#party when I'm literally a corpse I'm so tired.???

[chqnified]

Wow imagine working a 9-6 job and feeling tired and drained as a result.

[humanelemental]

Different anon, but yes to everything you've said! I'm still so disappointed we got absolutely nothing in the flashback. Like not confirming Rio as the other parent and not getting to at least see the happier times between them (this could have easily been a quick montage). I think this is where 95% of my issues with the Agathario storyline fall. Without Kathryn and Aubrey's incredible chemistry, this pairing would have fallen completely flat. And no comment on Billy lol Such a bland character.

This got away from me so I’m tucking it under the cut.

Yes! That’s why Jac saying all of this post show high key pisses me off! Because from where were we supposed to draw these conclusions that she supposedly wanted to be very obvious. Surely it wasn’t the script. Surely it wasn’t the cut content. Surely it wasn’t how the character’s are written with each other.

For God’s sake, Agatha says Rio’s name one time and it’s not even to her. I was starting to wonder if she even knew her by that name. There’s no terms of endearment, not even angry name calling. She never addresses her at all. And to me that’s such a frustrating detail! Like this is your ex wife? Agatha has a pet name for everyone, good or ill. But nothing for Rio?

Like we had that scene in episode four, which to this day will go down as the most longing I’ve ever scene. And not even a whisper of baby? Sweetheart? Honey? Like Agatha was locked in and fucking cradling the mother of her child and nothing? Same with episode 8. Rio pushes Agatha to the point that after their meeting she crashes out on the road and we don’t even get a “thats enough Rio!” They’re talking about Rio taking their dead son’s soul and we get no reference to this not just being an ex or a former friend but her fucking wife??? Not even a, “you killed our SON!!!” Which wouldn’t have been accurate but it would have fit with what is clearly Agatha’s narrative.

Also also, if we’re crashing out anyway and I’m telling the love of my very long life that she only brings me pain and I never want to see her again? I’m absolutely throwing it in her face that she left me with our son’s cold dead corpse to bury alone with my bare hands in the fucking woods. And, I hate to say it, I think Agatha might be pettier than me. So there’s no way she’s letting that shit go. You cannot convince me that this show wasn’t just being written off the cuff. There are too many moments that just fall flat in really weird ways for this to have been the vision from the beginning.

Also^3 what the fuck was with them giving us no information about the Darkhold, how Agatha got it for real, when she got it, why ect. I mean we can assume, God I’m tired of that, that she was trying to bring Nicky back based on how she acted with Wanda. But beyond that, we have no information on this very pivotal part of her history. And it kept getting brought up, so I hoped we would see something on it.

I completely agree that Kathryn and Aubrey, and the other talented actors and actresses, carried this show in spite of the script. So much of both of their characters come from their physical acting it’s insane. Like can you imagine how bland Rio would be if it wasn’t Aubrey’s adorably unhinged self playing her? Girl said she was eating flowers on set. Like ma’am that’s in zero shots of the final show. She was just out there literally chewing on the scenery. And Kathryn can say more with an expression than most soliloquies. Plus she so consistent with how she physically plays Agatha it’s nuts. Like yes on set for AAA is understandable, but she brought the same mannerisms from WV. Like the finger thing she always does. It’s so crazy impressive.

As a final note, I really liked teen when he was a kind of goofy/sarcastic sidekick that kind of gave off the same vaguely unhinged vibes that Agatha and Rio give. Like the parts where he’s helping blackmail Jen only to turn around an hour later and offer her stale party favors? Peak Teen for me. Also I want to clarify I mean no hate whatsoever to Joe Locke. He’s brilliant and has a wonderful future as an actor ahead of him. I just hated that we lost half the show to him.

[flashypunches]

parkour civilization head-canons catered to me and me only!!!!!!

thinking about evbo and the sun........ he probably got the worst sunburns ever on the champion's layer!! (I can't remember if the master layer had sunlight or not) guarantee that guy was sizzling like a piece of bacon on the frying pan....... get that white boy some damn sunscreen, he was raised to be pale like raw chicken, he's wasn't made for the high life 🙏🔥💥

maybe when he became god he looks more like a corpse. because before, evbo tried his best to make it look like he was dead when other noobs came over to his house, so maybe that's why he's. like that.

