#pak pet au

[h-d-w-g-h]

Hi this is the post explaining the au.

The “How Did We Get Here AU” is an idea that’s been marinating in my brain for a while now. It’s time to finally talk about it.

As stated in Zimvoid, every Zim has a thing. This Zim’s thing is that he was assigned to go to Earth way earlier than in canon. When they get there, his spaceship malfunctions resulting in it crashing right into the Membrane household. He assumes Gaz and Prof dead as Dib is the only one showing any signs of life.

Zim’s leg got injured in the crash and so he decides to postpone invading Earth for when they heal. They leave Earth for the time being, but decide to take Dib with them as they think an alien life form might be useful. 

Then, still loyal to the Empire, Zim returns to Irk to watch Operation Impending Doom II unfold. Around the same time, Zim also has to amputate its lower right leg, as an infection settles in.

As time goes by Zim tries to plan out his Earth invasion. He communicates with the Tallest, or rather tries, they ignore or ridicule him most of the time. The thing is, Zim is actually making progress, his creations are good. The Tallest however don’t care due to Zim’s record. 

While all that is going on, Zim is also taking care of the human he took from Earth. He mostly treats him like one would a pet, it is a child after all, not very smart. He knows the very basics when it comes to human needs. Zim does not know the child’s name, nor does he want to name them. Dib gets the nickname “Stinky” (playing on how Zim uses the word Stink quite lot in the canon)

Time passes and Zim cuts ties with the Empire. They’ve done nothing but disrespected him despite his trials. They failed to provide for him as an Invader. Cutting ties also means moving out. For a while Zim and Stinky just jump between different planets to see what sticks. They’re trying to avoid Irken colonies, but don’t exclude them completely. 

When Stinky gets even older, Zim sees some form of intelligence in the alien. They start schooling him for something like a second GIR. Stinky is very much interested in the technology shown so he obeys.

They make their (hopefully) forever home on Cyberflox. It’s hard at first, it isn’t the most friendly environment, but they manage to get by. Stinky seems to do fairly good. He gets along with most citizens and figures out ways to deal with the unwelcoming planet. Eventually the same happens to Zim, the aliens “warmed up” to them as they’re no longer an Invader, nor in support of the Empire. 

While Zim did cut ties with the Empire, there are Irkens it still talks with to have an idea of what is going on in there.

Hey, let's talk about Dib.

Dib is fully aware of not being Irken, however he tries to blend in. She styles her hair similar to an Irken antenna. She’s learned the alphabet and knows her way with Irken technology. They are really persistent on getting a PAK of their own, they believe they can modify it to fit a human. Zim however insists that he doesn’t need one.

Dib knows fairly little about Earth. Zim did provide him with some information on Earth, but it is very lacking. The most visible human thing about either is their wardrobe.

Stinky is in no way, shape or form recognized as a child of Zim (or whatever the alien equivalent would be). He’s merely a person living in the same place as Zim. Zim doesn’t like acknowledging Stinky as its child, Dib however mostly refers to Zim as dad.

Dib is open to learning about alien cultures and is somewhat fluent in different alien dialects. He’s enthusiastic about machinery design and focuses on becoming a robotics engineer. Yet their enthusiasm sometimes leads to mistakes that can cause a need to start over. From scratch.

While Zim is rather cold and hostile to the idea of being a parent, then he does care for the kid.

AND the care is mutual, when needed - Dib will provide to the best of her abilities for Zim.

The two enjoy working on tech together, participate in usual child-parent activities and often go to just have fun on Cyberflox. Zim takes Stinky with him almost everywhere he goes. He knows Dib would most likely be fine left alone, but there is that irk of worry. They're often snarky to each other, but never abusive. So yeah, that's it. That's the au.

[shadowofthelamp]

Difficult

Tallest Zim catches his pet after he snuck aboard the Massive to visit Zim’s heir. Alone. Again.

Wordcount: 1840

Warnings: Zadr, and also my AU so it includes my fankid Twix who is named Zimtwo here, because Zim raised the kid alone and his taste in names is even more questionable when he’s Tallest.

Rating: T, but basically just for language.

Ao3 link

This was new.

Zim was used to keeping track of Zimtwo. She had a tracker built into her Pak and had to be back in her quarters at a certain time every 48 hours to sleep. And, although she was spirited and enjoyed getting herself into trouble, she respected him. He could mostly get her to do what he wanted- and when he couldn’t, the Control Brains could step in, and the mere threat of that usually was enough to get her to fall in line. All irkens had to do what their leaders said, even her.

The Dib? He was a different story.

He’d taken the collar off. Again. And he had snuck into the Massive alone. Again. Zim knew he was there because his crumbling little Vortian-damned wreck of a ship- that Zim had somehow managed to get a tracker on- was currently floating just outside of the snack storage pods. Dib always found the trackers he put on his body. (And inside of it- he’d managed to discover all three that had been injected into his bloodstream, and having them chucked back at him while still soaked in blood had been enough to discourage Zim from doing that anymore.)

Well, there were only so many places he would be. Zim floated down the hall for the teleporters, hissing when one of the drones didn’t salute as he passed. Where was the respect? He was a Tallest!

(He had heard the whispers about his fascination with his pet, but he deleted the memories after throwing the offenders out into the vacuum of space, so they manifested only as an uncomfortable twitch in the back of his neck.)

Dib wasn’t in Zim’s quarters, or Zimtwo’s for that matter. If he got anywhere near the training area, they would use him for target practice, and Zim slammed the button for the Garden, his last resort before the bottom level.

Having a human was such a hassle at times. Especially one that liked running off and refused to just sit still whenever Zim had need of him. His value as entertainment intertwined with the unfortunate fact that the stink-man was infuriatingly good at sliding under Zim’s skin, like the bugs from the last planet they’d send scouts down to. He shuddered remembering the footage of that one.

Luckily, this time, the Dib was at the other end of the teleportation pod. He’d snuck into the kitchens too, from the wrappers scattered around him and Zimtwo. Zim fished a second collar out of his Pak before floating over, careful not to make any noise.

“And that one’s from Tallicus-5, it can latch on to other plants to suck out their nutrients! I call it Leechy,” Zimtwo said happily, settled comfortably on her stool. “That’s why I have to keep it in this raised bed, so it doesn’t kill everything else in the Garden.”

“Huh, neat,” Dib said, rubbing the oily hairs on his chin. “And you raise all of these?”

“Well, Dek helps sometimes. But almost all of it is mine! My Tallests say that I might be allowed to make a small class-C planet into a really huge garden!”

“Class-C?”

“No invader needed- ones that just have wildlife, not any sapient species that would need to be infiltrated. I could set up a teleporter pod and jump there whenever we’re in range.”

“Huh. I never knew there were so many cool plants.”

She crossed her arms. “Most people don’t know. I’m going to show all of them. Maybe if I get to be Tallest, I’ll wear green robes. I like purple, but Tallest Tak says those are hers.”

“Fuck Tak, you can wear purple if you want to.” Dib straightened up, and Zim shook himself out of whatever daze he’d been in watching them, making sure that the hover rockets were silenced as he floated up behind them. Zimtwo’s good antenna twitched, the shine of the lights betraying that she had turned her eyes to the left, but it was too late for Dib to realize as Zim reached forward and snapped the collar around his neck.

“Hah!”

“Gah!” Dib immediately started clawing at it before whirling around. “Zim!”

“I got you!” Zim crowed, and Zimtwo started laughing.

“Oh, your face, Dib-dad-human!” She snickered along with Zim, and Zim gave a look of pride before Dib snarled over at her.

“Was this a trick, you little-”

“Nope, it’s just funny!” Her ragged teeth shone with a wide grin. “Why are you so mad about the collar anyway? It keeps them from shooting at you. Probably.”

Dib let out a low, sustained groan that rumbled like a malfunctioning blaster that was about to backfire, fingering a hole on his coat that Zim was fairly certain was new. “I just don’t like it, alright? It makes me feel stupid.”

“Then it should stay right where it is.” Zim lightly tapped a finger on Dib’s smell-knob. “Perhaps if you accepted your place, it wouldn’t bother you so much.”

“Fuck off,” Dib said, flipping up the middle finger on his right hand. Zim had been able to gather from context by now that was a rude gesture, and he grabbed the offending hand’s wrist. “Hey!”

“Do not talk back to your superior in front of Zimtwo.” He paused. “In fact, on this ship, we are both your superiors, worm-creature. It would do you well to remember that.”

“Hey, don’t call him a worm!” Zimtwo protested, and Zim was about to tell her not to contradict him before she continued. “Worms are really useful for keeping the soil healthy. Maybe like… a tick or something. He likes blood.”

“Traitor,” Dib muttered under his breath. “I can take care of myself, alright?”

“I don’t think you can,” Zim said, lifting the coat (and grimacing at the feel of grime brushing his fingers in the process) and slipping one of his slender fingers through the hole. “I may be taller, smarter, and better than you in every conceivable way-”

“Including in humility,” Dib grumbled.

“Yes, that too! But anyway, what I was going to say, Dib-creature, is that you cannot wander the Massive like it is some sort of ground for play. There are guards who have spent their lives training to protect this ship and the Tallests inside of it, and if they managed to catch you, you would be in a million messy gooey Dib-pieces before you could draw your weapon, and then neither of us would have you to toy around with anymore.”

“Oh, how noble of you.” Dib raised an eyebrow. “You just don’t want them exploding your little toy because then you wouldn’t have anything to play with?”

“Yes, was that not I just said?” Zim said, tilting his head to the side. “Do you need to hear it in simpler terms? I thought you were slightly more intelligent than-”

“I got it,” Dib said through gritted teeth. “You know, on Earth, custody battles usually just involve spilling dirty laundry to get the courts to side with you, not threats of getting shot if you get too close.” He paused. “I mean, not unless things are really fucked up.”

“It’s not a threat, it’s a warning. My co-Tallest does not like you, thus, much of the ship does not like you either. The collar is the only way to allow you onboard without completely lobotomizing you. You are my property, so you cannot be harmed, if you play by the rules.” Zim brushed at Dib’s shoulders. “I do not want you hurt by any hand other than my own. Is that not enough?”

