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adapted-batteries · 7 years

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Christmas Shenanigans

Fandom: The Librarians

Rating: General/sfw (little bit of making out)

Relationships: Jassekiel, Fleve

Word Count: 6582

It’s Christmas time, and someone has just unsuccessfully tried to subdue Santa via poison.

Also posted on my Ao3.

This is the next story in my Land Pirates AU. It’s not exactly necessary to read the previous stories, but some things may make more sense if you have.

Also, because my brain failed to really include much of any Flynn/Eve interaction in the previous stories, I will say now Fleve is a thing for sure in this universe, it just won’t be a large focus compared to Jassekiel because I haven’t really written it much. It definitely was going on when Flynn and Eve were gone in “The LiTs go Clubbing” though...I mean what else do they do when they’re off on missions alone?

-----

Christmas invaded the Annex with the subtlety of an elephant with squeaky shoes. Tinsel and lights were being wrapped up the banister to the second floor by Ezekiel, who was progressively becoming more covered in shiny red and white strands as he went. A white Christmas tree claimed a spot next to the stairs, slowly but surely getting decorated with ornaments and candy canes by Cassandra and Flynn, both of them humming along to the Christmas carols being played on an old record player (Jenkins insisted that if they were going to make that much noise, they could at least listen to his classics). Gift wrapping materials and finished presents littered the main table where Stone was having a bit too much fun with bows and ribbon.

While not actively decorating, Jenkins was retrieving items for them when they asked, and experimenting with holiday tea flavors on his willing test subjects/decorators (it was nice to actually use all those decorations he found sitting in a closet years ago, and having people to put them up, not that he’d ever admit that). Despite the mess and mild chaos, Jenkins kept his complaints and outward show of disappointment and annoyance to a minimum.

The only one not in the mood for any of that was Eve. The second she stepped into the Annex that morning, her annoyance was plain as day. “Do we really have to do this?” she sighed, sinking down into the chair at her/Flynn’s desk (it still didn’t want to be organized the way she liked it).

Ezekiel gave her a grave look from the balcony. “Don’t get in the way of Cassandra and Christmas.”

Cassandra glared at him playfully before explaining. “My parents thought believing in Santa would ‘stunt the development of my intellectual rigor’...they told me he wasn’t real when I was three.” Flynn gave her a sad look as he handed her an obnoxiously sparkly pink ornament. “I decided, once I was on my own, that I would always celebrate Christmas as much as I wanted.”

“I was not prepared for it,” Ezekiel added as he returned to the bottom floor, leaving a trail of tinsel behind him as he brushed it off his heather grey sweater. “I will say it grew on me though, not like I had much of an ideal childhood either. Plus, she’s entirely too fun to watch getting excited,” Ezekiel said, giving Cassandra a peck on the cheek before wandering over to see what Stone was up to.

“What about you, Flynn? Any depressing childhood Christmas stories you’d like to share?” Eve asked, nearly not as annoyed as she had been as she watched Ezekiel stick bows on Stone’s head.

“No, actually. I mean, I figured out Santa wasn’t bringing me presents early, but I always looked forward to decorating the tree with Mom, eating gingerbread cookies, visiting Grandma,” Flynn replied, looking off into the distance wistfully for a moment. “Christmas didn’t get ‘sad’ for me till Mom died, but I still had Charlene and Judson, and Jenkins.” He focused back on Eve. “I guess Military bases aren’t exactly festive...oh sorry.” Flynn bit down on his lip to keep himself from blabbering.

Eve shook her head. She’d told Flynn about her childhood on one of the many missions they were alone, after getting doused with a truth serum that apparently also made her dredge up her past. Thankfully he hadn’t said the other reason she didn’t like Christmas. “It’s fine. And no, they weren’t, especially not when I was on my own either.” She sighed,deciding they didn’t need any of her depressing backstory. “Please tell me more than just one of us had an okay childhood,” she said, looking pointedly at Stone.

“Well, I mean, yeah, Christmas is pretty big for my family, everyone comin’ into town, seein’ relatives I only see on Christmas. It was...easier...before I left to study, they weren’t exactly enthused with me wantin’ to be a historian and all instead of takin’ over Dad’s company,” Stone paused, catching himself exaggerating his country drawl (which happened when he talked about Oklahoma or anything about his family). He cleared his throat before continuing. “Turns out the kids think I’m cool because I’ve been a lot of places, and my cousins like me ‘cuz I’m still good in a bar brawl.”

