#past hundred days
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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I never realized i needed to draw a lambmura hug properrrly until now because they r actually so cutesie but i do not crave angst i crave violence and bloodshed. I crave to draw shamura picking allure up and suplex citying them
#sydneys thoughts#I think theyre a hundred percent stronger than allure after spending years in the cult#carrying dead bodies on ur back all day isnt so easy. spiders got muscle#Maybe that's why i should draw some new body refs i did get a bit better in the past few months drawing bodies#legs suck though still i hate legs
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Hi people! I apologize for the delay in this week's chapter! The chapter is out as usual, it's just taking me a little longer to translate!
I should be able to post it tomorrow though, so don't worry!
#psa#just wanted to say this so you dont think there wont be a new chapter this week#sorry ive had a lot of work#i spent the past days grading like a hundred tests
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Last year, I was terrified to come out to my dad. This year I am begging him to stop decorating our house in little pride flags. They’re everywhere. He literally won’t stop.
#he bought hundreds off amazon#he’s moved past our house to the back alley#people keep taking them down but he replaces them every day#pride month#hello lgbt community#lgbtq community#lgbt pride#girlblogging#girlblogger#girlblog#just a girlblog#bisexual?
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Berlin School/kosmiche electronic has to be the most criminally underrated music out there. I mean, Klaus Schulze and Tangerine Dream rightfully hold legendary status, but the conversation often stops there and no one outside of Krautrock circles knows about the vibrant undercurrent of modern artists pushing the boundaries of the kosmiche genre. Radio Massacre International, Cosmic Ground, Airsculpture, Lisa Bella Donna, Jim Kirkwood, Gert Emmens, Mark Dwane, Perge, etc. are just a few of the names crafting soundscapes that rival both Klaus Schulz and Tangerine Dream. However, it's understandable that Kosmiche can be intimidating due to the extended length of tracks (some exceed 30 minutes or go on for a full hour).
#i've been listening to this music for the past two days#my thoughts#there are hundreds of kosmiche artists out there...check out the Berlin School tag on Bandcamp
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Recent images I suppose ~
#First one is THE LONG series of GEESE that fly by!!! my aforementioned friends... Or I think I referenced them in tags of some post#days ago. and how I love watching them. See how many there are? And multiple of these will go by. It's like hundreds of them.#Then just the sky because I love the sky. My hair looking ridiculous as it always does when I brush it out of the four big braids I always#keep it in to keep it out of the way lol. I just find it silly how small it can be all braided up and then as soon as it is Released and#combed then it poofs into some sort of swamp dwelling wizard style.#Then... a daily word count... have been so busy the past week that I sadly haven't written much but I'm WORKING on it. Still on the blasted#'odd jobs' tasks sections which were SUPPOSED to be very quick and short. but.. alas.. Though I am on basically the last one. You go work#for one of the enchanting specialists in the city (very important in society since a majority of people cannot do that type of magic) and#basically he just works so much he has no time for a social life so he hires random people to sit with him in the afternoons doing menial#tasks. You show up thinking you'll help with some Important Job or something but hes just like 'no... peel this apple for me.. :)' lol#Edit note: arrgh just had to fish a slippery avocado pit out of a narrow garbage disposal drain with a chopstick. felt like some#sort of taskmaster challenge or something.. gods... I know some people just reach into them. I guess maybe#my hand would fit?? but... erm... scary. what about Sharp Things in there or something.. also Sludge of some sort perhaps.#ANWYAY.. interruption... I got up to go to the kitchen in the middle of typing my tags... lol..#Next image is SLEEPING boye.. And then PIGEONS!!!!!!!!!! my beloveds...#Oh then the giant evil hole in my bathroom ceiling which is STILL not fixed and the repair people still have to come back again.. BUT they#did have this terrible industrial dehumidifier thing they put in the bathroom and just left here for like 5 days and it was like a noisy#hairdryer going at all times and raised the heat in the bathroom from 65F to 76F in like two hours so.. I'm glad at least at their#last arrival they've finally taken it away.... the Noise Beast... silence in my house at last...#though I am still plagued by Mysterious Hole.. the plastic wrap rustles sometimes when I'm in there.... go away...