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itsdjjones · 7 years ago

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All Too Well | Addie & DJ

TAGGING: @addieharps & @itsdjjones

DATE: 6/9 Friday Night

PLACE: Addie’s apartment

NOTES: DJ comes over to possibly work things out but it end up in sex...like always. tw - smut

DJ already knew what this was gonna be with Addie when he texted her. As much as he wanted to talk and possibly mend some things with her it never ended up that way when they hung out anymore. He would be lying if he said he still didn't like her but now these new feelings for Parker was freaking him out and he needed someone familiar to be around. At least romantically familiar. After she had gotten off work DJ drove over to her place and knocked on the door. He made sure to be wearing his favorite cologne and was looking nice with a solid tshirt and a cleaned up goatee and mustache he had going on the past couple months.

Addie really didn't know why she kept doing this to herself. It was easy to pretend like nothing bothered her when it came to most things. She could brush off her past with DJ and act like she was completely over it, but she was far from over it. It wasn't that she wanted him back, she was pretty sure she never could at this point, but she couldn't deny the pain she felt when she thought about it, not to herself. Still, he didn't need to know that. She kept herself busy all night at work, not wanting to think about him coming over later. She wanted him there, she wanted to see him, but she didn't want to think about it. Instead keeping her mind occupied with refilling salt shakers and rolling silverware, but soon it was time for her to leave, and she couldn't deny her plans anymore. Packing up two containers of food, she drove to her apartment and quickly changed out of her uniform, pulling on some shorts and an oversized T shirt instead, aiming more for comfort than trying to impress anyone. Maybe a part of her still wanted him to want her, but she didn't want him thinking that she was trying to impress him. She'd just barely buttoned her shorts when she heard the knock at her door. She made sure to get herself in check before opening it, no excited smile, no butterflies, this was DJ her ex, not DJ her boyfriend. "Hey," She said softly, her voice casual but pleasant as she swung the door open, stepping aside for him to come in. "Foods on the counter if you're hungry."

DJ didn't know what to expect when he arrived. There was the expectation that she would light up at the sight of him and run into his arms, kissing him and never letting go. Then there was the reality which was the opposite. She looked good in anything she wore and he looked at her as he walked inside. "Thanks" he said. DJ was a different person than he was when they were together. When he found his faith his whole world kind of turned upside down and he realized what an asshole he was before. He hadn't even drank since that night. DJ walked to the kitchen and he casually looked through the food, getting out a roll to snack on. He leaned against the counter. "You look good" he complimented her. "How was work?"

Addie sighed softly to herself when he walked by, turning away, pretending to check her hair in the mirror on the wall behind her when she smelt his cologne, trying so hard not to be affected by it. She turned back to him when she heard him in the food, and smile softly, leaning against the counter. Addie shrugged a shoulder when he said she looked good. "You're getting fed no matter what, you don't have to suck up." She joked, though her voice was dryer than she'd have liked. "It was work. Kids spilling drinks, old people tipping me 80 cents, middle aged women asking for a manager." She shrugged again, reaching forward and ripping a piece off of the roll he was eating before hopping up onto the counter in front of him and taking a bite. "How was your day?" She asked, it was almost too easy, falling into a normal conversation with him, being around him. She'd forgiven him a long time ago, in a way, she certainly didn't wish him ill, but she just didn't dare to be any kind of open or vulnerable around him. Or practically anyone, really. And she could never see them truly being friends again.

DJ sighed. "I'm not sucking up. I'm being serious" he said taking a bit of the roll he had in his hand. He looked at her as she spoke and he smiled. "So a typical day?" he smiled with those white teeth sparkling. "It was good I spent most of it at the summer camp. Kids are kinda crazy and this one group of girls follow me around everywhere I go. I have a way with fourth graders clearly" he chuckled. He watched her get up on the counter and all her wanted to do was stand there between her legs, feeling her skin against his hands. He didn't though. He licked his lips and looked up at her. "I miss you" He said coming straight out and saying it. It was different than over text. That guilt in his voice almost made him want to beg her for forgiveness right there like he had when everything went down.

