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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

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* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

#irvingintro #violence tw #(more of a brief mention)#bt still #jst reposting bc its been so long JFGDHFDSGSLFKG

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 4 years ago

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My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part one: It’s Time To Go

No more “official” meanings for music. The world has progressed past having to consider “official” meanings of songs. I’m kidding... partially. Obviously I love connecting the dots with Taylor’s music as much as the next Swiftie, but my favourite aspect of listening to music is the emotional relatability of transferring it to events in my own life. I have also unfortunately been ridiculed for relating to romantic songs in non-romantic ways and so forth. So I’ve decided in a bid to normalise personal relatability to songs and just generally get my thoughts out there, I’m going to write out what these songs mean to me and how. Also a special shout out to @cowboylikedean who inspired this series with how Folklore and Evermore has been helping zir recover from zir heartbreak over the Supernatural ending.

Anyway, I’ve decided I’m working backwards with these because why not? I should probably also note that unless there are lyrical changes in a repeated part (mostly choruses), I’m only going to include each of those parts once as a way to reduce repeating myself. So let’s get started.

It’s Time To Go

As a whole, this song is a reassuring comfort that despite seeing my tendency to leave as a flaw caused by the trauma of staying too long in the past, it typically has served me well. Though, like many of Taylor’s songs, It’s Time To Go mostly reminds me of my family, there are aspects of past friendships that I definitely feel like I dodged a bullet with by leaving.

When the dinner is cold and the chatter gets old, you ask for the tab

To me, this line reminds me of my father and my relationship before I cut him off. Despite feeling like I was his favourite child for most my childhood, communication between us started breaking down in my teen years. By the time my family fell apart when I was 20, I felt like seeing him weekly for lunches was a chore I was doing ‘for old time’s sake’. As a whole, despite loving him, there was just no longer any common ground and it showed with most of that time being spent in awkward silences or silently nodding along to things we didn’t understand that the other person said until I guiltily gave my ‘well I guess I better be heading home’ line.

Or that moment again he's insisting that friends look at each other like that

When I was in my teen years, I was in an (partially non consensually sexual) abusive friendship. This line brought me right back to the beginning of that friendship when I’d vocalise that I, a person with a history of sexual violence before that, was uncomfortable at the way he would sexualise me or stare lustfully at me. And you guessed it, every time he’d try to gaslight me into thinking I was just making it up and ‘friends look at each other like that all the time’. This line also has a tinge of regret for me because looking but I wish I had accepted that it was time to go then as opposed to staying which led to the abuse.

When the words of a sister come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed. Not a twin from your dreams, she's a crook who was caught

So these lines are interesting to me because outside of the generalised outro, it is the only part of this song that relates to two completely unrelated scenarios.

‘When the words of a sister come back in whispers to prove she was not who she seemed, not a twin from your dreams’ reminds me of the members of my family I thought I was close to growing up. Like these people spent my whole life telling me I was their favourite, telling me they’d provide if I needed anything and just generally put so much extra time and effort into me than my cousins and siblings. Then, when I begged for help, refused to even check in on me when my sister left and then told me they’d rather watch me starve and be homeless than step in and push my father to do the right thing by my mother, brother and I.

‘When the words... come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed, she’s a crook who was caught’ meanwhile reminds me of an ex acquaintance from university. While I was not super close with her, she seemed decent enough so I introduced her to another now ex friend of mine in hopes that if I ever held events, I wouldn’t have to worry about her because she’d know at least one other person. While seemingly a small thing, this was a large step for me given how much the abusive friend mentioned above fucked me and past friendships up to the point this was the first time in six years I was introducing friends that hadn’t previously met to each other. And this girl knew that. She also knew that I was in a very vulnerable state given I had just cut off my father and was in between medications. Despite this, she spent the week she knew this other friend doing everything she could to fuck up our friendship and convince me that this other friend didn’t like/trust me, and unfortunately it worked.

That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul. You know when it's time to go

This line feels very self explanatory. Sometimes you just need to trust your gut, even if it fucking kills you. Very much ‘I think I’ve seen this film before, so I’m leaving out the side door’ vibes.

Twenty years at your job then the son of the boss gets the spot that was yours

So to me, this line reminds me of the way my parents pinned my sister and I against each other, and in turn the resentment that causes when thinking about how I felt like I was damn near to the perfect daughter, stuck around for the ‘ugly’/hard parts that she didn’t and did everything I could for my parents and family in general just for everything to still revolve around my sister. Like my father chose ‘her’ (more like chose his own dishonesty and knew she’d put up with it for financial gain whereas I wouldn’t), my mother’s whole life revolves around her hurt for my sister rather than trying to have a relationship with me and my sister still got all of the support from the family despite being the one in the wrong. But here’s the thing, as much as I want to be bitter at her, she was a child when everything happened and couldn’t help that she was put in a good position and I wasn’t. It was the ‘boss’ of my adult family that chose that and that’s where the blame lays here.

Or trying to stay for the kids when keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse

Ironically this line pretty much means the opposite to me. Like to me, this was how I felt trying to juggle relationships with both my parents after they split. Like my mother felt betrayed every time I went to see my father even though it was a precondition for him giving her money when he finally agreed to, and my father felt betrayed that I was his favourite yet opted to live with mum and support her. It was a lose/lose situation and the longer it went on, the worse the pain was for all three of us.

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing

Giving up on the abusive friend above was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After having experienced the suicide of a close friend the year before, I had admittedly grown a supergirl complex where I felt like I had to save everyone, and knowing that this abusive friend was suicidal and still walking away despite my fears that he’d die in a way he wouldn’t have if I just stayed tore me apart emotionally and made me feel like I had failed and been weak as a friend. But ultimately it was the strong thing because I had to leave all my friends from that group behind as a result and start again.

Sometimes to run is the brave thing

So in the theme of ‘I’ve had to restart my life too many times from leaving everything behind’, we have the beginning, the first time I stood my ground and refused to go back to a situation that I was upset in. In sixth grade (final grade of elementary school where I am), I had an outburst with one of my friends about how I felt like I was her comedy/emotional punching bag. Her response? Make the whole year barring one guy hate me. That guy and my friends in the year below also got targeted for their choice to stay friends with me. By the end of the year, things started cooling down and she asked me to go to the same high school as 99% of the rest of the year and remain friends. I didn’t. I instead went to the opposing school with the bad reputation despite the idea of knowing no one and being alone scaring the shit out of me. Granted looking back it was kinda dumb to be scared given that I went from having 40ish kids in my year to like 120 (and would have been more if I went to that other school) so wouldn’t have had to deal with the false ultimatum of her or being alone anyway, but at the time it was a massive deal for me and the bravest thing I would do until leaving that abusive friendship years later.

Sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing

Basically this just encapsulates leaving both friendship groups from above. Like leaving the elementary school group allowed me to find people who I didn’t feel I had to pretend around in high school and then leaving that high school group found me people who had common interests and wanted to challenge and grow beside me. In general, it really doesn’t feel like much is going well in my life right now, but the one thing I can say is that I finally feel like I am in a place where every friend that I have put effort into is meant to be in my life and deserves to be and I don’t feel like anything is missing on that front. So maybe it took 23 years, but at least I got there.

Fifteen years, fifteen million tears begging 'til my knees bled. I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all then wondered why I left. Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones praying to his greed. He's got my past frozen behind glass but I've got me

Family, family family. Quite frankly, I think these parts I wrote in an unsent letter to my father explain it best.

“And I’ve had to do it alone because the literal years I spent degrading myself into feeling like the child this family made me out to be and begging for an ‘adult’ to step in and help were met with apathy and in your case, fake apologies. And then each and every one of you has had the nerve to act like I abandoned you or that I am a thoughtless child who only won’t see you because mummy said no.”

“You have taken every part of my family, my mental health and potentially even my future away from me, and whether you care or not, that’s something you and I both have to live with for the rest of our days.”

I spent my whole childhood/very early adulthood seeing the signs of my sister slipping from us and trying to prevent exactly what ended up happening. I spent the following three years begging for people who could fix it to do so. And then when they refused, I somehow became the villain and ‘insane’ and ‘not a family person’ for leaving.

But at the end of the day, they lost a person that would have loved and done anything for them for a lifetime. I left with my self-respect, only losing fairweathered people who only liked the idea of me anyway.

And you know, you know, you know, you know when it's time to go. So then you go. You just go...

Going back to the main theme, sometimes you’ve just gotta trust your instincts and take that first step knowing you’re doing the right thing for yourself and walking towards what you need.

#taylor swift #it's time to go #evermore album #about me #did anyone ask for this? no. but I am annoying and plaguing your dashes with my thoughts and feelings anyway lmao

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dweemeister · 6 years ago

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The Girl from Yesterday (2017, Vietnam)

In the West, there has been a reevaluation of films featuring teenage stars or the vast high school subgenre. Such examinations have come from ardent fans of those movies, and even the central actor of a number of those films, Molly Ringwald. Yet those movies never traveled to many pockets of the world, where the major American movie studios had yet to stake claims in those untapped markets – whether due to economic and/or political realities. Among those nations is Vietnam, where its (relatively) recent adoption of a “socialist-oriented market economy” left it largely untouched by Western cinema, as the nation’s cinema begins to discover its cinematic identity outside of government-funded features about the heroism of revolution. The subject of this write-up, The Girl from Yesterday, is a product of that filmmaking environment in Vietnam – a piece more inspired by popular contemporary Asian media than that of America.

The Girl from Yesterday is director and co-screenwriter Phan Gia Nhật Linh’s second feature film, adapting author Nguyễn Nhật Ánh’s young adult novel of the same name (another Nguyễn YA novel, Yellow Flowers on the Green Grass, was recently adapted as a film, and was well-received by critics and audiences). The romantic games that its main characters play will be familiar to fans of high school movies – albeit deprived of an overt, invasive sexuality that one often finds in their American counterparts. Colored with a nostalgic lens throughout, this is a gentle romantic comedy not afraid of wackiness, nonsense.

It is 1997 in Central Vietnam. Thư (Ngô Kiến Huy) is in his final year before university, and his failing grades are not the first thing on his mind. He has instantly fallen for the new transfer student, Việt An (Miu Lê), who notices Thư’s affections but dismisses his advances. Her behavior vexes Thư – a rambunctious fellow used to being in control of his friends. As he becomes more unsure on how to approach his new classmate, let alone getting to know her better, Thư increasingly reflects on the first girl he loved. Ten years ago, Thư (Minh Khang as seven-year-old Thư) met next-door neighbor and classmate Tiểu Li (Hà Mi). Initially, their friendship could not be described as one of equals. But as the younger Thư learns how to be a true friend to Tiểu Li, his pride prevents him from expressing how important she is to him. As the film progresses, these flashbacks are cross-cut more frequently with the present day – reflecting Thư’s mental tumult towards Việt An.

Also featured in this film are Việt An’s friends Chiêu Minh (Lê Hạ Anh) and Hồng Hoa (Hoàng Yến Chibi); Thư’s best friend, Hải (Jun Phạm); and teachers Hường (Lan Phương), Hinh (Tiểu Bảo Quốc), and Lực (Tùng Min).

One constant problem throughout the narrative is its committal to using late 1990s Vietnam as a backdrop. The film – from its production design, costume design, and even the screenplay itself – looks nothing like that period in Vietnamese history. Decades of ostracism from the international community and botched communist economic plans had taken their toll on the populace, rendering Vietnam one of the poorest countries in Asia. Thư, narrating the film, will occasionally mention economic hardships while his family – and all of his classmates’ families – seem to be economically comfortable, or at least are curiously silent about things not having to do with his pursuit of Việt An. Some may argue that financially uncertain times are incompatible with romantic comedies, but there are moments in The Girl from Yesterday that appear to almost pull off this precarious balancing act. The film could use a more versatile blend of comedy, as things become one-note after the half-hour mark.