#Ah. Then a delightful little lemon poppyseed muffin someone didn't want and then gave to me. Which was interesting since I haven't#had one in soooo long even though its like a very Classic Flavor.. I do quite like them though now that I've had one again. :0c#Lastly.. mushrooms. I think it's the mushroom season here. Everywhere you go outside there's some new manner of fungus#having popped up from nowhere. I like the variety of all their little shapes. These in particular have an interesting wispy curled layers#sort of look to them. Almost like a shaggy hairstyle that's curled up at the ends or something. They seem neat to draw perhaps.#Okay.. that is all.. I still have literally like 2 costumes and 12 outfits and I think 1 sculpture? to post.. but I am so busy this is#what I can manage for now I suppose lol... quick pictures that don't really take any sorting or cropping or editing lol#photo diary
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Day 280
#I'm so close to day 300......#I feel like I've said this a hundred times but I never expected to make it past like. Day 12#Daily Flowey
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happy 1 year anniversary to the election results that were so fucked they had me trying to take my mind off of things by watching what seemed like a toxic chinese queerbait show only to find something far more thoughtful and genuinely queer and interesting than expected and end up watching a bunch more unrelated things that are talked about in vaguely the same realms of the internet and then watch bad buddy twice in a row and fall into an endless bingewatch of thai media (some of which is mediocre, some of which is bad, much of which is simply pretty good, and some of which is genuinely incredible) and go, well, it would be a waste of all this language input i'm accidentally giving myself right now if i didn't at least learn a few words. thus accidentally locking myself into watching even more thai media because now i gain serotonin from hearing a sentence i know i could write
#this is about the dutch general elections of 2023. i know another election is probably still on most people's minds#it feels WILD that it's only been a year. and at the same time. the government they eventually formed based on those votes#is still hanging in there. and it feels like THAT's been going on for way longer than a year#*#ah well in happier news! i think it's the way part of me is forever roaming the internet in 2011#but even when a BL (or GL! which is finally picking up!) series is bad. or just boring.#there is something in me that can't help but go !! oh my god? there's a hundred of these out there??#and we can argue definitions and representation and fetishization. but there are So Many queer people working on them these days#and not all but many of these stories are insightful and kind and clever and have a very queer beating heart inside of them#(and there's also something to be said for queer trash tv. that has a place! but i won't get into it)#and this is really truly only a thing of the past few years!!! this did not exist when i was a teen!!!#i'm still so young but i'm EASILY old enough to remember that. and now All Of That is just out there. often on youtube for free#if you are a teen TODAY you don't need to pick between settling for watching tara die on btvs. watching ianto die on torchwood#or watching queer as folk. which is not a knock on qaf but it's not necessarily tv for teens#instead there's like. dozens of queer people on modern western tv! there are ever more queer movies where nobody dies!#and there's just a goddamn fucking impossible-to-watch-in-one-lifetime amount of guaranteed happy end BL series out there#and it's insane!!! that is insane to me!!!#and is also maybe a good thing to remember in current times. things can and do change for the better#sometimes in ways you might not expect. sometimes you might not even know it's happening. but it does
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Haobin - In Bloom Relay Dance
#zhang hao#zhanghao#sung hanbin#sung han bin#haobin#zerobaseone#zb1#myhaobingifs#zb1net#zerobaseonesource#I don't know what happened 2 days ago when they wore this outfit#but it was kinda crazy hot clingy they were#I have like a trillion gifs to make of them wearing this outfit#if the marine outfit brings so much skinship please wear it everyday#neck massage on GOT7's radio show for example#I still dunno how to make this gifset without it being a hundred gifs post#uh sorry for the rant#I'm so late and so much happened in Haobinland these past 2 days
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The funny thing about ao3 being down is I was checking Tumblr for HOURS after my fics wouldn’t load to see if anyone else was having problems, and not a single peep. I finally feel validated that I was in fact not being messed with by some unknown force staging my intervention, but the site was actually down.