Dib blinked at that. “That’s a… weirdly intimate way of putting it.”

“Do you understand?”

“Zim-”

Zim flicked his fingers and sent a command through his Pak, and the nanites in the collar sprang to life, scurrying up Dib’s neck before forming a circular seal over his mouth with the Tallest symbol emblazed on it. Dib’s chocolate-sweet eyes widened, and he immediately started clawing at it.

“Do you understand?” Zim’s eyes narrowed as Dib’s brows furrowed, glaring at him before nodding. “Excellent!” He flicked his fingers again, and the nanites melted back down Dib’s chin like a popsicle on a hot day, re-merging with the collar.

“You’re a bastard, you know that?”

“Whatever that is, I’m sure I’m better than one.” Zim ruffled Dib’s hair before his eye twitched at the slickness of the grease contained within. “Now, if you want to spend any more time with Zimtwo-”

“Will you quit calling her that? It’s weird.”

“I like it,” Zimtwo chirped.

“Look, kid, we can talk about cults when you’re alone-”

“But it’s an honor to be compared to my Tallest!”

“-I was saying,” Zim said sharply, and they both fell quiet. “If you want to spend more time with Zimtwo, I insist on taking you to be cleaned first.”

“Hey, I’m not a stray dog, I’m a grown-ass man!”

“I don’t know what a dog is, but a stray is exactly what you smell like, all rolled around in filth and grime.” Zim gripped Dib by the collar of his shirt, watching the human stumble along behind him as he sputtered angrily. Zimtwo watched them go.

“I’ll be here, Dib-dad-human and my Tallest!” There was a pause. “Unless I’ll be in my room, depending on how long you are. You know how to find me, my Tallest!”

“Understood, sweetling!” Zim called back, before turning to Dib. “See? Zimtwo knows to check in with me. Why can’t you do the same?”

“I’m your weird pseudo-boyfriend, not your kid,” Dib said, heels digging into the fake grass but only enough that Zim could tell it was a token resistance, made up entirely of personal pride and principle over an actual desire to get away at the moment. “It’s just different, alright?”

“Things would be easier if it wasn’t,” Zim said as he pulled Dib towards the elevator. “If you allow me to cleanse you properly, I will let you have a mouth-smooch, doesn’t that sound enticing?”

“It would if you didn’t call it a mouth-smooch,” Dib said, glancing back to make sure the doors had slid shut behind them before stretching up on his tiptoes and reaching up behind Zim’s neck, tugging his face down so their lips met.

Zim would have resisted, he really would have, but the way Dib’s teeth grazed his bottom lip and how the slightest hint of the metallic nanite flavor coloring his hot breath… it was intoxicating.

Things with Dib were new, and different, and frustrating and confusing and never as easy as they should be when you were as clever and brave and perfect as a Tallest, as Zim. But when Dib was close enough that their heated skin brushed together, when his eyes flickered with flames, when they fell out of the elevator and Zim had to activate his rockets when Dib made a break for it before scooping him up and dumping him bodily in the cleansing pool…

Well. Sometimes Zim liked a challenge.

[bunny-j3st3r]

because I can’t stop thinking about paks

Paks in spider au are still larger then an average human and are built bulkier to, even the ones on the smaller side.

They are classed as mutants but no one seems to know exactly where they came from or what type of species they are, some say they are cats, some say they act more like broody chickens and others have thought of them as very big jerboa mice.

Paks, although mutants they seem to garner a lot of respect, it could be down to their larger size or strange unnatural abilities or even just the fact they are a friendly species and it’s hard to dislike them in most aspects.

Paks are pretty spread out but aren’t uncommon to see either, a lot of them seem to take on work residing around the care for others, a them being big fluffy friendly creatures seem to be soothing for a lot of people in need. (daycare workers, nurses, therapy animals, etc)

Azzy and Rm are known around nyc because of there connections but Boss seems to have a higher status and also has a say on what a lot of the other paks do, thus why he is simply only known as Boss.

Boss still like the regular verse dyes his fur, pink being the colour he chooses most, he is a well known fashion designer but also has a taste for terrifying most of the local men by being overly forward.

Black cat hangs around him a lot like a pet, he gets pampered and spoiled by Boss

[444namesplus]

a aa aach aaf aah aak aam aan aap aar aas aash aat aath ach ae aech aef aeh aek aem aen aep aer aes aesh aet aeth af ah аi aich aif aih aik aim ain aip air ais aish ait aith ak am an ao aoch aof aoh aok aom aon aop aor aos aosh aot aoth ap ar as ash at ath au auch auf auh auk aum aun aup aur aus aush aut auth cha chach chaf chah chak cham chan chap char chas chash chat chath che chech chef cheh chek chem chen chep cher ches chesh chet cheth chi chich chif chih chik chim chin chip chir chis chish chit chith cho choch chof choh chok chom chon chop chor chos chosh chot choth chu chuch chuf chuh chuk chum chun chup chur chus chush chut chuth e ea each eaf eah eak eam ean eap ear eas eash eat eath ech ee eech eef eeh eek eem een eep eer ees eesh eet eeth ef eh ei eich eif eih eik eim ein eip eir eis eish eit eith ek em en eo eoch eof eoh eok eom eon eop eor eos eosh eot eoth ep er es esh et eth eu euch euf euh euk eum eun eup eur eus eush eut euth fa fach faf fah fak fam fan fap far fas fash fat fath fe fech fef feh fek fem fen fep fer fes fesh fet feth fi fich fif fih fik fim fin fip fir fis fish fit fith fo foch fof foh fok fom fon fop for fos fosh fot foth fu fuch fuf fuh fuk fum fun fup fur fus fush fut futh ha hach haf hah hak ham han hap har has hash hat hath he hech hef heh hek hem hen hep her hes hesh het heth hi hich hif hih hik him hin hip hir his hish hit hith ho hoch hof hoh hok hom hon hop hor hos hosh hot hoth hu huch huf huh huk hum hun hup hur hus hush hut huth i ia iach iaf iah iak iam ian iap iar ias iash iat iath ich ie iech ief ieh iek iem ien iep ier ies iesh iet ieth if ih ii iich iif iih iik iim iin iip iir iis iish iit iith ik im in io ioch iof ioh iok iom ion iop ior ios iosh iot ioth ip ir is ish it ith iu iuch iuf iuh iuk ium iun iup iur ius iush iut iuth

ka kach kaf kah kak kam kan kap kar kas kash kat kath ke kech kef keh kek kem ken kep ker kes kesh ket keth ki kich kif kih kik kim kin kip kir kis kish kit kith ko koch kof koh kok kom kon kop kor kos kosh kot koth ku kuch kuf kuh kuk kum kun kup kur kus kush kut kuth ma mach maf mah mak mam man map mar mas mash mat math me mech mef meh mek mem men mep mer mes mesh met meth mi mich mif mih mik mim min mip mir mis mish mit mith mo moch mof moh mok mom mon mop mor mos mosh mot moth mu much muf muh muk mum mun mup mur mus mush mut muth na nach naf nah nak nam nan nap nar nas nash nat nath ne nech nef neh nek nem nen nep ner nes nesh net neth ni nich nif nih nik nim nin nip nir nis nish nit nith no noch nof noh nok nom non nop nor nos nosh not noth nu nuch nuf nuh nuk num nun nup nur nus nush nut nuth o oa oach oaf oah oak oam oan oap oar oas oash oat oath och oe oech oef oeh oek oem oen oep oer oes oesh oet oeth of oh oi oich oif oih oik oim oin oip oir ois oish oit oith ok om on oo ooch oof ooh ook oom oon oop oor oos oosh oot ooth op or os osh ot oth ou ouch ouf ouh ouk oum oun oup our ous oush out outh pa pach paf pah pak pam pan pap par pas pash pat path pe pech pef peh pek pem pen pep per pes pesh pet peth pi pich pif pih pik pim pin pip pir pis pish pit pith po poch pof poh pok pom pon pop por pos posh pot poth pu puch puf puh puk pum pun pup pur pus push put puth ra rach raf rah rak ram ran rap rar ras rash rat rath re rech ref reh rek rem ren rep rer res resh ret reth ri rich rif rih rik rim rin rip rir ris rish rit rith ro roch rof roh rok rom ron rop ror ros rosh rot roth ru ruch ruf ruh ruk rum run rup rur rus rush rut ruth sa sach saf sah sak sam san sap sar sas sash sat sath se sech sef seh sek sem sen sep ser ses sesh set seth sha shach shaf shah shak sham shan shap shar shas shash shat shath she shech shef sheh shek shem shen shep sher shes shesh shet sheth shi shich shif shih shik shim shin ship shir shis shish shit shith sho shoch shof shoh shok shom shon shop shor shos shosh shot shoth shu shuch shuf shuh shuk shum shun shup shur shus shush shut shuth si sich sif sih sik sim sin sip sir sis sish sit sith so soch sof soh sok som son sop sor sos sosh sot soth su such suf suh suk sum sun sup sur sus sush sut suth ta tach taf tah tak tam tan tap tar tas tash tat tath te tech tef teh tek tem ten tep ter tes tesh tet teth tha thach thaf thah thak tham than thap thar thas thash that thath the thech thef theh thek them then thep ther thes thesh thet theth thi thich thif thih thik thim thin thip thir this thish thit thith tho thoch thof thoh thok thom thon thop thor thos thosh thot thoth thu thuch thuf thuh thuk thum thun thup thur thus thush thut thuth ti tich tif tih tik tim tin tip tir tis tish tit tith to toch tof toh tok tom ton top tor tos tosh tot toth tu tuch tuf tuh tuk tum tun tup tur tus tush tut tuth u ua uach uaf uah uak uam uan uap uar uas uash uat uath uch ue uech uef ueh uek uem uen uep uer ues uesh uet ueth uf uh ui uich uif uih uik uim uin uip uir uis uish uit uith uk um un uo uoch uof uoh uok uom uon uop uor uos uosh uot uoth up ur us ush ut uth uu uuch uuf uuh uuk uum uun uup uur uus uush uut uuth

[dionysuscrysis]

Been watching a lot of Billi’s button-pressing videos lately.