Addie nodded, "Yeah, well you look good, too." She admitted softly, biting into her lower lip. Chuckling at his question, she nodded, her eyes low, but a smile finally formed on her face, "As typical as can be." She agreed, meeting his eyes, and almost wishing she hadn't when she saw his smile. She loved that smile at one point in time. "You're a good role model for them, at least. They could be following around someone who is teaching them all the wrong things." She meant what she said, because she knew that DJ had become a different person, she just wished it hadn't been hurting her that had made him decide to change. Chills ran through her with when she saw the way he looked at her, her breath catching in her throat at his words. "Don't." She whispered, her voice breaking when she did. Don't what? She wanted to say so many things. 'Don't miss me, don't look at me that way, don't sound so sad, don't make me miss you back.' But she couldn't say any of that. Instead she pulled on that signature smile she'd done so well at perfecting especially when she didn't mean it. "I'm right here, there's no reason for you to miss me."

DJ smiled to himself when she complimented him. DJ looked down at the floor when she called him a good role model. It's all he ever wanted to be. To his siblings, to all his kids he taught. Things changed and the compliment from her meant the world. "I try" he said honestly. "I really do." DJ furrowed his brow when she said 'dont'. He shook his head. "I'm serious" he said walking closer to her. "You're right here but sometimes you feel like a thousand miles away because it will never be the same with us" he spoke. DJ was pretty open about how he felt. He didn't play the games like he used to anymore. "I just wish I could change everything" he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry I know you don't want to hear it because you've heard it a million times from me before." He pulled away from her reluctantly.

Addie couldn't figure out why she wanted to reach out so badly when he looked down, rest her hand on his cheek, run the pad of her thumb along his cheekbone and tell him that he did a great job. But she didn't. Her face stayed hard when she heard him speak, unwilling to tell him it was okay, that she was there. She couldn't. Sure, if he ever really needed something, she'd be there in a heartbeat, but she couldn't just let it all go and go back to normal. He was right, it would never be the same with them. Her eyes fixed on the floor, she gripped the edge of the counter tightly, keeping her emotions in check. Finally, she sighed, her lips pursed together. "I know that you wish you could, but...You can't." She whispered, "I can't give you what you want, and I'm sorry, but if that's what you're here looking for..." She trailed off, she licked her lips as she met his eyes again. "If that's what you're here for, you're wasting your time on me."

DJ "I know" DJ said over her words. "I know" He repeated and looked up at her. "I'm here because I want to spend time with you. I want to be your friend...at the least. Even if I don't deserve to be" He moved closer to her again and he stood between her legs. "You deserve someone who isn't going to hurt you and you know that's not me." he couldnt help but reach out and touch her hand on the counter next to her thigh. It almost felt like things didn't change but that look on her face told DJ otherwise. "I miss you because I don't want to lose you completely." he said. "I can't." he tilted his head to look at her and he searched her eyes for a moment. God those eyes got him every time. She was so beautiful and those eyes were his weakness like he could just stare at them forever.

Addie couldn't count how many times she longed to hear him say he wanted to be in her life, that he still cared about her, and it wasn't as if she didn't know, but sometimes she just felt like she needed to hear it. And yet, here he was saying it, and it just hurt. She spread her legs to give him more room when he stood between them. "Maybe this is just what I deserved all along. My dad cheated on his wife with my mom, maybe what you did was just...Divine retribution, or something, for me even existing in the first place." She wished she could follow that with a laugh, pretend it was a joke, but she'd thought about it more than she cared to admit. "I'm still right here." She said finally, meeting his eyes again, her hand turning over so she could squeeze his gently. She didn't know why she was letting herself open up to him again, but she knew she needed to stop before she made herself too vulnerable.

DJ frowned at her. "Addie...no" he said shutting that shit down as quickly as possible. "Don't you ever say that. What happened was my stupid mistake. Crap like that doesn't just happen because of who you are. I'm sorry about your dad but..Addie please don't think like that okay? This was my fault not yours and I have to live with that forever." He squeezed her hand back and searched her eyes. "You're amazing and I fucked up." he said taking a deep breath. DJ couldn't explain enough how much he wanted her to believe the words he was saying as if it was the only thing left he could do. "I wont let you think that way." He touched her cheek gently.

Addie wanted to believe him, but it had always been hard for her to not blame herself for most things, she'd always felt like the root of so many problems. She sighed when he touched her cheek, turning her face into the touch just slightly. There were so many ways she could react to it. She could just tell him it was fine, that she was joking, she could tell him to leave, she could tell him they could be friends and let it go. "Then help me stop thinking about it." She whispered, bringing her own hand up to rest against his, as she slid herself forward on the counter, moving closer to him. She didn't want to talk anymore, she didn't want to think anymore. She didn't want to be in pain, she just wanted to forget it all.