EVBO'S NOOB NEIGHBOR............ oh how I love you (you being my own interpretation of him that is entirely made from fanon) based on absolutely NOTHING I like to think that he originally came from a "hunting party" who was scouting out evbo's neighborhood but he just defected <3 I need some more characterization to give him sorry. he's like. overconfident y'know? really cocky and firm in his belief that he'll be a pro one day 💔 he doesn't know......... he doesn't know!!!!!!!

evbo counts his years by his neighbors btw. in my head. evbo's noob neighbor is his fifth (and last)!!!!!!!! his age is unknown and is a mystery to everyone but emf, just because they searched up his stats in seawatt's lab without him knowing. he only knew what years actually were after his time in the prison

wait. I need to be a hater for a second.

im going to be honest I'm so tired of seeing content where mavbo is just the healthy pairing of parkour civilization (which I get. we have seavbo and toxic yaoi from the second movie but) THEY CAN BE MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!!! THEY CAN BE MORE PLEASE. the interest in their relationship can be more than just devotion and cannibalism (hypocrite talking. I have reduced mavbo to just that as well 😞)

EMF CAN HURT EVBO TOO!!!!!!!! the two of them would be so codependent on each other trust...... evbo would be so clingy, always trying to be around his champion in the fear that they'll get taken from him again (just like all of his other neighbors) and emf would probably feed into that worry, either by the same fear or because they KNOW how much of an advantage it is, having the god of parkour civilization close to them!!!!!!!!! they need to be nasty to each other to such a degree where even seawatt would be able to tell something's off <<33

emf needs to be so supportive that it hurts evbo in the long run!!!!!!!!! I need my enabling emf and my spiralling evbo or I will die 🫶 emf needs to be the worst ever because that is how you know I love the characters I'm writing.

okay I'm done being a little hater.

the evil champion probably believed in waiting until marriage or some other parkour civilization religion equivalent so I'm sorry but no pre-canon champwatt where they explore eachother's bodies <//3 ANON FORGIVE ME FOR TAKING SO LONG TO ANSWER YOUR ASK....... I just cant write suggestive/explicit content (especially within healthy couples) when I'm not in the mood for it 😞 forgive me please 🙏

tec and emf and rgb were all in some sort of group home and that's literally how the two of them met rgb!!!!!!!!!! the two brothers and their scammer cousin who's probably older than emf but younger than tec <3 rgb probably used to trip tec all the time in the arena before they got tossed aside because they didn't want to rank up to be a master with tec and emf!!

[glitterypin]

STORY TIME!

I had a friend. We weren't very close but we were friends, not just acquaintances. For a few years I lived in a different city and whenever she was in town, we'd get coffee. One time she actually stayed at my place. We'd known each other for nearly seventeen years and had been friends for about twelve of these. Last year she came to my birthday party, had tremendous fun, thanked me for inviting her (I was like 'why the fuck wouldn't I invite you').

So, last December, it was her birthday and she decided to throw a small celebration at a restaurant not far from the place where I worked, on a Sunday. And she invited me.

But, that was around the same time my Big Clusterfuck Of A Job started getting really stressful and I was doing overtime like crazy and working during the weekends and I was basically an animated corpse who only came alive when placed in front of the editing suite, so when the time came, I didn't actually want to go. I had worked until Saturday and Sunday was going to be my one day off and I wanted to sit at home in my pyjamas and sleep and do nothing. I didn't want to socialize with strangers (her other friends) and I didn't want to essentially ride the same fucking bus to work on my one day off.

So, I knew I didn't want to go at all but I was still trying to persuade myself to just suck it up and go because I didn't want her to be disappointed. However, as I got home from work on Saturday, I did send her a message telling her I'm dead on my feet and I may not make it the next day. I said I'd try but there was a chance I wouldn't make it.