“Is that a...normal Christmas thing in Oklahoma?” Cassandra asked, looking at Stone confused.

Stone shrugged. “If enough peoples’ relatives and in-laws have driven them up the wall, then yea-” a phone ringing echoed through the tall room, cutting Stone off.

Everyone looked to the source of the ringing, a payphone on a rolling pole against the wall, and then looked at Jenkins. “There aren’t many people who have that number,” he said calmly, but the speed at which he walked to the phone betrayed his collected visage. “Hello?”

A panicked voice squealed out of the receiver; Jenkins’s eyebrows furrowed with concern. “What do you mean he was poisoned? He can’t be-” he got cut off by the caller again, who sounded more angry. Eve had stood, posture somewhat defensive despite no threat nearby.

“Gretchen, calm down. He got back at least, that’s good. Whatever it is will leave his system eventually...yes, I’m on my way of course, he’ll be fine. Did he see who attacked him?” Jenkins asked gently, attempting to be soothing with the frantic caller.

He glanced to the LiTs and Guardian, all staring at him with puzzled expressions while the caller continued talking. “Do you mind if I bring some...colleagues...who may have had some experience with these people? Yes, I mean the Librarians...yes, besides Flynn now...okay, yes I’ll make sure to fully brief them before we arrive...we’ll be there soon...it wouldn’t hurt to activate it, do so if you want. Just make sure he rests...goodbye.” Jenkins hung up the phone, looking much more frazzled than he had been before.

“Who was that?” Eve asked the same time as Flynn asked “What happened?”

“That was Gretchen,” Jenkins clarified, which only got confused stares from everyone besides Flynn, so he elaborated. “Gretchen is...Mrs. Claus, and Santa has been poisoned somehow.”

“Santa’s real?!” Cassandra squeaked, which earned amused looks from the boys.

“Yes, but not exactly as you think of him as,” Jenkins answered.

Eve, already trying to piece together what happened, was ready to berate Jenkins with questions. “I take it he’s not usually susceptible to being poisoned because he’s…immortal?”

“Yes-” Jenkins started, but Flynn jumped in, cutting him off.

“Santa is an avatar of goodwill. Essentially he spends the year collecting goodwill from the global population, and at midnight Christmas day, he releases that goodwill back to the people. If he didn’t do that, the world would descend into chaos,” Flynn lectured, bouncing on his toes from either excitement or the tea.

There was a good ten seconds of silence while everyone processed that information. “So that’s why everyone gets cranky around the holidays, we’re running low on good will?” Ezekiel asked.

“Precisely, which is why it’s imperative to not have Santa incapacitated or weakened by the time December 24th arrives,” Jenkins said, walking over to the card catalogue. “That I knew of, there wasn’t much of anything that could subdue Santa, nor do I know why someone would want to do so.”

“Actually, you could subdue him, temporarily anyway,” Flynn corrected, drawing everyone’s attention. He seemed confused as to why everyone was looking at him until Jenkins motioned for him to explain. “Oh, a highly potent mix of, hm, mistletoe, holly, and….oh yes poinsettia would do it.”

“How festive,” Jenkins mumbled. He seemed embarrassed for not knowing that information and continued rifling through the card catalogue.

“If...Santa...has all that goodwill in him, would that make him a highly magical being?” Eve asked, not really liking the train of thought her brain was going on, regardless how true it probably was.

Jenkins sifted through the cards, pulling out the one he was looking for and handing it to Cassandra to go find the book listed. She took the card and scurried off, obviously aware time was of the essence.

“If one wanted Santa because of the immense amount of sympathetic magic in him, then yes, this would be the opportune time to collect him,” Jenkins said. “It is a fair thought that Dulaque is the one responsible, considering he has been attempting to collect items with fairly high amounts of magic. The likelihood of his involvement also increases as the men who attacked him had serpentine tattoos on their arms.”

Everyone collectively mumbled “Serpent Brotherhood” under their breaths; the LiTs glanced at each other as just two weeks ago, they barely managed to keep some similarly tattooed goons from swiping a magic mirror in Belgrade. Dulaque had been more active lately, which was quite concerning.

Jenkins stared off for a moment before shaking his head. “I’ll let you deal with the tactical side, Colonel Baird. For now I need to figure out how to get the poison out of him.”

