#palpoke

[cosleia]

His Creature

palpoke (aka snalps), 451 words, modern au, fake relationship, pining, T

Jim Snoke and Steve Palpatine's tumultuous affair was fodder for the gossip rags for decades, starting when they met as young “self-made” millionaires and continuing throughout their oft-contentious business rivalry. Wall Street considered their relationship a market indicator.

In 1965, Palpatine earned Snoke’s ire by taking a very handsome young man named Anakin Skywalker under his wing. (That Anakin became disfigured shortly thereafter did not ease Snoke's mind.) Snoke had his revenge in the 2000s when he took not one but two young men as wards.

“They’re my proteges,” Snoke told Palpatine coolly over cocktails at the Plaza, according to People magazine.

“Bullshit,” Palpatine reportedly replied.

What no one knew was that it was all an act. A show, put on to sway public opinion of things that went far beyond the two of them. With their performed on-again, off-again fire, they changed the course of world economies.

It was all pretend.

Well...not all of it.

Sure, the passionate kisses, the screaming in the streets, the walks of shame from each other’s luxury apartments, the indulgent trips to Rome, those were all fake. Going through the motions.

But the way Snoke gazed at Palpatine when he thought he wasn’t looking? The emptiness he felt whenever they had to pretend to hate each other? The longing when they were playing lovers, when he could touch Palpatine but knew it meant nothing to him?

That was real.

Jim Snoke was literally 85 years old, and his heart still skipped a beat when Steve Palpatine said his name.

Palpatine didn’t feel the same way. He couldn’t. All this time, all these years, he’d played his part perfectly. When he was supposed to be deeply in love, he appeared to be deeply in love. When he was supposed to be so angry at Snoke he couldn’t think straight—well.

If he didn’t know it was all a ruse, Snoke would believe Palpatine when he screamed that he never wanted to see him again. Their “reconciliations” were always a quiet relief. He dreaded the next blowup, even when it was his turn to instigate.

He wished they could stop pretending. But he knew if they did, it would all be over.

Oh, they’d meet at the club, they’d have drinks, they’d chat amicably. But they wouldn’t flirt. They wouldn’t kiss. They wouldn’t slide their hands over each other’s clothing or into each other’s trousers. They wouldn’t wake up in a tangle of bedsheets, naked and sore and bruised.

Snoke would never feel Palpatine’s heartbeat against his skin again.

All Snoke could do was live this life of longing, purposeless save for playing out the script Palpatine had written so long ago. All he could do was be the creature Palpatine had created.

And Palpatine would never know.

[jakkuvian]

I legit thought I hadn't put my last message on anon so I was sitting there panicking for a solid 10 minutes. Ahhh, my heart is still racing. Why aren't you able to go to sleep? :( -❤

Omg don't worry bb 💖💖💖💖 also i've been there so i understand the feeling 😭 it's bc im all giddy and hyper, and alert and aaah 🙈🙈🙈

[hacked-wtsdz]

I present you the weirdest ass Star Wars ships I found on ✨shipping wiki✨

Cadsoka — Cad Bane x Ahsoka Tano (ew)

Enoke — Snoke x Jyn Erso

what the fuuuck? Jyn would have been around Leia’s age by the time of the First Order. Would it mean old Jyn x Snoke? Or young Jyn x ….young Snoke? I just….I have so many questions that I sincerely don’t want to get answers for

Griesoka — Grievous x Ahsoka Tano

This is even worse than Enoke, honestly. What kind of a perverted mind must you have to come up with this shit?? I don’t want to even imagine what this ship includes in itself.

Haney — Han Solo x Rey

Considering the fact that Han is around sixty when he meets Rey, I’ve got the same questions as with Enoke. Is he Rey’s smuggler sugar daddy?

Rosinks — ROSE TICO X JAR JAR BINKS WTF

This is probably a joke ship. U know, the two most annoying Star Wars characters together. But still…….. *internal screaming*

Sney, Snokerose, Snokgana — Snoke x Rey, Rose and LEIA

This is just a sequel to Enoke that gets progressively worse. Like some other sequels that we know…

Tarkmi — Wilhuff Tarkin x Shmi Skywalker

After Rosinks this doesn’t even feel weird. At least one of them isn’t a space lizard.

Zeboka — Zeb Orrelios x Ahsoka Tano

The name says it all. I literally gagged when I saw this.

A question for the philosophers: Which one is worse, Anakijarbinks (Anakin x Jar Jar) or Anakinous (Anakin x Grievous)?

