#part time preschool near me

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Dirty Laundry

Summary: Life with two toddlers has taken a toll on your sex life for the past few weeks, but after a surprisingly calm morning, you and Javi find a creative solution to solve your problem.

Word Count: 2.8K

Pairing: Husband!Javier Peña x Wife!Reader (no use of y/n)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (do better, but also, who am I to say?) vaginal fingering, paise kink, a breeding kink so dangerous that you may get pregnant just from reading, creampie, cum play, a loud washer and dryer, no actual laundry accomplished, domestic girl dad Javi, you'll always be famous

A/N: idk who unlocked my cell while I was ovulating, but once again I have escaped, and once again, we're makin' babies. I think I've convinced myself I don't know how to write anything else, and for that, I am genuinely sorry. If wanting to give Javier Peña a football team worth of kids is a crime, then lock me up and throw away the goddamn key 🤠

Can be read as a standalone or as a part of the Never Too Late Series!

For as much as you loved your daughters, it was safe to say that for the past two weeks, your pair of rambunctious toddlers had been doing very little for your sex life. 

Your 4 year old Lucy had been going through a phase of having nightmares every night, and somehow ending up in you and Javi’s bed no matter what you tried. That, combined with trying to potty train your 2 year old, Elliot, (who was nowhere close to being the breeze her older sister it was when it came to the matter), on top of preschool, work, and life in general, you and Javi had barely gotten so much as a kiss in, let alone some quality time together. 

It had been your hope to start trying for baby number three, but after 2 months of negative pregnancy tests and another month of complete chaos, despite your best intentions, “trying” had very much taken a backseat in your mental to-do list.  

But this morning when you woke up, it was almost as if a wave of calm had washed over your house to reset the state of disarray you had been in the past few weeks- Both girls had slept through the night in their own beds, had woken up in good spirits, Elliot asked to use the bathroom multiple times, and both had been happy to play in the living room together quietly as you worked on catching up on some much needed laundry. 

So calm, in fact, that Javi was almost worried when he came downstairs for work to hear near silence, apart from the occasional giggles from the girls as they arranged their Fisher Price Little People in their Play Barn and the washer running in the background. 

“Hi Daddy!” Lucy cooed, toddling over to her dad, wrapping her arms around his waist as Elliot quickly followed behind, perching on his leg like a koala. 

“Buenos días, niñas. (Good morning, girls).” Javi grinned, squatting down to kiss the wild, sleepy curls of his daughters’ heads, still slightly confused by the tranquil state of the house. “Where’s Momma?” 

“Washing stinky socks.” Lucy giggled, pinching her nose and scrunching her face, pretending to have smelled something bad. 

“Yeah, stinky socks.” Elliot echoed, sticking out her tongue. 

“Oh yeah? Is it because my pollitas (little chickens) have stinky, smelly feet?” Javi teased, wrapping his arms around the girls, pulling them close to his chest as he tickled their sides, the three erupting in laughter and giggles. 

“What’s goin’ on out here, huh?” You grinned, stepping out of the laundry room with your arms playfully crossed against your chest to see your husband and daughters in a tickle tackle pile on the living room floor. 

“Daddy said we have stinky feet! Daddy’s got stinky feet, not me and Elliot.” Lucy protested. 

“I think you and Daddy both have stinky feet, Lucy Lu, and your dirty laundry proves it.” You smiled, watching Javi give one last big kiss to each of the girls before pushing up off the floor with a grunt, making his way over to you. “Good morning, Mr. Stinky Feet.” 

“Hey, c’mon now. I can’t have you all gangin’ up on me.” Javi pouted through his smirk, wrapping his arm around your waist as his lips softly met yours, his words sweet and low as they danced against your skin. “Good morning, Hermosa.” 

His kiss lingered just long enough to send butterflies swirling through your stomach, biting down on your lip to try and keep your heart beating any faster than it already was. You stood there for another moment, eyes locking with his as the grip around your waist tightened just subtly enough to hint his mind was in the same place as yours. 

You were finding a way to finally have sex this morning. 

You could feel the arousal already beginning to pool in your core, swallowing hard as Javi tilted his head and raised his eyebrows at you while his hand slid further down your waist towards your ass, trying to devise a plan for the two of you to be alone long enough to do what you had both been so desperately craving these past few weeks. 

As you turned your head back over your shoulder in search of ideas, a devilish grin spread across your face, looking back to Javi to gently tug on the maroon tie dangling from his neck, twisting the end through your fingers. 

“I think I really need help with the laundry before you leave for work.” You mewled, leaning in to press another kiss to his plush lips, followed by another on his cheek and neck, Javi letting a soft groan rumble in his chest. 

“Oh Fuck, baby. What do we do about the girls?” He asked quietly, trying his best to keep his composure as the dark brown of his eyes grew hungrier with want. 

“Snack and a movie? There’s already a baby monitor out in the living room, and if we put on “The Little Mermaid”, it should buy us enough time.” You nodded in reassurance of your own idea, already growing antsy with anticipation. 

“God, I love you.” Javi smirked, giving you one more kiss and a firm squeeze of your ass before breaking away towards the kitchen so you could execute your plan. 

“Hey girls?” you called, making your way towards the living room where they were back to playing, “Daddy needs to help Mommy with some, um- laundry. So if we put on “The Little Mermaid”, can you show us what big girls you are and let you watch the movie all by yourselves?” You asked, doing your best to play up your request. 

“Yes, yes, yes!” Elliot squealed, clapping and stomping her feet. “Wittle Mermaid!” 

“Okay, go get your blankets and sit on the couch and Daddy’s gonna bring you a snack to watch the movie with.” 

“Yay! Movie time, movie time!” Lucy shrieked as the girls ran to go grab their things, plopping themselves on to the respective corners of the couch. While you searched for the VHS in the entertainment center, Javi returned from the kitchen with two much bigger than needed bowls of Teddy Grahams, turning on the TV as you pushed the tape into the receiver and pressed play. 

With the bright blue Disney logo appearing across the screen and your daughters both happily snuggled with their snacks on the sofa, you and Javi gave each other the silent nod of approval, slowly backing away towards the laundry room while the girls sat in content and entranced silence. 

After one last peek, you carefully closed and locked the laundry room door behind you, quickly followed by turning on both the washing machine and the dryer, trying to do yourself any favors you could by drowning out any suspicious sounds.  

“Good?” Javi asked once more for reassurance, feeling his slacks get tighter and tighter around his crotch by the second as he waited for your response. 

Without a single word, your lips were crashing into his, a messy dance of tongues and teeth ensuing between you as your bodies bumped against the laundry room counter, limbs tangled together in a frantic race to remove clothes. 

“Fuck, I missed you. Missed this.” Javi groaned, helping you slide your top over your head and unclip your bra as he nipped at your neck, pushing your back against the dryer and caging your body under him. 

“I know, baby, me t-too.” You whimpered, reaching out to undo Javi’s belt buckle, shoving his pants down to his thighs, followed by his boxers, freeing his cock as it slapped against the dark hairs on the happy trail of his stomach. “Missed having your big dick inside me.” 

“Fuck.” Javi swore under his breath as you reached out to stroke him, swiping your thumb over his weeping tip to rub the precum up and down his shaft as he shoved your the waistband of your pants and underwear down your hips just far enough to let them fall to the floor around your ankles. 

As much as you both desperately wanted to take your time, worshiping every inch of each other’s bodies until you had nothing left to give, you knew time was not on your side. After a few more strokes, you pulled back, letting Javi snake his hand against your body to slide between your legs, the slightest graze of his fingertips already making you shutter with need. 

At this point, even after the few weeks it had been without Javi inside you, you were wet enough that you could have taken him without any warm up, your core dripping with your arousal to the point it was smearing the inside of your thighs with its shiny coating. But even with your cunt soaking wet and time working against you, Javi couldn’t help but drag his fingers through your folds, curling to push up into your tight hole and prod against your g-spot. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re so wet. This all for me, Momma? Missed me fillin’ you up with my cock? Missed me fucking you full of my cum, huh baby?” Javi growled, his words shooting straight to your cunt, making you clamp down tighter around his fingers and your clit throb with intensity.  

It had been a minute since baby making had been at the forefront of your mind, but his question set off something animalistic in the both of you, knowing that right now could give you a chance at baby number three that you had been wishing for. 

“Y-yes, Javi, fuck- want you to fill me up, baby. Want you to fill me up until you fuck a baby into me.” 

It was then that Javi couldn’t have been more thankful that you had turned on the washer and dryer to try and drown out your noise, because the groan he let escape from his parted lips was much louder than he intended. 

But then again, there were few things in this world that turned him on more than you begging him to knock you up, so what did he expect? 

Scooping his arms under your thighs, Javi hoisted you on top of the dryer, your ass hitting the cold, vibrating metal with a thud as your lips collided again with desperate ferocity, muffled moans escaping from your mouths. 

“Dirty fuckin’ girl. Want me to knock you up again, Momma? Give you another baby?” Javi smirked, reaching to line his cock up with your entrance, swiping his tip through your folds to collect your slick and coat it along his length before he pushed inside you, sinking deeper and deeper until he bottomed out, hips flush with yours. 

Words couldn’t describe how much you had missed the sweet stretch and sting of Javi’s fullness, each inch of him feeling better than the last, sobbing out as his tip kissed your cervix, all inhibitions of self-composure completely tossed out the window. Still sunk deep in your cunt, Javi’s hand shot over your mouth, stifling your cries in his palm. 

“Shhhhhh, I know, Osita. You gotta keep quiet though, baby.” 

You nodded frantically in compliance, Javi’s hand dropping to grip around your waist as you tried to catch your breath. “M-move, Javi, please.” Your whimpering request borderlining pathetic with how badly you needed him. 

“You promise you’re gonna be a good girl and keep quiet?” 

“Mhmmmm. I promise, baby, please.” 

With that, Javi’s hips began to snap, dragging his cock in and out of you at a dangerous pace, coating the walls with the sounds of the wet sounds of your cunt and slapping skin, muffled by the washer and dryer. 

“Oh my God, Javi. Fuck. Fuck, you feel so good.” You whined, locking your legs behind the small of Javi’s back, keeping him as close to you as possible as he fucked in and out of you. You draped your arms around his shoulders, fingers burying themselves in the dark curls at the nape of his neck. 

The closeness had the hairs at the base of his cock rubbing deliciously against your clit, adding to the tension beginning to build at the base of your spine, both of you knowing it wouldn’t take long to get where you needed to go after weeks without being able to have each other like this. 

Javi could feel it too, his balls beginning to tense with each pump, using every ounce of self control to keep from preemptively spilling into you, his hands digging into the soft flesh of your hips and thighs, holding on to you like his life depended on it. 

“Jesus, Fuck- Fuck, I missed this tight little pussy so much. Gonna cum so deep inside you. So deep it’s gotta fucking take. God, you’re so fucking sexy when you’re pregnant. I swear I’ll give you as many babies as you want, Hermosa.” Javi babbled, biting down on his lip as he pounded into you, reaching one of his hands down to circle at your wet, puffy clit, aching to be relieved from all the built up tension. 

At this point, you were so drunk on pleasure that you could barely remember your own name, feeling your orgasm begin to build through every inch of your body in a way that had you seeing stars, digging your fingernails into Javi’s shoulders and burying your face in the crook of his neck to keep from crying out his name, forcing yourself to whisper incoherent sweet nothings against his skin. 

“P-please, Javi. F-fill me up. Oh shit- Fuck, baby, I’m so close.” 

Javi’s thrusts became sloppier and more erratic, fingers rubbing your clit with the perfect amount of pressure to coax your orgasm out of you before he followed suit, gritting his teeth and furrowing his brow in intense concentration. 

“That’s it, baby. Cum all over me. Soak my fucking cock before I fuck you full of me and knock you up. C’mon, Momma.” 

Suddenly, your orgasm crashed through you, lighting your body up like a goddamn Christmas tree, every inch of your body radiating with bliss as you clamped down around Javi’s cock, biting down on his shoulder as you came to try and stifle your cries. 

Javi was only moments behind you, letting out a low grunt with the final sutter of his hips as he came, coating your walls with his warm spend, fucking it into with every ounce he had left until he had milked himself dry. 

Your bodies collapsed into each other, rising and falling in sync with heavy breaths like you had just finished the last mile of a marathon and collapsed at the finish line, damp and sticky with your sweat. 

As much as Javi didn’t want to pull out, he could feel his cock beginning to soften and the mixture of your spend leaking from your hole. Refusing to let a drop go to waste, he pulled out of you, a groan rumbling low in his chest as he wrapped his hand around his length, dragging his tip up through your folds and collecting the cum that had been dripping out. Taking the wet mess he had gathered with his cock, he pushed himself back into you, slowly thrusting in and out of you, a devilish smirk spreading across his face at the absolutely obscene sound coming from between your legs. 

“Promise me,” Javi gulped between pants, finally pulling out of you again, “Promise we never go this long without having sex again. Holy Fuck.” 

“Promise.” You couldn’t help but giggle in agreement, coming down from your blissed out high. “God, that was the longest two weeks ever. Don’t know why we didn’t think of this sooner.” 

“Because we’ve been sleep deprived and exhausted, and our little monstros (monsters) have been giving us a run for our money.” Javi chuckled, reaching behind you to grab a towel from the cabinet above the dryer, quickly rinsing it in the sink before wiping you up and helping you find all of your clothes. 

“Are we crazy for wanting another one?” You asked, looking down at your stomach, thinking about the ramifications of what you had just done. 

“Maybe. But you drive me so fucking crazy, we may end up with 10 before you know it.” 

“Javi! Dear lord, we are not having 10 kids, you psycho.” You laughed, playfully slapping your husband on the shoulder. 

“Stop being so hot and I’ll stop knockin’ you up.” Javi smirked, raising his eyebrows at you as you rolled your eyes at him knowing damn well you’d have a whole army of his kids if he really wanted. 

“You’re ridiculous, I hope you know that. Alright, you need to get your ass to work and I need to feed the gremlins before I drop Lucy off at preschool. Let’s go, cowboy.” You grinned, playfully smacking Javi on the ass, giving him a quick kiss as you made your way towards the door. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Osita. I gotta remember to call my dad on the way into work.” 

“Call your dad? Why?” 

“To see if Abuelo can take the girls this weekend so you and I can catch up on a lot of laundry.” 

Taglist:

@chaotic-iguana @rhoorl @bbiophiliaa @purpleprincess75 @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24

@3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85

@partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo

@endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @milly-louise

@jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled

@pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @vee-bees-blog

@hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @msmorningstaarr

@amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild

@copperhalfcent @theoraekenslover @bloodyinspirationaldemon @vee-bees-blog

@samgirl4life @pigeonmama @survivingandenduring @itsokbbygrl @javierpena-inatacvestnotifs

@purpleprincess75

[devotedlyandrogynousyouth]

Please please please bless me with more baby daddy Jason. I’m so obsessed with it 😭 just thought about if he caught you staring a little too long at him being a good father he would make fun of how sexy you find him and how you still want him

Oh, how this has lifted my mood after getting covid during the holiday season🙏I can totally see him getting cocky like that, too. Just imagine this man letting out a near-silent scoff as he catches your gaze wandering across his muscles as he picks up your daughter

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd Part 2

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who doesn't actually bother you too much after that night you spent together. To your surprise, he doesn't expect much of anything in return. That moment simply turned into an unacknowledged secret that only the two of you would ever know about.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who still tries to show up to every little preschool function or birthday party your daughter has, despite the unspoken tension between you two. Despite what that little voice in your mind was screaming to do, you actually started inviting him to those kind of things. Typically, he would've just shown up unannounced.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who starts acting like your boyfriend or husband at parent-teacher conferences. On the rare occasion that the both of you show up to discuss your daughter with her teachers, they assume that you're together as a couple. Jason, ever the sly bastard, doesn't correct them.

You don't, either.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who actually starts playing into the role as soon as your 'relationship' gets brought up in public. If you happen to be sitting close enough, he'll grab your hand and start tracing invisible circles onto the back of it with his thumb. If you're really close, Jason will absolutely go as far as to sling an arm around your shoulders.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who is the biggest topic around the other single mothers at your daughter's daycare or preschool. Almost every time he makes an appearance, somebody asks for his number or tries to make small talk. He giggles like an idiot every time you have to scold him for giving them all the rejection hotline number.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who, when he does get asked about relationships by other women at your daughter's childcare facilities, will say that you're together in a committed relationship with no hesitation. He isn't really sure why he does it, either. It only really came about after you two slept together a few months ago.

To be fair, you do call Jason your boyfriend when a creepy guy asks you out.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who starts hanging out with you casually when he gets the chance. You've ripped him a new one a few too many times when telling him to keep out of excessive danger. What better way to spend his off time now that he doesn't do huge missions than being with his two favorite girls?

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who somehow manages to blend right back into your life when he puts vigilante work to the side a little. He's there to pick up your daughter from day care or playdates when you need him to. He's cooking dinner for you and the little one on a rough day before you even have to ask.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who knows exactly how you feel about him. He sees the way your eyes linger as he stands in your kitchen cooking or how your gaze drifts to his biceps as he picks up your daughter to bring her to bed. "Eyes are up here, sweetness," is what he teases every time he catches your stares.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who is knocking on your door mere minutes after you've texted or called him having a breakdown when your daughter is at a sleepover. He doesn't even care what you're crying about, you're scooped up into his arms instantly. "Shhh... I have you," is one of the constant reassurances he mutters into your hair, "I'm right here. You're not alone."

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who has you practically sitting on his lap as he holds you, his calloused hands rubbing up and down your back in a soothing motion. You don't even remember when the slipped under the hem of your (his old) shirt to rub gently at your bare skin.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who listens to you talk, no matter how stupid or silly your problems seem whe compared to his own. He knows better than to give advice other than when you ask for it, so he simplu holds you and listens. "I know, I know..." Is all he coos into your slightly mussed hair as his hands rub and massage your skin.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who waits until you're done speaking to move or say anything. "Look, baby..." You hate how much you still love the petname, "I know it's tough. Trust me, I know." You hate how you love him. "But I'm here, alright? I... I'm sorry I have a tendency to walk out on both of you, but... I'm here now. I'm here as whatever you need me to be. If you need me to stay for you and her, I will. If you need me to leave, I'll go without another thought."

"If you want to forget about what happened the other night, then we'll both forget about it. If you don't want to..." You didn't let him finish, instead capturing his slightly parted lips with your own.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who only pulls away when you do, the pupils of his beautiful green eyes dilated as he looks down at you in his lap. His hands never cease their movement caressing the fat and muscles of your back as he lets out a soft huff of amusement. "You're absolutely crazy getting involved with me voluntarily, doll face." Even as he tries to play it off, you can hear the affection and fondness in his voice.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who takes his time with you instead of rutting into you like an uncaged animal. His hands are slow as they roam across your body, relearning every single one of your curves and crevices like it's the first time he's seen your naked body. Each motion is filled with such care and adoration that you question why you ever split up, even if just for a moment.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who takes every single ounce of your stress away without trying. It doesn't matter that he's only slept with you once or twice in the past couple of years, he's drawing out every single orgasm he can from your pretty little pussy.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who says the nastiest things when hooking up with you. He absolutely gets off on the thought of getting you pregnant again, but he knows better after thinking about the situation the two of you are in. "You're fucking milking me for all I've got, ma," he grunts out as he pounds you relentlessly from behind, his large hands almost dwarfing your hips as he holds them for leverage, "I'm gonna fill this pussy up all over again. You'd like that, huh? You want another little me running around this joint?"

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who, surprisingly, stays the morning after. It isn't picture perfect- nothing ever is- but it's still... Calm. Peaceful. Home. Like something you've never gotten with him before. The pair of you are still completely in the nude, your bodies tangled beneath the mess of sheets. But as your eyes flutter open with the first rays of morning light, the sight of Jason with small clumps of black and white hair stuck to his forehead from the previous night feels right.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who starts sticking around for a few days at a time after that. You're not sure just how it happened, but your daughter certainly loves it. She missed her daddy being around more often instead of being told that he was 'on a work trip' when it wasn't safe for Jason to see her.

BabyDaddy! Jason Todd who doesn't miss a beat when your sweet, innocent daughter asks if he's staying this time and if mommy will stay too. "Of course I am, baby girl," Jason, of course, makes direct eye contact with you as he says this before lifting the toddler into his lap. "Promise?" A smile. An actual, genuine smile that only she can get from him. "Promise."

How could you possibly say no to that?

Masterlist

[planetveensz]

the feeling that remains — ellie williams

— part 1/7 you meet ellie during highschool, the catalyst of some of the best years of your life... until they aren't. three years after breaking up, you're trying to move on with your life. dina and jesse are getting married; and when dina asks you to be one of her bridesmaids, how could you refuse? but guess who just so happens to be jesse's best (wo)man? tw: second chance romance! exes to lovers! modern!au, fem!reader, slow burn, mult storylines, angst, fluff, first meetings, religious trauma, homophobia, gay slurs, drinking, smoking, mild violence, possibly some ooc vibes, eventual smuttt :p wk: 5.4k, spotify playlist! an: ellie my wife <3 i hope i do you justice in this fic <3 this is probably going to be a bit slower to update, once every two weeks maybe? a lot of this is based off my own personal experiences as a gay woman so it's very near and dear to me :) i am always open to suggestions, feedback, and ideas! so pls send them in! enjoy xx

series masterlist | part 2

IT RAINED THE NIGHT you first met Ellie.

You knew who she was; there were always rumors about her floating around school. People called her terrible names behind her back, said she was someone you shouldn’t hang around. You avoided her not because you believed them, but because you were intimidated by her. 

Ellie was devastatingly pretty; had such kind green eyes and a sweet smile, she was also way cooler than you could ever dream of being. You were sure if you tried to speak to her you wouldn’t get one word out, she made you so nervous.

You watched her diligently from inside Dina’s living room, a paper party hat on your head. Dina invited you over to celebrate her 16th birthday, throwing a small party. Her parents were out of town and her big sister Talia had gotten her hands on some alcohol. You’d known Dina from a very young age; you went to the same preschool and became best friends in kindergarten. Dina was one of your only friends, aside from the girls in your church choir. 

Now that you had entered the second half of your sophomore year, you felt as if Dina stayed friends with you out of pity. She was always dragging you along, taking it upon herself to invite you to things. You appreciated it but had an inkling no one else wanted you around like she did. Dina required that you made an appearance at all events she hosted; she was also sure to bring you to bonfires and house parties, claiming you as her “plus one”.

You sighed and passed a red solo cup from one hand to the other, wiping the condensation off on your jeans. You were tipsy, it was the second time you had ever had alcohol outside of church. When you first arrived, you eyed the cup Dina handed you suspiciously. “Don’t worry,” Dina said, “you won’t go to hell for getting a little drunk.” 

You had taken the cup with a shy smile. “Happy birthday, Dina.” You handed her the gift you’d been holding in your other hand. She gasped, hands falling on your shoulders with the most gleeful smile on her face. 

The wrapping was perfectly done, you had hunched over the thing until every line was parallel and taped down perfectly. You finished it with a charming blue ribbon, tied in a neat bow at the front. “Oh, it’s lovely!” Dina gushed and you preened under her kind words. She untied the bow and carefully ripped open the paper to reveal her present. She squealed, pulling out the special edition copy of Pride and Prejudice. “You shouldn’t have!”

Really, you shouldn’t have. You saved up every cent you earned from chores the last four months to afford the book, but you wanted to spoil Dina. She deserved it, for sticking with you all these years, for being such a good friend. Before you could reply, she snapped that stupid party hat on your head and gave you a big kiss on the cheek. “You’re precious,” Dina said earnestly, “I adore you.”

You flushed at her words, unable to take the compliment. You scratched the back of your neck, attempting to brush off the twisting feeling in your stomach. You laughed awkwardly, “thanks.” Dina snorted, patting the same cheek she’d smooched.

“Now drink up, church girl, the party just started!”

You’d lost sight of Dina a while ago, choosing to stand aside in the living room while people chattered around you. Some music was bumping from an old speaker Dina thrifted with you a few months ago. There weren’t that many guests, a handful of people you knew from school, some of Talia’s friends as well. Ellie was sitting on the back porch around the firepit with Jesse and a couple of buddies, smoking a joint and talking loudly with each other. 

The fire flickered and illuminated the freckles on her cheeks. You smiled to yourself when you noticed her dimple became more prominent the more animatedly she spoke. That’s when the rain started, along with a boom of thunder in the sky. Your little bubble popped and everyone shuffled inside, opting to sit in the living room. You could feel the strained expression form on your face as it became more crowded.

Jesse noisily suggested playing truth or dare and you took that as your cue to leave. You snuck off into the kitchen, filling a glass with water. Your mouth had gone dry from your drink and your head was swimming a little from the effects of the alcohol. The water soothed your throat as you drank it.

“Not interested in playing games?” You choked on the mouthful you were about to swallow, whipping around to see Ellie leaning against the entranceway to the kitchen. Her eyebrows raised at your reaction and you could see that she was fighting off a smile.

You wiped your mouth with your hand. “N-no. Well, yes, I mean—” you paused. “Just needed some water.” You lifted the cup in your hand. 

“I can see that.” Her smile was sly and precarious. You weren’t sure if she was teasing, flirting, or making fun of you.

You squinted your eyes at her, “are you not interested? In playing games, I mean.” Ellie took a few steps towards you. Her auburn hair was damp from the rain and you could smell it on her sweatshirt; an earthy, rich scent.

She plucked the cup from your hands, sipping on your water. She placed it on the counter, empty. “Not really, no. They’re lame.” She tilted her head at you, a hazy look in her eyes.

“Are you high?”

She laughed right in your face, “yes, you priss. That’s what happens when you smoke.”

A raging warmth bloomed on your face. This was maybe the second time you’d ever spoken to Ellie alone; the previous being a bunch of stuttered sentences while you both waited for Dina to join you after school. You didn’t remember her being this snarky. “Okay.” You stressed, “no need to be rude.” You crossed your arms defensively.

She huffed through her nose, a smile on her lips. She flicked the hat on your head. “Just messing with you.” She bit her bottom lip and your gut twisted in anticipation.

You ripped the hat off your head, placing it on the counter next to the cup; suddenly feeling juvenile for wearing it. You plucked up all of the courage you had, from the alcohol and pure spite. “You sure you aren’t being a flirt? I’ve heard things about you, Williams,” you tilted your head playfully so she knew you were joking too.

She was full-on grinning, her eyes sparkled. That dimple below the left corner of her mouth appeared. Your breath caught in your throat. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” She leaned in slightly, looking at you with an expression that made butterflies flutter in your stomach.

You scrunched your nose at her, genuinely smiling for the first time that night since seeing Dina. “Y’know,” you turned your head away from her, looking up at the ceiling to avoid her piercing green eyes, “I’ve never smoked before.” 

Her smirk was pure electricity, “well, that just won’t do.” The cutesy butterflies became a hoard of bats when she pulled a new joint out of her back pocket. Her hand grasped yours and you were taken aback at how soft her skin was. You stared at your conjoined hands as she began pulling you to the other side of the kitchen, towards the connecting hallway.

You laughed and allowed her to lead you upstairs to the last door on the right, Dina’s room. Ellie shut the door behind you both and plopped herself on Dina’s window seat. You watched, frozen, as she wrestled the creaky old window open and stuck the joint in her mouth. “C’mere,” she nodded to the space next to her, speaking around the joint, “I don’ bite.”

You sprung into action, stumbling over to her. You sat next to her, your knees knocking against hers. She lit the joint, sucking in air so that the end ignited. She grasped it between her pointer finger and thumb as she passed it to you. “Now, don’t inhale too much, you’re gonna cough a lot cuz this is your first time.” She facilitated, “just take small hits until your throat’s used to the burn.”

You nodded, letting her words sink in. You brought the joint to your mouth, curling your lips around the filter, and breathed in. The taste was pleasant, but the burn was not. You immediately let out a cough, a puff of smoke escaping your mouth, unable to help yourself. You passed the joint back to her.

She smiled at you knowingly, “I was really bad the first time I smoked,” she laughed slightly, “nobody told me to take it easy so I inhaled way too much.” She took a hit of her own. “Coughed so hard I threw up.”

You let out a surprised laugh, shocked to hear that someone with her reputation had a story like that under her belt. “When was this?” You asked curiously.

“Back in Boston, before I moved here.” Ellie explained, “I did it right in front of the girl I had a massive crush on. It was so embarrassing.”

You smiled at her affectionately; passing the joint back and forth, you allowed a light daze to settle over your mind. “The first time I ever drank, Dina and I snuck a whole glass of vodka from her mom’s stash during a sleepover. We got so drunk we had to lay on the floor, everything was spinning so bad.”

Ellie gave you a bemused smile, “damn, church girl has a bad side.”

“I didn’t really want to do it at first, but, y’know,” you shrugged, picking your fingernails.

“What?” Ellie urged.

“It’s Dina.” You stated.

Ellie nodded, understanding settling on her face. “Oh, so you have a crush on Dina?”

“What?” You exclaimed, “no! I mean, she’s my best friend—”

“Yeah.” Ellie interrupted, “your best friend. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” She shoved your shoulder, laughing at your mortified face. “All closeted girls fall in love with their best friend, it’s a right of passage.”

“Wha—?” Your face flamed with embarrassment, “Ellie, I am not gay. It’s a sin.”

Her eyebrows raised at you and she scoffed. “Right.” She said.

“I have nothing against gay people,” you held your hands up, attempting to explain yourself, “I just can’t—I can’t be gay.” She chewed the inside of her cheek as you accepted the joint from her hands, taking an especially large hit. You cough like crazy when you pass it back to her. “I have no problem with you, I’m sorry I said that.”

“‘s okay.” She said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear and dropping her head to gaze at her shoes.

“No, it’s not.” You leaned forward so that you could look her in the eye. “I’m not like the other kids at school, I’m not some bigot.”

Ellie laughed at you again, “I got it, I got it.” Her eyes sparkled when the moonlight bounced off of them; you found yourself needing to catch your breath, chest tight. It was the smoke, just the smoke. 

There was a knowing look on her face when she looked at you again, like she understood something you didn’t. “So, what exactly have you heard about me, then?” She asked you suddenly.

“That you’re a… raging lesbian that sells drugs and fights people for fun.” You crooked a smile at her when you said it. Ellie laughed out loud, cackling with her head thrown back. You couldn’t help but join in.

IT BEGAN TO RAIN when your flight took off for California.

You had the window seat and because of your anxiety, you held your pee for three hours instead of squeezing past your neighbors to get to the restroom. While rushing to the airport bathroom, you felt a string of buzzing in your pocket. You pulled your phone out and watched as nearly a hundred texts from Jesse pinged on your phone, stress-ridden and panicked; finally loading after you got cell service again.

You smiled wistfully, using the toilet before even attempting to respond let alone read his manic word vomit. You headed to the baggage carousel as you began to sift through the messages. Most were just mangled screaming, some half-literate, some fully realized thoughts. You rolled your eyes affectionately, a smile tugging on your lips.

Jesse was asking Dina to marry him today.

Instead of sending a supportive text, you decided giving Jesse a call would do a lot more good. He picked up after the first ring. “Jess,” you greeted carefully, “I got your messa—”

“Please help me!” He wailed on the other side of the phone. You attempted to disrupt the laugh that passed through your lips with a cough; he had never sounded this frazzled before.

“What’s wrong?” You urged, eyes flickering to the conveyor belt as it started spitting out suitcases.

“I’m not sure if I should wear the blue suit with a red tie or the black suit with the black tie or the gray suit—”

“Jesse, dude,” you said slowly, “please, calm down. You’re working yourself up for no reason.” You spotted your luggage and huffed as you lifted it off the carousel. “This proposal is super intimate and private, I don’t think you should wear a suit at all.”

“But Joel said—”

“Jess, I love and respect Joel so much, but don’t take advice from a man who’s never been married and hasn’t had to worry about what he’s wearing for a woman since Ellie graduated from college.” You said expressionlessly, all in one breath. There was a pause over the phone. 

Jesse erupted into laughter. “Oh, man,” it sounded like he was wiping a tear, “I can always count on you to make me feel better.”

You couldn’t help the smile that twitched onto your lips. “You should wear dark bottoms with a light top or light bottoms with a dark top. Think dressed up casual, if you go too fancy it’ll clash with the location.” You had the phone wedged between your ear and your shoulder as you fiddled with your purse, trying to grab your sunglasses. “I’ll find some inspiration for you on Pinterest.”

“Ugh, you’re a lifesaver.” Jesse sounded much more relaxed. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Jess, call me if you need anything else, okay?” He made an affirmative sound before you said your goodbyes and hung up. You chuckled, shaking your head at your best friend.

Your next call was to Talia, who said she was parked in front of your terminal. The California heat embraced you when you stepped outside of the airport lobby; it felt like coming home. You loved the feeling of the dry, unforgiving air against your skin. It had been too long.

A melancholy feeling took hold of your heart, squeezing it gently within its bitter palm. So much had changed since you were last in Cali; everything had changed the day you left Cali.

Talia drove a swanky little Volkswagen Beetle, it was a bright yellow and she had the top down. The wind brushed your balmy skin as you drove along the Californian coast; it was like a dream realized. In two hours, your best friends would be engaged.

“The engagement party’s gonna have an open bar,” Talia grinned, one hand on the steering wheel, “you better know I’m gonna abuse that shit after all the trouble we’ve gone through.”

It was true; keeping this massive secret from Dina, being emotional support for Jesse, and helping to plan the proposal. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it.

“She’s going to love it so much, I don’t even care how stressed I’ve been.” You replied, imagining the look that was going to be on Dina’s face when she showed off her ring. 

Most guests didn’t know what the party Jesse had planned was actually for, meaning it’d be a shock for nearly everyone there. Dina loved surprises and having a surprise engagement party after her proposal was going to be like icing on the cake for her.

Talia hesitated and you looked at her inquisitively, “...are you like—worried about Ellie being there?”

You laughed nervously in response,  “now that is something I’m not thinking about.” And you really hadn’t. You had gotten so good at pushing Ellie and all of the emotional baggage that came with her out of your mind. You forced yourself not to think about her; to keep her intimate smiles and loving giggles from resonating in your head.

It had been three years; having thoughts about your ex after that long was kind of concerning.

Talia relented, allowing you to stop the conversation before it happened. You spoke about the dress you’d brought to wear to the party and sent Jesse some outfit ideas from your Dina + Jesse Wedding Inspiration board.

Dina’s face sparkled as bright as the darling ring on her left fourth finger. Just as you thought it would. You were over the moon for her; the choked gasp she let out when she saw you for the first time in the cramped bar nearly made you sink to your knees. Your sweet Dina was finally getting everything she’d dreamed of.

“You’re here!” She exclaimed into your hair as she hugged you tight against her.

You rubbed her back, “of course I am. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” When you pulled apart her eyes were wet with emotion.

“Ugh,” she dabbed at her lashes, “don’t make me cry, you fucker.”

She’d slipped away into the crowd not much longer after that, tending to the other guests who were congratulating her and Jesse. Before you could huddle back into a corner, Jesse squeezed you into his embrace and kissed the top of your head. The tears that burned the back of your eyes convinced you to grab another drink before disappearing.

You signaled to the bartender, who approached you with a smile. “Whiskey, neat,” you said, propping your arms onto the bartop. “Please.”

“I see some things never change.”

Your head whipped to your right at the sound of a familiar drawling voice.

Ellie Williams’ gorgeous green eyes met yours, a hundred-watt smile forming on her face that sent your heart into palpitations. She was wider, fuller, clearly stronger. All signs of youth had been erased from her face with age. She’d always been annoyingly attractive, but apparently, you couldn’t catch a break from that fact even if she was your ex-girlfriend.

Even if she was your biggest heartbreak.

“Ellie,” her name left your mouth like a whisper, or maybe a prayer. How long had you secretly begged to see her again?

“Hey,” she greeted; leaning coolly against the bar, propping her tattooed forearm on the edge. You swallowed thickly.

“When’d—” your voice cracks, “when’d you get here? I didn’t see you come in.”

Her gaze swept down the length of your body and it felt like she just casually set you on fire. “I snuck in a couple minutes ago. I missed the big entrance, don’t tell anyone.” She gave you a half-smile, that fucking dimple creasing the corner of her mouth.

You felt like you were totally fumbling this interaction. She had completely thrown you off your axis; tossed a wrench into your meticulous plans to avoid interacting with her. The bartender placed your drink in front of you and Ellie grabbed their attention to order her own.

You gulped down your whiskey in three large mouthfuls, eye twinging at the taste. Your sinuses cleared and the additional oxygen to your brain calmed you a bit. “Oh—and another whiskey for the lady, please,” Ellie said as you placed your empty glass on the bar top.

You chuckled embarrassedly when Ellie winked at you while she spoke, mortified with yourself. Oh, you were entirely falling apart.

“How’s your mom?” Ellie asked and you released a breath.

“Um—good,” you cupped the back of your neck with your hand, avoiding her face. “She moved up to Boston last year to be closer to me. She’s uh, remarried.”

Ellie’s voice raised in surprise, “oh, you’re on the East Coast now?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, sending the bartender a smile when they placed your new drink in front of you, “moved there for work.” When Ellie didn’t say anything you spared a glance at her.