[melodyofthevoid]

Neural Networks: Hell for Everyone (except the network)

So.... got around to writing a thing for the little pet au @faithfulwhispers and I got cooking. Enjoy some 3rd person fuckery. Small tw for dehumanizing (depersonalizing?) language, as the Control Brains kinda don’t see Zib as a... thing. 

They, as a collective, rarely did not know exactly what to do and how to go about what they needed for the empire.

Thousands of years of rule would do that, the knowledge accrued by eons of Irkens helping to push their influence ever outwards, even as the figure heads occasionally acted in ways that ran counter to their wishes. It was alright, they knew what would come in time.

So, when the strange… creature spat and cursed in a language barely translated by their database, thrashing in its bounds, they for once did not understand what they beheld. It was not Irken, not entirely at least. Yet a PAK glowed a violent fuchsia on the back of its large head.

After some time, they had asked for its designation and title, only for it to say a name that did not exist in their registry. A name it’d given itself seemingly. A cursory examination of the PAK revealed it belonged to one Food Service Drone Zim, yet it went by “Dib Membrane” in spite of the PAK.

When an Irken died, or rather, their vessel died, it wasn’t uncommon for them to attach to an organic or inorganic creature for survival. Here though, the… human as it was called, remained cognizant, even dominant in the head space despite the slow metamorphosis of its body. It boasted of tampering with the device and overcoming the personality within. 

Alarm had flooded their system further when they plugged into the PAK to observe the memories within, finding a long trail of destruction and hatred for the empire, a being capable of, in more than one universe, destroying anything in its path. And the virus. The virus that could do what they had never quite succeeded at. Complete and utter devotion. Without question or flaw. 

They debated what best to do with the thing before them, how to rid themselves of this blight, when the thing mentioned a tallest. Their tallest, in reference to the being it normally called “father”. The slip was brief, but it intrigued them. Somewhere, beneath the human, the loyalty programming remained. Pieces of Irken interwoven into the being. Not quite enough to render them a viable soldier or drone under regular circumstances, but enough of one for other purposes.

It was then one of them remembered their plans for a fully subservient Irken, one whose PAK ran deeper than the rest. In more ways than one. Of course, the plan had never quite come to fruition because of the… obvious nature of the results. Not only would the subject be entirely loyal to the brains, and the brains alone, but the tendrils of the PAK needed to run along more of the body, which would raise questions among those who did not fully trust their rule.

A drone would interact with the public and be seen. This, this could merely be deemed an experiment. Excusable. A tool for the Empire should it succeed and another obstacle eliminated should it fail.

Good.

Plugging their tendrils back into their new project’s PAK, they hummed, and examined the physiology, what had and had not shifted, ignoring the panicked shouts and writhing of the human-Irken hybrid in their grasp. Those would quiet down soon enough. 

Then they did what they did best.

While in their years they had yet to encounter anything like this… “Dib”, they knew PAKs. And though it once belonged to the bane of the empire, one whose data threatened to corrupt them entirely, there was nothing more simple than reprogramming.

They knew what to do with that.

[eventjesilo]

‘Onverwachts Avontuur’ door Ilo

Ik had je al een tijdje niet gezien en toen ineens.... een ondeugend berichtje van jou. Hmm terwijl ik je berichtje las voelde k mn tepels hard worden en ging t kriebelen in mn onderbuik , blijkbaar was ik hard toe aan een goede beurt het was ook alweer een tijdje geleden. brutaal stuurde ik je een berichtje terug waarin ik je vertelde dat ik vanavond alleen was en je vroeg of je zin had om af te spreken. Ik kreeg direct een berichtje terug dat je me om 10 uur op zou pikken en dat ik een rokje aan moest doen.... Toen je netjes op tijd voor de deur stond keek je even goedkeurend naar mijn zwartje korte strapless jurkje en toen ik in de auto stapte en je net een klein randje kant van mn kousen zag volgde er een passionele zoen waarbij jou hand onder mn rokje verdween om even met het randje van mn kous te spelen.... hmm alleen die ene zoen en ik voelde mezelf al nat worden. Tot mijn verbazing reden we niet naar jou huis maar gingen we een hele andere kant uit.. "waar gaan we heen" vroeg k waarop jij alleen maar uitdagend naar me lachte. Na een tijdje in het donker rondgereden te hebben stopte jij langs de kant van de weg en toverde van achter je stoel een blinddoek te voorschijn , deze deed je bij me om en we reden verder. Na nog een minuut of 10 gereden te hebben stopte je de auto. "Trek je stringetje uit" zei je me. Na braaf gedaan te hebben wat je me zei hoorde ik je uitstappen en om de auto heen lopen , mijn deur ging open en je pakte me bij mn arm om me te helpen uitstappen. Nadat de auto op slot gedaan was voelde ik hoe je mn handen naar mn rug bracht en deze stevig vastbond. Ineens voel ik jou grote sterke hand die me stevig in mn nek pakt en je zoent me hard , snel en grondig. ik voel aan jou manier van zoenen dat je al bijna net zo opgewonden bent als mij. Voorzichtig pak je me bij mn arm en voorzichtig help je me lopen t bos?? In.. We lopen langzaam maar zeker verder ik weet nu zeker dat we in het bos lopen ik voel de zachte bosgrond onder mn schoenen en ruik de dennennaalden. Ineens blijf je stilstaan en ik voel je hand in mn lange losse haren , je trekt mijn hoofd iets naar achteren en zoent me zachtjes in mn nek ik voel hoe je hand mn haar steviger vastpakt en ineens voel ik je tanden in mn nek "ow au hmm" ik kan mn verschrikte kreun niet onderdrukken. "Ssst" fluister je in mn oor "er stonden nog meer autos dus als je niet betrapt wilt worden moet je stil zijn" ik hoor de gemene glimlach in je stem want je weet dondersgoed dat stil zijn niet mn sterkste punt is... Met je hand nog steeds stevig in mn haar dwing je me op mn knieen en ik hoor hoe je je broek losmaakt. Met je hand stuur je mn hoofd en ik voel je harde pik tegen mn wang. Plagerig lik ik er even aan maar blijkbaar ben je ongeduldig en zonder waarschuwing duw je je geile lul helemaal mn mondje in. Hmm wat is dit geil zeg normaal heb ik altijd de controle tijdens t pijpen en heb ik mn handen om te zorgen dat je niet te ver gaat , maar hier geblindoekt op mn knieen en met mn handen vast op mn rug ben ik geheel overgeleverd aan jou en jij bent blijkbaar niet van plan voorzichtig met me te doen. Nadat je een paar keer langzaam je lul in en uit mn mondje hebt laten glijden zodat ik gewend ben aan t gevoel van jou eikel achter in mn keel pak je met 2 handen mn hoofd beet en begint hard en met een flink tempo mn mondje te neuken. Ik heb nauwelijks tijd om adem te halen en voel hoe mijn speeksel en jou voorvocht langzaam over mn kin loopt. Jou ademhaling versneld en je begint zacht te kreunen , ook ik kreun zacht en ben me bewust van hoe keihard mn tepels zijn en door het windje wat zachtjes door mijn geopende benen waait voel ik dat ik al zeiknat ben. Jou handen grijpen steeds harder in mn haar zo hard dat t bijna pijn doet maar ik geniet met volle teugen en aan jou gekreun en onregelmatige tempo te merken vind jij t ook heerlijk. eerder dan verwacht en onder een welgemeend "fuck" uit jou mond voel ik hoe je je zaad diep in mn mondje spuit , zachtjes zuig en lik ik alle restjes van je nog harde pik... Je pakt me bij mn bovenarmen en helpt me overeind. ik voel dat je mn handen losmaakt en je duuwt me met mn rug tegen een boom. Nadat je mn bh uitgetrokken hebt bind je mn handen achter de boom vast en ik voel hoe je handen mn borsten omvatten en je even gemeen hard in mn tepels knijpt "hmm" weer kan k mn kreun niet onderdrukken. Je mond vervangt eerst je ene en daarna je andere hand en terwijl je mn borst flink masseert lik zuig en bijt je alsof je er geen genoeg van kan krijgen. Plotseling neem je een stap terug en ik mis de warmte van je lekkere lijf nu al. Ik ben al drijfnat en wil eigenlijk gewoon dat je me neemt dus dat fluister ik zacht naar je "neem me alsjeblieft neem me hard en diep ik ben al zo nat voor je ". Ineens voel ik je hand stevig om mn keel je fluisterd in mn oor "wil je dat ik je neem" "je hebt maar geduld ik wil eerst nog een beetje met je spelen" een gefrustreerde zucht komt over mn lippen maar veel tijd om te klagen heb ik niet want terwijl je hand harder in mn keel knijpt stoot je 2 vingers bij me naar binnen... Terwijl 1 hand verder gaat met t strelen en plagen van mn borsten weet de andere mn gspot te vinden en al snel voel ik de druk opbouwen op mn lip bijtend om niet te veel geluid te maken kom ik heerlijk klaar , maar tijd om op adem te komen gun je me niet bijna direct voel ik je tong op mn clitje. Nog naschokkend voel ik hoe jij met je tong steeds een beetje meer druk uitoefend. Ik voel hoe jou handen stevig mn heupen vastpakken en al zuigend op en likkend aan mn clitje laat je me voor een 2de keer heftig klaarkomen zo heftig dat jou handen op mn heupen moeten helpen om me op mn benen te houden. Als de ergste trillingen over zijn en ik weer op eigen kracht kan staan maak je mn handen los en neemt me mee naar een omgevallen boomstam waar ik zonder pardon voorover overheen geduuwd word. Een flinke tik op mn billen volgt , ik voel gewoon jou handafdruk branden maar ik vind t heerlijk. Ik voel hoe je je eikel tegen mn kletsnatte kutje duuwt en langzaam o zo langzaam glij je bij me naar binnen. Ongeduldig probeer ik mezelf tegen je aan te duwen of mn heupen te kantelen maar een ferme "nee" gecombineerd met een tweede hardere tik op mn billen zorgt ervoor dat k me gedraag. Tergend langzaam duuw je je geile harde lul bij me naar binnen totaan je ballen waarbij je net mn baarmoederhals raakt met een tevreden zucht buig je je even over me heen en zoent me zachtjes in mn nek. Net zo langzaam haal je je kloppende pik uit mn natte kutje en dit herhaal je nog een paar keer totdat je geduld op is en je met een grom jezelf keihard bij me naar binnen werkt en me op een flink tempo begint te nemen. 1 hand in mn haar en 1 om mn keel het enige wat we horen ons gekreun en het gesop en slap slap slap van jou lichaam tegen t mijne. Het hele stil zijn vergeten kom ik luid kreunend met mn nagels in je arm nogmaals klaar terwijl jij me op de voet volgt en zelf ook nogal luidruchtig klaarkomt. Nog steeds hangend over die boomstam met jou warme lichaam over mn rug voel ik hoe je eindelijk mn blinddoek afdoet. "Lekker schat?" Vraag je me terwijl je een kus op mn oorlelletje drukt. "Hmm nix aan" antwoord ik met een glimlach in mn stem. Pets pets.. auw "nu heb ik zeker blauwe billen morgen" zeg k met een grijns op mn gezicht. "Eigen schuld bijdehandje" krijg ik terug terwijl je me overeind helpt. Na mn jurkje rechtgetrokken te hebben en mn bh van een tak te hebben gevist lopen wel (ik nog een beetje wankel) voldaan terug naar de auto. Als we onder t wandelen terugkijken lijkt t alsof we iemand zien staan tussen de bomen... maar ja t is donker en het kan net zo goed onze verbeelding zijn geweest.

