#pardon the heavy censoring of the word and variations i don’t want to piss tumblr off at me

[teefconnoisseur]

tedtalk time! i wanna talk about asexuals, asexuality, and s-x!

cw : discussion of “spicy time” ( attraction, drive, arousal, etc. )

asexuals can have s-x.

yes, that is how i am going to start this off because it is true.

there is a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to the asexual community ( and entire queer community as well, but not our focus for now ). one of the biggest ones and the one i want to touch on in this post is that we can’t have “spicy time” — or simply don’t want to nor don’t like having “spicy time”.

and that is just, again, not true for a few reasons.

firstly, people are mixing up attraction with desire / drive with arousal. like gender expression and gender identity, the two are very similar but distinctly different.

attraction, as defined by The Asexual Visibility and Education Network ( TAVEN ), is ‘a feeling that is experienced that causes a desire for sexual contact with another person.’

desire / drive is one’s desire for “spicy time” and related activities ( you can guess what ), it’s what provokes and encourages one to potentially act on their attraction.

arousal is what typical follows drive / desire, the physiological aspect, the increase hormones and body heat, etc.

secondly, we can and do experience all three of these — attraction, desire / drive, arousal — to varying degrees and varying consistency ( or lack thereof ) depending on the person. we can also have and participate in “spicy time” and related activities, just as we don’t have to or don’t want to for whatever reason.

and guess what? it doesn’t make us any less asexual or valid.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk <3