital, I started saying that I would rather cut my hands off than keep writing, and I kept writing, and I started using knives to threaten self harm, and I kept writing. Because it has you. Whatever it is that would be your equivalent of story time, once you know it, and once you write to it, you might go painfully slow. I started planning the Knights of Day in 2006, it’s my main project in life, I have not yet finished book 2. My longest breaks have been my stays in the mental hospital. So, it’s a thing. I’m slow. But I know it and I work with it, and giving it up... can’t do it.

BECAUSE, I know WHY I write. Because of that, everything I do in the production of my writing is fulfilling WHY I write. HOW I do things is done in order to enable WHY. WHAT I write is chosen because it fulfills my WHY. It’s a streamlined process down. And knowing it as well as I do. My ideas pop up following my WHY. I’ve trained myself to think this way. And it’s not hard because it is a self reenforcing systme. What I keep are things that feel good enough that I want to pursue them and can’t stop thinking about them. Plus it just keeps extending out.

Oh, and STORY TIME™️ is mine. You can’t have it ;p

#creative writing #writing advice #writeblr #TED

4 notes · View notes

junker-town · 4 years ago

Text

Secret Base Hall of Fame: Casey Fossum

Photo by Andy Lyons /Getty Images

One day fifteen years ago, this man ruined me.

“Eephus” is a stupid-looking name for a stupid-looking pitch. Only a few players across Major League Baseball history have regularly thrown it, and Casey Fossum is one of them.

Many of the greatest pitchers of all time have found success mostly by changing speeds. If you can throw 95 miles per hour one minute and 77 the next, you make it tough for the batter to lock in and time it right. This only really works if you can make it look like either one might be coming out of your hand. You can’t tip off the batter. Your delivery needs to look the same.

If you wanted to right now, you could give yourself an oversimplified demonstration of how high of an art this is. Wad up a paper ball or something. Throw it as hard as you can, paying close attention to how your arm and your body moves when you throw it. Now mimic that same throwing motion, but only throw it half as hard. You’ll then have some iota of how difficult this is to do with a baseball from 60 feet away.

But the eephus? That only hits the mitt at 55, 50, even 45 miles per hour. Here is what Fossum’s looked like.

Some GIFs make a sound, and this one sounds like a slide whistle. It’s cartoonish in appearance, and it can work if it’s deployed smartly — in one newspaper report, teammates noted that he only threw about three eephus pitches per game. Deploy it too often, and they’ll catch on to you. You have to keep it a weird, sad surprise, like a cigarette butt in a load of laundry.

I don’t know why the 25 or so notable eephus pitchers in baseball history picked up that pitch, but greatness is not the common denominator. Casey Fossum was not at all a great pitcher by Major League Baseball standards; in fact, among pitchers to make at least 100 starts, Fossum finished with one of the worst ERAs of all time. But you will not hear me denigrate his abilities for two reasons: first, he was, of course good enough to stick around and make those 100-plus starts in the first place.

And second, the video game version of Casey Fossum inflicted upon me a great and terrible humiliation. One that made me swear off baseball video games forever. To this day, I have not returned.

It’s 2006, I’m 23 years old, and we’re in my apartment. This story is about Casey Fossum and not me, so I’ll only pull the curtain back a little.

If you look to the left of the TV, you’ll see a weight bench. I have a friend who likes to drive around and pick up random junk that people have left on the curb. One day he stopped by unannounced, back when people just did that, with the weight bench in the back of his truck. “You want this? I’ve already got one.” Sure.

We lugged it up to my place, and it wasn’t until a couple days later that I tried to use it, stood up, took a close look at it, and realized that it was a child-sized weight bench. This possibility never occurred to me because I didn’t realize such a thing existed. Was I mistaken here? Another friend stopped by. “No, yeah, dude, this thing is for kids. It’s gotta be.” I’m too lazy to try to sell, it, and I’m certainly not going to pay a junk hauler to drive it away, because I don’t have the kind of money you need to do … anything, really. So it’s sat there for a year. It doesn’t do anything and it isn’t going anywhere. Takes one to know one, pal.

If we can direct our attention back to the right, I’m firing up Major League Baseball 2K6 on my Xbox. I don’t know why! I don’t even like playing this game! I felt, and still feel, that realistic baseball video games are a bad idea. They should either be oversimplified like the R.B.I. Baseball series, or off-the-wall lunacy like Mario Superstar Baseball. The art of getting good wood on the ball can’t possibly be simulated by a single button-press, but that’s what this game has stuck you with, so batting really feels more like bet-placing than anything.

I’m in the lobby of this game I suck at and don’t enjoy, waiting for an online match. This is only gonna piss me off, because even by 2006 standards, my internet connection is terrible. I’ve lost Yahoo! Chess matches due to lag, that’s how bad it is. I get matched up, and as the loading screen appears, I hear some kid’s voice crackle through the mic. He probably isn’t older than 12.

Online gaming with kids is a pretty weird experience that we all just kind of have to get used to. You’ve been robbed of your superior social standing. You’re not any more dignified than they are. This is not a friendly game of Mario Kart with your youngest sibling, and you can’t laugh it off as a friendly match that’s all in fun. That’s not why people play online games. We play to win, not to have fun. Who took the time to upload a custom avi? Who carefully monitors their rating? Who patiently waited in the lobby for five minutes to find a ranked match? You did, dummy, just like they did. You’re taking this equally seriously and you cannot even try to pretend otherwise.

I’m beginning to think I might collect my first-ever win when I see that he’s chosen the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, one of the worst teams in baseball. The only real draw for selecting this team lies in Scott Kazmir, their young ace with a high-90s fastball and a terrific slider. I’m further amused when this kid doesn’t even start him.

He starts Casey Fossum.

At this time, I have no idea Fossum has an eephus pitch, or what an eephus even is. Unlike the real-life Fossum, the kid throws this thing so often that his fastball is actually the off-speed pitch. It goes something like eephus, fastball, eephus, eephus, fastball, eephus. When he strikes out the side in the first inning, all I can really do is laugh. I’ve never seen a pitch that looked like that. It moves like the clay pigeons in Duck Hunt. But it’s fine, I’ll figure it out.

He strikes out the side in the second as well. I just cannot figure this guy out. The eephus is such a strange pitch that even when I guess correctly that an eephus is coming, I still miss somehow. I can’t even make contact. Worst of all, I can’t even work the count, because the vast majority of his pitches are landing over the plate.

Around batter number five, I hear him over the mic:

What, lil’ bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

What, lil’ bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

This will continue throughout the rest of the game. He doesn’t stop.

Heading into the third inning, I talk myself through a strategy: listen, if he’s going to keep throwing the eephus, just assume he’s throwing one every single time. If I’m late on a fastball, I’m late. Just hit the eephus. If I time it right, I could hit that thing 500 feet.

He then strikes me out on three straight fastballs, all of which I am comically late on. I immediately abandon this strategy.

What, lil’ bitch

Lil’ stupid-ass bitch

What, lil’ bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

I don’t have a mic, and thank God for that.

Beyond completely destroying the opponent’s sense of timing — a thing already compromised by the lag — there’s another special utility to the eephus as deployed against you in an online game. It makes you look like a total idiot. You’re finished with your swing before the ball is even halfway to the plate. If you bet the other way and guess wrong, you don’t even begin to swing until the ball’s basically in the mitt. Video Game Fossum doesn’t even have to fool you with pitch placement. Every ball goes over the plate. He’s attacking your your ability to time, sense, react. He’s directly attacking your intellect.

Nothing will tilt an online gamer quite like being obviously and repeatedly outsmarted and made to look like a dummy. Someone will find out you’re susceptible to one particular parlor trick and beat you to death with it. There’s the phase in which you recognize what’s being done, how it’s happening, and what you need to do to counteract it. What comes after is the phase in which you realize that there’s nothing you can do. Your opponent has run this playbook a hundred times against a hundred clueless marks. You’re next on this merry-go-round, and you’re here to lose.

Hey lil’ bitch

What’s up lil’ bitch

What lil’ bitch

What what lil’ bitch

It’s the fourth inning. 12 up, 12 down, all strikeouts. This is a perfectly-targeted attack on my ego.

I think I’m smart. I think I’m an excellent tactician when it comes to video games, my abilities forged in the fires of Madden ‘93, Perfect Dark, and Rainbow Six, but also informed by the dark arts of weird old DOS strategy games. Games like Warlords and Nobunaga’s Ambition that required mastery of troops and economies to conduct campaigns of great conquest. Games this kid is too young to have a clue about.

I also think I know a lot about baseball. I watch it constantly. Even in 2006, I’m poring through Baseball-Reference every day. I want to write for a living someday, and if it can ever somehow happen, it feels like baseball is my ticket in. I’m a professional baseball writer in training. I should know what an eephus pitch is.

I think I’m a pretty laid-back guy. I don’t get angry easily. I’m really easygoing. I get along well with people. At the tech-support call center I work at, my supervisor notes in my reviews that I’m very good at de-escalating, which is to say that when mad people call me, I’m good at helping them feel more understood and less mad.