Cassandra returned as Jenkins finished his sentence, handing him the rather thick book. He quickly thumbed through it, pausing on a page that caught his attention. He read a bit more before shutting the book. “It won’t take me long to make an antidote.” Jenkins started off to his lab.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Stone said, getting Jenkins to stop and turn around.

“I suggest you get some warm clothes. The North Pole is not exactly known for its balmy weather,” Jenkins said, turning around once more and disappearing down the hallway.

“We’re going to the North Pole!!!” Cassandra squealed, grabbing Stone and Ezekiel by their arms and dragging them off to find coats and sweaters.

Eve sighed at the room, leaning against the desk. “Of course we’re going to the North Pole.”

Flynn sauntered up to her side. “Oh, it’ll be fun! Just think, you’re living every little kid’s dream.”

“Did you dream about going to the north pole?” Eve asked dubiously.

“Well...no...okay so some, the majority of kids dreams,” Flynn backtracked. “It’ll be nice to visit, I haven’t seen them in several years, since I last went with Jenkins anyway.”

Eve eyed Flynn suspiciously. “You’ve met Santa?”

“And this surprises you?” Flynn retorted, throwing his arms in front of him to gesture at the room. “I spent the past ten years collecting magical artifacts, working for a building that’s actually a pocket dimension and definitely sentient. Santa is not the weirdest thing I’ve seen by far.”

Eve raised an eyebrow. “And just what is the weirdest thing you’ve seen?”

For once Flynn was flummoxed. “Um...well, I mean there was...no actually...hmm...I’ll get back to you on that.” He pushed off the edge of the desk, propelling himself towards the middle of the room before he changed direction to lead further into the Annex. “We should get coats, though I doubt inside will be anything but toasty.”

Eve followed him, albeit less enthusiastically. “Can’t we just open a door inside?”

“Nope. Gretchen probably activated the North Pole’s magical security system in case whoever poisoned Santa tried to follow. Magic, or anything really, can’t get through, so we’ll have to use the barn for a door and wait until she sees us and turns it off,” Flynn explained, belatedly offering his arm to her.

“If it’s in the name of security, then I guess I can bear a little cold,” Eve joked, hooking her arm with his. “Though if we have to stand out there for more than five minutes, you owe me coffee.”

Flynn smiled and leaned towards her conspiratorially as they walked. “I’ll make you some of Jenkins’s special elfish coffee that he doesn’t let anyone know about. It’s divine.”

---

The North Pole was...well...cold. Everyone had bundled up except Jenkins, who somehow was braving the arctic temperatures in nothing more than a wool hat and an overcoat. They stumbled out a door that faced what looked to be the main building of the property: an old but sturdy looking log chalet, whose architecture had a distinct viking vibe (at least to Stone anyway).

The door they just used belonged to a similarly designed barn, which definitely had live animals inside based off the smell that greeted them. A recently used path in the snow led from the barn to a side door in the chalet. Snow quietly fell, the cold quickly made noses and cheeks red.

“So, how long do we have to wait?” Ezekiel asked, looking around.

“However long it takes for her to see us,” Jenkins replied, bending down with gloved hands to make a snowball.

“We can’t like...knock?” Stone said, shuddering a little. Cassandra moved closer to him, hooking an arm in his.

Jenkins just raised an eyebrow at him, then rather gracefully threw the snowball at the chalet. About five feet away from the house, the snowball smashed against a force-field that crackled with blue energy to dissipate the force. “She will be alerted to that. Give it, oh...three, two, one-”

When Jenkins got to one, the force-field abruptly glowed in a circle above the home, then shrunk down to disappear into the snow around the foundation. Jenkins set off towards the side door, not bothering to tell anyone to follow him.

By the time they trudged the fifty feet to the door, a distressed lady, presumably Mrs. Claus, opened it. “He’s barely awake. I hope whatever you have works, because he’s in no shape to do his job,” she said, ushering them all inside what appeared to be a mud room. Jenkins pulled out the vial from an inner pocket and shucked off his coat, quickly hanging it on a hook before following after her. The LiT’s, Librarian, and Guardian were not so quick in removing coats, but it was easy to follow Gretchen’s worried voice through the home.

By the time the rest of them arrived in the master bedroom (Cassandra had to drag Ezekiel and Stone from various relics, artifacts, and art displayed), Jenkins was in the process of giving the potion to a visibly ill man in the bed. While the nature of their visit dictated that this was Santa, none of them had expected him to look, well, not like the jolly, white-bearded Santa that had been marketed to them over the years (Ezekiel thought he looked a lot like the actor Bruce Campbell).

