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NEW DIARY ENTRY - SIRIUS

Date: 9th September 1976, Night in the Gryffindor Boys’ Dormitory

I think I often surround myself with people who are calmer, more thoughtful, because I’ve always been lucky—or unlucky, depending on how you look at it—to be a bit… “explosive”. Most of the time, that works in my favour. I’m the sort of bloke who isn’t afraid to speak up, crack a joke when the moment calls for it, or say exactly what’s on my mind—even when no one’s asked.

But there’s something about all of this that’s driving me mad. Something lurking beneath the surface, and no matter how much I try to shove it down, I can’t stop it from showing.

Sometimes, in the common room, I catch myself watching Moony more than I should. It’s odd, really, because I’ve never been one to stop and analyse other people. But with him… it’s different.

Everything about it is different.

Today, while we were playing chess (or rather, while James was cheating his way to another victory, as usual), I couldn’t help but notice how Remus didn’t join us. He’s always so quiet, so… introspective, like he’s somewhere else entirely.

And the worst part is, we all know why. We know what it is, what happens when that time of the month comes around. And we don’t talk about it. We don’t need to. We just accept it. Because, at the end of the day, Moony is still Moony. And we love him for it, every part of him.

There’s no need to say anything aloud about what we share. We all get it. But even so, I can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right. Like we’re all tiptoeing across thin ice, hoping it won’t crack beneath us.

I’m so scared. Fuuuck. That’s why I haven’t said anything. Because even though I know what’s going on, even though I know I see it, I don’t want things to change. I don’t want anyone to start asking questions, the right questions. And more than anything, I don’t want Remus to notice.

Because if he does, there’s no going back.

And that brings me to something else—the fact that I even care this much. I never thought I’d find myself worrying about someone like this.

Honestly, I’m not the sort to sit around analysing my own feelings, let alone someone else’s. But there’s something about Moony—something buried deep in the way he looks at the world—that makes me question everything.

I’ve mastered the art of keeping things on the surface, where everyone can see them. But with Remus, the surface isn’t enough. And when I look at him—like tonight, when he was sitting across the room—there’s something you don’t say but you feel. And it’s throwing me off completely.

It’s strange. Very strange. I’ve been thinking about it all day, and for once, I realise I can’t keep ignoring what I’m feeling. I don’t like it, but it’s the truth. And the truth… the truth always scares me.

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel just the same as I always do. But something tells me I won’t. Something tells me that if I’m not careful, I’m going to lose myself in this.

And I’m not sure I want to be lost…

Sirius O. Black