[anneluciaf]

Gratuluji, vážená celebrito, máte psa z množky!

Tak si, to, milé děti, shrneme. Následuje rant, kdo chce verzi bez emocí, tak obsah příspěvku shrnuje něco z toho, co si můžete přečíst na webu http://nemnozdoma.cz/. Celý rant je odsazený s tou čárou vlevo, následuje TLDR.

Další česká osobnost si pořídila zaručeně čistokrevného pejska bez PP. A pro jistotu rovnou staffbulla. A mě to fakt hodně naštvalo. Proč? Protože nic jako zaručeně čistokrevný pes bez PP neexistuje a u stafforda to může být obzvlášť průšvih.

A proč že neexistuje zaručeně čistokrevné plemeno bez PP? Protože PP (průkaz původu, neplést s pet pasem) zastřešené organizací FCI (mezinárodní) a ČMKU (česká) obsahuje rodokmen psa. Chov s PP má určitá pravidla, která dobrá chovatelská stanice dodrží, např.:

Oba rodiče vrhu se povinně testují na dědičné genetické choroby a dělá se RTG kloubů, aby se co nejvíce snížila pravděpodobnost onemocnění štěňat. Domácí množky (všechny ty hodné rodinky nebo chovky bez PP) toto dělat nemusí a nedělají. Třeba u Jack Russell teriérů je dědičná ataxie, což je fakt ošklivá a prakticky neléčitelná nemoc, většinou končí uspáním nemocného psa v raném věku.

Součástí plemene není jen jeho vzhled, ale i povaha. FCI uvádí povahu jako součást standardu (např. stafford má být inteligentní a přátelský k dětem, u irského vlkodava uvádí FCI standard pro povahu jen citát „lambs at home, lions in the chase“ a pudl se hodí na společníka, protože je věrný a učenlivý). Psi, kteří povahově nevyhovují, jsou z chovu vyřazení. U koček sice chování není součást standardu (nebo jsem ho tam aspoň nenašla), ale i tak asi všichni víme, že třeba burmilla je skoro jako pes, siamky jsou inteligentní a společenské atd.

Součástí je často doživotní chovatelský servis, zodpovědný chovatel vždy rád poradí a je-li potřeba, vezme si svůj odchov zpátky k sobě. Pokud váš mazlík s PP onemocněl na nějakou dědičnou chorobu nebo má potíže s klouby, ChS to pravděpodobně bude chtít vědět a nějak to v budoucnu zohlední.

U psa s PP můžete dohledat rodokmen několik generací zpátky a zjistit, jací byli jeho předci, a to vzhledem i povahou. I u člověka můžete předky dohledat, stačí matrika a rodný list. Ale pokud si pořizujete zvířátko bez PP, nemáte vůbec žádnou jistotu, že ti dva psi, co jste viděli, byli opravdu rodiče, že zvíře nemá v rodokmenu blízce příbuzné jedince apod. Vůbec žádnou, protože množky v tomhle ohledu nikdo nehlídá.

Na registrované chovky se vztahují ustanovení vyhlášky o chovu psů a koček (21/2013 Sb.), takže např. štěně nesmí jít od feny před 50. dnem věku (cca 2 měsíce, většinou se uvádí dokonce 8 týdnů), kotě nesmí být od matky odděleno před 84. dnem věku (12 týdnů). Tato vyhláška omezuje např. i počet vrhů (3 za období 24 měsíců u psů i koček). Na množky se nevztahuje.

Chovný pes i fena musí být uchovněni: Záleží na plemeni, u některých stačí výstava, pracovní plemena musí splnit i nějaké zkoušky ověřující vlastnosti, pro které je šlechtěno. Např. belgický ovčák musí projít procesem bonitace, součástí je povahový test – nejsem odborník na tohle plemeno, ale pokud čtu dobře bonitační řád, zkoumá se např. reakce psa na střelbu nebo pohyb ve skupině lidí, přivolání... Je toho docela dost.

Spolky mají i předpisy týkající se chovu problémových barev, např. merle u kolií nebo bílá u koček, protože genetika je fakt svině a recesivní alely jsou ještě větší svině.

Pokud si kupujete „zaručeně čistokrevné zvíře bez PP“, poskytujete peníze množce, která nemá žádné investice spojené s chovem (výstavy, uchovnění, zdravotní testy – chov s PP moc ziskový není) a jelikož se nejedná o registrovanou aktivitu, pravděpodobně to ani nezdaní, ale pojede na moc fajn dovolenou. Pokud si kupujete opravdu čistokrevného mazlíčka, platíte nejen za to zvíře, ale i za kvalitu spojenou s chovem.

Pro kočky platí většina z toho taky, jen mezinárodní organizace není FCI, ale FIFe, a česká není ČMKU, ale SCHK. A asi u žádnýho plemene nebudou povinně povahové testy.

Proč tě ten staffbull bez PP tak naštval? Protože si ho pořídila známá osobnost, která by určitě peníze na PP psa měla. Veřejně vykládá, jak má koučku a zná spoustu pejskařů a ti jí to posvětili. A jak její pejsek vůbec není z množírny, ale z Bazoše, a vzala si ho od moc milé rodinky. To v překladu znamená, že není z množky klecové, ale z množky domácí. Ta osobnost říká, jak všemu rozumí a obavy chápe, ale na dotazy na zdravotní testy rodičů štěněte neodpoví, očividně nechápe vůbec nic, jen je uražená, že si na to někdo dovoluje upozornit. A u staffordů a bullíků navíc stačí jeden nezodpovědně odchovanej vrh, a hned můžete mít něco okolo pěti labilních jedinců, kteří rozhodně nejsou přátelští k lidem, pokousají dítě a bulvár má žně. (Zcela upřímně by mě zajímalo, kolik těch agresivních „bojových psů“ mělo PP. Nevíte někdo?)

Ale pes/kočka bez PP je zdravější! Fakt? Určitě? Máš RTG kyčlí, testy na dědičná onemocnění? Fakt víš, že je zdravější, nebo byl ten vořech u veterináře naposled, když zavedli povinný čipy, a před tím jen na očkování?

Ale Annie, my máme pejska bez PP, protože byl poslední z vrhu. A kamarádka má psa bez PP, protože měl nějakou vadu vzhledu. Gratuluji, obě jste naletěly. V registrovaném vrhu bude mít PP každé zvíře, i kdyby bylo fialové a mělo dvě hlavy. PP vypovídá o původu a rase zvířete, ne o tom, zda je samo vhodné pro chov. Pokud se vám chovatel množka snaží nakecat, že PP můžete pak dodělat, nebo že s PP bude váš nový mazlíček dražší, kecá. Pes/kočka PP prostě buď má, nebo ne.

Hrozně chci modrýho buldočka, ale nějak jsem žádného s PP nenašla, co teď? Nekupuj si modrýho buldočka. Ta barva je nestandard a to z dobrého důvodu, je spojená s mnoha genetickými vadami. Podobně jako double merle u kolií (což je, pokud vím, u PP chovů navíc zakázané). Pokud chcete nějaké plemeno v nestandardní barvě, která se v chovu běžně nevyskytuje (třeba merle jorkšír), pravděpodobně byla do chovu vnesena křížením s rasou, u které je ta barva běžná, a automaticky to není čistokrevný pes. Gratuluji, máš vořecha.

Chci připustit psa, protože v okolí háraj feny a pes z toho šílí. Vykastruj ho. Pokud ho necháš fenu nakrýt, může být spíš hůř. A pokud tak toužíš připustit, pejsek má RTG kloubů a testy, takže víš, že nebudou nemocná štěňátka, že jo? Ne? Aha...

Chci dát nakrýt fenu, protože každá by měla mít aspoň jednou za život štěňata nebo protože trpí na falešnou březost. Ne. Prostě ne. Vrh štěňat nic neřeší, fena fakt netouží být matkou jako nějaká běžná lidská snažilka (a u koček doporučuju si zjistit, jak vypadá kocouří úd. Au. Fakt to svojí Micce přeješ?) a falešné březosti tím taky nepomůžete.

Ale štěně/kotě s PP je moc drahý! Pokud nemáš na zvíře s PP, pravděpodobně si nebudeš moct dovolit veterináře, až ti to štěně bez PP onemocní... Radši našetři, vytvoř si rezervu a počkej, až budeš mazlíkovi opravdu moci zajistit pořádnou péči.

Teď jsem uražená! Náš pudl/jokršír/vořech je bez PP, ale čistokrevnej! Ne, není. Absolutně nemáš jak to doložit, netušíš, co je v tom rodokmenu 2 generace zpátky. Přečti si post znovu, dík.

