#parentalconflict

[ohmygoodnessturtle]

Fragile Footsteps

empathy for whom with more to say without the time to convey

"You never open up," they say,

A closed-off soul, they perceive each day.

But when I dare to speak my mind,

They nitpick and offend, a response unkind.

I am blunt, while they tiptoe with care,

"Make it sound different," they declare.

How do I converse with a lofty soul,

A parent whose superiority takes its toll?

But as I pose that daunting query,

They shut me down, claim it's all theory.

Denying every word, dismissing my voice,

Leaving no room for understanding or choice.

A superiority complex they possess,

Believing they're better, above the rest.

Condescending, they look upon others low,

Their children included, a harsh blow.

Mad at me for waiting to stumble and fall,

Trouble arising from nowhere, their call.

Children in their grip, facing constant strife,

Affecting their well-being, draining life.

Low self-esteem takes its toll,

Feeling inadequate, a heavy toll.

Fear of failure lingers, a weight so vast,

Their ambitions curtailed, present and past.

Perfectionism arises, a burden to bear,

To meet high standards, an endless affair.

Seeking approval, desperate for praise,

Their sense of self lost in a haze.

Resentment builds, relationships strained,

Criticism endured, the bond restrained.

Autonomy and decisions cast aside,

Parent's judgment, the only guide.

Emotional distress, anxiety's embrace,

Worthlessness lingers, a darkened space.

Complaints dismissed, grievances ignored,

My voice unheard, my soul deplored.

But what is a "complain" if not expression,

Of discontent, seeking resolution's progression.

Dismissed and misunderstood, my plea,

A lack of understanding, as clear as can be.

Dismiss, get offended, correct my every word,

Listening? No, not a trait they've preferred.

To open up, I must tread so light,

Align my words with their superior might.

High horse, a phrase I dare to speak,

Yet they recoil, their reaction bleak.

Judgmental they are, critiquing all,

Their parenting prowess, never to fall.

Arrogance claims their sense of right,

More knowledgeable, an incessant plight.

Self-righteousness clouds their view,

Invalidating perspectives, a judgment they spew.

Control they crave, every aspect they steer,

Micromanaging lives, instilling fear.

Lacking empathy, distant from the pain,

Their own methods, the ultimate reign.

Criticism, their Achilles' heel,

Defensive, dismissive, their response surreal.

Oh, the high horse they ride, so grand,

Unwilling to consider, they cannot understand.

So, in this poem, I speak my truth,

Of a parent lost in superiority's booth.

May understanding find its way,

And bridge the gap that lingers today.

[thxnews]

Breaking the Cycle: Program Aids Kids of Alcoholic Parents

  - Hundreds of thousands of children and families could benefit from fresh approach, with government continuing to take serious action to support those most at risk - Local authorities encouraged to invest in interventions focused on the whole family through £532 million Drug Strategy Fund A government-backed programme has delivered improved quality of life for families affected by alcohol misuse, with children better able to access support and alcohol dependent parents encouraged to seek treatment, according to an independent evaluation published today. The Children of Alcohol Dependent Parents (CADeP) Programme Innovation Fund provided £5.7 million over four years, ending March 2022, to nine areas across England. Used to create better and more innovative systems to identify and support children of alcohol dependent parents and their families, it also aimed to increase awareness of parental conflict and explore ways of addressing it. The report highlighted that children have benefitted from a range of interventions including activities to help them explore their own feelings, understand their parents’ drinking, making a safety plan, and identifying someone to rely on. It also showed that providing support focused on the whole family unit has a positive impact on parents accessing treatment as well as their children. Parents also said the support helped them address conflict and relationship issues and provided a boost to their general wellbeing.  

