#parenting a transgender youth

[pidgefudge]

i love you trans kids in unsafe situations.

i love you trans kids trapped in queerphobic households.

i love you trans kids who live in queerphobic areas, who go to school with queerphobic students.

i love you trans kids who can't take even the smallest step towards presenting in a way that makes you happy.

i love you trans kids who have to hide gender-affirming accessories/clothes in your room and delete your browser history regularly for fear of being found out.

i love you trans kids who can't access trans resources.

i love you trans kids who have to endure constant misgendering and deadnaming while pretending it's normal and fine.

i love you trans kids who have to listen to your relatives spout bigoted things and pretend to agree with them.

i love you trans kids who tried to come out only to be shot down, beaten, yelled at, ignored, kicked out, sent to conversation therapy, or whatever other horrible ways you were abused for wanting to be yourself.

i love you trans kids who can't even fathom the thought of coming out because you're terrified of the consequences and can't risk your life being turned upside down.

i love you trans kids who only have a handful of supportive people in your life.

i love you trans kids who have no support at all.

i love you trans kids who have been threatened for being trans.

i love you trans kids who were the victims of those threats once carried out.

i love you trans kids of color.

i love you trans kids who are mentally ill.

i love you trans kids who are disabled, mentally and/or physically.

i love you trans kids who are suicidal.

i love you trans kids who are full of hope for the future and being able to escape and transition.

i love you trans kids who cry yourselves to sleep every night because you're just. so fucking afraid.

i love all my fellow trans kids so much. the world has been terrifying lately but we all need to be there for each other and keep going. because one day we'll be able to be happy. one day we'll be able to be ourselves and we'll have people in our lives who truly love and support us. we just need to get there. and i believe that we can make it

[genderqueerpositivity]

The latest dispute to reach a federal appeals court arose when parents Stephen Foote and Marissa Silvestri sued a range of government entities and officials affiliated with the Ludlow, Massachusetts public schools. The lawsuit alleges that during the 2020-2021 school year, their child approached a teacher about feelings of depression, low self-esteem and possible attraction to the same gender. The teacher spoke with the child’s mother, who responded that she was getting the child professional help and asked school staff not to have private conversations with the child.

The child, who was 11 at the time, then sent an email to school personnel self-identifying as genderqueer and announcing a new name and list of preferred pronouns. The school counselor responded with an email to staff stating that, consistent with a policy sanctioned by the Ludlow School Committee, they should not use the new preferred name and pronouns when communicating with the parents. Around the same time, the child’s sibling, who was then 12 years old, also began using a different name. The school did not tell the parents.

The parents sued, alleging that the defendants violated three different rights derived from the 14th Amendment: (1) their fundamental parental rights to direct the education and upbringing of their children, (2) their fundamental right to direct medical and mental health decision-making for their children, and (3) their fundamental right to “familial privacy” and “family integrity.”

None of these rights are expressly identified in the Constitution. All of them stem from the same aspect of the 14th Amendment that produced the original decision in Roe v. Wade — “substantive” due process. The Supreme Court, of course, has now overturned that decision, leaving open the question of which constitutional rights stemming from the 14th Amendment will now prevail and which won’t.

[truth4ourfreedom]

UK BAN ON PUBERTY BLOCKERS UPHELD BY HIGH COURT!!!!

UK ban on puberty blockers upheld by High Court https://www.euronews.com/health/2024/07/29/uk-puberty-blockers-ban-upheld-by-high-court

[thecanadianweeb]

I feel bad for the homeless genderfaun person I met on the street two days ago when attending a pride event. They had just been kicked out and lost everything. I knew it was genuine because I didn’t see them the first time I got there and they were crying, cold and truly scared.

I gave them one of my 5$ bills so they could get some food and warm up.

Unfortunately I didn’t ask what their name or pronouns were either. But I did introduce myself.