DJ backed away slightly as she slipped off the counter. His hand on her cheek moved to her neck and his free hand wrapped around her as she spoke. He pulled her body close to his, not having to be asked again. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, his hand holding her close on her lower back. DJ knew that this was it. This was their relationship now and even if it wasn't right he couldn't give it up. Not just yet. If this was all he got with Addie then that was okay, for now at least. Both hands moved to her hips, slipping under her shirt slightly as he continued to kiss her deeply and passionately.

Addie instantly felt better when his hand moved around her. She pressed her lips back against his, her own arms finding their way to him, one between him and her, resting against his chest the sliding up his arm, then shoulder, resting at the back of his neck. Every part of her knew that it would impossible to get over him when she was still sleeping with him, but she couldn't stop. It was like her own personal punishment for herself. What she was punishing herself for, she didn't really know, but it felt fitting. The hand that was on his chest slid down, resting on his hip instead, as she pushed him back a few inches, not pushing him away, just giving herself some room to move as she guided them back towards her room, leaning agains the door for a few seconds before opening to let them both in, her lips never leaving his for more than a few seconds at a time.

DJ walked with her as they kissed trying not to run into anything but failing when they got to the door of her bedroom. He walked inside and lifted her in his arms, letting her legs wrap around him. After the door closed her pressed her against the door and ran his hand up her body, moving his lips to her neck, kissing eagerly and quickly now like they were running out of time and somehow she would stop him before they even undressed. One hand moved to her ass, half on her shorts and the other on the her skin as he held her up. His free hand slipped up her shirt and cupped her breast. They had been here many times before and it always felt like going home somehow.

Addie wrapped her legs around his waist without really having to think about it, her feet hooking together to help hold herself up. She let out a soft moan when she felt his lips on her neck, her head leaning back against the door to give him more room. Letting her hand glide up to rest at the back of his head as he continued, she couldn't fight the goosebumps that rose on her skin when his hand slid up her shirt. Reaching down, she pulled her shirt off, tossing it to the floor, only meeting his eyes for a second before she crashed her lips back into his.

DJ got a glimpse of her once more as she tossed his her shirt. He forgot how much he was attracted to her. She was drop dead gorgeous and he couldn't help but crave her. DJ moved her to the bed, hovering over her as he rested between her legs. He slipped his shirt over his head with one hand, tossing it to no where in particular. There was no talking. Talking would just ruin things and he really didn't want to do that right now. His hands roamed over her body as their lips met once more. No more thinking, just this. Just the two of them and no one else mattered in that moment.

Addie couldn't stop herself from letting her hands wander his abs and chest when his shirt came off, her feet unhooking from around him now. It was barely a few seconds before she was reaching for the button of his jeans, undoing it and the zipper quickly and pushing them down as far as she could. It was all so easy, so natural between them, and she couldn't let herself think about that for too long. As if it would be better if things were awkward, maybe it would be better, she didn't know. All she knew was that she wanted this more often than not, and she wasn't about to ruin it by overthinking everything.

DJ helped push his jeans off and he sat up, slipping his fingers into the loops of her shorts. He pulled them off quickly until they were both in their underwear. He leaned over her and kissed her skin between her breasts as his hand moved between them, rubbing her between her legs on top of her panties. He could feel himself getting harder in his boxer briefs and it showed. DJ glanced up at her and he pulled down the cups of her bra, exposing one nipple before taking it in his mouth. He knew he was always going to want more with her, but being with her like this it was almost like he could pretend they were okay. Even if he was just fooling himself.

Addie lifted her lips as he pulled her shorts down, helping to kick them off. She gasped as his lips found her bare skin, her hands clenching the blankets beneath her when he started between her legs, it didn't matter that there was a layer of fabric between his finger and her clit, it still sent jolts of pleasure through her core, and she could feel how badly she wanted him. She was sure he could, too. When his lips found her nipples, she couldn't help the way her hips ground into his, it was one of her weaknesses, having his lips on that sensitive skin, she couldn't help it. Her hands wrapped around him, roaming his back and shoulders as he continued. "Mmmm, baby." She moaned quietly, the old petname falling from her lips before she could really stop herself, but now wasn't the time to think about it.