Too much of The Girl from Yesterday’s hilarity revolves around misunderstanding, Thư’s daydreaming and general immaturity, and his inability to fully explain himself to Việt An, his parents – hell, anyone and everyone. It might even compel you to reach into the screen and shake him violently from the scruff of his neck. Thư’s behavior goes beyond farcical, and his misadventures with Hải may grate the nerves of the less patient. One’s mileage will vary as Thư swings between domineering arrogance (played for laughs, as the older Thư does not mean to intend to be cruel to others) and cartoonish vulnerability in front of Việt An (making Peanuts’ Charlie Brown look like a social butterfly by comparison, because at least he has some semblance of self-control). The Girl from Yesterday is filled with puppy love immaturity, and that never quite grows into something more, leaving it little meaningful to say about Hải and Việt An or their friends surrounding them.

Screenwriters Phan and Nguyễn Thái Hà employs flashbacks to intersperse the storyline to show how Thư, as a child, helps explain Thư, as an adolescent whose post-secondary school plans have been derailed with the arrival of the newest transfer student. The most effective moments occur during the flashbacks themselves, as we see how friendly yet insensitive Thư can be towards his childhood friend, Tiểu Li. Meaningful friends stay friends – no matter their differences, no matter time’s unpredictability. Tiểu Li’s loyalty is admirable, accepting of her friend’s immaturity and deeply forgiving. Perhaps this is unwarranted, setting up Tiểu Li as a force of platonic purity, turning the other cheek every time Thư misbehaves. Not so in this film. Tiểu Li becomes angry some days, but she is not armed with the vocabulary (and probably, given her age, the wisdom) of how friends are supposed to treat the other. As he approaches adulthood, Thư he begun to realize how much Tiểu Li meant to him (and he to her), and how he used her friendship for selfish reasons. These revelations and Thư’s epiphany arrive in the final half-hour, while the film leaves unclear why exactly the flashbacks are a part of The Girl from Yesterday until its climax. It is pure soap, in the manner of populist Asian cinematic and television dramas, but the child performances sell even the most cliched plot points.

For the supposedly teenager actors – as hilarious as they can be – they are much too old to be playing high schoolers. All of them are in their early twenties (a handful are Vietnamese pop music stars by trade, not actors) and though some apologists might point to several teenage-centric/high school films with the characters being played by actors in their thirties, this is still a distraction to an otherwise lighthearted, somewhat contrived romp. An over-dependence of mediocre visual effects and inexplicable placements of those effects override whatever emotions that Nguyen is attempting here. If Phan is unable to convey certain feelings through his images and storytelling, then he will never accomplish those feats by using any sort of animation or visual effects.

A forgettable, sometimes cartoonish original score does little but telegraph what is already happening on-screen. Besides that, pop singer Vũ Cát Tường provides the film’s original title song, benefitting from its moving lyrics. The song is partially hampered by a turn away from the beautiful piano line into a light beat too prevalent in Vietnamese pop music.

Anything related to author Nguyễn Nhật Ánh often translates to financial success in Vietnam, and such was the case with The Girl from Yesterday. It is also reflective of Vietnamese tastes in their domestic cinema – when it comes to romantic storylines, broad humor rather than intense drama (associated with Serious Western Cinema that has made few inroads among Vietnamese audiences) is preferred. A messy screenplay aside, Phan Gia Nhật Linh displays an acute sense of comedic timing and an understanding of how to develop characters within the realm of a comedy. The Girl from Yesterday is not exactly a dramedy, but its ability to summon internal character conflicts from the past displays how much of an individual’s behavior is dictated by how they treated others no longer in their lives. The worst of such behavior can only be addressed, the film says, unless room for introspection is allowed.

My rating: 6/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

NOTE: Parts of this write-up have been adapted from the synopsis that I wrote for the 2018 Viet Film Fest in Orange, California.

#The Girl from Yesterday #Cô gái đến từ hôm qua #Phan Gia Nhật Linh #Miu Lê #Ngô Kiến Huy #Jun Phạm #Hoàng Yến Chibi #Lê Hạ Anh #Hà Mi #Minh Khang #Tiểu Bảo Quốc #Tùng Min #Lan Phương #Nguyễn Nhật Ánh #Nguyễn Thái Hà #Viet Film Fest #2018 Viet Film Fest #My Movie Odyssey

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nitratestock · 4 years ago

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One by one, like a painful slow drip from a finite source, we lose people to time, people who contributed positively to the world in ways political, artistic, scientific. One by one. Considering the sum total is simply too great, we need stagger. For those who share my year of birth by a margin of three years give or take on either side, we’ve been lucky. Lucky in the sense that the stagger has been long and wide. Over the last decade we’ve lost some important people, particularly important to our early life, the exit of our single digits and the early part of our teens. Early on I was crushed by the death of Sidney Lumet, in 2011, a giant of the film community. I wrote about his passing back then, at the point of worst emotional pain, as bad as one can feel without being a family member or close friend. Since then we’ve lost Cimino. We’ve lost Nichols. We’ve lost Varda. We’ve lost Akerman. We’ve lost Hooper and Romero. As we brine in our Gen X jar, we unfortunately transition from sniper fire to machine gun spray. Legato becomes staccato. People of my age group watch in horror as heroes depart. It’s no different of any other age group, perhaps only more enhanced by the increased prevalence of mass media over the course of the last century and into ours. Distance and folklore becomes nearness and screens. In either case we involve ourselves in the lives of others, in ways good and bad. At worst we connect through this urge to pillory those who are guilty of our very same sins. At best, we mourn the passing of a public figure we’ve come to acknowledge, without their knowledge, as a friend. Hopefully out of benevolent interest, that last part.

So I say with the melancholy of a film fanatic that came of age in the 80’s and the heft of a life, if averages count, mostly lived at this point, that the recent passing of one Alan Parker left me despondent. Perhaps not for the fate of the world, but definitely for the fate of film as a malleable form that might struggle with the twin purposes of art and commerce and succeed somehow. Film fanatics, or as I prefer to refer to myself and others, Cinegeeks, often find themselves drawn to figures within the film world considered 2nd or 3rd tier interviews, whose body of work might contain two or three masterpieces amongst a body of mediocrity, or who might have a mostly or even highly successful box office record but never get critical acclaim. Fanatics like to champion the underdog. It’s our nature. To a degree Alan Parker found himself in this category. Partially because his CV didn’t fit neatly into the Auteur Theory folder. Partially because he didn’t play the normal Hollywood game. It’s sometimes overlooked that the boldest outsiders during that New Hollywood era knew how to play the studio/PR angle and did so like sawing a harp from hell. I’m looking at YOU, Coppola and Scorsese.

Parker had artistic ambitions, some would even say pretentious ambitions, and yet I defy anyone to observe his body of work and not see a blue-collar hardscrabble mentality etching away at the base of all his films. He failed sometimes, but in all endeavors he struggled not just to ensure proper light diffusion, but to connect the audience to the scene that was unfolding and the characters within all of that art direction and brilliant cinematography. In his debut feature, the cult classic BUGSY MALONE, he invited audiences to indulge in the lark of basically watching an updated Little Rascals film as whipped-cream St. Valentine’s massacre. With an infectious soundtrack by Paul Williams. And it worked and still works. In MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, he sought nothing less than to put you through the Turkish prison system at its most barbaric. And damn, did he succeed. In FAME, he sought to enroll you in La Guardia High, the School for the Performing Arts, partially ushered in by one Mr. Lumet, and he brought you into the NYC streets to join the dance. In SHOOT THE MOON, he dragged you through the broken glass and nails that is a brutal divorce. Most critics still feel it’s the film that’ll never be topped on that topic. And yeah. It’s punishing to this day.

That’s just his first four films. He followed MOON in the same year with his cinematic distillation of PINK FLOYD’S THE WALL, as ambitious, reckless, insane, obtuse and inspiring as any art film dared to be. He waged one of the bravest, constant battles between the band, their label, his studio and the inevitable lash or backlash from the critics and the crowds as any director dared in that decade, which had now, even by 1992, belonged to Reagan and Thatcher’s crowd. It worked, it was a success on its own terms. It stood with QUADROPHENIA as one of the few successful adaps of a “RockOpera” to screen. And it would serve as an insanely influential piece of cinema/album mashup. I can’t think of another film that’s even attempted to match it to this day.

Parker’s true gift was that of exploration, and this was evinced by his sojourn from cinematic genre to cinematic genre. Like great directors before him, he felt the need to examine and exult in them all. He turned after 1982’s twin trials to what many referred to as William Wharton’s “un-filmable” novel. Parker found a way to film it, and in the process crafted a minor masterpiece, and the first film in his American Gothic trilogy. BIRDY is about so many things; the horror of war, the futility of grand romantic dreams, the last days of glorious, unweighted childhood. It succeeds in all those ambitions, but what it is squarely about is the healing power of friendship, of that bond between brothers that even the trauma of battle cannot best. He accomplished this in two different time periods and two different venues; the 60’s early and late, as disparate as a decade could get from itself; then the wide, economically depressed funland expanse of post-WW2 Brooklyn, against the claustrophobic, chiaroscuro lit cell of the VA, where the only shadow to hide within lies beneath the mottled cot. All of Parker’s CV can be described as character studies of one form or another. Here he began a three film sojourn into America’s pockets, its secret soul and even its original sins. He’d leave the punishing abandonment of what once was the City of Brooklyn as it stood circa 1962, for a far more insidious and painful abandonment, one of a whole swath of the country and of its stolen populace.

ANGEL HEART was ostensibly a mashup of horror and noir, a neat trick that any successful director would’ve been drawn to, especially in the MTV 80’s, a music video era (greatly inspired by directors like Parker, I might add) that found itself drawing on the tropes of past cinema genres in a highly stylized way. The synopsis implies a simple morality tale, a private eye hired by a seemingly nefarious talent agent to track down the client who’s eluded him. Perhaps by supernatural means. Parker expanded on the location by quickly resetting the action from Brooklyn to New Orleans, after a quick trip through Harlem. White culture has to answer to and for black culture in America, and Parker employed this almost caricature smoke-and-topcoat shamus to do this investigation. There is great butchery in ANGEL HEART, which I’ve always believed reps the butchery of slavery and the Jim Crow era. There are bold implications and terrible consequences for what we now term “cultural appropriation”, from Johnny Favorite’s Depression-era crooner stealing from black artists to the Krusemark’s adoption of the patchwork voodoo religion. Above all, there is guilt. There is a clear through line, as clear as Capt. Willard’s river to Kurtz, toward White America’s brutality, ongoing. Harry is our surrogate, should we choose. He goes on his own journey of discovery that becomes, unwittingly and surely unwillingly, one of SELF-discovery. His final manic, desperate denial is the same as any who enjoy white privilege to this day while at the same time being wholly unaware of it: I know who I am. If ANGEL HEART is the one he’s going to be remembered for, I believe it’s this subtext, unplanned or otherwise, that will allow it the test of time well over the brilliant cinematography and perhaps Mickey Rourke’s finest performance. Parker would next attempt to expand on this subtext and present it as text, with very, VERY mixed reactions.