All these things mean a lot to me. They’re the basis of my ego. Hey, look at that guy. You know, he doesn’t have his shit together at all and is actually kind of a doofus, but hey, he’s a smart guy who knows stuff and is good with people. That’s something.

All those pillars are shaking. I’m a shiftless bum who can’t hit a 55-MPH pitch to save my life because I don’t know anything about baseball, and on top of that, I’m being absolutely driven up the wall by a Video Game Casey Fossum and some random 12-year-old who’s outsmarting me every chance he gets.

He is way better than me at everything I thought I was good at. My self-esteem is being annihilated.

Lil’ old bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

Lil’ old bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

One thing that to this day makes me an absolute loser is that I take online gaming etiquette very seriously. I never abandon a match, no matter how badly I’m getting destroyed. Someone can say incredibly cutting things to me and I’ll say “Thanks!” and pretend I’m not mad, that this doesn’t matter to me. Kill ‘em with kindness, you know? I’m above this. I’m better than this.

When you’re 23 years old and nothing feels like it’s breaking the right way, if it’s even breaking any way at all, it’s a lot more difficult to feel that way. But I try, I really do. I refuse to abandon the match. I am determined to solve this puzzle. This can only last for so long. Even if I can’t win this game, I can at least light him up a little bit, proving to both of us that, yes, I figured him out.

What, lil’ bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

Lil’ old bitch

What what, lil’ bitch

Imagine the experience of losing 50 consecutive rounds of rock-paper-scissors, and you might have a sense of what this is like. I’ve fouled off a handful of pitches, but I haven’t put a single ball into play. This kid is a genius, but it’s not really about that anymore, it’s about how fundamentally bad at this I am. Can I at least be okay at a video game? We’ve settled that I’m a stupid baby who doesn’t know anything and gets mad at things that don’t matter. Can I have this, at least? No.

I hope this kid thinks I’m someone his age. I hope it never occurs to him that he’s thoroughly embarrassing a grown man so badly that he’ll write about it a decade and a half later.

And I’d like Casey Fossum to know that for one day, on two televisions, he was a god.

Having surrendered every other claim I thought I had, my sense of honor is the last thing to go. Somewhere around the seventh inning, I disconnect. I don’t have time to navigate through the menus. I have run out of oxygen. I unplug the console from the wall. It was a tornado, for all that kid knows. I never play an online baseball game again.

0 notes

sumukhcomedy · 7 years ago

Text

Facebook: The Millennial Mental Illness

In the fall of 2004, I was a junior at Miami University. By this point, other students had already begun talking about The Facebook. It was a website that had reached our campus, and relying on .edu email domains, became a way to connect with other students at your college and at other colleges. I knew it was created at Harvard. I knew its creator was some guy whose silhouette was the logo for the website. I knew that I had no interest in joining it.

By my final semester at Miami (spring 2006), Facebook had simply become a norm. Every party that I attended was documented on Facebook. Any photo people took that I was in they would tell me “it’s on Facebook.” So I caved mostly just to see hilarious photos. In a certain way, it seemed relatively pointless to join a website aimed at college students just as I was leaving college but I did it anyway.

As I graduated, Facebook proved a nice way to keep in touch with those individuals I met in college especially since I had now moved to Columbus and didn’t particularly know anyone. At the time, Facebook was the perfect level of innocence and immaturity. Everyone could be themselves without any consideration of the impact of having such social interaction on the Internet nor with any anticipation of what Facebook would become.

That same year, I began to do stand-up comedy. At the time, mySpace was the website to be on if you were a performer of any kind. There were plenty of comedians I knew that hadn’t even joined Facebook yet likely because it still was being targeted to college students and they saw no value in the site for their comedy career and promotion. At the time, Facebook always seemed like it would be something specific to being in college. It never seemed like something beyond that. It just seemed like Mark Zuckerberg wanted to create a website, not that he wanted to ascend to being one of the most powerful businessmen in the world.

The shift came when Facebook opened itself up to everyone. I recall thinking that was stupid. Here was this kind of exclusive website to college students and now our parents or other members of our family were joining. This always seemed like a website for our generation and now every generation was getting involved. It also pretty much opened itself up to every jackass with an email address which, as we’d find out, would lead to plenty of faces, fake accounts, and the rise of terms like “trolling” and “catfishing.”

Here’s one of my early Facebook profile photos and now my reaction to almost everything happening on Facebook.

Due to the now mass of people joining Facebook and mySpace’s inability to advance themselves to the quality of Facebook or handle major issues with spam, it started to turn where, as a comedian or anyone with any need for marketing a business, it was essential to be on Facebook. However, unlike mySpace, Facebook was never created to care about artists or small businesses. It’s why it has now smartly suffocated its reach for Pages and pushed boosting posts and sponsorship to gain attention. The revenue helps Facebook and puts the small business in need of raising awareness on social media into a corner: have your page remain relatively unknown or pay up and reap some benefits for everyone’s eyeballs being on Facebook.

This proliferation of information and emotions has totally changed how our minds interact with each other. Everything that we want or could be interested in is now focused into one central area called a “News Feed.” It’s led a majority of people to read and react more than to think and investigate. We’ve been granted a News Feed that is neither particularly news nor particularly healthy to be consuming. “Feed” seems an appropriate description. We seem no better than farm animals feeding, consuming, and accepting what is blasted into our eyes as we scroll through a website. It feels no different than eating McDonald’s all day long and thinking that is a healthy approach for our bodies.

In comedy, I became aware of Facebook’s uselessness fairly early on. I only looked at the website as a place for fun and as I began to see how people were getting emotionally affected in a variety of ways I preferred to satirize it. I “turned heel” in early 2012 and began to post as a pro wrestling heel character mocking the nature of people’s Facebook posts. It was enjoyable at the time and served whatever purpose it may have served both for me and for those who were my friends and found it entertaining. But, as I revealed before, it actually proved to be a more problematic revelation of what was to come for how we interact with social media. I’m not patting myself on the back saying “I told you so” about Facebook by being a Heel. I actually had anticipated and hoped that we would be better and that Facebook wouldn’t be as relevant at this point and that society would have moved on to the next advancement in Internet communication.

Instead, the advancements came within Facebook and they in fact advanced us in going backwards. Facebook now became the focal point as to how adults gained information whether it be news or events or the dumb jokes myself or other comedians may post. These posts now all still follow an algorithm—an algorithm that of course will succeed based off the most interaction to a post and the most interaction to a post no doubt comes from the most controversial or most emotional or most paid for posts.

Facebook has brought out how much we can be assholes. That’s certainly been the case within the comedy community but probably the case with every community that exists on the site. Arguments exist regularly and unlike Twitter where it at least involves opening up a tweet to see random commentary, the comments of other individuals are right there for everyone else to see. It opens the possibility of more arguing.

Public posting is even more irritating for general users. For general users who do click on the trending topics and most popular news stories, beyond the links to certain website articles, the News Feed on Facebook delivers public posts by the most divisive and random Facebook accounts. The most interacted comments even on the most popular articles clearly seem like stock commentary by fake accounts. Facebook has done nothing with their algorithm to address this issue and it only divides our perspectives on the news as badly as 24-hour cable television does.

Public posting by comedians is similarly ineffective. I don’t personally do it but I have friends who do and it only seems to open the door to the most random people choosing to comment on jokes or on opinions. Then, all of a sudden, the comedian gets into an argument with this random person/possible fake account. I’m not sure how this helps to advance the comedian’s career but it points to a serious problem both in how the comedian interacts with social media and with what social media is really doing for comedy. Very few comedians have become famous thanks to Facebook and, if they have, it's usually because they created videos that went viral. People may have had jokes or points shared a lot but it didn’t necessarily prompt a bunch of people to be interested in their comedy or go see live shows. Facebook has never proven to be as effective as Twitter was in that and, as I mentioned, that is because Facebook never pushed itself as being beneficial to artists.

Now over 10 years later, it’s unbelievable to me that some random thing I joined in college for fun is now the source of how people get their information, voice their opinions, and have clearly affected their personalities and emotions so much so that an attorney for this website had to speak in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on how our Presidential election could have been interfered via this website.

Part of this amazing but absurd experience that has been Facebook is that Mark Zuckerberg is my age. It’s hilarious and strange to follow along on the same path as the man who was responsible for this site. My generation and I progressed with Facebook’s birth to the point that we are at now. I watched myself be in photos drunk at the age of 21 to now watch those same friends I was drunk with have children and be arguing over something political on this same website.

Nothing may have represented the absurdity of Facebook quite like the aftermath of the white supremacist stupidity in Charlottesville. My best friend, who rarely even posts on Facebook, all of a sudden was in an argument with one of my former roommates about this incident in the comments field of a post. What is happening here? Why are two people who ten years ago probably just had a drink together pleasantly are now interacting in this way? And why am I sitting here being the glue between them just observing and reading it? It’s fascinating in one sense but ultimately weird in another.