Ale množky jsou i s PP! Ano, ani spolky nejsou všemocné a nezodpovědní chovatelé se najdou. Proto je i ChS dobré prověřit. Ale většina ChS množky nejsou a spolky se fakt snaží ty špatné chovky penalizovat, případně vyloučit.

TLDR: Zaručeně čistokrevný zvíře bez PP neexistuje. „Adopt don’t shop“ je blbost, prostě si buď vemte zvíře z útulku, nebo kupujte zvíře s PP po zjištění, zda je pro vás plemeno vhodné a jaké mohou nastat komplikace. A kastrujte. Nebuďte blbci. Poněkud vlídnějším tónem je to všechno napsaný na http://nemnozdoma.cz/. Teď je navíc i Květen – měsíc lásky proti množení 2020. Můžete osvětu taky šířit!

[slinkinginshadows]

Eggs

Just realized I can throw this over here! This is relating to some aus over on my main, but all that really matters is that Dib is irken in this au too and they’ve been popping out eggs for quite a while now.

Warnings: Birth kink, egg laying, oral sex

Rating: Explicit

Wordcount: 1220

Ship: ZaDr

The doors had been locked, walls soundproofed, and the smeets kept firmly away for the next few hours to wait for the newest batch of future siblings.  Zim ran a hand over his stomach as Dib fussed with the nest, adjusting and re-adjusting the pillows. It was a big clutch this time- seven eggs. 

Laying, however, was something he was more than used to, even with a few extras. Dib adjusted his goggles before his gloves slid under Zim's tunic to shift it up, exposing the gravid belly underneath. A few years ago, he might have been able to make out subtle bumps with the individual eggs, but now, a soft layer of fat smoothed over it to make him perfectly round.

"Ready?" Dib's claws hooked under the fabric, but instead of tearing through, he slid it over Zim's head. Zim had already kicked off his boots, and he tried to remove his tights as well before slumping back with a groan.

"Once I get these off I- oh." Zim's eyes widened, antennae leaping straight up as Dib bent down, completely hidden behind his stomach. He felt teeth brush against his thigh, draaaaaaaagging the fabric down bit by bit. Dib was using his fingers to pull down the right side while his mouth handled the left, and by the time he threw the leggings away, Zim was beginning to soak the blankets underneath him. 

"I'll take that as a yes." Dib's own antennae were perked forward, delicious hormones diffusing through the air and intermingling with Zim's own. He set a hand on Zim's hip, tracing up, up, up to end on the top of his belly. "You're incredible at this."

"Of course I am." Zim grinned. "No irken could make smeets as well as I can. You're lucky that you found me."

"I'm lucky you're so eager to be my little breeding pet," Dib murmured, hand tracing down and over Zim's sternum to cup his chin and force him to look directly into Dib's eyes. "You carry so well."

"Only because you treat me so well," Zim said, legs falling open as Dib leaned forward, pulling him into a kiss. Dib reached up, finding Zim's antenna and pulling it down so as soon as he rose from the kiss he could pop the top in his mouth. Zim's eyes squeezed shut, panting out. "Dib..." Dib's tongue ran down the of the antenna, length a definite advantage of an irken tongue. Dib waited until he could practically feel the heat radiating from his hand that had drifted to Zim's cheek to release it, smiling down at him before shifting back down to legs.

He was slick-heavy, both with broken water and sweet arousal. Dib licked his lips. He always wanted to devour every bit of Zim, mark him as his in every way he could, but birth days were always the best- he was ripe like the richest fruit and eager to fall apart in Dib's hands, short and plump and the picture of a carrier. Dib ran his tongue up Zim's petals, and Zim hooked his feet behind Dib's neck, one kicking out hard enough to almost knock his Pak off when Dib dug his tongue inside of the entrance.

"Dib!"

"You love it," Dib muffled a laugh against Zim's inner thighs, and the vibrations made the petals soften further against his cheek.

"Stop knowing me!"

"It's a little late for that." Dib pressed kisses against the thigh. "I know you like honey on your drinks, and you don't like it when I take too long in the lab when you need attention. And you always need attention. I know how soft you can be with the smeets, and how you sing in the shower." He let his teeth graze the soft skin and felt Zim's toes curl on his back. "And I know just how much this all turns you on."

Zim made a hmmph-ing sound, but the longer Dib worked, the more it morphed into a low moan. Eventually, his legs relaxed again, falling back, and Dib felt movement to his right. He turned to see the first egg beginning to pass. 

"Good, there's one. Just stay relaxed, you know the routine by now," Dib said, holding out a hand as Zim grunted. The egg slid out and into his palm, and Dib set it aside before turning back to the entrance. He begin to kiss the soft skin around it, and Zim's claws ripped through the fabric of the nest. 

"D-Dib..."

Dib didn't respond, lavishing attention on Zim as he melted underneath the eager kisses and licks. Soon enough, another egg neared. Dib didn't even need to tell Zim to push, he was already doing it, he really was so good at this. Even though there were more than usual, the eggs were the same as always, and it slipped through, widening the entrance for just a moment as it slid into the pillow.

The pattern repeated, Dib softening Zim up so the eggs had minimal resistance and the eggs moving right through. Three, four, five, six, slight variations in size but not enough to bother Zim. Seven, however, was having a problem.

Sweat beaded Zim's face, and he peered over himself. He could see Dib's tall antennae now as he bobbed up and down, pleasuring Zim the way no one else ever could or would. "Where is it?"

"It's coming, be patient."

"I want to see it- eep!" Dib had left a playful nip where Zim's thigh met his petals, and it melted his squeedlyspooch to goop. Every one of his nerves was firing red-hot, and his hips bucked at the latest contraction. He wanted the egg out so he could curl up and rest, so he could finish, but it was stubborn. It must be the Dib in it. Zim could still feel it, heavy in his pelvis, and panted into the warm air. 

"It's coming, just relax."

"I was relaxed until this one refused to- oh!" There it was. The egg was larger than its siblings, that was for sure, and Zim could feel himself being stretched further than usual. Dib wiggled his fingers in to help ease it out, and a series of flurried clicks and chirps erupted from Zim. 

"That's it, it's okay, I have it," Dib soothed, and Zim's hips and ass tightened before the egg slid out. He felt empty, like a mech without a pilot, until Dib set the egg away and peppered kisses over him again. He was still wet in every meaning of the word, and a few well placed suckles on the petals of his entrance was all it took for him to cum, moaning out Dib's name. 

Dib emerged, pink dripping from his lips as he licked them clean. "I see why seven was a problem." He held it up- it was about a size and a half as large as a regular egg. "It might be twins, or it might be a regular smeet that's just really big."

"Either way..." Zim started, before he had to catch breath. "Either way, it's ours."

Dib carefully wrapped the egg in a blanket before scooting up next to Zim, kissing his forehead. "It is. You've done well."

Zim preened. He did, and he couldn't ask for anything else.

[shadowofthelamp]

Most of my Tallest AU stuff seems to be from Dib’s POV. Let’s change that.

Warnings: Spicy but nothing explicit, there’s some making out and mentions of biting/scratching each other up. The collar/muzzle thing is basically Zim’s ‘back off, this is mine, nobody blow it up’ and also a humiliation thing just to make Dib work to keep having access to Twix.

Wordcount: 660

Ao3 link

Zim hated Dib. He also liked Dib. (A lot.)

It was complicated.

He hated Dib for obvious reasons- Dib was an alien of a species that he knew almost nothing about but that was stinky and hairy and infuriatingly close to his own height. (Although, Zim was proud that he still had some height on Dib even without his antennae. It proved he was still better.) Dib was a rebel, and Zim was riding on a knife’s edge even keeping him as a pet the way that he was. Dib was also argumentative, grumpy, and utterly, utterly disrespectful.

That was part of the reason that Zim liked him, though. Being worshipped was wonderful, of course, and Zim would never deny that. Being Tallest was great! Being able to order drones around, getting snacks whenever he wanted them, having irkens and aliens alike bow and cower in his royal presence. However, Zim also liked knowing that they respected him, not just the uniform he was in. 

Dib had nothing but hate for Tak, and that was fine because she had nothing but hate for him. It was simple, it was the way that things were supposed to be. Aliens either hated irkens and were squashed, or loved them and were used. For Zim, though, Dib gave up power. Dib wore the collar to get access to Twix, Dib allowed himself to be pulled around with a muzzle over his mouth, Dib would sit at his side during meetings, even though he was glaring at him the whole while.

And then, when the muzzle came off and the act was over, Dib would pounce, all coiled muscle and boiled fury, blood steaming, and Zim would let him think that he’d won as he yanked on Zim’s antennae and shoved their faces together, biting hard enough to draw pink blood. 

He could kill Dib, of course. Zim was never in much real danger. Dib had to strip most of his weapons when he was playing Zim’s exotic alien pet, and a knife or two was nothing compared to the Pak-weapons of a Tallest. Still, there was... something about this. Dib allowed Zim to control him, and that boiled his nerves so much that he took back what he lost as soon as they were in Zim’s chambers- or even in the hallway outside of them. It was desperate and violent, often scratching and biting each other up in the process as he reclaimed his control by force. 

Zim liked it. He liked this seesaw dynamic, where the rebel that had tried to down the Massive all those years ago- the father of his child, this reckless and furious and idiotic and brilliant alien- grabbed the most powerful person in the galaxy and didn’t blink, didn’t care that he could kill him in a second. Dib was willing to give up some of his own freedom to see Twix, and allowed himself to be degraded but never defeated, never turned meek and obedient and boring.

With Dib, he was Zim first and foremost. Enemy, occasional master, bedmate, loathed leader of the people that he hated as Dib hissed out ‘Tallest’ with the same disgust as Zim would about a slug squashed underfoot, but Zim most of all. He was a whole, and Dib saw himself as an equal, in a way that was endearing instead of something to be corrected. Zim was more than just someone giving orders, he earned everything Dib thought of him, and Dib rose above his inferior alien status to earn Zim’s respect in return. There was no one else Zim would ever even consider allowing this close to him, allow to trace their filthy alien fingers over his face or to handle him as anything less than a god.