Portrait of Neil O'Brien MP. Photo by luhcgovuk. Flickr.   Health Minister Neil O’Brien said: “Alcohol misuse can ruin lives and destroy families, and can have a particularly devastating impact on children. The toll it can take on their mental health and wellbeing can last throughout their lives. “We owe it to these children to make sure support is available. This scheme has equipped local authorities with the tools they need to get people into treatment and on the road to recovery and this independent review clearly demonstrates the success of the scheme. “I’d encourage local authorities right across England to use the funding we’ve provided to adopt similar approaches and to get more people into treatment.”   The government is providing £532 million for local authorities to improve drug and alcohol addiction treatment and recovery services through the Drug Strategy Fund. Local authorities can, and are encouraged, to invest this funding to develop programmes which provide tailored support to families affected by alcohol and drug misuse with this funding, using the reports finding. According to the evaluation, local authorities also improved their workforce through better training and recruitment as well as by integrating adult and children’s services. It also successfully trained staff of frontline family services to support parents experiencing relationship distress, whether they are together or separated, to protect their children’s mental health. The scheme was run by the Department of Health and Social Care in conjunction with the Department for Work and Pensions, given parental alcohol misuse often coexists with parental conflict, with a clear need to create a joined-up approach to address this complex issue.  

Official portrait of Viscount Younger of Leckie. Photo by Chris McAndrew. Wikimedia.   DWP Minister Viscount Younger of Leckie said: “Through our Reducing Parental Conflict programme we are acutely aware that parental alcohol dependency often co-exists with relationship problems and negatively affects children’s wellbeing. “Every child deserves a good start in life, which is why we dedicated funding to this excellent scheme, ensuring local services can support families in this complex situation. “To learn that parents reported improved wellbeing, increased life satisfaction and better relationships because of our interventions is very encouraging news indeed. The results of this work will provide an important evidence-base to help thousands more families lead happier, more fulfilling lives.”   Each local authority implemented the scheme in a different way, depending on local needs and to ensure a variety of support options. Programmes included improving early identification referral pathways during pregnancy and early childhood, recruitment to specific roles such as an early intervention co-ordinator, and the development of parenting programmes in schools. The findings, published by the Tavistock Institute of Human Relations, can be used by local authorities to roll-out tried and tested methods tailored to meet local needs. It evaluated the programme across nine local areas, spanning 13 local authorities in England.  

Key findings of the report showed:

- Better leadership that allowed for collaboration across services, along with workforce development of children services and substance misuse practitioners led to timely identification of parents and families impacted by alcohol dependency. - Expanding staff and service capacity to specifically target children and young people, integrating parental conflict work into the support provided, and making time for whole family interventions delivered improvements in supporting parents and families. - In the eight areas, adult treatment participation increased the course of the programme. Parents and their children also had more positive impacts from the approaches taken.   Existing evidence suggests that children affected by both parental substance misuse and conflict have complex needs, especially regarding mental health and wellbeing. Tackling both alcohol misuse and parental conflict together can also be beneficial for the children involved. The full evaluation is available online The nine project areas comprised: - Brighton and Hove City Council - Haringey Council - Knowsley Council - North Tyneside Local Authority - Portsmouth City Council - Rochdale MBC (including also Bolton, Bury, Salford, and Trafford) - St Helens Council - Swindon Borough Council - West Sussex County Council   Sources: THX News, Department of Health and Social Care, Department for Work and Pensions & Neil O'Brien MP Read the full article

[surveycircle]

Tweeted

Participants needed for online survey! Topic: "Parental conflict and its effects on coping in adults" https://t.co/TPbR1eMpmd via @SurveyCircle #ParentalConflicts #coping #UniversityCollegeLondon #DevelopmentalPsychology #survey #surveycircle https://t.co/laBGRoWv89

— Daily Research @SurveyCircle (@daily_research) Jun 11, 2022

[joro-2002-blog]

This was long overdue but...