I mean, even if they weren’t queer, they still seemed very feminine and I know how bad homelessness can be for us.

My parents sadly did not approve of this kind act but they’ve been acting strange lately so whatever, I don’t really care.

My teachers also abandoned me which sucks, but they had thought me a lot of wise words and that even if someone is homeless, it doesn’t always mean they are a bad person.

Except for the pedophiles, they suck and stole my money.

But I do hope that trans person is okay, wherever they are.

[our-trans-youth-experience]

I finally decided to come out to my parents, and it went.. okay? My dad said "I don't get it, but whatever, it's your life not mine and it's not affecting me" and went on with his life. He's pretty good at using my pronouns (he/they) and even will ask questions about the lgbtq+ community! But my mom has been ignoring me, and whenever my dad does refer to me with my name and pronouns she'll scoff, and I don't know how to feel because that's my mom, and I love her but she's making me feel horrible

It's awesome that your dad is being so supportive and curious about your gender identity! You don't need to understand someone's identity to accept it, and he shows that :)

Unfortunately, your mother definitely sounds transphobic and she should not be allowed to make you feel that way. It is a parent's duty to unconditionally love and accept their child, and she should be accepting of who you are. I'm always here if you need to talk, hope that you're doing ok <3

-Sage (he/they)

[uncanny-tranny]

To parents of trans kids who are scared of their kids facing transphobia:

Don't force your child out of being trans. Don't force them to detransition. This is not how your child from facing transphobia. Realistically, you are pushing them toward more dangerous situations because they will be desperate to find acceptance from anywhere they can.

I can't imagine how it feels to be a parent and worry about your child's safety or life because they are trans in this world. You have my full sympathy. While I can't speak from the experiences of a parent, I can speak from the experiences of a trans person who was once a child and why the above line of thinking is dangerous.

When I came out as trans, there was a huge proportion of time where my dad was very resistant to my transness. I couldn't understand why, but I believe part of why he was so resistant was because he was afraid somebody would assault or kill me because I am trans. That is a huge burden for him to think about. However, he went about this (valid) fear in a very destructive way.

He threatened my transition, he threatened to force me to detransition, and he threatened a lot of things. I retreated away from him, I couldn't talk to him about anything. I felt confined, unaccepted. I am lucky my friends and school were accepting, because I was vulnerable. Others haven't been lucky - so many people in that position have been taken advantage of by truly evil people.

You might think that you are protecting your child by making them appear cis, but that isn't how that plays out. Your child won't feel accepted, and chances are that if something horrific happened to them, gd-forbid, they won't come to you about that. This isn't protection, and I am sorry to say that. I am sorry that this isn't simple.

Here is how you can protect your trans child:

Make it clear you support them

Teach them self-respect, and how to listen to their gut feeling

Teach them appropriate versus inappropriate ways people can interact with them. Make sure they understand what harassment and abuse can look like - verbal, physical, and sexual

If you are still concerned for their physical safety, sign them up for self-defense classes

Leave the floor open for them to express how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Be non-judgmental when they are upset or worried

Please remember that trans people are painfully aware of the consequences of being trans in a transphobic world. Hell, one of the first trans people I learned about as a kid was killed as a result of a hate crime. We are aware of the world we live in. We have to live with that knowledge, and that is why it is imperative that you allow your trans child to express who they are and how they feel. You very well could save them by doing so.

We protect trans youth by empowering trans youth.