Santa, was barely awake. Jenkins was doing all the work of slowly pouring the potion into his mouth and holding him up a bit. Jenkins mumbled something under his breath, too low for anyone to hear, then let Santa relax back into the pillow. No one spoke as they watched him close his eyes, apparently losing consciousness. Jenkins didn’t seem concerned, at least not as visibly concerned as Mrs. Claus still looked.

Thankfully, the potion was quick to work. Within a few minutes of swallowing it, Santa sat up in bed, propped up by a couple pillows. He still looked tired, but he was a lot more conscious than he had been when they walked in the room. He gave a curious look to the clump of people at the foot of the bed, then looked to Jenkins. “Santa is very grateful for your help. Not many know how to poison Santa...this is disconcerting.”

“He’s going to be okay?” Mrs. Claus asked, holding Santa’s hand as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“Yes, he just needs rest,” Jenkins replied. “In the meantime, we will do our best to deal with the person responsible for this.” He said the last part with such malice that if he was a cat, he’d be hissing with hackles raised.

Mrs. Claus eyed the people at the foot of the bed, mainly the LiTs. “I have some matters I would like to discuss with Jenkins and Flynn...the Guardian could help too. If you wouldn’t mind giving us some privacy,” she suggested, waiting on them to dismiss themselves.

Cassandra knew exactly how Stone was going to respond being treated like a kid getting kicked out of the room so the parents could talk, so she just tugged him harshly towards the door before he could say something stupid. “Of course, Mrs. Claus,” she said with a nod. Ezekiel thankfully didn’t need to be prodded out of the room.

Stone waited till she shut the door before he let out steam. “Why can’t we be involved? We’re not little kids!” Ezekiel just tutted at him, hooking his arm into Stone’s free one so that he and Cassandra had control over him.

“To them, we are!” Cassandra shot back, not angrily, but annoyed. “Flynn’s been doing this for years, Jenkins is who knows how old, and something gives me the distinct feeling that Santa’s even older than him.”

Stone grunted, seeing the argument, but he didn’t want to quite let go of his anger. “How come Eve gets to stay? She’s just as ‘young’ as us.”

“She’s the Guardian, mate. Don’t tell me you missed how Jenkins and Charlene treat her differently. She’s not like us,” Ezekiel replied. Stone breathed heavily out his nose, but seemed content to let them take him wherever they were heading in the house.

They wandered for a little while, and may or may not have gotten lost (the house had a similar feel to the Library, way bigger than the outside dimensions suggested, Cassandra thought). Eventually they found an immense study. Bookcases were built in to all the walls except the exterior one, which had large windows instead. Books took up residence on most of the shelves, interspersed with various random, but probably magical, trinkets and sculptures. A huge, solid wood desk at least a third of the room’s width sat towards the back of the room, and a few somewhat mismatched, but ultimately comfortable looking reading chairs occupied the center of the room in front of it.

The ex-land pirates wondered to various shelves, completely engrossed in reading the book spines and looking at the objects (not touching, per Cassandra’s demand earlier), but Stone distractedly fiddled with the sleeves of the maroon sweater he’d found in the Library’s wardrobe.

Ezekiel was the first to notice it. “You alright?”

“Hmm?” Stone tore his gaze away from a sculpture.

“Why are you itching yourself through the sleeve?”

“What?” Stone looked down at himself, then his eyes went wide. “Shit.” As quick as he could without actually ripping the sweater, he shucked it off, taking his undershirt with it. “Sweater didn’t, mmph, have a label, was probably wool,” Stone said, though part of it was muffled by the sweater.

Cassandra finally caught the commotion just as Stone’s sweater landed on the back of one of the chairs. “Um…”

“I’m not really allergic to wool, it just itches, makes me red,” Stone explained, motioning at his arms which were indeed redder than his torso, up to where the short sleeves of his undershirt started. There was also a faintly red ring around his neck.

“I’m sure we could find something else for you to wear, or we can go get your coat,” Cassandra suggested, looking at his arms with mild concern.

“Nah, here, mine is cotton,” Ezekiel said, matter of factly pulling his sweater over his head in one smooth motion. Stone noted that Ezekiel was, in fact, not wearing an undershirt. Eventually his brain restarted and he grabbed the sweater from Ezekiel’s hand, blatantly ignoring the knowing look on Ezekiel’s face.