She looked kind of shell-shocked, a tick in her mouth that made your gut turn. You knew why, but didn’t have the strength to say anything about it to her. “What’s Joel up to? We haven’t spoken for a while.”

Ellie forced a smile, “oh, you know. Being an old man.” She wrung her fingers together like she was building her courage. “So, were you ever gonna tell me that—”

Someone called out your name from behind you. Abby Anderson approached you with her arms open and you let out a gasp when you saw her. “Abs!” You gave her a big hug. “Jesse said you weren’t coming!”

“I wasn’t, but when I heard you’d be here—”

You smacked her shoulder playfully, “stop that.”

“I was able to use some PTO last minute.” Abby’s pouty lips pulled into a smile.

A warm hand brushed your lower back, sending a shiver up your spine. Ellie leaned down to speak softly in your ear, “I’m gonna go congratulate the happy couple, I’ll see you later?”

The musky, spicy scent of her cologne flooded your senses and everything became hazy. She smelled downright edible.

“Yeah.” You breathed out, eyes fixed on the slope of her nose and lips.

She squeezed your hip lightly as her hand moved away. “Anderson,” she greeted Abby. 

“Hey, Ellie, nice to see you,” Abby replied. Ellie sent her a two-finger salute, then walked towards the hoard of people surrounding Dina and Jesse.

“Jesus fuck,” you complained, fanning a hand on your blistering cheeks.

Abby snorted, “how ya doin’?”

You sent her a withering look. “Shut up.”

DINA FORCED YOU to come to her house for a party again.

This time, you arrived before most guests; tupperware of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies clutched in your sweaty hands. You were nervous about the social interaction, dreading it, actually. Your hand trembled when you pushed open Dina’s front door. 

Ellie trailed in after you, keys dangling off her index finger while she held the screen door open for you. She was your designated driver for the night. You insisted you didn’t need one, you weren’t going to have more than one drink, but she wouldn’t surrender.

A cookie Ellie had hand-picked as the best from the batch was hanging out of her mouth. You suspected that was the real reason she wanted to drive you, first pick out of the cookie selection. You rounded the corner and entered the kitchen; some of your anxiety was chased away when you laid eyes on Dina and Jesse.

Jesse squealed in excitement when he saw the treats you brought over. He did a little dance when you opened up the container for him. “You are an angel.” He said as he groaned into the cookie he’d snatched.

Dina smacked his shoulder when he grabbed a second one, telling him to fuck off and save some for the rest. You could see the hearts in her eyes when he turned to her with a sweet smile on his face then devoured the second cookie in one bite.

Time passed, more people were filtering in from the frigid air. You could tell most of them pregamed, eyes drooping and cheeks flushed with blood. One especially belligerent guy you’d seen in the halls at school screamed, “Merry Christmas, bitches!” when he entered the doorway. You cringed, and Ellie laughed at the disgusted look on your face. She pulled you to the couch, shoving a glass of whiskey into your hands.

You cast another look at the sweater she was wearing, a reindeer with the word “horny” underneath it, and dropped into the cushions. “That sweater is so stupid,” you told her for the third time that night, and she gave you a devious smile.

“So you’ve said.” She plopped down next to you, spreading her legs comfortably, “I think you’re secretly jealous. Your sweater looks straight out of a granny catalog.”

You gasp, feigning offense. “How dare you!” Glancing down at your cheerful sweater, you realized that maybe it kind of did look like it could be found in an old lady’s arts-and-craft magazine. There were three snowmen lined up across the front with sewn-in sequins, pom-poms, and other knick-knacks as decoration. You sighed defeatedly, “but you’re right.”

Ellie shoved you on the shoulder as she laughed. You loved seeing her this way, carefree and relaxed. Whether it was the false bravado or misconstrued rumors, your impression of Ellie before your friendship began was completely wrong.

In the months since Dina’s window, you’d learned how similar Ellie really was to you. She preferred the quiet; she liked to read, play video games, and have movie nights. You look back on how nervous you were around her and laugh, Ellie was a big dorky sweetheart at her core. Nothing like the sly playboy-like image you had in your head.

You pulled your legs up, turned to face her, and tucked your socked feet under her thigh as you sipped on your drink. The burn in your throat was pleasant. You leaned your side against the back of the couch as you asked her, “have you finished Jane Eyre yet?”

“No! Shit, I’m sorry!” She turned to you with wide, guilty eyes. You laughed against the back of your hand at her expression. “I’ve been meaning to finish it, but I’ve been playing that game I told you about,” her hands flailed as she spoke, “you wouldn’t believe what happened.”

You suddenly focused in on the way her mouth moved as she spoke. The way she pressed them together when she was thinking of a word to use, the way she licked her bottom lip between sentences. She was so enthusiastic when she talked about the things she was interested in, her eyes lighting up with delight.

You realized that you had been tuning out her words as you stared, only catching the last half of her rant. “Is this about your fungus game?” You asked, playing dumb so that you could see the annoyed expression form on her face. 

“I’ll have you know that fungus game is the most emotionally tormenting thing I have ever played in my entire life.” She stated, looking you dead in the eye.

“Oh, I believe you. Remember how you called me crying—”

“No.” Ellie cut in. You laughed into your whiskey as you took another sip.

“I wonder if I’d survive that apocalypse.” You mused out loud and Ellie snorted from beside you.

“Definitely not,” she said confidently, “you’re too sweet, you’d die after ten minutes outside.”

You gave her an offended look. “I am not that sweet, I’m just nice to you because you’re my friend.”

“Yeah, right.” Ellie teased, “you feel guilty after killing spiders.”

“They are an essential part of our ecosystem!” You defended yourself. 

Ellie snickered like she’d won the argument; you opened your mouth to make another point when someone cleared their throat from beside you. That drunk boy you recognized from earlier stood in front of the couch, glancing between the two of you. “Hey.” He greeted.

“Hi?” Ellie responded, the tone of her voice raising into a mocking question.

The boy didn’t deter, “I’m Axel.”

“Okay?” Ellie’s voice became more sarcastic.

He was looking at you when he asked, “do you want another drink?”

You glanced at your nearly-empty glass of whisky and shrugged, “honestly, I’m good, I wasn’t planning on having more than one. Thanks, though.”

“‘Cmon,” Axel smiled broadly at you, “it’s Christmas! Just have one more—”

“She said no, Axel,” Ellie said firmly, “why don’t you fuck off?”

Axel scoffed, his eyes still trained on you, “why do you even hangout with this faggot?”

Before Ellie could get up to put him in his place, before she could even react to his words, you were out of your seat. Ellie could only watch stunned as you punched Axel so hard in his face that he stumbled, dropped his drink, then fell to the floor. There was a lull in the crowd of people as they watched it all unfold, Jesse pushing through the kitchen to see the commotion.

If that wasn’t enough, you stomped towards a man already wounded, rearing your foot back threateningly. That’s when Ellie finally reacted, standing up quickly and grabbing you around the waist to pull you away as you screamed, “don’t you ever use that word you limp-dick, good-for-nothing—”

“Whoa, whoa!” Jesse held his hands up, trying to calm you down. “What the hell is going on?”

“Get him outta here, Jesse!” You growled, fuming, “get him out or he’ll have two black eyes!”

Ellie hadn’t removed her arm from around you yet, watching as Jesse pulled the boy up and walked him to the front door. She released you when the door closed. Dina approached, grabbing your face between her hands. “You okay?” She asked, watching as you took quick, aggravated breaths.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said sternly, wiping at the angry tears forming in your eyes. “He called Ellie a—” you send a sidelong glance at Ellie, whose gaze hadn’t left your face during the entire altercation.

“We’re okay, Dee,” Ellie soothed, “he was just being an asshole.”

Dina nodded, looking between the two of you. You huffed, lurching towards the coat rack to grab your jacket and shoes. “Need some air.” You informed everyone before stepping out the back door.

The frigid winter air nipped at your nose as you huffed breaths into the night. Your fists were clenching and unclenching, the buzz of adrenaline still in your ears. Ellie stepped out not five minutes later, dressed in her boots and jacket.

“Hey…” she began cautiously. But you threw all caution to the wind.

“Aren’t you sick of it all?” You asked angrily, turning to look at the side of her face. Your implication goes unsaid. The rumors, the homophobia, the name calling.

“I mean, yeah, but what am I gonna do?” Ellie shrugged, unperturbed. “I can’t control anyone's actions, only my own. I choose to ignore it.” Then she smiled at you, tilting her head towards the grassy lawn, “‘cmere.” She grabbed your hand and a blanket off the back of a chair and pulled you away from the porch.

Ellie spread the blanket out in the middle of Dina’s yard, sitting on top of it and motioning for you to join her. You sighed, obliging. Your shoulders touched when you situated yourself next to her, laying down flat on your backs.

It was quiet for a few moments, then you saw it. A streak of white light flashed across the sky and you gasped; one hand jumping up and pointing to where the burning asteroid just was, the other grabbing her forearm. “A shooting star!”

When you turned your head to see if Ellie had caught it too, she was already looking at you. “Make a wish,” she said softly, her eyes just as tender as her voice.

You dropped your arm and the fingers on your other hand trailed down her forearm to lace her fingers within yours. You smiled, bad mood completely forgotten. “I wish I could see your face again when you realized I wasn’t as sweet as you thought I was.”

Ellie’s astonished expression made you giggle and squeeze her hand. “I can’t believe you.” She said earnestly, turning back to look at the stars.

“I know, I’m full of surprises.” You said cockily, proud that you threw her off so much that she hadn’t been able to come up with a single sarcastic comment. She laughed freely into the crisp night air, you watched her breaths condense and then evaporate.

An overwhelming feeling overcame you, something like endearment or adoration. “I’m so glad you’re here.” You whispered, just loud enough so she could hear you. You weren’t sure if “here” meant “here in this moment” or “here on planet Earth”, but Ellie didn’t seem to care.

She squeezed your hand back, “I’m glad you’re here, too.”

© planetveensz 2024

[aikastales]

burnout (jk)

𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: jeon jungkook asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend in order to get back at his ex-girlfriend. however, you soon realize his true intentions.

𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀: bball player!jungkook x student journalist fem!reader

𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖾𝗌: yandere, dark romance, slow burn

total word count: 10k

PART ONE

Why was Jeon Jungkook at the Communications building? 

He had a red and white leather jacket on top of a white shirt, jeans, and his black combat boots. His long hair was a mess, which you guessed was due to his helmet, and when he saw you walking down the steps of the building, he perked up, smiled, and waved at you. 

At first, you weren’t even sure if it was you he was waving at, so you were a bit stunned, and looked over your shoulder. But then, you heard your name called by him. You and Jungkook were not friends. Sure, you exchanged friendly nods at each other whenever your paths would cross, but that was the end of it. In fact, the only reason why you even exchanged those friendly nods was because of Taehyung—your cousin who also happened to be his best friend since preschool. If it wasn’t for him, you and Jungkook would just pass by each other without so much as a glance. 

And so, it was only natural that you were confused and surprised when you saw him leaning against his motorcycle in front of your college’s building, apparently waiting for you. 

“Y/N, hey,” Jungkook greeted with a smile on his handsome face once he was near you. 

Still confused, you returned the smile, adjusting the strap of your backpack hanging over your shoulder. “Hi, Jungkook. Is everything okay?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, everything is—everything’s fine,” he said. Then, he cleared his throat. “Do you have time like right now? My treat.” He asked, his doe eyes piercing into yours. 

You could not believe what you just heard. “What?” Was all you could reply. 

Jungkook chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his gloved hand. “I know. It’s a shock, right? Believe me, I am too, but I just really need to talk to you about something. I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t so important.” 

“Is it about Taehyung? Is he okay? Did he get into trouble?” You asked, alert. It was the only logical answer why Jungkook waited for you and why he wanted to talk to you. Taehyung was the only person connecting the both of you. 

Jungkook shook his head. “No, no, it’s not about Taehyung, but he’s fine. He’s in his class right now. Look,” he sighed deeply, licking his lower lip with the tip of his tongue before staring at you once more. “Yiseul, I just really need to talk to you. In private.”

You debated whether to go with him or not. This was Jeon Jungkook. Despite his tattoos, broad shoulders, piercings, and big bike—he was harmless. He was your cousin’s best friend, and even though you two weren’t friends, he looked like he needed one at the moment. Besides, you wouldn’t deny that a part of you wasn’t curious as to why he needed to talk to you. That and the fact that because you had been in love with him since you met him when you were thirteen, how could you say no to something that you had only imagined in your wildest dreams? 

“Okay. Okay, let’s go,” you agreed, heart beating rapidly. “Where are we going?” 

Jungkook’s smile widened when you agreed. “There’s a basement cafe twenty minutes from here. It’s called Seven.” 

The both of you began making your way towards his motorcycle. “Just how private is this conversation going to be?” you asked supposedly only for yourself, but accidentally, you said it out loud. 

“I guess you already have an idea on how private it needs to be considering the location,” he chuckled. “But don’t worry—I promise you’ll get home in one piece.” 

Jungkook handed you his extra helmet, and you were thankful that you didn’t wear a dress that day. After placing your backpack in front of your chest, you wore the helmet. “Can you give me a hint on what it’s about?” 

You couldn’t help it. You were curious. 

“I remember you always being curious, Y/N. Glad you haven’t changed at all,” Jungkook said, mounting his motorcycle. “In twenty minutes, you’ll know. If you ride now, you’ll know in fifteen minutes.” 

You thought he looked so attractive as he smiled and waited for you on his motorcycle. His smile was so infectious that you couldn’t help but to return it. “Alright, fine,” you say. Then, you mounted his motorcycle, placing your hands on his firm shoulders. 

“Ready?” Jungkook asked, placing his key into the ignition, briefly glancing at you. 

“Yeah, ready,” you replied. He started the engine and you held onto your backpack for dear life. You had seen Jungkook drive his motorcycle before and the only way you could describe it was fast. 

“Alright. Let’s go.” 

Jungkook drove off. 

As promised, fifteen minutes later, you arrived at Seven. It was indeed a basement cafe, secluded from the busy city streets and tucked in between fruit stands and ready-to-wear clothes inside an alley. You were the first to get off his motorcycle, taking your helmet off. Shaking your head, you took in your surroundings while Jungkook took his motorcycle garments off. 

The alley was alive with mostly elderly people buying fruits and high schoolers buying the RTWs. The tangerines stood out due to their bright color against the setting sun. You wondered when and how Jungkook came to know the place, if he frequented it, why he chose this place over all other cafes. 

“Y/N? Let’s go inside?” Jungkook asked, gesturing to you to enter the cafe first. 

You nodded, entering Seven. As a basement cafe, the first thing you noticed were the windows placed near the ceiling. A permanent sepia hue covered the entire establishment due to its yellow orange lights. The walls were painted gray, tables and chairs white. There were only a few tables and chairs, and Jungkook led the way to the one at the very back. 

He pulled the chair out of you which you thanked him for, and you sat down. Jungkook followed afterwards, placing the helmets on the table between the both of you. 

“What do you want?” He asked, pulling his chair closer to the table. 

“Honestly, I’m more curious on why you want to talk to me than have any drinks here,” you told him, placing your backpack on the floor beside your chair. 

Jungkook chuckled, leaning his back against his chair. “Alright. Should I just say it?” 

You nodded. 

“I was hoping that you’ll pretend to be my girlfriend to make Haemin jealous,” Jungkook said so casually that you were completely and utterly stunned. Did you just hear him correctly? Upon seeing your reaction, he continued, “She broke up with me a month ago, and to be honest, I saw it coming already. We were getting into a lot of meaningless fights, always finding faults in one another, and just overall, being toxic to each other. So, when she broke up with me, I did not put up a fight, and just let her be,” Jungkook scoffed, shaking his head lightly. “Then, I learned that she was seeing Han Riyeo, that fucking bastard from Yongsan, behind my back for three months, and I want to get back at her.” 

His explanation did not help you grasp what he just said previously. You were still stunned, but you managed to ask, “Why me?” 

“For reasons I still don’t know, Haemin was always jealous of you,” he confessed.

Now, that was a surprise. “What? You and I barely had any interaction.” 

“I know, but I suspect it’s because you’re there whenever I hang out with Taehyung,” Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, then ran his fingers through his hair. “So? Will you help me, Y/N?” 

“This is pretty childish, don’t you think?” you told him, eyebrows furrowed. 

Jungkook crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll pay you. I know you need the money. Taehyung mentioned you’re saving for the deposit on this apartment you want to rent.” 

You stared at him, trying to find any trace of mischief in his eyes and body language but found none. Jungkook was serious. A part of you knew that the logical answer would be to decline his offer. It was childish, as you had told him. It was a nuisance and it would do nothing but bring problems and complications in your life. Your life was complicated enough, and you didn’t need to add Jeon Jungkook’s fake girlfriend to your list of complications. 

But this was Jeon Jungkook. The person you had been in love with since you were thirteen. The person you supported, cheered on, and loved unconditionally from afar because it was all that you could do. You would be lying if you said that you did not imagine yourself being his girlfriend—going to every game, wearing his jersey, riding his motorcycle, going on dates, taking lots of photos and videos of him, hugging, and even kissing him—because you did, countless times. You would also be lying if you didn’t think that you could love him better than Haemin ever did. 

They said love makes you do crazy things. You didn’t think that applied to you. You loved Jeon Jungkook, and you didn’t think that that love would fade anytime soon. So, even though you knew that this was pretend and paid, you said, “Okay. I’ll do it.” 

After your orders arrived, the both of you continued your conversation. 

“So, how will this work?” you asked, sipping your iced chocolate drink. 

Jungkook put up a finger, chewing the cheeseburger he ordered, and afterwards, he replied, “We act like a couple. Go on dates, post them on social media, and all that.” 

You were never someone who did things half-assed. If you were going to get paid to fake date someone, you might as well go all out. Also, perhaps, a part of you just wanted to make the most out of being Jeon Jungkook’s fake girlfriend. 

“I don’t think that would be enough to make Haemin jealous. If you really want that, we should do the things you either only did with her or promised to do with her,” you pointed out.

Jungkook nodded. “I see. You got a point.” 

“So, what are those things? The things you did for her and the things you promised to do with her?” 

He inhaled deeply, scratching the side of his nose as he thought. “Well, I pick her up everyday. Take her out on picnic dates, study with her, and I go to her recitals.” 

You nodded. “Okay. Then, you should pick me up everyday, take me out on picnic dates, study with me, and well, I don’t really do any recitals.” 

“Alright. I’ll do that,” Jungkook grinned. “As for the things I promised to do with her—the first thing that popped in my mind was that I promised I’ll take her to my brother’s wedding.” 

“We shouldn’t involve our families in this. Me being Taehyung’s cousin is complicated enough,” you remarked. 

“Okay. How about this? We made plans to go out of town during winter break. Do you wanna do that?” 

“Where?” 

“My sister-in-law runs a small resort in Busan. It’s by the beach,” 

You pressed your lips together, nodding. “Okay. That could work.”

“For my part, you have to go to my games. That’s pretty much all you have to do, and of course, the dates.” 

“That’s already a given,” you told him. “I’m assigned to cover your games this season.” 

“Right. You are the News editor of the Times. I’m honored,” Jungkook placed a hand on his chest, bowing his head at you. 

You chuckled, shaking your head. “I have a question.” 

“Go for it.” 

“What will happen when Haemin gets jealous? Will we “break up” and the two of you will get back together?” you asked, cautiously, but also curiously. 

“I have no plans of getting back together with her,” Jungkook answered. “But when she finally gets jealous and tells me about it, then revenge is served. I guess then we’ll break up. But don’t worry, I’ll pay you handsomely every time so you could move into that apartment of yours. It’s the least I could do after you agreed to do this with me.” 

It shouldn’t have stung the way it did. After all, this was only paid and pretend, but it did. 

“Alright,” you said. “We should shake hands on it.” 

You extended your hand toward him and Jungkook sealed the deal with his firm handshake. “Starting today, you’re my girl, Y/N.” 

You would be the first to admit that looking after Kim Taehyung was something you did out of debt of gratitude toward his parents. After your father passed away when you were only eleven years old, your mother couldn’t afford to send you to school, so his parents financed your education since then and until now that you were in college. You lived with Taehyung at the condominium they bought for him near the university and since you were on scholarship through your membership at the official student publication of Jamsil University, The Jamsil Times, they only paid for your miscellaneous fees every semester. 

Because of these, you felt like Taehyung was your responsibility. You had to take care of him, look after him, tutor him, make sure he did all his school work, attend his classes, and be there every time he asked you to. It felt like when it came to him and his parents, you couldn’t say no because if you did, you could easily lose your housing and education.

It didn’t help that Taehyung seemed to attract trouble wherever he was. He even gained a nickname for it in high school which followed him in college, “Trouble Taehyung.” You couldn’t remember the times you apologized on his behalf, woke up in the middle of the night from a call from one of his so-called friends asking if you could pick him up as he was drunk and bruised, and ensured none of his troubles reached his parents. 

Tonight was no different. 

You woke up from the sound of your phone vibrating against your desk. You didn’t realize that you had fallen asleep, studying for your upcoming midterms exam, and when you woke up, you could feel the soreness of your neck and lower back. With one eye open, your vision adjusted to the bright light coming from your phone, and saw Park Jimin’s name flashing on your screen. Immediately, you knew why he was calling you. There could only be one reason: Kim Taehyung. 

“Hello?” your voice was hoarse, groggy from your slumber. 

“Y/N? I’m sorry I woke you up, didn’t I? It’s—,” 

“Taehyung, I know. What happened this time?” you sighed deeply, rubbing your face with your free hand. “Where are you guys?” 

“He got into an argument with this guy, and well, it led to a fight. He’s bruised, bleeding, but he refuses to go to a hospital, but—,” 

“Hey! Is that Y/N? I told you not to call her, Park Jimin!” you could hear Taehyung’s voice in the background which made you sigh once more. Moments later, it was Taehyung who was on the call with you. “Y/N, sorry. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Jimin’s just a worry wart.” 

“Taehyung,” you were tired and it was evident in your tone. “Go to the hospital if you’re bleeding. It might get infected.” 

“I can’t,” he replied. “Mom is going to find out. It’s a small world, you know that,” his tone was low, cautious, as though he did not want anyone else hearing him. “I’m fine. I’ll put on some ointment and band-aid and I’m good.” 

You wished you didn’t give a shit about him. But you did. Whether it was out of debt of gratitude or not, you wouldn’t be able to sleep if you didn’t help him. Perhaps, you had gotten so used to it that it had become a part of you already, like a hobby, like a memory. 

“Where are you, Taehyung?” 

“Y/N, seriously, I’m—,” 

“Taehyung, just tell me where you are,” your patience was wearing thin and Taehyung knew that. 

“We’re at Jungkook’s apartment,” he muttered. 

Even the mention of his name was enough for the butterflies in your stomach to go crazy. Even by just hearing his name, your irritation seemed to slowly fade away. 

“Okay. I’ll be there in a while. I’m gonna use your car, okay?” 

“Okay. Y/N, I’m sorry,” Taehyung apologized and you could hear his sincerity. 

“Don’t be,” you told him as you stood up from your chair. “See you. I’ll hang up now.” 

Just how deep does blood run? 

You were at Jungkook’s apartment minutes later, thanks to no traffic and him only living fifteen minutes from Taehyung’s condominium. When you rang the bell to his unit, you already expected that he would be the one to answer the door. You just didn’t expect that he would be wearing gray sweatpants and a white loose muscle tee showing off his toned tattooed arm. Seeing him in that light, you couldn’t help but feel more attracted to him. Jungkook was truly a sight to see. 

“Hey,” he greeted you with a smile. “Come inside.” 

“Thanks,” you told him, entering his apartment. It was simple, neat, and smelled of vanilla. You took off your shoes by the doorway, placing a hand on the wall beside you. “Where’s Taehyung?” 

“Kitchen,” he replied behind you. “Y/N,” his hot breath fanned over your exposed neck, making you shiver. “I’ll linger around you, alright? That way, they could get a hint that something’s going on with us. Is that okay?” he whispered. 

His low tone was simply mesmerizing. “Okay,” you breathed out. Thank god you had your hand on that wall otherwise you would have literally fallen. 

“Okay,” he chuckled, and led the way to the kitchen. 

“Y/N!” Taehyung exclaimed when he saw you. He was sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen island while Jimin looked through the refrigerator. 

You gave him a tight-lipped smile and made your way toward him, placing the plastic bag you hand in your hand on the counter beside you. Taehyung jumped off the stool he was sitting on, instantly giving you a squeezing hug. He was always an affectionate boy growing up. You weren’t so you found it uncomfortable at first. But the more Taehyung did it, you got used to it. 

“Let me see your bruise,” you guided him back to the stool, and began taking out the first aid you bought along the way. The bruise wasn’t as serious as you thought it would be. You were expecting that he would have a black eye, a deep cut that would need stitches, but it was manageable by you. Jimin was overreacting, you concluded. “What happened? How did you get this?” 

As you began to clean the cut on Taehyung’s cheek, Jimin sat down across from your cousin while Jungkook made his way near you. 

“One minute I was dancing next to some girl, the next, her boyfriend landed a punch on my face. I didn’t know she had a boyfriend—she told me she was single,” Taehyung explained. 

“Didn’t know my ass,” Jimin scoffed. “Everyone knows Heejin is with Taemin. Everyone also knows that Taemin’s a crazy jealous bastard. You were just looking for trouble, as always.” 

“I was not,” your cousin retorted, throwing the medical tape you bought at his friend. 

You clicked your tongue in annoyance. “Stop it, you two,” you hissed, pressing the cotton ball a bit harder against Taehyung’s bruise. He winced. “Is that true?” you asked him. 

Taehyung didn’t answer. You sighed. 

“You knew it was wrong, and yet, you did it anyway knowing it’ll just get you in trouble,” you muttered. “Why did you do it?” 

Taehyung sighed deeply. “Because Taemin’s a piece of shit.” 

“You’re also a piece of shit,” Jimin snorted. “Both of you are the biggest pieces of shit at Jamsil.” 

“Do you wanna get punched?” 

“Let’s go right now,” 

“Hey, stop it. You’re so fucking loud,” Jungkook reprimands the two bickering men. “You already woke me up from my sleep by going here. Don’t wake up the entire fucking building.” 

Moments later, you finished tending to Taehyung’s cut. “All done. Come on, let’s go home.” 

Taehyun didn’t protest. You began to clean up your mess, placing everything back into the plastic bag. Silence filled Jungkook’s kitchen. The three of you weren’t close so there were no conversations where all of you could participate. 

“Let’s go,” you bowed your head at Jimin as a farewell which he returned. Then, your eye caught Jungkook’s gaze. You weren’t sure what to do. Fortunately, Jungkook was quick-witted. 

“I’ll walk you guys out,” he said coolly, pushing himself off of the sink he was leaning against. 

“No need. Just go back to sleep. Thanks for letting us in,” Taehyung shook his head, patting his best friend’s shoulder as he passed by him. 

“I insist,” Jungkook responded. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” Jimin asked Jungkook as he made his way out of the kitchen. 

“Yeah sure,” 

You followed Jungkook and Taehyung out of the former’s apartment. As you and your cousin slipped on your shoes, Jungkook waited outside his apartment. 

“Are you mad at me?” Taehyung asked, meeting your gaze. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

“I’m not mad at you,” you assured him. “But you have to stop involving and getting yourself into trouble, Tae. Sooner or later, you’ll end up getting really hurt.” 

“I will, I promise,” he smiled at you and you nodded, exiting the apartment. 

The three of you walked down the hallway; the two boys walking on your sides. You weren’t sure if Jungkook was consciously doing it, but it was making your heart pound. Whenever your fingers brushed against his, there was an electric shock that flew through your body. And as you reached the end of the hallway and in front of the elevator, and when the doors opened, Jungkook placed his hand at your lower back, gesturing you to enter the lift first. 

You looked at him, and there was a knowing smile plastered on his face that made you blush. “After you,” he said. 

You were fucking lovestruck. 

Championships cast a spell in your school. Jamsil University’s premier sport was basketball and with an all-star lineup this year—it was not even up for discussion that your university would be one of the teams playing out to become this year’s champions.

To say the least, sports were not your thing. While you understood the basics, it wasn’t something you were interested in. Your father had enrolled you in a tennis class once but after witnessing how, simply out, awful you are at the sports, he dropped the ‘I want my daughter to be athletic’ narrative he was going for. That being said, you rarely attended any of the games Jamsil athletes participated in. But seeing as you were assigned to cover the basketball games this season, you had no other choice. Besides, your “boyfriend” was playing. 

That’s how you found yourself at the gym of Jamsil, stressed as you took pictures and typed down the game on your phone. Frustrated, you sat on the bench behind you as the bell rang, signaling the end of the first half. As you read the draft on your notepad, you shook your head at the numerous times you used the word ‘tackle’—in your defense, it was all that you could see during the game. It was a particularly brutal game which made you wonder, was the game something more personal for the players? You only heard rumors, after all.

With a sigh, you made a mental note to fix the notes once you’re home. Standing up, you placed the phone inside your jeans’ back pocket and readied the Times’ camera to capture the ‘Half-time huddle’ that Bang Chan, the Sports Editor, had specifically asked you to take. As you made your way towards the basketball team, you took some shots of the audience as well as the Jamsil’s Cheerleading Team performing in the middle of the court. The blaring music and loud cheers from both schools as the cheerleaders performed filled the entire gymnasium, unconsciously making you smile. It was not everyday that you saw some sort of unity at your uni.

You focused your camera on the huddled team of Jamsil but dissatisfied, you tried another angle. Bang Chan’s words play in your mind: “The half-time huddle is one of the most important shots during these games, Y/N. The play they’re setting up will either make them or break them. Make sure you capture it.”

Then, the idea hit you. You hurriedly made your way on the other side of the team, hearing Coach Song’s booming voice telling his players the game even with all the screaming and cheers. You moved the towels and water bottles on the bench aside, then you stepped on it and placed the camera above the huddled team. Smiling, you knew you found the perfect angle. Making sure that the camera was focused, you inhaled deeply and as you were about to click the shutter button—a face turned to face the lens and a gasp escaped your lips, shocked and you felt yourself losing balance. Bracing for impact, you clutched the camera tightly against your chest and closed your eyes with one thing in mind: If this breaks, I am so screwed.

It felt like eternity as you waited for the impact. Opening your eyes, you see a pair of round brown eyes, staring at you in concern, eyebrows furrowed. Your breath hitched in your throat as realization hit you. Around your waist, you felt strong arms supporting you; hot breath fanned your face and you felt something liquid dripping on your forehead.

“Y/N, are you okay?” When he spoke, you immediately snapped back to reality and you wriggled yourself out of his grip—flustered and ground-swallow-me-up embarrassed. Your cheeks were burning as you collected yourself. “Y/N?”

It was as if the entire gymnasium had their focus on you and Jungkook. 

“Jeon, what the fuck, get back here,” Coach Song hissed.

Fuck me, you thought as you cleared your throat. “Thanks,” you whispered to him. 

Jungkook smiled—the boyishly charming smile that made you fall in love with him all those years ago. Then, he did something that made you fall in love with him all over again. 

“Wish me luck, babe,” Jungkook said before wrapping his tattooed arm around your waist and placing a kiss on your cheek. “The game’s on, Y/N. No turning back now.” 

You wished this was real. His kiss was real. But even if it wasn’t, indeed, there was no turning back now. The game had begun. 

PART TWO

As predicted and expected, Jamsil won the championship. But instead of the student body celebrating the fourth championship in a row, apparently, the majority could only talk about you and Jungkook—specifically the kiss he gave you on the cheek. You had expected this, of course. After all, Jeon Jungkook was Jamsil University’s golden boy. He was popular, smart, and overall, an exemplary student who not only excelled in his sports, but in his academics as well. Moreover, he was also the president of the photography club. 

What you didn’t expect was Taehyung lashing out at you. You expected him to be confused, baffled, in disbelief, but lashing out at you? You were confused, to say the least. Taehyung had never done it before. 

After finishing covering the basketball game, you hurriedly made your way back to the Publication Office. Once there, you took off the camera around your neck, breathing heavily. With both your hands on your table, you hung your head low, squeezing your eyes shut, and letting yourself calm down. It was during this moment that the door at the office swung open and your cousin stepped in. 

You looked at him over your shoulder and for the first time, you saw fury in his eyes. 

“You’re dating Jungkook?” He asked. “Tell me the truth.” 

With your lips pressed tightly, you nodded. Taehyung scoffed, tilting his head to the side, and shaking it in disbelief. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N? You and Jungkook?” He pressed, taking a step towards you. “When did it start? How did it start? Why are you dating him?” 

“I don’t really need to explain myself to you, Taehyung,” you told him. “Especially who I’m dating.” 

“Yes, you do. You need to explain that to me,” he retorted. 

“Why? Why do I need to explain it to you?” 

“Because you’re dating my fucking best friend and you’re my cousin!” He exclaimed, catching you off guard as you flinched. When he saw this, Taehyung’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you. I just—I don’t get it.” 

“What don’t you get?” you asked, turning to completely face him. “Why someone like me is with someone like him?” 

“Y/N, that’s not what I mean,” Taehyung sighed deeply. “I just feel like—like the two most important people in my life betrayed me.” 

You exhaled deeply. In a way, you could understand him. You could understand where he was coming from. But before you could respond, Jungkook appeared by the doorway of the office. 

“Don’t get mad at her, Tae, it’s my fault for not telling you first,” Jungkook said. He was still in his jersey, covered in sweat, and one hand holding a bottle of red Gatorade. There was a towel hanging around his neck. He walked towards you, and when he stood beside you, he held your hand. “I’m sorry if you feel like we betrayed you. We just wanted to find the right time to tell you.” 

“Right time,” Taehyung scoffed once more. “It didn’t look like it when you kissed her.” 

Jungkook squeezed your hand. It sent a jolt throughout your body. “What was I supposed to do? My girlfriend was there,” Jungkook’s response only riled Taehyung more. Upon seeing this, the basketball player said, “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. But there’s nothing you could do or say that could make us break up, Tae. I’m sorry but you’re just gonna have to deal with it.” 

“Can you fucking leave? I need to talk to Y/N privately,” Taehyung hissed, rolling his eyes. 

This time, you cut Jungkook before he could reply. “It’s okay, Jungkook. I’ll see you after.” You looked at your fake boyfriend, smiling at him. 

Jungkook looked like he didn’t want to leave so you squeezed his hand. He clicked his tongue, sighing. “I’ll change and meet you outside the building.” It wasn’t a question but a statement. 

You nodded and once again, he pressed his lips against your cheek, making you blush but now, out of embarrassment because your cousin was literally in front of you. Taehyung groaned, throwing his head back. “Leave, Jeon Jungkook!” He exclaimed, pulling him off of you. 

Jungkook chuckled before making his way out of the office. 

Once he was out of earshot, Taehyung stepped closer towards you. “Y/N, you’re right—who you date is not something I should mind or dictate. But you’re my cousin and I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt. Jungkook—he’s my best friend in the world and has been since we were little. I know him. So, the two of you together—I just can’t accept it.” 

You didn’t know why you were feeling angry as the seconds passed. “We’re not asking for your blessing, Taehyung.” 

“Y/N, you don’t understand. Jungkook may be charming and all that goody two shoes shit in front of everyone, but he’s trouble. You’re only setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartbreak,” your cousin shook his head. “Please. Date whoever you want; not just Jungkook.” 

“I made up my mind, Tae,” you said, shaking your head. “I want to be with him and you can’t do anything about it. I’m gonna go home. I’m tired and exhausted. I know you’ll be going to the afterparty so please don’t get yourself into trouble. Take care, Tae.” 

“Y/N,” he called out but you didn’t respond anymore. You just packed up your things. “Y/N, please.” 

“See you at home, Tae,” you gave him a small smile before leaving the office. 

Why was he so adamant that you don’t date Jeon Jungkook? This question popped in your head as you were making your way out of the Communications building. But you erased it in your mind—Taehyung was just shocked, probably weirded out too that his best friend and cousin were dating. 

Why is he trouble? Another question propped in your mind. 

You sighed deeply. All these questions would be answered when you meet with Jungkook as you made a mental note to ask him. For now, you just wanted to rest. 

The buzzing sound of your phone vibrating against your desk woke you up from your slumber. With a groan, you sat up, stretching your arms wide, cracking your neck, and letting out a relieved sigh. You didn’t know when you fell asleep, but the last thing you remembered was fixing your planner. When you looked at the caller ID, Jungkook’s name flashed on the screen. For a moment, you were confused why he was calling you, and then it hit you. 

I’ll change and meet you outside the building. 

You quickly answered the call. “Jungkook, hey.” 

“Y/N, are you okay? I waited for you outside the Comm building, but Taehyung said you went home. I’ve been trying to reach you,” Jungkook sounded concerned, in contrast to the sound of cheering and music in the background. He must have been at the afterparty already, you concluded. 

“I’m okay,” you assured him. “I’m sorry. I was just tired so I went home. Are you at the afterparty?” 

“Yeah,” he replied. “The guys dragged me to it, but it’s not really fun. Or maybe I’m just not in the mood. I’m glad you’re okay though. I was worried.” 

Your heart fluttered yet again. 

“I’m okay. Have fun at the afterparty,” you said, rubbing your eye with your knuckle. 