Over the past couple months, some of the individuals who once were at the forefront of Facebook but have since left the company have made comments about the effect the website has had on society and psychology. Personally, I don't find it far off. I've felt Facebook affect me over the years (again, I turned heel on it) but I've seen it far worse in some of my friends, particularly ones in comedy, who are otherwise kind people in person but who seem to take on completely different personas in social media. That's fine if that is what they want but my bigger concern is if the already present misery that comes with comedy isn't pouring itself out to an even greater and more troubling extent via Facebook.

While I was in college, Facebook seemed so innocent. It was just a fun place to party and say stupid stuff with your college friends. But, as it progressed and opened itself up to more people, it also wanted us to share more. And what we've discovered over 10 years is that what we want to share has been insane.

#facebook #comedy #stand up comedy #psychology #social media #charlottesville #mark zuckerberg #miami university

1 note · View note

themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

Text

How to make better (and quicker) decisions

Last week, I wrote about how I've embraced mindful shopping. I'm teaching myself to be more deliberate about the things I own and buy. My goal is to buy less and, more importantly, to own less. As part of this, I don't want to waste time shopping. I'm trying to train myself to make better decisions more quickly. This is tough for me to do. By nature, I want to evaluate every alternative, to find the best option in every circumstance. Left to my own devices, I can spend two hours trying to decide which chainsaw is the best chainsaw at the best price. There's nothing wrong with this, of course. Comparison shopping is a good thing. But there's a fine line. Some comparison can help you avoid purchasing poor products. Too much, on the other hand, becomes a tax on your time and your brainwidth. I want to find a balance. I no longer feel the need to make a perfect decision. (Is there such a thing?) I'm becoming comfortable with the idea of accepting decisions that are good enough. In short, I'm trying to incorporate lessons I've learned from The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz so that I can take some of the suck out of shopping. The Paradox of Choice For those unfamiliar, Barry Schwartz is a psychology professor from Swarthmore College. His 2004 book The Paradox of Choice argues that while life without choice is almost unbearable, having too many choices carries burdens of its own. I believe that many modern Americans are feeling less and less satisfied even as their freedom of choice expands, Schwartz writes. Having too many choices produces psychological distress. [embedded content] This certainly rings true from my own experience. And not just with money decisions. One of the joys of financial independence is the ability to choose how to spend your time. Indeed, this is a unique luxury. However, it's also a burden. When you have an infinite number of options available, how do you make decisions about what to do with your time? (My answer, as you can probably guess, is to be clear about your purpose, and to make decisions aligned with that purpose.) Schwartz argues that faced with so many options and decisions, we would be better off if we: Embraced certain voluntary constraints on our choices (instead of rebelling against limits).Opting for good enough instead of always seeking the best.Lowering our expectations.Made our decisions non-reversible.Paid less attention to other people. A majority of people want more control over the details of their lives, he writes, but a majority of people also want to simplify their lives. Schwartz calls this the paradox of choice. Greater choices creates greater complexity. That's what we think we want. In reality, most folks crave simplicity and simplicity requires fewer choices. So, how can we confront this paradox? Is it possible to have the best of both worlds? How do we go about wrestling with the ever-increasing array of choices while simultaneously seeking simplicity. That's precisely what I've been trying to answer for myself lately. At the end of The Paradox of Choice, Schwartz shares eleven steps that he believes can help mitigate (or eliminate) the distress caused by so much choice. Let's look at four that I've found effective in my own life. Learn to Love Constraints To manage the problem of excessive choice, Schwartz writes, we must decide which choices in our life matter and focus our time and energy there. Establish personal rules of thumb and follow them. Artificially limit your number of choices. You might, for instance, have a rule that you'll only visit two stores when shopping for clothing. Here's a real-life example of limiting your number of choices. For the past six months, I've been in the market for a new vehicle. There are hundreds to choose form, and if I were to let myself look at the entire universe of new cars, I'd never make a decision. Instead, I've created my own pocket universe of cars to choose from: compact and sub-compact vehicles that are available in electric or hybrid versions. Another great way to exercise contraint is to ignore all of the options that are available, especially for products you purchase regularly. Do you need to examine every cheese at the grocery store? Every can of soup? Every loaf of bread? Of course not. You have favorites. You have defaults. Whenever possible, stick with what you know especially if what you know already makes you happy. Satisfice More and Maximize Less According to Schwartz, maximizers are those who only accept the best. Every time they make a choice, they want to make the best choice possible. And even after they do make a choice, they worry there might have been a better option. Satisficers, on the other hand, have learned that contrary to conventional wisdom, good enough often is. They're willing to settle for something other than the best. A satisficer still has expectations and standards, but once he's found something that meets those standards, the search is over. My cousin Duane is a maximizer. He agonizes over buying decisions even ordering food in a restaurant. Duane knows it doesn't make much sense to deliberate over a menu decision, but he can't help it. He can't stop himself. What if I choose something wrong? he says, mocking himself. That's why I like buffets. With a buffet, he has an out if he doesn't like what he chooses. He can go choose something else. I used to be like this too. Now, though, I take a different approach when dining out. I skim the menu until I find something I like, then I look no further. That first item I find is what I order. What's the point of trying to pick the perfect meal? Will it make me any happier? Probably not. I'm satisfied choosing the first thing that looks good. I took this approach when buying my chainsaw last week. It worked great! I've invested in the EGO Power+ series of battery-powered tools. I checked to see if they produce an electric chainsaw. They do, and it's highly rated. I ordered it without looking at any other options. Regret Less After you've made a choice, move on. Don't linger over other possibilities. Don't second-guess yourself. If you buy stock in Dell instead of Apple, don't continue to track Apple's price. Stick with what you have. More to the point, don't compare your choices with other possibilities. Our evaluation of our choices is profoundly affected by what we compare them with, Schwartz writes, including comparisons with alternatives that exist only in our imaginations. He argues that we can vastly improve our subjective experience by striving to be grateful for what's good about our choices rather than being disappointed by what's bad about them. It's also important to remember that most choices are complex. There's rarely an option that's clearly superior to all others in every single way. Each choice has its advantages and its disadvantages. When faced with especially tough decisions, consider using the Jeff Bezos regret minimization framework. [embedded content] Manage Expectations How we feel about our decisions is strongly influenced by our expectations of the results. You might, for example, build up in your mind that a long-awaited Hawaiian vacation is going to be amazing then it's not. It's fine, but it's not nearly what you'd hoped. The problem here isn't Hawaii or the ocean or the hotel. The problem is the expectations you created for the experience. High expectations are the enemy of happiness. Similarly, it's important to remember hedonic adaptation will occur. Even if your new Tesla is thrilling during the first week of ownership, that thrill won't last. You'll gradually become accustomed to your new normal. Before long, that Tesla will seem mundane. Schwartz argues that one of the best ways to control expectations and to anticipate hedonic adaptation is to be a satisficer rather than a maximizer. Don't look for (or expect to find) the perfect thing. It doesn't exist. If your aim is only satisfaction, your decisions are less likely to fall short of expectations. Another way to manage expectations is to stop comparing yourself to others. Doing so is nearly always destructive to your sense of well-being. Don't do it. Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. Focus on what makes you happy, Schwartz writes, and what gives meaning to your life. Thinking in Bets Last year, I read and reviewed Thinking in Bets, Annie Duke's book about making smarter decisions when you don't have all the facts. (Here's my review.) Duke says that we should stop thinking in terms of right and wrong. Few things are ever 0% or 100% likely to occur. Few people are ever 0% or 100% right about what they know or believe. Instead, we should think in bets. According to Duke, all decisions are bets on the future. An unwanted result doesn't mean we made a poor choice. It just means the bet didn't pay off this one time. If you get a head injury in a motorcycle crash, that doesn't mean wearing a helmet was a bad decision. It was a good decision, but this one result was poor. Job and relocation decisions are bets, she writes. Sales negotiations and contracts are bets. Buying a house is a bet. Ordering the chicken instead of the steak is a bet. Everything is a bet. In the year since I read her book, I've thought of this concept often. Another way for me to make better (and quicker) decisions is to embrace the idea that I'm betting on outcomes. When I buy something, I'm betting whether or not I'll like it because it meets my needs. Taken together, all of these ideas those from Duke and those from Schwartz are helping me spend less time deliberating over decisions and more time enjoying life.

Author: J.D. Roth In 2006, J.D. founded Get Rich Slowly to document his quest to get out of debt. Over time, he learned how to save and how to invest. Today, he's managed to reach early retirement! He wants to help you master your money and your life. No scams. No gimmicks. Just smart money advice to help you reach your goals. https://www.getrichslowly.org/how-to-make-better-decisions/

0 notes

tprplt · 8 years ago

Text

Solo Recital

My family invited K to my brother’s solo recital! It was very important to me that he came because my brother was K’s student in 2006, his second year of teaching. As we were on our way, K texted me out of nowhere! It said “Hey! I’m going to make it to (my brother’s name)’s Recital. See you all there!” I texted back “Yay. :)” because I was so happy he was coming. He texted me a bit later “Battling traffic. So far GPS says I will arrive at 3:40.” I texted back “That’s fine!”