Long story short, she flew off the handle, started very aggressively insisting that if I truly wanted to go then I would make it, so if I didn't make it it's because I don't care about her and the rest is just excuses and she refused to take note of my feelings on the matter at all. My main argument was "I am dead tired, my job is kicking me in the balls and I need to fucking rest for one day because that's all I have" and her argument is "it's only once a year, I don't know what else to tell you".

And then she blocked me.

It was so fucking important to her that I attend her birthday that when I said I wasn't sure if I'd make it, she BLOCKED ME. Apparently, not going to her birthday dinner is the same level of harm to our friendship as BLOCKING ME. Mind you, we don't even have each other's phone number because we always made plans through messenger, so she blocked what was literally out only way of communication.

I was livid for a while but also somewhat relieved because if you're going to be one toxic, messy, tantruming child of a trainwreck, then, yes, please go be that somewhere far away from my life. So irrational and immature was her behaviour that I couldn't really find it in me to miss her afterwards and I was mostly angry that I ever fucking bothered with this person.

And then I moved on. This was eight months ago.

Half an hour ago, at 2 in the fucking morning, I got a text from her. She has unblocked me and she sent me a message that basically boils down to "hey, it wasn't a big deal, I just felt that you weren't up to hanging out with me, I hope you're doing well", smiley face.

EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS LATER

AT TWO IN THE MORNING

SHE TEXTS

AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING APOLOGIZE?

instead she says that she felt I wasn't up to it? that it was somehow down to ME that she blocked me? because I didn't go to her fucking birthday dinner? (mind you, I haven't mentioned this so far but it's important to note that this woman is in her FORTIES. she's not twelve or anything.)

When God rained intelligence on the world, was she holding a fucking umbrella??

So, the big dilemma for this week is "should I deign to answer" and so far I think "better not" because I have a feeling my answer is going to be along the lines of "go fuck yourself, you self-centered twat" and that's not a nice thing to say at all...

[carrinth]

Carrinth's Justified Impressions of DA: Awakening (4/?)

The Actual Corpse Justice

*definitely spoilers*

The following is an incredibly rare excerpt from what remains of the last diary of Warden-Commander Marzel Amell. Preserved in starch.

-------------

... got an angry elf lady. Reminds me of Morrigan. I miss her so much I cry myself to sleep. Not as much as I miss my dog of course but like, loads more than say Alistair.

The stress is totally getting to me. I need something harder than elfroot but Oghren drank everything. Anyway, Varel is sending me somewhere called Blackmush or whatever. Maybe I can find someone to hook me up y'know? Hint hint.

------------

The diary goes on to meander for 10 pages...

------------

Holy Maker you guys. I found a guy. He's quite dead. Did he find some Good Stuff maybe? Anyways, I am Looking Respectfully. 👀

"No. No you aren't," the bushes say.

"Holy Maker!" I say back.

"Darkspawn!" Nathaniel says.

"Don't be silly," I tell him. "Twas but the bushes."

"Bushes don't talk, Commander,"

I roll my eyes at him. He hasn't SEEN the things I've seen. And I have SEEN THINGS.

The bushes suddenly grow darkspawn. Like fruits. Yikes!

"I am the First," Some Guy says. I glare. Because I'm on to him. He's calling first dibs. Well this is MY corpse dammit! Imma fight you for it!

Some Guy gives us the Heebie Jeebies. He starts talking about his mom and it's super awkward and we all cringe.

Kids, don't take free gifts from strangers. Especially if it's green.

Some Asshole Guy has ditched us in the Fade. NO. Maker NO not another Fade trip! I swear if I have to turn into a mouse again...

Wait. We found something. Someone?

🎵🎵*Oh Who Is She...?* 🎵

Interesting guy. I wonder if I can set him up with my cousin, Hawke. I mean he has no physical body but still... Anyway, Bro is leading some kind of party crashers into some lady's house? I think there will be booze? I really need a drink. I help Glowy Man. For the free booze.

----------

...

What happened last night? Dude where's my staff?

.....?

HOLY FLAMING MAKER'S BOWLS. Granny Wynne was right! You can party too hard that it would literally wake the dead!!!

"Who are you talking to?" Nathaniel interrupts. I ignore him because I have no witty comeback and my pride is easily bruised.