“Y/N, I was hoping you could come tonight, here, at the afterparty, and start our agreement.” 

Just like that, you were reminded of reality. 

“Oh,” you replied, hoping you didn’t sound disappointed. “Um, I don’t know where that is.” 

It was common knowledge that invitations for after parties at Jamsil for championships were only through word of mouth. Not everyone was invited. The only reason you knew of the location of the last three after parties were because of, again, your cousin Taehyung. 

“It’s okay, I’ll come pick you up.” 

“I don’t know what I should wear. I don’t go to a lot of parties,” you said, playing with the loose thread on the hem of the shirt you were wearing. It was a habit of yours whenever you were nervous—you needed to play with something whether it was your necklace, earrings, rings, sleeves, etcetera. 

“It doesn’t matter. You look good in everything, Y/N. I’m serious,” Jungkook responded. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, okay? Don’t worry too much about what to wear. Just wear what’s comfortable.” 

“Okay. Drive safely, Jungkook.” 

When the phone call ended, you were reminded of what tonight would be, and gone were the worries about what you should wear. Tonight was going to be the night you were going to officially begin helping Jungkook take his revenge on Haemin. You felt like throwing up. 

You were hit by the reality, once again, of what this agreement was about. Jungkook wasn’t being sweet to you because he wanted to but because he needed to. He wasn’t inviting you to the afterparty because he wanted to but because he needed to. He was only talking to you because he was paying you. It was time for you to take things at face value. With that in mind, you began to change. 

True to his word, Jungkook arrived fifteen minutes later. It was a whiplash when you saw him at the door, waiting for you instead of your cousin. Wearing a white Calvin Klein shirt tucked under his washed jeans, black combat boots, and his curly hair parted in the middle, he was nothing short of beauty even in the simplicity of his attire. In one hand, he was clutching a denim jacket. 

“Hey,” he greeted as soon as you opened the door. “You look great, Y/N.” 

You suppressed the urge to smile and just nodded. Stepping outside of Taehyung’s condominium unit, you avoided his gaze. “Let’s go.” 

“Is everything okay?” he asked. 

You nodded, clutching the strap of your messenger bag. “Everything’s fine. Let’s just go. Where’s the afterparty anyway?” 

“Y/N,” Jungkook’s hand found its way gently around your wrist, stopping you on your tracks. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong, Jungkook. I just really wanna get over this,” you said with a sigh. 

“I don’t believe you,” he pointed out, still holding onto your wrist. “We don’t have to go to the afterparty if you don’t want to.” 

“No, let’s go. Otherwise, how will you make Haemin jealous?” you stated, plastering a smile on your face even though you were anything but happy. “The sooner she gets jealous, the sooner she will want to be with you again, and the sooner I’ll get my deposit, and move out from here. The sooner everyone wins.” 

There was an indescribable expression on Jungkook’s face. Although his grip on your wrist remained gentle, you could feel the tension brewing between the both of you. 

“You’re right,” he muttered after a while. “Let’s get this over with.” 

As expected, the afterparty was at a club. You hadn’t been to one but it was exactly as you expected a club to be. Packed with dancing college students, drinks everywhere, smoke in the air, suffocating you the moment you entered the establishment, blinding red, blue, green lights, and booming EDM and Top 40 hits songs blasting on the speakers. Jungkook led the way, holding your hand tightly, and you held his just as tight. You didn’t know where he was taking you, but you guessed that it was where Haemin would be. After all, she was the reason why you were here. 

So, it was a surprise when you passed by her and her friends, and toward the staircase. 

“Jungkook! Where are we going?!” you yelled over the loud music. . 

Jungkook didn’t respond, but you knew that he heard you because he pulled you closer to him. And you let him lead you because it was him. You’d let him lead you anywhere if it meant being this close to him. Because no matter what you tell yourself—that this was all fake and pretend and paid—a part of you would always, always believe that he, in some way, reciprocated your feelings sincerely. 

Jungkook passed by the people greeting him along the way until, finally, you reached the empty rooftop. Overlooking the city and its skylines, it was simply breathtaking. There were only broken benches, bottles of beers and discarded cigarette buds on the rooftop along with cracked pots of withered flowers. Here, Jungkook let go of your hand, reached for something from his denim jacket’s pocket—a pack of cigarette and lighter—and offered it to you. 

“I don’t smoke,” you simply stated. It was news to you that he smoked. You knew athletes were forbidden due to health reasons, but you weren’t also naive that you didn’t think some did. 

He nodded, picked one from the box, placed it in between his lips, lit it up, and began to smoke. You took a deep breath, and made your way toward the edge of the rooftop. Moments later, Jungkook was beside you. 

“Tell me something I don’t know about you,” he said, the smell of cigarette strong, making you nauseous. But you didn’t tell him that. 

You thought hard. Jungkook knew nothing about you besides being Taehyung’s cousin. It shouldn’t be that hard but it was, for some reason. And so, you said, “There’s really not much that you should know.” 

To which he replied, “Oh, come on, there must be something,” He nudged your side slightly, letting out a chuckle as he took a long drag. “Don’t think too hard. Just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.” 

And so, you did. Before you knew it, you said, “I haven’t had my first kiss yet.” 

“Seriously?” Jungkook asked, but it wasn’t in the disgusted, you’re-in-your-twenties-and-yet-you-haven’t-kissed-somebody kind of way. It was more of a genuine shock. Like it was the hardest thing in the world to believe in.  

You chuckled, nodding. “I don’t know. I just feel weird about it.” 

“But were there any instances where you came close to kissing somebody?” he pressed, flicking his cigarette. 

“Of course, but when it came to it, I just couldn’t. It just didn’t feel…” you trailed off, unsure of what the right word was. 

“Right?” Jungkook suggested and you nodded. “I see.” 

“How about you?” you asked. “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” 

“I want to be somebody’s first kiss, and that somebody happens to be you.” 

He was the only one who could do it—cause your heart to do somersaults inside you while also making it beat so fast that you were afraid he would hear it. It was the way he stared at you at that moment, eyes flickering from your eyes which reflected the cityscape below you and the smoke from his cigarette to your parted lips, unsure of what to say from his revelation. 

“Do you think it’d feel right if I kiss you, Y/N?” 

And like always, your mind and heart screamed: this was Jungkook. Who else would you want to be your first kiss? Since you were thirteen, you had been in love with him. You only imagined this in your head, in your wildest dreams. 

And so, you nodded, afraid that if you spoke, no words would leave. 

Jungkook nodded too, and he crushed his cigarette on top of the edge of the rooftop. He stepped towards you, cupped your face, and for a moment, the world stood still. Closing your eyes, you waited for his lips to crash onto yours. 

And when it finally did, it was nothing that you had ever imagined. 

No sparks. 

No fireworks. 

It was simple, mundane, ordinary—it was a kiss. 

You held onto Jungkook’s wrists as he deepened the kiss, and yet, there were still none of the romantic aspects that you thought would happen during your first kiss. Even when Jungkook moved his hands from your face and around your waist, nothing. It tasted so bitter due to the mix of nicotine and beer that he had. 

But you didn’t mind. You were kissing Jeon Jungkook, your fake boyfriend, at a party, where all his peers were. And for that, your first kiss was still memorable. 

Oh, how Jeon Jungkook twisted your world. 

PART THREE

You had no recollection whatsoever of what happened last night; much less how you got back to your shared condominium unit with Taehyung. But if you were to guess, your cousin probably brought you home as you vaguely remembered him being at the afterparty—much to his chagrin that you came with his best friend. Other moments were like missing puzzle pieces. You only remembered flashes, and you groaned when you felt the throbbing in your temple became stronger. 

Usually, you could hold your liquor better than this. In fact, this was the first time, in a long while, that you could remember having a hangover. Your mother was your drinking buddy—started drinking with you when you were a junior in high school, and although she shouldn’t have done that, you didn’t mind. Your mother was a great mother. Your mother was your best friend. Your mother was a great parent. Yes, she had her shortcomings, but who didn’t? Certainly not you. You remembered the first time she asked you to try Soju, and subconsciously, it brought a smile to your face, and a low chuckle to escape your lips. You made a mental note to text her later.  

As you left your bed, there was a knock on your bedroom door. Knowing it was your cousin, you told him to come in while you fixed your bed, and looked for your phone in the process. 

“Your phone’s in your bag,” Taehyung muttered as he stepped inside your room, and leaned against the wall of the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. “I brought you home too. Jungkook wanted to, but he rode a motorcycle, and you were wasted. It wasn’t safe.” 

You nodded in understanding. You figured out that much. Like what Taehyung said, your phone was indeed inside your bag. Quickly, you unlocked it, and checked your notifications. Some were just annoying spam emails, app notifications, and automated messages from your SIM provider, but there was one message that made your heart beat quickly due to panic that you didn’t even notice Jungkook’s message. 

“Y/N, I need to talk to you,” Taehyung said. 

“We will talk, but not right now, I’m late for my tutoring session, Tae,” you hurriedly told him as you texted your tutee that you would be late, but that you would come since it was his midterms next week. 

“Y/N, I’m serious. I still don’t approve of you and Jungkook dating.” 

You should have expected this. In the years you spent with Taehyung, you should have known that he wasn’t the type of person who could accept “no” as an answer, and not getting what he wanted when and if he wanted it. You thought it only applied to everything else in his life; apparently, it also applied to your dating life. 

“Taehyung, haven’t we gotten over this? Who I date is not yours to dictate,” you shook your head, sighing deeply as you gathered everything you needed for your quick shower. You were definitely not going to attend your tutoring session dressed from last night, and smelling like beer and nicotine. 

“Jungkook’s a piece of shit as a boyfriend, Y/N. He’s crazy possessive and he gets so fucking jealous. His charming persona is just that—a persona. I don’t want you to get hurt by him, Y/N, please.” 

The desperation in his voice was evidently obvious. When you looked at him, you were unsure of what to say. How could he say that to his own best friend? 

“If he’s like that—,” 

“He is like that,” 

“Then why are you still friends with him?” you asked, pointedly. When Taehyung couldn’t give you an answer, you nodded. “Right. I thought so. I’m going now, Tae. This conversation is over.” 

When you arrived at Jamsil’s library, you were forty five minutes late to your session with Yang Jungwon, a freshman from your program, Journalism with a major in Investigative Reporting. You found him in your usual spot, writing away on his yellow pad while nodding his head along the music he was listening to. Inhaling deeply, you made your way toward him. When you were finally near him, you tapped on his shoulder, causing him to jump a little, but when he saw you—his deep dimpled smile appeared on his face. 

Yang Jungwon was like the little brother you never had but wished you had. You felt bad for thinking that way because you had Taehyung, but as stated, looking after him felt more like a responsibility you had no other choice but to take upon. With Jungwon, even though you were paid to help him with his studies, it never felt like a responsibility to you. You enjoyed spending time with him, helping him out, and sometimes, if the conversation steered into the direction, you enjoyed your deep and meaningful conversations with him. 

You smiled back at him, and took the seat beside him, sitting on it. “I’m so sorry I’m late, Jungwon. You can tell your mom that she doesn’t need to pay me for this session.” 

He shook his head. “No, noona. It’s okay. I didn’t mind the waiting. I got to use it to answer your mock tests.” 

“Really? Let me see. What did you answer first?” you asked, taking your messenger bag off of your shoulder, placing it on the table. 

“The Contemp—,” Jungwon began to say, but then he stopped, which caused you to tear your gaze away from the mock test in your hands, and to your tutee. You followed his gaze, and to your surprise, you saw Jungkook sitting across from you and Jungwon with a gentle smile on his face. He had his lip ring on—it was the first thing you noticed about him that day. 

“Jungkook, what are you doing here?” you asked, swallowing the lump in your throat. Why did it feel like you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do? Why did you suddenly feel anxious? 

Taehyung’s words rang in your ears: He’s crazy possessive. His charming persona is just that—a persona. 

Was all of it true? Was that the reason why he was here? Because you were with another guy? 

“I guess you didn’t read my message, babe,” he chuckled. “I told you not to buy lunch anymore because I cooked some for you. Here, you can share it with your friend…” he trailed off, politely smiling at Jungwon. 

“H-Hello, I’m Yang Jungwon,” Jungwon stammered, starstruck that Jamsil’s golden boy was talking to him. 

“Hello, Jungwon. It’s nice to meet you. You can just call me hyung,” Jungkook turned to you. “I’ll get going now, okay?” He pushed the lunch box towards you. “Eat. There’s hangover soup in there too.” 

You gave him a look to which he grinned at. “Ah, don’t worry, Jungwon. She can tutor you even though she’s dr—,” 

“Okay, thank you, Jeon Jungkook,” you interrupted him, making his grin wider. You shook your head at him, but you couldn’t hide the blush coating your cheeks from his sweet gesture. Then, you wondered, as Jungkook took his leave, did he do the same thing to Haemin? 

“I didn’t know you and Jeon Jungkook hyung are dating,” Jungwon brought you out of your trance, gaze finally now upon him rather than the absent figure of Jungkook. 

“Yeah, it just happened,” you said to him. “But come on, let’s focus on your mock tests.” 

Yet despite saying that, you were the one who couldn’t focus because the only thing in your mind was: how did Jungkook know you were at the library? 

Taehyung’s words plagued your mind the entire day. Even while you were working, all you could think about was his words about his best friend. How could he say those things about Jungkook? Someone he’d been best friends with since they were little? Why was he so adamant about you not dating him? Taehyung usually kept a distance from your personal life, not even asking about your mother because he knew of the complicated relationship your family had with his family. So, why was he all over your case now that you were “dating” Jungkook? You couldn’t understand. You couldn’t wrap your head around it. 

Although you confirmed with the library interaction that Jungkook wasn’t the possessive type, seeing as he just walked away after giving you the lunch box, and even let Jungwon call him hyung, there was still that nagging thought in your mind: what if Taehyung’s word held weight? What if they were true? 

You thought about it: if they were true, even when you were only fake dating, would he still be as possessive as Taehyung said he was? What happened for your cousin to even tell you something like that?  

Your thoughts were put on a halt when your manager called for your name. You worked as a part-time waitress at a restaurant called Rado. You used to be a full-time employee, but since you were in your last year of uni, you asked if you could still be employed on a part-time basis, and fortunately, your manager, Han Somin, agreed. 

“Yes, Ms. Han?” you asked as you entered her small office inside the employees’ locker room. 

“Y/N, hi, come inside, I just have something to tell you,” she said, taking her eyeglasses off, and kindly smiling at you. You nodded and did as told. “It’s nothing serious,” she continued, which alleviated the nerves sinking in your bones. “I just wanted to ask if you wanted to be part of this party we’re catering to on Saturday. It’s a listening party for an artist named J-Hope; he released a new album. Maybe you’ve heard of him.” 

You shook your head. “No, Ms. Han. But I’d love to be part of the staff. Where would it be held?” 

“It’ll be held at his label’s function room. I’ll send you the details, alright?” You nodded, then she dismissed you, and went back to work. 

Money had always been a sensitive topic for you. Growing up, you knew that you didn’t have a lot but you were comfortable due to both of your parents’ wages. Your father was a simple office man while your mother had her own small flower shop. They were able to provide for your basic needs and wants but when your father passed away—your mother’s earnings at the flower shop weren’t sustainable. Hence, at an early age, you learned how to look for jobs, and learned the value of money and earning it. Hence, the reason why, besides loving Jungkook all your life, you simply could not half-ass fake dating him because it was innate in you that when you do a job, you give it your hundred percent. 

Part of you wished you didn’t have to worry about your finances. That, like other students at Jamsil, you could have fun and enjoy college life without worrying if you would still have a roof over your head eve though you failed an exam or if you would still be able to eat the next day if you buy a food late at night because you were so hungry that you couldn’t sleep. 

Having money meant having freedom to do all the things that you wanted to do—and you weren’t free. Not yet, anyway, but moving to your own place was a start. That’s why no matter what people say, you would see fake dating Jeon Jungkook through because whether you liked it or not—he was the key to your freedom. 

Saturday rolled around quickly. Adorned in your Rado’s uniform—a simple white linen long sleeve polo shirt, black slacks, black high heels, and your hair pulled back to show your face—you were already at the label’s function room preparing for the listening party of J-Hope. His music had been playing since you got there and you felt yourself being immersed and vibing to it that you made a mental note to check his other songs out afterwards. 

You were in charge of the food and drinks. Ms. Han was also present to supervise and with you was your co-worker, Kang Seulgi, and Kim Hanbin. It was an intimate type of party; hence, the small group of staff and catering. 

“I wonder who we’ll see here,” Seulgi told you as she placed the food fingers on the table while you poured drinks into the glasses. 

“I heard it’s just indie artists that J-Hope invited. It’s the target audience for his album, you see,” Hanbin piped in, fixing his necktie. 

“Whoever it is, I’m sure—,” 

“Kim Y/N, it’s nice to see you here,” 

You only heard that voice a couple of times but you wouldn’t mistake it for another. It was ingrained in your mind so deeply. It was the voice of the person you hoped was you for a long time—who got to touch, kiss, hug, care, and love Jeon Jungkook for four years. It was the voice of the person who was Jeon Jungkook’s first love, and most likely still loved. It was the voice of the person that was never going to be you in his life. It was the voice of: 

“Lee Haemin.” 

PART FOUR (a sneak peek)

“Lee Haemin.” 

In one word, she was beautiful. Dressed in a small black dress with thin straps and a pair of black heels, her silky black hair pulled back, showing off her idol-like face, Lee Haemin was just a sight to behold. Smiling at you, she took a step forward. 

“Is it okay if we talk?” she asked. 

As though you were hypnotized, you nodded wordlessly. A part of you already knew what the talk would be, or at least that’s what you thought. Nodding back, Haemin smiled at Seulgi and Hanbin before leading you out of the function room and somewhere more private. She opened a door leading to what seemed like the conference room, and gestured that you enter first so you did. She followed in suit, and you took a short time to look at your surroundings. 

It was all white with an oval table in the middle and black swivel chairs surrounding it. Adjacent to you were the ceiling to floor windows, showcasing the city landscape. Connected at the top was a projector and on the left side was a projector screen. You wondered how Haemin got access to such room, and as though reading your mind, she said: 

“My family owns a stock, if you’re wondering why I got access to this room. We can pretty much use any room in the company.”

Nodding your head, you turned to face her. “I see. That’s great. I didn’t know that.” 

“Not many people do,” she answered. “But that isn’t really why I wanted to talk to you.” 

“I know,” you replied. “You wanna talk about Jeon Jungkook.” 

Haemin smiled. “I heard you’re dating him.” 

“From who? Taehyung?” You knew they were friends. Not exactly close, but they were acquainted due to Jungkook. 

She shook her head. “From Jungkook." Stunned, your mouth parted ways a little. Haemin smiled. "Surprising, I know, but it truly was him who told me that he was with you." 

"Why would he say that to you?" 

"Because he loved me first." 

And it was the truth. The truth hurts but it was the truth nevertheless. You weren't the first person he ever loved, ever had a deep and humane connection with. Everything about your relationship was a lie, a cover up. Theirs was true and real. Jungkook loved Haemin; not you.

Forcing a smile upon your face, you answered, “He loves me now. I don’t see the point of having this conversation, to be honest.”

“No, he doesn’t love you, Y/N. He wants you. Those two things are different,” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Hence, Haemin continued, “Loving someone lights up your world. Wanting someone, now that’s a different thing. To want something is to own it.” 

“And your point? Jungkook wants to own me?” Even your words sent shivers down your spine. You loved Jungkook since you could remember. But did you want him to own you? 

“Yes,” she replied. “Jungkook’s the type of person who gets and gets and gets and never likes to not have what he wants, what he needs. I’m telling you all these because prior to him dating you,” she smiled when she said ‘dating’ as though she knew it was only fake. “He lost me. Now he’s trying to get you to get me back, to own me again. But I don’t want that anymore. I don’t love him anymore. Don’t trap yourself. Get out as early as you can.” 

You didn’t know what to say. So, you did the only thing you could do: walk away. But then Haemin called your name, and you stopped on your tracks, looking at her over your shoulder. “Don’t let love blind you, Y/N. I know you’ve loved him for years, but he’s only going to break you—mind, body, soul.” 

“Thank you for the advice, Haemin,” you told her. “But I didn’t need it. Please respect my relationship with Jungkook. Thank you and enjoy the night away.”

author’s note: hey guys. again, so sorry for deactivating all of a sudden. i know this isn’t much but i hope having a sneak peek into chapter four brought you a bit of joy and excitement. feel free to send me asks regarding burnout and other things. see you in price of freedom next. i’ll be posting it again on tumblr for easy viewing but it’ll also be on hold for the time being. thank you and much love, aika. 

[freakingholland]

“The way to a gal’s heart is through her stomach.” - Jason Todd x fem!reader

A/N: Beep boop another Jason imagine, enjoy cuties <3

Warnings: not proofread, slightly suggestive content, swear words

Summary: Jason Todd is not only a superhero, he’s also a master of tomato soups. (fluff, domestic theme, slightly suggestive content)

Word count: 850 +

If you enjoyed my work: Ko-fi.com/freakingholland

questions/requests/ideas here! - rules here

masterlist (needs a proper update)

my wattpad archive is here

my AO3 archive is here

-

“NOOO, no no no I GOT THIS, SIT DOWN MA’AM” Jay said, waving his hands dramatically as if he was trying to shoo you away from the kitchen.

“Don’t raise your voice at me fucker!” you said snorting with laughter.

“Yes, ma’am BUT SIT DOWN PLEASE-- I GOT THIS LOVE!” Jay tilted his head and waited for your reaction giving you an innocent look.

“PLEASE! I GOT THIS!”

“Okay! Okay I will…” you said with your hands up, slowly turning away from your boyfriend. You were standing in the kitchen. You just got back home from work and were about to start making dinner for the both of you. However, Jason had other plans and was making sure that you wouldn’t lift your finger.

“Soooo, what do we have on the menu chef Todd?” Jason smirked as he saw you folding your arms over your chest and leaning against the counter. He reached for an apron that was hanging near the stove.

His triceps rounded as he moved his hands behind his back to tie it on himself. They were pretty tightly squeezed by a short sleeve of his t-shirt. You were wondering whether he was purposefully flexing just to make you feel a certain way.

“I was thinking of a baked tomato soup. But-- I shall gladly fulfill my significant other’s…” he prolonged.

“-dining desires…as­-- it’s my personal wish to suffice her stomach.” His words made you shake your head with a growing smile. God. This guy’s eloquence is truly admirable. So is his charm. And his warmth despite the hardships that life had thrown at him.

“Sounds good.”

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

“Sweet. Tomato soup it is.”

“How was work?” he continued.

“Could have been better honestly.  Collins had a problem again and decided to throw a fit at the end of the shift. Called in a meeting last minute just to scream his ass of for 20 minutes-- AS IF we could change anything.”

“Monica was late to pick up her son from preschool because of the asshole.” You continued your rant.

“Yeah, Collins has a knack for ruining everyone’s day,” Jay said, shaking his head as he rinsed his hands.

“It’s like the guy feeds off stress.”

“Exactly! And the worst part is, it’s not just me. Everyone’s been feeling it. EVEN Monica, who’s usually so calm, was on the verge of tears today. It’s just not fair.”

“Did she call you?” He asked.

“She texted me when I was entering our building.”

He shook his head no sympathizing with your work story.

“Ugh, I hate that for her. And for you,” Jay said, turning to face you. “You don’t deserve to deal with that crap every day.”

“Thanks,” you replied with a tired smile. “It’s just frustrating. I mean, we’re all trying our best, but Collins seems to think yelling at us is some sort of solution.”

“Man, I don’t know what to say… asshole’s pissing me off.” He licked his lips.

“And how is Jared doing?” Jay continued wanting to change the topic.

“He’s alright as far as I know.” You bit your lower lip.

“You know what? I actually thought about inviting them for dinner some time.” You said shyly.

Jay, still focused on the cutting board, looked up, noticing the slight hesitation in your tone.

“Why are you shying away like that?” he asked, with curiosity and concern in his voice as he turned to face you, pausing his chopping.

“Well, I wanna know-- if you’d have the energy and will to have guests over on your night off…?”

Jay walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He stepped away from the counters to kiss the top of your head as you were mentally supporting him in his cooking, watching from the tall bar stool.

“We can totally think about it, don’t worry about my energy.”

“I—Well I-- just didn’t want to overwhelm you--, you know? I know how hard you’ve been working lately, and I didn’t want to add more to your plate.”

Jay smiled, his eyes full of that familiar warmth that always made you feel at ease.

“I get it, and I really appreciate you looking out for me like that.”

“But honestly-- having them over might be just what we need. A break from the usual, a chance to relax, catch up with some good friends, and just enjoy each other’s company. It could be a lot of fun.” He continued.

„Plus, it would be a great opportunity to show off my cooking skills.” He said with a cheeky smile plastered across his face.

“Yeeeaah right…”

“Yeah right what?” Jay looked over his shoulder, pretending to be offended.

“’Kay hear me out-- how about we make a deal? If I can whip up the best tomato soup you’ve ever had, you have to admit I’m the better cook.”

“And if it’s-- just, okay?” you teased, biting your lower lip playfully. Jay leaned in closer, his voice deepened.

“Then maybe I’ll have to find another way to prove I’m the best at… handling things.”

“I like your confidence, Todd.”

“And I—like you Y/L/N.”

-

Stay whelmed xx

Tori

[hellodropbear]

it's time. (II)

mapi leon x daughter

yay for part II! (part I here)

trust even i'm surprised that i finished this over the weekend (definitely should not have because I definitely have too much uni to be writing this)

hope you enjoy !!!!!!

~~~~~~

It was an unfamiliar sight, Mapi in the training kit. She frowned at herself in the mirror, still not entirely sure that this was the right decision. It felt unfamiliar too. The sleeves were tighter than she remembered and the shorts fell lower than they used to.

Even Isabel seemed to notice something was off with her mother, clinging to her all morning and providing her with more hugs and kisses than Mapi could have asked for.

"Go out?" The toddler was confused, clearly. It wasn't often that they left the house straight after breakfast time, but she knew they were leaving because she was dressed up in her special red and blue shirt and her Mami had brushed her curly hair back into a ponytail, clipping any stray hairs back with her favourite fluorescent clips. 

"We are going to training today, Is. Mami is going to play with your Ale and Leila from yesterday!" She mustered on a smile as large as she possibly could, trying to hide her anxieties and fear from the child and instead busying herself with slipping on her socks and some baby adidas sneakers. 

"Patri? Pina?" She frowned, wracking her brain for the other names. "Jenni?"

Mapi nodded. "Yes, with them too-"

"Ingrid!" Isabel beamed. "She pick me up!"

"Ingrid will be there, I'm sure."

The toddler laughed in delight, standing up from where she was sitting on the floor, her shoes and socks successfully on her feet. It was only when Mapi stood up too that she charged into her mother's legs, wrapping her arms around them in a big hug.

"Don't be sad, Mami!"

"I'm not sad, Is." She picked her up easily, grabbing both their bags for the morning and walking out of the apartment. "I'm excited!" 

It wasn't a long drive to the training centre, maybe half an hour. Isabel was easily entertained in the back, her lion captivating her in ways Mapi didn't think she would ever be able to comprehend.

But the 30 minutes was over too quickly and before she knew it she was walking back through those doors and into the changing rooms. She was early on purpose, wanting to avoid all the attention on her as she walked in also and wanting to meet the babysitter that the club had found to watch her daughter as she trained.

"She's 14 months old, she is smart though. She can say around 30 words and has a really good memory. She can walk well, climb up stairs if she's given the chance so please don't leave her alone near any steps because she is more than likely to fall."

The young looking girl nodded, her eyes flicking to the list she was given.

"She eats at 12?"

"Usually. There is a lunch box in her backpack, just start with the stuff labeled 1 and 2, then keep feeding her until she refuses. Usually she'll eat all the food offered, but if she doesn't want it, don't force it. Don't let her sleep if she gets tired because she naps at around 2 which is when we'll get home and I don't want to mess up the schedule."

The blonde nodded as Mapi looked her up and down, clearly judging whether she was good enough to look after her precious child. 

She hesitated. 

"Have you ever been arrested?"

The girl, maybe 18 years old, looked at her in confusion.

"No?"

"Where you a high school bully? Homophobic? Racist? Anything?"

She shook her head. 

"No, no. The club hired me, I have all my qualifications and plenty of experience. I had to go through two interviews for this. I'm from the preschool just up the road, we volunteered and then had to go through a long process to be hired by this club. I promise, I'm a good person."

Mapi nodded, still seemingly unconvinced. 

"This baby is everything to me. Ok? If a single hair on her head is missing or harmed, I know where to come looking."

She held the baby tight, not wanting to let go and the girl's eyes widened, cracking her knuckles out of anxiety. 

"Mapi!" 

Both Mapi and the babysitter's heads whipped towards the door, Alexia striding in and standing beside her shorter friend. 

"Leave her alone!" She shook her head, before looking towards the girl in front of her and sticking out her hand. "Alexia. What's your name?"

"Camila. Nice to meet you." She smiled uneasily, still hyperaware of Mapi's judgemental eye despite Alexia's sharp words and nudge in the side. 

"Nice to meet you too, Camila." She turned back to Mapi. "It's time to say goodbye to the pequena and go over to training. Jonatan just asked if you were actually coming back today or if he misheard because you're late. Don't restart that trend of being late every day, please." Alexia's was balancing on a fine line between desperation and leadership, Mapi well aware that she was trying her best to not be completely overbearing and bossy. 

Mapi rolled her eyes, taking one last glance at the increasingly more nervous babysitter in front of her before looking back down at the clueless baby in her arms. She planted soft kisses all over her head, trying to avoid the tears from springing to her eyes. 

"Ok, my Is. Mami loves you so much and I'll see you so soon. Be good for Camila for me, yeah?"

The baby smiled excitedly, clapping her hands. 

"Mami!" 

She wrapped her arms around Mapi's neck, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek and patting it once she had moved away. 

"I love you, Mami."

"I love you too, Is."

She blinked away the tears as she passed the small child over into the arms of the stranger, trying to ignore the look of confusion that crossed her daughter's face as she handed Camila the backpack. 

"Mami? Where go?"

"I'll see you very soon, my love." She struggled to look at her daughter as she spoke, worried that she would burst into tears and prevent her mother from leaving. 

The centre back kissed the crown of Isabel's head as the emotions washed over her, promising she would be back soon and that everything would be ok. Isabel seemed to understand well enough, looking up at Camila with curiosity, poking at her face with her chubby fingers. 

"Everything will be ok, Mapi. I promise."

Mapi nodded at her babysitter, leaning into the comforting arm that Alexia had placed gently over her shoulder. 

"Thank you, Camila." Alexia spoke for Mapi, sensing her friend's emotions. "We'll see you in a couple of hours."

It was only when they left the room that Mapi allowed a single tear to slip down her face, quickly brushing it away to try and hide that she had become so emotional. 

"It is stupid." She shook her head, looking away from Alexia. 

The midfielder was quiet for a few seconds, trying to decide the best way to deal with this unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation. 

"It is not stupid. She is your daughter, you are worried, this has never happened before. It is normal to feel this way."

Mapi shook her head, sighing softly.

"I have never had a babysitter for her before. You are the only person who has ever taken care of her without me there."

Her voice broke at the admission and she finally turned to make eye contact with Alexia. 

"What if she hates it? What if she needs me and I'm not there for her?"

The midfielder didn't respond, almost certain that Mapi wasn't done talking; that these were rhetorical questions. 

"What if it doesn't work out and she needs me for the rest of her life? What if I can never come back to football?"

Alexia sighed softly, Mapi's voice fading out a clear indicator that she was finished. 

"Maria, you can't worry about things that haven't happened yet. You will figure everything out, I will help you." She lead the centre back towards a seat, subtly texting Jonatan that they'd be a few extra minutes late. "Isabel is a good girl. She will be good for Camila and she will be happy to see you in a couple of hours. And if not, we can figure something else out, we can find a new babysitter, we can think of something else."

The centre back used the heel of her hands to rub at her eyes aggressively, sighing and leaning into Alexia's embrace. 

"I just worry that I'm not doing everything right for her. I want it all to be perfect because if Luis was here, her life would be more than perfect. He would have been such a good dad, and I can't even give her that."

The brunette observed Mapi carefully, using her thumb to gently wipe away the few lone tears that remained beneath her eyes. It was a topic that had come up often, Mapi's insecurities in comparison to her friend, but it was a topic that Alexia still struggled to talk her friend out of. 

Because of course Mapi is a great mother, but Luis would have been a great father too. Mapi knows that more than anyone so Alexia can't just say that they will never know if it's true or not. 

It would be an insult to Luis' memory. 

"Just because you don't have that picture perfect family does not mean you are doing anything wrong, it doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Isabel is happy, she is smart and she loves you. It's all you need. And yes, Luis would have been a great father but there is a reason that he trusted you to have her. Biologically, Mapi, she is yours. Luis wouldn't have agreed to spending all that money if he thought you were a terrible person with bad morals, bad decision making and not a maternal bone in your body. You just have to believe he would have trusted you with her life. Everyone else does, it is just you that struggles to comprehend it."

Mapi was silent but Alexia hadn't expected a response. Maybe in a few days when she had time to think about the midfielder's words, which Alexia was sure she would; she always did. But they were so meaningful - her words, too meaningful to be able to come up with something to say right on the spot. 

"Thank you, Alexia." 

~~~~~~

Surprisingly, training went well. It took five minutes and a splash of water to the face for Mapi to face the team in the gym, but it took less than 10 minutes for her to forget about all her issues once she started training. 

The gym work was stuff she had been doing for a year alone, but as soon as they headed outside and started playing, Mapi realised how much she had actually missed the sport. It was a part of her, she realised, and maybe she had been so down because she had been missing it for so long. 

She was practically flying up and down the field, blocking shots, dominating rondos and shooting free kicks far out of the box. 

It was like she was on a high, nothing would bring her down; nothing could slow her down. 

And Mapi couldn't have been happier. 

Alexia watched with pride as she slowly reverted back to the person she once was, boisterous, excited, happy. She was becoming the person that the midfielder had missed for almost a year and a half; the person she knew before her life was flipped upside down and shattered into a million pieces. 

The person that Alexia had prayed every night to see again. 

She hadn't lost any skill either, still the fierce defender who would put her body on the line if it meant preventing a goal and the entire team was shocked. Excited, maybe, to have one of their best players back after a slightly disappointing season. It definitely wasn't a secret that they had missed their key centre back. 

Mapi was thrilled. Excited, over the moon. She couldn't believe how good just one session with the team made her feel, the complete antithesis of how she was feeling when she broke down to Alexia, in doubt of everything she had done over the past 14 months. It felt like the beginning of her life falling back into place and she almost drunk with happiness and pride as she sauntered back into the changing rooms. 

She was the last one in, chatting away to one of the technical analysts about something entirely unrelated to football, so she was expecting a half empty changing room, most people heading out quickly or showering after the somewhat gruelling session. 

What she didn't expect was for everyone to be standing and waiting for her, beginning to chant her name as she entered. 

The tears that sprung to her eyes were happy this time, finally feeling like she was out of the long and dark tunnel, lost and confused with not a clue how she was going to get out. 

But like most tunnels, the way out was right in front of her. So obvious but so frustratingly challenging to reach, such a long journey required to get there. 

"Calma, calma!" She laughed as tears filled her eyes, a single pair of arms pulling her into a hug that was quickly joined by the rest of the team. "Vale. I love you all so much."

"Ah Maria gone soft!" Leila's teasing voice was easily distinguishable over the rest of the cheering and Mapi could only slap her lightly on the side as the hug dissipated. "I am joking, Mapi, of course I am." 

Leila smiled too and it was then that Mapi noticed her glistening eyes, and when she looked around the room, she noticed the same thing in a lot of her long-term teammates. 

"It is a family, Maria. Everyone is right there waiting for you to let them in."

"Everyone is there for you, Mapi. They love you."

"They were all so proud of you when they came yesterday, they can't wait for you to come back."

"They asked about you over the weekend, they want to know how you are doing."

"They want to meet Isabel, but they're worried that she's so small that they'll hurt her accidentally. They said they really wanted to visit you though, so long as I hold the baby."

Everything that Alexia had said to her about her teammates rushed through Mapi like a warm stream, emotions floating through the gushing water until Mapi was a crying mess in her cubby, completely aware of where the sudden emotion had come from. 

Because the midfielder was right, they were a family and Mapi did have their support. Even though she asked them to stay away, even though she ignored them for months. 

They were still there for her and the centre back knew that she would be there for any one of them if the roles were ever reversed. 

Because they are a family and the love each other like sisters.  

Alexia's arm was around her again, the familiarity a fire blanket on the emotions that were blazing through her. 

"Are you ok, Mapi?" The midfielder knew the answer to her question before she even had to ask it, but blinked away her own tears as she watched her friend fall apart. 

She wasn't used to an overload of emotions when it came to Mapi, usually just experiencing her naturally upbeat nature. She was never much of a crier, usually going numb immediately at any tragic or disappointing news, hiding her emotions to anyone around her and only breaking after she was sure she was completely alone. 

She still was like that, but with Alexia it's different. Alexia is her best friend and has seen her through so many highs and lows of life that she is entirely familiar with Mapi's sporadic emotions. 