Ezekiel’s sweater was a snug fit on Stone; he was quite aware of Cassandra’s gaze on him, and once Ezekiel managed to get the looser wool sweater on, his eyes were clearly seeing something enjoyable too. He let them look for a good few moments, hands on the back of the chair so he could tense his arms (Baird’s training sessions definitely paid off), but he ruined the image when the itching on both of his forearms got unbearable at the same time.

Ezekiel lost it as Stone stood there rubbing his arms together like one rubs two sticks to start a fire. “Aw mate, why’d you have to ruin the view,” he snickered. “You were looking so tasty.” Cassandra bit back a laugh.

“Yeah, well changing clothes ain’t gonna make me stop itching for awhile,” Stone replied, forcibly gripping the couch to keep himself from itching again.

Cassandra sauntered over to Ezekiel. “Stone currently may be some eye candy, but you make me want to find a fireplace and hot chocolate,” she said, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Apparently Ezekiel didn’t know how to handle essentially being called cute; his mouth opened and closed, a little flush appearing on his cheeks. “Uh, thanks. I mean you will forever win the cute category of us, though.” Cassandra and Stone looked at each other fondly, conveying the message “listen to this dork of ours” with affectionate smiles and loving eyes.

Stone effectively ruined the moment again by making an annoyed grunt and scratching at his neck. Cassandra let out a huff of a laugh then turned her head back to Ezekiel. “I think Stone could use a distraction,” she muttered into his ear.

“I think I can help,” Ezekiel said deviously as he looked at Stone, who was still rubbing his neck. He turned his head to Cassandra and gave her a quick kiss, then made his way over to the itching archaeologist.

Stone may not have heard their conversation, but he easily recognized Ezekiel’s “I’m gonna kiss you till that’s all you can think about” face. “Hi,” Stone said, subconsciously licking his lips.

“I think you could use a distraction,” Ezekiel purred, wrapping his arms around Stone’s waist. “Well, Cassandra thinks so, and I agree.”

“Please, distract me,” Stone rumbled, equal parts irritated by his arms and turned on by having Ezekiel pressed against him. Ezekiel happily obliged. Cassandra thought about peppering Stone’s neck with kisses, but then thought better of it and came up behind Ezekiel, effectively sandwiching him. Stone’s arms still itched, but it was becoming less and less of an issue.

---

One Minute Earlier

“Silly of them to not have defenses up,” Dulaque said as one of his goons picked the lock of the front door. The door opened loudly, hinges in need of oil, but it didn’t deter Dulaque and his goons one bit. “You two,” Dulaque motioned to the two men on his left, “search the house for anything magically valuable. There’s bound to be some here. Everyone else, with me.” The five intruders entered the house, up to no good.

Upstairs, Mrs. Claus shushed everyone mid-conversation. “I thought I heard...it sounded like the front door.”

“Front door, were you expecting someone?” Flynn asked.

“No, and we don’t exactly have unexpected visitors here,” Mrs. Claus replied uneasily.

“I don’t like this, I’ll go check it out. The Librarians wouldn’t go outside I don’t think,” Eve decided, leaving the room on-edge.

---

Of all the things on the LiT’s minds, the Serpent Brotherhood showing up was not one of them. Stone was quite thoroughly distracted from his itchy arms thanks to Ezekiel and Cassandra, especially as the former was having fun probably leaving a mark on Stone’s neck. He just happened to glance towards the door at the opportune moment to see two wide-eyed bruisers in the doorway.

“Oh come on,” Stone huffed, lightly pushing a confused Ezekiel away slightly as Stone stepped back so Ezekiel didn't fall into Cassandra. “We’ve got company.”

The Serpent Brotherhood goons didn't know any better; they stepped into the study defensively, both warily watching the now aggravated Stone. Ezekiel instinctively backed towards the windows, but Cassandra prevented him. “You need to help him,” she whispered, eyes on the goons.

“What? I don’t fight,” he whispered back, turning himself to continue backing away.

She grabbed his arm to stop him again. “Distract them. Give Stone the upper hand.”

He risked a glance at her. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to...hide stuff, we don’t want them taking anything in this room probably,” Cassandra answered, hand tensing on his arm as one of the two goons started actively going for Stone.

“This is gonna be fun,” Stone growled, taking the bruiser head on. They clashed with a variety of heavy sounds and grunts, Stone probably enjoying the sudden fight more than he should’ve.

