#and they get married in nonfan (just like how they were married off to each other in meoto)

[deus-ex-mona]

stretching to interpret nonfan as an aiyuu song like

[lady-feste-pendragon]

OPTION TWO: KING OF ATTOLIA: THE HIT BROADWAY MUSICAL (and this idea is mine so it’s a looooooong one warning you now)

WE OPEN with a huge ensemble cast song of heckin course in which all of Attolia COMPLAINS about this HUGE PAIN in their COLLECTIVE BUTTS, telling the story of how the thief of eddis DECEITFULLY and WRONGLY kidNAPPED their prECIOUS QUEEN who may have been bloodthirsty and barbaric but who careS she was ouR queen and she’s beAUTIFUL and we loVE her and we hATE the king who forCED her to marry him bOO to the king doWN with the king we hATE him he’s TERRIBLE and the song ends with Aris comes sprinting on stage, disrupting all the singers and sending the song to a skittering halt bc guys!!!! 

Costis punched the king!!! 

To which there is suddenly a lot of Whispered Talking about oh nO costis is so niCE and now he’s gonna diE bc he punCHED the kinG also what did the king do this time--inSULTed teleus no heckin wonDER costis punched him but still v tragic cut to scene 2 Costis in his cell, pacing, sitting, standing, pacing again, and there’s a knock at the door. It’s the king of attolia, approaching from Stage Right, a bottle of wine tucked under his arm and two cups in his one visible hand. Costis lets him in. The king sets the wine on the table. He lifts his right hand--no. It’s a hook, the audience can see for the first time. The King of Attolia is missing his right hand. 

The song neglected to mention that. There’s lots these songs neglect to mention plot twist Nobody talks about How the King lost that Hand it is a Forbidden Topic 

There is no song when the king tells costis he’s being promoted, only a stuff uncomfortable silence whenever the king is not speaking. Toward the end of the scene in strides Attolia asking if Attolis has decided whether to hang costis or behead him. Attolis answers neither, costis will be promoted, and Attolia makes a noise of disgust and leaves. 

A few songs follow as Costis settles into his new position and since this whole narrative is filtered through his eyes, the audience is lead to believe all the things about attolis from the first song are true. He dresses like a peacock, he has no dignity, he’s spiteful with his servants, he makes costis do stupid things. The queen pulls Costis aside and asks him to Keep an Eye on the King for her, to report back to her occasionally. He assumes the queen will one day do away with this idiot king and he is surprisingly conflicted about that. He gets his I Want song, which is mostly just “I Want This Stupid King To Leave Me Alone” lol. 

Another important note: One of the songs is a council song that’s v political and it’s mainly during this song that we learn 1) the king is a v good singer so what was the deal with people complaining about his voice/speech/accent in that first song, and 2) Oh, that’s it, the king can’t rhyme. Attolian formal speech (sung, in this case bc Holy Musical Batman) is traditional broadway style meter and end rhyme. Eddisian formal speech has internal rhyme, has specific meters and important in-meter repetition, but no end rhyme. When Attolis sings, he Never rhymes, although you can see him Trying, actively trying so hard and only getting as far as slant rhyme which makes everyone involved Wince terribly bc Ugh That Accent, This Stupid Backward Eddisian Goat. Attolis and Attolia as of yet have no duet, but they meet in hallways sometimes and greet each other in song and it’s awkward and weighted and Short. Attolis has a lovely I Want song in which he locks all of his attendants out of his room and sings to himself (while costis is Right There, Sir) how homesick he is, and how much he misses Eddis and his freedom. It’s v sad. Attolia also has a solo during the council scene, which is also short, her time is coming i swear

THE KING’S WEDDING NIGHT is a bawdy awful song and an Absolute Bop and dite is terribly proud of himself and everyone’s humming it on and off for the rest of the act. It makes gen horrifically mopey which makes costis’ head hurt but the king is starting to grow on him. like a fungus. after all he sang that really sad song about how much This Sucks and yeah, fair, everybody’s putting stuff in his food and bed and crap and Maybe if we were Nicer to him he wouldn’t seem so Awful (all of the guards make fun of him for this). There is a short “lilies i rule, heads you do” scene that takes place during another short council scene right before The Dinner of the Fateful Dance, and during that council scene Attolis doesn’t even Try to Rhyme and people keep interrupting the council song to hum The King’s Wedding Night and he gets visibly more and more agitated as the coin keeps flipping and the song keeps playing and he leaves in a huff. Attolia tells him as he stalks off that he Has to attend dinner and during dinner he Forces (!!!) the queen to dance with him to a lovely instrumental song, which seems to play first in slow motion while Phriesine sings of Attolia’s backstory, of her first marriage, of the importance of the king’s humor when the queen offers him her wine. Suddenly the song speeds up, and the queen’s hair tumbles past her shoulders, and she’s smiling, why is she smiling? Costis blinks as the king gives her back her hair pins. That was certainly telling, but only if you’re paying attention. 