DJ It was like the two of them slipped into their old ways like nothing happened when they were like this. His hands roamed her body and teased her as she called him baby. It was a drug almost that he never wanted to stop taking. He moved his hands behind her bra, unclasping it quickly, the fabric was too much in the way. He moved back to her breasts, his hand slipping into her panties, feeling how wet she really was. It made his cock twitch under the fabric of his briefs. He moved to her other breast, flicking his tongue over her hard nipple before sucking it between his lips. He just couldn't get enough of her.

Addie arched back off the bed so he could undo her bra. With the layer of fabric gone from between them she couldn't deny the increased intensity of his touches. She slid a hand down his front, pushing his briefs down just a few inches so she could wrap her hand around him, squeezing just enough as she began to work her hand on him. Her other hand rested at the back of his head as he continued working at her nipple, her back still arched up off the bed.

DJ moaned against her skin as she touched him. They were like this for a few moments until he couldnt handle it anymore. He sat up and pushed his boxers off the bed and scooted towards her, hand on his cock ready to enter her. He practically ripped her panties off her legs as quickly as possibly. DJ teased her a bit with his tip as he moved one hand around her thighs, pulling her closer. The angle of him looking down at her naked and ready made him want her even more.

Addie would have found it funny how easy it was to be naked in front of him like this, but emotionally she piled on the layers the second he even entered her mind, but right now she was too distracted. Reaching forward, she rested a hand on his hip to help guide him, biting into her bottom lip as she waited for him to push into her.

DJ slipped into her easily as if he had been doing it all this time. He groaned as he moved into her and his hands moved around her sides, holding himself up as he started to move his hips slowly at first. He glanced down at her and let their lips find each other once again as he sped up the pace, thrusting into her faster with every move. He moved one hand over her, groping her breast as her thrust into her and kissed her heatedly.

Addie moaned loudly as he slid into her, her walls stretching to fit him. Her moan only really stopping when he kissed her again, she let her hands wander up his chest, down his arms, wherever they wanted. She moved her hips in unison with his, knowing all the moves she was supposed to make like it was second nature. With him it was. She bit into his lip gently, letting it go with a pop before continuing to kiss him again.

DJ loved it when she bit her lip. She knew exactly the right moved to get him going. They knew each other well and with everything messing with his head, she was familiar. She was home. And this was where he thought he was supposed to be even if things were messed up. DJ moaned against her lips as he slammed into her harder and harder. He soon rolled them over, wanting to watch her sexy body ride him. His hands moved up to her breasts, admiring her body. She was his weakness.

Addie didn't miss a beat as he rolled them over, her knees planting on the bed on either side of him, as her hips continued the same movements they'd been making. She leaned back just a bit, her hands wresting on her ankles as she continued, changing the angle for a new sensation. Her breath had picked up and now each pant sounded more like a little moan. After a few minutes she leaned forward again, hovering over him as her hips slowed a bit so she could press their lips together again. She could feel that familiar pressure building, causing her hips to move faster, wanting more.

DJ pushed his hips up in time with hers. Watching her like this was one of the biggest turn ons ever. He pushed some of her hair out of the way and she leaned down to kiss him once more. He moaned against her lips, knowing that he was getting closer and closer to coming. DJ moved his hands down onto her ass as she rode him. It felt so good and all he could think about in that moment was how much he missed her and missed this and how he never wanted to stop this. Maybe he was being selfish but he knew how to say the right things to get Addie back to this place of wanting with him. It was selfish because he constantly wanted her all the time.

Addie rested her forehead against his after he moaned, before sitting back up, her hips moving faster as she felt her own orgasm start to build, she'd just need that little extra to push her over the edge. Reaching down she grabbed his free hand, guiding it between them and to her clit, and then resting her hands on his abs, before shutting her eyes to let herself just feel what was happening. She couldn't think about it, because if she did, she'd just get bitter, because it wasn't fair that she missed him back, that she missed this, that everything about it was so familiar, but still amazing. It wasn't fair that she was still hung up on him, even though he'd hurt her, that she couldn't move on to something better. Maybe there wasn't better, or not for her. She couldn't think about that now, so she just kept her eyes closed, continuing to let herself get lost in the moment, her moans growing louder by the second.

DJ moaned and he knew he was getting closer but he had to make her come first. He rubbed her clit between them as she moved her hips on his cock. "Come for me baby" he said as she moaned louder. He knew this place with her and he knew she was close. DJ put his free hand on her hip, gripping it as he could feel his own cock twitch inside of her. "Fuck" He hissed and his thrusting up into her faltered a bit.

