#paul immediately decides 'okay i want to challenge this kid to a battle'

[ryuuseini]

Working on the Paul essay and i NEVER thought the hardest thing to explain where his actions in episode 3. Like I'm literally having to handwave half of this shit because i have ZERO heterosexual explainations for this, like, your honor, he was just Obsessed!

[hanhan156]

Hanhan’s October writing challenge: Rammstein Halloween pt #8

I have no idea how I ended up making up a story about Richard and Paul being Sherlock and John from this prompt, but here we go!

I think the October challenge is going to be for me October-November challenge while - believe it or not - I happen to have another life besides writing as well and some days, I just don't have the energy to come up with any new stories. For me, it's most important to publish stuff I actually like even though it might take some more time than expected.

But yeah, enough rambling and let's go to the story. ^^ Enjoy!

The prompt: After hearing about an abandoned house in the neighborhood that was supposedly the scene of a gruesome crime years earlier, the character and a friend or two decide to explore the property.

-

#8: The best detectives of Berlin

“A 55-year-old woman has just been found dead from an abandoned house in the outskirts of Berlin. Police are investigating, but no signs of crime have been found yet…”

“Just some old hag who had forgotten to take her medicine. I’m bored already.”

Paul sighed and put the newspaper away. “Just to remind you that the ‘old hag’ is almost the same age as us.”

“Whatever.” Richard didn’t want to admit to himself that he was middle-aged already. In his mind, he wanted to stay in his twenties forever. He absolutely loved how much it annoyed his partner when he acted like a teenage diva on purpose - like now when he kept doing his favorite activities: throwing daggers at a portrait of Till Lindemann, the chief police officer he loved to hate, and smoking home-grown tobacco. Paul was constantly worried that the bitter smell would never vanish from their apartment.

Occasionally, the dagger hit the wall instead of the picture. “For heaven’s sake, Reesh! You know very well what Frau Schneider has said about ruining her apartment. What if we are kicked out?”

But Richard didn’t listen to his partner - as always, he kept doing what he wanted.

Luckily, Paul knew his cocky partner already so well that he had learned how to have his attention. Even though there was a slight risk to be stabbed by a dagger, he insolently sat on Richard’s lap and dumped his cigarette. “So, do you want to talk to me now?” he said and cupped his lover’s cheeks.

Richard hated how Paul always managed to dominate him. “What is it now, Paulchen?” he asked and tried his best to sound innocent.

“I think we should take a look in that house and figure out what has actually happened. I have a feeling that there is something fishy in this case.”

Richard raised an eyebrow. “To go to that ancient shack to prove that the old lady just went crazy and died of a drug overdose? No thanks.”

“Reesh, you are visibly bored to death. This is your chance to shine again. Admit that you love the attention.”

“I’m not bored! Couldn’t you see how busy I was before you interrupted me?”

Paul sighed. “I mean that you need a case to solve. Your brain is rotting here while you spend the whole day in your bathrobe, doing bizarre experiments in your microwave and throwing daggers at Lindemann’s face.” He took his partner’s hand in his own. “You’re like an animal in a cage. Please, let’s go together to investigate this, for the old times’ sake.”

Scheisse, now I know what this all is about… “That freaking Lindemann has asked for your help and you didn’t tell me anything.” He turned his head and mumbled: “His team is full of idiots, so no wonder they can never solve anything without me.”

“You should be flattered that they are at least still asking for your help even though you treat them like an ass!”

Richard looked at his partner’s begging eyes - he knew he had lost this battle already. Verdammt. “Okay, let’s fucking do it then, but I’m not doing it for the police, I’m doing it just for you.”

“Wunderbar!” Paul exclaimed and leaned forward to meet his partner’s lips.

The sweet kissing moment ended too soon when their landlady, Frau Schneider, broke in the flat. She always came without prior warning - in her opinion, it was her right to come and go as she wanted in her own house, even though there were tenants living there nowadays.

“Boys, come downstairs to have bratwurst and beer!” she shouted from the door and then, her gaze moved to the ruined wall. “Gott im Himmel, what have you done to my apartment again?”

“It was Richard,” Paul answered and got a piercing look from his partner.

The floor creaked ominously when Paul was running to keep up the pace of his partner who was visibly having the time of his life while investigating the eerie, wrecked house.

“So, have you found any clues yet?”

“What do you think? Of course, I have.”

Paul stopped at his place. “Would you mind to tell me about them, so I could know what is going on here.”

“Just look around you, they are obvious. Even a kid could see them.”

“Es tut mir leid, but just to remind you that not everybody has the superbrain of yours, so could you kindly explain to me.”

