#patrick isn't a bad guy... he just doesn't know any better?

[wrongspacetime]

Oh, do you hate Nirvana now? (...) Do you? Yes, okay? Fine, I don't like Nirvana. The guy was weird.

[karlajoyner]

Sick (Charlie Gillespie x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys I hope you guys enjoy this one! I'm currently trying to work on the requests I have to get done but I somewhat have a good idea on how I want a lot of them to go....now I just need to write them. Also I do have a taglist if you wanna be added to it. Okay byeee!!

Requested by: @riverdalefan2019 (Tumblr)

Warnings: None

————

I made my way into my shared apartment after a long day at work, exhausted after spending hours treating patients.

Immediately spotting a note on the countertop. A small smile formed on my face as I recognized the chicken scratch written on it.

"I tried to stay awake my love but I was just too tired. Don't hesitate to wake me up if you want to feel loved and appreciated!

                      ~ Charlie

I read quietly taking a look at the clock. 3:34am. He had a whole weekend to make me feel loved and appreciated as did I.

Deciding on letting him rest I removed my coat and shoes leaving them by the door before making my way into our shared bedroom.

I turned on the bedside lamp, straight away spotting my boyfriends body under the covers.

I sighed contently moving over to my dresser to grab a pair of pajamas when I heard the sheets begin to shuffle.

"Y/n?" A raspy voice called out to me.

"Babe. Did I wake you?" I asked worriedly pulling out a pair of silk pajama shorts and a cami. Placing them at the top of the dresser.

"No, no I was having trouble sleeping" He coughed sitting up. I turned around getting a good look at his disheveled appearance. A frown forming on my face. "Are you okay?" I questioned grabbing my scrubs from my bag and dumping them into the dirty clothes.

"I'm fine just a little tired is all. How was your shift at the hospital?"

"It wasn't too bad today. I'm just glad I have a whole weekend to recover before going back" I said watching him lean against the headboard. Slowly closing his eyes and reopening them.

"Are you sure your okay Charlie?"

"I'm fine"

"Yeah well as a nurse, I'm fine isn't gonna cut it for me"

"Don't go all professional on me now" He teased as I walked over to my work bag.

"I kinda have to it's my job as your girlfriend who works with sick people everyday. I have to make sure your not contagious" I spoke walking over to him.

"How've you been feeling?" I asked placing a hand on his forehead.

"Tired"

"Does your head hurt?"

"A bit" He sniffled. Stuffy nose.

"Open" I spoke taking a look into his mouth.

"How do your muscles feel?" I spoke putting the popsicle stick I had used in a ziplock bag to throw away.

"You tell me baby" He joked flexing his arm.

"Charles"

"Fine. Sorry. They're actually a little weak" I sighed sticking a thermometer in his mouth.

"I missed you" He tried to speak reaching his hand out to take mine. I quickly retracted it watching hurt take over his face.

"Baby I love you but your sick" I explained hearing the thermometer beep.

"I don't think I'm sick"

"Really? Cause this thermometers telling me you've got the flu"

"I do?"

"Yup. Which means your on bedrest until you get better"

"Nope. There's no way that's gonna happen"

"And why not?"

"Because we've had this whole weekend planned out with fun activities for weeks and I'm not gonna let a little cold ruin that"

"It's not a little cold it's the flu. And I'm sure we can find another free weekend to lounge around all day and watch movies"

"We we're gonna do other stuff too" He pouted.

"Save it Charlie. You are not doing anything that doesn't involve you laying in this bed" He seemed to perk up at my suggestion a smirk forming on his face.

"No. Not that either" I spoke a pout taking over his face.

"But-"

"No buts. You need rest"

"I can't. I've been tossing and turning all night. Can we cuddle?" I internally groaned looking at the digital clock on the bedside table.

"Charlie it's contagious. I can't risk getting sick" My heart broke as I watched sadness wash over his face.

"But I wanna cuddle"

"If you feel any better tomorrow. We can cuddle. Until then I've got to sleep on the couch tonight"

"Your not even gonna sleep with me" He complained.

"Get some rest" I said placing my hand on his cheek feeling him lean into my touch.

"I love you" I smiled sweetly at him.

"I love you too Y/n" he croaked out coughing afterwards.

"Night Charlie"

"Goodnight baby" He called out after me.

I woke up to sound of my alarm ringing. Wanting nothing more than to sleep for just a few more hours.

Unfortunately enough I had a sick boyfriend to tend to so I quickly got up, going to put a chicken soup on the stove. Just the way he liked it.

"Charlie" I sang entering the room to see a scatter of tissues around the bed.

"We ran out of tissues so I had to grab toilet paper. He sniffled holding up a roll of new toilet paper.

"I take it your not feeling any better?" I asked putting down the tray of soup on the dresser.

"Nope. I think it got worse. Which sucks cause now I can't kiss you"

"We have plenty of time for that later" I spoke tucking him back in.

"I brought you soup"

"Thank you for taking care of me"

"Of course baby. You know? We could still have a great weekend" I said picking up the dirty tissues and throwing them into the trash bin in the corner of the room.

"How?" Charlie asked blowing on the soup.

"We could watch some movies later in the living room. We'll just sit on different couches" I suggested.

"Sounds good?"

"Sounds amazing beautiful" He spoke in a groggy voice.

It had been a few hours of Charlie laying in bed while I did some online shopping enjoying the peace and silence in the apartment.

The two of us sharing small talk bringing up memories from the day we first met, to our first date, to the present day.

"Baby!" Charlie called out to me.

"Yes Charles" I toyed with the boy spinning around on the armchair at the desk.

"Can we watch movies now? I'm tired of laying here"

"Yes" I answered watching a smile form on his face.

I sighed settling down onto the couch watching as my boyfriend scrolled through the endless movies on Netflix.

"What do you wanna watch?"

"The notebook"

"Do you wanna see me cry woman?" He asked exasperatedly making me giggle.

"Awww your such a softie" I said watching him put the movie on anyways.

"I am not"

"Sure Charlie" I laughed once more as the movie started.

I looked over at my boyfriend to see him attempting to get comfortable. Rolling my eyes I got up to sit next to him.

"Come on" I said patting my lap.

"Really?" He asked making me nod.

"What if I get you sick?"

"Then I'll take a couple days off work. No biggie"

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course you big dummy" He grinned at my response placing his head on my lap. Immediately getting comfortable with a blanket on his body.

"I love you" He muttered.

"I love you too Charlie" I whispered contently running my fingers through his hair as the first movie of the night played.

————

Up Next: Alex Mercer x Male Reader

Luke Patterson x Reader

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Jeremy Shada x Reader

Charlie Gillespie x Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader

Reggie Peters x Reader

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Reggie Peters x Reader

Carrie Wilson x Reader

Sunset Curve x Reader

————

@lolychu @headheartbellarke @bookish0918 @kcd15 @ifilwtmfc @moviesbooksandfandoms @lovesanimals @lavender-writer @kaitieskidmore1 @morganayennefertyrell @iloveteenwolf @ghostofmgg @jammi13 @theravenclawlife

[lovelyyy-luna]

weak pt. 2

fandom: it movie

fic summary: Y/N moves to the small town of Derry. Strange things start to happen to her and she has to figure it out before something terrible happens

chapter summary: after a beating from her mother she gets invited to a party with the Bowers Gang and something sparks a fire in Y/N

warning: fighting, blood, bruises

word count: 1383

date: december 23, 2020

CB | PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 |

masterlist

All of a sudden your door slams open and your mom grabs you by your hair and pins you down punching you and choking you calling you a slut.

You look back at Pat but he wasn't there. It was all going in slow motion and then it went to black.

You wake up on your bedroom floor with dried blood and a bruised face and collarbone.

You slowly get up from the floor and make your way to the bathroom. You turn the faucet for the tub on and wait for it to get hot.

You step in the water and chills go up your skin and you sink into the tub. You slowly wash away the blood.

This was one of the reasons you didn't want to come to live with your mom. When you were little your mom would beat you and your dad. Then one day your dad took you away when your mom was out. You haven't seen her for about 6 years. She got back into your life and was conning your dad out of his money. You never did see your mom, you only saw her name on the checks your dad would send.

The doorbell rang, you got out of the tub and put a towel on and made your way downstairs, and opened the door.

The boys were standing there and Henry said, “Looks like we caught you at a bad time, didn't know we were getting a show. If I did I would have worn tighter pants.”

You give him a confused and disgusted look. “I had a rough night and I don't need any of your bullshit. If I invite you inside you better stop acting like an ass.”