Hi. I wanted to follow up on my last post... No. Not the Tom Holland one... NO NOT THAT ONE EITHER. *ahem*. I mean to talk about my Goodbye post. I wanted to explain how things are going now... So, firstly, I am okay and everything will be fine (Hopefully). I am currently in Connecticut for the rest of the summer, however, I am going back to New Jersey for school. I... Have made some really great friends there. And they have helped me along the way, and one of them is probably reading this right now and know exactly who they are. Ahh... Feels good to do some good old 4th wall breaks. Anyway, I chose to go back for school. Why? Because I feel like I need to go back. Keep fighting on. I need to be strong, and be able to conquer any obstacles that get in my way. For example, my parents. My mom is... Well. My mom. Regardless of how I feel about her, she still brought me into this world. However, my LGBTphobic (is that even a word?) step-dad may be an issue. But that all depends if I end up having to talk to him, in which I choose to still ignore him. My little step-brother? Nothing can be done. He annoys me yea, but I myself have been very distant and rude to him, I... Have many things to talk to him about when I get back, starting with an apology for being a capital D Douche. I have lots of other family there. But... I don't think they should get involved. They know I'm trans. All of them. (Except my Aunt, Uncle, and one cousin John) {my aunt just knows I'm gay and she says "You aren't gay, I have known you for most of your life and I haven't seen you act out that way!"} My older brother and his girlfriend seem okay, they are actually very nice compared to most of my family, so... I'm glad I have them to lean on... Sometimes. I don't want them to feel hurt about my choices... Hell, I wish they could all act NORMAL when I say that I'm trans, and maybe even try to cooperate or compromise a little to feel a little okay about it. But... They... Don't. They just don't. They like thinking the worst. My mother the most. She thought at first that I was doing all of this on purpose to hurt her. Which made ME feel like shit. I bet she didn't know because she was being so self-centered that she cared more about how I made her feel than what she says to me, thinking that I'm faking it just to hurt her! It's... Ridiculous. But... I have learned something. Patience is the ultimate key to success. As I previously mentioned, although I may hate her sometimes. (Hate may be an overstatement, or an understatement, who knows?) But... She WAS the one who brought me in this world to begin with. And... Well... I know I can do it. I know I can make it too.

So... Final Thoughts? Uh, YES

If there are ANY parents of LGBTQ+ people,

If I were to give you any advice. I would say to support them. So what if it's against your religion. Are you really going to shoot your kid's belief just to feel like you did right in the eyes of 'God'? You took care of them this long. Are you going to change that just because they can make their own choices and it just so happens to be something you didn't think would happen, or something you didn't want to happen?! I know... I shouldn't be telling people how to raise their own kids. But... I have seen from experience. I saw a post that some people thought was funny where a mom said "I would rather have my son autistic than gay". I'm not gonna comment on it, I'll let your common sense process that one.

I'm just trying to say, be supportive for your kids, even a little. Don't see it as disrespect if they want their name changed or pronouns, don't see it is ungodly if they aren't doing something right according to religion. Please. Do you want to be seen as your kid's best friend? Or as their worst enemy? The choice is yours parents of today and the future.

As for everyone else. If anyone sees that being gay or trans is an issue. Ignore it. If they keep bothering you, don't let them. You should let the fire be put out. Putting gasoline would only make it worse. (I couldn't think of a better... Thing. GAHH it's 2:11am... I'm tired okay? I have been writing this for nearly an hour!) Also, if someone out there is being judged for being gay or trans, and you see it. Be there for them. It would help them alot. But yea... Sorry, I'm being a bit... Y'know, IF YOU SEE THIS DO THIS. (Ah! The word just came to me, it was bossy!) I'm going to end this post now. But... Just please. Be aware of your surroundings, you never know when you can help someone. Welp, I need sleep because my eyelids are getting heavy!

(Also I wrote this as if I were talking so uhhhh, yea...)

Anyways, thank you everyone for reading this. I appreciate it dearly, and thanks for all the support I got from my last posts, the DMs I mean, they were really nice and helpful. Thanks... Cya!

[joro-2002-blog]

Hey...

So... About maybe a week or two ago my counselor gave me a book to give to my mother about Christianity and trans people. I DID give my mother that book and asked her to read it because it had some strong points even in the prologue. Fast fowarding to today... I had asked if she read the book at all (because I was aiming to read it before September when I had to return the book to my counselor) She said "so-so" I asked if she could let me have it back so I could read it a bit. She decides to reply with "There is nothing good in there because let me tell you {deadname}, in the world, people decide to twist the truth onto their favor... And I pray that you will get the wisdom to fix this, I love you regardless because you are my son..."

It was when she said son I just didn't bother to listen anymore and walked away...

Also: Thanks for the support on my last post. I really appreciate it, y'all are awesome!