That deserved a reward, and if Zim happened to enjoy those times where Dib pinned him to the wall, well, that was between him and the void.

[lunsfanatic]

The Last Titan

Final Space AU/GaryCato

Chapter II

The Galaxy 1 was quiet, the SAMES keep making repairs while Gary was more than happy for finally had someone to talk and play cards without the burning situation , he was enjoying himself so much .

-You're a great player, regardless of your arms and shackles being cuff on ... and your lack of sense of humor ... - Avocato blinked a little, not knowing how to react , he had never laugh out loud and if he didn’t know this man already , he would have already hit him and escape.

-So you're a cat ... -

-Ventrexian -

-Yes, of course, listen, I am very sorry about your arm and I understand that you are in a kind of ultra-secret mission, destroying things and ... people -He was thinking, looking at the cards in his hand , well nobody was perfect and certainly he wasn’t in the position to judge him when he had his hands dirty- But if you don't play I'm going to shoot you, buddy , I also don't know why you don't want to play, you're very good, for someone who is captive -He smiled as he showed his cards to the little green ball who giggled innocently while floating around the table ...

-You have no idea what you have here, right? This little ball of boogers will cause our destruction , it is a planet destroyer and ... -Gary interrupted him getting up from his place to sit next to him - What's the matter ?

-Now listen here buddy, Mooncake is a sweet little ball of love, that saved our lives, an adorable faces hugger from space ! you are just a rude and grumpy cat , should it be expected, my neighbor's cat was always breaking my jars and scratched my back when I tried to save those pigeons also loved to lick itself, I hope you behave for the sake of children in this ship ... -

- I'm not a ...! ¿ Children? - Well, he didn't expect the blond to be a single father too

-Well, yes, Mooncake and according to what HUE explained to me, KVN counts as a child ... a very annoying one ... -

-You are very strange Gary Goodspeed -His tone was somewhat softer than normal , the blond took him from the cheeks and gave them a soft squeeze, making him hiss a little, Gary smiled....

-And you are adorable Mr. whiskers - he mocked him while dodging the bites of the Ventrexian , looked at him for a few seconds and got up

-Are you going to leave me here like this? - He claimed as Gary was leaving the dining room

-Well considering that you tried to kill me and take my green child away, I should give you to the infinity guard, but I think they are idiots so you're lucky

- You are not going to give me up? - But he was already gone

- "For some reason Gary thinks it’s not necessary to surrender yourself to the authorities, after half an hour of pleading from that fool boy ,I agreed " -

-Well, how easy it is to manipulate you AI-

- "Do not underestimate me , the only reason is because Gary asked me, there is no way you can escape by yourself, you are at a clear disadvantage " -

-Yes ... you have a point ... I must warn you, everything I've said about Mooncake is true, the Lord commander is looking for him and won't rest until he finds it ... -

- “I know, but Gary is a hollow headed man with a big heart and that will not stop him, he will continue to see the little ball as an innocent companion…. Oh! It seems that he’s done ”-Avocato just looked at the ceiling confused, heard the door open, a robot entered with a bowl in his arms , wobbly, sparkling with electricity .

-Hey Hank! Gary said that you have to deliver the food to the gigantic kitten and oooh!- KVN entered so flaying so fast that it knocked down Hank, causing Avocato to end up wet and smell of soup, he growled, if he wasn't tied he would have dodged it.

-Well everything is ready , we will free you and ... What happened to you? -

- Oh nothing, just that the stupid robot decided to give me a hot bath! - he shout with closed eyes , trying to protect them from the liquid that as dripping from his head, the he heard hurried steps , growled instinctively, one click, another click, a pair of hands helped him to get up,They walked , walked, Mooncake floated over his head, he felt little bites...?

-Mooncake, don't do that, it's very rude to eat leftovers from someone's head-

-This is so humiliating-

-I know bro, but it is not your fault, I am sure that if you were not injured, you would have already kicked off our heads , it would be super amazing -

-Choookity! -

-I know, it 's crazy, but possible, right HUE? -

- "No Gary " -

-Forget it, everyone is against me, the captain is offended, very, very offended - his tone was so dramatic, Avocato found it funny, smiling with a peaceful mask-Forgetting the offense, HUE Is the bath ready? - There was a sudden silence, he felt like the Ventrexian arched his back and ...

-You know.... I understand, you're a cat, you hate water but ... Was violence necessary? The scratches bring dark memories of my childhood ... my collection-He whispered in a theatrical manner while the wounds were treated, Avocato had not reacted in the best way to the word "bath"

-I'm sorry buddy , but this situation is very uncomfortable for me too, Ventrexians love privacy and our personal space and you have invaded it a lot today - He crossed his legs while passing the alcohol to the man

-It's a shame, I wanted to have a manly sleepover, luckily my intuition is super sharp and prepare a room for you!, ouch ... it's close to mine , well not enough to annoy you, but in case you need something you can visit me ... ah! Mooncake, where did you get that? - he interrupted offended when he saw his little friend with his mouth full of cookies

-Chookity dookity -

- DID HUE GIVE IT TO YOU? The betrayal brother, you have just fallen before the chocolaty charms of the terrible HUE, you have just committed high...treason!-

-Chookity pak! -He shouted in a worried tone as Gary walked away taking exaggerated steps

-Don’t! Now I can only trust in Avocato, I bet he wouldn't eat my cookies , if you'll excuse me, I'm going to cry in the kitchen-

-Well, he does have problems - He chuckled as the the little green ball got closer to his wristband , like a puppy looking to be pet-I must admit that is cute... I mean!...you are cute-He corrected only to see the face of confusion that Mooncake was giving him- Well I'll see how he is-

- "ALERT, SCANNER NOT AUTHORIZED DETECTED " - He heard a scream, a hit and metal falling to the ground, running ,thinking of an accident or the blond on the floor, there he was, using KVN as a hammer tearing apart an object that was too familiar

-Terk- whispered with anger

______________________________________________________________________

-So, liquefy me -

-Yes-

-Isn't it a bit drastic? -

-Nothing is too drastic for Lord commander- he explained as he took the blond’s hand, they had been walking for about 10 minutes and Gary had already got lost 3 times

-You should try this street meat Avocato, it's delicious - He offered as he was carrying more of his souvenirs , he looked like a kid enjoying a day at the amusement park

-Save that, we almost arrived, and here the humans are not very welcome, so keep up the plan! -

-Of course, human servant activated, now say Ah! -

-What.hmpf ?! -The blond had put a piece of meat in his mouth, saying it was part of his service, the cat man rolled his eyes, but did not protest, Gary was not so bad, just a little awkward , it seemed he was having fun and Avocato liked that, for some reason -Well here it is, whatever you do, don't touch anything, this guy is a cheater - the human only nodded with mouth full of goodies as they entered the suspicious place

-Ah, Avocato, what brings you to my humble store of cachivaches? -

-Let aside the bullshit Clarence , we came here for papers-

-Well, always so violent, you know that those documents are not cheap- Without hesitation Avocato pointed him with a gun that he took from his pocket

-Let me remind you the day that i saved your life, if I want I can give you to that alien and collect the reward while I see how they destroy this place apart-Gary was shocked at the attitude of the his friend , saw the fear and sweat on the face of that strange little man, decided to analyze the room looking for some distraction , there, on the desk , saw something that moved his chest

-Avo ... My lord , if I may, I suggest you to not waste your expensive bullets on this subject, I’m sure he won’t make that mistake again...- At first he thought it was a rare joke on the humans part, but seeing his expression felt ... guilt , something he had not felt for a long time , at least for threatening the life of someone outside him.

-What the specimen you have here Avocato, I thought that Lord commander had you punished, a very decorative primate ... -he began to prick his stomach in a mocking way- A little off line, but nothing you can’t fix-he began to analyze in a way too invasive, Gary is more than uncomfortable , even the feline was upset

-Hey dude, take your hands off me, I just saved your life-

- Insolent, speaking without permission, I will touch you as many times i want disgusting primate- The following action of the stupid man made Avocato explode, he did not know how or why, but that store was very much in ruins, the little man was terrified , with trembling hands he give up the requested merchandise, documents,fake ones, and a disguise, they left without looking back, Gary was surprised, he didn’t expect that kind of reaction of the bounty hunter , they walked a little until they reached a dark alley.

-Are you alright ? -

-Yes, well, my dignity is affected, but nothing I can't overcome ... I want to get out of here as soon as possible-He started to put the weird costume

-I understand, let me help you with that- He extended the disguise, a bluish and loose skin, the blond felt disgusted, but this was important , he wanted adventures after all, he slipped inside and tried to digest the situation in the best way possible

-How I look?-

-Hmm, I would give you a two-

- Only a two?!, I could bleach my hair, use extensions, some blush ... -Avocato looked at him amused, while Gary was still listing beauty treatments, rolled his eyes with humor as they left the alley, there he was, Terk, without doubt Avocato jumped over him.

- What the hell are you doing? You're an asshole- The mercenary shaked his body intentionally throwing the Ventrexian down a railing , Gary panicked and threw himself on the troubled pair.

-Avocato! - Scream when he fell into the void, he watched as his partner tried to reach for him before he fell in a strange metal tub and lose sight of him.

___________________________________________________________________________

After the fight with Terk he wanted to go and look for Gary, but now everything had changed, he was so close, he could not miss this opportunity, his son was there, he didn’t think about the consequences, seen the little one there took his breath away, words of regret exploded from his mouth, desperate , he felt his nails surrender to the thick glass, saw his son scream in silence as he was shot to the ceiling , of course it was a trap.

_______________________________________________________________________

-There is no deal Avocato , your son will stay here until you finish the job or until the job ends you- he felt a force hit his body, knocking him down easily , he tried to break free and ...