“I’ll tell you later, let’s keep investigating. The game is on.”

They made their way upstairs and Paul tried his best not to step on the shattered glass scattered everywhere. What in bloody hell has happened here? Poor lady…

In the living room, Richard rushed immediately next to a dark spot on the floor and pointed at it. “The corpse was lying here.” He crouched and put his nose in the spot.

“Seriously, do you really have to smell everything? There has been a dead person just a couple of days ago! Have some manners…”

“Of course you have to use all the senses you have!” Even though how much I love you, I just don’t get how simple-minded you really are sometimes…

And even worse was coming when Richard wiped the bloodstains of the spot with his bare hands and licked his fingers.

“Reesh, that’s enough! Have you ever happened to hear about blood-borne diseases like hepatitis, HIV…”

The detective turned to his partner and said with an impassive voice: “I know very well you are a doctor but that doesn’t make you any smarter, mein Liebling.”

“You dumbass, of course, I didn’t try to sound smart! I just don’t want you to get a fatal disease, for heaven’s sake.”

“Enough of this nonsense, let’s continue. We have a job to do.”

They stepped into the bathroom. Richard investigated the toilet seat, wiping something gross from it when his partner didn’t see.

“Reesh, you should take a look at this…” Paul said when he saw what was written - apparently, with somebody’s blood - inside the shower cubicle.

MEIN HERREN, EVEN THOUGH HOW CLEVER YOU THINK YOU ARE, I’M AFRAID YOU HAVE BEEN WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME. TAKE A SECOND LOOK AND YOU WILL BE GRANTED WITH SURPRISES…

-FOREVER YOURS, CFL-

“W-what on earth is that? And who the hell is CFL?” Does he have a secret, murderous lover somewhere who wants to avenge?

“I have no idea, but it’s fascinating indeed,” the detective managed to say before they both startled to death when they heard a loud rattle behind them. Paul took his pistol from the holster.

In no time, they saw what had made the noise: it had been a tall, slender man in a tuxedo, now blocking the bathroom door. “Ah, Guten Abend, Herren Kruspe und Landers!” The man with messy black hair had a gun in his hand and something - which looked like hand grenades - on his belt. “My warmest welcomes!” He stepped closer and took Richard’s hand, looking at him straight in the eyes. “I am a huge fan of your work Herr Kruspe and I’m glad to see you are back!”

Paul stuttered: “W-who are you and w-what d-do you want from us?” The pistol was trembling in his hand but he did his best to protect his partner. “Reesh, why is he acting like you two know each other?”

“Brilliant, just brilliant,” Richard said unexpectedly to the intruder and they grinned at each other like partners in crime.

“W-what the hell? This g-guy with a gun and grenades just broke in and you think it’s…brilliant?!”

Richard turned to his lover. “Yes! Finally some challenges. I can’t wait to hear what he wants from us.”

This is really just a game for him? “You can’t be fucking serious…”

The intruder got impatient and raised his gun, pointing at them both now. “Enough bullshit, let’s go back to business, shall we?” The grin on his face didn’t fade and Paul was sure he must be a lunatic. “We are playing with my rules now, so in case you want to stay alive, you must listen carefully and obey.”

[jazzypizzaz]

endgame spoilers

overall I liked it!  it was a fun event and (mostly) a fitting, definitive end to the original phase of Avengers.  it’s one of those finales that plays enough fanservice and callbacks to be satisfying, but also does everything it needs to do to tie up narrative arcs with some twists along the way.  like, it’s not a movie I’d rewatch a bunch, but I’m glad it played out how it did for the most part

with the exception of NATASHA!!!  listen, literally any of the characters would do the heroic self-sacrifice to save everyone, and the narrative could justify it as a fitting end for their arc. whatever it takes and all that... but Natasha, unlike Tony -- had only the Avengers as her family and nothing else to live for apparently, had red in her ledger and did it to repay a debt, couldn’t have kids (*deep sigh*) and decided that made Clint’s life more worthwhile....... and you know what FUCK all of that.  no fucking way does any of that mean that she’s better off dead and none of those are good enough reasons for her end. what the FUCK

that said, (and yes I’m immediately contradicting myself) the only things I really wanted from this movie was a satisfying reason for Tony and Steve to never reappear in future movies (and you know that retiring happily into the sunset while still relatively young could never secure that) -- preferably with Tony to be the one to make the self-sacrifice hero play and for Steve to have a happy quiet life somehow.

