#paraily asks

[paraily]

I got two messages asking how to make para friends, so I figured I’d just combine them into their own posts instead of responding individually!

How To Talk To The Cool Paraphiles In Your Screen 101:

I am going to be honest, I have no idea what I am doing—especially when it comes to friendships. But I know just how damaging that isolation can be.

Due to how stigmatized the paraphile experience is, a good chunk of paraphiles are also looking for connection. So finding fellow paraphiles who want company as well shouldn't be too difficult.

Interact with people! Send asks! Ask if their DMs are open for friendship! Make some posts asking for friends, etc.

If possible, try to move to another messaging platform that isn't Tumblr. People drop like flies over here.

I’ve met some amazing people just by reaching out. :]

Discord servers that center around paraphilias are a good option, but I am wary of them due to privacy and safety concerns. 

Reaching out yourself can be terrifying, but it’s difficult to meet people just by lurking, so I highly suggest it. Apologies if this advice is generic, but I hope it helps!

[paraily]

Obligatory pinned post!

This gets pretty long, so here's a quick summary:

Pro-para safe space, anti-contact & accepting of just about anyone!

Tagging system is all the way downstairs (at the bottom of the post).

~

What is this?:

This is a personal blog dedicated to unpalatable facets of myself--specifically my experience as a paraphile.

This blog primarily centers paraphilias, but with that being said, this blog is completely SFW (sans for the few sex jokes sprinkled here and there)!

Despite this being a personal blog, I also want this to be a safe space for fellow paras! I know how isolating it can be, and hopefully this blog makes the paraphile experience less lonely. The pro-para community has been a great help to me, and I only hope for that experience to be shared among others.

~

Who is welcome here?:

I don't have a DNI (I block liberally), but just about anyone is welcome here! If you are considered "odd" in any way, I will accept you. ♥️

Paraphiles (very much including the Big 3), questioning paras, non-paras etc. are always welcome! I am not radqueer, but radqueers are accepted here as well. I would much rather focus on para unity instead of driving us apart.

~

Stances:

Anti-contact: I am anti-contact for anything non-consensual (e.g., the Big 3).

Pro-para: This one is self-explanatory! I am accepting of all paraphiles. There is no paraphilia that I won't support. Thoughts don't carry morality.

Profiction: Fiction is supposed to be fun! Mess around with it! Create whatever your heart desires. I do not believe in censoring fiction.

Sex positive: There is nothing inherently dirty about sex, and I will repeatedly advocate for sex education.

Radically inclusive: I am accepting of all types of queer people; including those with "confusing" or "contradictory" identities.

Pro mental health: This includes the "scary" disorders.

~

Interaction:

Sending asks (whether it be questions, venting or basically anything) are encouraged! I am always happy to lend a listening ear to my fellow paraphiles. Anon is on for a reason!

Please do not flirt or be sexual with me. Hate is also automatically blocked.

~

More about yours truly:

I'm paraily! I am a paraphile who finds immense solace in pro-para communities online. I have been a lurker in pro-para spaces, but didn't join until recently.

For safety reasons, I will maintain anonymity, but here are some things about me:

Aroace-spec

Lesbian & lesboy

Sex-averse / sex-repulsed

I have both disordered and non-disordered paras

I have OCD! I may post about that sometimes

Trauma heavily ties into my paras. I won't go too in depth, but I will talk about it

~

Tags:

#paraily text #paraily rbs #paraily asks #para info #para positivity #paramisa (<- block this one if you dislike seeing para hate!)

[paraily]

I’ve recently discovered I’m a Para… (one of the big 3) and your blog and secondary has really helped me with processing and coming to terms with being one. Thank you, I greatly appreciate you and your kind words. Makes me feel like I’m not a monster.

I’m so happy that you were able to figure out that part of you, Anon! I know how scary it must be, but just know that I, and so many others, am cheering you on!

You are far from a monster. You are still deserving of love and kindness regardless of what paraphilias you have.

Wishing you the best in this journey ♥️

[paraily]

I’m completely brand new to this whole Para space… I feel like I’m apart of it, but I’m so lost… I feel gross but at the same time I don’t and I feel like I finally found a safe place…

That's how I felt the first time I dipped my toes in pro para spaces :]

It's scary at first, but it'll be okay, anon. You aren't alone in this. I am glad you have finally found a place that makes you feel safe!