“Go help!” Cassandra whispered harshly, shoving Ezekiel towards them with the one hand. Ezekiel floundered, but didn’t stumble. He looked back to Cassandra, but she was already moving towards a back shelf she had looked at earlier with a fair few items on it.

“What am I supposed to...hey!” Ezekiel shouted, startling the goon about to join his buddy against Stone. He was sure Stone could handle one fine, so he just needed to occupy this one long enough so Stone could deal with him. The goon, seeing Ezekiel as a viable target, started going for him.

“Uh.” Ezekiel put his fists up in front of him, wishing he hadn't skipped out of those training sessions Stone had invited him to. “I can do this,” he told himself. He risked a glance back at Cassandra, who had already somehow cleared the shelf of magical looking things and was on the other side of the room, but taking his eyes off the man in front of him was a poor decision. The goon charged, attempting to use momentum to hit Ezekiel for as much force as possible.

Fortunately what Ezekiel lacked in force, he made up for in being slippery. Fleeting movements here and there, making the goon go for the places Ezekiel had been. He took a couple good hits, enough to probably make him sore tomorrow, but fortunately Stone jumped in just as the goon sent Ezekiel to the ground.

“Need a hand, sweetheart?” Stone growled, actually lifting the goon away from Ezekiel.

“Nah it’s fine, totally got it under control,” Ezekiel squeaked, scrambling back to his feet. “I mean if you want, not gonna stop you.”

“Uh huh. How you doin’ Cassie?” Stone asked, punctuated with a grunt when he slammed the goon into a shelf. Surprisingly no books fell off.

“I could use a hand, Zeke,” she replied with a bit of strain as she carried several hefty items to the desk.

“That I can do,” Ezekiel exhaled. By the time he got over to Cassandra, Stone had knocked the second goon out (which was fast, because Ezekiel only had to cover fifteen feet from the middle of the room to the desk). He helped her sit down the items she had, then she pointed over to the corner where the goons currently occupied the floor.

“I didn’t get over there, that’s the last of it though,” she said, busy playing tetris with the items in the large, lockable drawers in the desk.

“Do we need to continue hiding stuff?” Stone asked, joining Ezekiel in collecting the last items.

“I doubt there was just two of them,” Cassandra replied. She placed the last item she had in a drawer, then looked back up at them. “I’m sure Colonel Baird has it under control...but just in case.”

Ezekiel seemed more convinced to continue hiding the objects than Stone did...or maybe he was just relishing the chance to get his hands on them, Stone couldn’t decide which it was. They both gently placed the items they gathered on the desk, and Cassandra went back to work hiding them. Ezekiel idly grabbed one of the artifacts Stone had brought over, turning a little statue that had an unnerving smile in his hands. “Today could’ve been worse,” he decided. “At least Morgan Le Fay isn’t here.”

Cassandra was about to respond, but a comical sounding “POP!” echoed in the room. A very confused Morgan Le Fay suddenly appeared in the middle of the reading chairs. Ezekiel looked down at the statue in horror, all but throwing it back to the desk. While she was only dressed like a well-to-do lady of this century, the way she carried herself made the air tingle with magic.

“Why did you-” was all the bewildered witch could say before footsteps thundered in the hall, quickly nearing the study. A frazzled but spry Dulaque sprinted into the room, abruptly stopping when he saw who was there. A moment later Eve, Flynn, and Jenkins arrived, all in various states of annoyance and confusion.

“Can someone explain why I was summoned here?” Morgan asked, particularly towards Jenkins and Dulaque. Neither gave her any indication they actually knew, so she turned to the trio still around the desk. “Which one of you brought me here?! You don’t just summon people like me for no reason!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Ezekiel blurted. “It just...happened? I dunno, that thing,” he pointed to the statue laying on its side, “did it I think.”

She glared at the statue before a flash of recognition appears on her face. “Oh I forgot I gave Nick that when he was going through his trickster phase. Great thing to let an annoying little kid use, until it summoned a demon,” she said with a nostalgic sigh. Then she turned to Dulaque. “Why are you here?”

Dulaque gave her a smug smile, ignoring Colonel Baird moving a step closer to him. “I think you know why I’m here.”

“No...I don’t,” she said, looking more annoyed than before.

Regardless whether Dulaque wanted to share his plan or not, Flynn was more than happy to explain. “He was apparently coming here to take Santa, after failing to capture him a few hours earlier.”

Dulaque scoffed at Flynn, but spoke to Morgan. “I did not fail...one of my lackeys did. I’m here to actually get the job done.”