The performance had already started (about 10 minutes in) and K still hadn’t showed up. I was gonna text him but I didn’t have service. My mom texted him instead (she has an android idek how she got service lmfao). He replied something along the lines of “I’m outside. Waiting until a break.” He finally walks in and hey, he was wearing a hoodie and jeans but he still looked great.

The performance was over and K had sit in our same row. We looked at each other and as I was walking towards him, he gave me a high five. He said some stuff but I forgot. We went into the reception room. K starts talking to me and asking me if I’ve practiced this one hard piece for his orchestra (outside of school). I say no and he tells me how even the professional adult musicians in our orchestra are having trouble with it. He says not even his wife has practiced it. I take out my phone to text someone and he notices. He tells the other guy there (my brother’s friend) how I only communicate through text. He started tapping my phone screen to annoy me and I jolted back my hand. He did it again and laughed. “Nice swacket.” I was wearing a cardigan haha, he’s very silly. Then he was given mango cake which he handed to me. I made a disgusted face and he chuckled. “Why don’t you want it?” I said I didn’t like mango. He took some bites and said “This is gooood!” My mom came around offered me a slice. K told her “She doesn’t like mango. This is good.” Later on, I saw my brother’s teacher at this university talking to K and introducing themselves to each other. It was so nice to see my brother’s past and current teacher interact. At one point, my brother’s current teacher asked me “How are you?” and I was just staring at K who lifted up a bit of his shirt to clean his phone’s camera so I could see his underwear lmfaoo and I had to ask the current teacher to repeat what he said because I wasn’t paying attention. Then K stood next to me and pointed to the last slice of mango cake my dad was holding. “I’ll give you $5 if you take a bite, shove it in your face.” I say no and he said $10,$25,$50... he says $100 and I say “You don’t even have that much!” He was startled, eyes wide open and gave me the slyest smirk. He slowly reached his hand to his wallet in his back pocket and said “I’ll show it to you right now.” I laughed.

Everything is pretty much over. My family and I walk outside with K and my brother is behind with his friend. K tells me “It’s beautiful out here!” My mom tells K I want a photo with him and my brother and he said something like “She always wants a photo. Here, let’s stand like this until your brother comes.” He stands right next to me, very close. I scoot over a bit and he notices and scoots closer! I didn’t move at that point. :D We move to somewhere else though since the background wasn’t too nice. We stand in front of this ledge, where you can see hills and the ocean far away. We take the photo and he gives me some pats on the back. He gives us all hugs (except me lmfaooo still salty but ok) and he gives me a high five, and playfully shoves me and says I need to do better in school (I have terrible grades). I tell him I have two Fs and he groans and walks away, dragging his feet. My mom asks him “Are you okay?” K says “I’m fine, I’m just worried about her GPA.” He then tells us how his sister was just like this and had gotten expelled from two high schools. She did a lot of community college and now has a masters. He said I did not have to take that route and that he thinks high school is easy. We walk to the parking lot. He asks me about the music for his orchestra and if I’ve even printed it. I say no and he groans. I tell him I don’t want to practice that one hard piece because I’ll never be good at it. He groans again and says “Think of the Golden Gate Bridge. They didn’t build it and gave up on the first day...it was a project.” He also makes fun of the fact that I hate my current high school and says with a high pitched voice, mocking me “L (my high school) is bad boo hoo I want to move to P(the high school where he will teach for one year so far).” I almost wanted to say that it’s because I have trouble making friends and I have no one close there but I didn’t.

We finally get to our car. He kept talking to me about my grades. My mom tells him I’m doing summer school to which he just gave me a stern look. He asks me have I done anything to fix my current grades which I’m trying. He asks me what else I do. I tell him I go on the computer a lot. He asks “Doing what?” I respond “Video games.” He groans loudly. I say I have 3000 on this one video game and he says “And you’re proud of that? 3000 hours on (the instrument I play) you could’ve spent getting a scholarship for Julliard.” That’s a very hard to get in, amazing music school in New York btw. He asks me “Do your parents work hard?” I shrug my shoulders and look at my mom and say I don’t know. K scoffs. “Why do they work?” I said to make money. He said yes, but that’s not what he means. I say “A better future for us (my brother and I)” He said “Yes and as cheesy as that sounds, it’s true.” The conversation dies down and we hear college kids yelling from far away. K laughs and says “College kids are worse than high schoolers.” We say our goodbyes and he tells me to practice my instrument. I shook my head no but I don’t think he saw. Oh well. :P

And that was my day with K today! Sorry this is so long, but there was a lot to mention. By the way, a couple minutes ago my mom sent him photos that we took today. He texted back saying thank you and that he is proud of my brother. He said about me “And for S, we all know she is going to be great and I’m looking forward to when she realizes that.” Love that man so much. :)

#teacher crush #tc community #teacher crush community

5 notes · View notes

jeff-rosenstock-paper-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Jeff Rosenstock, Bandcamp, and “Pay-What-You-Want”: A Better Indicator Than In Rainbows

In Rainbows: A Retrospective

In 2007, Radiohead shook the music industry by releasing their new album In Rainbows as a free download on their website. Fans could still donate as much as they felt the album was worth, but this “pay-what-you-want” model was seen to be revolutionary in the face of piracy, label control, and the growing ideal of “free music.” For the first time, the majority of the music world was exposed to a new way for artists to deliver music in the digital age.

As the first major album to use the “pay-what-you-want” model, it’s easy to shape In Rainbows as a revolutionary release that helped predict our current scene where many independent bands do something similar via sites like Bandcamp. However, when discussing the viability of this model, In Rainbows is a poor case study for how well it would work for smaller bands. Although it was the first time many had heard of the concept, it’s hard to overlook that Radiohead is the kind of band that’s just too big to fail. Their past albums OK Computer and Kid A are widely regarded as two of the greatest albums of all time, while Amnesiac and Hail to the Thief, the albums that preceded In Rainbows, sold nearly a million copies each. They’re one of the most widely respected contemporary bands with a rabid fanbase – their albums are going to sell just fine regardless. Although In Rainbows outsold both these albums – 3 million sales after one year, 1.85 million of which were physical copies – it was unlikely to ever fail simply based on the band’s massive popularity.

This distance from the thousands and thousands of smaller bands didn’t go without criticism. Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth denounced it, noting that “It seemed really community-oriented, but it wasn’t catered towards their musician brothers and sisters, who don’t sell as many records as them. It makes everyone else look bad for not offering their music for whatever.” A similar editorial in The Guardian asks “But can [a smaller act] make a living from music in an age when music is free?” Even Thom Yorke, Radiohead’s frontman, admits this was just an experiment: “It’s not supposed to be a model for anything else…But it only works for us because of where we are.” He goes on to say that “If you’re an emerging artist, it must be frightening at the moment” to engage with the industry and major record labels. In contrast, those who have been in the industry for a while have a solid footing to work with.

A Better Case Study

With all this in mind, it’s clear that despite In Rainbows bringing the “pay-what-you-want” model to the mainstream attention, it is not the proper case study to consider how well it could work for smaller independent artists. Thankfully, there is someone else we can examine: someone who’s been releasing music for free through a digital label for years, even predating In Rainbows.

Meet Jeff Rosenstock, a punk musician from Long Island. Rosenstock was originally in the punk band Arrogant Sons of Bitches, but broke up the band after they started to face differences in their business ethics. He went on to form Bomb the Music Industry!, a punk collective that focused on keeping the music free and affordable for their fans. Most notably, the band released all their music for free online using Rosenstock’s new label Quote Unquote Records. Quote Unquote calls itself the “first ever donation based record label,” giving users the option to donate what they think the album is worth through Paypal. This model extended into their live performances, which were strictly all ages shows with ticket prices capped at $10 to keep them affordable. Fans could bring blank CDs and T-shirts to get free physical versions of albums and handmade shirts at concerts.

The recent documentary on Bomb the Music Industry!, Never Get Tired, traces the origins of this pay-what-you-want model through Rosenstock’s childhood. He discusses being a teenager during Napster’s peak and how having a mass collection of free music online helped him and other teenagers explore the music they otherwise wouldn’t be exposed to. He also cites Fugazi as an influence for this DIY (do it yourself) ethic, an older band who also fought for affordable ticket prices and relied on word-of-mouth promotion rather than turning to larger record labels. Together, these influences drove Rosenstock to release his music for free and limit merch sales at shows in favor of donations.

The influence of Napster seeps into the overall mission and goals of Quote Unquote Records – the idea is to get heard, not immediately sold. The label’s website says “We have simple goals which is to put out good music, put out fun music and help our artists get heard…While some people who are very uncomfortable with embracing a new technology swear that this is going to kill rock and roll, I have seen first hand that it helps bands increase their audience and allows fans to discover tons of great bands. Then, usually at a show, people will buy a CD or something if the band is really good.” This is very different from what Radiohead were doing. Quote Unquote Records is focused on small bands who need exposure getting found through the Internet. One band in Never Get Tired noted that no one was showing up to their shows until Rosenstock put their music online and advertised them. Suddenly, their shows had over a hundred kids who knew the words to their songs. Meanwhile, everyone’s heard of Radiohead. No one needs a reminder that they still exist and still write incredible music.