Corpse Justice asked us to help with Baroness Lady. I hope there's booze.

-------

There was no booze. I think she drank some Bad Stuff and is now experiencing explosive diarrhea. This is why we boil our water before drinking it, kids.

One of the first (and only) lessons I taught in the Circle was to say "No" to demonic possessions. Kids, this is your brain when possessed.

Demon was slain and there was some rejoicing. I pumped my fist but everyone just looked at me, tired. I lowered my arm awkwardly. Corpse Justice guy decided to join us because obviously we are the most amazing people he will ever meet. Team is finally complete. Group photo time!

P.S. CJ said I "seem to be a creature of good character" and honestly it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

P.S.S. We are BFF now.

[corrodedcoughin]

Omg thanks to your "Eddie throws himself a funeral party" post I literally cannot stop thinking about Stripper! Steve. (absolutely no pressure to do anything with this btw! I'm just aaaa! at your idea)

Like omg. Did Steve get into stripping bc he got cut off and disowned by his parents and desperately needed any job that would take him? Did he seek the job out bc he thought it'd be fun? Why should he be ashamed of exercising, entertaining, looking hot, dancing, and then getting paid to do it??? Fuck yeah

Side note the image of best friend Robin stealing a pair of Steves clean tearaway pants bc she wants to know what it's like to rip them off is very funny to me. She has them on over her jeans. She's had a glass or two of wine and is standing in the middle of Steve's living room awkwardly trying to rip off a pair of tearaway pants that are far too big for her

AHAHHA!!! Please come join me!!! There’s enough stripper Steve for everyone! Funny story Robin actually got the call handler job first through a college friend but obviously platonic soul mates cannot be separated so Steve applied for a job there too. He wasn’t fussy about position, just handed his CV in and hoped he’d get to keep working with Robin.

The employers took one look at Steve when he came into the office and told him he has hired. As a stripper. He took a moment to adjust but thought if it means he gets to work with Robin, he’d do it. (That’s what he tells people, the truth is the ego stroke at the immediate job offer was enough to sway him. He thought it would be a fun job and he was tired of retail).

And Robin plays with ALL the stock! She’s got horrendously ugly nipple tassels that she stuck to Steve’s chest and they both ended up almost crying trying to take them off him without waxing his chest (Robin tears might have been from laughter shhhh). She’s got a feather boa that she loves and wears in the office because she feels it gives her a ‘better phone voice’ nobody’s argued with her yet.

As soon as Steve finished any gig he’s on the phone to her, giving her the run down of any drama or funny stories. She gets a little worried when she doesn’t hear back after the Munson party, tries to call the person who booked and gets Eddie on the phone ‘hello, Eddie’s fun funeral, Gareth speaking’ and Robin thinks she must have the wrong number, she must have written something down wrong but all her records tell her she’s right???

‘Hi. Um…im sorry, this is going to sound so insensitive and im so sorry but…did you hire a male stripper for your event?’ Robin is smacking herself in the face as she says it. Knows she’s going to get in trouble from her manager

‘Sure is! Can’t spell funeral without fun! He’s a little busy with the man of the hour though’ she can hear laughter and loud music through the receiver. Steve is stripping at a funeral, for the dead guy?

‘Ummm I’m sorry but I don’t think company policy allows for stripping for corpses. I’m going to have to refund your booking. Please send Steve back’ Robin is way out of her depth. What the fuck is going on? How did she let this happen?

‘Ah no dude he’s alive, very alive by the looks of things. And sos your employee. I dont know who’s having a better time to be honest’ Gareth sounds sane but Robin doesn’t know if she can really make that call over the phone for a guy who books strippers for funerals where people aren’t dead.