[paraily]

I'm a minor but I think I might be a paraphile. I can't get off unless I'm thinking of illegal shit and I don't know what to do

I know it must feel really scary to have thoughts and desires like these (I felt the same way when I was young), but I promise it doesn’t make you a bad person.

You aren’t a bad person for having thoughts. Thoughts aren’t illegal. Whether you're a paraphile or not doesn’t take away from your inherent worth and value. 

I’ve heard excellent things about MAP resources. Even if you aren’t a MAP, it might be good to look into! I haven’t looked too deep into it myself, but I think I will once I get the time. :]

I’m wishing you the best, Anon. ♥ 

[paraily]

I'm bodily hyposexual, but I remember getting mentally aroused by gore and animals. I remember writing incest, abuse, and age gap stories. I remember sometimes finding youth aesthetically attractive.

Being a paraphile hadn't crossed my mind until I explicitly realized that my sexual fantasies exclusively involve 'abnormal' themes, whether it be harmful or unsanitary or simply taboo.

I think there are a lot of people out there who like these kind of things in fantasy, but hadn't thought of themselves as paraphiles. There is this stigma around being paraphile where you must be an offender or a ticking time bomb at least, a predator preying on real life targets. When it's actually just about having 'abnormal' attractions. Being a paraphile says absolutely nothing about your actions.

Figuring out that I am a paraphile has given me so much peace honestly. I used to be quite confused about my orientation, and kept landing into asexual spaces, feeling oddly out of place. Then the lightbulb went off, the reason I can't have sex is due to my amalgamation of paraphilias and being hyposexual! I don't lack sexual attraction itself at all.

I long for a world where paraphilia can be a open topic. All paraphilias, not just the 'palatable' ones.

Hey Anon, thank you for sharing your own experiences with being a paraphile! While I would not consider myself hyposexual, I definitely relate to the experience alongside having a complicated relationship with sex.

It's so comforting to see others' stories about being a paraphile. I love finding solidarity and community with fellow paras :]

"There is this stigma around being paraphile where you must be an offender or a ticking time bomb at least, a predator preying on real life targets. When it's actually just about having 'abnormal' attractions. Being a paraphile says absolutely nothing about your actions."

Thank you for mentioning this! A good chunk of people experience abnormal attractions, but due to the stigma surrounding paraphilias as a whole (plus it being a “scary” word), a lot of people steer clear of even considering it. 

[paraily]

hii! what's your paras?? if i may ask ofc :))

I've been debating about sharing some of my paras, but for the sake of my privacy and safety, I don't think I will. I may briefly mention a few in the near feature, but for now, I'll keep them a mystery.

I am a paraphile, and that's all that matters!

(I understand the natural curiosity though, and I don't take any offense to asks like these!)

[paraily]

Your blog is like a blast of cold refreshing water on my brain, I didn't know I needed it. Some of your posts are so touching they made me feel really normal and human for once. Just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you so much for this! This was incredibly sweet to read. :]

I sometimes forget just how many other paraphiles are out there, and it’s so comforting to know that I am not alone in what I experience or feel.

[paraily]

wait this is fucking hilarious ive been using one of those emoji codes everywhere for Years and i didnt even know what it meant until now.. the best part is it literally. Its what i am

Accidentally MAPing as a MAP

(This ask was a response to this previous ask!)

[paraily]

im really confused and nobody will answer me abt this which para does 🍸 refer to? i don’t understand

No worries, Anon! The emoji codes are difficult to learn.

🍸 is an alternate emoji code for MAP.

I usually refer to this carrd! It has the majority, if not all, of the emoji combos.

[paraily]

you cool ଘ૮ ੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)���🌷

Thank you so much, anon! This made me smile! I appreciate the flower! You are a gem. ♥️

[paraily]

pro tip, dont use the green-brown blue flag! it's made by and for zoos who are aggressively anti-para toward other Big 3 paraphilias. it's called the zeta zoo flag and a lot of pro-para frown upon it even if its popular

the leaf zoo flag (all different shades of green and blues) was from a pro-para community contest to make another flag, to combat the zeta zoo flag. its gaining popularity! i wholly recommend that one

Thank you for explaining, anon! (flags under cut)

This is the green, brown and blue flag anon mentioned.

And the alef zoo flag (the preferred zoo flag)!