[elinanuel]

Amaze at how the world is becoming nice to transgenders. 🥰

[zapsoda]

ok but blatantly and inarguably a lot of "accepting" parents would rather their children be ~nonbinary~ and/or ~nontransitioning~ than binary transgender, and this doesnt devalue exorsexism (not only because it is another form of exorsexism) but because it is a fact

[benjaminallhope-fulltimemind]

Estranged Parents, An Epidemic of Entitlement. This video is a great insight into the minds of narcissist parents who view their children as an extension of themselves or even as property, once the child grew up into an independent adult and went no contact they had to cope with a wounded ego. They deny their daughter’s autonomy and downplay any part they had in it claiming that they tried their hardest, they also try to portray her as petty and childish all while giving her zero respect and care. They have zero introspection and self reflection, what’s even worse is they actively smear their daughter in their video.   To every abused child or children of narcissist parents you matter, don’t ever let your parents deny you of your worth or value. Ultimately the blood of the womb is no greater than the water of friendship, found family is just as valid and enriching as biological family.  If someone doesn’t see you as a person or deny your autonomy then they aren’t worthy of your love nor attention, no one holds some special dominion over you. we all have the power to decide our relationships and if you do not have that power then that relationship is abusive. 

[answersfromzestual]

'Parents must be fully involved' in student's decision to change pronouns, Ontario education minister says

Gross. Because so many parents are just okay with their kid transitioning. It's not like a kid of SIXTEEN years can have their own identity without consent from their parent/ guardian...

This is going to cause a crisis. A mental health crisis in youths. There already is a crisis! I believe children and youths are humans, and this is a blatant violation of their human rights and our jobs to protect them.

Some people have really crappy parents when it comes to coming out with a new pronoun. This is going to cause a skyrocket in depression and probably sadly teenage suicide...

We need to start asking our kids, their kids, everyone's kids what THEY want.

What do pronouns have to do with a child's education? Why is this a priority over schools having updated learning experiences? Updated courses? Even hiring more social and youth workers?

Why do they just not use any pronouns before 16? Names are there to be used.

This is a target Ontario. By Doug Ford.

Sorry, I am appalled by Saskatchewan's government, Ontario's as well. Our government (Canada as a whole) likes to say one thing "progressive" and then do the opposite and carbon copy of how little changes that has lead to so much danger in the United States, and other countries around the world.

This endangers lives just to make the people who are older, biased, and heavily hold outdated, values feel better.

Stop pandering to the boomers and the echo boomers. These are not the people who we need to target. Younger voters (gen x and later) are too busy fixing what those generations broke to go vote. (Just as a side note me, my partner, and several of my friends all of the same age did not receive their voting registration. This puts a huge hurdle out there for us. It means we have to wait in line for possibly hours to wait in another line to fill out the form the government should have sent you. Last time I voted it took FOUR hours before I was done. Many companies pressure employees that they can't leave to vote because it takes so long. You get a maximum of three paid work hours to vote. Most people are bullied into trying to go after their shift, even if it's really not feasible.

Funding has also been cut in mental health resources. I don't believe these kids will have any form of mediation or help from the school or government. They barely had it when I worked in the school sector. There are not enough social workers to go around. Working in the school sector I had to cover 6 schools in 5 days...

Working in my sector is exhausting as well because there aren't enough of us to go around here either. My shift ends for me to stay around five more hours to finish my documents...

I don't remember anyone asking us if the government should cut funding to hospitals, mental health programs, education programs, or if my child needs my permission to use the pronoun of choice! I don't remember asking for the police to get license plate readers for all cruisers or to give the government officials raises and freeze doctors' wages even lower because doctors are willing to take a cut for more nursing staff. Where is the democraticy in this?

This was my personal opinion written under the article.

Stay Golden Everyone ✌️ 💙 💜

[zaneaquaman]

Coming out At Thanksgiving

My hands shake as I sit with my new therapist who questions me about how I am feeling about coming out to my extended family this upcoming Thanksgiving. She looks at me expectantly, trying to piece together the stories that spill out of my mouth as I explain to her (my cisgender, straight therapist with not nearly enough training in this area) why the fear of their reactions still clings to my heart and why I know that, after this Thanksgiving, nothing will be the same during our family dinners.

I came out to my parents on my birthday, the only day they weren’t allowed to hate me even if they hated who I admitted I was. In my head, there was no option of being kicked out of the streets. I told myself either it would go well enough for me to get by in the house or I wouldn’t wake up tomorrow – it was up to my parents to decide.