MISSISSIPPI BURNING was a project begun with noble intent, I believe. In an era where white men still got to tell the black narrative in America. While I forgive a lot of the film’s dramatic license, I fully agree with its detractors as well. 1988 was a tipping point for tone-deafness in the film industry. Had Parker made BURNING a decade or so prior, it might enjoy a better rep in the context of its time. The end of the 80’s demanded better. I’m a fan of this film, as a film, not as a history. In the same way I’m a fan of well-crafted cinematic narratives that have dated very poorly. The tragedy of MISSISSIPPI BURNING is not just that he made so well-crafted a film at a point in the timeline when something more inclusive, honest, and better representative of history was possible, it’s that he chose fiction for fiction’s sake. Nevertheless, it was the second and final Oscar nomination for direction he’d receive.

Parker remained in this wheelhouse of American guilt for 20th century wrong-doing. COME SEE THE PARADISE was an earnest attempt to depict, to REMIND America really, of the awful Japanese internment camps of the WW2 years, the venerable FDR’s greatest sin. At the height of his filmmaking powers he was unerring in his balance between stylistic pursuit and substance. Alas, with this effort and his previous, glow softened suffer, and the heart of the tale proved elusive as a result.

Maybe he had a moment of clarity then, after these ambitious but perhaps stultifying efforts, and decided to return to a genre that had stood him in good stead. Parker turned to the homespun Celtic kick of Roddy Doyle and decided to create a real-life soul/funk/r&b band from scratch for THE COMMITMENTS, which most will agree is his last great film, though his later fare has its champions, and fair play to them. For a director so well known for his meticulous prep and focus he fared incredibly well in filming wild abandon. Maybe it was a mode he needed to consciously shift into gear for, but once there he cooked quite a stew. The film delighted both critics and audiences, and also helped re-start a soul music resurgence, helped in no little way by the film’s pre-fab ensemble, who’d take to the road for a series of live shows with various members of the celluloid iteration in tow. Some might argue that he retreated to a stance that shied from his previous inquiries regarding the separation of cultures white and other, and the theft perpetrated by one on the other, and in doing crafted so populist an entertainment as to render the argument moot. That’s a fair assessment. Some others might argue that a truthful, passionate depiction of people inspired by others different from their living experience, plaintively plying their art, is honest work as well, no matter their skin color. The debate won’t go away. And it shouldn’t. In terms of moviemaking, though, Parker had fired on all cylinders. Perhaps for the last time.

The remaining decade-plus of his work was, in most estimations, workmanlike, with the odd Parker flourish here and there recognizable to his fans. THE ROAD TO WELLVILLE was an eccentric choice as follow-up, and also as navigation through the early days of a new and unsure decade (He’d already travelled the biz director-driven, to producer-driven, and was now in the who-the-hell’s-driving 90’s). It features several fine performances, from recent and deserved Oscar winner Anthony Hopkins to the still-finding-their-way Matthew Broderick and John Cusack, and its huckster-health theme does still resonate, or at least it SHOULD, as well today as then as late 19th century. If it ultimately found no target to spear, it remains a well crafted and intentioned work. EVITA was no sleepwalk-to the-Oscar gig, even though the resulting film is at best assessed as a dreamily-hued mess. Parker took on the challenge of a legendary broadway smash, one that Hollywood had been desperate to film for well over a decade. A lesser director would’ve turned the camera on and yelled “Sing!”. But Parker was one of the few who’d found success in the post-studio era with one of its warhorse genres, the musical, which had diminished, and decidedly felled such giants as Coppola and Bogdanovich at their peak or near-peak. It’s a noble effort, if it comes up short. It’s not quite empty Oscar-bait, but it’s well shy of a film with a purpose. He either directed or was gifted a great Antonio Banderas perf, and he did his damnedest with Madonna, which is sorta the theme of her career don’t send hate mail. He got a hard-won, decent turn out of her, perhaps not the magnetic dying star that the role demanded, but an actor giving her all. That’s still worth something, even if they’re miscast. For further evidence I direct you toward Matt Damon in THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY.

And here’s the part that I always hate to talk about. Parker was a director who, in my estimation, never sought validation, but always inspiration. It’s the source of his greatest works, and they remain some of the greatest of the post-studio years. He took his best swipe at an unlikely best-seller, Frank McCourt’s wildly successful but impossibly depressing ANGELA’S ASHES. Like EVITA, it had “prestige” built into it. Like EVITA, it was a package deal. Like EVITA, the studio expected some love from the Academy at the end of the day. I feel like Parker was thwarted from the start, tasked with this take of utter poverty and despondency while asked to chase the gold. Had the book come out sometime early in his career, had he discovered it and championed it, and then saw it through production and release, we may have been gifted something along the lines of a Ken Loach or even Buñuel at his most honest. The gilt and geld of the Hollywood studios, especially at that time competing with the newly-found prestige of the indies, precluded any chance at that, despite next-level perfs from Stephen Rea and Emily Watson. It’s a not-unworthy effort to seek out, especially if you're a Parker fan, but in some ways it may have signaled his ultimate abandonment of this art form. Maybe he felt he’d said enough. Maybe he felt he wouldn’t be allowed to say his piece on his terms anymore. Maybe he looked ahead at filmmaking in the new millennium and decided he’d not update his passport to this new continent. For reasons we never fully received, Parker was leaving.

His last film would be THE LIFE OF DAVID GALE, an anti-capital punishment screed that felt out of joint, and not due to the lack of effort from its stars, Kate Winslet and Christopher Plummer. But it’s an aimless effort, deprived of any real bite on a subject molten to a wide swath of the citizenry. It was met with mixed box office and mixed reviews. It left with nary a trace. And then, whether we realized it or not, so did Alan Parker.

It seemed to be a welcome retirement. At least in my following of my filmmaker heroes. I don’t believe I saw one item, one gossip piece, about a new Alan Parker project, about a studio extending him an offer on a prestige or even indie film. He popped up as interview subject and fairly frequently, and seemed to enjoy his status as thus. He’d crafted a remarkable body of work, and by all witness enjoyed remarking on it. He occasionally served as mentor, as when Christopher Nolan reached out to him. He’d definitely serve as defense attorney, especially when the subject of Mickey Rourke came up. He absolutely and most magnificently served as beacon to a whole generation of film lovers and future filmmakers, kids who were desperate in the corporate/production team/CAA 80’s to cling to films of their generation they could call their own. At a time when art and the so-called “auteur” was a dirty word in Hollywood he was able to put the work he’d crafted into your head and into your heart. I’m not sure if we’re gonna see another Alan Parker, and he’d be most upset by that notion, but if you’re reading this, and you find this possibility unacceptable, go grab a camera and be another Alan Parker. We’re waiting.

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cogentranting · 7 years ago

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Hey just wanted to get your opinion on something. LL's death bed talk to oliver where she calls him the love of her life? I mean where did that even come from? O/L had barely repaired their friendship. What about tommy? The man she spiralled into addiction. Where in the show's narrative was O/L portrayed in the romantic sense after s1? If this was KC's idea, that's just sad. What's your perception and insight into that 4:19 retconn? Did LL think it appropriate to say that when O newly single?

Oh boy. So I’m always long winded but this is gonna get… big.Because to answer it fully I feel like I have to delve into my thoughts onLaurel in general, as well as Merlance and Lauriver and all this other stuffso… I’ll try to keep it a reasonable length but no promises.

First, know that Laurel was never a favorite character of mine,but I didn’t hate her (or Lauriver). And I thought she got progressively betteras time went on and as she was moved out of the position of female lead/mainlove interest. I also thought that the decision to kill her off was a good one,and I actually really liked the way it was handled and found her part of 4x18and 4x19 to be a really good final tribute. I understand the objections somepeople had to her final speech but never felt them myself. My general approachto story interpretation (whether we’re talking War and Peace or Arrow) is to take first impressions and build from them. What did Iperceive in the scene that caused me to react the way I did? What did others perceivedifferently that caused them to react differently? What did I miss initiallyand does that change my mind? etc. So I stand by my first reaction- it was afinal scene that honored Laurel’s importance to the show and to Oliver withoutremoving the fact that the show had moved past her. That’s the short answer nowhere’s the really long one.

So the scene in question is this. Laurel asks Oliver to bringher something from her bag. It’s the picture of her that Oliver kept inhis time on the Island and he tears up, and the dialogue goes as follows: “You kept this. Why?” “It’s a reminderof when things were simpler. For us. The way we used to be. I’m really gladthat you found Felicity. And I hope you find your way back to her. And Ollie, Iknow that I am not the love of your life, but you will always be the love ofmine.” “Why are you telling me this? Whynow?” “Because tonight it was just a reminder that anything canhappen. Which is why I need you to promise me something” andthen, as we find out later, she asks him to find a new Black Canary.

Let’s deal just with that before we talk about 4x19. I don’tknow exactly how this fits in but I think it’s important to note that neitherLaurel nor Oliver believed that this was going to be Laurel’s final speech. Atthe moment it was given it seemed like Laurel was going to live. There’s anunexpected complication immediately after.

The first big issue to address here is “you will always be thelove of mine”. Is Oliver the love of Laurel’s life? As someone who shipsMerlance, I would say yes. I think Laurel’s relationship with Tommy had thepotential to be so much more than her relationship with Oliver, but it wasnever given the chance (because Tommy got a steel beam through the chest). Byall indications we’re given, these were Laurel’s only two major romances in herlife. She might have had a high school boyfriend or two, she probably went on afew dates during the five years, but no hint of anything serious and afterseason 1 she has no love interest (apart from the lingering Oliver stuff). Soit’s really only these two in competition.

Lots more below the cut

Laurel had known both Tommy and Oliver since they were veryyoung- virtually their whole lives. And it seems that she was close to themthat whole time (which would explain how she ended up in the orbit of a pair ofbillionaires). It’s never stated exactly when she and Oliver started dating(Sara gives an indication in an island flashback sequence but its vague- but itwas sometime when Sara was young enough to be sneaking out of the house andgetting grounded and for Tommy’s party to be broken up by the cops) but itseems to be sometime late in high school or early in their college years. Therelationship lasts until they’re 22. And at that point Laurel is planning onmoving in with Oliver and beginning to think about marriage. We all know whathappens next. What I want to emphasize is what didn’t happen- in five years, Laurel did not start a newrelationship. She had hook-ups, at least the ones with Tommy, but never is itindicated that she actually dated someone. Laurel doesn’t start seriouslydating again until several weeks after Oliver came back from the dead.

As I said, I ship Merlance. I think Tommy brought out the bestin Laurel and vice versa. I think Tommy truly loved Laurel. I think Tommy andLaurel were much more equally suited to each other than Oliver and Laurel. Ithink he had a playful energy that balanced out her intensity but a franknessand honesty that kept her grounded. I think he had the confidence to fight backwhen she tried to push him around, whereas Oliver served as her whipping boy inseason 1. I think Tommy and Laurel could have been great together. But I alsothink that Laurel hadn’t moved on from Oliver yet. That’s why she didn’t trulyget together with Tommy until after Oliver’s resurrection. That’s why there’ssome weird notes of emotional cheating going on with Laurel and Oliver going toeach other more than Tommy. That’s why Laurel lies to Tommy at the drop of ahat and why she chases after the Hood. That’s why Tommy eventually breaks upwith Laurel and she pretty much goes straight back to Oliver. Tommy was alwaysmore dedicated to Laurel than she was to him. I think that would have changedeventually. I think Laurel and Oliver would have gotten their closure and Tommyand Laurel gotten their second chance. If Tommy had lived.

You said she spiraled into addiction over Tommy, I think that’spartially true. However, the reason it was so bad was because it wasn’t juststraight grief. It was grief and guilt and confusion. Tommy was an old friendand there’s plenty of grief right there. But there was a lot of guilt too- hedied saving her, and he loved her a lot and she’s not sure she loved him. Andto make it worse, just before he died for her she slept with someone else. Allthose emotions twisted up without resolution or a chance to really discover howshe felt about him. Tommy and Laurel’s relationship was unresolved potential.

Now, her relationship with Oliver. From where I stand Oliver andLaurel have two breakup scenes- and neither of them takes place when they’reactually a couple. The first is the major one that ends really any chance ofthem being together but only resolves Oliver’s feelings, not Laurel’s. Thatscene comes in episode 2x14 after Oliver’s dinner with the Lance’s, when hefollows Laurel into the hallway, they fight and he says that he’s loved her forhalf his life but he is done chasing after her. The second breakup scene iswhere we definitively see that Laurel no longer feels that way about Oliver andit doesn’t come until season 3- I believe it’s in 3x03 that Laurel tells him “it’shard to remember I time when I loved you”. That’s said in anger, and it wouldseem that her feelings left some time ago but this is the moment thateffectively kills any lingering suggestion of romance between them. But here’sthe thing- if you consider when they first got together to the first breakupscene, that’s something like 11 years of romantic feeling between them. ELEVENYEARS. Add on to that years of friendship before, and a few years after andLaurel and Oliver are huge parts of each other’s lives. Nothing else iscomparable, in terms of romance. Especially for Laurel, who didn’t have a Shadoor a Sara or a Felicity. The relationship between Oliver and Laurel certainlywasn’t healthy for all, or even most of that time. There was cheating beforethe island, there was betrayal, years of separation defined by guilt andidolization on his part, and hatred and grief mingled up on her part, and therewas the almost obsessive inability to move on during season 1. The good and thebad mingled for most of those 11 years. But Laurel spent over a third of herlife in love with Oliver in some way or another. Moving beyond that was goodfor both of them, but the fact that they played a role in shaping the other personis undeniable.

So yes, Oliver was the love of Laurel’s life. Because he definedso much of it. That’s not necessarily positive but it’s true to who thecharacter is. Laurel was a flawed character but her love for Oliver Queendemonstrates both strengths and weaknesses.

So why was this chosen for her final moments on the show? Doesn’tit highlight her being stuck in a relationship with a man who mistreated her?To some extent yes, as a part of her complexity and the reality of thecharacter they created. But I think it’s more than that and more than reducingher to that relationship. The picture that they pulled out is especiallyimportant and the scene has to be put into the context of that. That picture isa symbol- it was the thing that was Oliver’s beacon when he was gone. Laurel asa symbol of hope, and light and strength to others. So the scene begins bycalling this to mind. Remember that Laurel inspires people to be better and tofight harder. The gap is bridged by relationship talk which really comes downto several key ideas: 1. Laurel forgiving Oliver for the terrible way hetreated her. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing and for a character’s finalmoments to be defined by that is no shame. 2. Her telling Oliver that she caresabout and values him 3. A sort of selflessness as she encourages Oliver to livehis life and celebrates the happiness he has found. And 4. A bittersweet lookback at how this all started. Because the path that lead her to where she wasstarted with her and Oliver, and there’s sort of this expression of ‘I don’tregret the choices that lead me to where I am, but miss the simpler times’. Andthat look back with a hint of affirmation leads to the request which doesn’t getrevealed until later- the new Black Canary. Remember that Laurel was aninspiration, remember that she forgave and was selfless and cared, rememberthat she chose this life and accepted it, and do all this remembering throughcontinuing her legacy. It’s all about who she was as Laurel Lance “alwaystrying to save the world”, as Oliver’s love interest, and as the Black Canary.It’s a tribute to her character as a whole. (I would argue that this conversationwas very important to that and had it occurred with anyone other than Oliver[Lance] it could not have taken on so many shades, it would have been morelimited to a single shade of her character, and giving her the protagonist asher scene partner, emphasizes her importance much more than any other charactercould and allows her death to influence the show as a whole).

Now for the couple side notes:

I don’t find Laurel’s comments inappropriate despite Oliver’srecent breakup because it is phrased in light of “I hope you find your way backto her” and with a sort of confidence that that will happen. As well as a noteof I’m glad that you found her even if it ended, in sort of the same way thatLaurel is glad to have known him in spite of everything.

The retcon: I rewatched the 4x19 flashbacks and 2x01 and… I don’tthink there’s actually any retcon involved. We weren’t given specificindication that the flashbacks happened but that’s kind of the nature of a showwith flashbacks as an inherent part of its structure. 2x01 tells that Oliverwas around when Tommy’s funeral happened, and that he left. The timeline isleft entirely vague. 4x19 doesn’t go against anything that was said in 2x01. Itshows the funeral and it shows Oliver leaving. It also deals slightly more withthe fact that Oliver and Laurel sort of got back together before theUndertaking, and since 2x01 references both of them in the context of thefuneral it seems they would have interacted in the context of that. 4x19 fits. Thetwo episodes together also emphasize Laurel’s mixed feelings regarding Tommy.She says she loved him, then she kisses Oliver, then he feels guilty, feels hecan’t stay around his failure and takes off, when he gets back she feels guiltyabout what she did with Oliver and feels she betrayed Tommy. I don’t have aproblem with it, in fact I think it does a lot to explain the gap between 1x23and 2x01 in terms of oliver’s relationships and emotional state.

So… I didn’t keep it short. But there you have it. A lot ofthoughts on the love, life and death of Laurel Lance.

#arrow #cogent metas #laurel lance #laurel lance meta #arrow 4x18 #arrow 4x19 #askbox #thanks for the ask

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smokydrake · 8 years ago

Text

“Friendly Neighborhood Watch” | Young Sam x Reader | FLUFF

WARNINGS: suggestive, language

WORD COUNT: 6,485

DESCRIPTION: There are four days left of school before Graduation Day. It’s so goddamn obvious you and your childhood best friend Samuel Drake feel the same thing for each other… but you won’t say anything because you don’t want to risk your established friendship, and Sam doesn’t want to say anything because he can’t risk giving himself away. But when two people are a perfect match for each other, some things are bound to be revealed sooner or later.

This is technically Part 2 of “Trick of the Light”, but you don’t have to read that in order to understand this (regardless I’ll still leave the link to it below). I’m really pleased with how this one came out because it just makes my heart so happy like aw Sam :,)) It switches between Reader and Samuel so sorry if it’s kinda unclear as to whose POV you’re reading from haha *sweats intensely*

And I also wanna tag @le-ephemere @hyperionbabe @a-n-g-e-l-frommynightmare and @nataliarmnov because you guys are SO NICE and left such sweet comments on Part 1 ily please enjoy

Trick of the Light

Inspired by this song (Rather Be With You - Sinead Harnett)

The only reason why you were with Rafe Adler in the first place was because you were lonely.

Well, more like the one guy you were ever seriously in to never paid attention to you the way you wanted him to, and conveniently, Rafe Adler transferred to your shithole high school and you thought he’d be a lovely distraction.

Except that, despite getting together with Rafe, you still couldn’t get over your one true crush.

The boy next door, your childhood sweetheart, your best friend: Samuel Drake.

You remember precisely when you started crushing hard on that boy. You were in middle school, still in your semi-awkward tween stage, lost in the masses of equally confused prepubescent boys and girls trying to find their places in the social hierarchy. Sam was one of the popular kids; he and his little brother were both notorious for their mischievous methods of cutting class and their bright, cheeky grins. Always the one with extravagant (although mostly exaggerated) tales of adventures, it was expected for girls and boys to flock around Samuel Drake. His heady Bostonian voice and loopy grin managed to light up any room he walked into; Samuel Drake had this laid-back, passionate, and approachable dynamic.

And on top of that… it was almost painful how good-looking he was.

So when senior year of high school rolled around, it wasn’t a surprise that he’d be quarterback of the varsity football team and “Class Clown” in the annual yearbook. You can’t remember how many girls approached you, asking for your help as wing woman because you were his best friend. It was pathetic. One, because you felt used and grew wary whenever girls were friendly with you, two, because, well, you liked Samuel Drake, and you refused to be lumped into the same absurd group of those fanatical girls.

You knew it was petty. Using Rafe, who was a pretty decent guy (although occasionally quite full of himself) as a twisted form of self-preservation and a defense mechanism against rejection. Hell, it was plain shitty: you kissed him the night of the homecoming game knowing that the star quarterback was watching just to prove a nonexistent point. Sam probably didn’t even care that you were dating Rafe. He was always messing around with other girls, girls who were cheer captains and homecoming queens, gorgeous girls equally as popular as Sam.

It hurt you to feel this way for Sam; it was impossible for him to be romantically interested in you because you guys were best friends. There was nothing you could do. You had a thing for him, and it wasn’t like those little things that went away with time; it was one of those big things, the ones that you couldn’t control.

A light knocking on the wooden table interrupts your carefully-curated method of memorizing the historical timeline of the ancient Persian wars for your upcoming final exam.

Looking up from your history textbook, Samuel Drake, wearing his stupid half-smile and his stupid denim jacket that you’ve poked fun of countless times (yet love to see him in), lazily slides into the empty lunch table seat in front of you. You pull an earbud from your left ear.

“Hello? Anyone home?” He waves at you ridiculously, peering behind nonexistent windows and doorways.

“Wrong house,” you answer wryly.

Knowing that he now has your attention, Sam scoots forward in his seat and leans his chin on his knuckles. “Hi neighbor,” he says simply, almost suspiciously.

You raise an eyebrow, holding up a hand to stop him from saying anything more. ��Not so fast. I know you’re up to something.”

He laughs a hearty laugh, and you feel his shoes underneath the table bump against your ankles when he leans back. Something skips in your chest. “You are too smart for your own good, y'know that?”

A smile triumphantly crosses your face. “I do know that.”

He narrows his eyes jokingly at you, and then shakes his head. “No one likes a know-it-all. You goin' to Nadine’s grad party tonight?” He then frowns and turns his attention to your open textbook. “Jeez, Y/N. We’re graduating in four days. And you’re still studying?” He flicks through a couple of pages, losing your reading spot.

“Hey!” You swat at his hands and yank the book from his grasp, earning you a poorly hidden grin. “You know, colleges can still decline acceptance if you have shit grades. So yes, I am studying. And thanks a lot, you lost my page.”

He winks at you. “No problem, I do my best.”

You roll your eyes at him, but you’re anything but upset. This is normal; Sam being happy-go-lucky about everything that you rarely ever see him serious, and you being the one constantly trying to keep him out of trouble. It is just another day spent with Samuel Drake and his carefree nature, dealing with his playful antics, and secretly being head-over-heels smitten with him.

“Hey but for real. Please go. I don’t wanna be lonely,” he pouts at you.

You sigh, abandoning your history notes. “I dunno. She’s kinda intimidating.”

At this, Sam scoffs. “C’mon, Nadine’s the nicest person ever. Sort of. But whatever, I heard there’s gonna be a shit-ton of booze,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Ew, stop that,” you scrunch your nose, reaching out to hold his squirming eyebrows in place with your thumbs.

“Why? You don’t find it attractive?”

“No!” Your scowl grows into a giggle, and Sam laughs at your laughing. You shove his shoulder once, playfully, and then he pinches your dimples with a thumb and forefinger. “Fine, I’ll think about it,” you finally say.

Sam raps his fingers on the edge of the table. “Sweet. Where’s Rafe?”

“He’s in the library studying.”

“Not here with you?”

You shrug, unconcerned. It didn’t even cross your mind that Rafe isn’t with you until Sam had brought it up.

You two sit at the table quietly, unsure where to continue with conversation. Normally, there aren’t many awkward silences between you two. But, ever since that night, things have been a little… different.

The night you caught Sam watching you touch yourself.

In all honesty, what you did was partially in the spur of the moment and partially somewhat thought out. You had heard the ping of your text notifications, one unread message from a Sam Drake, and you just happened to have noticed him at his window, merely a dark figure shadowed by his almost-closed blinds. Driven by your high, you found his gaze and held onto it, turned on by the fact that he was watching you. Little did he know that it was him in your thoughts, doing all sorts of unsayable things to you.

You both have yet to acknowledge it. So far, you’ve been acting as if nothing happened. Sam is doing the same. You’re not sure what will happen if you say something about it, and part of you doesn’t want to know. But what you do know for sure is that there are new tensions between you and Samuel Drake, and they cannot be contained for long.

Sam opens his mouth to say something, but then the shrill ringing of the lunch bell interrupts his train of thought. He closes his lips with a tight smile and gets up from the table. “Later neighbor,” he calls to you with a flash of a smile before disappearing into the crowd of chattering backpacks and textbooks.

“Hey, what are you supposed to wear to grad parties anyway?”

At the sound of her voice, Samuel’s ears perked up. Dramatically, he turned in his swivel chair to see Y/N leaning out the window of her room, her elbows resting on the white windowsill and lips pressed into a perfect pout. Sam’s blinds were up and his window was open too, giving him full view of her room a couple of meters across from his. Her hair was curled and pinned up with rollers, and Samuel thought she looked stupid adorable.

He checked the digital clock on his desk. It was 6:40pm, and the sun was drowning itself in the invasive night sky. He shrugged at the girl next door. “Hell if I know. Check that Pinspiration site, or whatever.” He threw a crumpled math worksheet through his window at her, which she batted away with ease, conditioned by years of practice.

“Ha, nice try. It’s in your yard,” she teased, pointing at the small wad of paper near the bottom side of his fence. Then she made a face at him. “Wait, did you seriously just say Pinspiration? Sam, it’s called Pinterest.”

He grinned quietly, pretending to turn his attention back to the video playing on his desktop. He heard her groan and mutter something under her breath before turning away from the window.

He cherished moments like this: how casual they were with each other. But time was ticking. They were graduating in just a handful of days. Afterwards, summer would fly by in the blink of an eye, and then she’d be gone, off to an Ivy League in the south. He had gotten a football scholarship to a college on the East Coast, and he calculated; he’d be 2,660 miles away from home.

Away from her.

It stabbed at his chest every time he thought about it. He was happy here. Of course, he was also excited for college, but he knew that there would be no place like home. It was only a matter of time before they would have to part ways, and he wasn’t sure how well he was going to handle good-byes.

Something light smacked against his hair, hitting the floor at his feet with a small thunk.

“Take that, Samuel Drake!” Her voice rang again, this time louder and full of glee. She had chucked her own paper ammunition at him, catching him off guard as he swam through his dismal thoughts.

Sam turned to the window again and raised both eyebrows. He reached to swipe the crumpled ball from the ground and leaned back in his chair, shaking his head at her as she did a little dance of victory. She had taken the rollers out, and her hair cascaded down her shoulders and curved against her rosy cheeks. He bit his lip out of habit, wishing that he could keep her forever.

“Now pay attention to me,” she huffed. “How’s this?” She called to him, pushing back her powder blue curtains so that he could get a better look. She was wearing a sleeveless top and a casual pair of jeans, and he admired how she could make something so simple look so effortlessly sexy.

“Great,” he replied coolly, masking the effect she had on him. “You ready to go? I can give you a ride.”

He hoped she would say yes. He drove a motorcycle: a silver Suzuki 500cc that he absolutely loved to death. He had only taken her on it once. He remembered distinctly what it was like to have the icy wind slice at his skin while her warm arms were wrapped tightly around his body. Those were probably the two best feelings in the whole entire world.

But she just shook her head and waved a dismissive hand at him. “It’s okay, my friends are taking me tonight. I’ll just meet you there?”

“Sure,” He said back, getting up from his seat to stretch his arms and to hide his disappointment. “See you in a few.”

Nadine’s party is huge. You’re not talking about the house itself; it’s a cookie-cutter two story like yours, but the party… it’s the biggest bash you’ve ever laid your eyes upon.

Her house is brightly lit, thudding energetically with the beat of R&B and crowded with cars parked dangerously along the curb. Teenagers line the front lawn, in the open garage, on the roof; it’s almost chaotic.

“Shit, this place is sick,” your friends squeal, eagerly linking their arms through both of your elbows.

You and your small group work your way inside the house, pushing through the huddled groups of people, some sober, some utterly wasted. Couples hide behind not-so-hidden corners making out, and somewhere at the back of the house, you can hear ecstatic hollering after a round of beer pong. You can’t help but laugh; Nadine’s is something straight out of a 90’s high school chick flick.

You and your friends are finally in the living room, and everywhere you look, there are just people, more people, and even more people. Coincidentally, you make eye contact with Nadine Ross, prom queen two years in a row and salutatorian of your class, lounging on her sofa with her enviously attractive group of friends. She gives you a welcoming grin and you return it to the best of your abilities, secretly giddy at the fact that you’ve been acknowledged by the Nadine Ross.

Your friend at your right elbow tugs at your arm and points across the room. “Ooh, girl, there’s your man,” she coos.

For a second, you think of Sam. Your heart does a little dance, but when you turn your gaze, it’s not who you’re thinking of. Instead, your darkly handsome and lean boyfriend, Rafe Adler, stands in the kitchen, chatting with a couple of his lacrosse teammates, bumping fists and red Solo cups. You blush when your friends tease you, embarrassed by their suggestive remarks.

“Go get ‘em, tiger,” your other friend jokes, bumping your hip towards Rafe in the kitchen. Before you can even refuse, they’re gone, off mingling with others in an instant. You sigh, secretly amused by their playfulness as you wiggle your way through dancing bodies and sloshing alcoholic drinks.

You’re about to call out to Rafe when you catch the familiar tuft of messy brown hair and easy eyes from the corner of your eyesight. Samuel Drake leans against the dimly lit wall a little to your right, barely visible behind some vaguely familiar band kids passing around a blunt.

Butterflies float happily in your stomach. Rafe forgotten, you turn towards Sam’s direction with a grin on your face. You make your way through the band kids, peering over tall heads before you spot him.

Him and Crystal.

You stop in your tracks just before the two of them notice you. Sam has his hand on her waist and she is close, very close, to him that her blonde hair is pressed against his jawline.

Crystal was only one of the many pretty girls Sam has been on and off with in the past. She was one of the recurring ones, the ones that you saw Sam kiss goodbye on his motorcycle, saw Sam argue with, saw Sam make up with, saw Sam bring back home in the dead of the night. Crystal was his problematic favorite and your problematic problem.

You feel a sharp plummet in your stomach. You want to unsee them together, but you can’t. So you retreat quietly, disappearing from their line of sight.

As you turn to weave through the band kids again, your mood makes a significant turn for the worse. You feel left out and ignored. Sam invited you here tonight, for what? He looked happy with Crystal. Seeing them together served as a reminder that he saw you, vulnerable and dressed in nothing but moonlight, but still felt nothing for you.

You are almost frustrated to the point of tears. Blinking your eyes furiously, you push your way to the kitchen where Rafe is and wave him down. He takes notice of you quickly, and you are thankful for the distraction.

“Y/N,” Your boyfriend calls, reaching out to wrap an arm around your shoulder. “Hey stranger,” he smiles easily, handing you his cup in hand.

You take a swig at the drink and peck his cheek. You know it’s awful. You’re playing Rafe, keeping him around so that you won’t feel lonely. What you have with him is nothing like what you have with Sam; the chemistry isn’t as natural. But you’re tired of waiting for someone who doesn’t love you the way you love them. You’ve been playing this game of chase for too long… maybe it was time to put it in the past.

It shouldn’t have mattered, should’ve it?

Y/N was dating Rafe, and he was dating Crystal.

No, “dating” wasn’t the right term for it– Samuel was talking to Crystal. They weren’t official or anything like that; just a boy and a girl looking for something to keep themselves occupied with in the meantime.

Why was he so annoyed?

He had to admit. He wasn’t expecting Crystal to be at the party, let alone get distracted by her presence and easy conversation. What he really wanted was to get a chance to spend his final high school nights with, Y/N, the girl of his dreams, and then take her home on his motorcycle, where he’d get the chance to tell her how he really felt.

But it was harder than it sounded.

Occasionally, he would look around while Crystal was talking, casually searching the perimeter for Y/N. She was nowhere in sight… oh. There she was.

Y/N was in the kitchen, drinking whatever cheap liquor Nadine had lining the cluttered countertops. Rafe was there too, knocking back shots. Samuel noticed that she was drinking heavily, laughing with her boyfriend inaudibly over the pounding music.

She was never like this.

Samuel knew that Y/N wasn’t the best at holding down her alcohol. Two or three shots, tops. But at the alarming rate she was going at… things were not going to end well.

He was getting worried, anxious. What was she doing? She usually knew her limits… she was always the sensible one between the two of them.

“Hey, Sam.”

Samuel turned to look at Crystal who now stood further away from him. Her small arms were crossed and her languid body faced his, but her blue eyes were elsewhere. He followed her line of sight, and saw that she too was looking at Y/N in the kitchen.

“You have feelings for her, don’t you?”

Her tone wasn’t accusatory, nor was it angry.

Samuel didn’t know what to say. He had never said it out loud before.

“It’s really not that hard, you know. To tell her.”

Samuel laughed dryly at this. He didn’t mean for it to sound so scornful, but it did. “What? I don’t know what--”

She shook her head at him apathetically. “Stop. Just stop it.”

He looked at her. Really looked at her. Crystal was a girl that he had spent a lot of time with only because the girl he really wanted wasn’t for him to call his. Now, looking at her, he realized that she not only was she attractive; she was observant, keen, and probably better off without him.

She only stared back, and the two of them stood there, looking at each other with mutual dispassion.

“You need to stop lying to yourself, Sam. It doesn’t help anybody.”

She was first to walk away, and Samuel knew that she wouldn’t be coming back. And he was thankful for that in a bittersweet way.

“SHIT, THE COPS!”

“EVERYONE, GET OUT!”

You’re not exactly sure what that means.

Oh, wait– something bad. You should maybe leave, like now.

Rafe is gone. You don’t know where he went; it’s like he disappeared into thin air. Your friends are also nowhere in sight, and all you can see are people scrambling, jumping, and running everywhere.

It’s hard for you to focus; everything around you is disoriented and your vision spins every once in a while. You try to get up, but your knees give out and you end up stumbling against the kitchen counter. You giggle, tipsy from those shots you and Rafe did together just a second ago.

A tall, familiar body approaches you. “Y/N! We gotta go!”

Oh.

Him.

Sam Drake. That stupid boy next door that gave your heart way too much grief. You want to be done with him and his pretty face and mild smolder. He’s looking at you now with frantic, annoying puppy eyes. Why did he come back for you? Where is Rafe?

“I don’t wanna,” you try to say, but your voice comes out in a tiny whisper.