Amazingly, Quote Unquote Records worked, and Bomb the Music Industry! survived from 2006 until their farewell show in 2012. None of them ever made enough money to live solely off of the band – in Never Get Tired, Rosenstock talks about day jobs including driving trucks to deliver set pieces for a Nicki Minaj video – but it was enough to live off of during tours. They never became rock superstars, but they weren’t exactly wallowing in poverty, either. The point was always to just get the music out there. In a 2010 interview with Jewcy, Rosenstock reveals, “Most people don’t donate, but the people who do usually donate more than the asking price. People sometimes donate 50 or 100 bucks. At the same time 20,000 people downloaded [the album] Scrambles in the first month and we got 70 donations. But, I don’t really give a shit, because that means 20,000 people downloaded a record I wrote, and some of them might have liked it and that was the whole point.” So long as the music got out there and people showed up to shows (which they did), the band survived just fine.

In a 2015 Reddit AMA (“Ask Me Anything”), Rosenstock comments on this relative success: “…I could just record stuff for free, throw it on the Internet, and people would hear it. When I started Quote Unquote, I just wanted people to hear other bands…And luckily I’ve had a few bands (Cheap Girls, Laura Stevenson and The Riot Before…) who have gone on to be pretty successful after getting their music out there to anyone who wants to hear it. So if there’s some huge roadblock that people who don’t release music this way are AVOIDING, well, I just don’t know about it. This shit seems pretty rad to me.” Here, we see that not only is the pay-what-you-want model viable, but several of the artists who started with Quote Unquote went onto become well-known figures in the industry.

In addition to his business practices, Rosenstock’s views on the music industry have always played a prominent role in his art. Clearly, Bomb the Music Industry! takes its name from this ethos, but this theme sneaks up in his lyrics as well. “All Ages Shows” ends with the plea “My friends ain’t all that bad / We play all ages shows / And we’ll start on time if you decide to go,” emphasizing the moral value of all ages shows. Most prominently, his 2016 solo release WORRY. emphasizes his anxiety over corporations latching onto and monetizing the culture he helped to develop. “Festival Song” outlines this best with the scathing verse:

Take a long look at the billboards That smother the air ‘til you can’t ignore ‘em And glamorize department store crust-punk-chic ‘Cause Satan’s trending up and it’s fashion week But this is not a movement, it’s just careful entertainment For an easy demographic in our sweatshop denim jackets And we’ll wonder, “What just happened?!” When the world becomes Manhattan Where the banks steal the apartments just to render them abandoned

youtube

When asked about “Festival Song,” Rosenstock claims he’s not “trying to call anybody a sell-out,” but rather is concerned with the modern mentality of accepting corporations’ roles in music: “I just feel like people, at this point, don’t think that you can do it another way anymore…Do something on your own and do something that you like. If you don’t want to be involved in that, don’t be involved in that.” Beyond skewering corporations for capitalizing on punk culture for the sake of money and popularity, the fact that this came out in 2016 emphasizes Rosenstock’s lifelong commitment to his views. WORRY. was, like everything else Rosenstock’s done, released for free on Quote Unquote Records (with additional distribution handled by label SideOneDummy). The fact that so little has changed in ten years in Rosenstock’s practices while he continues to fight for the little guy in his art lends him a perfect level of credibility for his fans to crowd around.

Rosenstock’s Model and Bandcamp Today

It’s clear that Jeff Rosenstock is a better model for examining the success of pay-what-you-want in the digital age, and the best place to see its viability for small acts is the website Bandcamp. Launched in 2008, this online music store allows any artist to upload their music for streaming and for purchasing at prices set by the artist, including a pay-what-you-want option. The pricing scheme is simple: Bandcamp takes a 15% cut of whatever fans donate, while the artist pockets the rest. No middle-man record labels are in the way here. Many budding artists will go for the pay-what-you-want model, focusing on getting their music heard rather than sold in the hopes of awareness and eventually live ticket and physical merch sales. Sound familiar? Whether or not the founders of Bandcamp were directly inspired by Rosenstock or Radiohead, it’s clear that the model is much more in line with what Quote Unquote Records was always doing with smaller bands versus the behemoth Radiohead trying out a little experiment.

Interestingly enough, Rosenstock commented on Bandcamp during their early years in 2010: “You have Bandcamp which is a website where anyone can put up anything, and it’s got more options than Quote Unquote does…I don’t know if I see it as something a major label could adopt as their idea for everything.” What’s amazing is that certain labels have ended up involved in Bandcamp. In 2014, the site launched Bandcamp for Labels, meaning full record labels have since adopted Bandcamp’s online store for distribution and promotion. Of course, you’re not going to find the big hitters like Atlantic on here, but many of the most notable independent labels take part in Bandcamp. This includes Sub-Pop, ANTI-, Epitaph, and more. None of these are slouches – they’re all very prominent in the independent music scene, and their adoption of Bandcamp proves even larger labels are interested in this type of platform.

There’s reason to believe Bandcamp is succeeding. When describing their sales for 2016, the site announced “Digital album sales grew 20%, tracks 23%, and merch 34%” compared to the last year, despite the record business only growing 3% in 2016. Obviously, Bandcamp’s numbers are inflated simply because more people became more aware of the site, leading to more sales, but it’s remarkable that their business practices are still able to thrive in the modern era. There are also claims that Bandcamp is reducing piracy. Back in 2012, the site wrote an editorial “Cheaper Than Free” which revealed that people who were Googling specifically for free torrents or Mediafire downloads would come across Bandcamp and purchase albums from there. The site views this “as proof that Bandcamp can effectively compete with filesharing and other free distribution platforms by a) giving fans a clear, easy way to directly support the artist, and b) offering them a better user experience.”

It seems that Bandcamp can do no wrong, but there is one possible criticism towards the site. Last summer, the site significantly expanded its editorial department to focus on “Bandcamp Daily,” which brings daily highlights to various acts and scenes around the site. This could be viewed as a double-edged sword. On the one hand, these acts are getting a level of exposure that otherwise wouldn’t be possible, which is wonderful for them. On the other hand, Ben Ratliff argued in a New York Times editorial that this could ruin the neutrality of the site: “People can use help navigating the riches of Bandcamp. But its estimable editorial project opens an interesting question: When does help turn into tastemaking?” Rosenstock’s Quote Unquote Records was meant to be a place where people could poke around and find the music they wanted for free, a promise Bandcamp certainly helps to deliver today, but the threat of tastemaking could ruin the perfect music democracy Rosenstock and Bandcamp both strive for.

This is still a very minor criticism, however. The current success of Bandcamp proves that artists and fans appreciate interacting with each other financially with as few middle-men in between as possible, especially when artists can set their own prices and release music for free if they wish. Fans can stream and search through archives of music and have shown to be willing to pay artists under this model. Rosenstock’s early dreams of free music using the Internet for exposure while giving fans more options to support their favorite artists are an actual reality today. That’s a much more significant parallel than anything Radiohead ever did for free music.

11 notes · View notes

yestheparadoxical · 8 years ago

Text

Porn made for women, by women

Independent female directors are making pornographic films aimed at women. Catalina May finds out what makes them so different.

by Catalina May.