[lemondoddle]

Ok, so! For the fmk alt (and I'm gonna make it podcast themed cause ofc i would)! 1 - Elias, Simon Fairchild, Annabelle Cane; 3 - Juno, Rita, Vespa ; 4 - Dr Bright, Caleb, Chloe ; 5 - Sir Damien, Sir Angelo, Talfryn ; 7 - Eiffel, Minkowski, Lovelace!

omg julia 🥺🥺🥺🥺tysm

1) stab, shoot or drown - Elias, Simon Fairchild, Annabelle Cane

ohohohh tricky! i dont think i can drown simon on account of him being a vast avatar and he would probably just :3 at me from under the water, so while i think it would theatrically satisfying to shoot elias i think ill shoot simon, also because the idea of holding elias under the water of some grimy bathtub in a seedy motel while his suit and combover get ruined as he thrashes sounds very gratifying, so drown elias! that just leaves stabbing annabelle which i think i could do in like a really homoerotic way where we’re inches apart from each other making eye contact and its like in movies where the camera shot is just face and chest and you just see her flinch and stumble back and it pans down to the stab wound in her stomach yknow?

3) fight aliens with, fight zombies with, fight capitalism with- Juno, Rita, Vespa

for sure fight aliens with juno, as he has prior experience from dealing with miasma. fight zombies with vespa because shes a trained assassin and the more i think about zombies the easier i think it is to fight them bc theyre literally decayed corpses they are so fragile which is like child’s play for vespa probably and i might even get some zombies down and she’d be like good job and id be like thank u ///////. and DEFINITELY fight capitalism with rita she’s like the best hacker in the universe she’d cancel all student debt and redistribute the 1%’s wealth to everyone in like 15 minutes and we’d have a wonderful conversation while she does it

4) write a book with, read a book to, hit with a book- Dr bright, Caleb, Chloe

oh no im so down for two of these but i cant hit any of them with a book i care them!! if i had to i guess i would VERY LIGHTLY hit caleb with a book on like the arm bc we were probably goofing around and i had a book in hand. i would however totally write a book with chloe that would be so fucking tight because my biggest problem with writing is that i have all these thoughts but i never know how to phrase them and having someone that could read my thoughts would be a godsend. lastly, id read a book to dr bright because that woman just needs to take a long moment and fucking Relax for once, let her lay down while i read something nice and soothing because she deserves it!! 

5) go on a six hour road trip with (no car radio, you choose who drives), sit next to on a six hour plane flight, sit across from on a six hour train journey- Sir Damien, Sir Angelo, Talfryn

definitely go on a 6 hour road trip with sir angelo, for both my entertainment and for the sake of the plane and train passengers because he is kinda real loud. i guess i’ll probably have to drive considering cars dont exist in the second citadel but either way having him in the car would be a hoot and he would keep me very entertained by telling me of his heroic adventures the whole time. the plane one is a bit of a toss-up between tal and damien because theyre both just so nervous and probably wouldnt take well to being on a plane but i think ill go with sitting on a 6 hour plane ride with sir damien, he’ll ask Saint Damien to bless the flight and get himself worked up and rambling every time there’s slight turbulence but its okay ill hold his hand and reassure him and let him lean on me to nap after tiring himself out from worrying. he’d also probably go “ha HA! thank you Saint Damien!!” after the plane lands and i think thats real neat. now i get to sit across talfryn on a 6 hour train ride which i think he still might be a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but i’ll ask him about the plants and ecosystems that pass outside the window and listen to him infodump about that and make for a pleasant lil trip  

7) go to a wedding with, go to a party with, go to a museum with- Eiffel, Minkowski, Lovelace

ooooh i would Love to go to a wedding with lovelace as my date plus one, the actual wedding would be fine and she’d give me a lovingly teasing look when i cry because im a sappy crybaby bitch and when the bride throws the bouqet she’d catch it and give me a wink and we wouldnt even be able to go to the afterparty bc id faint right then and there. go to a party with eiffel bc he’d probably carry the conversations with people and wouldnt mind that i’djust kinda trail behind him to whole time and we’d probably just end up sitting together somewhere chatting bc while i very much adore him he’s not as suave and cool as he thinks he is but that’s okay he’d probably suggest leaving the party via obscure dated reference and we’d go get pizza and drive down the road at night windows down music blasting!. and defs go to a museum with Minkowski, we’d hold hands and id get to gush about the art pieces and she’d get to gush about history artifacts bc i think she’d be really interested in that 