“And just what is it you plan to do with Nick?” Morgan asked, putting a hand on her hip.

“Surely you can put two and two together,” Dulaque sneered, but when Morgan didn’t reply to him, he seemed a little flustered. “I, well, I plan to release magic back into the world!”

Morgan looked at him like he was insane. “Why would you want to do that?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Surely you of all people would want to be back at full power,” he quipped. Instead of answering him, Morgan simply reached out a hand and suddenly Dulaque was five feet off the ground, spinning around slowly. “Put. Me. Down!”

“You think I lost my power? Silly knight. One born with their abilities never loses them,” she replied, sounding almost like she was talking to a child who didn’t know any better. Without warning, she dropped the spell, letting him land on his ass. “Do you know how much chaos you will cause? It won’t ever be like it was. There’s too many people now. Too many who will wield magic once they have access.”

Despite being on the ground, he leered up at her. “What? Are you scared of being knocked down? Scared some kid will overpower you?”

She laughed at him, genuine amusement. “You don’t live for a thousand years to be easily overthrown. No, I don’t want to be here when the world becomes a mess again. I’ve tested how this world reacts to magic...it’s...underwhelming.” She looked at Jenkins, who so far had been watching the whole ordeal with a mix of horror and anger. “Maybe you should actually listen to your son for once, Lancelot. I’m sure Galahad agrees with me.” Stone’s jaw practically dropped to the floor at all the sudden identity revealing; Flynn at least kept his jaw shut.

Dulaque finally stood and turned to Jenkins, waiting to hear his stance. “Unfortunately, I concur. Wild magic makes more work for the Library,” Jenkins answered. Something in his tone hinted that Jenkins was not saying all he had on his mind.

Dulaque looked betrayed, but also like he knew Jenkins wasn’t going to side with him. “You side with the Witch now? Have you forgotten your youth? Your vow? The world was ours, we could have it again.”

“I don’t side with her, I could never side with her for what she did...she only makes a good point,” Jenkins replied, strained. “That time is in the past. The world has moved on. I moved on.”

Morgan shook her head at the family drama. “I don’t know what you did for the past thousand years, Lancelot, but I’m still tired of your squabbling, and I wouldn’t mind a vacation while you scheme away.” She put a thoughtful finger to her chin and looked up at the ceiling. “Maybe I’ll go to the fey, haven’t been there in a few hundred years, be with people who really get the concept of humans being annoying. Have fun taking over the world, and don’t come crying to me when it bites you.”

She didn’t even give Dulaque a chance to reply. With no visible strain, she opened a shimmering purple portal in the middle of the room and stepped through to wherever it led. Dulaque spared one last glance at Jenkins, who only scowled back at him, then leaped into the portal just as it shut.

There was a good ten seconds of silence before Eve really looked at the LiTs. “Why are you wearing Ezekiel’s sweater?” she asked Stone.

Stone looked down at himself like he forgot. “Oh uh, apparently that sweater was wool,” he pointed to Ezekiel, “and I’m allergic to wool sort of, and Ezekiel offered to switch.”

“O...kay then.” Eve looked down at the still unconscious goons. “What should we do with them?”

Everyone was silent as they thought...or waited for someone to suggest something.

“We could drop them in Belgrade, considering that’s where we dealt with them last,” Ezekiel suggested.

No one protested the suggestion. “Very well. I will go inform Gretchen and Santa of what just happened, and advise them to be cautious,” Jenkins said, straightening his waistcoat. “In the meantime, you can replace the items you hid.” He gave one last glance to the unconscious bodies, then strode off into the house.

“Actually, Stone, help me move these men to the door, and we’ll grab the others. Flynn, help Cassandra and Ezekiel,” Eve commanded, better delegating her resources.

With teamwork, the Librarians, Guardian, and Jenkins had the Claus’s study and home back in order, and goon-free. Gretchen didn’t let them leave empty handed; everyone, including Jenkins, got a little bundle of baked goods, each custom to their own tastes. Everyone assumed they were of magical origins since she merely walked into the kitchen and came back with them within five minutes.

The goons started to wake mid-transport, but Jenkins had Pan’s Flute put them back to sleep before they were aware enough to notice where they were. They deposited them rather easily in a park, where they looked like passed out drunks, not dangerous henchmen. Once back to the Annex, Stone was quick to ask Jenkins about the details of Camelot, but Jenkins was not in a mood to delve into his past. Fortunately for Jenkins, Cassandra commandeered Stone for decorating.