-There you are !, this day has been horrible, except for street meat, but this place is disgusting, I just destroyed a family and ... -

-Ah, you must be The Gary- the scary little man whispered as he analyzed the blond man

-Eh ... only Gary if it’s not much to ask and if you are so kind to release my friend here, we ... street meat attack! - without warning he threw a piece of meat to the maniac's face causing him to get distracted and release Avocato - Let's go ! - He pushed him out , but they didn't get far, something made him float back

-Gary! -

-Oh, Gary, you're not very bright, are you ? Didn’t your parents teach you not to trust a mercenary? - the pressure on his body was painful as he was getting close to the creep

-No, but they taught me not to abandon a friend-

-Ha! friends? Avocato was betraying you , turning you and E3 51 up -The man mock him as Avocato reach for Gary

- Lies! , we are friends, right? - His two-colored eyes pierced the feline's soul, he felt guilt again

-I'm so sorry ... - he saw something die in Gary’s eyes -I was just trying to save my son-

-Your son? -

-Ugh..I don't have time for this, let's play a puzzle, okay? First we separated the pieces - his tone was slow and malicious , his eyes shine as the blond began to scream in pain, then his arm was rip of, he grunts, scream as leaning on Avocato, he looked terrified, blood splashed on the face of the tyrant , blinded him for a moment, the feline tried to calm his partner, he was very shaked off by the shock, he noticed something in his eyes, they were flashing energy , he helped Gary up and seal his wound, but his condition didn’t change

-Gary you have to control yourself buddy! We have to get out of here-The man didn’t listen, he turned his head to look directly at the bloody little man, his eyes expelled energy, flashes shot out making the walls explode -Gary! - he shook him once more, the blond closed his eyes and he fell unconscious, the ventrexian took advantage of the confusion and escaped with the man in his arms.

________________________________________________________________________

-And then Gary will die ... - A woman spoke while arranging some furniture, the ship looked like crap, as if a hurricane had swept away all the way down, the beautiful brunette sat down, lit a stopwatch and let it run ...

- “Why are you warning us? According to your statistics, this is or will end in tragedy, there is no hope "-

-I tried every possibility, every possible alternative ending, I've come back thousands of times, I found the multiverse , all I have left is to change this as much as I can, in this case, talking to you is one of those options-

- “What would change with you telling me this? ”-

-That you will be prepared, The Galaxy 1 is destroyed no matter what, Gary saves your conscience but you suffer some complications, you need to prepare yourself, if you manage to save the crew , you would delay certain events , so I would have the advantage i need to give them a chance-

- "You are aware that these actions would create an alternate universe?, yours will not change at all " -The woman just looked down analyzing her watch, a few more seconds

-I know, this is not the first alternate universe that was created , mine was already left behind ... I have to go, see you soon Mooncake- She patted the head of the green ball while preparing to leave - Oh! AND HUE-

- “Yes? ... Nigthfall ”-The woman looked at KVN as it smashed a bunch of cookies watching the show

-You should give KVN a chance, they might be surprised- Without more to say she disappeared into a ray of light

-Choookity- Mooncake said with a tone of amazement

-I know, it was scary, but I think the lady likes me, it's nice I like her,what do you think HUE? -

- "We should not talk about this with Gary" -They remained silent for a few seconds

-HUE , respond!-

- "Guys... " -

-HUE, we need you to come here buddy, Gary is not well-

-"I'm on my way"-

Back on the ship everything was tense, Gary had reacted very badly to the loss of his arm, it was very difficult to convince him to keep calm, his mind was blocked , the AI ​​suspected that there was more than just the physical loss , even the Ventrexian seemed restless , but there was no time to lose, the operation was easy, but it had to be done quickly

- "Gary, we can replace your arm , but we need you to stay calm, you're safe with us, right Avocato? -

- Yes, I will do the procedure myself, is the less I can do, you saved my life - he took his shoulder to give him courage, the blond squeezed his flying friend while he swallowed his nerves, nodded as he lay on the stretcher . The process was somewhat annoying, but Avocato was being very cautious, he almost felt no pain, he stare at him while he thought the following words

-I knew that we would be the best super friends since I saw you - Avocato looked at him confused but he continued- Yes , when I saw you floating while we were fighting to death outside the ship, with a rain of killer meteors in the background, I said “Oh yes, this guy, is the indicated ”-

-Gary, I don’t want you to have your hopes up, I am a mercenary, a bounty hunter , death is my job and I have had a single goal for the last 3 years, I will not let anything get in the way of my mission, save my son-

-Well, you know I like that about you, you are so direct and sincere, I wish you told me before, i certainly would helped even if my brain exploded,if that helped-He said it with such sincerity that Avocato couldn’t d avoid doubting him

-But ... you don't even know me, why would you do something like that for a stranger? -

- You're not a stranger, you really can learn a lot about a person while playing cards also hear me out, there’s a theory that by spending and surviving traumatic events reinforces friendships and KVN stay away from me ! I AM AT AN ULTRASENTIMENTAL MOMENT , don't ruin it-

-Very good Gary, I'll go play in your room with Mooncake- he could only see the horror face that adorned the alien, but he could do nothing but look-I hate that piece of tin -

-It doesn't seem so bad-

-Oh believe me is the worst ... returning to the topic and cutting off the talk since I lost my inspiration -he look him in the eye as taking him by the hand, the feline just froze -I promise that we will save your son, now that will also be my mission-

-What do you want? -

-That you get your son back -

-You must want something, it is a very dangerous mision and I have nothing to give in return ... -The blond teased rolling his eyes, accommodated his new arm as he stood up holding his hands

-This, cato, this is enough ... and a round of cards from time to time would not be bad- The Ventrexian smiled, grabbing his other hand while swearing his friendship and promising protection for both, Gary and Mooncake .

_______________________________________________________________________

-Lord Commander, we brought your prisoner-

-Ecxelent, you can leave... So, any idea what your father was thinking ? He almost killed us, he warned me that this would be dangerous, but I never believed that Gary had such skills , maybe i should raise the price of your rescue -

-Yes, well I have no idea what you're talking about, you have the power of killing me from boredom-Said Little Cato as rolling his eyes with indifference

- Ah, I see that these years have been very soft with you, your level of insolence increases every day, but I didn't bring you here to kill you, I brought you here for this ... -The little man turned on a screen with a photograph in the center, the little one looked terrified

-That's…-

-Oh yes, it was not easy to find them, you ventrexians are so jealous with you lives , but although this Ventrexian is interesting, it is not what I am looking for , its what he’s caring in his arms- pointed to the image while looking at the eyes of the little fella

-And what do you need me for? -

-Oh well, you know that I still appreciate your father, it would be a shame to have to kill him, after all he has been very useful to me these years, I have a message that I want you to deliver -

-He'll know it's a trap-

- I just want you to send these coordinates, he can pick you up there-

-What? - He was defensive, incredulous to what he had just heard , the little man rolled his eyes

-I thought you were smarter, I'm going to free you, I don't see the point in keeping you apart , after all the universe is about to disappear under the grip of my hand, a little compassion wouldn't hurt me -

-What are you planning?-

- Hey, it's an adult theme, kids like you don't have to intrude, just do what I tell you-

-And if I refuse ?-The dictator smiled sideways, his eyes shone as the room darkened , the little ventrexian was lifted from the ground, he felt his neck tighten and his body tensed before energy shocks him out

-Oh little fool, I don't need your permission, you're just a pawn on my board and now it 's my turn to move the pieces-

[dionysuscrysis]

Nyan

Zim's food bowl is empty! UNACCEPTABLE

[lionbarrage-a]

HEADCANON 003: KAKASHI. all of this is with @stealsight in mind and does not apply to every kakashi. in my main verse, he’s taken sasuke in after the events that unfolded at the valley of the end. if you’re unfamiliar, that’s where my au starts being different. 

afterwards, kakashi assumes responsibility for him and they both relocate to a larger apartment that can accommodate them both; a grown man who’s been alone most his life, and a 13 year old boy who’s been alone for over half of his own. 

it’s difficult, at first. i’ll only talk about sasuke’s end of things but he has a hard time adjusting to living somewhere else at all ---- he has a particular way of living ( i.e: placement of his things, cleanliness, etc ) and it’s not that this clashes with kakashi, but the simple moving act is a hard one? his room ends up being meticulously furnished to look exactly like his old one. he doesn’t get outwardly upset or argue about the situation, as he understands he isn’t trusted to be alone anymore. 

he also doesn’t really like dogs at the beginning of their arrangement, and kakashi has eight of them. he’s more of a cat person, and dogs are a bit overstimulating with the sheer difference in energy, etc. in time, he does start to feel comforted by them... but he definitely gives pak-kun lip on the regular, even when he’s a little more fond of him. they probably argue a lot. he starts not minding taking naps with the ones who don’t talk and tell him he smells bad, and pak-kun sometimes gets pets. and naps. he’s soft, basically, but don’t say shit abt it or he’ll be :/

he and kakashi’s relationship definitely improves. quite frankly i dont think anyone works as hard with sasuke as he does on the day to day and its like -- hes one of few who can get through to him because he knows how to? he isn’t overbearing. he gives him space. but he’s a firm source of direction that sasuke desperately, desperately needs.

in my au, he continues to live with him until well after the end of the war. -- probably until he continues on his own life / family. sasuke doesn’t have any intention of replacing his father with him, but he becomes the closest thing he has to family otherwise. 

[fermebio86]

PAK CHOÏ et PET SHAÏ à l'honneur

PAK CHOÏ et PET SHAÏ à l’honneur

Aujourd’hui nous mettons à l’honneur les choux chinois. Trop peu connus, ils sont facile à cuisiner. Avec leurs saveurs douces et authentiques ils sont incontournables dans cuisine asiatique mais pas que. Le chou Pak Choï par exemple, a été introduit aux États-Unis par les chinois lors de la grande ruée vers l’or au XIXème siècle. Plus récemment nous le cultivons en Europe.

Le chou chinois Pet…

[egazulfar]

Kecelakaan Pertama Neysa

Siang ini secara sengaja ingin liat folder keluarga di dalam laptop, hitung-hitung refreshing dari perkakipalsuan a.k.a TA. Sebenernya pengen mantengin muka bapak sama ibuk, lebih mirip sama siapa ya, hal aneh part kesekian sih. Atau ini efek nonton Reply 1988 jadi kangen sama kedamaian rumah? eh ga damai juga sih, pokonya atmosfer rumahan lah, entah. Lalu sekitar jam 2an tiba-tiba kepikiran sama blus yang pengen kukasih Neysa karena bulan lalu dapet obralan di Baltos (Balubur Town Square), tapi ternyata kekecilan di beberapa bagiannya.