[sincerelymissatomicbomb]

Thank you so much for the Cu stories, I found them very satisfyingly amusing. :D I thought of another one I'd love! "I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to kiss you agai- kill. Kill you again... Crap." With Diarturia. :3

1. I apologize greatly for such a late reply; I had a midterm yesterday I’m 90% sure I failed

2. I also had trouble coming up with a theme but I got it and I hope you like it!

Without further ado, I present to you:

I Messed Up…Maybe

  The afternoon sun burned hisface, heating his shoulders and making him lethargic; there was alwayssomething about the intense sun that made him tired and sleepy. Though, whenhis eyes fell upon the high stone walls of the city of Camelot, he heaved inrelief. He had finally arrived, and he was very much looking forward to histime in court.

  As was common for any young man,Diarmuid wanted to be a knight and he was thisclose to his dream. The king of Camelot had been looking for new recruits andwith Diarmuid’s Irish Nobility, his father suggested that he try to enter sucha prestigious band of knights. And so, after a long journey, he found himselfin the Kingdom of Camelot.

  The city was bustling with theeveryday life of the civilians. Camelot was amidst a festival; one of the manythey held in the warm summer days. The streets were made of stone bricks andpeople crowded it, flower garlands hanging from the houses and lining thestreets, the jolly music of bands in pubs danced gingerly above the people.Diarmuid stood in awe, sure he hadseen his fair share of festivals in Ireland, but when you see a foreign city inthe middle of a party, it always looks more alluring. There were vendors inevery corner, selling fruits and flowers and other goods that would catch hisattention.

  The stare of a woman caught his eyeand he pulled his hood lower over his face and hiding himself from thelingering eyes of some women. Weaving through the sea of people, he tried tomake his way towards the festival grounds which were set to be North of thecastle. He was buzzing with excitement of meeting knights and otherknights-to-be, what more could be expected from a sixteen-year-old boy.

  He was burning up in his hoodedcape, but he dared not remove it for fear of his curse…well, cursing him. Hishoney eyes wandered and landed right upon the huge castle that stood proudly tohis left, he could only catch a small glimpse of the courtyard, and immediatelyhe deemed it to be gorgeous.

  Diarmuid did not waste a singlesecond more on staring at what he hoped would be his residence one day and hescurried along to the festival grounds where he knew he could find the arena.As he approached the arena, however, the crowd became thicker and he couldbarely weave himself through. It wasn’t a surprise when his path deviated andinstead of exiting near the arena, he found himself in a vast field whichlooked to be further to the right of the arena.

  There were a few people crowdedabout in a circle right in the middle of the field. In the center of the crowd,a tiny person and a tall man rounded one another. They looked to be knights forthe swords they held and how the light reflected off their armour, Diarmuid’seyes immediately widened. A smile drew on his lips and he walked towards them,quickening his step now that there was barely anybody around. Diarmuid did notquestion as to why the field was empty other than the group of knights, nor didhe question why they were so silent.

  As he reached the circle ofknights, he gasped at the fight that was held in the middle. He had assumed bynow, as he had heard the clashing of swords, but what had surprised him wasthat one of the sword-wielders was a young girl which looked to be no olderthan the age of fifteen, as she looked to be only about a year younger thanhimself.

  Diarmuid could admit to himselfthat it was love at first sight—or maybe first swing (of a sword). She was clearly skilled and talented in the art ofSwordsmanship. She had a powerful arm and an ever so graceful footwork, itlooked to be as if she were dancing or walking upon a lake, causing onlyripples on the water.

  Her cheeks were burning red asthe heat of the sun seemed to exhaust her, but she was having no issues. Sweattrickled down from her light brown brow and her green eyes were filled withdetermination and adrenaline. She wore chainmail and brown boots to her knees,he wondered how she was not fainting from heat exhaustion. Her hair hadprobably been a neat bun once upon a time, but now it was a mess of goldenstrands. Some of her locks were held back in the bun while some were formingmountains upon her head and others were completely loose.

  He had been paying a little toomuch attention to her for he had not noticed when she knocked her opponent tothe floor and held her sword inches from his face. Her lips never once crackeda smile, not even for a single second to admire her own victory, but she gainedthe applause and praise of her comrades.