Anna Arrowsmith (aka Anna Span) has been a porn director for 12 years. This made her recent campaign as the Liberal Democrat candidate for Gravesham rather controversial. "Not my cup of tea", said Nick Cleggabout her occupation. But what she has been doing is not mainstream pornography, but independent porn made for women."I have fought long and hard for women's right to sexual expression and consumption, as well as for freedom of speech," she wrote in the Observer. But Gail Dines, author of Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality, challenged her in the Guardian: "What are you doing that is different from what every other pornographer is doing?"The best way to answer that question is probably by watching Arrowsmith's films. And not just hers. Because a number of women, tired of mainstream porn and tired of criticising it without offering an alternative, are making the porn films they want to watch.These films don't include horny schoolgirls, naughty nurses, nymphomaniac nannies or desperate housewives. Nor do they include Mafiosi, multimillionaires drinking cognac, pimps, drug dealers or super-sized sex machines. Because these women, as filmmakers and consumers, place themselves far away from mainstream porn."It is a prejudice to say that women don't like porn," says Erika Lust, another fem porn director. "Sex images make you hot, but pornography has been made by and for men. In mainstream porn everything is about male pleasure and women are objects. Oral sex for men can last forever, but when women's turn comes it lasts 10 seconds. Female orgasms are not an issue in most of the films. And women are shown mostly as prostitutes, which is sad."Lust has directed three porn films and written three sex books. Her website explains: "We produce adult movies. We publish erotic books and magazines. Our works speak about sex, lust and passion. We enjoy exciting you and exciting your mind. We make love, not porn. And we do all this with a feminine, aesthetic and innovative approach."After working for 10 years as a TV producer and director, Petra Joy has moved on to directing "art-core" films. She says: "Women have a lot of catching up to do. We had the sex toy revolution first - no more giant cucumbers but a gold-plated mini vibrator perfect for clit stimulation - and now the second wave is the porn revolution: porn that is made by and for women, that focuses on female pleasure and features male sex objects."These directors are just three among many. Their films have different styles: Lust's are urban and modern, Joy's are visual and sensory and Arrowsmith's are a bit more hardcore. But there are similarities that show how this new branch of the porn industry works. First of all, they are educated. Lust read political sciences at Lund University, Joy has a master's degree in film history at the University of Köln and Arrowsmith studied fine art at Central Saint Martins. They do this because they chose it, and not because they don't have other options. They are all independent producers and distribute their films mostly over the internet. They pay particular attention to aesthetics, music, locations, actors and stories. And most importantly, they think about what women need to enjoy porn.Joy says: "Women enjoy seeing a curve of arousal and like to understand why these people are having sex and how they got turned on. Women want to see credible female performers, women of all sizes and looks who genuinely enjoy themselves rather than porn clones with fake nails, hairs and boobs faking it for the camera."Lust adds: "To get excited women want to see something that looks like us. We want to see independent women exploring their sexuality, who are not afraid, but are not sex heroines either. We want to see attractive men who share our lifestyles, our ideas."These directors make sure they only work with people who want to perform in erotic films, and that what you see is real pleasure. Lust says: "I want people with an open sexuality who want to work here. I don't want anybody doing this because they don't have another choice. During the shooting I want them to have good sex and it's my job to find the images. For me it is a tense moment, because things happen only once and it's a moment of hard work. Is not a party behind the camera."In 2006, Alison Lee created the Feminist Porn Awards, which this year takes place on 13-15 April in Toronto. She says: "We wanted to celebrate people who were making porn in a feminist way and help to expose them to a greater audience. For our sixth anniversary we are expecting lots of stars and a super-fun event. We are also hoping to have a stronger focus on websites and online porn than we have in the past."Lust, Joy and Span have previously won awards in different categories. This year Lust is nominated for her last film, Life, Love, Lust, and Span for Sex Experiments: Bisexual Scenes and Sex Interviews.These director's films are also featured on Dusk!, the Dutch porn channel that since 2007 has broadcast fem porn 24/7 and is available to 1.2m viewers. Martijn Broersma says he started the channel with the aim of providing a service that nobody else was offering."Nowadays women talk more about their own [sexual] likes and dislikes," he said. "With this revolution in mind, it was logical that women needed their own erotic TV channel."And while independent fem porn keeps growing, mainstream porn is in crisis. Patrick Kwasniewski specialised in gender and queer studies at the University of Klagenfurt and is currently researching his thesis on feminist porn. He says: "The development of this branch of the industry is profiting from the internet: the more direct ways to reach consumers, easier ways of self-distribution, having a more focused target and producing highly profiled films. Whilst the mainstream industry faces loss of profits through not changing their traditional ways of production or distribution and producing very repetitive films that have more and more troubles on the market, especially when there's so much for free on the internet."Joy adds: "The industry is slowly waking up to the fact that it is not just VOD [Video on Demand] that caused the drop in porn DVD sales, but that even males are bored of films that always show the same performers in the same studios going through the same sexual positions in the same running order and looking bored whilst faking it. People are hungry for more authenticity, variety and joy."Being part of this industry that refuses to change hasn't always been easy for female porn directors. Male members of the porn industry don't necessarily like their presence. Lust says: "Pornographers are usually middle-aged straight guys, with a similar cultural background. They don't like it when I say that I make porn for women. They say their porn is for everybody and I am the 'tight' one. But I just can't have an intellectual discussion with them, because they don't measure up. What I'm doing is criticising the kind of porn they have been making for years and offering an alternative."There are no reliable figures on female porn audiences, but there are some academic studies that provide some information. Verena Chiara Kuckenberger is responsible for gender at the University of Graz, and she did a study on women's porn that included audience research.She says: "Research suggests that women are not as interested in pornography as men are. But this assumption has to be seen in a broader context – there are certain scripts for male and female sexuality and one of these says that women don't find pleasure in looking as man do. But who looks and who gets looked at is a question of power as well. Historically the gaze is male, while women are objects that are being looked at."For women to admit to experiencing pleasure in watching pornography means overcoming stereotypes about female sexuality. There are women who do not want to consume pornography, but at the same time there is a potential female audience for porn and I would say it is bigger than it has been assumed so far and it is increasing as our society overcomes gendered stereotypes in general."Keeping all this in mind, I asked Arrowsmith how she feels about the controversy about her work. She said: "I have received very good responses from the press, the readers and the general public. Now, I want to join together my political work and the work I do in the porn industry. I'm going to start campaigning for sex workers' rights and encouraging women to fight for what they deserve."

#erika lust #anna arrowsmith

1 note · View note

justinjohn · 8 years ago

Text

This weekend’s events. 1.20-1.22.17. Spills and stew and satan.

What a strange weekend. Can I tell you? I just have to tell you. First of all, I spilled everything I touched. I don’t know if I am developing Parkinson’s or I’m just particularly spastic of late, but I almost missed the women’s march yesterday because, upon trying to leave the house, I went to grab a water bottle. but missed, sending it skidding like a hockey puck across the counter top, at which point it plowed into a COMPLETELY FULL LARGE COFFEE out of which I had not yet taken a sip, which toppled over and the top came off, and it projectile splattered all over the kitchen.

It was one of those spills where you just stand there in complete shock for a minute with your hand over your face. It was truly as if someone had been shot.. but with milky caffeinated blood. I just stared at the pool of brown liquid dripping from the counter top down into all of the drawers below, and ultimately pooling again on the floor.

My parents don’t have rags so I just had to sop everything up with paper towels, which made me feel like an environmental hobgoblin, and I also started to have one of those break-downs, like, “you can’t even grab a cup of coffee right you clumsy idiot.,” as I obsessively wiped up the spill like Lady-Macbeth, “just make it disappear, make it go away. No one will ever know. Out, out damn spot.”

Of course it was the day after the cleaning woman came, too, because that’s just how life works.

Okay so that happens.. I have an incredible time at the march. It’s invigorating, empowering, unifying, fun. And so I come back, and I’m exhausted, and I take a nap. And I was up FAMISHED.

I looked at the clock and my dinner with my friends wasn’t until 8, so I needed to go down to the store in the building and grab some food because there was not a snowball’s chance in hell I was going to make it until then. So, I grab some asiago noodles and a little carton of chicken salad and I go to the counter to pay.

There a few girls who man the register at the store in the building, whom I’ve gotten to know because I am there constantly and eat two out of three meals a day there because I have no desire to leave the premises on account of probably a mild case of agoraphobia mixed with a tinge of laziness.

Anyway, so yesterday it was the gothic one. She’s fairly new, but she immediately caught my attention when she started because she has black hair and wears a pentagram earring-and-necklace set prominently outside of her work uniform, and I couldn’t help but thinking, “Who the hell makes a matching pentagram set like that that you can buy together in one purchase?” Like one satanic piece isn’t enough but you need to have all three and wear it at one time? Anyway, she makes it work but certainly she is proud to represent her beliefs, which, whatever, be a witch, I’m so good with that, just don’t double-charge me for my eggs. So, anyway, I pass the asiago noodles and the chicken salad to her and she scans them, and as I take out my wallet to pay, she goes, “Oooh!”

Hearing the strange, unexpected remark, I look up to see her smile and say, “That will be $6.66.”

I mean, come ON. How is that possible?! Of course that had to happen. And then immediately I, as you can imagine, I thought my life was in danger. Like, if ever there is a moment that satan is actually present, it is when a pentagram is near, and I had the trifecta from hell two-feet away from me. So, here I am just wanted to get some goddamned asiago noodles, and now I was in fear of a dark force taking over my soul in the grocery line.

It was one of those moments that normally you’d be like, “Woah, well, look at that,” and perhaps uncomfortably laugh, but it was just a little too real, so I just scurried out of the line convinced Satan himself just contacted me through a portal in the check-out line to let me know I’m marked for death. That’s fine.

So then I had dinner with my friends which was completely lovely. I had gotten all dolled up because they’re two of those friends that exclusively sees me when I look like shit or haven’t washed my hair in three days, so I felt compelled to show them that I can be a productive member of society when tasked with the assignment, and don’t only exist in a state of sleep deprivation / hangover.

We went to an Asian restaurant, and I’ve recently been into this whole movement where I let other people just order, mostly in part, because I’m lazy and I don’t want to be responsible for ordering a basic-bitch dish that no one wants and that appeases my philistine tastes.