Henry gives you a smirk and you give him a deadly stare. “Fine okay Jeez.”

“Good. Why don't you guys come on in,” you say in your best hostess voice.

The boys come in but there is no sign of Patrick.

“Guys where's Pat?”

“He's over at his place getting ready. He had a rough night but it looks like you had a rougher one.” Vic says pointing at your face.

You had forgotten you had some bruises.

“Um, I’m going to get dressed. Why don't you guys make yourselves at home.”

You rush upstairs and get ready. Brush your hair and your teeth. And try to cover up the bruises with a concealer. Then you put on some shorts and a shirt. While putting on your shoes you hear a screen door open and slam shut you stand up to look out your window. It was Patrick. You couldn't help but get butterflies. You quickly tie your shoes and head downstairs but not rushing, not making it seem like you were trying to beat seeing Patrick.

Your front door opened and he walked in; he didn't look at you. You felt hurt but you didn't know why. Nothing really happened last night. You didn't even get to kiss him, you just teased him a little.

“Oh good, you're here Pat. Now we can get going.”

You speak up, “Um where are we going?”

Patrick looks at you and smiles, “We are going to a party sweetheart.”

“What kind of party starts at 4?”

He chuckles, “The party isn't starting now it starts at 10. It's over in Castle Rock. Which is a few towns over.”

“Oh okay. Let me go get my bag and my jacket.” you smile and rush upstairs.

The guys pile in the car and are waiting for you.

You close the door behind you and sit next to Patrick.

In the car Blech is driving so he's just paying attention to the road, Vic and Henry are chatting about all the chicks they are going to score and you and Patrick just sit there. You look out the window not paying attention but in actuality are playing hard to get. You just hope that Patrick realizes that.

But since he is a guy he doesn't notice.

Then you feel something on your thigh. You look over and Patrick is looking away from you but he's tracing his finger around your thigh. You smile and look away.

You arrive in Castle Rock around 8. You would've gotten there earlier but the boys kept stopping for food and the restroom.

Belch then pulls up to this beautiful house. “This is where we leave you, sweetheart,” Patrick whispers in your ear.

“What? You guys are leaving me?” you say in a panic.

“Not for good you dumbass. Me and the boys have a few unfinished business to get settled and then we'll be back in time when the party starts.” Henry states.

“So you're just dropping me off at some stranger’s house?”

“She's not a stranger, she is my cousin. I called her and told her that I'd be dropping you off.” Belch said.

“Oh well, that makes it all better.”

You hop out of the car and stand there. “Oh don't worry sweetheart I’ll be back soon.'' Patrick pokes his head out of the window and gives you a kiss on the cheek and in that second they are gone.

They just left you in the dust and your face was still blushing beet red. It took you a second to come down from space and make your way up to the stranger’s house.

You knocked on the door and there was no answer. The door was unlocked so you let yourself in making sure to announce yourself. And then you see this tall blonde come from the kitchen.

“Oh hi! You must be Reggies friend. I'm Amber!”

“Hi! I'm Y/N. Is that Belch’s real name?”

“Yeah, it is. Always thought that that nickname his friends gave him was stupid.”

“It kinda is.”

“Hey, would you mind helping me in the kitchen?”

“Yeah no problem”

Amber had you help with making some snacks. And making sure to hide all the important fragile things in the closet upstairs.

It was getting close to the start of the party and the boys were not back yet.

“Who are you waiting for?” Amber asks, scaring you in the process.

“Just wondering where the boys are,” you say, giving her a small smile.

“ Honey I've been with a lot of guys to know that look. So which one is he?”

“Patrick. But you can't say anything.”

“Honey my lips are sealed.”

Some car lights are coming up to the house. None of them are the boys.

Amber pulls you away from the window and gets you a drink and introduces you to some people from her college. You talk with them for an hour and the boys aren't there so you decided to just focus on the tall guy that has been chatting your ear off about how boring his classes are and all the stereotypical college things.

The music is blaring and people are getting drunk and high. You and the guy, Mark you guess, have been talking and then he asks you to dance. You happily obliged but in the back of your mind, you couldn't help but feel like you are doing something that you are not supposed to be doing.

You and Mark? were just dancing like there was no tomorrow when the boys came into the house. Patrick’s eyes were frantically scanning for you and then he landed on you dancing with that guy. He got angry but he let it go.

He was going to give you a taste of your own medicine.

You were getting a little tired and excused yourself to get something to drink. You and Amber started talking and then he caught your eye. He was dancing with some girl.

She was just up all over him and he let her. A wave of jealousy came upon you. Amber noticed you not paying attention and looked in the direction you were looking at. She makes an O with her mouth.

She left and went to the living room.

Patrick looked over at you and smiled and wrapped his arms around the girl’s body pulling her in closer.

You wanted to walk over to them and rip her apart from him and cave her face in. But you didn't want to seem like a psycho. But you didn't know why you were walking over to them. It was like something was taking over your body. You’re outside of your body watching yourself punch her in the face.

It wasn't until Belch and Henry had to pry you away from her that you came back to reality.

CB | PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 |

♡please like and/or reblog♡

wanna be tagged? (X)

[revchainsaw]

Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Prayers and Salutations Cult Members! I am your mysterious minister Reverend Chainsaw and this is another nights revival service at the Cult Film Tent Revival. I bring you a special word tonight. Tonight's word is about a person who roamed the earth, in a time where people were backward and warlike. A leader emerged into a kingdom full of eschatological expectation. This leader came preaching peace, and was killed for the sins of the world, but was resurrected. In that resurrection a new hope was brought to the planet, and true healing through the power of love in the face of violence is made possible. I am talking of course about Princess Nausicaa from the Valley of the Wind.

The Message

Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is the film that put studio Ghibli and Hayoa Miyazaki on the map. No animated feature this grandiose and epic had been achieved by 1984, as much as Disney may beg to differ. The tale may be simple, and it may feel super 80s to us today, but Nausicaa is a masterpiece, and the fact that Howl's Moving Castle is brought up alongside Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away more often than Nausicaa is a farce and a tragedy.

The film takes place on a fantastic planet that seems to have suffered the ravages of an apocalyptic war. A war that involved gigantic warriors with powers so devastating they about made the entire planet inhospitable if not uninhabitable; save for a few areas. The fall out of this ancient war has left the earth in a state of repair, where the natural processes of a planet healing has creating giant toxic jungles.

Beyond these jungles lie two imperialistic factions, they seem almost to be city-states but it's not terribly clear. The Kingdom of Tolmekia, a militaristic proto-fascist society of almost Spartan sensibilities. Tolmekia is governed by the ambitious and cynical Princess Kushana, But I like to call her Furiosa. Just like Furiosa, Kushana is physically missing parts of herself, a visual metaphor for her metaphysical lacking and the parts of her humanity she has cut away. Kushana's world view is one of fear, a fear that can only be quelled by waging a genocidal campaign against her enemies.

Speaking of enemies, the Athens to Tolmekias Sparta would be the Pejite Kingdom. The Pejites might like to view themselves as simply responding to Tolmekian aggression, but the narrative of the film, and the story told quite visibly on the body of Kushana, is quite different. The Pejites are just as bloodthirsty if not more palettable in their approach, but like the Tolmekians, they believe only their own lives have any value. And thus, in this theatre of war, a Giant Warrior from the ages before is unearthed by the Pejite Kingdom, Stolen by the Tolmekians, before the forces of nature themselves, seem to conspire to drop the Giant Warriors "egg" right into the Valley of the Wind.

The Valley of the Wind is populated like the world of Avatar the Last Airbender, that is mostly of children and the elderly. The people of the Valley have been able to remain untouched by the ravages of war and the toxic jungles of the damaged world primarily due to geographic luck that's explained in minor exposition in the film. They are ruled by a King, and they are all deeply enamored by their beloved Princess Nausicaa.

Nausicaa is a gentle soul. She is kind to animals, she is empathetic, unreasonably patient, and bears pain and grief inflicted on her out of cruelty with a saintly understanding. She really is a thinly veiled Christ figure, scratch that. There is no veil. But she's also my favorite Christ figure. She does not preach a message, as much as she tries to save everyone from their own short sighted goals. She is not perfect, she does lash out and do some fantasy sword fight murder, but she regrets her actions so deeply that it seems to have played a part in motivating her to become even more compassionate and patient with the evils of the world.