Addie gasped when his fingers found her clit, a wave of pleasure hitting her almost instantly. His words practically melting her, and as if more of a command than a request, her body responded, pushing her so close to the edge, she knew it would happen anytime now. She gripped onto him tighter, trying to keep her own hips in pace, trying to bring him with her. It felt like it was barely seconds before her walls were clenching around his cock, her hips jerking in rhythm with them as her orgasm hit her, "fuck," She hissed as her muscles all clenched with the feeling. Finally, her hips slowed and then stopped as she leaned forward, resting her forehead against DJ's chest for a few seconds before she rolled off of him, setting onto the bed next to him.

DJ felt himself come inside of her as she moaned out that cuss word. He felt her walls tighten around him and he couldn't take it anymore. He pressed his forehead to hers and he wanted to lean up and kiss her but before he could she rolled off him and he laid there breathless and it finally hit him what just happened. How did they always end up like this? Why did he let himself end up like this? DJ couldn't help himself around her. He shouldn't want her as much as he did. Finally he glanced at her to see if she was thinking the same thing.

Addie wasn't naive, it wasn't as if she didn't expect this when he came over. Maybe part of her hoped it wouldn't end this way, that maybe they could just hang out, like normal friends, but she knew better. Every time she told herself it would be the last time, but things never really seemed to feel over. Addie sighed as she looked over at him, meeting his eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but just snapped it shut again, not knowing what to say. The physical part of it had been so easy, but she couldn't never figure it out beyond that. She hated herself for wanting to slide closer to him, for wanting him to wrap his arms around her and hold her and kiss her again. She couldn't want any of this, but she couldn't seem to help it. She wanted to just forgive him, let it all go, tell him everything was fine, that she was fine, let all of that pain go, but she couldn't do that either. "We can't keep doing this, you know." She whispered, "I can't keep doing this." Did that mean this would actually end? She didn't know, but she did know it should.

DJ stood up and he reached for his boxers. He didn't feel like being naked anymore felt right. He grabbed his jeans and hopped a little as he zipped them up and adjusted himself. He looked at her and took a deep breath. "You say that every time" he said softly. It was true. They both said this every time and DJ had grown to not believe her anymore. If she didn't want this to happen then she shouldnt invite him over anymore. He shouldn't be texting her anymore but they couldn't stop. He felt guilty that having sex was so easy but forming words to fix things wasn't. He knew it wasn't fair to her...or both of them really. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and that they could fix this and pull her into his arms like before but he couldn't. He sat down on her bed, back facing her. "Do you want me to go?" He asked. He knew he should go but he wondered if she wanted him to, for real.

Addie watched as he stood, and taking the time to get herself back under control. Her level head coming back, any kind of emotion she was starting feel getting cut off before it had a chance to grow into anything. Finding her underwear she pulled them back on, followed by the oversized T she'd been wearing when he arrived. She didn't say anything when he reminded her that she said the same thing every time. She knew she did, and maybe one day she'd follow through. Pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. When he asked if she wanted him to go, she wanted so badly to say no. To tell him he could stay, and hang out for a while, eat some of the food she'd brought for them, maybe watch a movie even, talk. But instead a single word fell from her lips. "Yes." She whispered, she wanted to be alone, to let herself cry, or beat herself up, hate herself for a just a little while, and she couldn't do that with him there.

DJ heard her yes without even turning around and he did what she asked. He grabbed his shirt and slipped it on. He finally looked back at her, sitting on the bed alone and he wanted to just fix it. But he knew he couldn't. Not anymore. DJ wasn't the person that could fix this anymore. He stood at the door and looked back at her. "I'll see you around" he said softly before walking out of the bedroom and towards the front door. He grabbed his keys that he left on the counter and sighed. She was right, they needed to stop but the moment he left he was missing her again.

Addie watched again as he stood, holding herself together as she waited for him to leave. She nodded when he spoke, not bothering to answer him, because she knew there was no point. She waited until she heard the door close, before climbing under the covers, pulling them over her head, and letting tears spill out. She didn't know if he knew how upset she always got afterwards, but she certainly had no intentions of telling him. It was easier to just cry in private, letting her tears lull her to sleep.

#para: alltoowell #para #para: addie #//i mean obviously i had to have a t swift title lol

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