They ordered catfish stew which made me dry-heave when they said it out loud, but turned out to be delicious in practice, some sort of bone marrow situation but without bread which was not okay because then we were actually just cave people spooning that into our mouths and I felt like I should be slouched over an open fire pit somewhere in a one-shoulder animal skin like Barney Rubble. And then fish on the bone. The last time I had fish on the bone was spring break in Puerto Rico in 2006 because we couldn’t find a shitty American restaurant to eat dinner and the San-Juan people prepared the food locally. So, I was essentially trying to tell jokes and be super-likeable, all while saying to myself, “you better take that bone sitting in your cheek cavity out of your mouth before you choke on it.” Which happened 20-30 times that meal.

And then I spilled laundry detergent all over the floor this morning. Granted, this is something for which I take full responsibility because I’m a big idiot. It was one of those powder detergents in a plastic tub, but it was sort of old and the powder had coagulated into little rocks which was annoying me, so as I walked down the stairwell to the laundry room, I decided I would violently shake the box to loosen the rocks. Unfortunately, the top wasn’t completely on and I basically shook powder detergent all over myself and the floor of the stairwell, like a human sprinkler. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to go get a broom and dustpan from your apartment to sweep the stairwell because you rattled a tub of detergent without the top on? I’m 32. I wanted to just put myself though a wash cycle after that. Maybe it would knock some shit back in place.

Anyway, now I’m here. I went to a Presbyterian church service even though I’m not religious, partly because I’m trying to ‘center’ in a difficult time, and partly because I received an omen from hell on Saturday. It was enlightening, minus the fact that I was sitting next an incredibly rancid-smelling homeless person, which caused me to have to uncomfortably snuggle up to the man next to me and his young child. But it was church so I couldn’t very well explain to them that I was not interested in touching either one of them sexually but rather just inching away from the arrestingly-terrible smell emanating from the other side.

And now I’m going to order in Thai food and on-demand a movie because that is my signature ‘cozy’ move to usher in a relaxing Sunday evening before I wake up in my usual panic attack on Monday morning.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to spill something else on the floor.

–

Like! Share! Tell Your friends! Share www.justinthecity.com on twitter, tumblr, Facebook,etc. Put me on your Google reader so you can stay fresh and up-to-date! Follow me on Instagram! Justinthecity_ Facebook? https://www.facebook.com/Justinthecity/ Or email me: [email protected]

1 note · View note

teddyylou · 8 years ago

Text

Seven Minute Siege: aka that fan fiction I've been half assedly promoing

Here it is Chapter 1/15

PART 1: SILENT WITNESSES

Caspar’s Story:

STARTS 9:48 AM

Who actually needs to know what year the Berlin wall was built?

After a good ten minutes of trying to force myself to pay attention, I give up, easing my cramped hand and dropping my pencil on the table. I sat there staring at it, SpongeBob print mocking me, while it rolled onto the floor.

Mental note; thank Joe for that stationary set later.

The saddest part is that I actually like history.

It’s even sadder that I wouldn’t like it apart from the fact that Mr P. was the teacher. He was the first teacher who actually looked like they wanted to be there, and not in a creepy; over the top way, but he was also the first teacher who actually gave me a chance. He quickly became my advisor in freshman year, and I couldn’t thank him enough.

“Caspar? Caspar! Are you listening?” I hear someone snap their fingers and I look away from my pencil, which has made its way over to the bookshelf next to my desk and is currently chilling with a 2006 copy of People Magazine. Bless the American Education System. I see that it was Mr P. and I give him an apologetic smile.

Great job, Caspar

“I get that you only have three weeks left of high school but that is no excuse to feel like you do not have to-”

BANG! Crackle BANG!

“AHHHHHHG!!!”

BA- CRACKLE!

The loudspeaker cut out and the whole class is left silent and wide-eyed.

What in the hell..?

Mr P. looks from the P.A. in question over to us, then back to the P.A. His teeth are clenched together in a ‘what the fuck’ kind of way. He clears his throat before turning to us once more.

“I’m sure someone in the office just fell on the loudspeaker button… Back to work guys.” Mr P coaxed with his usual smile, but due to the uncertainty in his voice, not a single student resumed their study.

My stomach churned, Mr. P’s words just slipped through my mind like a whisper.

The class were all wide-eyed and dead silent. A pin dropping could have be heard. I looked at the faces of my classmates, the people I had come to know slightly better over the semester, most of which I had never spoken to until senior year. Their expressions were not necessarily scared, but at the same level of ‘what the fuck’ that Sir was at moments ago.

From the back of the classroom Sam Pepper, a generally loud and obnoxious kid, reluctantly raised his hand.

“Sir, even if they fell on the button, that didn’t sound normal for an office. Should we- should we lock down?” His voice cracked in his sentence through fear.

“No, no, it’s fine… Come on guys.” Mr P sounded completely unfazed by the sound we just witnessed. I understand that teachers have to keep us calm and all, but if he is only pretending that everything will be fine, he is doing a good job of it. But unfortunately he is the only one doing so.

Mr P sighs, “Guys, fine. If anything is really wrong, the alarm will go off. Until then, we have nothing to worry about.” Our teacher encouraged. I had a bad feeling about this and I’m sure the feeling amongst the other students was mutual.

9:49 AM

Mr P sat timidly at his desk, hands clasped together and tense. I think the tension of the situation was growing on him as he went from his still position behind his desk, to quickly jumping out of his seat faster than lightning. He marched directly over to the door, reaching out both hands to close it. But just his hands reached the doorknob; he was pushed back by a strong force and knocked onto the floor.

Screams were let out as a red colour appeared across his chest, spreading quickly staining his blue button-up shirt. It was like the universe went into slow motion as a man in a black beanie concealing his face, only enough so that he could see, pushed our teacher to the floor as he stormed the classroom, gun in hand. He fired across the classroom as people ducked and dived for cover before their brains could register what was happening. Students were dropping like flies in their attempt to escape the mad man’s fire.

After coming to my senses of what was happening, I jumped behind the bookcase and pulled my knees to my chest. I cover my ears in an attempt to block out the sounds of my classmates and friends’ screams. I can’t comprehend what is happening as bullets fly around the room like darts, hitting people multiple times. Who could be doing this? Why? I see a body fall practically on to me, ripping me out of trance as I jump in shock and horror. I almost let out a scream as I push it off noticing that it was the body of none other than Sam Pepper that was now lying next to me; my clothes are saturated in his blood as wet, hot tears stream down my face.

I rock back and forth while the gunshots continue. Then all of a sudden they stop, just as fast as they had started. Either everyone was dead or I had gone deaf due to the bullets. All I could hear was my own heart beat through every part of my body as I held my breath.

I remember what my mother told me. If I’m ever in this situation, play dead.

The figure walks around the bodies of senior students checking to make sure no one is alive. I quickly go limp and continue to hold my breath as I shut my eyes; Pretending that Sam’s blood is my own. I feel the man walk past me and stop. I try not to move.

I want to scream.

I give all of my will power not to squint my eyes further, or do anything to show that I am not dead. If I try anything I’ll be dead before I could finish it. I hear what I think is him finally walking away. I count to thirty before deciding to sit up.

I look around the now silent classroom, amongst the red puddles and splatters on the floor and walls, to see that I am the only one left alive.

As the silence continues, I decide to stand. I walk lines through the desks. Slowly, not trying to touch anyone, checking that maybe someone is still breathing. I see dead bodies left and right, still with eyes open. Clutched stomachs, and hurled over bodies from pain, the stench of death already lingering. I make it to the front of the room, failing in an attempt to steady my breaths and tears.

I head to the door, peeking my head around the frame. It would be stupid to leave; the man could walk out from anywhere and shoot me. I bring my whole body back inside the classroom and press it to the wall, hidden against it.

Not sure if I can bear to look at anything in the room for any longer, I let out a breath with my eyes squeezed shut.

I wait in silence.

…1…

…2…

…3…

I suck my breath right back in and slide down the wall to the floor when the gunshots start again.

9:50 AM

From my spot in a ball against the orange felt walls, I hear the door of the classroom next to ours get broken into, the cries of a teacher trying to save his students, who at least bothered to make them go into lockdown.

I try to find something to distract myself from what was going on, so I can pretend I’m not helplessly pressed against a wall clinging onto it for dear life. The sounds of gunshots go off around me echoing through the halls as screams and cries ring in my ears. Unfortunately the only other thing I can see from my spot on the floor is the dead corpse of my favourite teacher.

I feel like I never got to repay him for everything he did for me. He was the one who helped my with my dyslexia, he was the only one who tried to find other solutions for me to complete my work. He never dismissed my Tourette’s as bad behaviour. He understood my ticks. But most importantly, out of everything, he helped my come into terms with myself and helped me believe that who I was, was okay and nothing to be ashamed of.

In a time where I was to afraid to even come to school, or go home, he gave me council, and we talked it out. He made me realise that I was normal and that I had nothing to worry about. He told me to come to him if anyone was ever mean to me, and he advised me when I told him about my crush on my now three year boyfriend Joe.

We had gotten together at the end of freshman year, and today of all days was our three-year anniversary. Mr P helped me build up courage to ask him out. Joe was always so confidant and one of the only openly gay guys at our school. There was Tyler and Troye, two best friends who I was always too afraid to talk to. There was also Connor Franta but he didn’t come out until the end of last year.