Nausicaa discovers yet another plot by the Pejites, who are afraid of the possibility of the Tolmekians awakening the Giant Warrior, to use animal cruelty to enrage a group of almost invincible giant insects known as the Ohm. By luring the Ohm into the Valley of the Wind where the Tolmekians have become an occupying force, they hope to completely wipe out everything that threatens them. The Tolmekians DO awaken the Giant Warrior and pure pandemonium ensues. Nausicaa manages to save the Baby Ohm and calm the rage of the bloodthirsty Ohm swarm, and to defeat the warlike tendencies of both the Pejites and the Tolmekians. All the while fulfilling a prophecy fortold about a messianic savior figure called the Man in Blue.

Now that you have heard the Gospel of Nausicaa, please stand to receive The Benediction.

Best Character: Half a Person

Now that I've spent the better part of this review gushing about our Lord and savior Nausicaa. I have to admit, she's at times a bit too perfect, a bit too saccharin. Even her flaw, or her one weakness and her failing to be perfect, just adds to the perfection. I can't even say she never makes mistakes cuz she made one, and that's infuriating. It's even more infuriating that I still think she's a great character. Normally this kind of thing really kills a hero. Most Chosen Ones are the most boring and least likeable characters in their narratives. I don't know how Nausicaa avoids this trap, but she does. I'll have to do some meditating on that.

However, just like in your typical Chosen One fantasy narrative, the hero is a lot less fun than the villain. I'm going to say the best character in Nausicaa is Kushana. I want to be like Nausicaa, but I don't understand her. She's almost alien, even though we learn all about her. Kushana is mysterious, secretive, and enigmatic, yet I understand her. She barely has an arc, she doesn't really change. She's cold and cynical to the bone, but I don't need to see much of her situation to completely understand why she is the way she is. I usually hate totalitarian bad guys, but Kushana I like. Sue Me.

Also fun fact, did you that Nausicaa means 'Sinker of Ships'. That's kinda fun.

Best Scene: Spoiled for Choice

I'm going to be lazy and say take your pick. There is really not a bad seen in this movie. If the action isn't going, then there's intriguing dialogue. If there's no dialogue then you may be about to get hit with a forceful burst of whimsy. There's horror, there's swordfights and aerial dogfights. The only thing in Nausicaa I don't like to see, is the bloody tortured Ohm Baby. It's like a god damned Sarah Mclachlan commercial.

Best Creature: Foxy Shazam!

The Ohm are so simplistic yet so detailed. The number of eyes is alien, but the way they are used is expertly expressive. Who'd think you could get me to love what basically amounts to a silverfish with the intensity that I love a kitten. How did Miyazaki pull an Okja with a creature that should be haunting our dreams? I don't know.

And what about the Giant Warrior! If you are an Evangelion fan then you probably already know that Hideaki Anno designed and animated the melting goopy biomechanical beast. Surely a sight that would make both H.R. Giger and Clive Barker giddy with excitement. Just the image of the silhouettes marching amidst the desolation of the old world is burned into my brain.

So which of these is the best creature from Ghibli's first outing? It's fucking Teto. It was always gonna be Teto you idiot. Just look at Teto, he's adorable. He's too cute to exist. I'm so alone. I need a pet.

Best Character Design: Tolmekian Regalia

I originally included this category to talk some about Kushana, however, at that time I also thought I was going to say Nausicaa was the best character. I thought hard about deleting it, but I think it's a different category and you can't accuse me of playing favorites because my favorite character is clearly Teto. Just to keep it simple. It's the two costume shift from full military regalia in white and gold, to the one metal arm, warrior princess get up. It's a great costume and a great look. Get on this shit cosplay nerds. It's great for Cons in Canada, you have to think about layers, and you can't keep going as Mr. Plow. It's lazy.

Best Excuse to Talk About Patrick Stewart's Character: Lord Yupa

I just realized that I was about to write this whole review without talking about Lord Yupa. Lord Yupa is a sword saint and all around badass I think a lot of entertainment, especially in the west is lacking bad ass old men. Lord Yupa particularly shines in the early half of the film as a warrior and as a wise council to Nausicaa. If she's Jesus then Yupa is John the Baptist. He is also voiced by the elegant and eloquent Patrick Stewart. He also comes with 2 chocobos!

Worst Character: For Whom Asbel Tolls

This might also be the worst actor category as well. Actual Cannibal (haha meme) and actual monster (haha real life) Shia Labeouf doesn't so much act in the role as he read the lines and it was recorded. The good news it doesn't effect the film too much because Asbel is completely forgettable. He is a catalyst to some of the action, but besides that I don't really care for him.

Worst Aspect: To Be Fair ...

It would be unfair to completely ignore anything negative about Nausicaa. I have already mentioned in many places that there are some pretty corny, or pretty predictable tropes to this movie. But what I can't capture in words is exactly why it feels fresh when it's done in this movie. I suppose that's what makes it good. It's just so good that it's weak points are lifted up by it's strengths. Some people may bored of Nausicaa's unyielding goodness, or that she very rarely chooses to take action as much as she chases and pleads with her surroundings, but I mean, she does pay for that eventually. It's a fantasy story and it hits a lot of timeless themes that have been hit in stories for as long as human beings have been telling stories. Some people may feel that it doesn't do enough to stand out.

Summary

I have defined the S tier for myself as "near perfect and personal favorite" films. I like to think that Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is near perfect. Some may say that it looks like it might just be a personal favorite. In the case of Nausicaa, I'm having a very hard time telling the difference. I think it would be overly simple to claim that Nausicaa is just an ancient archetypal heroes journey with an 80s anime coat of paint. I think it's doing quite a few new and interesting things with that formula, those things are just playing out all around that narrative as opposed to being at it's center. For a first full length outing by the studio, you can really see Miyazaki's heart and the values he holds close to. I'll repeat myself so that we are completely clear on the matter. I think Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is a near perfect movie.

Overall Grade: S

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Tiger Woods' car crash

Page 2: Bruce Springsteen has beaten the DUI charges leveled against him after federal prosecutors couldn't find a drop of evidence he had been drinking over the legal limit -- with an acceptable blood alcohol level of 0.02 well below the 0.08 threshold at the time of his arrest in Sandy Hook, New Jersey, prosecutors backed off two of their charges for drunken and reckless driving -- the rocker did plead guilty to a third charge, admitting he had two small shots of tequila on federal parkland and for that, he was fines $500 plus $40 in court costs

Page 3: Patrick Dempsey's dreamy return to Grey's Anatomy was a big hit with fans but his well-received cameo left series star Ellen Pompeo seething with jealousy -- Ellen may have permitted Patrick to revisit his old stomping grounds in Meredith Grey's fever dreams in season 17 but she doesn't want him coming back permanently and swiping her hard-earned glory and she considers herself the anchor of the show and thought she was rid of this guy after making the show her own, but now fans are begging for him to be brought back and Ellen is furious -- it's no secret Ellen hated the first 10 years of the show when Patrick was the star and she feels the series got better after he left and she became a big-shot producer, something she'd been demanding for years -- she likes being in control and calling the shots and clearly thinks she got this deal on her merit alone but it's also because she's the star who's lasted the longest; most of the original cast had already left and bosses had to cave in to keep her -- unfortunately being in charge hasn't amounted to better ratings and show has been slipping consistently in recent years and the main reason they brought Patrick back on was to spike the ratings, which it did and now producers are considering offering Patrick a full-time gig but Ellen will do everything in her power to prevent Patrick from stealing her thunder again

Page 4: Home reno gurus Chip and Joanna Gaines are clashing over his wild spending, and she's desperate to rein him in before they land in the poorhouse -- Chip and Jo are rich on paper and worth $20 million in property and assets but they were hit hard by the pandemic like everyone else and recovery has been sluggish to say the least -- they're just getting back on their feet and under a ton of pressure to get their Magnolia network off to a running start but Chip, as usual, is casual when it comes to money and it frustrates Jo to see him buying things they don't need, like new tools and equipment when the old ones work just fine and overpaying on lumber and masonry -- Chip is always shopping and not always for the house; he's got a boot fetish and has dozens of pairs, plus he treats the crew to free cappuccino and treats from their coffeehouse several time a day and Chip wants the best of everything for himself and everyone else

* Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are ready to welcome baby number four through adoption -- the couple who are parents of daughters James and Inez and Betty hope to find their next child in South America and they've invested time and money sponsoring immigrant children and they're warming up to the idea of providing an orphaned baby or toddler with a forever home -- a 16-year-old girl they sponsored through the Young Center for Immigrant Children's Rights was deported back to Honduras and they were heartbroken, and Blake and Ryan are now determined to provide a child with a happy home and opportunities he or she wouldn't have in their native country