We sat in their bedroom as I told them who I was and that I was their son. My mom’s face reeled in disgust as my father simply kept repeating that he didn’t understand. He’d further push to find cracks in my knowledge in an attempt to prove to me that I couldn’t possibly understand what I claim to be if he couldn’t understand it. My mother said various phrases, all of which I had read about online beforehand in preparation for the criticism I knew I would receive that night: “But you’re a girl”, “God gave you this body”, “You can’t ruin this body”, “You’re too young to know”, “You always liked your chest”, “You never hated wearing dresses and skirts”, “You never thought about this before”, “Where did you get this idea from? Is it from one of your friends?”, “Maybe you’ll grow out of it”, “You’ll think differently when you get older”, “Don’t make any life choices that you’ll regret later”, “You’re nothing like boys”, “You don’t want to be a boy”, “You hate boys”, “Why did you want to go to an all-girls school then?”, “You don’t even know what boys are like so how can you want to be one?”, “You’ll think differently when you actually talk to boys”, “No one will see you as a boy”, “You’ll always be my little girl”, “No one will love you if you choose this”, “No one will ever love who you are now”, “No one will ever understand you”, “I hope you change your mind”, “Being transgender is just a recent trend; it didn’t exist until 20 years ago”, “You will confuse everyone”, “How do you know you want to be a boy?”, “Are you sure you want to choose this?”, “Do you know the life you are choosing?”, “Who even are you anymore?” and on and on until they both ran out of conservative phrases to say and opted to say they still loved me, but they do not understand me. Two years have passed since I came out to them and they still do not understand me. My father is quiet in his lack of understanding, whereas my mother, despite two years of having to adjust, still slips up and claims she needs more time. Four months ago, she lectured me on why I should not live in a male dorm even though I am a man. One month ago, I received a package from her with my dead name written on it for all my friends to see. Last week, my mother tried to encourage me to take some feminine clothes with me back to my dorm. I said I’ll consider, and I left all the clothes with her when I flew back to my college dorm (my home-away-from-home that feels more comfortable for me than my real home).

What I try to tell my therapist, and what she doesn’t seem to understand, is that for my own protection, my family had decided to tell my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family about me while I was away. The therapist thought it would be better to say it in person. I agree to some extent but, with a family as conservative as mine and my mental state that is currently balancing on a thread, my mom argued that it would be better for them to find out before I arrive and have time to cool down before seeing me again in person.

Another subject that my therapist doesn’t quite grasp is that people generally do not want to acknowledge I am transgender. It’s easier to slip up and call me she, a daughter, a woman, and my deadname than to view me as the “abomination” that I am. If there is no one to correct them while I am away, they do not bother to try to correct themselves. If there is no one to push them to tell others about the fact that I am transgender, they will not bother to push themselves to say it. My mom has had almost three months to tell my extended family about me. Despite constant reminders from me in the form of texts and calls, she doesn’t fulfill her promise to tell them while I am away. Instead, she pushes the burden onto my father. He tells them the week before Thanksgiving. 

This past month, I heard someone say they don’t want others to assume they are gay. My face twists in muted disgust and offense. Why would it bother someone if they are assumed to be something that is not an insult? If they aren’t gay, they can always say that outright without any consequences, whereas if you are gay, you know deep in your heart the fear that comes with first admitting you are and the tension of waiting to know the other person’s response. You can always correct people and say that you are straight, and nothing will be said against you. When you correct someone and say you’re gay, you always have to prepare yourself for the chance that you’re about to be bombarded with hatred and assaults of various kinds.

I returned to my family the week before Thanksgiving for a weekend trip. I attend a carnival at my old middle school, wearing a hat with my name clearly spray-painted on it while parents, teachers, and students alike ignore it and call me my dead name. Even the teachers that were told about me do not comment on me being transgender, nor do they even say my name as if the subject itself terrifies them.