Her tears in the locker room were not expected, but they did not come as a surprise to Alexia. Because the past months, full of challenges, of sadness and grief have lead up to this moment of pure and unbridled joy, something the midfielder had been desperate to witness for so, so long. 

There are of course be hiccups, bumps in the road and dips on the rollercoaster still to come. It still would not be an easy road for the centre back.

But for now, she was on a high and that was all that mattered. 

She had found herself again, out there on the field, right where she belongs. 

"I am just so happy, Ale."

~~~~~~

"Isabel!" The small toddler's head whipped up to the door, spotting her godmother at the door, beaming as the midfielder strode towards her. 

"Mi Ale!" She stood up from where she was sitting, waddling towards Alexia and wrapping her arms around her legs until the brunette reached down and picked her up, balancing her easily on her hip. 

"How was she?" Alexia's attention was on Camila briefly, as the blonde stood up, a sheepish smile on her face at being caught doing role play with a toddler. 

"Good!" The blonde nodded, only continuing at Alexia's silent request. "She was very well-behaved. We did some drawing, we played with toys, we played with blocks. She ate all the food she was offered and I think she is almost ready for a nap."

Alexia nodded, her attention back on Isabel. 

"You had a good day, Is?"

She nodded giddily. 

"Camila says I can come back again soon!"

"I'm sure you will." Alexia looked back up at the blonde who held out the small backpack. "Thank you, Camila. Mapi will be very grateful."

"It's no problem. She's an absolute pleasure."

Alexia smiled, telling the baby to wave goodbye and watching as she did so, before walking back out the door and towards the locker rooms. 

"Where Mami?'

"We're going to see Mami now."

Isabel babbled away incoherently as they wandered through the facility until she spotted her mother in the locker room, excitedly poking at Alexia and gaining Mapi's attention. 

"Mami! Mami!" 

Mapi's head whipped up and her face dissolved into a smile, standing up and striding towards her daughter, easily plucking her from Alexia's arms. 

"Hello my Is! I have missed you." She placed a soft kiss on the crown of her head as the child wrapped her arms around Mapi's neck. 

"Mami!" 

Mapi chuckled at her daughter's inability to say much else, instead just holding her close, grabbing her own bag and the small backpack from Alexia and heading out to her car, the midfielder close behind. 

"So I assume you're coming back tomorrow?"

Mapi looked at her friend like she was stupid, a soft smirk on her face as she finished strapping Isabel into her seat. 

"Of course I am. I'm back, Alexia. I think for good."

"I'm proud of you." She stood awkwardly, leaning on the side of the car, watching the blonde fuss over her daughter. 

"I wouldn't be here without you." It was clear that Mapi was becoming emotional again and was trying desperately to not let herself fall apart again. 

Alexia could see that, so she didn't do anything else or say anything else. Mapi was happy and that was all that mattered in that moment. 

"Drive safe."

Mapi looked at her again, the same look of amusement at her friend's statement. 

"I always do."

Alexia rolled her eyes, waving goodbye and walking over to her own car, her eyes still on Mapi as she got in. She was emotional herself after the training session, finally realising that her friend was slowly coming back to her. 

It was after Mapi had driven away and Alexia was sure that she wouldn't be seen that she allowed the tears to fall freely. 

It was relief, really. She was relieved that Mapi and Isabel really were going to be ok.

~~~~~~

Isabel was asleep in the back of the car by the time they arrived back home, and Mapi was able to carry her upstairs and into her cot without her stirring at all. 

It was only after she had finished up with some household chores that the baby monitor went off, soft garbling coming from the nursery.

"Hello there Is!" She cooed at the groggy toddler, lifting her up out of the cot and rocking her gently. 

She quickly ate the snacks she was offered, still sleepy when Mapi placed her into the stroller and headed outside and downstairs for their afternoon walk. 

"Where do you want to go today, Is?"

The toddler looked up when she heard her name, shifting from her comfortable position, arms wrapped around her lion toy. 

"Leon! Mi Leon." She held it up to Mapi and roared quietly, laughing at herself when Mapi smiled down to her. 

"Your lion." The mother confirmed, leaving the lift and walking through the foyer of her apartment. 

They were walking out when she heard someone calling her name, turning around quickly to see the pretty new signing, Ingrid Engen, walking towards her and leaving two large suitcases behind. 

"Ingrid?"

"Do you live here?" The Norwegian was smiling as she spoke, although Mapi could hardly tell whether she was actually smiling or if her face was permanently set in the positive expression. 

"Yeah. We live on the 6th floor." Mapi nodded, smiling but avoiding eye contact with the gorgeous brunette. "Do you?"

"I'm moving in today. 4th floor."

Mapi's heart had been steadily increasing ever since she heard her name, but at those words she thought it may stop right then. 

"We're just heading out on a walk, if you wanted to come."

The Spaniard didn't know why she was asking, but the words just came out. She could feel her face flushing as she spoke but the Norwegian just made her feel so unbelievably nervous. 

Ingrid looked down at her bags, then back up at Mapi. She blushed, smiling sheepishly. 

"I would love to. I'll just run these upstairs if that's alright?"

Mapi nodded, moving towards the seating on the right to sit down and wait, her head in her hands as she went through all the reasons why this was a bad idea. 

She didn't even know Ingrid, yet the midfielder made her feel a type of way that she hadn't felt in a very long time. She seemed so calm and so kind, someone that Mapi so desperately needed, yet refused to admit it. 

Because she didn't have time to be a girlfriend. She was a mother first, then a footballer. Having a partner just wasn't an option, not when she was so busy with her current occupations, not when she already felt so guilty for handing her child off to a babysitter every time she needed to do her job. 

She looked up at the sound of the elevator arriving, standing up when she saw Ingrid and pushing her pram over towards the door. 

"So, congratulations, Mapi!" The Norwegian beamed and the Spaniard looked at her in confusion which prompted her to elaborate. "Today... you had your first session back since Isabel. That's what the others said, why they were all so excited."

"Oh. Yeah." Mapi grimaced. It wasn't something she was particularly happy about, considering she gave birth over 14 months ago and only just went back to team training. "I'm glad to be back, I definitely missed it."

"I can imagine." Ingrid smiled as they crossed the street, the setting sunlight catching her eyes and causing them to sparkle, something that didn't go unnoticed by the Spaniard. "It can't have been easy."

Not wanting to get into that now with someone she barely knew, Mapi changed the subject with ease.

"Where do you want to go? We usually just go down to the park and have a bit of a play there, but we can go somewhere better if you'd like?" 

Ingrid shook her head.

"We can go to your park today and then somewhere else another day! I'm sure that your daughter wouldn't appreciate someone coming in and changing her routine." The Norwegian continued to smile, and Mapi became more and more sure that her face was always set in that grin.

She chuckled lightly at Ingrid's words, shaking her head. 

"She wouldn't care in the slightest. As long as she has somewhere to run and play with her lion, she's happy."

"She's adorable."

Mapi knew. She knew she had a cute kid, one that people in the supermarkets would rush over to coo at. But her kid was so much more than that because she was smart and she was so loving. She had an excited personality and was full of so much joy that Mapi would wonder where it was all coming from.

She loved her child from the moment she was placed in her arms, but the excited and joyful person that Mapi was known as had been lost since her friends were killed in that car accident.

Isabel reminded Mapi so much of her old self, but she didn't know where it could have come from. The baby’s joy and excitement about the world was the complete antithesis of Mapi's overwhelming grief, fear and confusion. 

And she knew that if it wasn't for the small baby that she loved more than anything else in this world, she probably wouldn't have made it through the death of Luis. Definitely not. 

But Mapi didn't tell Ingrid all that, instead just nodding in silent agreement. 

"She's a good girl. She's good for her Mami." The Spaniard looked down at the small toddler whose eyes were slowly drifting again. "She's always sleepy after her nap, then she'll be wide awake for a while at the park and usually will fall asleep on the way home. I'll wake her up when we get back, we'll eat dinner and then she likes to cuddle after dinner and that's when she'll fall asleep for the night and I put her down."

Ingrid laughed quietly. 

"Very established routine?"

Mapi blushed furiously, smiling with a sheepish expression. 

"The baby books all said routine was good. We fell into one and it's easy. She's easy. You know I took her to my paediatrician when she was 5 months old because she never cried?" Mapi laughed quietly. "I was so worried and searched up why and it was so scary that I took her."

Ingrid laughed alongside the Spaniard. 

"What did your doctor say?"

"She said that Isabel's happy, that I'm doing a good job and that I should never use google to find out what's wrong with her." She scoffed. "That’s why I had to start reading things up in the baby books!"

Their laughter dissolved into easy conversation as Mapi lead them down the street, letting Ingrid do most of the talking, listening intently as she raved about her home, her family. She told Mapi that Norway was filled with countless fjords and mountains, lakes and rivers that gave the country soul, spirit and wonder. She said it was a hidden gem, the most beautiful thing in the world. 

But Mapi disagreed, because how could anything be more beautiful than the girl that was stood beside her. Her eyes widened as the thought flashed through her mind, instantly averting eye contact and subtly shaking her head at herself.

She was like a 12 year old on her first date with their crush, and she cringed at the painful awkwardness that she made up in her head.

Ingrid listened as Mapi spoke about her home, back in Zaragoza where her parents and brother still lived, the Norwegian enthusiastic about visiting the Spanish city and immersing herself in the new culture.

Mapi listened as Ingrid complained about missing her cat and dog at home, and the Spaniard told her that she could meet Bagheera as a temporary substitute. 

It was easy for both of them, despite the language differences. Light conversation fell lightly in English, google translate only proving useful a handful of times, though Mapi emphasised that Isabel could barely understand her first language, let alone English.

The sun was well and truly setting as they arrived at the park, Mapi laying out the rug and pulling her daughter from the pram right under one of the street lights that would prove useful in half an hour. 

"Mami!" The girl squealed when her mother's face was finally in front of her, her eyes lighting up as she was placed on her feet, Mapi crossing her legs and sitting down beside her. 

"Is, you remember Ingrid from yesterday?"

The baby nodded shyly, moving back towards her mothers arms, nudging her face into the crook of Mapi's neck. 

"Don't be nervous, my lion cub! Remember, we are brave at heart."

"Lions, Mami." Slowly, her face peeked out from it's hiding spot, waving and smiling shyly at the Norwegian who waved back, a soft smile on her face. 

She slowly moved towards Ingrid, holding out her lion toy and making a lion noise. 

"She wants you to copy her." The Norwegian smiled at Mapi who had supplied the useful information, roaring softly at the small girl who giggled loudly and pulled the lion toy back into her arms. 

"soy leon!"  Ingrid couldn't understand Spanish, but somehow she knew what the toddler was implying, nodding happily as Isabel continued to babble in incoherent Spanish, entertaining herself by rushing between the two footballers who sat on opposite sides of the mat. 

The distance became shorter and shorter, however, as the two footballers inched ever so slowly towards each other, their voices softening as the sky became darker and the space between them smaller. 

The curly haired toddler fell exhaustedly into her mothers arms, dropping her lion beside her and cuddling up towards her mothers neck, successfully ending the ongoing conversation between the two adults. 

"You are tired, mi amor?"

Instead of answering, she yawned loudly from her comfortable spot in Mapi's arms, Ingrid laughing softly at her tired face. 

"I think it's time to head home for some dinner, if that's alright?" Mapi shifted nervously as she stood up, unsure if she should offer her hand to help Ingrid also. 

Luckily for her and her decision making, the Norwegian stood up and picked up the blanket before Mapi had finished her internal debate. 

"Of course!" Ingrid flushed crimson, her mind and body brought right back down to Earth, the floating feeling slowly evaporating as she folded up the blanket, an uncomfortable silence falling over the duo. 

Mapi was right in her prediction that Isabel would fall asleep as they walked home, and Ingrid laughed as she noticed that the girl had passed out almost instantly when she was placed down in the pram, tucked into a blanket and hidden away from the rest of the world with a scarf that Mapi used as a makeshift curtain. 

The walk home went quickly and the trio were back in the brightness of the apartment complex before they knew it. 

"Thank you for taking me with you this evening." Ingrid smiled gratefully, pulling Mapi into a soft hug. 

The Spaniard tried to stop herself from melting into those strong arms, but she was rendered speechless, her heart rate sky rocketing and her eyes closing. 

She regained her vocal abilities once the hug broke, clearing her throat awkwardly and averting her eyes. Those green eyes were too much for the Spaniard, they made her palms sweaty and her heart beat too fast for her liking, so she resolved to just not look at them. 

"It's no problem. Thank you for keeping me company. It was nice to talk to someone whose entire vocabulary isn't just limited to 'Mami' and 'lion'."

Ingrid laughed, and Mapi realised again that the sound of her laugh had the same effect on her as those sparkling eyes. 

As they said goodnight and retreated to their own rooms, Mapi also realised she was well and truly fucked. 

Because she couldn't date, there was no time. 

But she had fallen for the Norwegian, hard and fast, and she didn't think there was much she could do about it. 