Page 5: Newlyweds Pamela Anderson and Dan Hayhurst are itching to start a family and are already trying for a baby of their own -- 53-year-old Pam tied the knot with the 40-year-old handyman on Christmas Eve at her Vancouver Island home and she's been telling pals they hope to have happy news soon -- Pam wants to build a whole new clan with Dan and he's on board even though they each have kids with their exes and Dan's two kids from a previous relationship are living with the couple at Pam's pad -- the couple love the idea of adopting or going the surrogate route and it's not something they want to waste any time over

Page 6: Weary Kelly Clarkson is juggling her skyrocketing career and brutal divorce battle with estranged husband Brandon Blackstock on less than six hours sleep a night and Kelly has also been pushing to sell her homes in Nashville and Encino, while running her L.A.-based talk show and recording new music -- she's been running herself ragged for months and she's feeling the burn in a big way but despite her exhaustion, she can't sleep and nothing she tries works and the most shut-eye she catches is two, three hours at a time; she lays awake in bed at night worrying and crying

* Suddenly remorseful Kanye West has spiraled into depression and despair since soon-to-be ex-wife Kim Kardashian filed for divorce -- for all their problems, Kanye realizes she was the one person who was there for him whenever he went off the deep end and now he knows he's alone and seriously doubts he can hold his life together -- without Kim and her family to keep his wild impulses in check, he may succumb to the poor judgment and wild mood swings that have marked his chronic bipolar disorder as they were the ones who reminded him to take his meds and steer clear of recreational drugs and now all he has is a circle of yes-men he doesn't listen to anyway -- since the split, Kanye has shuttled between his ranch in Cody, Wyoming and a hotel in L.A. near the sprawling mansion he once shared with Kim and he's been blowing up her phone to beg forgiveness, but she won't take his calls and it's driving him off the deep end again

Page 7: Kourtney Kardashian is fed up with Shanna Moakler's online barbs and is plotting her revenge against the ex-wife of her new squeeze -- since Kourtney and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker went public with their romance last month, former pageant queen Shanna has been throwing social media shade and Kourtney's tired of taking Shanna's crap and she's going to fire back soon and Kourtney's using her wide network of contacts in Hollywood to bad-mouth Shanna and she's placing calls to casting directors and perspective suitors to put as many potholes in her love rival's path as possible and she plans to make Shanna regret messing with her

Page 8: Nearly two years after Johnny Depp was forced to exit Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise following ex-wife Amber Heard's allegations of abuse, the company has kicked him while he's down by considering her for a plum part -- Johnny is fuming over news that Amber is reportedly in contention to play fairy-tale heroine Rapunzel in the studio's upcoming live-action remake of Tangled -- for Amber to be in the running for a Disney pic is the ultimate insult to him especially because he believes the company made millions of dollars off his name

Page 9: Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle had a whopping $500 million motive to betray Queen Elizabeth -- outraged at being cut loose by the British royals, the couple retaliated by secretly negotiating backroom Hollywood megadeals and going public on TV -- Harry and Meghan see themselves as victims of an out-of-touch monarchy and want revenge and selling out Harry's family is the way to get it and cash in big-time; Meghan's convinced they'll have deals totaling $500 million by the end of the year but they better act fast because Hollywood is a fickle town where even royalty can be chewed up and spat out

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Amelia Hamlin stuck to the shore while pink-haired beau Scott Disick made waves in Miami, Steve Martin nibbled on a pretzel while filming Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Floyd Mayweather turned 44 and celebrated with a birthday bash in Miami, Bachelorette reject Tyler Cameron showed off his toned tummy in Florida

Page 11: Drew Barrymore feels deeply for dad-controlled Britney Spears because she's been there: she said her mom locked her away in a loony bin for over a year when she was just 13 -- Drew said it's hard to grow up in front of people and she empathizes with Britney and Paris Hilton and any star who can't escape the glare of celebrity -- Drew's mom put her in a place that was a full psychiatric ward and says she used to laugh at those Malibu 30-day places because she was in a place for a year and a half called Van Nuys Psychiatric and you couldn't mess around there and if you did, you would either get thrown in the padded room or put in stretcher restraints and tied up

* Eddie Murphy famously bragged he has never changed a diaper in his life despite having so many kids and now he's set on having another baby with fiancee Paige Butcher and this will make baby No. 11 for Eddie -- he says his genes are incredible as ever, so why stop; he's super fit and Paige is in amazing shape at age 41 and wants at least one more baby so they're going to go for it and are already trying

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- CNN could blitz news veteran Wolf Blitzer as the network revamps its lineup and TV is a young person's game and no one knows that better than Wolf and after 31 years at CNN, he sees new faces getting promoted and knows his days are numbered and Jim Acosta and Poppy Harlow are the future of CNN, not Wolf -- although Wolf's airtime has been cut as Jake Tapper's role expands, he isn't bitter or angry but instead he's grateful for an amazing run

* Love It or List It star Hilary Farr is moving on to her own show and leaving partner David Visentin in the dust -- Hilary's new show is basically the same one she and David have been doing for years, with him edited out and David was blindsided by the news and he knows HGTV has sent out a casting notice for the new show and he's hurt and angry especially because Love It or List It hasn't been renewed yet

* Sacked Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron has reached out to Chris Harrison after he stepped away from The Bachelor amid a racist scandal -- Tom wasn't fired over a scandal, but he knows exactly what Chris is going through because both of them thought they had a job for life, but nothing lasts forever -- Tom is a good guy and wants Chris to know he's around if Chris needs anything

* Tom Felton, who played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films, spruced up for the camera (picture)

Page 13: Brooke Shields isn't letting a busted leg keep her down but she's taking her recovery one step at a time -- she shared an Instagram video showing her cautiously hobbling on crutches and explained she broker her femur and she was beginning to mend -- she didn't reveal what caused the unlucky break

* Outspoken actress Rose McGowan is living a charmed life in Mexico and the Harvey Weinstein accuser has headed south of the border and vows never to return to the United States -- she got her permanent residency card from Mexico and is grateful to have it and says it's a really healing land and it is truly magical -- she moved at the dawn of the COVID-19 pandemic because she knew it was going to get really bad in America and she had a moment to figure out where she wanted to be

* Picky perfectionist Blake Shelton listens to around 300 songs to choose what to record for each of his albums, according to his longtime producer -- music pro Scott Hendricks said he wades through nearly 3000 tracks by professional songwriters to select tunes for Blake to consider and then Blake methodically whittles down the nominees until he's certain which songs he wants to record but Scott admitted that process is more difficult for him culling the 300 from the 3000 -- Scott, who has worked with Blake for most of his career, said of their close professional relationship that the chemistry works and they have recorded several hundred or more songs together and they are getting ready to go do some more

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Killer kingpin Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman's busted beauty queen bride will be marked for death behind bars -- if Emma Coronel Aispuro snitches to the feds about the bloodthirsty Mexican Sinaloa drug cartel long run by her caged husband, she'll put a big fat bulls-eye on her back -- according to a federal complaint, Coronel was intimately involved in her husband's multibillion-dollar drug-running racket and acted as his criminal agent while he was on the lam and the mother of El Chapo's two young daughters helped mastermind her spouse's daring 2015 tunnel escape from a Mexican prison and also paid him $100,000 for another failed bust-out a year later -- they are going to put the heat on her to spill more details on other top operatives in the cartel and take them down, too, but if she spills, it will be open season on her on the inside

Page 16: Dr. Dre appears to rap about estranged wife Nicole Young in a song filled with angry, explicit lyrics calling someone in his life a greedy bitch -- DJ Silk previewed part of a new track from Dre full of digs presumably at Nicole, with whom he has been locked in a nasty divorce -- his lyrics include: Trying to kill me with them lies and that perjury/ I see you trying to f--k me while I'm in surgery / In ICU death bed on some money s--t / Greedy bitch take a pic / Girl you know how money get

* Hollywood Hookups -- Lorenzo Lamas is set to wed for the sixth time to model Kenna Scott, Justin Hartley and Chrishell Stause are officially divorced, Adam Rippon is engaged to Jussi-Pekka Kajaala

Page 17: Former Home Improvement kid Zachery Ty Bryan has pleaded guilty to two felony counts of domestic violence -- Zachery, now 39, has been sentenced to three years of probation and will also have to take part in a batterer intervention program