Daaaan jam 17:25 waktu Bandung tadi sore ibuk sms bunyinya gini.

"Doakan ney kecelakaan bonceng temannya mo mou, d ring road ke harjo untung cm lecet temannya pth tlg kaki smg pet sht Aamiin YRA".

Terus sayangnya sms itu baru kebuka jam 19:24 sama aku yang hampir seminggu menonaktifkan gelombang internet di hape. Buru-buru telpon ibuk deh, dan langsung diputus karena ga setel obrol, pokoknya ibuk gamau kalau boros, gitu alasannya.

Kemudian 19:33 akhirnya bisa telponan dan langsung ngobrol sama si kurus. Dengan suara yang masih sesenggukan dia pun kuintrogasi sepenuh hati <3

"bar nangis to?" "ko iso tabrakan e, ol?" "nendi?" "kowe sik mbonceng po sik mboncengke?" "motore sopo?" "tenanan kowe ra patah tulang koyo kancamu, ol?"

dan sederet pertanyaan penasaran yang lain, sambil ketawa sesekali pas nanyainnya. ya, pertama karena aku jadi inget momen saat mengalami nasib yang sama sewaktu SMP dan SMA dulu. Tapi dia lebih ga ngerepotin orangtua sih karena ternyata ceritanya begini.

Adik aku (Neysa, kelas X SMA, belum punya SIM) diboncengin sama temennya, sebelum ashar, mau ke tempat juri debat buat nandantanganin MOU (SMA lyf banget, tapi sayang aku ga pernah mengalami masa menjalani peran itu sih wkwk). Tadinya Neysa nawarin pake motor dia aja ke temennya tapi entah kenapa gajadi, dan motor Neysa ditinggal di parkiran SMA. Skip skip skip momen lalu katanya pas mereka udah sampai di daerah sekitar jalan Ketandan gitu dia lihat ada bapak-bapak seumuran Pak Singgih yang naik motornya terlalu ke kanan apa piye gitu di depan mereka. Terus Neysa sebagai codriver yang baik harus kembali mantengin apps google map di androidnya. Lalu, bush ! katanya dia tiba-tiba merasa dia terbang lalu gelap, dan bangun-bangun udah mendarat di pinggir jalan dengan posisi tengkurap dan beberapa bagian baju sobek, juga diikuti sobeknya kulit. Oh satu lagi, bibir dia panas ! alhamdulillahnya dia pake masker jadi ga terlalu parah luka benturan di bibirnya. Terus dia bilang "mbak moso, kancaku ki ditulung ngono te'e de'e ra sadar njuk koyo kejang dan matane gur melek sebelah, tapi aku dinengke wae padahal tangan ro sikilku super perih". Lalu akhirnya mereka dibawa ke RS AU Harjolukito dengan mobil yang ada di sekitar TKP. Kemudian di RS luka Neysa dibersihin pake NaCl kaya gosok baju katanya dan temennya ngeluh kakinya kenapa-kenapa, dan ternyata adalah patah tulang (innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun). Setelah dikasih obat akhirnya dia pulang. 

Nah kenapa kecelakaan ini lebih ga ngerepotin orangtua dibanding yang pernah aku alami karena kecelakaanku disebabkan oleh ketelodoran pribadi dimana saya sebagai drivernya. Kecelakaan berat yang saya alami terjadi sewaktu SMP kelas IX dan SMA kelas XII, wis jaman-jaman kritis ujian kabeh to kuwi. Sewaktu SMP itu baru seneng-senengnya naik motor dan pake motor temen yang masih baru sayangnya, ngebonceng dia dan pas mau nyeberang malah ditabrak bapak-bapak dari belakang ampe lebam di beberapa bagian wajah dan tangan padahal itu semingguan sebelum latihan UN kalau ga salah. Nah sisi ngerepotin orangtuanya adalah karena harus keluar biaya buat ngobatin aku, bantu biaya ngobatin bapak yang nabrak dan bantu nyervis motor temen juga. Nah yang SMA itu lebih ngerepotin parah, waktu itu berkendara sambil ngantuk dan saat dalam kondisi capek-capeknya ngelaju dari rumah ke SMA. Tiba-tiba aja aku udah tiduran di jalan dan nyenggol sepasang kakek nenek di depanku yang juga udah ambruk, dan kondisinya mereka gapake perlengkapan safety berkendara. Alhasil sang kakek patah tulang di lutut dan sang nenek retak di telapak tangan. Disini, kaki aku sampe terkelupas banyak juga dan gabisa berkendara lagi jadi harus dianter selama sebulan ada kali waktu itu, gabisa bolos pula karena besoknya UTS apa UAS gitu. Nah udah ketebak kan bagian ngerepotinnya yang ini dimana? ya di bagian ngobatin aku, ngobatin motor aku, dan bantu pengobatan nenek kakek tadi sampe jutaan (nangis sepuasnya deh).

Yaudah gitu aja. Hikmahnya mangga diambil sendiri-sendiri. Yang penting harus taat aturan, tau kemampuan diri dalam berkendara, jangan pernah takut nyobain biar belajar mandiri, dan jangan pernah lupain yang namanya bersyukur juga berdoa :)

Bandung, 19 April 2017

[morganbelarus]

Rich List 2017: Six surprising ways to make money – BBC News

Image copyright Getty Images

If you want to get rich fast, then donning a pinstriped suit and heading for the City has traditionally been seen as the most straightforward path to wealth.

Unsurprisingly these year's ranking of the UK's richest 1,000 people by the Sunday Times continues to be dominated by financiers, hedge funders and property tycoons.

Yet delve a bit deeper and the list reveals some less obvious ways to become one of the super-rich.

We look at six of the career choices which you wouldn't typically bet on to bring in the big bucks.

1. Egg farming

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption William Dean's firm started out as a door-to-door egg seller in rural Hertfordshire

"The egg market is big" - that's how egg producer Noble Foods put it.

In the UK, we eat a staggering 30 million eggs every day and as chairman of Noble Foods, Peter Dean has amassed a 212m fortune from the family egg business, putting him at 534 on the list.

The company was started in the 1920s by his grandfather William Dean, who sold eggs door-to-door in rural Hertfordshire.

The firm rapidly moved from packing and selling a small amount of eggs for local grocery stores into a national business.

Always ambitious, the firm bought several other companies to speed up its growth. Just over a decade ago, Dean Food Group merged with Stonegate, controlled by lifelong egg producer Michael Kent, to create Noble Foods.

"Bringing eggs to life," is the tagline of the company, whose brands include Happy Egg and Big & Fresh as well as luxury pudding brand Gu.

2. Pet food

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption VIP Pet Foods offers posh nosh for cats and dogs

Never underestimate how much people love their pets. Most owners think of their animals as members of the family and are willing to spend big to prove it, making it a lucrative industry.

British husband and wife duo Tony and Christina Quinn - listed at number 446 with a 255m joint fortune - set up their business catering to pampered pets after emigrating to Australia.

Their chilled pet food business VIP Pet Foods focused on the gourmet end of the market for cats and dogs, offering a "Fussy Cat" range and vacuum-packed fresh minces.

The pair sold the business in 2015 for AU$410m - the equivalent of 250m today.

3. Crumpets

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Over a quarter of all bakery products eaten in the UK are produced by Warburtons

Thomas Warburton and his wife Ellen opened a grocery shop in 1870. When sales fell in 1870, Ellen switched to baking bread, with her loaves becoming an instant success.

Almost 150 years on, Warburtons is still a private family owned business managed by the fifth generation of Warburtons Jonathan, Ross and Brett.

The firm now sells 500m a year's worth of bread, crumpets, fruit loaf, muffins, tea cakes and wraps. It claims over a quarter of all bakery products eaten in the UK are produced by them.

Their enduring popularity has made them plenty of dough - putting the Warburton family at 225 on the list with a 545m fortune.

4. Soap

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Imperial Leather maker PZ Cussons started out as a commodities trader

Everyone needs to wash. Soap brand Imperial Leather has helped power Anthony Green, former chairman of household products firm PZ Cussons, and the Zochonis family, descendants of company founder George Zochonis, to 170th on the list with a 541m fortune.

The Manchester-based company is now behind a range of household products from Charles Worthington hair care to self-tanning brand St Tropez.

The firm actually started out as a commodities trader in the 1880s, but by 1948 had switched to manufacturing, opening its first soap factory in Nigeria.

5. Packaging

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption The Tetra Pak packaging was reportedly inspired by sausages

Boxes of juice may seem a pretty everyday item now. But back in the 1950s, sterile and watertight containers were seen as a novel alternative to glass bottles.

Tetra Pak founder Ruben Rausing came up with the idea after watching his wife make sausages by tying up the ends, and wondering if a similar system would work for milk, according to the New York Times.

Last year the firm sold 188 billion Tetra Pak packages.

The invention has made the Rausing family rich, propelling Ruben's son Hans Rausing and family - who have now sold their 50% stake in the business - to number 11 on the rich list with a 650m fortune.

6. Market trader

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption It's hard to resist a bargain

Starting out as a market trader isn't an obvious route to wealth, yet at least one person on the list started out this way.

Former market trader Chris Dawson founded the Range discount stores which he describes as "the working man's John Lewis". Together with his wife Sarah Dawson, he's now worth 1.9bn and ranked 67th on the list.

The "pile it high, sell it cheap" approach has helped three other discounters make the grade.

Home Bargains chain founder Tom Morris and family rank 39th with a wealth of over 3bn, followed by Simon, Bobby and Robin Arora - the brothers behind the B&M discount store chain. Together the brothers are listed at 65, and are collectively worth 1.92bn.

Poundstretcher owners and brothers Rashid and Aziz Tayub and family - which now have over 400 stores in the UK - come 453rd on the list with 250m.

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