Act One ends with Costis on his day off with a sense of unease, until he passes some guards who are struggling to put away the dogs and suddenly he knows! and he takes off running!!! bc where is the king!!!!!

Act Two opens with Costis desperately singing a prayer (Ten Golden Cups) as he runs and arriving in the garden just in time to see the king easily dispatch the second to last assassin. The third is apprehended as the rest of the court arrives, assuming Costis has done the deed. The assassin is questioned furiously with the king leaning against costis and he spits furious vitriol about the king, the same things everyone was singing about at the beginning but with more bitterness, and ends with “The queen should have kILLED you when she cUT OFF YOUR HAND!!!!” and if there are enough nonfans in the audience and if the actors are doing their job right it should feel like all the air has been sucked out of the room bc you don’t taLK about that!!! the queen arrives then and attolis kisses her and presses his forehead to her shoulder and suddenly everyone is rhyming as the royals are rushed up to the queen’s chambers. The king is put on a bed, spewing blood. The queen faints, the king is Distraught, everyone is shoved out of the room. Attolia is left alone with Costis outside the room and she Sings. It’s a short song, and mostly is Extremely Angery about the assassination attempt in her Own Garden in her Own Court to her Own King. When they’re let back in in the next scene it’s Duet Time Babey!!!!! Attolis and Attolia sing together about their relationship and their Love and their past and their present and how they’ve learned to step past it all and costis watches, feeling like an outsider but also So Stunned. He tells the king about the cups and the king swears they will be there

From here things start happening Very Quickly, It Seems. The king is ill. The queen is singing more often. The queen of eddis comes to visit, not just the king’s cousins as in the book. Unfortunately we have to cut out the part where sophos goes missing bc sophos can’t exist in this universe he adds too many variables we get one (1) storyline and we can’t mess this up. The king speaks with Relius and that’s Scary. There’s another ensemble song during which Costis is the only one to defend the king and he is Uncomfortable when the king’s wedding night motif plays again. And Then the king Destroys the house of Erondites and the queen has relius thrown in jail (also during that time the queen has a vicious, terrifying, short solo that’s more like a temper tantrum and a panic attack rolled into one and the king Soothes her) When the king is Destroying that baron’s house?? 

he rhymes. 

Perfectly, flawlessly, he rhymes. He matches Attolian cadence note for note, word for word, and then he folds Eddisian repetition and internal rhyme into the mix. Attolia joins in, her own musical style rising up to meet his. The exchange lines, ending each other’s rhymes, Attolia ends up using more Eddisian themes than even he does. He proves he could do it all along, he just didn’t want to, and now he proves he doesn’t have to by ending that proclamation in a purely Eddisian way. And the next scene? Relius. Attolis. The dungeon. The King’s Wedding Night: Reprise. Perhaps the most terrifying reprise ever written. And in the end, he lets him go. And Relius returns to Attolia and once again begs her forgiveness and Attolia gets her own terrifying, heartbreaking solo, and in this one? she uses Eddisian cant and Attolis isn’t even in the room. She forgives him in a blend of Eddisian and Attolian that becomes it’s own musical language, and the only one used by the royals for the rest of the show. 

Does that sound like the end? because it’s noT guess who haven’t had a duet yet!!!! it’s Attolis and Costis time!!!!! the attendants wake costis bc the king is drunk on a rooftop and he is supposed to Fetch the king. Costis learns to speak the language the king and queen have already been speaking to each other, and the king declares he has work for costis to do. And yeS the king slips, and tumbles, and falls--until it’s clear he can’t catch himself, his foot is off the parapet--and he flails and Something catches him, and pushes him gently back up, and a gentle rich chuckle fills the stage as the voice of a god says “go to bed, Eugenides.” Eugenides and Costis stare at each other, wide eyed, terrified. “The gods really do speak to you,” Costis whispers and Attolis confirms it and a Vow is made, “will you serve me and my gods for all your days?” In the end Costis agrees and asks him to come to sword practice tomorrow.

The final scene is fairly short, Attolis’ defeat of the guard and of Teleus and his being named Annux, and Attolia is there, and i actually am not sold on that as the actual ending, this scene could be moved before the rooftop or could be deleted altogether except we Need the annux line and i want attolia to be there ugh problems problems but either way the curtain closing song is an invocation of hephestia which, invocations should also feature bc i heckin love me an invocation song but that’s it that’s the play can u imagine these idiots singing in front of a live studio audience boy i die!!!!