“Nope, not an option,” he says as he wraps an arm around your abdomen and hoists you up. He mutters something under his breath that you can’t catch as he leads you out of the house. The two of you are outside on the front lawn when you hear the sirens and see the illuminated red and blue flashing.

“Damn it,” Sam curses under his breath, his eyes frantically searching around. “C’mon, this way.”

Lacking any serious concern, you hobble after Sam with your hand in his towards the back end of the street, where his red and silver motorcycle parks under a low shade of tree branches. You notice its ruggedness and classic build, and you take note of the familiar characteristics of its proud owner.

Sam swiftly hops onto his motorcycle. He snaps back the kickstand with his heel and flicks on the headlight. He gives you a sideways glance and jabs his thumb at the small space behind him. “Get on and hold tight, you hear me?”

You nod sleepily. Slowly climbing on behind him, you wrap your arms around his waist and press your cheek to his back, happy to be so close to him. He smells like a fresh shower and cloudy engine smoke.

Muffled shadows of running people scatter all around in flashing red and blue. The motorcycle jerks forward with a sputter, and then the two of you shoot off, the sound of whining sirens gradually dissipating into the dark. You gasp, taken aback by the hurtling momentum. Your surroundings race by at hyper-speed, but your eyes can only process things one at a time. Everything around you is a blur of color; the green traffic lights, the glowing red shop signs, the flickering yellow of the streetlamps. Your eyes start to roll to the back of your head.

“Everything okay back there?” Sam shouts to the air, turning his head slightly to look at you. You blink your eyes, trying to keep them open. He’s the one thing you can see clearly; his hair is tousled by the wind, his freckles are pinkish-red from the cool air, and his hazel eyes are fiery and alive. A neon fusion of color frames his face, reminiscent of a static VHS glitch.

You try to tighten your grip on him, but your head dizzies. Your muscles don’t comply and your arms start to slip from his waist.

“Hey, hey!” One of Sam’s hands catches your wrists, holding them in place. “You keep your arms around me, a’right?”

“Mkay,” you hiccup and your forehead knocks against his shoulder blade.

“Jesus, Y/N. You’re giving me a heart attack.”

“Sam, I wanna go home.”

You vaguely feel a gentle squeeze of his hands on yours, a silent physical “okay”. Sam kicks up the speed, and then the two of you dart off again, weaving between dark cars on the streets, leaving behind a trail of rubber and smoke and sleepy laughter.

He felt alive.

His motorcycle reverberated violently underneath him, hungry for speed. Faster. He needed to go faster.

Samuel shifted the motorcycle up a gear, giving him less resistance and more traction. He accelerated noisily around the corner and through empty lanes, his heart pounding furiously at every drunk giggle that erupted from Y/N’s lips.

God, he felt so good.

The air lashed at his face, whipping his hair furiously against his forehead and neck. He couldn’t help it; a smile crept up his face, soon followed by a loud whoop of exhilaration. Y/N laughed even harder at this, and Samuel did it again, basking in the thrill of the night and her voice.

The arms around his stomach tightened.

“Wait, waitwaitSamwait–“

Samuel instantly gripped the brakes, screeching his motorcycle. “What? What??”

“I’mgonnathrowup–“

“Son of a–!” He tried his best to pull over quickly, and Y/N hopped from of the backseat before he could come to a full stop. She hurried to the nearest bush at the edge of the streetlight and immediately started to heave, coughing up her night’s inventory of alcohol.

Samuel followed, catching her hair just in the nick of time. He pulled it away from her face, rubbing a palm against her hunched back patiently.

When she was finally done, he helped her up by the crook of her elbow and kept a hand at the dip of her waist to steady her. “You good?”

She nodded, blinking her dark eyes. “Oh man. Do I regret,” she groaned.

Samuel exhaled heavily, a fuddled wave of aggravation and worry washing over him. Without thinking, he said disdainfully, “do you now?”

She gave him a look; he couldn’t tell if it was confusion or annoyance.

“Uh, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Sam was taken aback by the tone of her voice; was she angry? He raked a hand through his hair. “You know you can’t hold your drinks, but you go and knock back like, fifty shots.”

Wrong move. Her eyebrows pulled even closer, and she pushed out of his arms. “It’s a party, Sam. I can do whatever I want.”

He knew that arguing back was just going to make her even more irritated, but he knew she was wrong– or he thought he knew she was wrong– and that was starting to make him mad too. “You’re never like this. Did Rafe make you do them or somethin’?”

“No! Rafe’s not like that. He’s my boyfriend.”

“A pretty shit one.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothin’. Forget it.”

She shifted from one leg to the other impatiently. “No, Sam. I hate it when you do that. Just say it.” she pressed angrily.

There was a thin line between the two of them, and he was very close to crossing it. He contemplated whether or not he wanted to. “You’re being blindsided, Y/N.” He warned.

She scoffed, dismissing him. “There you go again.”

Suddenly, he said, “Then tell me why he just left you in the kitchen when the cops came, huh?”

He had struck a nerve. Y/N gave a short huff of realization and her shoulders tensed harshly. She narrowed her eyes at him. “You don’t know that.”

He waved a hand frantically in the air and let out a humorless laugh. “Seriously? Y/N, I saw him! That prick cares about nobody but himself.”

Something simmered behind her eyes, and instantly, Samuel regretted his words.

Shit, shit--

She raised a shaky finger at him. “Don’t.”

She was hurt now and he couldn’t put his emotions into words in fear of giving himself away. It was as if every time he tried, it only escalated into something offensive. It frustrated and angered him even further.

He closed his eyes and sighed, thinking of how to diffuse his mess. “I’m just… worried about you.”

She went quiet for a bit, and it troubled him.

“Well, I’m fine. I’m just trying to have fun, okay?”

He looked away from her, over her shoulder. He hadn’t noticed earlier, but he had actually pulled over near his workplace: the small boat dock at the edge of town. They stood at the larger part of the harbor where the metal railing separated the city from the sea.

Crystal’s words hissed in his ear. You need to stop lying to yourself, Sam.

Y/N said nothing further, walking a little ways from him along the wooden floorboards of the dock. On she went, a pretty figure framed in starlight against the dark ocean.

It doesn’t help anybody.

His feelings were getting out of hand and he was running out of time… but he was afraid. He didn’t want to lose what he had with her already; what more did he want? Y/N was there whenever he needed her, to catch him when he was on the brink of danger, to smile and to laugh at his less-than-funny jokes. This should be enough, he told himself. Stop being greedy.

But Samuel Drake… he couldn’t help that he wanted more than what he had. That was just in his nature; “satisfaction” was a loose term in his range of vocabulary.

He had to let her know. Somehow.

He sucked in his breath. “Did you do it on purpose?”

She stopped walking and turned around, standing about a meter or two away with her head tilted slightly. “Do what on purpose?”

Uh, definitely not how he wanted to start. Oh well. It was too late now.

He swallowed his pride and went for it. “That night, at the window. You know what I’m talking about.”

She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t say anything. What was there to say?

He didn’t press her. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to tell her; he was terrible with words. They just never came out the way he felt in his heart. He didn’t know where he was going with this… maybe he just wanted hear her say that she knew and that it wouldn’t work out and then they could move on with their lives. Just like that. Simple.

He was about to tell her to forget it, to pretend like it never happened, but then he saw her nod once, curtly, hiding secretly behind her wind-tossed mane.

He was awestruck.

She rocked on the heels of her feet. “It kinda just… happened. I saw you, and I just…” she trailed off, biting a nail as she avoided his stare. The distance between them felt foreign, vast.

Samuel cleared his throat. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I mean, I know it was wrong.” She gave him a puzzled look, and then he caught himself. “Wait, no– like, what I did was wrong. Not you,” he stuttered, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. He felt his face burning.

She giggled at this, brushing back the wisps of hair from her forehead.

Samuel grimaced, but her smile was contagious. “Y’know, I can just pretend like I didn’t see anything.”

She looked at him, and again, he couldn’t read her expression. She looked perplexed, unsure… contemplative?

She took a step forward.

“You don’t… you don’t have to.”

Damn him, that Samuel Drake. He knew how to press your buttons and piss you off, even if he didn’t mean to. But this… this caught you off-guard. He was being brash, impulsive-- curious. He had asked you about that night two weeks ago, openly, giving you no space to dodge and flee.

What would happen if you told the truth?

“You don’t… you don’t have to.” You murmur, releasing your words cautiously into the air.

Did he hear you? Did you say it loud enough, or did it get lost in the faint crashing of waves underneath you two?

No– he definitely heard you. You watch his eyes widen and his head jerk back in surprise. Was he appalled? Uncomfortable?

Oh well. Too late now.

You suck in your breath. “I mean, if you don’t want to. Do you… do you want to forget?”

Ugh okay. That came out really weird. You’re about to tell him to forget it, nevermind, you meant to say something else–

His voice is barely a whisper. “Are you kidding?”

You frown. “No.”

You watch Samuel Drake, the confident and boisterous and handsome Samuel Drake, as he presses his hand against his forehead and ducks his gaze away from yours.

“I haven’t been able to get you outta my head for the past two weeks.”

…what?

Oh no, he was repulsed. You stammer, “I-I… jeez, I didn’t know. I’m sorry, I didn’t know it made you feel that uncomfortable–”

“What? No, no– that’s not what I meant,” he drops his hand and takes a step towards you.

Then what…

“Listen. Y/N.”

You watch as he grabs a fistful of his dark hair– you know what that means. He’s at a loss for words; he wants to say something badly, but he just doesn’t know how.

So you wait, focusing on the rhythmic thumping in your chest. You don’t push him; you know Sam Drake and his habits and his tendencies. You know that he’s not the serious one in your guys’ dynamic. This is different for him– this is difficult for him– and so you let him work it out at his own pace.

You notice the precise moment when he does. His eyes flick up, realigning with yours, and then his throat dips as he swallows hard.

“I… I might have a thing for you. Kinda.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

You pause briefly to consider your words.

“That’s funny. Because me too.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

A little sound of disbelief escapes your lips. He catches it, and returns it to you as a louder chuckle. You both are dumbstruck, jittery, and at a loss as to what to do or say. This is actually happening.

“Wait, wait-- what about Rafe?” He suddenly asks, pointing a finger at you.

You cross your arms. “That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean?”

“Crystal?”

He drops his hand. “Okay.”

And then he’s laughing. And you start laughing at his laughing, because his laugh is just that infectious. He reaches out to you with outstretched hands and you walk over dizzily, fitting snug right between his arms. He’s warm and you can hear his heart beating powerfully underneath his gray Henley. His chin rests on the top of your head, and you know, deep inside of your heart, that this is where you belong.

Samuel told her.

It wasn’t super dramatic or sweet and a part of him regretted telling her so plainly, but he did it.

And the best part was, she felt the same way.

He couldn’t believe it. It took him years to finally tell her, and now he regretted not doing it sooner. He wanted to explode; he had never felt so raw and alive. It was as if a burden heavy as lead lifted from his shoulders and was replaced by a flitting, floating, airy happiness that sent him up and up and up.

“Since when though?” He asked the top of her head.

She tilted her chin up, resting it against his collarbone to look at him. A cheeky grin danced on her lips. “Uhh, yesterday.”

“Very funny.”

“You’re asking a lot of questions.”

“Please tell me?” He gave her that look, the one where he gazed at her broodingly through his eyelashes and up-turned eyebrows. He used it often to combat her witty and much too smart quips.

It worked on her like a charm and she said, “Eighth grade.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he warned her.