Now comes the time for torture

Binkte — Jar Jar Binks x Nute Gunrey

Binooku — Jar Jar Binks x Count Dooku

Bosett — Jar Jar Binks x Bossk

Dyoda — Dooku x Yoda

Ezrda — Ezra x Yoda

I won’t say anything but, from the depths of my heart: why? This is just…a lizard and a bug fucking, then a lizard and a crocodile, a frog and a teenager…im surprised there is no Yoda x Jar Jar for that matter

Oprenobi — Savage Opress x Obi-Wan Kenobi (?????)

Palpatin — Emperor Palpatine x Grand Admiral Thrawn (????????????)

Palpoke — Emperor Palpatine x Snoke

Again, a good ship won’t be named fucking Palpoke

Soleedo — Han Solo x Greedo

Watte — Jar Jar Binks x Wat Tambor

Yodakin — Anakin Skywalker x Yoda

And if the rest wasn’t weird enough for you:

Yobda — Yoda x Jabba the HuttGOODBYE

[cosleia]

My twitfics

I’ve been writing since I’ve been gone, but a lot of it has happened on Twitter. I thought I’d share some of what I’ve been up to over there with y’all.

First, here is the main tweet from which all my twitfics branch off. (I think I got ’em all, anyway.)

And now, a few selections. Works in progress:

Trash Thread (working title lol) - This is utter garbage, by which I mean the content, not the writing. It’s a modern AU kylux in which Ben is married to Poe. He sleeps with Hux in order to get a job. Things escalate pretty quickly from there. There is so much smut. Please note that I’ve been copying this thread into a document for later posting to AO3, and it is up to 76,912 words. It is the longest thing I have written to date, and it’s still a WIP. I have no idea when I’ll finish, get it edited, and post it to AO3, but it will happen. Someday.

Post-TROS Kylux (I’ll name these things eventually I promise) - This is canonverse in which Kylo survives Exegol and Armitage survives being shot and they find each other later. They were never romantic, and things are tense. But as you can imagine, everything’s different now. There hasn’t been any smut yet but you never know.

Canonverse Snoke/Palpatine - This takes place during TLJ and explores the relationship between Snoke and Palpatine. There is smut. It all started with the idea “what if all the times Snoke was cruel to Kylo, it was actually Palpatine?” This of course does not make Snoke’s relationship with Kylo less creepy, so be careful. (This story features a unique headcanon about Snoke’s genitalia, which you can find illustrated here. Please don’t click in public.)

Modern Roselux - Rose begins her career as an adult film star at a production house owned by Hux. Kylo is her costar. Again, smut. That’s basically all this is. Look, Rose is beautiful, and she deserves to be worshiped by at least two people.

Canonverse Benarmie: Part 1 (complete) and Part 2 (WIP) - Ben and Armie meet twice in their youth. The first time, it’s sweet and innocent and fleeting. The second time, a lot has happened to both of them. Ben has met the Knights of Ren, and Armie has begun his climb to the top of the First Order. They’re different people now, and yet they still feel a strong connection to each other. (Guess what? There’s smut in Part 2. I know, you’re shocked)

Completed works:

Palpoke Modern AU - This is very short but I like it a lot. Jim Snoke and Steve Palpatine have a unique business relationship.

“Oh. Those are rocks” - Reyrose modern AU with lots of awkwardness and a suggestive joke. I was going for humorous and sweet :D

Assassinating Clyde Logan - This is a humorous clydeland (Clyde Logan/Stensland, a kylux adjacent, which you all know, but just in case) in which Stensland has been paid a fee to kill Clyde, but that’s not how things go at all. I actually ought to put this on AO3. It’s short but it makes me laugh. I’m linking to the end of the thread because it got broken up, so just scroll quickly to the top to read it (and don’t click the top tweet or it’ll break again).

Rope - Modern rich kids AU reysma, in which Phasma and Rey play a dangerous game. This one is kind of a thriller, kind of disturbing. And...there’s smut. Again linking to the last tweet due to the thread breaking. Just scroll up and try not to read backwards XD

There’s more, but those are the ones I really wanted to share. Hope you enjoy!

[jakkuvian]

Again, that really means the world to me!! ❤ You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that I can make your day a little better! I'm always excited to wake up every morning and talk to you. ❤ and I'm definitely leaning more towards the first idea too, so maybe I'll try to figure out an outline for it and we can go from there! Also, I forgot to mention yesterday that I laughed at the snoke/palpatine art you reblogged. It's amazing, and I'm glad someone took the time to make it. -❤

And you have no idea how grateful i am for that :') 💖💖💖 i always start smiling like an idiot when i see that there's a new message!

Any of these would make a great outline, also that real angsty kick to it, if he gets into the loop and sometimes he doesn't even have the chance to spend a lot of time with her, after they truly found each other again, but idk if we want it to be that heartbreaking fhfjfj 🙈 but the wheels are definitely turning, mind full of thoughts 👀

Honestly as insane the whole palpoke thing might be, it never fails to make me laugh fhjfjfjd.