* John Mayer has dated a succession of famous singers including Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Halsey and he hopes they write chart-topping songs about him and admitted he'd be jazzed if his exes enshrined him in song, saying sometimes a song is so good he hopes it's about him and he even scours their lyrics for clues -- Taylor already has several tracks that have been linked to John including Dear John

* Ruthless chef Gordon Ramsay said he's cooked up his own plan to keep his kids humble -- he has five kids with wife Tana: Megan, twins Holly and Jack, Tilly and Oscar but said he plans to leave most of his reported $200 million fortune to charity -- Gordon explained his kids must tidy up after dinners, can only fly coach and are expected to learn how to cook for themselves and he's forbidden them from taking costly taxis and the foulmouthed foodie insisted they don't swear

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Roseanne Barr was blindsided by a humiliating new scandal after risque photos from the early '90s recently emerged which appear to show her teenage daughters licking her boobs -- Roseanne posed for the shots with her two youngest girls at a Glamour Shots studio in Iowa more than 25 years ago and the photographer who claimed he snapped the fake lesbian lovefest but did not want to be named dished Roseanne and daughters Jessica and Jennifer who are now in their mid-40s happily hammed it up for the camera but decades later Roseanne and her daughters are all mortified and embarrassed by these pics; they were horsing around years ago and never thought they'd see the light of day

Page 20: Cover Story -- Still recovering from agonizing back surgery, Tiger Woods was pushing himself to the limit when he flew off a California cliff into a career-crushing car accident -- lawmen said the golf legend was lucky to be alive after the horrific wreck that shattered his right leg -- the accident only added to Tiger's physical problems; his movement has been restricted since a fifth back operation in December and he was unable to play golf despite an appearance at a local tournament the weekend before the bloody wreck -- at a press conference days before cheating death, Tiger admitted he was worried about his physical condition and his ability to play again, saying a lot of it is based on his surgeons and doctors and therapist and making sure he does it correctly and he doesn't have a lot of wiggle room left -- Tiger could barely move, and it seemed to get him down and his back rehab has been brutal and he was hobbling around and distraught but he refused to give into his condition and his tough-as-nails mindset could have contributed to the crash: when a person is overwhelmed by physical pain, that dominates everything they do and if you're behind the wheel of a car and in physical pain, it can distract you and likely lead to this kind of disaster -- Tiger was eager to get to a TV taping on the morning disaster struck and he seemed impatient when he left the Terranea Resort in Rancho Palos Verdes, an L.A. suburb, just after 7 a.m. and although traffic cameras show he was driving within the speed limit, his Genesis GV80 SUV crossed the center median onto the opposite side of the road and flipped -- authorities said Tiger appeared lucid to first responders and there were no signs the recovering addict was under the influence of alcohol or drugs and they did not request a blood test when Tiger was rushed to the hospital from the crash site and the incident was an accident -- Tiger was taken to nearby Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, where doctors said his broken bones protruded through his right leg and they put a rod in his leg and used screws and pins to stabilize the break and his ankle -- it will take three to four months to heal and then eight months of physical therapy and it is unlikely he will ever run again and he may have a limp and in terms of golf, just walking for extended periods of time will be a big deal and recovery will be agonizing; it's a very real possibility that Tiger's taken his final swing

Page 21: Addiction experts warned Tiger Woods' recovery will test his sobriety after his stint in rehab for prescription painkiller use and it is very, very common for a patient in recovery to relapse after a trauma like the one suffered by Tiger and exposure to painkillers administered directly or prescribed after a physical trauma is highly likely to trigger a relapse -- Tiger will probably need painkillers to get through this, but he'll also need to be connected with like-minded people to keep him away from his old thinking that pills are the solution to his problems

Page 22: Desperate Ghislaine Maxwell has offered to renounce her British and French citizenships in a new bid to get out of jail -- the disgraced socialite's last two stabs at freedom including one package offering $22.5 million as bond money were rejected by a judge who deemed her a flight risk -- now according to her lawyers, Ghislaine will formally commence the procedure to renounce her foreign citizenship to satisfy any concerns the court may have that she may try to seek a safe haven in France or the U.K. -- Justice Department officials were concerned Ghislaine would flee to France, where she was born, since the country has no extradition treaty with the U.S.

* Woody Allen claimed his own words are being used to attack him in the bombshell Allen v. Farrow documentary -- Woody has repeatedly denied adopted daughter Dylan Farrow's claims he sexually abused her when she was seven at her mom Mia Farrow's home -- Woody blasted the documentary which rehashes the claims as a shoddy hit piece and a hatched job riddled with falsehoods adding the filmmakers stole from his autobiography

Page 26: Twice-divorced Ricki Lake's engagement to California attorney Ross Burningham has insiders fearing she may suffer yet another heartbreak -- she announced her happy news on Instagram but Ricki has seen far more than her share of bad luck in the romance department and everyone is praying this final shot at love doesn't end in despair and it's never Ricki's fault, but she's never found a man who could keep her happy

Page 28: A lurid landscape of drug-fueled orgies, suicidal thoughts and fake sexual enthusiasm will play out in a new television series based on model and reality star Holly Madison's X-rated confessions from her shocking 2015 biography Down the Bunny Hole -- Madison first exposed the sleazy details of how she and other young women were plied with drugs and coerced to participate in sex parties with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner in exchange for acting as his girlfriends and getting to live inside the iconic L.A. mansion along with a weekly $1000 stipend -- the limited series will star actress Samara Weaving as Holly, who was a member of Hef's harem between 2001 and 2008 -- Holly, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt became the notorious stars of the reality show The Girls Next Door which debuted in 2005 and focused on their seemingly glamorous life with Hef but glossed over the dark secrets behind the scenes -- in her bombshell confessions, Holly revealed the 22-bedroom manor was actually a foul pigsty filled with stained mattresses where Hef's live-in ladies were forced to perform weird bedroom rituals and look excited by it

Page 29: Jack Osbourne has listed his sprawling California home for rent at $16,500 a month -- the 35-year-old son of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne is offering the five-bedroom, 5600-square-foot home in Studio City unfurnished -- Sharon was recently seen outside the home with moving vans helping Jack prep the property -- Jack, who suffers from multiple sclerosis, bought the home in 2014 when he was married to Lisa Stelly; the couple divorced in 2018 and share three children: Andy, Pearl and Minnie

* Heidi Klum has snipped all threads tying her to dad Gunther Klum after the cosmetics and modeling honcho skipped her wedding -- Heidi dumped her manager dad after he snubbed her August 2019 ceremony in Capri with guitarist Tom Kaulitz of the band Tokio Hotel and she has also ended her German enterprise Heidi Klum GmbH, originally overseen by Gunther -- Heidi and her dad had a falling out over Tom and Gunther never really approved of him and was dead set against the marriage and it drove a wedge in their relationship

Page 32: Health Watch

* Ask the Vet -- an African Gray Parrot with a feather-picking problem

Page 34: Barack Obama broke a buddy's nose over a racist remark -- he revealed the two classmates were playing basketball when his friend hurled a racial slur and he popped him in the face and broke his nose, Obama told Bruce Springsteen on their podcast Renegades: Born in the USA -- Obama said he doesn't think his pal even knew what the word meant, just that it was meant to be hurtful

* Country singer Keith Urban has shrunk to 140 pounds as the former addict is hooked on a bizarre diet of nuts and berries and even worse, the five-foot-ten crooner appears to be growing thinner and friends are worried the stress of his demanding career and his desperate desire to be a good husband to Nicole Kidman may push him over the edge -- no one sees him eating much more than handfuls of raw almonds or sunflower seeds and berries washed down with gallons of water -- though he's been sober since 2006, pals fear the struggle to avoid giving in to temptation as well as hearing Nicole purportedly mended fences with ex-hubby Tom Cruise may be weighing on the star -- despite his bony appearance, Keith thinks he looks great

Page 40: Evil ISIS terrorists are using the COVID-19 pandemic as cover while they rebuild their network and mastermind new attacks and both Iraq and the U.S. are in their crosshairs -- because the West has been focused on dealing with the pandemic, ISIS and new groups sprung from their shattered forces have been reloading and plotting revenge, according to Ryan Mauro of the terrorist-monitoring Clarion Intelligence Network -- the pandemic has brought decreased confidence in Western governments, which has emboldened the terrorists to launch sleeper cell attacks on foreign soil

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Anya Taylor-Joy

[xmilenavsch]

the only exception: a pat murray x fem!reader one shot

gif credit: @hollyjollyriphunter

pairing: pat murray x reader

word count: about 2,3k

warnings: none! maybe a little angst if you may see it like that & a lot of fluff!

a/n: my first fanfiction on here and my first one after literal years, haha! (bare with me for that matter) also, keep in mind that english isn't my first language, so i'm really sorry for any mistakes!

this is mainly written for & because of one of my best friends leila - leave her some love on her insta @ angelmazzello! <3

summary: y/n is a worker at the d-back's agency, as the woman for basically everything – mostly bringing the boys snacks or drinks or just for their entertainment, considering that all of them are mad obsessed with her & never fail to show her that. but for her, there's only one: the world's most angry but soft boy, patrick murray.

enjoy this fan fiction for now & don’t forget to request me stuff in the comments or via dm!