My uncle comes up to me and says hello without any further comment. I’m told by my dad later that my uncle was alerted about me being transgender before that day, yet he still said nothing to me about it even though it was the first time I had seen him in months – even though he knew about me; even though he must have known that I know he knows about me. My father claims my uncle will tell the rest of his family before I arrive for Thanksgiving. My only questions are if he really will and when.

I have breakfast with my partner who asks if I am nervous about Thanksgiving and my extended family's reactions. Chewing my food slowly to provide me more time to think, I answer by simply saying I think everything will go alright. I don’t tell them that if something goes wrong, I might fall down a never-ending black hole that leads to a dark place I no longer want to go back to. I don’t tell them that I expect to disappear into the bathroom that day to cry and hide from the world because I know I won’t be able to handle the pressure. I don’t tell them that, although I am eternally grateful they are joining me on my trip down to my family for Thanksgiving, it will crush me to hear my family call me something I am not and for my partner to be there to witness it.

My therapist asks me if I am nervous too. I say I am fine and that I don’t care what others will think of me. She nods, that being the only thing she fully understands, and ignores the way I hollow out as I leave her office and walk back into the real world.

[our-trans-youth-experience]

Came out to my mother!!!

She was very nonchalant about it? It felt kinda weird but it’s reassuring she knows now.

That's great! maybe she didn't make it a big thing because she already knew or didn't want you to feel overwhelmed?

[skylarmacivor]

Oldy but goodie

[elinanuel]

🥰🥰

[aesops-boy]

I read a few chapters of a book about transgender youth for a class one time, and while I think it was important, there’s just one part that will always stick out to me.

There was a scene (the opening scene, I think) in one chapter that put the reader in the mind of a trans teen. It described their pain from a cruel world and then went on to graphically describe their suicide by lying down on train tracks.

I wasn’t expecting it. It hit too close to home (a lot of the chapter parts did), but my sorrow quickly turned to rage.

The description of this teen’s inner thoughts did not come from diary entries or disclosures from friends or anything like that. It was essentially a death fan fiction written by their family. Their family, which of course only after their kid had died so horribly, realized that maybe, just maybe they should have been accepting and supportive. They pieced together this scene based on what they learned about trans suicide after the fact and what they remembered their kid telling them.

Their whole message was supposed to be to other parents and family members. Y’know, classic, “We didn’t realize how much they were suffering because of us!” And I just—

I’m just so tired of it. I’m disgusted by the audacity of this family to only consider their own child’s feelings after they had died. I’m sick of families constantly doing this. And I’m sick of parents making it all about them. I understand that this part of the book was clearly supposed to be aimed at parents, guardians, researchers, anyone not actually trans themselves, etc. But my anger still stands.

Why do trans people have to almost or actually fucking die just to gain a modicum of respect and sympathy or to be taken seriously? Why do the ones around them get to make themselves victims? No, your child wasn’t tragically taken from you. They didn’t “lose their life” or “decide to take their life.” You aren’t a fucking victim. You fucking killed them. The blood will always be on your hands, and I don’t care how bad you feel after the fact. I hate that the narrative essentially boils down to, “Please don’t be literal trash because you might be the ones that get sad later! 🥺” Because that’s what it is. These people couldn’t be bothered to consider or care about how much they were hurting their own child when their kid was alive. They only cared after they were grieving.

And yet, even after hearing stories like this, families don’t listen. Even after being told that yes, their kid will actually do it, they continue their bullshit. At that point, my only conclusion is that they hate their kids. They don’t want their children to be happy. If they had to pick between coming to terms with their feelings about transgender identities even if that’s really hard and their own child’s death, they choose to kill their kid, whether physically themselves or by being cruel.

[thepopoptic]

Andy Drops Truth Bomb #theandygriffithshow #mayberry #classictv #shorts