"Your Mami is so silly, Isabel!"

~~~~~~

yay finished

I haven’t done much romantic writing so I’m worried that this will be painful for everyone to read (like it was for me) but let me know what you think!

if you have any requests please let me know, i will either add them in or write something about them at some other point (i have seen the ones that have been sent in and i will be writing them, just have to go through planning stages first)

i also was inspired from the olympics and have written a blurb of isabel as a teen competing in a sport (5 cents to anyone who can guess which sport) so please let me know if you'd be interested in reading it hahahah

and also let me know if you see any mistakes because i edited this all in one go and was too lazy to do a final read :)

(in summary, let me know)

have a nice day x

[blkkizzat]

ღ𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐟!𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 ღ

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏 𝐨𝐟 𝟐

18+ONLY MDNI

kizzatober series: Thrilling Ghouls

Kinktober Prompts: Breeding, Dacryphilia, Aphrodisiac Synopsis: Catching him in a lie, you suspect your boyfriend Toji is cheating on you. Where does he keep disappearing to once a month that keeps him away for often days at a time. You're fed up. You've made up your mind this time to follow him but are you ready for what you discover? CW: AU. Most warnings for P2 really. Slightly dubcon-y. Bully/mean/teasing Toji. Bratty/crazy gf reader. Rough sex. Drug ref. Werewolf transformation but this isn't that furry shit lol. Omegaverse themes I borrow heavily from but I'm not following the rules of it faithfully (I don't even know them myself lol) WC: 4k of 10.4k Lightly black fem coded but no descriptors.

A/N: This one took a bit longer expected as I recently caught a cold, boooo! But I'm realizing even in my fics I intend to be PWPs I still need to set the mood and a plot springs forth lmfao. Plus I had fun actually trying to write a bit of horror in too! I decided to split into 2 parts because of the delay already.

Big shout out to an irl bestie @sairotonin for drawing a sketch of Werewolf!Toji for her inktober for me to use in my gfx. TY sis you a real one!!

Enjoy!

“In the next 500ft, turn left.”

This was going to be the third goddamn left the car navigation told you to take in the last 20 minutes. You were ninety-nine percent sure you had been going in circles and were now lost as shit at night in the middle of nowhere. 

You glance at your phone sitting in the dash-caddy. 

One measly bar. 

The further you traveled, the more the service bars were dwindling as well. 

Shit, you had 3 full bars last time you looked.

Opting to keep ahead straight instead of turning, you cross-check your destination via the spy monitoring app you had shamelessly downloaded on your boyfriend Toji’s phone.

Toji’s current location was 45 miles outside of the city and it had been a good 10 miles since you last saw any kind of highway. The area you were in was a mix between nature reserve and private property so not even GPS could pin down the exact directions to his whereabouts. 

Sigh. 

You had never wanted to be That Girl™. 

You know, the ones who would sneak peaks at their boyfriend’s phones, were super insecure about any interaction their man had with the opposite sex and ran down on them while they were out to catch them in the act of cheating. 

But you were a woman at the end of her rope.

What else could you do?

For a few days every month Toji would simply disappear. 

The various excuses he gave usually centered around his work. You didn’t know exactly what he did, but you knew enough to know most of it was dangerous and wasn’t what good society would consider legal.  

Toji had scolded you before for asking too many details. 

For your own safety.

He would say with an arrogant smirk.

But even when working you had always been able to get a hold of him after a few hours. It was just this one particular job he would completely drop off the face of the earth for. It annoyed you, sure, but Toij’s work never followed him home so you didn't have complaints.  

That is, until you had finally moved-in with him and Megumi.

Truly, you were already like a little family.

Megumi, who had just recently started preschool, had been quick to warm up to you ever since you and Toji first introduced you to him a few months prior to that. 

But living together pushed things to a whole other level. Megumi would follow you around like a lost pup and often opted to sit in your lap rather than Toji’s.

Not to mention throw a near fit if you weren’t the one to tuck him in goodnight. (Toji would never admit he was a bit jealous and would only grumble slightly that it was less of a hassle for him if you did it so you should just do it from now on).

You never even realized you had such a mothering instinct, being on the same page as Toji about no more kids, until you looked into those little emerald eyes of Gumi’s and absolutely melted. 

You had grown so close that the little boy unknowingly let it slip once while Toji was MIA on that job, that he was glad Daddy went on his daddy breaks once a month so you both could have fun together by yourselves.

You tried to keep your reactions in check for Megumi but that revelation completely shook you. 

A “daddy break” didn’t sound much like a work trip to you which spiked your anxiety and caused you to spiral into overthinking. 

Did he need a break from you too as well?

You couldn't very well grill a 4-year old and you didn’t have the nerve to just ask Toji straight out. 

So you did the only thing you could think of at the time and that was to complain to your good friend Tsukumo over drinks a few days later after Toji returned.

Tsukumo, who always seemed to have the wrong answer for everything, simply told you to do the ‘smart’ thing and download a monitoring app on his phone that would log is calls, texts and whereabouts. 

You initially balked at her.

Tracking Toji had never crossed your mind.

Outside of this, Toji had never given you a reason to doubt him and you wanted to respect his privacy and trust, especially trust as you knew he didn’t let many people get close to him at all.

True, he wasn’t exactly the most forthcoming man you ever dated. You were well aware he had his many skeletons as well as ex-hookups. But Toji for the most part had been content with his gambling then coming home to you and Megumi. 

He wasn’t the type to ‘run the streets with the boys (he had no boys tbh), you had only ever known him to have the occasional drink with Shiu when he wasn’t out gambling.

You had almost refused to do such a thing… That is until Tsukumo posed the question: 

What’s more important Y/N– your peace of mind or his trust? 

And Y/N, is trust really what’s important here at all if he is in fact already taking advantage of yours?

Touché. 

Tsukumo had you there.

“Besides, you think that old dinosaur is even going to notice an extra app on his phone in the first place?” 

Tsukumo quipped, throwing back a shot of sake and jiggling the empty container at the bartender for more.

“You just got rid of his old flip phone last year. I’m surprised he can even use a touchscreen without punching a hole through it. Just delete the app once you’ve seen what you needed to see.”

Tsukumo gave you this advice like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Ignoring her digs at Toji’s age, and maybe it was the 3 bottles of sake the both of you had blown through in the last hour, but you were starting to think she might be onto something. 

“Mmm, on second thought, might as well keep it on there. Men like Fushiguro are dogs that need to be kept on tight leashes.”

Tsukumo grinned at you with a wink before turning her attention back to the bartender.

You still didn’t know then if you would actually go through with it.

Nevertheless, here you are now at 11:15 PM at night about to pull up on your boyfriend thanks to Tsukumo’s advice to find out once and for all if Toji was cheating on you.

You had dropped Megumi off at his best friend Yuji’s for the night, thanking Yuji’s parents for watching him and feeling guilty for lying to them that you and Toji had a date night. 

Almost there.

You are within 2 miles of arriving at the vicinity of where the monitoring app says Toji is.

However, your anxieties were getting the best of you as you drove in near tears.

You turn up your music louder, the booming bass distracting you from how much darker and creepier it gets the further you drive into the wooded area. 

Sighing again, you had no idea how this would turn out but you knew the result would determine whether you would be listening to Positions by Ariana Grande or Playing Games by Summer Walker on repeat during the drive back. 

☠

Barely a half mile later, you see the engine light of your car flash. The pungent odor of burning oil fills the car as a plume of smoke escapes out from under the hood.

Goddamn it, Toji. 

“Y/N, make sure to go get ‘er an oil change while I’m gone. Ya got like 15 good miles left on ‘er.”                                                                                                                                  Toji’s voice rang in your mind. 

Well the big lunk he was wrong.

You had driven at least 33 miles so far.

You mentally cussed him again. 

Toji was the one who was supposed to change your oil, he used your car more than you did. Only opting to use his own blacked out unplated and unlicensed car for jobs like he was on now.  

You wouldn’t have even left the house if it wasn’t for his sketchy cheating headass. 

Okay, so you hadn’t exactly confirmed that just yet, but you were pissed and until you confirmed otherwise, right now he was a cheater and everything about this situation was his fault.

Pulling over to the side of the dirt road before you caused further damage to your car, you weighed your options.

Option 1: Call AAA

You had zero bars though. 

Fuck. 

Option 2: Wait here in the safety of the car until morning.

You would still have zero bars and you might miss Toji, making this whole trip fruitless.

If he beat you home in the morning and found you gone with Megumi at Yuji’s with the sad excuse for a 'date night' lie you gave, you would never hear the end of it.

He would taunt you into oblivion that your silly ass drove all the way up here unto the woods for your car to break down cause you were too busy being a psycho bitch to remember to get an oil change.

Option 3: Walk on foot the rest of the way to Toji.

Really the only viable option you had. 

It was a good 12 miles or so back to the highway, you didn’t know how many turns you had made since then and you doubt you could make it back on foot anyway. If you were going to walk a few miles to get service again you might as well walk to where Toji was.

Sure if he wasn’t cheating you would still get ridiculed, but at least you could get a ride home. 

And if he was cheating, you would hot wire his car (one of the few useful things he did teach you) and that motherfucker and his whore could find their own way home.

Resolving yourself to walk, you put on Toji's hoodie that fortunately was still in the backseat from him last using your car to go to the gym. 

You really should have put more thought into planning this before you left. Besides Toji’s oversized worn hoodie that reached your mid-thighs all you were wearing was a thin white shirt and black spandex shorts. 

You didn’t even have sneakers or boots, as you looked down at your fuzzy black slippers you mostly only wore outside to run short errands like dropping off Megumi at preschool or picking up groceries. 

Thankfully, you did have a small flashlight in the glove compartment though in case of emergencies like this.

Flashlight in tow, you step outside of your stalled car and immediately suck in a worried breath as the weight of the chilly night settles over you like a heavy cloak.

You only have a mile and a half trek but the dirt road that stretches out before you looks endless as it disappears into the obscurity of the thick shroud of fog surrounding you. 

The flashlight doesn’t do much to cut through the intense density of condensation. You had only made it a mere 20 feet from your car but you can just barely make out its faint outline.

Swallowing, you put on your bravest face and fix your gaze forward. 

The reflections of your flashlight casts shifty patterns on the mist in your peripheral vision and you do your best to ignore the chill that creeps up your shoulders. 

“Fuck you, Toji.” 

You mumble half-heartedly, pulling the hood over head.

You didn’t really mean it though. Would-be-cheater or not more than anything you wished he was here with you now. 

You were freezing, tired and all you could think about was how warm and safe you would feel in Toji’s arms. Even if you were mad at him. 

You pick up the pace, wanting to get to him sooner. 

Almost more unnerving than the fog itself, the forest around you is as quiet as a grave.

There are no chirps of crickets, nor hoots of owls. 

Not even in the crisp cold of fall does the wind rustle through the trees, everything is silent.

The haunting nature around you seems to hold its breath as if it knows you're an unwelcome intruder who has trespassed too far.

You don’t dare peer into the trees which look taller in the darkness, closing in tightly on the dirt road. They are ghastly silhouettes of their former selves blocking any moonlight to help guide your way. 

You shiver as you feel as if you are being watched from a distance.

The only noise you hear is the soft crunching of rocks and leaves beneath your feet with every unsure step you take forward. 

You can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread as a stray tear runs down your cheek.

You couldn’t get to Toji soon enough. 

Though you still didn’t have any service the GPS updated as much as it could in roaming, you were so close.

As you continue forward a shadow on the path catches your eye in the foggy distance. 

Your heart quickens as you inch closer, your anticipation mingling with fear.

Shapes soon begin to take form and the harsh reality dawns upon you.

A pack of wolves. 

Their shadowy figures coalesce before you through the fog as they take stock of you.

You start to feel queasy as you see their red-stained muzzles dripping with the blood of their latest kill. The grotesque carcass of a deer practically stripped to the bone lay lifeless under their enormous paws. 

Their eyes, fierce and predatory, meet yours with a chilling intensity as the feeble beam of your flashlight washes over them. The deer, although large, you know is not enough to quell hunger from beasts of their size.

With a shaky breath you slowly retreat, not wanting to further agitate their already aggravated predatory senses. 

Then you hear it.

From what seems to be the darkest reaches of the night, a sound reverberates from the trees, through the forest and beyond that's unlike anything you've ever heard before. 

The howl that tears through the stillness is so chilling you instantly feel the lamentation that carries the weight of centuries of primal power down in the very marrow of your bones.

Even the wolves snap their heads to attention and bow their heads as if the sound announced the presence of a creature much higher on the food chain... something more ancient and malevolent…

...something terrifyingly unhuman.

The body racking shiver you experience is so intense it has you sprinting at full speed before your mind, frozen from fear, can even process you are moving. 

You burst through the dense trees, leaving the road as your heart pounds like a drum in your chest and tears stream freely down your cheeks to soak the edge of Toji’s sweatshirt.

The tangled underbrush of the forest whips the soft skin of your legs and the forest itself seems to conspire against you as you navigate the obstacle course of branches, logs and large rocks all seemingly with a mission to slow you down.

You can hear the chilling howls of the wolves you saw on the road call out behind you, giving chase. 

The sounds of their footfalls grow closer with every passing second.

Terrifying as they are, they hold no candle against the howl that sent you running and your body continues to propel you forward. 

Panic frazzles your senses and you make the tragic error of trying to steal a glance back behind you before directly colliding with a large cedar.

Groaning from the impact you reel as you try to gather yourself, clinging to the tree for support. 

You hear a twig snap behind you and you whirl around as you are faced with a largest gray wolf out of the pack who had been chasing you. 

The alpha wolf’s teeth glint menacingly as their breath escapes in visible puffs in the frigid night air. 

Too late to try to make a run for it again, you whimper as you resign yourself to your fate. You slid down the large tree to bury your face in your knees.

Was this it?

Was this how you died?

You weren’t even able to see Toji after coming all this way. 

You also wanted to be able to hug Megumi one last time and maybe knock the daylights out of Tsukumo for her horrible ass idea. 

But ultimately this was all your fault. 

You could be snuggled up with Gumi on the sofa with snacks watching Anpanman but your dumbass had to go galavanting off into the middle of the woods like a fucking lunatic and now you’re about to be eaten by a wolf.

You could feel the wolf’s overbearing presence as it approached you but you couldn’t bear to look up. You’d rather spend your final moments thinking of Toji and Megumi. 

Yet despite your impending doom, your head did snap up once you felt a rough tongue gently lick your ankles and curiously sniff at the ends of Toji's hoodie covering your legs. 

The wolf was more than intimidating up close as its giant muzzle was the size of your entire head.

However the wolf regarded you cautiously like it almost recognized you before releasing its own chillingly deep howl and promptly running off.

Wait– T-The hell?!

You sat there at the trunk of the tree trying to process the interaction that just took place but you didn’t have much time to ponder as you heard something else approaching you rapidly.

The sound of snapping twigs and heavy, uneven footfalls don’t seem to be that of a wolf, renewing the sensation of dread through your body. 

Your heart races in your chest as the ominous sounds of the being looming evermore closer become more pronounced.

From the shadows emerges a monstrous figure.

The fog doesn’t reach this deep into the forest and the moonlight that peeks between the trees glimmers on its enlarged taut muscles. 

Its eyes, red, burn like fiery amber. 

Fierce and resolute you can see them pierce through the darkness long before you can make out any features of the creature's face.

What you think upon first glance must be a demonic apparition from your worst nightmares ends up being– 

Toji?!

As he steps into a beam of moonlight, the transformation before you is complete. 

Toji’s once-human and feet hands have become formidable claws with nails like blades, his face remains mostly unchanged with the exception of his mouth which in his snarl reveals rows of gleaming, razor-sharp teeth.

He is still mostly human in appearance but you can tell he stands taller, nearly 8 feet.

The thicker body hair on his forearms bristles with raw power.

He was completely bare save for the tattered jeans barely hanging on his body that had torn from the sheer size of his enormous muscularity in this form.

Each step he takes towards you makes your heart skip a beat yet you stare transfixed, unable to look away and your tears increase.

Was this terrifying otherworldly apparition the boyfriend you had been searching for?

Time stands still in that haunting moment as Toji’s eyes bore into your soul with a predatory intensity. 

His hunger and primal instincts radiates off of him like a palpable force. 

“T-T-Toji?” 

You cautiously inquire through your quiet sobs. 

“Y/N?! What the fuck do you think y’er doing out here?” 

Toji snarls back at you. His growl seems to cause the very atmosphere to vibrate and the earth beneath you quakes as your body involuntarily quivered with fear. 

Toji thought he must have been losing his goddamn mind when he caught onto your scent earlier but here you were like a lost little lamb to the slaughter before him.

He came out onto the woods to be alone, away from civilization and away from you and Megumi during his monthly transformations. 

It was safer that way, for all of you.

You had been fortunate the local wolf pack had acknowledged him as their Alpha and recognized his scent on you.

But there were far worse dangers in the forest besides them.

Toji wouldn’t be able to protect you like he was now. 

Not with you needing protection from him too.

Protection from him as not only was it a full moon, it was a harvest moon, a mating moon. 

The primal urge to rip you apart was only truncated by the more intense carnal urge to mate with you. Toji wanted to claim you as his and fuck you so hard into the girthy cedar behind you the entire tree would topple over by its roots.

He had wanted to claim you as his mate for a while now.

Even moved you in with him and Megumi as the final step but you couldn’t wait for that, could you? 

You had managed to track him somehow all the way out here and throw his whole plan into the shitter. 

He could barely control himself in this form as it is and now your scent, blubbering cries and the fucking harvest moon were sending him with full force into a fierce rut. 

“T-Toji w-what is this!? W-what’s happened to you!? W-what are you doing out here?!” 

Worry saturates your voice as you choke out your questions in rapid fire cries not giving him time to even respond.

Toji fights the predatory instinct in him who sees you as his prey and if your gaze wasn’t so focused on trying to read his face for answers you surely would have noticed him fully bricked near bursting out of his worn jeans.

You looked so appetizing. 

He needed you.

However, Toji could tell your nerves were completely shot and the slightest twitch of his muscles toward you had you almost jumping out of your skin like a little bunny rabbit.

“Y-Y/N…” 

His voice strained itself into a murmur as he attempted to do his best to lull you into some sort of security so he could explain things calmly to you.

Yet the way he was near salivating, drool dripping from his canines as he panted and towered over you did anything but make you feel secure. 

You mistook his lust for bloodthirstiness.

“Just calm down. It’s OK.”

Toji needed you to be calm like he needed you to take steadier breaths if he was going to successfully win the tumultuous war he was fighting against his instincts to pounce on you. 

There is an oppressive tension between the two of you and he can tell you are also fighting against your fight or flight reflexes.

Good girl. 

It would be disastrous if you did something foolish, no telling what might happen then.

But unfortunately for the both of you, your fits of emotion and impulses are what had your crazy ass out here in the first place. 

The pressure had officially gotten to you. 

Toji’s lies, your car, the woods, the wolves, everything leading up to this point bubbled over because the last thing you wanted to be told right now was to ‘just calm down’.

You snapped. 

“Ok? OK?! OKAY?!...TOJI WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THIS IS O.K. RIGHT NOW!?”

You were practically hysterical as you yelled at him, momentarily forgetting your fears of Toji’s new form.

The trigger of being told to 'calm down' in a situation where you clearly had every right to feel every fucking emotion you wanted won out over everything else.

“MY CAR BROKE DOWN BECAUSE OF YOU DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT WITH WHOEVER THE FUCK OUT HERE, I LITERALLY WAS JUST CHASED BY WOLVES, ALMOST EATEN, AND Y-YOU… Y-YOU-”

A crackling snap came from above you and you realized Toji’s claws had completely ripped a large chunk out of the tree right above your head.

Your tantrum had in turn pushed him over the edge as well. 

His irises flared intensely at you as you quivered under his gaze in fear.

He would have you but first, he would play with you a bit.

Things never happened the easy way with you.

Yet, that’s also exactly the way Toji liked it too. That's why he'd put up with you thus far.

A malevolent smirk dons Toji's features as his simple command issues an unsettling tremor running down into the depths of your being.

“Run.”

P2 HERE!

© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2023. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ, ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ, & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ

A/N: Count on Tsukumo to always given the wrong fuckin’ advice. Lmfao! Or was it the right advice in this case? Hmm we will see what happens next!

Smutty goodness in the next part. This part was just to set the horror mood!

I promise this fic isn't as nearly as long as Ghostface!Choso. It's looking to be about 8k total and I have 3.5k of P2 finished lol.

Reblog if you are both submissive and breedable for Werewolf!Toji, but likes and comments are appreciated all the same!

ღTaglistღ:

@callm3senpaii @arxliana @jujutsualy @luxiethefairy @fredswh0re @missphanosaur18 @moon-esque @briefrebelfanalmond @nikkitc0703 & @dancingwithdeities (prone bone coming in p2 just for u sweets!) LMK below if you would like to be tagged in P2. For all kizzatober fic tags comment on m.list.

[starrvlight]

HI!! I’m so happy there’s more people writing for sbg I was wondering if I could request a Tyler x fem reader who he has a crush on for like years but she’s Taylor’s best friend (sorry if this doesn’t make any sense)I hope you have a lovely day/night!!

Tyler Hernandez x (fem) Reader

SBGWARNINGS:some swearing!!

A/N- sorry this took long and sorry if it isn't what you were looking for exactly 😔😔

Slight scenario(?): You and Taylor have been friends since about preschool, your two have been there for each other in all you ups and downs, for example- when her dad died you where there for her. And- her brother you didn't know him aswell but you were still there for him texting him and making sure him and his sister were doing well.. that when he had caught feeling for you, It was super confusing for him. He didn't care. he loved that warm feeling you gave him when you smiled at him whenever you were hanging out with Taylor. Or when you send thoes ":)" type smile over text when you send a photo of you and Taylor when Taylor made a funny face

Today you and Taylor had planed a sleep over it's been a long while since you've have one with her (prolly a month at max 😭) and you 2 were now on the top part of bunk bed, your hair up in a pony tail and Taylor had her makeup and was putting some on you, it started off pretty good with some simple eyeshadow ,mascara,lip gloss.. and nowww- you have eye liner all your face, flowers hearts the ">:D" faces with red/ pink powder all over you face for "blush" with a whole bunch of other stuff on your face where is doesn't belong you 2 were laughing your asses off, rolling around and covering you stomachs from laughing so hard, as soon as you stoped laughing, you checked the time form you phone and and glance at Taylor "uhh do u have anything to take this off with?" You asked with a chuckle, it was 11:00 pm already?? Taylor glanced over the hall "uhh it should just come off with water" she said and look back at Yu. And help back a laugh "PFFT- the bathroom is down the hall to your right" you nodded " 'ight," you climbed down from the top bunk and began walking to the bathroom,only to bump into Tyler. Your eyes widen and you looked down, embarrassed and hold back you laugh "holy shit-!" He whisper yelled "the fuck happened to you?" He whispers You trembled holding back you laughter since you were near Taylor's and Tyler's mom's room and u didn't wanna wake her "me and taylor- w-were -Pfft- massing around with makeup " your voice was all high pitched and wobbly since you were holding back you laughter then he look at the bathroom and Chuckled "Pfft- I can tell- the bathroom's right there- here" he whispered as he put his hand on you lower back leading you to the bathroom, then grabbing you a clean face towels from the drawer and gave it to you "uhh here used these-" he said, having an amused smile in his face as you tried hiding your face from him, only for him to take pictures of you it was so adorably funny he needed to photos, you took the towel and dampened it under some water, and rubbed your faces, Tyler stood there at the door frame, leaning against it as you kinda harshly rubbed your face with the wet towel, trying to makes sure the makeups doesn't stain you skin and Tyler chuckled, trying to hide the small blush on his face, after a bit You finished cleaning your face and drying it, they you and Tyler walked off, smiling and he tears you on his you looked like a tomato you laughed and nudged him playful "yea yea- whateverrr" you chuckled and saw Taylor- she was out cold- you took a picture at her face and smiled, chuckling gently and you glanced at Tyler who was already laying down on the bottom bunk, then he glanced up at you and said "buenas noches princesa" he said with a smile, then blushed slightly realizing what he said,and turned over and cover himself with blankets,.pretending to sleep.

OK SOO THAT WAS THE END OF PT. ONEYA IM MAKING 2 PARTS BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY LIKE 11 PM RN 😋

[mysicklove]

i was reading all your posts under the big brother au tag (I love love love this au! its so cute I cant- TT) and I saw that reader is in school to be a teacher! as a teacher in training this immediately made me think of how little yuji would react when reader is doing their internship in his school but not the same class and how hed want to stay next to the reader the whole day if shes at school, making a fuss if shes busy with another class and she cant help him

or or- while shes busy doing something, the other teachers call her to help calm yuji down cause he got hurt and he hasn't stopped crying since and he wants to be near or her or sukuna but he isn't picking up his phone or smth

this is so cute im falling to my knees and crying.

it would def be very hard, because all he wants to do is go hangout with you and seeing you interact with the kids in the other class makes him so jealous :(. he is always clutching at nanamis pants and whining about how he wants to see you. the poor preschool teacher has to give him extra attention that day bc of how restless he seems to be knowing that you are at his school and not with him. but nanami does lead the boy over to you when you take your lunchbreak, and yuuji is back to his normal self, chatting and giggling with you about his day and how much he misses you.

but, when you do visit their class for a short time, he shows you off to all of his friends of course, saying how amazing you are and how much he loves you. but then all the other kids realize how kind you are too, and all of the sudden the other preschoolers are all fighting for your attention. and so yuuji ends up pawing at your clothes and asking you to pick him up with tears in his eyes, because he doesnt want the other kids to steal you away. you have to reassure the boy that you love him the most and arent going anywhere, while he sniffles into your neck. the itadori brothers both cannot seem to share you for the life of them.

ahhhh the last part is so cute!!! yuuji loves sukuna, but the second the boy gets hurt or is sick, he is trying to find you as quick as possible bc you always coddle him the most during these times. and so when he trips and scraps his knee on the playground, you are being dragged out the their recess where the boy cries and cries on your lap while both you and nanami have to banadage him up. you end up having to sit on the bench while holding petting yuuji while megumi and nobara leave their other friends to talk to the two of you

ugh i love this idea soooo much, i honestly might write a full fic on it!!

[regressionschool]

Maturity Test Part 5: Guess who is back

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Stepping out of the car, Anna approached the entrance, spotting Becky through the window. She was sitting on the floor with a group of her classmates, intently focused on a colorful storybook as her teacher read aloud. When the door opened, Becky’s head shot up, her face breaking into a wide grin.

"Mommy!" she squealed, scrambling to her feet. Her little dress swayed as she ran toward Anna, her pull-up crinkling softly beneath the fabric. Becky threw her arms around Anna’s legs in a tight hug, beaming with pride.

"Hey, sweetie," Anna said warmly, kneeling down to her level. "Did you have a good day at preschool?"

Becky nodded enthusiastically, her pigtails bouncing. "Uh-huh! I learned all about numbers today! We counted all the way to twenty, Mommy!" She held up ten fingers, as if trying to show how many, even though it wasn't enough. Her excitement was contagious.

Anna smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Becky’s ear. "That’s amazing, Becky! And what else did you do?"

Becky’s face lit up even more. "We played with blocks, and I made a tower almost as tall as me! And guess what, Mommy?" she paused dramatically, puffing up with pride, "I stayed dry all day!" She gave her pull-up a little pat, a glint of accomplishment in her eyes.

Anna’s heart swelled. "Wow! That’s so great, Becky! I’m really proud of you."

Becky nodded, but then her expression shifted slightly, her smile faltering just a bit. "Well... almost all day," she admitted, her voice dropping to a small whisper. "I had a tiny accident during story time. But it was only a little bit, I promise!"

Anna gently placed a hand on Becky’s shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "That’s okay, Becky. Accidents happen sometimes, and you’re doing such a good job. I’m really proud of how hard you’re trying."

Becky smiled again, relief flooding her face. "Thanks, Mommy!"

Hand in hand, they made their way back to the car, Becky excitedly recounting more details from her day—how she made a new friend, what snack they had during break time, and all the new words she had learned. Anna listened attentively, her heart warmed by the sound of Becky’s joyful chatter.

They pulled up to the daycare, and as soon as Anna walked inside, she immediately noticed Olaf. He was standing near the door, his pacifier firmly in his mouth, clutching the hand of one of the caregivers with both hands. His face was pale, his eyes wide and nervous. His other hand was holding onto his favorite stuffed bear, a clear sign that something had upset him.

"Olaf, sweetie," Anna called softly, her heart sinking at the sight of him. "What’s wrong?"

The caregiver, a kind-looking woman with soft eyes, gave Anna a sympathetic glance as she gently guided Olaf over to her. "He had a bit of a rough day today," she explained in a low voice. "He was very unsettled when he saw one of the new toddlers."

Anna crouched down to Olaf’s level, brushing a tear from his cheek. "Hey, sweetie, can you tell Mommy what happened?"

Olaf looked up at her, his lower lip trembling as he sucked harder on his pacifier. His voice was muffled and shaky as he finally spoke. "I saw... I saw mean Mommy again," he whimpered, clutching Anna’s hand tightly.

Anna’s heart skipped a beat, and she immediately understood. "Do you mean... Lilly?" she asked softly, her voice gentle but firm.

Olaf nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "Y-Yeah... I saw her, Mommy," he whispered, his voice quivering. "She was here... and... and she was stinky."

Anna’s brow furrowed in confusion for a moment, and she glanced at the caregiver, who nodded in confirmation. The woman leaned in closer to explain. "Lilly was recently reclassified, Anna. She’s... well, she’s a toddler now. She was brought in today for her first day of daycare, and, um..." the caregiver paused delicately, "let’s just say she had a messy accident when Olaf arrived."

Anna blinked, taken aback by the revelation. Lilly—a toddler? She hadn’t seen or heard anything about Lilly in months, ever since the investigation into her manipulative behavior. But the thought of her being regressed and placed in the same daycare as Olaf was a lot to process.

Olaf’s small voice cut through her thoughts. "She... she was stinky, Mommy," he repeated, his little face scrunched in both confusion and fear. "She had a messy diaper. I saw her when I came in, and she... she looked at me."

Anna pulled him into a comforting hug, rubbing his back gently as he trembled in her arms. "It’s okay, Olaf. You don’t have to worry about her anymore. She’s not your mommy anymore. I am."

Olaf clung to Anna tightly, burying his face in her shoulder. "But... but what if she wants to be mean again?"

Anna’s heart broke for him. "She can’t hurt you, sweetie. She’s just another toddler now, and the caregivers here will make sure she behaves. You’re safe."

Becky, who had been quietly watching from the side, stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Olaf’s shoulder. "It’s okay, Olaf," she said softly. "You have a new mommy now. And we can all play together at home."

Olaf sniffled and nodded, calming slightly as Anna continued to hold him close. The fear was still there, but knowing that Anna and Becky were with him seemed to ease his anxiety.

After a few more comforting words, Anna scooped Olaf up into her arms, holding him securely as they made their way out of the daycare. As they walked to the car, Olaf kept his pacifier firmly in his mouth, his eyes darting nervously around, but the tight grip he had on Anna showed that he was beginning to feel safe again.

Once they were all buckled in, Anna glanced at Becky in the rearview mirror, who was sitting quietly, sensing the tension in the air.

"How about we all have some ice cream when we get home?" Anna suggested, trying to lighten the mood. "I think we could all use a little treat today."

Becky’s face lit up instantly. "Yes, please, Mommy!" she exclaimed.

Olaf, still sucking on his pacifier, gave a small nod, his eyes brightening just a bit at the mention of ice cream.

As they drove home, Anna couldn’t help but think about Lilly, the former "mommy" who had once manipulated and controlled Olaf’s life, now reduced to a toddler herself, helpless and dependent on others. It was a strange twist of fate, one that left Anna with a mix of emotions. But right now, all that mattered was that Olaf and Becky were safe, happy, and loved.

After they arrived home, the comforting familiarity of the house instantly began to soothe Olaf and Becky. Anna carried Olaf inside, gently setting him on the living room couch. His face, though still marked by traces of the earlier scare, began to relax as he snuggled into the soft cushions with his bear clutched tightly in his arms. Becky, full of energy and curiosity, had already run ahead, kicking off her shoes and eagerly exploring the play corner to find her favorite toys.

"Okay, my little ones," Anna said cheerfully as she closed the front door behind her. "Let's get you both changed into something more comfortable."

Becky bounced over, tugging on her dress. "Can I wear my unicorn shirt, Mommy?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Of course, sweetie," Anna replied with a smile, ruffling Becky’s hair. "But let’s check your pull-up first, okay?"

Becky nodded, standing still as Anna gave her a quick check. The pull-up was dry, but Anna could sense that Becky might need a reminder soon. "Good job staying dry, Becky," Anna praised, her tone warm. "But I think it’s time to try going potty, just to make sure."

Becky giggled and gave a little nod, heading toward the bathroom. "Okay, Mommy! I’ll go now!" she chirped, waddling off with her slight preschooler waddle—more from habit.

As Becky disappeared into the bathroom, Anna turned her attention to Olaf, who was quietly sucking his pacifier on the couch, looking much calmer but still a little shaken. "Alright, Olaf, let’s get you out of those shortalls," she said gently, lifting him up onto his feet. He didn't resist, simply holding his stuffed bear close and watching her with big, trusting eyes.

Anna unfastened the straps of his shortalls, sliding them down to reveal his diaper underneath. As she expected, the diaper was a bit damp from his earlier accident at daycare. "Looks like you’re a little wet, sweetie," Anna murmured softly, more to herself than to Olaf, though he didn’t seem to register her words.

Without any fuss, Anna removed his shortalls entirely, leaving him in just his diaper and t-shirt. The thick padding between his legs made a faint crinkling sound as she gave it a quick check. It wasn't soaked, so she decided there was no need for a change just yet. Instead of dressing him in new pants, Anna chose to leave him as he was, with just his t-shirt and diaper. Given how easily Olaf wet himself these days without even noticing, it was important for her to keep an eye on the state of his diaper throughout the afternoon.

"There we go, all comfy now," Anna said softly, giving his hair a gentle ruffle. Olaf blinked up at her, his pacifier still bobbing rhythmically in his mouth, entirely unbothered by his lack of pants. He was far too used to being in just his diaper now to notice or care, his focus drifting instead toward the TV.

At that moment, Becky emerged from the bathroom, proudly proclaiming, "I went potty, Mommy! I did it all by myself!"

Anna beamed, her heart swelling with pride. "Good girl, Becky! That’s wonderful," she said, bending down to give Becky a quick hug. "Now, let’s get you into your unicorn shirt."

Becky giggled with excitement as Anna helped her out of her preschool uniform, slipping her into a pair of soft, pastel pink shorts and the beloved unicorn t-shirt she had requested. The outfit was perfect for a cozy afternoon at home, allowing Becky to move freely as she played.

With both kids now dressed in their at-home clothes, Anna ushered them toward the couch, where she sat them down in front of the TV. "Alright, my little loves," she said, reaching for the remote, "how about we watch some cartoons while I get your ice cream ready?"

Becky immediately clapped her hands, bouncing in her seat. "Yes, Mommy! Cartoons!"

Olaf, still holding onto his bear, simply nodded, his wide eyes already drawn to the bright colors on the screen. His diaper crinkled softly as he settled into the cushions.

The next morning dawned quietly, with soft rays of sunlight streaming through the curtains in Olaf and Becky’s shared room. Anna stood at the doorway, watching her two littles still sleeping soundly, each in their own beds. Becky’s thumb was nestled in her mouth as she clutched her stuffed bunny close, her dry diaper peeking out from under her blanket. Olaf lay sprawled out in his crib-like bed, his thick nighttime diaper puffed up, clearly soaked from the night’s accidents.

Anna couldn’t help but smile as she gently roused them. “Good morning, sweethearts,” she cooed softly.

Becky stirred first, blinking sleepily as she rubbed her eyes. “Morning, Mommy,” she mumbled, stretching her little arms. Olaf was slower to wake, still sucking on his pacifier, which bobbed rhythmically in his mouth. When his eyes fluttered open, he gazed up at Anna with groggy but trusting eyes.

“Time to get up, Olaf,” Anna said softly, lowering the side of his crib. “We’ve got a big day ahead.”

Becky, already out of bed and heading to the bathroom for her morning potty routine, left Olaf and Anna alone. Anna leaned down and gave Olaf a kiss on the forehead. “Let’s get you changed, little man,” she said gently, lifting him onto the changing table.

As Anna changed his soaked diaper, she noticed a slight tension in Olaf’s posture. His hands fidgeted with the edge of his shirt, and his eyes darted nervously around the room. “Are you feeling okay, Olaf?” Anna asked, her voice full of concern.

Olaf looked up at her with wide eyes, then down at his pacifier. After a moment, he shook his head slightly. “I don’t wanna go to daycare today,” he mumbled around the pacifier.

Anna paused mid-change, her heart softening. She knew that Olaf still had lingering anxiety about daycare after seeing Lilly yesterday, especially with the knowledge that his former “mommy” had been regressed and placed in the same environment as him. “It’s okay, sweetie,” Anna reassured him, wiping him clean and taping on a fresh diaper. “You’ll be with your friends, and the caregivers will make sure you have a fun day.”

Olaf whimpered softly, squirming a little as Anna finished dressing him in a pair of light green shorts and a t-shirt. “But what if… what if I see her again?” he asked, his voice trembling. The memory of Lilly’s messy accident and the sight of her as a helpless toddler had clearly shaken him.

Anna knelt down beside him, cupping his cheek with one hand. “I’ll be with you today,” she said soothingly. “I’ll drop you off and stay for a little while, okay? I want to check on a few things, too.”

Olaf nodded, a flicker of relief passing through his eyes. He clutched his stuffed bear tightly as Anna led him downstairs for breakfast. Becky was already at the table, happily munching on her cereal. The morning passed quietly, but there was an underlying nervousness in Olaf’s behavior that even Becky noticed.

Once they were ready, Anna drove them to their respective drop-offs, starting with Becky’s preschool. Becky hopped out of the car, waving excitedly. “Bye, Mommy! Bye, Olaf!” she called cheerfully, completely unaware of her brother’s nerves.

“Have a great day, sweetie,” Anna called back with a smile, watching Becky disappear into the building before turning her attention to Olaf.

As they arrived at Olaf’s daycare, Anna could feel him tense up again. His pacifier was already in his mouth, and his grip on his bear had tightened considerably. She parked the car and unbuckled him from his seat. “You’re going to be just fine, Olaf,” Anna said, lifting him into her arms. “I’ll stay with you for a bit, alright?”

Olaf nodded, though his face was still clouded with worry.

Inside the daycare, the bright colors and cheerful decorations did little to ease Olaf’s tension. As soon as they entered, the familiar crinkling of diapers and the playful babbling of other toddlers filled the air. Anna spotted one of the caregivers, a kind woman named Miss Kelly, who had always been gentle with Olaf.

“Good morning, Anna,” Miss Kelly greeted them warmly. “And good morning to you, Olaf. How’s my little guy today?”

Olaf clung to Anna, burying his face in her shoulder. Miss Kelly chuckled softly, clearly understanding his nerves. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she cooed. “We’ll make sure you have a fun day with your friends. No need to worry.”

Anna smiled, grateful for the caregiver’s soothing tone. “I wanted to stay for a bit today, if that’s alright,” Anna said, glancing around. “Just to make sure Olaf is settled.”

Miss Kelly nodded. “Of course, Anna. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

As Anna walked further into the daycare, she scanned the room, looking for any sign of Lilly. Her curiosity about her former friend—now a regressed toddler like Olaf—gnawed at her. She had heard bits and pieces from the other caregivers, but she hadn’t seen Lilly herself since yesterday. Today, she planned to check on her.

While Olaf began playing cautiously with some blocks nearby, Anna approached Miss Kelly again. “I heard that Lilly was brought here recently,” Anna said, trying to sound casual. “How is she doing?”

Miss Kelly’s face shifted, her expression becoming more guarded. “Lilly… yes. She’s fully integrated into the toddler program now,” she replied, her tone careful. “It’s been a big adjustment for her, but she’s… settling in.”

Anna frowned, sensing something in the way Miss Kelly spoke. “Settling in?” she repeated.

Miss Kelly hesitated, then glanced around to ensure no one was listening before leaning in slightly. “She’s part of the fast-track system,” she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Anna’s brow furrowed. “Fast-track system? What does that mean?”

Miss Kelly’s eyes flickered with something—uncertainty, perhaps even fear—but she didn’t elaborate. “It’s reserved for certain… individuals,” she said cautiously. “People with a history, like Lilly. It’s meant to help them adjust quickly to their new roles, but… it’s not exactly gentle.”

Anna’s heart skipped a beat. She had never heard of this before. “Not gentle? What do you mean?”

Miss Kelly hesitated again. “Let’s just say there are… methods. Drugs, hypnotherapy, behavioral conditioning. It’s only for those who… well, you understand.”

Anna felt a cold chill run down her spine. The idea that Lilly—manipulative and cruel as she had been—was now being subjected to something as ominous as this made her stomach turn. She had never liked Lilly’s actions, but this?

“Can I see her?” Anna asked, her voice quiet but firm.

Miss Kelly bit her lip, clearly uncomfortable. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… just for a moment. She’s in the dorms right now.”

Anna followed Miss Kelly down the hallway to a separate area of the daycare, her mind racing with conflicting emotions. As they approached the dorms, the atmosphere shifted. The usual cheerful decorations were absent here. The walls were plain, the lighting dimmer. It felt less like a daycare and more like… something else.

Miss Kelly opened the door to one of the dorm rooms, and there, in a crib-like bed, lay Lilly. She was dressed in a babyish onesie, her diaper clearly visible beneath it, thick and crinkling softly with every small movement. Her face, once sharp and calculating, now seemed softer, her expression vacant as she absently sucked on a pacifier.

Anna’s breath caught in her throat. This was the same woman who had once held so much power over Olaf, who had manipulated and controlled others for her own gain. And now… she was just like any other regressed little, helpless and dependent.

Lilly’s eyes flickered open, and for a brief moment, they met Anna’s. There was no recognition, no sign of the person she had once been. Just blankness.

Miss Kelly stepped forward, her voice low. “She’s not… fully aware anymore. The fast-track system… it works quickly.”

Anna felt a wave of nausea. She hadn’t expected this. Whatever Lilly had done in the past, this felt… wrong.

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part one (chapters 1-3) story info • next part

word count: 6.1k

content warnings: mentions of homophobia and depression

Lily

Transferring to University of Connecticut in my junior year was my final lifeline.

No one has actually verbalised that but it was an unspoken understanding.

Everyone in my life, back home in Boston knew that coming to UConn was a fresh start for me and a second opportunity at life.

I started my college career at UMass in my home state of Massachusetts. Going to college was just another thing on my list to tick off to pacify my family. Unlike my high school peers, I never aspired to go to college, in fact I didn't think I'd be alive by the time it came around.

"You must be Lily!" A sweet voice pulled me from my inner monologue as I stood in my new bedroom, boxes surrounding me.

"Yes!" I spun around to see a brown haired, brown eyed girl stood in my doorway. I flashed her my biggest, bravest smile.