It was a sunny and hot Saturday in August, when you, Y/N, got ready for work. The Californian sun shone into your bedroom as you were getting ready, excited for the game, and excited to see your favourite team in the world in action once again. They didn't always gain as much as they may have wanted to, but you knew that they gave their best every time and how much they lived for the game.

Leaving your appartment with fast steps, getting into your car and driving to the field, the only thing you could think about though was this one specific man, who you couldn't keep out of your mind since the minute you saw him for the first time. You never really knew if he was feeling equally, but the only thing you really always knew was that the things with him were different. For better understanding: The D-Backs team is a dysfuntional team of college allumni baseball players, who never manage to close their months and who can't go a day without insulting one another so much you might think they'd hold it against each other until the end of time. But when you see them on the next day, everything's back to normal and everyhing happens all over again. You love watching them being by themselves and also their dynamic on the field. They had some kind of magic within their group that amazed you every time. Well, maybe it was just the magic that your best friend, John „Mazz“ Mazzello always tried to point out, but you really didn't care. You loved these boys. And they loved you too.

About that: They didn't just love you, they were quite literally obsessed with you. There was never a time when they saw you where they didn't whistle after you, told you how good you looked with your tied up hair and in your jumpsuit and how well you smelled when you hugged every one of them. It didn't really bother you, you in fact found it extremely funny and always told them that – even when Vinnie sort of revealed to you that all of them had a list and a bet on the go who would get you in bed first – but you still didn't care, you also had a share on that one after all. But there was still just one of them who never really was into that whole thing – it could've been no other but Pat Murray. Mazz's childhood friend, the most enthusiastic screamer on the field, who deep down just was somebody who needed and wanted a lot of love. Which you never told him of course, because those were just thoughts in your head, and you would never dare letting those out. It was too risky for you. Because you definitely didn't want to lose him. Even though you weren't the closest friends, there was always something about your bond that was different to the ones you had with the other boys. But you never knew how you were supposed to tell him that. You just couldn't. Even though you felt his stares, his gazes, his secret attention he gave to you. The little smile he made when he heard you laugh. But he also couldn't admit to himself that there could be more between you guys. He just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that someone so pure, beautiful, kindhearted, amazing, supportive and angelic like YOU would actually want him. HIM. The messiest person to exist. So you were stuck in your denial of wanting the other and living with it for as good as years now. And so far, this life has been really good. You were just too tired from it, which didn't make it any better. „But it is what it is! Y'know!“, something Zapata would say from time to time when they lost another game.

( OH RIGHT, Y/N is literally on her way to their next game! Back to that topic I guess. )

As you arrive on the parking lot next to the baseball field, you start your normal routine – getting out of your car and locking it, checking yourself in so you at least gain a little money from all of this, getting into the building of the D-Backs home place with their lockers and all, getting into its kitchen and getting everything they needed for the day. They had a home match, meaning they must all have been pretty nervous and maybe even scared to fail. Which is always a matter of the atmosphere within the team, which was different every time, which amazed you always. So you get their snacks and drinks, say Hi with a bright smile to everyone you cross paths with and head to your boys.

As they see you from afar, you can already just smell Palacco's grin towards you and Dells' whistles. „Well well well, look who it is! Our entertainment during our misery!“, the raven haired yelled at you. You scoff a little. „I'm also really happy to see you boys, Johnathan. And just for your reassurance: Go fuck yourself loser.“ All of them laugh at you, which just makes you roll your eyes. As you hand them their snacks, Mazz walks up to you last to get his own, giving you a kiss on your cheek. „Thanks for doing this every time Y/N, you know you're an angel“, he winks at you. You just nodd your head slightly, while looking over to the boys. After some time you just look confused at them, because one special one is missing. „Hey, has anyone seen Murray? He normally is the first one to get this snacks every time. Stress eating and all.“ Arthur just nodds at the field. „He's right there, just checking out the grass' new cut. Y'know, he likes to play specified.“ Another laugh leaves the boys' mouths. You just shake your head and walk up to him, his snacks in your one hand, the other one stuffed into the bag of your jumpsuit.

From afar you can already see his auburn hair glowing in the sun, how it matches with his red team uniform and how his light skin just looks purer than anything else you've seen in your life so far. This sight makes your heart jump into your stomach and you need some time to catch a breath, before you raise your voice a little. „Murray!“, you yell towards the man in front of you. He quickly turns around to see you and you could've sworn that there was a slight smile on his lips as he faced you. „Oh, Y/N, good afternoon. What's the matter?“ You just walk closer to him and hand him his food. „Here, you weren't with the others when I handed it out, so I just thought I'd bring it to you like this.“ He nodds his head and takes it on. „Yeah, I just wanted to check if all the lines are still on track after the grass was cut a couple of days ago. So we don't fail completely. But thanks.“ You scoff, following his eyes as they're sampling the ground. He then sighs, a sound he makes very frequently and which you were already used to hearing from him. „What's wrong Patty? You worried you guys are gonna lose today?“ He laughs a little at the nickname, but then faces you again. „Well, you know Y/N/N, I'm always worried we will. But with home matches-“ - „-it just hits different, I know“, you cut him off. „But y'know, I will be there cheering you guys on from the fence, right next to you. You guys will rock this“, you reassure him, patting his right arm a little bit with your left hand. You wouldn't be lying if you admitted that the both of you felt some type of electricity from that embrace.

He just nodds his head about what you said and actually smiles a little. „Yeah, I know that: It's always you cheering us up the most. And it's the sweetest thing ever.“ You smile hard at his words, probably harder than you should, and do you even blush a little from them or is that just the summer sun shining straight in your face? You don't really know, and maybe you don't even care. What you do care about though is when Mazz yells over to you guys so Pat comes back to the rest of the team to get ready for their game.

You know he does this every time you and Murray have a moment like this, because he doesn't want you to get hurt. Pat didn't have the best experiences when it comes to love so far in his life and because of his broken soul he sometimes makes decisions that don't only hurt him, but also his partner-at-the-time. His last relationship ended pretty bad, you were the one comforting him, already being head over heels crushing on him. But you didn't want to let your feelings in the way of him being hurt, because he was your friend and you wanted to be there for him. Now things are way different and he kind of got over the heartbreak he experienced, but you still couldn't find the guts to tell him. You just couldn't. And Mazz knew that. So every time you guys talked about it, he accepted your decision, even though he was basically the only one believing this thing between you and Murray could work. But he accepted your decision, and whatever decision Patrick would make, because you guys were his best friends and he didn't want anything bad happen to you, nor to lose either of you. So he was just there. Being the secret admirer of secret admirers.

-

As Murray and you get back to the rest of the team, you hug every single of them, wishing them the best of luck. Mazz comes last. You embrace each other the tightest, because you knew that'd give him strength. The only one you didn't hug was Pat, but you just never did that. It sort of never „fitted the vibe of your bond“, as David would say. So you just walk over behind the fence, watching the game elope.

-

From the beginning the match was an intense competition, not only between the two teams, but also between the teammembers within one. But with the D-Backs, that was normal. You were used to listen to them insulting one another in the worst ways possible, with words you didn't even think were a part of the English dictionary. But you just watched and enjoyed the whole thing.

-

After a lot of time has passed and a tie has been declared, somebody had to be chosen for the last pitch to win the whole thing – this time for the D-Backs. You nervously stand on your tip toes, waiting for a decision to be made. The referee had decided to select the performer at random. So they try to find someone, everybody in the crowd is extremely tense, just like you and the rest of your boys are, when they make a decision. „Patrick Murray, 7th, centerfield!“. You gasp loudly and a shiver runs down your spine. Oh god, this can't end well. But Pat walks up to his supposed spot with a kind of confidence you've never seen before on him, with his bat, his baby, his basical everything, standing there and waiting to hit it off. As he's waiting, he turns around a little to face the crowd, finding your face and looking you straight in the eye. You just nood at him, fingers intertwined next to your mouth, and somehow, this gives him all the strength he needs.