#I was also having some wifi issues the past two days#so I one hundred percent thought it was a me problem#I thought I was going crazy y’all#😭#ao3#archive of our own
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stretching to interpret nonfan as an aiyuu song like
#n o ok you see meoto takes place in the sengoku era (hundreds of years ago)#nonfan’s beginning line is something like ‘we’ve been in love for 10s and 100s of years’#a n d they say ‘i’ve been searching for you even before we met’#(in the chorus or sth i can’t rem i don’t particularly like nonfan)#so. if the theory that meoto *is* about lxl’s past lives is actually right…#lxl have been in love for 10s and 100s of years (chronologically speaking)#and they’ve been searching for each other before they even met (bc they were lovers in their past lives)#and they get married in nonfan (just like how they were married off to each other in meoto)#d o yo u see my vision gu y s— [is dragged away by the ankles]#idek w H Y IM EVEN SO OBSESSED WITH MEOTO IT ISN’T EVEN OUT YET#ok that’s it if i get my lxl cd a day early i’ll tl meoto first thing (tempting fate)#i just. want to see them in l o v e ok (chu!) im sorry for being delusionalllllllll
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Good thing #88: I wrote over 1000 words today!!!
#good things#I went from writing maybe a couple hundred words in the past month to over 1000 words in a day#the creativity is BACK
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has tumblr been acting strange on desktop for anyone else or am i just cursed
#all the gifsets i've uploaded today plus the one i'm trying to now#i've had to do twice cause gifs would get rejected and then i wouldn't be able to post#the other day i lost over a hundred followers like all at once#(which yeah yeah i know i shouldn't be really focusing on that number anyway)#(but having found out i got blocked by someone when trying to reblog their art via those like)#(recommended blogs/posts just kinda made me sad and also upset that tumblr was even showing it to me in the first place then lol)#(so figuring that out and then seeing the follower dropped i worried i did something to upset a bunch of people?)#(and i mean hey i get it there are times i'd block myself if i could it just didn't help the almost panic attack i was having at the time)#i've gotten logged out twice in the past week#i had some phantom asks in my inbox for a while too but i think that was maybe an xkit glitch or something#idk just....all very strange and not good for my anxiety lol#mk.op
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was having a 'meh' kind of day, so decided to just chill, play video games, work on some gifs
and as i was editing a gif, this sort of emptiness crept up on me and i just sat there like 'why am i even making this'
#life#genuinely realized that gif making went from a way to express myself and my ideas#to just uh.. a habit?#a lot of things i've been making in the past idk.. months? are mostly because i wanted to honour my ideas#i just have so so so many but it's like#it doesn't really feel rewarding#i guess it also comes from the fact that i want to be productive.. to feel like i'm not wasting my time#but maybe that's exactly what's wasting my time#i remember when i first quit tumblr i looked back at all the hundreds of gifs i've created#and how by the end of it it really didn't matter#people were stealing and reposting my stuff left and right on twitter on pinterest on uh.. was it weh*artit or whatever??#and i sort of thought to myself 'never again'#decided to focus on making things with more 'tangible' results if that makes any sense#and then hotd pulled me back in.. and then bg3 absolutely consumed my brain#and yet... we're back here again#how many of these 'oh it's just a bad day' do i have in me lmao#maybe i should go write 🤡
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woag. vibeo game?
(very rough still)
(but now theres more colours)
#game dev#my art#murderhouse makeover#fuck it whatever im probably never gonna do the legal shit for this#slim chance i even make it to uploading on itch lmao#turns out game dev takes a REALLY long time when you dont know what you're doing#also i should not have waited this long to make the actual win state. how the hell am i gonna quantify decorating a house#since filming this video ive made the main menu buttons nicer and fixed the storage system#one of these days i'll actually put effort into the video#but also. i dunno#ive been telling myself id have enough to do a demo for the last two years now. im so tired and i keep not finishing shit#between making this and my full time job and also making regular ass drawings to put on this blog i kinda wanna throw the towel in#stop reading here if you dont wanna see my sad ass thought process#im not the kinda guy that gets Big Successes. like even if i finish and polish this fully it'll sell MAYBE a hundred copies#its kinda hard to keep going on this with that weighing on me yknow. like ive wasted months of work on this#this has been my free time for the past two years#i dont know#I DONT KNOW
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open tumblr, block the army of pornbots in my follower list, close tumblr, open tumblr again, block another army of pornbots in my follower list, rinse and repeat.
#i must have blocked well over a hundred in the past few days now#I’m getting several new follows by the hour it’s definitely some kind of new tactic
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