  She took a few quick breathsbefore evening them out and rolling her neck. Plunging her sword unto thegrass, she offered a hand out to her opponent and he took it with a tired smileon his face. With that simple action, he was sold. She might have been a mess;sweaty and completely unladylike but he was sure she had won his heart.

  “Who are you?” His heart skippeda beat when her eyes landed on him. Her voice was stern and monotone, much tooold for a young woman, but he found it nice.

  The men around him cleared theway and he was left to stand before her. “I…”

  She stared at him, burning holes inhim.

“I… My name is Diarmuid.”

  She picked her sword back up,taking a handkerchief from one of the men and wiping her forehead with it. “Whyare you in my knights’ field? Have you come looking for something?”

  “Well, no, erm, not exactly. I got lost in the crowdand…I saw you from the hill. You were amazing.”

  She narrowed her gaze on him andtook a step closer; she was easily an entire foot shorter than him. “Take thathood off, are you not boiling in it?” It was a demand.

  “I cannot…” His fear had beenforgotten but now it was a grave reality.

  She stepped closer to him. “Dotake it off.” He could not bring himself to disobey her a second time and so hedid as asked.

  Unwillingly, he removed his hoodand straightened his posture. He gulped, expecting some sort of reaction fromher.

  She looked him up and down. “Yourname sounds Irish.” There was nothing that told him she had fallen in love withhim, and so he eased. He was confused, nonetheless.

  Diarmuid nodded. “It is. I amIrish.”

  “How does an Irishman findhimself in Camelot?”

  He cleared his throat. “I wish tobecome a knight.”

  The men burst into lively chatterand the young girl lifted a brow. “A knight?” She asked.

  “Yes…I came because I wanted tobecome a knight here.”

  “A duel!” One of her fellowknight’s shouted and thus began a chant from the circle of knights as if theywere amidst a cult. Diarmuid was pushed into its core along with the youngwoman. “A duel! A duel! A duel!”

  The woman blinked. “What say you?”

  Diarmuid looked around, catchingthe glances of all the excited men. He felt pressured, “If the lady so wishes.”The knights cooed at this.

  The blonde lifted her sword. “Myname is Arturia,” she introduced herself as was the rule of Chivalry. He washanded a sword and they rounded one another as he removed his cloak to allowhim ease.

  Arturia was the first to make amove, she pushed her sword forward and he dodged it. Her attacks were bold andconfident; he admired that greatly.

  They sparred, throwing attacksand defending themselves, but Diarmuid would admit she was much more skilled thanhim. She was at another level of swordsmanship. He would argue, however, thatit was due to the fact that he was using a sword and was not dual-wielding hisspears. He felt comfortable in spears as opposed to swords, but alas, this was a sword fight.

  Her movements were swift, and hecouldn’t help but admire her demeanour.

  “Keep your sword up,” she nagged.And with that came the vast amount of criticism. “Your footwork is sloppy.”

  He huffed.

  “No need to hold back, I can beatyou fair and square.”

  Diarmuid was knocked to theground by her attacks.

“Be more attentive.”

  He stood, not stopping to dusthimself as she already had prepared another attack.

  “All muscle and no skill.” Her lipswere stretched into a slight frown, brows knitted, and eyes filled withdetermination. “You surely need more polishing.”

  He never once responded to hercritiques, and they continued to pour out and with every insult came the gaspsand coos of the circling knights. The hilt of her sword hit him right acrossthe face and he tumbled to the floor.

  Not only was his lip busted buthis pride was also bruised. She had quite literally pounded him to the dust.

  Her eyebrow rose as she analyzed him.“You expect to become a knight with such sloppy practice?”

  He grimaced. “Fight me,” he spat, blood dripping fromhis lip.

  “I did, and I won.” Arturia lifted her sword and pointed it at him. “Iwould have never guessed that an Irishman was ever so easy to beat…even for a little girl.”