Eventually they finished decorating the Annex, munching on Gretchen’s snacks as they went. Eve even helped out a little on the tree, but for the most part she watched them argue over ornament placement or ribbon and wrapping paper pairings, chase each other with stick-on bows, and sword fight with empty wrapping paper tubes (no one beat Flynn though). So this is what Christmas is supposed to be like, she thought. No wonder Cassandra wanted to make up for what she lost.

Flynn sauntered up next to her, startling her out of her reverie. “A ring that made the wearer shape shift into inanimate objects but with their face still there. That is the weirdest thing I’ve seen so far,” he said.

It took a moment before Eve remembered their conversation from earlier. “That is...weird.”

They watched Cassandra and Stone attempt to tie up Ezekiel with ribbon to see if he could get out, though it took longer than it should have to tie him because he kept distracting them with kisses and they kept finding ticklish spots, which made him squirm and loosen their work. Jenkins attempted to act like he was busy sorting books that got stacked on one of the desks, but Eve caught him sneaking a fond glance at the trio more than once.

Flynn nodded towards them as they finally finished tying Ezekiel up. “They’re…”

“Adorable,” Eve finished for him. Cassandra had gotten a phone out to time Ezekiel’s escape.

“Yeah.” Flynn laced his fingers with hers. “I know Christmas wasn’t great for you,” he started, low enough only they could hear, “but you do have a new family now.” Ezekiel got his arms free in the time it took Flynn to say that sentence. “I think they deserve to really know what the day is to you. And to not have to figure out your birthday by hacking government databases...you know Ezekiel would.” Ezekiel freed the rest of himself after that sentence.

Eve chuckled. “He definitely would...I don’t know if that’s endearing or concerning.”

“It’s concerningly endearing,” Flynn suggested. “I could tell them if you want.”

“No, I can do that. Plus if you tell them, they’d plan a surprise party,” Eve said, leaning against his shoulder. They continued to watch the trio, now back to decorating the tree, mostly, though about every other minute two of them would get distracted by each other and quit working, and the third would eventually get them back to work.

“And to think four months ago they barely worked together,” Flynn mused.

“I think there was something there before they came to the Library. Stone got over it pretty fast,” Eve added.

Flynn went thoughtful for a moment. “He did seem pretty betrayed when Cassandra tried to sneak off with the book of Serhem...who knows what they were before I met them.”

Jenkins, who had apparently disappeared, walked back into the Annex with a tray in hand. “Tea, anyone?” he asked, but everyone was already moving to the center table where he had sat it down.

Despite the unexpected interruption, Christmas carried on in the Annex, this time to everyone’s enjoyment.

---

A few hours earlier

Morgan stepped into the fey, ready to relax, until Dulaque stumbled into her back. When she regained her balance, she glared daggers at him. “What part of ‘I need a vacation’ did you not understand?” she said, quite annoyed.

“I needed a way out of there...I improvised,” Dulaque explained, but he wasn’t very confident she’d accept his reason.

“No, you aren’t staying here with me,” Morgan retorted, shaking her head. She opened another portal, the purple tinged with blue this time, and promptly shoved him through it.

Dulaque stumbled through, tripping over the threshold of the portal and landing almost face first into some moss. He was back on Earth...though where he didn’t know. The forest around him gave no clues; it stretched on for miles in any direction he looked. He sighed heavily, ignoring the mocking caws from the jays in the trees, picked a direction at random, and started walking.

-----

Post Notes: I decided to make the decorating scene happen sometime early December, mainly because it bugged me in the show that they did all that decorating on December 24th.

Stone being allergic to wool is both a convenient plot point to get his and Ezekiel’s shirts off...and also is me when anything wool is on my skin for a long time (generally takes like 20 minutes to get nice and itchy), though I’ve never had ex-land pirates to distract me by kissing me...but I can wish right?

While Jenkins definitely thought Morgan was evil in the show, she always gave me chaotic neutral vibes, which definitely fueled her scenes in this. I seem to have written Dulaque as more of a mess than he was in the show, maybe that’s because I also forgot to write in Lamia, who knows.

#the librarians fic #land pirate au #flynn writes #jassekiel #fleve #the librarians #jacob stone #cassandra cillian #ezekiel jones #flynn carsen #eve baird #jenkins #dulaque #morgan le fay

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