She glowered. “I’m being serious!” She poked a finger at his side, and he jerked into her, causing her to give him a winning smirk. “And you?”

“Don’t remember,” he mumbled, distracted by how soft her hair was against his neck.

“Are you sure? Like, really sure?” She mumbled back.

He snapped a finger, feigning recollection. “Sophomore year. When you almost fell outta your window climbing into mine. You were tryin’ to hide from your mom when she found your report card you threw behind that old bookshelf.”

“Wow, okay. Can you be a little more specific?”

He grinned at this. “You knocked over my entire Indiana Jones figure collection climbin’ in and that’s how I knew you were the one.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I know.”

She stuck her tongue out at him before burying her face in his chest. She sighed a long, blissful sigh, and Samuel knew exactly what she felt in that very moment.

“You know, I’m gonna miss you in college.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re supposed to say ‘me too’, Sam.”

“Me too, Sam.”

She poked another finger at his side, and he scowled, squeezing her cheeks between his free thumb and forefinger like he did whenever she was playing around too much. “Hey watch it, neighbor, that hurts.”

“Sorry, neighbor.”

Then, gradually, she got on her tip-toes and looked right at him, their noses touching, and suddenly, he was all too aware of her. Something in her eyes changed; they were all at once curious and unfocused. He soon realized that she wasn’t looking at him anymore– she was looking at his bottom lip. He watched as she bit her own.

They stayed like that for some time, until it became unbearable. Neither of them wanted to make the first move… it was exhilarating just as it was scary.

“Do something Samuel Drake,” she whispered to him.

Her words were like an activation code; a euphoric green “GO” sign lit up his brain upstairs. So then, slowly, he brought his lips to hers, his fingertips tenderly resting just against her jaw. It lasted only for a fleeting second. Her eyelashes fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, and Samuel wished that he could capture the moment and keep it safe in a glass bottle for him to relive again and again.

No other person made him this gushy and weak in the knees. She was a magician of sorts and he was her favorite trick. He would do anything for the girl standing here in front of him, and now, he could do it confidently.

“Can you do that again?” She smiled against his lips.

“Yeah, I’ll do that again.”

And Samuel kissed her once more under the moon’s watch and the ocean’s breath, and nothing else in the world mattered more. They both knew that in that moment, there was no other person they would’ve rather been with, and this was more precious than they could’ve ever imagined. He no longer felt afraid knowing that she was there for him to call his own, and she no longer felt overshadowed by the boy who had always thought she was unattainable.

It was a match made by the stars, and they watched protectively overhead, safeguarding the two under the youthful evening blanket.

#sam drake #sam drake x reader #young sam drake x reader #young sam drake #uncharted 4 #fluff #friendly neighborhood watch #sam x reader #one shot

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violetemerald · 8 years ago

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List of queerplatonic level relationships people can choose from for my two birthday collabs this year:

For my birthday I usually host either 1 or 2 fanvideo collabs. This year is the first year that I’m actually happily in a queerplatonic partnership myself while my birthday has come around. The first birthday after I figured out I was asexual I hosted family&friendships, platonic relationships, birthday collabs. Then I hosted multi-characters, then a more typical multi-couples one for romantic & sexual ships. This year, as I turn 27 years old, I’m excited to finally host two collabs where I focus on as many queerplatonic level relationships as possible.

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There are many ways to define queerplatonic, but the “queer” in the word refers not to the people in the relationship, but rather to the relationship itself - queering the norms of what non-romantic relationships can be.

Not all queerplatonic relationships are alike. My queerplatonic partner & I feel the same amount of attraction toward one another as family members or close friends might feel, which is absolutely nothing sexual or romantic. We also don’t cuddle or hold hands or touch much at all, nothing like that. We’re queerplatonic because we, by nature of both being aromantic-spectrum and asexual-spectrum, aren’t dating or looking for anyone else to fill a lot of roles in our lives, and end up as each other’s de-facto plus one’s to events. We are adults with a level of “being best friends” that most adults we know don’t have. We also have a level of commitment to one another that we’ve agreed upon, where we intend to one day build a life together that involves probably foster parenting and later adopting children, and for now includes the idea that we are officially “together”, that we might meet each other’s families and be each other’s “most significant person” in life, etc. You basically feel like family, like an old married couple where the passion is gone but the deep love and affection is still there except you never had any of the passion in the first place.

For me, when watching TV shows, it’s much harder for high school based characters to feel queerplatonic to me. To feel queerplatonic to me, really significant behaviors like living together, deciding to open a business together, using words like “Family” or “brother” rather than friend because they feel so bonded, using words like “love” despite being friends, touching each other so much that half of fandom is shipping them, or going through tragedies together can all help make their friendship feel like it is a stronger type of friendship. Queerplatonic relationships ARE friendships, in my opinion, they aren’t something different, just a different TYPE of friendship. An intense one that other people won’t understand, or might be likely to mistake as romantic.

Here is a nice article I found on queerplatonic relationships:

http://www.therivetermagazine.com/queering-the-relationship/

It explains it pretty well.

Let me know if you think I’ve forgotten a queerplatonic level pairing from a series or even just film that you know I like:

Now for all 33 of the pairings below, I want to explain why I consider them queerplatonic. A few of these I can ship romantically as well but I especially love categorizing them as queerplatonic, because queerplatonic representation FTW!

1. Cory & Shawn (Boy Meets World/Girl Meets World) - I wouldn’t have thought to include these two, but that article cites them, and I couldn’t resist. I fell so hard for Shawn Hunter and his angst filled life and related to too much of it when I watched the entire original series in record time via ABC Family reruns as a young teenager, but I also fell for the deep Cory/Shawn friendship, which was stronger than their romantic relationships ever were, and which never grew weaker as they became adults. I especially like what I’ve heard about Girl Meets World’s portrayal, even though I’ve never seen the series. I feel their friendship is respected for the queerplatonic level bond it is.

2. Sara & Oliver (Arrow & also DC’s Legends of Tomorrow) - for these two, I count them as queerplatonic because that’s the real way I ship them. I don’t actually think they are the best romantic pairing. I think the one-sided romantic attraction from Sara toward Oliver faded with time but instead these two developed a deep platonic bond over sharing experiences of going through hell on Lian-Yu (the island) and over both being vigilante superheroes later on. Sex doesn’t equal romance and this relationship feels best categorized to me as queerplatonic. They aren’t “just” typical friends for an array of reasons, but they also aren’t a simple romantic ship.

3. John & Sherlock (Sherlock, BBC) - for Sherlock/John… quite frankly, they may be THE SINLGE MOST OBVIOUS EXAMPLE of a queerplatonic life partnership to me because Sherlock actually seems completely aromantic asexual to me, at least in the same way I am aro ace - read this to get where those of us who interpret him this way are coming from: http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/70661417641/sherlock-holmes-as-an-asexual-character and John actually seems straight in my opinion, yet Sherlock is somehow the most important person to John, more so than any of the women he’s attracted to in sexual and/or romantic ways. Even if John can be argued to be bi, please don’t take ace Sherlock from me, he is so ace… XD That being said, although I don’t see it, even if Sherlock was gay, then maybe John is straight and they still have incompatible orientations yet somehow have this amazing bond and that is what… I think of when I think of queerplatonic. I actually just thought of John being homoromantic&heterosexual as a possibility, meaning he can’t fall in love with women even though that’s the only gender he’s sexually attracted to, but he can fall in a non-sexual kind of love with Sherlock… :P https://asexualcensus.wordpress.com/2014/11/17/cross-orientations-among-non-aces/ So many possibile reasons why they are the way they are, but regardless, because their friendship is the most intense possible friendship possible, they count as queerplatonic.

4. House & Wilson (House M.D.) - House is obviously much more heterosexual than BBC’s Sherlock character but House & Wilson were based on the original Holmes and Watson in many ways, and their relationship with each other is one of the ways you can see that inspiration. They love each other so much. Wilson tells House in the final season that he needs him to tell him he loves him, actually using that word. They live together at times, etc etc. But it doesn’t mean they actually have any sexual attraction toward one another. (Nor romantic attraction, necessarily, albeit that is more complicated). This may be biphobic writing/queerbaiting OR it might be a reflection of a real queerplatonic kind of bond that could be possible between straight men… and I personally prefer to think of it as the latter.

5. Shawn & Gus (Psych) - there is so much that’s kinda obvious with this one. They are beyond just best friends. They are the emotional core of each other’s lives, they chose to build their lives together as (business) “partners”, and they are exactly what queerplatonic partners mean to me in many ways, because however much Shawn loved Juliet O’Hara, he always loved Gus at least equally, if not more. Gus was his chosen family for his entire life. For ages Gus was literally the only person in on a secret, other than the father who built him to have this superpower. There are touching emotional moments between them and it wouldn’t be hard to vid them in these collabs. 6. JD & Turk (Scrubs) - it’s just guy love between two (completely heterosexual) guys, right? That’s how THEIR SONG goes in the musical ep? XD There’s nothing gay about it in their eyes, and therefore… they are the epitome of queerplatonic. The beginning of this following thread actually has some people discussing JD/Turk as queerplatonic… http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/118560-list-of-queerplatonic-relationships-in-showsbookscelebrities/

7. Chandler & Joey - in a similar vein, these two were the one friendship on all of Friends that was “Weirdly close” (see the thread above on asexuality.org), that had lots of gay innuendo and stuff… basically they weren’t typical friends, they were hyper close friends who lived together, just the two of them, for pretty much the majority of a decade as adults with no other significant romances in their lives most of that time, and at the end of the series Joey still had no one but his friends and felt closest to Chandler in a very queerplatonic kind of way even if Chandler did have Monica. A deep love that was truly not romantic nor sexual.

8. Morgan & Reid (Criminal Minds) - many people ship these two, because their friendship got so close, because they touch each other a lot, etc. Their final scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ST8CdeMRhEw includes actual I love yous, naming a child after the other, references to being a “brother” because of how close they feel… and tears over just the simple separation of not working together anymore. They have so many amazing moments throughout the series that I can find myself shipping them too, but mainly I prefer to ship them in a queerplatonic way, partially because I see too much of my aromantic ace tendencies in Reid: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7566307/chapters/17212351 and idk. They are not queerplatonic “partners” to me, they just have a queerplatonic level of feelings for one another. I believe Garcia/Morgan should also count as queerplatonic on this show. It’s fine for Morgan to have two queerplatonic bonds. She felt sexual attraction toward him but they both felt only platonic love. I just prefer Morgan/Reid much more than Morgan/Garcia, and the sexual innuendo in Morcia tends to make me uncomfortable as a sex-averse ace perhaps, and idk, I just don’t want Morgan/Garcia in my collab. But Morgan/Reid mean the world to me, ESPECIALLY platonically. I actually have a list with timecodes of many of Morgan & Reid’s moments in the first 7 or so seasons, if you want it.

9. Emily & JJ (Criminal Minds) - another queerplatonic bond on Criminal Minds, and it’s rare for me to find two women who I can think of as queerplatonic. I also definitely can ship them, see both women as queer enough for an actual romantic/sexual relationship between them to have potential, but as the show stands, they could certainly both be straight. That’s the narrative the show pushes. And yet their bond is particularly deep due to especially the circumstances of being each other’s only contact at times while on classified missions/undercover, and they are overly touchy even very early on. I actually have a list with timecodes of many of Emily & JJ’s moments in the first 6 or so seasons they share, if you want it. Possibly some from the new season too.