As the ball flies up to him, he stands on his position, waiting for the right moment.

Then he hits it.

And then he gets it.

-

The crowd and the rest of the team are cheering more than ever. They really did win! The disappointment on the faces of the opposite team were probably able to be seen in a country 10,000 miles away, but you didn't care. You just were so incredibly proud of your team and especially of your man, Murray, who practically wasn't your man yet officially, but that didn't stop him from owning your heart to the fullest. You push yourself through the cheery people, ignoring the rest of the D-Backs being all over each other, walking fastly towards Patrick. As he sees you, he drops his bat and also walks up to you, hugging you tighter then ever, which gives you more and more shivers and just lets all the adrenaline overflow you that you could ever be able to. Out of the sudden, he picks you up, making you squeak a little, spinning you around for a moment. He let's you down again, looking you straight in the eyes, you just smiling at him the brightest way possible. God, he freaking loved your smile. And from all the previous events, all the strength you had given him, he finally says the one thing you've desired to hear from him for such a long time now: „Go out with me Y/N. I mean it. As a Thank you for helping me today.“ You gasp a little, holding your breath, still having your arms around his waist. „Are you sure? You know that was only you being the talent you are just a few minutes ago.“ He scoffs. „Yeah, I know, but I'm also sure. And dead serious. Just go out with me, sweetie. You won't regret it.“

You just shake your head in agreement. You would most definitely finally go out with the man who owns your heart. And then you'll see what will happen from then on.

[strawberries-n-sugar]

I just want to talk about why I love Schitt's Creek

I have always been a huge Eugene Levy fan, since Cheaper by the Dozen when I was little, he is a amazing actor

Catherine O'Hara actually portrays a decent character and decent mother who is trying. I love Beetlejuice, always have, but I hated her character in it, I also hated her character in Home Alone, they were both garbage mothers

Daniel Levy, oh my God, I've never seen him in anything else but I love him. I love David Rose. He is a "bebe".

David, I love David and respect him and I relate to him. I also look up to him. He has no shame or doubt in his sexuality and is up front and honest about it. He doesn't let his financial status define him. He is so pure. He is so romantic. I relate to how he is afraid and cautious with love because of being hurt, and him not having a plethora of friends. I love how he is pan but he's not overly flamboyant or a femboy or any of that, he is him, he is a guy who just loves and he's not trying so hard like Wade Wilson XD. I relate to how he had to be hurt a lot to find happiness. I relate to how he had to care for a pill popping mother. I love his style, fashion wise and romance wise. I relate to his battle with anxiety and over thinking.

I like Alexis. She bettered herself and I admire that

I love Johnny and I relate to him too

I love how there aren't a obnoxious amount of Christmas episodes like on most sitcoms. I also relate to how Johnny feels about it. How it is a bad time for him and lonely but still he holds out hope for a better one. I relate to how he strives for it to be perfect and gives up and gets hurt when it isn't , and I just really see where he comes from because I'm the same way that holiday and he and I generally want the same one thing for similar-ish reasons

The David and Stevie relationship, as someone in David's boat, it shows realistically what it's like to have little to no one friend wise

I love how they handle relationships on the show. How they handle the drama is so much better than how it is on most shows and in real life, unfortunately

Moira, she's not perfect but she tries and I love that, again, I can relate to having a mother like that

Uhm, hot guys, hello Mutt and Ted and David and Eugene (personally I like Mutt clean shaven or full beard but did not care for that midway thing he did lol) but like David though

I like how the gay relationship is realistic in comparison to others I've seen on TV and movies

The character development is great

Johnny remains down to earth and I love that

The strained sibling relationship, I can relate

It is hilarious

It holds my attention

David. Just David. Did I say that?

Johnny, did I say that?

I love the Dom/sub vibes David and Patrick both give off. That's weird I know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Realistic small towns. Most of the time on TV shows if theyre in a "Podunk" town the characters just seem to always have everything they need like wtf no, this show is actually like "yeah fam, you gotta go over to this town"

David's birthday and how he reacts to people forgetting it,I feel that. It is realistic. When people forget, speaking from experience the only ones who remembered my birthday most of my life were my parents, but, when people do that, you really feel like dying or popping pills and going to bed early. Realistic. His dad remembered, I feel that. Christmas and my birthday are my two least favorite holidays

Patrick knew he his sexuality but never kissed a guy until he was a grown man. I'm grown and I'm bi. I've known I was bi since I was about 15, with my first girlfriend. However, I have only been kissed by a girl once very quickly for a nervous game of truth or dare, I've never been with a girl, I never kissed or was with my ex girlfriend. It's realistic

I love how Johnny is okay and accepts David as his dad for his preferences. Like I just said, I'm bi and I've known for a while. When I was with my ex girlfriend I tried to come out to my dad. We were talking about her and I said, "What if I like her as more than my friend, I definitely like her more than my sister's" to which he responded, "Nah, you ain't like that, she's like your sister" so from that time until I was 22 he never knew, neither did my mom. My dad passed between father's day and my birthday last year and he never knew I was bi, my mom still doesn't. He went to his grave with me never telling him but here I am saying online to everyone else. Parents acceptance is important. I'm the kind of person who believes who you sleep with isn't your parents business but they should be able to know who you love and accept that. Sure, Johnny did express it would be easier for David to pick a gender, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. David brought the people he loved to Johnny and Johnny loved them in return

The in law situation with Stevie and Johnny. I know they aren't in laws but she did sleep with David once, that's not the point. I love how he steps in as a parent for her much like my mom in law did for me, she's like a friend and the parent I go to if I need something wether it be help or otherwise, I go to her for grown up stuff

The town is a big family, I love that and again, kind of relate

That's a few reasons I love Schitt's Creek

[tamiddyinyourcity]

11:10pm.

Alright.

Stress.

Flashbacked to the time I broke up with Patrick, the brunette one. I wonder if I handled it okay... well of course, calling his sloppy friend a sloppy bitch isn't the greatest route. (But, he and she had been mega sloppy.) I ended it the best way I could, by trying to both 1) be reckless in a way where they'd not want to speak to me ever again, and 2) blocking them on everything since I didn't want him to see what I posted, but just making tweets for general venting purposes. So... it doesn't truly matter how I reacted. The past is in the past. I didn't expect him to stay up that late just restless over me or reading my posts. He acted like he didnt care if i was around, so I left... so, whats the problem?

It was sorta sad, hearing the way he said "have a good night" so glumly after I dumped him.

I was serious. I was super betrayed by his treatment of me and invalidating my feelings and perspective. And if that was how the big talks would go, frankly I saw no reason to continue sticking around.

But... I could've been better about it in certain aspects.

I don't regret leaving him since he was doing that thing where I voiced a concern, or even potential resolutions, just for it to be dismissed.

But, idk. Idk. Its weird. Its a weird feeling all around.

Like, damn, havent exactly had a guy like me to the extent of being dumped, and going, "Let's keep checking in on her tweets, or try to read as many of her blog posts as possible."

But.... yeah.

It wasn't easy for me, I pretty much blacked out and did the mean stuff relating to his idiotic girl best friend who couldnt respond to a fucking text but was so keen to stalk my page, (stupid WHORE,) [i like using the word 'whore' in a different context than the original word is based; unless Patrick was right, and she did have threesomes in the past or some shit..... but no shame, dick is dick,] and then cried in the laundry room near my house.

For a long long time.

My eyes hurt, just thinking about that night. It's not like I wanted to dump the guy who used to idly rest his forehead against mine as we googled Red Pandas at 3am, or that I could listen to Rico Nasty with.

....

Whatever.

He chose what he chose, and I reacted under the pretense of never seeing him again. Life happens. Oh well.

...........

Good stuff happened today.

I was actually managing to restart old script ideas I had in the past.

Then, some kids across the street were putting on a mini jazz performance. Trombone and the flute, a nice sized crowd of people watching. Only like ten, though. Not exactly social distancing, but it was pleasant for a half hour and genuinely had uplifted my mood for the day. :)

It also reminded me of Other Patrick, and the jazz records he owned. He used to be so excited, showing me all the classics his dad gave him.

Gaaaaah. If not for a pandemic, I'd totally be down to drop off some housewarming goodies to his parents. (I'm bad at having relationships end well, but, good at still being the favorite girl for whoever the person's parents are. Not sure about my most recent ex, but they were still pleasant towards me and didn't shoot me any daggers with their eyes..... Oh well, who knows.)