Fake it till you make it.

"I'm Kelsey." She introduced herself coming closer.

Being a junior, I opted to live in an apartment for my time here at UConn. Four people, four bedrooms. That way I had my own space but still the option to mingle in our shared living room and kitchen. I knew I was sharing with three other girls as there was a paper with all our names listed on the table when I entered the apartment a few hours ago.

Kelsey

Madison

Hannah

and me, Lily.

"Nice to meet you." I say and Kelsey hugs me tight, its a warm hug and I can tell its not just a pleasantry, Kelsey feels kind and that relaxes me immediately.

"Looks like we're the first to arrive, how long have you been here?" She asks looking around at the numerous open boxes with my possessions spilling out of them.

"A few hours - how about you?" I bounce the question back to my new roommate.

"Oh I got here last night. Just took a walk around to familiarise myself. I lived on the complete other-side of campus last year but wanted to upgrade for my junior and senior year." She explained.

"I expect a tour at some point then." I joke but Kelsey nods enthusiastically, "Of course! Did you live off campus last year?"

"No. Well, yes - I lived in a whole different state. I just transferred from UMass." I tell her.

I decide to keep my explanation of why I transferred clean and concise.

Massachusetts was not for me.

I was born and raised there and needed something new. I'm not ashamed of my life and what has happened, I'm just very aware that not everyone needs to know everything about me.

Not yet anyway.

And besides, this is supposed to be a fresh start and how can there be any truth in that if I spend my time talking about the past.

Kelsey stayed in my room for the next few hours and helped me unpack the majority of my stuff. Things were starting to look normal rather than like a bomb had just exploded, I was thankful for the help.

I learned a lot about Kelsey in the time we spent filling my wardrobe and organising my dresser. She was studying Education as she wanted to be a preschool teacher. She was also from New England - New Hampshire to be precise (East Coast girlies unite). She was a party girl and insisted on showing me the bars near-by. She was newly single and was making it her junior year goal to stay that way.

Me too. But I didn't mention that.

Her favourite colour was red which looking at her now, was obvious. She sported a red baby tee and had her nails painted the exact same shade. She couldn't function without a morning coffee.

Me too. I did mention that.

I liked Kelsey a lot.

"So Kinesiology..." She started mentioning my choice of major.

"Yes - it was kind of a last minute decision. I love sport, especially soccer and I knew I needed to study something that I could relate to a hobby or I would have lost interest." I laughed.

"Do you play soccer?" I shook my head immediately, "God no. I have absolutely no athletic ability I just love watching it." I say as we sit on my bed side by side, backs against the wall.

Watching soccer, whether it be on TV or in real life was the only time my brain truly shut off. I was too focused on where the ball was, who it was being passed to, how well the pass was being executed and if the net would ripple at the end of a well thought out play to focus on anything else.

"I suppose ninety minutes of tight kits and sweaty bodies isn't a bad view." Kelsey giggled and I couldn't argue.

"Do you watch or play any sports?" I turn my body to Kelsey slightly giving her my attention, I preferred talking about others.

"Definitely don't play. As for watching, I make myself present if theres a big tournament on, usually at the bar mind you." She points a finger at me matter of factly.

"But enough about me. I feel like I've told you my life story and all I know about you is you're a Bostonian who loves soccer. Tell me something fun! Are you dating anyone? What's your type?" She asks eyebrows wiggling at me.

I contemplate my answer carefully not knowing how to broach the subject. Kelsey makes me feel like I can trust her but in reality I've known her less than 12 hours so don't actually know her. I remind myself why I'm here: to start afresh. I decide to be honest, I spent way too long hiding who I really was.

"I'm not dating anyone." I confess, the words feeling foreign even though its the truth. "My last relationship didn't end so well. In fact, it almost ended me." I quip making light of a not so light time in my life not so long ago. "Oh no, I'm sorry Lily. I'll kill the guy if I ever meet him." She says seriously, hands balled into fist as if she's a boxer preparing to go into the ring.

Here goes nothing.

"The girl." I say correcting her. "You'll kill the girl if you ever meet her." I stay silent trying to read Kelseys reaction to the fact that I'm gay. Living in America you never know what to expect when you reveal something like that, I just hoped mine and Kelseys newfound friendship wasn't about to come to a premature end.

"I have no problem beating a bitch up." The brunette says flicking her hair off her shoulder. I breathe a sigh of relief, the revelation doesn't seem to have bothered her in the slightest. "My sisters lesbian and I've heard enough stories to know girls are just as bad a guys. Maybe you should join the sisterhood of single juniors." She says, raising an eyebrow putting her hand between us for me to place mine on top and join the unofficial club. I hesitate because deep down I'm a lover girl and despite my heart being in a million pieces right now I know I want to love again.

"Hey, there's no contract. You can leave at anytime and theres no rules that say we can't have fun." Kelsey playfully reassures sensing my hesitation so I place my hand on top of hers, "Single sisters!" We both giggle, Kelsey leaning her body into mine so our shoulders are touching.

This feels like the perfect start to my life in Connecticut.

I left Boston broken. Brokenhearted and mentally in pieces.

My once big friendship group had dwindled down to one best friend. My ever growing confidence had come to a halt and years of therapy was thrown down the drain.

My Sophomore year was turbulent at best, coming to terms with my sexuality was a journey and then being outed was crushing and too much for me to handle. Managing my emotions has always been a problem of mine, I feel everything or I feel nothing. Both ends of the spectrum can be scary and dangerous and I did stupid things and made an almost irreversible decision.

UConn and Kelsey feels like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Madison and Hannah showed up at some point that evening. The girls had been roommates their Freshman and Sophomore year so already knew each other well. Kelsey and I introduced ourselves and we decided as a group, pizza for dinner was the best way to spend our first night together. We spoke and ate in the living area of our apartment until tiredness took over us one by one.

As I lay in my new bed in my new room I think of the days and weeks to come. I want to start off the best I can, give myself the best opportunity to love life again. Starting tomorrow, my goal was to find a student job on campus. Classes would take up most of my time but I needed pretty much all of my time filled, that way my mind wouldn't stray. I also wanted to scope out the sports. UConn was known for their amazing athletics program and I couldn't wait to be watching games again.

Oh and of course Kelsey wants to go to a bar tomorrow night, Hannah and Madison too so I close my eyes preparing for a busy day ahead, the melatonin I'd taken kicking in.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

My first day in Storrs as a student at UConn was going better than expected.

Kelsey had showed me her favourite coffee place and it had lived up to her hype. I got my usual order of an iced caramel latte with soya milk. I had unintentionally made myself lactose intolerant after being vegan for a few years. I was no longer vegan but dairy refused to be introduced back into my diet. While we sipped our drinks she gave me the grand tour of campus and then Downtown Storrs. It reminded me a lot of Boston which was bittersweet but I focused on the sweet.

"And that," She says pointing to one of the buildings with a huge Huskies sign, "is the infamous Huskies! The best bar around...well, the only bar around but never-mind. That's where we're going tonight." My roommate tells me and does a little dance which makes me laugh.

We finished our coffees on the walk back to campus and Kelsey dropped me off at the Athletics building where I was going to enquire about a student job. I had checked online and there were a few available, I just had to apply. I figured showing my face would make me stand out compared to the many applicants I'm sure admissions would have to choose from. It also gave me an opportunity to check the team rosters and schedule. I became friends with a lot of the student athletes at UMass because I went to so many games, it made me wonder if that would be the case here at UConn.

Walking into the building, it was obvious there was a gym inside I could hear what I assumed to be people working out. Music blasted through speakers though it was muffled by the closed doors and the clanging of weights dropping further verified my assumption.

The doors were closed as I walked passed what I now know is the weight room from the sign outside. My curiosity tempted me to peek inside the room as I heard a cacophony of voices, girls voices for sure.

I was stopped in my tracks, "Hi, can I help you?" The voice came from an older woman, I looked to her and smiled, "Yes please. I'm looking for the main office, here to enquire about a student job this semester." I explained.

"Oh wonderful - follow me, I'm Janet. Head of admissions for the Athletic Department."

I followed Janet down a few corridors and up a set of stairs before reaching the office. The walls along the way all adorned with various UConn teams holding trophies and medals covered in confetti. It was clear they were no strangers to winning here.

"So we have a few positions on offer is semester. I suppose it depends on what kind of role you're looking for." Janet says sitting behind her desk and inviting me to sit facing her.

"I'm studying Kinesiology so I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to work within the Athletics department at all. I'd be happy with anything." I say and truly mean it.

"What is your schedule like?" Janet asks.

"My classes are most days until 4 or 5pm. Wednesday's are completely free as are evenings and weekends." I tell her.

"Hm OK, we have a position here for a Communications Intern. You'll be assisting with post and pre game press conferences and social media posts. You'll be at most home games on the sidelines, taking notes for our journalists to write in articles and pictures to post on our socials - nothing professional of course, we have photographers for that but the fans like to see some behind the scenes on game days." Janet reads off her screen before looking up at me with a raised brow, "How does that sound?"

"That sounds great!" I replied enthusiastically, "As a fan of sports myself, hopefully I can show game days from a new angle."

"Amazing! Our womens teams are gaining a lot more traction, not just on campus so I'm positive fans who can't make it to games in person will be grateful." Janet smiles, typing a few words then standing from her desk. "I've put your name down - at the top of the list in bold - it's always nice when applicants come and see us face to face." I smile to myself knowing that would be the case.

"Thank you for making time to see me." I say to Janet, shaking her extended hand before she leads me out of the office. "My pleasure."

Outside of Janets office is a huge ceiling to floor window with a perfect overview of the gym below. I was correct earlier, there are people working out and it is girls. I stop momentarily to take in the view below me, my mind automatically goes to my major and I wonder what paths these girls are on. Are any of them injured or coming back from injury? I'm immediately intrigued as I watch them perform different exercises.

"Those are our basketball girls." Janet breaks my daydream. "I suspect you'll be working with them a lot this semester."

I turn to her my eyes slightly widened, does that mean I've secured the job?

"If your application is successful of course." She smirks but its a knowing smirk that puts me at ease.

"Oh, and thats Kayla." She points out a specific girl in the gym, dressed differently from the others and considerably shorter so I immediately assume she's not on the team. "She works here in the main office with me. She's a great girl to know, I'll introduce you."

I follow Janet back down the stairs and through the same corridors we took less than thirty minutes ago. This time I take more care as I look at the pictures on the walls, the basketball team seem to take up the majority. I spot names like Sue Bird and Diana Taurasi which I am familiar with but not too much, in all honesty I've never watched a full game of basketball in my life. As we get closer to the end of the corridor where the pictures get more recent I notice one girl in particular, a blonde, she seems to always be in the middle of group photos, her teammates looking at her with admiration. Her smile contagious, making me smile as if I'm in the picture myself.

"Prepare yourself." Janet laughs as we approach the weight room door. "What for?" I ask now not so curious about going inside as I was earlier. "They're a lively lot." Is all she says before pushing open the door.

I take a sharp inhale, anxiety creeping in as I follow Janet into the room of athletes.

Every single one of my senses was hit walking into the weight room. The noises that were once muffled by the closed doors were now loud and clear. The room was significantly colder than the rest of the building for obvious reasons but I wrapped my arms around myself nonetheless. Thanks to my deep inhale on walking in, I was only now getting a waft of what smelt like a mix of sweat and fruit. I say a silent prayer that its the girls in here because I know for a fact it would be sweat mixed with more sweat if it was the boys. My eyes scanned the room quickly taking in what I just seen from above. I recognised some of the girls from the photos on the walls, not the blonde though. She wasn't here. Maybe she was a senior and had graduated already, a shame if that is the case.

"Hello ladies." Janet calls over the booming music. One by one the girls turn their attention to us and smile or wave and I return the pleasantries.

"A new commit?" I hear a voice behind me ask before feeling a hand press down on each of my shoulders. I unconsciously tense at the surprise contact.

"No, no. This is Lily - a junior here. She just applied for a job in the department so I'm showing her around." Janet explains and the girl that just had her hands on my shoulders walks in front of me revealing herself.

"Oh damn my bad, I got excited for a second." She laughed a little embarrassed, "I'm KK, nice to meet you." The girl introduced herself.

"Nice to meet you, KK." I smile at the basketball player and she goes to join the rest of girls who are now teasing her for basically jumping on my back. I didn't mind, it just caught me off guard. Besides, I'd rather these girls be overly friendly than cold and moody especially if I'll be working with them soon.

"I'm Paige." A slender hand extends itself to me, coming from the same direction KK came from. I take the hand in mine before looking to see who exactly 'Paige' was. "Hi-" my words get lodged in my throat.

There she was.

The girl from the photos. The blonde with the contagious smile and, I'm now realising, extremely blue eyes like the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

I compose myself quickly, "Hi Paige, I'm Lily." I manage without stuttering as I shake the girls hand before letting go, somewhat reluctantly.

Her hand was bigger than mine and it was warm pressed against my palm, my hand tingled where her touch just was.

"What's your major?" She asks and she seems genuinely interested.

"Kinesiology." I reply, turning my full attention to Paige, my back now to Janet.

"Interesting! You'll get along perfect here, lots of bad knees." She says lifting her leg showing off a nasty scar before tapping me on the shoulder and joining KK and the others.

"Lily hasn't got the job yet, Paige." Janet called after the girl who turned around, "You know what to do Jan!" She called back with a grin.

The girls giggled as she joined them and she playfully shoved one of them away. I couldn't hear their hushed words over the music but the way Paige glanced back at me, making direct eye contact, made me think it was about me or maybe I was just delusional hoping the pretty girl was in fact talking about me. I quickly averted my gaze.

The type of scar and placement on Paige's knee made me assume she had suffered an ACL tear. Tough, if I was correct. ACLs are a horrible injury to face but I can tell by the way she squats with a barbell rested on her shoulders, her form perfect, posture just right that it was healed. Suddenly my gaze was no longer diverted and I was just staring.

Janet introduced me to Kayla and we spoke for a few minutes, mainly about Kayla's role and how excited she would be if I joined the team as, and I quote, "The Athletics Department needed more girls behind the scenes."

We left the weight room together, Janet bidding us farewell at the door and Kayla and I walking to the exit of the building side by side.

"Welcome to UConn, by the way. I'm guessing you transferred here? I haven't seen you around before." Kayla says to me.

"Thank you! Yes, I just transferred from Massachusetts. So far, so good." I smile as we step outside into the warm August weather.

"It really is great here. Give me your number and we'll meet up, I know you just met Paige and KK but I'll introduce you to the others as well." She says pulling her phone from her back pocket and handing it to me.

I type my number in her phone saving my contact as Lily Kent - my full name. "That will be fun, thank you. I only know my roommates at the moment so I appreciate it." I hand Kayla back her phone.

"Thats the perks of working in sports, you make whole teams of friends." She says proudly.

"I need as many as I can get, it's kinda scary being the new girl. Maybe I'll meet some more tonight, we're going to a bar." I tell my, hopefully, new friend.

"Not the famous Huskies?" Kayla asks sending me a quizzical look. "Yes! The famous Huskies." I laugh, seems like this place has quite the reputation. "Perfect! We'll see you there then."

"We'll"? We all? As in possibly Paige? Suddenly I need to go back to the apartment take an everything shower, beat the hell out of my face and put together the best outfit I own.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

I wrapped myself in my robe and stepped out of the bathroom. All three of my roommates were in the living area of our apartment. "Hey guys!" I chirped, strolling into my room.

"Hey Lils, what are you wearing tonight?" Hannah asked following me into my bedroom. I looked back at her and we both glanced around my room and laughed.

Before taking a shower I attempted to choose an outfit which had resulted in me tearing my wardrobe apart, clothes now covering the majority of my bed and floor.

"Ok girl, never fear - Hannah is here." Hannah reassured sitting slap bang in the middle of the floor reaching for random items of clothing. "It's definitely a casual vibe but also our first night out. Not all students are back on campus yet but the athletes are so arguably thats even more of a reason to look good." She side eyed me from her place on the floor.

Could Hannah read my mind?

I hadn't mentioned my interaction or reaction to Paige to any of my roommates yet. Mainly because I had made a pact with Kelsey to stay single - not that Paige was in anyway trying to make me her girlfriend but also because I knew we'd probably see her tonight and three tipsy girls around their friends crush well, it wouldn't stay a secret lets just say that.

I also deep down knew that it was probably way too soon for me to even be thinking about another relationship but I can admire from afar right?

I was with my ex-girlfriend for almost two years before it finally ended in May, three months ago. 21 out of the 22 months we dated, we kept our relationship a secret from pretty much everyone. My best friend, Emma knew but that was it. That was the way we both wanted it, neither of us were out and we enjoyed sneaking around and having a genuinely private, private life.

That was until April when I accidentally left my phone in the library and it was found by someone who I thought was my friend. I stupidly had a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing as my lock screen. My phone was returned to me and everyone acted normal, I thought they hadn't noticed. Until that night, a picture of my lock screen was posted into our group chat and all hell broke loose. I felt physically sick at the words used to describe me and my girlfriend.

I was told I was sick, I needed help, I needed to find God and repent. I was told I was better off dead. It all very quickly became too much and I removed myself from the group chat and hoped to avoid the girls that were a part of it.

Unfortunately, there was no avoiding one another when your families knew each other. My girlfriend and I were promptly outed to all of our friends and families against our wishes. It put a lot of pressure on us. I was lucky to have kept a best friend in Emma. She stood by my side when nobody else did. My family were understanding, confused for a while but they came round and accepted me for who I am.

My girlfriend wasn't as lucky and that is what ultimately broke us apart. I don't blame her, she chose a relationship with her family and not being disowned over me. I can't blame her.

I blamed myself though. Me and my stupid lock screen had ruined us. I quickly fell into a downward spiral that was impossible to save myself from. I was drowning and I didn't know how to swim. I have a history of depression and I stopped taking my medication, I had lost all will to even try and continue with life and one night I decided I was done.

Life was not worth living if it was like this.

"Ok! How about this skirt, with this top?" Hannah asked holding up a distressed mini denim skirt and black bandeau top.

I looked at the outfit in her hands seeing the vision. "Yes, but swap the top for this one." I say holding up a long sleeve black shirt instead.

"Girl, it's August and we're going to be inside. You do not need long sleeves." I swallowed, I knew this would come up sooner or later. "Yes I do." Was all I said and luckily Hannah dropped the subject and threw me my skirt.

"Get ready! I'm going to change, we're leaving in an hour." The blonde girl stood up from my bedroom floor and left me alone to get dressed.

"Here, drink up." Kelsey placed a red cup, full to the brim, on my desk as I applied my mascara, finishing off my makeup.

"What's this?" I ask not waiting for an answer before taking a swig of the unknown drink. Vodka. It was definitely vodka and something else. I winced at the intensity of the cocktail. "It's the Kelsey Special of course!" My roommate laughed taking a sip from her own cup.

"Oh close your eyes!" She said doing a little jump, "I have a surprise for you."

“A surprise? For me?” I say doing as she says.

"Ok open!" I opened my eyes to see Kelseys hand opened in front of me, a danity string bracelet laying in her palm. "What's this?" I ask taking the thread into my own hands and admiring the intricate plait it was braided into. "It's official Single Sisters merch, duh!" She exclaims taking it back from me and tying it around my left wrist, she held up her own wrist showing off her matching bracelet. "I love them Kels!" I smile as I get up and pull her into a hug, "Thank you." "You're so welcome Lils, now lets get drunk!" And with that she drags me out of my bedroom, drinks in hand, into the kitchen where Hannah and Madison are pouring shots.

By the time we reach Huskies, its safe to say I'm tipsy. I'm not sure how many shots were consumed back at the apartment but I had another cup of the Kelsey Special and my body felt tingly and almost numb, it felt nice. I wasn't new to drinking and I knew my limit so I knew I'd be fine. We each got a drink as soon as we entered the bar and headed straight for the dance floor. The bar was decently busy, I scanned the room, no sign of Kayla...or Paige.

I'm not sure how long I had been dancing with my roommates before I felt an arm drape over my shoulders, "Hey hottie!" I flicked my head round and was met with Kaylas smiling face. "Oh my god, hiii!" I exclaim pulling her in for a hug, the alcohol had definitely hit. "These are my roommates! Kelsey, Hannah and Madison." I say pointing at the three girls individually, Kayla introduced herself as I finished the remainder of my drink.

"Come meet the girls!" Kayla shouted over the loud music, ushering us through the crowd over to a table in the corner of the bar.

She went around the entire group aquainting us with each other. I was now able to put names to the faces of the girls I'd seen in the gym earlier in the day.

Ice, Nika, Aliyah, Azzi, Aubrey and Jana.

"And of course you already met KK and Paige." Kayla says pointing behind me as Paige and KK approached us, multiple drinks in each of their hands.

I'm unsure whether it was the copious amounts of alcohol in my system or the moody low lighting of the bar but Paige looked particularly majestic as she sauntered over to the group. She had this vibe that seemed to follow her. Multiple heads turned in her direction and something told me she knew how hot she was.

KK was quick to put down the drinks she held and embrace me, I hugged the girl back taking in her sweet scent. Paige wasn't so quick, she handed drinks to her teammates and they thanked her before she turned her attention to me and my roommates. She introduced herself to Kelsey, Hannah and Madison giving them all a quick side hug.

"Hi Lily." She says, her eyes looking directly into mine. I have to look up slightly, the girl has some inches on me, "Hello Paige!" I can't help the stupid grin that spreads across my face as she leans in to hug me, not like the other girls, I'm encapsulated by both her arms, I swear if I was a cartoon character this is the moment my eyes would turn into red love hearts. Her scent was different from KKs, more vanilla-y, musky almost, warm.

"First time in Huskies calls for one thing: INITIATION SHOTS!" Nika says pulling me from Paige and leading me to the bar, her hands on my shoulders.

Once we all have a shot in our hands, Nika looks at me, "Ok one fact about you that no one knows!" She says pursing her lips.

God, the list was endless.

"I'm allergic to nuts." That was the most mundane fact that came to my mind.

"And not just the food kind!" Kelsey exclaims making the girls laugh before we knock back our shots.

Kelseys joke seemed to either go over everyones head or life really was different here in Connecticut and no one hated me because I was gay. Either way I felt comfortable around these girls, welcomed and it was a nice feeling.

I was reaching my limit but still found myself stumbling slightly towards the bar.

"Easy there." A hand grabbed my elbow balacing me before I was able to steady myself. "Thank you." I giggled and my words came out slurred.

I had definitely reached my limit but I waved the bar man over. "Vodka cranberry please!" I ordered feeling the hand move from my elbow to my lower back.

Who the hell was this?

I turned my gaze to my left seeing a guy slightly taller than me with brown shaggy hair smirking down at me. With one hand occupied on my lower back, the other dug into his pocket and he pulled out his card, "Let me get this for you." He says as he goes to pay for my drink. "No, it's OK." I say simply, trying to shrug him off. "Let me." He insists pulling me closer to him.

I was starting to feel uncomfortable when I felt his arm get yanked off of me, "She said it's OK, bro." Paige had inserted herself between me and the creep and gave him a light shove away. "Are you OK?" She asks looking at me sincerely, brows furrowed together. I nod, "I'm fine." I say as I pay for my drink. "Are you sure?" She double checks. "I promise, Paige. I've dealt with worse than a drunk guy in a bar." I reassure her. "As long as you're OK." She says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walk back to the table her teammates were once gathered around.

Paige sits down at the booth and I intently watch as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and reajusted her t-shirt.

"You like what you see?" Paige is smirking now and I've been caught red handed.

"I um- I-"

Pull yourself together Lily!

"I wasn't staring." I defend myself lazily. Paige laughs, "But you were staring in the gym earlier." She says matter of factly, raising her brows at me.

I feel my cheeks burn, well and truly red handed.

"What?" Is all I can manage as a response.

"The walls are mirrored babe, just because you were behind me doesn't mean I didn't see you." If it was even possible, my cheeks got hotter with embarrassment.

"Cocky much?" I taunt the basketball player before taking a long, needed sip of my drink.

"When it makes you this flustered, yes." She says reaching out for my wrist, pulling me to sit next to her.

We're so close our legs are touching and I can smell the mix of vanilla and musk again. "Tell me something about yourself Lily. Something other than your allergy to nuts...not just the food kind." Oh god.

I muster every sober fibre inside of me to think of something that doesn't qualify as a trauma dump. I look down at my hands, the bracelet Kelsey gifted me earlier poking out of the bottom of my sleeve.

"I joined a club!" I say waving my arm up showing off the bracelet.

"Oh yeah, what club?" Paige questions, head slightly tilted. "Single sisters!" I say proudly. "It's just me and Kelsey at the moment but we made a pact to stay single all of junior year." I tell Paige about mine and my roommate's promise to each other.

She hooks a finger through the bracelet, her knuckle grazing my skin softly, and tugs gently. "Hey!" I pull my arm away afraid she'll break the delicate thread. "What are you doing?" I frown. "Just checking how secure that thing is." She looks at me with that god forsaken eye contact that she's so good at. "Wouldn't want it breaking." She says eyes still locked onto mine.

"Lilyyyyy." I begrudgingly look away from Paige to see Madison practically being held up by Kelsey and Hannah.

I thought I was drunk.

"I think it's home time." Paige says into my ear, her breath hot on my neck.

"Hi Mads." I say standing up, ignoring the fact Paiges breath had spiked my heart rate. "I think we should get her home." Hannah says and I nod turning to grab my bag.

Well, well, well.

I catch Paige, staring, right at me, I smirk to myself.

One point to Lily.

I bend slightly to pick my bag up off the table, "Looks like we both have a staring problem." I say quiet enough for just Paige to hear and quickly turn on my heel following my friends out of the bar.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[13as07]

Shogi Partner #3

(Shikamaru Nara Smut)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to viziiro]

Requested by: @meugod (and others)

Word Count: 5,878

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Nick Name(s): Little/Fawn, Baby Girl, Babe

Board-line Pedophilia

Age-Gap (older man/younger woman)

Cheating

Power Imbalance (teacher/student)

Thoughts of harm to others

Smoking

Pornographic Photos

Non-Con

Hickeys/Bite Marks

Grinding

Themes of Grooming

Creampie

I think ima make another prequel and possibly one more part :)

———————————————————————

I’ve behaved. I’ve been behaving for the past month. No longing looks. No weird conversations. No touching. No inappropriate behaviors or thoughts of any kind while my Little Fawn is near. Not a single one…

Except when I’m alone in my office. When there’s nothing but silence, memories, and Namiashi’s perfume that seems to seep into every and anything possible. Except when it’s late at night when I’m surrounded by undone paperwork or in a loveless bed with my wife. Except when I go to pick up Shikadai from preschool on my student’s days off; her days off she spends helping at the nursery. Her days off she spends playing with my son, holding him in her arms, his bag slung over her shoulder as she fills me in on his day during pick-up.

Except when my terribleness bubbles and I’m left with my hand around my dick, rubbing myself to the photo of us I have stashed in a book, hidden away on my bookshelf over-flowing with information and journals from past Chiefs, packed full of advice on how to run our clan. Except when my mind runs wild with the reminder I’m going to be left alone, for three long days with my beautiful Fawn. Just her, me, and our minor mission to pass off documents to my lovely Brother-In-Law. A mission I’ve kept quiet from my wife so I could take my student with me instead.

Except when my eyes brand the photo of us into my mind. It’s not even just us. The photo is from two years ago, Shikadai’s first trip to the lake. He’s in my arms, leaning across me to grab at Namiashi-Chan. I’m looking down at her, talking about one thing or another, but she…

She’s looking up at me, my son’s ice cream in one hand, her’s in the other with a spoon full of the treat snug between her lips as she focuses on me. My Fawn’s eyes are wide, full focus on me as she listens. I don’t remember what I was saying, but I do remember what I was thinking. I was thinking about her swimsuit, the way the tassels of her top brushed against her skin, how much I hate the see-though coverup wrapped around her hips, somehow hiding less skin than the actual bikini bottoms do, and how easily the strings of either section could loosen and give away to the bits hidden away; not like there was a lot hidden away.

I’m a terrible man for using this picture to get off. My son is in it. My Fawn is still sixteen in it… but I don’t have any other photos of her. I should take more photos of her.

I really shouldn’t take more photos of her.

But I can’t help it. These moments, alone, with my thoughts drowning with her, seem like the only thing keeping things “professional” between us like she asked.

Still, my dick, trapped in my hand, twitches at the thought of having more photos of my Fawn. Photos of her dumb eyes that soften and get so round every time she sees me. Photos of her in that stupid oversized shirt her dad gave her that she still sleeps in. A perfect photo of her leaned over my desk, legs spread with a skirt hiked up and me dripping out of her.

My dick twitches again, my muscles tightening this time. My hand tightens too, wrapping the tissue I have more securely around my tip to catch all the mess that spills. The mess that wetness and warms the thin sheet.

Like clockwork, my stomach stirs as my guilt and disgust come crashing over me. Thoughts of my wife and my son, of my child of a student, of my duties, my clan, all stir in my head, forcing the drops of disgust to fall faster. I knew I shouldn’t have had that fish for lunch, it’s going to suck coming back up, all because of my pretty shogi partner.

———————————

My stomach folds itself as I raise my hand to the door, willing myself to knock on it again.

Where’s my Fawn? Why didn’t she answer the first time? I’m a little early, about five minutes, but she should be around, packing for our mission or simply waiting for me to pick her up at the agreed time. Did I get the time wrong? Maybe I told her one instead of noon. I don’t make simple mistakes like that.

Though, I didn’t think I was a terrible man either but proceeded to ease myself in my office, to a photo of us… and my son… less than ten minutes ago.

My knuckles click against the wood, trying to use the sound to drown both my thoughts and the feeling of my stomach trying to rid what’s left in it. Not like there’s a lot there. Most of it is in the trash can next to my desk.

“I’m coming! I’m coming! Have some patience,” A voice calls from the other side of the door. A deep voice. The deep voice of Raido.

My jaw clenches, deep breaths being sucked into my lungs as I try to will myself to not feel sick. I have nothing to worry about. He knows nothing, and he definitely doesn’t know what I did in my office, and he doesn’t know that it’s slowly turning into an everyday habit. I’m not sure I can say the same about my receptionist though.

“What is so urgent that - ”

Raido cuts himself off, his scowl quickly dropping when he sees me, replaced with the same smile I see on his daughter’s face, more so in my memories than in person recently. His smile quickly falls, replaced with the same worried face my Fawn tends to wear when she can tell I feel sick.

“Are you okay? You look sick, Shikamaru.”

“Ya, I just - ” rubbed one out to the thought of your daughter “ - ate some bad fish.”

His head nods as he pushes the door open, ushering for me to enter. “I take it you ate at Yakiniku Q? I don’t know what it is, but their new cook just can’t cook the fish right. My advice? Steer clear of it until they replace him.” Actually, I ate the lunch my wife packed me but I’m not willing to blow my cover to fix that small fact.

Sickness bubbles in my throat at the reminder of my wife. My wife that’s going to be pissed beyond belief when she finds out where I’m going for my mission. My wife that’s going to leave a sore spot on the back of my head when I get home from said mission. My wife that I’m leaving home so I can take my student on this trip, alone. My beautiful student who wouldn’t dream of putting her hands on me outside of sparring and other training matters. My student that doesn’t seem to be here.

My eyes sweep over the small house again, slowly scanning the living room and parts of the kitchen I can see. There’s no sign of her anywhere, besides the smoke-colored cat perched on the kitchen counter. She named it Ven, a play on the word venison, and another screaming reminder that I’m the one who gave her the nasty feline. Another nasty reminder of why she has the cat, or more so, what she did to get the cat. Chills drag up my spine at the reminder. I’m a really terrible man.

“Where’s your daughter?” I mutter, tearing my eyes away from the dreadful creature. I also make my breaths deeper to push the sickness down that’s trying to claw its way up my throat.

“My baby girl is upstairs with Tanjiro.”

My head snaps toward Raido, my inner disgust put on the back burner as anger bubbles into its place. What does he mean that my Fawn is upstairs with Tanjiro. That’s a boy’s name, so what in the world is my student doing, alone, upstairs, with a boy?

“What?” I can hear the venom in my voice almost as much as I can feel it on my tongue. Raido’s eyebrows squeeze together and the corners of his mouth fall into a deep frown, all signs that he’s concerned with my reaction. All signs that I don’t care about right now because who knows what this Tanjiro is doing with my baby Fawn.

“My daughter is upstairs spending time with Tanjiro before you two leave for your mission. I don’t know why you’re getting so upset about it. It’s no different than you spending time with your wife and son.”

Of course, it’s different. It’s unbearable how different it is. “Personally, Raido, I wouldn’t leave my child alone, in their room, with someone of the opposite sex,” my voice is still hissy and downright disrespectful, but I can’t dig up enough respect to care.

The older man’s confusion quickly melts into anger, a more controlled fire than his daughter’s burning in his eyes. “My child is an adult, Shikamaru. An adult having some privacy with her boyfriend before she risks her life for her village, once again. You might think you have everything figured out; a clan to run, a high rank in the village, a loving wife, and a bouncing baby boy, but don’t forget you’re not an elder yet. I have been a father for fifteen years longer than you. I know what’s best for my daughter’s personal life, you know what’s best for her Shinobi career. Stay in your space before I rip my daughter for your care.”

My fingertips tingle, the shadows of the house yanking on my chakra, begging me to use them. Begging me to strangle this Tanjiro, this boyfriend Namiashi-Chan seems to have found. Begging me to hurt my student’s father, to punish him for allowing this to happen, to feed him pain until he can’t even fathom the thought of pulling my Fawn from me. To do any and everything possible to take out the two blaring threats of my doe-eyed girl no longer being mine.

The click of my jaw opening fills the silent place, acting like a spark in a room of gasoline. My words bubble in my throat, pushing up to my mouth, but beating cut off before they spill over.

“Sensei!” The melody of my student’s voice feels like a pale of water being thrown on the flames of my anger, instantly snuffing it out. “I thought I heard you talking to Dad. Is everything alright?”

Just like that, my anger is back. I’ve learned to hate the word ‘dad’ over the years. It’s all I heard about the first two years of being Namiashi-Chan’s teacher. ‘My dad, my dad, my dad’.

‘My Dad said that’s the wrong way to do it.’

‘My Dad always cooks my dinner.’

‘My Dad would cut my steak for me.’

‘My Dad never makes me carry my bag.’

The only thing worse than that is her uncles. If Raido doesn’t do it for Namiashi-Chan, her uncles do. She’s the most spoiled girl I’ve ever met. Hinata is a literal princess, but somehow she’s less spoiled than my student.

Despite the annoyance it brings me, it also brings me some inspiration. I can only hope my bond with Shikadai is anywhere close to my Fawn’s bond with her father. I hope my son compares every man in his life to me because he sees me as this great man who can do no wrong. I hope I can truly be that great man one day, but it doesn’t seem like today will be that day. Especially with the way my dick twitches at the sight of the girl in front of me.

She’s smiling down at me, standing high enough on the stairs that I have to look up to see her. Her hair is braided in a sort of crown on her head, the true princess of the Namiashi clan even if her father isn’t the chief, before it melts into a ponytail. Perfectly made to hold as she’s cradled between my legs. She’s prepared for the harsh heat of the Sand Village, wearing shorts that hug her thighs just right. I can only imagine how well they make her butt look. The shirt hanging on her stops halfway down her stomach, the rest of her covered by the see-through mesh she’s adopted into her style through the years. A style of my clan. Like always, Raido’s dog tags are in place, dangling around her neck and resting just low enough to tease her breasts.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” Raido murmurs, his daughter being the end of his anger as much as she is for me. “Everything is fine. Shikamaru and I were just having a minor disagreement.”

“See?” Another voice butts in, too low to be a girl but too high to be one of her uncles. The voice is paired with the creaking of stairs, the sound pulling my Fawn’s attention away from me. “You were worried for no reason.” A young man, presumably Tanjiro, settles on the step behind my student, his hand automatically wrapping around the back of her neck as he tilts his head down to brush a kiss on her cheek. “You get too anxious before missions, babe. Stop psyching yourself out over nothing, anxiety isn’t a good trait for a Shinobi.”

“I guess,” my student murmurs, her eyes swimming in admiration, big and round like they are when she looks up at me. How they only should be when she looks at me.

The tingling returns to my skin, my hand flexing to try and rid the feeling before I do something I can’t take back. My mind has been made up. This boy won’t stay, can’t stay. If Raido won’t do anything to scare him off, I will. I’ll be damned if he ever touches my Fawn again, if he ever belittles her for being worried, if he ever criticizes her Shinobi skills. I’ll cut his hands off if I have to, slit his throat so he can’t speak. No one is allowed to lecture my student on her skills, besides me.

“Namiashi, we’re leaving.”

“Yes, Sensei.”

———————————

Anger still strangles every nerve in my body, leaving me in a sour mood all day. This isn’t how I wanted to spend the first part of the mission with my Fawn. I wanted to spend it laughing with her, admiring her lack of clothing, melting her smile into every inch of my mind, but of course, I didn’t get that.

Bad men don’t get good things. They get jealous of a literal teenager and her boyfriend. They get constant replies of memories they want to ignore, reminders of said boyfriend kissing said student’s cheek. They get thoughts of their Fawn actually kissing that boy, of her smiling at him, hugging him, fucking him. Constant thoughts about how I shouldn’t care, how I should be happy for her, how it’s wrong that all I can think about is ways to keep her to myself. Thoughts of how I’ve never been this angry about Temari interacting with any man and yet I’m fuming over such an innocent moment my student had with her romantic partner.

I let out another slow exhale, the smoke of my cigarette almost invisible in the dark midnight sky. The soft candlelight from the tent lights the grey smoke for barely a moment before it melts into the sky. My Fawn is asleep, curled up in a ball with nothing but that annoying shirt she’s been wearing to bed for years now. It fits her a bit better than when she was a child, but the hem still rests low, just low enough to cover her panties. It’s too hot, easily breaking a hundred degrees, so she hasn’t paired any pants with it.

It’s a beautiful sight, my not-so-small-anymore student curled up, the candlelight dancing across her skin, her panties teasing me as the dark fabric of them poke out between her thighs. My fingers curl into the dirt under me as I peek into the tent, peaking through the small opening I left when I came out for a smoke. The dirt is still made of soil, but hints of sand are mixed in, signaling the closeness to the Sand Village.

My Fawn lets out a sigh, soft and barely loud enough for me to hear. Still, it catches my attention. The girl’s movements are muddy, dancing with sleep as she rolls onto her back. Her arm stretches out, running across the cot for a moment before falling still. It’s another habit of hers, searching for someone next to her as she sleeps. It’s a leftover effect of the co-sleeping she did with her father when she was younger. It’s a small thing I’ve noticed Shikadai picking up on too.

When our son was born, I fought with Temari to let him co-sleep with us. I saw how close it made my kunoichi with her father and wanted that for my son and us. Overall, I won but my wife has continually reminded me that when he gets too old to sleep with us, I’ll be the one responsible for breaking that habit.

I scan over my Fawn, drinking in every detail of the new position. Her legs have fallen further open, showing the dark green color of her underwear. Here I thought they were black. No, they’re a forest green, one that reminds me of an off-attempt at my clan’s color. My mind swirls with the remainder of the camera in my bag. Just because I couldn’t bring myself to tell Temari about the trip doesn’t mean my son is going to suffer. I fully plan to bring him home souvenirs and photos of the other village of his heritage.

But, I could use the camera for other means as well. I have more than enough Polaroids. Besides, perhaps a better photo of her will help calm my nerves. Help me adapt to this new boyfriend she’s gone and collected. I still haven’t figured out how my student managed to get a partner without me noticing. Perhaps I’ve been giving her a little too much freedom and too much time unsupervised. Though I fully believed she was okay in her father’s care. Apparently, I was wrong. He’d willing to let her around anyone she pleases. How could Raido be so empty-minded about his daughter? If I had a daughter, she wouldn’t be allowed around any boy I don’t see as fit. Why should that be any different for my Fawn?

I let my hand fall, snuffing my cigarette out on the ground so I can return to our tent, to my student, to the constant twitch in my dick, and the never-ending thoughts in my head. My student looks even more beautiful closer up, hidden away in our tent, the darkness locked out once I have the opening zipped closed. My heartbeat pumps in my pants, egging me to move closer to her.

I make my breaths deeper, moving slowly as I crawl across the small room to grab my bag. One photo won’t hurt. If anything, it’ll help. Besides, I’ll feel better if I have a photo not including my son.

I repeat my thoughts, slowly rolling every syllable in my head as I take my camera out and slide back across the room. “It’s for the best. It’ll help,” I whisper to myself, holding the device up to situate the frame how I want it. My Fawn’s legs frame the lens, her covered pussy being the focus point. I barely think as I snap the picture, the soft buzzing of the picture printing filling the silent room.

If one photo will help, two would be so much better. Or possibly three, four, five? It won’t hurt any. I’m the only one going to see them and I’ll happily die before letting them get into the hands of another person.

My hands tremble as I set the camera on the bed. They continue to shake as I inch my student’s shirt up, letting the material slip up and over her head, before settling it on the floor. My breath ticks at the sight of her bare, hands jerking to grab my camera. I can’t help but be eager as I snap photos of her, littering the floor in photos. Photos of her breasts, her bare stomach, her peaceful face, her smooth neck decorated with the chain of her necklace, the hickey on her collar bone.

The device slips from my hands when my mind clears enough to make a bit of sense, the camera clucking when it makes contact with the floor. There is a hickey on my student. I hickey very much not from me. A hickey from that disgraceful boyfriend of hers. Anger and jealousy rush through me, a tidal wave of deadly mixture.

I can’t stop myself from jerking forward, my hands wrapping around her thighs. My fingers still shake with anger as I grip my pretty Little Fawn, her skin warm and melting into my palms. I let my touch slide further up her thighs, only stopping when I have a grip on her hips. Since Tanjiro feels the need to give her to me marked, I’ll very happily return the favor.

My head tucks downward, my lips sliding against the skin of her inner thighs. The lightness doesn’t stay for long, chased away by my lips and teeth alike. I suck on a chunk of my student’s skin, my teeth grazing her soft flesh to leave my mark. It feels like I black out as I mark my student, minutes running together as I slide between her thighs, across her hips, up her stomach, and over the hills of her boobs.

When my nose finally nuzzles her neck, my anger is simply a simmer, the same can’t be said about my Little Fawn’s skin. Dark blotches coat more of her than I wanted, hickeys and bite marks shining against her skin. My fingertips slide against each one, enjoying the color and the dips left by my teeth. She’s going to be fuming in the morning, she’s going to hate me, she’s never going to talk to me again after this mission.