10. Mozzie & Neal (White Collar) - I actually think these two are more queerplatonic partners than Neal/Peter. Neal/Peter are the obvious heart of the show but Mozzie is not “just” a best friend. Neal is Mozzie’s entire life, so much so that when Peter becomes so important to Neal, Peter (a suit type of person Mozzie is frightened by) becomes important to Mozzie too. Neal and Mozzie are fugitives TOGETHER, basically build their lives together, and it causes MAJOR PROBLEMS for their friendship when Mozzie wants to leave New York but Neal doesn’t. Mozzie & Neal are the ultimate partners in crime, and basically seem like they could be roommates to a casual viewer of the show, even though they don’t actually live together, because Mozzie is over Neal’s apartment SO OFTEN. When Mozzie is hurt, Neal cries, and vice versa. They are adults, and Mozzie never has a significant romance that comes close to paralleling his feelings for Neal.

11. Neal & Peter (White Collar) - these two have such a deep bond that fuels the show, but I don’t see them as having romantic nor sexual feelings at all for one another. They are very close both outside and at work, to the point of Peter naming his child after Neal. They spend so much time together and their lives revolve around one another, especially Peter’s around Neal, even when they don’t see each other for long stretches of time. They both admire each other and it’s just not a typical friendship, yet it is purely platonic. Neal can have two queerplatonic relationships in his life, and he does.

12. Foss & Kyle (Kyle XY) - this relationship could barely be called a friendship, and that is why it feels queerplatonic to me. It’s kind of like they skipped straight to found family or skipped straight to platonic love. There is an age difference which adds to how atypical it is to be that devoted to one another. Kyle has close friendships with people like Declan. But with Foss, his relationship is more complicated. Tom Foss would do literally anything for Kyle and… some people do ship these two because of how intense their platonic love is. But it is just platonic, don’t try to tell me it’s anything different.

13. Nikita & Alex (Nikita) - there aren’t enough bonds like this between women on television, which is what makes this pairing so special. Despite each having some really passionate romantic entanglements, these two have such a significant place in each other’s lives, so much so that Nikita/Michael scenes often include lots of talk of Alex and stuff. They are basically self-explanatory in my mind so if you need more justification, let me know.

14. Hiro & Ando (Heroes) - this show mainly has really deep family bonds, but Hiro/Ando break that mold by being a ridiculously deep friendship bond, especially circa seasons 3 & 4. Ando is betrayed in season 3 to learn Hiro didn’t tell him about a significant emotional event in his life, and Hiro says “don’t cry because I’ll cry”, like this is 3x20… there’s so much there to unpack about how much they care for one another. Even in season 2 though, Hiro is far back in the past and hides a secret note for Ando. They are on each other’s minds whenever they are apart, they are really platonic life partners in so many ways, traveling a foreign country together, presumably living together for a long time as adults, etc.

15. Alec & Kiera (Continuum) - they are queerplatonic by nature of being in a sci-fi show’s extremely atypical premise - no other relationship ever is like theirs. The main reasons they tic queerplatonic boxes for me are a) Alec is Kiera’s ONLY confidant who knows the truth of her life other than the people who want to kill her for a while. Alec’s life starts to revolve around her in a similar way and he can’t tell anyone else in his life anything about her. b) age differences make shipping them more than skeevy, because he’s either so much older than her or so much younger than her. But having platonic relationships at any age works… C) Alec is THE PERSON who shaped Kiera’s entire future by sending her to the past and he will always be that significant mark on her life. d) Alec/Kiera have to learn to forgive each other and are at the emotional core of the entire series, share many really significant hugs and moments and basically they are maybe not queerplatonic “partners” in a typical sense, but they are in some kind of queerplatonic relationship. I’d argue that Carlos/Kiera might be queerplatonic too, but I feel more shippy things for them personally so I’m leaving them out of my collab.

16. Dr. Tom & Erica (Being Erica) - call them father/daughter ish if you want, but some people think they’re more husband/wife ish (like the commenter on my video for them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_F3MwwEqHo ), and isn’t that the epitome of what queerplatonic is, can’t tell if they seem more like family or like a romance? Tom has an unhealthily close relationship with her, since she’s just one of his patients. Erica feels a deep love for Tom. They know each other particularly intimately because of the nature of the magic on this series. They are not what people would ever just call “best friends” despite that literally being what they are to each other, because best friends has a certain connotation and they are barely even “Friends”. They are people who share a deep kind of platonic relationship, and friendship isn’t really the best word to describe it.

17. Meredith & Cristina (Grey’s Anatomy) - because “you’re my person” even after marriages and stuff. Originally “You’re my person” was about being the one person Cristina confided in about her pregnancy and abortion because she needed a significant friend/family member/romantic partner to drive her home (if that had worked out and the appointment had been needed), and that is a very typical kind of practical commitment queerplatonic partners could make in each other’s lives. Feeling not just happy for the person if they move away for a job but also heartbroken like it’s a breakup is typical of queerplatonic level friendships, too…

18. Caitlin & Cisco (The Flash) - I don’t quite know how to explain why they seem so queerplatonic to me but I really love them as an example of queerplatonic bonding. They care so much about each other, they’re like the first thing each other thinks about, they spend every waking moment together, they confide in each other first, they knew each other before the show when no one else did, they are a ying and yang kind of deal when they are Killer Frost and Vibe, they just are such a TEAM in everything in life. They are adults, so they don’t seem like they’re just super close because they’re in the same high school. It seems like a life thing where even if a romantic partner became a part of their lives, this friendship would still probably be a slightly MORE significant relationship in their life.

19. Scott & Stiles (Teen Wolf) - this one I wasn’t so sure about, but the intensity of what they’ve each been through together has made their bond stronger than any other relationship on the show, probably. They have no secrets, and Stiles literally can’t bear the thought at the beginning of season 5 or whenever it was of Scott not being his best friend for life. Stiles uses the word “brother” because friend doesn’t describe it well enough. That kind of thing.

20. Rachel & Kurt (Glee) - I’m also not so sure about this one, but Rachel ultimately being a surrogate who carries Kurt’s child seals the deal for me on this, as well as the way Kurt/Rachel both are the potentially most affected by Finn’s death (however I may be biased a bit by fanfiction and fanon version of their lives…). They are best friends in a way that seems much closer than some of the other roommates and close friends, idk.

21. Maxine & Sean (Judging Amy) - I feel a lot of things about their friendship but don’t ship them in the slightest nor think they are “just” close friends. The age difference is part of it, and the unconventional nature of how close they managed to get despite “only” being coworkers. Watch the first four clips that come up on YouTube for them to get the gist of their relationship. https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sean+maxine They might fight at times but when times get hard, they share hugs and forehead kisses and platonic physical touch and well, especially Sean toward Maxine seems very queerplatonic. She’s not even “like a mother” to him, she’s just a friend he cares for deeply, partially by nature of the TV show revolving around her life and not his, where we see no other aspect of Sean’s life at all except his feelings for her.

22. Jesse & Walter (Breaking Bad) - by nature of their criminal lives, you may notice a theme here with a few criminal partners, but I think they become each other’s whole worlds, for better or worse. It’s not romantic by any means. But it is a partnership and a deep kind of psuedo-familial love that develops.

23. Angus & Mario (Code Black) - ah I ship them in a pretty slashy way, but I’m too sex-averse and even kissing averse to really be rooting for that to actually happen. I can’t decide what I feel. They just have such an amazing friendship in such a high stakes kind of show that it makes the level of friendship feel like it shoots up to queerplatonic.

24. Emily/Aria/Hanna/Spencer (Pretty Little Liars), just the four of them, no Alison, no boys, that core group seems like queerplatonic level friendship to me because of what they’ve been through. Try to vid voiceovers about how what they’ve been through has bonded them, try to vid moments where no other characters are on screen and at least a few group moments, what I love about this is it’s not a queerplatonic duo/partnership but rather a queerplatonic level group friendship of 4. There is no “just” friends about these girls, especially given the time jump into the future in the most recent two half seasons.

25. Chloe & Clark (Smallville) - They may have been romantic for about 1 to 2 episodes, and Chloe had one-sided romance feelings for seasons 1-5, but this friendship lasted 10 seasons and even when she had romantic feelings, the relationship remained non romantic. In fact, that can be one thing I think that makes a friendship queerplatonic. The fact that one person feels “more than” friendship, romantic feelings, but the friendship is still “just” a friendship. The bond becomes more complicated and intense. Especially for a while, Chloe knowing Clark’s secret became a huge part of why they weren’t “just” friends.

26. Dwight & Michael (The Office) - basically, these two didn’t have other people they were as close to, for much of the show. Dwight might be borderline aromantic because he tends to act like friendships more important to him, desire how much he cares for Angela too. Michael loves everyone his, platonic or not, so hard. So they become, kind of by default, queerplatonic level kind of friends at first and then even after they have romantic partners it doesn’t fade. Dwight prided himself on being given a special status by Michael (in the office, but still), and they have some emotionally touching scenes.

27. Marcel & Davina (The Originals) - These two aren’t family but sort of serve that role in each other’s lives, which is basically the only reason I’m counting them as queerplatonic. They love each other in a way that is nonromantic and nonsexual and also not typical of what you’d normally see in a friendship.

28. Casey & Ashleigh (Greek) - I wasn’t sure if I should do any relationship from Greek, and if so who to do, but I think these two are nice to consider including because there aren’t enough girls who feel queerplatonic on TV but these two are super-best-friends to a degree that could be queerplatonic, mainly because they could not be any closer as friends? Like idk, especially at the end of the series, they have a lot of feelings about one another…

29. Leonard Snart & Mick Rory (The Flash & DC’s Legends of Tomorrow) - ah, Captain Cold & Heatwave, totally queerplatonic partners. Snart’s death hurts the most because that pairing can’t be broken up! What are they doing!! I mean I care about them ruining Sara/Leonard as a ship too but I care more about this friendship between Mick & Leonard. I care about how much they care about each other and how much they are always on the same team. The third “partners in crime” on this list.

30. Michael & Brian (Queer as Folk) - see what I said about Chloe/Clark, basically one-sided feelings and maybe a couple kisses in their lives but never really being anything other than friends makes their friendship atypical, queerplatonic because of all it involves. They weren’t “just” friends, they were in many ways the main rock in each other’s lives.

31. Karma & Amy (Faking It) - I never saw the final season of this show, but hopefully eventually. Basically, I heard they don’t end up together and essentially Karma never returns Amy’s feelings enough, so… while I can ship them romantically, I can also just see them as a queerplatonic relationship for the reasons described directly above in Michael/Brian (and in Clark/Chloe, and Sara/Oliver). Amy learns to suppress her sexual and romantic feelings for her friend in favor of preserving the deep friendship bond. They are atypically close as friends.

32. Arthur & Merlin (Merlin, BBC) - I’ve never seen the show but I plan to watch it eventually and already know they count as queerplatonic in my eyes. The creator said they are a love story as do the actors but the guys never kiss and a lot of people interpret it as gay but thwarted by network television, but from the fanvideo things I’ve seen… I prefer to think of them as Sherlock/John level queerplatonic.

33. Lux & Tasha (Life Unexpected) - they didn’t have anyone else growing up, no parents or family at all, so they became way more than friends and as close as sisters in some ways, and their friendship seems queerplatonic to me, despite their young age. They would risk so much for the other. They need each other in their lives.

#queerplatonic partners #in my favorite tv shows #some aren't partners #queerplatonic relationships #queerplatonic

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smalltragedy · 4 years ago

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hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

personality & facts.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

wanted plots.

#( gabriel de leon. ) about. / imaginary enemy.#irvingintro #violence tw

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