Anyway.

Hmmm.... I painted some concept art, since I finally found my favorite pens and some old pastels of mine. Fixed my bulletin board recently.

I'm pretty good at the whole "draw dismembered bloody figures puking up gore" thing. No, it's nothing psychopathic, its for a horror comedy that I'm writing, lmfao.

I thought it should have good Carrie/The Witch's House/Ju-On The Grudge vibes. :)

Getting better at my layering, anatomy, and brush strokes. Aye.

Aaaand feeling nice. :)

Admittedly, I miss my ex sometimes. Its not the feeling of "oh my GOD i cant believe i cant fuck him or be all naked and vibing anymore", or me crying over not being able to kiss a dude or get good morning texts.... its pretty passive.

Like chilling and doing good, until I woke up this morning with some bad thoughts.

Which nearly resulted in a homicide, once my mom tried to test me. (It luckily did not end with me smashing a microwave into my mom's skull eleven times and doing atrocious acts, it just resulted me leaving the house after she screamed at me, crying in the rain a bit, returning, her acting like nothing happened, and then i seemed okay until i dropped a bag clip and shouted "FUCKING WHOOOOOOOORE" at the top of my lungs, being a blatant signal that I needed to be as easy on myself as possible for today.

Thankfully, jazz music done by 15 year olds playing blissfully through my street, and painting, and film inspirations for horror flicks... helped me out.

Awessome.

:)

11:40pm.

I guess it's just odd, knowing someone can go from liking me so much that they're reading up on every single thing I do post breakup, (really fucking weird but borderline sexy in a way i dont feel like explaining,) to not having me pass their mind.

I don't know if I do.

It's probably better not to think about it too much. I'm currently happy and content in my situation.

Also, me and Rowan are just friends. Which is fine, since not only do I not have the funds to move to the UK or something, buuuut they're, uh.... I don't know.

I still adore em, but them texting me "i want to die" in the middle of what was a pleasant conversation, and then dipping for like an hour or two..... scared the shit out of me. And they never acknowledged it when they returned, which sucked.

Its just scary. I wouldn't want someone to hide things from me, and then before I know it, pass away, you know?

Yeah.

I think that's why I prefer to post here.

It would give insight if anything ever happened. Best case scenario, someone out there relates to the things I write about on here. Worst case scenario... lets not even discuss that.

But, evidence either way, so. :D

11:45pm.

I did really like Patrick. I'm sure he knows that. Or, idk. But I also doubt he cares.

Things were going so great before things broke off. Which just.... made things so much more frustrating, yknow?

Ugh.

I guess now is a better time than ever to get some of the memories out:

Ice skating with him, and my ankles started getting sore, so eventually we had sat down for a bit. He was doing that thing where he looked like he was fake smiling, since he knew I always worried he didn't like me in the way I hoped. (I still have my doubts... But to be fair, he did have depression and anxiety, so the days he could open the door with low eyelids and generally bitchy were just him trying to force himself to be active instead of allowing himself some off days.... It was a cross between, "hes trying too hard to be something hes not", and "hes just not at the same level as me". We still worked out as a couple, shame the way it ended like that.)

Two separate occasions of us in his car during the coldest parts of the season, sleeping smushed together in one car seat (with our scrawny asses) until we both eventually hit sobriety after a night drinking with him.

Christmas with his parents. Loved it, got to tell his family about noise music concerts and whatnot. The food was super good. And he was so damn pretty.

One of the phone calls we had, before getting back together after our first breakup. We were getting pretty good at communication, and I was happy about it.

That time we went to see the meteor shower one night, and I screamed bloody murder, since when I was staring up at the night sky when it was pitch black.... I heard a bunch of footsteps rapidly approaching us from the woods. It turned out it was not a serial killer coming to slit my throat before chasing him into the forest, but even more surprising, and oddly.... some old man with neon green running shoes, jogging, at midnight... far from civilization.... huh.

Me going, "Do you want to kiss me?", and him saying no, only to want to once he realized I was cutting him out my life. (Jesus Christ, Patrick; don't tell girls who you think are nuts, that you have no intention of trying with, that you want to kiss them? What's the fucking point? If he wanted to kiss me so bad, he should've just came over and did it right then and there, then. But, he didn't. Even if he did, as if it was a shitty romcom movie on Lifetime, he'd still probably pull a "just because i wanted to kiss you doesn't mean I *like* you", dick move.... God, why is he like that?)

The idle mornings of eating breakfast with him, either at the local diner or in his house. His cereal is still weird, but i mean, like, it was alright. Gravel, with the smallest hint ever of honey? And he usually was peak antisocial when he woke up... oddly adorable.

That day in Berkeley, when I apologized to him, and somehow the topic of why I did what I did came up, so me just going "Hey Patrick!", and him, exasperated like usual, going "What??", just for me to say "I had feelings for you!", and his smile instantly dropped. LMFAOOOOOO, that alone had me like "i said HAD, CALM DOWN", and explaining the complicatedness of "i like you a lot and was being a horrendous bitch because i couldnt tell if you liked me, or if i was blatant enough with what i thought was me being too obvious for my crush, and was confused and embarrassed so badly and im sorry", just for him to be like "you liked me?????????????", aaaaaaaaand yeah.

And ironically, that made him like me. Lmfao. Cute. Then we yet again acted stupid and indirect about our crushes out of fear of embarrassment! Why the fuck do we always do that????? Thats literally how we ended up breaking up several times?????? Jesus christ.

No wonder I preferred blatantly going "i have a crush on you that im trying to get over, unless you're down", to people. Way easier that way.

Rowan and I are gonna have some space for a bit. Mainly since I get too attached, and do not want to have the whole "he saw my pink canoe, but doesnt wanna buy the lake just wants to admire the view" scenario happen.

He's still a dope dude nonetheless.

Just also turned off at men who don't ask much about me.... its boring.

We both don't do much, but that doesn't mean I wanna only hear about *his* side of quarantine... you know?

Yeah.

12:09am. Feeling pretty okay.

Eli messaged me today, too. I go to his house tomorrow to help him get ready in the morning again.

He still has a crush on me... oh dear. I feel bad, a teensy bit. When it was pre-pandemic, being able to seem interested in a guy for the sake of maybe some company for a walk around the city or handholding for a film was cool.

Plus, compensation.

It's not the same feeling as me being his medical assistant, in a way, and then him awkwardly asking if one night I could "stay over" and "cuddling works for me, too"....

Thaaaaat makes it clear that he has feelings for me.....

Not a good idea.

Yikes.

If his condition was less severe, his teeth were straight, and if he seemed a little more aware to his surroundings and himself... then, maybe. Or even just the last two, since I'd still probably be interested in someone who had a physical disability, as long as their mind was sound, and they still had an attractive face or other aspects.

But it just doesn't feel right.

Is the movie/book Flowers for Algernon relevant? Where the teacher for Algernon goes from being his teacher, to when the treatment to increase his intelligence and soundness of mind starts working, eventually becomes his girlfriend?

Eli's still a kind man. And more generous and thoughtful than plenty of men I had met.

I'll be his friend.

If the pandemic blows over, we can stay in touch. Truly.

I wonder how long this will last....

And I guess giving Patrick that letter did have a purpose. I had a nightmare, that he had passed away. I forget how I heard it in dream. I think Azalea, (the nice version in my dreams,) showed up, just dming me like "Hey, I know we weren't on good terms, but I figured you should know he passed away, seemed like you liked him".

And the dream was.... super depressing. I think I woke up crying. Which did eventually lead to me writing that letter, since I didn't want him to die, with him thinking I hated him, or whatnot.

And if the reverse ever happened, then same.

He knew I always complimented him so much, for the sake of if an incident happened, he would at least know I thought pretty well of him. (Like if one day I had a stroke or seizure due to a lack of diet, or got hit by a car, hit my head on the stairs wrong and simply never woke up, got into a coma, and whatnot...)

I'd much rather have people know I did genuinely appreciate them, while they're still around.

Since in case I ever pass away, it would matter that they knew.

Or if they died, I'd rather know Patrick is in like... (Catholic people have a heaven, right? He seems like a not piece of shit, at least in the extent of not being a vicious human being,) a good place, and not planning to haunt me in death.

Anyway.

Itll be alright.

I just should stay indoors and be extra vigilant these days. Thats all.

12:25am, peace out yalls.