idk it’s a superhero movie.  someone’s gotta do the big climatic hero move, and the entire arc has been building for Tony to do that.  and it wasn’t a cool-headed either/or choice, it wasn’t deliberately walking into death -- it was a split second decision in the heat of battle.  maybe that makes it different.  also, the greater narrative weight put on it

also maybe, as much as he’s a great character, I’m just tired of him. (oops)

& Steve, sure he could live a happy life rebuilding the world and chilling with his buds, but like... since the ice he’s always been a man out of time yearning for what could have been in his past (while always meeting the challenges of the day of course), he’s always felt misplaced and alone, and... I don’t begrudge him choosing to live a happy life and get that dance he promised Peggy.  

maybe it’s that tony deserves to be immemorialized as the ultimate hero that he is; & steve deserves some goddamn rest??

that said what the FUCKING FUCK is up with the time travel mechanics???

cuz you know that Steve “never followed a rule in his goddamn life if it didn’t suit him” Rogers wouldn’t live in obscurity not changing the timeline through: Hydra’s infiltration, Bucky’s brainwashing, more wars, the civil rights movement, every single social event in history, etc etc etc.  so like?? okay maybe changing the past makes it into a different timeline but then how did he wait for them on the bench as if his timeline connected to theirs ???

did ANY of their actions change the past of the current timeline??  like I think the answer is no it’s impossible, but then how do you explain Steve???

also who thought letting Steve be the one to return the stones was a good idea.  who gave Steve unbridled access to the past and thought he wouldn’t just fucking live there.  Bucky knew he would, I’m sure of it.  Natasha would have known (*shakes fist*).  Sam seems like he should have, I mean seriously??  it’s on Steve’s character sheet; he doesn’t do well with moving on.

HELL YEAH to captain america bird man Sam though. fuck yeah I’m here for it

okay other characters...

Ant Man was a breath of fresh air in the first part.  the perfect character to reappear into this dark timeline, give new hope, and react to all the weird space shit (I DIED at the taco scene, probably when I laughed the most).  I didn’t think I cared about him, but I was really touched by the Cassie scenes.

my favorite Rocket moment was him petting Paul Rudd’s head like a puppy.  yes please.  also, snapping some sense into Thor.  he had a bit part as expected, but it was good.

Hawkeye... stop trying to make Hawkeye happen. I just.... don’t care. and I could not stop sniggering at his hair long enough to feel sad about anything.

yes all the treatment of Thor’s weight gain and alcoholism was fucked up, played for cheap laughs, not all that funny.  but also like -- they’re clearly shown as manifestations of his corrosive guilt and trauma and self-harm, and by the end, he becomes the brave hero again without any sort of getting-into-shape losing weight montage scene.  it’s his perception of himself not his physicality. plus like, he’s the Goofy Avenger tbh and idk if there was a serious way to show him at a lower emotional low point than Infinity War without getting too dark for his brand(tm).  low standards on my part maybe? but whatever, he didn’t die.

Valkyrie HELL YEAH... I was so giddy about her flying around on the Pegasus.  where did she even get it???  I don’t care it was amazing.  all hail Valkyrie, King of Asgard.

actually??? wait. fuck that. Thor needs to accept responsibility and live up to being king of his people.  Valkyrie needs to go on kooky space adventures and find herself.  seriously!!

good for Bruce on the hulk integration thing, but I missed watching Mark Ruffalo’s human non-CGI face

Nebula, baby girl, you’ve come so far ;_; sorry you didn’t get put on airplane mode for the time travel, whooops.

the 100% best part of the movie for me, the only point at which I got chills, was (of course) Sam chiming in over Cap’s earpiece on your left and flying out of the wizard hole in a glowing swoop of glory. beautiful majestic bird man.

(and then the armies piling through after & Wakanda. yes.)

Wanda reappeared and I admit I totally forgot about her until that point.  and then I realized I also totally forgot about Vision until the end when she was talking to Hawkeye by the river jklsdfjkl. okay then

Carol just decided that she likes space more than Earth I guess? sure whatever.  great haircut though

also... New Asgard is in Norway, presumably, but it’s a sovereign kingdom???  what did they do when the Norwegian government stopped by??  paid for the land and said “look we’ve been through a lot so just let us fish and drink beer in peace. also, we’re the people from your myths and have inhuman stamina/strength/science so what, feasibly, are you gonna do about it anyway” I just want to see that conversation.

oh another thing. I wanted some resolution or cathartic followup to the themes in Infinity War -- killing the one to save many, trading lives, etc. which. this really didn’t do at all.  there wasn’t a consistent theme in the same way? idk I’ll have to think about it more, but for that reason alone IW is a much better movie imo

really excited about (As)guardians of the Galaxy, vol 3, Search for Gamora.  Rocket is going to be unbearable in the best way.