My hand jumps off her skin, shoving its way past the waistband of my boxers. If Namaishi-Chan is going to be angry, I might as well have what I want anyway. What’s she going to do? She’s already going to hate me, so what’s stopping me from taking what I want? I tug my dick out of my boxers, letting it rest against the panties that are too coincidentally the color of my clan.

I’m a bad man; I know that now. I know I’m terrible. I’ve murdered people before and would willingly do it again. I thought about doing it just this afternoon. Thought about murdering an innocent boy for selfish reasons. I’ve been lusting after a child for years. I married a woman I don’t love for personal restraint. I had a child with a woman I didn’t love because it was expected of me. I adore my son, truly, but I couldn’t care less about his mother if I tried. I’ve been grooming my student since the very start. Doing things I shouldn’t do. Bribing her for moments of pleasure. Touching her in ways I shouldn’t. Thinking about her in improper ways. Keeping and taking less-than-appropriate photos of her. And now... Now I’m going to take the one thing that’s been driving me crazy for years.

I’ll fix it all tomorrow if I must. I’ll pay for her therapy. I’ll leave my wife. I’ll let Shikadai grow without a dad with the simple hope of him having a better man to model himself after. I’ll let Raido kill. I’ll let Namaishi-Chan kill me if she wishes. I’ll step down as the Nara chief. I’ll stop down as the Hokage’s advisor. Whatever I have to do, just for this one night, these few moments, for this single memory.

I bury my face into my Fawn’s neck, hiding from the candlelight, from the disgusting man I am. My hands shake, for different reasons this time, as I cling to her waist. My hips slide against hers, grinding my boner against the annoying barrier between her and me. The last annoying barrier, one that I can control, but I can’t get rid of it yet. I need to calm down, take my time, and savor this if I’m really willing to throw my whole life away. Her life. Temari’s life. Shikadai’s life. The clan’s reputation. The Hokage’s reputation. The Village's and possibly the Sand’s reputation... But I need this, just once. At least once.

My lips brush against her neck, her skin and the metal of her necklace dancing against my mouth. “I love you, Fawn. So much... So much so that it’s killing me,” I whisper, the words seeming so loud at the moment. My hand trembles as I slide it down, off her waist, and toward her hip. It feels like fire is licking my fingertips as they brush against the band of her panties, a fire that strengthens when I slide underneath the material. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You deserve better. You deserve a good man. A man like your father. A man like my father.”

Tears spill out of my eyes, wetting my Fawn’s neck, but it’s not the wetness that matters at the moment. I don’t want this to hurt her, I want her to feel as okay as possible in the morning. I want some part of her to be well, even if it’s just her physicality.

I continue whispering “Sorry”s and “I love you”s as my fingertips slide through her, letting the feeling of her pussy burn into my memory. When I dip a finger into my Fawn’s pussy, excitement mixes with the darkened feelings in my chest. This is what I’ve been so desperate for. This is what I’ve wanted for so long. She is all I want. A perfect life would be made of her, Shakidai, my dad, and me. That is my paradise.

Another finger slides in as my thumb stumbles onto her clit, rubbing slow circles into the nerve bundle. My Fawn is going to feel good; I’ll make sure of it. It’s the least I can do. Her breathing picks up from the stimulation, my fingers curling and thumb swirling to ease an orgasm out of her, all while my mind is screaming pleas of her staying asleep and my mouth is whispering apologies and love.

A murmured moan slips out of my student’s mouth, her hands back to exploring the bed; my prayers are ignored as she comes undone. “Sensei?” She whispers, her voice airy from her heavy breathing as her hands quickly find me. My skin burns with arousal at the feeling of her hands finding my waist, sliding up and down my bare back. My hand is drenched from her juices, a smaller, slightly less desired paradise.

“Go to sleep, Fawn,” I whisper in her ear, pulling out my fingers. My chakra buzzes, the shadows in the small space jumping to my command and snuffing out the candles. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“What are you doing?” She’s barely awake, evident in her voice and the way her hips lift when I slide her panties off. Her hands are quickly growing looser too, seconds away from letting me go as she slips back into sleep. I doubt she’ll remember any of this in the morning. I hope she doesn’t remember any of this in the morning. Well, I small part of me does.

“Just... coming back from a smoke,” I whisper, holding my breath as the lie hangs in the air. Still, I don’t stop my movements, sliding her underwear off her legs before situating myself between her knees.

“Oh, okay.” The answer is barely present as my Fawn settles back into her dream realm, her body twisting in an attempt to lay on her side.

I situate her back in place, laid on her back so I can admire all of her. So, I can watch her boobs bounce when I slide into her, so I can see the calmness of her face, so I can admire her skin taunted with proof of me covering every inch of her. A moan hisses out between my teeth when I bottom out, my balls resting against the still-warm cum from my Fawn’s orgasm.

“I love you. I really love you. I love you so much, Fawn,” I spill out, slowly dragging my dick out of her before pushing it back in. My hands are clammy and heavy as I grip her waist again, my eyes glued to her chest to watch how it moves while I fuck her. “I’m sorry, Little Fawn. So sorry, but I need this. I need it so bad that it’s killing me from the inside out.”

Tears blur my vision as I look down at her, the droplets falling to decorate her cheeks in my sadness, in my love. I wish she was awake. I wish I could hear more than her sleepy moans. I wish I could experience her true reaction instead of her fast asleep, defenseless as I violate her. I wish I would have never married Temari. I wish my student to not hate me in the morning so I can leave my wife and spend what’s left of my time with my perfect student. I wish I was a better man.

But I know I never will be, because as I thrust myself in once again, push myself as deep into my Fawn as I can, assuring not a drop of cum gets anywhere but in her, the only thing on my mind is the thought of snapping a photo of me slowly dripping out of her pussy.

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The rough material of the cot under me scrapes against my palm, a bittersweet reminder that I’m not home, that Dad isn’t downstairs making breakfast, and that Ven isn’t curled up against me. However, it is a nice reminder that I’m with Sensei, that he’s either asleep next to me or outside having a smoke or even working on some pile of paperwork as he waits for me to wake up and choose what we have for breakfast. It’s a nice reminder that he spent all night asleep next to me instead of his wife.

The thought adds a tinge of sadness to my chest. Temari is a good person, an amazing shinobi, and an excellent mother. It makes me sad that I like her husband so much. It makes me sad that Shikamaru is so mean to her and that I’m part of the, if not the whole, reason why he does.

I push myself up until I’m seated, a change that makes my collarbone ache. Tanjiro is a nice boy who treats me well so I can’t figure out why I can’t just like him back. I’ve been debating whether to end our short fling or not. I don’t want to string him on but I also can’t keep hoping Sensei will leave his wife, let alone want me. That’s something that’s never going to happen, so why put my life on hold for a ‘what if’?

The longer I sit here, slowly waking up, the more aches that fill my body. We did travel a lot yesterday so some of the aches make sense, but the more I listen to my body, the more fear trickles into my stomach. My face feels like something has dried on it, as do my thighs. Weird places of my body ache; my boobs, my thighs, my neck... my vagina.

Slowly, my eyes trail across the tent, taking a breather as I prep myself to look down. The candles are lit, which I find strange. I could have sworn the tent was pitch black when I woke up last night. My mind replays the memory as I look around more of the tent. Sensei is gone, most likely outside to smoke, leaving me alone. Papers have been placed on top of the finished game of Shogi we played last night; easily eight or nine sheets. Photos litter the foot of the cot, a complete mess of polaroids.

I lean forward, pushing them into a pile before picking them up to look through. Fear sinks into my stomach faster as I look through them. They’re photos of me. Photos of my intermit parts, of all my parts, photos of bruises and bite marks that weren’t there yesterday, and finally, a photo of a man leaking out of me.

My body moves before my head can, my hand gripping the disregarded blanket to wrap it around my nudeness and my feet moving to stand. The photos are forgotten, falling into a mess on the ground again as I move away from the bed. My training kicks in before my feelings can, pulling me toward the papers on the table, hoping they’re a hint toward last night. Sensei couldn’t... he wouldn’t... he didn’t... but my memory of the middle of the night says otherwise.

I flip through the pages on the table with my eyes, not daring to touch them for fear that they’re worse than the photos I found. The first page ends up being the only thing I need with big black letters spelling out divorce agreement at the top.

“Fawn?” The nickname is paired with a soft hand wrapping around my throat, the common feeling of Sensei’s chest pushing against my back quickly following. “I thought you were going to be asleep for longer.” The words are a whisper, drowned out by the feeling of Shikamaru’s free hand tugging the blanket up my legs, slowly daring to expose me again. “I know that you’re scared, and hurt, and probably pretty angry at me, but please... Please let me talk to you... let me make you feel good before you decide what to do. Afterall, that’s what Senseis are for right? To make sure you feel good. Make sure you feel safe when you’re out on a mission.”

“Shikamaru,” I answer, my voice wavering despite my attempt to sound stronger, to sound unafraid of him. With age, I’ve slowly started to figure out what’s been happening between us. I know this is improper, I know no other Senseis treat or talk or touch their students like mine does. I know the classic signs of grooming, it was part of our empathy training, we learned it early on so we could help and protect the people and villages affected by our enemies. I know that Sensei has been grooming me, molesting me.

But has he really?

Most students are just that, students, but I’m more. I’m Shikamaru’s shogi partner, I’m friends with his wife, I know his child, so has he really groomed me?

Of course not, I’m just a bit more than his student. I’m just his Little Fawn.

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[babymetaldoll]

Are you mine? - Chapter fourteen: "A pearl in my head"

Summary: Spencer and his wife are trying to deal with their issues, but things are more complicated than just a few silly arguments about dirty dishes. Spencer plans to go to Mexico by the way...    Word count: 10.871 Warning:  Criminal Mind spoilers S12 Ep 21 and 22, plus smut, angst, fights. This chapter has is all. It even has Cat Adams.  A/N: I'm sorry I didn't update in the last few weeks, things haven't been easy here. Hopefully I can make it up to you with this chapter.  

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(Y/N)’s point of view

There are no words to explain how hard life was at that moment. Living with Diana was, for the lack of a better word, “challenging.” Spencer took some extra time off to help Diana transition and get used to Nurse Cassie, to trust her, and to basically not yell at her every waking minute of the day.

The nights were a little better. She would take her medicine and sleep at least nine hours straight. She would wake up a little lost, sometimes scared, a few times screaming. That wasn’t helpful around the children. Raven was fully aware her Memaw was sick. Of course, she didn’t understand her disease. We constantly discussed whether we were doing the right thing for Raven and Vincent. Diana wasn’t gonna hurt them, or so we hoped. They really didn’t get to see her much, only under our supervision, which meant my mother was taking care of them a lot those weeks.

I couldn’t stay at Quantico. Emily had required me to travel with the team, which I understood. She tried to keep me at the police station though, working with families and making geographical profiles. That was probably the smartest thing to do, a part of my brain stayed at home with Spencer each time we had to go to a case out of town.

And I could see the state he was in each time I laid on the bed next to him, how he couldn’t sleep. He was restless, trying to find a way to help his mother. It was an obsessive thought that hunted him day and night. He wanted to find a way to help her get better. I tried to tell him a few times that spending time with her and enjoying the good moments was the best way he could help her. But no. He wanted to find the cure for Alzheimer's and dementia, and have enough time to cook dinner I guess. It was crazy and absolutely unachievable.

After two more weeks, my husband returned to work. Diana was getting along with nurse Cassie, though she still had moments of severe confusion and paranoia. During that first day out of the house, while we were stuck in traffic, I asked him if he was sure he wanted to return.

- “Maybe you could still help from home. I don’t know if having you away will help your mom.” - I explained and looked at him. His eyes were stuck on traffic in front of us, and his hands gripped the wheel.

- “No, chipmunk. I need to focus on something else for a while at least. My conscience will be working on the case and my unconscious will be able to think of ways to help my mother.”

My first reaction was to laugh, but I didn’t, thank god. ‘Cos I knew my husband was serious about his delusion, and I couldn’t just break his heart like that.

- “I just don’t know if staying at home with Cassie will be good for her. We could try to find a place here in Washington that could be good for her. We would be near and could visit three times a week or more.”- I suggested innocently.

- “Mom needs to get to know Nurse Cambell, I can’t be there all the time.”

I dropped the subject there and started rambling about Raven. Our little girl was going great in preschool and my mom had recently taught her to jump the rope, something that obsessed our daughter. That brought a smile to my husband’s face and that made me feel a little better. I could see Spencer’s struggle and how he was still keeping things from me, probably not to worry me. The fact he still felt like he had to deal with things on his own to protect me made me so sad and angry. I just hoped things didn’t end as badly as they had when Emily was supposed to be dead.

We had to go to Santa Monica that week to solve a very gory case. Torsos were showing up around town. Men who had recently broken up with their significant others were the unsub’s target. While we were away, Spencer called nurse Cambell and talked to her about Diana’s health many times. I took a step aside ‘cause I didn’t want to be pushy. I knew he would tell me what was on his mind when he felt ready to talk.

And he was ready when we caught the unsub: the murderer was ready to kill his own husband when we got to him. When the police took the killer, Spencer stayed behind to talk with the victim and then with Prentiss, who knew there was something wrong with my husband but didn't have the time to talk directly with him until then. I stared at them from a distance, trying to figure out what was gonna happen when we got home.

- “Spence has been under a lot of stress lately.”- JJ stood next to me and rubbed my arm.- “How are you holding up?”

- “We deal with it. We try to enjoy the good moments, and manage the bad.”- I replied and cut her a short smile. I really didn’t want to ramble with her about how messy our lives were at the moment.

- “I’ve been trying to get a minute to talk to Spence. I feel like he needs a friend right now.”- I slowly turned and looked at JJ. She widened her eyes and started gesticulating and explaining.- “Not that you are not of any help, of course! It’s just that sometimes you need an outsider’s point of view, someone who isn’t in the middle of the whole situation. You know, to get some perspective of the problem.”

I just nodded and stared at her, raising an eyebrow. JJ was clearly uncomfortable talking to me, yet she had been the one to approach me and bring Diana into the dull conversation we were sharing. If you can call that a conversation.

- “Chipmunk.”- Spencer stood a few feet away from me after a short talk with Prentiss, and I walked towards him.

- “How are you feeling?”- I asked and held his hand as we walked a little farther from the team.

- “I got the feeling this isn’t working.”

And my heart stopped. I turned to him nearly in shock and though it took him more than a second to realize what was happening, my husband finally explained.

- “No! No! No! That’s not what I meant! I mean my mom!”- Spencer explained and placed both hands on my shoulder.

- “Never say that again! You nearly killed me!”

- “I’m sorry! Sorry, chipmunk!”- Spencer kissed the top of my head and I sighed at his touch.- “I meant everything that’s going on with my mom.”- he paused and looked into my eyes, keeping his hands on my shoulder- “I feel like I made a mistake.”

- “It hasn’t been easy, I'll give you that. But I wouldn’t call it a mistake.”

- “I’m thinking about flying to Houston. Maybe I can talk to Dr. Stanfield. I asked Em for some more time off.”

I nodded as I heard him, thinking how strong my husband was. He kept trying to find ways to help Diana and make her happy, beyond her disease. So I nodded and fought the tears that hunted my eyes, and he hugged me tight.

- “I’m sorry hun.”- I whispered and wrapped my arms around him.- “I just… think this whole thing is so unfair for you.”

- “Don’t worry, ma cherie… it’s not your fault”

- “But I wanna make you happy, and life keeps getting in the way.”- Spencer kissed my temple and I took a deep breath to put myself together.

- “You make me happy, and you are my life. Never think otherwise.”

Spencer’s point of view

I lied to my wife. Again. I wasn’t planning on going to Texas. I wanted to go to Mexico and talk to Dr. Nadine Ramos, maybe get more of her natural medicine to help my mom. I knew that would stabilize her. Why couldn’t I tell (Y/N) the truth? I don’t know. Probably ‘cause I felt like I was doing something wrong. It all had started behind her back and I was so embarrassed to tell her I, the most pragmatic man on earth, was trusting homeopathic medicine, and risking my job in the process, just to make sure I was covering all the grounds helping my mom’s Alzheimer's and schizophrenia.

The day I was leaving started off. Raven didn’t want to eat and she was running a little fever, so (Y/N) asked her to stay in bed and sleep a little longer. The weird part was watching her do as told, considering she was always eager to get out of bed and play. But sadly, that wasn’t it. My bag was next to the door and I was just about to call a cab when Vinny started puking and crying. He was running a fever as well.

- “Where did you get that ring?”- my mom yelled suddenly, as (Y/N) held Vinny and tried to clean him and herself from all the vomit.- “That’s my grandma’s ring!! Why do you have it?”

And before I knew it, mom was on (Y/N), trying to rip the ring she gave me to propose to my wife. She didn’t mind Vinny was on the way, she was out of herself, and (Y/N), covered in puke, could only try to cover our baby son from his Memaw.

- “Mom! Mom! Calm down!”- I ran and wrapped my arms around my mother, pushing her away from my wife, as she kept kicking and screaming, out of her mind.

- “She is a thief! You can’t trust her, Spencer! She is gonna steal everything we have!”

- “Mom, I need you to stop yelling! you are scaring Vincent!”

- “Why do you worry so much about a kid you can’t even be sure it’s yours!!”

It was as if the whole world froze. Mom had had episodes, she had been crazy, and violent with me and some caregivers. But never with my wife and neither with my kids. And that was the one thing that gave me peace of mind. But that day, it was an eye-opener.

I was not going to be the husband who left his wife alone with two sick kids and a mental mother-in-law. So I canceled my flight and held Vincent so (Y/N) could take a shower. I also gave my mother a sleeping pill and asked her to lie down for a bit. Surprisingly, she didn’t fight me. For a brief minute that afternoon, my mom cooperated. That didn’t make our weekend any easier, though. Raven got the hand, mouth, and foot disease, which meant Vinny most probably had it as well. We got the pediatrician to come home and put an eye on them, there wasn’t much we could do but give them something for the pain, disinfect the entire apartment, and wait around ten days for the virus to go away.

We didn’t sleep much the following week. Between sick kids and disinfecting every toy in the house, we had our hands full. I had those days off, but (Y/N) had to go to work. Luckily, she didn’t have to leave town for a case.

- “Let me hold him a little, darling.”- Mom stood next to my wife and raised her arms, to hold Vincent.- “You look like you could use a nap. Let me help you two.”- my wife didn’t hesitate and handed her our baby son. Moments like those were the ones keeping us sane. Mom smiled and kissed Vincent’s forehead.

- “He is still running a little fever.”- (Y/N) whispered and stared at the two of them from our couch.

- “Yes, he still feels a little warm, but he is looking better. Look at those eyes wide open, staring at the world. I remember when Spencer was this small. I could tell he was meant for big things. And he didn’t let me down.”

I looked at my mother from our dining room table, where I was drawing with Raven, sitting on my lap. Yes, those were the moments that gave me hope. But I couldn’t live in those fragments, ‘cos they weren’t our entire reality.

So I called doctor Dr. Stanfield, and tried to get mom back into the Houston facility, but it was impossible. I should have seen it coming, it was a place with a very high demand ‘cause it was top on their field. I just never imagined things would go so wrong with her at home. When I took her out I was sure she would live with us until she got better. (Y/N) was the one of us who was still mainly positive, I don’t know how. She said I could call Las Vegas to the mental facility she had been in for years. It made sense, mom had said she wanted to “go back to the place she was before before,” and she still talked about her friends there. But no, they couldn’t take her back. It was heartbreaking when I heard their decision, and though I tried to change their minds and literally beg, there was nothing they could do.

There wasn’t much left but to start looking for a new facility for my mother, which somehow made me feel selfish and like a failure.

We took our time looking for a new facility, and Cassie was of much help because she knew most of the centers in the state. There was one last tiny problem: the one we liked and that could accept my mother asked us to wait for another two months to take her in, ‘cos they were building a whole new center and were about to move.

- “It’s just two months, honey.”- (Y/N) whispered as we cuddled in our bed after putting the kids and my mother to sleep.

- “A lot can go wrong in two months.”- I replied under my breath and felt my wife’s kiss on my cheek.

- “I know you are scared, but are not alone. You’ve got me and our friends, and my parents. We are all here for you.”

It wasn’t the first time my wife reminded me that I wasn’t alone. But like every time she did, a few tears filled my eyes and my heart raised inside my chest. I couldn’t reply. I just melted in her embrace and sighed, decided to, for once, not overthink things.

Of course, easier said than done. Those two months were hell. I had never had many fights with my wife, but those weeks were a build-up of so many little things that were driving us nuts. It really wasn’t our best moment, and it was not what we wanted to have our married life based on: arguments.

I missed Morgan. I was sure he would know what to say. We would go out for a drink and have a heart-to-heart. He would laugh and call me kid and then drop the best advice I could ask for. I did call him once, but it just wasn’t the same as having him there, knowing what was going on in my life. After he moved back to Chicago with Savannah and little Hank, we struggled to keep up with our lives. As it usually happens with adulthood, I guess.

But in the absence of Morgan, I still had friends in town.

- “You know what you need?”- Frank sipped his beer and looked at me from his seat at the other side of the table. We were at the same bar where I had asked (Y/N) to marry me. Me, Frank, and Mikey eating a burger and having a beer after work.- “You need a weekend to decompress from all this bullshit.”

- “We can’t take more time off work.”- I replied and sipped my beer shaking my head. But Frank kept explaining his idea.

- “I’m not saying go out on a cruise. You could actually even stay in town and go to a nice hotel, get some couple’s massages, maybe a nice dinner with candlelight. All that shit Nugget loves.”- Frank grabbed a bunch of fries after he finished talking and I simply sighed.

- “It’s not that easy. We have two kids and we still have my mom at home.”

- “Exactly why you should do it.”- Mikey said and supported Frank’s plan.- “We could take care of the little rascals.”

- “And you have a caretaker that will keep your mom company.”- Frank added as he kept chewing.- “It’s either that or wait another three weeks for your mom to get to the medical center, and I don’t think your marriage can wait that long. Can it?”

Were things that bad? Yes. We were arguing about the silliest things, ‘cos we were both so exhausted we couldn’t even think. We were always tired and busy and never seemed to have a moment to be together until late at night, and sometimes not even then, ‘cos Vincent was sharing a room with us since my mother was living with us, so we were pretty much always around someone.

I don’t mean to sound hormonal, but I needed to be alone with my wife and get some couple’s time and real rest. Frank’s advice made sense after all. So I talked to Emily about it.

- “Trying to get some romantic time with your wife?”- she asked and winked. - “Ready for baby number three?”

- “Definitely not! Vinny is just one year old, and we are barely making it with two.”

Maybe my confession had been too straightforward 'cause Prentiss frowned as I sat on the couch in her office and sipped my cup of coffee.

- “I just need Friday off so I can take my wife away for the weekend.”

- “Of course…”- she stared at me in silence and sat by my side, holding a cup of hot beverage of her own. - “We haven’t had time to talk lately. JJ told me she is worried about you.”

- “We haven’t had time to do much in the last few months. That’s why I think Frank convinced me taking (Y/N) on a romantic getaway will help us get through the last weeks before Mom moves out.”- Emily nodded and didn’t say another word for a moment.

- “Are you sure you are ok? You look exhausted.”

- “I feel exhausted. I know we both do. It’s been more challenging than we both expected. And trust me, we knew this wasn’t going to be a day at the beach.”

- “That reminds me, Rossi has a house in Kent Island. Maybe you guys could go there.”- but I shook my head right away

- “I don’t wanna bother him.”

- “He would be thrilled to help you.”- I continued telling Prentiss not to ask Rossi, but she kept arguing it was a good idea. And we were just bickering about it when (Y/N) knocked and opened the door.

- “Sorry to interrupt. Here are the files you asked for, Em.”

- “You are just in time, Reid. Help me convince your husband Rossi would be pleased to lend you his beach house.”- Em chuckled as she spoke, but my wife frowned, totally lost.

- “Why would he do that?”

- “For your romantic getaway.”- Emily stated matter of factly. (Y/N) looked at her and then looked at me, crossing her arms on her chest.- “The one Spencer clearly hadn’t told you yet. I’m so sorry…”

- “I was just asking for Friday off to… well… have a few days to relax on our own.”- I whispered as I walked toward my wife and watched her staring at me… upset?

- “You could have asked me first.”- she muttered under her breath.

- “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you when I had everything ready, so you didn’t have to worry about anything.”

- “What about the kids?”

- “I talked to your mom. She said she could take care of them, and your dad will help.”- my wife nodded, but still scowled at the idea.

- “My dad has been using the kids as an excuse to be around mom a lot lately.”- I chuckled at those words and simply answered.

- “He just wants to be helpful.”- (Y/N) sighed at my words and turned to Emily.

- “Tell me more about this house in Kent Island.”

(Y/N)’s point of view

Leaving the kids with my mom seemed like the most selfish thing to do. There were so few weekends we got to stay home. So little time we were with them, ‘cos work and Diana were killing us. And yet, we did ‘cos we needed a break from life.

Mom said she was happy to help, and Spencer was right, my dad was gonna help the entire weekend. He was considering retiring soon, and he was already getting used to having a few days off. My husband thought he was sure my mom and my dad were gonna have a second chance. I wasn’t so certain, though I always dreamed of them getting back together.

- “Think about it, chipmunk. They never really moved on. They never had a serious relationship after they broke up.”- he had told once after we dropped Raven with them.

- “You don’t know how they were when they were together. Trust me, those two are not getting back together.”

But they were amazing grandparents, and they were always there to have fun and take care of our kids. So, we dropped Raven and Vincent with them, left Diana with Cassie at our apartment, and drove all the way to Rossi’s place in Rose Haven.

I don’t know why I thought he had a humble, small, beach house there. Of course, he didn’t. It was Rossi after all. The place was ridiculously expensive and big. As soon as we walked in, I was sure someone was going to show up to tell us we were trespassing.

- “I don’t know why I thought about an actual cabin.”- Spencer said and left our bags in the master bedroom.

- “Me too…”- I looked around in silence until I finally looked at my husband.- “I’m glad you dragged me here.”

- “I didn’t drag you, chipmunk. You wanted to come.”- he replied with a smug smile as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my lips.- “And I’m glad we are here, we deserve some mommy and daddy alone time.”

- “That’s true”- I whispered and kissed him one more time. - “I love it when you make "daddy and mommy" sound so dirty when we are alone.”

- “You see through me, ma cheriè”- Spencer’s hands traveled down my back to my ass and gripped me tight.

- “Do you think Rossi knows we are gonna do it in his place?”- I had to ask, and my husband groaned against my lips as he stopped kissing me.

- “I didn’t want to think of that!”- I just laughed at his reaction, still holding him against me.

- “Like that’s not the sole purpose of this trip!”- I love teasing my husband.

- “I brought you here to relax and stop arguing about dirty dishes and laundry and who forgot to do what.”

- “And to fuck me in every single room of Rossi’s house.”

- “That too.”- he replied and rubbed his lips against mine, making me sigh.

- “And considering everybody back at home knows it, I think we should get started, doctor.”

Spencer laughed when I jumped and wrapped my legs around him, straddling him. He grabbed my ass and kept me steady as he deepened the kiss and my hands quickly moved to his hair, running through his curls.

- “I love your hair like this.”- I whispered and moved my lips to his neck as he walked us to the king-size bed behind us.- “You look so hot. Such a hot daddy.”

- “Hot daddy?”

- “That’s what all the teachers at Raven’s school are saying.”- I whispered and felt the weight of his body as he lay on me.- “You are her hot dad.”

- “Are you jealous, ma cherie?”- I felt his hot breath on my neck as his hands moved freely underneath my t-shirt

- “No…” - I paused and opened my mouth, already nearly moaning as his lips moved from my neck to my chest. Spencer raised his eyes and stared at me, knowing I was lying.- “Maybe… fine, yes. Yes, I am a little jealous of those women staring at you.”

- “You should be proud.”- he replied softly and rolled up my t-shirt, the one I quickly took off along with my bra, and his tongue immediately found my nipples, teasing and licking. The only things coming from my mouth now were moans and mumbles.

- “Maybe you should mark me, and show me around like yours, ma cherie.”

- “Mine.”- I whispered, arching my back and moving my hips upwards to find his erection. I needed some friction, anything to help me handle the heat. I knew I was already dripping wet. It had been too long. I was ready for my husband and I wasn’t even naked yet.

- “All yours. What are you gonna do with me?”

- “Fuck you until you can’t take it anymore.”- I replied, unzipping his pants. Spencer smiled and continued licking my breast, making me moan harder. He slowly made his way back to my lips and our mouth collided. I grabbed his dick in my hands and felt him groaning against me. Those are the things I like the most when we are together.

- “Someone is eager.”- he whispered in a cocky tone.

- “Your dick is dripping, that means so are you.”- I replied and he just kissed me harder. I knew he needed me the same way I needed him, and neither of us could wait any longer. I guided his hard cock to my entrance, just the sensation of the tip of it made me moan, I just wanted to feel him slipping into me slowly. Which is exactly what Spencer did next. I kept moaning and whimpering as he entered me slowly. Very, very slowly. I could feel every inch filling me.

Spencer rested his forehead against mine as he started moving inside of me. I kept staring at him, as he did the same, and my hands on his back kept him as close as possible.

- “You feel so good.”- Spencer whispered, his cheeks flushing and his voice trembling.- “Shit, I missed you.”

- “Me too.”- I managed to reply as he kept thrusting into me, hitting all the right places. We kiss heavily, and Spencer whispers he can hear how wet I am. I tell him that’s how he makes me and he curses a few times. I know he is close. So I am. It’s been too long, trust me, and my whole body is burning with each one of his thrusts.

- “Hon, I’m…”- I can’t even speak when my orgasm hits me. I’m scratching his back as I raise my hips and move so he is even deeper in me. He’s gasping loudly, coming with me, hiding his face on my neck, swearing, and losing control.

After a moment, still on top of me, trying to catch his breath, Spencer chuckles.

- “I had a more romantic plan than fucking five minutes after we got here, I promise.”- and his words made me laugh as I play with his hair and feel him rolling to the side, and rolling with him, so I’m laying next to him, still feeling the warm of his body and his arms around me.

- “This was actually my plan.”- I said and stuck my tongue to him.- “I needed to get under your belt as soon as possible or I was gonna murder someone.”

- “Really?”

- “SAA turned into an unsub due to the lack of sex. That would be a great movie.”

- “Write it down, I’ll produce it.”- Spencer kissed the top of my nose and stared at me.- “I love you, ma cherie.”

- “I love you too, honey.”- I whispered and sighed, enjoying every second of that moment.- “I’ve missed you so much. Just being with you not thinking something is gonna happen or that we have to do something.”

- “Me too. I’m sorry…”- but I placed a finger on his lips right away.

- “There is nothing to apologize for. I love you, we are together at this. Taking a break from the routine was a great idea.”

- “Frank’s idea, actually”- Spencer confessed.

- “Remind me of getting him some of his favorite beers when we get home.”

Spencer’s point of view

The whole getaway idea was brilliant. Me and my wife were enjoying every second of it. We had lunch out and walked to the pier and took a bunch of pictures, then we drove back home for a nap and some more lovemaking. When we woke up, we looked for a nice place for dinner, but before we headed out, I called home to talk to Cassie and know how my mom was doing, while (Y/N) talked with her mom and asked for our babies.

- “Yeah Mom, everything is ok. We are gonna have dinner now. I’m glad you and dad got everything under control. Let me know if anything happens.”- I stood by my wife as she wrapped up her call with Sofia.- “Spencer says hi.”

- “Can you ask her if she has seen my mom”- my wife stared at me confused

- “Wait, Mom. Spencer wants to know if Diana has stopped by today. Yeah, thought so. I don’t know. I’ll call you in a bit, ok?”- of course not. I don’t know why I asked.

- “Cassie ain’t picking up the phone.”- I announced, trying not to sound as freaked out as I was.

- “Did you try her cell?”

- “Yeah, and the apartment. Nothing.”

- “That’s weird.”- I nodded and stood next to my wife.- “What do you think might have happened?”

- “I don’t know. Maybe they are out for a walk.”- I suggested, but added right away - “But it’s too late for that.”

- “Wanna ask someone to stop by?”- (Y/N) suggested, but I really didn’t want to bother anyone.

- “I don’t know. Am I being too paranoid?”- I asked ‘cos I was in fact worried I was overreacting.

- “I don’t think so. I’d be more at peace if we knew everything was ok.”- my wife looked at her phone and asked.- “Want me to call Prentiss? Maybe she could stop by.”

- “Yeah, that’d be good.”- before (Y/N) even dialed, I just kept talking.- “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

- “Me too… but it might be due to exhaustion.”

- “I don’t know. In the last few days, I got the feeling I was going insane and kept waiting for something bad to happen. Maybe you are right, it could be just exhaustion.”

- “Maybe, maybe not.”- (Y/N) looked at me like there was something she wanted to add but didn’t want to worry me.

- “The other day I was sure our down-the-hall neighbor was that girl from a case like ten years ago…”- I confessed and my wife widened her eyes.

- “Lindsey Vaughn?”- there was no way she could have guessed that. We had worked on a thousand cases together.

- “Yeah, how did you know?”

- “I had the exact same thought the other day when I was getting home. I was almost sure I saw her walking down the street.”

We looked at each other for a second without saying a word. There was something off about the whole situation.

- “Prentiss, we need your help”- my wife said as soon as our friend picked up and put her on speaker.- “We need you to stop by our house. We think something happened to Diana.”

- “What are you talking about?”

- “Cassie ain’t picking up.”- I said and turned to my wife.- “We are going back home.”- and she nodded, then started gathering our things.

- “No, Reid. Stay there. It’s probably nothing.”

- “She ain’t picking up her cell and neither our apartment’s phone.”- (Y/N) yelled from the other side of the room.- “We are not gonna take any chances!”

- “Maybe she is with Sofia and the kids…”- Prentiss suggested.

- “Already called her. She hasn’t seen her. And there’s something else. We are both sure we saw Lindsey Vaughn in our building this week.”- I started explaining, but Em didn’t even know who I was telling her about.

- “Lindsey who?”

- “From a case in Chula Vista! She was kidnapped ten years ago, and her father was a hitman!”- I nearly yelled, already too nervous and upset to stay calm. Prentiss didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I knew she didn’t believe me and I was starting to lose it.

- “Reid…”

- “You remember, right? Her father, that case, April 2007? Her father's Jack Vaughn, a former hitman for the Irish mob. He and Lindsey were in Witness Protection. Lindsey and her friend Katie were abducted, Katie was killed, and Jack murdered the unsub in front of me.”- my voice was getting too high as I kept spitting facts from the pass to my unit chief, who most likely thought I was acting crazy.

- “Ok. Maybe you think you saw her…”- Emily tried to find a reasonable excuse, but my wife stopped her in her tracks.

- “We both saw her at two different times on our own. We just never talked about it because we thought we were being crazy and exhausted. But it can’t be a coincidence, Em. It never is.”- there was a short silence and our friend sighed.

- “I’ll stop by your apartment. I’ll call you as soon as I get there.”

- “Thanks Prentiss. We are getting into the car as we speak. Talk to you later.”- I dropped the line and sighed. (Y/N) had our things ready.

The hour-long drive back to Washington was hell. It didn’t get any better when Prentiss called us back and told us no one was home. She used the spare key we gave her a few years ago. We had all exchanged apartment keys as a way to make sure we always had each other’s back. And to keep Morgan from kicking our door down.

- “There’s no sign of an entry. Nothing seems off. The place doesn’t say abduction, but we can’t rule it out, all things considered.”- Prentiss explained as I accelerated and (Y/N) placed a hand on my leg to comfort me.

- “We’ll be there in an hour. Is there any way Garcia can help us track my mother?”

- “I’ll call her. Rossi is on his way to the BAU and I’m meeting him there.”

- “Thank you Emily.”- my wife remembered how to be polite in a minute where all I could do was to feel guilty about leaving my mother alone so I could have some romance with (Y/N). - “It’s not your fault.”- she whispered that very same second, and I bit my lips. I felt too guilty at the moment to say anything coherent. I just caressed her hand on my leg for a moment and locked my eyes on the road.

When we got to the BAU, the entire team was gathered in the conference room: Lewis, Alvez, Stephen, Garcia, JJ, and Emily. They turned to us with sorry eyes as soon as we walked in, and JJ immediately walked to me and hugged me tight. I wrapped an arm around her as she whispered and kissed my cheek.

- “We are gonna find her, Spence.”

- “Thank you.”- I replied and moved to have a seat at the table.- “What do we know so far?”

The team had covered the background of Lindsey and her father. How they had stayed in the witness protection program after the case that crossed our paths. Until that minute the only thing we knew was that my mom, Cassie, and her car were missing.

- “What about Cassie’s phone?”- (Y/N) asked and opened the case file on the table. Lindsey’s picture came up on the first page. It was the same woman I had seen in our hall. I felt sick to my stomach just to think what could my mother be going through as we sat at that table to theorize about her location.

- “We don't know. Her phone goes straight to voicemail. She's not returning texts, either.”- JJ explained, and my wife didn’t even turn to look at her, she just nodded and asked.

- “Garcia, did you ping it?”

- “I tried, munchkin, but the battery must be dead. The GPS was turned off.”

- “Fuck!”- my wife muttered and closed the file.

- “What about Cassie’s car?”- I asked and Prentiss turned to Penelope.

- “Garcia, where are we on that APB of her car?”

- “I don't have anything yet.”

- “Ok. Also, search recent traffic in and out of the Reid's apartment. If she was around, the cameras must have got her at some point.”

- “Copy, copy”- Penelope replied and kept typing on her laptop as fast as possible.

I stood up and walked around the room, trying to make my head work and be useful. But I was too scared, too angry, too out of myself to even get my facts straight.

- “I’m gonna get us some coffee.”- my wife whispered and left the room. JJ walked to me and hugged me one more time.

- “We are gonna find her, Spence.”

- “Thanks.”- I hugged JJ back for a moment, neither my head nor my body was there. I was anywhere else trying to find a reason why Lindsey would abduct my mother. The whole team stood up to get to work, but JJ kept her arms around me.

- “I know a marshal that can help cut through WITSEC's red tape.”- I heard Luke say as he walked toward the door with Lewis.

- “Yeah, I'm friendly with some people at Homeland Security.”- she added and grabbed the phone. I put my hands on JJ’s shoulder and moved her away from me the second Rossi said.

- “I got a buddy at the DOJ, lost a lot of money to him at poker. He owes me.”

- “Is there anything I can do?”- JJ asked me, standing in front of me as I slowly pushed her body away from mine. I shook my head. How could I tell her to just do her job? I know it sounded cold, but I needed everybody to put their heads on the files in a way I couldn’t do: with a cold head and open eyes.

- “Thank you.”- was all I managed to whisper as I stood in the conference room with teary eyes and shaky hands. JJ held my face with both hands and opened her mouth to say something, but I was just greeted with silence. She froze before saying anything and moved away from me quickly. I turned around to see what had shocked her so much and met my wife’s eyes staring back at us as she stood in the hall outside the conference room holding two cups of coffee.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I knew it wasn’t time to start acting jealous. We were busy, my mother-in-law was missing, my family was broken, and JJ was… whatever the fuck she was trying to do to my husband. Spencer stared at me, confused and upset. Not with me, but with everything around him. I sighed and walked to his desk, leaving his cup of extra sugar with some coffee on his desk.

Instead of staying at my desk, in front of his, I walked to Garcia’s. Spencer needed some room I guess, well so did I. I called my mother there, and explained what was happening. She nearly lost it. I was glad my father was there with her. He wanted to go to the station, but I managed to convince him it was better if he stayed put.

- “Right now, from where I’m standing, a psychopath kidnapped my mother-in-law. We don’t know if she is going for our babies now. It’s better if you stay there with them. I’d give me so much mental peace right now.”

- “Of course, peanuts. But please, call us as soon as you know something.”

- “I will dad. Love you.”

Penelope held my hand during that entire phone call and hugged me the second I hung up. I started sobbing in desperation, giving myself the time to lose it for a couple of minutes, before I wiped off my tears.

- “Ok, enough of this shit. Now I need to put my hands on this bitch!”

- “It’s ok to cry, munchkin. I know how you are feeling.”

- “I know Pen. But I’m so tired right now. No matter what I do, I can’t catch a fucking break!”

- “My precious baby, it’s been a shitty year!”- Pen hugged me tighter as I fought the tears back into my eyes.

- “I think everything has been shit for so long… I need a long vacation from any serial-related thing.”

- “I know it looks shitty now. But we are gonna take Diana back home and then we are gonna plan your vacation, ok?- I just nodded as Garcia kissed my cheek and moved a chair closer for me. - “Now, let’s get to work.”

Police found Cassie’s car and Luke was out on his way there in no time. Prentiss asked me and my husband to stay out of the case, which was… harder than I imagined it’d be, to put it in gentle words. I didn’t want to deal with JJ or Spencer after whatever had happened in the conference room between them. Was I jealous? Always had! Never dealt with it. Did I trust Spencer? Of course, I did! I trusted him with my life. But I hated knowing he could get comfort from JJ instead of me. Random? Yes. Petty? Definitely. True? Sure! But I was not dealing with it at that moment. It wasn’t the time or the place. So I played it cool, stayed with Penelope, locked in the bat cave, and heard Luke calling from Cassie’s car.

- “Garcia.”

- “What do you need? I’m here with Mrs. Dr. Reid by the way.”- I knew she said that to stop him from dropping any fact that might be too much for me to handle. It was sweet and stressful at the same time.

- “Metro P.D. found Cassie's car and called it in immediately. No signs of her or Diana. No foul play. There are... There are 3 visible cameras. One nearby and two down the way.”

- “I can tap into them, see what I can find.”- Pen was starting to type the location of the cameras when her phone rang.- “Oh, oh, uh, uh, Walker and JJ are calling in. You want me to patch you through?”

- “Please.”- I kept pacing across Garcia’s office as I overheard the entire conversation, biting my lips as I tried not to open my mouth. I couldn’t say a word.

- “Walker, JJ, you're on with Alvez.”

- “Hey, Luke, no luck finding Cassie or Diana.”- Stephen said, it sounded like he and JJ were already in the SUV.

- “All right. Well, I'm at Cassie's car right now.”- Luke announced- “Forensically, it's a dead end, but, uh, behaviorally we might have something.”- Luke whispered the last words as if he was focusing on something going on at his end.

- “What is it?”- I asked as soon as the silence became too much for me.

- “Hey Reid!”- he greeted me and sounded happy to hear me- “Her car is parked down the block from a high school.”

- “A high school is where Jack Vaughn killed Lindsey's abductor in front of her and Spence.”- JJ pointed out. I just kept walking around the office, hearing them talk.

- “Well, placing the car there could be a taunt at us.”- Walker suggested. I nodded along ‘cos I agreed.

- “That's what I'm thinking.” - and clearly so did Luke.

- “I can look into that. I can... Oh!”- as soon as Penelope gasped, I jumped and stood by her side.

- “What is it?”- I questioned staring at the screens not getting a shit.

- “Garcia?”- JJ asked from the other side of the line.

- “Oh, uh, uh, per Emily, I was supposed to look at the recent foot traffic in and out of the Reids’ building. There is no sign of Lindsey, but a Jaime Lamantia keeps popping up. She lives in unit 26 down the hall from the Reids. She paid 6 months of her rent upfront in cash, and there's been not a peep from her since.”

- “How's Jaime connected to Lindsey?”- JJ asked and I replied before Garcia could even think.

- “Wake up, Jennifer! There’s no Jaime, come on! They are the same fucking person! And bitch rented an apartment right down the hall from us!”- I hit the desk and stormed out of Garcia’s office. I wanted to cry, to scream, and to break a wall with my fists.

A psycho had been living down the hall from my babies for weeks and I never even noticed! What kind of SSA could do such a thing? What kind of mother was I? I was never going to forgive myself if something happened to Diana.

- “Chipmunk! Wait!”- Spencer’s voice came from somewhere around the bullpen as I kept pushing the elevator’s door as if it might actually force the doors to open sooner.