It was only through Mr P and Joe that I can now say that all of those people, plus many more are now my best friends in the whole world.

Speaking of anniversaries, it just occurred to me that a certain event was due to happen just after school was let out. Three weeks from now, at the start of the break, Mr P was going to get married. Joe, the rest of my family and I were all invited and we were hardly ever not talking about it.

I let out a small whimper thinking about him and his fiancé. She was lovely; she was a musician and had an amazing sense of humour. He was caring and brilliant. They were perfect for each other. He was stupid for not going into lockdown. But neither of them deserved this. No one did.

My thoughts were interrupted as I noticed the unnerving silence which must have meant that the gunshots had stopped, then I heard a small creak of a door from across the hall. Curiosity got the best of me and I peeked my head around the corner yet again. My eyes widened as I met an equally scared looking pair of eyes, belonging to no other then Arden Rose. She was hiding in the doorway of the library, obviously not knowing the situation, and scared out of her brains. I silently urged for her to run back into the library. Using my hands as signals but it was clear she had no idea what I was trying to get across to her.

She took one look at me, then down the hall, I knew what she was planning and I wanted to run over to her and stop her before she did. I sat helplessly in the doorframe as she met my worried gaze one more. I knew the man had left the second classroom, he would see her. In a flash she launched herself from her spot, only to slam herself back against it as a bullet was fired straight at her. My heart stopped as it hit the brickwork, only just missing her. What was she doing! I could only stare at her while willing my heart to start again as the sound of a door slamming to the ground and more bullets and more scream echoed in my ears. I tried to signal to her to run, but I knew I was too late. So was off sprinting down the hall, book bag flying behind her. I bashed my hands on the wall as a slammed my head back into it in a mix of anger, worry and frustration. I wanted to scream as I heard two more gunshots follow her down the hall.

I couldn’t stand it. It was one thing for my classmates to die, another thing for my favourite teacher. But Arden was something different. She was one of my best friends, and she is dead. I accepted her fate as I silently cried. Pulling at my hair. There is no way she could have escaped.

9:51 AM

My thoughts turn to Joe as I cry to myself, trying not to be heard. I was stuck, helpless in this classroom, as a mass killer rampaged my school. I could no longer hear any gunshots if they were still going on. The only thing I knew was that my beautiful boyfriend was in the classroom at the end of the hall. I hoped he was in lockdown, but as much as I craned my neck I couldn’t see out of the door far enough to check.

He wasn’t at school this morning and I prayed that he decided to just not show up. I wanted to text him but if he was in his classroom I didn’t want to put him in danger by setting his phone off. If he was in any sort of trouble, he would text me.

It still awed me that I was lucky enough to have him. Not to mention that Joe had been mine for three years. I was even more stunned that he loved me back to be honest, not to mention freshman Caspar. Joe has always been this angelic, stunning, little human and I’m still not sure if I have grown into my long, lanky limbs and massive ears. Yet ‘I love you’ is the first thing I hear from him every time we meet so I must be doing something right.

As soon as the police show up I will find him and hold him and never let him go. He is my beautiful baby boy and my number one priority even if I have to shield him from danger with my own body; I would do anything to keep him safe. If we both can’t make it out of this, I will make it my mission to make sure that he is the one alive. He has so much potential, much more than I do. I would never find someone even close too as good as him.

I’m whipped okay.

We have an amazing day planned for after school, which includes skipping the last two periods. Though after all of this, we might not feel like it. I would be happy if we are just both here to see it happen.

I flinch when out of the corner of my eye I see something move past the window on the other side of the classroom. I turn my whole tear stained face to see

… Kian…

… and JC…

Is that … Ricky?

9:52 AM

They slowly walk past the window. Kian grips onto JC’s shoulder and Ricky scouts the area as they sneak their way past my classroom. They must have gotten up out of their own class and left. The tension probably got too much for them. Maybe they were already out of class when it happened.

Idiots. That’s the only word I could think of to describe them. Sure they were kinda my friends, and I get that they would want to leave, but there is one guy in the hallway who just shot my entire class plus two more, and one guy can’t hold down a whole school right?

Anyway, there are probably at least three more gunmen around ready to shoot; Ricky, JC and Kian are goners.

Like with Arden, I try to signal them. JC points at me through the window and the other two turn to face me. Ricky waves me over but I furiously shake my head.

What! Is he, crazy? I’m not risking my life to try and sneak out. If I could save anyone I would, but it is impossible for me to leave my spot. I try to tell them to leave and get out of sight.

The three boys just stare at me through the window, they shrug at my gestures and smile at me. Kian waves as he puts his hand on Ricky’s back pushing them on. They walk out of the way of the window so I can no longer see them.

I start to panic. Everything is finally catching up to me. The smell, the small cramped position that I am in, the fact that I can’t leave said position. Maybe I can. I have no idea what is happening around me and my phone is over on my desk. I can’t see anyone’s texts or snap chats or Tweets or anything. It all occurs to me that there could be more killers, no police; Maybe Kian, JC and Ricky are outside safe, maybe they are already dead.

The worst part is that I’m stuck alone, with my thoughts. I can escape them just as much as I can escape this room. It’s so quiet that the only thing I can hear is the screams of the past five minutes playing over in my head.

Wait, it was quiet. Actually dead silent.

There hadn’t been a gunshot in a really long time, or at least, not one that I had heard. Did that mean it was safe?

I couldn’t take being there anymore and decided that it would be best to leave, I had missed all of the other opportunities I had been given and this could be my last one. What if he comes back?

I slowly stand, using the wall to help me up. I look at the red handprint that I had left slowly seep into the felt. However, this thing ends, it won’t be happily. So many parents have lost their children; people losing soul mates, siblings, family members, and friends…

I hear one final gunshot and jump in my spot. I freeze.

9:53 AM

I hear a scream. It sounded like the person was screaming out ‘Noooo!’ but kind of like someone’s name.

It also kind of sounded like Will.

No, YES! it was unmistakably the cry of Will Darbyshire. Did he find Arden? They weren’t together but it is so obvious how they feel. He clearly loves her.

I don’t want to think about how he would feel if he found her body. I turn my head back towards the wall where I once sat.

I think about the impact on everyone’s lives that this one man, let alone any other gunman at this school, or anywhere, has done to our community.

Who let him have a gun; WHO JUST LETS ANYONE HAVE A GUN? I slam my fist against the mark I left on the wall in anger.

I’m angry for those who had to die today; their families, and anyone who has to go back to school after this and deal with the memories of what went down on this morning.

All of those students were my friends! They were so talented, they had bright futures. They had so many people who loved them and they themselves loved so many.

I didn’t care anymore, I pulled my hair with both my hands and I let out a frustrated scream and it was almost like one thousand other voices were screaming with me.

I lifted my head from my hands to see that it wasn’t in my head. There really were people screaming with me. A class of students from the end of the hall were rampaging down it, screaming and yelling and avoiding the flailing gunfire of the man on the floor.

I lean out of the door, grabbing onto the frame to watch it. The students burst through the front door of the school to safety; cheering and whooping as they exited the crime scene.

I got swept up in it all and felt a yell strangled in my throat wanting to be let out.

I was about to let it out as the last few members of the class left the building, when the gunman stood up.

9:54 AM

I wasn’t sure if he had seen me but I dived against the door again, this time against the other side, flat against the open door itself.

I watched in horror as the man walked over to two pairs of feet trapped under a bank of lockers that must have been pushed over during the stampede.

No, no, NO! Not more death! We were good, we were safe. More people can’t die today.

I watched as I recognized a turquoise quiff belonging to one of the trapped victims. No, Not Tyler!

I Stood ready to scream. I could create a distraction. The suspense was building, almost at tipping point. I sucked in a breath as a different noise sounded from the end of the hall. The sound of multiple texts on someone’s iPhone rang through the dead silent halls. I breathed heavily as I looked from the lockers to the man to the direction of the noise. It did its job as the man dropped his gun to his side and followed it.

It wasn’t until my eyes looped back around to the noise as well that I noticed the man lift his gun again, to the head of Connor Franta.

I let out an audible whimper as I held my breath. He looked as threatening as a kitten as he kneeled on the floor. Large eyes pleading to the man for mercy. I had held my breath for so long that black spots appeared in my vision, blocking my view as I braced myself.

I shut my eyes as the last gunshot went off.

A body fell to the ground and the clank of the silver on the tiles jolted me fully awake.

Two arms scooped me off the ground and once again the confusion upon me sent the world into slow motion.

I was barely walking for myself as my feet kicked the ground. The police were practically dragging me out of the school.

I turned my head to face the body of the gunman on the floor. Lying in a pool of his own blood.

It was over.

Until the high-pitched squeal of a girl spun the world back to normal, and the worried sprints of Dan, Phil, Tanya and Jim had me break out of the policemen’s grip to follow them.

Part 2: https://teddy-parade.tumblr.com/post/155612175180/seven-minute-siege-pt-215

0 notes