  He looked past how appealing shelooked and glared daggers at her. “Wait until I get my spears; I am going tokill you, and then I am going to kiss you agai—” The realization hit him like awave and his cheeks burned redder, clearly not a factor of such a spar. “Kill,” he corrected but it was too latefor everyone had heard him clearly amidst his nearly rageful speech. “Kill youagain…” Diarmuid shut his eyes in embarrassment and prayed the earth wouldopen up just to swallow him whole. “Crap,“he growled in defeat while everyone burst out in laughter.

  Arturia too tried to hide hersmile. “I would suggest that the kissing part should come before the killingpart as…well…it would be highlyinappropriate to kiss a corpse. In my opinion, at least.”

  Diarmuid looked up at her, whichhad nearly been impossible. The smile on her face, once he saw it spill forth,eased him greatly. His cheeks were still red, his blush reaching the tips ofhis ears.

  “We could arrange a rematch for whenyou get your spears.” She gave him a wink before reaching a hand out towardshim. “Though, I am certain you will not be able to kill me.”

  He took her hand and she helpedhim to his feet.

  She could tell he was shrinkingunder her gaze. “I would further suggest that you not try to kill an heir tothe Throne of Camelot; that will surely seal your fate. A kiss, however, shouldnot be an issue.”

  He thought that he would faint,and he really wanted to be stabbed right then and there. “I—I am very sorry. Icannot apologize—”

  Pulling him down, she landed akiss on his cheek and everyone gasped. “I hope that satisfies you,” she mumbledbefore turning to leave. Never once did she seem embarrassed or to shy away;grace and poise appeared to be all she knew.

  Diarmuid knew, in that verysecond, that he had fallen for her. Hard.

[popetrivia]

The Heat of Rome

And I mean literally. I thought about this when the temperatures finally rose in our neck of the woods. I'm not a big fan of sweltering heat and neither were several popes who lived in Rome during the summer before the invention of electricity and cooling devices. I remembered that I noticed the several mentions of Roman summer heat in the John Julius Norwich book 'The Popes'. I love this book and not in the least for the way he wrote it. It's even kind of cheeky now and again ;-).

Not only the Popes suffered from the heat and fled to palaces in cooler places. Roman summer was a notorious enemy of several armies. For instance Frederick Barbarossa's army fell in 1167 in one week. Rapidly following on his earlier triumph, heavy rain began to fall, followed by a still and oppressive heat on which pestilence erupted. Within a matter of days it was no longer possible to bury all the dead and the rising piles of corpses, swollen and decomposing in the merciless heat of a Roman August, made their own awful contribution to the sickness and the horror.

Innocent III (1198-1216) loathed the Roman summer and tried to avoid it when he could. In 1202 however he couldn't escape it. The sun was murderous, the flies an additional torture. So much so that no one in the papal party tried to venture to a nearby lake to cool down because it took too much effort. Innocent did though and splashed the cool water on his face. This bit of trivia is especially nice and gives a little more insight in this pope under which leadership the medieval papacy rose to extraordinary heights.

However when Innocent died, his body was stolen from the house in which he had died. His body was found naked and rapidly decomposing in the summer heat. The disrespectful burial of one of the greatest medieval popes was later rectified by Leo XIII at the end of the 19th century. His bones returned to the Lateran in a suitcase of a priest, travelling by rail.

In 1691 Alexander VIII (1689–91) died. The ensuing conclave lasted 5 months, the longest since 1305. It would have lasted longer had it not been for the summer heat, which was exceptional even for Roman standards, which raised the temperature in the Sistine Chapel to incredible heights.

Nowadays the Roman summer temperatures are still noteworthy. A quick Google search led me to: 'Honestly? Rome's climate in summer is relentlessly hot. Most people who live and work in the city get out as fast as they can when summer comes, and head for the coast. Temperatures can reach as high as 45° C, 113°F, and there is often little or no breeze. It's hot, it's sweaty and it's very, very tiring'. The Popes weren't nagging it seems. Luckily for them airconditioning is now an option so they are much more comfortable in their long robes during Roman summer heat.

While writing this I listened to Röyskopp - The Inevitable End. No association with this entry, just very nice. Especially 'Something in My Heart'