- “Not… my best moment, hon.”- I managed to say and bit my lips. Spencer held my hand and walked with me into the elevator, no questions asked. We got to the first floor in silence, and I walked outside. I needed some fresh air, to stay away from people. I wanted to wake up from that nightmare.

- “Lindsey rented the apartment at the end of the hall from us.”- I told him after a few minutes. Spencer opened his eyes and mouth but didn’t say a thing. His brain was going a thousand miles per second, and mine was blank. I felt useless.

- “Yeah.”- I added, crossed my arms on my chest, and simply walked in circles in the front of the building.- “I feel so stupid. So blind!”

- “Me too.”- he whispered and sat on the front steps of the building. His head hung down as his hands rested on his neck.- “I feel useless now and I can’t shake the thought this whole thing is my fault. But I can’t think about anything that might have done wrong against Lindsey and her dad ten years ago! What did I do wrong that was worth kidnapping my mother right now!”

- “I don’t think you did anything wrong, hon. She is a fuckin psycho.”- I stood in front of my husband and watched the state he was in. I don’t think I had ever seen him like that. It broke my heart to think I didn’t know how to help him.

- “It just doesn’t make sense.”- he whispered- “Why here? Why now? Why mom?”

- “I’m sorry honey. I… I just don’t know.”- my chin quivered as I broke into tears one more time, feeling useless and dumb.

- “Oh chipmunk.”- Spencer quickly stood up and wrapped his arms around me.- “I don’t expect you to fix it on your own, I’m sorry.”

- “I’m sorry... I just… feel no good for anything! I should have seen this coming!”- my voice was muffled against his shirt, yet I knew he understood what I had just said ‘cos he grabbed my face and forced me to look into his eyes.

- “Don’t say that.”- Spencer whispered and kissed my forehead. - “Please, don’t say that.”

- “I’m so sorry! This should go the other way! I should be comforting you! But I can’t even do that right.”- tears fell from my eyes as I stared at his own eyes getting damp.

- “No, ma cherie.”- my husband held me even closer to his body and kissed my cheeks and forehead several times.- “It’s you who I want by my side this entire time. I wanna comfort you, hold you. Just knowing you are by my side this entire time is the only thing keeping me sane right now.”

I closed my eyes and felt him resting his forehead on mine as we just held onto each other, trying to keep each other sane and safe. Spencer didn’t mention what had happened with JJ and I didn’t want to bring it up. It didn’t feel right at the time.

Spencer’s point of view

JJ and Walker had found Cassie’s body in Lindsey’s apartment in our building. She had been shot once, execution style. It gave me an odd sense of peace to know she hadn’t suffered. She wasn’t tortured. She just… died at the hands of a psychopath only because she worked for me. I was never going to forgive myself.

Along with Cassie’s body, there were pictures of us, (Y/N), me, the kids, and Mom. Walking into the apartment, getting into the car. Playing in the park nearby. Dropping them in school, visiting Sofia. Lindsey knew everything we did, everywhere we went. I knew I shouldn’t have access to all that information, but even when Prentiss kept asking us to leave the BAU and go home with our kids, we couldn’t just stand aside and let them do all the work. We were the target, there had to be something we knew or did that triggered Lindsey.

When the ballistics results came in, we were with JJ, Rossi, Tara, and Garcia in the conference room. They confirmed the bullet that killed Cassie was the same gun Jack Vaughn used when he was a mob enforcer in Boston.

- “It's because she's a daddy's girl.”- I said and held yet another cup of coffee between my hands, as my wife, who sat right next to me, added.

- “The gun is an odd touch of sentimentality for an otherwise logistical killer.”

- “Yes, but she took the gun because she's a daddy's girl because they were inseparable.”- The team stared at me and nodded. I couldn’t help but think about my own daughter. We were a team. We would do so many things together. We had our Saturday mornings just to be together, go to the library, or to the park. We visited museums and had smoothies. I wondered what I was teaching her. Was I making it right? Would she hate me when she is older and she realizes her parents spent most of her childhood catching serial killers instead of being there for her when she was scared and when she was happy. When she had to sing in the talent show in school.

(Y/N) squeezed my hand and took me from my thoughts at the right time: seconds before I fell down the rabbit hole of self-hate and doubt.

- “I think we should go home.”- she whispered.- “I know the guys already investigated the scene, but we live there. We’d know if anything was off.”

- “Worth the shot to ask Prentiss.”- I murmured and nodded.

- “Ok. I know it's a different agency and all, but couldn't someone have told us that Lindsey left WITSEC?”- Garcia

- “No. It's for her own protection.”

- “The marshals stay away unless you're in trouble. Even our own case agents aren't told about their member status.”- Lewis explained and Garcia sighed, defeated. Prentiss walked into the room and turned to us.

- “How many times do I have to ask you to go home?”

- “Until you give up trying.”- (Y/N) replied and I was about to ask our unit chief to let us go to our apartment when Penelope announced.

- “More ballistics literally just came in on Jack Vaughn's gun, and, oh, my goodness, Lindsey has been a busy evil bee.”

- “How busy?”- Lewins asked as Pen shared the info on the big screen so we could all see.

- “That gun has been involved in 15 murders in the last 5 years.”- Garcia pointed out and we could trace her path of murder on the map. She had been in fact very busy and mostly worked down the Mexican border.

- “Single shot to the back of the head with a modified hollow point.”- JJ said, confirming the same MO she had done on Cassie.

- “That's our Lindsey.”- Rossi pointed out.

- “You guys see the geographical pattern? All of the kills are along the U.S-Mexico border.”- JJ commented what I had already noticed but couldn’t say, ‘cos we couldn’t work the fucking case.

- “And each of the victims has apparent cartel ties.”- Pen added as I kept taking mental notes.

- “So.” Tara sighed and stated the facts- “Lindsey's been a cartel hitwoman ever since she left the program.”

- “Ok, but why is she using her dad's gun? That helps us, and it's risky for her.”- Garcia questioned and I knew the answer, I was just hoping someone would say it.

- “It's an impulse. It's not a choice.”- JJ explained and I nodded in silence from the couch.

- “I wonder if Luke and Walker will get to talk with Lindsey’s dad.”- (Y/N) murmured as we kept our eyes glued on the screen, trying to see a pattern.

- “I hope so, or we are fucked”- my reply was honest, I couldn’t lie to her under those circumstances.

- “Guys, please go home.”- Prentiss begged the second we set foot in her office. She was talking with Rossi and looked at us with the most concerned and upset look I had seen from them.

- “That’s what we are here to talk about. Maybe we could be of use.”- I started explaining

- “No guys, you can't be part of the investigation.”

- “We know that, but we can put an eye on our apartment. Maybe you overlooked something.”- I proposed and (Y/N) nodded.

- “We are the owners, we have the right to be there. And if Lindsey touched or moved anything, we’d know.”

- “It’s not a bad idea.”- Rossi supported us but Emily just sighed and shook her head. Luckily, her phone interrupted her and gave us some extra time to argue back.

- “Luke.”- she got our attention as soon as she said who she was talking to. We were all waiting for feedback from him and Stephen after talking with Lindsey’s dad, Jack.

- “Ok, we’ll talk about it when you get here. Thanks, Luke.”- Emily’s face changed. Her eyebrows were lowered and drawn together, and her lips were pressed together.

- “What is it? I can read the anger and the fear all over your face.”- I said, knowing she was not supposed to tell me anything.

- “Jack said Lindsey was looking for a contact for scopolamine and sevoflurane. The same drugs Scratch uses.”

All I could feel was cold, like water running down from my head to my toes, soaking me with desperation and freezing fear. My heart was beating hard on my chest, and I could actually feel it in my throat. (Y/N) grabbed my arm and gripped it. It wasn’t what we were expecting to hear. It was worse than I had ever imagined. If Mr. Scratch was behind my mother's capture, who knew how he was torturing her, messing with her already damaged mind.

- “What are we gonna do?”- I asked Prentiss and missed the tears in my wife’s eyes. - “We need a plan! We have to get to our apartment! We…” - I know I was nearly hyperventilating, and losing it slowly. But I couldn’t remain calm and logical all things considered. I felt (Y/N)’s hand losing its grip on my arm, but I never noticed when she walked out of the room. All my mind could focus on was the fact Mr. Scratch was gonna hurt my mother the way he had hurt Aaron, Jack, and Tara’s brother.

- “(Y/N)!”- Prentiss called my wife, but she stormed out of the office. I stood frozen on my spot for a few seconds, waiting for an answer.

- “What are we gonna do?!”- I ended up yelling, and Rossi held my arm, trying to calm me down.

- “You should take your wife home and get some sleep, kid. We’ll come up with a plan as soon as Luke and Stephen are back, and we’ll keep you posted.”

- “David, we can not step aside now!”- I argued, I was seeing red and kept feeling like a prisoner in a cage.

- “That is exactly what you have to do if you want us to get your mother back. Trust us. Please.”- Prentiss’ voice was calmed, probably trying to soothe me while I could feel my blood boiling.

- “How could I… just sit and wait?”- I struggled with the words ‘cos I was too furious to think straight.

- “You can start by comforting your wife.”- Rossi suggested and tapped my shoulder.- “She needs you more than the team does right now. Get some sleep, and rest that brain. We could get you to your apartment tomorrow.”

I wanted to argue, but my head was overwhelmed by all the information. And my heart felt heavy in my chest.

- “We’ll call you if we know anything. I promise.”- Prentiss hugged me and I couldn’t reciprocate it. I was still on fire inside. But I was defeated, so I sighed and walked out, ready to find my wife and take her home.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I was sick of crying. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks, and I kept whipping them out with my sleeve as I sat in Garcia’s office. My friend had gotten me a glass of water and hugged me for what felt like hours as we just sat there in silence.

- “I…”- Garcia whispered after a few more minutes. She caressed my cheek and looked into my eyes, trying to put herself together for me.- “I don’t know what to tell you, munchkin.”

- “It’s ok, Pen. You don’t have to say anything.”

- “It’s just not fair.”- she murmured and I nodded.

- “It never is. That’s what this job has taught me.”- I sighed and tried to smile at my friend, but failed massively.

- “It hasn’t been easy lately.”- Pen started rambling.- “It never is here, you are right about that. But lately, it feels like…”

- “Life has been kicking us on the floor and just won't let us go.”- I added and she nodded.

- “Exactly.”

- “I just… keep thinking about what we do every day and how it always turns against us. And I can’t help but wonder why am I still here.”- I confessed and Pen’s face didn’t even flinch. I thought she might freak out, but it shocked me when she didn’t. Instead, she agreed with me.

- “I wonder the same sometimes. How much pain can I handle?”

- “Exactly. And I keep feeling this job is taking pieces of me every day and in the end there won’t be any left of myself. And it’s awful 'cause it was exactly what I was afraid of when I first joined the BAU. That I would lose who I was due to this job.”

Garcia stared at me and just held my hand tighter. Neither of us said another word. I felt like it was not needed. She knew how I felt ‘cos she felt it too. And I couldn’t be more grateful for her friendship at that minute.

- “Garcia, have you seen Spence?”- JJ stormed into the office suddenly and Penelope and I nearly jumped. JJ just stared at me, wide-opened eyes, like she wasn’t waiting to bump into me there.

- “Do we have a lead?”- Pen asked her immediately.

- “Eh, no. I just wanted to check on you two.”- JJ excused herself and walked toward me.- “We haven’t had much time to talk, and I wanted to know how you are dealing with everything.”

I stared at her, trying to read her, wondering if she really meant it.

- “Just tired.”- that was the best I could reply without telling her exactly how I felt. I didn’t want to share my feelings with Jennifer at that moment. It didn’t feel right.

- “And the kids?”

- “With my mom. We should go put them to bed soon.” - just on cue, Spencer walked into the office, still looking upset, but more together than earlier.

- “Hey.”- he whispered, locking eyes with me.- “Sorry, I lost it.”

- “It’s ok, Pen kept me company. What did I miss?”

- “Couldn’t change their minds.”- I sighed and nodded as my husband kneeled next to me and held my hands, just as Garcia had done before.

- “It’s ok. I was just telling JJ we should go put the kids to bed.”- and just then, Spencer noticed JJ and Pen were there as well. He cut them a smile and stood up.

- “Ready to go, chipmunk?”

I gathered my things from my desk and walked to the elevator with Spencer. Garcia hugged us and promised to call in case anything happened. I wanted to trust her, but I was sure she wouldn’t. She couldn’t, after all. We were supposed to stay out of the case.

The drive back home felt eternal. I decided to get behind the wheel because I needed to focus on something that wasn't in my head for a little while. Besides, it felt like Spencer could use some time to think before we had to face my parents and our kids.

- “Mommy!!”- Raven ran to us as soon as we opened the door. It was already past her bedtime, but according to my mom, she wouldn’t go to sleep as soon as she heard we were going to be home. She wanted to see us.

- “Hey there, Birdy!”- I hugged my daughter tight and kissed both her cheeks.- “Are you having fun with Nana and Pop?”

- “Yes, they showed me pictures of you when you were little. And they said sometimes you were naughty and didn’t eat your greens.”- my daughter giggled and looked at me with a sweet smile. I fought the tears as I held her, and Spencer moved closer to us and kissed Raven’s head.

- “Come on in, kids. Dinner is ready.”- Mom whispered from the kitchen’s door. Dad looked at us, holding Vincent, who was clearly asleep already.

- “Want me to put him down to bed?”- I asked him as I still held my daughter in my arms, but he shook his head.

- “I don’t feel like letting go.”- and I knew exactly what he meant.

That night, my husband and I barely slept. We were cramped in my old bed, holding our kids tight and just going through the night getting as little rest as expected under the circumstances. At a certain point, I felt Spencer’s hand on mine, and I turned to look at him. Tears kept falling from his eyes as he intertwined his fingers with mine. Raven was softly snoring between us, basically clinging to Spencer’s pajama, while Vincent kept kicking my ribs as he dreamed by my side.

I held Spencer’s hand tight and kissed it. He cut me a short smile and sighed. I whispered “I love you” and he replied with the same words. My whole world was in that tiny bed and I wanted to wrap my babies in a bubble to keep anything from hurting them.

Around two in the morning, we got a call from Prentiss, the team was waiting for us with news: they had gotten a secondary address for Lindsey late at night, she had a house in southeast DC. They needed us asap. It was so hard leaving our kids alone in bed that morning. It made me feel a little calmer knowing the police force was protecting my parent’s house.

I woke up Mom, left the babies in her bed, kissed them goodbye, and walked to the car. I just hoped we could get Diana home that day. I needed my family all together again.

However, it felt like things could only get worse because the second we stepped into the conference room, we were met with the awful truth. It wasn't Mr. Scratch who had gotten Diana.

It had been Cat Adams all along. 

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[thecapricunt1616]

Daddy!Carmy holding shit down

I’m stupid and riddled with anxiety reposting SORRY

It was a sticky Chicago summer day. Like, your thighs stuck to the breakfast bench when you got up to help your daughter pour her own orange juice so the entire half gallon didn’t end up on the floor.

You had gone out to the store on your own, because wrangling a 6 and 3 year old and your husband into the car and dragging them through the grocery store for your weekly shopping wasn’t in the cards for today, your patience was already wearing thin.

It wasn’t anything anyone did, it’s just you were a bit…overstimulated. Your younger daughter was about to turn three, and was still breastfeeding and would be until she didn’t want to anymore. It was something you and Carmy had spoken about, his distant family in Italy had told his mom when Mikey was born, that it was best to breastfeed your baby until at least 3 years old, and past then to stop when they no longer ask.

Your first daughter had stopped asking when she was 4 and a half, right before preschool. At that time it had broken your heart. Because the last time she did it, you didn’t know would be her last. So the next day, when you got her up and asked if she wanted to feed and she shook her head- Carmy had to take at least 20 minutes of her nap time that morning to back you off the ledge of a panic attack that she was ‘growing up too fast’ your second daughter though, she was much needier.

You knew she was going to be more of a challenge when Carmy had started her on the same purées you had done for Harlow, your first - and anything that wasn’t sweet and creamy she spit out and cried, giving you the sign for all done alternating between the sign for mommy milk with her little hands and pitching an absolute fit until you gave her what she wanted.

She was near three now, which meant the feeding sessions were at least 30 minutes for her to feel full enough to go back to playing. Newborn tummy’s were the size of a grape, so back then most of the suckling was pacifying and not eating. But she was still getting a lot - scratch that ; most - of her nutrition from you, so you were exhausted all the time. Carmy did the best he could, making sure he cleaned the pump parts for you any time they were used, and also the many, many bottles she had per day.

You had asked sugar - she had told you it was normal. Funny enough, her first and second babies were the same. Her son had said no to the boob by 4, and her second was barely off breastfeeding and onto real food by the time she was 4. Carmy was frankly getting sick of this too. It had been literal years without playing with your nipples, your tits we’re essentially off limits. Because one cry from the monitor- you were fuckin leaking like a broken sink.

You felt nothing short of a milk factory, and were tired of it. So, you decided to take the day to yourself. First, you went and got your nails done, and a pedicure. As you were waiting with your feet in the deliciously hot water, you looked at the board of all the different services to see a mommy & me manicure, you told yourself you’d have to take the girls here for a day out with mommy before resting your head back on the plush, luxurious massage chair and sighing happily to yourself at the relief it was bringing to your back

You paid with the credit card Carmy had given you when you had barely started dating, the thing had been active for 16 years now, so it’s limit you didn’t even have to worry about even if you were buying a house. That was one of the things you loved about Carmy, immaculate credit. You got what you want, when you wanted it- no questions asked. This had started the second you got pregnant with your first.

You had asked why, and he explained it to you in a way that had your already horny 28 year old self pinning him down and riding him until your ass was bruised by his thighs.

‘Well, thas’ just how my family does shit. Y’my girl, you get what you want. Y’givin me my legacy, y’givin me something I couldn’t possibly ever make f’myself, you’re my priority, your needs, wants- you should want f’nothin, princess. I’m the father of this baby, neither of you will ever want, hear me?’

That was to this day some of the best sex you’d ever had. The idea that you were fully his, and he was fully yours, it awoken something in you you didn’t even know existed.

When you got to the spa for your scheduled massage, your phone buzzed against your thigh. You took it out, smiling when you read the message

Glad mommy listened to me, you deserve this babygirl. How was the pedicure?

Find my friends stayed on for both of you. It has been that way since you didn’t even know when - so of course he knew where you snuck off to.

Amazing, missin my big sexy daddy though. How are my crazy coconuts?

You had sent back, getting up when the sweet brunette woman had come to collect you for your appointment.

Said appointment was magical.

You left that damn spa feeling like a new woman. You didn’t know your hips could feel like this again after having little Bea.

After Harlow, you truly understood what moms meant when they said their hips ache - but after Bea?! When you were pregnant with her, Carmy had to take off of work a week early in your 41st week of pregnancy (since the both of you didn’t agree with induction), and carry you to and from the toilet every half hour since said hips ached so bad and you were on full bed rest, meaning if he didn’t carry you- you’d be using the bedpan they had given, and you would die before you had your husband dumping your pee for you.

You checked your phone to see the cheeky response

Mommy’s crazy coconuts are in bed for their nap, I’m thinkin about mommy’s sexy coconuts though 🥥- when will you be back?

You smiled to yourself, a heat brushing your cheeks at the idea of him fantasizing about you after putting the girls down and cleaning up the kitchen. You quickly type

Off to BJ’s, got my list but anything not on it we need? Should only be about an hour

Halfway through your shopping expedition, your hip felt another vibration. You pulled off to the side of the isle, reading his response.

I could use one of those 😉. I think that’s the only thing I need now that I think of it... Maybe Bea will want more strawberry puffs, but Nat said she needs to be done with them by her b-day - it’s gonna be hard because she’s addicted to those fuckin things. Remember when Harly girl gagged when we first tried em with her?

You giggle to yourself at the memory, shaking your head. Harlow, strangely had been a vegetable baby. The only sweet thing she could stand was your milk, other than that - she was a savory gal. She loved peas, you guessed you could call those sweet. But any other sugary fruit or food made her cry or vomit. The moment she was allowed spices - that was when she became daddy’s taste tester.

Carmy always joked that she was the most raw, honest taster he could get. But you told him that it was just because he could read his daughter better than anyone in the world, better than you sometimes. A tiny little scrunch of her year old nose, and it would have him cooing

“Right? Daddy needs to add s’more star anise, huh Princess? Thank you f’tellin me” - with the sweetest smooch to her head.

But Bea? Bea was his sweet tooth little girl. The only thing that impressed her was when he whipped out his pastry chef training, otherwise - if he put something savory on her lips she’d go so far as to spit up on one of his beloved white shirts at the ripe age of 2. When she shouldn’t be spitting up anymore, she had a flare for dramatics just like her daddy.

‘Harlow may as well have a blood sugar of 0. Already got a 6

Pack of puff-snack-crack, does daddy need more of his special coffee? Near Cafe Umbria’

You continue pushing the cart, pulling in the girls favorite snacks, and ingredients Carmy had been putting on the weekly list for years.

When you got home, you heard screaming from the backyard, as well as the kind of giggles and laughs from your daughters that made your heart flutter. You hauled the reusable bags you and Carmy had been collecting for years onto the counter, following the sounds of squeaky giggles

The view you were entranced in was nothing short of a rom-com reel. Your girls were squealing and giggling as they jumped and pounced on their netted trampoline, Carmy spraying them with the garden hose as they hopped around, chasing eachother in their bathing suits. You giggled to yourself, seeing the teal blue Huggies splasher diaper peaking beneath your youngers frilly toddler tankini.

“Who can jump higher, huh? Les’ see” he dropped the hose, resting his hands on his muscular hips “bet Eva could jump highest” he challenged. That was one thing he instilled in his girls - competitiveness.

“No! No me!!! Me - daddy I can jump highest!l harlow squawks, bouncing over “daddy! Daddy watch me!! Watch, l bet i could jump way better then Eva” she was hurling her knees with every jump, giggling and panting. Carm laid underneath the tramp, spraying up water at little Bea to which she giggled wildly, trying to grab it with her chubby fingers.

This was the life you could have not dreamed of, this was a life only a man as loving, and as dedicated as Carmen Anthony Berzatto could provide. You couldn’t be more over the moon he was the father of your beautiful girls, and you could hardly wait for him to give you more.

The water splayed back on to him, causing him to chuckle and full on cackle about the water that was raining back on his face after his girls either danced in it or spit it out. It was a beautiful sight that you stood there and observed in awe, giggling as your older daughter laid and opened her mouth, collecting a full mouth of hose water before leaning over the edge of the trampoline and spewing it all over her dad.

He laughed in a way you didn’t know he did anymore, dropping the hose and using the metal of the trampoline to haul himself up.

‘Y’dead-“ he said and she squealed, jumping onto the concrete and b-lining it for your legs on bare feet, her bathing suit soaking hose water into your bare Jean short clad legs

“Mommy! Save me! Daddy’s gonna get me!!!” She pleaded, looking up at you with those blue puppy eyes - before puffing her lower lip out in the way you did to make Carmy comply - she learned a little too quick- and it worked on you too.

“Oh princess” you picked her up and kissed all over her face like you’d been gone a million years. “My poor teddybear - whas’ wrong, y’daddy bein mean? Huh Little Bear?” You coo, picking up Bea as well and kissing her curly strawberry blonde head.

“Who’s a hungry little princess? Mm? Harly go tell daddy sissy needs T’eat, and there’s groceries hm?” You told her and she nodded, running to find her dad as you cradled your tiny princess.

“Y’ hungry, mm? And y’all wet- mommy needs to get you dried up ‘fore you eat, little angel” he mused, gently placing her on her changing table and putting her in a fresh, dry diaper before setting her on the floor to toddle around after carrying her to your bedroom where you were napping.

You settled on a comfy silk nursing gown Carmy had gotten you a while ago, setting up the newest episode of law and order before beckoning Bea over and coddling her into your chest as she ate, absentmindedly but graciously sipping at your savored once a week glass of white wine that was only 3% alcohol, the glass your doctor (and Beas Pediatrician) said was a-ok after you had taken Bea for her 18 month appointment, they had said as long as you weren’t feeding her after directly having something more then 5% alcohol, it was okay.

And your 3% wine every Friday has become your lifeline after becoming a breastfeeding machine.

Bea huffed her sweet breath after about 22 minutes into the silky flesh of your breast, essentially using your nipple as a pacifier after she’d fallen asleep, the sweetest hums leaving her throat.

“She ready?” Carmy asked with the silky sweetness that made you melt.

“Haven’t even taken her off- wanna try, daddy?” You mused. He came over, carefully thumbing over her thick brunette hair, wanting to boop her large and in charge undoubtedly berzatto nose- but he stopped himself.

“Look at that pretty princess mm? Latching so well” he stroked her cheek and at the motion, she continued suckling and gulping down your milk like she thought he may take it away from her since she knew your nipples were no longer simply her pacifiers, and got pissy when carm would pull her off and try his best to explain mommy’s boobs weren’t just for milkies, and that mommy needed her boobies to herself sometimes.

The girls didn’t take that so well.

“S’okay, relax, princess, y’momma isn’t goin’ anywhere - I know- mm she’s givin y’the good stuff, huh, mommy’s milk is so good, yea?” He mused, cradling Bea In his lap as he kissed her head, rocking her back and forth trying to get her to relax as you B-lined around the room trying to pack your suitcase.

It wasn’t that you wanted to go, if you could stay with your girls, if you could give Bea what she was needing right now from her mom- you would. You would never deny your girls the closeness they deserved, but your job was calling you out.

“Shhh- shhh princess- daddy will give you milkies, mm? Daddy can give it, mommy left plenty of milkies for you” you assured Bea as she sobbed into your chest, nearly choking on her cries.

“No- no- w-want mommy- wan’mommy” she sobbed, barely able to breathe through her pleads in a way that made your chest clench so hard you couldn’t not fix it.

“Ok - okay- shhhh. Shhhhh little love. Wan’mommys milkies, hmm? C’mere angel” you tug your baby with you to sit on your lap, cradling her and tugging off your top. She immediately found what she wanted, sighing sweetly and clutching at your other breast for support.

Carm wasn’t long behind, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead.

“Shoulda warned you, she’s been cryin’ bout missin’ you an’ bein’ hungry since this mornin”

[khyys]

“Do you even know how to love?”

word count: 2990

content: 1st & 3rd divider by @/xurengu0 , 2nd divider by @/aquazero, 4th divider by @/anitalenia thank u guys :3. this is part two of “as dense as a rock” click this to read part one. farleigh start x fem!reader, saltburn spoilers, insinuations of spicy stuff, indications of 👃ing ❄️,

a/n: here’s part two! please enjoy. I’m sorry this took me so long to finish and post. School kicked my butt, then life, and it was just one after the other. But I’ve had a lot of motivation for writing, so I’ve been able to finish some projects, continue working projects, and make new projects! With all that being said, please enjoy! <3

You stared in awe at the request, and while it was a simple request, it was Farleigh you were talking about here, it was never *just* what he said it was.

After a few moments, the lack of sound became awkward and you cleared your throat before averting your gaze from his, and in record time too. You would stare for hours more if he let you, drowning in the warmth of him.

“Uh.. Yea. Sure, we can talk after dinner. Just, I don’t want to be out late. So this had better not take long.”, you sighed and made a step to wake past the taller.

As you walked, you could hear him following behind you at a rather long distance. Likely, he didn’t want to be seen late with you. You practically strutted into the dining hall, greeting Duncan with a nod and taking your place beside Venetia, who waved at you.

“Y/N, dear, are you alright?”, Elspeth asked, whilst nearing her glass to her lips. “The dress, dear, how do you like it?”

You smiled at the woman and straightened your posture, before nodding. Before you responded, the doors opened again and there he was. He took his place, across from you, beside Felix. You stared for a moment, whilst he thanked Duncan for filling his glass before turning to Elspeth again.

“The dress, yes, it’s perfect just as you said. It fits me perfectly, and I didn’t realize how well it fits the season.”

Elspeth smiled at your response, as if impressed by it.

“Wonderful. Please, try to get ample rest tonight, won’t you, dear? I have ordered a tailor to come and mend some dresses I used to wear back in the day. Is that alright with you?”

You opened your mouth to answer and caught Farleigh’s gaze on the corner of your eye, who’s cheek was stretching by the way his tongue pushed at his gums. He was expecting you to say something, and you were compelled to obey. You couldn’t imagine a world where you didn’t..

“Could we reschedule it? I.. I- I’d wanted to try and contact my family, and I want to make sure I tell them everything! I don’t want to forget a single detail.”

Elspeth thought for a moment, and sighed.

“Yes, I see. You are from America, perhaps Farleigh will be of assistance then. He is from there, but his time at Saltburn is practically unmeasurable. Farleigh, you’ll help Y/N with her letter to her parents, yes? Perhaps, you’ll even contact your mother, it’s been a while.”

Farleigh clearly hadn’t been listening, because his gaze was still fixed on you. Focused even, it made your heart stop. Felix had probably kicked his leg or something, because it was almost as if he was woken from a trance and nodded, smiling at Elspeth.

“I’ll help her, auntie. She’ll be just fine.”

“I’d hope so.”, she said with a nod and turned her attention to Duncan. “We’re ready to eat.”

“Understood, I will begin serving.”, he said in a deadpan tone.

Dinner went as it usually did. You held conversation with Venetia, laughing like two preschool girls. Felix maintained conversation with Farleigh, but no matter what, you felt his eyes boring holes in your skin. You and James, or Mr. Catton, had shared a few words about your previous meeting in his study, discussing his businesses.

The food, per usual, was cooked to utter perfection and you enjoyed it just as you had the entire summer. However, you couldn’t help that you were being watched. Sure, you didn’t eat like everyone else but nobody cared. That is until you looked up and saw him, eyeballing the way the prongs of your fork disappeared in between your plush lips. You stared back at him, arching a brow. In response, he only smiled.

This was some game to him, and part of you loved the thrill, but it wasn’t all that enticing. You were set, confident, that Farleigh had no interest in you. No serious interest, that is. You still held a small anger towards him for accusing you of wanting to get with Felix. You and Felix were friends, but anything beyond that just didn’t seem in the cards for you.

You knew that for a fact when you considered devising a plan to make him jealous, but that only sounded even more childish. You couldn’t believe how hellbent you were. All over the likes of Farleigh… All over a 6’5, slender, curly haired beauty… With the voice that would make an angel cry. It sure made you cry, because you couldn’t have it.

After dinner and dessert, you had tried to prolong leaving the table as much as you could. Part of you was eager to get up and excuse yourself from dinner, but being alone with Farleigh was something that you weren’t sure about completely. Even the way he slouched in his seat made you slightly nervous.

First Felix, then Venetia, Elspeth was the last to leave the table that night and all that was left was you, and him. You stared at the cloth of the table, evading his direct gaze before lowering your glass for the final time. The silence was starting to cause a small ringing in your ears, but he shifted and leaned forward, with a stupidly adorable grin on his face.

“Are you finally done avoiding me? Or can you fit more dessert?”

You grumbled and grabbed your purse before standing up and turning to the exit. What were you doing? You said you’d talk after dinner, where were you going?! You didn’t know.. maybe you thought if he really wanted to talk to you, he’d come for you. He’d chase you like a beast, trying to catch that one meal.. that got away.

You expected it, nonetheless. Farleigh loved games, and he was never one to back down from a challenge. You traversed the hallways, listening to excited and hushed chuckles trailing behind you. His presence made the hairs on your nape stand at attention, before you felt warm hands on your wrist.

“Trying to run away, hm? I thought you said we’d talk…”, he gave you that teasing pouty face. The one that made you want to slap him and then kiss him all better. “Is it because I called you a whore for my cousin?”

You stared at him and snatched your wrist from him.

“I am not trying to run away. I… What do you want?”, you asked. Your tone was cold, and you spoke with a sort of exasperation.

“I want to talk. Outside.”

“Right here is just fine, Farleigh. It’s cold, and I don’t want this dress getting messed up.”

Farleigh watched you for a moment, and bent down, being now only a couple of inches from your face. His eyes stared into yours and you averted him, like oil and water. You could feel his breath on your lips, and you’re sure he could feel your breath on his.

You couldn’t deviate much longer, until you met his gaze. Once you were in, he locked you in. You couldn’t turn your head, were you scared too? Did he really have that big of a grip on you?

“Do you really want to do this here? Anybody could see us, hell, Felix could walk out of his room now.. and see his new toy becoming *my* new toy.”

The breath in your chest was gone, and you couldn’t inhale for any. You stood there, unresponsive and wide-eyed like a deer in headlights.

Maybe he was trying to get a response out of you because he edged closer, his gaze moving down to your lips. With a swift hand movement, you grabbed his hair and moved his head aside. He hissed and whined slightly, before you quickly released his hair.

“I’m- shit! I’m sorry!”

He returned to his full height and rubbed his head, checking his fingers for any blood before hooking a finger under your chin and moving you closer to him.

“You’re a kinky one, aren’t you? Really. I think Felix might like you!”

Your look of concern and worry turned to once of dullness and a slight rage. You bit your tongue, and brushed your eyelashes with the pad of your finger before turning around.

“Let’s go. We are going to talk, and that’s it. Do I make myself perfectly fucking clear?”

Farleigh practically jumped to your side and offered his arm with a cheesy grin, before you looked at him for a split second and continued walking and you could hear the defeated sigh behind which caused a small grin to appear on your face.

Outside, the air was brisk and cold, causing a shiver to cree up your spine. You didn’t want to be outside like this. Your dress was spaghetti strapped which still tended to slide off every now and then. You stared up at the moon, and sighed. Saltburn was beautiful at night, like a dreamland, almost.

“Do you think.. I’m stupid, Y/N?”

What a way to ruin such a majestic moment… You turned to face the taller and arched your brow.

“What are you on about, Farleigh? What kind of question is that?”

“A simple one. Now answer me, do you think that I am stupid?”, he repeated in a low tone, as if demanding you.

You were slightly taken aback by his tone and shift of mood, before he moved ahead. He walked down the stairs and before he could get too far, he turned back and gestured for you to follow him.

As if being pulled by a string, you followed behind him and tried to catch up to him. His long strides were equivalent to about three of your steps, so you lifted your dress as to avoid any collateral to the dramatic fabrics, before falling a step behind the male.

Where he was going, you could’ve say… He could be trying to pull you into the fields, or.. go skinny dipping in the pool?

“A little fiend, with the habit of smoking and using cheap perfume to cover it up, told me… that I could be so stupid”, he started. “Pfft, she didn’t even stop there. She said I was clueless, oblivious! I just have to know, is that what you two giggle about all the time?”

Your lips straightened tightly as the response, as you lowered your head. You felt cornered in the wide yard of Saltburn. You knew Venetia would eventually sing like a bird.. but she sung in riddle, so maybe Farleigh wasn’t.. because he didn’t ask anybody else, or not that you knew of, but he certainly asked you, and to go this far, it’s something serious, right? Like your feelings for him..

Before you knew it, you were walking into the maze. You hated mazes. Ever since the big accident when you were six, you couldn’t stand a maze. You never dared set foot in another one, but you just couldn’t stop following him. It’s like he had a leash around your throat, and even if you tried to defy his motion, he’d still just pull you along. But you trusted something in Farleigh.

When the four of you had spent the night in the field, you all told each other your childish fears. Felix was afraid of doppelgängers, Venetia was afraid of ugliness, oddly similar to her mother, and Farleigh.. well.. he didn’t really answer. He said he was afraid of not having enough to sniff, but that just didn’t seem genuine, and yet even now, you trusted him with your darkest fear.

It felt likes dreary hours of walking had passed you by before you were met with a menacing figure that was stationed atop a stone pedestal. Farleigh stood at a distance, staring up at the still depiction. It was creepy, almost as if Farleigh and the being shared a conversation. You stood only a step behind the taller, hands resting at your side.

The tension was thick, you could tell. He had asked you so many questions thus far, it was so clear that he wanted a direct answer for once…

“I don’t think you’re stupid… but, you are.. really oblivious.”, you sighed and began to pick at your nails, a nervous habit you’ve had since sophomore year of highschool. “Farleigh.. I have.. never, ever wanted Felix. He will always be a friend.”

He glanced back, a stupid grin on his face followed by a snicker.

“Then what did you want? Don’t tell me you did all this to get up under Uncle? Or rather.. on top of Uncle..”

Your expression soured and you huffed, dropping your hands back down to your side. You wanted to cry, being reminded of that nauseating embarrassment. Being teased and made fun of, especially when it was funny.

Without a thought, you moved in front of him to which his eyes fell to yours, and by surprise, you weren’t bewitched. You pointed your finger at him, before repeatedly poking at his chest.

“You half witted, dense motherrfucker! Goddamnit, Farleigh! You, I wanted you! All this time, I wanted Felix to be friends with me so I could get to you! I’ve liked you since we got assigned that reading project! Even after you treated me like shit! You got me wasted as fuck, and then.. you.. you fucking left me to do it all alone! Ugh! You are so self absorbed and inconsiderate. God, Farleigh! I hate you!”

Each word poured out of your mouth like a never ending bottle of wine, tainted with the spices of your passionate emotion and raw feeling. You panted as you finished, realizing you hadn’t breathed once after all of that. You could feel his eyes on you, and when you looked up, he seemed calm. It was unsettling.

He was just.. staring at you with a mellowed smirk. You hated it, and yet you wanted to kiss him so badly. You wanted to lock your lips with his, having always wondered what they could possibly taste like. Would they send you on a high? Would they be as bitter as his tongue?

As if he read your mind, he stepped closer. You stepped back. He stepped closer again, and you stepped back. This time, whilst he stepped, he grabbed your hand and interlocked his large digits with yours. You tried to step back, but you were met with the cold stone of the statue, not daring to look up.

He leaned closer towards you, this time leaning down. You could feel his breath against your lips. You.. really wanted to kiss him.

“If you wanted me, then why didn’t you just say that?”, he asked softly.

He moved closer, but instead you turned your head from him. It was.. odd. You’d wanted this. You wanted his attention. You wanted him to care. You wanted him to react. You wanted him to like you, and that’s what stopped you. Did he even like you?

“I… I don’t want you to do this.”

“Do what? If anything, I thought you’d want me to kiss you.”, he said and detached from your hand, and instead grasped your chin, using his thumb to caress your bottom lip. “Isn’t that what you wanted from all this?”

“I do.. it’s just. Do you want this?”, you asked in a soft, inquiring tone.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want me too? Don’t just.. kiss me because I want it. Kiss me because.. you’ve been thinking about my lips the way that I’ve thought about yours.. I don’t want this, I don’t want us to be forced because of my desires. Farleigh, I want you to want me. I want you to love me..”

You hadn’t realized it until the wind blew, as if a warning for what you’d just said. You used the L word, but you were sure Farleigh knew what you meant, right?

“Fuck, you sound like a lovesick puppy. If I’d known you wanted me this badly, I’d have skipped all the other bullshit..”

You sighed and chewed on your bottom lip, looking at him. Begging for a genuine response. You wanted to know. Did he even feel a slight spark? Anything? But.. he said nothing. He just stared into your eyes, almost with something of an apathy for your emotions. It made you want to cry, and you did. Your eyes got glossy and stung from the cold air, as you searched for anything in his eyes. A feeling, a thought, anything. But there was nothing.

“Just… forget… I.. just forget I said anything..”, you mumbled shakily, and moved past him. You started to walk away, until you felt an arm grab your hand, pull you in, and hold your arm.

“What if I said I did love you?”

You sniffled, refusing to look into his eyes again. You knew you’d fall under his spell in a matter of seconds of looking. You didn’t want to fall for it anymore, you couldn’t. It hurt too much.

“You can’t just say it, Farleigh. You have to mean it, with everything. You have to be so sure, more sure about it than your own name, that you love me.”

For a moment , it was silent whilst the two of you stood there. You shivered and shook, wiping your eyes and breathing softly. You didn’t want to, but you looked up to try and assess him. This time his expression made it worse.

He looked confused; perplexed; simply dumbfounded. That made your blood boil with anger, and you felt nothing but pure humiliation. You stared and snatched your arm from him, slowly stepping back. The words were there and they banged against your lips, begging for you to let them fly, be free of their cage.

“…D..— Do you even know how to love?!”

THE END.

[aerodaltonimperial]

It’s nearing mid-December, I’m loopy as shit due to being heavily medicated for preschool germs that finally took me out, and that means I am gonna be REALLY SAPPY about fandom and fic and stuff for a hot minute, sorry in advance lol.

When 2024 started, fandom was, for me, kind of a shit show. We still didn’t know what was happening with Jack or if he’d ever come back to AEW and were heading into month five of his complete social media exile and disappearance. I had lost most of my OG fandom group after I deliberately walked away from the pairing I’d built my entire fandom reputation on. I was really feeling the effects of the overall decline across all fandoms of engagement and interaction, as things became less community-oriented and more of the (still true) TikTok content creation expectation that we’re still struggling against. It was a tough time! I really wasn’t sure I would stay! (In fact, in January of ‘24, I actually did step away for awhile, thinking I was probably done.)

The year 2024 starting saw me in this fandom writing almost solely for a pairing that A) did not exist prior to me getting obsessed with them in the spring of 2023, B) had not interacted in canon since May of 2023, C) half of whom was not even known to be ALIVE as the new year rolled over, and D) had never, ever been fandom darlings, let alone an actual thing beyond me dragging a few friends into rarepair hell with me.

That’s a really difficult way to be in a fandom! It can get lonely and difficult to keep motivation, and I feel like wrestling in general is hard anyway, simply because of the sheer number of characters and pairings and every single person in this fandom has attached themselves to something different. It’s a tough fandom to be in if you are creating, for sure, because you are really at the mercy of so much outside your control, haha.

We are ending 2024 in a way I never could have predicted, and I’m just so grateful for everyone who has been here or joined in this year or just supported me continuing to write the same crap all the time even if you don’t care much for them! 💚 Thanks to the feud I could not possibly have anticipated actually getting in canon, I was able to find so many new friends this year in fandom. We hit 100 works in the pairing tag before my birthday! I know it’ll never hit the numbers that the OG pairings in this fandom have, but that’s okay, and that was never anything I even expected. I’m just so happy that people are still open to reading my stuff and that I’ve got so many new people to flail excitedly with!

That’s really the part of fandom that matters to me: community. I love flailing with people, and being excited about stuff with people, and bouncing ideas off people. I love creating with people, because for me, that’s what it’s always been about. Being the sole creator gets really isolating, even if you love what you’re doing. And losing my original group I created with definitely factored into how tough I found times this past year and a half.

I didn’t get into this fandom expecting to make waves or anything, haha. I’m still kind of surprised that this rarepair ever took off and got as big as it has managed to, given everything. I wrote a shit ton of words this year as I dealt with the aftermath of finally admitting I failed at traditional publishing, and I’m beyond grateful that people took time out of their lives to read my silly fics. Sometimes people tell me that my fics made them smile on a bad day, or that they go back and reread old ones because they really like them, and I’ll never be able to explain how much that means to me to hear. I am so, so glad that I can make a handful of people happy with what I write. 💚

2024 was a weird year for me. My relationship with writing has fundamentally changed, probably forever, in the wake of failure. This fandom has had some real ups and downs for me that have changed the way I interact with people here. But I’ve also written some things I’m really, really proud of this year. And I’ve made some new friends who are so important to me through fandom. In the end, I’m still here, and I’m still finding joy in creating (when the depression isn’t bad), and I’m just really glad that you are here, too. Thanks for being part of things with me, everyone. 💚